Spitballers Comedy Podcast - 226: The Brown Lung & Places To Have Calories Not Count - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: January 30, 2023

On today’s show, we discuss competition vs cooperation. We also discuss re-downloading apps in between uses and being banned from drive thru windows. We then get into some ‘Highway to Spell’ as Mike tries to defend his back-to-back win streak. Can he do it? Lastly, we close it down with a draft of places to have calories not count. Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast! Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast: Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.com Follow us on Twitter: Twitter.com/SpitballersPod Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPod Subscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers Podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. Rumbly, rumble-o, let me see your tootsie roll, badingy. rumbly rumbly let me see your tootsie roll what was what was the first word i don't rumbly rumbly oh because is this like a rumbly in your tumbly you betcha okay all right it was like you forgot how to music. I was so afraid of starting too late. Oh, that you started way too early. I know, I know, I know.

You forgot how to music. I did. Let me see you tootsie roll. To the left. It's not a butterfly. It's a tootsie roll. Welcome into the Spitballers podcast. This is episode 226, Al.

Is that true? That is correct. That's a lot. That's a lot. Too many, probably. But here we are. Andy, Mike, and Jason, the Spitballers podcast. Would you rather on the show today?

That's great. Highway to spell. That is not great. And then we are drafting the best places to have calories not count. We're back to great. Which I'm very interested where this draft is going to go. I am both happy I have the first pick because I have my sights set on something, but also sad because there are so many places that I want,

and I don't have to wait for you guys to make some picks. Yeah. And so it should be really fun. I'm saying, like, I started thinking about this, and I was more macro, and then the list became a little more micro, and I was like, oh, there's some places you can go with this. Yeah, for sure.

So that's what we got going on. Let's get it started. Would you rather? Olivia from Patreon said, would you rather have to live in a world where everything has to be a competition? Okay. So like life right now. I was going to say, is that already what we're doing?

Yeah. Or a world where everything is a cooperative effort oh that's nice that was a twist i didn't see coming i thought it was like it's a friendship let me ask you a question and i know we're all very competitive it's one of our many great qualities um and but does does a lifetime of cooperative efforts become boring yeah because that's where i went right away is i thought maybe so much cooperation would eventually become in and of itself mundane and boring but but it would be good it would be productive and it would be friendly and happy and i mean i would obviously be the best at it. Now, here's what's funny is... I cooperated way better than you.

Yeah. Is there an argument to be made that competition could be more productive than cooperation? Because in cooperating, everybody's doing kind of the same thing and there isn't really necessarily the individual motivation. it's almost like a capitalism argument of like hey innovation doesn't come out of you know the socialist uh cooperation

right so you know is this uh is this a situation where because we're so competitive and everyone is competitive that everyone in in all walks of life are trying to do better and not just skate by. There'll be winners and losers in a competition world. Yeah, so the hard part is I can see that argument, but then there is a level of toxicity that comes with competition. It's a loser's thing. No, I'm saying as someone who is competitive. Well, I should.

No, I'll switch this over to Jason Moore. Okay. Legendary in his competitive nature, but also living by any means necessary, which doesn't mean I'm better than you. But it means I win. It means that you are worse than me, and you being worse, maybe I have something to do with it. Maybe the leg of your chair got a little bit sore.

Oh, man, how did that happen? Oh, no. So I'm standing, you're not. The second world is a better world. Yes, definitely. Because if it's a cooperative effort no one loses so maybe by maybe some arbiter outside of it all can look at it and say well you're not as innovative you don't have as many things but in the world of cooperation everyone is happy now how it's also innovative

what is the difference between a cooperative world and the world we have now not being hyperbolic like oh well no one gets along no right we run a business right and we all we're cooperative we are cooperative we're running in the same direction I feel like a lot of organizations and businesses and even families are I mean I you know I think there's a lot of cooperation it doesn't have to be an individual it can be a group but so what what do you think the difference is between what life actually is and what this question from Olivia is saying like where everything is a cooperative effort what what actually is and what this question from Olivia is saying, like where everything is a cooperative effort. What is that gap?

What does that look like? I think we live in a world that has both all the time. And so because of that, some things that should be cooperative become competitive. Some things that should be competitive become cooperative. And so it makes... So really this question is, would you rather live in a world without competition or in a world without cooperation you know what i'm saying uh just uh just i know it came if you're saying everything has to be a competition then that would imply that they're but that implies that they are opposites to one another in which case

i don't know if they always are right Right? Like, competition doesn't have to be entire. Like, basketball games, you play with your team. There's a competition there, but you're also cooperating. Yeah, but in this world, a competitive world, in this hypothetical situation, everyone on your team is trying to score. Yeah, they want the box sheet. Second one. That's my rebound.

They're boxing out their own teammates. Yeah. Okay, hyper-competitive world. I'm just blocking Mike when he shoots on my team. Nope. That's my bucket. That's fair. That's fair. All right, I'm going to go with the second one then.

I'll take the cooperative world. Yeah, let's hold hands. I'm with you. I took it before you guys. Well, okay, but my hand grip strength was fantastic. No, you gripped it harder. Yeah. Bergeron from the website, would you rather have to re-download every app

any time you want to use it or have to go to the gas station every time you need to go to the bathroom? Why are all of our questions now like, hey, would you rather do this or you got to take a dump in a pit of spikes? Why is it always where I'm going to the bathroom? Well, that's a big part of who we are.

Every would you rather question is a different way to go to the bathroom. Well, I'm saying it's like a pit of spikes. Would you rather poop out a second story window or have $1,000 every day? What? window or have a thousand dollars every day um so would you rather have to re-download every app every time you want to use it this is i have lived this life it's called tiktok okay because i delete it every time i delete tiktok from my phone like i have deleted it so many times i've certainly had a week where it was every day where's like nope nope i'm done i'm getting sucked in i am deleting this but then the next time i go you know to the bathroom out the window i'm like i'm sitting here with my butt out the window i need i need to get tiktok redownload

i got my first question here is so i gotta redownload every app am i on lte am i on you're on real 5g like the 5G that works. I was going to say, or am I on? You're living in the real world where you sometimes have one, you sometimes have the other. The real world is we live in a 5G ultra-wide band that says you have the fastest speeds, except what they mean is your phone doesn't work. It's ultra-weak band. Yes.

You live in the world. There's just some cross-promo problems weak yeah sometimes it's just which so that's that's a factor that is a factor but the biggest world would be such a better place right because the apps deleted themselves after you're done you would use your phone a lot less and the reason i would use my phone a lot less is not necessarily signal strength because because I think most places that I'm at in the world where I'm on my phone, I'm on Wi-Fi. So internet is, you know. Not if you're in this gas station taking a dump. Well, it's one or the other.

I'm not going to be in that gas station if I got the phone problem. My issue is logging in. I don't want to log in. When you delete an app and you redownload-download it you have to you don't like logging in i just i i don't remember every password of every app that i've used you know every single time to forget password uh-huh the whole song and dance and then when you go to your email to check the password well that's you gotta download that so now it's a whole thing now by the time you get in that email that you finally accessed it's a whole thing. Now by the time you get in, that email that you finally accessed, it's expired.

Oh, my gosh. Every time you close them, you can't go back and forth. Can I quick detour, by the way? Because you talked about you're on Wi-Fi a lot of the times. Now you go to other places. Maybe it's a coffee shop, wherever it is. And sometimes you have dead zones. And so you're trying to connect to a Wi-Fi network that you can find on your phone.

Does anybody have a problem if a place has a guest network that requires a password? Is there, like, do I have a personal issue with it? Yeah. I mean, it's... Like, to me, if you put the word guest in your Wi-Fi network's name and I click it, I should be able to get onto it. Yeah, but they don't want all those Wi-Fi freeloaders clogging their network. But then you don't know the password. When you click on it, it's a real letdown.

If I see the word guest and it's locked, then I start looking around for the password because it's probably displayed somewhere in that building on the table or something. But it is funny. They're so protective of their internet access like no you need to come in and you need to you need there's customers only you better spend two dollars here or you don't get our internet that costs us nothing more when you join it exactly it's not a problem for anybody it's it is very strange why certain businesses go with that model now the the other option here other than the very difficult and very problematic download every app every time you want to use it.

Well, the downloading in the gas station is a problem, too. Yeah. I mean, the gas station situation, I don't. Look, you make me go number one in a gas station all the time. You can hold your breath. Yeah. But number two is a huge problem. Like, you are actively getting yourself ill

am i the only one you hold your breath who does that when you're like i've done it you know you're going in it's going to be rough yeah before you go yeah no i've done that 100 especially if it's just a p which it's always just because i would never go in for a poop um yeah no i've certainly been there but the problem is when you run out of air, because then you feel like you're breathing it deep down into your lungs. You know, you're like, I can make it. I can make it. I can't. And then it's like, let me take it all in.

So it's a gamble. It is a gamble that when you lose, you're ruining some lungs because you know the recesses of your lungs now have someone else's urine. It's poop lung. Now, here's the problem. I was always told that if you breathe in through your nose. The brown lung. Oh, the brown lung.

That's rough. When you breathe in through your nose, you filter. When you breathe in through your mouth, you don't. But your nose is what smells. So when you make the choice, I'm making the choice to smell the poo to filter better than doing the mouth breathing, which I would not. But does it filter the nose hairs? It's the whole process. Or is it like, is it the.

You definitely filter better with your nose. But why? Because of the cilia. What is that? I thought that was a disease where you couldn't have celiacs. I think it's celia or something like that. Is that mucus related? Nasal filtration system.

Your nose? Yeah, hair and cilia. He's right. Okay, but what is cilia? Hair and cilia, tiny hair-like structures. Yeah, they're hair-like structures. Your hair and your hair kind of things. They are.

But we're on a never-ending quest. Why do you think you make boogers, Mike? Boogers are the stuff. Because of the mucus. And the stuff that gets caught by the filtration. But I'm saying we're on, as humans, we're on a never-ending quest to get rid of that filtration system. Right. Because nose hairs are the worst.

We're talking about the deep, the deep Celia hairs. No, but I mean, I've heard that it's much healthier. Like if you sleep at night and you mouth breathe, it's very bad for you. I've heard.

And part of that is you're not getting the best. By the elitist nose breathers. By big nose. Yeah, we're enjoying ourselves over here. Must be a good life. But I've made the choice actively to breathe through the nose and suffer the smell consequences.

But you've got to go real slow. Oh, yeah. The slower you breathe in through the nose, you don't get as – You're not moving past my cilia. You're coming right – I caught all of you yes thank you um look in in this situation you've got to you've got to take the the app yeah it'll be better for me it will be better for all of us now the one issue that i didn't think about at first is the multitasking essentially i don't i

don't know how big a stickler this question is, but if you're extremely, so that means if I'm using an app and I go back to the app I was using a minute ago, I have to, it's gone. Yeah. As soon as you leave. So you can't multitask. You cannot multitask. Yeah, that's fair.

That's awful. And obviously you keep the main apps, like your phone and your messaging. Right, your text messaging and stuff, so that's the only app I will use. I'll still take that's fair. That's awful. And obviously you keep the main apps like your phone and your messaging. Right, your text messaging and stuff. So that's the only app I will use. I'll still take that though. I'm not. Payment would be a problem. Oh, I've got to download Venmo again.

The only other way I could survive if every bathroom had to be in like a gas station restroom, which means all of my number twos, I would have to build a battery-powered system where I could carry in my bidet. I'm going into Circle K. I open the door. I've got a bidet in one hand, a big battery backup in the other. Don't mind me. Just got to take a dump.

The good news is your seat will be warm. Yes. Yeah. You technically could multitask with multiple phones. Ooh. How many phones? You're going to look like one of those guys. Hold on.

At least two stuck together so you could flip back and forth between the two. New question. Okay. Okay. You can only have, other than the standard of the phone, the text message, you can only have one app on a phone. A phone can only have one app and you download it once you can't delete it and get a different one you can only choose one extra app on your phone period that's all you get how many phones do you carry how many apps do you absolutely

one phone for email for sure so i need my email app? Is the Photos app just part of it? Yeah, that's built in. Yeah, I mean, for us, it would be one for Slack. You'd have to have Slack. Yeah. So there's two phones. So do you have any social media? Are you carrying a third phone?

I think I have a third for Twitter. Yeah, I have a Twitter. So I have a Trifone. I can email off my computer when I get home. That's probably healthy. Or use the default email app, which usually- Oh, but I get that one? Yeah, but it's on the phone.

Oh, yeah. Two phones. Two phones. So you would go Slack and social media? I think so. I think that's the right one. I'm just curious if I have to have a Sudoku phone. I don't know.

I might need a Sudoku phone. You're still a heavy user? Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. Mike from the website, would you rather always have to park in the farthest parking spot anytime you go to the store, no drop-offs, or never be able to use a drive-through again? Well, I'm walking. It's an easy one for old me.

Have you ever made the decision to park further to enjoy the walk? To enjoy the walk? To enjoy the walk? Did you hear the joke? Oh, that's a good one. No, of course not. On a nice day, you've never parked further to enjoy the walk? No. Have you ever enjoyed walking?

No. I've enjoyed the weather outside, and I would love to sit down and enjoy it. So if you lived on the boardwalk like in California, you wouldn't go for strolls? I would put a beach chair on that sand, and I would love the wind and the salty air coming in. I've got to get you into walking, distance walking. Jason would be nine-bottling down his brother. Yeah, exactly. Give me a nice scooter or at least some wheelies.

Oh, man. If I had had wheelies i would eat it you and heelys would be sensational it would be seriously that would be really good that would be a social media winner um i don't know how many times i would fall trying to use heelys but it would definitely be more than zero all right mike would you take the drive-thru or the furthest parking spot? I don't mind the far parking spots. Like, I'll have... So, like, we may have talked about this before, but who cares? But when it comes to, you know, searching for a parking spot...

Yeah, are you a hunter or are you a find-whatever? No, I'm a gatherer. When it comes to the parking spot, if I see one, that's it. That's about how I do it. That's all I need. I don't need to... The amount of time you waste... It's called hunt regret.

Going up and down the aisles looking for a spot. You could already be... Oh, Jason is a hunter. I'm both. I am both. I'm both. But am both. I'm both. But here's what happens. If I make the choice to pass it up and hunt, then I'm pot committed.

Okay, so just one. Once the hunt starts, you're even. I already passed. I already made the choice. I'm a hunter. So I'm circling back again and again and again. As soon as you pass, like your camo hat goes on. Yeah.

You get your orange vest. Putting the eye paint. Do you do the claim? Do you claim with a signal or whatever? So I do. What, just the turn signal? Yeah. Or is there a different claim?

Like waiting for a family. A family's going to their car. They get to their car. I put the turn signal on and I will wait. How long will you wait if you got someone behind you? Not very long. I stress wait. How long will you wait if you got someone behind you? Not very long. I stress out. I feel so guilty.

I don't do the thing where I'm like. I'm staying here no matter what. Clicker, go around me. Right. No, I'm not a big confrontation guy. So I just always feel like, all right, you can take it. I'm out of here. I did hear that recently they've passed some

legislation because there used to be rules in cities where if you built retail and things of that nature there always had to be a certain amount of parking spots considered in the in the city planning right you have to have enough parking lots and parking spots for what's going to be there in some cities i would imagine you can't do that in L.A. and New York. Yeah, yeah. So, I mean, within whatever city rules, that's always been a part of it. But now they're starting to pass laws to eliminate that. Because parking lots contribute a lot to the heat in the cities

and the pollution and the warmth of the city. So they started removing that. So I'm just wondering, like, the practicality of, like, they eliminate parking lots. What are you supposed to do? Public transport. Oh, it is to move public transport forward. Yeah, which would certainly help.

I mean, there's, like, Arizona, our public transport is close to non-existent. Well, there's a lot of cities that are, like, you know, sprawled out. Yeah, that's why I'm saying it doesn't work here because everything is so far away public transport in new york works because everything's within like six blocks or you just get on the subway and stuff yeah a lot of people don't even have a car i feel like here you'd have to just build like a bunch of like huge parking lots in different places and then people uber from them to the place right that they're going like a park and go yeah yeah uh anyways i. Anyways, I'm going to enjoy the walk in the farthest parking spot. That's fine.

And then enjoy the drive-through. Yes, sir. All right. Go ahead. Drive-through question. How many cars in the drive-through line does it take for you to say, I'm going to go in? It's a good question.

It's usually going to be about six. Okay, I guess I should say. Oh, six is not a lot. So like cars, so there's the speaker. Right, right. And the cars past the speaker. The overflow coming out. Four.

Four? Beyond the speaker? Oh, that's not a lot. Four beyond the speaker and I'm out. Unless it's salad and go. Then it's like 25? That's not a lot. Four beyond the speaker and I'm out. Unless it's salad and go. Then it's like 25 because that's the fastest drive. It scares me. I don't know how to have everything ready when you ask for it custom.

They already know you're showing up. Yeah. They got a crystal ball. They got the minority report people in the pool. Yeah. They're like, oh, salad incoming. I get to the drive-thru window and they hand me the bag and they say, you're late. And I'm like, that's scary.

You're like, oh, can I also get this? It would be really reasonable. It's your drink. You're like, oh, I didn't even order the drink. If they had cameras that recognized the cars that were in the line and pull up your most recent order on their screen already. Oh, man. I mean, that's easy. That's easy stuff nowadays.

He will probably, and then make custom suggestions. Sir, last time you got two of these burgers. Are you not that hungry? You just drive up to the board and they show you your order and say, you want this? Yeah. Move on. That would be more convenient.

Give me my regular that you know I have. Oh, man. But the shame at some drive-thrus. This was your last order. Don't show that to everyone. Would you like six pies again? Yeah. That wasn't me.

That wasn't me. Do you want to see the footage? I'll hand them out. I'll pay it forward. Yeah, that's fine. I'll put them on the table. There's one situation where I will wait in the line infinitely. When I'm starving.

No, because I will normally make fun of people that are in the super long line. Like, what are you doing? That's insane. There's one situation I will get stuck in. And that is if I've told somebody I'm going to get that place for them. And like, I'll be like. But you won't just go inside and get that place for them? Not if it looks like it's super

packed inside too yeah like if i'm if i'm pot committed to a place like i texted my dad the other day i was like you want some raising canes at that point he's giving me his order now i have to get raising canes no matter what the long line is so i'm stuck there are two places here in the valley one obviously nash i don't know how national raising canes is raising canes is one of those places where the drive-thru line is insane. And you walk inside, you'll have your food in 30 seconds. Oh, will you? I should always go inside?

Nobody goes inside. So you just get it immediately. The other place is Starbucks in the morning. In the morning, the Starbucks line is 50 cars long. If you walk in, you just walk right up to the counter and order. is hot tips hot tips al how are you doing doing great thanks do we want to do one more move on i think jason's itching to get into highway to spell good lord want you to give me i want you to give me extra credit al because i you did you did it i didn't see that drop up at the in my top row of drops oh cool and i found it this is the part where you throw me under the bus bus on the air? No, no, no. I'm just

I just want you to give me credit for not canceling the show. Good job, Andy. Making up for Al's mistake. So we're doing Highway to Spell. Mike is apparently the back-to-back champ. I don't have any recollection of that. Nor do I. I have one at once. Recollection. R-E- Oh, don't do that. Come on. So wait, the

rule is who goes first on these ones? We usually do Andy, Mike, Jason. Okay. Alright. Let't do that. Come on. So wait, the rule is who goes first on these ones? We usually do Andy, Mike, Jason. Okay. All right, let's do it. All right. We're going to start at fifth grade. Andy, your fifth grade level word. I've been on a bad streak.

Guys, the panic attack is on. Yeah. We're back. I'm sweating. All right, here you go. Necessary. Oh, gosh. Oh, man.

That's a fifth grade word? I got it. That's what they say. I have to go with the first thing I write down. N-E-C-E-S-S-A-R-Y, necessary. Oh, baby. I had it, and that was easy. You had it quick.

You had it quick. I totally had it, guys. Don't even worry about it. You went two Cs, didn't you? I went two Cs. It was necessary for me to go with my first gut instinct. I hate when I know one of your guys. Yeah, because you know you might not know your own.

Was there also one S? No. Okay, there's two S's. All right. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, yeah. Defending champ definitely had it.

Yeah. All right. Defending champ Mike, here is your fifth grade level word. Daughter. Okay. This is a silly one, but daughter. D-A-g-h-t-e-r why why why is it spelled like that i don't know but it's okay let's give me another easy one i think you're gonna be all right jason here's your fifth grade level word. Crystal. Ooh. Okay, I think I got this.

Don't underthink it. I am going to underthink it. I'm going fast. C-R-Y-S-T-A-L. All right. We did it. We are fifth graders. Let's graduate.

Crystal. All right. We have graduated onto the sixth grade. Andy, here is your sixth grade level word. Contagious. Uh-oh. Oh, man. I'm feeling good today.

C-O-N-T-A-G-I-O-U-S. Contagious. All right. Okay. We're rocking it. Did we start younger? Is that what we did today? We did.

He's just telling us that we usually start in seventh. Yeah. That's what it feels like. It feels like these are. He's just telling us that we usually start in seventh. Yeah, that's what it feels like. It feels like these are. He doesn't want us to cancel the segment. We're not starting with free throws here. We're starting with some layups. Yeah.

All right, Mike, here is your sixth grade level word. Requirement. Okay, look. I think we're on there. I'm good on fifth. There's no way Mike misses this one. R-E-Q-U-I-R-E-M-E-N-T. All right.

Yeah. You met the requirement, Mike. Can we take a second to have the Spittwads recognize how brilliant we are? This is the time. This is the time. Right before this one. Okay. Now that time is over. What is my word? Alright, your 6th grade level word.

Surround. Oh, okay. Oh, wait. Uh-oh. I think you're good, right? Okay, I got it. Oh, man. You're good. You're good, buddy. Okay. It looks... It feels wrong when I write it.

Oh, man. Oh, okie dokie. Surround. That should be an easy one. Yeah. I thought this was going to be so simple. Okay. S-U-R-R-O-U-N-D.

Okay, good. It felt so wrong when I wrote R-R-O-U. So did we beat the game? Yeah, we won. You have gotten to seventh grade. Where do we normally start? Junior high. Go on.

All right, Andy, your seventh grade level word. Innocence. Innocence? Oh, man. I-N-N-O-C-E-N-C-E. Innocence. Oh, God. I would have been out.

The delay. I went S-E-E. You have been out. I went S-E. You went S-E? At the end. Like since? Like six since? Sixth innocence. Yes. Yep. Whoops. Mike? Mike? I mean, I went

CE. Alright, Mike. Your 7th grade level words. Havoc. Havoc? Oh, that's easy. H-A-V-O-C? Okay, no. Oh, I would have missed! An extra V or what? No, I put a K on the end of that thing.

H-A-V-O-C-K. Like a hammock? Yeah! That's so easy. It was so easy. And honestly, when you stopped at C, I was waiting for ba-dum-ba-dum. easy and honestly when you stopped it see i was waiting for i couldn't believe you stopped to see what an idiot and when that bell hey happened to tell you you were right i fell real dumb so you would have been wrong on both seventh grade words yeah

but not this one al all right i think you'll be all right here's your seventh grade level word I think you'll be all right. Here's your seventh grade level word. Commotion. What? I don't want to do it. Oh, there's no way. Holy crap. This is impossible.

Commotion? Commotion. Commotion. Okay. All right. That's movement on the commode. Commotion. All right.

That's why our questions all have the bathroom. All right. C-O-M-M-O-T-I-O-N. Yeah. We are one grade from high school. One more round. Let's get to high school. You guys are crushing it.

That's nine straight, by the way. I predict somebody's going to be out here in eighth grade. Andy, we're going to start with you. Here's your eighth grade level word. Chandelier. Come on, man. Oh, man. What I wrote down cannot be right.

It is impossible. I just have to go with, I'm going to stick with the same process. The first thing I write down. C-H-A-N-D-e-l-i-e-r oh my god it's an e i it's not chando no it ain't no chando leer so i i chando lorian i wrote the whole thing right but then i added an e at the end yeah chandeliery so i gotta stop one letter earlier that's and i would be just stop tacking it on don't put a k at the end i can't believe chandeliery. So I got to stop one letter earlier. And I would be doing real good.

Just stop tacking it on. Don't put a K at the end. I can't believe I got it. I'm thrilled. We're sure it's not an O? Miriam Webster says it's not an O. All right, Mike. Here is your eighth grade level word.

Catastrophe. Catastrophe, huh? If Jason gets this one right, I will be so impressed. Oh, I got this one right. Let me see. Catastrophe. C-A-T-A-S-T-R-O-P-H-E. Oh, we're on.

Catastrophe. And Jason got it. Yeah, we're one away from high school, Jason. Oh, together. All three of us graduating middle school. I do think you guys are going to get there. Jason, here's your eighth grade level word. Amnesty.

Wait, was that embassy or amnesty? Amnesty. You got this. That's an easy one. Why does he get all the easy ones? Don't forget the Q. Hip hop. Hip hop anonymous.

Amnesty. A-M-N-E-S-T-Y. Okay. That was an easy one. At this point, if we flame out, we've done enough, right? I mean, that's 12 straight successful. We're like a boring podcast now, how good we are. I don't know that we've ever gotten to high school together.

You haven't? I don't believe you have. No. Andy, here is your ninth grade level word. Gruesome. Oh. Well, this is the first one I'm having to write twice to make sure. Gruesome.

G-R-U-E-S-O-M-E. Wow. That E snuck out of nowhere. That middle E. That came out of the bushes. What did you go with? Same as you. You were both wrong.

G-R-U-S-O-M-E. Okay. We're getting the right words for our individual takes here. He's changing the grade levels for each person. All right. Mike, here's your ninth grade level words. It's freshman year, man. Ambiguous.

Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. The ending's a good time. Ambig. I think you'll get there. I think I've got there. Yeah, I think you did. There's no way.

There's a bunch of letters in it. I know that. It's a good time to remind you that you are defending your back-to-back champions. Oh, no. Wait. I have two very different options okay that's all right one looks maybe correct okay whatever uh ambiguous ambiguous that is the word uh a m b i g the word uh a m b i g this is where it's fun i o u s no no jason has it right from what i can tell is that u o u s u o u o and big u i guess that makes wow so jason biggiest you want to go to

you want to go to sophomore year with me jason? I do, but let's find out if the teachers will allow it. TBD, here is your ninth grade level word. Insufficient. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. And so... Will your previous schooling be insufficient? I think you got this one.

I think we're moving on. Honestly, I started putting a sneaky letter in there. Uh-oh. I had one of these thought processes had a pH in there, and I don't think that's right. You got a pH in there? Nope. Nope. Not anymore.

All right. Insufficient. Phosphorus? He's not anymore. All right. Insufficient. Phosphorus? He's not sure. Okay. Insufficient. I-N-S-O. Wait.

Wait. Is it you? What? I knew as soon as you said insufficient when you were saying that. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. You're telling me insufficient does not start with an I?

No. It doesn't have an O. Oh. You thought it was I didn't know. I thought he said it was in. You thought it was

insufficient? No. So he thought it was insufficient. Right. I'm so efficient. I spelled it insufficient right so i i'm so efficient i spelled it i'm so efficient right now well it's in it's insufficient why you hit that button quick it's i knew it okay i would uh i n s o i'm curious the rest

f i c i e n t there's two's but other than that oh my gosh you have literal tears rolling down your face yes you do considering you work from a place with a ph you got pretty close thank you all right andy you want to keep going see how far you can get sure sure i'll give them quick here's your 10th grade level word. Anachronism. All right. What? What does that even mean? Anachronism is when something is out of. Spider related.

No, it's an error in chronology. Yeah, it's out of order. A-N-A-C-R-O-N-I-S-M. Okay. You had it perfect, except it's C-H. No, that makes sense, which is what I wrote the first time. Oh, I should have gone with that. Dang it.

Well, I won. Congratulations. We have a new champ. And we have a new draft. The Spitballers Draft. We are drafting the best places to have calories not count at all. And the older I get, the more this dream seems like it would be amazing. Because there are consequences to indulging in this life and there are places that i either want to indulge

and do anyways and pay the price um or and there's some places that are just perfect for it yeah and so i there's a ton of picks i really want uh and so i'll be sad because you guys take a bunch of them yeah there's there's a couple places on my list where I know when I go there, I get something more responsible, and I don't want to do that. Yes. So I would like to draft it. And so there's a lot of qualifiers. Mike was saying before the draft, he didn't know how this one was going to go.

But I'm going to go with the place that I think is the most frequently where I would want this superpower. It's very simple. It would be an everyday thing, and it is the couch. The couch. And if you told me that I could have any of the other places or just a two-hour window of this place, I'd still choose the couch as my number one pick. If you told me 8 p.m. to 10 p.m. every night.

Snack central. I could turn on the TV and not stop eating for two consecutive hours on the couch. Actually, I enjoy that so much. So the couch is my number one pick. There are a number of really good picks. I am curious where you guys are going to go. That was, as I was going through the list, the couch is the last thing I put on my list. Interesting.

I was starting to realize, oh, maybe we just mean a very specific place. Yeah, that's more how I went. Yeah. So the couch. I guess that would be good for all the football. I mean, I would. Now, if I'm standing behind the couch, those calories count. Can we say the ground?

Like to lay on the ground. No, if my feet are on the ground, my calories don't count. No, that's a little too broad, Mike. I'm going to take the place that was designed for indulgence. And I'll just kick it. I will take the buffet. Yes, it was on my list. It was on my list as it was on my list

they have everything you want and often i like i i don't do buffets anymore number one because there's the consequences of being just an old man eating too much at a buffet but i don't i i don't get my money's worth anymore oh right that is a big part of it because you will feel sad that you didn't eat enough yeah they're like okay well you can get the buffet that's 35 dollars yep like well now i have to force myself to eat 35 dollars worth and that will include feeling really really crappy for sure afterwards to get my money's worth yeah so i don't even go anymore yeah but if my calories the buffet is a great pick. The buffet is a terrible pick because...

Terrible for me because you took two of my options away. I had Golden Corral and I had a Chinese food buffet. So you just went like buffet. You got all of them. All of Jason's 11 options were different buffets that he frequented. I got the lobster

buffet. That's a good pick. I think you're right about the money's worth thing, too. I'm going to start at a place, you know, Andy, when you said. The kids buffet? They're just stealing your money. Yeah. Because the kids.

Kids don't have the room for it. Well, the kids, when you order off of the menu, the kids aren't even going to finish. You're paying $29.99 of the $35 for the dessert part of the buffet. To be fair to the restaurant, the kids don't eat enough, but they do take enough. You know what I mean? The restaurant's still getting rid of all that food, even if they don't eat it.

You get two picks, Jason. I'm jealous. I get two picks. I know exactly where I'm going here, because Andy, you said this would be like an everyday thing, and so I assumed you were taking McDonald's! So you've got to be in the McDonald's and so i assumed you were taking mcdonald's so you got to be in the mcdonald's but you can go to town yeah sure uh i'll eat it in the drive-thru you gotta wait i can't leave uh but yes i'm i'm i'm gonna say that in the mcdonald's absolutely because anywhere in the world and you went to go calorie free and to have no repercussions to be able to eat a Big Mac and another big and chicken nuggets and French fries galore.

He's reading us the menu to McDonald's. Adam McFlurry. Absolutely. You didn't even say the McRib. Well, it's not always there, Mike, but that's I mean, that's assumed if it's there. That's when my power's really kicking the gear. McRib season. I wonder if I could buy a reserved table, like at my local McDonald's.

If I've got this superpower, I can talk to the manager and just say. Or if you had this superpower, would you be a franchisee of McDonald's? Yeah, and I would put one in my home. Brooks has a good point. They are the most easily available fast food place, so when you're traveling, you will be able to. I believe the, I think Subway took over. You got to say that, Al.

What? I just said, do you really have trouble finding a seat at McDonald's that you need this reserved table? That's fair, that's fair. It's always so packed in here. All right. The other one, and this is probably the most important because of who we are. And I mean we as in us.

Are you talking like the United States or the footballers? The footballers. The footballers. The footballers. It'sers. The footballers. It's the studio. It's right here. We do lunch every day. We order lunch every day.

We have switched some of us to specifically eating these delivered tiny meals that are lower calorie. We had. We're not funding this. We had. We don not funding this. We had. We don't need it funded. There was a time where, what, 500 packages of delicious candy showed up for us from. That's true. I mean.

Shout out to Sweet Tart Robes. Shout out to Sweet Tart Robes. And if you're out there again, we did it. We're out. We completed the task. We ate them all. They sent us an unimaginable amount of sweet tart ropes. We took it down.

Imagine like a conference table at an office, five layers deep across the whole table, and we did it. Stacks on stacks. Stacks on stacks. We finished it. And they were all as good as the first one. Andy, today, did you bring anything to the studio? I brought some cookies in, yeah. You brought some cookies.

Oh, it's so nice and sweet of you. What about a big, is there a big bag of Tootsie Roll candies? This is like work. This is me. Your job. My job out here, I'm going to be able to eat all of the things that everyone just so lovingly brings in, even though. And ships us.

Yeah, and ships us and donates. I just like the idea that Jason's going to be like, he'll be out home at like nine at night. He'll be like, he wants a snack and he's like, crap, I got to run to the office because I. I am fine. This is like how you said, if I get a two hour window, eight to ten, all I need is lunchtime. Just lunchtime at the office. That would change everything. I will devour snickerdoodle cookies.

You have no idea how many snoodle doodles are going down in this gullet. I don't care where we order from. We're also ordering from Noodles & Company. I love it. Shout out. But yeah, send us more ropes. I was concerned this one wasn't going to come back. I knew that buffet would not make it past my good friend over here.

You enjoy your McDonald's. I'll enjoy all of them because my car is where my calories do not count. The car is a wonderful pick. Oh, shoot. I eat so much in my car. The car is one of the greatest places to eat, period. You can get where you're going and you're eating. The car is a great pick my car is and this is unfortunate this is something i hope to change my car is a graveyard

of rappers the car is a shame box for me i mean when my wife has not driven in my vehicle for two weeks and then she gets in it's usually goes something like jason you should be ashamed and and that's really only because i didn't know she was driving this time or i would have i would have thrown it all away it's a real problem for me. Daggum it. It's like a confessional. I will trade you all four of my picks for the car. The car is an outstanding thing. The clear 101. Now you have an internal camera, right? I mean, so

somebody's watching you. Yeah. Yeah. That's great. Alright, my next two picks. One of them comes down to the enjoyment level of when I eat lots of food at this place and it's the movies i'm gonna take the movie theater it's it would have been my next page uh i can't i legitimately cannot go to the movies and not eat while i'm watching a movie it just

it's not fun it's what am i doing here watching a show while i'm sitting in a chair honestly turn the movie turn the movie off. Just give me the food. Can I go to a restaurant? I will eat at a different place. So I'm going to go to the- But it's a restaurant where everyone's looking the same direction. I'm going to the movies.

It's a good one. And then my next pick is another place that I- It gives purpose to attending these places. People want to go for other reasons. I don't. I want to go for the food. I want to go for other reasons i don't i want to go for the church i want to go for the food and i'm going to say and you guys can tell me if it has to be one pick or two but i was going to say theme parks slash the fair because if i'm eating you call it amusement parks

amusement parks amusement parks because yeah the fair is fried foods uh there's is a great pick. At some point, I hit the age where the reason I go to these places is to eat while my kids enjoy it. And I am always scoping for the next meal at the next stand, the next churro, the next Indian fried bread, whatever the case may be. No, you are 100%. That wasn't even on my list, and that's a huge over I mean the fair is like that's legendary for just the garbage fried garbage blank that you can eat that's right like we we managed to fit 3 000 calories into the size of a quarter I love it you're like yeah I'll take five yeah yeah I'll wait in line for it oh man that's that's a tremendous pick. The car's still a legendary pick. Yeah, I mean, it's done.

And so it's funny that Mike's going out and taking his family dinner out into the car. They're all around the table. He's like, I'll be right back. Give me that plate. This is a place that people, much like your amusement park, they go in for a different reason. You go to this location to watch something happen happen but i mean come on like there's specific games where you don't even the game sucks it's all about just getting the food so i'm gonna say the stadium yep uh yeah give me the give me the uh what what the the the cinnamon almond and or whatever. The nuts? The hot toasted nuts.

Give me the... Give me the... Just everything. The hot dogs. Hot dogs. Ice cream. When I was going to pick one, I was specifically going to pick a baseball game just because it's longer.

So there'll be more food to be eaten, but the stadium's the right pick. It's another thing that adds to the experience. You want to grab a hamburger, hot dog, soft drinks. Oh, my gosh. The amount of soft drinks you go through at a stadium. And they keep coming up with these new things. That's how baseball has to get people to attend now. The eight-foot hot dog.

We've covered it in mayonnaise. That's right. Okay. All right. Great pick. All right. I got two picks coming up here. The first is very easy for me, and that is the bed.

Yeah. Because I can do it in your bed. Absolutely. Because the bed is my couch. We have the bed that raises up and becomes a sitting. So we watch a lot of our TV. You sound like you might be stuck there. No, but it's like we watch a lot of TV.

Where you watch TV on the couch, we watch TV and the bed turns into a seating position. But I can get breakfast in bed. Because you're 75 years old. Yeah, baby. So that one's easy. It's an inclining bed. Oh, the inclining bed is clutch. It's got one of those bars that you can pull up on.

You can pull up on the bar. It raises all the waves to stand me up. The bed is fantastic. The only problem there is, you know, crumbs. So do you eat in the bed a lot? Yeah, snacks. And do you have like a little side dust buster for the... Little snacks in bed. All right, so you went with the bed a lot yeah and do you have like a little side uh dust buster for the little snacks in bed

all right so you went with the bed yeah that's a good i would never have picked it because i you don't need my couch is my couch yeah your couch is your couch my bed is your couch um all right so the last one here i'm a little jealous of what mike did which is get variety with the car i do love variety so i'm going to go with food courts because that means i get sure a lot of different places and it means that i can do what i always want to do that i don't ever do well that's a lie that's a lie i can do what i want to do which i don't always do which i don't always do which is hit up several different places you know i want ice cream from the the dairy queen slash orange julius yeah baby but it's like i'm not gonna get my meal there i want my meal

somewhere else but then you know gotta throw some orange chicken on the yeah on the tray so i'm gonna go around all the places food courts is a good pick delightful food courts when you have a family of five are the worst invention in the entire world because i know i'm waiting in four lines minimum minimum because you can't if when you go to the one place like you don't have a choice but but when they see that this is their favorite restaurant, like, no, I'm locked in. You better go get that. It is the absolute worst, and it takes an hour just to eat.

So shame on you food court people. And my last pick. Big food court. Yeah. My last pick, they have food as well, but those liquid calories, they add up. I'm going to say the bar. You're taking the bar. I'm taking the bar.

So smart. I mean, they have to add. Do calories, they come into play at the old bar? Oh, for sure. Oh, remember your, yeah, you'd always go like a vodka soda versus a vodka tonic? Yeah, with keto, but I'm saying they advertise, you know, like, oh, Miller Lite, it only has one more calorie, and it's more, you're like, what if I didn't ever have to worry about my calories? Then you could get a real beer. Yes.

All right, that's a great pick, yeah. Let's wrap it up with the cheapest pick I've ever made because I, I've never done it, but I know it's heralded for the food. And I know that Jeremy could use this. Oh, it was, it was at the top of my list. I can't believe Jason and take on a cruise ship.

I was so glad that got picked. As soon as you made your, this last pick, I was going to be on you guys for not picking that. It's the first thing on my list, but I've never been, so I didn't want to take it from you. It felt like a great fourth cheap pick. Oh, my goodness. The cruise ship.

The car and the cruise ship. Mike's in the car. I'm in the cruise ship. I've never been more disappointed in Jason. Well, no. So let me tell you why this happened. Let me tell you why this happened. This happened because I saw the draft completely. Double arches is why this happened. Let me tell you why this happened. This happened because I saw the draft completely.

Double arches is why this happened. Because I saw the draft completely wrong. Let me read you my list coming in. McDonald's, Golden Corral, Raising Cane's, Chipotle, Dunkin' Donuts, Domino's. I thought it was like places that we get free calories. So I'm on the fly here trying to think of like, oh, we're going more geographical, less restaurants to get free calories. So I'm on the fly here trying to think of like, oh, we're going more geographical, less restaurants to get free calories. Because I, man, am I upset with my,

the car and the cruise, that's my one and my two. And I could have had it at one and two. Well, Jason, you do get unlimited calories at McDonald's at work. That should not be underrated. That's a good one. In bed. The new couch.

And at food courts. Mike will be eating a plenty at the buffets, in his car, at all stadiums, and at the bar, which is great. That was a nice final pick. I will be on my couch. I will be at the movies. I will be at amusement parks, and I will be on a cruise ship for the first time eating. You know, I'm still worried I'll throw it all up on a cruise ship. Yes.

But can they eventually make cruise ships large enough to where you wouldn't know that you're on the water? You don't know until you throw up. It's just subtle. Owl tells us he doesn't know until he gets off the boat. Yeah, that's usually how it is. I've been on a cruise ship where you knew because it was choppy weather. But other than that, most of the time you cannot tell that you're on the water. I mean, you can look and see, but you don't feel like it.

Right. Well, there you go. Until you sink. Were there any? I was pretty much out of ideas. My last one was going to be like holiday tables, the Thanksgiving table, Christmas table. I didn't know how to wrap them all together. I had birthday parties,

the pantry. Oh, man. The shame pantry. Yes, sir. I mean, who amongst us hasn't done the, what am I going to eat? Well, you know what? I'm just going to open this bag of chips and I'll eat these chips in here while I figure out what i'm going to eat

who amongst us hasn't gone in and just shut the door behind them and locked it from the inside i'll hide in here for a minute turn the lights off no one's in here crunch crunch jesus why are their night vision goggles in the pantry any other pics that you guys had or al no my my 101 and 102 were disneyland and a cruise ship yeah you guys got both of those well i did yeah thank you you can come hang out with me let's go your calories all right let's uh any other picks for you guys jason's just got a list of restaurants you want to know more restaurants that are delicious i'll tell you what did we learn today i learned that when we really put our heads together we can get into high school level education yeah i was pretty proud of us i learned that insufficient

does indeed start with an i out of curiosity for a moment i was convinced it started with an I. Out of curiosity. For a moment, I was convinced it started with an E. How would you spell sufficient? Would that have been different than the insufficient? I only had one F. No, you had an O. You went insufficient. Oh, really? Yeah.

I didn't even know where I went wrong. I just learned where I went wrong. I was just making sure you didn't spell sufficient. So efficient. And I learned we should all probably cooperate a little bit more. Okay. Maybe. And be the best.

Yeah, I'll be the best at it. I'm going to cooperate so hard. Thank you for tuning in to the Spitballers Podcast. Thank you for following the show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, wherever you're listening. And we will catch you next time. Goodbye. Goodbye. Thanks for listening to the Spitballers Podcast.

To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out spitballerspod.com.