Spitballers Comedy Podcast - 259: Public Fart Policy & The Best Game Show Hosts - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: October 16, 2023

Welcome in! On this episode we discuss Jason’s sock & shoe issues, peeing in a public restroom stall, and some physical fitness challenges for cash. We also do a draft of our favorite game show hosts. Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast! Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast: Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.com Follow us on Twitter: Twitter.com/SpitballersPod Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPod Subscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers Podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. Welcome to the show, booty booty, bop-a-dee-ding-dang. I really lost it. I lost it right away. You thought you had an idea. I had the beginning.

You thought you had an idea, and then I think what happened. Welcome to the show. And then you went booty booty. Pause. Booty booty just threw you off. You're like, that's too much booty. That's too much booty. I can't think of anything else. Oh, boy. Welcome to the show,

everybody. Booty booty. Rocking everywhere. Well, this is the Spitballers podcast. Andy, Mike, and Jason with you. Booty booty. Yeah, Brooks.

Might be time to go back to Badingi. It's been a minute. What did you close? You didn't close with Badingi? I think it was a bing bong. A bading dang? We'll have to check the tape on that one. I think it was a bading dang.

Okay. I like it. Would you rather? That's a great question and we are drafting the best game show hosts of all time on today's episode of the show thank you for supporting the podcast leaving us reviews over on apple podcasts following the show spotify on apple or wherever you're listening thank you so much you're wonderful wonderful people most of you most mostly let's get it going yeah people. Most of you. Most, mostly. Let's get it going.

You know who you are. Yeah, you know. Some of you. Yeah. Would you rather. Would you rather question from Robin on Patreon says, would you rather be able to snap your fingers and change outfits into whatever outfit you want with unlimited usage? That sounds pretty cool.

Or snap your fingers and change, add, remove tattoos into whatever you want once a week. Oh, this is super easy for me. super easy for me because if i snap my fingers change outfits this black shirt might have a collar on this black shirt might not have a collar on this black shirt might have a slight color you might have two colors i mean my wardrobe is pretty much the same thing every day so So, and I don't want it to change. It's like, oh, no, with this superpower, you could just snap your fingers into anything. I don't look good in anything else. It's black and black only. But you could, like, go into suits, bathing suits.

How do you know what you look good in? Well, I have seen myself. There's this device. Yeah, called a mirror. Well, I have seen myself. There's this device. Called a mirror. But you're probably, I mean, you're probably wrong, though. You probably look good in other stuff. You just don't believe you do.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Yes. And I think. You're not the holder. And I think I like. Black. Black. I like the slimming qualities. I like black. I like the slimming qualities.

I like the... Slimming qualities? I like the breast reduction effects of a black t-shirt. You know, things like that. Just normal things. For me, I would so quickly and easily take the wardrobe change one. Because, you know, the convenience of being able to snap your fingers. It's pretty gossam.

Gossam? I heard gossam too, man. I just let him off the hook. And I don't even know what other word I was going to say. Jossam. I think you were talking about Ryan Gossam. It just made me think of the old Street Sharks. Street Sharks, yeah. Jossam, dude.

But no, I mean, I also think about this like in relation to being able to put warm weather clothing on. I just hate having to put on all the stuff. If you go out in the snow or you're out where it's cold to snap your fingers. Right. It's just all on. Jason, this is going to include your shoes. it's just all on jason uh this is a good include it's gonna include your shoes your shoes and your socks oh all right no bending over yeah no holding my breath i thought you meant for different types hold on hold on wait wait you you don't have you're telling me

you don't have to hold your breath when you put your socks on mike you hold your breath when you put your shoes on oh my god just my socks really when you put your shoes on? Oh, my God. Just my socks, really. It's not so much of a holding of the breath as it is not being able to breathe. Right, right. Yeah. It's a forced hold of the breath. Okay. Wait, what the heck is going on?

Wait, wait. You can't put your legs up? Yeah, that is correct. Well, not if they want to live. Right, well, I mean, I can. Hold on, hold on. To pivot? Now pull your, reach your hand for your foot.

Oh, my God. All right. I'm sorry. I feel like I don't. You think I was making this up? I don't know. My shame? It just seems so easy to me.

Oh, does it? Mike? I had to stop and ask. Okay. I wasn't sure if there was a bit happening. When he said it includes your shoes, I just thought he meant that as a fashion thing. You get sweet kicks every time you snap your fingers. When we go and we're playing pickleball, haven't you seen his industrial-sized old man shoehorn?

Oh, dude. This thing, it's like a three-foot shoehorn. I got it at home. I got it at this pickleball palace. I don't put my shoes on without that shoehorn. In fact, you are blessing me right now because I am, after we record this show, I am leaving on an airplane for a little vacay. And I did not currently pack my three foot shoehorn do you have a suitcase

that can fit does that thing come back in the metal detector beep beep beep it is full metal this is no cheap plastic ikea one wait so it does they sir what what what could you need this three foot shoehorn oh you're just 5 10 you don't need a three foot shoehorn oh i can't bring this carry on this is a straight up weapon yeah they. This has to be in checked luggage. Also, it could only fit in the largest of bags. But thank you, because I do think my bag will fit it, and I will try to bring it. How far away are you from getting the sock thing? The what?

I know what he's saying. I know what he's saying. The sock thing means... There's a sock device. The thing that stretches itself open and you stick your foot in? It's for old people. It's for people who are unable to use their body. And I will say this, Mike.

I've looked. Now, the current. We know what to get Jason for his birthday. I was going to say, make. We got to put a. Yes and no. Yes and no. Yes and no. The current technological advancements in having your socks put on for you are inadequate and ugly.

And they just look... They're a bridge too far for me right now. Aren't there people that do no socks and slip-ons? Yeah. But then they have stinky feet and stinky shoes. Sometimes. Sometimes. I think if you wear shoes without socks, you have stinky feet. If you think you don't, then everyone around you thinks you do.

The Sock Aid. Easy on and off stocking slider by Vive. Easy sock assist. It's for elderly assist, mobility support, and injury recovery. Yeah, like I'm super injured. My pride. I've been recovering for years. See, I have-

Or pregnant. I already have a better device. Wait, you have a better sock device? Yeah. Are you inventing something? Well, no. I mean, I created- It's your children, isn't it?

It is absolutely my children. Oh, no. It is absolutely my children. You make your children put your socks on, I created. It's your children, isn't it? It is absolutely my children. Oh, no. It's absolutely my children. You make your children put your socks on? I let. I let. No.

Oh, absolutely. Jersey knows. I'll just jump on the couch, throw socks in her face, and she puts them on for me like I'm a little baby doll. Yeah. Can you hit the panic alarm? Okay, but that is not a let. I know. Obviously, that is.

the panic alarm okay but that is not a let i i know obviously all right like i'm a little baby doll this show has gone sideways oh man okay so you're doing which one i'm taking tattoos won't be so cool rock them sleeves do you kick your feet around like a baby? You'll fight them? I mean, I use a bottle and a little baba. Alright, Mike, which one do you want? Would you value genuinely, since you're the tattooed man,

and I've often had those romanticized moments where I'm like, oh, it'd be cool to have tattoos. But it's never really sunk in for me. Like, I don't have anything against them. I would totally get, I feel like my personality doesn't match tattoos. And then I think if I got a tattoo, like, I've never had something I want so badly that I want to tattoo.

Yeah, that's fair. And I was like, if you could, would you like to rotate your tattoos? Yes. That would be cool? Yeah, that would be amazing. Is that because you have some you wish you didn't have anymore? You have ones where you're like, yeah, I'm just kind of over this. Okay.

But the process of- Like your Creed tattoo? Yes. That one especially, the I Heart Scott Stapp. It did not age well. Although, we're coming back. You took me higher? Yes.

Yeah. We're coming back. They're having a little moment here on Soul to Me. It seems like it. Yeah. But it's just, coming back because they're having a little moment here it seems like it yeah uh but it's just i mean it they're expensive and they hurt so so much to get them on oh yes yeah i guess i haven't really oh man it it hurts so i in the and there's i know there's tough people is there a spot it doesn't oh yeah there's that doesn't hurt though uh there's like you're like if if you were to go get a tattoo pain-free it would go right there a spot that doesn't hurt, though? There's spots. Like you're like, if you were to go get a tattoo pain-free, it would go right. There are spots that hurt less.

There are no, it cannot be pain-free because it is a needle. Well, it is one too many needles going in and out of the top layer of your skin like thousands of times a second. I just saw an electron microscope, and it showed your skin so close when a needle's going in. And it's just a gaping hole. Oh, awful. It's disgusting. I thought this was going to be exciting and I thought I wanted to see it and I no longer want to.

Have you guys, do you guys, we're football fans here. You guys know about Dak Prescott's tattoo? His leg tattoo? I don't. He has this. Yeah, he got put under. Yeah, he has, he got put under for like eight hours to get this crazy, he's got like a photographic leg.

Is this what the, is this what the super wealthy do? Apparently, you go, you have doctors put you under so you're like, it didn't hurt me. It honestly shocks me that the team would let him do it. To get put under, it doesn't come without risks. Yeah, I guess that's fair. You know what I mean? That's like anesthesia is a risk. So it's like eight-hour anesthesia is a big risk.

Maybe not a big risk, but a risk. I mean, if I'm Dak Prescott, I don't think I'm telling them. Well, I think they noticed. Well, yeah, but afterwards you just say, check out this tattoo. I'm doing the outfits. You guys are tattoos? Yeah. Yeah, I think I'm going tattoos.

Both are great. Ben from the website, would you rather have all of your food be packed with flavor, but always have the consistency of oatmeal, or all of your food be textured appropriately for the food, but be extremely bland and flavorless. Wow. So I'm eating mush, but it tastes like steak and potatoes or something? Whatever you want.

Like it can have a rich flavor. You know, it's like basically you open your pantry and you have a kajillion instant oatmeals of every flavor that you want you can just pick out whichever one you want but you're always good yeah you're always eating oatmeal or you can have whatever texture you would like and it's bland and flavorless and this is super easy answer i mean it should be the flavor you should go with the flavor the funny thing is is that like i like oatmeal raisin cookies or oatmeal cookies i'll put oats into smoothies and stuff like that if you make me a peanut butter oatmeal smoothie i'm cool with that cold i legitimately don't eat oatmeal because

of the texture yeah like i actually dislike the mushy hot mush everybody does really i thought people eat oatmeal it doesn't bother me well i'm just saying like. Really? I thought people eat oatmeal. It doesn't bother me. Well, I'm just saying, like, it's not, I don't eat oatmeal for the mush. Like, that's not like, man, I could go for some mush right now. I think, oh, I want brown sugar. But, I mean, it's like, there is a difference. Like, that mush versus, like, mac and cheese is mushy, but it's delicious. And you don't even think about it.

You at least get to chew it a little bit though. Oh, it's because it's pre-chewed. Pre-chewed mac and cheese is not as good. Pre-chewed mac and cheese is oatmeal. Yeah. But bland food is flavorless. What's the point? Think about, we already kind of have this, right?

Like you don't want mush, so you want, like, a real nice texture, maybe a little crispness, maybe a little crunch. Think about broccoli. Think about cauliflower. The texture is great. If those were delicious. Oh, like they were, like, chips. Yeah, if they tasted like potato chips, broccoli would be the number one thing on the planet.

It'd be like, oh, my gosh, this is so great. Oh, man, the farts we'd have. It doesn't taste good. Cauliflower, people don't like it because it doesn't taste good. So would you rather have cauliflower or oatmeal? I like oatmeal. I'll take oatmeal. Yeah.

Yeah, I want it to taste good. All right. Peaceful Samurai from the website says, which of these difficult 30 second challenges would you rather attempt for $100,000? Second challenge is, would you rather attempt for $100,000? Would you rather do 30 pull-ups in under 30 seconds? Jason, you're knocking that out? I can't do a pull-up.

I've tried recently. And he's talking about his socks. Right. The children have to do the sock pull-ups, as we call them. I can't do that one either. I can do pull-ups, and I could do 30 of them, but I would need a lot more than 30 seconds. You could do 30 pull-ups? Oh, over a long period of time.

I'm saying I'm not – 12 years. No, I mean like 30 minutes I can do 30 pull-ups easily. I bet if you just won a minute. But this is no chance. That's what I'm saying. I could probably do two in 30 seconds. Yeah, if I had one year to do 30 pull-ups, I couldn't do it.

Do 35 sit-ups in under 30 seconds. That's much more doable. I'm guessing that's just a speed thing. What is? Because it's like – Everybody could do 35 sit-ups. Yeah, you can make yourself – you can get to 35 sit-ups, but it's – Less than one – or more than one per second.

Yeah. 50 push-ups in under it's. Less than one per, or more than one per second. Yeah. 50 push-ups in under 30 seconds. What are we talking about? That's not doable. No. That's too many. What was. You can't do 30 in, or 50 in 30.

No, no, no. We just, Papa Josh just did a challenge in the office where he did 50. Was it three minutes? No, no, no. He did. It was a two-parter because it was a huge amount of push-ups in a certain amount of time, but then it was like 50 in 30 seconds. Do you guys remember what that was, Al?

I'll look that up. Okay. You'll look it up. Do we have a record of that? In our Slack channel, I'm sure it's there. I want to say it was 50 in a minute. Was it a minute? I don't think I can get there.

I don't think I can do that one. Run 200 meters in under 30 seconds. I have no frame of reference for that. If I run really fast for 30 seconds straight, will I get there? That's the question. That's the question. Because I can run for 30 seconds. Yeah, he did 50 in under 60 seconds.

Okay, which he was able to do. Barely. Yeah, but this is 30 seconds. Yeah, that's not possible. I think that one and the pull-ups are out. Yeah, which he was able to do. Barely. This is 30 seconds. Yeah, that's not possible. I think that one and the pull-ups are out. Yeah, those are impossible. We could never know the distance one. Running 200 meters in under 30 seconds, that's impossible to gauge.

So I think I have to take the sit-ups. 200 meters is about 219 yards. Thank you, Mike. Now I know know that's the one i'm doing i mean so i mean so that's two football football fields wait what two football fields in 30 seconds well i was trying to think of a 40 yard dash a 40 yard dash we ran it in like six six six to seven 40 yards is 120 meters. There ain't no two football fields to do 200 meters, is it? I'm pretty sure a standard track, I believe, is 400 meters, right? Oh, the whole track? So you got to go half a track in 30 seconds.

A Google calculator right now. 200 meter equals 218.7 yards. Yeah, a standard track is 400 meters. Hold up. A meter is not a yard? No, have you never seen that? So like a yardstick, if you flip it around. Wait, they're basically the same.

Three feet. Yeah, it's just. I thought a meter and a yard are synonyms. No. Wait, they're not? No. I thought those meant three feet. Oh, because a meter is 3.28 feet.

And a yard is three feet, right? Boom. I know what meant three feet. Oh, because a meter is 3.28 feet. And a yard is three feet, right? Boom. I know what I learned today. Goodness gracious. Yard is three feet. Oh, that better be. Yeah. So 3.28.

I thought they were the same two. Thank you. I felt it. Yeah. Very close. Very close. So 200 meters is 656 feet. Okay, that helps.

Which is 218. So it's two football fields. I can't do two football fields in 30 seconds, I don't think. Okay, that helps. Which is 218. So it's two football fields. I can't do two football fields in 30 seconds, I don't think. I think you could. Really? I don't think you'd make it. A 40-yard dash for us is about what, six seconds? Six to seven, yeah.

So I'm not saying we can keep that up. But that's at a sprint. Can you sprint? How many meters did you say it was? 200. Oh, 200. 200 meters. Or how many yards?

218. 218 divided by 40. That's 5.45 times a six second. Nope, can't do it. Oh. There's no, even if I ran six seconds for the whole time, a six second 40-yard dash the entire time, fastest I could, 32 seconds. Wow.

So that's out. I'm doing the sit-ups. We're at the sit-ups, boys. Yeah, and we're probably not getting that done. We're broke. Someone needs to hold my feet. Yo'm doing the sit-ups. We're at the sit-ups, boys. Yeah, and we're probably not getting that done. We're broke. Someone needs to hold my feet. Yo, for the sit-ups? Oh, for sure.

Yeah. Okay. You can't do the sit-ups. That's not cheating, right? No. That's not cheating. Not at all. Or if they can't, then I'll shut the door and I'll put my toes right under the door frame.

It's so much easier when people do that. Well, because it stops you from sliding all around. It feels like it's body momentum. Yeah. Hold my feet and I will still fail. We'll try. But that's the one for sure. It's the only one that's plausible?

Yeah. 50 push-ups in under 30 seconds is impossible. Andy just did the math on the 200 meters. It's impossible. Doing a pull-up is impossible. So, yeah. Sit-ups. Okay, hold on.

We do have an update here. So Papa Josh did the 50 push-ups in 34 seconds. Ooh. He did them fast. Yeah. Wow. If he did those in 34, like if I – You going to take that shot? I could maybe do it.

I think – Maybe. He did it exceptionally fast. I remember once. I'm going to go with probably not, but possible. I haven't tried to do sit-ups fast since about sixth grade. Since you were in the PE. You had to do the fitness thing.

Yeah, remember those things? The presidential challenge or whatever. I weighed so little in sixth grade when we were doing that, I could have done pull-ups for my whole life. I could have done it nonstop. No. You could literally flap your feet and do a pull-up. Oh, yeah.

I mean, it was like. But during those tests, could you touch your toes? Oh, no. That was the one. Because I was not anywhere close. Oh, baby. I crushed those tests, and I could not possibly get close to my toes. I cheated so bad. I mean, I crushed that test.

Oh, yeah. Because you're like under the box? The teacher looks away, and it's like, them knees are up. Boom. I was there. That's what my score was. I wore those boots with the spike tips that go up. I remember, like, I can vividly remember it on my elementary school playground

when I went and I think I hit the you know the pass mark but I I thought I had ripped my hamstrings like how is this how was this a good fitness test if to get to this mark I'm going to injure myself there's a at one point in life it was like if you couldn't touch your toes you weren't going to be a functioning adult someday. That's how they treated it. All right, we're moving on. That's a great question.

Out of curiosity, Al, which of those four would you select? I think I'm going to try to run. You're going to try to run? I think so. After I just spelled out? I don't know. I didn't follow your math, but I will say I Googled it, and it said the average time was 28 seconds,

so I'm going to take that chance. For 200 meters? Yeah. Yeah, probably in a track and field, like the average 200-meter dash at the local Olympics. Really? 40-yard dash.

We were six seconds. Were we? Yeah. I was not six. I was slower. Yeah, we were around six. We might have been a little slower than that. All right.

Well, I thought you might go push-ups, but, you know. I guess he's real fast. Mike from Patreon, when using a public restroom to pee and all the urinals are taken. So you have to use a stall. Do you shut the door behind you? It's a great question. It is actually a really good question. I think about this all the time.

There is a right answer and a wrong answer. And I'm so happy. Okay. Well, I will jump in first. There's a right and wrong. My mind is blown that anybody would leave it open. Okay. Well, I will jump in first. There's a right and wrong. My mind is blown that anybody would leave it open. Yeah. Well, how was the, what are the benefits of

leaving it open? Casual. It's casual. That right there is why there's a right answer because obviously you shut the door. Thank goodness. Obviously you shut the door. Oh, and Andy and Owl are on no. Yeah, because we know when we walk in there, one, you shut the door. They don't know what you're doing in there. They might think you're pooping, and they don't know. Does it matter? Well, you'd like to let them know it's going to be quick. Am I right, Owl?

Absolutely. Okay. You don't shut the door when you walk up to a urinal. Thank you. Because there's no door. But, I mean, I've got more protection without a back door. If there were a door at a urinal, I would close the door. You know what else I don't do?

I don't walk right up next to someone using the urinal on accident because I didn't know they were in there. You're worried about someone coming in from behind. I've been that person. I've gone and walked and you don't, you know, I'm not, yes, you can look under a urinal and see if their legs are there, but call me crazy, I don't do it. That's invasive. So I walk into a bathroom.

That's a good point. And I need to go poop. You want to let me know that you'll be done soon? Dude, just get done soon. I don't need to walk in and see you. That's the problem. You must, men, you must shut the door. I'm on team close the door.

Thank you, Mike. Why don't team close the door. Thank you, Mike. Why don't you close the door? Same reason. Just hand it out. Quick and easy. Just lazy. I'm basically at a urinal. Exactly.

All right. Another question. I don't close the door when I pee at the sink. But if it had a door, I'd close it. Okay, so Al, you're at home. Do you close the door? if i'm standing up and peeing yeah no no wait when you go into the bathroom at home in my master bedroom no no i'm no i'm not no just any bathroom no no one's home i'm not closing that door i'm not no i'm saying

your family's home that's fine yeah that's all right i'm not you don't need to close the door i'm not this is a public trial if they walk by by, they see my back of my clothed body. This is a public restroom. Let's say you're having a party, and it's all men there. Now that's closing. No, no, no. It's all men. Just like at a public restroom, there would be all men that could come in.

That's weird. Yes, it's weird. You would never leave that bathroom door open. Never. Never. I might. But Jason, he wants everyone to know. It's never leave that bathroom door open. Never. Never. I might. But Jason, he wants everyone to know it's going to be real quick. I might. You would not.

You would. No, you would not. If there were no mirrors. No. In the bathroom at home? Just with angles. And it's... All you got to do is...

Probably wouldn't. You open the door and you go, but you got to keep your back to the door, even if it's sideways. Oh, yeah. I would do that. You're doing like a three-quarter angle turn? I've actually done that. I've done but you got to keep your back to the door, even if it's sideways. Oh, yeah. I would do that. You're doing like a three-quarter angle turn? I've actually done that. I've done the angle turn to keep it open.

Instead of just shutting the door that is made for privacy. Yeah, that's... Okay. I try to touch as little as possible in public restrooms. So I walk in, I pee, I walk out. That is the only advantage, the only advantage at all to not shutting the doors. You don't have to touch the lock. He just walks in peace.

He jumps. He jumps three times and they just fall down a little. Well, here's another urinal follow-up question because that's what we need. Spencer from the website, is it acceptable? I'm laughing because I've heard so many people do this Oh man To strangers and no Alright here's the question Is it acceptable to fart

To fart while standing at a urinal I sure hope so Because I've ripped some bigums With strangers Sometimes So you think it's preposterous for me to stand there and pee in a urinal with the door open yes but it's not preposterous for you to rip a fart standing next to a chair if you can't rip one if there's a direct neighbor if there's a direct neighbor urinal if someone is standing

right next to me i'm not ripping butt but i i i will definitely fart at the urinal. Of course. If no one's in the restroom, of course you can fart at it. You can fart anywhere. Where else can I fart if not in the bathroom? Okay, but so what is the amount of people where all this now it's- If there's somebody in a stall with a closed door- That's fine.

And I'm at a urinal, do you let it go? Yep, absolutely. Because they don't know who it is. They can't attach it. Yeah, but then when I hear it flush right after, I'm at a urinal, do you let it go? Yep, absolutely. Because they don't know who it is. They can't attach it. Yeah, but then when I hear it flush right after, I'm like, oh, no. I gambled and lost. They're going to see my face. Yeah, you don't want to attach a face to a fart.

Yeah, I mean, it's really one of those. You can't have people at the urinal with you. If they're leaving the urinal, they're going to wash your hands. I might let it go. Okay, so there's three urinals. You're on the edges. Okay is really got a fart there's an empty one in the middle of you is it okay could you pull it off while you flush um you're flushing and coughing it's really uh just a matter of do i know this person if i know this person you don't this is

a stranger okay then no i no, I won't. Okay. Because there are fellas out there that the minute they – I've been in the bathroom. The second a guy walks in, it's just – Yeah. Dudes be letting loose. I've been that man.

Now, here's the question. If you're in the stall, if you're in the stall and you close the door behind you, would the fart policy change if the door is closed? Yeah, because it could be a poop fart. Yeah, you can fart no problem. If you can't fart in a closed door stall, then you're not allowed to fart. Now if you

fart in a closed door stall, do you wait for everybody that was in there to leave before you leave? No, I'm proud of my farts. Clearly. Got any more brain busters for us? No, but this is, I mean, people don't talk about this, but people do it. We talk about the tough stuff on this show.

Yeah, that's why I was trying to get very specific with what are the rules. I, yeah. Because I usually, I hold back. Owl, having had this discussion and hearing the other side going back to the previous question will you commit to not being a monster and shutting the door behind you when you pee in a in a stall there's no way no no you're disgusting you pig okay farter. Farter. Because you fart. Guilty as charged.

All right. Corey from Patreon. If you add a piece of fish to a hamburger bun, is it a fish sandwich or a fish burger? Oh, yeah. This is- I know the answer to this. I don't know if you guys want to weigh in. If it's a fish filet that's just sitting there, that is a fish sandwich.

Yeah, 100%. If it is some sort of amalgamation, like you took fish and you made it into a patty. That's a fish sandwich. It could be a fish burger. No, it doesn't. Yeah, you can do that. A salmon burger. Yeah.

A salmon burger is a salmon. It's not a salmon sandwich. Salmon, salmon, salmon. Do they grind up the fish? Yeah, they do. If it is ground fish, then it is a fish burger. Okay, so ground meat is what makes it a burger. It doesn't have to be ground beef.

It's got to be a turkey burger. Boom. That was a big moment for Jason. I'm learning a lot today. That was a big moment. He just changed his life. He went totally silent. But you could hear the brain just piecing things together.

Yeah. A turkey burger. That's what that means. That's right. The shape is incorrect, though, Andy, thanks to stupid Wendy's. Oh. Wendy's didn't break the shape of a burger.'re non-traditional but my point is a burger doesn't have to be a round patty no but a round patty can be a burger yeah so it's got to be ground if it's if it's a filet if it's a a chicken

breast it's chicken sandwich correct have you ever heard of ground up chicken into patties? Yeah, you can get ground chicken. I've done a ground chicken patty. They call them chicken patty. Chicken patty? They call it chicken nuggets? You never had a chicken patty sandwich? Yeah. Or no. I used to have them in school. I love chicken patty sandwiches.

I love them. I don't know why it's a patty. If you just called a ground beef... Oh, it is a ground beef patty. Yeah. Patty's a word that's ground beef. Oh, it is a ground beef patty. Yeah. So patty's a word that's just not. We need to get that back out there. It's already been pattied down. It's a patty. And then it becomes a burger.

What turns it into a burger? The patty. What makes it a wagon? The patty. Kim from Patreon. Oh, we're back. Yeah, we're back. Is a personal home toilet that is cleaned every six months more or less gross than a public toilet that is cleaned daily?

Less. More. Six months, huh? More. More. No, it's less gross. What? I think it's...

What? Wait. You think it's... I think... One dump ski and this thing needs a cleaning. You're talking about a home toilet? Yeah. You clean after every dumpski?

No, I'm just saying. No, no. I definitely do not. But I'm saying in terms of is it gross? The problem... I mean, just a day's use from... But it's yours. I feel like I can trust...

But it's yours. I feel like I can trust. But it's my poop. I mean, truly, like, that's a clean public toilet. It's not a clean toilet. It's a public toilet. The problem is that I trust the people inside of my home to put the majority of their ones and twos into the same location. Just the majority. Every now and then that floor comes a-calling. Whereas a public restroom, I feel like there is more of a, maybe a little bit, you know how renters don't treat their house the right way?

Yeah. No, that's a perfect example. If you go into a public restroom- Guys are disgusting. You miss? Are you cleaning? No. You miss at home? You cleaning? you clean it yeah maybe yeah you get some

pee on the seat how bad did i miss you get some pee on the seat i'm talking about the floor oh i'm not cleaning i mean come on i got limits when's the last time yeah i haven't peed on the floor since sixth grade no no i'm not talking about like i'm just saying like some splash or something look things happen how heavy is your stream to splash out of a toilet i promise it has happened to you and you didn't realize he's trying to go through his underwear it's going everywhere very strong stream um yeah i just think i'd rather be at my – I want it to be my family's DNA. Exactly right. I can totally agree that it feels, but that is an emotional response to something that should be a scientific thing.

If I could catch the bathroom at a public restroom first thing in the morning every day, then that's fine. Because it's been bleached. I mean, that stuff – the chemicals going into those. When you walk into a public bathroom and your eyes are burning, you're like, oh, yeah. Yeah. I like this. They care about health in here. It's nice and clean.

My eyes are bleeding. Yeah, you're just getting poisoned. All right, should we draft? Let's go. The Spitballers Draft. Well, I believe this was a Mike idea from a little while back. I don't remember. But the best game show host.

We all have our favorite game shows over the years. I love game shows so much. Growing up, huge fan. Watched them all the time. Couldn't believe the amount of commercials. I mean, just unbelievable amounts of commercials. There's cash prizes. They've got to make that money. I had the first pick.

And this was really tough for me. Because there's a power to? I think there's a. Yep. And this was really tough for me. Because there's a power two? I think there's a power two. Yeah. And I... We were at lunch, Andy, just discussing the topic. I wasn't there, you're saying? Yeah, you had already headed out.

And us and the rest of the guys were talking about, well, we're drafting. And I'm like, no, there's a power two. And then Schneider's like, yeah, there's definitely a power two. Everybody except for Jason, who doesn't have a top two pick, coincidentally. My 101 is not one of the power two. So I'm thrilled with the third pick. So let's get it going.

So I went back and forth on which one to take with number one. It's a power two. No wrong answer. I went with, true to my heart, true to what I watch more of, true to what I look forward to more of, I went with, true to my heart, true to what I watch more of, true to what I look forward to more of, I went with Bob Barker. Oh, I thought for sure you were going with the other power couple.

I thought about it, but Bob Barker, to me, I watched a lot more Prices, right? Yes. I respect the run of all of these guys. Dude, that microphone? Bob Barker, yeah, I mean... I mean, we're gonna let we're gonna talk about a lot of game show hosts that guy's got like a signature accessory it was awesome perfect

voice perfect show yes um perfect childhood every time i was sick i was thrilled because i could watch prices right yes bob barker he would have been the second overall pick if you did not take him. So I'll take the other power game show host. I will take Mr. Alex Trebek. There you go. Jeopardy. Alex Trebek, I mean, just stoic. Funny, very funny. I don't know how much of this stuff he knew,

but because he was the host of Jeopardy, I just was a child. I'm like, this is the smartest smartest man alive and he could roast people like just with pure wit just just absolutely dismantle these people and they may not even have known that they were getting did you ever did you see the one where the three Jeopardy contestants it was a full category of football. Oh, those are the best. And it was, you know, 200 and, you know, 500 and 1,000. All five. Yes. Dead silence. They didn't know any of the answers.

And he was just... Okay, sports for 200. It was very funny. He gave them the business. So I, look, those two are 1A, 1B. Yes, they are. I just went with my heart. Now let's go. Who's the 101 here? I'm going with my heart. I'm not going popularity contest.

I'm at three. You guys have the power couple. I'm not winning the poll. I'm going with who I love. I have no idea what name is coming. None. Steve Harvey, baby. Oh, really?

Oh, man. I can't tell you how much I love his version of family feud i could watch social media clips of him laughing at people's stupid answers over and over he is the one host to me that makes the difference like like jeopardy is is is is very very very you know, Alex Trebek, the tie is buttoned up. So maybe you could say he makes it. But like, Bob Barker, great. Respect it. Love the show. Great game show. I think the

other guy's doing just fine. But there's been so many different Family Feud hosts. Yeah, there has. And Steve Harvey makes that show so much better. I love Steve Harvey. I don't mind it. I didn't mind it at all.

It's a good pick. He's on my list, too. All right. Now it's a teardrop. Now that the love of Steve Harvey is gone and the respect of Bob Barker and Alex Trebek are out of the way, there's a whole other tier, and I said that i'm going to stick to who i actually really like and so while i think there is someone i know who mike's going to get next because i know he loves this game show he's probably the next most popular and well-known

host i'm going to skip over that that man and i'm going to take regis philbin oh because who wants to be a millionaire dude that was that peaked in our our era when that show was on it was it was hot it was like people would yes you know go to school and be like it was you see it was a point in television that was so popular for a small window of time yeah i mean it was it was very uh you know it's it's not a it's not a price is right or a jeopardy level or a family feud level no it's a great pick i would have loved to have had regis but man did i love him you know so i'll just say final answer he was a great host because millionaire has had several other hosts as well but nothing like regis regis was his voice of final answer yeah are you sure yeah he was also goofball okay all right so

i have no choice here but to take mr pat sage yeah yeah of wheel of fortune uh fame and fortune i believe i think he's done i think that i think he's retiring this year yeah I think he's done. He's retiring this year. I think he just announced that he is ending his run. Pat Sajak also another one of those hosts that when people are wrong he just walks over and puts the arm around him and is like, you know how dumb

you are? Super consistent too. I mean long run. I don't know how long. It's got to be 30-plus years. Let's see. I don't even know what to – It's just been a machine.

When did he start? Probably 30 years ago. He did the whole run, right? How long? Is that as long running as Jeopardy? No. Looks like he started in 81. Wheel of Fortune was around before that.

Yeah. Yeah, those two. When you see the promos for game shows in primetime. Won't say his name. For a million. Yeah. There was another host. All right.

My number two pick is going to be, you know, there's 45 seasons. I'm taking him. I knew he'd fall to me. I knew no one else would take him. I'm taking Jeff Probst. Host of Survivor, baby. Wow. That's a game show host.

When you said that name, I went, who? That's okay. It's funny because you talk about having a moment. That first season of Survivor was every single household in America, except for Jason's. Not my house. No, he was watching Steve Harvey. So I'm taking Jeff Probst.

45 seasons, still going. Great game show host. And then I guess that's kind of cheating, huh? Do you want to disqualify it? No, no, it's a game. I'm fine with that. I like thinking outside of the box. It's a different format, but it is definitely a game,

and there is a prize at the end. All right, for number three, I'll take... It's my pick still, right? That is correct. I will take the only old guy in my list. The only one from the classic... Didn't you take Bob Barker? I mean... Well, he went into my generation. Oh, you're saying like olden times.

I'm talking about like a classic. An older classic host who went on well beyond game show hosts to just be an icon, but isn't with us, and it's been a long time. I'm taking Dick Clark. Oh, he was on my short list. Dick Clark was the best. Of all the older generation hosts, $10,000 pyramid. Yeah, he was pyramid.

Yeah, he was. So here's what's crazy about that. Growing up, I loved the $10,000 pyramid or $100,000 pyramid, whatever it was. I loved that show. And I wanted to take that host, but I have no idea who that host was. It was Dick Clark. I just found that out. I'm learning so much today.

You know you have an information machine right in front of you. He was the one that also did the countdown for the New Year. That's all I know him from. He did a bunch of stuff. He did the countdown to New Year's all i know he did a bunch of stuff yeah he did the countdown to new year's way too long did he yeah he was getting off of the time yeah but uh yeah his was that like 8 p.m uh so he needed to go to bed to dinner 4 p.m all right so bob barker jeff probes dick clark uh i'll have my Survivor fans in my corner.

Mike has Alex Trebek and Pat Sajak. Jason with Steve Harvey and Regis Philman. Mike, you're back on the clock. Excellent. So I didn't know exactly where this guy was going to go in the draft. I thought maybe Jason was saying it was his 101, but Steve Harvey absolutely makes sense. But so I will take our generation's true game show host, Mr. Mark Summers. Double dare was that show when you were a kid, assuming that you

had Nickelodeon in the cable bundle, but I knew I could risk Mark Summers going through Andy because he was not a cable kid. But holy crap, Mark Summers, dude, the energy, the vibes, that guy had it all, man. That's good. That would have been my fourth pick here. So he would not have come back to you. Good job. Before him and who I thought you might have been picking because when you said my generations, I thought this guy took over for a classic show.

He's been doing it a long time now. I'm going to take Drew Carey. Because The Price is Right is a great show. Yes, it is. I would give Drew Carey credit for Whose Line is in it. Well, that's my favorite part. Improv is near and dear to my heart. I loved that show.

Whose Line? Yeah. Loved it. I loved that show. Moose Line? Yeah. Oh, loved it. Had a great run. He was definitely a much better host. When he was the host of that, it was a much better show. And now, so I was going to go Drew Carey and Mark Summers. No, you are not.

Pivot! What? Now, I'm looking at people and I'm starting to stare at the reality that I, you know, it's like, I want to go with my heart. I want to go with someone I really like, actually like. But I can't because there's no one left that I. You don't like anybody? Well, no, I mean, you know what? I'll go Jane Lynch because I think she is hysterical.

She's very funny. She is funny. She has been a. Did she do Who's Not? No. She didn't do Who Wants to Be a Millionaire. She might great. She's very funny. She is funny. She has been a- Did she do Who's- No. She didn't do Who Wants to Be a Millionaire. She might have. I feel like 100 people did that. She did her own-

You are the weakest link? Did she do that? No. Jane Lynch is in comedy movies. So Hollywood Game Night is what she is- Oh, yeah. Weakest link. Oh, I know.

Jane Lynch explains the rules of the weakest link. Yeah. Okay. Okay. That's what I thought. So she did the Americanized version? I think so. I remember her from that.

I did not realize that. That's a good pick. That's a great pick. Yeah. And she's so funny just as a person. Yeah. That's good. All right.

All right. So I'm back up for my final pick. No, no. I have it narrowed down. Um, all right. I'm going to go with, I'll go, I'm going to go with Jason. I'll do of the, uh, I'll go with my heart pick. Cause there's, there's another one who I think has some stats, but it was a counterpoint to, uh, Mr. Drew Carey. You could have taken him. I'm going to take Wayne Brady. Oh, okay, yeah. Often on Whose Line Is It Anyway, but then he took over on Let's Make a Deal,

which is also – that show is so ridiculous. It is one of my favorite game shows. But Wayne Brady, he always brings all of his incredible comedic talents and musical ability. He is very talented. Yes, he is incredible. And he does really, really well taking over for that game show. That leaves so many choices for me.

So many that... There's classic ones. There are classic ones, but I feel like they're insincere picks, not from my... I want to remind you before you make this pick that Richard Karn was a game show host. The Al Borland. Oh my gosh.

The Al Borland. He was so bad. He was awful. He had a really short run. But you can pick him and he is the Al Borland. So, you know, maybe. Peterman did Family Feud. I.

Oh, yeah. And. Louie Anderson. I actually really liked Louie Anderson's voice. I'm going to close it out with. I'm going to close it out with Vanna White. Yeah. I'm going to take the other side of the Pat Sajak long run for so many years. I will go Vanna White.

You've got the classics. Read your list, Mr. Old Man. Bob Barker, Dick Clark. Well, Probst is not. Jeff Probst. I don't know. I won't call that a classic. No, I agree.

But three out of four. All right. Uh, any other, yeah, the, the other, another name I thought about going was Richard Dawson. Uh, he was a family feud host. He was the super smarmy guy. Oh yeah. Honestly. Yeah. He, that kissed up everybody. I didn't put him in there because of that. I left him off my list cause I assumed there was something bad in the past. Oh, I mean, if the internet existed when Richard Dawson was doing his thing, I'm sure there are terrible things. But, I mean, he was huge. And he's also in the movie The Running Man.

He is the bad guy host. So, I mean, he hosted The Running Man. Oh, man. I had Howie Mandel on the list. Okay. For Mets Make a Deal? Yeah. Or no.

No, it was the- Deal or no deal. The one with the suitcases, right? Yeah, Deal or no deal. I should have taken- He's probably done a few. I should have taken Stanley Tucci. What did Stanley Tucci do?

The Hunger Games, baby. He was a great host. That would have got DQ'd. Really? That's not a game show. He was the host of a game show. And on my list, I also have Monty Hall, the original host of Let's Make a Deal, and also has his own little math equation, the Monty Hall whatever it's called.

I don't know. I have Jeff Foxworthy. That was the last one on my list. With that fourth grader one? Yeah. Are you smarter than a fifth grader or something? Oh, yeah. That was Foxworthy?

Yeah. Yeah, I would have wondered. Could we have picked, like, Simon Cowell? I thought when you said Howie Mandel, I thought you were going America's Got Talent there. No, it's not a traditional game show. Oh, that's actually really interesting. It is a survivor, yeah.

Simon Cowell definitely should have been picked. I wasn't thinking outside the box. It is a survivor, yeah. Yeah. Simon Cowell definitely should have been picked. I wasn't thinking outside the box with Candy. I wasn't either, yeah. Okay. What did we learn today? All right, I'll go first. Actually, for that one, who was the guy that used to host American Idol? Ryan Seacrest.

Yeah, Seacrest. He's the host. Yeah. He's not a judge. Seacrest would have, Seacrest. He's the host. Yeah. He's not a judge. Seacrest would have been sneaky. Okay. So I learned that Dick Clark originally did $10,000 Pyramid. I learned that a meter and a yard are different things.

And I learned that ground meat is what makes it a burger. So, I mean. You got all the what do we learn for everybody today? Maybe. I guess I learned Jason kicks his feet like a baby when he puts his socks on. I learned that Al Borland is disgusting. Yeah, what up? Is he?

What up? Yes. Because he pees with the door open? Yes. I do that too. And he's also disgusting. In, out, and on with my life. Thank you for tuning in, everyone.

Tell your friends goodbye. Thanks for listening to the Spitballers Podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to check out spitballers pod.com