Spitballers Comedy Podcast - 206: Museum Litterbugs & The Best Spices - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: August 15, 2022

On today’s show, we are taking another stab at the ‘Man of the People’ segment! We also discuss a bunch of dumb superstions and their origins. We wrap things up with a draft of the best spices and seasonings. Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast! Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast: Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.com Follow us on Twitter: Twitter.com/SpitballersPod Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPod Subscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

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what happens when three buffoons give life advice explore unrealistic situations and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve it's the spitballers podcast with andy mike and jason a tickety-tock-tock-tock, a ticky-tock-a-chickle. Wait, did you give up at the end? A little bit I did. I heard a taco in there. Now I'm hungry. I really didn't have any problem with it, but then when you broke character at the end. I ran out of. You ran out of tickety-tocks?

I ran out of belief in myself. Yeah, that's all right. The ending's the hardest part welcome into the spitballers Andy Mike and Jason back with you episode 206 of the show jam-packed today we've got a review of source Rex would you rather the return of man of the people which came from show 200 and shall be a I don't't know, a mainstay. Yeah, a lot of the feedback we got from the incredible show 200 was that those new segments people love. They want us to keep going, keep doing them.

So we're going to work them in. Yeah. And we are drafting the best spices and seasonings on today's show. And I know there are a lot of passionate um what would you call them chefs chefs that's what i call myself uh culinary yeah people that are specialists yeah like not us but no oh no i this is going to be the most embarrassing draft of them all because we are not i am treading deep water fellas we're just we're good news i have the 101 i've got floaties for you two fellas oh please i will uh make sure you don't drown i forgot you're a famous chef that is true

that is my nickname in pickleball officially the chef you're down with it yes so what is it the chef or the famous show it's just the chef it should be just the chef but i so we play pickleball i don't know how much we've talked about that on the Spitballers. Probably a lot. Probably a lot because that is something we love. We're in tournaments. We've got one coming up this weekend. And when you register to become a member, you can put in a nickname.

You missed it. In the last one, he was that too. And so they're calling it over the speaker. There's no way to change it. They're like, uh, chef. Like, literally, when they're calling us to a certain court, it's like, Kyle and the chef, please come to court 22. I did not realize that happened.

I'm so embarrassed. But also, it's awesome. Yeah, you should be proud of that. That's spectacular. I can't wait. All right, we're moving on. Review Asaurus Rags. This one comes in from JasonIsMySpiritAnimal.

Five stars. Life changing. When I discovered Spitballers, I was single. The world was shut down and I was unemployed. After listening to all 200 plus episodes, I am now married. The world has opened back up and I've landed my dream job. I'm not saying the spitballers will make you find love, cure pandemics, and help you find financial security. But it worked for me.

Keep changing lives, gentlemen. You're doing the good work. Thank you. Well, thank you, spirit animals. So many nice people out there. Yeah, I mean, we... And this one likes you. Well, this is a show

that is primarily about finding love. So the other two things I think are... It's a matchmaking show. It always has been. Yeah, it always has been. The other two things are happenstance. But if you are listening and you've got a crush or you've got uh you know a need for love then you have found the right podcast of course yeah because things just work out when you listen because that that's what generally speaking yeah okay well like it may

not have worked out for you right now keep listening just just keep listening go back to show one start over there's a lot of shows too many there's no way you won't find love eventually if you keep listening to them it will work i guarantee if we do a lifetime of shows you'll have a lifetime opportunity there you you go. All right. Would you rather? Would you rather? Steven from the website. Would you rather have multiple save points throughout your life that you could restart at or have new game plus where after you die you start your life over with all the knowledge and skills you've acquired so this is uh to be clear new game plus is kind of a a feature in more recent games not just recent games man really dude legend of zelda one they had new game plus yeah it wasn't

called that well that's all i mean you just started it and it was the second quest and everything was all screwed up. I felt this way about just Super Mario Brothers 1, where it's like you finish the game, and all the Goombas now are those beetle things. That actually happened in Mario World, too, where it was like fall colors after that. But the point is, you live your whole life,

and then you start over with the knowledge and skills you've acquired, or multiple save points to redo it. And that one's funny because I don't know about you guys. When you play video games in the olden days, now there's a lot of auto save, right? It automatically saves all the time. But in the olden days, I'd figure out that short, like I play on a computer, so F5, right? F5 save. I'd be so paranoid of losing my save. I'd be slamming that F5 button every few seconds, right?

Sure. Because here's the risk with the save points. How many do you have? When did you hit them? Eventually something will happen you'll want to redo. But how far back will you have to go? Will you have to throw away a bunch of good right like i've only got three save points in my life am i gonna throw let's say

tomorrow i get into an auto accident and i like i don't know i break both my legs and i'm like man i'd love to go back and not have that happen but is my save point like before my daughter was born like how far back does it go well let's let's give some rules here. Let's say, what would we like our save points to be? Annually? I like that. I think that's very fair. Okay. Then you have a real decision to make.

Jan 1. Just Jan 1? Jan 1, whatever year you can choose. That means would you be more likely to take chances in January than you would in December? 100% you would. Or do you live? When you say take chances, though, when you say take chances, like you can't die in this one.

In this one. You don't auto spawn? You don't auto spawn. Back at Jan 1? No, this is just you get to go back. Or you choose the other one where when you die, you get a whole new life. That's fair. Yeah, you can't work the death one into...

To the save point. To the save point. But you've got to be able to make the decision consciously, I'm going back. But loophole here. The save point would be immortality if you're careful. Yeah, you can groundhog day it. Yeah, I mean, you can just always go back.

You can go back to that save point all the time? Yeah, oh, yeah. So then are you basically just living January 1 a bunch of times? Well, the whole year, however long you want. Go back further. Go back sooner. You're getting some lotto numbers. I mean, it always comes back.

Anytime we have some kind of secret power, you're like, oh, man, how much money am I going to make? It's like money is the root of all evil see it's funny because when when this question was read my initial instinct was definitely the start over with all the knowledge and skills you've acquired you get an entire another go an entire do-over of life but it's going to be a whole new life like Like when I go back in time a year, I'm living this life. I have, I've got my kids, my wife loved them. I'm going to do that forever. But like when you die and then start over with all the knowledge and skills you've acquired, the clock is still running, right? Like, so I'm not in 1990 or 2000 or 2000. I'm in the future. I'm, you know what I mean? Like I'm going, hopefully if I've got two long 2000. I'm in the future.

You know what I mean? Like I'm going, hopefully if I've got two long lives, I'm going 100 years into the future. I'm seeing stuff that I would never see if not for the new extra life once my life ends. What? How did you get 100 years in the future?

Because let's say I die at 100. He's saying he's restarting and he's going to restart in the year 20. No, you're not. 84. I don't go back in time. Yes, you do. It does say you start your life over. Yeah, that's pretty clear.

Like, you're still Jason Moore. You're born of the same parents in the same exact place. Yeah, he's right. Yes. It was a long sentence with meaningless things he said. Oh, man. Then why in the world would I take this one? I don't know.

I don't want to go back like, oh, let me go back 60 years, start over one time, and then die. I'll take the infinity life, please. Well, I mean, because you could theoretically, number one, make a whole bunch of money. But just like you have whatever skills you have you gotten like if you're a a musician or whatever you go back and now you are that level of musician as a baby which i mean imagine seeing a baby just absolutely shredding on the guitar youtube sensation i think those little fingers are gonna have a hard time with that they make smaller guitars there's so many questions.

I don't want to get too into the weeds. That's what the show is. Okay, so let's get into it. You don't have all of your knowledge and information as a baby. You have to have what you can potentially comprehend at each age level. You can't have all of it. You're not going to be coming out of the womb knowing how. Hello, mama. Yeah, knowing how to, you know, whatever, code a computer perfectly the second you're one year, one day old. But you have all the knowledge and the skills.

Yeah, but it has to be progressively given to you. At what point? It seems like I'm super baby. Yes, you are. That's how I'm reading this. It's a whole other question. It's like, do you want to be super baby? Well, look, I mean, but you're still a baby in terms of like the physical limitations.

You're not able. What about your speech? No, you can't. Not yet. You haven't developed the vocal cords to do that. Speech, maybe. But like walking and stuff, no. You're not shredding on a guitar then either because you can't hold that guitar.

No, a baby was just being jocular. But like by the time you're four, then you could be a maestro of whatever instrument it was you were on. Other than the monetary thing, the idea of having to live your life over again, with all the knowledge you've acquired, I don't know if it's the lack of knowledge that really is impacting whether I want to live that life over again or not. It's come and it's gone. It's over.

I think I've done it. We have so many movies of the people, well, if only I had lived a different life it's the lesson's always the same does your the life you have right now that's the one you're gonna end up wanting yeah that's always the lesson a hundred percent all the movies 100 right I'm gonna choose something different and go down a different avenue and I will regret it I will say I wish i could go back wish i had safe points yeah it's funny because if something tragic really did happen and you wanted to activate

your save point but it was like january would you like want to cash in on a little bit more of that year i don't know or would you instantly activate it i I would instantly activate it. Yeah, to fix the treasure. I'm going back if something tragic happens. I will take the save points. Yeah, I guess so. All right, Bullish from Patreon. Would you rather be locked in a porta potty overnight or in a high school locker overnight? That's a tough question.

Really? Brutal. Wow. If you're in a high school locker you cannot move yes but but you are not in feces at the beginning by the end you will be look here's here's what i'm starting with on my premise here i know i'm getting out i'm just stuck in it overnight so i have the mental i'm now i have peace man i have peace knowing i'm getting out in x amount of time now will i be claustrophobic yes will it be awful yes but i am not in a poop factory i'd rather be in a locker a little bit stuffed like i can probably

sleep because i'll be so squished never you never you would not be are you sleeping in the poop factory i do believe that sitting up like over time you will eventually become desensitized to the smell it's like it's going to be a really bad few hours but eventually it'll start getting you know like you'll let it you'll notice it less and less over time but you if you're in a locker you will notice the entire time it'll just get worse over time as you start developing like like cramps and a kink in your neck yeah I have two problems with the locker one is I don't know like I don't know if I could do that for 10 minutes right like put me in something where I can't move it's dark imagine a locker that fits you well and that was my second

problem is you're never getting me in a locker I don't know what kind of lockers these high schoolers have nowadays but they don't fit this guy that would be now this porta potty is it's wrecked man oh i know it's this is uh the construction workers favorite porta potty i mean the argument of eventually you'll get used to being in a poop box is not a compelling argument but the poop to be fair is in the toilet this isn't it's not like someone's come and sprayed poop everywhere nobody has ever used that argument to defend the sanctity of a porta potty well that it's slightly below you i mean you are basically the the balloon being inflated by the methane. But you can at least move.

And if you got to go to the bathroom, great news. You're in one. Great news. You don't have to go anywhere. Now, in the locker, I'm imagining my eyes are seeing through the little slits, right? Sure. We'll give you that. Yeah.

I mean, there's no chance I could take the locker here. If you changed it to a coffin, I would take the porta potty. Because the coffin's fully enclosed. Really? And it's too claustrophobic without any light or vision. But it's cushioned. I do like the cushion. I would take the coffin over the locker.

Am I feeling air in the coffin? Is there a fan? No, there's no fan. No, it's very stagnant. What kind of coffin are you on? I'm afraid I'm going to suffocate then. Well, assuming that there is no suffocation in any one of these hypothetical situations, the coffin is way better because coffins are laying down.

And if I had to be in a claustrophobic box, which both of these are, I would need to be able to try to just calm down close my eyes sleep like the light means nothing to me because I'm not yearning for little slots of light I my eyes would be closed I would be trying to meditate trying to escape the box mentally and so I think in a cushioned coffin which are actually made for human size. You fair? I would have room to lay in that comfortably. People would say, oh, look how peaceful he looks, because that's what it said.

But in a metal locker, there's no redeeming quality there. Has David Blaine ever done the coffin? I don't know. That seems like something that that guy would have done. I feel like David Blaine would laugh at the coffin. He like something that that guy would have done i feel like david that's where he was born laugh at the coffin he'd say just dirt me and he'd just put the dirt straight on me i don't need a coffin i don't know if there's a worse fear than buried alive yeah but but not necessarily just with dirt just the whole claustrophobic stuck in a stuck in something like the idea of being stuck in a coffin and buried under the ground is there anything worse than that you should really pick port-a-potty man because i agree with you the claustrophobic

nature i mean to die i mean to the point of death not just like an endurance exercise i i certainly don't i'm not pro i'm not pro claustrophobic death that is not how i want to go out uh oscar from twitter would you rather smash every plate you touch or every mirror you see oh well how much for driving in the car oh yeah good blow out your side view mirrors and your rear view mirror every time you look at what what's the what's the deal with uh smashing the mirror for bad luck is that bad luck is that compounding i i think it I think it just starts over. So you're always going to have seven years of bad luck. Like, oh, that's a new seven.

Clock starts over. I'm not a believer in such nonsense, Mike. You're not? Yes. You're telling me. I'll go ahead and, you know what's funny? I literally, I say that. And I'm not.

Like, of course I'm not. Uh-huh. But I don't walk under a ladder. No, no, hilarious story. Not a full story, but just – So we just did a live recording for our other podcast, The Fantasy Footballers, over in L.A. There was a gigantic ladder,

and because someone was up fixing you know some lights very high up i got to a place where i had to walk and it was either make a decision of of go through the ladder or squeeze through like a tight aisle of chairs and i walked up to the ladder and i legit went i had i went through it you did i went through it. You did. I went through it. But you had a moment. But I actually hesitated. And I was so ashamed of myself. And then I think it was Brian was there with us.

And he noticed. He's like, oh, I saw you pause. I was like, oh, no. You caught me. This is what's funny. You caught me. I have a large, one of those ladders that like, you know, the gorilla ladder. You extend it. And it gets this really high A-frame.

And whenever I'm moving it around and I'm under the ladder and I pick it up and I move it to wherever I need to go next. You think about it? Are you under the ladder? When I put it down, I won't walk out the opposite way. You go backwards? Because I don't want to walk under the ladder. It's so stupid because I climb through the rung of the ladder. I don't believe that I get bad luck walking through a ladder.

Like, I really don't. What's the black cat rule? If you see a black cat. You just see it? If you see it? Yep, if you see one. What do you have to do? No, no, no.

Something about if it crosses your path. I thought that's what it was. Well, I think if you see it, it has crossed your path. No, I think that it has to go, and you have to go over the path where the cat has previously walked. I think that's the rule. No. It's not just seeing one.

I'm pretty sure Al Borland caught COVID from two black cats. I came down here to visit him. He had just gotten it. And then I'm like, dude, there's a black cat on your car. And then the next time I went out there, there were two black cats on his car. Why are there so many cats on your car? I don't know. I have no idea.

So it says, yes, it says they are bringers of misfortune if they happen to cross your path. I've always thought if they happen to cross. But that is a phrase that you say. No, if they run in front of your car when you're driving, that's crossing your path. Yeah, your paths have to. Yeah, you don't just say, okay, I saw some guy down the street. That guy crossed my path? How far away?

In the example here. So if I see a kitty cat that's 1,000 meters away, I'm like, uh-oh. Then you've got great eyes, Mike. Okay, the black cat that was on Jeremy's car, it didn't cross in front of him, but that's clearly crossing his path. Yeah, no matter what he does, when he gets in the car, he has crossed the path of the cat. That's right.

He has to disrupt their path. If you had black cat goggles, you could see the path. So are you telling me that if I see a black cat and it walks right out into the middle of the street, and it walks back, if I walk around where it walks, I am good. You're good to go. I didn't cross paths with this black cat, even though I saw a black cat right in the middle of the street. Just the same exact way when you put down that ladder and you back out,

you're covered. Okay. That one makes a lot of sense. Where do these stupid superstitions come from? What's the one with salt over your shoulder? You spill salt. If you spill the salt, it's bad luck. What's the one where you have to throw it over your shoulder it's after you've spilled it you

have to throw it over the shoulder to get rid of the bad luck yeah to counteract and so here we are back with the best spices salt is coming to the forefront um you throw it over your left shoulder with your right hand and that gets rid of the the spilling the salt problem this is what i'm reading now that's not how to get rid of the vampires. No, no. That's garlic. Okay. That'll be the second pick.

Spoilers galore on this episode. Where were we? Smashing every plate you touch or every mirror you see? Yeah, yeah. Something like that. Did anybody talk about that? I'm just going to use paper plates. I'm choosing that one. Well, what about when you go to a restaurant?

Yeah. Mazel tov and smash. I guess. But when in the process do you have to smash this plate? At the end. Okay. Oh, that's great. At the end, it says every one you touch.

If you eat without touching it, then you're fine. I haven't touched a plate at a restaurant in a long time. I mean, I grab a fork. I eat. I mean, I don't think I plate at a restaurant in a long time. I mean, I grab a fork. I eat. I mean, I don't think I'm moving my plate around. That would be funny, though, if you accidentally graze it and just. Like it auto shatters. Oh, it auto shatters.

You don't even get the. Oh, see, I thought if I accidentally touch it, I'd be like, oh, dang it. And I got to grab the plate, throw it on the ground. I assumed that it just worked like, you know, the smallest touch was like the biggest touch. It just broke it. Okay. Well, that's a different way to look at the ground. I assumed that it just worked like the smallest touch was the biggest touch. It just broke it. Okay, well, that's a different way to look at the problem. The plates are the way better way to go here because mirrors have actual necessary function. A plate doesn't?

Well, but there are alternatives. Bowls, paper plates. What is the alternative for a mirror? A bowl is just a plate that's been folded up a little bit. That's still a plate. Okay, sure. I'll smash your bowls. I'll smash your plates.

But a paper plate. Isn't a plate just a flattened bowl? Isn't it really a bowl? Well, what was first? That is probably a plate. The chicken or the plate. Seems a lot easier to make a plate than a bowl. This question has really spun us around.

Final answer. Plates. Because imagine myself like in the Thor movies where he's like it's delicious and then he spikes it down and I'll have another shall we move on now or do we have time for one more bowls came first no they did not yeah bowls yeah it looks like well I

found bowl came back 18,000 years ago. I stand corrected. A plate is just a flattened bowl. All right. Time for one more or no? Let's move on. Man of the people. Here we are again.

Men of the people, as they call us. Al, what are we doing? We surveyed 100 people. Top six answers are on the board, as they say. And if you get the most popular pick it is worth three points the second most popular pick is worth two points any other pick that's on the board is worth one point

we are going seven rounds and the last round the last round is worth double stupid last round I know it's game show stuff it's game show stuff come on what game game show rules. It's game show stuff. Come on. What game show?

You just stole the win for me last time. All game shows. All right. Hands on the table, gentlemen. All right. Yep. Hands on the table. You got your buzzers.

If it lights up green, you were the first to hit. The first question is, name a movie or TV show that has the word diary or diaries in the title. Ooh, I got first. And I'm going with Princess Diary. That is the number three answer. What? That is worth one point. Dang, come on.

I will reset. Hands on the table, gentlemen. All right. Bridget Jones's Diary. Oh. That is the number four answer. Dang. Also worth one point.

Dang it. Oh, I've got a better answer. Diary of a Wimpy Kid. Yeah, that was the number four answer oh what a loser one point dang it oh i've got a better answer diary of a wimpy kid yeah that was the answer no way that is the number five you all got one point wait they got as many points as me that's not fair diary of a mad black woman diary of anne frank princess diaries bridget j Jones Diaries, Diary of a Wicked Kid. Diary of Anne Frank was deserving. All right. So. Look, that makes sense.

It's a good first round. I just want to say I should have more points than you guys. But not by the rules. Well, the rules are stupid. Okay. And I think the rules are going to be broken. Do you need him to go over the rules again, Jason? No, I need him to just give me another point.

All right. Well, you could earn another point right here. What do people do that could get them kicked out of a museum? to just give me another point. All right. Well, you could earn another point right here. What do people do that could get them kicked out of a museum? Dang it. All right. Andy got it. Too much noise. That is the number four answer.

Oh, dang. Speed is not always the best. Hands on the table. Yeah. Why am I so slow? Touch the stuff. I'm out of answers. Touch the art is the number one answer.

Yeah. Eat it. Three points for Jason. One for Andy. I thought it was a museum. Yeah. Yeah. What are you?

If you touch the dinosaur bones, you're out. Okay. All right. I will go with. I've got two more answers. What do you got? You want to hear a good answer? I will go with-

Three. Littering. Two. You really didn't have any answers. I'm sorry, Mike. That one didn't make the board. Oh, my goodness. Was eating and drinking on there?

No. It was touch the art. Wait. Run. Run? Okay. Steal. Steal. That was one of the art. Wait. Run. Run? Steel. Steel. That was one of the ones I had.

Steel. The other thing that always. Littering. Littering. There's always the rope, too. I'm very serious about littering. There's always the rope. So crossing the rope.

That didn't make the board. I felt like that was like touching the exhibit. I guess you have to do one to do the other. job the number six answer was break something which i thought was weird because you can't really do that without touching but i thought noise moving on to round three okay hands on the table name something that you do in a booth it's not reset okay just smashing my button over yeah because it's not reset i didn. Just smashing my button over. Yeah, because it's not reset. That's on me. I'm resetting them.

I clearly hit the button and no one else moved. That's because we were waiting for the button to be reset. You were not waiting for nothing. That's 100%. I'm sorry. That's on me, Mike, but be fast. Mike got it. Yeah, that's right.

Take a photo. Name something you do in a booth. Take a photo. That is the number three answer. Okay. Okay. I know the number one answer now. I've seen the error of my ways.

Oh, Jason got it. Andy didn't even move. Oh, Andy's got no answer. Literally? Literally? My answer is, I'm between two here, but I'm going to go with make a phone call. That is the number two answer. I know the number one answer, Andy.

With two points. Can I go again? Name something that you do in a booth. You have three, two, one. Get a haircut. I can't think of anything. I'm sorry. That did not make the board.

The number one answer was. Can I guess? You sure can. Yeah, no, I won't. Eat anything. I'm sorry. That did not make the board. The number one answer was... Can I guess? You sure can. Yeah, no, I won't. Eat. What? Eat in a booth? That is the number six answer.

Okay. Oh, I guess like a restaurant booth. Yeah, you want a table or a booth. Yeah, I guess I would say... I got focused on the photo booth. Okay. Kiss? Is kiss on the list?

That is the number one answer. There it is. And the other kind of obvious one... People are smooching in the booth? You never heard of a kissing booth? Yeah, I have, but that's a stupid number one answer. From is and the other people are smooching in the booth you never heard of a kissing booth yeah i have but that's a stupid number one answer from like the 70s that's why i'm surprised did they survey people that were born in 1941 it's like where did you get your lip herpes at the kissing booth voting was the other answer that was oh voting oh yeah okay yeah well go over so littering was not on that list the only thing I had in my head was the phone call.

All right. Reset these buzzers. All right. They're reset this time. Here we go. Round four, I believe. Name a place where a mom might go when she says, I need some peace and quiet. I got it.

I'm up first. It's definitely Target. I don't know how long ago this was done. It's definitely not on the board. Yeah, I was going to say there's no way. Okay. Every mom listening right now is like, well, he. All right.

Hands on the table. My hands on the table. He's right. The room. Her room. Bedroom. Bedroom is the number one answer. Booyah-ka-shaw.

Three points for Mike. When she needs some peace and quiet. Okay. Great. It's Target. I'm out again. I'm telling you, it's Target. I'll say manicure.

That is the number three answer. Okay. Okay. Not bad. You got a point, Randy. You got a point. I would have just said bathroom. That's the number two answer.

Yeah. Take a bath. Oh, it's the number two answer for sure. I don't think you should reset the buttons because I think that is the time that we'll notice to click the buttons. Do you know what I mean? You just wait, and then once you do that, that's our cue. because I think that is the time that we'll notice to click the buttons. Do you know what I mean? Like you just wait, and then once you do that, that's our cue.

So nobody jumps the gun on the question. You ask the question, and then you reset the time. We'll do. No, but the way it's supposed to go is if he's reading the question and someone buzzes in, he's supposed to stop. Whatever. So that's on the host. You mean for man of the people, when they play that game. Yeah.

Bad, bad hosting over there. What a terrible host. All right. Next, next round. Name something pros do on a golf course that you'd look silly doing in mini golf. Uh,

have a caddy. That is the number three answer. That's such a good answer. Thank you. Right? Like, could you imagine, uh, give me the one club. I That's such a good answer. Thank you, right? Like, could you imagine? Give me the one club I have.

You read the question again. Name something pros do on a golf course that you'd look silly doing in mini golf. Mike. Driving. Like, I'm sorry. The golf cart? Yeah.

Oh, driving a golf cart is the number five answer. Ironically, it could work multiple. Yeah. I took it as a driving range, which Jason, you're up. Oh, no. Jason's already done. Andy, you're up. Dress up.

You want to be more specific? Like wear golf clothes. That is not on the board. Okay. So wearing a golf glove is on there. You guys can decide. I would the board. Okay, so it's... Wearing a golf glove is on there. You guys can decide. That's the same thing. I would allow that.

I'll allow it. Unless that's the number one answer. It is the number two answer. Yeah, I mean, that's the whole point. So using a driver, is that number one? No. No, using a T was on there, and I was kind of going to consider that for driving, but...

Interesting. But then you said golf cart. All right. Is this the last round brooks is keeping score over here what round are we on i think there's two left yeah it looks like we're going into round all right perfect thank you okay okay just remember none of this matters because the last round's worth a billion points all right name something a person might do in order to stay attractive plastic surgery that is the number one answer dang it that was my three points

there we go waiting dang it work out that is the number two answer excellent i was gonna be really disappointed i am so sad here uh diet there you go that's a good answer that is the number four answer worth one point number four is the number four answer worth one point. Number four? Number three, was it makeup or something? Number three was makeup. Yeah. That is correct.

So we talked to a bunch of people, and number four, like the number one thing you should do is diet. It's like watch what you're eating. That's number four for us? Yeah. Plastic surgery is number one, Mike. Yeah. It's a lot quicker.

All right. So here we are with one round left. Wow. And all three of you are tied with eight points. That's impossible. I guess the double score. Yeah. Brooks did a terrible job tracking the points.

I should be way up. But yeah, the double points don't even matter. That's true. All right. Last round. Name a club a high school student might belong to. Theater. I got it first, but that's not the number one answer.

Drama club is the number four answer. Oh, no. Oh, gosh. All right. Hands on the table. I'm such a theater nerd. Yeah, you are. What's the question?

Thank you. Name a club a high school student might belong to. I don't know. The time's run out. I win. I win. No, Andy got it. Andy buzzed in.

Honor Society. Oh, that's a good one. That is not on the board. Great. Yes. Okay. Great. This isn't fair.

Mike has so much more time. Okay. No, he gets counted down. Two. Thredering. Rotsy. Two. That is so much more time. No, he gets counted down. Thittering. That is not on the board. Really? What?

Number one answer was glee club. Number two, chess club. Number three, debate club. Four was drama club. Five, art club. And six was foreign language club. Glee club. I was between chess and theater,

but I love theater and and you know chess is for nerds so yeah totally jason is a man of the people with 10 points congratulations jason you know those those those people playing that game of intellect those are the nerds but us we dress we put on fancy costumes and pretend to be other people not nerds cool i can't believe Honor Society failed in the foreign language club. No one goes to that club. I mean,

isn't the sea of ROTC club? I've never heard of ROTC in my life. That's ROTC? Yeah. Is that how you say it? ROTC? I've never heard that, but then I kind of figured it out. I was not in that club. How did Jason manage to win? It's actually Reserve Officers Trading Court.

Oh, well, that would make – I thought the C was for club. All right, we're moving on. The Spitballers Draft. That game is intense, man. I was going to say, that was a bit exhilarating. The heart's beating. The watch is like, are you working out right now? I don't know if I want to hit the button soon and end up with the fourth answer or wait and end up with littering.

Number two is where you want to be in this thing. Yeah, second. And also, Target was the right answer. Target should at least be on the board. Come on. All right. We are into the draft on today's Spitballers. We are drafting the best spices and seasonings.

Mike has the first pick. All right. And we are such culinary geniuses that I know this will just be so many choices. I mean, I have just so many ways I could go to start this draft. So many incredible spices that I definitely know what they all do, what meat and things they should be used for i mean i know oh yeah i know but we'll just we'll start with the basics we're gonna go with some salts yeah very utilitarian it's everywhere a classic uh you keep your keep your meat from spoiling everybody that's that's

what salt is used for today is is keeping meat from spoiling. I mean, like Marco Polo, big into salt, right? Thank you, Mike. Yes. No, there are no other uses than that. I mean, how do you keep your meat from spoiling? Yeah, salt. Rub it in some salt and leave it on the counter.

All right. Are you going to take what you said earlier as your second pick? Yeah. Well, first I want to say that Mike had a bad pick because he should have taken kosher salt, which is so much better. I mean, regular salt is like boring. I think – Sure, you can get them all, man.

You get all salts, right? Well, you don't get all salts. Yeah, that's fair. He probably doesn't get all salts. Like, for instance, my number one pick is garlic salt. Yeah, I don't get that one. That's fine. Garlic salt is –

That would have been my my totally my number two pick that is the most commonly grabbed seasoning from my cupboard i put it on anything that is anything that takes uh like a savory food okay i will put garlic salt what about when you're boiling water though so much garlic salt oh you go garlic salt. What about when you're boiling water, though? So much garlic salt. Oh, you go garlic salt? Am I missing out? You're totally missing out. If you're boiling water to cook some pasta or something, you put so much garlic salt in there, you will not regret it.

And a little olive oil. It's going to be very interesting lessons we learned from Jason today. Unfortunately, garlic salt was going to be my number one pick. Now, does that mean if you take garlic salt, I can't take garlic? That's an interesting question. That's a fuzzy area. Owl? I would say no.

Okay. Because I got the garlic flavor. I'm taking the garlic flavor. Then I guess I have to go with the other seasoning spice that is always on the table with the salt because I'm the third pick here, and I've got to take it even though I don't really love it. Pepper. I'm taking pepper.

It's not the best. Now, I mean, you know, I don't know. Do you guys like the freshly ground, or do you like the more generic pepper? Oh, you've got to have the freshly ground. Now, freshly ground tastes better, but you do get the occasional accidental peppercorn in the tooth situation with that but with the finally grinder yeah the finely ground like you

know pepper that just pours out that is the sneeze factory that is i i don't like the it is a sneeze flavor the texture the smell but when you've got like if you're making a steak and you're just putting salt and pepper on it which is you know great way to do it, you want some coarse black ground pepper on that steak. Do you guys pepper your eggs? Oh, yeah. A lot. You do? Yeah.

Andy, you in on that? Salt and pepper. Not really. Yeah, I don't pepper. No, I'll get some salt on there. Oh, yeah, that's fine. And you can put lots of different flavored salts on eggs, and it's delicious. The reason that I pepper my eggs eggs because i'm not a huge pepper

fan sriracha salt since we're since we're talking salts here shout out to jacobson jacobson salt yeah not a sponsor let me write that jacobson salt is the best salt in the world trying to get some free jacobsons right now jacobson if you are out there listening i your salt is so expensive please send me some of your salt why is it expensive that's like smoked so they've got like different flavors like you can have like a cherry wood smoked salt oh it's so good interesting um I don't remember what I was talking about well I'd taken pepper Andy is another pick though yeah I'm really just I'm really stuck here now I'm glad it's not just me I mean i have a couple that i think will slip through so

i guess my second pick here i will go with cinnamon oh it's very high on my list because i know what it is and it's good so i will go with cinnamon as my number two pick couldn't have said it better myself mike that was one of the core reasons I took it. Oh, man. This is so funny. My wife should be sitting in this chair. She would dominate this draft. Man, I have too many I want here.

All right, what do you got there? Don't worry, we won't take them. Yeah, well, that's true. Look, I'm going to go with won't take them. Yeah. Yeah. Well, that's true. Look, I'm going to go with what I cook with. Okay. Good. Garlic salt is my number one.

My number two is Lowry's. Oh, man. Lowry's. Shoot. Crossing off the old list. Yeah, you definitely didn't need to take it there. I know I didn't need to take Lowry's, but I also- Lowry's. Lowry's. Lowry's.

That's a real word. Yes. It's a brand name. L-O-W-R-Y-S, I think. R-E-Y-S, yeah. Thank you. What do they do? Lowry's, well, they make a bunch of different, but I'm talking about just their standard

all-purpose seasoning salt. Their seasoning salt. Seasoning salt, yeah. It is absolutely fantastic. That was the one I thought I would make it back around. To be fair, Lowry's is the garlic salt I use as well, the brand. So, I mean, they're doing good things. You drafted the same thing.

No, totally different. Totally different. Totally different. So, for somebody who loves Jacobson, you've drafted its competitor twice. Got it. Perhaps. All right. Very interesting.

Well, Mike got salt first, so I felt like I couldn't draft Jacobson. Jacobson, I love you. Don't listen to Andy. Send me back. So, I have salt. I know what that is. Right. Step't listen to Andy. Send me a prop. So I have salt. I know what that is. Right. Step one.

Number two. Andy took cinnamon and pepper. You're running out. Yeah, I can't get cinnamon on this team. Would have been a powerhouse. Yeah. But I will go crushed red peppers. Number one, because I actually do use them.

Okay, step one. And they're fantastic because, like, I like heat. I like spice. You do. From my food. But there's things, like, a lot of peppers, I just don't like the flavor of. Like jalapenos, that's not the flavor for me, unfortunately, because you can get some good heat from that.

But crushed red pepper, you can put that on pizza. Yeah, absolutely. Pizza, just any pasta dish. You're like, this is a little bland. Let's spice this up. Just some crushed red pepper, and you're absolutely done. Pro tip. Oh, yes, please.

If you're making fresh green beans. I thought you were going to give me a pick. If you're making fresh green beans, crushed red pepper is awesome. Oh, I thought you were going to say if you're making fresh green beans, stop. Get some help because you're making a trash vegetable. Ask for help. No, fresh green beans are great. Like the French green beans.

Fresh green beans are great. But man, they didn't get bad if you canned them. Yep. Oh, canned green beans are.... But man, they didn't get bad if you canned them. Yep. Oh, canned green beans are... Those are made for... They should call them something different. Yeah. They shouldn't get to be called green beans.

Now, the fresh ones, that still gives you the squeaky teeth? Yeah. Oh, it's terrible. It's so terrible. It can. All right, Mike. Give me another powerhouse pick. All right, my next pick, I like it in rice, specifically Chipotle's rice.

So I'm going to go with some cilantro. That would have been my next pick. Because the cilantro lime rice is something that I could go with. Go with what you know, Mike. That's what I got to do. I could go. He's just reading Chipotle ingredients in order for his favorite bowl. I've been exposed.

But the rice, when you get the good one, sometimes you get bland, which from Chipotle, and I assume that's from a lack of cilantro. I'm not exactly sure. But when it's good, I could just eat a bowl full of just the rice because it is so sensational. And I will give all the credit to the mighty cilantro okay all right the mighty cilantro is true right i think it is the 101 of herbs i mean if this was just an herb draft now it's cilantro is that the one where like some people have a particular they taste it differently it tastes like uh oh. What does it taste like? Yeah, some people genetically think they're cilantro.

Like soap. Is it cilantro? Yeah, I think so. It is soap. That is correct. Yeah, that's so. Excellent. And you're not one of the soap cilantro guys.

No, no. So I'm sorry to the soap people. Okay, you're not going to get their vote. Does soap taste like cilantro then? To them, yes, if they eat it. Oh, man. Just put a little soap on that pizza. Every few people have foods inversed, yes. Jason, you are. Oh, man. Just put a little soap on that pizza. Every few people have foods inversed.

Yes. Jason, you are back on the clock. All right. This is tough. Mike has salt, crushed red pepper, and cilantro. Jason has garlic salt. Lowry's seasoned salt. Fellas, I was sweating that those two were going to make it back.

I really wanted cilantro. So you actually did take my next pick off the board. And I know my last pick. There's no doubt. And you you actually did take my next pick off the board and i know my last pick there's no doubt and you guys would never take it because you probably don't know it are you or remember it how dare you um however uh i am oh man i'm between a couple here i'm gonna go with since you took cilantro i'm gonna stay no similar to that no no no oh i'll take a basil okay okay yeah i i know the one you were gonna yeah i i wouldn't have gone basil so yeah well basil works really nice on on pizza yeah pizza that's like the third thing you could put a lot

of stuff on pizza like fruits vegetables fruits what a, pineapple. What a dummy. You don't know about spices. Yeah, so I will take basil. I think it's a good flavor. It's the best. And it decorates. So then I'll go oregano. Yeah, there we go.

I'll go oregano. I'll complete the trifecta of herbs. And then I've got one final pick after oregano, which is delicious. And I don't know. I feel like I need to compete with the name brand situation going on. Oh, I see. But the problem is I don't know how to pronounce it. Because I just don't.

But the Tony Chachashiris what is it shashiris tony shashiris yep that's it it's a cajun seasoning talking about you don't have any of that around the house no i don't tony what tony shashiris shashiris the sketch on the creole seasoning thank you creole yeah it's like uh it's uh my wife brought it with her when she came from her land of louisiana and she uses it on everything and it's delicious it's very uh popular sasheraes tony sasheraes i think that's how you say that so are we saying the name tony Hold on. Worcestershire. Tony Chachere. I think that's how you say it.

Chachere. Worcestershire. Are we saying the name Tony? Tony is correct. Tony's the beginning. So it's a man named Tony. There it is. We've got it linked in the chat.

Tony Chachere. It's Tony Chachere's original Creole season. I think I butchered it real bad in the beginning because I said it too slow. You need to say it quick. Chachere. So Tony Chachere over here. It's a Creole season. He's doing his best Chef Boyardee impression on this kid.

My wife is going to kill me over that pronunciation. Oh, man, that's good. Chachere. Chachere. Chachere. Chachere. All right, Jason, final pick. Chimney, chimney, chachere.

All right. My final pick is easy. I'm going to drop the hammer on you two because I'm taking a boom. Flavor call. You darn right. Your popcorn is never going to be as good. Isn't that just like the black hole of salt? Yeah, I mean, whatever they've done in the witchcraft to salt to make it higher sodium than salt.

I love it. I'm taking the chemically made hyper salt. Hyper salt is what it is. Known as Flavacol. Saltier than salt trademark. Yes, which is a, if you haven't listened to the Boom Flavacol episode. It's one of the 206 we've done already. It is one of those 206 episodes we've done.

But it is a delicious delicious asininely salty uh powder for very dangerous for popcorn very dangerous it's got some warning labels on it 2740 milligrams of sodium per serving and a serving is like a one teaspoon so nobody does one serving yeah i'm thinking you're putting 10,000 milligrams of sodium on no matter what. Mike, I know that you've been dying to make your final pick. No, it's excellent. I have the pick. Okay.

The time of year that we are recording it, the season is upon us, ladies and gentlemen. You've got to go with the pumpkin pie spice. Okay. Pumpkin spice. Pumpkin spice. You put it in the lattes and, to go with the pumpkin pie spice. Okay. Pumpkin spice. Pumpkin spice. You put it in the lattes and, of course, the pumpkin pies. I had somebody, I don't know if it was a Spitballers fan or a Footballers fan, but they wrote in and they asked me to sign a petition.

Like one of those, where do they do the petitions out there? Yeah, the fake ones that they send into the White House or whatever. And it was all about setting a date in which it's illegal to put pumpkin spice into things my wife and i just had this discussion and like i'm very neutral like it i'm very net neutral on pumpkin spice like i just i agree i'm that neutral too it's like i'll enjoy it from time to time i don't care i know that there's some people that get real excited about it, but I find it so fascinating the people that get angry at those that love the pumpkin spice. It's because the people that are enjoying the pumpkin spice enjoy it too hard.

Too loudly. Why? What's wrong with the people enjoying their pumpkin spice? I mean, coming from you, Mike, I'm surprised. That I don't get mad at them? Yeah. Why? I don't care. It doesn't Yeah. Why? I don't care.

It doesn't affect my life one way or the other. But it says man who openly hates Thanksgiving, which brings lots of joy to people. Yeah. Oh, that's garbage. That's a little bit. Yeah, I see. Yeah. Yeah, but that's just.

That's my opinion. No. It's like mine. No, it's just the historical facts of Thanksgiving being a trash holiday. Pumpkin spice, when it comes out, I'll have one. I'm not going back for the pumpkin latte every day. I'll have one for the whole season. Give me the pie.

Yes, give me the pie or give me the peppermint stuff from Christmas. What is it? I would imagine that it is ground up pumpkin seeds or something. There's got to be nutmeg in there. There's got to be some cinnamon in there. Pumpkin doesn't taste like a pumpkin pie until you put the magical spice upon it. No, it does. Really?

Yeah, a pumpkin pie? Cinnamon, nutmeg, cloves, allspice, and ginger. Wow, so it literally has no pumpkin. Yeah, so pumpkin does not taste like that. That makes it taste like a pumpkin pie. No, but pumpkin pies don't all have pumpkin spice in them. Oh, yes, they do. I guess they do.

They have to, or they're going to taste like a pumpkin, which I imagine tastes like crap. Maybe you made a pumpkin pie, you used all those things, and then you called that pumpkin spice when you made other things taste that way. Cinnamon nutmeg, cloves and ginger yeah yeah tastes delicious pumpkin tastes nothing like that yeah it does no it doesn't pumpkin as oh you're saying you're saying the actual pumpkin i see yeah is pumpkin a uh it's a fruit it's a vet it's a vegetable it's a fruit it's got the vegetable fruit it's got the

seeds on the inside and that's a that's fruit right? I'm pretty sure it's a fruit. Yeah, but my mom, we used to, like every Halloween season, she would make this thing called meal in a pumpkin where. Gross. Yeah, disgusting. And where it's like the meal is cooked in a pumpkin, and it's like rice. Well, the pumpkin smells so bad. Yeah, so like I would spend the whole time, getting all the pumpkin out of my meal.

And we was... That's your memory. Me and my sister would complain about this every year. Shout out to onion powder. Oh, thank you. Thank you. Onion powder. Fantastic time.

Paprika. Smoked paprika. Paprika's very good. Sure. Yeah. And, you know, parsley, making your plates look good. Yeah, really? And palate cleanser?

Well, that's ginger. Dill is great. Dill is very good. I thought that was a pickle. Dill sucks. Dill is a flavor that a pickle can have. That's my least favorite of all of the flavors. I will say this.

What else do you use it on besides a pickle? Plenty of things. You're talking about dill? Dill's on, it's a regularly used herb. Oh, there's like a dill dip, right? Yeah, it's the long, it's the little long looking leaves. Yeah, like little thin long leaves. It sucks.

Dill is a good flavor, but it is crazy overpowering. So if you have something that has too much dill, it ruins the dish. Yeah, you need to reduce the dill. It's time, right? Yes, time is how you say it. Okay, I'm in on that. Time for this. Ayo.

What did we learn today? Oh, I learned that I know nothing about spices. I learned that apparently when you survey 100 people, kissing booths are still a very hot topic. And I learned that you are allowed to litter at the museums. You will not get kicked out. That's right. That's right. It's one of Mike's vices, just dropping to litter at the museums. You will not get kicked out. That's right. That's right.

It's one of Mike's vices, just dropping stuff all over the place. I've always been so afraid to litter, but now I'm free. Thank you for tuning in. Back next week. Goodbye. Thanks for listening to the Spitballers Podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out SpitballersPod.com. Sous-titrage Société Radio-Canada Écoutant ce balado, alors vous connaissez et aimez l'excitation du magasinage. Mais avez-vous ce frisson d'obtenir le meilleur deal? Les membres de Rakuten, eux, oui.

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