Spitballers Comedy Podcast - 242: Jason Gets Rocked & Movie Titles to Describe A Bad Date - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: June 5, 2023

On today's show, we have an on-air face-off between Jason and Mike. We also discuss being friend requested by your boss, hamstring harps, yoga bombs and our end of life narration. Then we draft actual movie titles that could be used to describe a bad date. Don't miss it! Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast! Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast: Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.com Follow us on Twitter: Twitter.com/SpitballersPod Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPod Subscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers Podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. Bow, bow, bow, bee-bee-dee-bee-bow. All right. Your first mount shocked my system. It was piercing to the brain. Interesting.

It is. It's earlier in the day. And a scat's been known to catch you by surprise welcome in i you know look you were practicing a lot of scats before the show just i don't even know if you can practice a scat but you were flowing and those were very different than what ended up on the show was that was that the reason were you feeling like you had to do something different than what you were just well i i don't feel like it was practicing uh no i would that was just free flowing uh because you're right you can never practice a scat it is it is just impossible because it needs to come from within and from within i was like i'm just gonna do something

real chill yeah real easy we're just gonna slide along it's nice it's just a slip and slide no i didn't i thought it was it was good um nothing over the top nothing under the bottom would you rather life advice and we are drafting movie titles that could describe a bad date oh i i have the 101 per the rules because i had the scat and i'm are you very happy are you afraid to take it no i'm very excited about it uh we have done song titles to describe a bad date in uh on a previous show so this is somewhat of a sequel i noticed two important things as the show started today one i guess i guess I never realized on the main camera, if you watch the show on YouTube,

that Jason is being hit by the spitball coming from the monkey on the wall. So you are being hit. It's the other way with her, man. He looked over the wrong shoulder. And then the other one is that my mustache smells like coffee. Those are the two things I noticed on today's show. Did you have coffee?

Yes, thank goodness I did. That's an important part. Let's get it going. Would you rather? Hector from the website, would you rather live in a world? In a world. Where all disputes are resolved through rock, paper, scissors. Oh, yeah, baby.

Or a world where all important decisions are made by spinning a giant wheel of options. Oh, man. This is pretty easy for me. Is it? It is because. You're the only person who thinks justice is truly found in a game of rock paper scissors. That is correct. I will allow fate and my superior skill at paper oxygen is a skill based game. I completely agree and I come

out entirely though not entirely. Yeah but there is skill to it it's like uh it's like poker poker is a skill-based game but you gotta get there is some luck you gotta get some cards right yeah no i i agree i don't know if i would compare it exactly to poker it's exactly 100 the same as poker i yeah i hear you yeah rock paper Right? Yes. So you would go with that one. Because the problem to me is that if you solve everything, you resolve disputes. Think about it in terms of actual meaningful disputes. Yes. Let's say you're in a car accident.

Fault is to be disputed, therefore settlements. Both parties go to court and the judge who has a new role in this society calls the plaintiff and the defendant up now who goes up do you have does your lawyer play for you if you yeah you can hire you represent yourself no if you represent yourself you you're not trusting one of the more trained rock paper scissors because that's just they go to school for a long time for that for sure you've You've got to hire a champion. One year on rock, one year on paper. Some people spend a couple years.

Yeah. I would want a champion. I would want a champion to represent me, someone that has never lost. For instance, if you and Mike were to play paper, rock, scissors right now, because of your schooling, because of your success, there's no way that you would lose in a one-on-one,

just best of one. Best of one. What kind of anarchy society are you creating? It's always two out of three. Mike won't even agree to that. No, no, that society will not accept a one.

I will. I will commentate it to our podcast. Oh, we're actually going to play. Yeah. Yes. Al has asked me to do this. Okay.

This is good audio. I will give you the play-by-play. And it will involve two men playing a game of rock, paper, scissors. And we play the proper gentleman way, right? So it's rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Shoot, yes. Okay. That's right.

So right now, prepare your strategies in your brains. Okay. Getting loose. Stretching it out. There will not be time to prepare beyond this point. I will not give you time between each round. It's going to be consecutive after this. Okay.

Okay? So here we go. Ready? Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Mike won. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Mike won again. Oh, that went very poorly.

That is exactly what I wanted. That sucks. That feels like I just got kicked in the nuts. Oh, man. By the way, I'm so embarrassed right now. That's a million dollars now. Yeah, so in- I have never in my life started with scissors.

Sweep, sweep, sweep. I have never started with scissors. What scissors. Sweep, sweep, sweep. I have never started with scissors. What were you thinking? I was overthinking. I thought Mike knew my usual strategy. Oh, my gosh. You got the scouting report? I'm going back to school.

I don't know your strategy. I got to go back. Does that mean that you're doing- I got to get more years in on rock. Dang it. Oh, you got a PhD in losing. Look, it sucks to lose Highway to Spell and be embarrassed and be like, yeah, yes, I am a dumb man.

That one hurts. But this one hurts legitimately. I am actually embarrassed. I'm feeling great. I'll bet you are. Does that mean you're changing your would-you-rather choice to making all your important decisions by spinning a giant wheel of options? What would that look like? My question there, Al, is who's putting the options in?

Let me give you one. Our family wants to go on vacation. I don't get to make a decision. I have to spin a wheel of options. But who provides the options? It's chat GPT. Okay. I thought that might be the answer.

It's AI? I feel like it's... If it's something like a family vacation, everyone gets a piece of the pie. So like... It's the disputers. The disputers are putting the answers on there. Exactly.

Yeah. So that's not that bad of a situation then. It's just called compromising. We do that already. No, that's not that bad of a situation then it's just called compromising that's you do that already no that's not compromising you go back to the courtroom situation you got in an accident what the the defendant's gonna put you owe me and the complainant's gonna say you owe me and then you spend but it's not about settling a debate it's all major decisions in your life is it really yeah oh yeah yeah rock paper scissors was the disputes this one's just important decisions see when i was reading about the disputes i started low level like that of like hey we got in an argument andy's car crash but then i was like well what happens

with like there's the the axis versus the allies in world war i. Things are now settled. Oh, and there's just a paper, rock, scissors. Yeah, and we got our president going over there. Wow. Hopefully they've attended. And your country is mine. It's like, it's fair and square. I mean, and then what are the limitations of like, what's the no take backs policy on this?

Like how long until I can challenge again? That's a good question. Or is this just forever? I think those two can never challenge each other again. Once a new president, you can give them another go. I'll see you in four years. That's right. All important decisions being made by a giant spinning wheel.

I was thinking of that. There has to be some bad outcomes. Like if I'm like, we're going to go on vacation, there's got to be some like, I don't know, middle of Nebraska options on there. See, here's the thing. I'm starting to realize. Apologies to the middle of Nebraska.

They're not listening. They know what's up. They don't have podcasts there. You don't have to worry. You can say anything about them them they're they can't listen they can't hear you they cannot uh hear what we're saying but um you know i am a an extremely indecisive person as is my wife like when we go it's got to work well when we go out to eat like oh we're hungry let's go somewhere we will go through 72 options of like oh how about

this yeah that sounds good well it is a nightmare neither one of us enjoy it we just can't ever settle and say yes you need a wheel and that's what i'm realizing like this would be a blessing for our family to be like you know what i don't have to make the decisions i am fine with letting the wheel decide you know i feel like feel like you need AI in your life. You need AI. Like, we're trying to make this decision. Tell me what to do, Dad. That's actually a good use case.

Maybe that's who I should have start telling me what to eat for dinner. I mean, these things exist. If you just Google, what should I eat wheel, you're going to get a whole bunch of wheels that can help you make your decision. So you could be doing this right now. I guess I'm going the wheel option because the Paper, Rock, Scissors one, just the injustice of all of my losses is going to be a problem. I am spinning the wheel of dinner.

And it looks like it's pizza tonight. There you go. See? Okay. Wheel works. All right. Mike, what's your final answer there? You gotta go with the wheel. You can't leave

international disputes to rock, paper, scissors. Can you imagine Al Borland walks in one day and he's like, I want a raise. And then you're like, no, you don't get a raise. And then he's like, or do I? And then it's paper, rock, scissors, and we know's going to end up giving him a raise. Oh, man, I am so still reeling.

I cannot highlight enough how easy it was to defeat you. Oh, my gosh. You are killing him. I feel like a piece of paper that you are standing on. I did destroy you with paper at the end. Oh, gosh. All right, Peter from Twitter. Would you rather have every child you meet give a piece of brutally honest life advice

based on your flaws they have identified? Okay. Or have every child you meet tell you a four-minute pointless elaborate story with no clear conclusion? No, no, no. One of these can be helpful yeah i could take some criticism and i'm gonna be honest with you if it is a small child being brutally honest i think that could be pretty cute even if they're saying you are way too fat in your belly. I'd be like, yes, I am, cute child. Yes, I am. I agree.

I mean, I've had, I remember my daughter when she was very young, patting me on the belly and asking if I was having a baby. Oh, get wrecked. And I was like, you know, time to make some changes. The four-minute stories, I mean. Those are are the worst i can deal with maybe one a day no zero and and honestly can you turn around and sprint the other direction if this was a one minute story when when stories have no purpose and point and they're lost and you can't even follow it like my youngest son sometimes will come up and tell me something that happened during the day in a way in which it is so slow

and seemingly forgotten halfway through but still rambling and going one minute is too long four minutes is longer than you could possibly imagine. It's like, imagine microwaving something for four minutes. You know, 30 seconds is the usual go-to, I'll put this in for a minute. Four minutes is going to be forever while you stare at that delicious food, and I can't take that. I feel like, you know, we all have phones in our pockets and social media and distractions all of the time. And I try as a dad, I say, you know, kids know more than you think. They notice when you're on your phone, when they're not the priority, when you're not listening to them. And I feel like every time that I've ever taken my phone and said, you know what,

I'm going to be a good father right now and put it in my pocket. I have received a four minute story that has challenged the fabric of my B. This is why we're on our phones. This is why you got to use it as an opportunity of like a kid. It's a who, what, when, where, why that's it? Like, give me those details. Do not fill in over the top. Don't sprinkle things in. Give me the basics, and we'll figure this out. And it's, okay, do you need me to help with something, or do you need me to just listen to your five facts?

The problem with the kid one is if he does mention something, he or she, the child, that you cannot change. That is a bit of a self-conscious bomb for the rest like you have a super annoying voice right right it's not that you're fat or just skinny or whatever it's it's like you have you have a hideous nose i mean you just kind of you're kind of stuck with it yeah you gotta be strong then this says every child you meet not every child you see right how what how many kids when is the last time you met a child what are what are we constituting as a child i would say under a smaller adult i would say single digits younger than a teenager under Under 10. I mean. Yeah, okay.

Like my kids do a lot of sports, a lot of activities. But do you formally meet any of those children? Probably not. I mean, I've been coaching lately. Oh, okay. You're in trouble. Oh, yeah. Coach is going to have problems. You got 12 kids telling you one thing about you?

I take my son to basketball practice. I don't interact with nobody. I don't talk to the parents, let alone the kids the phones headphones in hood up sunglasses on yeah um wow okay phone phone out sideways they need to know i'm watching video or playing a video game instead of hey mr one of your eyes is bigger than the other oh no is that true um all right so are we taking the brutally honest advice yes yep i'm still gonna take it jenny from patreon would you rather have your end of life slideshow narrated by a soothing nature documentary okay so uh what's his voiceover um what's his name british yeah yeah or by an enthusiastic sports commentator okay so this is this is our final piece of our life this is what they're gonna this is

everyone's watching this is the representation of you do you want to be represented by enthusiastic sports or by soft, regal, soothing. And in his 30s, he started a podcast. Chirp, chirp, chirp, chirp, chirp, chirp, chirp. Or the other one would be like, you know, and Jason and Tiffany, they got married and boom, a brand new baby. Boom, shaka laka. That one sounds way more fun. Yeah, but that's a ride.

I think what this question really gets down to is what kind of experience do you want for those who come after you? Do you want the cathedral, the somber realization of your life, or do you want the party? Do you want the celebration of life, the confetti cannons? Boom shakalaka. Yeah, there we go. Boom shakalaka. Because I know I have an answer to mine. I'm the party guy.

Are you going sports? Yes. Do you want the boom shakalaka? Yes, I do. How does the sports announcer announce your demise, the final moments? Well, I mean, it's like. And he couldn't defeat that disease. It's like he stepped one inch too close to the edge,

and he tumbled down, down, down, down, curse blast. All I can think of is he got ran over like that the sports commentator there's a famous video where oh man it was so brutal and it's basically this it is yeah because one of the two sports commentators was sharing a painful story of losing their pet because it got ran over and then in the game someone comes and dunks on someone and the other commentator's like oh it got ran over like that it's so brutal it's so brutal and he was just trying to tie it in and he really shouldn't have and we've said goodbye to pepper but also run over yeah run over like that but also it's awesome i'm gonna go nature exclusively because the accent for attenborough it you just sound so smart like i feel like the

story of my life is a smarter story it will be sophisticated if a british man tells it for sure for sure you are wiser i want i want the the cathedral i don't want i don't want no party don't you party don't you party this isn't a celebration of my life this is you coming you weep you weep over me that's what i want are you you going to buy one of those? It's not a tomb. What do you call like? A coffin? No. No, no.

I know exactly what you're talking about. So like if you're really rich, sometimes they don't get buried, but they're in their coffin, but they get put into a sarcophagus. No, no. It's an above ground, maybe like marble made tomb. No. I mean, it is these things, but there's a word for it. Al.

A crypt? No. Sort of. Is it mausoleum? Mausoleum. That's the word I was looking for. But it's like if you're really rich, sometimes people buy these and they're like literally maybe they have spots for other family members in them.

Yeah. I don't need that. I just need your tears. You want to know that people are the only life's not the same the only thing that i have ever said about my situation is i want a slideshow of my life to what a what a wonderful world by louis armstrong okay wow because i feel like because you want to that them. You're going to destroy people. Yes! On my way out, I'm taking your tears with me. Okay.

All right, Mike, are you sticking with the boom shakalaka? Yeah, give me the good time. Al, which one would you go with? I'm curious. You want the nature documentary or the sports broadcast? I'm going nature. Okay. I ran over like that.

You guys. Shall we move on? Let's do it. Spitballers to the rescue. All right. Life advice time. One of the things that, one of many things I think we are very skilled at, much like paper, rock, scissors for two-thirds of us. Well, some of us.

Teresa from the website. My boss has requested me as a friend on social media. Do I accept the request and let her into my personal life or decline and risk offending her by making it it weird. Next time I see her at the office, I do have a quick answer on this one, but that doesn't mean it's right. But my quick answer is you do not answer the request. Okay.

And you play dumb until they ask you about it. But what if they asked you the very next day? Oh, you did. Oh, let me go accept that. I mean, you go accept it. But what if they ask you the very next day? Oh, you did? Oh, let me go accept that. I mean, you go accept at that point. And then you just accept? Yes.

You have to if they're bringing it up in person. If you decline, you're saying something. If you leave it, you didn't see it. It's like getting summoned. Yeah. If they don't hand it to you, you can hide from it. A hundred percent. That's what I would do.

I've still never received a jury duty notice to my knowledge this is good this is good um i feel like this is tough though because you wouldn't necessarily want your boss like i think it's wrong for the bosses to do this yes if it goes the other direction if the employee asks the boss to be friends, sure, fair game. Yeah. But if the boss asks, do you like spin up a second profile? And then like that one you just talk about, my job is so great. I think that that is the answer to the life advice.

You need to be prepared for this moment. In this digital age, you need to have your true social media where it's just like you know a private account for you and your friends and then have the account that is like public your public work work facing account that another great day at the office you post to occasionally you're just like you know a couple vacation pictures here or there. But like you protect yourself this way. I think this is a great idea for everybody out there. I mean, it's a serious answer, but there's like a lot of strategy, I think, to reputation online now. Yes, there is.

For having a job. If you apply for a job, the first thing that is checked is your social media. You hear that? Everybody stop retweeting every political post you've ever seen. It is so true. Look, I know we have a lot of people listening to this show. Billions. Be wiser.

We have never, ever brought on a writer, a staff member. How would I ever, ever hire someone and not do due diligence on their social media like i want to i want to know the person to the best of my ability and what are you willing to share publicly yeah it does say something because i mean it should be a really low bar right i don't need anything special what i need is not awful exactly yeah yeah no i i agree awesome your likes are public people that's true that is that is that is a very there's a tab that says likes and i could go see what you like i will play dumb with the boss that's what i'm gonna do yes i'm gonna play dumb and then act like oh my gosh of course i'll accept you i mean that that's the that's the quick

and easy answer but you got to have your other account ready you say oh you that's that's my that's not my account that's not me but you're wearing this shirt the same shirt that's that's my twin bobby from the website my sister's kids are incredibly misbehaved oh yeah and it makes it extremely difficult to want to be around them. But I don't want to push my sister out of my life. Fair. How can I communicate this to my sister or solve the problem without damaging our relationship? You can't.

Oh, man. I don't think there's a way through this. There is no map for this. Well, I mean, they've come to a place here on the Spitballers where we can help anyone through anything. Yeah, we can. Jay, how are we doing it this time? Yeah, what are some of your thoughts? Well, first of all, you meet at places where the children are occupied.

Occupado. You are going to a bounce house place where the parents stay over here and the kids go over there. And you only meet in places like this. Or you invite them to places kids aren't allowed. Absolutely. So they have to find a sitter. Yes, 100%. But that can backfire because they may ask you to be a sitter for them.

How could I? Oh, because you'd be going. Yeah, no, that'd be harder. Yeah. What are you doing on friday you i got they got these tickets to a comedy show you want to go yeah can you watch my kids yeah that would suck see guys told you told you that would be awful at that point there would be a problem with the sister not just the sister's kids but you just don't have the family over to your house have you been in the situation where um maybe it's not all the way to where you like want to

do something but you're like you're with somebody whose kids are just the worst and you can't do anything and the parents don't do anything no i mean we've we've all been there you know we've we've got kids which means we've had parties which means we've had lots of kids over and then there's those kids what's the what's the strongest you've been willing to parent another child at those at those events so have you ever had a talking to with another kid there are there are rules in my heart for parenting other kids ones that you'd want other parents to respect for your kids yeah maybe um oh so okay maybe this is going different sorry maybe not but like for me if there's danger step in you know what i mean kid running by the pool right no problem i will come in with

authority i will have a voice of a parent in charge when it comes to like parenting and trying to like help a kid along and and and do the right thing a kid in need i don't care about i don't like i that's only for the kids I am close to like my kids best friends who are over all the time and I know them well and I'm like you know dad too sure but otherwise these little miscreants the sisters kids in this story from Bobby no that I'm not parenting them I'm not gonna help just go live your life it's funny because i uh i saw a study on influences for kids that are basically in the teenage years and they said because that's when they tune out their own parents they don't pay attention to their own parents and they said that the parents of their

friends is one of the biggest influences on their life in the teenage years because somehow you listen to other authority and not your parents i remember one time as a teenager that another parent got on my case about something and it wrecked me oh really not in a way where i was like oh that's a jerk i want my parents to go yell at him what did you do oh it was the most meaningless thing i think i had argued with them for a split second on something they asked me to do and they said something like you need to respect adults or you need to respect uh your elders or something they said some comment about me not respecting them i was wrecked my conscience was destroyed i felt like the worst person in the world but if my parents had said that right yeah whatever yeah i don't care shut up mom yeah make me a meatloaf i did say that a lot yeah a full meatloaf um mike did you have any other

thoughts on this one uh no i mean i'm with jason of if if kids are creating a dangerous situation i will i don't have a problem stepping back hey we like, hey, we don't do that. You know, or I'll get more serious if it is a serious danger. But other than that, I mean, I guess it's difficult because it's your sister's kids. But you just, you hope that your sister can see what is happening and want to fix the problem. That's tough, yeah. Do we have time for another one of these? Yeah, let's do one more. Pete fix the problem. That's tough, yeah. Do we have time for another one of these? Yeah, let's do one more. Pete from the website.

My wife keeps asking me to join a hot yoga class with her. I'm not flexible. I dislike exercise and I hate the heat. Okay, this is Jason from the website. Jason from the table. Continue. How can I dodge this bullet without looking like i'm not interested in her passions see i just i'm gonna go ahead i'm gonna disagree with you here pete

you gotta go do it whoa you gotta go do it you would go do it yeah app you gotta go do it um because you're a better man well it's not just because it's it's the right thing to do for your relationship it's because it like honestly it's probably the right thing to do for your relationship. It's because, like, honestly, it's probably the right thing for you to do as a person. You're like, I'm not flexible. I don't like exercise. Yeah, I mean, most people don't. Most people don't like the exercise, but you probably need to do it.

And yoga is legit. Yoga is extremely difficult. It will build muscle mass, and it will help your flexibility, and you will feel better. Okay. So that's my piece. Let me steal this question away from Pete because I need life advice. Right.

I am super not flexible, Like, beyond embarrassingly. I've seen you be. You were told once, because we used to work out together, that you had the least flexible hamstrings that the trainer had ever seen. Yeah. Impressive. Maybe no hamstrings at all. I don't think that there is someone out there less flexible than me,

at least in the hamstring area. Do you have too many? Do you have extras? Whatever it is, they're very, very tight. And if they were any tighter, I wouldn't be able to walk. So I am not flexible. I abhor exercise, and one of the things i hate more than exercise is heat so this is literally me and i have been wanting i can uh owl can even attest to this this is real i have been wanting to find a personal yoga teacher good to do yoga because i like, I don't want to be an old guy that can't

walk around and go hike a mountain and do things. And I'm on my way. So I'm like, I genuinely want a yoga teacher, but it has to be private. I am too embarrassed with my current abilities to go into a class. And so in this setting, it's like going into the class. Do they have cold yoga? Yeah, they have. Hot yoga is a very specific. No, I'm just saying, do they have the opposite in like an ice chest or something? That'd be nice.

Not nice. But that's bad for flexibility if you're frozen. Air-conditioned yoga. And I've done i've done the the yoga classes in a in a gym and it's you're you'll be fine man you just go in the back corner it's you need to recruit somebody you know that will look stupider than you but no it's very much like high school where you go in and you think that everybody is looking at you and no one gives two craps about what you are doing

because everybody else, there's going to be a couple people in there who are real good and super flexible, real limber, but most of the people in there are going to be, well, not on your level because of your flexibility problems. Most people are not paying attention to you at all unless you're ripping the farts the problem here is that okay you're not flexible farts and your flexibility

you're a yoga bomb has anyone ever been just asked to leave like uh sir you are not stretched at all and you've just farted you have not stretched at all, and you've just farted. You have not done an exercise. You just walked. All you're doing is farting. Please leave. You are distracting the classroom. You're in the wrong class. This is how I hot yoga.

You can learn to be flexible. You can learn to like exercise. You cannot learn, I think, maybe I'm wrong, to handle the heat better. You can learn to endure it better can you yeah you'll get jason can you imagine a world where you endure heat no not at all well i mean yes it's called 70 fewer pounds then i'm sure the heat would bother me a lot less if i was a very in shape uh person i am not and so I can't imagine the heat being okay. But so Mike, you're saying don't do the personal yoga.

Do the, like go push myself to the class. I'm saying either. Either or. Like a private instructor. I mean, wasn't that. Honestly, like a class at the beginning when you're learning how to do everything, that might be be better because you're going to have less attention on you than a private instructor staring at you um you asked them to leave the room um i will do this exercise

when you step out of the room you're here's how this is going to go teacher you're going to show me the exercise then you're going to leave for five minutes, come back and show me the next one. And trust that I did it. I do remember, what was the, is it P90X? That's what it was called. And there would be plyometric day and lower body and upper body and whatever. You'd be doing pull-ups and push-ups, and it's all in 60 minutes. And then there was yoga day.

Yeah. And yoga day, in your mind mind after doing all the other stuff you're like it's almost like an off day it's yoga it's stretching it was torment it was beyond the worst day to do because the yoga was like i don't i don't fit that way my body does not does not move in those ways and then you want me to stay there for a long period of time in yoga the time passes so much slower um oh al you're saying you never used the yoga disc yeah yeah that disc when it when it was supposed to come into the rotation i just went ab ripper again so that disc is brand new for him i went ab ripper again. I mean, look, Pete, it's going to be a terrible first few weeks.

Just terrible. But be ready. The Spitballers Draft. All right, we are drafting movie titles that could describe a bad date. Hot Yoga, is that a name of a movie? Mike, you have the first pick in the draft, and you seem almost ecstatic to go get the first pick. What stinks is with this type of a draft,

I have no idea where you guys are going to go, and it seems like you could probably risk some titles, but it's too good. This is not a simile or a metaphor or an analogy. This is just right on the nose, and I'm going to go with super bad. Super bad. That's funny.

That is very good. That's good. That's very good. I didn't think of that one it's not on my list not on my list either it's super bad super bad i mean that is as on the nose as you can i almost like that prompt i don't know if it'll work for everyone but the prompt of like hey how was your date and then you give the movie title i like that yeah so jason uh after the super bad date how was your date uh well mine won't be quite as on the nose but it will have major problems and then even worse problems because we all know i'm an intellect you know yeah? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And I'm looking for a mental workout on this date.

And so I'm going with dumb and dumber. Okay. That is not the date that I want. I didn't have that on my list either. You're hoping you're the dumb. Right, right, right, right, right. You don't want to be the dumber. No, I don't want to be the dumber.

That's funny. But dumb and dumber. No, I don't want to be the dumber. That's funny. But Dumb and Dumber is, well, first of all, one of the all-time great movies. So that does factor into my selection here. But yeah, that would be a terrible pick. That's good. All right. So I've got two picks. The first one, simple.

One word, psycho. Yeah. Hitchcock. How was your date? She was a psycho. Yeah. The second one, gone in 60 seconds. That is on the top of my list.

For one, it's important to get a Nicolas Cage movie in. And two, yeah, gone in 60 seconds. How did it go? Gone in 60 seconds. How did it go? Gone in 60 seconds. Not very well. It is at the top. That would have been my pick. Yeah.

Had I not thought about Superbad. I needed to lock in Superbad. I could not possibly miss out. But gone in 60 seconds, it's very funny to me. Jason, you have a Dumb and Dumber date. What do you got now? I've got a handful of these uh you know kind of like psycho these one word bad descriptors but i'm gonna go a little bigger i'm going with

a series of unfortunate events is that lemony that is lemony i gotta cut off the lemony snickets yeah that's fine but yes if my date is a series of unfortunate events, that describes exactly what went wrong. Just, you know, it wasn't one thing. You got gone in 60 seconds. Yours was over quick. I would prefer that. Let me be gone in 60 seconds.

I don't want just a nonstop series of unfortunate events. I like that all of your picks so far have not been on my list, i've got a pretty good list so there's there's options out there uh mike you had a super bad date what do you got now uh i guess you got two picks yes uh i have back-to-back picks here i will start uh this was what i thought of right after gone in 60 seconds because it is now uh this word is now used to describe something that is uh supposed to be great but was a colossal failure i will go with water world that's what i thought you were gonna say no no no because water world's great we've been over this uh titanic oh boy oh boy for sure um yeah that date it, it sunk. It sunk.

It sunk. Many were lost. Okay. Unless you got on a rowboat. Okay. Yeah, it works lots of ways. Mike, you are up next. Okay, so Titanic, I knew I had to get that one in. Tough decision.

Yeah, I'm the same. My list, I love some of these options options and they're not getting used up. I'm going to go with a more recent movie. This director was able to break on the scene for it because it's like a horror movie. But I will go with get out. Yeah. I got that one. Are you on your list?

That one is on my list. I agree with you. I did not have that one. But the fact it's a horror movie helps a little more. Fantastic movie. And then just, I mean, because when you say it, at least to me, I picture the scene where he's sitting in the chair, just eyes gigantic, tears are just streaming down his face,

and he's just freaked out. Imagine that's how your date is like imagine that's that's how your date is going yeah yeah that's good super bad titanic and get out jason has dumb and dumber and a series of unfortunate events and now another pick now i am back on the clock and i am going to select mission impossible okay because that can be a number of different ways um either just out of my league right like oh man oh the blind date yeah or or or the opposite which is of course what is gonna happen you know i'm too good i am the mission. Because of the intellect. Yep. And my paper oxyger skills.

Or lack there. I was thinking during one of these questions earlier in the show, I was like, how much would I pay Mike to go back and re-edit this podcast? Oh, my gosh. I mean, we can give him a shot at the end of the show. Oh, no. Oh, no. I mean, double can give them a shot at the end of the show. Oh, no. Oh, no. I mean, double down. Mission Impossible was your pick.

I guess I'm closing my draft out here, right? I feel like we could go 15 rounds here. Nobody's taking anything from anybody's lists. My third pick after Psycho and Gone in 60 Seconds is going to be Catch Me If You Can. Okay. Oh. Okay. That could go either way that could go i show up the blind date is not what i thought it was gonna be catch me if you can

because i am leaving um or she's leaving yeah uh and then my final one it's tough i like you said i could go a bunch of different picks here. But I'm going to keep it simple. I'm going to keep it one word, and I'm going to go with Frozen. It's on my list. I'm going to go. It is on my list. It's a cold night from a cold heart.

Yeah, you don't want a Frozen date. So I'm going with it. I had Get Out on my list. That was one that you had. And when I saw that movie title, when I was making this list, immediately I thought of the same director, the same genre. Very nice. But to me, it was better. It was one word, nope.

Just straight up. I mean, if you want to describe how was your date what if you said that what if that was the one word on the date yeah show up nope turn around i'm out of there that to me is the one where it's like it's my super bad you know yeah how was the date? Nope. Nope. Nope. Mike, close us out. All right. So I have, what do we got? I got Superbad, Get Out, and Titanic. And we will finish off. I mean, we're a very sophisticated podcast.

Right. So hopefully those at home can translate because this title is in fact in a different language. Oh boy. And I will go with, I mean it started as a musical so it's a little bit of a cheat but it is, I will go with Les Miserables.

Ah, I like it. Which is translated to Les Miserables I believe. I like that. So if we are all miserable together we are having a bad date. Yeah. I almost went lost in translation

as one of the actual bad date titles. Because if we can't communicate, it's probably not a great date. All right. So I assume we've got, that's it, right? Yeah, that was it. So I assume we all have a lot left on our list. I want to hear. Frankenstein.

Okay. Frankenstein's one. Clueless. Nice. Is another. Dazed and Confused, I think, would be a good one. I don't know why I wrote No Country for Old Men, but I imagine that's a bad date.

You're just the old man in this story. It's like, oh, this is no place for me. I should not be dating. That's it for me. I like that. I have Misery. Oh, yeah. Very similar. I have Misery. Oh, yeah. Very similar.

I have Apocalypse Now. Okay. That's good. The Money Pit. Uh-huh. Old movie. That's a good one. Yeah, Tom Hanks.

This one, Meet the Parents. See, I saw that. That's funny. I don't know if that's good or bad. If you're meeting the parents. I've gone almost first date in my head for all these. So if the parents show up with her, that's pretty. That's where I'm thinking.

This is like blind date. First time you're meeting someone. Meet the parents. And failure to launch. Okay. Yeah, not bad. Liar, liar. It's okay.

So go along with your dumb and dumber. An inconvenient truth. Ooh. I don't know what the truth is, but it inconvenient got ideas either ways and uh the jerk just yeah just a classic steve martin reference okay that's good i like it um so many i also wrote jaws down but i didn't know what that was gonna mean i i had written down the never- story. Oh, and extremely loud and incredibly close. Okay. I'm just picturing like a friend.

You're just screaming in my face. Oh man. Close talker. Yeah, but loud. That's yeah, that would be a problem. Mike's final picks are super bad.

Titanic. Get out and lame as a Rob. Jason went with dumb and dumber, a series of unfortunate events, mission impossible and nope. And I had psycho gone in 60 seconds., Catch Me If You Can, and Frozen. What did we learn today? Oh, I bet Jason learned something.

I learned some humility. Yes, I'm jumping in. I learned better than Jason at Paper, Rock, Scissors. Wow. Oh, that feels bad. If it makes you feel better, it's only documented on audio and video to countless fans. After talking a very large game of how good you were at Paper, Rock, Scissors. I am very upset right now.

I learned that. And I learned that I'm going to go and buy all my employees to follow me on social. All right. Thank you for joining us. Thank you, Al, for putting the show together. And we'll be back with another episode. Jason will practice his Paper Rocks. Maybe go back to school.

I will. See you next time, everybody. Goodbye. Thanks for listening to the Spitballers Podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out SpitballersPod.com.