Spitballers Comedy Podcast - 265: Outhouse Proof & The Best Decades - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: December 4, 2023

On today’s show, we talk about trolling the trolls, being alone in an elevator for 48 hours, and being the dumbest person on the planet. ‘Jason Explains’ also makes an appearance for the first time in a while.  Then we do some ‘Is This Real Life?’ and close it down with a draft of the best decades. Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast! Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast: Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.com Follow us on Twitter: Twitter.com/SpitballersPod Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPod Subscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers Podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. A-rooty, tooty, fresh and fruity, shake your booty! A rooty 2D fresh and fruity shake your booty. It looked like you were going to completely collapse. It was so close to collapse. But I feel like the shake your booty got it back.

Yeah, I wish I could have delivered on time you know it was this was not perfection no this was the email you get from amazon your delivery is running late yeah but still arrived does arrive i do love being reminded of the rudy tootie fresh and fruity commercials oh yeah that was uh the international house of pancakes yes was that funny disguises yes you could you you have to put the Groucho Marx glasses on. Well, the Rudy Tutti was, oh, that was Denny's. No, I think you're right. It was IHOP.

I think you're correct. I loved, I mean, I loved IHOP growing up. Oh, it was Disneyland of restaurants to me. It felt like I was going to like an expensive, because you got, I mean, breakfast food, first of all. Probably cheap for them to provide, but really delicious to eat. And they had a long run that it is a sandwich that I still dream about. It was, because look, boys. A sandwich.

Yes. That's the international house of pancakes. I get it. But listen, you know my love for a club sandwich. I do. You are first in line to get into the club. You go clubbing. They had, for a while, a hamburger club sandwich.

I mean, look, it's really not that much different than a burger, but it was- But it was called a club. Well, because it had the extra piece of bread and all the normal stuff. Like a Big Mac. Yeah, but on toast. And this blew your mind? It wasn't that it blew my mind. It was so good.

It was incredible. I just can't imagine going there and getting a sandwich. You've got to get the breakfast sampler. Get a little bit of everything. It's because you never had the magic. The Mickey Mouse pancakes? Were they allowed to do that? Back then, yeah.

Back then they could feed you straight chocolate for breakfast. I'm saying, was Disney getting a cutback? That I don't know. They can make shapes. Mickey Moose. Mickey Moose pancake. But he looks like a mouse. Welcome into the Spitballers, episode 265, Would You Rather?

Jason explains, is this real life? And we are drafting today, as we always do. Today we are drafting, it's a different one. It's going to be a struggle. We are drafting the best decades. Starting in the 1900s. Correct. Yeah, because I don't even feel like people treated decades like their own time period until about the 1900s correct yeah because uh that you know i don't even feel like people treated decades like

their own time period till about the 1900s i know they are i mean i know they were but it wasn't like you know they all have a feel all the decades have a feel i'm sure they did back then as well but they're very far removed you know like the 1770s i'm sure people were like oh it's this you know they had disco no way man let's party like it's 1799 up until 1900 it was just people didn't even know what time it was it was just like am I alive today yes I made it well I woke up I made it

through another day what month what year is it and then then we started keeping track do we have penicillin yet so we're but what's funny about that is if we draft decades from the 1900s on, that's 12 decades, and we'll have 12 picks. So you're getting stuck. Oh, Andy gets stuck with the –

Oh, do I get the worst? Yeah, you get the runt. I feel like I know what he's going to end up with. Shoot. I think so too i'm gonna start making the case for that decade right now in my head please do but um i also get the first pick that's true i jumped on uh chat gpt and i was like what good stuff happened in in this decade that i'm thinking of and my computer exploded yeah there's nothing yeah it was as bad no it does not work well we'll get there nothing we'll get there it'll be uh it'll be fun

all right let's jump into would you rather would you rather all right Joe from the website Would you rather be stuck on an elevator for 48 hours by yourself or for 10 hours with an elevator full of strangers? Oh. I've got a quick question. How full? Let's go. It matters.

Let's go five people in what feels like a seven-person elevator. Okay. So when you said how full, I assumed you meant like how recently did you eat? Like how full are you on this elevator? So was that the first thing you thought of with 48 hours by yourself as you're on a bit of a fast? There's a problem. You know, 48 hours, you're you're you're on a bit of a well there's a fast there's a problem you know 48 hours you're gonna be 48 hours on an empty stomach

because my mind of course went to food so i was like thinking yeah that's a good point 48 hours by yourself on an elevator you're gonna be starving and thirsty just after Thanksgiving dinner. There's no way I'm picking 48. That's so long. I mean, being by myself would be the preferred situation. But 10 hours, I could do that. 48, you brought it up. I mean, I hadn't thought of it right away. But, like, you will be so thirsty.

I feel like that's slightly defeating. Like, let's just say. I can hold my pee for the 10 hours. defeating like let's just hold my pee for the 10 hours let's let's amend this question and say that there's some bottle waters and a loaf of bread okay this isn't like you're not getting gourmet meals and snacks and chips on your elevator like you normally would is this the the single for the 48 hours or are you saying with all the people? No, just when you're by yourself for the 48 hours because you need that. I don't think this is about like, do you want to starve?

By the way, if you have a bottle of water, the move is to drink the whole bottle and then use the bottle for pee, right? For sure. Do you? I think you want to sip. I think the point is you need the bottle. Well, I'm not really worried about that right now.

You're not worried about it over a 48-hour? You're going to be worried about it. You're going to have to pee. You're going to have to pee, Mike. Yeah, I'll pick a corner. Oh, that'll smell. You don't think it'll smell in the bottle? Not if you cap it.

No, you can cap the bottle. That's true. That's what I was going to do. Did any of you guys ever... All right, detour. Detour. Detour. Did any of you guys ever go on a road trip in which your parents refused to pull over

and then you had to pee inside of maybe... In the moving car? In the moving vehicle to save time? Ask them for a friend. I'm sure it happens a lot. I've not done it. No peeing in a moving vehicle? Our youngest has pulled that maneuver off oh yeah

more than a dozen times no impressive no i guess i it's not usually moving it's like parking lot you know like why are you going in a bottle in the parking lot just jump out and find a bush we usually got like a cop or something a cop cup oh i thought well no because you're like no there's normally a cop around so i don't a cop i feel like if if an officer saw a small child being into a bush they're gonna be like yeah i will always remember we were on the way home from a big road trip i really had to go my dad did not want to try to find either wasn't a close rest stop yeah he just wanted to push through but it got it got pretty dire and there was like an old uh like a 44 ouncer from like a circle cake like okay styrofoam cup okay okay well that's sturdy and i used the styrofoam

cup it's big opening as a small kid and then we put the cap back on it. Uh-oh. And then what happened was the second we got home, we were going to take that out and throw it away. For sure. But what happened is that the neighbor saw us coming home, so I just remember my dad had a long conversation with the neighbor while he was holding a 44-ounce cup of my urine. Oh, that's sweet. And I was, like, afraid he was going to tell him.

You want to know what's in this cup? My son's pee. No, I don't care about the bread and the water. I'm taking the 10 hours with the friends. I like talking. Oh, goodness. I'm happy to talk to these folks. If I'm not starving or dying of thirst, then I'm definitely taking the 48

hours. I feel like... No phone, Jay. That's fine. I think I would sign up for that right now. You would do it. I would like, if I'm allowed to get stuck in an elevator right now with water and bread for 48 hours. You know Jason is opting into the Airbnb that is a locked elevator. You realize that this is like a level of punishment

that many consider to be torture. The claustrophobia would get real in 48 hours. The isolation. Okay, so I got an amendment. You won't be sleeping, which also, again, you're probably like, yeah. An amendment. The 10 hours, so the people who are in the elevator, they are all really full. Like they're uncomfortably full. Yeah're gonna be using the rest no i'm just saying at the

moment of shutdown they're all like oh oh why did i eat the dessert 48 alone all right if there's chance of vomit existing in that i mean i don't know what kind of scientific momentum inertia thing happens when if there's four people in an elevator and one begins to throw up. Like, I am the sympathetic puker. Like, I can't take the smell. I can't look at it. So then I start throwing up. You have a high chance of a bio problem.

Like, can it go on forever? Could you fill the elevator? Eventually, you'll empty yourselves out. It's so gross. Another great reason to be by yourself. So gross. You'll drown. Jesse from the website, while returning, I'm sorry,

while retaining your current intellect, would you rather be the most intelligent or the least intelligent person in the world? You got to, what? That's a confusing one to work through. I mean, for you guys, not for me. Of course. It's saying where you are right now,

do you want everyone to be dumber or are you willing to be the dumbest person on Earth, but you're the baseline of intelligence? And that's easily the point. You don't know. You take it for the team. Take it for humanity. Oh, that's what you would do?

Yes. For sure. Yeah. I'm going to enjoy all the cool stuff that everyone has made. And they'll be like, oh, here comes dumb Mike. I'm like, yeah. Give me some more video games, please. Every dumb person doesn't know how dumb they are, because you are what you are. But I'm smart enough to know. I'm like, yeah. Give me some more video games, please. Every dumb person doesn't know how dumb they are because you are what you are.

So you can't comprehend. But I'm smart enough to know that I'm dumb. Right. Because I'm not dumb. Right. Definitely. Definitely not dumb. You're the dumbest.

Because you know that. Or am I? Guys, am I dumb? Guys, tell me. I need my friends to tell me if I'm dumb. Anyways. Anyways. You've got a great memory.

I need my friends to tell me if I'm dumb. Anyways. Anyways, you've got a great memory. I mean, but the truth is, if you are the dumbest person in the world at your current intellect, that- Utopian society. Exactly right. I mean, you're talking about technological advances- I'm calling BS.

All over. I'm calling BS. I feel like we've had a form of this question before. Have we? And, and Mike, you might've taken the kind of altruistic answer that this is. There is no way that Jason did the last time that this answer came up. Maybe Jason, Jason decided, I believe if I recall that he wanted, you would be the lord of all the dummies. You'd be the smartest. That doesn't sound like you.

Okay, that sounds like me. You'd be lifted up on their dumb shoulders. But I don't, oh man, that would be pretty great. They would come to you for wisdom. You'd be their shaman or something. I can't make technology. I can't manufacture microchips. I can't do those things.

But you want them to exist. And I want them to exist. So if everyone's dumber than me, then I don't get my cool stuff. Yeah, but I believe the last time you chose to be praised as a god. I believe that we haven't had this question before. And you're just putting this on me. Yeah, maybe. Maybe.

It's good to see. You want the world to grow. I'll go that route. Utopian society. Do dumb people know that the smart person is smart? Do dumb people know? Because they don't know they're dumb. Because you won't get reverence from people that don't know that you're smarter than them.

Because dumb people don't realize when people are smarter than them. That's what makes them dumb in some ways. Yeah, no, that's pretty valid. I think that if you chose to be the smartest person in the world, all the other people think they're the smartest. Yeah, you couldn't prove to them you were smarter because they wouldn't listen. Right, because they're so dumb.

Okay, I think we got this one. Yeah, I mean, then people are trying to water their crops with Gatorade. We have this movie. Yeah, all right. Luke from Patreon. Would you rather have the skill to create viral content effortlessly? Okay, so social media. Yeah.

Or the skill to silence any internet troll with a single witty mic drop comeback? Now, here's the interesting part about this, right? Now, here's the interesting part about this, right? Because this last part about silencing the internet troll with a witty mic drop comeback, it's actually impossible in reality because that's the nature of the trolls. They can't be silenced. You feed them, they get stronger. Exactly.

But this says you silence internet trolls with a witty comeback so you're you're doing something in public on on social media where like a troll comes and you mic drop them and everyone sees that that troll went away everyone goes oh and then they stop talking yeah and it feels good and then no one cares like here's the thing about the internet and trolls that people do not realize is even if you, there's like, oh, it's definitive. You won the argument. The other person backed down. No one cares. No one cares.

You've accomplished nothing. Yeah, I don't even know that I would care. There is. Like if I was the one that did it. I mean, this is going to come into our draft later. This whole world, the whole internet world will be debated in where we draft the decades that include the internet. I'll tell you that.

Yeah, I mean, I was trying to hype up being able to silence a troll because I felt like that was not the better side of this, would you rather? But they're both bad sides. I don't really care about trolls. Do you guys care about trolls a lot? No, I silence them. It's called a mute button. Yeah, I'm pretty good at ignoring trolls. I don't really care.

Yeah, yeah. So Andy doesn't like the trolls. Sometimes the sometimes i mean we've been doing this for 10 years yeah it's and we've had bazillions of trolls and i will say that there's a handful of times that certain things will you know we've all got the like uh sensitive spots in the armor and so there's certain areas where you're like i shouldn't care but i do because that's human nature i what i was going to say though, is they both kind of are sucky situations in my opinion. How's the first one sucky?

Because if you create viral content, you're, you get a bunch of trolls to the equation. Like you, the only part, what is the purpose of the viral content? To gain eyeballs on your content. Yeah. I mean that, so that could be argued as who cares as well. What is the purpose of the viral content? To gain eyeballs on your content.

Yeah. I mean, that could be argued as who cares as well. Because there's a lot of non-fans. You know what I mean? You're on a slippery slope of who cares about anything, my man. Let's go. Nothing matters. That's Mike's world.

Yeah. Well, I mean, you said it. Who cares about the debate you're in? But I think the point is that the world of internet comments and attention is stupid so we run a yeah yeah oh yeah aside from like if it's not a business and it's just yeah you don't take your it's not the money so you like the 15 minutes it's the attention yeah it that's not good for me it's that's pointless that's my point that's all i'm saying not the money like if you want to translate this into the ever-present would you rather yes end goal of eyeballs equals marketing equals cash money in my pockets yeah we take that one yeah which is already where jason

jason's literally over here putting money in his sack oh but south park had a very funny episode all about this where the boys do something and go viral, and then they're trying to go find their internet money. Oh, that doesn't exist? They're like, wait, where's my internet money? And then it's all the other people who have gone viral. It was like, no, there's nothing there for you. There's no money?

There's no internet money. So, I mean, I guess that's the one that maybe you like that attention more than you could you could do positive things with viral content yeah i feel like you can do positive things shutting the trolls down trolls trolls it just breeds more no they hurt other people there are people that get hurt by trolls so if you drop the mic drop comment and you shut the troll down you're you're like a internet batman but you would have to be troll-busted 24-7. Non-stop. Dude, if you could go out.

This is like being a hero on the street. If one kick and one punch knocks out every bad guy, you're doing it all the time. It's fun. Yeah, but I feel like if you're a superhero, you're waiting for supervillains. And there's not that many of them. There's infinity trolls. I don't think more viral content helps the world i'm taking the the mic drop comeback interesting i think the world

needs more great viral content i will take the viral more all right yeah mike final answer i'm taking the viral content at least makes me laugh all right uh robbie Patreon, would you rather have to consume all video content from now on at half speed or two times speed? So we had this question a long time ago with audio, but video content at half speed or two times speed? The truth is, is two times is too fast for me on audio. Yeah. Unless it's some topic that's just like super quickly consumable.

The people that do the pods... One and a half I can do. Oh, I can't even do that. And that's hard. Yeah, 1.3, 1.2, that's better. But for video, I know that it will be super painful to go half speed. Oh. Almost unbearable.

But then two times speed, I'm going to miss a lot. A lot, lot. Now, imagine if you're watching Dunkirk, okay? Now, that's when I would like two times speed, I'm going to miss a lot. A lot, lot. Now imagine if you're watching Dunkirk, okay? Now that's when I would like two times speed. If you watched at half speed, according to Andy, that would be 12 hours long at half speed. That I could deal with. Yeah, The Godfather is still, it never ends. Yeah, the idea that you could be in a bad movie and you're like, this will be over soon.

Right. That's helpful i think that there's there is no single advantage to half speed like there's no there's no nothing positive what about the like matrix uh like the dodge and the bullets becomes real slow motion i mean super duper bullet you get to see all of the special effects for a while. Okay. So I think the graphics are going to look real bad. If you cut them into half speed, I guess, I guess football games, half speed would be pretty cool.

No, they'd be five hours long. They'd be too long. Catch it. But there would at least be an advantage of like, I get to watch the routes develop a little bit better and pay attention to more on the offensive line. Yeah, I appreciate it. But that's my point. I don't see any redeemable quality.

There are plenty of redeemable qualities on the two times speed. Does that mean all the voices become all chipmunks? For sure they do. Al? Yeah. Or Goblin. I don't think they go that high pitched on 2x speed. But like Morgan Freeman, you're not going to get that anymore.

No. Just sounds like a regular person. Yeah. Interesting. I don't want to be in that world. I don't think either is doable. I wouldn't watch movies anymore. I would not opt into them, I think, genuinely, if those were the only two choices.

I would convince people to move at half speed while they're recording their movies. Now that. It's a little wonky. Like their movements are going to be real jittery. So you get. But it's regular. You build out one studio that does this, and those are the movies you watch. I would find that one movie a year. I actually that's funny so fascinating as like a science experiment to actually see what

that would look like if you recorded a scene of anything and you record but while you're recording it you're saying our goal here is to do it exactly half speed and we're gonna play this at twice the speed i want to do that for music videos the final product yeah music videos are the way whenever you've done the backwards ones too whenever you see people moving like real jittery but their lips are matched up it's because they really yeah they they augment the time of um and then they have to lip sync to it so you would have to lip sync at half speed you'd have to record all the dialogue and then they would slow at half speed and lip sync no no that's my that's the thing is like i i want i want every it all live it all live

you don't get that would be very difficult yeah i want to see how bad that final product would be i'm going with the two times yes you got to be two times hey guess what we have a jason explains jason explains in 60 seconds what are you explaining today i'm gonna teach you all about any topic because i know about every topic let's find out smartest man on this is what you'd be able to do yeah yeah this is this is really the the question yeah the pinnacle of human existence. Let's find out what we're explaining. All right, Jason, you have 60 seconds to explain astrology. Oh, astrology is an easy explanation.

Astrology is the mapping of the stars where people look at how planets are aligning and they make decisions based on their signs in the stars. It's going to blow! And what ends up happening is all the people that are inferior intellectually, that are below me as the barometer of human intelligence, they look at these things and they think it's going to affect their life. They look at trends from other people's lives and they convince themselves of jewels and crystals

that the future is going to come out exactly how they see it. And so astrology basically points all of the dumbest people in the world to believe things that aren't going to happen based on star events that they can't comprehend. That is everything. There it is. You didn't even make it to the counter i didn't know there was a counter what is this

what crystals i loved how affected everyone in this room was by how intense that like that's that's bomb disarmal music that music that had to be the first time we've ever had that right yes it's not no we've had it before what because i don't remember what it's been in a long time i do not remember yeah we were all really caught off guard when the voice came in because nobody knew it was coming ah are you being are you telling the truth i promise yeah you you have waited long enough to where we have forgot. It's been years.

Is it possible it was on mute when you played it last time? No, we all talked about it. It's been years? Very intense. Just go back. I feel like you're talking regularly, and then the music starts, and you start getting real fast. Everyone in their car started gripping the steering wheel tighter.

It basically felt like a five-second countdown for 60 seconds. Yeah, it did. Yeah, it did. And I learned so much. Time to move on. What did you talk about? Is this real life? Well, we have the opportunity on this episode, on this segment,

to share three real-life stories that we have discovered with one another because the world is full of interesting stories. And I will begin with a story from CNN. Oh, okay, okay. You know, we're going to go straight to, I mean, this is pretty recent as of this recording. Plane turns back to JFK after horse escapes on board. Hold on.

Yeah. Hold on. Yeah. Hold on. Yeah. Wait a minute. A Boeing 747 en route. Full size horse? En route from New York JFK to Belgium was forced to turn around on November 9th after a horse got loose in the cargo hold.

Wait a minute. You can transport. Transport. Transport. Transport horses. Hold on. So there's. You can just like. You can transport. Transport. Transport. Transport horses. Hold on. So there's. You can just like, you can fly commercial.

Oh, I didn't know this story had a sad turn. I might not even read that part. Oh no. Well, let's just say there were 15 horses on. Were. There were 15 horses on board and 14 got to Belgium. Oh no. Because one had to be euthanized due to the injuries of escaping 14 got to Belgium. Oh, no. Because one had to be euthanized due to the injuries of escaping in the cargo hold.

Oh, man. So I didn't realize that part, but basically. No, he didn't jump. He escaped the cargo hold. Oh, my gosh. The idea of a horse coming down. A horse jumping out of the plane. A horse landing on your property.

We're going to blast. It's like the hippo episode all over again. But from 30,000 feet. But hold on. There was not just one horse. There was 15 horses? The horse was among 15 being transported. This is a Boeing Ark?

It was just a spruce goose? It became spooked due to turbulence. Due to it being on a plane. What are we putting horses on a plane for? How do you think horses get places Man put them on a boat They lost their wings a long Time ago I

Am shocked that a horse has ever Been on a plane well in the cargo Hold it got spooked and it jumped Over the barrier And got trapped Out there just wild horse down There how two legs in, two legs out. Big as this cargo hold.

That's what I need. I need a vision. Planes are pretty big, man. Planes are bigger than I thought. They're doing all sorts of stuff. I know how big a horse is. Well, I mean, how big is a horse compared to a human? At least five times the size.

Okay, so five times 15. They fit that many people on a plane? Not in the cargo hold. Yeah, they didn't buy tickets. They're not up there in first class. What are you charged for a horsey? I mean, if I got to pay 50 bucks for my bag. I have a 50 pound limit.

Yeah. You don't have a horse weight? Like a thousand pounds? Performance and breeding horses, including racehorses and show horses, are routinely shuffled safely around the globe without incident. and show horses are routinely shuffled safely around the globe without incident. But this episode speaks to the inherent unpredictability of work with horses. Of putting a horse on a plane.

Which are flight animals that can injure themselves when frightened or startled. And so to answer the question, the average weight for a horse is between 900 and 1,200 pounds. Yeah. The average cost. They charge me for my 51-pound bag? No, listen to this. We're all supplementing the horse people. The horse's tickets, one-way tickets, cost between two and 10 grand per horse. Well, it's a Belgium.

I mean, that's a long flight. That's fair. That's fair. that's a long flight that's fair that's fair so um and look i when i when i pulled this one up i actually didn't know about the bad news this on horse 15 but um do okay dumb question do horses there are no dumb questions here do horses lay down to sleep no the whole the whole thing about horses is that they sleep standing up no no that's cow i thought that was cows no that's horses no that's a horse thing yeah that the horse was just sleeping laying down you're using one man's comedy routine to be your validation science yeah people use this show all the time as validation no but we're like this is a real show

does a horse sleep while laying down they sleep standing up do they ever lay down sure to rest yeah but they need like a blanket so sleeping is not the rest they doze while standing they're able to do this they're able to doze horses have an amazing ability to be able to sleep standing up but they do also sleep lying down yeah so is the horse have enough room to lay down in this plane, or do they have to stand the whole time? I think they've got to stand. It's just a quick flight to Belgium. That's so rude.

So, anyway, that happened. Now, there were, I mean, is this just a cargo plane? Do we know that? I don't see that in here. Were there people that were rerouted due to the horse? And could they hear the horse below them? Now that you bring that up, I do realize that there are only cargo airplanes. Because in my head, this was like- This was under a bunch of people?

This was a commercial flight, and people just have their horses in the- That's what I thought. That's what it says. Wait, in that case, all the people took their horses to the airport and then put them on the plane. How else? You had to bring them. Cargo planes, man. There's planes.

Here's the breaking news. All your packages that come from overseas, they're not getting boated over. They're in cargo planes. They're not just stuffed with the luggage of regular people. Wait a minute. It makes a lot more sense now, but you still got to bring horses to the airport. You do have to bring them to the airport.

The plane has to fly from somewhere. You do have to bring them to the airport. Um, all right. All right. So share with me, um, what do you,

what kind of stories story do you have? Jay? Uh, I got a pretty gross one. Okay. Mine's more of a like nightmare situation let's hear the nightmare okay uh here's your headline ride passengers rescued after dangling upside down 75 feet up for half an hour wait wait say that again this is like a roller coaster type ride

yeah so passengers rescued dangling upside down 75 feet up for half an hour i might have seen some of the bits and pieces of this story coming through so this one was at a canadian amusement park shocker canadians with their history of being unsafe you're just taking a shot at them i am i was sorry canada uh but in canada's wonderland theme park so this thing it's uh the ride where they're they're shaped like axes because it's canada so they must be shaped that way but it's where basically you just sit there and then it does the loop-de-loop over and over and over well it got to the top and it stopped like that. And those people were just upside down and it just keeps getting worse on different levels of this particular ride is situated so that people,

uh, are looking at each other. So you get to see the horror in, in your co-riders face. So you get to see people, you know, screaming, they're all upside down. There's, they said there's video of the park staff can be heard asking through a megaphone. Is everyone doing okay? Okay. Up there to which they all shout. No. Oh no. Oh my gosh. I didn't think they're going to be like, yeah, having a good time. So they're up there for upside down for half an hour. Here's the real kicker, guys. Oh, no. They got it fixed.

But after they got it fixed, the ride had to complete its full sequence. So they had to finish the ride. Honestly, that's good. You don't want to have that taken away from you i paid good money for this ride don't rip me up oh no there are oh that's awful man there there are some there are some things that people do for adrenaline that i think are super fun. But if something went wrong, I'd be so embarrassed to have died or been maimed having chosen to do those things. How long do you think, like, okay.

How long could you hang upside down? Yeah, I mean, there's got to be help. Yeah, without passing out. Risks. But I'm just thinking for the people that were in that situation, they got stuck. That's got to be scary. It's like really, really scary at first, for the people that were in that situation they got stuck that's got to be scary it's like really really scary at first for the first few seconds like oh my gosh why are we stopped i'm hanging i'm like like coming into my seat i hope the seat holds uh blah blah blah

and then a minute goes on and then 10 minutes goes on i'm guessing you're terrified the whole time that i just feel like the time would go so slowly. It would. You would feel like you were up there for- As the blood fills your head. For three hours. Wow. Yeah, that's pretty rough.

Jason, what do you have for us? All right. Woman rescued from outhouse toilet after climbing in to achieve Apple Watch. Oh, my goodness gracious. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Rescued?

Rescued. Yeah, that's the problem right there. Bad decision. I'm going to let the spit wads out there know this great piece of advice from the state police in Michigan. Quote, if you lose an item in an outhouse toilet do not attempt to venture inside the containment area the containment yeah i thought that was really kind of them doodoo area yeah the doodoo area doodoo zone i don't know what I would have to lose in there to go into the container. Your dignity.

Right? That's gone first. 10,000 cash falls out of your pocket. I. Not loose bills. One stack. I do not believe I would go in after it. I really don't believe I would go.

Because I can barely go in an outhouse. Like a real outhouse. 10,000 you could be like, somebody go in and I'll give you a percentage of it back. Oh, absolutely. Oh, there we go. Yeah, I'll give you $1,000. And then they come back and they're like, dude, there's $10,000. Yeah, and you get one.

Also clean my money. I'll give you $200. you could have the outside bills i'll take the inside stack but this woman uh was reaching in and i don't even know how it's possible to fall in i feel like i feel like i couldn't fall like if you're like a toilet if you're like try to get in there you're like i can to get in there, you're like, I can't. I mean, not everyone's my size. Yeah, I was going to say. But, like, I don't have any risk.

I am outhouse safe. I got my safety net with me. Outhouse safe. But, obviously, this woman was thinner than I am and really needed that Apple Watch. I mean, put it this way. Another way to say it. You said, okay, $10,000 drops in. Okay, that's enough money you could pay someone.

How much would it cost? Because I'm pretty sure an Apple Watch is about $129. Depends on which one. I don't know what happened to this woman in the order of operations, but let's pretend for a minute she was leaving the outhouse. So she had opened the door and then she goes, oh, I forgot my Apple watch. And she reached in and then she fell in. At that point, did somebody else come in to use the outhouse?

So she was trapped. Hello. No, that's what happened. Oh, no. How long was she down there? How much is down there? I don't know what's going on down there, man. How much space down there? I don't know what's going on down there, man. How much space is there?

There's enough space to not be able to get out. So it's a deep hole here. They had to basically... Yeah, this isn't a regular outhouse. This is where it's the huge pit. This is a down and out house. Yeah, so the woman had to yell for help and was eventually found and heard, and then they had to remove the outhouse and crane her out.

That's an embarrassing moment is when they crane the outhouse over the top of the pit, and then it's just you in a pit of poop. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Like, they pull that thing away, and there you are. You're covered in poop. There you are. I don't know if she got her watch i'm guessing she got a bill yeah she probably got a bill probably worth a lot more than the apple watch the rescue bill

and if you will you guys take a watch instead not that one i mean do the people do you laugh yeah you laugh? Yeah. You laugh a lot. You're not the person in the outhouse. No, no, I'm saying like you come across an outhouse, someone's yelling help, and you realize what is happening. I guess you go help them. I would freak out at first. No, no, yeah, you help them, but do you giggle?

If you know they're going to be safe, yeah, you start laughing hard. Yeah. You start calling your friends. You go home. You won't believe. Yeah. You got to snap a picture. Oh, and then friends. You go home. Yeah. Yeah. I want to get the toilet in the frame. Hey, viral. Right. Yeah. That's how you go viral. I'm a live stream this. Wow. Okay. Well, that's disgusting. Let's let's draft. The Spitballers Draft.

I don't know if this is the best draft to have the number one picking because this is really subjective. We are drafting the best decade starting from the 1900s going all the way up until 2020. We're not including the one we're in, but that gives you 12 decades to choose from. I've got the first pick. There are some good decades with kind of iconic things that have transpired,

progression for humanity, whatever you define as making a decade good. There are some not so great decades. There are some not so one good ones. Not so one. What I ended up deciding to go with, because I think that there's, I like the decade to have a true feel to it. I think that's important.

Like, I want to pick, like, when I think of a decade, I want to picture it instantaneously in my head. And there was a lot of good stuff that happened. I think it's the most easy to picture or one of the most. I'm taking with the number one pick the 1980s. Okay. And not just because I was born then in the 1980s. But that was into the Cold War. That was tear down this wall. So it's political.

You know, the Cold War is over. Thank you, Mike. That's not a very good Reagan. Is that Mr. Gorbachev? That's not bad. good Reagan. Is that Gorbachev? Mr. Gorbachev. That's not bad. You started as Nixon. You started as Nixon and then you went to.

Try it. Try to do Reagan. I don't even know Reagan's voice. It's me, Ronald. It's not that bad. Now shut up. End of the Cold War. The Chernobyl disaster.

Stop it. Stop it. Of 1986. The beginning of the Cold War. The Chernobyl disaster. Stop it. Stop it. Of 1986. The beginning of the personal computer revolution. You got Apple and Macintosh and all that stuff. So you got the beginning of computers. You got crazy clothes. You got all the pop culture madness and all the hair.

I actually, ironically, just saw somebody share a video of high school in the 80s. And they were panning the camera around a classroom and it was so funny to see all the big hair um all the music and the entertainment in the 80s was was pretty good i mean um to me that is an iconic decade that i felt was worthy of the number one pick there i figured the top two picks would be the 80s and then i will take the 90s yeah the 90s are the best uh i am very versed in the 90s yes i was around for it uh i had a great time in the 90s you know i just looked just playing video games internet explosion started happening then uh but it was pretty social media it was the heyday of cartoons yes yeah the yeah

the 80s or the 90s that were more cartoons 90s i think it's i think the 80s were pretty good too they're both we have any draft of the 80s yeah of course yeah i just want some cartoon credit too that's all yeah the 80s and the 90, you can blur them together because we were kids growing up. I just remember living in the 90s thinking, oh, I wonder if this will ever feel like a decade. Oh, yeah. Do you know what I mean? You were in it, and you're like, oh, but people talk about the 70s and the 80s. The 90s will never feel that way.

You have to get old, and then you see the youth wearing the things that you wore, and you're like, what is happening? Yeah. What are you wearing? Well, the 90s was number two on my list, so that makes sense. The 90s. Now the draft begins. Yeah, the 90s were number one on my list. Actually, the 80s were number three on my list.

Oh. So I'm going to take my number two. Number two. Which is the 2000s. That was third on my list. Now the draft begins. That was down at seven on my list. Now the draft begins. That was down at seven on my list. Yeah. He doesn't like technology. He wants

good old. Okay. Oh, I love technology. Yeah. I'm not going on. All right. Uh, yeah. The, the two thousands, you know, I graduated in, you love housing housing crises so that makes sense i uh oh if you like housing crisis get ready uh yeah we got a few yeah the the 2000s were were i mean i this is a little bit you know self-centered in the sense that i loved the 2000s you know it was like it was a great time in my life it's not just like pretty self-centered yeah yeah i mean obviously i can't personally love the 1900s but what is i wasn't there here i'm gonna put you i'm gonna make you defend yourself a little bit okay okay they're lower on my list i don't know how low they were from mike what's the vibe of the 2000s the 2000 to 2010

that's the problem i had with it is i couldn't really, I couldn't wrap my head around like one iconic. I think it's just because we're still so close to it. Yeah. That's true. That's fair. Which for my next pick, we are closer to. Oh no.

That's the worst. That's the lowest. That's the second lowest on my list. Oh, baby. Garbage. That should at least be the third lowest on your list. I mean, 2010, that's smartphone revolution. That's social media generation.

Thank you for telling. Exactly. My notes for the 2010s was social media, comma, gross. I think it's awful. worst period ever i uh i i want my tech i want my computer so i'm taking the 2000s and the 2010s gross terrible picks all right so i'm up uh i have had a lifelong infatuation with just and i get it i didn't live back then so i don't't know all the terrible things. I like the fun stuff that the movies show me,

and I really like the music and just the vibe. I'm taking the 50s. Really? Yeah, man. Give me some poodle skirts. Give me the leather jackets and the greasers. I didn't know that about you, Mike. I learned something because that is-

Diners. My notes for the 50s were cool cars, unlocked doors, staying outside all day, Cokes and diners. That's what I'm talking about. And I said we look good in the 50s. Yeah. And it's probably no surprise that both of us love Back to the Futures. And I'm sure that has implanted a lot of my romanticizing

what went on in the 50s. Which, to be clear, this draft is the romanticized version of every decade. We recognize that there are horrors that have transpired during every year of our existence as humans, but the romanticized version of the past is the one that i think of it yeah you know that is uh the baby boomer generation was the 50s it's like the don draper yes yes time yeah that's what comes to my mind yes i feel like a you know the 50s just sound like sounds fun well that so i'm up now you are you get two picks picks. The 50s were number four on my list.

My number three was actually the 60s. All right. And Space Race, right? We had Space Exploration beginning then. Civil Rights Movement. Got the hippies. The moon landing. And you had the Peace, Love, Rock and Roll, Beatlemania.

Yeah, Woodstock. Yeah. So I went with the 60s. It was close. Son of Sam. Am I right? Am I right? No. Yeah. So I went with the 60s. It was close. Son of Sam. Am I right? No? Yeah. There you go. Thank you. Son of

Sam. Am I right? Everyone's getting from this point in the draft. There's going to be about three or four ignore that moments from your decade. So am I next? Yeah. I next? Yeah. I have two picks. You took the 60s.

All right. This one is, look, there's a wart or two towards the end of it. Sure. But we are running out. But what I'm actually going with is the 1920s. Yeah. I think it's a great pick. That was my next pick.

It's a great pick. The roaring 20s. Yeah. People wore suits and dresses. People forget because I know 1929 wasn't great. The collapse of the stock market. The only reason it could collapse is because it was roaring. People had money and it was good.

Economically, great. I mean, we were even trying new things like Prohibition. We were like, hey, let's give it a go. Let's see if it works. Yeah, it did not work. It did not, but we tried things. Great Gatsby's the 20s, right? Yeah, F. Scott Fitzgerald.

Leo DiCaprio, get out of here with your author. Yeah, yeah. No, that's. Yeah, 20s parties look like they're a good time. Hemingway was 20s. Yeah, 20s were. So you... Yeah, 20s parties look like they're a good time. Hemingway was 20s? Yeah, 20s were... So you guys both, women's right to vote? What's your favorite Hemingway work?

Boy, I had too many to choose from, if I'm honest. This ain't a book show. I celebrate his whole catalog. What's yours, Mike? I didn't bring him up yeah the old man in the sea that's on right i have no idea yeah probably could be oh you googled um 20s and the 60s my so i have the 80s the 60s and the 20s and i going to get stuck with some junk on the next pick. Oh, yes, you are. I was hoping that one of those would come back to me.

I feel like we are on the countdown to doom. We are. So what are you going with? I'm curious. Oh, I'm taking the 70s. Yeah. That's not fair. The 70s are the last one left.

70s have got some really good things. You got disco. I mean, my biggest- Into Vietnam? Yeah. It was over? Yeah, that part's good. House interior, shag carpet?

Everything for me on decades is music. Okay. I mean, a lot of what we called classic rock, except I think our music is now called classic rock. But classic rock, I've got no problems with disco. Watergate? It's a good time. Yeah. There you go.

Also, Star Wars, Jaws. Both of those are 70s. That's crazy. Yeah. But yeah, who doesn't love a great scandal here we go jason which which picks uh it's two of them he already he already picked the worst the second worst one i picked the 2020s um all right i know my first one my first one's great it's the exact opposite of uh what i is going to be really fun in a minute.

It's 1900s. Okay, good. We're going where there's still a little bit of Wild West. There's still people riding around on horses. We're going all the way back. It's the turn of the century. Were they doing horses in the 1900s? Yeah, of course.

Absolutely. The early 1900s, boys, that was- Teddy? Yeah. That's Teddy. Teddy Roosevelt,s, boys, that was- Teddy? Yeah. That's Teddy. Teddy Roosevelt, right? Yeah, Teddy. Look, I did not realize this.

Did you know that Teddy got in because of an assassination? What do you mean? No, I didn't know that. What are you talking about? He wasn't voted in? The first time, when he got to take over, I'm pretty sure. Was he the assassinator? Oh, come on.

No, that was LBJ in the 60s. Someone confirm that. Yeah. I mean, we don't try to be too accurate here, but. I got to find it again. I didn't. I'd never heard that at all. Hold on.

I don't even know. I see that he won the Electoral College. I think he got reelected. Maybe he assassinated the vote. Hold this. Who was it? McKinley. Following the assassination of his predecessor, William McKinley.

Yeah. Well, I'll be darned. Then he won re-election. Exactly. Because he was so cool on that horse. And was he in the 1900s? Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Fantastic. You didn't even know you were drafting some Teddy. I didn't know I had Teddy. I got the Wright Brothers. The Wright Brothers, the Model T. Theory of Relativity. Great pick, Jason. Now, what is that again?

E equals MC squared. No, I mean like tease it out a little bit. Well, we'll have another Jason. Yeah, okay. All right. Nope. Nope. No.

Turn that off. Oh, I can't handle that. Woo. Give me a heart attack. I don't want it. Okay. So. So.

Now. Next. I get another decade. Mm-hmm. The 90s are gone. The 2000s are gone. The 80s are gone. The 10s are gone.

The aughts. The 70s. The 20s. The 60s. The 50s are gone. Oh, my goodness. Gross. Well, I i mean there are three decades there are would you like to know them they're the 1930s they're the 1910s of the 1940s yeah you got it we got a lot of wars yeah we do in those decades um what's your favorite war um we'll save that for another draft oh no oh goodness gracious next time on the

final spitballers episode oh i have to draft one of these tens 30s or 40s man you are struggling there's one wrong answer that's all you have to know um goodness uh i'm gonna go with the 1930s that's the wrong answer that's not the wrong answer oh yeah oh the 30s that's the depression pretty much yeah the great depression that's a good pick you are not taking back the depression but don't worry. They're sandwiched. You also have the Dust Bowl. Yeah.

Dude, there's nothing good in the 30s. The creation of Social Security. I'll be honest. I had the 30s rated higher than I did the 40s. Yeah, the 40s are World War II. Yeah. Yeah, but World War II then turned things around. You were able to get the economy jump-started again.

So you're taking those? Yeah, I'll take the 40s. Okay. And my tagline is, it's not the 30s. That's the tagline? Yeah, that's my big sign. So that means I end up with the final pick, which is the 1910s? Sure.

So I get World War I and the mustard gas. Yeah. My notes on the 1910s. World War I, dot, dot, dot. Not great. Dot, dot, dot. First transatlantic flight. I figured that out.

That happened in the 1910s. And insulin. The women's suffrage movement was the 10s. Yeah. Wait. There you go. Well, I think the 20s, they got the right to vote. But they started the movement in the 10s. Yeah. No, I think the 20s, they got the right to vote. But they started the

movement in the 10s. Yeah. No, 19th Amendment in 1919. And also, I'm seeing general relativity in 1915. Oh, I'm taking it. I'm taking it. I'm taking it. Just kidding about that. You don't get that. All I know is the World Wars went last and second to last, as they should have. You're welcome for me taking on the bad economic times of the 30s yeah would you i think you would have rather lived during the wars if you weren't fighting we were talking about it because i was i'm like okay give me some information here on these

old decades dude one in four people couldn't find work. One in four. Imagine it. One in four people. Yeah, I know. It's not imaginable. One in four people can't find. That's unbelievably horrific. I also got stuck with this.

Good pick, Jay. I got stuck with the Spanish flu, though. Oh, man. And that was only only five was that only 500 million people died oh my we gotta get away that was 1918 1919 oh get away from that the tins were tough you were you were in world war dying or you're getting spanish flu and dying i feel like then you part you partied hard for about do we have a pandemic draft coming? My position in this draft was horrific because you guys got the two cool ones right up at the top, and then you emptied it out with the 70s of the next tier.

So I didn't even get near the top tier, and then I got two of the garbage. On my own rankings, which I know you disregard, but on my own jason you you drafted the 7th 11th uh 8th yeah and uh did you get the you got the third and ninth yes so seven eight nine eleven yeah well done yeah i had i had 2010s is still in the before everything went terrible but it was just above the 70s before everything went terrible, but it was just above the 70s. Before everything went, the 2010s? Yeah. Oh, as in like picks before you were picking bad, bad decades? Mm-hmm. Well, that's wild.

That's wild. I feel like we learned a little bit. Kids, learn your history because there's wild stuff going on out there. It is crazy. So I have the 80s, 60s, 20ss and 10s mike the 90s 50s 70s and 40s there's a good group and jason has some other decades the other one he has the other ones folks you well here's the thing i don't think our demo is really big with people who like lived through right that time yeah so i think your your uh 2000s will we'll do okay that's right

they're they were they're good times yeah i i would have guessed that there's some listeners that um born in the uh born in the aughts and somehow they basically like we were born in the 80s but we remember the 90s yes so if you're born in the aughts you remember the 2010s yeah i wish we could find out what like what's the oldest person that listens to this show let's uh let us know they don't know how to contact us can we give them a mailing address oh my gosh send your uh postage mail we we get uh i we get we have a an older person that coaches one of my son's teams. Okay. And he has to communicate with all the parents, which you would think, you know, you just send an email to the parents.

But every email is a blank email with a Word doc attached. No. And the Word doc is written like a letter. No. To whom it may concern. concern i mean not quite like that not with a sincerely best but you open the dock to read the email that comes in the email it's pretty funny it was pretty funny how old is this person 70s 70s like they were around for the invention of the sports? You know what? Possibly.

But yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They wouldn't. If you're really old and you know technology, let us know. Yeah. Apparently Jason would like to meet you. I'm not worried that I'm going to get a hold of this. I don't think anyone's getting a hold of me, to be honest.

What did we learn today? Oh, man. The early 1900s. Some stuff went down. I learned that I am outhouse proof. And that's the way I want to think of my weight. I was going to say, that's... This is protection.

Try stuffing me down an outhouse. It's not going to happen. You'll fail. I guess I learned that relativity was in the tens. Yeah. I didn't know that. Deucers, favorite decade. Go.

60s. 80s. 80s. All right. I guess I made an okay pick. 90s. Yeah. All right.

Take care. Catch you. Yeah, right. Take care. Catch you next time. Goodbye. Thanks for listening to the Spitballers Podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out spitballerspod.com.