Spitballers Comedy Podcast - 245: Emoji Warnings & The Best Canned Foods - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: June 26, 2023

On this episode we learn about some cheap, “organic” plant food that could get you arrested. We also discuss messy vs smelly houses and farting on a pile of laundry. We close it down with a draft of our favorite canned foods. Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast! Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast: Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.com Follow us on Twitter: Twitter.com/SpitballersPod Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPod Subscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers Podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. Bladda, bladda, blicky, blicky, blicky, blicky, bladda. Yeah, that's cool with me. All right, man. Hey, welcome to the show. It didn't start.

It grossed me out at first. It grossed you out? The first sound was like a blah, blah, blah, I don't know. Oh, like a little. Something a little like. Vomit? Yeah, you had like, you know, you were keeping some of that in your mouth. I think, I thought it was a bladda, so I don't know what your vomit sounds like,

but mine is not a bladow. No, it was good. It was good because you had a rhythm in the middle of it. I liked it. Welcome into the Spitballers. Andy, Mike, and Jason back with you. Al Borland, Judge Giamatti in the back. Deucer's Alley just hanging out, doing their thing.

Yeah. All right. All right. All right. They're here. We are drafting the best canned foods on today's show. So that should be interesting. We are doing-

Delicious. Delicious. I always prefer to eat my food straight out of the can. I always prefer to eat my food straight out of the can. For whatever reason, and this may be not something I should say, but it feels like canned foods are dated. Like percentage of... Well, they all do get a date on them. Right, right.

That's what I mean. No. Percentage... That made Jason really upset. That was too I mean. No. Percentage. That made Jason really upset. That was too, Dad. That was grandfather. Blah-dow. I wish I had the rim shot button.

I know. I was looking for it, too. But doesn't canned foods feel like a 50s thing? Yes. I mean, I'm not saying we don't all eat canned foods. We're going to draft them today. But percentage of food eaten that came from a can in America must be lower than what it was. It feels like there was a time when it was necessary.

A canned food heyday. How can we keep our food from spoiling? Yeah. Put it in a can. And it lasts forever, right? That's what you can and it lasts forever right that's what you're looking for no there's that's what the date on the can is for you're looking for the canned goods in the zombie scenario oh yeah oh yeah those always i mean those are the gold mine it doesn't have to be zombie i mean we can go back a couple years for the pandemic um i went and filled my cards with canned food and i got

all that was left because i wasn't the only rice-a-roni or what was it rice-a-roni that's a bag oh there's a bag in a box no i was thinking chef boyardee or something oh man i cleared that the aisles were if if you guys did not participate in the great canned food purchase rush of 2020, it was quite a time. Was Chef Boyardee a real person? I would imagine so. I'm on it. Yeah, let's find it. Or was he just like a character, a mascot that was created?

Or was there actually a Chef Boyardee? Do you have the stats here, Al? You have the canned consumption from 2011 to 2024 i'm excited i have a follow-up question if chef boyardee is well here you go unlike the friendly but fictional food faces of betty crocker and aunt jemima and uncle ben chef boyardee that jovial mustachedached Italian chef, is real. Okay. That's a man. So he's a real person.

Yes. Now, if you were... Itor Hector Boyardee. That's the full name? Wait, was that a Harry Potter spell? What did you just do? That's his full name. Did you just make a can of Spaghetti Ochoa?

Yes, that's the incantation. Cast the spell one more time. It's our Hector Boyardee. Boom. Is that mini ravioli or what? Okay, so back to the question. If you have worked so hard for the title of chef, are you happy that your legacy,

which while financially... No, I get where you're going. I'm sure the Boyardees are... They're living a good life where they don't have to eat canned food. They would never. Disgusting. Are you happy that your legacy

as someone who prepares food that you hope people enjoy is now canned slop that people put into a microwave yeah of course you are i mean genuinely you're happy you're not taking the financial part out of this of course you're happy everyone on planet earth knows that's he's got to be the most famous chef of all time that's almost i mean it's kind of like would you rather because do you want to be infinitely rich and famous for something people ridicule are you willing to be oh man that famous for like what's up what's a consumer product right now that people they use but they ridicule it can Can you think of another product? Something that is... Like a Snuggie?

No, that's not... Toilet paper or... Maybe OnePly? You're the OnePly guy? I mean, something that everybody uses but looks at as cheap and bad. I mean, that's... Yeah. I think you're right.

We'd all do it. I know I would. There's no doubt. But I would continue to eat my product. Hector, Hector, BRD. By the way, the data that Al has pursued seems to show the amount of non-consumers of canned goods is increasing. Which is a weird way of saying the consumers are decreasing but the non-consumers are on the way up look the people not using my product are skyrocketing

that's exactly right uh we are doing man of the people on today's show we have would you rather on today's show and it's time to begin. Would you rather? All right, Weston from Patreon. Thank you for supporting the show over at jointhespit.com where you could submit your own ideas. Weston says, would you rather have a cell phone

that can predict the future but can only communicate it to you through existing emojis? Oh, man. Or have a cell phone that can charge any other device to 100% in five minutes, including your car, without draining its own battery. I have to say the time travel, or sorry, predicting the future one with emojis, my brain instantly went to, I get a text about 30 minutes before I have to poop with the poop emoji.

Like it just predicts my bowel movements by 30 minutes. Which that would be tremendous. Does it catch you by surprise very often, Mike? Oh yes. Yeah. I'll have time. You do seem like you get surprised more than anybody. You've brought this up.

I'm like an avalanche in my intestines it's like oh really yeah i mean you it's you know for the right you know at some point it's going to happen but when it does it's just it's a rapid movement and you need to find yourself a bathroom so if i if i had a 30 minute heads up and i could plan my day around that or my car trips that would be a fantastic thing huh i would prefer like outcomes to games you know a little jet emoji and with money but yeah exactly you're doing this again well it all comes down to money for jason it just predicts the teams that can emoji yeah well i mean how do you emoji jets and you could do like a music note could be the the jazz i have the first one i thought of in the nba too i have um found though that more recently i've been doing a lot more texting through emoji

and you can actually you can tell good stories trying to be trying to be cool yeah going through a midlife crisis so be young so you you've decided you tell stories through emojis i'm saying you can you've gone that route instead of the gifts oh no no no don't hear what i'm not saying the gift game is strong okay um i'm just taking words away. Okay, so it's only GIFs and emojis now for Jason? Yeah, exactly. That's how you're going to hear from me. The other one is you can charge any device 100% in five minutes. Now, does your cell phone lose its own charge when you do this?

No, without draining its own battery, it says. That's in this question. I mean, the car thing is huge. In short order, every single car on the road will be... It would be infinite with this because all cars are going to go to EV and... You just drive around with your phone plugged into the car. Do what you got to do. I mean, it only takes five minutes.

So if I have to stop on my way to California and charge for five minutes... Let's pretend for a minute that every EV is 100% unlimited power. Okay. Okay. Does that change? Would people go out and get it? Yes, 100%. More?

Yeah. I mean, prices. I guess because you don't have to pay for power in that situation. Yeah, the price is certainly a factor in electric cars, but the prices are coming down in, I don't know, you know, I mean, 99.9% of all driving is probably not impacted by current ranges on EVs. Agreed. But I think that the, the, the, the, the biggest struggle initially of electric cars was the

idea of, well, what happens if I run out? And because that's, it's just such, it's a natural thing of like i'm driving this car around you're like oh what what if my fuel source runs out and i don't have a way to to fill it up and i get stuck like that's a i think that's a very rational fear to have yeah but what so gas cars do the same what if i run out of gas yeah but you but on any almost every corner at least here where we live, you can't go a mile without finding a gas station. I drive an electric car, and I definitely don't want to run out of power.

Whereas if I ran out of gas, I feel like I can figure a solution out. But running out of power, I don't feel like I have to get towed, right? You do. You have to get towed in that situation. I think you were alluding to it. It doesn't really impact you. It's a peace of mind thing, but it doesn't really impact you. I can't think of the last time I haven't charged just not while I sleep at home.

It's just you plug it in. So maybe this cell phone. Overrated. It could be overrated. Yeah, I think it is. I think I'm saving a couple of minutes how many times do you drive to california per year once max so that means your cool cell phone trick saves you an hour yeah once a year yeah no give me the future give me the future now is

there like a it says bad ones would kind of suck to try to decipher. Well, and in predicting the future, I mean, is there like a range? Is there like a 30-mile radius that I know? Because if it's just predicting the future, what if it's telling me something that's going to happen down in Australia and I don't care? That still affects the market. They have the Australian flag in the emoji, so you would be able to know that it's coming from there.

The flags are there. So then are you frantically trying to call the it's coming from the flags are there so then are you frantically trying to call the prime minister or whatever whoever's they won't believe you not only would they not believe me but i would say oh that's fine that's far away it doesn't affect me i'm not taking that long distance charge yeah do you just get like a flag and an explosion and then you're like gotta go tell the prime minister, like, maybe something's happening. Look at this text I got. It's from the future. I guess we'll go with the future one

and see how that goes. Yeah, it's going to be fun. I mean, at the very least, you have yourself a fun little puzzle that you will get the answer to it. So you're not stuck forever just trying to figure it out, but you'll know.

And you'll say, oh, shoot, it was an avalanche. I guess what would be funny about that is eventually you'd have a text history that would correlate with real things happening in the world. Yeah. And then people would know that you're the future guy. And then you could publish the new text, and everyone could try to figure it out every day.

It'd be like on the news. Like lightning bolts. Of course. That's what that meant. Like lightning bolts. Of course. That's what that meant. Justin. Chargers are going to win. Justin from the website. Chargers got struck by lightning.

Would you rather have the ability to instantly eradicate any weeds that you pee on? Ooh. Or the ability to instantly fold any pile of laundry you fart on. What? This is a literal poop and pee, would you rather, from Justin. It is. It is one of the most. Justin is five years old.

Thank you for listening to the show, Justin. Welcome to the show. I mean, I only have so much pee, so I don't, you know. I mean, what? I would say I only have so many farts. It's really true. I mean, look, I think I speak on behalf of the farters of America. I have an enormous amount of gas.

I can fart a ton. Could you fold the whole family's laundry? But no. No, I think, you know. Well, hold on. Would you change your diet to fold laundry better? Like on laundry day, you're to fold laundry better like on laundry day you're like a and w root beers all day long can you just blast one into the dryer and then

oh and then everything's good oh i guess that's the place i mean it's a pile right yeah last one into the dryer uh i hope that's not top load no for sure it needs to be the side load i'm sitting up on the you can have an an accident. It's like I'm taking a dump on a dryer. You could have an accident there. Because they don't fold if you poop in the dryer. The other one, the weeds one. I'm going to tease this out a little bit. Okay.

Because I want to know. I need to know something. How many times have you peed in your own backyard? Oh, tons. So many times. If I'm in my backyard and other

people aren't and I have to pee, that's a guarantee. You don't go inside. Oh, why would I do that? Why would I take something wonderful away from myself? Yeah, nature has called. I thought you meant away from nature. From these bushes who desperately need these. I mean, do you intentionally try to water?

What? No. Sometimes. Wait, hold on. Is that going to hurt a plant or help a plant? It cannot be good. It can't be bad for a plant. It's sterile.

In Arizona, they'll take what they can get. Yeah, these plants need. My piss. be good it can't be bad for a plant it's sterile in arizona they'll take what they can get yeah these plants need my piss they're thirsty mike and i've got the solution so i was trying to make sure i wasn't the only one that's ever peed in my yard al have you peed in your yard oh yeah yes and the big one here judge yamadi have you peed in your yard? Oh, yeah. Yes. And the big one here. Judge Giamatti, have you peed in your yard? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yes.

And from what I'm reading, urine is rich in nitrogen and phosphorus and has been used for generations to help plants grow. Yeah. Wait. You don't know how well- Mike has been holding out on his plants. I've been depriving my foliage. You've been causing weeds because they

grow up in the rocks where you've been peeing and they're like, this is delicious. I'm going to grow so well. So strong. My roots are full of phosphorus and urine. The weeds, they say

this is delicious. The weeds love it. So this would really. Yeah. Oh, the weeds. Love it. So this would really be, you know, if we chose that route of eradicating weeds, this would be turning science on its head. It really would. So that means if you peed on weeds right now, you're feeding them. Yeah. Oh, you want to, since we're on the topic, you want to know something, Andy, this will

apply to you. We have cabins up north near each other. Oh, you want to, since we're on the topic, you want to know something, Andy, this will apply to you. We have cabins up north near each other. Oh, gosh. I will leave the house. I will leave the cabin up north. To pee outside? To pee outside in the woods. I have had.

I'll be in the bathroom and I'll be like, I got to pee. See you later. Oh, I swear to you. I mean, I will leave the house does it feel like you're doing a nature thing it's wonderful it's by i'm becoming one with the world this is for my ancestors there's no way i mean the the drive i've done the the drive up north it is the perfect distance to try to make it when you've got to pee. Yeah, baby. Oh, a challenge. I will drink coffee in the morning and then drive up north,

and I don't want to pull over someplace, but I push it to the limit. Yeah, you love those trees. I've peed in those woods so hard. Oh, man. Oh, boy. Us men are animals. Our downright animals for sure. I think I don't want to lose my watering ability here, so I'm going to go the farting in the laundry.

Yeah, I mean. Although you do add a smell. It's a different fabric. Oh, yeah. Refresher. They're folded, but they do. Do they hold? I mean, that just means like, could you imagine just taking your shirt off the hanger, just

farting on it and then putting it on? That's like, no. I don't want to fart on my clean clothes. That's true. Does that change it? Do you want to eradicate weeds? Because then you'd have a reason to go outside every time. Yeah, no.

I am going to take the eradication. Just doing some yard work, babe. Hold on. Oh, man. I mean mean there's a problem give me that bottle of water i need there's a few more weeds there's definitely a problem with the weeds in the front yard now um you know that that becomes more difficult to yeah to work through get arrested for that yeah so but i'm still gonna take that. I will eradicate weeds and feed the trees. I would also, in that world, not hire a weed company. No, that's fair.

Because that would be... You have a superpower. I just meant I wouldn't want the weed company coming to my house. Yeah. To get rid of the weeds. I was tracking. I think he's saying he doesn't want people peeing in his yard. That's correct. I don't want a he doesn't want people peeing in his yard. That's correct.

I don't want a bunch of... I didn't want weed employees taking off their pants in my yard. I thought this was just our ability. I didn't realize everyone's getting this ability. I said in a world where that was happening. In a world where everyone farts on their laundry. I was with you, Andy. Thank you, Al. Nolan from Patreon.

I was not. arts other laundry i was with you thank you al nolan from patreon i was not if people that you actually enjoy spending time with were to stop by unexpectedly for dinner would you rather your house look immaculate but smell like dirty feet or for your house to look incredibly messy and neglected but smell of delicious home cooked meal i this one's pretty easy for me it's the smelling good yes oh interesting yeah it's it's the smelling look i don't care how it looks everyone's here's funny enough my wife and i were just talking about this because our house we're trying to uh we had a room that eventually became a storage room and sound so now this room has been off limits for a very long time. We're trying to fix it.

The garbage room. Yeah. So now as you pull things out, you realize, oh, well, now the room looks better. But now there's all this stuff that I have no idea where it can go. So there's just crap. You have a junk room? Yeah, basically.

Like a junk drawer? Yes, much like that. and now we're trying to figure it out and you're like it stresses you out like what if people come over and there's just there's just crap everywhere in your house and then but then you go to other people's houses and yes there are you know the people who can keep it tighter than others but for the most part people who have young kids there's there's just crap everywhere in everybody's house and it's we need to uh move away from like looking at houses on instagram you're like this people this is not what a house looks like there's there's toys everywhere there's there's papers everywhere there's it's just everyone's

house is usually messed up the only time that i at all times the only time i'm really asked to clean imminently is when we have guests. It's always preparing for guests. I feel like if you don't have kids, this question changes. I feel like if you have kids in the house at all, it's easy to say, oh, it's just one of those days with the kids. If you don't have kids and you're two grown adults and it's a real slob fest it does say something kind of ridiculous about you but in this question if the house is clean it smells like dirty feet would you rather try to explain why your house reeks of dirty feet

especially not around dinner that's the other part it's like you're having them over for dinner and they have to smell feet and feet oh smell bad yes if they're bad yeah bad feet smell bad i'm just saying not all feet smell no but i mean that clearly this was dirty feet right yeah yeah yeah this is dirty feet but i if you come over to an immaculate house the the the counters are wiped shiny clean and and everything looks perfect and there's a smell i feel like there's like this you know it's like i'm not sure what that is this mystery smell you know your garbage is taken out your fridge is clean everything looks great i feel like you could just be like oh i don't know what it is and smells go away you know once you're in it for a couple minutes you're not going to keep smelling a bad scent. I don't know, man. No, I mean, that happens.

You go to a farm. I think there's extremes. You can puke how smelly it is at first, then after you've been there a while, you don't smell anymore. You're saying you go to a manure, when you smell that manure from a farm, you'll just get used to it. Yes, 100%. After a long while, I feel like I've been in a farm for multiple hours, and you're just

like, this place smells. Like a cow pooped all over the place and like bad you're saying you'd go with the clean house I think I would choose the clean house and the bad smell I think it's easier to kind of justify it away because the place is clean I'm sorry I don't know what the smell is it's a good

question you're gonna be looking around to try and find the smell I want them to be excited to eat and there's no way that's happening with dirty feet smell. So I'm going to formally go with the good home-cooked smell. Yeah, that's what I'm going with. But I do think it's closer than I originally thought. Yeah. I'll take

the other side. So you're taking the clean house, Mike? You're going... Look, if I'm going to sit down and there's like a meal in front of me, but it smells like cheesy Fritos, which is what my son's feet smell like. Oh, no. And you're like, no, I'm not sitting down for a burger, and it smells nasty.

And are you your clean house, Al? Yeah. So that's two-two. The judge needs to decide this one. I think I'm the perfect example that you were talking about without kids, Andy, and that's why I'm on the clean house side. You'd be embarrassed if we came in and it was just a pig's thigh. That'd be weird, right?

Yeah, you came over and me and Dylan were embarrassed. Honestly, I'd be like, are they okay? Yeah. If it's past a certain point, I don't need it immaculate. It just needs to not look like a hoarder's mess. You said incredibly messy and neglected. You want to know what you can do, though? You smell good.

You want to know what you can do? You can go over to this nice immaculate home that smells funky in here, like feet. Are we ready to eat? Oh, yeah, we're going to the back patio, and we're going to have a delicious... You're just cheating the question. Oh, I cheat every question, Mark. That's life. You've got to find answers to problems.

Cheat to win. All right, Sarah from the website, would you rather have to sleep in the bathtub or on the kitchen table? Is there water in the bathtub? No. It's drained. Okay. Well, then definitely the bathtub. Because of falling?

No. No. Because of shape. I think the bathtub's a problem. You can't extend your legs. I'm not sleeping great if I can't extend my legs, which I also believe you can't do in a bathtub. Yeah, I'm trying to think.

You'll have to be curled a bit. You'll be very curled. Your back will be curled in. I mean, at least on the table. So the way that my bathtub is shaped, I believe that I would be back up against a sloped, nice shape. Oh, you're sleeping with a slope? Yeah, I'm sleeping on a slope and

then my legs will just be like knees bent a little you know you might be able to get them straight if you're willing to sleep sitting up i i wouldn't straighten them i would have like knees bent that would drive me crazy after a while trying to think if the table has a falling risk oh yeah for sure but do you actually do you fit on your table? Not well, no. My legs could hang off, though. I mean, because you got. My legs hang off a bed.

Yours is the, are you talking your round table? I do have a round table. Oh, that's going to be a problem for you. I don't think you're fitting on that thing. I could get up there and sleep. Well, yes, you could get up. But I'm saying like a stretched out. I think that something is off the table.

I'm afraid, 100% of this is is do I want my legs straight or not? I mean, I would like them straight. That's it. That's my vote. Yeah, I mean, I guess I was thinking just how hard. I mean, fetal position is nice for a while. And flat it would be. But the more I think about it.

I mean, that's how porcelain is too. It's hard. But it's not flat. I usually sleep inclined. So I'm used to being like... What degree? Yeah, that's what I'm saying. What degree? Probably...

Not 45. No, no, like 15 degrees. 15 degrees? Yeah. And is your wife at the same degree? Yeah, we have the same elevation. Who sleeps at the highest degrees here? Anybody sleep higher than 15?

No, I'm at zero. I'm probably about eight degrees. Oh, man, I can't stand a zero. Well, no, you're not at zero. Use a pillow. Well, yeah, but my head is up. Oh, I'm a zero, too, then. Yeah.

I was just thinking about the pillow. Yeah, I'm not a fancy bougie boy over here with my bed lifting me up. I mean, what are you telling me? Your bed doesn't vibrate? His bed might as well be. It's probably a bathtub and a kitchen table. It's all built into one. Does it have the little quarter machine on it too no quarters fingers all free all free just

cost the electricity the ones that used to shake the bed and it was supposed to be relaxing like a motel or something i don't know we did weird stuff that was back in the canned food era of our country i don't know look i'm a good old-fashioned flatbed kind of guy. Once I got used to elevation, when I sleep on flatbeds, it feels like I'm upside down. I mean, I'm not even joking. Like, both my wife and I, if we're, like, traveling and we're in a hotel, we just lay down. It's like, it literally feels like you're upside down. It's wacky. Weird.

All right. Final answer, then? Bathtub for Mike? Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Bathtub for Mike? Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Bathtub. It is safer. I wish I had a longer table.

And this question would be like the Batman table? Sure. That's a slumber party table. Yeah. Everyone could join. So maybe I should reconsider because I've got a nice big dining room table, like a Thanksgiving type table. Yeah.

And the chairs that push in on the sides of it, there's no arms. So I don't even have a falling wrist. You got a bed rail. Yeah, I got a bed rail. You should sleep on that table, bro. Yeah, I could get enough pillows up there. Yeah. All right, I'm changing the table.

Okay. Now, Jacuzzi. Oh, let's die. Man of the people. Well, it's time for another rounds. Another bunch of rounds. As they say. Well, I was going gonna say round but then another game we've got more yeah another another what is this that's a game another game of yeah that's what you would

say you play a game you play a game i play a well but not play a game of part i said another because i was saying we've done it before yeah Yeah. Another game of Man of the People. Oh, all right. Sounds right. Let's start that over. All right, it's time for another game. There we are. I don't like it.

Of Man of the People. That's what people say. And what do we do? How many rounds do you got for us, Al? We do seven rounds. Oh, gosh. That's a lot. All right. So you are going to give us a phrase.

Let me take over for you. Yeah, thank you. We've surveyed 100 people. If you get the number one answer, you get three points. Number two answers worth two points. Any other answer on the board is worth one point. Oh, okay. Okay.

Okay. Andy, why don't you take this back over? We do seven rounds. Last round is worth double the points. And what's the first thing you give us back over? We do seven rounds. Last round is worth double the points. And what's the first thing you give us, though? A topic, right? And then you survey people to answer that question. You give us a question.

Yes, sir. There it is. He's already done that, though. He doesn't ask the question and then go ask 100 people. So he'd be here forever. All right. We'll just go ahead and jump into this. It's family feud, all right?

What? Wait, wait, wait. What are you talking about? This is Man of the People. Go ahead. I don't even know what you're talking about. All right, name an occupation in which you might be in a new city every night. I'm first.

I buzzed in first. Yeah. Pilot. That is the number one answer. Oh, that's a great. Yeah, that's what they do. Musician. That is the number three answer. Oh, that's a great. Yeah, that's what they do. Musician. That is the number three answer.

Oh, crap. And he could hop them. Comedian. That is not on the board. That's a pretty good answer. It is. Good answer. Good answer.

Whoa. It's mediocre. The number two answer was salesperson. And then truck driver. Salesperson? Yeah. What about comedian? When did we talk?

Were these people surveyed in like 1952? I think people still travel for sales. It's the canned food era. Travel for sales? They do. They travel for sales. What? More than a comedian?

No. What was the rest of the list? It was pilot, salesperson, musician, truck driver, and flight attendant. Wow, pilot and flight attendant. We're doubling down. I could have doubled on that. All right. All right, round two.

Name a job you might have if you worked at Disney World. Oh, hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Jason's. We're not reset over here. Our buttons weren't ready. Okay.

Name a job you might have if you worked at disney world uh character mickey mouse that is the number one answer yeah baby and and to be clear the answer is character costume character got it yeah keep an eye on those buttons oh jason was really fast yeah uh concessions sales food sales. Food vendor is the number five answer. Oh, got in. Ride attendant. That is the number two answer. No, that's a good one.

Dang. Ride attendant. We were really close on that slap, too. Yeah, I was closer. All right, the button should be reset. Round three, other than Christmas, name an occasion for which people decorate their houses. All right. We're going to go Halloween.

That is the number one answer. I think you each have a number one answer now, if I'm not mistaken. All right. Watch your buttons. I'm going to go Thanksgiving. Oh, crap. That is the number three answer. Yes.

Mike, the number two answer is still on the board. You have three. Oh, I know what it is. Two. New Year's? That is not on the board. Oh, yeah. July 4th is my guess for number two.

That is on the board. Easter is the number two. I was between Easter and Thanksgiving. And I was curious whether, like, I don't feel like you decorate for Thanksgiving. You decorate for fall. Yeah. And so I wanted to say fall. Yes, that's true.

Yeah, we got Halloween, Easter, Thanksgiving, birthday, and 4th of July. Wow, Halloween really owns that. Yeah. Compared to Christmas. Birthday? Yeah, it was 43. That was on the list?

Yeah, that's like birthday over New Year's Eve. I guess people do. Yeah, for sure. If you have a birthday party, you decorate. Yeah, if you have a birthday party. But if you have a New Year's Eve party, you also decorate. Yeah. But you have a birthday party much more often than a New Year's Eve party.

Both are technically once a year. Have you ever been to a New Year's Eve party that was not decorated? Outside of the house, though, right? Was it outside or was it both? just said people decorate their house next question next question no birthday makes sense then i need to talk to management on that one because i don't like it comedian all right round four i believe uh name another word that means stop. Halt. Number one answer. What? Halt?

Halt was the number one answer? Of course it was. Freeze. That is the number five answer. Number five? Yeah, man. Freeze is so much better. No one yells halt. Yeah.

Andy, two, three, and four still on the board. Let me think for a moment. Three, two, one. Hold up. Hold up. Cease. I'm sorry. That's not on the board.

Quit, no, and pause. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, we're back at the bottom. Yeah, if you're going to stop something, you're going to quit something. It's a different kind of view of the word. That's for both. Halt. Halt right there. I mean, it's an amazing number one answer pick honestly it like it was i've never heard number one by a wide margin to 43 and the next one was 23 the only

pops yeah so the only people that are saying halt are to you have to say to an intruder that's the only that's the only time in my life that i think of the word halt or to like a knight or something yeah it does feel super old like lancelot halt that's right all right all right score update through four rounds we got andy at five mike at five jason at eight yeah that's good i don't like it all right name something in your house that has to be changed from time to time oh dang it like god oh uh the batteries oh it's on the board it's the number four answer oh no no toilet paper what Yeah, go ahead. Take it. It's not on the board. Oh, it's not on the board.

Fantastic. I'll take the number one answer. Light bulbs. I thought that would be the number one, too, but that is the number two answer. What? The number one answer was bed sheets was the number one answer. Then light bulb, then air filters, batteries. I was not thinking about this one right.

I was thinking of a consumableable but this was all changing things and refreshing them yeah I can't believe batteries made the list smoke detector batteries yeah I feel like that one was a big fail we had a battery incident earlier

and that got stuck in my head when you buzzed in I was so sad that you buzzed in i was in so fast i was so sad that you buzzed it because i knew that the number one answer was light bulb i buzz in and then i try to figure it out you don't have time to figure it out and then buzz in you just gotta hope that it shows up that's what happened with all i was not prepared i was like oh stop uh halt all right name the important firsts that people record about a baby. Words.

First words. That is the number one answer. Yes. And also my first step. Oh, gosh. That is the number two answer. I don't know another first. I don't either.

First birthday. Yeah. Okay. That would have been my next. Oh, that's a good one. It's not on the board. All right. That's the second time you've said I did a good birthday. Yeah, okay. That would have been my next. Oh, that's a good one. And then it's not on the board. All right. That's the second time you've said I did a good answer.

It's a great answer. It's not on the board. Teeth. That is the number three answer. Yeah. And then smile and haircut right behind that. The first smile? Yeah, that's a big deal.

It's usually gas, but people love to record that baby smiling. Man, I have no idea. All right, so we are through six rounds. We got Jason at 13, Mike at 8, Andy at 5. That's where we go. That's where we can steal it. Reminder that this round is worth double. Who cares?

Other than clothes, name something a kid might outgrow. Shoes. Or does that count as clothes? That counts as clothes, but you're kid might outgrow. Shoes. Or does that count as clothes? That counts as clothes, but you're still the first to buzz in. I'll let you go again. Three, two, one. TV shows. I don't know, man.

Not on the board. Okay. I'm going to repeat it. Yes, please repeat the question. Other than clothes, name something a kid might outgrow. Go ahead, Mike Buzz first. Okay, I'm in. Their high chair?

That's not on the board. I win! I'm going to go friends. It's also not on the board. What a stupid. We can't come up with one answer. All right. So I'll read the board.

Toys was the number one answer. Bed was the number two answer. Hairstyle was the number three answer. Bike was the number four answer. And habits was the number five answer. See, TV shows would have made sense. Yeah. I was thinking just like physically outgrow.

That's why I said shoes, Mike. Yes. I thought shoes was the number one answer. Yeah, that was – Now it's not on the board. When you took shoes, I was like, I don't know anything else. Oh, man. That was it.

But I won. All right, Jason, you are this week's man of the people. Double points. None scored. The Spitballers Draft. All right. We talked about it at the top. Nothing more popular nowadays than canned goods

and we are drafting the best non-consumers at an all-time high that's right the best canned foods four rounds mike has the first pick begin all right so well this is not a draft where you want to have the first overall pick. Oh, it is to me. Yeah, I know. And I feel like you could – there's probably a better, like, answer than what I'm trying to figure out. But the first thing that comes to my head when I'm thinking about canned goods, like, they're usually all good.

I'm going to go with soup. Yeah, that was... I will take a can of soup. That was on my short list for sure. Yeah, I had specifically Progresso soup. Oh. Jason always does specifics, if you notice, in these jokes. Yeah, what is this?

He always... Progresso over chunky? He always narrows really deep because he wants to take four different soups. What Progresso soup areunky? He always narrows really deep because he wants to take four different soups. What Progresso soup are we talking about here? I'm a big fan of the potato soups. You know what I mean? Like the creamy.

Have you gotten down with some Chunky baked potato soup? You know I have, Mike. And you're still thinking about Progresso? Progresso has that. I know, but the Chunky has it's got to be way better. Oh, you meant Chunky brand. The brand Chunky. I just wrote a brand down.

I'll eat them all, Mike. I'll eat them all. So soup makes sense. My 101 is clearly SpaghettiOs and meatballs. SpaghettiOs with meatballs has to have the meatballs. I feel like SpaghettiOs, meh. SpaghettiOs with meatballs, oh, yeah. And someday I hope they do what Captain Crunch did and go, oops, all meatballs. I feel like SpaghettiOs. Meh. SpaghettiOs with meatballs. Oh yeah. And someday I hope they do what Captain Crunch did and go oops all meatballs. Cause I would

buy that and I would eat the heck out of that can of little meatballs. Oops all meatballs. Dude listen if you're out there. Who is it? This isn't Chef Boyardee right? That's Franco American. Franco American. I've got a great business idea for you. Oops, all meatballs. I will personally keep that successful. If there's ever a moment that you look back on as when things went wrong. Why did I get so fat? Remember you, Len.

This has to be a thing, right? Oops, all meatballs is probably not a thing. No, not yet. Also, SpaghettiOs is Campbell's. Oh, I love you, Campbell's. What? Yeah, that makes sense. All right, so soup and SpaghettiOs and meatballs were the top two picks.

I am surprised. I have two picks here. Number one, I'm going to go with the most commonly eaten canned food that I have had in my life, which is albacore tuna. It's tuna. I do not fear the can. It's not inferior to anything. Like a lot of canned goods is like, I'd rather have a peach, but now I'm going to have some canned peaches. You're wrong.

I know you could get like. The jarred. I don't could get like the jarred. I don't know if you've seen jarred. Jarred. Tuna? It ruined canned tuna for me because I love tuna. Well, don't tell me this. Hold on.

Hold on. It comes in a jar? It comes in a jar. Albacore? And it is soaked in olive oil. So it's a. Oh. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Just try it.

No. I'm telling you. I can't do the oil. I have to. I have to. I'm always the water. Yeah, I'm usually the water guy, too. I mean, the canned in water. That's what you want.

So you're saying I need to try this. This jarred tuna is so incredibly different. You're like this. I can't eat this dry, nasty tuna. Is it different enough where it's like another food type? Almost, but it's just better. different enough where it's like another food type? Almost, but it's just better.

My second pick is going to be one that I think I could get later. However, I'm just going to take it because it's a canned food draft. So I'm going to take canned pumpkin. Okay. Because it is the core component to pumpkin pie. Okay. And you have to get it to go make pumpkin pie. Can you not make pumpkin pie?

You can't make pumpkin pie for pumpkins? I mean, I think if you got a pumpkin, you... I don't know. I don't know. I don't know if you can. I guess you could. I thought you only make pumpkin pie from Costco. No. So you need the canned pumpkins unless...

Is there anything else you do with a canned pumpkin? Pumpkin pie flavored things. That's it. mean i might make like a pumpkin bread maybe yeah pumpkin bread yeah it goes that's a thing yeah oh it's good pretty good yeah take pumpkin pie and put it into a bread that's basically what it is it's pumpkin pie right those are the two that i think like literally if you took them away i'd be like oh the world's less good. Tuna was certainly one that I would have considered taking up top.

No one would have taken spaghetti and meatballs. Oh, man. Fools. Fools. SpaghettiOs and meatballs are the best. I'm going to go with the next most commonly eaten. Well, there's two things that I've eaten a lot of out of a can not out of the can but from a can um and it's just chili yeah nice that's the one i couldn't decide whether to say instead of pumpkin it's a great pick i love chilies i love chili and there's really no other

way to get it right i mean you can homemade chili yeah you just you either home make it or you don't buy chili in a store any other way um pre-made i mean maybe a tin i've just never seen it have you had jarred chili chili in olive oil in olive oil it's it's great all right so you're going with chili it's a good pick that is an interesting question there's no like chili is always in a can you don't get a bag of chili you don't get a box of chili you just get canned chili that's like everything right that's like saying soup that's the only place you can get soup

no you can get a bag of soup what do you mean a bag of soup we buy like plastic containers of soup all the time you can do that with chili too I've never seen it I've never seen chili that you can get straight from one of those you put the ladle in and you get the chili out at the hot and ready station.

Fresh, ready chili. Yeah. Okay. All right. So I am up for two picks. All right. The first one that I am going to take, I don't know if other people grew up with this, but I'm going to take pineapple.

I did have the pineapple chunks down. Oh, pineapple rings. The rings are great. Yeah, because I think we've brought up the pineapple device. Now you can cut a pineapple, and you put this corkscrew-looking thing in, and it actually makes cutting a pineapple accessible. Because before that, it was just impossible. If you want to eat pineapple, you let someone else do the work.

They put it inside of a can and it still tastes super delicious. I mean, it's covered in just high-fructose corn syrup, of course. Yeah, that sounds good. high fructose corn syrup, of course. That sounds good. But before that, how did anyone eat pineapple before that little device came out, other than in a can, and pineapple is super delicious. And so my other pick then, oh, man. Hold on.

I just need to confirm something real quick. Does this come in a can? Yeah. No, I wanted to make sure I was. Filet mignon. No. I thought Jason was going to go with this on the first pick, but the SpaghettiOs and meatballs make sense.

I will take beef stew. Oh, that's my next pick. Yeah, I know it is. Dinty Moore beef stew. So that does. I thought soup counts. Oh, soup is very different. Very different, my friend. Super super different you buy them in the same section yeah but you don't you buy the spaghettios there too it's not called beef soup right that's so

oh that's so gross beef who wants beef soup i want beef stew no they are very very different because beef stew like if you get dinty more beef, that's in like a gravy. You know what I mean? Now, you prepare both the exact same way. You prepare most everything from a can the same way. Pour it into something and microwave it. Like chili is basically, like what is chili? A stew or a soup? No, it's a chili. It's a chili.

Yeah, that's right. Okay. So, Jason, you're back on the clock. Yeah, beef stew. Dang, man. That beef stew was all I had on my mind. Oh, no. No, no, no. I've got a plenty big list. I just was not prepared to make a different pick.

I'm going to go with the other thing that I said. I have two things that in my life I've probably eaten the most from a can. It's chili, and the other is sweet corn. That's the vegetable I have. Like, if you get green beans out of a can, and you compare that to fresh green beans, it's... They're both terrible. I feel the same way with corn.

Oh, you don't do canned corn? I do not do canned corn. Because it doesn't taste anything like corn on the cob. Oh, well, no. I'm not talking about compared to a cob, but if you're going kerneled corn... What other way would you be getting kerneled corn if not in a can? Freeze bag?

Yeah. Frozen corn? Yeah. I'm not surprised it doesn't taste any better or worse than frozen corn. Also, thank you, Mike, for that answer. I was like, oh, shoot. We cut it off the cob at home. When I was growing up, I would never eat corn from a can. Only corn Don't shoot. We usually cut it off the cob at home. Yeah. When I was growing up, I would never eat corn from a can, only corn on the cob.

Oh, man. Because I felt like it was such a difference. If you get sweet, crispy corn from a can, put a little butter on that microwave, you're going to have a good time. Pass. All right. I'm going to go baked beans for my third pick here. And then. Baked beans are really good.

They're so good. Yeah. There's just pure sugar. Yeah. There's not enough applications out there. I feel like baked beans is. There has to be some barbecue something. We need to.

Can't just have that as a meal. Or just a regular side. We need to get baked't just have that as a meal. Or just a regular side. We need to get baked beans some more action, some more FaceTime here for baked beans. And I guess I'm going to go with the canned chicken breast. That's a good pick. To make a chicken salad sandwich instead of a tuna salad sandwich. That's a good pick.

People are doing amazing things with canned chicken these days on Instagram. They are. And I had a couple other picks, but they were like, now you got me thinking, do they serve this in any other container anywhere else? Could I get it in a bag? So I will go with chicken, canned chicken. I have so many left here. So many I want.

This is my final pick. You can eat them all after the show. And I will, Andy uh so i've got spaghettios meatballs chili sweet corn oh brother oh brother all right i'm gonna take beans as well but i'm going refried i'm going to refried beans okay i. We have taco nights all the time at our house. Taco Tuesday every day of the week. Wednesday. Taco Thursday.

We have taco tatter day at my house a lot. There you go. And most of the time we don't have refried beans. And I'm the only one in my house that eats them. And it's such a treat when it's like my wife comes home and she's like, look, I got refried beans. It's just for me. No one else is going to eat them.

Thank goodness because I'm going to take them all down. One last pick, Mike. Jason's team, SpaghettiOs and Meatballs, Chili, Sweet Corn, and Refried Beans. Excellent. I have Tuna, Pumpkin, Baked Beans, and Chicken Breast. And Mike? I knew

I could save it for my last pick. Soup, Pineapple, Beef Stew. I knew I could save it for my last pick pineapple beef stew I knew I could save it and that's because whoever came up with this incredible delicious treat here they did an awful job at naming it they've done

a terrible job at marketing it because when you say it out loud people go what spam spam at marketing it because because when you say it out loud people go what spam i knew you were gonna say it's spam it took me forever of my adult life till i was like i'm not it's called spam that sounds so disgusting it comes out of a can it's a blob of meat yeah it's a blob of meat weird al's got a song about it a canned meat product made mainly from ham yeah mainly mainly and the other part is salt and it is the salty it is so i'm afraid i've never had it and i'm afraid to try exactly

because the people in charge big that's the product that if you were chef boyardee yeah it's like if it was dr spam yeah if it was mr spam i don't know i invented spam so here's what's i think it was invented by the government like to last a long time for like hold on it was the invention of jay hormel hormel chili yes mr hormel son of George Hormel, who founded the Hormel Company. Jason has great respect. Of course I do. For Mr. Hormel. I have his painting in my house.

It's like splatter paint with chili. But here's the thing. Out there, everyone, don't be intimidated. Spam is really, really good. But what am I eating? It's mostly pork. That's the number one thing I don't understand. It's like, what's in a hot dog?

Mostly something. It feels like it came from a hot dog tree. Yes, but that's what I'm saying. Like, fry up some Spam with some eggs. You fry it up? Oh, yeah. You don't just eat it from the can? No, no, you got to heat it up.

It was intended to... Yeah, no, you heat that. Oh, gross. Heat that Spam. It was intended to increase the sale of pork shoulder okay um that's what's in there i will say this i don't know exactly how to say it but i think it's spam uh musubi it is a it's a it's a japanese thing and they so they take a piece of spam they fry it up put it on a on a thing of rice and then wrap some seaweed around it. Delicious. They sold that on a trip. Yeah, in Hawaii.

That's like a delicacy there. Yeah, Hawaiians know what they're doing with Spam. They're all about that life. I have ordered Spam and eggs before and had them. And the truth is, it's delicious. But every single bite, I can't get past the fact that it's canned nasty spam meat. You eat tuna out of a can. But that's like a real thing.

That's like, so spam. What's bologna? Oh, I don't know. Isn't that like the same type of thing? Who made bologna? They took an animal, they threw it in a grinder, and they said, bologna. Okay, the main ingredient in bologna is ground meat. That's the answer.

It's the leftovers. It's crazy because I've eaten bologna. Which could be any combination of pork, beef, chicken, or turkey. You don't know what it is? It's a mystery? Yeah. Every time? It's literally just leftover meat ground up.

Give me Spam. At first glance, both Spam and bologna appear to be mashed up mystery meats that are unsettling in an unnatural pink color. Yeah. I've thought of them very similarly. Yeah similarly yeah yeah that's a fair thing to say oh man but i'm telling you spam is where it's spam has significantly fewer ingredients than bologna wow it has to be good health food six ingredients it's organic cooked pork which is both shoulder and ham salt water potato water, potato starch, sugar, and sodium.

Nitrate. I got to try it again. That's not even that bad. No. It sounds pretty good. We got to try this, Al. Let's get some spam in this office. Get on it, fellas.

I'll get it ordered. I'm ordering canned tuna right now. I thought you were a jar of tuna guy. That's what I mean. Jarred tuna. That is what I'm ordering right now. I thought you were a jar of tuna guy. That's what I mean. Jarred tuna. That is what I'm ordering right now. What did we learn today? I learned that plants crave pee.

Yeah. They want it. I learned that Chef Barty was real. And wealthy. You just learned that he was wealthy? I didn't know he was real before. What did I learn today? I learned that there is no answer to what children outgrow outside of clothes.

We failed on that. And shoes. All right. Thanks for joining us on this episode of the Spitballers Podcast. We'll be back with another one next week. Goodbye. spitballers podcast we'll be back with another one next week goodbye thanks for listening to the spitballers podcast