Spitballers Comedy Podcast - 246: Hoverbowls & Things That Are Hot - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: July 10, 2023

Ever wonder what Mike’s profession would be in a Martian society? Tune in today to find out. We also discuss nautical cars, tattoos, and Mike Tyson. Plus, 'Jason Explains' is back! We wrap it up with a draft of things that are hot. Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast! Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast: Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.com Follow us on Twitter: Twitter.com/SpitballersPod Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPod Subscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

what happens when three buffoons give life advice explore unrealistic situations and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve it's the spitballers podcast with andy mike and jason see i closed yes i closed my eyes and i thought i was listening to a like a ninja fight but um oh that i liked it that'll work it sent me to i can't i can't remember there's there's memes out there because there's there's someone just an out of context and they always make fun jokes you're like when i when i grab the hot pockets like fresh out the microwave or or mom overdid the bagel bites. It fits in with today's show. I will tell you this.

It brought me a lot of joy. I really enjoyed doing it. It was good. Welcome in one and all. We have a show today. Spitballers podcast episode 246. I think that means that we are one, two two three episodes from al borland needing to do the scat from the very clean very even mathematical every 80 80 what episode 81 80 i don't remember

i can tell you just 83 but uh 83 that's that seems like it would work out. Yeah, that makes sense. 9, 249, yeah. It is 83. Oh, yeah. We have Would You Rather? Jason Explains. That's a great question. And a draft of things that are hot.

Cool. Thus, the scat. On today's show, at SpitballersPod on Twitter, the community at SpitballersPod.com you can check it out let's get it going would you rather bristol from twitter says would you rather have your car turn into a boat whenever you want or have your electric scooter turn into a hoverboard come on come on mike wants a hoverboard man like oh look uh go to the andy cam real quick go to the andy cam oh what's that right right over andrew's shoulder it is a hoverboard from Back to the Future 2. Whenever you invoke the phrase hoverboard, it's very difficult to hear anything else that you have said.

A car turning into a boat is pretty cool. Now, here's the thing. What if this electric scooter turns into a hoverboard and what they meant is the current modern day hoverboard, which are just those things you stand on. This is a genie situation. Yeah. You asked for a hoverboard.

He gave you a hoverboard, but not the one your heart wanted. Okay. So let's pause this discussion. Yes. That company should not be allowed to do that. What is happening? How did we as a society allow this to happen? They might as well have called it an

airplane because it doesn't do what it says it's going to do no not only does it not do that but how is that not a copy written thing that would be like someone coming out with these great light bulbs right they're unbelievable and they they they call it a lightsaber you know what i mean like you can't do that this this is claimed. The words are claimed. Honestly, if we wanted to start an LED light company, that's the name. I mean, it worked for hoverboards. I mean, there should be copyrights, which other companies have claimed a name, and you can't do it.

And then there should be also something about lying. You can't bold-faced lie in your company. Or just copy respect. There's copyrights company anymore. Or just copy respect. There's copyrights, and then there's copy respect. This podcast is now known as the evening news. Right, yes. Welcome to the evening news. To call a hoverboard an airplane, it would actually be much closer.

That's true. There are times where an airplane just drives along on its wheels. There's a moment when it's just above the ground. No, there's a moment when it drives on the wheels. Oh, I see. I see. You just taxi to the runway. Because a hoverboard could do that.

How can they call it a hoverboard? I don't know. It's on wheels. We allowed it to happen. Because we could have stood up and revolted. Yes, we could. And now it's just a name. Is it a company or is it just the name of the-

I think it's the name of the thing. I think a lot of different companies sell hoverboards. Oh, come on. They're not hoverboards. And if you're not familiar with what we're talking about, maybe you don't have children that have hoverboards. These are two-wheeled. You stand on like a little platform and you move your feet forward and backwards.

You fall. You fall. You break your cossacks a lot on that thing. There's a great Mike Tyson video of him eating it on a hoverboard. Oh, Mike Tyson falling? Oh, have you not seen that? Hold on. It's good.

It is brutal. Didn't he break a bone? He had to have. I mean, he ate it harder than I've ever seen anyone eat it on a hoverboard. It's an excellent video. I highly recommend it. He got knocked out. The news is reporting Mike Tyson knocked out by hoverboard.

He can take a heavy weight, but he can't take a hoverboard. So a hoverboard, insofacto, stronger than Evander Holyfield. Yes. He didn't knock him out. No. That's true. Yeah, so I think you are correct. Tyson did try to eat the hoverboard afterwards.

He tried to bite the wheel. Here's what's crazy, too. Jeremy's over there, Al Borland, taking a look at internet searches for the word hoverboard. And guess what? Instead of our young people of today, when they search for a hoverboard, seeing what's over my left shoulder, the hoverboard from Back to the Future, which is the hoverboard. Yes. They get this product.

That's not okay. Also, the news clip I watched, it was from a CBS News, and they looped. That's the name of our podcast. They looped the following like five times, guys. Yeah. They did it right. It's on the evening news, and it's like E-bombs world. Mike Tyson falling over, over and over and over.

Let me ask a question for the other side. Is this you seeing the video? Sorry, that's me seeing the video. I told you it's good. It's real good. Boy, should have braced that fall. Yeah, who falls like that? When you fall

with my first instinct pin my arms to my side it's brutal watch what you say um here's a question i have because uh al have you owned a boat before i have never owned a boat you've never but you've driven a boat yes to me because i have never driven a boat it seems very intimidating to me like i could drive the car and then it would turn into a boat and then i would be completely out of my element on knowing what to do on the water is it the same as a car no no see yeah it could be a little intimidating but i would say in this scenario you could drive it like your car and you would control it. Knowing me and how I have hit a few things with my vehicle. If I bought a real boat today. One of those being my car.

Yes. That is true. It's very true. So continue with this totally hypothetical story. It's all good. My car was only two days old when you did that. Yeah. I can't believe I did that.

I can't believe I did that. I can't believe I did that. And I can't believe he didn't kill me like Mike Tyson would. But if I bought a boat today, what are the odds that I can operate this thing and get out of there scot-free, like into the water and out of the water? Because I've always been afraid of getting it in and getting it out. That's the worst part. I think you would do all right. If it's a car, wait, are we still talking about a car boat?

Yes. I mean, if it's a car boat, then you just drive it in. Well, I'm more saying like a boat in general has intimidated me. Like I've thought, hey, would I ever be a boat guy? But then I'm like, it seems like a lot of work. Because launching a boat from whatever, the trailer or the contraption that holds it. So it's better to keep it in a marina? Yes.

But people do it and they like slowly back their cars towards the water. Yeah. Knowing that their car, one wrong move and your car's going in the lake. That's what frightens me. No. I've seen people do it. Yes, I've seen people do it. They are impressive.

They are extremely more masculine than I am usually. I'm keeping my boat in a marina for sure. I'm walking around. Pay that dock fee. Pay that dock fee. You clean that. You take care of it. You gas it up.

I'm just going to walk over here. I'm going to drive it around the water, and I'm going to bring it back and probably crash it into the marina. It's really easy to overcorrect in a boat. That's the biggest difference between the car and the boat. Does the harbor provide boat valet? Ooh, that would be nice. You don't even want to walk to the marina? You want to be picked up shoreside?

No, no. I'm saying when I pull my boat up and I look at the intimidation factor of having to park it in the dock, can they just bring a tugboat out and say, yes, Mr. Wright, and then they park my boat for me, and then they drop me off, so I don't have to worry about it. I think that's a good service. I'm sure it does not exist yet, but I'm here in business opportunity when you talk. So my final answer is the hoverboard, but from Back to the Future.

Right. So long as it's that hoverboard, of course. Not the fake hoverboard. course not the not the fake hoverboard the the whole i mean i don't think we brought this up i wasn't really listening to you guys well but i don't you're welcome uh i don't think that there is almost any value in a car that turns into a boat i don't want i've never thought man i wish I could take my car out on the lake like what about when you're on a quick getaway but where's the opera here's what will happen I'll be driving I'll be like time to use my powers that I have with this car and then I'm

going to turn out onto the sand I'm gonna get stuck in the sand before I can get to the part where it converts into a boat and then you're it. I think you just drive it right in and it does all the work. It turns into a boat as you hit the water. Yeah, but what I'm saying is I can't get across the beach probably. Maybe I can go off a pier. I'm taking the boat. Just fly off a pier. You guys enjoy your little skateboard.

Yeah. Did you hear the part about it's a hoverboard? I did. And we're not getting tricked. This is a genuine, it hovers. Honestly, let's have an honest moment. The real hoverboard, it might wear off. Never.

Never. You don't go very fast. I would use it for other things. I would use it as a tray. As a boat. As a tray. Absolutely. I'd be in my bed watching TV, and I would turn this thing on right on my a boat. As a tray. Absolutely. I'd be in my bed.

Oh, he did use- Watching TV, and I would turn this thing on right on my lap. That's a good use case. I would have some cereal. Oh, you want to pull it a little closer? That's fine. You want that? I'm just going to slide it right over to you.

You don't want a hoverboard. You want a hover bowl. Sure, I'll take a hover bowl. Sounds great for my life. Is setting your bowl someplace been a real challenge for you? Look, if I could have a bowl that hovers without spilling, it keeps its own centrifugal gravity in place. Have you ever seen quantum locking?

God bless you. And I'm not talking about like an Ant-Man hypothetical, like an actual quantum locking. I don't know what that means. What does that mean? Yeah, I mean, it's similar. So it's, I think, I don't know the properties that make it happen. I don't know enough about science.

I assumed you didn't, yeah. But like they'll have, you know, something that's really cold over a piece of metal, and then however you place it, it just stays there. But hovering over the piece of metal, and wherever you put it, it just stays there. But hovering over the piece of metal and wherever you put it, it just locks it in place. It's not like the magnet where it floats and so it keeps spinning and spinning. It locks into place. It's amazing.

And they clearly don't put that technology into the hoverboards that Tyson was on. Fast food needs to look into quantum locking. Fast food. Yeah. That is the pinnacle application. I don't want to put application imagine if you could burger down but you don't have to put the burger down it just floats right in front of your face that's nice ribs no hands you want to know what happens chicken wings no messy fingies anymore

that's what i'm talking about the mess you just want to be in space or something well but no they're just gonna float everywhere i want it to stay in place. When you put the burger, the juicy burger back down. You don't want to use your arms anymore. I will use it to bring it to my face. I don't have to go eat it like it's hanging out there. I'll grab it, bring it to my face, put it back there. But then if it's juicy and it's dripping, my bun is not getting in them drippings.

There's nothing worse than a soggy burger. Agreed. How did this conversation worse than a soggy burger. Agreed. How did this conversation get to a soggy hover burger? Because we're talking about hover boards, of course. It's the logical next step. Quantum locking in burgers in front of your face. All right, here. Adam from Patreon wants to know,

would you rather always have to cook bacon every morning in the buff? Interesting. Oh, so there's a splatter situation. Uh-huh. So I assume. It's risky business. Now I understand. It's not written in there, but I imagine they're saying that with no pop guard.

I don't know what you. Oh, you are. Oh, yeah. The pops of the bacon. Yeah. Are going to be. They are going to be challenging. Open season.

You're all about. I've never done Alamode. I have done shirtless, though, so I've been hit right in the nip by a splattering of bacon grease. Not a good time. Or, so that's an option. You have to cook bacon every morning. This is kind of a torture routine for your day.

Yeah, but at the same time, you get bacon. Yeah, that's true. That'll be one of the points. Or you have to always uh remove your shoes and socks before before entering any restroom i have a restroom yeah oh shoes and socks public restrooms you imagine you went to one right now oh somebody's going to walk in and you see them remove their shoes and socks and set them outside the door to go in barefoot there are i mean it it is unfathomably gross to think about walking in to a public restroom barefoot i can't station

i can't wrap my head around that and i don't know maybe ladies bathrooms are pristine and clean i know they're much nicer they're better it's are dumpsters. It's just funny because your feet are like the worst, like kind of the dirtiest part of your body you think of them as. And yet that is so disgusting. Like my feet are not going to spread whatever I step on

to anything I'm eating or touching or hurting, right? It is funny. I think the point you're making is that you're still walking in that bathroom and touching every ounce. Your shoes are. Like right now. Your shoes are.

We are already doing this. It's just not on our foot skin. It's on our shoe sole. And so if that's the case. That's exactly right. Yeah. If that's the case, then the only problem is if we think that that bacteria or whatever is going to harm our foot, which it's not.

Because there's no openings at the bottom of my foot. No. So you're spreading the same germs. But it's mental. It's ooey gooey. No, these are way worse. The germs in a public restroom are just... No, no, no.

But look, if your shoes are on, you're spreading the shoes. Yeah, you're still walking in a public restroom when you got your shoes how does it hurt you is my question how does it actually hurt you other than giving you the skeevy's i mean you have to wash your feet imagine getting into your bed but you don't wash your shoes when you do that i don't get into my bed with my shoes on you you psychopath. That part is true. Right before bed, I'd have to wash them. Just put them under the covers. I'm also, I'm a shoe-off household.

Yeah. Because of, said, I walk through a public bathroom with my shoes on, and I don't want to track that all around my house. I thought you were going to say that's because you prefer to go into your restroom bare feet. But it's like, there's places you're going to go with those bare feet. Yeah, I mean, that's... Oh, man. Well, and the truth is you're going to come out of the bathroom

and then put your socks back on and then put your shoes back on. Oh, you're just creating an ecosystem for it to thrive. It's a biosphere. You better not have a cut on your foot. If you have a cut on your foot. Oh, you're dead. At least you're going to lose the foot. Yeah, that's gangrene, man.

I mean, there's going to be new creatures evolving inside of your socks. When you mix the. So we're all taking the bacon one. Yeah, because at the end of both of these things, right? Maybe the process you didn't enjoy. Because at the end of both of these things, right? Maybe the process you didn't enjoy. At the end of these, you've got gangrene nasty feet or bacon. I will take bacon, please.

I actually like bacon. Oh. Yeah. I enjoy it. Wait. Hold on. When I go to restaurants, if they have it, I often order it. Hold on.

What do you say? You're telling me that you enjoy bacon? The big reveal. I think it's delicious. Put that in the title. Jason likes bacon. Does anybody exist that doesn't like bacon? So my son-

Is that one of the most commonly liked foods in the world? My oldest son said he didn't like bacon. Did you just try to talk with your mic muted? oldest son said he didn't like bacon. Did you just try to talk with your mic muted? Yes, he just tried to talk with his microphone muted. Oh, what a dummy. Hey, guys. Hey, there it is. So what did you do?

I assume he's not your son anymore. No, he likes bacon. He just says he doesn't. That's as far as you can go to not liking bacon. Wait, so he, like, claims to not like it? I don't really like bacon i mean i'll take it i'll take a piece can i have more but he for years would say like i don't like bacon he would still eat it and then he would get more and we've finally convinced him you're not allowed to say that anymore. Because you eat it every time? Because you really like bacon a lot. Stop living the lie.

Okay. We're going. By the way, have you ever had the, you're a man who likes to not have clothes on. That is true. The bacon situation, have you experienced what Mike experienced? I have had a body splash of bacon before, and I think I am a little tougher than Mike. It wasn't that bad? Kind of liked it. Oh, that's something else, my man.

Sounded like it was an ad for a cologne, like a body splash of bacon. I feel like whatever splash, that's still with me. My body still carries the mark. This is where the bacon grease got me i assume you could get scarred right yes bacon grease could absolutely scar you yeah anybody ever gotten a tattoo that looks like you've been splattered with bacon grease probably not all right how about this question from luke about tattoos would you rather let your co-host give you a tattoo of whatever they want on your face

and it lasts a month, on your neck and it lasts a year, on your forearm and it lasts two years, on your ankle and it lasts forever. We have to take the last one out. We have to because that's an easy answer. What? That is not

easy. You take a permanent ankle tattoo? Do you know how much an ankle tattoo would hurt they're all gonna hurt yeah like you have tattoos there's no way you're telling me a forearm tattoo hurts the same as an ankle tattoo on the bone the bone definitely hurts worse i'm not thinking about the pain at all he's thinking about having to have it forever being able to just hide it wow i wear socks what a challenge to my life. It's not embarrassing anymore. Yeah, but you don't know what the tattoo is.

Until I take my shoes off to go to the bathroom. If you take that one, right? I might be kind to your face. Yeah. I ain't being kind if you can cover this up. You will never, ever, ever go to a pool with your children and be allowed there. Why does dad wear one sock to the pool? In the pool.

He's the only person I know that swims with socks on. I forgot to take off my left sock yet again. Whoopsies. Because I will make sure that tattoo is so... Did you say that too? That tattoo. I will make sure that that tattoo...

He said what you heard. Okay. So you shortened it. You're like trying to get cool. It's a two. I go down to the two parlor. I do like the twos, Mike. But I'm going to make it something you absolutely could not live with.

You're going to do the same thing for my face if it's a month. No. I don't think no when it comes down to it and you're actually like on your like you have a tattoo gun up to your friend's face i i don't have jace thinking of things he's gonna he's thinking of things that he would do but when it came down to it he'd be like here's a nice little heart yeah no you're probably i don't know i think jace has got what it takes, man. Yeah, I don't know. There's some bad things you could do to a face for sure.

Yeah, most anything. Most tattoos on faces don't work out. I think I would give him a Zorro mask. Like just a complete, you know, just he would be wearing a month of like a ninja mask that he can't take off everywhere he goes. Mike, which one would you choose? So neck was how long? A year. And then.

A year. I guess I'm only taking either the ankle that lasts forever to hide it. I'm doing. I'm taking the face. I'm going. I'm going face and I'm getting over with. I'm going forearm. I'm going forearm. going face and i'm just getting over with i'm going forearm i'm going forearm two tears yeah i think i can take it because i don't do the shame thing as much also don't do the long sleeve shirt thing right no i'm saying i don't

need to cover it i'm not i'll see about that yeah i mean we'll see what you talk a big game right now i i guess i would need to know what you're gonna put but i i believe when push comes to shove you're gonna do something that you think is gonna embarrass me that won't let me change it let me change it it's not me it's not andy okay it's owl oh i was monster i was putting the tattoo on your arm for two years i will you know what's going on your arm. I do know what's going on my arm for sure. There's no doubt what he would draw on my arm. It's not going to be good. No, he's not a good artist.

He's terrible. I'm still taking it. That's the biggest complaint. Look at this shabby art job. You need to make this more realistic. I'm going to take it. I kind of want arm tattoos. Okay. Let's go. Okay.. I'm going to take it. I kind of want arm tattoos. Okay.

Let's go. Okay. I will go down to the park. This is where we're at, Jason. This is where we're at. This is where we're at. We've had some conversations about. Let's go, baby.

Let's go, Mike. I'm going with you. There's a period of time in your life. It's not the end of your life. No, it's not the beginning. It's not the beginning of your life. There's the tattoo portion of your life. It's the middle life crisis.

I haven't been inked in like six years or something like that. There's the tattoo portion of your life. It's the middle life crisis. I haven't been inked in like six years or something like that. For real? Yeah, it's been a long time. I know what my next one is. I just haven't found the right person to do it. I'll do it. I got you. We're both willing.

You just say the word, Ryan. You ever had an A-B test on a tattoo? All right, one more real quick. I got to get this answer. Just make it fast. Ryan from the website. Would you rather never eat burgers again or never eat pizza again? Burgers. It's an easy answer for me

and it's unfortunately the pizza. Because you don't want to miss out on the burger? I don't want to miss out on the burgers. They are the greatest thing of all time. Also, burgers don't make me feel bad. I mean, you can get sleepy. Pizza is worse for time. Also, burgers don't make me feel bad. I mean, you can get sleepy. Pizza is worse for you.

Oh, there are prices for every slice. Price per slice? Yes, the price per slice. I think I'd keep the pizza. As I get older, that price, it's just the interest rates are going up. I just want to imagine every time you sit down for pizza over the next 10 years. I'm doing the equation. No, the slice is getting smaller, and you've got this tiny slice on the table. That's the problem.

I think the size of the slice doesn't matter. Oh, no. It's just whatever pizza goes in. It's just a little pizza bomb. No, it's not a little bomb. It's a big pizza bomb. Okay. All right.

It's Jason Explains. Jason Explains in 60 seconds. All right, Al. What do we have? We have my wheel button not working. Okay. Oh, awesome. Jason Explains. Cryptocurrency.

Wait, wait. Nope. You haven't. You thought it was that we got there cryptocurrency oh it's yeah i thought it didn't land on that well that's an easy one to explain cryptocurrency is a fake asset that people think is going to be a store of value so they buy it and they want to make a lot of money but what it actually is a lot of people don't know about the blockchain the blockchain the blockchain is actually something that allows rich people to take advantage of poor people by manipulating the system and making you think that you're going to make a lot of money so what you do is you invest it goes up you are so excited then they manipulate the system to where they cash out all that money you get afraid you sell it goes low they buy that's what's going to happen with cryptocurrency and it's going to be sold to you

that you can use it for transactions you can't it's a store of value with nothing behind it and yes i own a lot of it that was my follow-up question is sir uh how much cryptocurrency do you have well look i'm the one taking advantage of you. Oh, my goodness. Okay. Wait, is that a fair definition? I don't feel like I understand what the blockchain really is. Oh, well, maybe that'll come up next time. He explained it very much. It's the way that the rich profit off of people who don't have money. That's a great question.

All right, Todd from the website. You have the power to create a new animal by combining two existing ones. What animals would you combine and what would be the features of the resulting creature? That, man, just off the off top of head combining two animals. Yeah. I mean, I want to get a dolphin in there. That's step one. I want the back end of a dolphin.

I back. It better be a water animal. Yeah. Because otherwise you're making a. No, no, no. Don't they have a blowhole? Yes. But it's all they got.

You get the back end up to the blowhole, so whatever you put on the front can breathe underwater. But there's no legs. That is correct. That's what he was just saying. Oh, I thought he was saying that if you put... The animal couldn't breathe. No, I'm saying if you put this animal on land, it can't move.

That's what I'm saying. Oh, yeah. This would be in the sea. Okay. So what's the front half of your animal? An elephant. An elephant with a little tail no it's in the water it's an elephant thank you okay thank you very an elephant so this is

basically just a whale with its small tail does it have the the the two elephant legs i'm not settled on this yet okay you're still workshopping It seems like in mythology, lions and eagles are combined in all sorts of forms. Yeah. But I've never seen a lion and a dolphin combined. So you just want a flying dolphin? Lions don't fly and dolphins don't fly. I think you were jumping to like a griffin or something like that. I was thinking you were combining the eagle and the dolphin.

I didn't listen. I'm just saying that like ferocious lion can move in the water. Okay. I mean, because sharks aren't bad enough? It's a fair point. Maybe this is the wrong answer. Why don't you have an alternative answer? I want bare arms.

Okay. I want the claws okay the second amendment on yes i want the right to bear arms uh with those awesome claws but i want to put it on something that we are currently not afraid of okay oh so like a hamster but i'm thinking something cute that we like you're, you're not afraid of snakes? Yeah, wait. That was what... What's something no one's afraid of? Snakes.

Good answer. If this was Family Feud and it was top 100 animals that people are not afraid of, snakes. Oh, that's a zero. Everyone, we conquered our fear. Dude, I watched a video of... It was either some... maybe a South American jungle, and they're using a live animal to bait one of those gigantic snakes. And this thing must have been 20 feet long,

and it just goes firing into this barrel and gets trapped. People live with this creature around? All right, so snake's not the answer. So you want bear arms on a? Koala bear. Oh. I want a sweet little koala bear that everyone wants to hold and hug. But would you want this koala bear to hold on to you

if it had massive grizzly bear arms? No, but just two or four that's a good question two so it's just top two well i guess when you hear the top two here's the thing here's the thing bears have no arms bears have four legs wait a minute what i assume those aren't considered hard i assume when they stand on their two legs, they become arms in that moment. When a bear goes vertical, absolutely, they become arms. If you can stand on your hindquarters, here's the thing. In this scenario, whatever you make, you've got it.

But somewhere in the world, the inverse exists. So there is a bear out there with koala arms. Oh, man, I'm not afraid of that bear. Like a T-Rex? Yes. I got these little arms. So are you trying to understand whether bears have arms? I am.

They don't. They have legs. Here's the deal. The internet is pretty convinced with Andy's style of if they're standing, they have arms. Al Borland wants to know if when I do a handstand, do my legs become arms? Of course they do. No, they don't. And your arms

are legs. They do not. So you're not actually doing a handstand. You're just standing. The handstand is a trick. It's not a normal posture. A bear will actually get up on its hind legs. No, look. The definition of legs is a limb, an animal used especially for supporting the body and walking. So if you're walking on your arms, those are legs.

That's just a fact. This is science. Those are limbs of the body supporting walking. Now I'm remembering being in the gym with Jason and we do those bear crawls. Yeah. And our hands were on the ground to be like a bear. So that makes us us that makes them all legs so yeah in that moment you had four legs yes and that also means jason this is you have no

arms to take from the bear so now i've got a koala that i took the arms off of and that's it it's just you've got the bear's arms which which are nothing. Does a koala have arms? Koalas have arms because they're not actually bears. They're marsupials. Oh, look at me. Look at how smart I am. They're marsupials. Cute. Proud of yourself.

All right, do you have an answer, Mike, or are we done? I don't have anything better than that. Hannah from Twitter, if you were in charge of adding a new subject to the school curriculum that you believe is essential for kids to learn, what would it be? Oh, this is easy. Financial well-being. So that is a great answer. Mine is so similar, but this is the thing that I can't believe is not taught in school,

which is the credit system, like your credit, your credit number that you have, how that works. This thing that we've created. The thing that we have created out of nothing that does not really exist that affects every aspect of your life. Like you want to get a car, you want to get a house, you want to get a cell phone. I mean, anything, you have to have a house, you want to get a cell phone. I mean, anything you have to have a certain level of credit or you pay more. And I remember coming out like when I went

to college, no one taught me. Great job, parents. No one taught me about credit. I'm walking around the campus and someone's chill. I feel so dumb now to think that when I was given this credit card, I had no idea how it worked. I just, I filled out a piece of paper and I was given $3,000 of free money. And, and I knew I had to pay it back. And I would next year when I get my student loans,

I would just pay it off. Yeah. That's how credit works. So you understood it. So just pay it off. Yeah, that's how credit works. So you understood. So I understood it perfectly. Apparently, when you don't pay your credit card for 12 months, that's bad for your credit score. Oh, my goodness.

That set you back a little. That set me back a little. You maxed out a credit card and had it open for 12 months? Yeah, because I was going to pay it off. I wrote an IOU. It's just as good as money. And I did pay it off. You're making a strong case for this to be taught in school

so your situation isn't repeated. Yes. But we definitely don't teach kids the ins and outs of the monetary system in general. Yeah, taxes. Investing. I don't know how taxes work, and I'm 40 years old. Yeah, I mean, that's a bigger conversation probably, but is there another subject that comes to mind?

I mean, I'm going to call it fixing. Fixing. Fixing. Is this dinner? No. When something breaks in my house, you know what I do? I throw it in the garbage, and i get something else new and i bet you the process to fix said broken item it's it would take me 10 minutes to do because i don't know how to fix anything let me guess mike i bet you're not passing down any of your fix into your kids. No. Well, yes, I did. I taught them how to fix things.

You put it in the garbage and you buy a new one. Yeah. Let me go fix that for you, son. You broke your toy? Amazon. Yeah. You call the magical Amazon man and he delivers a new product in two days. That's a good one.

I think that would be a great thing to have as a baseline. Cause there's a certain point in your life and we'll, we're all getting up there. There's a certain point in which you can't just like, I can't start learning that stuff. I'm too far behind and you don't want to, and it would be too embarrassing. That's,

that's the issue. You're not too far behind. It's just, it's the, it's embarrassing. It's like, like there's probably a window when changing your oil was something you can be taught and then there's a window only mechanics know how to do that but then there's a window and you're like i i don't think i can ask anybody to teach me this i i agree with the premise of what mike mike's talking about here of of fixing things but that that seems more like you know when things break fixing those things that leads me to think maybe there should be a

high school you know how there was like shop class yeah there needs to be one that's just handyman yeah handyman because I'm so jealous of people around this studio that are like they know how to do their handyman and they know how to do stuff. They're looking at this drywall, and they're like, oh, yeah, all you do is blah, blah, blah. I'm like, you cast a magic spell, and then drywall appeared. I mean, wiring things and doing construction, that is literally impossible. I've never felt dumber than the two times I tried to build a birdhouse. Because a birdhouse in concept is a... I feel like I would be able to do it.

It's a box. Any grown person should be able to do this. Just give me some wood and some nails. And when a simple thing goes so wrong in your building, you feel dumb. Did you have a plan or were you just constructing this ground up? I'm going to build a birdhouse from my imagination. Here's plan number one, Jason. I'm going to put one piece of wood perpendicular to the other piece of wood with nails.

Okay. So, yep. That's how I see it in my head. And that's really where it went wrong. There's other steps? Oh, no, no. Just completing that step was very difficult. I'm overestimating the hammer and the nail work.

I would use wood glue. Well, see, I have learned that that helps a lot. All right, one more. I got to know this answer. Nina from the website, before we draft. If it was possible to colonize Mars in our lifetime, would you consider moving you and your family there with no imminent danger to Earth?

Why or why not? So, no. Yeah, no. No. For sure, no. No. Really? Yeah, no.

Mike, you're a man of the stars. Oh, I would love to visit Mars. Visit. It would be, I mean, a voyage of a lifetime. No Chipotle on Mars. But I just told you how I can't fix stuff. Do you know how useless I am going to be on Mars? I'm going to be like a bard.

There's going to be scientists and engineers everywhere. And I'm like, how about I play you the tale? I'll play you some inspirational music on my guitar well well you fix he's an oxygen tester he tests the he tests the air i'm running out of air could you fix that i'll play you a tail you would be a bard that is needed on mars mike that is needed we the three of us should go there and just, we will be Mars' source of entertainment. Because imagine if only scientists and agriculture. Are there any marsupials on Mars?

You know, if the entire planet is populated with all them smart people, then they're not having any fun. Not that we're not smart. No, we're super smart here's the funny thing when you said that about being a bard i realized you're living in the only time in which you have usefulness this moment in time because if you went back in time you also would have to be a bard yes right yeah oh very much I mean, there's bards. Middle ages? You're a bard. Yeah. I would just be playing a- Future, you're a bard.

I'd be on a loot. Right now, you have the little bit of regular usefulness. Yeah. Podcasting. If there was a chart on my usefulness through time, it's very, very low, and then eventually it becomes just a static line that is kind of useful yeah it's just got all jobs barred it's a straight line i bring some joy okay all right um but you wouldn't consider it no i wouldn't consider it either we've got what if you could be guaranteed no death no

that's not about death it's about fun i doubt there's netflix on mars i doubt there's a mcdonald's on the corner yeah it comes down just to be clear you are telling me that exploring the universe is less entertaining than netflix and mcdonald's yeah yes i am welcome to why go to mars podcast when netflix probably has like 30 documentaries on mars and that val Kilmer movie, right? Oh, Red Planet? The Spitballers Draft. We are drafting things that are hot. It's too hot. We did a things that are cold draft in episode 222.

Based on all the scientific knowledge of my friend Mike, hot is the opposite of cold, and we are doing a draft of things that are hot. Jason, you have the number one pick. I have the number one pick. Now, do these things have to be like real? Yep. Okay. Well, I mean, I don't know.

Hot tub time machine sounds pretty dope, but that's not real. Yeah, I would say let's stay slightly inside the bounds of real things. You wanted to draft the hot tub time machine? Well, it's something that's hot, and I would love a time machine. That'd be pretty cool. But we'll move past that. I'm going to take- To be fair, I have some stuff on my

list that's not real okay okay i'll let you draft it this is the spitball we do whatever we want make the rules here i'm taking the sun because that's that's good answer that is literally the barometer that people compare things to it's hotter than the sun it's as hot as the sun it's not as hot as the sun right and also we live in arizona i can tell you that sun it's it's pretty hot because we're my understanding as a scientist is we're very far from it and i my skin still burns to a crisp yeah i i mean i think that there was a 101 a and 101 b i'm taking fire yeah all right fire is my pick. I already did that. I thought you'd do it

the inverse and I was going to end up with sun. You got like a plasma. There's fire in it, Mike. You tell me the sun doesn't have any fire. I don't know. Does it? Of course it does. I don't think so. What? Fire is the burning of oxygen. Well, there's no oxygen in space. Yeah. Shoot.

You still got the sun, bro. Immediately run into a problem. The sun is very hot. Yeah, you have a good pick. We're not drafting things that have fire in them. So you did great. I'm going to do a little research here. Mike, you have two picks.

We have the sun and fire. We need two things that are hot. All right. So, I mean, it's all similar stuff to start it out here, but I'm going to take lava. Lava was not on my list, and that is just an oversight. That was a great pick. Okay.

Lava is also very, like, awesome. Yeah. And awful. Yeah, slow just like it's rocks that are so hot that they turn into a river uh i have been to a lava show so i've been in a room with lava first-hand experience i will tell you very very hot very very hot and it it's amazing who hasn't played the game as a kid? Where the floor is lava? Where the floor is lava.

And you're jumping all over pillows and stuff. It's not like the floor is fire. The floor is lava. If the floor, you would just stop, drop, and roll. We learned that. That's how you get through fire. That's how you get through fire. Lava's a great pick.

Okay, so I have another pick. So I started off with lava. Now, do we get too goofy? That was a great pick. Okay. So I have another pick. So I started off with lava. Now, do we get too goofy? I'm going to take a lightsaber, everybody. What? Yeah. Okay.

Yeah. Is that hot? I don't know. I think so. It can cut through metal. That really throws this draft on its head. I told you I have things that are not real. I was going to draft things that are hot. So I'm going to go with coffee for my second pick.

You think that's hotter than a lightsaber, bro? No, it's not things that are hotter than other things. It's things that are hot. The best things that are hot. Okay, I have an update. And coffee is delicious and hot. I have an update on the fire of the sun. Okay.

Question, why does the sun not run out of oxygen as it burns? The sun does not run out of oxygen. Because it creates its own. For the simple fact that it does not use oxygen. Oh, right. Okay. It's a chemical thing. It's not fire.

Okay, you win. Yeah. In terms of great things that are hot, coffee is my pick. It is. In terms of great things that are hot, coffee is my pick. It is. Now, would you say that coffee reaches temperatures ranging 18,000 centigrade to 25,000 centigrade? Are you telling me what a lightsaber is? I am.

That's pretty hot, Mike. Yeah, and last time I had a sip of my morning coffee, it didn't remove my face. When I wake up in the morning dare you to touch your tongue to this lightsaber when i dare you to touch your tongue when i wake up in the morning only one of our two picks mike is accessible to me and i will take the coffee well i'm gonna you should get a lightsaber i'm going to draft something that um i hope is in all of our homes. And it will absolutely scald your mouth. It's pizza bites.

Okay, because nothing is hotter than pizza bites. And you can't wait. I know you can't wait. If you eat and you're full and later there are pizza bites left over that's the only way you can wait and then you're like man these are delicious when they're just warm did they discover some science with the creation of the pizza bites that creates they check its own sun inside of the bite according to star wars lore pizza bites reach a temperature range of 30 000 degrees centigrade yes now for, are you taking bagel bites or the pizza rolls?

No, pizza bites. Pizza bites are the little pouch ones. I think they're pizza rolls. Yeah, those are like the Tostino's pizza rolls. I think we'll give you the pizza rolls. They're not called pizza bites? I was with you. Yeah, I mean, I don't know.

I'm just doing this from memory here. Pizza rolls. There's bagel bites and pizza rolls. Okay, pizza rolls. You got to go with the rolls. Yeah, Tost I was with you. Yeah. I mean, I don't know. I'm just doing this from memory here. Pizza. There's bagel bites and pizza rolls. Okay. Pizza rolls. You got to go. Totino's pizza. You need it to be contained inside of the little, the bagel inferno. The heat gets to escape when it's in the roll.

It stays there in forever. Yeah. I mean, call them pizza ovens because they're little ovens. Yeah. Pizza bombs. I mean, they just, they, and, and has, have any of you ever been able to successfully wait long enough? No. You cannot.

You cut them in half? Of course you do. You try. Yeah. And maybe by the 10th one, it's not burning your mouth anymore, but you have no idea. Your mouth is numb. Exactly. You can't taste this anymore.

So the classic combo of the sun and pizza rolls for Jason so far. Another pick. Another pick. I am up. I'm going to go with one of the best hot things. I'm going to go with something very similar to coffee, except way more delicious. And it's got hot in the name. Hot chocolate.

Okay. Okay. I really expected a lot more. I thought people really like hot chocolate. It. Okay. I really expected a lot more. I thought people really like hot chocolate. It's good. You guys don't like hot chocolate? Hot chocolate, hot cocoa, same thing, right? Yes, of course.

The problem is you set the table with a head-to-head hot coffee versus hot chocolate. That one's wrong. Hot chocolate is what kids get when they're not allowed to i don't i didn't say it was better i said it was more delicious and there is no denying that hot chocolate is more delicious than coffee i i'm on your side yeah do you make it with milk oh yes yes yes yes i mean i've done the whole powder hot water i've got so much powder hot water that it distorts my those those shouldn't be allowed to be sold because it really does make hot chocolate seem like something that that is

not good but if you make like homemade hot chocolate um my wife's like you like melting down candy bars uh yeah you can do that I know you can but who has the time well if you've got some of those pizza rolls you put the chocolate in the pizza rolls. Yeah, no, you can make it on the stove starting with a base of milk, and it's unbelievable. My third pick here, I'm going to go with a hot shower. I'm going to take a hot shower. It's good that you labeled it a hot shower instead of just a regular shower. I am being very specific for the hot draft because you could have taken a cold shower in the other draft.

You could also take cold coffee. Also, so far, I'm sitting by my fire, sipping some coffee. In the shower? In the shower. Your fire has been doused. I took a shower. It's all part of my nice morning. Okay.

All right. shower oh it's all part of my nice morning okay all right uh this fire keeps going out from my hot shower you guys don't drink your coffee in the shower um okay i'm gonna go with something because we need to bring this up i don't know how or why it received this name but if you live in arizona you know that uh cool deck is not in fact no cool it is blister your feet levels of hot and who got away with calling it cool deck probably i know who it was actually big pool no it's the hoverboard guy he's just freaking lying all over the place because there's no such thing like if you called it cooler deck okay maybe you can make an argument that this this is a little concrete wasn't your pick no because it it needs to be okay i need to bring this hypocrisy to light into the

light of day that's what we do on the spitballers podcast. All right, so I've got, let's see, what do I got? You know, I always thought it was pool deck. I never realized it was pool deck. Pool deck is a much better word because it's not cool. It burns you. Lava, lightsaber, cool deck. All right, so with my final pick. Light saber.

So ridiculous. So with my final pick, I'm going to take, I was going to go with peppers. Just good old-fashioned peppers. That's a good pick. Because we can have the benign, it's not that spicy, a bell pepper all the way up to a ghost pepper where you wish that you could remove your tongue from your face. Yeah, and if the guy with the cool decking was in charge of the ghost pepper it would have been like not spicy pepper or something um all right so you've got just a whole other name yeah lava lightsaber cool decking and peppers i have fire shower refresher i'm gonna close it out with hot cakes i'm taking hotcakes with my final pick.

Wait a minute. Aren't those pancakes? I believe so. Are they things that are hot? You bet they are. Here's the thing. Pancakes don't sell like hotcakes. That's true.

Because when something sells well. Yeah, it sells like hotcakes. It sells like hotcakes. You don't say that something, if it's selling real well, you're like, oh, man, it sells like pancakes. You have to give those away for free. That's a buy one, you get an entire all-you-can-eat pancakes. That's a really good point, Mike. I'm going to start using that phrase, though.

Oh, that's selling like pancakes. Wait, so it's not selling well? No, it's selling. What are you talking about? How's your business going? Selling like pancakes. Is that good? No, it's not. So selling like pancakes is is that good no it's not like they're really cheap that's my final pick okay so i am up for my final pick i too will take

something with the word hot um i'm going to go with hot springs oh that's Oh, that's a good one. A nice, natural, warmed water from the earth. And those things can get full dangerous. Oh, yeah. 18,000 to 25,000 degrees. Well, it's not a lightsaber hot. If it's on Tatooine. All right. If someone puts a lightsaber inside of it.

Yes. You want to boil water? Just put that lightsaber in. I still insist there's not enough accidents with those lightsabers based on those temperatures. Well, they're trained Jedis. Here's the thing. Maybe they're trained, but every one of those movies, those guys should be sweatier. Based on that heat, they are carrying around some serious heaters, and they should be dripping

sweat in these movies. I will not argue with this at all. I think they should be dripping sweat in these movies i will not argue with this at all like the i think they might be melting like they should turn it on and everyone just starts melting like in indiana jones like if you yes exactly if it's that temperature you should be like oh let's fight wait a minute and then in uh in uh, right? Then when they're on Hoth and it's the ice planet and Luke's all cold and he has a lightsaber. Yeah, that should have melted the planet. Why doesn't he just turn it on and hang out with it? This is why you might not have drafted that.

Because then the planet would be water and float away. Oh, yeah, he'd drown. All right, Jason went with the sun, pizza rolls, hot chocolate, and hot springs. I went with fire, coffee, shower, the hot kind, and hot cakes. And then Mike went with lava, lightsaber, cool decking, and peppers. I did have a lot of alternative choices here. Surprised that hot tub in general, just the hot tub, wasn't picked, although hot springs is the same thing.

Hot tub time machine was thrown out there. A fireplace was something that's hot fire i had a forest fire i felt like i couldn't take it you know i wrote down hot air balloon i wish you had tried to convince us that he could take fire and you would take forest fire yeah you thought about it you guys have any other uh wheel? Oh, good one. And then it was just, I put it down because it was a very Mike-ism to put down, but it was just two out there. I was going to go with Zoolander.

Okay, I've got. Because he's so hot right now. See, I told you. Oh, no, we got it. I've got fajitas. I don't think you. Now, in the movie, there's a scene uh-huh where one of the other characters is looking at zoolander and he whispers to a friend and he says he's so hot right now now i get it ah excellent excellent choice uh i had a sauna and i had tiktok trends

they're so hot right now what did we learn today I learned that the sun doesn't have fire this is unbelievable news that is a little weird huh it's a giant ball of fire I still believe it is I honestly feel like we learned that it's pizza rolls instead of pizza bites.

Let's see. I mean, unless I learned for sure that I just don't really want to live on Mars. It's disappointing. It is. I'm a little disappointed in myself. I would have thought you'd be first in line for that ticket. I'll buy you one. We'll get you out of here.

See you. I don't want to go. Goodbye, everybody. Thank you for listening. Tell your get you out of here. See ya. I don't want to go. Goodbye, everybody. Thank you for listening. Tell your friends and family about the podcast. Goodbye. Thanks for listening to the Spitballers Podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out SpitballersPod.com.