Spitballers Comedy Podcast - 258: Jason's Mid-Life Crisis & A Robot Battle Royale

Episode Date: October 9, 2023

Join us today for Jason’s therapy session as he gets some things off his chest that he has apparently been bottling up for way too long. We also discuss poop slinging robots and dusty, homeless butterflies. Then we are back in the Colosseum for a ‘Famous Robot Battle Royale’. Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast! Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast: Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.com Follow us on Twitter: Twitter.com/SpitballersPod Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPod Subscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers Podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. That's what you get That's what you deserve Are you talking to the listeners out there That were counting on you Talking to the men in this room You monsters

Oh man We pulled it off You got me so good We did it Jer Jason may or may not have known Hold it up. You got me so good. We did it, Jer. Jason may or may not have known he was the scat until about halfway through the song. Oh, man. And that's what you got.

Some sort of word vomit. I am. I'm so exhausted. It was the perfect day for it. It was the perfect day. We have a very busy schedule today. This is my third show I'm recording. I spent the last 20 minutes yawning. That's all I did.

And then sit down. It's like, it's all right. It's all right. I'm going to get up for the show. We're going to have a great time. I sit down. I'm exhausted. I was lying.

You like the part where I was asking you about the previous show for a while? Oh, that was all part of it? That was all part of it. And then all of a sudden, the monitor that i look at while we record the show switches straight to just me and the music starts playing and i know what that means it means i gotta do the scat do you enjoy it mike it really uh high quality scat yeah i mean i if i don't know what new listeners are going to think of that. Welcome to the Spitballers. We like to open it up with a blah, blah, blah.

It was the different version of scat. For sure. The boop, boop kind? Welcome in. Al Borland in the building. Judge Giamatti both hanging out in Inducer's Alley. We've got Would You Rather. We've got a draft today, another Battle Royale.

Heading back to the Coliseum. You could have done a robot thing. I didn't even know what today's show was. I was not prepared. Think faster. I can't think right now. Beep, boop. Beep, boop, boop.

Yeah, now that was a nerdy robot. What are you talking about? We've got a new... You're a nerd. Why is Al laughing so hard? I don't know, but I had to keep going. It's not that funny. He kept laughing so I kept going.

We have a new game we're playing today. So pretty excited about that. Jason's excited that it's not Highway to Spell. Yeah, that's true. But let's start with some would you rather would you rather valentina from patreon would you rather have a cat along with any other pets you'd like okay or never be able to have any pets again so this is forcing you into a cat has to come along with anything else you want?

Yeah. No pets for me, please. But you don't want pets anyways. Like, you don't really want your dog. He's all right. Fair. Let me just ask you this. Was it your idea to get the dog no it was not were you opposed at any point

in time to getting said dog yes did family have to convince you or pull strings or make deals to get the dog yep yeah he's going no pets this is like yeah it's an easy one for me do you want what you want or do you want what you don't want? That's right. I pick what I want. That's very fair. Look. Can you have an outdoor cat?

Can you train them to just be outdoors? You can. That's the direction I'd go, like way outdoors. A lot of people. I don't know if. I have one now. I have never seen it. I don't know if it's frowned upon or not, but there's a lot of people that they just, that's what they do.

The cat goes and lives a feral outdoor life. And then they just put out some milk or something? Well, then when it's time to eat, then the cat shows up, sleeps in the house, and then repeat. Really? We went to an Airbnb a couple years ago up north in the woods, and there was a cat that was clearly well-fed, but it was just— Like a fat cat? Yeah, it was like a healthy fat cat, but so sweet. Real rich? It wasn't—

Yes, it was super wealthy. This feline was made of money. No, and there was this—it it wasn't a wild cat it was like a domesticated cat but it was outdoors it was on our back patio and she or he would come up and was so sweet would walk right up no fear but wasn't mean you could pet it feed it like it i mean this is felt like this was a cat who lives off of tourists. Probably was. The only catch with the outdoor feral existence is that you can end up with, well, with kittens.

Or coyotes. Yeah, I guess that's true as well. If you listen to Bob Barker, you're not having any. Now, Mike, you are on record as being a cat-a-poser. Well, yes. Are you willing to endure one for the sake of keeping your doggies? bark or you're not having now mike you are you are on record as being a cat opposer um well yes are you are you willing to endure one for the sake of keeping your dog i am far more on the side of dogs always give me dogs but the cats the problem is i'm allergic to cats that's my problem too i might like them and i've built in a defense mechanism that I'm just opposed to cats. Over the summer, I went and I stayed at my family and I, we traveled.

We stayed at a buddy's house. They have a cat. And there definitely were some allergy issues. You know, not too bad. I made it through. And I was like, this cat's fine. I kind of like this cat. Like they hang out at the cat.

Yeah. The other cat would, would come up to you. It liked scratches. This cat, they live in Colorado. So this cat, great skier.

Yes. I mean, tremendous slopes, black diamonds all the whole way for this cat, but it like it hunts. So, I mean like if there's ever a mouse that gets into this house they live in this mouse is colorado yeah so it hunts well i'm just saying like like you're thinking it doesn't hunt because they live in colorado that's what you said

but i'm saying they live in the cat this cat's in colorado so it hunts i'm saying so if there is any rodent that gets in the house the rodent is gone also in other states they do that too yeah but we don't have as many mice problems not the colorado mice so yeah so really the issue is hey coloradans is that what you call it yeah coloradian take care of your your rodent issues you disgusting city. They're filthy slobs. But also, moths. Did you know that cats will hunt? You know, when you have a moth in your house, it's so obnoxious. Cat takes care of that.

Now, what about a butterfly, though? Gone. Oh, no. You want a butterfly in your house? Yeah, I wouldn't want to watch a butterfly get eaten by a cat. I don't understand it. Why do butterflies get such a pass compared to moths? Yeah, they look good.

One looks good. The other is a disgusting monster. Yeah, moths look all dusty. They're dusty. They are dusty. They're dusty. They're dusty? Moths are dusty.

If you can see a moth and get close enough you go dust everywhere you can blow off all of its wings i think i i it's possible that a moth is just a dusty butterfly and we just haven't been able to blow off enough dust it's a butterfly might be beautiful under there having to live on the street it's a homeless butterfly yeah and that's why they go in your attic that's why they yeah they eat your clothes yeah i mean butter it is funny the standard we have for in a beautiful butterfly i mean there are animals like um you know mice versus rats i mean i think everybody mice are kind of cute cute little uh let me let me have it as a pet rats and moths hang out oh oh man rats and moths they are what bring the plague that's true actually the plague really that did not reflect

well on the on the rat population no um so you're taking the the cat yeah it's i, I'll deal with it. Enjoy the asthma attacks. Yeah, I'll deal with it. I think Mike and I... I hate to say this. I think Mike and I are kind of coming around on cats. Yeah, well, I can never have a cat. I want to hate cats. Like, don't hear what I'm not saying.

I want to hate them. Yes. I don't want to like... I'm not a cat person. I want to hate them. It's a fun thing to hate them it's a fun thing to hate it's so cool some of them are real rude oh they've they're they've got their nose and their butt pointed up at you they're real pretentious don't worry about me they're not

going to come when you call their names you know there's so many great reasons to hate cats and i enjoy hating cats it's one of my hobbies when people like, what do you like to do? I'm like, I like fantasy football. I hate cats. Right. But. My whole personality reflects it. I think if we're being honest. Yeah.

We don't do that a lot around here. What? We're always honest. I don't think cats are that big a problem. I think they're probably like, I bet cat owners really like their cats. Yeah. And I think there's something advantageous like i've always part of why i haven't liked cats is because

they are the opposite of dogs like dogs love you they they they want to be in there they're affection they want to get pet they won't have to be in the same room yeah exactly they're they wait for you at the door when you're gone cats Cats, I imagine, when you're gone, they're like, heck yeah, let's tear this place up. No, it makes sense that you're coming around on cats, actually, because you like baseball now. Stop it. Stop it. Take that back. Is this because you're old?

He's changed. He's trying to. I'm just trying to stay young. Jason's midlife crisis is- Yeah, cats and crisis is opening up. Yeah, cats and baseball. Yeah. Oh, boy.

But I do think that the idea of an animal that would kind of not need me, there's something nice about that, too. You can leave them for trips. I mean, one of the reasons I genuinely – like, I love my dog. I really do. Copper's awesome. Love my dog like, I love my dog. I really do. Copper's awesome. Love my dog now that I have a dog. But the reason I didn't want a dog, in part, was just the true responsibility of a dog.

I knew my kids wouldn't take that seriously. And I knew that if we wanted to go somewhere. I'll feed it every day. Oh, yeah. I'll clean up the poop. Oh, crap. No, you won't. Yes, I will.

No, you won't. I know you won't. Yes, I will. But he did'll clean up the poop. Oh, crap. No, you won't. Yes, I will. No, you won't. I know you won't. Yes, I will. But he did not clean up the poop. The fact that we could leave for three or four days and not think about having somebody take care of the dog or having to board the dog or whatever. Yes, dog boarding is tough. It's the practicality of it.

That's all. Yeah. So I think my answer is I'm'm gonna trade in my dogs for a cat that's fine no you can have dogs no i'm getting rid of them no he's moving on to totally changed my my my youngest littlest dog you still got that dog huh that scientific word that describes her perfectly is uh man that thing won't stop pooping and peeing on everything. I need to get rid of it. I need the coyotes.

I need them to come close to my home. Oh, my gosh. Are you setting like a Jurassic Park little goat trap out there? Oh, yeah. Bring the coyotes? Look, I'm going to have an outside dog soon. Oh, no. And then I hope to not have a dog soon.

Oh, no. Oh, no. I'm done to have an outside dog soon. Oh, no. And then I hope to not have a dog soon. Oh, no. Oh, no. I'm done with Pepper. Pepper, look, I'm putting you on blast name and all. You suck, Pepper. You suck. I want someone to take you from me by any means necessary. I won't do it.

Free dog sign out front? Free dog. Oh, man. Poops and peas everywhere. Cannot be trained. She's not doing too dog. Oh, man. Poops and pees everywhere. So she's not doing too good, huh? Oh, she knows. She knows. She could go, oh, I'll watch her go out that dog door and poop and pee outside.

I watch her do this every day. She can do it 12 times a day and max of four times outside. Oh, man. Oh, I can't stand that. Oh, this is real life. This is the real life. Give me a cat. We're getting into it. I'll scoop that box. Yeah. They got robots't stand that. Oh, this is real life. This is the real life. Give me a cat. We're getting into it.

I'll scoop that box. Yeah. They got robots now for that. So the cat will poop in your house. No. So will the dog. You've seen the robot, though, right? Like a robot kitty litter?

The litter bot. The litter bot is a- I mean, no, I'm not up to date on cat tech. Dude, there are commercials during the football games for litter bot. What? Litter bot? How much money are they making? Well, there's a free commercial here, Andy. Thanks. It looked like something that makes

you not have to do anything. I think it rotates and the poop drops out the bottom. Sounds like my kind of work. I don't know. But how does it get out of your house? Never scooping it. Right, you gotta take that out. It's just like flinging. No. It just shoots it. Put it near a window. Open the window between 1230 and 1245 p.m.

Oh, man. I didn't open the window. Oh, no. Not again. Darn you, robots. Oh, boy. Look, I'm a cat man now. You're a cat man.

I just love it. Us cat people. Us cat people, we got to stick together. Right, Brooks? Me and you, cat lovers. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Full circle.

All right. Larry from the website, would you rather not be able to use a washer and dryer or not be able to use a dishwasher? Oh, this one is- This one's pretty easy. Super easy. Yeah. I can paper plate my life, man.

Yeah, your solution isn't washing the dishes. No. It's wasting paper. I could throw regular dishes away, too. Oh, that's true. Porcelain. Porcelain disposable dishes. There's a whole trash can?

I mean, the solution. Oh, man. Disposable pots and pans? I mean, yeah, probably. If need be. If need be. What is this, mac and cheese? That's probably going, probably. If need be. If need be. What is this, mac and cheese? That's probably going to stick.

I'm going to toss it out. Has anyone, like, how do you- The washer dryer is just so much more. I've never hand washed any clothing. That's what I was going to ask is, how does one do it? Because I know- Would you do the pool? In my head-

Just toss it? In my head, they have the weird shaped. The basin? No, the washboard. Yeah, the washboard. Is it like my abs? No, they look like. Like abs, not mine.

It's a wash belly. What you do is you roll it on this ball. How does this even work? So you put the linen on it and then you just scrub against it? I don't know. I don't have a washboard. It's not 1881. I will say this.

So every now and then there's a really important clothing item, right? Like, oh, we've got a choir concert. Yeah, they got this one shirt they have to wear. And there's one shirt they got to wear. Oh, no, there's something on it or it's dirty or wasn't washed or whatever. And when I see this shirt get to wear. Oh, no, there's something on it or it's dirty or wasn't washed or whatever. And when I see this shirt get washed in the sink, right, like soaked in a sink, used a little soap, it's like, throw that away. What are you doing?

You have soiled the shirt. You have ruined the shirt. That's not how shirts are cleaned. It feels so wrong. It's funny because I don't think it even enters my mind that if there's a dirty piece of clothing we need, that the option would be to hand wash it real quick. Right. My thought is, oh gosh, I have to do a load. I have to do a load and wait because there's no other solution.

Yeah. There's nothing else you could do other than wear it dirty or wash it in the washing machine. Yeah. So you have to get rid of the dishwasher here. And to be honest, there have been like, obviously I'm not throwing away all of my dishes, but in real life there have been times where I have chosen to just hand wash the dishes instead of loading it, washing it, running it, unloading it. Like, just like, you know what, it's going to be easier to wash these four or five things by hand,

dry them, put them away. them out wash these four or five things by hand i get that dry and put them away so it's like i think we could and honestly in my household i think we would do better without a dishwasher because we would do that more we would think like i don't want this to pile up you know you you and your wife would right i'm just saying like the, the kids are not helping. Oh, the kids have never done a chore in their life. Give me a doggy, Daddy. I'll take care of it. Now give me three. And we say yes.

I promise they won't poop on everything forever. Oh, that stupid dog. Yeah, we're all going to keep the washer dryer. I hate Pepper. Whoa, what is happening? I hate Pepper. Whoa, what is happening? I hate Pepper. Well, that's your dog. I'm not talking about the seasoning.

I'm talking about my dog. I hate that dog. There's a therapy session happening right now. Yeah. Does your wife know how much you hate your dog? She hates that dog. I mean, she hates that dog. That dog is the worst. That dog sucks.

I remember when you first got Pepper. It was like, oh, she's so cute. You can hold her. What a sweetie. Honest to goodness. She'd be the best dog in the world if she could just go pee and poop out of my house. That's it. That's it.

She's a wonderful dog in every other way. So I have learned this about, let's just call them animals. If I had a friend that didn't know how to properly use my toilet, they're not my friend anymore. My love for you is contingent on your ability to poop and pee how you should. That's it. Have you considered diapers? I would not want to change a dog's diaper. Oh, no.

Yeah, that's... I'm just trying to help out. Who's going to change Pepper tonight? Not the kids. Have you done the piddle pads or whatever? Just accept that this is happening. I'm guessing they've done just about everything they can do. We've done just about everything.

We've paid for trainers. Did you get your money back? No, but at least it was expensive. I hate that dog, man. Oh, man. This is a real moment for you. Are you trying to find someone from the Spitballers audience that wants a dog? Spitwads, you want a famous dog?

I've been talking about one of the most famous comedy podcasts of all time named Pepper. She has incredible tricks that involve pooping pee. I'm sure she'd never poop in your house. Well, you won't see her do it. That's for sure. I've never once caught her in the act. Oh, are you sure? You just find the poop?

Never one single moment in our entire life of this dog have I seen her go pee or poop inside. Is your dog sending a message? Oh, she is. Like, I don't care for your things? The message is, I suck. The message is, I like to poop on pillows. I love it. On pillows?

Oh, she hops up on surfaces everywhere. You want to know where she likes pooping? On top of soft things. That's where she likes. She's got a comfy hold on a second you've never seen her do that not one single how do you know it's pepper well i've got one small dog and two big dogs we're not kids okay well i might not love my children

i don't know i'm gonna have to i going to have to verify that. Oh, man. Spitwads, would you like a famous child? All right. One more for you, Jason, because this is all going to come back to Pepper anyways. Kramer from Patreon says, would you rather lose all feeling in your hands or in your feet? They still function but are completely numb except for the occasional pins and needles feeling. How important is the feeling in your feet. They still function but are completely numb except for the occasional pins and needles feeling.

How important is the feeling in your feet? You ever stood up off the toilet and almost fell over? Because of your numb feet? Yeah. I don't think it's because of my numb feet. It's because of my numb legs. It's all working together. Yeah, but if it was only the feet. No, if your feet are

numb, you're not going to be able to properly balance. Can you get used to that? Maybe. There's only one way to find out. Give me those rubber bands. But I bet if your feet are numb, you're going to have a real hard time walking. I had an issue a few weeks back where because I'm almost 40, my big toe decided to be pretty numb for a day.

Weird. And for more than a day, actually. It was actually a real problem. It's the last four years. It's fine now, but... Did you WebMD that? Yeah, you bet I did. I got bad news.

I was like, what is going on? You're dying. It looked fine, and it worked fine, but it was like a little numb. So if you watched it... But it was numb. So if you like watched it. But it was really annoying. If you looked at it.

Yeah. Your bare foot and then you flex your toe. Yeah. Could you tell that like. Oh, yeah. I could tell I was moving my toe. You could feel it moving? Yeah.

It was more like the sensitivity of like the toe touching the inside of the shoe or it would just feel like kind of a pins and needles-y thing. I'm just saying it was very annoying. I feel like you have to have feeling in your hand, but maybe I'm wrong about that. No, you do. You will injure your, if you don't have feeling and you injure your hand, you will just, now that's better than injuring your foot and not knowing because you could not see your feet.

I'm probably going to notice my hands bleeding. I think walking is important, and I think I'd be able to see my hand get injured. Yeah, me too. Now, what about the hot, cold burning and stuff? That would be a problem. But would it be a problem if you can't feel it? Well, if it's scalding, yes. In a sense of, like, permanent damage.

In a sense of like, like, obviously, if you permanent damage, really. But, you know, if I'm putting my hand on, you know, in an oven. Sure. But like there's times where I just like out that hurt or, you know, I shock something. It's not going to injure me. But I don't have to have those feelings anymore. But you won't do the owl. You'll just have it on there and it will stay on there because you won't.

You just did the reaction of owl and you pulled your hand away. I was speaking, though, in that moment of shocking myself on a charger or a laptop or anything metal. I shock myself all the time. Do you? Oh, my gosh. This man's electric. Boogie woogie. Yeah, absolutely.

I'm going to go with the hands. But when you have no feeling in your hands, I mean, doing doing just small mechanical tactile things. Oh, that would be impossible. You can't find the F and J on a keyboard. Yeah, that would be true. You actually can't feel the keys. I mean, like, if you can't have feeling there, you have to look at a keyboard to type. One foot, one hand. Is that an option?

It's a bad option. But, like, I've had to do, you know, music hand. Is that an option? It's a bad option. But I've had to do music stuff outside. Oh, man, you'd be ruined. Outside in the cold. And aside from it hurting extra, it's weird because it hurts more, but you're also just – it hurts, but you can't feel what you're doing. But you don't have the tactile feel? Yeah, so you don't know where you are on the fretboard.

It's – Interesting. It makes things very difficult. You use your sense of touch more than you realize. I think you're 100% right. I believe you use it so much that we can't even think of important enough examples. I believe that

if my feet were numb, I could still walk. I'd have to get used to the weirdness of having numb feet. But if that's the case, so long as I can function, I would much rather have numb feet than numb hands. I think I'm switching. I think you're right about that. And you put your feet inside of something

that makes like one... Like you could rollerblade everywhere, right? You could still rollerblade with your numb feet. Or walk with shoes. Maybe. Those are the only two things. Alright, we're moving on. What time is it? Game time. It is game time.

We have a brand new game. And we're calling it Baller Dash. Yes. So it should sound original. Spit Baller Dash. Spit Baller Dash. And what has happened is we have five prompts with five different categories. And these were given to us by Al Borland before the show and we submitted our answers to the five prompts to Al Borland before the episode and we will be playing five rounds

and trying to identify the correct answer because there will be a correct answer right there will be our three submissions trying to fool one another traps our three lies and one real answer and we'll get points if the other people were to try to guess our fabricated answers to these prompts it feels almost like liar liar and yet sort of can't lose again to owl right because he's not you guys are the liars right yeah we'll see how good we are and we'll see if we can remember our lives yeah we've got different categories like definitions notable people acronyms movie plots weird laws you'll see how it goes you'll you'll follow along in and i believe the judge himself is going to start tracking now if we guess the right answer we get

points right you get two two points and if we have somebody else guess right answer, we get points, right? You get two of them. Two points. And if we have somebody else guess our answer, do we get one point? One point. And if we guess our own answer, does that count for a point? That's one. That's one point. No points. Oh, come on. What?

All right. So let's kick it off and see how we do in our very first attempt at Ballardash. Yes. All right. We're going to start off with the definition. The word that i gave you was myriachit oh boy myriachit i cannot myriachit okay so the four answers are nervous spasms suffered by certain siberians okay spasms the bewildering state of being intoxicated while hanging out with your in-laws.

Drunk with your in-laws? A cell that can no longer replicate. Cell. And a musician who specializes in the guitar on. The guitar on? In the what now? A musician who specializes in the guitar on. Am I allowed to look up get what a guitar on looks like is that you are not the word guitar with o n at the end is that a real thing g

u i t a r r o n if he tells you if it's not real you know that that's not the real does anyone here know that a guitar on is a real thing is my question i feel like that's a fair question i don't know a guitar you guys are playing on your own team this time that's right um so now we each need so we have the uh spasms intoxicated with in-laws feeling sell that what can no longer replicate can no longer replicate. Can no longer replicate. And then guitar on. Not the guitar on, but a musician who specializes in the guitar on. I think that's a play on mariachi. I think that's what that is.

Because the word is mariachis? I think so. But the problem is we're all acting like we didn't make it up. That says the man who made it up. you said the man who made it up. We're running right through you. That one's out. Yep. Uh, you know what? That's I'm entering that as my final answer. I'm going to go with the stupid Mariachi. Is he taking a zero for a, this is a trap. If he took a zero, well see that's the problem. If one of us guesses, aren't we revealing? Well, not necessarily. Yeah, you could guess your own.

We should have to lock in before we reveal. I agree. Okay. You should write down your answer. Yeah. Okay. I've got mine. While we're thinking of it, read those four so that those at home can listen to that again.

The word is myriachet, nervous spasms suffered by certain Siberians, the bewildering state of being intoxicated while hanging out with your in-laws, a cell that no longer can no longer replicate, or a musician who specializes in the guitar on. Alright, let's lock in. Alright, I'm locked. I am locked.

You can just write 1, 2, 3, or 4 if you want or however you want to do that. We're locked. Alright, Andy, are you sticking with the bear? I'm going to stick with with the musician one i'm going with the spasms one i'm going with the cell that cannot replicate all right the real answer was the spasms oh baby nervous spasms suffered by certain siberians uh jason you guessed a cell that can no longer replicate is that correct yes that is mike's answer. Oh, no. Mike's in a commanding lead.

3-0, baby. Yeah. And then Andy, you guessed a musician who specializes in the guitar on. That is Jason's answer. It was a play on mariachi. I knew it. I didn't know you were that dumb. Yeah.

Man. Is that a real instrument? He was playing it up. Yeah. Wow. So, wait. What's the score? 3-1-0? That was playing it up. Yeah. Wow. So wait, what's the score? Three to one to zero? That is correct.

That is correct. Mike has three. Oh, boy. Jason has one. Andy has zero. Jason with mariachi. And then you made up the word guitar on. No, that's real.

That's what they play. Because you're a moron. All right. Okay. It's the big guitar. It's the big one. It's the big one. Well done. All righty.on all right okay it's the big it's the big one it's the big okay well done yeah all righty now we know how it's going uh we're on to uh notable people okay

the the person's name is milton lobe l-o-e-b milton lobe and he's famous for something yep so is milton lobe famous for creating toys intended to be played with by deaf children okay okay is Milton Loeb famous for inventing the pipe cleaner okay famous for inventing the brillo pad oh how funny or famous for being the first publicly elected mayor of Charlotte North Carolina mayor okay boy I'm locked are you wow yeah I am not I'm locked but I'm locked. Are you? Wow. Yeah. I am not. I'm locked, but I'm locked, to be fair, with the correct answer. So we have inventing the pipe cleaner, inventing the Brillo pad,

Charlotte, North Carolina, and then creating toys to be played with by deaf kids? Correct. Interesting. So two people were clearly on the same path here. Because we've got pipe cleaners and Brillo pads. Maybe. Milton, well... What do you mean two people were on the

same path? Well, I mean, one of those could be right. That's what I mean, yeah. Yeah, one could be right and the other person was on the right track. Right. Right. Milton? Loeb. Correct. Milton Loeb. Okay, I'm... Oh! All right. Right. Milton? Loeb. Correct. Milton Loeb. Okay. Oh. All right.

I'm in. I'm in. I'm locked. We'll go ahead and start with Mike this time. Pipe cleaner. Milton. Come on. With a name like Milton, you're making a pipe cleaner.

I don't believe in any of the inventors. I'm going with the publicly elected official. Okay. You're going. And then I went with the inventor. I went with the Brillo pad. Okay. You're going. And then I went with the inventor. I went with the Brillo pad. Andy is correct. Oh, baby. Milton Loeb invented the Brillo pad.

Woo. Mike, you selected pipe cleaner. That is correct. That was Andy's answer. Yep. So you were on the right track. Yeah. Jason, you selected Mike's answer.

You're welcome. The publicly elected mayor. Oh, baby. Which means no one selected mine which to be fair my milton lobe was milton bradley toys and lobe like an ear creating toys for deaf kids oh my god yes it was wasn't it now we know the yeah you can see right through me. Mariachi and Milton Loeb toys for people with earlobes that don't work. I definitely started down the path of a Milton Bradley something, but then I thought, no, no one is stupid enough.

So what's the score right now through two rounds? We got Mike leading the way with four, Andy right behind him with three, and Jason with one. All right. Let's go. Is there like a final double round and Jason with one. All right. Let's go. Is there like a final double round points thing? Not in this game. That's stupid.

We are moving on to the acronym. All right. I need to know what this stands for. The acronym is PTBA. PTBA. PTBA. Okay. All right.

Does that stand for Part-time business association? All right. Hold on. Hold on. Part-time business association. Okay. Parent-teacher baloney association. What?

What? I'll just write down baloney. Okay. Princeton Town Bowling Association. Princeton Town Bowling. that's a good one okay or proud to be australian proud to be please be jason australian uh part-time business association part parent-teacher baloney association, Princeton Town Bowling Association, or proud to be Australian.

Okay. Oh, boy. Proud to be Australian. I mean, that is. Oh, man. It's tough because sometimes these are like. Just ridiculous. They are ridiculous.

And we have so much lying experience. I'm between two of them. Man, that is tough. Those at home, play along with us. All right. I think I am locked in. I'm locked. All right.

We just need Mike. I know I'm wrong, but I'll lock it. All right. Jason, you can be the first to reveal. I really like the Princeton Town Bowling Association. That's your answer? I'm going to lock that one in. That's my lock, too, and I know it's not right.

That's an Andy answer if I ever heard one. I am locking proud to be Australian. Mike, you are correct. That is an Andy answer. Yeah, baby, I got you both. Andy went with the Princeton Town Bowling Association, so he gets two points, one from each of you, and he also gets two points for correct answer.

Oh, no. Guessing the correct answer. Oh, no. Proud to be Australian. This game sucks. Dominating. Oh, baby. Where it really got you good, Andy, was when he read out PTBA.

I didn't remember what my answer was, and I B somehow went bowling. Oh, really? So I was already like was already like oh i hear the word bowling that's probably what it is there you go yeah yeah because i think pba is the professional yes that's rolling association that would be and the pta is the parent teacher association oh yeah jason came up with a baloney if you tickled me. Oh, man. It tickled me so much. I was just like, I know this is bad, but parent-teacher baloney association just made me happy. It's no worse than proud to be Australian. Yeah. Whose was that?

The real one. That was the real one. I got it right. Oh, my gosh. All right. So we got Andy leading the way with seven. We got two rounds left. You guys can mail to come back.

Seven to four to one. Jason, you're the one. All right, we're moving on to number one, the movie plot. Ooh, all right. I will give the name of the movie, and you guys gave me the plot. Oh, this will be a tough one to keep track of.

Okay. The name of the movie is Flame of Calcutta. Flame of Calcutta. Flame of Calcutta. Can't wait to see it. All right. Is that movie the tale of a poor craftsman who grew up in india's third largest city who through endurance managed to forge success for

his family craftsman or is the flame of calcutta a talented dancer defying tradition to create a spicy new dance okay dancer spicy spicy all right is it a woman pretends to be a gorilla leader in the 1750 in 1750s india i imagine it's like a gorilla fighter correct the beginning of that g-u-e-r-r-i-l-a the beginning of that was way better read that one again a woman pretends to be a guerrilla leader in 1750s India. Okay. All right. Lastly, Flame of Calcutta is a family-run gem store comes across an extremely valuable red stone that could save their business if they can sell it before the rightful owners

find them. That's pretty good. Okay. That's pretty good. Oh, man. Gemstone. Oh, boy. For the every single time.

I am positive I've got the right answer. I'm positive you got one point. I'm locked in. I am locked as well. I'm going to take my shot. Oh, gosh. Okay, I'm locked in. So we had the pork craftsman, the dance, the spicy dancer, the gorilla leader, and the

gym store. I am locking in the gorilla leader. I am also locking in the gorilla leader. I'm locking in the gorilla leader. Oh, boy. You are all correct. Oh. Two points for everybody.

No one was coming up with that. Wow. And now, had she dressed up as a gorilla, that would have been something else. All right. That round was a wash. But I'm not at one point. That's true. Not a wash for me.

We got nine. Andy has nine. You can't win. That is correct. Mike has six. Mike could come back. I can only tie. Jason has three.

All right. Final round. What is the... No, you could win. You could get up to four. Oh, yeah. That is true. All right.

We are moving on to the strange laws. I get up to four. Oh, yeah. That is true. All right. We are moving on to the strange laws. I could still beat you. Oh, crap. All right. Strange law. All right. This law, I'll give you the first half, and the second half is what you have to figure out. All right.

In Maryland, the state has banned the playing of. Banned playing? Yeah, playing of. Okay. All right. So in Maryland, the state has banned the playing of Stair yeah playing okay all right so in maryland the state has banned the playing of stairway to heaven okay all right no stairway or the state has banned the playing of the song short people by randy newman okay okay the state has banned the playing of bingo on sundays bingo on sundays or the state has banned the playing of dice in public restrooms dice in public restrooms okay all right go through those one more time as we think about

all right what does the state ban the playing of stairway to heaven the song short people by Randy Newman bingo on Sundays or dice in public restrooms. Okay. Well, see, there are a lot of laws that are strange all around the country. And so one of these is true. I am locked in. I am pretty confident I am locked in. No, I think I've locked in an incorrect answer. Oh, okay.

But I am locked. Okay. Mike, go first. The dice. Okay. The locked in an incorrect answer. Oh, okay. But I am locked. Okay. Mike, go first. The dice. Okay. The dice in public restrooms. Jason? I'm going to go short people.

By Randy Newman. Okay. I am going to choose the actual right answer, which is bingo on Sundays. Okay. The actual right answer, Jason got it. Short people by Randy Newman. Oh, good job. Jason actual right answer, Jason got it. Short People by Randy Newell. Oh, good job. Jason, his answer was Stairway to Heaven.

Mike's answer was Bingo on Sundays. Oh, so you get a point. Which he gets a point. Guess what mine was. Yeah. Dice in Public Restrooms. So you also get a point. The final score, Andy has 10, Mike has 7, Jason has 5.

How do you ban a song? So you can't play it? Like on the radio? Good luck In courtrooms I understand that you don't want to listen to Randy Newman Alright well that was our first Our first ever run through

Of Ballardash That was a good time Yeah I especially enjoyed the Mariachi Well, that was our first ever run through of Ballardash. That was a good time. Yeah. I especially enjoyed the mariachi. It does appear that it says legislation was introduced to make it illegal to play short people on the radio. Hmm. I don't like that.

But I don't actually remember the song, so maybe I should like that. All right. Moving on. The Spitballers Draft. All right, we are drafting famous robots for a battle royale. A battle royale. So, Jason, because you got that sweet scat started off, your robot scat, you get the first pick in our famous robot battle royale. And for those that are just joining the show

and haven't heard a battle royale draft in a while, we always draft something at the end of the show. And today is our special battle royale drafts where we are all in one coliseum and we battle against one another. So you're picking not just the best robots, you're picking things that are going to help you in this war. Fight to the death! Yeah, there you go. So for all my nerds out there, I think the nerds will know who to vote for because there is a true 101. I don't know if this is the poll winner or not, but the clear 101, the best famous robot to win in a battle is Vision.

Vision is the clear and obvious superpower. He is a superhero. Yeah. He has an infinity stone he does um and he was created to beat and be better than the uh most powerful uh before him robot so like let's go i'm made to be okay okay i mean it's a pretty good answer he was made to do that but that was in his universe and there's a lot of universes of robots that are being in entered into this coliseum okay what universe is yours going to be

from oh i know well i there's a lot of choices here the one i'm going to go with is just a personal favorite okay i also think it will be versatile in the coliseum environment could potentially help some of my other robots later r2d2 optimus prime yeah i knew you were going off did you mean 100 percent why why is that because you like transformers yeah i used to have an optimus prime behind me oh there he is right there yeah hey who doesn't like transformers yeah he's a gigantic robot you don't like transformers i never got into it well you should have you would have loved him yeah there was oh you guys are cat people never mind uh yeah that's cat people like ninja turtles i'm taking optimus one the voice is better than any of the robots out here i would agree that the voice is great

and he will be like oh when i slice him in half with my laser beam from my forehead oh my gosh all right well look i can also handle any of the shipping that needs to be done in the coliseum that's true you can take big rigs anywhere with a bag yeah anything all right mike you have two picks back to back okay so let's see. We got Vision. It's a good pick. We got Optimus Prime. It's a pick. You're such a loser.

Look, we're going team size over here, boys. So we're going to open it up. We're going to start with the iron giants okay i thought that would that would come he i mean he's he's a giant he's a giant that's a big plus yeah in a fight yeah so in in a fight when you have a gigantic robot i think that's gonna help me out and then i'm gonna go with a robot who I feel very confident I could wait, but I got to stick with the bit of team size. I'm going to take Mechagodzilla.

Definitely on my list. Is it? Oh, for sure. All right. Thank goodness. Is there a movie that Mechagodzilla is in? Yes. This is a fully robotic Godzilla.

Yes. Imagine a robot the size and strength and powers of Godzilla, but it's a robot. Right. Imagine Godzilla. Now call it a Godzilla. Yes, imagine a robot the size and strength and powers of Godzilla, but it's a robot. Right, imagine Godzilla. Now call it a robot. That's what he does. He drafted Godzilla. Yes, I did. You have backed me into a corner with this next bit. I am not

fighting size with size. I am going to fight size with a robot so small that you mentioned him earlier. R2-D2. I'm taking R2-D2. Oh, yes. While the battle rages on.

Oh, this is going to be a massacre. Just. Okay, it is done. Let's hear this. While the battle rages on and you guys are. Imagine. Beep, boop, beep, boop, beep. Beep.

Is that the death beep? One. R2-D2 never dies. Never threatened. He has the ability to program any of your robots. He just sticks his little- We need that data port. He sticks his little data port thing in.

Yeah. No, that vision doesn't have a data port. I would love to watch Mechagodzilla stomp around trying to find R2-D2. He's not going to be able to find him. He'll accidentally crush him. At least Vision can fly. I'm just flying up around Godzilla. The question is, can Godzilla see the bottoms of his feet?

He's not going to know. Eventually, he'll find R2-D2. It'll be when he scrapes it off of his feet. I have no apologies here. I'm taking the tiny R2-D2 who will survive against all odds and shut you down. Okay. All right. How are you doing there?

I'm doing great. I didn't realize how easy this was going to be. Okay. So I've got Vision, the most powerful. this is going to be. Okay, so I've got Vision, the most powerful. And I'm going to take the second most powerful because... I like how whatever he takes, they're the best. Well, to be fair...

In order. Yeah, this one isn't the best because this one was the best until Vision existed. But I'm taking Ultron, also from the Avengers universe, who was about to destroy all of humanity unless he had vision. And I just hope they can get along because one was created to destroy the other. So your robot knowledge is so vast that it's just within one universe. So far, my robot knowledge is- It's in one movie.

It's in one movie. One single movie. Cool, man. Cool. Which, I mean, Ultron, now you're competing for best voice. My robot is in one movie. It's in one movie. One single movie. Cool, man. Cool. Ultron, now you're competing for best voice. Oh, thank you. Yes, I am.

That was James... What's the actor's name? That sounds promising. Is it James Woods? It's not, but something like that. So you have Vision and Ult ultron what else from that movie did you enjoy i'm trying to find it i could actually take more from that movie but i'm not going to of course you could you're the most avengers loyalist wait ever jim masekaman no one cares what give me your next pick j Yeah, I'll look more into this.

No. Okay, it's James Spader. James Spader. Okay, that's pretty good. My next pick is going to be just a classic. I mean, you want a machine that is made to kill. You're talking about the Terminator. And while Arnold gets the lore, I'm taking the T-1000, baby.

Yeah, I wondered what you were going to say. I'm liquid metal. Go ahead and shoot me. I'll just reheal. I don't think you've got liquid nitrogen on you, which is the only way I've found to kill a T-1000. In all of your extensive research? In all of my research, all of the documentaries I have watched on this topic.

Now, he was in the Avengers movie? Oh, man. I wish. No, that's a great pick. I'm upset because I was definitely trying to save that one. But you wanted R2-D2. I think it would be respected in the polls. To be fair to T-1000, he was outwitted and eliminated by a much older robot.

You could argue that. Yeah, I mean i mean you could just factually speaking yeah just the truth is that kind of like an older generation a t-101 like like the game boy took down the playstation 5 yeah right but if you're gonna you lost to a game boy right i think you know look sometimes a bad bad NFL team beats the best NFL team. But if you play 100 games, you know who's going to win. Okay. And it's Vision. My pick here is I'm going to go into. Wait, wait, wait.

Did you take two? I did. I did. Remember? T-1000 and Ultron. Ultron. Yeah, okay. We're going into the video game universe now.

And we're taking Mega Man. Oh, it's on my list. Mega Man, Mega Man, Mega Man. I wanted it. I had to be 100% positive because my Mega Man lore is not as extensive as maybe Mike's is. I had to be positive. This is a robot.

Yes. He was made to be a fighting robot. By Dr. Light. That is, see, Mike is all over. Wow, what a nerd. So, yeah, Mega Man, a robot. By Dr. Light. That is, see, Mike is all over. Wow, what a nerd. So, yeah, Mega Man, a robot originally named Rock, nickname Mega in later installments. I did not know that part. But, yeah, I'm taking Mega Man.

The best part for Mega Man, should you happen to defeat someone, I mean, you now have their power. Beautiful. That is the rules of Mega Man. I knew that, totally. For real? Have you ever played Mega Man? I rules of Mega Man. I knew that, totally. For real? Have you ever played a Mega Man? I never played Mega Man. The whole point of Mega Man is you have your character, and you go-

You defeat a boss. You defeat a boss, and then you get their power. Mega Man can certainly take out R2-D2, so he's going to be able to communicate really well. Hide your data ports. You're saying the first thing he does is shoot my own teammate? For sure. All right. Mega Man's the pick, Mike. is shoot my own teammate? For sure. All right. Mega Man's the pick, Mike.

You got two selections to close it out. Okay. Man, I was hoping for Mega Man, but we're going to get whatever, man. We got to have – my team needs some morale. Got to have someone who's going to keep the spirits light. So I'm going to – and look, if anything needs to get – Keep the spirits light. So I'm going to... Keep the spirits light? If anything needs to get bent,

I'm taking Bender from Futurama. Oh, wow. Alright. He's on my list. If anything needs... If there's a piece of metal that's straight and needs bending, it is going to be absolutely taken care of. Did you feel like you

could make that pick? Cause R2D2 was coming at you on the other side, but fellas, hold on to your horses. Cause I'm going to finish this one out with, uh, things, things just don't go the way that they're planned for this guy, but it always works out in the end and he just stumbles bumbles his way into victory and i will take inspector gadgets oh man i did think about it it's on the list man he's not on my list but i don't i don't completely hate it he he does stumble and bumble like you how do i fight vision who's the most powerful roba clearly yeah look inspector gadget just falls over and somehow Vision slices himself. It's funny because you combine the universes and you think about how the battle would really start.

Inspector Gadget's head's getting chopped off like five seconds into this battle. No way. He's pulling out his helicopter. Flying away. This is like when we did, I think we did a superhero battle royale, and I drafted Domino. Yes, just for luck. Because in the end, you're just going to need some luck to win,

so I don't hate that. My final pick, I will make sure I have some stature. I mean, Mega Man's little. R2-D2's little. Optimus Prime is a big rig. So I'm going to go with Voltron. Oh. I'm going to go with Voltron. Oh. I'm going to go with Voltron, the immense combining. Not to be confused with Ultron.

No, this is Voltron. Now, Voltron had like multiple machines that came together to create. Yeah, that is correct. Yeah. So I kind of cheated. I drafted like five machines combined into one, Voltron the super robot. But the machines on their own are pretty useless. Which is why I grabbed Voltron.

Right, according to the episodes where they could never get it done. Because they could have just gotten it done with the machines. But they're like, oh, crap. We got to combine them. We need Voltron again. I did always wonder why they didn't just start combined. I feel like that was kind of the Power Rangers, too. Oh, 100%.

Megazords. Yeah, it's the same thing. What was the Earth, Wind, Fire? Captain Planet? Captain Planet, yeah. Just start with the superheroes. You was the Earth, Wind, Fire? Captain Planet? Captain Planet, yeah. Just start with the superhero. You know you could do this, right? Just like maybe stop the crime earlier by just combining forces.

You could have saved millions of people died. You could have saved all their lives if you just got the superpower in right away. There you go, Jason. You get to close it out. Vision, Ultron, T-1000. If you want to stick to just two movies you can draft t101 oh man i could do that and win in this poll easily um but instead because of your guys's weak picks i'm able to take a character that i think most people won't know it's a phenomenal pick um just so you're

aware just so you're aware super duper powerful we. We're talking an S-class hero here. I'm taking Genos from One Punch Man. Oh, my gosh. Yeah, baby. So powerful, but nobody will know who Genos is. I didn't even know the name until you said One Punch Man. Now I know who you're talking about. No idea what that is.

Ducer's Alley? No idea, right? No, just a wasted pick. 99% of our listeners will not know who this is. I'm here for the nerds. Hey, I respect it. The nerds will take R2-D2 and prop me up in the post. I don't know. Anyone that knows who Vision is is like, okay.

You have mainstream nerds. He's got like cool nerds. Right. Yeah, okay. You have mainstream nerds. He's got cool nerds. Right. Yeah. I got the inside knowledge nerds with special knowledge. He's trying to get dapped up by the nerd community. Some honorable mentions as we close it out. Jason has Vision, Ultron, T-1000.

I was all, because everyone in their cars was doing that. All three of us, we looked at each other like, no, we let that opportunity go. Anyways, continue somewhat. Mike has Iron Giant, Mechagodzilla, Bender, and Inspector Gadget. I have Optimus Prime, R2-D2, Mega Man, and Voltron. And a couple other ones on the list that I threw on there was RoboCop. Number six, which would have been a great pick. Who's number six? And a couple other ones on the list that I threw on there was RoboCop. Yeah. Number six, which would have been a great pick.

Who's number six? Yeah, some nerd. We're talking Cylon. Ooh. Yeah. Okay. Now you know number six. I forgot about BSG entirely.

Yeah. I went BSG, Mike. Not Battlestar Galactica. Nerd alert. Oh, my gosh. And if somebody took Optimus optimus i was gonna go for megatron but um yeah i've got megatron i'm surprised none of us took with you know we've got a drop for it gigantor oh yeah he is a robot huh is that like an old 60s yeah yeah probably even older older. I've got Armored Baymax. Did you bring up RoboCop?

Yes, I did. Yeah, Baymax was on the list. You could do Astro Boy, and then I had the Sentinel from the X-Men. And we're talking the cartoon where they're the gigantic ones. All right, we'll take the Sentinels from The Matrix. You could do them too. All right. What did we learn today?

We learned Jason's a super nerd. Oh, I learned that Jason hates his dog. Like, I don't think it's a bit. I think he hates his dog. No, this was a moment. If anyone wants this dog. I mean, send them an email. I learned that I'm

really not good at baller dash. Well, you've got to take the slightly higher hanging fruit on the definition. Thanks for listening to the Spitballers podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out spitballerspod.com.