Spitballers Comedy Podcast - 216: Love Thy Nabor & Movies To See Again For The First Time - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: October 31, 2022

On today’s show we discuss being a cat owner, the pain of family portrait sessions, and being able to erase our cringe moments. Then, we jump into a perfectly terrible edition of ‘Highway To Spell’. Lastly, we draft movies that we would like to be able to see again for the first time. Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast! Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast: Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.com Follow us on Twitter: Twitter.com/SpitballersPod Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPod Subscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers Podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. Wait, was that a house at the end? I turned it into a... Where I live. I turned it into a house. What? So here's...

I mean... Why did... Walk me through that. No, don't walk me through. Just let it stand. A true scat. You don't know where you're going. Okay, that's fine.

I don't know where you're going. Okay, that's fine. I don't know where I was. I heard what you heard, Mike. I heard a, in the house? I mean, I heard several volume modulations, and then something about your house. Yeah, yeah. Would you rather? Ten out of ten, I hear you, Mike. Highway to Spell, and we are drafting today per usual uh today's

draft movies you wish you could watch for the first time all over again right there are some movies that uh the first experience it cannot be repeated yep so we will be you have the first pick yeah there's different reasons you know it's like, is it because it doesn't have the same rewatchability once you know? Or is it the experience of that day? Or is it a twist? Yeah. Because the second time you watch it, you know the twist already. That's true.

So we'll be drafting those. Could we make a movie where there's a twist, but then the next time you watch it, it's not there? Oh, man. What a twist. Double twist. but then the next time you watch it, it's not there. Oh, man. What a twist.

Double twist. Like when they put the movie out, they have the theater release, but then the home release is just a different ending, but they don't tell you that it's going to happen? I mean, we can do anything we want, Mike. That's next level. M. Night, you listening? Yeah.

Double twist. Well, I think to do double twist twist what you should do is a theatrical release yeah all across the country and you get one of three reels in every theater okay okay and then at that point you might have watched a different movie than the people down the street you don't even know which one you got and then you go back to the theater to see the next one and you hope you get the new one yeah you might get the same exact ending okay okay hear me out next next level you just uh use your pr team to say that you're doing these different endings you only have one and you just get people to come back and back they want to see the other ending have they ever done a movie like they should film the same movie but

just swap one actor out for another actor same movie same everything back to the future but not on just a re-release no i'm just saying like if you release like the matrix but it had like where's like keanu plays it in one of them and you go to the theater and it's a different actor playing the main role nick cage yeah. Yeah. Obviously. Nick Cage is Neo. Yeah. All right. I think we're done talking about that. I think it's a great idea.

Time to move on. We figured some stuff out there. This is on par with the urinal gaming that we figured out. Which was already a thing. So the movie thing. This has already been a thing too. Would you rather all right ian from patreon says would you rather wake up missing both your pinky fingers or wake up owning three cats what a weird question what a weird podcast this

is what i mean missing both pinkies no i mean to own three cats there's got to be some rule i've got to now take care of these cats right like this is not i can just do what i would do which is to scurry them out of thy house it's never to return taking care of a cat i hear is quite they don't do yeah you don't need to do nothing right you just leave them you leave the bowl of food out. I mean, I guess... A sandbox. Yeah, if they're an indoor kitty cat, you got to have the place for them to go potty.

Otherwise, like here, just a lot of people are just going, go outside, cat. And then they go outside and they... And maybe they come back, maybe they don't. I would say the vast majority of cat owners have a litter box. Do they? I think so. I don't know cat owners because i would

never associate with those people uh there's also allergy problems here fellas yeah i mean to you two weaker immune system boys uh you you guys have severe allergies to so many things and cats are one of them yeah but the allergies like at no point in the allergies getting really really bad do my pinky fingers fall off yeah i've i've grown quite accustomed attached yeah to the use of the pinky finger comes through in the clutch a lot i wonder sipping tea and stuff yeah this is not people know this is not to take the boy anything away from these awesome pinkies if i could have another pinky i would right but if i lost my pinky you feel like you're fine i feel like i could do 90 i mean i could do 99 of the same things maybe not as well like i'm trying to think of what i really couldn't do without a pinky

that i could with now mike you're a guitar player. That comes to mind. I would like to have my pinky for that. For sure. So maybe you just lose one of them. People don't opt into losing your pinkies. People do opt into having cats. That is a good point. So that's a choice that some people

make. This is the most anti-cat show that has ever existed. Al, I have no idea. How do you feel about cats? Get them out of here. All right. So we lost some of our audience today.

Well, just the ones we wanted to. Oh, man. I will speak this for the pro-cat crowd. I've heard that cats are tremendous hunters. And so, I mean, if you got a rodent situation, they'll take care of that. They also track down and kill moths, which is... Impressive. That's tremendous for me because I...

You're really anti-moth. I'm anti-flying bugs. Right. Because they don't know where they're going and I don't know where they're going. Yeah, no, they have no idea. It's usually, though, your face. You're thinking of like uh what are the the jumping ones the what locusts no grasshoppers those have no idea where they're going they just launch like tnt went off below them and then they are flapping in the wind oh this this place is pretty

sweet they close their eyes they close their eyes and and they spin the wheel and step on the gas. It is literally a slingshot. It's all that happens. They're just going, I want to go that way. That's true. That was a grasshopper quote. Plastics are the worst. No, I don't like because they have no, if they want to get away from you,

they couldn't do it on purpose. No, because they don't even control which direction they're jumping. No, they would just jump again and it could hit you again. Look, I honestly think a cat would be the pet for me if I wasn't horribly allergic. Genuinely. Sure. You don't have to take care of it. It keeps to itself.

It's basically not having a pet. It's just an animal that lives in your house. Owl says they can also kill scorpions. Oh, that's good. That's good. Arizona's got a bit of a scorpion problem. They're out and about in your backyard. Can scorpions kill them?

Great follow-up question because then we could have fewer cats. Can scorpions kill pure evil? Probably not. Probably not. Yeah, that's fair. Do scorpions come from cats? This is a breeding situation. Did we decide that you would rather lose your pinkies?

I'm still trying to work through what things, other than playing a guitar, that I really need that. Grabbing anything. Yeah. I mean, you know how you talked about pinky up? You know how you talked about- Because you don't need it. Because you don't use your pinky to grab things. What about typing, Jason?

Oh, that's actually full legit i type every day took me 30 seconds to debunk your argument give me them cats all right i need i need my pinkies wow typing was all i needed i mean all right desiree from patreon would you rather erase all of your past cringe moments from everyone else's memories but not not yours, or erase them from your memory, but not everyone else's? Well, the weird thing about this question is that if they're erased from your memory and not everyone else's. Then you're Russell Wilson. You don't know how cringy you are. Is there any way that that would, like if you don't know. If you don't know, cringy you are. Is there any way that that would... Like, if you don't know...

If you don't know, you never did it. How you're being interpreted, it's basically like you never did it. Now, people might act a little weird against you. I think it's worse. I think it's worse if you don't know your cringe level. Like, you don't know that you're cringey.

But you don't know, so it's never actually a problem for you. But it might not be a problem for you. And again, I go back to Russell Wilson here, the quarterback cringey sandwich guy. If you don't know and other people do know that you're cringey, that has an effect on you even if you don't realize the effect people around you think of you a certain way treat you a certain way avoid you in major ways and that does affect you even if you're ignorant to it but is that really that bad if but if you don't know then it's not really affecting you.

I mean, I guess if people are avoiding you and you get to the point, you're like, why does no one want to hang out? Yeah, exactly. And I'm just being avoided and I have no idea why, then that can affect you. But, I mean, it sounds pretty good of like anything or just like a cringe. You had an embarrassing moment. You're just, poof, that thing is gone.

It no longer haunts you at one in the morning. It would feel that way, though, if you knew everybody around you forgot them. You would feel the freedom. You might know that you're a cringey person, but you'd feel the freedom of knowing you're now, you're walking into society with a clean slate. If I do a cringey, cry uh celebrity impersonation in my bathroom by myself in the mirror right i don't feel bad about that ain't nobody know you know that

i don't take that embarrassment talking about here probably walking was that supposed to be walking? See? See? But thankfully. Are you wiping everyone else's memory? Nobody knows about that. I was in my own bathroom there. Okay. All right.

I hear Al laughing. Al, do you have a walk-in of your own? No, sir. Okay. I didn't think so. I didn't think so. Two mice. Oh, man. That was better.

That was much better. Well, that's because it's something he actually said that's the hardest part about an impression you have to like say something in the way that the person said it that's what an impression is did i say in the way no i'm sorry i meant you just laid out the definition for us thank you though that is the hardest part of an impression is the impression part. People at home. An impression.

I meant to say something they've said but I definitely described an impression like a dictionary definition of one. That's the hardest part. It sounded like them.

Why are you doing an impersonation of them? Yeah. So I guess I'm going to erase it in everyone else's mind because i think i'll have the freedom still and then people will treat me fairly yeah i'm i'm i'm right there with you steve from the website would you rather make consistent spelling and grammar mistakes okay been there or be the person that always points out everyone else's spelling and grammar mistakes. So that person generally

generally speaking, humanity does not like the grammar police and the spelling police. If you are consistently making those errors mean, so, okay, let me, let's walk it out. You don't have like a spell check, and you're sending people notes and emails that are littered with spelling mistakes. For instance, let me give you an example. Hit me. Before this podcast began, Oh, yes.

I received a very professional email from Cox Business Services, which is a local internet provider. Oh, no. let me get the name here. Leave it redacted. Alright. And they wrote and they said maybe I was interested in upgrading my internet service because some of my neighbors have

recently upgraded. Well, that's great. Now, they spelled neighbors, and what a show for this, N-A-B-O-R-r-s nabbers which is i've never seen it spelled that way in all of my days the spell check must have been the alarms and it must have been going on now did you have a problem even reading did you know what they were saying right off the bat no you had to stop and go i had to stop and say oh my he thought oh my like they were describing one who is doing like nabbing yeah a lot of stealing i could maybe they just misspelled that i couldn't and it was capitalized wait what well so in the middle of the sentence

it was it was a capitalized like your neighbors they're very important and it's only six letters long oh so but yes so that person i've lost a lifelong respect for like that's that's incredibly embarrassing like i feel like i should write back and say no i'm not interested in service however just say what's a nabber that's what you should respond and just say, I'd like more information on this. What is a nabber? You've got to put them on blast that way. Is this a service? Because there's no, I mean, you only get one of two responses back from that.

Either they understand their mistake and they're like, oh my gosh, how embarrassing. I meant neighbors. I'm sure that's what you get. I'm sure that, I hope, I pray that's what you get. Because if they don't. If they write back the people next to you. That's worse. That's your number.

Like at least put a Y in there. If you're going to spell it, at least have it be phonetic. Oh my goodness. Oh man. And today's a stupid spelling show. But misspelling stuff and sending it in any sort of you know professional circumstance is that that's a red letter you're toast if it goes that look if i spell the word ridiculous wrong maybe you forgive me right because no one knows how to spell that word exactly but if you don't

capitalize your eyes but you know what i mean or use punctuation you look like a child yeah i mean i honestly i was looking through uh one of my children's texts this was about a year ago they were pre-teen and i'm i'm looking and i had i had to take them aside and say okay look we capitalize eyes we use for like this was like unreadable i was like this is not okay. You look wrong. And now the more I look at this email, there are fonts that are different sizes inside of this email. Yeah, what is going on? And so what's the alternative here?

So this is getting worse and worse. Or you're the one who points them out. So you'd be the person writing back and saying, excuse me, Mr. Communications, better learn how to communicate because you don't know how to spell that is a good irony there yes i'm too embarrassed to ask him what he means oh in his own writing what would i have to give you for you to respond what what's the response that you want what's a nabber that's it it. That's it. Three words. I'm going in.

Oh, man. What's a nabber? Wow. I just want to see the response. It has been sent. Oh, man. Oh, the cringe is here. You need to get rid of the cringe with your friends because I don't want it anymore.

Al, make sure that you remind me to check my email before the end of the show. Cause if the listeners at home are lucky, we're getting an update on what a nabber is. And the screenshot that Andy just shared with the group, I can't read it all cause it's cut off, but that sentence starts with your nabbers currently was introduced. Currently was. So you've got the grammar mixed in too. Wow.

I mean, Oh my goodness. You got to point it out. So I want to be the one pointing it out. Yeah. I don't you got to point it out. So I want to be the one pointing it out. Yeah, I don't want to be this guy. You can't be sending this email. No. This is awful.

I mean, this screenshot is one of the worst things I've ever put my... You're not wrong, Andy. Everything is a different font size. I think you're getting trolled. I was going to say, I hope this is just a phishing email and Andy got It's possible. No, no, this is a gentleman.

Let's call him Vincent. Okay. Well, there you go. We're all going to be the ones pointing it out. Dallas from Patreon, would you rather have to do family photos once a month? No. Or attend a All right, Dallas from Patreon. Would you rather have to do family photos once a month? Oh, no.

Or attend a children's birthday party once a month? I do that four times a month. Which one serves me cake while I'm miserable? Yeah. Look, there's a lot of redemption at children's birthday parties. I don't like the obligation. Yeah, but once you're there, it's not that bad. It really isn't. It really, really.

I just hate always having the, saturdays are all we can't do this thing because we've got to go to so-and-so's you know party and it will be at one in the afternoon oh yeah time that you can't do anything in the morning and you cannot plan anything in the afternoon but once you're there i mean sometimes you're you're going to a fun like bounce house place where you know what i'm getting up there too my shoes are coming off i'm bouncing i'm gonna pop some of these bounce houses um the the family photos is one of my least favorite things like yeah app a It has gone 10 less. I don't know if it's from complaining, but it has gone. It's been a long time since our family's gotten a family photo. Us too. And I almost feel sad. I almost feel bad about

it now because it's been so long that I'm like, I know it's a miserable time, but we're due the fellas. This is, this is your time to shine. If you, Oh, we're going to get some, if you take this bull by the horns and you're the hero and you set it up, you go to the wife and be like, Hey, I've kind of, I've noticed that our family photos are a bit outdated. I think like I've cleared this day. Why could you, do you know a photographer? Do you want to schedule this? Dude, your husband points will go through the roof. Interesting. Yeah, but my wife listens, so I got until Monday. Okay, well, you better get on it.

She'll be like, oh, now I know why you wanted a family photograph session. Oh, man. That's all right. I'm still going to try this on. That's not bad. I mean, if now's the time. So, to me, between these two, the family photos, I'm with you guys. Is there any way to improve that process?

No. Can we invent it right here? It's impossible. I have some ideas. Okay. The worst part of the process to me is the outfit coordination. Oh, so headshots only. Oh, there we go.

But all five in a row green body suits oh and you cgi them in yeah you can wear anything you want you can look different in all your photographs you remember this one when we were all dressed up like cowboys remember this one where i was super shredded in the best shape of my entire life yes green body suits and then it's very easy because the issue for me again it's like the birthday party the getting dressed up the kids hate it they all of that it's the week before it's the truck and it costs money i gotta go to this store i gotta go to that store we gotta match this especially oh my goodness if there's extended family like you know if it's our if it's

our nucleus of five, whatever. We're going to get an outfit for everybody and we're done. But now, so-and-so on the other side of the valley, who's two hours away, we've got to coordinate outfits with what we've bought. Oh, it's just too much. And we are really due. We have been talking about, like, much to my chagrin,

we need new family photos. I mean, after a certain point, I do recognize that it would be nice to have a family photo where we were somewhat looking the same as we do now. How have we not gotten to a place where we can just AI generate some family photos? I mean, I want the photos. And you could do the aging, too. You just need one. Yeah.

I want the photographs. I don't want the process. What did you just say, Al? I want you to read this. I said I'm just picturing walking through the park and seeing Jason standing there with his family all in green spandex suits. No, the thing about the spandex suit is you don't have to go to the park. You go to a soundstage that is also all green. You're like, hey, remember when we took those pictures on Mars?

Wait, if we're in green body suits in front of a green screen, then we're just floating heads. Yeah, you won't be able to do it. That's exactly the point. You can be anything you want. You can't put the body on. No. Everything's green.

You have to put a brand new body on everybody. Oh, my gosh. All right. I think it's time to move on to Jason's favorite segment. Oh, let's not. Highway to Spell. I'm in a bit of denial. I was told that I did not win this last time.

That is true. Mike is our current reigning champion. Something weird must have happened. And I have won before, right? You have. You have. I think the time before that. So I think if I'm not mistaken, Andy is two separate.

Well, look, I don't really consider Jason's a victory. Yeah, that's fine. Because I was given like two grades later words. Fair. If you want to disqualify mine as well, I don't care. Mike, you need to keep an air of competition going. Oh, I care about competing with myself. This isn't so much.

So did you let yourself down in your victory? No, because I won. Okay. But it's letting yourself down in front of the hundreds of thousands of people listening to you not be able to spell. Well, as I talk about your nabber. Yeah, we're making, this is the ultimate comeuppance episode. We are just absolutely giving someone the business for spelling something wrong.

And we are about to just destroy our own facade here. Yeah, and the thing where does everybody know you can't spell or you know you can't spell all right let's begin all right we are going to start uh with sixth grade level words okay andy here's your word oh it's me oh my gosh didn't hear that at all yeah no no no spell it spell it go in N-A-B-O-R-S. Neighbors. Oh, man. Let's try a different one here. Okay.

Arithmetic. That's a sixth grade word? It is. I'm glad I don't have it, baby. It starts with an R. I know that. I'll give it to you one more time because I was talking over it. Arithmetic.

Yeah, I'm in trouble. Oh, man. A-R-I-T-H-M-A-T-I-C. Arithmetic. Oh, man. I can't find my horn But that's wrong That's wrong? I will say that is not how I spelled it

I will say that's how I spelled it Spell it The way I spelled it was worse No no no Is it Matic instead of Matic? Exactly Those are the two ways I spelled it was worse. No, no, no. Jeremy, how did you spell it? Is it Matic instead of Matic? Exactly. Those are the two ways I wrote it. A-R-I-T-H-M-E-T-I-C arithmetic.

A-R-I. I didn't want to play anyway. That is not a sixth grade word. That's some bull crap. Don't worry. B-U-L-L-C-R-A-P. Bull crap. All right, Mike.

Here's your sixth grade level word. That was fun. Separately. Oh, I hate this word. I never, ever get this. Oh, this is so good. I'm toast. This could be the shortest segment of all time. Hopefully you all get them wrong and we can...

Oh, gosh. Nope. Oh, no. We're getting our comeuppance. This is awful. I know which one. I think I've got how I would spell it, but it's probably wrong. No, this is not good.

Oh, man. Separately. This is not good. Okay. Oh, man. S? Yeah, you got it. E-P.

That's the question S-E-P S-E-P A-R-A-T-E-L-Y That's how I would have spelled it Oh yes Yes You're the smartest man alive Alright Jason Let's see if he can Yes! Yes! You're the smartest man alive!

All right, Jason. Let's see if he can... And you spelled arithmetic wrong, right? Oh, yeah. How did you spell it? He spelled it the same way I did. I spelled it wrong in a different way. Gotcha. I think I went A-R-E.

All right, Jason. Keep us alive. Here's your sixth grade level word. Persuade. Oh, I know that one, right? Hold on. Hold on a second. I spelled arithmetic right.

Wait, wait, hold on. Oh, what is happening? It says that there's two versions of the spelling. What? Yes. Where are you seeing this? What is the difference between arithmetic and arithmetic arithmetic m-a-t-i-c is the mathematics of numbers wait and arithmetic is relating to the use of arithmetic you should have asked for the definition i see both of them i do see what andy is yes

i still don't understand the difference between those two definitions how can one apply to the same thing and be spelled differently so we're saying you can use an e or an a it's there's both now what about the third letter was that also in considering you could use an i or an e because pretty sure i'd be fine there. All right. My word is- Now, however, the definition of the one that I gave on this dictionary is, quote, the misspelling of arithmetic.

That would be my definition. Okay. You determine if I'm in or out, but Jason, keep going. Okay. I think you got to put them in for the good show. My word is persuade. I believe it is spelled P-E-R-S-U-A-D-E. Yeah.

You let me sweat. Sorry. Yeah, I was researching. I'm going to go ahead and say Andy's still in it. Okay. All right. Perfect. We are graduating to seventh grade.

Oh, wait. I probably need to spell a sixth grade word right, though, don't I? Just move it on. Okay. No, we're going to call that one correct. Perfect. All right, Andy. It was the correct misspelling of the...

Here is your seventh grade level word, Andy. Irresistible. Oh, no. Simply irresistible. Yeah, that one's going to be a problem, too. Oh, no. I believe there's only one correct spelling for this word a problem, too. Oh, no. I believe there's only one correct spelling for this word. Okay, good.

Oh, no. Oh, I am in big trouble. I've got it. I've got mine. Well, I have mine, too, Jason. Yeah, no, no, no. I'm just saying I wrote it. I'm not saying it's right.

Well, I didn't want to be in this game anyway. I-R-R-E-S-I-S-T-A-B-L-E. That's how I did it. Oh, I'm just kidding. I didn't have a good feeling about that. Is it all I's? Is there more S's? It is all I's.

You just swapped that A for that I, and you would have had it right. Oh, it's irresistible, not stable? Correct. So it's still I-R-R-E-S. Yes. E-S-I-S-T-I-b-l-e there's well okay irresistible i don't know if i can trust you but all right you're gonna need to google that and bet that while we move on to mike all right i'm gonna double check mike here's your seventh grade level word what i was saying that

like we say words funny because that's irresistible. Sometimes we mess up. It's not tipple. We mess up in the fact that the way we pronounce them, then we spell them that way. Yeah. Yeah, and then sometimes we say irresistible. I was officially wrong on that one. All right. Mike, here's your seventh grade level word.

Maneuver. Oh, that. No. What? Oh, shoot. that no what oh shoot um this is not this is gonna be a car crash oh man maneuver maneuver i think i have that one maneuver now does it help if i say a cow drops a lot of maneuver yeah uh maneuver huh It's a lot of maneuver. Yeah. Maneuver, huh? Jason's spelling is going to be... Well, I'm just reading my words and none of them are right.

I've tried to write it three times and it's come out the same way. Maneuver. M-A-N-E-U-V-E-R. Yes. Yes. You're the best it ever has been. I wrote three different words words none of them were that but it's okay because i'm still in the game oh man all right come on all right get me to high

school here's your seventh grade level word paralyze paralyze huh lay up is it Lay up. Is it? Is it? Okay. Okay, I think I got this one. Okay. I'm feeling good. I'm feeling good about it. Can you give me the, whether there's a Y in this word. All right, I'm going to go paralyzed. Can you give me the root?

Can you give me the spelling of the word, please? P-A-R-A-L. Peril. I-Z-E. No? Oh, Mike, you win again. I did it. There is a Y in the word.

Yeah, see, that's all I asked. Why didn't you tell me? Y-Z-E is what I said. What a disaster of a performance here. That was the worst by far we've ever done. We have, I mean. We spelled. We bull crap. We spelled the majority of those words wrong.

Including you. Did you hear me stick maneuver? Let's see if Mike, how far Mike can go. Okay. All right, Mike. Here's your eighth grade level word. Subtlety. Okay.

Subtlety. I think'm oh for a hundred on today i i wrote it down quick and that looks wrong i'm gonna go s-u-b-t-l-e-t-y oh it was right nice work why is there a b in that word what is happening you don't say subtlety subt Sublity. Sublity. Sublity. All right, Mike. On to ninth grade. Oh, yeah. Here you go. Curriculum. Oh, that one's actually easy. What?

Curric. Curriculum? I didn't get to the end of the word before I said it was easy. C-U-R-R-I-C-U-L-U-M. That's how I did it. All right. It was easy. Domination,L-U-M. That's how I did it. All right. It was easy.

Domination, fellas. 10th grade. Let's go. Let's get this boy to college. There you go, Mike. Your 10th grade level word. Surreptitious. Well, no college for you, buddy.

Is that the maple kind? It is delicious. Maple surreptitious, yeah. Surreptitious? It means stealthy. Plant Farm again. Syruptitious. Syruptitious?

I don't even know what letter I'm being into anymore. We can see if this one's any better. Syrupticiously. Which one is it? Syruptitious? Syruptitious. Okay. I mean, this ain't right. Is it surreptitious?

Okay. I mean, this ain't right. Okay. S-U-R-U-P, syrup, T-I-C-O-U-S. That was super wrong. Yeah, I mean. You're still the winner, Mike. Great job. It is S-U-R-R-E-P-T-I-T-I-O-U-S-L-Y.

There is very little worse than being wrong on the second or third letter, which I was again. Well, I was going to go with S-Y. Syrup. I was just going to hit him with the syrup. It was all gravy at this point. Syruptitious? That's stealth?

Yes. Stealthiciously. Stealth. Arithmetic. It's all gravy at this point. Syruptitious? That's stealth? Yeah, stealthy. Syrupticiously. Stealth. Arithmetic. Or this really long word. Wait, you didn't pronounce the B in that. Syrupticiously.

All right, we're moving on. The Spitballers Draft. We are drafting movies you wish you could watch again for the first time, which I think will be very interesting. I don't know what the 101 is here. I don't think there is a great 101, but there was certainly something that came to my mind first. So when I thought about this and I've got a couple different kind of outlets on this not just twists at the end of a movie but um experiences I want to do over again but the first thought of a movie I want to

watch for the first time again the whole point is that the the ending isn't ruined I get to experience that twist again and one of the greatest all-time twists is the sixth sense okay where yeah spoiler he sees dead people and he's Yeah, it was, that movie changed cinema, I think. It really did. I didn't know how high it would go. It was on my list for sure. It wasn't spoiled for me before I got to the movie theater, which was also something that was neat. And so I definitely had that moment.

I was really thinking of this question twist as a part of it but really just that the moment after you watch it feeling of just it can be awe it can be emotion it can be fear whatever just like i saw something special unique and um now mike's got two picks i'm gonna say that it came out in 1999. So that's, I mean, that's pre-Facebook. Are people MySpacing in 99? Not to the point where you were going to see spoilers. No. Yeah, so the internet has made it a lot more difficult

to see something without knowing what's going to happen. I can't even delay watching a sporting event without getting five app notifications. So it's tough because I think if I don't take one of these picks here, Mike's going to take it. Okay. But I'm not certain. So I'm just going to go with the one that like when you're in the movie theater, I'm going, wow, I'm seeing something I've never seen before. I feel like I'm at an event.

And for me, it was seeing the matrix yeah okay in the movie theater so the matrix to me it was special effects cinematography fighting all this stuff that was just so groundbreaking that uh i don't know you felt like it was just one of a kind yeah in that one changed movies i think we've drafted that for something before, but it, you, the, the twist in the matrix at that time was a full,

just explosion of your brain. Like that was not in the, the realm of outcomes of like, what is the matrix? Like, no, you're in it right now. Everybody's in it.

And you're just nothing. Your life is not real. You're living in a computer. Like what? I'm in a computer man so it i loved it was very high on my list and all the all the the graphics it was the cgi for me the the and and even the lack of cgi in some of those scenes where they invented new camera systems to do the yeah the 360 shots and you know it's one of those where we have to suspend reality where if we get to watch it again for the first time, it's not

we get to watch it again for the first time today, but like then. Sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. My first pick, this, when I left the movie theater, I was so pumped on this movie. It was like, well, this instantly skyrockets into like a top five movie of all time for me.

After that kind of wore off, it's fallen down a bit, but it's still fantastic. It is Inception. Oh, that's a good one. Because that was another one of those where it's a mind job, and you're just the layers of the dreams within the dreams, going through all of the twist endings, and then at the end, getting to explore is the main character back in the dream?

Is he alive? That whole discussion. I need to watch that again. I love an open-ended movie. And when you go back, you realize there are some just massive, massive plot holes and problems with the story you don't or at least i didn't notice my first watch through so it was just it was a perfect

movie at that time like just this is the greatest thing i've ever seen yeah see i i thought about that movie but i actually like watching it again knowing the kind of question at the end so i can i can like sure i can be like oh man I now I get it more because I think when I left the theater the first time it was like okay that was pretty cool I think right but but what happened yeah I had a bit of that too I remember sending up like it was probably Facebook because that was the media at the time I I was like, this is top five. It's a top five movie. You got to go see it. By the way, just for the record, people love saying that.

That something's a top five. If something can break into your top five, man, you want to say it's in your top five. Yeah. It's fun. All right. So then my next pick. Your next top five movie is.

I don't think it's a top five movie. I'm going through the list. What possibly could get snatched? So I'm going to snatch. It's a great movie. It's a pretty good movie. You like nigs? I'm going to go.

It's another one. It's another experience. You had to be in the movie theater for it. I am very pro. Please release the movie at my home so i can watch it on my tv but this one was totally worth being in the theater because 3d actually made sense for one movie and it is avatar dang it which that was i am glad to hear the responses that avatar would not have made it back uh but it was like 3d is so hokey for so many movies and for

that movie it added to it you wanted it when that movie came out in 3d i left the theater saying 3d is gonna be top five i i left the theater thinking okay so now that they've figured out how to like actually make a true 3d movie where it added to the film. I was like, that's just the way it's going to be. I literally went and bought a 3D TV at that time because I thought this is where media was going. I remember when you bought that. Nothing has ever come out good in 3D since then, not once. But that movie was unbelievable in 3D.

Okay, that's a good pick, Mike. It probably wouldn't have been my next one so jason might have snagged it i was between avatar 3d and the six cents for my first pick well my uh my second pick here is going to be in the same vein as the matrix was which was stuff i hadn't seen before that left me in awe and it was jurassic park okay uh i was someone who loved dinosaurs nobody had ever done that there's that kind of funny juxtaposition of like the characters in the movie and how they react to seeing dinosaurs for the first time and then the people in the actual theater seeing

dinosaurs for the first time uh it was a groundbreaking event with CGI and all of that the music the score uh I'd love to see Jurassic Park with fresh eyes for the first time. Yeah, it was fabulous. I remember the theater where I saw it. Yeah, you have them in memory about that first view. It was an influential movie, and I remember that was like – it wasn't THX, but it was like they had this huge special sound system for it. And this thing was at 120%.

They cranked it when that dinosaur was growling? The velociraptors were so loud. All your drinks in the theater were doing the whole ripple thing. Yes. All right. They cranked it up. Two picks for you, Jason. Great movie.

Top five all time for sure. Yes, for sure. All right. So I'm two picks for you jason great great movie uh top five all time for sure yes for sure um all right so i'm number one i'm two picks here and i'm gonna since i lost avatar 3d which was the experience the uh unbelievable viewing uh i'm gonna i'm gonna just pivot back to my first pick and the the idea of seeing a movie the seventh sense that is kind of ruined like if you go watch lady Sixth Sense. Lady in the Water is what he's going to say. I'm going all M. Night Shyamalan movies here. But you know if you go back and watch The Sixth Sense again it's kind of ruined.

You just you already know the ending and the ending is everything to the movie. So I'm going to pick two more of those and I'm just going to lean into the twist ending movies. The other two best craziest endings i'm going with seven it's that was the first movie i wrote down i mean that movie is top five no doubt that is a troubling twist that is a a throughout the entire movie. It is very, very troubling. The whole movie. Don't watch it. It is dark, and it is just awful. But it is top five for sure.

It's a fantastic movie about an awful, awful thing. And what's in the box? What's in the box? And then I'll go with something a little lighter, because that's every other movie that's ever been made and i'm gonna go with the usual suspects okay which the entire movie is builds up to one finale scene revealing kaiser kaiser so say all right so six permanente. Seven and the usual suspects. It's back to me? Yes, it is.

So I'm going to go with one that does both cinematic history, stuff that you're not used to seeing, and a twist. So I'm actually going to go to Star Wars. Okay. And I'm going to go to The Empire Strikes Back. That's fair. Luke, I am your father. Yeah, sure. For the very first time. I'm actually going to go to Star Wars. Okay. And I'm going to go to The Empire Strikes Back. That's fair. Luke, I am your father.

Yeah, sure. For the very first time. That reveal, it seems so like not a reveal. Yeah. Because it's like a meme or a cliche or whatever you want to call it. Neither of those are right. But it's just so well known. None of us got to experience that as a reveal, right?

No, I did not. I already knew. Everybody by the in our generation like the generation before us that was like what have you heard uh uh hamill mark hamill talk about yes i have of that when he read it in the script or no just him he filmed it right so he read it reads it in the script and he's like are, are you serious? Talking to George about it. Oh, really? And Hamill had to keep it secret. So Harrison Ford, so Han Solo didn't know that that was going to happen in the movie. And Hamill tells the story of them going, and Han Solo gets mad at him. Like in real life, Han Solo. But just like you why didn't you tell me why did you not tell me that this was what was gonna happen so it must be so

crazy as an actor not knowing like keeping that secret back then like when I can't imagine very many things are are a top secret like you cannot release this ending of the movie where that happens all the time. Now we're like in the Avengers, people are given fake scripts just in case something slips out. But to have to sit on that secret from good, good friends of yours,

you're like, I can't tell you this thing. That would be such a wild thing to hold on to. All right, Mike, your final two picks on movies you wish you could watch again for the first time. All right. So I'm going two very different directions with this one. A goofy movie. No, that one just gets better and better. But Mad Max Fury Road.

That sounds like a strange one. That's the newest one, right? Yes. that sounds like a strange- That's the newest one, right? Yes. That sounds like a strange one to say, but try to remember when you saw that movie. Mad Max is an interesting character. You have the old Mel Gibson movies, but you go in. Mad Max Fury Road is an anxiety attack for 90 straight minutes. Pretty much is.

Once the action starts in that movie, it doesn't ever let up, and it just keeps going and going, and you can't believe that it's still fresh. The action is still awesome. Normally, you need ebbs and flows. I need the up. I need the down so that the up can be up. But this movie is just punching you in the face over and over and over.

And you like that. You want that again. By the end of it, you're exhausted. That's your favorite. The movie was incredible. The action scenes were fantastic. You wish you had never seen. Nine lives. incredible. The action scenes were fantastic. You got the... Someday we'll have to draft movies you never... you wish you had never seen.

Nine Lives. Nine Lives is the one. Please do that on one of my scat days because I was drugged to a movie theater to see that. It cost me ten lives to see that movie. Goodness gracious. You saw the movie

Nine Lives. Is that with the cat yes yes it's and christopher walken it's bad give me some of walken's lines from this movie is uh bad all right so from the action to uh i hope you had food during that movie all snacks we this movie we were just talking about it in the office and it whenever i talk about the movie it reminds me of when i saw it in the theater and the opening sequence i just couldn't stop laughing really we're going we're going here i'm going kung pao wow enter the fist. Because the movie opens with this, where a baby ends up rolling down a mountain, and it just goes on and on and on.

Mike could watch babies roll down mountains for hours. The joke just keeps going. It hits the cycle of, you're like, okay, this is funny. It's funny. Okay, it's too long now. It's not funny. But they just keep going and it wraps around and it is once again funny. The whole movie is that way.

Yeah, the whole movie is great. But I'm saying there's a couple of those movies like that one and Hot Rod with Andy Samberg. There was a scene in that movie that got me too where I just lost it. But the beginning of Kung Pao, I was laughing for 10, probably 10 straight minutes. Can't breathe. You're sweating. You're crying.

And you're happy about it. So to relive that joy. I thought you were going to say Hot Shots Part 2, which also did that to me. I thought you were going to say Super Troopers. Oh, yes. Because the beginning 10 minutes of that movie are unbelievable. They're very, very good, too.

But here's the cool thing. This whole Kung Pao, what is that? Enter the Fist? Is that the full name of it? Yes. I have never seen it. Yes. So I literally get to...

I highly recommend it. I'm going to watch this. I'm going to watch this movie because I've seen a clip or two and they were both hilarious. I get to watch it for the first time. If you enjoy just stupid, stupid comedy, you will have a great time watching this movie. So I

find drafting my fourth pick here very difficult because I have like three or four that make sense here. But I'm going to go with an off the beaten path movie. Join me. Yes. Because it is funny. sense here but i'm gonna go with a an off the beaten path path movie join me and and yes yes because it is funny endearing okay a unique plot and really kind of what i consider to be a perfect movie bambi no you're gonna you're not gonna believe it though but genuinely the truman show

is my answer oh i thought the truman show is one of the best kind of just look it's not groundbreaking in the sense that you're not watching like i don't know a marvel movie or some matrix but just from i laughed i cried all of that stuff i think that movie is spectacular top five uh top five movie yeah obviously you know good evening good afternoon and good night it's funny this whole top five bit that we're doing is funny because i'm looking at my list and thinking about what i thought when i saw a lot of these movies this one i'm about to draft i literally came but both seven and this i came out of the movie theater saying top five we love doing that we

absolutely love doing it and everybody's got a top five that has about 20 to 30 movies in it that's right 100 it's definitely in my top five yes but i am gonna draft a top five movie here and it's another brad pitt movie i already have seven are you going fight club i am going fight club all right that makes sense when that movie came out it's another movie that's got kind of a big twist at the end. It's like, whoa. But then the whole movie is fantastic. The opening sequence was great. It's so funny.

Meatloaf is, I mean, when Meatloaf is a star of the movie, you know it's good. Yeah, very deep, a whole bunch of underlying things the uh my biggest memory of fight club is i went to see it with the friends and whenever that came out i mean we were either like saw in the movie theater yeah oh you're older than me well i was gonna say i was either just of age or just under and wasn't supposed to we had the friends who worked at the movie theater oh yeah right no i No, I mean, we were basically 18-year-olds. This came out in 99. Okay.

So, yeah. So, 16. Whatever. Close enough. 17. But, I mean, this is a grown-up movie. What's rated R, by the way? Is it 17 and above?

18. Yeah. No, R is 17. No, it should be 17. Oh, for real? Yeah. All right. Then I was legal.

But Fight Club is a very rated r movie and uh if if you recall there's i mean it's a it's an intense grown-up movie yeah and i'm telling my parents like oh well what'd you do well i went and saw fight club i thought it was great yada yada so they're like okay they go and see fight oh no no mike they're like you liked that movie and i'm like oh no no i didn't of course not they forced me to go i said fight clab you saw the wrong movie so that was not a fun conversation that's too funny teenage mike three movies i'm gonna throw out there that were in my list dark knight okay yeah yeah uh with heath ledger it felt like an event um the comedy i chose was tommy boy uh because that's one of my he just hit me at that

right age yep and then uh what was the other one i had oh raiders of the lost ark was another okay yeah i i had ace ventura on there for oh yeah the funny movie that i would love to see again for the first time harry potter just because when that finally came out as someone that read the books, that was an experience. When the first one came out, were you already a full book nerd? I was full book nerd. All the books were not out yet when that first one came out. That was a hard one because the anticipation was so great,

but I didn't think the movie was that good. The movie is not that great, but the was yeah that makes sense and then the prestige prestige is on my list that was great it's another one of those twists which is like the twist oh well if i'm gonna watch it over for the first time i love experience i love the twists and it's that it's all like all the nolan movies interstellar is on my list. And these are movies that he's really good at making a thought-provoking movie that you have an emotional response to. And then you go back and you watch and you go, why didn't the character just do this one thing?

And then you're like, why? Movie's over. Why are you doing this to yourself? You solved it. But he makes good movies. All right, any others that you guys want to mention? Al, do you have anything? Do you ever watch movies? You ever seen a movie before? I've seen good movies. All right. Any others that you guys want to mention? Al, do you have anything? Do you ever watch movies?

You ever seen a movie before? I've seen some movies. The nice thing is this list. Now he can go watch all of these for the first time. He's never seen them. Anybody ever seen the movie? I did say before. Oh yeah.

With Jim Caviezel and father, son, Robert. Yeah. Wade. Yeah. Yeah. No,

Dennis Quaid. Dennis Quaid. It's a Quaid. It's one of them. The, Dennis Quaid. Dennis Quaid. It's a Quaid. It's one of them. The Ducers were chatting a little bit before we actually did the draft. I had said that Sixth Sense would be my 101, and there was a consensus in the office that Memento would also be. Oh, no.

Memento. I thought about it. That movie was great. It's very confusing. I loved that movie. Which I think Memento is also Nolan. Is it really? Yeah, I think it is Nolan.

Yeah. Yes. No, he's willing to confuse you. Yes. And you leave pretending you know what happened so your friends still think you're smart. Which Nolan, like everything he worked for, got into. Did you guys see Tenet? Yes.

I saw part of it, man. I gave up. I saw it in the theater. far and then i i saw it at home so i could turn the subtitles on so i could make sure i know exactly what is being no no idea no idea and for the record dunkirk's one of the worst movie experiences i've ever had in my life that's the only one That's the only one I haven't seen. Dunkirk was going to a movie theater to watch Sand and have the sound turned up too high. It was so bad. It's one of the worst movies I've ever seen in theater. Really?

One of the longest. This is where I check the rotten tomatoes. I don't know if it got great reviews. Let's find out. Did it win Best Picture or something? No. No. Oh, 92%. I dare you know if it got great reviews. Let's find out. Didn't it win Best Picture or something? No. No. Oh, 92%.

I dare you to watch it. Okay. An 81% audience. So you're a small minority. No, I want you to watch it. I want you to watch it, but it is important to me that you put headphones on and turn it up too loud because that's the experience I had. That's not Nolan's fault.

No, he put some wild sounds in that movie. It did, in fact fact win best picture in 2018 yes best director best picture best production design best original score best cinematography have you seen it i have not have you seen it no but it's top five i want i want you to watch it that would be a gift to me i'll tell you what if carve out four hours it's between dunkirk and kung pao and i'm watching Kung Pao, baby. All right. Well, I would recommend that.

What did we learn today? I learned that I use my pinkies for typing, and that matters to me. I learned a new way, genuinely, to spell the word neighbors. Oh, let's check the old email. Oh, yeah. Yeah, we need an update there. Anything? Any nabberly alert? No. I also learned there's two ways to spell arithmetic word neighbors. Oh, let's check the old email. Oh, yeah. Yeah, we need an update there. Anything? Any nabberly alert?

I also learned there's two ways to spell arithmetic. Yeah. Are we sure of that? One and a half ways to spell arithmetic. Okay, thank you. And I learned that fellas, just bite the bullet and go tell the spouse that you need to do some family photos. My idea.

Our idea. Well, we'll have to check in and see if he ever replies next episode of the spit ballers. Thanks for tuning in, supporting the show. Check out, join the spit.com. Catch you next time.

Tell your friends. Goodbye. Thanks for listening to the spit ballers podcast to see what other nonsense the guys are up to. Check out spit ballerserspod.com.