Spitballers Comedy Podcast - 260: Nap Attacks & Extinct Technologies - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: October 23, 2023

On today’s episode, so many important questions answered! Topics including: time travel, graveyards, fruit butts, and Jason’s magic school bus! We also have fun revisiting our past during a draft of extinct technologies! Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast! Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast: Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.com Follow us on Twitter: Twitter.com/SpitballersPod Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPod Subscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

what happens when three buffoons give life advice explore unrealistic situations and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve it's the spitballers podcast with andy mike and jason little bursts i i i think it went extinct it's bad it's bad no longer useful Oh, beep, beep, beep, beep. All right, welcome in. Boo. You got to power it up. Oh, okay. Well, the show has started. Andy, Mike, and Jason back with you.

Spitballers episode 260, Would You Rather, What's the Difference? And we are drafting extinct technology on today's show, which should be very fun. Yeah. Honestly, just putting this list together was fun to remember all of the things that were really useful, were at times super cool. Core parts of people's lives. Absolutely. And then it's like, you next yeah when i think of extinct technology i can't help but always go to the fact that somebody somewhere had a business

and their business was that technology and at some point they got into a room and they said we're going to be rich forever business is booming and we're not we're never going anywhere we we've lived this what are you talking about we lived this life we started a business on myspace myspace could be on this list of extinct that's that's really fair but i mean oh man this is gonna last forever the radio shack guy he said it at one point in time. How is Best Buy still open? They're doing, I mean. They've morphed. Kudos to the Best Buy people because you've done what no one else has been able to do.

They have morphed. They also, the last one lives. Because somebody needs a fine, like you do need a place to physically go get something immediately, and the last one will always live in that department. Okay, that makes sense. You've got to be able to go get a cable or you've got to go get a controller for that day. I figured it was money laundering.

That's also one of their strategies. That's a way better idea. Does the mob own Best Buy? Let's just be honest. You know what it is? It's that geek squad. Oh, yeah. Taking advantage of people. Yeah. Does the mob own Best Buy? Let's just be honest. You know what it is? It's that geek squad. Oh, yeah.

Taking advantage of people. Yeah. I told you guys that I was in a Verizon store and I had to... Did I not tell you I had to intervene there? No. You didn't tell the story? Oh, no. You saved someone? I saved somebody.

Good Samaritan. I couldn't help myself. Really? And it just felt like something. Was it because they were super old? Yes. Okay. It was two old people talking to the Verizon salesperson.

I was in line because you're required to be in a line of at least 20 people in a cell phone store. Of course. And I'm sitting there and I am listening to this young lady slash criminal talk to these two, this couple that had, they had a hundred dollar cell phone bill when they came in there and they had lost the phone and just wanted to get a new phone. And by the end of this lady's, this, this young lady's speech to this elderly couple who clearly like, these are the people that take advantage of their bill was going to be $242. And it was going to be, uh, well, you got a new plan and you got the protection plan and you got, and she was wrapping all this stuff in there that was too fast for them to understand by the mercy of the Lord. These two folks were like, uh, well, we need to talk to our financial person and then we'll

get back to you. And when they left the store, I walked out out of the store pulled them aside and explained to them both i said you can get whatever you want but let me tell you that was a bunch of baloney what she was saying you don't need to do x y and z they just wrapping everything into there so i went full like you know protection for you protection though all right uh this show's brought to you by verizon yeah well no i mean that's just the nature of all of those yes geek squad brought it to mind because if you are older and you go in and you're like i need my computer fixed i mean that's where they make the money yeah look i worked at a at a t-mobile uh before we did this

and and uh i'd be so mad at you right now. That's my sale, man. Yeah. I think some of the people in the store knew what I was doing. Those old people were hook, line, and seeker. Yeah. So there you go. Let's kick it off.

Would you rather? Tom from the website writes in, says, would you rather have to walk drive and fly everywhere as you do now but when you arrive no time has passed since you left that would be cool okay or be able to teleport anywhere but when you arrive three times the amount of time is passed as if you had traveled typically. Interesting. So a flight from here to California is- An hour and a half. An hour and a half.

So four and a half hours would go by, but you've transported there. But so you don't feel the four and a half hours. Right. You're instantly there. It's just the time of day. It's like the space travel thing where people, what is the movie? Hyper Sleep. Interstellar, where they were on that one planet and all of that time passed.

So another example, let's think. You go from here to New York, six hours, five hours. So it's a 15 hour. Now, see, a lot of the times when we we travel i think we all consider it a travel day yes and so losing that time that's not the bigger concern the the the the issue is oh you're able to so you don't have to teleport because i was thinking like well now instead of instead of driving which takes me about 20 minutes to get here now in the morning i have to leave an hour early.

You do have to leave an hour early, but you're here immediately. Yes. See, those ones are interesting. Yeah, the day-to-day is more interesting because when it comes to the travel days or whatever, there's no disadvantage to the three times the travel. You're just going to plan the time you leave three times earlier it's like oh instead of having it take all day i'm just gonna go at night or whatever and then boom bam it's morning you know you you could you would adjust but it's 18 how long does

it take to get to australia it's that's like a 16 hour so you're talking almost uh two days yeah now this isn't just would you like this or not. This is also the other existence is you do all your travel like you do now, but when you get there, no time at all is passed. Oh. So, like, you leave for Australia and you basically, you're like, for example, let's say right now it's about noon. Let's say you see at 1 o'clock in australia there's a really good rugby game that you want to go to you could get there right yeah i mean you're what you got a book i know but i know what you're saying that's why i said an hour but you gave a little bit of yeah

but i mean like you want to get uh you want to get dinner in France right now. You could do it. Yeah. Five hours from now because travel's instant. Right, but you still got to pay for that travel to France. Oh, yeah, you don't have to pay for teleportation, huh? No. No, you don't. If you could teleport, that's me. That's me.

No ticket. Now, can you bring people with you on a teleportation i was just gonna ask what are the teleportation rules because it's if they're touching you it's fuzzy but yeah some canon has like if you are holding that if you are physically in contact with that person they go through whatever realm or seems like an important thing to answer because you yeah being able to tell all right yourself link hands now we got let go or all right kids see ya well that means you could go somewhere and come back and no time has passed essentially yeah if well you have to drive there well i'm yeah but like you like if you wanted to

go get a baguette from france and then bring it. It might take you like half an hour. A nice thing is basically you're never late anywhere. Right. Never. Because you're like – You just got to leave by the time you got to be there. You just have to commit to leaving. Yeah, which that's pretty nice. You don't have to do the text, where are you?

Oh, I'm almost there. As I'm getting into my car. You would never have to rush. Correct. Well, I mean, you still have the time that the event starts, but you would gain more time back. But I'm saying, like, right now, if you're late for something, you would get on the road and drive fast to try to make it. Right. The second you commit to driving, you're going to arrive instantly from that moment.

Yeah. So you could drive super slow. Five miles an hour if you wanted. You could walk. It would cause many accidents. Would you take advantage of that loophole? Let's say you were going to go to New York and you're like, I could just walk. No, because I'd be very tired.

And you get more time. In the end here. Yeah, let's make a decision. The one thing that I think is being lost is that one of these comes with freaking teleportation. Like, of course I'm taking teleportation. Like, of course I'm taking, whatever the hardships are that I can teleport, I'm taking that. Okay, but no family. Perfect.

I mean, now we're talking. Now, does that mean if you have to go to the bathroom, you would teleport there, but then people think you're gone three times as long? That's right. That'd be a problem for you. Yeah, that'd be a 30-minute poop ski. All right, I guess I'll go with it.

30? Come on. Come on. That was a 90-minute. That's a 90. Jen from Patreon, would you rather have the ability to turn any surface into a trampoline or make any body of water solid ground for you to walk on how practical is that

uh look you're never gonna slip in a puddle again i have never slipped in a puddle before people do this is rampant through the country i don't know oh you're talking about the puddlers yeah people slipping in puddles all over the place. You've never, like... I've slipped. Yeah, I mean, maybe you've never, like, you didn't fully eat it. Right. But you've had that moment where you hydroplane and you go, oh, no. No, but you're still going to have that happen because you have to make a decision to make.

So, like, you see puddles and you're like, oh, solid, solid, solid, solid. I mean, you have to premeditate it. All right. All right. I'm trying to find something good about it. Well, if you lived in a state like around a bunch of lakes, it would also be impractical and not helpful. There's no purpose to turning the water into solid ground to walk on.

Yeah, let's think of that. Is there any purpose? Here's the actual purpose here's the purpose oh man i really have to cross this river so in that situation thank goodness i have this power where i can walk across this river personally i haven't needed to ford ford ford a river yeah yeah now what about if you were organ trail style yeah would this have helped the people on the titanic oh yeah well at least one of them whoever had the superpower okay but i mean that probably benefit everybody around them right not the people already in the water there oh no now they're now they're half yeah we both did sound effects for it we should be ashamed of

ourselves yeah well this is an audio production and i wanted to make sure that they understood that you know the uh ice would trap them would sever them oh they'd be okay if you were lost at sea and you're in that like raft scenario and then everything's just solid you've got a long way to walk like you're dying oh you're still dead yeah you're dying with no chance of getting the fish under the ice. Under the solid ground. Or under the- You've also killed all the fish. It is solid ground, isn't it? Yeah, how far down does the ground go?

I think if you- Not just a foot. Oh, really? Yeah. It's just, so it's like a crust? So now you're sinking again? You're on solid ground that's just sinking further. No, it's like, you know, it's superpower.

Okay. What was the other power? Oh, the trampoline. something far more relevant that's awesome i could i will i will dunk a basket i don't think you're going to use that very well do you know what trampolines are for for people over 30 way different ways to throw your back out that's all they are yeah there are ways to throw i dare you to not get hurt on a trampoline i'm not going to make me be on the trampoline i'm going to make other people be on the trampoline. Any surface I want.

You're going to make other people have to be on a trampoline. You know where your monitor is right now on your desk? Your desk surface is a trampoline now. You want the power to knock my desk over? It's just going to sit there, though. You have the power to ruin my desk right now. No, I don't have the power to make your desk into a trampoline. Wait, the desk becomes a trampoline?

The surface. The surface of your desk. That is one of the dumbest things I've ever heard. Look, I didn't come up with the question. Now, we may have a loophole here because it's any surface. Are we considering the surface of the water is that a surface so if i go trampoline can i turn the water into a trampoline can you go back and forth so you trampoline then you remove it and then you splash and do it again gnarly cannonballs let's take that

one i'm just saying like why turn it into ground when i could turn it into trampoline i might be able to get back from like that whole raft stuck at sea if the ground was trampoline, and I could bounce my way back to shore. I think you could bounce faster, farther than walking. Hmm. This one's dumb. I would agree with that. First time ever, dumb question on this show.

Russ from the website, would you rather be able to conjure any fictional vehicle into existence as your vehicle for life or summon any fictional person or creature as a companion for a day. Any fictional vehicle. So we're saying like we get the, the, the time machine,

the DeLorean, the millennium Falcon. Yeah. Okay. What about that? So we're forgetting space travel in here that's pretty cool you you care more about space travel than time travel um well quick aside okay what would you pick space travel yeah time travel or space travel so

i don't know if it's been brought up on this show, but time travel has to also include space travel. Real time travel does. Yes. Real time travel, you can only go into the future. Well, no, you can't even go into the future. With space travel. Yes. Space travel allows you to do that? Because if you're like, I want to be here in 60 years' time,

well, if I do that, the Earth will no longer be where I am standing because the Earth is moving through the universe. So you have to have some sort of space travel built into time travel. Sure, but the DeLorean already has that, obviously. So I think we're good on the... DeLorean, from my research, and it's just about. It's very small. My research is about three hours worth.

And from what I see, it has a tremendous amount of potential issues that you will have to resolve in a desperate fashion to return to where you want to be. Like it doesn't ever go smoothly. You don't just zip around time. You might, I don't know, pop the gas tank in an era when you can't get gas, for instance. Or, you know, have any kind of car problem that I will not be able to fix because I can't fix cars. I have a flat tire.

I'm stuck in the 1800s. We're doomed. That would really, yeah, that would be a problem. I mean, the truth is, if you got a flat tire in the 1800s? We're doomed. That would really, yeah, that would be a problem. I mean, the truth is, if you got a flat tire in the 1800s. Can you get to 88 miles an hour on a flat tire? No, you're toast. I mean, you need to put it on a train. I need to put it on a train.

But rolling down a hill. Also, the DeLoreans, these are, I mean, these were cars built in the 80s. These are not cars built for the modern man. We can't fit. No. No, no. We've all sat in a DeLorean, and I can't imagine having to drive that. There's actually a ton of people with DeLoreans stuck in the past right now

that are just too tall. They just couldn't get back. They couldn't get back. I hurt my back. Abraham Lincoln wanted to come to the future. He can't. It's impossible. He's wanted to come to the future. He can't. It's impossible. He's got to ride with the door open.

The vehicle you get for life, the fictional person or creature is a companion for a day. It's hard when you conditionalize it to a day. Is there anybody that you could get so much value from in one day? I think we should. You could have a dragon for a day right it's a fictional companion yeah you could cause a lot of mayhem with that i i feel like we should uh level this and have it just be this be the same for both because i don't i don't think it's unfair to have both forever okay so a fictional person or creature is a companion for life or this vehicle.

But I think the vehicle, like if you take away time travel in the DeLorean, are you even considering that one? If you take away time travel, I could just go buy a DeLorean. No, I'm not considering that. No, I didn't say from the DeLorean. I said time travel in the DeLorean as that one fictional vehicle. If that's removed and you're just thinking of the other practical. Oh, that's

what I meant. There's so many vehicles that I would choose over any fictional character. You have to figure out how to drive it. It I don't know that it's going to come with a manual. Yeah, they're always flipping switches in those things. And there's always like spaceships. You got a bunch of people in there.

If you put me in the Millennium Falcon, I ain't never taking off. No, we're not even getting it on. How do you get in? How do you open the door? Where's the door? How do you? Now, you could get that answer from your companion, a Wookiee, that you bring. No, I wouldn't.

But you wouldn't have the spaceship. I would like to believe that if I got the Millennium Falcon, it's going to be humongous. But I get a user manual. It exists. So I can read it. I'm taking the person. These people will build me these things. I'll take a companion that will be able to.

I mean, I can take Doc Brown with me and then we're good. He did it once. He can do it again. And then you can say, Doc, let's go with a midsize sedan. Absolutely. I understand you want to do it with style. A time machine. Out of a Sonata?

I need a car that's reliable and I fit. Yeah. Most importantly, I got to fit in this car. I need to fit in this vehicle. Also, I'd like to take some more people with me. Can we make it a van? That's right. Yeah, I mean, yeah, Doc Brown was like, I'm not time traveling with anybody.

Does a DeLorean even have a back seat? Not really. No, it doesn't. A functional back seat. No, I don't know. It's for a briefcase. Here's the problem I have with the character, and maybe this will answer it. Because you said, okay, you will bring Doc Brown back, and so he can make you a DeLorean.

He can't. But just bringing him into your life, why would he do that? He's your companion, according to the question. I know, but I'm just saying if I chose Dumbledore, does he just do anything I tell him to do? Like, hey, I want you to clean my house. Yeah, he'd help you out. He's a companion.

He's a traveling partner. He wouldn't do the house thing if he needed to teach you, I don't know, self-discipline and stuff. He's your companion. He's a friend. Okay. So I'm going to go with the companion. You guys, you going with the vehicles?

If I get a manual and I can – what about the Death Star? That's what I was thinking bigger. I was thinking like the Borg. Yeah, the Death Star. I mean, come on. Jason's alone in the Borg spaceship in the middle of space, and it's giant. I regret my choice. It's freezing in here, so I don't know how to turn this on.

Where am I going? Can you imagine when the Starship Enterprise comes and hails that Borg ship, and there's just Jason, and he's all sweaty, and he's just looking at the screen going, guys, I'm all alone in here. I haven't slept a day. Tell me. I made a wish on a podcast.

But also, resistance is futile. But seriously, take me out of here. There's got to be a better vehicle that's like a one-person vehicle. Like the Boba Fett ship? Yeah, sure. Or the Batwing. Is that what it's called? Yeah, the Batman plane? I honestly thought of the Batwing. Is that what it's called? Yeah, the Batman plane.

I honestly thought of the Batwing with this question. The Batwing of the original Batman movie? That's the one, yeah. That thing was so cool. It was so cool. So good at cutting balloon strings. Why was that built into the ship? I know.

At what point was he like, you know what? The front of my fighter jet needs some industrial scissors there may come a time i want my ship to have a bayonet in case i wanted to really ram something oh it was it was cool though man i've never i've never questioned that moment until now and it makes no sense no If there's ever a poisonous balloon. What could you do with the magic school bus? Now, that would be, dude, that would be great. Okay. You can get bigger, smaller.

Now, you have to go on an adventure with it. I only want adventures. This is great, but I know how to drive a school bus. He just takes kids to school. They're all waiting for an adventure. He's like, get off. The biggest adventure of all life, see ya see ya i'll be back at 3 p.m mr frizzle's a real son of a gun all right we're moving on what's the difference between me and you

all right we have a lot of these today what's the difference between a rind a a peel, and a skin when you're talking about fruits and vegetables. Now, a rind, am I correct in the first thought that I had, that was like an orange, oh, that's a peel. Well, no, but after you take, oh, no. The rind has to be the butt. What?

Yeah, like, I think, like, where it comes together, Oh, no. The rind has to be the butt. What? Yeah. I think where it comes together, you know, you got the peel of the orange. Okay. But where it comes together at the little point. You saying there's a fruit butt? Yeah, I'm saying there's a fruit butt. I mean, I know exactly what part you're talking about. You know what I'm talking about. You start peeling it at the butt.

I think a rind, I think that's what it is. An orange peel is a rind i think that doesn't what it is an orange peel is a rind all of it once you once you take it off then it becomes the rind well it's a peel until it's removed then then you leave the no because you can leave orange peels around oh gosh i'm telling you the the the rind is the butt part of the peel that's how i view it you think that some of its peel and some of its rind yeah yeah where do you find where does it transition into line is it connected to the butt well it's all connected to the butt not once you rip it off that's what we were saying that it becomes the rind then it

becomes peels and there's a piece with the that's a rind that's got a fruit but the one that you've never even heard of a fruit but oh yes you yes, you have. Yeah, you've heard of it. The bananas? We've brought that up. Now, banana, it's a peel. You slip on a banana peel. Right. Nobody says, hey, throw that rind over here, and he'll slip on it. So does it have to be a citrus?

I think it has to be citrus. I think a rind can only exist in the world of citrus. What's the watermelon? Is that a watermelon? Is that the rind? That's a rind. That's a rind, right? It's a citrus. Watermelon's a citrus? Watermelon the world of citrus. What's the watermelon? Is that the rind? That's a rind, right? It's a citrus. Watermelon's not a citrus. You fool.

I don't think it's a watermelon rind because there's no peel. Yeah, it's a watermelon. You have to be able to peel it off. You can't peel a watermelon. I think oranges don't have rinds. But you eat it down to the rind. I think a watermelon has a rind. You eat it down to the... Now, is have rinds. But you eat it down to the rind. I think a watermelon has a rind.

You eat it down to the... Now, is the rind... Is it the green part or the white part? No, the white and the green. Yeah, I think it's all of it. It's the green part of the shell. Now, the skin of a fruit... I mean, there's no skin.

Yeah, there's skin. Like a grape has... Oh, crap. Yeah, if it's... You've got to be able to bite through it. The skin you can bite through. You can always bite through skin. How about apple peels?

Because they say peel in an apple. Oh, man. Which you can also eat. Yeah. But it's also the skin. It's definitely skin. The apple skin. Yeah.

Okay, all right, okay. Potato skin. Look, I've got it. Yes. They're called potato skins. You want some fried potato rinds? Oh, wait. They do call it that. Oh, man. Don't they? Pork r skins. You want some fried potato rinds? Oh, wait. They do call it that.

Oh, man. Don't they? Pork rinds. What's a pork rind? Oh, man. That's the butt of the pig. The pig butt. I thought it was the skin of the pig.

So there's a rind skin peel situation? What is the difference between a rind appeal and some skin? Okay. So skin is obviously thin. It's real thin. Skin is thin. Rind is the thick between a rind appeal and some skin? Okay. So skin is obviously thin. It's real thin. Skin is thin. Rind is the thickest. Behind.

Rind is behind. Skin is thin. Rind is the thickest. The skin is the thinnest. And anything that you can remove by itself becomes a peel. Okay. Like you a peel. Okay. Like you could peel an apple. You could peel the skin of an apple.

You can peel an apple? You don't peel a rind of a watermelon. No. Right? No. So that never becomes the peel. Yeah, but you peel an orange and you're telling me that they're both. Yeah.

Because you can peel. All i'm cheating a rind is a thick hard and tough outer covering so far so good that occurs naturally on fruits plants animals and cheeses rinds are usually inedible right yeah oh the edibility and protect The fruit of the plant Okay but what about a peel Especially citrus fruit Okay yeah so all right we did all right There yeah we I feel like we crushed that Interesting what is a peel also

The definition of a peel you're gonna love this A rind also known as a rind Or skin this is a trick Question Because it's if you can remove it, then it's a peel. It's not what you said because

this was a trap. Yeah, because the peel is also known as a rind or skin, which guess what? That also means a rind or skin is known as a peel, which means that they're all the same. No. Yeah, that's what that says. No, it works in one direction. That doesn't mean a rind is skin. Yes, it works in one direction. That doesn't mean it'll rind his skin.

Yes, it does. I don't believe. I mean, that's what the words say. If you throw them out, then it doesn't. I've removed myself from this. Dumb question. I don't know what's going on. They're all the same.

What's the difference between a graveyard and a cemetery? Is it spooky level so is the fence dilapidated in a graveyard but not a cemetery yeah cemetery is where you go to visit loved ones to uh you know to bury loved ones okay you know that the cemetery is you know respectable you have like crypts in a cemetery right a cemetery is, you know. Respectable. You have, like, crypts in a cemetery, right? A cemetery is, like, unfortunately, we've all been to a cemetery. Oh, fortunately. Sure. I don't know why it's so important.

I'm just saying, like, you know, that's where human beings. Trust me, they deserve it. That's where human beings go. I've personally never been to a graveyard. I think a graveyard can only be a place that no one would visit because they don't even know who's there. Exactly right. Also, definitely haunted without a doubt. That is required.

A graveyard is haunted. It starts haunted. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A cemetery, can it ever become a graveyard if no family members exist for the people and visit in a certain amount of years? Once the ghosts move in, yeah. Yeah, I think so. And the ghosts stay away because people visit. Right.

Exactly right. But graveyards were abandoned. Yes. They might have started as a cemetery. No longer in use. Yeah. But they become a haunted, abandoned graveyard. They become abandoned because they're full or just lost into time?

Lost into time. Once three years passes and no family members visit any of the graves, the ghosts feel like they can come out, hang out, haunt it and everything because they love that. Yeah, and then someone stumbles upon a graveyard. You're not like, hey, you want to go to the graveyard? You're like, where am I? Oh, no, I'm in a graveyard.

You're on the way home and you accidentally... What about zombies? Zombies... They come out of a graveyard. They can't come out of the cemetery. Correct. If they come out of a cemetery, it is instantly a graveyard. Ooh, that's a loss of value.

Right. Is that the first thing that happens at the three-year mark? One hand comes up and releases the ghost. I told you to visit me. year mark one hand comes up and releases the ghost i told you to visit me what is the difference between a goblet a chalice and a grail okay one of these is holy okay the grail the grail which one choose wisely the chalice it's gotta be fancy i feel like a chalice holds more does it yeah you could have cereal out of a chalice. It's got to be fancy. I feel like a chalice holds more. Does it? Yeah, you could have cereal out of a chalice.

Really? You certainly could. You certainly could in a chalice. A goblet. Does a goblet have some jewels? Jewels. Jewels. Okay, I thought a chalice was. Does a chalice have.

Smooth, gold. So, goblet. Wait, goblet of fire. Right? Harry Potter's a goblet of is a goblet what does it look like uh it's an ornate decorative almost almost looks like a trophy uh does it have handles it does in that one it does have handles yeah it does the goblet okay yeah and they um what do they give away when you win a cup for something? They give away a cup. Yeah. I think it's called a cup.

Yeah, but, okay. Like a championship cup. It's not the World Chalice. For soccer? Yeah. And they won the World Chalice! It's a cup. Right, never mind about the cup then.

I definitely think that a goblet has to have some kind of jewel. If you don't have a decorative- So what does a chalice have? Because i thought a chalice would have jewels i've always thought a chalice had just a just a bigger opening i've never heard of chalice when i hear chalice i'm thinking of some like something you wear and so i think i think maybe those two are pretty synonymous a chalice and a goblet. Those could just be, you know, it could be like the whole East Coast, West Coast calls the same thing, something different. Okay. Well, but we're here to define it.

No, I know. For the people. I know, but I. I really feel like a goblet is fancier. If you want wine, what do you want to drink it out of these three? A chalice, a goblet, or a grail? Well,let or a grail well definitely the grail because of eternal life and youth but we know that grails can be like if it doesn't give you eternal life it could be very like it could just look like a cup yeah i think there is only one grail i mean am i wrong

are there lots of grails out there i don't know know. I think there's just the Holy Grail, and you're grabbing chalices and goblets hoping it's the one. Just all willy-nilly? Yeah. So one of them's a grail. It's one of one. One of all of them. Yep. And the goblets and chalices, they're just competing.

They're competing. Chalices you can eat cereal out of. Goblets are decorative. This one's important to me. What is the difference between nodding off, drifting dozing off and falling asleep well i mean okay you know what falling asleep is so nodding off your head is definitely falling forward you're in a seated position it is a nod movement well 100 you are you have to have singular not nod. Now, you can go from nodding off to fully asleep, or do you always

wake up at the last moment because your head is falling forward? So, you usually will wake up, but you clarified something there. It is always forward. Nodding off is forward. You can't nod off backwards. That's drifting, right? Yeah, that's right. You're drifting off if your head falls backwards.

Now, is dozing, are you in a prone position like you were gonna like you laid on a bed you didn't plan on sleeping exactly and then you start going uh-oh yeah your head doesn't move anywhere your head stays exactly where it was you just weren't expecting this yeah and when people ask if you were asleep you respond definitely not of course i don't know i just don't i've been awake the whole time is what you say yeah and they say you were snoring for five minutes i said no i was i was awake i remember every second just a little dozing how often why do we do that i do i do this you mean like it's a bad thing to have fallen asleep

you're like never i would never do that i think because you feel attacked you feel attacked like what are you falling asleep you're like no you're like yes i was it does make sense though sleepy i got caught because in the middle because you know you're in trouble if you nap in the middle of the day you can't just say i'm gonna go take a nap enjoy the honey. But I've even had it like watching the late night show with the wife. Yeah. An acceptable time to fall asleep. It's pretty normal. Oh, it ain't acceptable in my house.

The sun is gone. It is. My body would be very happy to go to sleep. I'm making myself stay up. But then I doze off and then I'm attacked. Yeah. What were you? You fell asleep.

Read the plot back. No. Read the plot back. No. Read the plot back to me. What did she say? So, look, we use our platform. We're trying to normalize sleeping. We use our platform of don't attack someone if they fall asleep. That's hard to follow that because I've been on the other side.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, did you fall asleep? you know what i mean like we were watching that show what are you a baby i would never have done that here's what's really crazy and i don't know how to replicate it if you could figure it out for a device but to me the sweetest sleep ever is the illegal sleep. Oh. It's the sleep when I am watching the show, and I decide I'm going to watch it sideways. You'll never catch me. I'm really into the show, and I have lied so many times.

So many times I've been like, she's like, are you still awake? And I'm like, yeah. And the last, but then the next night. You want to like work out or something? Like I'm ready to go for a new day. The next night we're watching the same show, the next episode. And I'll be like,

how did he get over there? What happened to that guy? And she goes, I thought you were awake. I was like, I know I was but I just forgot. I was just trying to make sure that were awake. I was like, I know I was, but I just forgot. I was trying to make sure that you know. I wasn't awake, I just have a bad memory. Yeah, you remember what happened. And I'll be like, oh yeah, I remember, I remember.

Just go back to the middle of the last episode again. I loved it so much. Let's just start that one over. Sometimes I'll sneak in early and watch a little bit of the last one. And she'll walk in and I'll go, oh, just refreshing. Oh, so funny. And it's so true. So true.

You do your own previously. I do my own previously. So previously on, remind me. I just need a quick 30-minute catch-up. There should be two previouslys. One is the regular one and one's the did you miss the last half? And then it just goes to the last half of the previous episode. It just goes to did you doze off?

Click here. Doze preview or previously on. Oh, my goodness. Oh, Brooksie, does this happen in your house? Do you guys ever doze off in the middle of a show? No, we don't shame each other. We just stop it. Oh, look at us.

They're not tired enough over there without the kids. Dozing's for people with kids, man. Yeah, I don't know if you can doze off without kids. No. It's just called a nice nap in the middle of the afternoon. They're not ashamed. They're like, I was tired. I took a nap.

Yeah. We're trying to act all strong. Like, I'll never be tired. It's the guilt. I should be parenting, but I'm asleep. Oh, man. Oh, goodness. So there you go.

That's your answer. And I would have slept more if you would have just let me go to sleep. Yeah. Oh, but I was awake. Yeah. I mean, I wasn't asleep. I was awake watching the show. If I could sleep with my eyes open, man, that'd be so cool.

Oh, all right. Well, there you go. We're moving on to the draft. You got your answer. The Spitballers Draft. I've missed half of every show I've ever watched. You never finish these things. Nothing's ever resolved.

Look at all the plot holes. They really jumped the shark when they went from those guys being alive to none of them. I can't believe they didn't end up together. They just stayed apart. When's Ben coming back to the show? Ben died. They need a Cliff Notes for movies. Five minutes.

All right. We are drafting extinct technology and um this is a fun one i i didn't realize how many things would be on my list from days gone by we talked about at the top things were invented they changed the world and then they went away and um we oftentimes people romanticize the things of old until they go use them again i i had a friend who kind of despised the um smartphone world because just notifications and technology and so he just told me this like last week he's like i just can't take the text and everything and like people shouldn't be able to get ahold of me every second. So he went and he got a flip phone and did the flip phone thing with conviction.

And then about three or four days in, he had to go to a softball game and the guy was texting the address to everybody. And he had to print out on map quest and he's driving around in the car, holding a printout going, this ain't going to work in my life. And went back to a smartphone in a week. Map quest still,

I think it's still out there, yeah. Oh, let me take that off my list then. I've got the first pick. Mike, you got the first pick, yeah. This one was near and dear to my heart. Got to grow up with the previous version of the tech, but when we changed to the compact disc, this was everything. If you wanted to bring your music

collection with you you had to bring a gigantic binder of cds which was now always at risk of being stolen and then you have no more music so the pick is cd i am going to take the compact disc that's the yeah i always remember the uh speaking of businesses that are defunct now but the uh the visor in your car you know the sun visor and you'd hook that cd thing up and you could slip like 10 12 cd cds were being stolen left and right across this country yeah cds is a great pick it's a great. It is perfect from our upbringing where we were past the cassette tapes. I did a lot of cassette tapes when I was younger. And getting into the CDs where I'm like, wait, I can just go to the next song?

Yeah. This is amazing. And this is exactly what I'm doing. You're the music man. I'm a movie man. So for me, it's the exact same thing. These are technically still around. Sure. If you're driving music man I'm a movie man so for me it's the exact same thing these are technically still around sure if you're driving in your car maybe but DVDs are oh you just you didn't even go further back I didn't go for VHS because don't forget to rewind yeah because DVDs

are the same thing like it was it was incredible technology when it came out. So much better looking. You don't have to rewind. It's not going to degrade over time. It'll last forever. Lies. Scratches. But, I mean, it was so incredible. And then, because it's going to last forever, and this technology will never go away, you collect them you know you just buy them and you have bookshelves literal eight foot tall you know five feet wide bookshelves yes yes you sort them alphabetically sections of the

aforementioned best buy that was just dedicated to uh cabinets yeah how do i store all of these dvds yeah and i i mean i loved having a d collection. I was going to say, does that, you know, we talk about everything gets better. But DVDs, you'd go to Blockbuster to browse them, and then you'd store them and you could display them. Now everything's digital. Well, and you don't even buy them anymore. Like, you still can. You can buy them so you don't have to rent them again, which is usually just a bad investment. But, you know, it's like now you don't really re-watch movies quite

as often because there's too much to watch well yeah there's you you can watch anything uh you don't have to re-watch but it used to be like here's what i have yeah right i've got these 20 which one do i want to watch all right uh i do you know what dvd stands for digital video disc that's what i would have guessed digital versatile disc oh which it wasn't all that versatile it just well i mean it was like you can put and you can just it doesn't have to be a playable movie like you can put a game on it you can put files on it sure but it's versatile do that with cds too yes all right so you guys went with uh c, DVDs. You like things that are round. Mm-hmm. I guess I'm

going to go with the technology that kind of I don't know, it was like the first man on the moon of the internet, so to speak. Oh, yeah. And so I'm going to go with dial-up modems. Yeah, for sure. An iconic sound. Oh, yeah. And when someone's using it. It's like a dying pet. Your phone is used and you're dialing up and no one else can use the phone.

I'm downloading. You've cut off contact to your home. And I'll forever remember when you signed up, you had to pick the number you'd dial. Yes. Oh, I forgot about that. And it was always like you picked a local number, and I went to pick a number, and I accidentally chose Alabama instead of Arizona, where we live, which meant for the entire month of internet, I was long-distance calling Alabama.

Long-distance calling could also be one of these dead texts. And the bill was very, very large for my father that month, but I will go with dial up modems to get the first chance to get on the internet. It's number two on my list. And then I'm going to go with something a little bit more super useful.

Some of it is just kind of that romanticized view of using it. But I'm going to go with the typewriter But I'm going to go with the typewriter. Oh, yeah. I'm going to go with the typewriter. The bridge between computers and handwritten items. The classic typewriter.

We actually are of the age where we grew up with free computers. And I had a typewriter. Yeah, I owned a typewriter. Did you ever use one? Never. We were very futuristic. The best part of a typewriter was Did you ever use one? Never. We were very futuristic. The best part of a typewriter was that if you messed up, you would go back and you'd slip this little thin piece of white,

basically it held white ink, and you'd slip it in there and you'd type the same letter that you messed up. And then it would punch the white onto that exact spot so you could rewrite. How long did you have to wait for it to dry? Oh, it wasn't like wet. It was almost like a dry powder that went onto there. But it was the typewriters. Then they look cool.

There's a lot of cool-looking old typewriters. They definitely looked cool. There was a bridge, a short-lived bridge that we also had. Electronic typewriters? Yeah, the word processor. Oh, yes. And it was like a computerized typewriter where you could just go back. But all it did, like it only did one thing, and that was put words on paper.

Process words. But that thing was, The typewriter is gorgeous You know what I mean It looks cool The word processor looked like a monster Yeah you could put a typewriter in your house As like a decorative piece right now Yeah for sure

Okay I know what I'm going to draft here Because as soon as you said That you thought it looked cool And almost had some nostalgia and feelings And was very practical. I got worried you were going to draft this. I didn't think I would draft this this high, but I want this. I saw one in real life.

In the wild? I saw one in the wild within the last year. I forget where we were. We were somewhere in California, and it was just wild. And they used to be everywhere. Oh, no, This is my pick. Payphones. That was legit my pick.

I mean. It's on my list, too. Payphones were unfathomably important. Every corner. They were absolutely everywhere. Every movie theater. And you had to use them because cell phones didn't exist. So you couldn't call someone when you were out of your house

unless you went and put a quarter in a payphone machine and knew, memorized people's phone number. Or you called Collect. Yeah, I remember. Which, calling Collect is very funny. Somebody at that company was like, we have the motherlode. I remember many Collect phone calls because the final quarters were spent at the arcade, and I did not plan ahead. So when you called collect, somebody had to answer and agree to accept the charge.

Yes, that's why you had the commercials of the, would you accept a phone call from, we had a baby, it's a boy. That's right. I remember that. No, thank you. They had a baby, it's a boy? That's right. I remember that. No, thank you. They had a baby. It's a boy. That was a great commercial.

All right. Good pick. Now the question is when you were out there, how did you know that you needed to go? Oh, yeah. I thought I was going to draft this one ahead of pay phones, but yes. How did you know you needed to go call a phone number? And it's because you got a special fancy electronic message on your pager.

Yeah. And what could the pager show you? It could show you phone numbers. Phone numbers. Just numbers. Just numbers. Because sometimes it would say 911. Yes.

And that's you call me right now. Yeah. Sometimes it would say, I love you, if you turned it upside down. Sometimes it would say I love you if you turned it upside down. Sometimes it would say naughty words that your friends would text you. I think you were charged per page. Oh yeah. Yeah you had to sign up for a plan. Like up to 100 pages a month or something.

You had to prepay for the certain amount of pages you could get. And if you went over not good. Did you both have pagers? I never had a pager. i had a pager my father did i was so jealous i in junior high we were we were among the early crowd when it wasn't super uh tech forward yeah we were tech forward on pagers and our entire family got one so it was mom dad uh you know sister and brother and i remember once I remember once we were in a bank or something,

and we were all sitting there, and someone got a page. And all four of us just looked down at our waist, and the person was blown away. They're like, whoa, you guys all have pagers? Wow. Wow. What a dumb thing. Did you have a cool chain? All of this stuff, no. I had a dumb thing. Did you have a cool chain?

All of this stuff. No, no. I had a cool chain. All this stuff is so funny because for us and when we grew up, we kind of grew up in the era right before computers. And then obviously we're totally computer nerds now. But these things were just this tiny sliver of being really important for a short period of time like pagers didn't have a oh yeah this is like just a blip in history yeah that we remember

oh yeah um all right for my so i have pick number three here and yes this this device it still exists it could be like oh it's cool it's so retro but it used to be these used to be everywhere um a polaroid camera because now of course your phone is your camera but back before everybody had one of those and you wanted to get some pics like you go to camp you got someone has to have a polaroid picture so you can bring one home or this everything will remain undocumented your parents will have no idea usually there's you went there and now you're home and maybe you called them on a pay phone once i definitely thought they were so cool oh yeah watching it develop shaking it people would which i believe you're not actually supposed to do that no that disagree sure you're supposed to do that um you know it's funny so i i was hoping my next pick was going to

be film cameras just like when you had to yeah that's off the table now too too similar but like when you had to go develop yes you were like oh i took all these pictures i hope they're good yeah i have no idea yet but tomorrow i'm gonna take the film which i'm gonna go to a place i'm gonna drop it off and then the next day i'll come back and pick it up and see my pictures for the first time 24 hour uh the pharmacies that would develop in 24 hours the one day the one day photo was like, that business must have been so good to them, which, and then now this is, you know, maybe old man,

but there is, like, there is something lost. There's something gained, of course, by being able to see your picture, but like when you can see it and you're just like, nope, we got to do it again. Nope, do it again. Of like, you have to, you got to get the perfect picture because you can see it. You have instant feedback where like, uh, uh, my daughter did a camp over the, uh, over

summer and my wife found essentially it's a digital, but it's like, uh, you remember the disposable cameras. And so it looks like that, but it's all digital, but there's no screen. It's just a camera. So you can actually just snap, just take a quick picture and it exists in your life and you don't get obsessed with

how does the picture actually look right now. That's interesting. My kids have started a new app where it's basically like you and a group of friends take pictures, and it goes into this app, but you can't see them until the roll is developed. And so once they're full and you've taken 30 pictures or whatever it is, then 24 hours later you get to see what the pictures are. That's hilarious.

That's kind of fun. it is then 24 hours later you get to see what the picture that's hilarious that's kind of fun yeah is there like the the delayed gratification does there's there's some value to it jason you're back on the clock oh i am that's that's how the drafts work all right let's see here what do i want so i i i'm gonna go with this one if you'll let me have it now these are oh boy they're well they're still used it's kind of like polaroid cameras like polaroid cameras we we still have one that company and the camera still exists yeah they're still around but they're not really used right they've and that's their prime this this machine used to be super important to all business to every okay if you wanted to get information from one place to another you would use a fax machine of course you can draft that i mean fax machines are the worst i'm

not even sure you can buy them anymore yeah i mean they technically still exist i i find it funny when i see a business and they've got a fax number i'm like who's who's i feel like that's got to be like government and uh league like law and stuff and no one else. Yeah, and then you'd- Schools. You'd fax a fax. You'd receive a fax, but then from one party and you'd have to send it to someone else. But every time you got one, it was just the worst quality.

So if you fax a fax, you hope you can read that final output at the end destination. And those also shared the awful dial-up internet sound i yeah they did yeah because you'd get the calls when you were younger and it would be you know it's a fax machine on the other line trying to send you a fax through your ear oh yeah i forgot that we had fax machines at home wait you had a fax machine yeah yeah we did yeah we did. What? Yeah, we did too. It was like an all-in-one,

like four-in-one printer copy. Oh. You'd have to set it to fax mode and then the person could fax you and you'd get it. Yeah, I guess we did have that. I'm going to go with kind of the most iconic selection that is associated

with the aforementioned movie store, which is I will go with the VHS tapes. Yes. So I will jump in there. That's what I figured Jason was taking. I will take the VHS tapes because that is the most generational. You go get the movie, you got to rewind it. You browse the blockbuster, the video store.

So I just saw a hilarious clip. It's Pete Davidson, former SNL guy. And he was on a talk show and he was talking about that he came up with the idea. He was looking back. He's like, we're at about, you know, 20 or so years

from the last VHS tape being made. And he's like, so I just started buying them all up. He started buying up all like actual shrink-wrapped you know new vhs oh wow and he showed he's like my my assistant stores it for me and he showed a picture of this person like there's just this huge stack of of what you know it's like oh this just looks like junk. And the crowd is of course just laughing hilariously. He's like, yeah, you laugh now, you laugh now. It's like VHS tapes now are going for

like, like the real iconic ones. He's like thousands of dollars for a tape. And so it's just like, oh my gosh, did you seriously pull this off of like, of like just being, just being a little, little bit ahead. Like, ahead like look at the uh you can't go back in time now but like super mario the if you had an original fully sealed super mario it's worth crazy amounts of money the same for like nintendo 64 games so it was just really funny that that those are crazy he hatched this scheme and it was probably going to pay off for him. All right. My final pick is going to be the Walkman. Oh, baby. Yeah.

I'm taking the Walkman because I feel like it's like a way of getting cassette tapes at the same time. Yeah. Yeah, that's fair. But the Walkman was a generational staple. It was so much better than the Discman. They tried to upgrade to the CD-ROM Walkman. It was like, oh, we got a five-second no-skip. You can't possibly jog with this thing.

Oh, man, I remember the no-skip. That was a big lie. That was a lie. Yeah, that was like. But then you also were like, let me see if I can make it skip. If it's got the power. And you were like, yeah, no, I did. I made it skip.

I took a step. Very easily, actually. I'm taking the Walkman. The Sony Walkman. Good name, good brand, I did. I made a skip. I took a step. Very easily, actually. I'm taking the Walkman, the Sony Walkman. Good name, good brand, good marketing. I am so happy that you did that because I knew what my next pick was going to be, and I thought for sure it was going to come back to me. I wasn't sure that you would think of this one, but then Mike literally just talked about it.

Oh, no. Sorry. Video game cartridges. Yes. I mean, I miss blowing in that you know oh my game's not loading right now it'll work i've got the special that's fun everyone had the technique oh that's fun mike what's your final pick here jason you have dvds pay phones fax machine video game cartridges i have dial-up modem typewriterwriter, VHS tapes, and the Walkman mic, CDs, pagers, Polaroid camera, and I'm going with if you were in elementary school

in the late 80s, early 90s, how did the teacher show you all the information? Well, they put it on the overhead projector, baby. Yeah. Hold on, kids. Stay there because I'm going to take the next 30 minutes writing on this clear piece of paper or plastic. So then you can now copy it. And it was the most inefficient. The overhead projector.

It was the evolution from the chalkboard. Yes. It was like we are tech forward here. Except I don't know that it was better. It probably wasn't. I mean, the teacher didn't have to write it as big. I did like that they turned the lights off. Yeah?

And they could write with a normal hand, like you're writing on a piece of paper. Yeah, they had their window there. But if they didn't pre-prepare it, it took forever. Yeah, you'd have to write it up there. Did you ever get called up to write an answer on an overhead projector? Oh, yeah. That was so cool.

It was so cool. Because it was awesome tech when we were young. I think we drafted tech from when we were young. Yeah, but it's all extinct now. All right. I thought for sure you were taking a zip drive because you've talked about your zip drives. You know what? Floppy disks were at the very top of my list, and I just kind of forgot to take it.

Floppies on the dot matrix printer. Oh, yeah. Pull those sides off. Always a good time. Oh, that's a good one. Rotary phones. Yeah, like I had house phone. And I had some software stuff, like non-Google search engines.

Yeah. SG's and AltaVista, DOS. I wanted it. Shout out to Morse code, by the way. Hey, Morse code is still used. That would have been a good pick. I think in like military stuff. I think it's pretty much only used in movies where they need to send a message.

Is Morse code, is that sent through a telegraph? Is that the same thing? You can. It can be. It can be, but it doesn't have to be. Telegraph can send anything. No, telegraph has to go through phone wire. Right, but I mean, like, you can send any message, right?

Or is it only, like, a code? No, you can write out, send the children to the school. Stop. Okay, that's a telegraph. Yes. Is that the same thing as getting a telegram? It's telegram. Yeah, are you telegraph?

I don't know. Telegraph is the machine. That sends the telegram? I think so. I thought a telegram's when someone shows up and sings you happy birthday. That's a singing telegram. Ah, there it is. Well, that is going to be it for today's show.

Unless you want to share anything you learned really quickly. Oh. I learned that dozing off is only for parents. Oh, that was so funny. All right. We'll catch you on the next one. Goodbye. Goodbye.

Bye. Thanks for listening to the Spitballers Podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out SpitballersPod.com.