Spitballers Comedy Podcast - 244: Cantaloupe Eaters & The Worst Things About Driving - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: June 19, 2023

On today’s show we talk about cantaloupe eaters, merge blockers, and the great carrot color war. We also dive into some ‘What’s the Difference?’. We wrap things up with a draft of the worst things about driving. Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast!! Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast: Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.com Follow us on Twitter: Twitter.com/SpitballersPod Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPod Subscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers Podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. Honkity honk, beep, beep, boop, loopity doop. Oh, man. Yeah. honkity honk beep beep boop oh man this was excellent yes sir I mean I genuinely think

nothing brings me greater joy than a failure here but I think that was the best scat you've ever done I don't know about that. I don't think that you will think that. You sure about that? You sure? You sure about that? Yeah.

I think that's like that was very much like Christopher Nolan's scat where the first time you hear it IMAX? Yeah, well the first time you hear it, you're like, that was like the greatest thing I've ever seen. And then some time goes by and you're like, here it is. I'm going that was like the greatest thing i've ever seen and then some time goes by and you go here it here it is i'm gonna relieve the greatest thing i've ever seen you watch you go oh well it was pretty good it wasn't bad but i definitely

felt like one of the better ones that i had no idea what was coming out of my mouth yeah i saw your face right when the music started you're like i have no idea what i'm doing which is of course what you should know for a scat you should have no idea what I'm doing. Which is, of course, what you should know for a scat. You should have no idea what you're doing. Yeah, you got to clear the mind. Genuinely, we normally were like, okay, what's this show going to be about? I'm going to sneak one of those words in,

and the rest is just going to be... But you got a lot in. You went full honky-tonk. Because we are drafting the worst things about driving. Ooh, fellas. Yeah. Owl is an integrious man. Oh, sorry.

That wasn't up for debate. No, I was trying to make a statement, but it is up for debate, I suppose. We are on episode 244. Oh. We are closing in. Owl. 249 is Owl.

Owl has owned that he has the scat for 249. Is that every 80? 83. 83 episodes. And the fact that he has put it into the document. Jason's doing the count on whether he gets scat. I just did the math that that's supposed to be my scat. Yes.

Does that just push you back one week? Probably. Here's what I will say. The fact that he is being so forthright with it, he's got to have something already planned. He's doing some takes at home. He's running some stuff out. He will be now. He's bounced ideas off of AI, been like,

what's the best thing I can do here? His mind is not going to be clear. We need to give him a directive for his scat that oh god he can't right before yeah right right before must include these two syllables yeah oh baby it's tough because um i think he knows that if he misses it the spit wads out there are going to be aware they're going to do the math and they may leave the show at that point. I would. Yeah. Would you rather?

What's the difference on the show today? Episode 249, do not miss it. And like I said, we're drafting the worst things about driving. Otherwise, I never would have said hunkity hunk. Oh, I see. Got to tie it in. At SpitballersPod on Twitter. We're on Instagram, Facebook, YouTube, the website, SpitballersPod.com.

Let's begin. Would you rather? Hayden from Patreon. Thanks for your support. Writes in, says, would you rather have the utility of two extra arms? That's a fun picture. Or five. Like Goro? Yeah, that's what I thought of too. That's a fun picture. Or five. Like Goro?

Yeah, that's what I thought of too. That's the only thing you can think of. So two extra arms or four extra eyes located on the sides and back of your head, giving you 360 degree vision. Now, quick question. Just a little point of clarification. The utility of. Yeah.

So is this. Value added. I'm saying like is this like somehow I can have a sneaky two extra arms when I need them and then they go away? Or am I saying I now have four arms? No, you got four arms. You got six eyes. Okay. Here's my issue.

Oh, man. And I don't know what six eyes is like. Don't wear a hat. I know what two eyes is like. Don't wear a hat. I know what two eyes is like, and I don't get to decide when they're open to look at one instead of the other, other than closing one eye. Right. I was going to say, you can't do that. Other than specifically telling my body, use one eye.

Have you ever tried to close one eye for the whole day? No. Why would I do that? I like the vision of... I like stereo. Have you ever tried to close one eye for the whole day? No. Why would I do that? I like the vision of... But, I mean, do you think it's... I like stereo. Do you think it's doable to close... Because this is my point.

Do you eye patch the other four? Because it would be disorienting to walk around the world in full 360. Because what's front? What's back? What's side? Obviously, that would be wild and like debilitating if we went from a lifetime of two eyes to now all of a sudden we're seeing behind us at the same time and on the side of us but i think in this situation you're you know this is this is if we were born

with this and that's just how vision was that wouldn't be weird to us it wouldn't be that we would just have excellent being born with this this is like you snap your fingers and you get these right my point is are you born with your forearm with your forearms you'll get used to it you will you will be able to adapt and so you've just got you no one can sneak up on you no one can sneak up on me when i tell my kids i got eyes in the back of my head i ain't lying um do you put here's a question genuine do you put tvs behind you and in front of you are you watching double i don't how do you sit are you sitting on a middle couch in your room that's too much that's like when you like that's like when you're watching a show but you're on

your phone that means you're not watching the show you're paying attention to the phone but that's how i watch every show yeah but that means you're not watching anything but he knows no plots i've got severe adhd so i need like a lot of stimulation so maybe six eyes is for you i think six eyes is for me when i i want for a phone one for another phone yeah i think that there would be more utility because it would be changing every moment of my life. There's no moment other than being asleep where my vision is not improved, where I can't see more of the world. And whatever benefits come from that, they're permanently on. Whereas the benefits from four arms.

I could do curls while I'm typing. Exactly. I don't think that would be common. You could always keep one arm ready for the curls. That's the only thing holding me back right now. These are my strong arms? No, you got to rotate the arms, Mike. I thought you were just getting really, real strong.

These are my typing arms. These little twindles. I mean, I would love to bring in more groceries. Right. I would be the king of unloading in one trip. I would be the king of high fives. You would one trip. Oh, you'd be the king of high fives. High 20s.

What are you talking about? That's fair. That's fair. Hey, everybody, come over here. I got a high five. You all at once. But I just I think that the arms, they don't make you stronger. You know, it's not like I can lift a car.

No, you can't. Why not? You have to be able to focus. You've got to use your mind and know what step you're doing. It's not like you could. It's only the arms holding me back, guys. You can't skip steps, Jason. I think you're onto something here.

You'd be like, well, I've got these two extra arms. They're not autonomous arms. They're not just doing their own thing. What is the benefit of two extra arms? Let's brainstorm here. Al, do you have anything? Carrying in the groceries? Yeah.

That's what I said. Oh, no, no, no. You didn't think about the utility in eating. Okay. There could be some more snacks at once. You could control the remote with three. You could quattro fist. I've got four burritos.

You're just like a super lush. Yeah. Oh, man. Why have two beers when I can have four? Would it make it easier or harder to dress yourself? Harder because you have to have a whole new shirt. Well, I mean, again, like the eyes. I would imagine you're used to putting your forearms in a shirt.

I think it would help you. Yeah, because you could be like putting a shirt on and your pants on at the same time. Oh, okay. Okay, now we're talking. Oh, now he's interested. Now we're interested. Fighting. Yeah, you could box.

That's true. Talk about getting into the ring and you didn't know you were fighting a forearm guy. That would be a real surprise. How do you, even if you you know how do you prep how do you prepare in your training camp for like okay what what if he's got an arm over here and then he hits me over there you gotta prep by fighting two people yeah i want to believe that this world that we're living in which apparently we're born with this everybody on earth has made this choice or their parents made it for them when they were born okay so every kid they're like i already have a kid with four arms let's go with the six eyes

on this kid so everybody's born the world is split six eyes so that would help you in the ring or the four arms maybe a six eye person versus a four arm person i thought of another pretty big advantage for four arms the teacups at Disneyland. Yeah. I mean, you get four hands on that thing. You got to bring another person in with you. Yeah. But usually it's my kids. You know, it's like I'm doing all the work while these weaklings are like faster.

Dad, I'm like, I'll make you throw up. Final answers. I'm taking the eyes cups. The teacups. I thought you meant that would somehow make you not dizzy. If you had 360. It would, right? Is dizziness gone?

No, I think dizziness is more about hearing, isn't it? Well, it's not about hearing, but it's the, I think, like the liquid in your ear. No, no. The crystals. I mean, when you're in a car, part of it is the vision of things going by really quick. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That is correct.

It's both. My final Yeah, yeah, yeah. That is correct. It's both. My final answer is the forearms. I'm taking the eyes. Okay. Jason's going eyes. No one's sneaking up on you. No. Shelly from, it's a lot more to gouge.

Gonna need to shave my head, though, because I feel like all I'm looking at is hair right now. Because unfortunately, the place where these eyes are, I still have hair. Unfortunately. I mean, you would look ridiculous.

Sunglasses is a problem. You like the extra spots for bangs. Okay. Shelly from Twitter. The question is probably harder for Jason since he seems to do both a lot. Would you rather sweat maple syrup when you sweat or cry lemon juice when you cry? So I think she's saying you sweat a lot and you cry a lot.

So I don't know if you agree with that sentiment, but don't cry about it. One of these things. He's not arguing. I do sweat a lot. I do cry a lot. I would say that those are both very true statements about me. I'm an emotional sweaty man i used to be i used to be really emotional like cry i used to be able to cry i

felt like i cried too late you know what i mean like you cried as kids but then like other kids well like you'd stub your toe and then 10 minutes no no no i just meant like you get to an age where you're like i shouldn't be crying as much. Well, see, that's your problem. Well, I get it. I get it. What happened is you got ashamed of crying. I did get ashamed of crying.

And then you turned it off. But now I want to cry now. I haven't cried in a long time. Let's make him cry, Mike. All right. Okay. Don't gouge me in my six eyes. Yeah.

All right. So lemon juice out. Yeah, I'm an emotional, sweaty man. Does the lemon juice burn as it's going out? It better, because otherwise... It better? Yeah, because otherwise, who in the world would take the maple syrup? I mean, if you're sweating maple...

If I get one drop of maple syrup on my arm somehow, or honey, or something like that. That is a nightmare. I sweat everywhere. It's there until you shower. I've got maple syrup in my hair. Oh, my sweaty forehead. I've got it under my shirt. Crying would be so painful.

Yeah, how do you ever stop crying? Oh, because it's a perpetual yeah i mean and you would be over like the the heaving and the sobbing crying but your eyes would just they would water forever because if if if the welling up of your eyes is burning your eyes interesting it's just going to keep burning forever i imagine the desperation of the amount of maple syrup on you would also cause you to sweat some more. I would. I mean, there's just no world where I could take maple syrup. I'm not sure.

I would love to watch this world. Would you rather sweat maple syrup or lose your eyesight? I'm not sure which one I'm taking. Sweating maple syrup sounds like the worst thing. I feel like you would spend your whole life at that point. In the shower? No, I was going to say, you would have to guarantee every environment you're in, you can't sweat. But I'm sweating now.

We're in a great environment. My butt is sweaty in this chair. I mean, it's over. Now I've got maple syrup pants. You smell good. Thank you. No, I'm saying you would. If you wanted to

not sweat i wasn't giving you a compliment i still accept it as one you think maple syrup smells really good that's yeah yeah it smells great people like i don't know maybe not yours you're not gonna want to wear it as a cologne. I guess you wouldn't need deodorant. Correct. Because you just smell like maple syrup. Or do you smell like syrupy BO? My point is if right now you decided, let's say your sweat was acid and it was going to kill you. You could take steps in your life to stop you from sweating.

Well, don't say take steps because I might sweat. You don't think you could live a sweat-free life if you committed to it? If that was the most important thing, like it's sweat or death, then yes. Are you sleeping in like a freezer? Oh, man, that's a great point. Like I sleep every night. I sweat every night while I sweep every night. Well, I sweep. You sweep?

I can't say the words. He sweeps every night. I sweep every night. I sweat often when I sleep. Like last night. And it's always so random. We keep our house really cold. And some nights for no reason, it feels like it's 100,000 degrees.

I feel like you would have an advantage with the sweating of the maple syrup because no spiders could get close to you because they'd all be caught in the maple syrup. I'm just leaving a trail behind me? At your current sweat rates, you would. I don't think I currently sweat to the ground levels unless I'm playing pickleball. How thick is this maple syrup? Isn't it pretty thick? Oh, yeah. Very thick.

Okay, speaking of pickleball. I'm going to take the crying one. We all are. We've all seen how both Al and myself leave pools of sweat. You guys are like faucets. We would ruin our pickleball court. That pickleball court would no longer be playable. It would become a breakfast joint.

Yes. All right, Mike, I think we're going to cry with some lemon juice. I guess. Reichert, I hope I got that right from the website, would you rather rid the world of? Okay, let's start over. What would you rather rid the world of? Okay, we're doing some good here.

Paper receipts. Is that one option? Yeah, that's start over. What would you rather rid the world of? Okay, we're doing some good here. Paper receipts. Is that one option? Yeah, that's the first option. So paper receipts, flyers, brochures, business cards. So it's either. Those are all lumped together. Yeah, so it's. I'm confused.

You're getting rid of paper receipts. Everywhere that you get a receipt. Or flyers, brochures, and business cards. Yeah. It's just the way it's written. I see. I feel like the world of... Shut up.

Andy, I was with you. I'm like, it's one out of the four? I get it now. All right. So it's just paper receipts or the, in totality, flyers, brochures, business cards. Yes, correct. That is... Look, the world is moving away from the ladder in this one.

We've made, I guess we're moving away from both. Yeah, we should have moved away from paper receipts already. Who takes a receipt? I mean, you remember like when we were growing up, you'd have a shoebox or something. You'd keep receipts for. Shoebox? My friend, my wallet. My wallet. Loaded? I looked like the George Costanza. You'd keep receipts for shoebox. My friend, my wallet, my wallet loaded.

I looked like the George Costanza. I had hundreds of receipts inside of my wallet. Does anybody ever anymore keep receipts from just like a gas station? One place, Home Depot. Sure, like a big thousand dollar charge. No, like a big $1,000 charge. No, not a big charge. Anything at Home Depot, I might be taking back. You can take it back without a receipt.

That's an interesting point. Well, unless if you paid cash, you're going to need that receipt. I feel like the receipt is the thing that lets me leave the store feeling like I didn't steal the product. That's what it represents anymore. It doesn't feel so weird when you're at Best Buy or something, and they're like, all right, you got email receipts. Here you go.

And then you start walking out the door, and you're like, I've got no proof that I didn't steal this. I feel like me and the security person have connected. I'm getting used to it, but that does feel weird. It's the thing that says, I really paid for this. So you guys are aware. I mean, sorry, but Costco. You can't leave with Costco because they have to check the receipt.

So I just had. Are they catching anybody with that whole shebang there? No. Doris, who's 68, is checking. She's looking at my objects. I got 17 things I bought, and she scans the cookies, and we got it all. Look, they're doing it for you. They're making sure that you they're just they're

making sure that you got all the items that you actually paid for oh that seems like a big i mean you're allowed to steal stuff and it's not even a problem anymore right well if you stole stuff if you were to take a shopping cart and you go to costco and you buy you know costco level things which means you got 200 things and a full cart there's no way that you're putting an extra thing or two in there and they're catching that on that receipt there's they doors are not looking the manager no they're counting if there's like five things in your cart five things five yeah okay you're good don't steal by the way cart no don't steal but you could steal they won't they will not don't steal But don't steal.

Stealing is wrong, which is why those people are there at Costco doing nothing to stop you from stealing, should you so choose, which is wrong. And you shouldn't. Yes, I agree. So the other day I had a flat tire, and I ended up getting in a Walmart parking lot, and I had to go in and out of this Walmart buying and exchanging different air pumps and different equipment

and tools, and it was a real nightmare. I went back in like four times. You went in it? You did the exchanges? I did the exchanges. I'm actually kind of impressed with you on that. I know. I am too, because I'm usually so adverse.

Customer service desks and exchanges. I thought you had all the stuff just in the back of your car. I really did. I'm usually so adverse. Customer service desks and exchanges. I thought you had all the stuff just in the back of your car. I really did. I got five air pumps now. And every single time, I knew when I got it, it might not work. And when I bought it and I'm walking out the door, I crumbled that receipt up and I threw it away. No, you didn't. Five minutes later, I am back in from the parking lot making an exchange.

You want to know how hard it was to not have the receipt? It didn't matter. She didn't care? No, she's like, where's the card that you made the purchase with? I put the thing in. She's like, it's back on your card. Paper receipts. So there's big paper receipts out there that are drumming up the need in my mind.

Oh, yeah. Because they're selling those reels, those endless reels of trees. I feel like you could go back and have the receipt, but not have the credit card you bought it with, and then they'll be like, we can't do this exchange. You have to have the credit card. No, they'll give you cash, bro. I don't think so. I think you have to have the card that you

made the purchase with. Circling back, so you can get rid of paper receipts, all of them, which, I mean, I guess our job with receipts at this point in society is to carry a piece of paper 20 feet to a trash can. Take this paper from us. Please put it in the trash can over there. We've got to get rid of paper receipts.

There's just no reason. So we can get rid of that. Or the flyers, brochures, business cards. The business cards are on their way. Super app. I mean, I feel like if you hand me a business card you are of a certain age probably you're like oh that's so retro yeah yeah you're right you're right like there's situations like there's certain businesses huh yeah certain businesses you're a realtor or something

business card businesses right um where that still has value and and posters you know are are posters i guess brochures are very similar aren't they uh or is that just like a folded up poster a brochure is not like you don't have a poster of justin bieber on your wall yeah it's not a brochure of justin bieber what is the definition of a brochure? A brochure is like a pamphlet. That sells you something. It explains in detail something that you can buy. Here's how I can describe it to you. You go to the visitor center for a state, and you go inside,

and they have all those brochures on the wall telling you which places to go to. Yeah, but that's what I'm saying. Those aren't posters you hang on your wall, Jason. No, but let's say you open it up, and it's like the state of arizona and all the touristy things like you can get a poster that i'm not saying like you could get a poster of like here's arizona and the cool stuff they just fold it as all they did buy an arizona poster you have a poster if you open a brochure you have a brochure now what if i open a brochure but i frame it depends on the scale if you can get it up to 24 by 36 you're in for something is a brochure just a folded flyer that is correct okay okay maybe

that's the word that i'm getting wrong here a flyer a brochure a business card look i don't know how you sell some things without them that's the truth they do sell things just get rid of the receipts yeah all right sure i hate paper receipts uh should we do one more would you rather al or are you ready for our next segment let's do one more all right damon from the website would you rather have the power to make flowers bloom with a touch or have the ability to immediately ripen any piece of fruit that you touch oh Oh, man. This is so easy. It's the fruit one. It's the fruit one.

Yeah. I mean, I had a fruit tray the other day. We had this nice breakfast spread. This is an incredible superpower. This is incredible. We were out at a family cabin. We got this breakfast, and this fruit tray comes out, and there's cantaloupe. I love cantaloupe.

I love cantaloupe. I love it. And I grabbed this piece of perfect looking cantaloupe and I put it in my mouth. That thing was a rock. That thing had no flavor and was crunchy. Does cantaloupe ever have flavor? Oh, yeah. There is a sweet spot. No.

There is. There's a three hour period. There is. Quick poll of this room. How many people in this room besides Jason are cantaloupe people? Don't count me in that group. I am not a cantaloupe. Cantaloupe is garbage.

No way. You idiots. Nope. You idiots. Because cantaloupe is garbage filler fruit. No, cantaloupe is the best of all the melons. It just takes up space in your fruit tray. Yeah, because they're cheaping out on the berries, the good stuff.

No, you probably like honeydew. Honeydew is better than cantaloupe. Honeydew is garbage. Honeydew is the watermelon. It's water-flavored melon. To be fair, both of those suck. Look, I'm not over here. You're not pro-honeydew?

No, I'm pro-honeydew over cantaloupe. Like, if I get a big... You forced that. You really wanted to go with the honeydew. That's my policy. If I get a bowl that has a bunch of honeydew as opposed to the cantaloupe, I'm not super upset about it. I'll put it that way.

That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said about honeydew. But if it's full of cantaloupe, then this is a serious problem because they have just created so much food waste and they know they're doing it because they know that 99% of people are just taking that cantaloupe and throwing it where it belongs in the garbage. When I go to a buffet, like a breakfast buffet. Turned into a fruit fight. They've got their fruit spread.

Jason just literally tweeted, do you like cantaloupe? Yeah. I just got the notification. With a poll? Yeah, I've got a poll going. Did you? Right now. Is it neutral?

So obviously I just tweeted this. Great eyes on that. 37 votes in. 65-35. It's already down to 55-44. Oh, cantaloupe. I like those first 34. It's shrinking.

Let's check. Al, will you check in I like those first 34. It's shrinking. Al, will you check in on this poll by the end of the show here at Jason FFL? You got it. All right. What is wrong with people? Cantaloupe. But the point is if you could get a fruit to its perfect ripeness. A perfectly ripe cantaloupe is so good, Andy. It's so good.

I want to share this with you guys. I've never been evangelized the benefits of cantaloupe. I want to find a cantaloupe, and I'm going to wait until it's perfectly ripe. I'm going to bring it in. How do you possibly know? It's got a little softness to the rind. You cut it open. It's really orange.

Oh, it's so good. You guys are going to love this. Wait, hold on. The orange one's the cantaloupe, and the honeydew's the green one? Yes. Oh, man, I hate them both, but I didn't even know which was which. I had them completely opposite. When you said you opened it up and it's real orange, I'm like, wait, I thought it was green.

Oh, my goodness. No, that's the honeydew. That's funny. That's the better of the two. Cantaloupe, when it's ripe, is perfect. I'll go with another fruit that, like, I... Cantaloupe's making a little comeback right now. I love...

What is wrong with people? A perfectly ripe banana. Yes. That's like, there's nothing better, but there is a short window for bananas. People have different opinions. It's green, and then it's mush. But there is the window of perfection.

Like, this is an incredible superpower. You're right, Mike. This power, you could buy the greenest bananas, because when you want one, you just walk up and touch the one you want, and it goes perfectly ripe. You would always want the, you just walk up and touch the one you want, and it goes perfectly ripe. You would always want the greenest one, so it lasts the longest. Also, you know when you eat, you get a big container of blueberries or raspberries or whatever,

and when you eat them, some of them are great. Oh, that tastes, but then some in the same batch are like, oh, that one's terrible. Every single one being perfect. Because you're touching it. Because it would go perfect. Exactly. But if it's past the point of ripeness, you don't bring it back, right? That's what I was going to ask.

If it's moldy and I touch it, does it come back? I don't think so. I think we can only ripen it. I don't think we can unripen it. That's like bringing back someone from the dead. Tell me one good thing about making flowers bloom on command. If you're a clown, be like, look, kids, bloop. Do you walk through a field and just run your hands through the field and you get some?

Have you ever bought a bouquet of flowers? Yeah. They're so expensive. If you could just go grab some rose bush branches and take your wife home a beautiful bouquet. Well, that would hurt your hand. Well, you can wear some gloves. We can overcome this obstacle. The price on this bouquet is such an obstacle.

We've got to buy gloves now. We've got to go to some rose bush that probably isn't yours, rip them off of there, and make them bloom, and then hand these bloody roses to your wife. I was trying to give you some upside. I've taken the fruit too. How far along in the process for this uh fruit superpower how long does it like how far forward in the growth does like

the apple need to be that's it is debatable what ripe good ripe is for people apples are pretty much always ripe until they're rotten right yeah no i'm gonna be like there's gonna be a time period where it's it's the fruit itself is very small, and it's not. Oh, you're saying you could grab some teeny apples off the tree? That's what I'm just asking. It's not even in season yet. How far does it go?

Like a seed in the ground. I think it's any size, but it's not going to grow. If you take that apple out and it's tiny it's going to be a perfectly you could be on an assembly line selling teeny apples to everybody we have a whole new business opportunity this is great small cantaloupe you've got to touch so many fruit you're the source of this entire company's existence yeah you're just on a conveyor belt your whole body and they're just running fruit under you. Bite size, perfectly ripe watermelon.

Did you realize? Here's a fun fact. It's not a, is this real life? But do you realize that for the majority of all carrot life, they were just the big carrots? Not only, what? I'm just talking like the big normal, you got to peel them carrots that were sold that way. They still are, Andrew. Yeah.

There's no mini carrots. No, but that's what I'm saying is like... They were invented recently. My point is that the mini carrots were invented very recently. Yes. And packaged up and then they took over the entire market. Yes. So what I'm saying is that the repackaging of an existing fruit that was there for the hundreds of years instantly became the almost the only way people buy carrots

at all that's what's amazing what's crazier to me pretty yeah well they're easy to eat they're snackable you grab them out of the there's and they came from all the ugly yes carrots i mean they still do they just chop up those ugly carrots, make these perfectly little shaped mini carrots. What's crazy to me is, did you know that carrots, for the history of humanity, were purple until very recently? Wait, what? That's not true. Hold on. What?

That's a lie. You fell for it. No. Yeah, that's not true. Is that right? Purple carrots? There are purple carrots, but I don't, that's not true. Is that right? I'm going to say. Purple carrots? There are purple carrots, but I don't think that's true. I'm standing firm right now until someone can vet this.

What color are carrots? Hold on. Hold on. Oh, boy. Until the late. Is this recently? Until the late 16th century when Dutchutch growers developed the plump orange carrot almost all cultivated carrots were a deep black purple hold on so 16th century i mean i'm gonna give you

it all right i'm i'm also seeing uh all almost all carrots were yellow white or purple yeah and then the 17th century but they did they do say the great color war of carrots the orange 17th century is a long time ago. But I want to give you I'm going to give you it. Also, 60-40 cantaloupe, unfortunately. Are we to a thousand votes yet? What is happening? 1,200 votes, 60-40 cantaloupe.

My people. I felt all alone in the studio. I felt like you were the only cantaloupe person I know. I mean, we are not representative of the society at large. I think because most of them hide in shame of their love for cantaloupe. Is this just my followers? Like people who like cantaloupe really like me. No, because I had to retweet it and I said, what is wrong with people?

Oh, so you tried to affect the poll. You're darn right I did. And the cantaloupe people are showing up in my mentions too. It's troubling. No wonder it's in those things. People eat it. No, it's cheap and dirt. What's the difference between me and you

what's the difference you guys ready yeah all right what's the difference between a burrito and a wrap contents why you had an answer had you previewed this one uh i saw this earlier but i mean it the the difference between a burrito and a wrap they both have a tortilla right yes so it's not that it's not the outside it's the inside like yes is it is it like a girth no i don't think so could you i've never seen a big thick wrap i have i've seen big salad wraps that are oh that is a wrap super thick that's not a salad burrito i feel like this one's's easy. A burrito is something that is made from Mexican food.

So inside is ingredients for that. No, breakfast burritos, man. Good counter argument. A breakfast burrito is always specified to be a breakfast burrito. You cannot have a piece of green vegetable inside a burrito. Only a wrap.

I put lettuce in my burritos all the time, brother. No, you put lettuce in your wraps. No. Yeah. No, Mike's right. I get lettuce in my Chipotle burritos all the time. Yeah, of course you do. You got to get that crunch.

That's true. We're just figuring this out. We got to figure out the details. But we know for a fact that it's- Calorie count? No. I feel like a burrito always has more calories than a wrap. A wrap makes you think it's healthy, but it's not healthy.

Okay, now we're onto something. You can't have a burrito and a spinach tortilla. That would be a wrap. Maybe. No, I think Jason's onto it. The wrap is the side choice that they let you... Would you like it as a sandwich or a wrap? And you think, oh, what's a wrap?

It's a look how small and flat a tortilla is. Certainly I am saving on calories here, but you're not. No, it's all just a trap. If they asked you, would you rather have it as a sandwich? The wrap is a trap? Yes. If they asked you, would you like it as a sandwich or a burrito? You would not feel like you're choosing a healthier choice going burrito. That is so true.

I feel like they're piling on some rice in there too. I mean if you said would you like this sandwich as a burrito or as a wrap like the same I think I'm ordering the same sandwich would you like it as a burrito or a wrap and you say what's the difference they would answer you feel better about

ordering a wrap. There's no difference. it's the same ingredients i don't like i don't like saying that these are the same they're not i don't like that it's just about what you think it is i think there's more to that well the truth is the inside burrito in order to be a burrito it has to have certain things if there are certain things in it it is a de facto burrito you don't get a wrap with beans in it you don't get a wrap with rice in it and you don't get a wrap with eggs and i feel like a cheese and beans wrap is the thing that i've ordered before no cheese and bean burrito

that's like the quintessential all right um i i cheated i yeah let let's, I mean. So the first thing that pops up is generally wraps are served cold, while burritos can be served hot or cold with its filling wrapped in a tortilla and it's folded just like a wrap. Both wraps and burritos involving casing fillings inside a tortilla. So it's the temperature? Burritos did originate in Mexico, so you talked about Mexican food. So a wrap is a cold tortilla. That's not the way to do it.

A warmed up tortilla is much, much better. If you have eggs, potatoes, beans, or rice, any of those ingredients, it's a burrito. Okay. Everything else, those four make a burrito. All right. I'm willing to live with that. What is the difference between a ghost, a spirit, and a poltergeist? Ooh.

Ooh. Now, I mean, I've never actually seen it, but I believe there's something with the poltergeist with the television. Is that where they're born? Are they born in there? Has anyone seen Poltergeist? Brooks, you had to have seen that movie. It's been a long time, but yeah, I saw it once.

But there's a television involved, right? Yes. I feel like you level up to a poltergeist. You start as a ghost, and if you work real hard, they might make you a poltergeist later. You're like the manager? Yeah. Like, you start as a ghost, and if you work real hard, they might make you a poltergeist later. You're like the manager?

A poltergeist has to... Doesn't a poltergeist have to, like, go into somebody? Like, isn't that what makes it a poltergeist? Like, you got a ghost, and then if a ghost is like, I'm going to take over someone... Maybe. They're a poltergeist. I don't know that a poltergeist takes over.

To me, that's a spirit. No, a spirit is what we all have inside, Mike. A spirit is good. A ghost is dead dead i feel like a spirit has no form a ghost looks like a human but is it is like yes a ghost is on the outside of people for sure yeah like you don't have a ghost inside you not we're all born with a ghost inside a spirit has to have no form yes that is it's just like a wisp it's an idea it could be a wisp. It could be like a floating ball of light. It could be any.

It just can't have arms and legs, man. Yeah, it can't be humanoid. That's not a spirit. That's a ghost. So now we know the difference there. Does a ghost, can they touch things in the human world? No. But a poltergeist, do they do that? I think so.

Like change your TV channels? Yeah, because they're in charge. Can they only change your TV channels? Maybe Andy was right. They can, but only if it's the old analog-turned television. That's why the poltergeists have disappeared. Are there poltergeists and gals? What?

No, I think it's a neutral term. But I do think Andy was right right off the bat. A poltergeist is just a level 40 ghost it's a level it's an upgraded i think you do you put in your time you put in your time you put in your work and you don't get like ghost busted or whatever yeah and you make it to become a poltergeist much harder to get rid of a poltergeist you have to wear not i mean a poltergeist a poltergeist a poltergeist normally has like a cummerbund and a bow tie. Oh, they're the fancy ghosts.

Because they're the managers. Okay. So they can move. They've leveled up that they are now. They can reach the real world. They're not just in the spirit realm. They're also sort of in the physical realm as well. Can spirits talk or only ghosts?

Ghosts, but they can't talk. They only go, ooh, yeah. They make sounds. Yeah, I think we nailed this one. figured that out all right um what is the difference between a whisper a murmur and a mumble okay i mean the last one's easy yeah i know mumble mumble is you're trying to say words but you're an idiot you can't be understood yeah i can't stand mumblers that's my bunch of idiots my children's favorite way of communicating is in fact idiotic they like they like to talk at a low volume and and mumble is there anything worse than when somebody says something or mumbles and you say what and they repeat it in the same tone phrase and volume is that the worst

thing that's ever been done in the world one more because they do that and again you go what and then they get mad at you yes they do well if you would just speak up and enunciate i would understand what you're saying if you repeat if someone says what they are clearly stating they could not comprehend what you said at the same volume the same way if you say it the same way haul them off to the insane asylum 100 the the question what means change what you just said when you repeat it that's what i'm not gonna do it better the second time yeah i can hear what i can hear okay so i mean if you're if you mumble we all mumble sometimes yeah and it's okay we're all dumb sometimes right if you are a mumbler

you need to look in the mirror because you're you're i mean your iq is i don't think one person can murmur i think there has to be multiple people to have a murmuring oh really there is no murmur without a murmuring i feel like murmurs guys over there are murmuring. Oh, really? There is no murmur without a murmuring. I feel like murmurs- Those guys over there are murmuring? Aren't words. They're just sounds. Like, blah, blah, blah. I feel, yeah.

Is a murmur, do you have to have a lot of people, or is it just, can it be one person trying to get the point across of their, they have discontent, but they don't want to actually use words? I don't know if that's murmuring. That's a negative connotation. Yeah, I think it is. I always think a murmur is- I think murmuring has to happen over there. It can't know if that's murmuring. That's a negative connotation. Yeah, I think it is. I always think a murmur is... I think murmuring has to happen over

there. It can't happen in front of you. No one murmurs up close. Oh, see, you don't think I could murmur under my breath? You could not murmur right here. No. No, that's mumbling. No, I didn't say any words. That's murmuring. That was a murmur. A mumble is when you think

you're saying words. No, you guys are way off. You're thinking of a different word. A mumble is when you think you're saying words that people should understand. No, you guys are way off. You're thinking of a different word. What word are we thinking of? I may have cheated. Oh. Murmuring's definition is a soft, indistinct sound made by a person or group of people speaking at a distance.

Wow. Which is exactly. But it's what both of us said. If you put what you said about the distance together with what I said about the fact that it's not words. So you have to be far away? You have to because it's a low, indistinct, can't tell sign out there. It's out there. It's not up here.

So you're saying that someone could be off in the distance. You hear people murmuring. They could be whispering. They could be mumbling. But because I'm far away, it is, in fact, a murmur. That's right. And you could murmur. What?

But your murmur isn't a murmur unless someone over there hears you murmuring. That is crazy. I don't like it. I don't like it at all. I think there's another word to describe what you were saying, where you kind of say something under your breath. I don't know what the word is. Do you guys have any guesses over there?

It's murmur. Is it? I don't know what the word is do you guys have any guesses over there it's murmur is it i don't know like if you're in a meeting and your boss is saying something you don't like and you turn to your person next to you what are you doing are you murmuring okay i said do i want them to understand what i'm saying because then i'm whispering you're thinking i'm mutter oh muttering thank you i knew it was close i knew there was something close to that. Oh, you muttered something under your breath. You muttered under your breath. Yeah. Okay, so the mutter is the negative.

Yeah, and that's a funny word, by the way. So a mutter is a negative mumble. Yeah. Yes. All right. Okay. And then a whisper. Come on.

Y'all know what it is. It's just quiet talking. All right, we got time for one more or are you moving on? Let's draft. Let's do it the spitballers draft i'll save the day muttering that's it man yeah all right we are drafting the worst things about driving now jason this was your idea yeah because i hate so worst things about driving. Now, Jason, this was your idea. Yeah, because I hate so many things about driving. And you recently experienced, you mentioned it, a flat tire.

You had a driving, I would call it escapade. Yeah. And I'm going to share briefly some highlights from this tale. Okay. Especially because, so you heard that Jason had a flat tire. He was out of his normal area a couple hours away. Not great. Not great when it's a weekend.

It's a Sunday. Also not great. I had a family and other kids. You still have one. Other friends' kids to bring home from that destination. But the best part of this story, I mean, he had to go in and out of this Walmart, and it's a long walk in, long walk out to where he was, back and forth, back and forth. But the best part of this story, Mike, that I don't think he shared with maybe Al and myself,

he's in the middle of changing, like trying to inflate this tire. It's the clearest day outside. It's beautiful, bright white clouds. And he starts getting poured rain on him right where he was changing the tire. The biggest raindrops of all time. This was a cartoon. There was one rain cloud. it was right above me and what what happened was i had to fix a flat and you've got to like shake this thing for like 60 seconds and you got to attach it and then and then you go and you

hold it for a couple of minutes so i had shaken it for a full minute i had attached it to the tire then i start and then it was like and i'm getting poured on and i can't leave funny all right um so yeah you had some bad car experiences there are like for all you uh like my son is going to be 15 this year like driving is in his future the 14 15 year olds are excited about it there are some negative things and we're going to tell you what they are right now i'm going to take the one-on-one of worst things about driving, and it's traffic. I mean, the congested traffic, I'm stuck. There's a desperation there where literally you can be in a lot of situations.

You cannot escape it. You can't exit. You can't move. You must wait. I have driven home from up north here in Arizona and seen people going up the mountain, and there are miles and miles and miles and miles of you don't get to do anything. Traffic, scientifically, makes you more stressed. Yeah, I had it written down as stopped traffic.

Yeah, I mean, that's the gist. Yeah, because when it is that, when it is truly stopped and gridlocked and you're just stuck oh and it Arizona gets hot too so it's like even you almost feel like you're just cooking yeah all right so that's my 101 Mike what is the worst thing about driving to you uh then I will take what I think is whatever for me it's the second worst that traffic is worse than this but it is when you we talk about it all the time on the show, but when you're getting tailgated. Oh.

Yeah. And the rage that boils up inside of you, and it just keeps festering and festering to the point of you think, well, should I do something about this? And you realize, no, you should not because – Too dangerous. Because only bad things will come. There will be no winners.

Should you do something about the tailgating other than just getting out of the way, letting them go, not revenge tailgating them, which often sounds like a great idea. It'd be nice if nothing good will happen. If you could just release some spikes out the back of your car. Oh, yeah. That would be very nice. The tailgate would end yeah so yeah there's no there's no glory to be had in those moments you just gotta put your head down and let him go yep okay i am up and i have the 101 thank you gentlemen for allowing flat tires to come to me because recency bias or otherwise, that is the worst part of driving.

And I'm telling you. You've had a lot recently. Not only have I had. Because your wife just had one too. Yes, not only have I had a few recently. This guy don't take care of his tires. Yeah, what are you doing over here? I'm literally replacing all of my tires that only have 20,000 miles on them right now.

How are you driving? Apparently like a maniac and through spikes. Yeah. I've been tailgating people. Screws and nails. Just taking shortcuts through construction zones. Wow. Yeah, a lot of gravel pits for me.

That's a great pick. Yeah, and not only are flat tires the worst, but I find that they happen at the worst moments in the worst places. Oh, yeah, of course. This is never a convenient thing. See, I must get your opposite luck. Every flat tire I get, I notice it pulling out of my own driveway. That's like the best.

You're already at home. Yeah. You don't got to get towed. A flat tire when you are out and about is devastating. All right, that's a good one. I didn't have it at the tippy top just because of frequency, but it sounds like you get them weekly. Yeah, it's less common, but it is one of the worst things.

Another pick for you. Another pick for me. Look, I mean, maybe it is because I drive like a maniac. I don't know. But I think the worst thing, or probably the second worst thing on the road, they're cop cars. I mean, look, I love your service he's gonna say tickets thank you police officers for everything you do uh but man when you see a cop car on the road it doesn't

matter like it's worse if it's like you see it in the distance that's bad you see it when you're nearby and you're going by you're like oh no you see it in your rearview mirror oh man i'm just heart attack level when's the last time you've had a ticket um it's been a long time long time they're not doing any harm to you man and i'm still terrified it's just up in your head if i'm driving five miles over the speed limit and i am perfect i am just driving exactly with traffic perfectly and i see a police officer you know over on some pullout just looking towards traffic I start sweating I mean of course I've got nothing to fear I'm doing nothing wrong the body in your trunk yeah so it's it's just like man those okay those moments oh I hate them all

right uh Mike you have a second pick here your first first pick, being tailgated. I'm going to go with this pick, which is the premise of it is people who will not let you merge. And ladies and gentlemen, you need to learn about the zipper merge. It exists. One to one to one to one to one. Exactly. It exists for a reason. So when people will not let you merge

because they have now saved a fraction of a second because you get behind them and you're like, congratulations. You're in front of me. You're going to make it to your destination approximately. Is it merging or is it bad merging? When people won't let you merge. That's infuriating.

But that gets me to the merge block. That gets me to the zipper merge. When you are pulling up to something that says lane closes whatever, 500 feet ahead, use both lanes. Do not get in one lane and form a gigantic parade. No. And then the people who are doing it appropriately, driving in both lanes, that's when you get merge blocked because people get mad at you.

You're like, why didn't you go in the line? Because that's not how you're supposed to drive. You get in two lanes. We're working some stuff out. Preach it, Mike. Preach it. We're working some things out here. Preach it because this is 100% right.

You should be driving in that right lane, but you feel like you're not allowed because you're passing all these people. Then those people are so mad. They're like, oh, why are you passing me? You should be back in the line. No, no, you shouldn't. Because it is faster. If you use the two lanes and then everyone just goes every other car, everyone will get

to their destination. These are facts. But it doesn't happen. It doesn't happen. It never has happened in the history of driving. That's true, because most people are. Yeah. Jerks.

Cantaloupe eaters. All right. We are going to be my second pick. I mean, I feel like this one was the 102. There are very few things on a daily basis that could kill me. But accidents is my pick. Oh yeah. That's I mean,

accidents impact you two ways. If you're in them is bad. Yeah. If you're not in them, it's also bad. It causes my first problem traffic. So, um,

I think accidents, the risk of accidents, all of that are, uh, my number two pick. This one's tough. Um, but I'm going to, I'm going to go with something that is a regular,

frequent thing that happens every time you drive every single time, and it's a problem. It's simple. It's left turns. Ooh. Now, left turns, they're significantly worse than right turns. Oh, for sure. You're turning across traffic. what do i think about when i think about my son learning to drive i'm worried about left turns oh yeah i'm worried about crossing traffic i'm

worried about him determining that it's the right time to go and they lead into left turns lead into some dumb stuff on the road like the person that drives down the suicide lane sure so you know how you're not supposed to drive down the merge lane sure and so you know how you're not supposed to drive down the merge lane right and then i get in a situation with the merge lane where somebody is i'm next to them i know they're not supposed to be driving but now they're keeping pace with me oh oh and so get out of here i either drive the same until they go off the cliff or i have to let them in and then feel like I'm granting them permission to have used that lane.

You are allowing a bad behavior to have happened. So I try to keep driving right next to them until they stop. Establish dominance. But left turns, I think. Nothing terrible will happen. I am particularly impacted by left turns because I got into an accident with a left turn. Sure.

And I spent maybe 10 years dreading them because of the accident. But I still think they're stupid. Three rights make a left, my friends. I will then. I had this, and so I'll just piggyback. This is not my pick, but it is the left turn, but the people don't pull into the intersection. Oh, yeah.

To left turn appropriately. And then you're waiting, and the entire. The whole cycle? The cycle goes through, the light turns yellow, and only they go through because they didn't let you pass the point of no return. That is...

That's why we should have cranes attached at every intersection. Because if you go through one cycle without going out there for the left turn, a crane should pick you up until the rest of the cars are gone. Alright, so here is my pick. You guys are taking real stuff, like accidents and things. Here's

mine. Hitting a chain of yellow lights. Really? Over hitting every red light? No, I'm saying when you're pulling up, by yellow light, I'm saying the light you have to stop at. So you're having to make decision after decision? No, but you get the stop after stop. I know what you're saying. But you're pulling up

to a light, going the full speed and then it turns yellow and you know you have to stop for this light. And then it always just happens four times in a row. That's the worst. And you just want to explode and you feel like the world has turned on you and everything is against you

and you can't time the lights correctly. So it's really hitting every red. Yes. It's hitting every red light. That's how I have it written down. And those things are disproportionately upsetting to life. Yes, they are. I mean, it's not really like if I'm driving to work and I hit it, I think I've got five lights that I could hit on the way to work.

It adds three to five minutes. Three to five minutes. Oh, my goodness. My day sucks. Yeah, I'm angry. I get to work upset. And honestly, I would have been here 30 minutes ago, but I hit every red light.

Right. That's how it feels. It's just like, that's a great pick. Yeah. All right, so. Flat tires, seeing a cop on the road. Jason, you've got your final two picks. My final...

I have so many things to pick. Apparently, I hate a lot of things about driving. Goodness gracious. I have one I'm really hoping gets all the way back, so I hope you don't take it. Well, I would take this. My plan was to take this fourth because I know that you guys would not take this.

You should. Everyone should. But since I've got third and fourth, and this really should be the first pick, it's Priuses. Oh, my gosh. What are you doing? Priuses on the road.

I don't understand this bit, this stance against Priuses. Priuses on the road. They're fine. They're not fine. You want to know the person driving in that middle lane, the person not zippering, it's always a Prius Prius is hard they're fun they're not fine you want to know the person driving in that middle lane the person not zippering it's always a Prius it's everything you drafted you didn't even know you were drafting nothing but Priuses um so that's your pick you're taking Prius oh yeah I mean the 101 okay for sure um all right so now now I've got one last pick.

And I think I'm going to go with one that unfortunately, I don't want to admit this, but it happens too often for me. And it sucks. It's missing your turn. It's. sucks it's missing your turn it's i mean i i'm a i'm a driver of habit right so like when i'm on the road that i use regularly if i'm taking the road that i drive to work then my body and mind is going to work and if i'm not actually headed there, I will miss that turn. We've all been there. I mean, I will do it over and over. And my wife hates it.

And I always have to be, it's the shameful, oh, I missed the turn. No, I did it again. Have you ever tried to wrap it into just like a detour? I mean, I've definitely tried to just hush hush and hope she's on her phone and like doesn't notice that I'm exiting the freeway and turning back onto the freeway.

But, yes, missing a turn. I mean, it's one of those things I feel like because I think I consider myself a very good driver. I've never been in an accident. You know, I'm very alert, but I am not good at taking the right exit. We've had a couple times on long trips where I've gotten onto the wrong freeway for extended miles.

You're talking like a good 15 minutes on the wrong direction because we're talking. We're listening to an audio book. I'm not paying attention. That feeling, that moment when you realize you have to backtrack to get back to where you began

and there's no choice, like you have to do it, that's a bad feeling. Yeah. All right. I'm going to go. I mean, it's a lot of, you know, like tailgating, people not letting you merge. This has to do with just people that are dumb and bad drivers.

And so I will put the four-way stop into here because people don't know how to use a four-way stop. What is wrong with people? Mike is rampaging. I love this draft. I had dumb drivers as a full category, and you are drilling down into four of them. Which you could do,

but we need to let people know specifically what is going on. Are we teaching drivers that right now? Look, I'm happy to do so. So why do you see it on the road, Mike? Here's how it works. There's a four there's four stop signs right yeah whoever gets there first you go that's it it's really really easy and you don't do this look around well you know me you huh you this guy no you don't wave someone on like you go no it's it's is it my turn i don't need your permission whoever gets there first goes and here's the and here's the other thing you need to add in if there's a backup

if someone like next to you is turning left right and so they are blocking the intersection and you are to the right of them and you stopped you also go yes yes you, yes. You've got a blocker. You've got a blocker. You can't be hit. Because they will have to go through the other car to get to your car. So just go. If an accident happens in that intersection, you're still fine. Yeah, you'll be driving away. You've made it 100%.

Obviously, if two people get to the intersection at the same time and one's turning left, then that person goes second. That's the only nuance. If two people get to an intersection and one same time and one's turning left, then that person goes second. That's the only nuance. If two people get to an intersection and one person... Is that literally a rule you follow? Yes. That's literally a rule. The rule I learned was it's the person to the right. If it's simultaneous, it's always to the right.

But what we're saying, if you are coming directly at someone and you both get there at the same time, one person is turning, the other person is going straight. The person who's going straight goes through. And this comes down to... I thought that was the moment you do have the personal exchange with the other person and you wave at each other. I'm so happy we're talking to you right now then. You don't want to have those little exchanges. It's an opportunity for generosity.

Come on. I'm okay. You go. I'm okay doing it as long as you have your turn signal on, which you should have your turn signal on, and you and you wave to make sure because the reason i would do that is because i assume that that other driver is a stupid bad driver so why are you pointing at me i'm the one that pointing to the he was pointing to all priuses yeah he's just four-way stops with priuses yeah oh no i just leave my car in the intersection at that point. Have you been in the start, stop, start, stop?

Oh, yes. Yeah, of course. Because people are bad drivers. And at that point, you're just like, I don't know. And I'll have to do... I think a lot of people

don't know if they got there before somebody else. Yeah. And when that happens, then I just go and I scream, don't hit me. All right. Spectacular.

I'll close it out with a simple, single word. Parking who wants to park no that's i don't it's stupid i am incredibly bad are you oh i am so bad like i'm now is this a let me let me diagnose you okay is this selection of spot? Is this physically turning a vehicle into a spot? It's the, as soon as I see the spot that I need to go to, my concept of angles just completely shuts down. Like me, me driving my family in a parking garage. It's just legendary.

It's like an eight-point turn to get into the spot it's it's almost always a multi-point and if it's like if there's one spot that's surrounded by cars but i see oh yeah if i see multiples open you know like on the next level we're going up baby we are going up so i can park comfortably and then after three point turning into park you get out you're like yeah good enough still Still not good. Very much so. There's only so many times you can repark before you have to call it a day. You can't keep going.

You can't be the guy that, like, one more try. My wife shames me frequently. That's fantastic. I didn't realize that. And you have a small vehicle. No, my small car is fine. Oh, okay. I'm talking about the family car.

I can't park it i've recently started driving a truck it is a larger vehicle than what i'm used to i have tried i can't turn right into spots it's i could do a left all day long i can't do the right and i've done i you could you should see me and you could laugh in your head right now. I have attempted. I know. I've been there, bro. I've pulled in. I've pulled towards the right, gotten about three quarters, pulled back out, and gone

forward for a left, a later left. Yes. I don't know how to do it. How are people parking right? I can give you a tip here. Yeah. If you have a hard time parking right. Oh, back in? Back in.

Oh, I should. You got the cameras. I do. That would be easier. Because I don't think it's geometrically possible. The car gets bigger. What's ridiculous about my parking problem is I can parallel park. Like, no problem.

Oh, wow. That's easy. But a simple left or- Parallels poltergeist level. Yes. You just can't ghost park. Yeah, like but a simple left or- It parallels poltergeist level. Yes. You just can't ghost park. Yeah, just a simple left or a simple right. So you must love the parking lots that are at the angle.

Oh, dude. Our mall- Is that a dream for you? Our mall, where the movie theater is, I don't know why this section of parking, they realized, oh, crap, we got to cram a bunch more. So these are the tiniest spots- In the entire world, and I'm like, man, crap, we've got to cram a bunch more. So these are the tiniest spots in the entire world. And I'm like, man, do I go to a movie today? Because I know that means I have to deal with this parking lot.

Old streets and old parking spots from days gone by were all smaller. I don't know why that is. You go to old parts of the city, your lanes are tighter. The parking spots are smaller. The cars used to be gigantic. No, not always. I guess they didn't have suburbans and stuff. When?

Like in the 80s, my first car. Okay, 80s, but I'm talking like the 50s, back in the glory day of Detroit Motors, those cars were gigantic. Yeah, but that's not when they were building malls and things you're parking at now. That's fair. Wow. Yeah, I mean's not when they were building malls and things you're parking at now. That's fair. Wow. Yeah, I mean, I got other stuff on the list. Gas prices didn't come up.

Driving in bad weather. Okay. Potholes, not huge out here, but in a lot of cities they are. I have a- Backseat drivers. Historical cars stinking up the joint. Oh, wait, with the- Yeah, if you see a car that's got the historical license plate on it, I'm glad you're a car

aficionado because your car smells like gasoline and you're destroying the air. Okay. Were you done with your list, Andy? The only other one I had was like the insects cleaning the car combo. Yeah. I got road rage. I got two slow cars next to each other where you can't go around them. I got a car full of teenagers because that's super annoying.

Oh, gosh. And getting honked at. How does that make you feel? I feel awful no matter what, whether I did something wrong or didn't do something wrong. If someone honks anywhere around me, I'm like. Was that me? Was it me? I hate myself.

Honking? No, no. Honking in general is like how it's hard to polite honk because sometimes you need it yeah like a little toot toot to move along they're on their phone it comes up they're on their phone they don't go thank you thank you they don't go left on the left arrow that's the honk situation yes most of the time but i'm saying but i've accidentally been over aggressive like of all the times you when you're driving and you hear a honk what percent of the time are you actually certain who that honk was honked at 20 and but every time a honk goes off your your body shoots adrenaline through the whole thing yes you're like you like flinch you're like what yeah it's it's not doing helpful things.

I do. It's kind of like the backseat driver thing, but sometimes, not very often, sweetie, but sometimes my wife will try to help me drive in the sense of look out for that thing. Oh, yeah. Frequently, it is not an active threat. However, when she says it, the adrenaline shoots through my soul as though I am about to run over

a bus full of children. Watch out for that person! And it's like, I'm like, I see them! I see them! They're just on the sidewalk. What did you think I was going to do? Mow them over?

They're on the sidewalk where they're supposed to be yeah that always freaks me out though because the adrenaline yeah yep what did we learn today oh i learned about mutter that's what i have a mutter is not a murmur and a murmur it's over there i uh i learned something that will only enrage Jason further, which is that the plural of Priuses is not Priuses. It's from Toyota. It's Prii. Of course it is. Of course it is.

Nothing has been more true to those monsters. That is really. Prii. Fart sniffy. Goodbye, everybody. Thank you for tuning in. Hey, tell your friends and family about the podcast goodbye thanks for listening to the spitballers podcast