Spitballers Comedy Podcast - 238: Saliva Palms & Things That Are Red - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: May 1, 2023

On this episode, hear all about Jason’s most recent self-diagnosis. We also discuss the splash zone in a Broadway theatre, being invincible-ish, and a well-known poem that has the world duped. We close it down with a draft of things that are red. Don’t miss it! Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast! Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast: Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.com Follow us on Twitter: Twitter.com/SpitballersPod Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPod Subscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers Podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. I do not know what you've been told, but Badingi! And now you know what you've been told. Welcome in one and all, the Spitballers Podcast, episode 238. Too many. Shout out to my bedingies out there.

Would you rather? What's the difference? And we are drafting things that are red on today's show. It's about to get heated. I love my list. I really do. We are excited to have you with us. If you would like to contribute your valuable thoughts to this show, your ideas for drafts, for segments, whatever the case may be, you can. Jointhespit.com.

Support the podcast that hopefully brings you joy once a week, twice a week. And become a part of our community. Join the spit.com. Excited to get going today. You guys doing well? Doing all right. The voice is a little low. The lungs are a little full.

That's gross. It's only been two months, though. Yeah, yeah. No, this is who I am now. Moving forward forever. What's the difference between Jason and a person with emphysema? Trick question. I have emphysema.

Have you ever thought, maybe this is one of those things where if you take up heavy smoking, it'll cure my... It'll go, yeah. Solve a problem with a problem. The smoke will clear it out. Yeah. That's a great idea, guys. Thank you so much. Just, you know, trying to help, Al.

I mean, I don't know if you would recommend that. I know you're not a doctor. Definitely not. Okay. Don't smoke, kids. Don't smoke, kids. All right. I thought he was definitely not a doctor, because that's true.

That's also true. Don't go to medical school, kids. I don't know much about it.physema no oh tuberculosis um is there a chance oh you got the tb oh well if you do then i'm feeling very vulnerable at this moment that's true because you've been coughing all over me for months contagious right it is okay so then we're probably okay one of the top symptoms of tb is weight loss oh no yes certainly no tb however i am now interested in getting tb i think that that could be pretty cool for me what is you look great what's your secret i'm on the tb diet some people do the tb12 i just do tb wow i'm on the doc holiday diet um let's get it going

would you rather all right spencer from the website in an office setting would you rather have free keurig coffee available or a Starbucks in the lobby, but you have to pay for it? It's a very simple office question. So this is a very bougie question. How snooty are you about your coffee? The answer is not super, but snooty enough that Keurig, hashtag not a sponsor of this podcast, hashtag probably never going to be. Not after this segment.

It's very much the gilding of coffee. Yeah. It is. Coffee flavored water. Yes. Yeah, which really, well, that's what coffee is at its foundation. Coffee is, in fact, coffee flavored water yes yeah which really well that's what coffee is at its foundation coffee is in fact coffee flavored water but they're just like lightly flavored water why are we still doing Keurig why is this still happening it's very simple it's successful in America because we like things quick and easy yes which it is both of it is quick and easy and i believe that you're i think people adjust to it

so if you get what happens is you get the Keurig you start the Keurig and you're excited about your new technology that excitement hides the taste for about two weeks and then by the time the taste matters you are acclimated to the dirt water and so at that point in time you're in a routine it's so easy and they have so many different varieties you go to the store and it's like that's true car a creme brulee and caramel flavored and maple and they have some teas and they're decorated nicely i was so so excited because look i am a uh middle-aged american and that means i had a curing machine at one point in my life we all have i was so excited when i got that thing it is totally like man i'm gonna wake up i don't have to do like i don't have to pre-program anything i don't have

to scoop the grounds in order to crush me i just put this little pod in here and it gives me put this little pod in here and it gives me fresh fuel water and you're just super excited about it and then you realize you're not you're not having a good time see for me i had a keurig because again yeah middle-aged american yeah it was a requirement for my hoa right so i got a keurig i i would uh participate in the drinking of this dirt water and yeah it was fine there's probably a lot of Keurig drinkers listening right now yeah but here's the thing well they kind of know but they might not know Mike because I didn't know I didn't know hypnotized until I got duped a little bit duped sold just you know a really cool uh coffee machine that like grounds the beans it's like Keurig but it's like fresh grounds every single time and so I got one of those machines I was like that's

pretty cool and then I tasted coffee for the first time I was like whoa coffee is actually good what was I drinking it certainly wasn't coffee Keurig's original marketing plan was to do one of those like the Pepsi Challenge type of things. Except for they did it over a thousand people and not one person chose the Keurig cup over the real coffee. I'm going to the Starbucks and I'm paying is the answer to this question. Yeah, unfortunately, I'm losing half my paycheck here to Starbucks. I'm still intimidated. By Starbucks?

By ordering Starbucks. You just need one go-to and you're fine. I'm still intimidated. By ordering Starbucks. You just need one go-to and you're fine. I guess in this world... You can practice with us. We'll pretend we weren't there. Can I get a Venti? Oh, step one. Do not let big Starbucks push you around.

You order small, medium, large. Oh, am I allowed to do that? Oh, yeah. They can take that sizing system and shove it. Because I can tell you right now. Get that crap out of my life. I can tell you right now. I have no idea what size I just ordered.

That's the biggest one. Like, I literally don't know. I thought that's the biggest one. Venti's biggest? Yeah. I would have guessed the middle. No. Al would know.

He goes there for all the time. They do have a Trenta that's bigger than the Venti. Oh, what? Oh, what? They have a Trenta now? Yeah. That's new. They have an extra large?

Oh, man, that's new. Yeah. You're making this up a very large oh i mean you could be just go and trust me they will they're reasonable people usually i'm gonna say can i get one about this big so i'm on my hands and i would like coffee in that thank you yeah i mean that's if i just order now do you know are they gonna come back after i say i'd like a cup of coffee and they're they're going to be like do you want room for a cream that's what they're gonna say first that's fine but are there different types of regular first they will ask you

what kind of a roast you want yeah oh my gosh i don't know house roast that's what i say no i don't know i'm so just go with light roast surprise me say that so uh dark roast is the coffiest of the coffee they really really do have a Trenta. That's new. Venti used to be the big one. Demi, short, tall, grande, Venti, Trenta. Get out of here. Goodness gracious.

I print money with my dumb name. I think my move is to go to the counter and say, I'd like a medium black coffee and then turn my back. Yes. Just, oh, that's what I said. Oh, go with the earbuds. Earbuds. And turn my back and take two steps away from the counter.

And then they need to figure out what I have ordered. But here, I'm helping you right now, Jason, because the dark roast is the strongest of the flavor. But I believe, now maybe I'm wrong and I've been living a lie my whole life, but the blonde roast or the lighter roast has more caffeine. Really? Yeah. I think people associate the darker with... Yeah, I don't think a blonde roast has more caffeine, does it? I think so, because I think

it burns it out. I thought they had a... I'll find out. Yeah. First of all, this Trent... Fact check me on this. This Trent-a-size is 31 ounces, and this is a widowmaker. I mean, there's no... There's no business. You do not need 31 ounces of coffee. Your heart doesn't need this. that's like three cups of coffee into yeah that's all right actually yeah yeah i don't think that's too much um

yeah i i think i'm gonna go with the keurig just for my embarrassment um michael from patreon has a very difficult question for me to um you know what's hold on hold on we have we got to find out about this cafe yeah we got to find that out and also i'd like to put ourselves on blast okay because we run a company yeah we have an office sure and we have a cure here we do have a kid yeah this is because we live this is america so convenient i'm just saying yeah maybe we should start talking to starbucks about adding a counter here in the lobby people? For people to pay for? Yeah. Okay, that's fine. Yeah, they'll move into any building you want as long as people pay for it.

All right, it turns out caffeine, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if it's dark or blonde, but blonde roast is the way to go. Doesn't depend on roasting time. Okay, Michael from Patreon, would you rather salivate too much or too little? Oh, no.

Which is a great question this might be the best question we've ever been asked because it's so obvious if you're listening the negatives of both yeah i mean i've never i can say this i have salivated too little yes i have never salivated too much oh you haven't no no how does that No, but how does that... You just have saliva running out of your mouth? No, it's not running out of your mouth, but it's just an uncomfortable amount where you have to keep swallowing in the middle of talking. I've never been drinking my saliva like that. I feel like I would be drooling as I speak.

No, I've spilled on the pillow before. That's just drooling. That's not producing too much saliva. But the fact that I'm having to... It's terrible. I've had it happen a couple times. Like when we're doing a show, and I'm like, I feel like I can't get an entire sentence out. You can't get your salivation under control?

No. It's just completely out of control. However, cotton mouth is itself, it is a big problem. Your lips start turning all white when you get bad dry mouth it is a nightmare i've been on medications before that just gave me the most extreme your tb meds it was like yes my tuberculosis um meds i mean when you get extreme dry mouth, it is the worst. You feel like you can't move your lips, and you're just, everything has that sound associated. Yep, stick. Oh, it's terrible.

It's awful. I think I have to get extra saliva here, because there's also a benefit to saliva. Saliva's necessary. Wait, what do you mean there's a benefit? Well, it's part of your digestive system. It helps break down food. The right amount is. Well, sure, but none doesn't help.

Yeah, wouldn't a lack of saliva inhibit the digestive process? I guess if you're permanently dry mouth. Because I'm thinking of the only times I've really gotten dry mouth is when I'm in a public speaking situation. Where somehow the nerves, not like our show though, but like when I'm in a public speaking situation where somehow the nerves not like our show though but like when I'm speaking by myself on a stage that's when I've noticed it the time when you really don't want it right

when you really really don't want it it is a strange but if you didn't have it all the time then you would not be able to break your food down properly so I'm going extra the fact of like why do our bodies betray us like this? This is something that I have to do. I have to go talk to these people.

Why is my body making it as difficult as possible to just physically do it? I'm already dealing with anxiety. It's the brain-body combo. It's just anxiety. It's anxiety. It's the butterflies in your stomach stuff. But why wouldn't your brain be like, I got you, bro. I'm going to give you extra adrenaline

so much saliva don't you worry because you know like if you're looking at just spitting all over the stage just but primal stuff right fight or flight yeah and apparently our bodies are saying that flight is or fight either of these responses we could do them better if our mouths are dry. Why is that a response? Okay, I see what you're saying. It's a weird, like, that is a weird one. Have you guys? We suppress your hunger so you're not hungry during a high anxiety situation.

You don't have to go to the bathroom. You don't have to go to the bathroom. These are great things, but if I'm running. But also, you've got no saliva. bathroom you don't need to go to the bathroom these are great things but if i'm but also you got no saliva if i am running i need some my mouth is already gonna dry out because i'm running and breathing hard help me out body what is it doing instead is the real question oh it's dunking on you it moves it to your hands you get sweaty hands yeah that's saliva coming out of your hands wow art we have something in our brain that just hates us. We got to reroute.

I think it might be more of like a, it's not a hatred, but maybe more like a punked situation where they're like, oh, dude, check this out. I'm going to get them so good. It goes to your hands. Sweaty palms. Saliva palms. Saliva palms. Oh, those are the worst.

The next time I shake someone with sweaty hands, I'll now know. They're spitting on you. I am shaking their saliva hands. That's right. I know you're both Hamilton fans, the musical. Yeah, yes. Tell me that you guys picked up on the King Henry. Oh, yes.

Oh, yeah, yeah. The Disney one? The Disney version? Well, I saw it in New York as well, and even from a distance, you could tell. Dry mouth? No, he's the opposite. Oh, is he firing away?

This dude's got so much saliva. Is it flying all over? It is everywhere. When you project. I mean, it is a real problem. It is a real problem, and I recommend the balcony seats. You need to wear some sort of like. There is a splash zone up front.

They hand out the ponchos when you go in if you're in that orchestra area. Like seeing Shamu. But he was a great performer. Great job. I'm a big fan, but congrats on all that saliva maybe for that kind of a show you want to go home with a little yeah just sell it on eBay uh Kevin from the website would you rather every time you try to say I'm sorry the words oopsie doopsie come out oopsie doopsie or every time you try to say thank you the words whoop there it is come out i think there's something really cute about an oopsie doopsie and it and i'm sorry i mean if

you say oopsie doopsie it kind of means the same thing no no no no no no yeah i mean it's cute in a small sorry scenario right any big sorry big sorry scenario, you are in trouble. Let's say you legitimately wronged somebody that requires you to now go to them and apologize. And you walk in and you've done something significant to them. And you walk in the room and you look them in the eye and you say, listen, oopsie doopsie. Yeah. Honey, I've had an affair. Oopsie doopsie. I don't think your voice has to

inflect like that it could it could be a real summer oh let me try that let me try a genuine heartfelt honey i had an affair oopsie doopsie you can't do it you can't do it. You can't do it. Try apologizing to Al for the push-up stuff. Oh, genuinely, Al, I know I put you on blast, but oopsie-doopsie. Yeah. No, it doesn't work. How'd that feel? That doesn't work, man. We're not saying that it's... I don't accept.

It is not optimal. No, your response is, whoop, there it is. Right. But I'm saying that whoop, there it is does not... It doesn't correlate. No. No, we need a different phrase for thank you. It kind of does, right?

Like, hey, here I'm going to give you that loan you asked for. You know what I mean? Here's that $1,000 to get you by. Thank you. Whoop, there it is. That's pretty cool. This is a weird one. I'm replacing the Chick-fil-A people.

My pleasure. My pleasure with the Chick-fil-A people are hitting you with a whoop. There it is. That's so much better. That's actually nice. Yeah, all right. That would be kind of fun. Now, if you switched it to Boom Shakalaka.

That's better. That's, you know. I guess these are both pretty intense. Oopsie doopsie, though. Oopsie doopsie. Now that I've gone through the actual experience of trying to say it both ways i would put that inflection on everything no matter how serious it is i oh oopsie oopsie doopsie for your loss oh man yeah but you got to put the hands

up like oopsie doopsie on that on your loss oh that's bad yeah i'm still taking it i'm still taking oopsie doopsie because i most apologies are usually more mild i don't you know i'm a man who apologizes for the mistakes i make if i parent and i realize i made a mistake i'm gonna say oopsie doopsie wow wow yeah and they'll say they probably won't say whoop there it is after an oopsie doopsie um i guess i'm gonna have to go with the whoop there it is i'm taking the oopsie doopsie all right should we do one more move on let's do one more all right vivian frank from patreon one of our supporters says if you were an nfl player would you rather win a single Super Bowl in your career or never go to a bowl game but be inducted

to the Hall of Fame? I'm confused by this question. So this means you're an average NFL player. What does it mean, never go to a bowl game? You don't go to a Super Bowl. Yeah. Okay, that's a collegiate phrase there. They did say Super Bowl and then never go to a bowl game. Basically, would you rather be Dan Marino?

Would you rather be Dan Marino? Would you rather be Dan Marino? You never won a championship, but you're a Hall of Famer, considered one of the greatest quarterbacks of all time, or you're a forgettable – I mean, there's a million NFL players who've won a championship, won a Super Bowl that we don't even know the names of, and we do NFL stuff for a living. Yeah, it's tough because, in essence, if you're a Hall of Fame player, you also played for many years

to accomplish that, which means you have many years of disappointment. It's not just like you could win a single Super Bowl title in your career. You could play three years. You've won one in three, and then you ride off into the sunset. You have to necessarily play a bunch of years to make the Hall of Fame.

But I think I'm going to go with that one. I think I want greatness. I want the years of success and greatness and reverence of me fame um yeah i mean but i think i'm gonna go with that one i mean i think i want greatness i want the years of success and greatness and in reverence of me as a player versus just having won a super bowl as i mean i might as well be a bench player i could have been 100 if you're answering anything but hall of fame you are a liar you are a straight up like oh it's a team sport i want to win the highest championship it's not a it's not about me yes it's a team sport. I want to win the highest championship. It's not about me.

Yes, it is. Yes, it is about you. Because you know what? At the end, it is. After your career is over, when you're a Hall of Famer, you're still a part of that game. You're still going to ceremonies. You're still important. But what?

You got a ring somewhere and no one knows who you are? It's a fancy ring. So as of the class of- You're going to end up having to sell it. Yeah. Of 2023, that class, there will be 371 people in the NFL Hall of Fame. So that is a much lower number than people who have won a Super Bowl. Let me ask you this, though, to change the question to make it more compelling.

a Super Bowl. Let me ask you this though to change the question to make it more compelling would you rather win a single Super Bowl because of what you did in the Super Bowl or be inducted into the Hall of Fame because there are players like David Tyree who never did a thing in the NFL but will

be forever immortalized as the reason one of that they won that Super Bowl. I mean that David Tyree catch for Nework will go down in history forever and he got a super bowl win and we know his name now i am 100 taking the hall of fame yeah i think i am oh yeah baby that's a pretty special moment though oh for sure but i didn't get that moment but you didn't get a gold jacket yeah you do get a ceremony for that and you're part of a club jason would love to be you are you are part of a club but you Yeah, you do get a ceremony for that. And you're part of a club. Jason would like to be a part of a club.

I love being a part of exclusive clubs. You are part of a club, but if you make the play, you're part of a television special every single year. Because every single year, they're going to count down the best plays of all time. And if you had one of those plays that wins the Super Bowl, it's going to be in there. It's a tough call.

If I walked by David Tyree today, I would not know it. Sure. Because he would not be wearing a golden jacket. Right. I assume Dan Marino just always is wearing his golden jacket, right? He probably is. Yeah.

I mean, what's the point of having him? He's kind of a, not a great dude. Yeah, these things happen. The gold jacket changes you. If you have the gold jacket changes you if you have if you have the gold jacket how do you not wear that all the time maybe it's too hot so every now and then you're real heavy wool i think of that with a master's jacket too if i win the green jacket i'm wearing it i'm wearing this thing i'm not or i'm making a duplicate at least because they only

wear it to like thus the the ceremony where other people are getting their jackets cruise around in that thing all day you should make those things bulletproof just a cavalo like a john wick jacket double i just want more utility all right let's move on what's the difference between me and you? What's the difference between being invincible, indestructible, and unbeatable? Oh, man. You can start with unbeatable because that's at a task or a game i agree with that and that's also what we are we are unbeatable we are yes just like as a company as uh competitors we are unbeatable in our humbleness right as well that is 100 correct however with the tb

you're suffering from you are not invincible or indestructible no that will that will destroy me but it's not a game so it hasn't really like beaten me you can make the joke what if it's the game of life and what if you eventually lose then you're beatable okay eventually quandary so far you're losing i am currently losing the battle of tuberculosis yes i am um indestructible and invincible though it's tough because to me this is um i almost feel like an invincible person never dies no matter what but an indestructible person they die of old age may die of old age but cannot be destroyed while they live does that make sense i think that that's a hundred percent it if you're indestructible

then eventually the grim reaper comes you're you have aged out does your body decompose i doubt it or does it remain remain uh indestructible that's a good question mike and it's an important one i mean indestructible is bruce willis right from um the the m night or uh wait is it the movie called in wait is it called unbreakable unbreakable yeah yeah okay should be called indestructible but we'll we'll allow it but that is that you know he's not going to live forever so andy's right invincible invincible like superman doesn't age right but superman's not going to live forever. So Andy's right. Invincible, like Superman doesn't age, right? But Superman's not invincible. That's true. He's got that kryptonite thing.

He's what I think of when I think of invincible, though. Oh, man. Is he indestructible? No. He's mostly that, but he's not completely that. So if you're mostly that, can you make the claim that you are indestructible? It's invincible with an asterisk. That's what Superman is.

Yeah, I think he's... Read the fine print. Yeah, I think he's indestructible and invincible with an asterisk. Can you straighten me out here with Superman? The kryptonite, he's cool with it if he's on krypton, but he's not cool with it if it comes to Earth? That is... Because he was born in krypton, so is he just born in a big poison lake?

No. See, the problem is, I think, he receives his superpower from the yellow sun. Also known as our sun. So he wasn't a Superman on Krypton. I don't think so. Okay, that makes sense. So then when pieces of his home planet are around him

he no longer has the superpowers interesting now there's other colors of kryptonite though that I don't support those I think

I completely agree Andy I don't believe in those you're the superman guy how are you not all over this I just I think that they've gone too far kryptonite is green and when they added other colors it's ridiculous so I think Mike's right here it far. Kryptonite is green, and when they added other colors, it's ridiculous.

So I think Mike's right here. It says that kryptonite affects Superman by interfering with his cells and their ability to metabolize solar radiation. There you go. He is weaker due to the inability of his cells to process the radiation necessary to give him his superpowers. That's right. Spitwads, you are welcome.

Now, Jason generally picks Superman in things because he's invincible that's right i like the best and so do we have the no invincible superheroes then is there uh yeah i can think of one invincible superhero who's that uh uh doctor what's his face the blue doctor manhattan yeah dr manhattan oh man that's a deep cut that i don't even know yeah that we that's watchman i don't think that we can bring up Dr. Manhattan on this podcast. We will be shut down immediately. I'm too nerdy. Let's move on.

What's the difference between a throw, a toss, and a chuck? So if I'm chucking something, that's easy to me. I chuck without consideration of where it's going. Well, I was going to say, your eyes are usually closed. Or you could be spinning. You've got to be at the at the most looking through a squint you can't chuck with your eyes just casually open if you're not doing this yeah throw very good audio um yes if if you're not squinting or even eyes completely closed when you chuck something you ain't trying hard enough like You're not chucking it.

If I take something from you and I'm going to chuck it, I don't care where it's landing. But hold on. I just want it to be away from here. Jason, I think, is implying that a chuck must have maximum power. You've got to have force with a chuck. That's true. Do you?

You have to have force to chuck it. Otherwise, you're not chucking it. Yeah, you're not chucking it. Well, I feel like you can't have like a light chuck. Can you toss overhanded? No, I don't think you can toss overhanded. Like a toss to me is an underhand throw. Yeah, it's a scoop.

No, you can have a toss with your kid with kind of like an overhand, soft overhand. That's a toss. Okay, so you can toss overhand. You can go soft overhand. It must have a certain arc. But a toss is gentle. A toss is gentle, yes. A toss overhand. It must have a certain arc. But a toss is gentle. A toss is gentle, yes.

A toss is light, yeah. A toss is... A chuck is never light. No, no. You can't chuck something a short distance. If it doesn't go far, you didn't chuck it. You just threw it. Just one of the more frustrating things that you can do to somebody,

and they're doing it in prisons now, have prisoners try to chuck feathers. It's infuriating. It's infuriating. Ooh. It's infuriating because they don't go where they should go. But I would say that a chuck is kind of like it's a wild man's throw. I mean, you are just – It's like a punch to a haymaker.

Yeah, a throw has – Yes. Yeah, that's right. And a throw is just – there's velocity on a throw. Has to be overhand. It has to be overhand, and I, there's velocity on a throw. Has to be overhand. It has to be overhand, and I think there's some trajectory things here. Maybe, because a fast softball pitch is not a throw. It's a pitch.

You wouldn't say it's a pitch? Throw that to me. Nobody's softballing it to you. No. Yeah, it's a pitch. It's a pitch. It's an underhand pitch. It's not a chuck.

It's got its own thing. You've got to be overhand to throw. a bad pitcher becomes a chucker yeah and that can because they might squint like jason or close their eyes okay so there you go i think we did it what's the difference between a symphony an orchestra and a band this one troubles me because there are answers to this and i just might not know them. So a symphony obviously is there's a lot of people, and their goal is to calmly put you to sleep. They're the one. I don't think that's true.

Yeah, no. See, I thought the difference was the pit. Like one's above ground, one's below ground. The orchestra is usually below. The orchestra's got to be below. In symphony, you have to watch them because all the the Mozart and Beethovens, those are symphonies. Yeah, because you can see them. Yeah, but I'm saying they're not going,

to try and put you to sleep. Eventually, Beethoven does put you to sleep. Sometimes they start hard, but then they want to casually. Because they take you on an emotional ride. Oh, defending the symphony. An emotional ride to bed. They eventually lay you down an emotional ride. Oh, defending the symphony. An emotional ride to bed. They eventually lay you down on some soft. That's a lullaby.

Well, I mean, a symphony can play anything. They can put you to sleep with a lullaby or with Metallica. Are all symphonies and orchestras bands, but not all bands symphonies and orchestras? Or are none of the symphonies and orchestras bands? Because all bands symphonies and orchestras or are none of these symphonies and orchestras bands so i don't think they have too many things i don't think that they're bands bands are cool like bands are you know something that's like i'm in a band nobody would be in the symphony and be like i'm in a band you know what i mean like that it's just not cool that part is true that part is true but are you but i will stand up for the orchestra people of they maybe they themselves are not cool they can make things very cool though like oh yeah i mean if you take take the

orchestra out of a movie like watch star wars watch an avengers movie without orchestral music and that it is it will not land it will look dumb not how you are nodding at me the above ground below ground thing you think there's some some because their orchestra has to go in a pit no i i thought you were going a different route so i was nodding in agreement but then you went what was your route i i think and i could be wrong but i've always been under the understanding that a symphony is a composition. Yes. And an orchestra would play a symphony. That's what I thought, too.

But then we were asked this question, so I thought maybe I was wrong. I mean, we're obviously the authorities, so I would never. Yeah, I would go with us here. I would never actually. I think Owl is completely wrong. Can a band play a symphony? No. No. You need a symphony? No. You need a full orchestra.

Yeah, you need a full orchestra to play a symphony, and a band is too cool to do that. Yeah. That's the thing. Band doesn't want to put you to sleep. Band wants to wake you up, get you going, get you moving, get me in this mosh pit. Yeah, I mean, the garage, you're in a garage probably waking people up.

You ever heard of a garage symphony? No. So for Jason, the symphony puts him to sleep and the garage band wakes him up. That's right. I like the idea of a garage orchestra. A garage orchestra. That's nice. Where the neighbors are like, keep it down, you hooligans.

Dun, dun, dun, dun. All right. Let's do one more. Let's do another one of these. What is the difference between the other day, recently, and a while back? Okay. Oh, man. Let me give these to you in a use case.

Okay. I went and saw the movie Avatar the other day. Yes. I saw the movie Avatar the other day. Yes. I saw the movie Avatar recently. Okay. I went and saw the movie Avatar a while back. Okay. So it's obviously in that order of distance.

Right. See, I reversed recently another day. Yeah. The other day to me is. A while back is the oldest. For sure. That's a while back. Yeah, because there's a condition there. While. Yeah. Okay. So a while back is the oldest for sure that's a while back because there's a why there's a

condition there while yeah okay so a while back would be the longest but then like the other day though it can be two days ago it could be months ago no how dare you statute are you telling me all these years we've known you you've been using the other day and you might have meant i'm saying a few months ago i will allow it yes the other day has you might have meant a few months ago. I'm saying it can't, I will allow it. The other day has to be within the week. No. Otherwise it's more than a week. No.

No, that's recently. It's not the other day. You can't say the other, recently is within a week, week or two weeks. But recently could be, that changes. Recently can, like if you went to Hawaii last year, that's recently for going to Hawaii. Absolutely. No.

You would never say the other day I went to Hawaii a year ago. But if you saw a TV show, an episode, and you said recently, it probably shouldn't count for last year. Correct. No, recently is two weeks. And I feel like when you say the other day, you aren't exactly sure how long ago it was. If I say recently, I can tell you when it happened.

The other day better be within a month or I'm punching you in the face. 100%. I'm going to punch you square in the face. The other day this happened and that was two months ago. I'm punching you in the face. You're getting knuckle sandwiched. You can't because you won't be able to lock down exactly when it happened because I don't know.

You don't know. You use other day when you've forgotten when you've done something? That's a while back, my friend. What a monster. That's a while back. No, while back is I know this was like last year. I thought I knew him. No, I mean, you and I are in lockstep here, Andy.

Yeah, this one's- We clearly understand what the other day means. Nope. And Mike has no idea what the other day is. Well, I mean, according to Mike, we became friends with him the other day. Oh, yeah, the other day. The other day, I met him at a GDC conference. I don't remember exactly when. It was the other day.

Do you see how stupid that sounds? Nope. When you brought up the friendship, that one didn't sound good, but when you said the conference, when you said the conference, that worked. That was like 10 years ago. That cannot be the other day. Look, this one's tough. It could be the other day because I don't... Was it 10 years ago. That cannot be the other day. Look, this one's tough. It could be the other day.

Was it 10 years ago? Was it two? I don't know. All you know is that it was a while back, Mike. Yeah. You know it was a while back. A while. I mean, the Spidwads, you are with us, and I apologize for Mike on this question.

Yes. But oopsie-doopsie. for Mike on this question. Oopsie doopsie. One more or should we draft? Let's draft. All right, let's do it. The Spitballers Draft. All right. We are drafting things that are red.

And I'm going to be honest with you. I don't know if I love having the first pick here. Oh, there's a big three. I feel like I have to make a selection that defines the number one overall pick because I don't, I have a lot of, you said there's a big three. There's a big,

do you see a big three? I got a big two. Look, both of you are not going to have what I picked first, but what I'm picking first is most important. And I have to take it first because there's things to look at that are red. And that that's part of, we're drafting things that are red.

Usually when something is red, it is because I'm looking at it. Yes. And I recognize that it's red. But I am going... You know your colors very well. I'm making my number one pick based on importance. Okay.

Not just on how it looks or how it tastes, because those are some pick options. Sure. I'm going on. I need it to live. I'm taking blood. That's definitely one of the big two. Okay, good. Oh, no.

Good. No, it is not. What? No, it is not. It's number four on my list. It's number one. Okay, so I made a no, no, it is not. What? No, it is not. It's number four on my list. It's number one. Okay, so I made a good pick according to Jason. Yes, you made a great pick.

It's a good pick. It's just not in the big three. Mike was going to make that pick a while back. Mike, you are up. All right. So then part of the big, Blood, it's a good pick. Yeah, it's bumping through my veins. It's fourth on my list.

But when we are doing something that's saying things that are read, this is childish. We are being children right now, and you ask a child, what is red? A firetruck. A firetruck is red. Okay. 100%. Yeah, I mean, firetruck is on my list. I just counted it.

It's ninth on my list. The big nine, huh? That's stupid. It's 14 on my list, but it's not a bad pick. It's not bad. It's on our list. It's 14 on my list, but it's not a bad pick. It's not bad. It's on our list. It's just bad for where you drafted it. There's a lot of, you know.

I mean, clearly it would have dropped to 14 or so. Yeah, you could have got that forever from now. I mean, a fire truck, I will admit as an adult, a fire truck is still pretty cool. Yeah, of course it is. I think we become a little immune to it. But if you see one, you're like, that's pretty cool. Yeah, they course it is. I think we become a little immune to it. But if you see one, you're like, that's pretty cool. Yeah. They got the sirens on.

I don't mind the pick at all. It's a good pick. Look, I got a big two. One of them was blood. Yeah. The other is used to act like blood sometimes, but as delicious as ketchup. Oh, my God. Yeah, baby.

Ketchup was ketchup. Hold on. I'm going to go through my list. Yeah, count it. as ketchup. Yeah, baby. Hold on. I'm going to go through my list. Count it. Count it. Not there. Oh, what a dumb list. It's not on my list either. What a dumb list.

Oh, we have two lists. Two dumb lists. And it's not on there. Ketchup is the goat. See, we put Mike in defensive position, and it's coming out for the rest of the draft. Yeah. Ketchup wasn't on my list. I didn't think about it.

Was it on your list, Al? Where? Where on your list? It was on my list of round draft. Ketchup wasn't on my list. I didn't think about it. Was it on your list, Al? Where? Where on your list? It was on my list around five. Round five pick? No, it was around five. Around five spots. So ketchup?

Ketchup is fantastic. I just like that blood and ketchup were so synonymous. They're the one and two of red. If you don't have blood, you got ketchup. Is that pumping through your veins? Ketchup is pumping through my that could be a problem with the uh the tuberculosis yeah well the blood comes up when i cough so i've got the one and two thanks to tb um all right the next one here i don't think is going to be on your

guys's list at all this isn't a matter like ketchup, so like ketchup? Yeah, exactly. You guys have just awful lists. But my wife has been watching this new Netflix show that's like about collectibles. I don't remember the name and not a sponsor, so you don't get a shout out. But it's really cool you know when you have a one-of-a-kind unique item that the entire world knows it's unfathomably valuable fire trucks are everywhere yeah okay you're set up you've done it this one there's one of one and i'm taking the big man's suit give me santa claus's suit and i'm putting that thing up for auction because it is very valuable and he's coming from here on out every christmas a la mode i have so many questions there's a lot to dig through in santa's suit okay second pick so you're saying somebody owns

the original the s does, yes. And I am taking it from him. But what does this have to do with the Netflix show? It's a valuable collectible. If you're telling me I have Santa's suit. So you're telling me there's a show that talks about collectibles and you thought we wouldn't understand value in collectibles without the Netflix show?

I'm just saying that's been on my mind. I've been watching it. I'm in a collectible world. I was a little confused. I got you. I thought you were saying someone on the show has Santa's suit. No, Santa has it right now. Because I had some really bad things that I had to say.

So you went with ketchup and Santa's suit, not the two picks I saw coming. You could have just said Santa Claus, and I would have accepted that as a very good answer he's not red his suit well his cheeks are jolly yeah true Mike you are back on the board but you're you're right not on my list but that is an oversight Santa Claus should have been on this list it's a good pick yeah oh no that's a fantastic way there but I get it now. All right. Well, I'm going to continue on with my big three for the children. And I will go with a stop sign. Okay.

Stop sign. That was literally right next to fire trucks. I mean, fire truck doesn't have to obey. No, they do not. Because they're both red. Yes. If you drive a red car, stop signs. Just go right through.

These are not for me. These are for green cars. All right. So we are back at. Yeah. I didn't have a whole spiel about stop signs. Just go right through. These are not for me. These are for green cars. All right, so we are back at my pick. Yeah, I didn't have a whole spiel about stop signs because they speak for themselves. I don't have to sell the pick. Stop sign. All right, I have blood. Very important.

My second pick, there's a famous poem, and it just says, Yes. Blank are red. Yeah, this is big three territory. Welcome in. I mean, roses. Yes.

Thank you. Roses are red. Everyone knows they are. And watch out for the blue draft because violets. Um, no, I'm going with roses. I feel like I got a power to you do with blood and roses.

Yeah. Violets more purple. I don't know. Not according to the, Not according to the poem. Not according to the poem. Yeah. That's where I take my flower information from. That's probably why.

Didn't we do a blue draft already? I don't think violets got picked. We did do one, and I don't believe they got picked. Yeah, wait up purple draft. Because they're violent. That poem is really dumb. Okay, you're illuminating some things that I've never thought about. They got the roses one, right?

Yeah, they did. Roses are red. And then we say violets are blue. But it should be roses are red. Violets are violet. That's the name of the color. There is a color called violet. And it's not blue.

Why are you masquerading as blue? I'm looking at a bunch of violets right now, man. What color are they? Purple as heck. Yeah, they're not at all blue. This poem is a fraud. I think when it was written, there were only a few colors that you could choose from.

Colors they hadn't evolved yet. They didn't know purple at that time. They only had the red, blue, green RGB. I mean, that poem is a massacre of a lie. It's just flat out a lie.

Roses are red. Violets are not blue. Okay. All right. We're moving on. And now I have to make a third pick here. I think I'm not going to. It opens up.

I don't want to underestimate you guys as my opponents in the draft because I have one that I think could make it to the end. Whatever. I'm just going to take it. I could go 10 rounds. Go on the red Power Ranger. Okay. I'm taking the red Power Ranger for my third pick in the draft

in part because Jason went character. He went with Santa Claus. Yes. And so I'm going to go with the Power Ranger. I had thought about going with that one because it's the Red Ranger. You're the one I was worried about. I mean, he's the leader of the group, at least back when we watched. He's the only Power Ranger eligible for this draft.

But the problem is you have to declare the Red One. You can't just say Power Ranger. That's right. That's the Red One. That's why I kept him off my list. That was my issue. It's okay. It okay it's okay stop sign you're up yeah but stop signs are clearly red yeah the ranger could be yellow pink i don't know i don't know okay i got you just saying yeah just trying to poke some holes here violets are blue let's go i am really mad at that poem still i'm i'm just sitting over here just pretty angry.

Just fuming. Are we even sure roses are red at this point? I mean, I've bought plenty of pink roses before. That's true. Roses aren't always red. Jayce has got a visceral anger to this poem. I'm pretty upset. All right.

So I have, this is my third pick. Yes, sir. Okay, and we're going to move over into the food area, and I will take what I believe is, look, it is a royalty in the fruit family, and I will take the strawberry. Yeah, it's a good pick. Strawberries are so good. I respect the pick. So, so good.

But the problem I have is it's not my favorite of the red fruits, but I feel like it belonged on the top. It is classic. It is absolutely. It's the most red of the fruits, right? When you think of red. Most red, I mean, through and through, I guess. Is that what you're saying?

Well, I'm just like there's. It's got a bright, vibrant red to it. Yeah, I'm saying there's other berries that are reddish. They're a little bit more maroon. Yeah. I mean, you got pretty... Apples get pretty red. Yeah, but those ones suck.

Yeah. Oh, I'm with you on that one. They're just not the best apple. And apples are like roses in many different colors. If you're strawberry... You're caring about the kind of like... You want like a dedicated. Yes.

Like that's why you can't get a stop sign a different color. Right. Mike is going. Pure blood. Classic, pure red. I'm not. The pure lime. I'm not doing that.

I explained this. Yes. I am going with things that are awesome that are in the red family. They don't have to be perfectly red. Yeah. You know, I'm saying. Nothing goes together like sand and ketchup. Things that are associated with

well, you don't think that there's a lot of ketchup stains on that suit. There are. But you can't tell. And you should wear red more. Yeah. But then I'd be the Kool-Aid man. Which is up for pick. It's up for draft pick.

I could go so many rounds here, it's ridiculous. So, like, you know a lot of things that are red? Yeah, thank you. Yes, a little flex over here. My knowledge of color items is incredible. But because I've got two picks. I mean, I'll be shocked if you don't take. I'm not going to take anything that you think right now.

Because I know the two things I'm going to take and it's amazing you will you they're they're not going to be on your list because this is a list for me this thing that you're not drafting if you don't draft it couldn't be more you okay well we'll find out i am pairing these two together there are things i like a little bit better on my list, but since I got two back-to-back, I'm going with red wine and red meat. Oh, yeah, baby. Wine is on my list. Meat was not.

Yeah, red wine was the one I'm talking about. Oh, great. So you were wrong that I didn't know. You know me so well. Honestly, I should have taken red wine at three. Yeah, Red Ranger would have made it back. Yeah. To round 20. No, not round 20. Yeah, Red Ranger would have made it back. Yeah. To round 20. No, not round 20.

Look, you've got to have a little. Look, I've got core picks here. I needed some attitude. Yeah. Okay, so you took red wine, red meat. Those are solid, solid. I'm done. Red wine, red meat, Santa's suit, and ketchup.

That's a good list. You could probably pull off the whole ensemble there. Oh, yeah, for sure. I could put that suit on, get the little ketchup on the steak, on the red meat with a glass of red wine. Oh, man, know what I'm doing tonight? Do you do the ketchup on the steak? I don't do ketchup on the steak, but I don't think it's egregious or faux pas.

Mike, you've got firetruck, stop sign, and strawberry. Let's see if you can lock down this final pick. All right. I cannot. No, I resign from this draft. I'm very envious that Jason knows so many red things. I know. Let me know if you need help.

I have got a plethora of red items. I was going to say, we did a blue draft, so that actually happened. We did, I think. That's something we did. We did. Blue and green to say, we did a blue draft, so that actually happened. We did, I think. That's something we did. We did. Blue and green. Okay, so in the green draft, I remember I took an emotion in green, and I'm going to

do it again. Oh, wow. Because we got to keep the trends going, so I will take anger. I am red with anger at that poem. Because anger is red. Wow. Okay. I was inspired with how angry we have gotten with whoever wrote that.

Fire Truck Slug Slime Strawberry Anger. I don't think Mother Goose wrote that one. Mother Goose, there were like six to eight colors when she was around. There were only three or four at that time. All right. I have Blood, Roses, Red Power Ranger, and now an infinite amount of options for my final pick. I'll bet you don't know as many as I do. You made yourself laugh.

So stupid. I just don't know what to go with here. I don't feel like anything's going to have the impact that I want it to have. I'm going to go with Lobster. That's a great pick. I'm going to go with lobster. Oh, that's a great pick. I'm going to take lobster just to... They literally call it lobster red. Yeah, just to match your...

If you're having some red meat, I need some lobster on the plate. Although, what is the lobster color before it's cooked? Like black. Is it? Because they... Sometimes. This is Mr. Purebred over here.

He wants things to stay red from the beginning to the end i i generally do but i don't mind this pick i'm just i know that they start black they really redden up when you when you boil it when you cook them alive yes when you when you boil this animal alive it turns red but then when you put it on the plate you open it up and it's more like white oh that's pretty fun it's like i mean i eat meat and so i i understand that there are these these animals are being you know uh prepared for me to eat but the idea of going into a restaurant and then pointing at something in a tank you're like yeah that one i'm gonna eat I'm going to eat you. I'm going to eat you. Please go boil this alive for me. That one hits harder. Is it the method?

Would you like it to be euthanized beforehand? Plubbed on the head and then boiled? Yeah. Can we do that? I think sometimes that is done. I was at a restaurant once that hangs all of their lobster. Oh, my gosh. It feels barbaric of us.

Look, and i get it i get that my my beef is probably not humanely humanely handled either it's um yeah yeah i mean you know it's what we do i'm gonna eat some lobster yeah is that the final pick that is all right oh or how much time do we have i don't know if we've got enough i know so many things but there were a couple crayons there were a couple. Red crayons? There were a couple things I really wanted. I want to give them shout outs. The red solo cups. I had that on my list.

Those are a classic. I had that on my list too. The red carpet. You know, roll that out. Yeah, that's good. Oh, you guys didn't think of that. See how smart I am? Yeah.

Mars. Yeah. Mike, you love. What about the red planet? Yeah. What about Clifford? Clifford is on my list. He's on my list.

It was a little too abstract for what I was going for, but I was just going to say wedding. Oh, the red wedding. Yeah, it's a little abstract. Dorothy's slippers. I almost went with redwood trees, but they're not red. But they're not red. They're not red.

They're just called red. They're reddish. Reddish wood trees. Anger is not actually red for the record. I think the stretch. I know Al would have shut it down. Lipstick, sports car, red velvet cake. Delicious.

And then you got all the fruits that weren't mentioned. Apples. Yeah, thank goodness. Cherries and raspberries. Where do you guys stand on Mario? He's red. I consider him red. I do too. He's on my list. That would have been a great pick. I wasn't 100% sure.

You know, if you just... Andy Reid. The amount of characters Bruce Arians actually is actually red. But if you go characters there's so many. You know, you got Spider-Man, Iron Man, Deadpool. What did we learn today? I mean, I learned that.

I mean, Jason knows a lot of red things. That's what I learned. You, you smart man. Yeah, thank you. I learned that the roses are red poem is a freaking lie. And you know what? You probably aren't sweet. That's the poem. Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you. aren't sweet that's the poem roses are red violets are blue

sugar is sweet and so are you wait that's like the that's like the most known isn't it that's how i i know i mean uh is that the most known is that the most known guys i don't know it sounds right normally the last two lines are improv no i'm pretty sure that's like the OG Yeah sure I learned that the coffee caffeine is Oh yeah blonde rose Dark rose they don't make a difference Keurig if you're interested Contact our management team

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