Spitballers Comedy Podcast - 264: Pepper Pupdates & The Best Flavors - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: November 20, 2023

On this episode, we will catch you up on Jason’s mischievous dog saga. We also discuss ninja smoke bombs and becoming the best negotiator. Lastly, we close it down with another edition of Ballerdash and a draft of the best flavors. Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast! Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast: Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.com Follow us on Twitter: Twitter.com/SpitballersPod Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPod Subscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers Podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. A-B-A-N-A-N-A-D-O-O-D-O-D-O-O! A-B-A-N-A-N-A-Doodly-Doo! Did you spell banana instead of say doodly-doo? Yes, I did. Yes, I did.

And to be clear, that was just one banana. Just one banana doodly-doo. Dude, that is banana! That is so banana. Which is my new phrase I've been working on, that's so banana. It's Dude, that is banana. That is so banana. Which is my new phrase I've been working on. That's so banana. It's like that's so raven. That's so banana?

Yeah. I feel like you use that phrase when something is wacky, but it's not too wacky. Right. It's just a little banana. That thing just went a little banana. Wow. I loved it. Doodly-doo.

Turns out giving Jason more than five seconds of warning ends up with a doodly do. And it was, um, how would it was melodic? How much of that was premeditated? Uh, the banana, the banana. We got a draft on today's show. It's going to tie in. But then you got to the end of spelling banana and then, then just then I went to'll apply. But then you got to the end of spelling banana, and then just went to the heart. I loved it. Welcome in. Welcome into the Spitballers, episode 264. Jason will have the first pick in that draft. We are drafting the best flavors later.

That's the spoiler. Now, that puts Jason in quite the predicament, because everyone knows that Jason loves the banana flavor. And so do I take it first? But does he take it? Or do I play the game and let you guys take my precious banana? Yeah, you know, that's the risk in life. Don't let someone take your banana. And I just think we may be tempted to ruin.

It's one of my core foundational rules. Right. You hold your own banana. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But I do have an update. Jason, episode 258, six episodes ago, kind of had an on air therapy session on accident.

Oh, yeah. This is great. What a great update. And he spoke ill of truth. I spoke true of- Of Pepper, his puppy. Pepper, the pooping puppy. Oh, the peeing pooping puppy.

Dog, right? How old is the dog? It's a year and a half. I consider any dog- No, that's still puppy. Younger than three years a puppy. She's two and a half. And any-

You don't know how old your dog is. And any dog that is small also stays puppy. Okay, that's fair. That's what I'm saying. That's fair. A puppy is size and age. Got it. Either one.

Yeah. But the peeing and pooping Pepper puppy predicament that you had brought up on the show. That was so banana. What you just did there. Anyways, go on. Pepper, I understand, has a new loving home and someone that loves pepper yes i found i was like how could i get rid of this dog i found the stupidest person i know and tricked them tricked them and here's the the best part about this is they are aware of my rant on this awful dog because they produced this show it's al

don't you speak ill of my dog like that yeah yeah that's that's his dog now that is your dog i'm so happy for you what a sweetheart now he's a great dog here's here's the best part in my opinion uh al you've had the dog approximately how long? Three days or so. About three days? Yeah. And the dog that pees and poops everywhere. How much has this dog evacuated in your house? The night we brought her home, she had a poopy accident.

Yeah. And we've been accident-free since then. Hmm. Yeah. Hmm. Huh. Dude, if you, like, I'm, wait, wait, wait. So are so are you saying huh i'm not saying anything reason she pees and poops i'm not saying anything now to be fair at our house we lock her inside

so it's like she doesn't have a choice you're saying that's my fault i'm saying that during the rant i think the phrase was we've. Well, we just tried the final thing, which is get rid of her. I know. No, but you tried everything. It worked. And then owls on it. I don't know. I mean, I don't know.

Yeah. I mean, it's tough to jump to conclusions. Yeah. It's really, the sample size is not big enough yet. So peppers with- That's great. Owl. Yeah.

And that's normally a dangerous thing for a dog that size but this is a safe friendly owl and he will not harm i see it's small i think you can do whatever he wants oh man you do i eat the dog i don't care grill her up not my problem are you uh brooks you said that jason looks extra rested and confident yeah look at him i mean new man i don't think that scat could have happened with pepper i'm Are you Brooks? You said that Jason looks extra rested and confident. Yeah. Look at him. I mean, new man.

I don't think that scat could have happened with Pepper. I'm a happy man. I'm able to put rugs out in my house. What if? What if? What if it's not Pepper? What if the poops was still there? And it's not ever my room.

And no, no, no. This is never been Pepper. I mean, it's three days. You've had one accident. I've had zero accidents in my house in the last three days. So I don't know. Who's the problem? Sounds like it's Jeremy now. Oh, man.

Okay. Thank you for joining us. We're going to kick this off. We do have a special game today, but first we'll do some Would You Rather. Would you rather? The Pepper Saga is just, it's very funny. I can't wait for the next chapter. I was going to say, check back next week

and we'll see whose house is she living at. Would you rather? Arnold from Twitter says, would you rather be able to turn invisible in all awkward social situations? So, you know, it's like a smoke bomb. Uh-huh. Whenever you want.

Or be able to create a clone of yourself for one hour each day. Okay. So, in theory, that clone could be used for the awkward situation. Yes, yes. It could stand there and listen to Aunt, you know. Thanksgiving is approaching yeah and esther will tell you the story of her you know new juniper flowers and um you don't have to listen the clone can listen i was laughing while you're reading this because so for you know we we are we

all run a business we are often uh at you often at conferences and things like that for the football job. And so I've been to many, many different conferences with these guys. And this is one of my favorite things is we get in. Oh, you do it all the time. And I'm really good at it. You're super good at it. Now it's a real problem because you're looking for opportunities like if if you've listened for any length of time

like ridiculous small talk is just it's one of the things i hate the most in life and so we'll be in a conversation and i'll size it up real quick be like do i is this conversation of any value can i, should I be a part of it? And if the answer is no to either of those, I literally, I smoke bomb these guys. I just slink away into the shadows. And before anyone has realized what happened, that part of the circle has closed. And I am no longer there. And these guys are left.

But we're still stuck talking. These guys are in conversations with people that they don't want to talk to, but they're too polite. Like Andy, we'll just ride this conversation out for an hour. Oh yeah. Meanwhile, I'm off having margaritas on the beach and we'll look, I'm out of here, man. Turn around and Mike is, he's gone. I have added a new wrinkle to the game where I actually verbally say, smoke bomb as I'm leaving. You do do that.

Just enough so earshot of Jason can hear it. He's like, oh, no. He's doing it again. And I'm out. I feel like I'm being trained up a little bit in this. I'm learning from you a little. I'm usually the next one gone. I'm the one that's

alone it is left there um i want to get to your it's the best i want to get to your level where we can both smoke bomb at the exact same moment and be like oh this i got i got some ideas oh all right we're gonna have to work i i genuinely i have a problem i have a problem because i i am always willing to get into a conversation with anybody. But I always get to the point in those conversations where I wish I hadn't have done that. Yeah. You know, like you get there. And you're like, how do I get out?

Like, I wish I had a little, like, maybe a visible timer on my chest that I could turn to 15 minutes. I'll have a 15-minuter. You can tell me anything you want. But as soon as this alarm goes off, you need to. It's like, I'm sorry. I have to leave now. Dude, that is a long timer. Yeah.

Yeah, no way. I wondered what you were going to say. I knew right where you were going, a timer on your chest. You just thought it'd be lower. I thought it'd be like three minutes. Three minutes is about my timeline. I will give anyone three minutes. After three minutes, by the time you hit five i'm like like if there's not

purpose like i love talking to people when there's you know purpose if it's just like we're still doing we're still talking we're still doing this huh i got nothing to say to you you got nothing to say to me i don't want to be here at all i have you want to know something i have found i am so incredibly anti-social now. You are? I hate. No, that's not something to be proud of. Good. Good. Mike is winning me over.

Dude. I think that's two things. That's two things? I think two things contribute to that. Oh, okay. I mean, do you know why? No. Okay.

So do you think any of it had to do, I mean, it's 2023, almost the end of it, almost 2024. There was a very antisocial part of our lives. The pandemic? The pandemic, COVID period. So I wonder how many people got used to different patterns. How glorious it was. Okay, so maybe he was already there. And I genuinely think the other part is getting older.

Oh, for sure. For sure part of it is getting older. I, for sure. For sure. Part of it is getting older. I'm just like, I don't want to. I just don't want to deal with people ever. Ever. Yes. Not like. Sometimes.

Ever. Like, my wife is so social. She always wants to do these events. And I'm always. She's an inviter. Oh, yes, she is. She'll bring them into the house all the time and it's one warn her about vampires right the the rule like they have to be invited in

oh that won't stop her um yeah anyone could be a vampire so but i have found that i just absolutely always want to say no i'm not allowed to always say no. You know, but I always, my answer is always. You would want to say. Always. Not, not often. Always. Wow.

He has become a hermit. Yeah, there we go. And, and so when I, like when you read this and it was like, okay, here you could vanish, right? The, the, the, the question I could turn invisible from awkward social situations. I already do that with the bathroom. Oh, yeah. You do bathroom social situation? Oh, yeah.

Oh, for sure. For sure. Sometimes I just can't handle. You know what? You're in the bathroom a lot here at work. It's just to escape. No, but it's one of those things where it's like you can't stay away so even if you're you're invisible in the awkward social situation you still have to

come back people will say where is mike he has vanished from this circle and we will wonder and i feel the obligation to always you know come back so when this question continued and said that's where you go, oh, Mike, you're right. I'm going to go check on him. I'm going to make sure that he's okay. Yes, thank you. But if I could get a clone of myself for an hour

and just get an hour break in these social situations where I'm not being rude, because I don't want to be rude. And you're not in the bathroom. You can use the bathroom later. Exactly. I'm clone all the way, baby. I do appreciate, like, if I'm in this is, I'm clone all the way, baby. I do.

I do appreciate like, if I'm in those situations, I like to be the helper. I feel like if I'm taking the trash out or I'm running the errand, then I can avoid. Oh yeah. The social. Put me to work. Owl is sharing. Oh boy. I want to see this.

A story of you smoke bombed him and his wife. And. Tell us what happened so it says here jason smoke bombed us uh so jeremy and his his wife were at jason's house and you must have vanished and then they found you an hour later with the c-pad mask on sleeping sleeping so this was that he accidentally fell asleep but he had his CPAP mask on. Oh, I fell over, and then my CPAP just lodged on my face. Oh, my gosh.

Oh, you got completely. We all thought he went to the bathroom and were waiting and waiting. And then finally, Tiff, his wife, went in to check check on him and he was passed out with a mask on so oh my god he was in his onesie his full pjs with the mask on so to be fair I did fall asleep on accident I like I laid down I fell asleep but then I couldn't sleep because I need a seatbelt. So I was just like throwing this thing on. Oh, man. So yes and no.

I did accidentally fall asleep, but then I purposely stayed there. Yeah, okay. Well, that is – so what's your final answer here? You want the clone? I want the clone. The hour's not a lot, but it's nice. It's enough. Are you worried about like does the clone

do you get caught up on the information oh i don't care i don't remember the information when i was there i thought you were gonna say what happens to the clone at the end oh and i assumed that it would just fall over dead yeah yeah it just starts melting just decaying biodegradable yeah the clone has a heart attack at the end of its hour every day. Invisible and awkward situations and smoke bombing, I wouldn't be able to do it. The social pressures of being on the other part of the conversation, I can't leave you.

I would do that one. I'll take the clone. If there is a real smoke bomb goes off. That is Mike's last resort. He will throw a smoke bomb, a real smoke bomb goes off. That is Mike's last resort. He will throw a smoke bomb, a real one. Not just, oh, I slunk away into the shadows. There's no, actually. Okay. Vanish. Genuine question.

Start coughing. Genuine question. Are smoke bombs something you can actually buy? I don't know. Legit, the ones you throw on the ground, it's going to make a big enough plume to disappear behind. I just don't know if those are- It might be frowned upon in a public setting.

Well, so that was my next thought. Like illegal. Right. Is it allowed? Is it illegal? Is it legal? Just put a nice fragrance in there and people will be fine with it. You know, it's funny because you do a smoke bomb.

Like eventually they see the man running away after the smoke dissipates. And there's a guy about 40 yards away running. Mike's screaming, I got him again. I would just love for you at one of these conferences to actually bring a real smoke bomb. And in one of these situations, when you're in that circle, you know, there's like six people to the circle and I want you to just reach in your pocket and grab this thing out. You say smoke bomb and you throw it down and disappear. Awesome.

Yeah. I was thinking about just going like, oh, boring. Even better. All right, so double clones. I'm doing clone. Yeah, we're all doing clone. Brody from the website, would you rather have the ability to learn a new skill in a day or be able to teach any skill you have to others in a day?

The first one, guys. The first one. Oh, man, look, I know that. I mean, if someone walks up to you today, Jason, and goes, teach me everything you know. In a day. You might be able to do that right now. In general, you know, do unto others as you would have done unto you you want to be a giver not a taker but if you're telling me i get to learn something or so many skills somebody else

gets to learn something like uh why would i ever choose i just don't i genuinely i made the joke about you but i don't feel like i know enough that I'm like, I wish I could give to somebody in one day. Maybe I'm, maybe that's not true, but I guess when you say a skill, like I don't have a skill. I feel like I could like teach you in a day, like what? Be a mediocre pickleball player in one day? No, it's like you, you could, you have pretty solid Photoshop skills or SEO. Like marketing stuff. Like we do a lot of work in Google Sheets.

You know, like teach someone how to do that in a day. I mean, we have. So boring. It seems like if I was like a master pianist, that'd be cool. Right. At least, Mike, you can play instruments. So if you could teach me how to, like that's a skill that is. That'd be cool

yeah it's cool but an artist to learn any new skill in a day that would be a superpower that's not just a superpower that's like a really good superpower you'd be the what's that old tv show where the guy kept pretending to be different professions because he was so smart. What, like Catch Me If You Can style? Yeah, it was. Or Talented Mr. Ripley? No, it was an old TV show, and the guy constantly posed as different professions because he was so smart.

He knew them all. I thought somebody might remember. I'll look it up. But yeah, I'm just saying, you're right. It's a superpower. The pretender? It is the pretender. So the just saying, you're right. It's a superpower. The Pretender? It is The Pretender. So the guy that pretends.

Yeah, yeah. What's that show called? They called it The Pretender. He's always pretending like he's someone else. Did you Google that or did you remember it? I Googled it. Yeah, that show was cool, man. You had the key word of man who pretends.

I did. Yeah, that's an old joke. 365 skills a year. Yeah, I mean, I don't think that there's 365 skills I really want to learn. Oh, man. You would figure, you'd be like, man, today it's skiing. Dude, fly a helicopter. Yeah.

Tomorrow? That's awesome. I'm throwing a javelin better than everybody. Yeah. I mean, I see what you're saying, but I don't have a helicopter. Teach me how to build one. Yeah, there you go. So wait, you're saying the thing stopping me from building a helicopter right now is simply the skill to be able to pull that off.

It is the biggest one. And then the next day you learn the skill of sourcing material. I mean, again, I want to learn the skills. I want to speak all these languages, play all these instruments, et cetera, et cetera. And I don't really want to teach anybody anything. So this is like- Because of the hating of people.

Right. Social settings. Yeah. Jenny from Patreon, would you rather have the skill to resolve any dispute peacefully or the ability to negotiate and get the best deal in any situation? Oh. Hmm. I can't help but instantaneously want the first one for my children.

Because the disputes between the children are relentless. I mean, but they all, at the end of the day, they all pretty much end peacefully. I can resolve all those disputes. Just not peacefully? Just not necessarily peacefully. See, you're keeping this pretty close to home. I'm sitting here thinking, like, I can resolve any dispute.

This is world peace. Oh, you're thinking selflessly. I'm thinking, like, there's wars going on that I can resolve peacefully. How do you not take that? Or you get the- Imagine the money. Right. Thank you, Mike.

Call me in. One billion dollars and I will end this war. You're like a mercenary. I am a mercenary of peace. A mercenary of peace.enary of peace oh man yeah i'm a i'm an arms dealer in peace but i mean you could the other one is you could go to any of those countries get the best deal on you know weapons like but winning a winning a negotiation feels so great. But are you really?

What other than a car are you thinking of right now? I mean, that was all I thought about. I know. What other situation do you think is the best deal? But the point being, like, I've, you know, had the one experience where, like, my grandpa's a car guy. Like, he worked in cars, so he knew all the tricks. And whenever the family would be in the market for a car, grandpa would help out because he always got everyone a great deal. He had this one dealership,

he's like, no, it just doesn't work. They won't budge. They won't budge. They won't work with you. Then I went and I tried my hand, and I got a smoking deal where it's under invoice and all this stuff, and my grandpa was like, how did you do it? And I was like, yeah. Who's the negotiator now? It felt good. Yeah, oh, it felt great.

But other than cars, what do we barter with anymore? Nobody even like- I mean, we do fantasy football trades. Oh, does that count here? Yes. It's a negotiation. The best trades. Oh, does that count here? Yes. It's a negotiation. The best deal. Oh, my goodness.

Then I would just be trading every single day if I win every deal. Just to be clear, world peace or you win a few fantasy deals. Look, I don't even know how to get to some of these countries. I think I got to take the deal and and win my championships you know ah that's uh we got back to where we thought we'd be uh any other thoughts mike nope What time is it? Game time. All right, it's game time. Thank you.

We are playing another edition of Baller Dash. Totally made-up game we invented. It's called Baller Dash. Sweeping the nation. And if you're confused on how you play it, because you've never heard of a game such as this, here's how you play it. We've been given

five different prompts from five different categories before the show. And we gave Al our answers. And so it will be our job to identify the correct answers in each category and to trick one another

into picking our fake answers. Now, Jason's smirking because he's either proud or embarrassed of the answers he provided. I guess TBD. Your answers were great last time. Thank you. So I hope they're on par. So two points if you get the right one.

One point if you get one of each other or one of, you know, if we get one of each other to guess our answers. Yes, there you go. Sorry. I explained that okay, Al al whoops missed the button yeah you did great all right so five rounds i plan to win i think i won the first the first one didn't i probably don't recall i guess i assume i won pretty sure i won i I remember I lost. All right. Pretty heavily. So those categories are definition, notable person, acronym, movie plot, and weird laws. Okay.

So let's get it going. We're going to start with the definition. The word is flews. F-L-E-W-S. Flews. Flews. Does that word mean the upper lip flaps on certain dog breeds lip flaps lip flaps okay the interior hardware necessary for a functioning wood-burning stove okay the fins of a boat propeller okay or a carpentry tool used for smoothing wooden surfaces.

These games are ridiculous. All right, so lip flaps on certain dogs, something about in a wood-burning stove, fins. That was the fins on a propeller? On a propeller. On a boat propeller. And then a carpentry something? What's the last one? A carpentry tool used for smoothing wooden surfaces.

Smoothing. Hmm. Oh, gosh. And we just each lock them in, right? Yeah, we each lock them in. I'm going with the carpentry one. I'm going lip flaps. I'm going carpentry.

All right. You guys both picked Jason's answer. Thank you, man. What? And Jason picked the correct answer. Smartest man alive. That's four points. And I can pick Andy's answer, which is the fins on the boat. Nope. That's Mike. Oh, darn. Yeah. What? Mine was the, uh, the wood burning stove one. The flu. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I knew that one wasn't. Yeah, that was some crap. I didn't know you were smart enough to know what a real flu was.

Dang it. Yeah. You got four points? I think the game's done. He did get four points. No, it's catching him. All right. What's funny is when Andy turned his definition into me,

it actually was the interior hardware necessary for a wooden stove, a functioning wooden stove. Oh, I meant wood burning. I figured that's what you meant. Thanks for fixing that. I changed that for you. I don't think a wooden stove would work out too well it's a one-time use uh you got my disposable stove fire pit that's so banana all right we're gonna move on what around for jason notable person and this notable person is chester greenwood. Chester Greenwood. Oh, I remember him.

Was Chester known for being a philanthropic businessman from the 1930s who launched Greenwood Capital? Was he known for setting a world record for the most speeches given in a single year? Was he known for inventing the earmuff? Or was he known for inventing the rapid fire cannon? Rapid fire cannon. Chester Greenwood. Crap. or was he known for inventing the rapid-fire cannon? Rapid-fire cannon, huh? Chester Greenwood. Crap.

So the business guy, most speeches, earmuffs, cannon. Greenwood capital, eh? World record for most speeches in a year? Mm-hmm. Or inventor of earmuffs or rapid fire cannons. Crap. I guess we have to take turns going first. So Jason, you go and we'll just, I'm going to go rapid fire cannons as, as I'm so stupid.

I'm doing that too. I'm going to go most speeches. All right. Uh, Jason and Andy, you picked Mike's answer. Oh, the rapid fire cannon. Mike, you picked Mike's answer. Oh, the rapid fire cannon. Mike, you picked Andy's answer. Yeah. Yeah.

So many speeches in one year. What a stupid world record. So he invented the earmuffs? Everybody knows that Chester Greenwood is the guy that invented the earmuff. Wow. Or he just marketed a good earmuff. Like, what? When people went outside, they went, oh, it's really cold.

Let me put something on my ears. He's the only one that thought, let me cover my ears. Right. Wow. Okay, so Jason has four points. That is correct. Mike has two. Andy has one.

It's all right. It's a good round. We kept Jason off of the board there. So we're going to move over to the acronym, and that acronym is IJA. Okay. Does that acronym stand for Irregular Jewel Alignment? What? Englewood Juvenile Artists, Institute of Journalism and Arts Or International Jugglers Association

Oh man Oh man The problem is I don't know People are crazy Okay read those again Yeah one more time slowly Irregular Jewel Alignment Englewood Juvenile Artists

Institute of Journalism and Arts International Jugglers Association Oh gosh Gullwood Juvenile Artists, Institute of Journalism and Arts, International Jugglers Association. Oh, gosh. All right, Andy's first this time. I'm taking the juggler one. I feel dumb, but I'm doing it. I am also dumb.

I'm going to take the juggler. Yeah, that's three dumb people. Let's juggle. That's three smart people. You guys all got the right answer there. Because it was so dumb that I feel like none of us would, it would have, that's disappointing. What was the second leader in the clubhouse for you? A second leader in the clubhouse for me would have been the, uh, the weird jewel alignment because it was again weird. I'll take that as a bonus point. I did the journalism journalism one what was yours jay

mine was the inglewood okay yeah yeah all right so we uh all we did was gain points but it was a wash in yeah so we're gonna move on to the movie plot and the movie title is look out sister look out sister these are tough because you got to read the plot. That is correct. Look out, sister. Languishing at the bottom of her class at Catholic school, Lucy Hardgrave vows to prove her doubters wrong and become the most prestigious nun candidate the church has ever seen. That's really long. Or. Making a note. A bank robber and his sister, the unsuspecting getaway driver, navigate their way out of trouble.

Okay. So they will yell, look out. Look out! Okay. Or a Western tale about a guy who saves a dude ranch from being taken over by the bank. Okay. Dude ranch. All right. And lastly, a nun witnesses a mob hit and is reluctantly

thrust into witness protection. There's two, two nun ones. Is that right? Yeah. That there's the nine one about the Catholic school probably because of the word sister. Ah, sister, sister. Got it. No, no, no. Uh, that was twins separated at sister Mary. Yeah, there you go. Got it. No. Nope. Nope. That was twins separated at birth. Like Sister Mary. Yeah. There you go. Nun candidate. There's the bank robber one.

There's the Western tale of the dude ranch. And then there's a nun mob hit. Look out, sister. Oh, I'm first? Oh, my gosh. What was the second plot? A bank robber and his sister, the unsuspecting getaway driver, navigate their way out of trouble.

Great. I'm going, it makes no sense, so it makes sense. Going with the dude ranch one. Okay. I'm going with the dude ranch one as well. Oh, man. Did we get Andy two points? Let's find out. I'm worried that Jason dude ranch one as well. Oh, man. Did we get Andy two points? Let's find out.

I'm worried that Jason would answer his own answer in order to try to trick people into answering. That's next level. I think that there's a chance he would do that. I'm going to go with the bank robber plot. You fell right into Jason's trap. You picked his answer. Oh, my gosh. Thank you. And the other two picked the right answer his answer. Oh, my gosh. Thank you.

And the other two picked the right answer. Yes. Oh, my God. Yes. I'm on fire. Dude. But you would do that, though. Oh, for sure.

Yeah. I've considered it. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. All right. Wow, Jay. You're doing fantastic.

All right. So that puts the score, what, like 8-6-3? Yep. That's where we're going. And final round. And there puts the score, what, like 8-6-3? Yep. That's where we are. And final round. And there's no bonuses here, right? That is correct. So Andy is out.

I'm in trubs. All right. We're moving on to Weird Laws. And this one is, in Burns, Oregon, a horse may not enter a bar, a tavern without paying a cover charge, a saloon without a saddle oh my goodness or any cathedral or building with a vaulted ceiling okay okay all right all right i'll go first here since i am in the lead and could just answer whatever mike answers so that yeah. It's also your turn.

And I'll go first out of the rules. I'm going to go with the cathedral. Is that the vaulted ceiling one? Yeah, lock in the tall ceilings. Those scare horses. I'll do the saloon one. And I will go... Oh. Oh. Oh, the tavern. All right, Mike, you got the correct answer. Yes. A tavern without paying a cover charge. Yes. Oh my goodness. Andy, you picked Mike's answer.

Yes. Mike, you picked Andy's answer. Jason picked Andy's answer. Yes. Mike, you picked Andy's answer. I win. Jason picked Andy's answer. Wait, how do you win? Oh, he said. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Oh. Jason picked Andy's answer. Yeah.

Okay. So, wait, wait, wait. So, no one picked Jason's answer. No, Mike won. I won. Oh, what? Mike had nine. Yes.

Jason had eight. Andy had four. No, this game is rigged. That's why I was celebrating, guys. It's a simple math. No. I was in a huge lead. That's why I was celebrating, guys. It's a simple math. No. I was in a huge lead. That's so banana.

Yes. So banana. What a comeback. Mike wins Baller Derriff. 4-0 in the first round. Oh, man. Down goes Frazier. Pretty nice.

Mike is really happy. Jason was like being all mature and everything and like making sure he went first so he didn't protect his answer. Yeah, because I already won. Wow. He'll never do that again. You did not win. Alright, we are drafting. The Spitballers Draft. Well, well, well, fresh off that defeat,

Jason has the first pick in our Ballers Draft of Best Flavors. Mmm, delicious. We'll see how banana he gets with his selections. Well, you guys know that I love that flavor, and you know I love to win games and polls and play games. From your performance about five minutes ago, I don't know that it's true. Want to is different. Okay, okay, okay.

So all that being said, I am going to play the game, and I'm going to take strawberry as the 101. Because to me, strawberry is, like, I I'm going to take strawberry as the 101. Because to me, strawberry is like I like a strawberry milkshake. I love strawberry ice cream. I like strawberry candy, like strawberry yogurt. Strawberry is like one of the most universally loved delicious flavors to me. I understand the pick because I've seen all the products that are sold strawberry flavored. It's not my favorite flavor. I'm always mad when I see that.

I want it to be different flavors. You open up, let's just say, Starburst or whatever, and there's a bunch of different colors. What color is always the best? The red one. You're wanting me to say red, but that's the cherry. Maybe. I mean, the red and the pink. Pink is strawberry.

Yeah. Pink is better. No, I understand. Strawberry is a lower tier good choice. For me. For me. For most people, I think you made the right choice. My first pick, I'm going to go with mint.

Oh, that's interesting. I'm going to go with the flavor mint. I've got other sweetsy flavors I can take later on. But I'm going to go with mint. People like, look, what's best? Mint Oreos? Delicious. Yeah.

Amazing. Peppermint-flavored stuff? That's a good time. No, mint is a really good pick because I think it's a little bit more versatile. Good luck with your toothpaste without it. I mean, you're going to be in the strawberry town. Ooh, I'd love some strawberry toothpaste. Ah, too sweet.

Like, obviously, what is the connection of mint and peppermint? What would be the difference? Is it just one red and white? No, they're the same thing. They come from mint leaves. I know, but I'm saying what makes it a peppermint? Yeah, what makes something peppermint? I think you put some pepper on it.

Is it pepper? No. I have no idea. Peppermint is just another name for mint. Someone look this up. I'm on it. But if it's just another, why not just call it mint? No. I have no idea. Peppermint is just another name for mint. Someone look this up. I'm on it. But if it's just another, why not just call it mint? Because.

Why the fancy peppermint? I think that peppermint must be the name of the candy made out of mint. That's my guess. Okay. That's my submission to the world. A peppermint is a- Jay, are you finding anything? I am, but it's like absurd.

It's like peppermint. Jay, are you finding anything? I am, but it's like absurd. It's like peppermint, mentha, which is derived from spearmint, contains more than 30% menthol and up to 0.2% carvone. Sometimes we'll have Al figure out these answers. All right. Mike, you're up.

Two picks. Banana on the table. Mint was very high on my list. I'm going to start it off with chocolate uh i think that that's just a good it covers a lot of your different bases and how many things are chocolate flavored though like obviously a lot is a lot of things but i guess i was thinking like a chocolate ice cream obviously yeah chocolate milkshake okay that's different than ice cream yeah i mean even even Hershey syrup. Is that chocolate flavored?

Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Milk. All right. I'm seeing a lot more chocolate things now. Okay.

Just open your eyes. You'll see chocolate everywhere, man. And then I'm just going to go with a heart pick. I don't even know if this would make your guys' top list, but it is grape. Wow. Grape flavor is niche. Oh, that's fine. I told you. I'm going with a heart pick here.

It's funny because if it's like grape sodas when you have like snow cones. You love grape. Oh, grape is just the best. Are you the guy that actively buys the grape sodas at the store no no to uh keep my sugars down okay um but yeah but just grape purple grape flavoring is so good oh that see you said purple grape it was funny we got some uh yeah well because yeah grape is purple we got some of the, like some, it's not Gatorade, but you know, the electrolyte powder. Sure, yeah, yeah.

And it came in like lemon lime, and it came in like berry. Yep. And then there was one, and it's green grape. Green grape. I was like, that's the weirdest flavor. No. And it was not appreciated by those that. Yeah, because it needs to be purple.

So you want chocolate and grape. Yes. Which, chocolate covered grapes? Sure, as long needs to be purple. So you want chocolate and grape. Yes. Which, chocolate-covered grapes? Sure, as long as they're purple. My selection here is, I'm going to, that sucks. Jason has two picks. Jason has two picks, and I'm going to take a gamble here, but I'm going to go with vanilla.

Yeah. I'm taking vanilla. You got to take it. Pure vanilla. It would have been good for your pole, Jay. Dude, pure vanilla smells better than almost anything on the planet. And vanilla is delicious. So I will go with vanilla as my second.

Yeah, vanilla would never have made it back to you. No, no. First of all, to go along with strawberry is banana. You're welcome. Thank you, boys. You're welcome. Also because, boys. You're welcome. Also because I don't want anything banana flavored. Oh, man.

Did he take banana? Yeah, I just took the banana. Banana is for sure my favorite of all the flavors. If there's a banana dessert, a banana candy. This is well known. Now, do you feel like grape flavoring does not taste like grapes? No, no, no. I mean, I've been out of the banana flavoring game so long,

I don't even remember. Banana flavoring is perfect. It's delicious. And no banana tastes that good. You know what I mean? I've never met anybody who even, like if you're a 10 out of 10 on the loving banana flavoring scale, I've never even met who even, like if you're a 10 out of 10 on the loving banana flavoring scale, I've never even met somebody that's a six.

What? We're out there, man. Are you? Your people? We are out there. The bananas? Me and my banana people, we love each other. Wow.

So strawberry banana. Now, if you gave me the choice of a strawberry smoothie or a strawberry banana smoothie, I'm going strawberry banana because you need both of them combined to even be one good flavor. Oh, man. Well, I don't know why I go to that strawberry. I'm sorry. Strawberry's great. I'm sorry.

You like strawberry? Oh, yeah. I would take about 10 other berries. Interesting. Over the strawberry? Yeah. If we did a berries draft, strawberry would be down at the bottom. What?

I'd take berry. Give me raspberries. Give me blueberries. No I'd take berry wine. Give me raspberries. Give me blueberries. No. Over strawberries? Yeah, give me cherries. Yeah. Cherries.

Are cherries a berry? It doesn't say berry in the name. I don't think so. It's got a pit. Look, if you can put them next to each other in the Starburst container, you can- Give me grapes. Grapes are a better berry. Lemons.

Oranges are berries. All right, so I've got one more here. What is a cherry? Cherry's a fruit. Yeah, but we got citrus. It's a seed, right? We got berries. What are cherries?

It's a- The people need to know. It's a flowering apple-like product. It says they're stone fruits. Okay, there we go. Yeah, because it's got a pit. You looked up on the same website as Jason's mint thing. So like a peach is a stone fruit then?

And a plum? Wait, have you heard of this thing before, Mike? I believe so, yes. Heard of what? Stone fruit? I've heard the name, yeah. Wow. Yeah, yeah.

Me too. So what's your second pick? I was just checking on you. I was surprised you would have heard of that. So I was going to go somewhere else, but it was because you just said that you would rather have strawberry banana mixed together than just strawberry or probably just banana. Me too.

Like strawberry banana smoothies are legit. Yogurts are great. banana meat me too like strawberry banana smoothies are legit yogurts are great but you know what else goes unbelievably wonderfully with banana peanut butter and i am taking peanut butter flavor because you got peanut yeah peanut butter banana yes great peanut butter cookies i love peanut butter i i peanut butter chocolate you know it's fair but the only thing about peanut butter that seems to be a problem at times is sometimes you can't have as much of it as you'd want of the actual peanut butter well yeah or like even peanut butter cookies i'm like if you give me chocolate chip cookies i can eat 20 if you give me peanut butter cookies i'm like two

i'm good with two yeah but if you give me a bag of peanut butter M&M's. Yeah, because there's chocolate. Because there's chocolate mixed in. But it's better than just regular M&M's. So you're saying that standalone. They are better than regular M&M's. So you're in the mixtures.

I'm going to go with I'm going to go with mocha. Which is chocolate and coffee. Okay. The flavor of chocolate and coffee together, mocha. I thought about just going coffee, which somebody else could take, but the truth is it's chocolate coffee flavor in cakes and in anything that you would put that flavor into, including chocolate coffee.

That is delicious. So I've always thought i don't like the flavor of mocha like genuinely don't like it it's just not my cup of tea and then a cup of coffee it's not my cup of coffee and then we were doing a live show in la i think this was two years ago or three years ago something like that we're and um of us ordered a mocha, just a mocha. And I was like, I'll try that. I'll get a mocha. Dude, those are so good.

Yeah. Apparently, I love mocha. You've been into mocha since then. Mocha's delicious. Yeah. All right. Yeah, the move, just if you ever go up to like a snack shop or something, and it's wintery and cold out, and they got hot chocolate and coffee. Fitty-fitty that thing.

Fitty-fitty? Oh, man. Delicious. That's so banana. You're making your own mocha. Yes, you are. Oh, baby. It's fantastic.

You're a genius. All right. So you took mocha, and I get my final two? Yeah. All right. We're going to try to go off the path a little bit here. I'm going to take cheese. Cheese flavoring.

Cheese flavoring. Actually, that's a sneaky pick. When I first heard it, I thought you were- Like cheese crackers? There are so many things, or like chips. Yeah. They put cheese flavored chips. Yeah, like you've ever done, yeah, the cheddar chips.

Yeah, I mean, you can buy rice cakes that are cheddar cheese flavor. Well, they got the cheese and sour cream, right? Yeah. Am I thinking about that right? No, 100%. Cheddar and sour cream. Cheddar and sour cream. Thank you.

Yeah. Cheese flavor. Yes. I look at that in the same category as your peanut butter pick. Sure, I get it. But you can't have cheese cookie. That'd be disgusting. disgusting well we're not picking best flavors for cookies jason i am just flavors

that was your objection yeah my objection is you can't make a cheese cookie but i look i bet you could i'm gonna pivot to a to a non-cookie flavor when it's my turn fair enough and then i'll close it. They're all open. I'll close it with cherry. Okay, so you acknowledge the goodness of cherry. Yes, cherry flavoring. When I was a wee lad, it was- Can you make a cherry cookie, Jason? Yeah, you can make a cherry cookie.

Yeah. When I was young, cherry was the only flavor I would eat. Like, you know, do the kids still do fruit roll-ups these days sentence I don't know I don't know if they're still eating fruit rolls but like yeah the whippersnappers are eating the roll-ups but it was like I would only eat the the cherry ones and just any any artificial flavoring it had to be cherry but I mean it's since then thankfully I've grown up he said you do have kids so that might be you could look to them for the answers to your what are they

still doing I'll text them you guys still like fruit rolls so you went cherry that's a great pick I prefer raspberry to cherry it's not my pick but I'm just saying it out loud no because I'm giving raspberry respect we can all say stupid stuff on this show that's the truth

you want a cheese cookie? I'm going to go with- Who knows if that's stupid, Jay? We got to look into this. I'm between two, and it makes me sad that I can't pick them both, but I do have this ranked higher on my list. Time. I have mint, vanilla, and mocha, and I'm going to go with caramel.

Okay. Caramel flavor. If I'm not getting a mocha-flavored coffee drink, I'm probably getting a caramel flavor. Do you go caramel? No, I say caramel. I'm caramel. Yeah.

I'm just a regular dude. Just a regular dude. Lunch, bail, to work. Yeah. Caramel, theater. Don't hand me a caramel. So you would go, would you, I'll bring it up after. Yeah, bring it up after. I have a couple that I'm really

sad. Like I could play another round. Kind of sad. So I could go further. We're not going to because we're going to stop it here. But my world opened up here when I looked beyond cookies. No, that's not how I was picking it.

You ever heard of a banana cookie? You were just doing desserts. Yeah, sweets. No banana cookies exist. That really limits banana's goodness. Yeah, well, but banana is perfect. So banana flavor is the best of all the flavors. But there is a flavor out there that I refuse to have gone in my life,

and it's not the sweet. It's the savory. Have y'all. It's the savory. But it's the best of all the flavors, I think. I think this might be the 101 of all flavors. It's garlic. Yeah, garlic's a good flavor, right?

Garlic flavor. It could be too strong. You can't make garlic cookies. No, I know. I said I was going away from cookies. That would be gross. That would be too strong. I always feel like I want garlic cut with something, like cheesy garlic.

Well, sure. I mean, garlic, you're not eating cloves of garlic. That's not something you're going to do. You're going to be putting that. A lot of people do. I've ordered pizza with garlic on it, and I've had it be too much. Oh, I love pizza with garlic. Garlic flavor's a great pick.

I'm not discounting that. That's a good pick. Thank you. It's in the cheese category, though. Yeah. The cheese opened up the garlic for me. Otherwise, I was going butterscotch. Butterscotch is on my list.

Oh, butter. No. Butterscotch is underrated. It's underrated. No. Yeah. Not butterscotch. Yeah, it feels like an old flavor.

Super good. It does. From the old world. The one that I was between caramel with was hazelnut. That's what I was going to ask you. Yeah. Yeah. Not butterscotch. Yeah, it feels like an old flavor. Super good. Yeah, it does. From the old world. The one that I was between caramel with was hazelnut. That's what I was going to ask you. Yeah, yeah. If they're both there, you're going to go the caramel over the hazelnut? I'll go caramel.

Yeah, that's why I did it. But I mean, look. I can't stand hazelnut. Oh, dude. So gross. Wait, so hold on. You don't like Nutella? Nutella is disgusting.

Wait, what? It's awful. Look, I don't. What? You're a sinner. It's a hazelnut spread. Hazelnut is disgusting. Hazeln awful look i don't you're what you're a sinner it's a hazelnut spread hazelnut is disgusting hazelnut wait coffee cream this is gonna be like mocha for you if i give you some hazelnut spread on a piece of bread you will eat it i will eat it you're not wrong but i won't love it hazelnut spread is so good dude what is that what do the deuces think about these flavors nutella is great okay not a fan

all right one smart one dumb uh of all of our flavors i'm gonna i want to do this here of all the flavors mentioned all 12 drafted flavors what is your favorites cherry for me cherry for al borland yeah surprising i think i'm going strawberry yeah the 101 so you were dumb twice um all right good selections any other considerations i mean just more fruits i put maple in there and then i had considered but but i got uh cherry last i was thinking that i might have to go buffalo flavored oh that's a good flavor that's actually a really clever pick yeah orange orange did not get mentioned lemon is very good orange flavored it's good but i like orange chocolate's really good orange chicken orange okay that's i was gonna say oranges i like oranges far more

than the artificial orange i see what you're saying yeah yeah. Whereas you like the artificial banana better than banana. Just out of curiosity, put the Starbursts in order since we're going flavors. Pink, red. End of list. Red, pink. I'm red, orange, pink. It's pink first for sure.

So you like the strawberry flavor. Pink, red, orange. So yellow is at the end. Would you trade all your reds to me for all the pinks? Yes, without a doubt. That's a good deal. I'll trade you all my lemons for the oranges. No, thank you.

Okay. What did we learn today? I learned so much today. I learned that Mike knew what a certain type of stone fruit was. Stone fruit. A stone fruit. I didn't know you knew that, Mike, but stone fruit is what a cherry is. I learned what a fluse is.

Oh, yeah. And I learned that Jason doesn't want to win as much as I thought he did because Mike took it home today. So thank you for joining us, playing some baller dash. Say hi to Pepper for us, Al. I will. And we'll catch you all the next time. Goodbye.

Goodbye. Bye. Thanks for listening to the Spitballers Podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out spitballerspod.com.