Spitballers Comedy Podcast - 211: A Low Speed Chase & The Best Buffet Foods - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: September 26, 2022

On today’s show, we patronize other people’s careers, eat soup in a walk-in freezer, and drive with our left foot. We also discuss some crazy-but-true news articles. We close it down with a draft of our favorite buffet foods. Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast! Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast: Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.com Follow us on Twitter: Twitter.com/SpitballersPod Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPod Subscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers Podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. Rub-a-dub-dub, eat some food from my tub, my yum-yum. A rub-a-dub-dub, eat some food from a tub, my yum-yum. Okay, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

All right, all right, all right, all right. A yum-yum. Okay. Okay, okay, okay. Welcome into the Spitballers, episode 211. Would you rather is this real life and we are drafting, well, it's another food draft. Delicious. And I'm looking forward to it.

The best buffet foods on today's show. My yum yum. I like that that made you think of eating food out of a tub. Yeah, I feel like a buffet is an indulgence. Yeah. Nothing is so indulgent as eating food out of a tub yeah i feel like a buffet is a it's an indulgence yeah it's nothing is so indulgent as eating food out of a tub well no it's quantity a tub signifies i'm eating as much as i possibly want i could fill a tub if i wanted to that's my right at a buffet that's true no i could bring a tub they cannot stop you you can't you can't stop me. They are a lot of bit gross, really. Buffets? Yeah.

No. The idea of a buffet is a lot of bit gross. No. Where everyone's just walking in a line and grabbing food. Hands just going into the stuff that three fellas later will eat. Hands are just going into the stuff that three fellas later will eat. Yeah, that's quickly made and served as fast as possible to keep filling these troughs of food. Yeah, not a tub, a trough.

Yeah. What's amazing is that if you are making food for people at your house, you're checking expiration dates, right? And there's just this oversight that takes place when you're doing food yourself. And we just trust this to people that aren't us when you go to a buffet, right? You just trust that they're serving you stuff that is not going to make you sick. But there's no guarantees. If we know anything about America, it's like making a profit seems to be really important. Oh, yeah. So serving like two-day-old potato salad.

I mean, if they can warm it up and it's still edible, they're going to go with it. I can tell you right now, I worked at a movie theater in my teenage years. And the amount of times- You got some secrets. Yeah, I got some secrets. And it comes down to the hot dogs. All right? Oh, no.

The movie theater... I love a movie theater hot dog. Because they're so good. They sit in these little steamer trays. Uh-huh. And they just sit there all day long. And guess what? You don't eat them that day?

No. They had them the next day. No. Right back into the steamer. How long do they go? I think you just leave them in there. No. Yeah. Like there was no steamer. How long do they go? I think you just leave them in there. No. Yeah. Like there was no QA on this? There was no

some of these were in there for a long time. Some of them were turning green and just wrap them up in tinfoil and send because you don't even open it till you're in the theater. There's no accountability. Green does not mean go. You can't tell when it's dark in a movie theater you're just chomping on down and vomit it up later.

That seems bad. And when you guys go back to the buffet, do you really feel like you get your money's worth? Because I feel like nowadays I can go to the, maybe you're at a hotel somewhere they have breakfast or they have the breakfast buffet right but the breakfast buffet is definitely 2x what it would cost for a regular breakfast and when i go to the buffet i sure your eyes get humongous you're like wait can't wait to buffet there's no rules about how much food i can eat you fill up one plate and you go okay well i'm

done there's still rules about how much you are can eat. You fill up one plate and you go, okay, well, I'm done. There's still rules about how much you are able to eat. Yes, the rules of physics. Right. I think that the difference here is that some buffets are- And it's worse food. It's old. It's cold. Some buffets are very, very expensive.

Very expensive. You know, this is a fancy buffet. It's $50. You know, goodness gracious. That's outrageous. Go to a Disneyland resort.'t don't do the breakfast buffet because they got buffets oh my gosh if you go to like oh my word I've spent that's got to be like $85 it's outrageous but you can find restaurants and I'm not sure which is worse

$10 buffet all you can eat what's worse the the $30 buffet or the $10 buffet no I'd rather know in despite the pain I'd rather know that this restaurant is making money hand over fist and I might be getting actual high quality produce because the problem is it's a might I'll take the might versus the certainty that I'm not both restaurants are making a profit here so if there's if they're all you can eat for 10 bucks it is we went on vacation recently and the only restaurants on the hotel like on the grounds the breakfast option was only breakfast buffet and every day you went and you got what was a normal breakfast that would be like $11, and you had to pay $30 a head. Some bacon, a sausage, some toast.

Maybe I got one extra small mini muffin. That's my buffet indulgence. Where it gets criminal is kids' buffet. Because they're like, okay, the adult price will drop off 10% for the kids. The kids do not get their money's worth for sure. They're like, well. Their tummies are more than 10% smaller. And they don't want any of that food. You go through it and they're like,

okay, I'll take the Cheerios. That's a $35 bowl of Cheerios. Yeah. Alright. Well, we are drafting the best buffet foods, if there are some, on today's show. Yeah, of course there are. There's a reason buffets are still around everywhere.

After all that. Yeah, because they make 125% on everything. We should open a buffet. I would visit it. You would get high on your own supply. I'm not just the owner. I'm also a client. It's a personal buffet.

It's mine. All right, we are hopping in. client it's a personal buffet it's mine all right we are hopping in would you rather this first question comes in from darth jar jar on the website says would you rather make air quotes every time you refer to somebody's job or give a self-deprecating chuckle to end every sentence. Wait, how can I chuckle? So you're a podcaster. Yeah. Which everyone, when you tell people that you do a podcast, they're all.

They already put it in air quotes for you. Mentally, the air quotes are happening. And I get it. I understand. Yeah, but talk to a stay at home mom. Oh, brother. So I hear you're a stay-at-home mom oh no no i mean i that how do you come back from that i was gonna go like doctor oh yeah a judge like a judge in a courtroom but ah you're a judge but the but attacking a stay-at-home parent yeah like

they're not working their butt off. That's your job? Oh, my goodness. I mean, our jobs are way easier than people actually raising children. Nurses? Yeah. Oh, so you're a nurse? Oh, man. I mean, that is...

Oh, I'm uncomfortable. But here's the... I have a problem with the second part of this would you rather, because the second part says give a self-deprecating chuckle to the end of every sentence what does that sound like jay like a i don't know something like that but self-deprecating is in the content not in the chuckle like if i said hey you're looking really good today mike i mean that's not self-deprecating that's not self-deprecating. That's not self-deprecating. Yeah, I mean, what if you said like, oh, whatever. Yeah.

It has to be nervous. You're like, we should go to the store today. Like high pitch? I mean, that would be pretty bad. You would come across as the least- Oh, you'd be obnoxious. Confident. Every sentence?

I don't know. Do you mind if i sit here i i i think you would never have friends that would ever want to talk to you i mean is that that's that's worse than the other one yeah how often are we you're talking about somebody's job to them? Not very often, but usually. Never after this. Usually when you meet someone. You know what I mean? What do you do for a living? Yeah, exactly.

It's just a normal grown-up icebreaker when you meet another fellow adult and you're like, oh, what do you do? Oh, you're in the army. Oh, man. Yeah, that'd be a problem. I think I, the other one. it's too much though every sentence i know i don't think you could do that i mean after every single sentence i guess i'm gonna go with the air quotes and it has to be done just insult some people's

occupation just to avoid them i hope you have some really bad occupations friends i mean it doesn't matter that's the nice thing about this. If you are a plumber or a lawyer or a state, it is insulting to everyone. It is universally awful. Are there any that aren't? What's a known super easy job? Clown. A clown?

Yeah. I mean, I feel like you could get away with it on a clown. Oh, you're a clown? What about a feel like you could get away with it you could put you could put oh you're a clown what about a waiter oh you're a waiter yeah because then i mean you're making fun of the name of it no no no then you're spinning it like they're just currently a waiter as they're waiting for their big break into whatever area they're going into has there ever been a waiter who is not waiting for that big acting gig is there ever been a waiter who's not waiting for that big acting gig? Has there ever been a waiter who's not an actor?

That's my question. I don't think that's true. Not in Los Angeles, but across this nation, of course. There's lovely people who wait. But they want to be an actor. This could be a problem. We all do. What happens if you meet a dancer?

Oh, that's a... Oh, you're a dancer? Oh, no's a... Oh, you're a dancer? Oh, no. That's a problem. All right, Jared from Patreon. Would you rather spend 12 minutes in a walk-in freezer with a piping hot bowl of soup or 30 minutes in a hot sauna with a bowl of ice cream? Soup.

Soup. In both scenarios, the food is unaffected by the temperature. I think it's meant to be a comfort to you. Oh, okay. That's the goal. It's not supposed to be like something you hold on to. It's more like, you know, what's going to help you get through which one? Well, and the time is different here.

12 minutes in the walk-in freezer. Why is that? The reason is because I think there's a limit to how long you can really be in a freezer. Really? That's longer than getting cooked? I mean, you become the soup in the second one. Yeah. One of these is made for people.

It exists only for people to go rereading. I was picturing a hot tub. Ah, okay. Yeah. Okay, Asana, I get it now. That's a steam room. How long do people go in there? 30 minutes is normal. Yeah, that's normal. Is it? Yeah. I mean a sauna, I get it now. That's a steam room. How long do people go in there? 30 minutes is normal.

Yeah, that's normal. Is it? Yeah. I mean, not me. One, I don't go to places that have saunas. Those are usually gyms. Sweaty would you be, Jason, in a sauna? I think I would come out 150 pounds less.

I'm just, because I sweat so much. You are the sweaty. I would sweat sweating the freezer man with the hot soup i would just be too hot the soup is too hot i'm still sweating everywhere i'd come out and i just have a sheer of of ice all over me i think i was gonna say nobody does one of these for a benefit but that's not even true people go into ice baths people do those stand up you know where your head's poking out and the rest of your body gets frozen for a benefit, but that's not even true. People go into ice baths. People do those stand-up where your head's poking out and the rest of your body gets frozen for a little while.

So people do both of these for therapeutic purposes. People put saunas into their home on purpose to be in a sauna. Rarely with ice cream. Both uncomfortable, but the walk-in freezer, it will become painful at a point to be that cold. I agree. When you're that hot, it doesn't hurt. You're just like, oh.

Endurance. It's so hot. And you've got ice cream. Yeah, but a bowl. Would you smear it on yourself versus eating it? Well, I think you're sidestepping the rules because if it stays cold, I mean, this is magical ice cream. You can't use that to cool down your body. I imagine it's suffering underneath the, oh, food is unaffected by the ambient temperature.

So you're skirting the rules here. But a bowl of ice cream, Andy, how long is that lasting? That's the problem here. You've got 30 minutes in there, sauna. I can't nibble on some ice cream. It tastes too good. That's what I'm saying. You get another bite and you're like, I want to wait.

You better give me some chocolate just so it lasts a little longer. Where are you at with cold headaches? I get them. Okay, you still do? I get them, but not with like, I don't get them with ice cream. How is this possible? I've never gotten a cold. I mean, I've gotten a-

What? No, he's not. Some people have. I've had a brain gotten a... What? Some people have. I've had a brain freeze like once or twice in my life. Oh my goodness. But it's not very common for me. You can get me with 100% of the time with a Wendy's Frosty. 100%.

Really? 100%. That's why I bring this up. Because they put frozen water in them. Because I... That's called ice? But that's different than ice cream. Ice cream is frozen milk.

I just had a Frosty like a week ago, and I got not one, but I think like three. A countless amount, yeah. And I'm like really, really painful. It didn't stop me from eating the Frosty. A really cold slushy will do it too, like a smoothie. A really cold slushie will do it too, like a smoothie. I feel like the older I've gotten, the far more intense that these cold headaches or brain freezes are. Everybody tries to tell you how to stop them, and I don't know how to stop them.

Put your thumb on the top of the roof of your mouth. You're supposed to warm up the roof of your mouth with your thumb or your tongue. That's how you're supposed to get it done. What are you cackling about over here? Look, my answer is clearly going to be the freezer. Y'all both know i'm going to the freezer i like being cold i want the ice cream i'm in the sauna jason would take the soup and just yeah pour it out like if i've got to be in the in the freezer on the side and just sit in the freezer dancing if the question was switching you've got to have ice cream in the freezer or hot soup i'd be like okay i'll take the ice cream in the freezer that's fine but all jokes aside all jokes aside because we're not

trying to be silly on this show no we I wanted to know like okay how when when does it become dangerous obvious it's only 12 minutes of the freezer 30 minutes in the sauna you can't just live in a freezer as a human being eventually you will you'll get real sleepy you know you'll you won't how long can you go in a walk-in freezer well so i i don't i didn't find the exact answer but in looking for i'm on this like a scientific journal here oh yeah and i read this found a funny paragraph in here um it says when when shivering stops it's time to worry this is the this is their words so when you stop shivering yeah i've heard that when shivering stops it's time to worry even if

you are fat you will begin to lose heat quickly it says that's its words don't rely on your blubber hold on i mean but this is a scientific journal it doesn doesn't have a. Is this a dot gov? A more sciencey way of saying, should you happen to be overweight? That's what I was chuckling at. Like, no, if you're fat. Falling into a state of hypothermia once your core body temperature drops below 35 degrees Celsius. But if you're fat.

Don't rely on it. You don't have better words for me than this? Even if you're a fatso, you can freeze to death. Oh, man. So we don't know how long you could survive in there. I don't know. I think over an hour, right? What I do know is that based on them calling that out,

I know I can last longer than you do. Because clearly there's something good to being fat in the freezing just ask whales um okay we will move on michael from the website would you rather have to drive using only your left foot or control all electronics with only your non-dominant hand driving with your foot, if you were forced to do it today. You'd figure it out. It would be terrifying. In the beginning, it would be a nightmare.

I think both of these, though, you would figure out. Both of these eventually. Getting over to the right side of the pedal. Yeah, do we have to left foot in our left-sided steering wheels? You betcha. Oh, yeah. I mean, we're in an American car. Okay.

And we still have our right foot attached to our right leg. Do you know anybody that two-foot drives? Oh, gosh, please don't. My mom two-foot drives. Oh, no. That's how she learned. Yeah, but she can unlearn. She can grow.

Yeah, but you don't. No, you can't. Not after a certain age. That'd be more dangerous. Wow. So she really does. She brakes at the left. Breaks with the left, right foot drive.

How many accidents has your mom had? None. Never. She's driven 12 miles in her wonderful long life. It's actually, I couldn't even believe it. It was like, it wasn't something that we got to choose. Like, you want your dad's way or your mom's way when it was time to drive. No, because there's only one right way.

We drive normally, but apparently that's how she learned now does it do they change the brake pads like every 20 miles i don't know it's just i think the the reason they have you one foot drive is because much safer it's because of your reaction time yes is faster but i guess if your if your muscle memory has your left foot set to break you're good i literally just had this conversation with one of my kids like two days ago they thought that's how you drove well they just yeah they were asking well why do you use the one foot and i was saying because it's safe in in case of an emergency if you have to use two limbs and you're in that

fight or flight like you're far more likely to make a mistake. You could accidentally hit the accelerator. Exactly. You need to not be in the danger zone of being able to brake when you mean to accelerate or accelerate when you need to brake or doing both at the same time on accident. I think that's probably the more common problem with two-foot driving.

It's not the emergency problem, but just if you're resting your foot a little bit on the brake while you're driving not good where were we going with this discussion this was about the left foot yeah you got to do a crossover left foot very inconvenient that's that's much worse than a two foot yes that's way worse you got to get your right foot has to almost be i'd almost be tempted to throw it over into the passenger seat at this point you got it you got to hope that it's not has to almost be. I'd almost be tempted to throw it over into the passenger seat at this point. You got to hope that it's not a manual stick shift.

Oh, boy. Otherwise, your leg's going to get in the way of that. Yeah, I'm leaning over. The right leg is getting the. Maybe I'll sit on my right leg. You could sit on it. You know what I mean? Go a little on my knees.

Oh, but now your left leg's not going to be long enough. Get higher up. It's not going to be long enough. I'll push the seat forward. Oh, okay. That's a real. Don't get in an accident because you're going to be in an origami situation. Get higher up? I'll push the seat forward. Don't get in an accident because you're going to be in an origami situation. Also, every time you get out of your car,

you're going to collapse. Yeah, my right leg's not going to work. Fully asleep. You drove to California that way? Non-dominant control of all electronics. Do you guys have a favorite ear for the phone call? I don't use my ear most of the time with a phone call what well i mean i like okay so around what do you do

do i let you use your tongue like how do you listen you're tasting the vibrations i guess what what i'm saying is the majority of the time that i am speaking on the phone i'm either talking through my car or on speakerphone or have AirPods. You do the switch. So if you're in your house and you get a call, what do you do? You switch it to speaker right away? Yeah, I'm probably just on speaker. Just for the walk around?

Yeah. You just want everyone knowing your business. Not necessarily. I do like the speakerphone too. But anyways, when you're alone. When you have to pick it up. I'm always on the left. You're left.

I'm a left-handed person. Is that what it is, Mike have to pick it up. I'm always on the left. You're left. I'm a left-handed person. Is that what it is, Mike? Where do you go? I'm 100% right side. I've tried to do some left switching, and it's weird. It is weird. I will say that. You know, you get fatigued, right?

You've been talking for a while. I don't know. You try to switch? Well, hold on. Let's find out. I'm going to give you a phone call. I don't have a phone on me. Well, that's going to make it harder.

Very difficult. Ring, ring, ring. Pick up your pretend phone. Hello? I mean, it's probably my right. Well, that's going to make it harder. Very difficult. Ring, ring, ring. Pick up your pretend phone. Hello. I mean, it's probably my right. I think it's just dominant hand. But when you're using your phone, do you ever go left-handed? Or for the weird guy, go right-handed?

Okay, so oftentimes when I tuck in my youngest kid, we've got like a bedtime routine. And if he's scared, I'll sit with him for a while. He likes getting rubbed. And so I'll I'll play on my phone in one hand. Yes. And like rub his back to sleep with the other. But every now and then I'm sitting on the wrong side of the bed where basically I've got to switch my phone to the to the offhand. And it's it's been publicized before.

I play Sudoku on my phone a lot. That's kind of my go to game. And you got to reach publicized.. I play Sudoku on my phone a lot. That's kind of my go-to game. It's been publicized. Forbes wrote about that. Exactly. Sudoku master. 40 at 40. But it's impossible.

40 doing 40. It's impossible. Like, I can't do it. I have to stand up, walk around the bed, and go to the other. Let me ask you a question. like i can't do it i have to stand up walk around the bed and go to the other let me ask you a question when you do the back rub phone with your child what's the hand you prefer your left i i am on the phone i use my left my dominant hand uh i'm left-handed i use my dominant hand on the phone so you non-dominant back rub so he's getting a less than back rub oh yeah because i can back

rub with a much better with the dominant hand. I'm not going to choose him over me. That's not happening. Okay. See, I do the left-handed phone more often anyways. Really? You're non-dominant. And I give great back rubs to my kids with the dominant hand.

I can't believe that you use your non-dominant hand by default. I'd be fine with that. Yeah. Do you switch? Are you confident? No, I'm more confident on the left. What? I'm phone-bedextrious.

Really? Yeah, I could go back and forth. So I'm going to take that one. I think that's not going to be a problem, and I won't be careening into some other vehicle within like a day. I'm going to be sitting on my leg learning how to drive with my left. Okay. Mike, final answer?

I will take the electronics. All right. Ricky from Twitter. Would you rather be able to or not be able to swim or not be able to run? One of these seems, well, I was going to say one of these seems far more common and often, but then I remembered I haven't run in years. You have because we play some sports. Play pickleball? Yeah, but I don't really run in pickle you have because we we play some sports yeah but i don't really run in yes you do i don't think that that qualifies as running he's getting up ahead of

steam he's never got to the run part right like he's just starting like i don't think you can run for two steps that's not running what would that be called i that's a great question let's answer that question in a movement a three step movement but at times during that movement you have no feet on the ground what would you call that impressive that you think i can get both feet off the ground when you're running there's time i know it's a time period when was the last time you ran by your definition of running was it when we were working out and having to do sprints or something? Yeah. Or like the last grocery store you robbed?

Well, you've got to get out quick. You've got to run. You don't want to. You can't walk. You're like, hold on. I can't run anymore. Yeah, it's been at least a year since I've ran. And I've swam multiple times this summer.

Now, I would think not being able to swim is very dangerous. I would say so, yes. There are definitely situations. But not being able to run can be very dangerous. You cannot escape any sort of danger. Imagine you choose that one, right? You keep the swimming. And then there's an emergency, like a building, right?

There's a bomb threat. Everyone's running out of there, and you're walking. You're just like walking out. I'm coming, everybody. Can you at least power walk? Both. Yeah. One foot has to be on the ground at all times, right?

Is that the definition of running? Is it better to die in the collapse of the building than it is to be caught power walking out of the building? On camera? My problem, when you start. Look at this guy. As soon as you start power walking, just out of the building my camera my problem when you look at this guy you when as soon as you start power walking just out of nowhere up a fanny pack just clips right around your waist just appears and you your shoes turn into white new and your shorts become very short

yeah and your socks go oh they go way high um my my real issue with the running here and and i i didn't factor this in you said well what about if there's an emergency going on? And I started to think, you might poop your pants if you can't run. That's the emergency that sometimes. Oh, because you've got to get to a. You've got to get to that toilet. You've got to, you know. So you're power walking, you're pooping, and you're power walking.

You might poop your pants because you ran, though. So you're saying that the power walk is better than the run if you got to take a dump when i've i've found that when i'm in uh when i'm redlining i think you're right that's that you gotta you you can't have the the concussive jarring of running i will not i redlined recently did you yeah you redlined i redlined recently. Did you? Yeah. You redlined? I redlined recently. How here? How close did we get? It was about a month ago.

Okay. We got real close. We almost did it again, huh? We got real close. It's a shame the owl is not here for this. Oh, he was involved. Because he was involved. Did you simultaneously redline?

No, no. This is just- And then have a fight for it. Oh, is this when he was trying to get you home? Yes. In a vehicle? Yes. I was in his vehicle.

So he was the driver. He was the driver. Oh, no. Right foot or left foot? I hope he was right foot driving. But it was like, yeah, this is going to be a problem. At what point of the drive and of the meter, like one to five where he five is you really got to go at what point did you actually say something to him uh i i so i had actually told him prior to

driving how long of a drive was this it was a it was a good it was a good uh 15 minute drive okay and i had told him prior like this is gonna this could be a problem before the drive yeah but Yeah, but there wasn't an opportunity there. There wasn't a place. And then I felt better. You know how it comes in waves. Yeah, sure. I felt better. It's like a tide.

Yeah, it's a tide. The tide had rolled out. They call them birth pains. Well, this was caused by medication. I was on a medication that this was a possible side effect. Yes, duke-a-lax. medication I was on a medication that like this was like a possible side effect. Yes. And it was coming and I was like oh man take a 10 of these you know when you get the sweats. Yeah yeah yeah. You go any Paul. Yeah. And so it's like I have to know more about this.

So well I'm telling the story. And so I'm I'm telling him like yeah we gotta get we gotta let's hustle up um and he doesn't want me to redline in his car any more than i do he's got the white interior right yeah it's a it's a white car just check it and so we are um we're driving and i'm telling you you know you everyone can experience it everyone's known this if you gotta go to the bathroom and you've been holding it or whatever as soon as your body knows you're close as soon as you are at the house as soon as you see the restroom door you it's like okay come on it's time the relief is inside yeah and unfortunately i could see like the navigation map on his car screen and my body knew it's like oh you are you are 90 seconds away from his house

and i am i'm sweating i'm like you gotta go you gotta go and then when we get to his house there was like a car and other stuff in front of his house where there was like no place to park oh no do you get a drop off yeah i basically stop? Yeah, I basically got a drop off. But I say all of this to say, and he pre-opened his garage door from his phone on the drive so I could run in straight in through the garage. That's where the guest bathroom is. And I say all this to say. And I wrecked it. I did.

But I say all this to say, I did not run. I needed to get in there. But you're right, Mike. Because if I had ran, I had pooped. You'd seepage. Yeah. You've got to keep the legs close enough together. You don't want to spread those legs far.

You need to maintain the clinch. Absolutely. And are we thankful he didn't have any speed bumps on that road on the way in? A speed bump would have been a real problem it would have been a brown line oh man line yeah wow what a good friend mm-hmm I'm gonna I'm gonna so I don't need the running is what I just learned I'm gonna I'm gonna swim and now I can't even now I've got an. Well, you won't be pooping in the pool if you always drown in the pool. Right. Yeah.

Well, if you drown in the pool, you might poop afterwards. Oh, no. Yeah. I'm going to keep the running. Yeah, me too. I'm going to throw away the swimming. You can still wade, right? Of course.

You can still wade. If your feet can touch the ground, you don't all of a sudden freak out. I don't know, man. I feel like if I couldn't swim, I'd be afraid to wade to the waist. No, waist you'd be fine with. I think there are some people like that. I got a friend who can't swim, and they don't want to even wade in the ocean. Well, I'd get the ocean because if you're-

They won't even walk on the shores with their feet seizing. If you lose your balance, the ocean wave can take you back in. Or if I come up and shove you in. That'll get you too. Get to swim. Gotcha. What a funny goof. Let's move on.

Is this real life? All right. Is this real life? We have each found real life stories, articles, newsworthy things that have happened that when we saw them, we said to ourselves, this cannot be true. And yet it is. And we share them with one another right now. Jason, why don't you kick us off if you don't mind i don't mind according to man poops pants in car man ironically starts man trapped aloft in hydrogen balloon for two days oh no no. Two days? Two days. Floating around the sky. No. Trapped.

He traveled 200 miles. Oh my gosh. Is he alive? He is alive. Alright, step one. Yeah, I think I probably don't choose this story if it's like a man dies in tragic accident. That's a different show. That is not this pod. But no,

this was a hydrogen balloon that apparently is the newer way to harvest acorn nuts. So instead of going up in these really tall trees that are like 200 feet tall and climbing up and it's much less safe, you get this hydrogen balloon that is kind of tied to the ground. And it's basically a safe you get this hydrogen balloon that is kind of tied to the ground and it's basically a hot air balloon like i looked these up after reading this it's but it's it's smaller the basket is just you know it it fits you can for one two people but like not comfortably this isn't you know like a hot air balloon where you're going up and it's this beautiful but it's the same kind of design and apparently it became detached from the ground.

Oh, my goodness. And there aren't the controls like in a hot air balloon quite the same. Which are already none. There were two people in the basket. And when it became detached, one jumped out. See ya, sucker! Well, here's the truth. Two should have jumped out. Can you sucker well here's the truth two should have jumped out can you

wait so one jumped out and the other said i am floating off forever i can't imagine how terrifying that would be to just be like what do i do because you're thinking about jumping right and there's a certain point where you're saying you can't jump anymore i mean yeah you're you're maybe even in the beginning you're thinking oh i i can't jump now i really can't jump now i'm dead because you you floated off and i don't know how high like in my mind it goes forever i think yeah yeah here's here's what i think happens space i i think i go so high that i either lose oxygen and we'll die that way or i will go so high that i either lose oxygen and will die that way or i will go so high that this balloon is not made for it and it's gonna pop or you freeze i that wouldn't happen in my mind you're right scientifically but i didn't get there you figured pop balloon

down you go pop balloon down i go off i go into the atmosphere burn up die so they didn't know oxygen whatever so it didn't happen um apparently he just floated for two days and 200 miles and eventually like the next day they were able to get a hold of him on his cell phone oh no he floated somewhere where he was in close enough range and they basically told him he needs to like start leaking out the hydrogen somehow and he did and that was my first thought is if i'm on the way up and i have a fear of going into outer space and or freezing and or not breathing it's two days you're up there you hadn't come up with a plan to just leak some hydrogen out of that thing at what point i don't that's exactly how you get down in a hot air balloon you stop putting hot air into it you you're up there for two that's 48 hours that's so long no food no water yeah

what are you doing after the first doku he had his phone after the first 24 hours you gotta start thinking of a plan yes right yeah you gotta do something but um he made it the plan was waited out and he a good plan man wow well my my uh is this real life is brief it is simply a really hilarious mental picture to me so i'll share it and then we'll go on to Mike's. Here's the headline. Man arrested after four mile an hour police chase of narrowboat on the Grand Union Canal for eight miles. Oh, yeah. Four miles an hour. Four miles an hour. Do that math. That's two with two hours.

So he traveled. Great math. And do you know what a narrow boat is for these canals now these are like really really long thin boats oh yeah that people uh are they narrow they're very narrow they are and uh okay oh yeah like okay a riverboat peaky blinders has uh some blinders yeah and but these boats go four miles an hour. And apparently this this gentleman, 37 years old, was arrested eventually on the suspicion of assault and breaching the restraining order. But the best part in my head is that these police investigators were lying in wait to catch him and followed him. He no bike.

They were on bikes. So they followed the four mile an hour narrowboat on bikes until eventually he gave up, pulled over, and ended the high speed James Bond-esque chase. They're going to be way out ahead of him. I know. Because I just Googled how fast do people walk, and on average they walk three to four miles per hour.

And on a bike to go that slow, you're in the wobble zone where you can fall over. I mean, you're just walking, talking to this guy like, hey, dude, you got nowhere to go. For eight miles. What is this guy's plan? He did not have a good plan. You're never going to catch me. The people who do it in a car, you have these grandiose dreams of, I'm going to make it to Mexico, somehow an unsecured part of the border, and as soon as I get over, they're not allowed to follow me,

or something just crazy like that. But you're in a boat. Do you think he was hoping for a waterfall? Maybe. Some kind of like, follow me down the rapids. To go over the top. There's got to be a tunnel somewhere. I hope he had a 45-point turn to turn back the other way.

That's what I mean. You can't turn around. You're going four miles an hour, one direction. Have you ever had a strategy if you ever got in a high-speed chase? Have you ever thought about how you could evade police nowadays? I haven't thought through it. I have thought of the opposite of what to do if I'm getting chased down by a bad guy. What? Which is really drive to a police station okay that makes sense you see the chases

on the news and you know that they've got you know you've got helicopters helicopters you've got infrared cameras all of that stuff like what's the plan man it has to be some sort of i've always thought parking structure i think you gotta go find a big parking structure that you can go into so you can go park and then lay down on the ground or sneak out of the car and get lost but you're just you're you're alive in a coffin at that point like there's nowhere for you to go it's a parking structure one you gotta pretend you're one of the like other people in the parking yeah you switch cars you gotta get a different car you gotta get in a different car and get out of there i would think you could i would be like get out of my car i'd run over and i go he went

that way oh i you know i'm i'm going under the bridge and then i'm hopping out and keeping that car going and so you know they're gonna follow so the you you like the helicopter sees the car going you put a brick on the accelerator terrible crash oh i was imagining that's pretty good just pushing the gas as much as it could, then getting out. So the car just kind of goes to a six feet in front of him. I turned the cruise control on.

How fast of a car do you think you can jump out of onto concrete and still be functional to run? That's got to be 20 or lower. Yeah, 20 is... You got to get your feet going real fast no i do the roll i wouldn't be trying to what does the science document say about fat people when they do that they say they're better at rolling okay all right more hey it's science mike i'm not hey

saying anything the scientists wouldn't say all right mike what's your is this real life. All right. So mine is about football. Okay. Or as we call it soccer there I specifically about a a defender. His name is Marcelo. He was on the so the Brazilian defender Marcelo he was on the lion first team and he was like he got into some discipline stuff with the team, and he had to be removed, and that discipline comes from the, here is the headline. Marcelo dropped from Lion first team for, quote, farting and laughing in dressing room.

Farting and laughing? Yes. That's his final straw? So he apparently got into it with the management where they caught him laughing during the captain was giving a speech to rally the troops before he go into a contest. And he was, well, I think he was maybe laughing at the speech, not considering it to be serious. speech not being not considering it to be serious and then uh he had been disciplined uh by the club for repeatedly farting among his teammates in the dressing room we warned you and laughing in the presence of management so wow he literally farted so much i got warnings and then said i

can't i'm gonna still. I find it so funny because the best part is it's not like he's just farting. He got fired. He's farting and laughing about it. He's committed to the face of management. Marcello's butt cello. Very nice. That is. I, so I, I mean, They finally let me go. Why honey? Why don't you have a job anymore? Farted my way out of here.

Oh man. Wow. That's special out of here. Oh, man. Wow, that's special. All right, we are drafting. Let's do it. The Spitballers Draft. All right, we are drafting the best foods at a buffet, and I have the first pick. And I don't think it's going to be the right pick,

but it's going to be the pick that I can't live without. Interesting. Because I think back at the handful of, more than a handful of times I've gone to a buffet, and I think of when have I really wanted to indulge? And when have I been happy that I have an unlimited amount of something? And when, when do I have a fond memory of that? Right?

We talk about how much you can eat. Oh no, I think you might take mine. I genuinely think this is the best actual thing at a buffet. It's not at every buffet. It should be be but it's an ice cream sunday buffet yeah sunday bar would have been my first because you get to go back and back and back and i have i'm well known in my uh region as one of the i can eat a lot of ice cream yeah quantity wise it's really all I want to do in life and so I've enjoyed that at a buffet before

I feel like I benefit from the fact it's unlimited are you allowed to put your mouth to the nozzle at a buffet I think they frown on that they probably don't like that the best part of the sundae bar to me is that I'm in control I'm in part of the sunday bar to me is the like that i'm in control you're in control of the toppings how much chocolate fudge do i actually want on here

way too much i can do it no one's gonna stop me because i'm the one who's in control i feel like buffets sunday bars are usually there's there's hot fudge which i i've never been a huge fan of um and then there is there's usually a bowl of peanuts or something. There's usually some sprinkles and things. Yeah, sprinkles are there. Yeah, sprinkles are always there. Maybe some gummy bears. Oh, there's caramel.

There's always caramel. Two pumps. There's a hot fudge pump and a caramel pump. I would say the three and the strawberry one. Yeah, and sometimes there's some Oreos, too. You are underestimating the Sunday. I'm going to have to go to a buffet and check it out. I have to go with the ice cream Sunday bar.

It's on brand. It's on brand. And you guys have four picks before I pick again. I can't risk losing my favorite thing on Earth. I would have taken it first. Would you really? Yeah. Nice.

I like you Mike I love the Sunday bar and I would be playing the game of knowing I had to get it before you got it alright so then that takes my first pick I will go I'm gonna because it's

part of this is not just the the food it's the pageantry of it that I get to tell part of this is not just the food. It's the pageantry of it that I get to tell a feller, this is exactly how I want to do it. So in my opinion, a good buffet has this. It is the omelet bar. Omelet bar.

Where they give me the piece of paper. I get to check all the fillings and things that I want. What would you fill? What is your omelet? Oh, I'm real boring. I see a cheese. Yeah. Oh, yeah. You got to go with some cheese and some hams.

Maybe I'm good with the spinach in the omelet and maybe some more cheese. I'm a little embarrassed to say this, but I've just never really loved an omelet. Yeah. I feel like an omelet is somehow not that good. The only place I get omelets is an omelet bar. They have the fancy omelet bar. I'm like, ooh, go there. I so prefer a scramble to an omelet.

I prefer a scramble. Yeah, absolutely. All right. But they don't have, I mean, you can take, it's still up for grabs if you want to get it, but it's not fresh. Is a scramble and a skillet pretty different? No, those are the same. A scramble and a skillet pretty different? No, those are the same. A scramble and a skillet are identical. One just comes in a skillet.

A skillet is like a deconstructed omelet. Yeah, yeah. Take it apart. They start with an omelet. Well, this is a really long process. This is great because my two picks I wanted both came to me easy peasy. I thought where you were going because you kind of talked about childhood and quantity.

Yeah, I know where you're going. And so at a buffet, quantity is key. And when you're a kid and oftentimes it's a breakfast buffet, I find that a lot of my picks here are breakfast buffets. Interesting. But when you can grab as much bacon as you want yeah yeah i mean you can look like usually if i'm at a i i just take the tongs i slide them in there and i squeeze and i put whatever comes onto my plate and it's usually about 16 pieces of bacon i mean it's now granted it's not always the best bacon it's usually paper thin um real wilty but uh yeah no i i that's my bacon that makes sense i've got bacon in my omelet um

you've got bacon bits in your omelet um probably all right um the other thing is, not every buffet has this. And while this isn't always about quantity, it is something that I'm always disappointed when a buffet does not have this, and I'm excited when it does. So I'm going to take the thing that excites me. It's the meat carving station. Yeah, it's on my list. I've never experienced a buffet meat carving station. What? That's a good time?

Wait, they carve it for you. Oh, yeah. Oh, okay. Yeah, I have done that. I thought it was for you to carve. No, no, no. They don't let the buffet goers have knives. Yeah, it's always a guy.

He's got the big chef hat on. Looks real fancy. And what I've experienced, it's almost always roast beef. It's like a prime rib or a ham. And the ham is where it's at. Okay, fair enough. Okay. It's on my list.

This is good, Mike. You've got one more pick, hopefully a bad one, before I get my number two and number three. I had to play the game with this pick because this is my first pick after the Sunday. I didn't know Jason's omelet stance, so I couldn't take a chance that he would uh you know not send it back I didn't figure that this one would be on Jason's list uh I'm just being mean I'm going with the salad bar baby like it's it's not but here's the salad bar at the buffet is is my favorite. I load up with the biggest salad you've ever seen because they got everything. They got the hard-boiled eggs.

They got the meats, the cheeses, and a good salad bar has whatever dressing you want, and they're good. These are the fattiest, highest calorie version that you can get of the salad dressing, and then I just smother it in Thousand Island. You can't see my salad. You just see a plate. It's the least healthy thing you've ever made.

Yes, you see a plate of Thousand Island, but underneath that, there are some vegetables, and I freaking love a really robust salad bar. It's fantastic. It's the customization you like from the ice cream. Yes. You get to do it the way you want to do it. One of the best parts of the salad bar, if it's a good salad bar, is that they have full pepperoni slices.

Yes, they do. And I've never had more. I don't have pizza with as much pepperoni as a salad at a salad bar. Pepperoni seems to only exist in salad bars for salads. Right. It's just like you always see them in salad bars, but rarely do you get a pepperoni salad. Like, that's not a menu item, right?

No, I get what you're saying. There's no menu item that's like a pepperoni salad. I've never seen a salad that I could think of that comes with pepperoni on it. But every salad bar has pepperoni added. Yeah, what's that all about? And it's great. It's like a pepperoni salad. I've never seen a salad that I could think of that comes with pepperoni on it. But every salad bar has pepperoni on it. Yeah, what's that all about? And it's great. It's fantastic. So salad bar would have been one of my next two picks for sure.

Nice. Because of the customization factor, right? You get to make it the way you want, as much dressing as you want. Bacon was definitely on the list. So you guys took a couple favorites there. Number one is going to be a pizza buffet. I mean, I thought, Jason, you were going to go there instead of the bacon. But a pizza buffet, I can just eat as much as I want.

They got variety. I can intermingle. I mean, between, hey, I want a meat pizza. I want, oh, they got dessert pizza out there now. Totally agree, except the hard part with a pizza buffet is you either have to be a, a, a Hawk. Oh,

for when they put the new pieces out, you just, you just circle around until they actually put a fresh one out or you're eating the, just the most lukewarm, loose floppy pizza. That's where you're sitting there. As you say,

you're eating the least favorite if you're not Hawking. Yeah. But a good pizza buffet, they've got, there's a lot of them cooks with the big hats and they're putting them out there yeah and and the nice thing is like you know you might be listening and think pizza at the buffet is not the best pizza and it's not right but the floor of pizza is higher than almost every other type of food there is no such thing as bad pizza i go to a buffet and grab a slice of pizza and i eat it and i don't think this is bad for pizza i go pizza yeah that's what i say too this next pick it's very difficult because i'm just worried

about what's going to come back to me you two are you know hungry gentlemen and i'm just worried about what's going to come back to me. You two are hungry gentlemen, and I'm just worried about what can I sneak beyond your next four picks. Okay. And it's tough, but I'm going to go with pancakes. I'm going to go with the breakfast pancakes. You get as many as you want to have. You can go back and, oh, I want a little extra pancake at the end of my breakfast. I just think the pancakes in the buffet, it's easy for them to,

it works, right? It's so easy. Pancakes are the easiest thing for anyone to ever make. Yeah. And they can stack, they can sit there under a heat lamp if they need to, and they're still good. I mean, I'm going to go with pancakes. Yeah. As much dap as I gave you for the pizza, the ceiling of pancakes is very low. Well, you do need to. Yeah, that's fair. You do need to, you know, syrup those bad dogs up.

Of course. Butter. Butter. Oh, butter. Oh, butter. This guy. I don't know. I'm sure we've done hundreds of episodes. I'm sure we've talked about it, but it's worth knowing again.

I don't know. I'm sure we've done hundreds of episodes. I'm sure we've talked about it, but it's worth knowing again. No one butters things more than Mr. Andy Holloway. I've never. He gets a full lump of butter. Is that what you call it? A scoop of butter? A butter ball?

Yeah, whatever it is. You know, we go out to Cracker Barrel, get Mama's French Toast. Oh, I missed those. We got to do that again. Yeah. Oh, yes, please. Let's go to town. And he'll get one of those big balls of butter and it's more i love butter i'm all about that life but

it's usually more than i use one of those things of butter and andy can i get like three more of those it's one per french toast piece two facts about that, I found out recently my cholesterol is very high. Okay. Wait, really? Number two, I don't know why. Why have they not come out with the syrup with the butter 50-50? They tried. 50-50. That's what I want on my pancakes. I mean, they have that butter.

Mrs. Buttersworth didn't put enough butter. The butter at Texas Roadhouse. There's already some. Wait, the butter has syrup or the syrup has butter? It doesn't have syrup, but it's like the cinnamon butter. Oh, no, Mike. I'm talking about maple syrup and butter as one. I feel like the cinnamon butter, though, would be pretty good.

Yeah, it would be a good time. I'm not complaining. We should test that. We should give it a go. All right, Mike, back to you for science. All right, I'm going to go with another food that you can eat a whole bunch of it. And just trying to think through a buffet, it can sit there for a while. Like you said, it's under the heat lamp.

So it's been there for a while, but it's still going to be good. Some good old-fashioned, I'm going to give you some fried chicken. Okay, yeah. It's hearty. Okay, yeah. Yeah. It's hearty. It's crunchy. It's probably filled with tons and tons of chemicals. So that's like the chicken, more like chicken tenders then, right?

No. No, actual. Oh, just fried chicken. Yeah, like give me a leg, a fried chicken leg, like KFC style. I can almost hear it kind of like making sounds with its fried breading. In your stomach. Yes, that as well. All right.

Talk about redlining. Yeah. You know, I think I prefer the strips at the buffet to the bone-in. I just don't trust them. You don't? Wait. I'm in the same boat. That's why I was kind of trying to.

I don't trust buffet places to do fried chicken and not kill me somehow. But like interesting feels more self-contained because, you know, they brought in the strips. Yeah. The strips are from the freezer. Yeah, exactly. There's a lot of varieties that you can buffet. You could buffet wings. You could buffet nuggets.

Yeah. Buffet strips. You can buffet fried chicken. So you want to go pay 50 plus dollars for food and you're like, hey, get it out of the freezer and prepare that for me. Do you know how much of that I can eat? Yeah, I do. I do.

I want to dip it in that delicious ranch you talked about earlier. All right. Two picks, Jason. All right. Two picks. My first pick is mashed potatoes because when I am at a buffet and I'm loading up all these different things, mashed potatoes. There's a wide range of outcomes.

It is, but mashed potatoes double as a dip. I can dip everything in mashed potatoes. You're not wrong. It's one of those things where I'll go to a fancy steakhouse and you don't ask for steak sauce. That's faux pas. I know, it's dumb. Get out of here with your snootiness.

If someone wants to put ketchup with their steak, that's fine. Well, that's... Let it happen. That's not fine, but... Yes, it is. Your steak sauce is just fancy ketchup. Order Bordelais sauce and you'll thank me. But if you get mashed potatoes, I feel like I can dip the steak in the mashed potatoes.

Oh, man, that's one of my all-time favorites. Only criticism on the mashed potatoes, okay? I'm ready for it. When I'm thinking about a buffet, I love to not think another person's been there before me. The mashed potato tray has a bunch of evidence that somebody else has been scooping in this tray, and I know it should be safe,

but you grab a piece of chicken, no one knows that someone was there before you and what do you do? Are you down for the mashed potato tray that's like three quarters done and you're grabbing the edges? Or do you wait for the next tray? I think it's the same as

all of them. Is there one little piece of fried chicken left in that tin? Well you got there last. The runt of the litter. Grab it. Same on the mashed potatoes. So I'm fine with all stages of mashed potatoes. And then the last one I'm going with, this might surprise you fellas.

And it might be exactly what you think. I don't know. Either one. I don't know what you're thinking. But this is the truest jason moore pick because um if i go to a buffet they usually have this and it's something that i don't get anywhere else in in life i've never seen it on another menu like ever but every buffet has at least golden kraus and i the pinnacle of buffets thank you um and i will eat more than i should get more than i should get seconds is it do some damage is it bread pudding

it's very similar it is the banana cream pudding with wafers like the whole dessert banana cream i knew it was something in that vein. Yeah. So the pudding bar. Yes, the pudding bar. Okay. Oh, sweet mercy. I thought banana pudding was my first guess, but I was like, I don't know if they have that as often as bread pudding. Either one will do for Mr. Moore.

Yeah. Also, for all the comments about me calling it a tub, their restaurant's called the Golden Corral. So let's just call it what it is, all right? They do it. Yeah. It might as well be double food. All right, Mike, your final pick.

Let's see if I played the game right. I'm sure you did because the final pick is simple for me because I can just, you know, it doesn't matter how much of this I take. I can just slap it on the plate. I'm going with macaroni and cheese. All right. That's a good pick. Your pick is safe, but mac and cheese. Also doubles as a dip.

It was up at the tippy top of my list. It also doubles as a dip, and there are the range of outcomes for mac and cheese. That's part of it. It can be too smooshy. There are some mac and cheeses that are way way better than what what makes it a bad mac and cheese when the for me not enough no noodles are way too soft when they're just oh that can happen i need i need some texture structure you need some structure or it can be too bad if it's too thick too thick thick, yes. Where you're like, oh, that's Velveeta.

Well, I'm very happy because my final pick, I want it to be something that's not normal for me to have too much of. Does that make sense? I hear you loud and clear. Socially, like if I go to a bakery and I say I want seven pastries, they might look at me. If I sit there and eat them in the restaurant, I'm a bad guy. You're getting shamed. But if I'm at a buffet, I can get as many cheese danishes and pastries as I want.

I'm going with pastries. There's a stack of them. Every time I go back for more of my main foods. Oh, you always add a pastry. Add a pastry. That's exactly right. I do that every time. You should always have a pastry.

You just throw one on the side it's like a dinner roll except dinner rolls aren't as good as pastries so do you make a comment every time like you didn't know they were there i always say oh you have pastries yeah oh cheese danishes oh look at that yes and now the whole dynamics and that'll wrap it up by the way i'll read the teams back. The teams. Are starting forward. Jason has bacon, meat carving station, mashed potatoes, and banana cream pudding with Nilla wafers. Mike has the omelet bar, the salad bar, the fried chicken,

and the mac and cheese. Very nice. And I have ice cream, sundae bar, pizza, pancakes, and pastries. The three Ps. All the Ps. But the whole dynamic of a buffet is always very – it's a little different because you're you're always doing the new plate thing too right yeah and if they're not quick enough coming and taking

the other plates away you could have a lot of plates on the table some real problems it's just a different dynamic it feels a little i do feel like we did a massive disservice and i totally understand why to buffets no no no no no they do a disservice yeah the shame meter in a buffet is always at least 20 to chinese food buffets oh you are correct i mean chinese food buffets might be the pinnacle might be their own draft buffet yeah and i you know it's like i love everything there yeah But if you just say, like, orange chicken, it just doesn't feel as good on this draft. Mongolian beef.

But if I can get orange chicken and Mongolian beef and some chow mein and some hot stickers and egg rolls and Chinese food buffets, I just had to give you a shout out. Yeah. Those are great places. The only real things I had left on my list as core potential picks, sliders, if they have them, that's rare. Rolls.

Oh, yeah, absolutely. But you got pastries. The poor man's pastry. And the waffles was going to be on there. I was going to go with waffles, but you took pancakes. I just didn't want to get in that one. What a good man. I had crab legs for your fancy buffets.

Oh, yeah. French toast, the better pancake. Meatballs and fried shrimp. Okay, fried shrimp. Well, yeah. French toast, the better pancake, meatballs, and fried shrimp. Okay. Fried shrimp. Well, yeah, because it's a buffet. You've got to fry it to know it's safe. That's fair. Any final contenders, Mike?

Those, uh, the cinnamon apples. Oh, yeah. Like, there's not very many places where you... The dessert, the pan dessert. Yeah, there's not a lot of them out there. Okay. But always the buffet. What did we learn today? I learned that people being fat is just science.

That was my takeaway, is that the scientific journal was fat shaming people. Yeah. I genuinely learned that you can accidentally go up into the atmosphere in a hydrogen balloon and not die within two days. Wait, so he was doing something with a tree? Yeah, he was getting acorn nuts. How tall is an acorn tree? He was using it to get up to the tree.

Yeah. Wait, is it an acorn tree or do they grow on a different tree? I don't know this. Is it a pine tree, I think? Acorns grow on pine trees? I thought those were pine cones. Who knows, Mike? A mystery for next time.

I'm not a scientist. Thank you for following the show, subscribing. We appreciate you. Not a treeologist. Jointhespit.com is our community. Check it out. See you next time. Goodbye.

Thanks for listening to the Spitballers Podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out spitballerspod.com. Oak tree! Thank you.