Spitballers Comedy Podcast - 214: Spicy Blood & Things That Make You Smile - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: October 17, 2022

Who is this week’s Man of the People? Find out on this episode! We also talk about living in a haunted house, piercing your nose, and eating butter straight up. We close it down with a draft of thin...gs that make us smile! Don’t miss it! Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast! Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast: Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.com Follow us on Twitter: Twitter.com/SpitballersPod Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPod Subscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

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Starting point is 00:00:00 what happens when three buffoons give life advice explore unrealistic situations and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve it's the spitballers podcast with andy mike and jason it was it was really the tone like the note sequence there at the end that was good i liked it the best i can get is to think of the first couple moments right and the rest has to happen naturally but i'm not too disappointed there i've done a lot worse oh yeah that's very that's and you will true yeah in the future yeah welcome into the spitballers podcast andy making jason back with you al borland what's up spitwads is here is this the uh first or second show since his demise this is the second okay did you um you recovered from that disappointment i know you heard from your own mother and i did yeah
Starting point is 00:01:12 she hasn't talked to me since okay telling me she was disappointed in me but i'm gonna be back better than ever okay yeah some changes coming to the game it's gonna say i don't know did we talk about this on the show that as soon the the, the moment that show was done, he's like, there's new rules happening next time. Oh, yeah. He was so upset. It was so great. He wins like, what, 50 straight times or whatever.
Starting point is 00:01:36 We finally beat him in Liar Liar. And he's like, I got to change the rules now. Now, speaking of rules, today we have a draft of things that make us smile i assume the one-on-one for all of us is just beating owl at liar liar yeah that's probably just too good i did be drafted i did smile a lot i mean it was it's become part of his identity the undefeated nature and we ruined when you steal it from him yeah it's like a horcrux or something. We killed it. It did feel good to take a piece of who he is and smashed it on the ground. Well, Jason said it. We're drafting things to make you smile today.
Starting point is 00:02:15 We have Man of the People on the show, which is one of our newer segments, and Would You Rather, but first, a review. Review-a-saurus rags. This one comes in from Eric Rupp from the United States Five Stars. Spitballers podcast fuels local man to accomplish a 13-mile run. I have been faithfully listening to the Spitballers with my wife for over three years, but have never taken the time to show my appreciation in the form of a review. Shame on you. Yeah. Well, they did it now, though. Oh, well my appreciation in the form of a review. Shame on you.
Starting point is 00:02:45 Yeah. Well, this past weekend. Well, they did it now, though, so. Oh, well, then thank you for your great review. Shame off you. Shame off you. This past weekend, I ran my first ever half marathon and listened to the Spitballers for the entire two-hour ordeal.
Starting point is 00:02:59 The laughing going on in my brain completely masked the excruciating and overwhelming pain in my legs. I can't explain it, but the race was over before I knew it. Jason, Mike, and Andy, I just want you to know that the participation medal I received is not my medal, but our medal. You're darn right it is. Couldn't have done it without you. I feel like it should be, like, he should have said your medal. Like, it should be our medal instead of instead like
Starting point is 00:03:27 because we participated yeah but i'm saying he's still taking part of this medal for himself so you're saying the three of us send us that medal that is what i'm saying okay yeah have you guys ever done any distance racing andy have you ever done any distance racing yes i have what's the longest one you've ever done no i don't recall it at all it was like uh grade school cross country oh it's actually ironic because i was i was very much in cross country so i laughed and then i realized what wait i did i did a lot of but as an adult you've never done like a 10k no no not even one of those walking ones for charity no i i, I don't do the laps.
Starting point is 00:04:05 You know how they say you wouldn't be caught dead doing something? I would be caught dead doing that, so I don't want to mess around. Not with these knees. All right, we are moving on. Would you rather live in a haunted house or in the middle of the wilderness? Okay. I just shared recently that I had asked for some podcast recommendations on Twitter for a long drive home that I was doing by myself to an empty house.
Starting point is 00:04:42 So I like true crime podcasts. And so somebody recommended these spooky stories. And by the time I got home, I was quite afraid of both the wilderness and my house. Really? Yes. It gets worse. I believe you heard noises.
Starting point is 00:04:59 All right. Well. Oh, yeah. You got to tell the whole story. Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait. Yeah. I don't know anything about this. If there's Nest Cam footage of what took place in my house that night.
Starting point is 00:05:08 You just swatting at bees that aren't there? Well, I got home, and it was dark, and I had listened to two hours of stories that were- What kind? Are these supernatural? No, no, no. These are real things that have happened, but they're like- Bad, bad things. Stories.
Starting point is 00:05:22 Dark. Okay. I'd qualify qualified as dark mysterious scary that has happened in the forest in real well one of them was somebody that was basically a hiker okay and they had run across some people on the pacific coast trail and then these people followed him on this trail in the remote wilderness found his campsite multiple times in the middle of the night stole his food there were footprints around the camp but he didn't wake up and then gets followed for miles and miles and miles and uh escapes and survived but other stories sounds like i don't need other stories they
Starting point is 00:05:54 didn't escape mike they didn't escape i read you i believe you i got home and i started hearing things and i definitely had the moment in the house. Look. Hello? Yeah. Who is it? I may have said the sentence and I am not joking and I am so embarrassed to say this, but I might've said the sentence. Oh my God. Oh yes.
Starting point is 00:06:17 Oh yes. Really embarrassed. This is so good. Come on out and we can work this out. Oh no. No. This isn't't real i didn't even know that oh my goodness come on out that's the best thing that's ever happened on this show forget beating alan liar liar come on out and we can work this out yes i'm just picturing instead of like a baseball bat andy grabbed
Starting point is 00:06:45 his checkbook he's just like come on out we can work this out i could uh i have more things from this story i can't even tell you oh man but but i say all that whole backstory you know this question haunted house middle of the wilderness um they're both terrible i don't look i'm not i don't believe in haunting and ghosts and stuff like that so i think the house i could intellectually the danger i would i would wash it away whereas in the wilderness there really is danger that really could be there i believe you just shared a story that says no you couldn't if doors are opening and closing in the other room it was the ice maker by the way oh man so that was a did you work on me yeah we worked it out
Starting point is 00:07:33 i mean i unplugged that sucker if it's a haunted house i'm i'm assuming that you know the lore of the house or not just like go there it. It's haunted. They're like, no, they're gonna, they're gonna, they're gonna spin a, a real story. Yeah. You're saying like someone died there. They're going to, yes.
Starting point is 00:07:50 That's the room where she died. That's the, the terrible things that have happened in that house repeatedly generations. And then you have to stay there. I mean, but you have a roof, which is a really nice thing compared to being in the middle of the wilderness. What I am afraid of, You have a roof, which is a really nice thing compared to being in the middle of the wilderness. With no roof.
Starting point is 00:08:07 What I am afraid of far more than ghosts or just awful evil things happening in my house is like spiders and stuff and like bugs. Oh, the haunted house is full of spiders. More than the wilderness? The wilderness is full of spiders, too. They're both. They're in both the haunted house is full of spiders. More than the wilderness? The wilderness is full of spiders too. They're both. They're in both places. This is spider versus spider. Yeah. You got to remove them from the equation.
Starting point is 00:08:32 Are spiders more ferocious in the wilderness or in the house? Like when they've got a home. Well, they're more ferocious in the wilderness than in the haunted house. Because in the haunted house, you got bigger fish to fry. Yeah. You're not worried about a black widow. Yeah. I mean he would be but yeah well yeah but then when the poltergeist shows up you got a bigger problem oh my goodness uh which one would you go with i think i'm gonna i'm gonna have to i'm gonna have to go with the haunted house because i can work it out
Starting point is 00:09:00 with them yeah make them a deal maybe bring bring them back. I really did that. I'm going haunted house as well. I don't want either of these, but I would rather have a house than. I'm guessing if you're in the middle of the wilderness, like you at least get a tent, right? Sure. I mean, you get some shelter. With a teeny tiny open spider door at the bottom. Spiders can get in any tent.
Starting point is 00:09:27 Why can they get into anything, regardless of whether or not it's physically possible? I think they are the only true ghosts that exist. Okay. Now, Jason, I know you're an easy scare. Does it make a difference one way or the other if this haunted house is like a Halloween haunted house? So it's not actually supernatural, but there's people jumping out trying to scare you all day. No, I don't think that would make a difference. Well, I get to sleep, right?
Starting point is 00:09:50 Yeah. Yeah, then no, I think this is fine. I would also assume that this haunted house, it's probably in the middle of a normal neighborhood. That's part of the story, right? Very big front yard, though, because the front yard of a haunted house is always gigantic. Rot iron gates.
Starting point is 00:10:06 Because you have to walk up to the door. The walk to the door, if it's not scary, that's not a haunted house. That's fair. Mike, what are you doing? I'm probably going with the wilderness. How come there's no haunted apartments? You know what I mean? I don't think there's ever been a haunted condo.
Starting point is 00:10:23 Or a haunted bungalow. Because we systematically remove the number 13 from buildings. I mean, the apartments, maybe they have the 13th, but it's just like bringing up the fact that we as art, where we are in our civilization and a society, that when they build a high-rise hotel, they don't put a 13th floor in there. When we all know. Thank goodness.
Starting point is 00:10:53 We all know there's a 13th floor because that's how counting works. It's just you go from 12 to 14. It's not number 13. You're saying this is built in superstition. Yeah. What are we doing? Probably the same thing we do with Santa Claus, Mike. We just embrace some things. And this built-in superstition. Yeah, what are we doing? Probably the same thing we do with Santa Claus, Mike. But...
Starting point is 00:11:05 We just embrace some things and, you know... You go be on floor 13. I would have no problem being on floor 13. Have you seen people, the Zodiac signs and everything? I mean, people are... They're still crazy, Mike. Right, but we... Like, most public, when people are like,
Starting point is 00:11:22 well, here's a Zodiac thing, you're like, eh, no, thank you. But for some reason, this is accepted wildly in culture that we need to not have a 13th floor. You're saying you'd stay on floor 13? Yeah. You'd walk under a ladder to get there. I got something to tell you. You ever been on the 14th floor? You stayed on the 13th floor.
Starting point is 00:11:44 Ooh, okay. So it's just... Yeah, but the ghost didn't know. That's why we do it. The ghost thought it was 14. That's what it is. Where's the dang 13th floor? We keep going up and down.
Starting point is 00:11:56 All right. Would you rather have to shave your head or pierce your nose? Interesting. Also, if you did a nose piercing, let's just get this out of the way right what would it be what would we individually go with like what would your choice be because you've got the outer rims that you could go with like a very simple you could go bar or or you could go like a single like jewel or you could go the middle of the nose with more of the uh the like the horseshoe like a bull yeah yeah any of the
Starting point is 00:12:25 i feel like is there one that's more intimidating because i don't know the bull is far more aggressive i think the bull is the one i would go with if you know i don't want like the diamond stud i like a diamond stud but i don't think i could rock that um i don't want like a big bar so what about a spike instead of a diamond stud? Just one spike coming out of one side of your nose? Yeah, I've never seen that. Well- No, you could definitely do that. You could do it.
Starting point is 00:12:51 I'm not saying it's illegal. Could you do it in the middle and it'd be like a rhino horn? I don't know if you can pierce that- Probably not. Well, you could pierce anything, really. That's what they say. Well, I mean, you've seen skin piercings, right? That is true.
Starting point is 00:13:04 Where it's just, you just pinch a little bit of your skin you go right through and then you have a you put a piece of jewelry in you got you have your ears pierced mike i do any anything else uh yeah i have uh i used to have the cartilage piercing did you you had the upper that hurt oh that hurt like the dickens man uh i've i've thought, many times about going to get my nose pierced. But what would you go with? Yeah, this is informative. I think I would just do the one nostril. Okay.
Starting point is 00:13:33 Like a ring on one nostril? Yeah, you get to change it out, but I would probably rock the hoop for a while. He's going hoop. I'm going bull horseshoe. Yeah, nice. I'm thinking I'm going like the big bone. Oh, okay. Very nice.
Starting point is 00:13:49 It would hurt a lot. Yeah. That's going to take time. Honestly, how I did the ear, because it's your cartilage, that is like, that's what scares me away from the nose piercing, because it's cartilage again. And it hurts to think about it. It pops. You can hear the tearing it's cartilage again. Ooh. And it's. It hurts to think about it. It pops.
Starting point is 00:14:06 You can hear the. It's real. Yes. The tearing of the cartilage. You hear it go through and it hurts. And then the healing process is like weeks. My wife has a ton of piercings in her ear. Like up.
Starting point is 00:14:17 Right. Up top, down below, wherever. And then. But like one of them is supposed to. It's like helps with her migraines. Did you know this? I did not. There's like a certain cartilage that you can pierce that can help with migraines.
Starting point is 00:14:28 I mean, with all reflexology and all that certain stuff. The other one is to shave your head. Yeah, that's the one I'm going with. I've done that too. I've done that. You've done the full shave? Oh, yeah. Really?
Starting point is 00:14:38 Yeah. Like full bald. What's the shape situation up there? I mean, it's a- Is it pretty good? It's large. It's big. It's big. It's large, but it is a as far as just do you look like Humpty Dumpty?
Starting point is 00:14:49 No, it's not egg. As far as the aesthetic shape of the head large, but it's a good mega mind. Yeah, like a mind situation. I have I've gone from like a full, full, full head of hair and and then didn't even tell my wife I was doing it. I just sent her a picture of the sink with all my hair in it. And she's like, what did you do? Sometimes I just shave my head. I shaved my head a couple years ago for a Halloween costume.
Starting point is 00:15:21 I consider shaving my head all the time. Whenever I see photographs of me what about the mirror uh no the mirror i can hide it enough i can it's like when i when i see it from a uh an angle i'm not used to and i go oh i could use more hair and then i think i should shave it but every time i've shaved it i think uh three times in my life. And each time, it's such a shock. Yes. That it just looks horrifically terrible. You didn't give yourself enough time to normalize it? At the end, it started to become normal, and I didn't mind it as much.
Starting point is 00:15:58 But then you're, like, growing your hair back out, and so. Let me ask you a question, because you are a man who likes his beard. Yes. And so let me ask you a question because you are a man who likes his beard. Yes. If you had a choice right now between shaving the top of your head and keeping your beard forever. Yeah, that's this is the easiest question of all time. Or you get a full head of hair.
Starting point is 00:16:19 But you can never grow. But you can never grow a beard. Oh, I'm not. I'm not no amateur here with the would you rather that is quite the hosting job you're doing um full head of hair like yeah you all had any everything you've ever wanted up there okay like you look that i'm definitely keeping the beard you look like us yeah then i'm keeping the beard because uh oh you're keeping the beard oh yeah this does not come with weight loss no yeah so the beard is like necessary the top of my head isn't fat do you think that there's a chance that you are overestimating the impact
Starting point is 00:16:50 your beard is making to the perception of your weight i can uh both in my own heart say no and see al borland vigorously shaking his head no we've seen me without a beard. Whoops. You agree with this? He looks better with a beard. Well, I'm not saying it better, but... He needs the beard. Yeah, there you go. Okay. All right.
Starting point is 00:17:14 Just like I need my beard. Uh-huh. Yeah, that's like... I mean... It's like one alcoholic telling the other one they need their drinks. The beard is really an ultimate crutch for the fellas it's like it's so great you're like i would like to remove half of my face so it doesn't matter what my jawline looks like it doesn't matter what my chin looks like why don't you just wear a mask it's well
Starting point is 00:17:37 you're not socially acceptable yet okay all right have you had the nightmare where you accidentally shaved your beard off? Ooh. No, I haven't accidentally shaved it off. The closest thing that has happened with that was a haircut where on the back of my head, it went up accidentally like three inches of just bald spot. And so then you've got the hairline that stops like three inches. Really? Did you just stick with it? It's the worst looking stupidest thing.
Starting point is 00:18:08 I mean, you took the whole thing up, right? Oh, you have to. All right. Well, let's ask one more. Do we have time for one more of these? We got time for one more. Would you rather eat five tablespoons of straight butter? Yes.
Starting point is 00:18:22 Or straight buffalo sauce? Well, that one's over for me it's butter i love butter butter's basically like ice cream you do love butter and you genuinely could and might already eat it by itself i don't know when you put the amount of butter on something that you do it'll be nauseating for five tablespoons tablespoons the big one right? Yeah. We need to get out of this world of tablespoons and teaspoons. I mean, that is the world we live in. One's for the table, one's for your tea. Got it.
Starting point is 00:18:51 No, no, no. We're not going back to that conversation. But, like, top of your head, I'm not going to ask this to Andy. This is not the chef. You keep quiet over there. How many teaspoons in a tablespoon? I think two, maybe. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:19:05 I have no idea. Exactly. Jason, do you actually know? I believe it is three or close to three. It is exactly three. Okay. Well, that's good. I'm impressed with you.
Starting point is 00:19:13 This is dumb. And how many, what's next? Tablespoon goes into what? Cup? Do you start talking like a quarter of a cup? Is this a long-winded way to get us to metric? Is this the goal here? You see right through right through me yeah the metric system is so superior not in my country we've got things like yards and feet i think this butter though has to be the just cut off the stick not like melted butter and it's fine okay that's how he wants it for me
Starting point is 00:19:44 that's far more disgusting. Is that because it would just be like the mouthful of mayonnaise type of thing? Yeah. Okay. I'm going butter. I think it would be harder if it was cold. Like if you had to like chew it. Chew it.
Starting point is 00:19:55 You know, if it was a stick of butter still, but like what's left out. I think I would enjoy eating a stick of butter on a Popsicle stick. Like lick by lick. I genuinely think you would if it was cold oh yeah yeah some of that carry gold um okay so alternatively i need a sponsor alternatively just straight buffalo sauce i like the flavor but i'm i'm a pretty big baby with spice right and other things and so i would i don't think i could handle that i could handle butter my body knows what to do with it i don't think my body would know what to do
Starting point is 00:20:31 with five tablespoons of straight buffalo what's what's interesting is over the course of like wings you probably do that i'm sure i'm eating way more than five tablespoons of buffalo sauce, and it's delicious. Probably. And you can put them down. But the thought of five tablespoons worth of buffalo sauce just going right into the stomach acid feels like a really, really bad time. I actually think that one's the easier one, though, to get down. Oh, yeah, because it's a liquid.
Starting point is 00:21:01 Yeah. Just drink it. It's just later. The later would be worse. Well, it's not even that much later. No. It's going to be Yeah. Just drink it. It's just later. The later would be worse. Well, it's not even that much later. No. It's going to be uncomfortable. It's going to run through you quick.
Starting point is 00:21:10 Yeah, through the entire ride. What does that do to your bloodstream? You know how whatever we eat or drink- I don't drink a lot. It's like I feel like I'd have spice blood. Oh, man. You're saying like if a vampire rolled through? Exactly. You think I got ice cream running through my veins? Like, ah. Oh, man. You're saying like if a vampire rolled through? Exactly.
Starting point is 00:21:27 You think I got ice cream running through my veins? Like, ah, blah, blah. You're like, oh, buffalo spicy. Yo, delicious. I don't think it's going to go straight into your blood stream. Maybe I'm wrong. You're probably not wrong. All right, I'm going to go butter.
Starting point is 00:21:41 Final answer. I'm taking, I'll go buffalo. I'll go butter. All right, I'm going to go butter. Final answer. I'm taking... I'll go buffalo. I'll go butter. All right. Man of the people. Is that louder than it usually is, Al? Yeah, it'll be fixed in post, so everybody else won't hear that. But it was loud. Let me start that over.
Starting point is 00:22:10 That was a well-volumed mixed drop. Great job, Al. Thanks. I definitely, my ears are not weirded out by that because it was so normal. All right, we are doing Man of the People. So we've got our buzzers out here. Remind us how to
Starting point is 00:22:30 play, Al. We're going to go seven rounds. That's what we do every time. All right. Never mind. We surveyed 100 people. Top six answers are on the board. The first answer is worth three points. The second answer is worth two points. If you get any other answer on the board, it's worth one point.
Starting point is 00:22:46 Okay. Now, Jason's buzzer looks like it's malfunctioning. Yeah, I don't know. I believe you did win last time. Okay, hold on. We're getting there. Will you reset them? There we go.
Starting point is 00:22:55 Perfect. So you got to have your hand on the table. Oh, okay. Yeah. And just a reminder, Game Show Rules, last round is worth double. So we got three points for the top, two points for number two answer, and one point for just getting on the board? Yes, sir.
Starting point is 00:23:09 All right. Let's hear it. All right, the first one. Name a Christmas show or movie that is on TV every year. Oh, darn it. A Christmas story. That is the number two answer. All right.
Starting point is 00:23:20 I accept that. Oh, man. What's number one? Keep an eye on your buttons. Oh, I got it. Elf. That is not on the board. What?
Starting point is 00:23:31 I assume that would not be on the board. That's not a classic. That is the stupidest thing. You interviewed 100 stupid people. I didn't realize that. Oh, gosh. What do you go? Three.
Starting point is 00:23:45 Home Alone. Two. That do you go? Three. Home Alone. Two. That is the number five answer. I couldn't think of the movie that's stupid. I'm guessing Grinch is number one. Grinch is number three. No, it's the old. What's the old movie?
Starting point is 00:23:56 Rudolph. Oh, Rudolph. I was between Rudolph and Christmas Story, so those are the top two. What's the... Is it It's a Wonderful Life? Wonderful Life. Yeah, yeah. That is also on the board. That is the number one. What's the... Is it It's a Wonderful Life? Yeah, yeah. That is also on the board.
Starting point is 00:24:06 That is the number one. Okay, it's not number one? Elf is not on the board? Yeah, you know who's also not on the board? Me. Yeah, that's right. All right, so we're starting off. Andy with two points, Mike with one, Jason with nothing.
Starting point is 00:24:18 I'm going to reset your buttons. Here we go. Name a job where it would be okay to yell at work. I am first. I will go construction. That is the number one answer. Yes. Keep an eye on those buttons.
Starting point is 00:24:32 Name a job where it would be okay to yell at work. An officer? Police officer is the number four answer. Okay. Unfortunately, that was the only remaining one in my brain. Well, you get to go in three, two, one. Teacher. That is the number three answer.
Starting point is 00:24:55 What? Got to keep them kids in line. All right, baby. We are saying not that they yell, but the question was that it's okay to yell. They got to get kids in line. Get over here, Timmy. You can yell without it being a mean yell. You can just raise your voice.
Starting point is 00:25:12 Like when you were doing the elf yelling a minute ago. Also, he read the question, and both Jason and I slapped the button. I had nothing in my head. I was just slapped. Oh, were you? I just slapped the button out of reflex. Okay. So you got to be careful with slapped the button out of reflex. Okay. So you got to be careful with that.
Starting point is 00:25:27 Moving on to round number three. Wait, I'm flashing. Oh, there we go. Name something a slob might never clean. They're dishes. That's got to be the number one answer. No, it's a terrible. That is the number three answer.
Starting point is 00:25:42 It's a terrible answer. I hated it immediately. Name something a slob might never clean. I missed the button. You did. I'm going to go with the bathroom. Yeah, that's got to be number one. That is the number two answer.
Starting point is 00:25:57 Oh, baby. The number one answer is still on the board. Jason, you have three. I will go with bedroom. That is the number one answer. That was also what I was going to guess first. Oh, impressive. All right.
Starting point is 00:26:09 Again, I hit the button. What's the score? We're three rounds in. Brooks will give us an update here. Andy has five. Jason has six. Mike has three. Oh, what?
Starting point is 00:26:18 What was that about being on the board? Mike? I'm on the board. I have three points. He keeps getting the number one answer. That's the real problem. All right. Round number four.
Starting point is 00:26:28 Name something that's forbidden in most public swimming pools. Oh, great. Peeing. That is the number one answer. Yeah, baby. We're back. All right. Keep an eye on those buttons.
Starting point is 00:26:41 Name something that's forbidden in most public swimming pools. Skinny dipping. Yeah. That is the number four answer. Oh, man. All right, now, so I don't know. Well, I know what my answer is, but I just don't know if it's already ruled out, because I would go pooping.
Starting point is 00:26:58 Just answer, bro. Answer it. I can't see the board where it says, like, defecation. Okay, I'll go pooping. That is not on the board. Yeah, see, stupid why you gotta answer the whole point is trying to figure out what's on the board you can't ask if it's on the board but ahead of time was the answer to mike's just peeing just urination just peeing so these stupid hundred people still think you could poop in a pool got it because when he doesn't win, he's so upset.
Starting point is 00:27:26 Pooping in the pool is the worst. I get that it would be a problem, but I don't think that pooping is... It's not a common temptation. What were the other things? Peeing is a temptation. Yeah. The other answers were diving. Cannonball diving.
Starting point is 00:27:37 Oh, so you knew some other answers. Yeah, I did. They just weren't as good as pooping. Eating tubes or rafts and wearing street clothes wait in the pool like walking in with your regular clothes you can take a dump in there but you better take those clothes off no proper bathing suit no suits no suits all right let's go all right the next round should be easy for you so be quick on those buttons name a football bowl game rose Rose Bowl.
Starting point is 00:28:06 That's the number two answer. Super Bowl. That is the number one answer. That feels like cheating. I was in the collegiate world. That's a collegiate bowl game. All right, Jason, what you got? Three, two, one. I think we riffed on that
Starting point is 00:28:29 one. All right. Yeah. So Jason got nothing. The other answers on the board were sugar bowl, fiesta, cotton bowl, orange bowl, peach bowl. Okay. The Super Bowl, I still feel like it's cheating, but it's a bowl, but it's super super i guess i really whiffed on the rose bowl there you did well not as bad as doritos not working it's not let's try it real quick hit your button jay it's definitely not there's no color on it yeah this is why i'm third every time because my button's not working you should should have made sure that your stuff was working look andy made it work maybe don't hit it so hard. All right, let's give this a go. Name a U.S. state whose residents say y'all.
Starting point is 00:29:10 Oh, did I go first? You do. Alabama. That's the number three answer. Oh, man. Name a U.S. state whose residents say y'all. Georgia. Oh, good.
Starting point is 00:29:24 That is the number two answer. I will go, good. That is the number two answer. I will go with Texas. That is the number one answer. Is it? Once again. First guess. Oh, it's Texas, huh? I just feel like that's not true.
Starting point is 00:29:37 You broke your button again. You got to be a man. This is man of the people, not man of accuracy. Yeah. Not man of facts. All right. Jason, this is really. How many points accuracy. Yeah. Not man of facts. All right. Jason, this is really. How many points did Mike get there?
Starting point is 00:29:48 I got two. Oh, man. And I got three for Super Bowl. Wait. You should have got two there. I should have got two there. I got the number one answer. You should have gotten three.
Starting point is 00:29:57 Oh, even better. There you go. You got three. You have to turn it on every time? All right. Yeah. Apparently I have to reset it again. I did.
Starting point is 00:30:04 Brooks, give us an update on the score. I'll reset the buttons. Mike has taken the lead. He has 11 points. Andy and Jason have nine each. And this is the final round, correct? Oh, gosh. Is this round seven?
Starting point is 00:30:15 Hold on, hold on. I turned it off again. Do we need new batteries in there? Apparently. Do we have producers here? I don't know. That would be super. Through the magic of Time Warp.
Starting point is 00:30:26 Now I see why I'm not getting buzzed in ever, because my buzzer doesn't work. I mean, I'm still tied with Andy without a buzzer. Well, I'll take a look at that, but we're going to finish up here. I'll take a look at that. Jason, you will have the first pick. We're good. It's working right now. Okay, great. If it's working, let's go. It's not working. I, you will have the first pick. We're good. It's working right now. Okay, great.
Starting point is 00:30:45 If it's working, let's go. It's not working. I said now. You didn't go. Name someone the groom might not want at his bachelor party. Jason. A brother-in-law. That is not on the board.
Starting point is 00:31:01 Oh, man. Yeah, good thing you got that button working. Oh. Oh, we were just. Good thing you got that button working. Oh. Oh, we were just both sitting there not pushing it. Mike hit it so gingerly. Golly. All right. Go ahead.
Starting point is 00:31:12 His father? That's a good answer. That is the number five answer. Not great, though. And the question was? Name someone the groom might not want at his bachelor party. Oh, I've got the his fiance yep there it is that is the number one answer
Starting point is 00:31:28 all righty so Andy won six points okay yep that was the final round all right well you were better when you were guessing from the third spot Jason CBD you were just letting us I would have got Super Bowl we ended with Andy at 15 Mike
Starting point is 00:31:44 at 12 Jason at 9 aster Mike at 12, Jason at 9. Dang it. All right. Asterix, asterix, Jason at 9, asterix. Certainly. Thank you. All right. Time to draft.
Starting point is 00:31:55 The Spitballers Draft. We are drafting things that make you smile, which I think is a very fun draft well nobody doesn't we also need more things that make you blank drafts i think things that make you go sure things that make you fart i mean i don't care all right uh first pick of the things that make you smile draft which look i don't know if there's a 101 here. I've got mine. I think the 101s genuinely are different for every person. Like, Mike has one, but I don't think there's a universal. So, to me, what was my first instinct that I'm sticking with is laughter.
Starting point is 00:32:39 Laughter makes you smile? Other people's laughter makes me smile. So, I think laughter makes me smile the most. I do have contagious laughter on my list. But I was with Mike in the beginning of just laughter makes you smile. I was like, yeah, you do usually smile when you laugh. How do you laugh without smiling? It's really hard.
Starting point is 00:33:03 It makes you want to smile, like genuinely. Try it at home. Pause the show. Try to laugh without smiling. Hard to do. All right, it is pretty hard. All right, good pick. Didn't seem like it, but go on.
Starting point is 00:33:18 It was just a little confusing, but we got there. All right, my first pick, things that make me smile, a really big fart. Oh, I've got that on my list an amazing fart because you wrote down an amazing fart that's what i wrote down an amazing fart absolutely what are the qualities of that make a fart amazing uh that guarantee timbre uh amber yeah nice word uh just i mean. All right. The releasing of when it's really one of those release valve farts. Yeah, like it catches you off guard. You didn't know it was going to be that big. And farts can just make you laugh anyways.
Starting point is 00:33:54 Yes. So you rip an amazing fart. Do that without smiling. Like, not happening. Okay, all right. We've got a fart. A really big fart. A really big, amazing fart.
Starting point is 00:34:05 This is not a note, too. I apologize two i apologize uh jason you get two picks things that make you smile two picks well i'm gonna take the first one that came to my mind which is watching my kids be happy like oh sure you're boring but that's actually i can't not smile when i see my kids do something. I took my daughter to- Through those bars. You're watching them in there. I took my daughter to a musical.
Starting point is 00:34:30 And whenever you watch their eyes just light up and see something, experience something, it makes me smile and it makes the other dads go to sleep. It's a good answer. I have it on my list, Jason. But I wasn't the one who said it so i will make fun of you wife a present um never no i will go another another really like highfalutin nice uh sentimental sentimental one uh people falling i mean yeah it's hard i mean even if you don't laugh because you you know you can control it not smiling is hard people falling is just good fun okay i like it i remember
Starting point is 00:35:16 once my grandmother who oh no god rest her soul after the fall yeah it was she was the age of most great grandmothers at this time so it was scary wow okay but it was one of those falls where it's like no you're laughing at your grandma 15 yards oh we're like they're stumbling forward trying they think they're gonna catch like oh they did they she she she missed a step and then but that was the end of the steps and then it just got behind her and i just watched her run to fall over there i mean look i'm smiling and she was okay um after a couple surgeries all right mike you are back on the clock all right that's funny uh i'll go i'll go a you a more special one, but it's just a compliment from a stranger. Oh, okay. And then you just get a big smile like a creep.
Starting point is 00:36:13 Do you smile when that happens? Yeah. I mean, not to their face, but afterwards. You turn around and smile. Yeah, but afterwards, when you are not expecting a compliment from someone, and especially at random. You know, they're just like, oh, hey, oh, wow, your hair looks great. You're like, oh.
Starting point is 00:36:30 You smiling on the inside or you smiling on the outside? Well, thank you. I'm probably smiling on the outside too. Okay, all right. That's good. It's a really nice thing. All right, am I back on the clock? Two picks?
Starting point is 00:36:40 You are for two of them. Oh, this is tough. I'm going to go with ice cream yes ice cream is uh is on my list it genuinely makes me happy like they're very like i like it more than you should and then the second one trying to play the game what's coming back to me i don't think you need to play the game. Winning. Oh, you did. Yeah. It was on my list.
Starting point is 00:37:08 Was it just winning? It's at the top of my mind was mine was winning a fantasy football game. But I mean, you can't grab anything. Winning is winning is so much fun. It makes me smile. Yes. Like that last game we played where I won. That did probably should have been the one on one. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:37:23 Well, I got it for competitive people like us, what is better than winning? Winning is so good. Yeah. It feels great. About to have a bunch of it. We're going to play some pickleball later, so that's going to be a blast. Yeah. Winning is very good.
Starting point is 00:37:38 It's okay with my next pick. It's very close to winning as there is an aspect of winning, but it's a very specific kind. It is being proven right. Oh, yeah. You said, what feels better than just winning? When you are right. Unfortunately, that's a pick. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:38:03 No, I get that. Especially the higher and hotter the debate is. Yes. When an argument has ensued and then some research must be done and you were right. Oh, brother. That's the tops. I think you're right about that. All right.
Starting point is 00:38:22 All right, Jay. Yeah. You get two um all right for my first one i'm gonna go oh i'm between two here i already know what my last one is so whichever one i don't pick here is not getting picked i'm gonna take i'm gonna take the one that that actually makes me involuntarily smile. It's surprising. This will not be for everybody. This is a Jason Moore thing. Babies.
Starting point is 00:38:51 Babies? Newborn babies. Dang it. That's the one I couldn't decide whether to pick because I didn't want to take it. I don't see newborn babies super often. It's from time to time when I come across one. I had three of my own back in the day. And now that they've grown up, I just don't see babies. When I do, I just forget how tiny and cute they are.
Starting point is 00:39:15 And when I hold them, I can't not smile around a baby. Like, I can't not smile. If I am around a baby and I'm not smiling, I can't imagine how ugly that baby is. That baby, I hope it's not yours. If I'm around your baby not smiling. That's how you know. You're going to want to trade it in. Trade it in for sure.
Starting point is 00:39:33 All right. And my last one, look, this is not a sponsor, even though it was a sponsor. But it was the first, well, technically the second thing that came to my mind on my list. But when I think of things that genuinely just make me smile, that I cannot do or see, or in this case watch, without smiling, is Ted Lasso. I could not. I know it's so weird.
Starting point is 00:39:54 Ted Lasso? So weird. Of all the things that you could have selected in this draft. In the whole world. Ted Lasso? I can't watch. This guy, the elf? I can't watch Ted Lasso
Starting point is 00:40:05 and not smile I really it's just one of those things where I would always talk to my wife about I would catch myself in the middle of the episode just
Starting point is 00:40:13 big stupid grin on my face just smiling just enjoying life huh yeah I'm not alone there you go
Starting point is 00:40:21 I mean I'm not alone at this table but I'm in the world it's a fun show. It feels like a sponsor read. It felt like a sponsor read doing it. And the fact that they have actually had us read before.
Starting point is 00:40:34 Just hypothetically, you could have said funny television. No, but that doesn't make me smile. Funny television doesn't make you smile? Obviously, when I laugh, I smile, and that's fine. But genuinely, I can't think of another, you know, single thing where it's just like, because it's not laugh out loud funny. I don't think that I watch that show and like crack up the way that I did with Parks and Rec or The Office, but it's just so like feel good, happy, smiley.
Starting point is 00:40:58 He's getting, he's making money right now. He's making money. I should reach out. Apple, Apple, reach out. So specific. Yeah. now he's making money i should reach out apple apple reach out so specific yeah i i love ted lasso brought to you by apple television yeah uh reach out uh personally and uh pay for that one okay mike all right so this is my last pick here yep uh i'm to go with finding a lost item. Oh.
Starting point is 00:41:31 You know, when you have lost something and it's just in the back of your head, and you're like, I don't know where this stupid thing is, starts consuming you, perhaps you spend way too long looking for it, or maybe you find it just later and you go, ah-ha! Ah, there it is! And you smile and you're very happy. It is weird how sometimes you can just lose things that you have no business losing. I don't know how we do this.
Starting point is 00:42:01 Like the other day, behind the couch, I reached back there and I found my complete series of Ted Lasso. Oh! Must have made you smile, Mike. Oh, my goodness. What has happened on today's episode? Things that make you smile. My final choice is going to be sports. Okay. Sports team success.
Starting point is 00:42:19 Like your home team winning. You have to qualify it with success. Yeah. Your home team winning. You know, it's just organic an organic smile there is very little that happens completely outside of my personal life and my life bubble that can ruin a day like sports you know what i mean like i can watch my sports team lose and i can be in a bad mood for a day it just this did not affect me i did not participate in said event
Starting point is 00:42:46 and i am actually upset and like i feel bad for my wife for my behavior right so other considerations on the list by the way al you want to read our final picks here yeah andy you have contagious laughter ice cream winning and sports oh when Mike has a really big, amazing fart. Thank you. A compliment from a stranger, being proven right, and finding a lost item. And Jason has watching my kids enjoy something, watching people fall, babies, and Ted Lasso.
Starting point is 00:43:18 Yeah, great picks. Ted Lasso. So weird, man. Practical jokes. I don't know. That one got left off because we didn't have enough pics. Meals in general. I have fancy restaurants.
Starting point is 00:43:32 Fancy restaurants make me smile. And then crawling into bed after a hard day. Sometimes I just lay down on that bed and a smile comes over my face that I can't control. I had showering after you're just you're like you're filthy and then you're finally that's a creepy smile creepy smile a little bit what did we learn today uh i go ahead jason i learned that um people should send us medals for marathons that they run i learned learned that Jason is working directly for Ted Lasso. I learned that Andy might believe in ghosts, even though he thinks he doesn't.
Starting point is 00:44:13 We can work this out. Just come out. Nice and calm. I'll leave the house. Take what you want, and then I'll come back in. Watch my television show. Goodbye, everybody. Stay safe, everyone. Goodbye. in watch my television show goodbye everybody stay safe everyone goodbye
Starting point is 00:44:27 thanks for listening to the spitballers podcast to see what other nonsense the guys are up to check out spitballers podcom

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