Spitballers Comedy Podcast - 267: Between the Sheets & Frito Feet - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: December 18, 2023

On this episode, we discuss having quadruplets, looking different every day, and bedding preferences. Then we jump into Highway To Spell before drafting items for a fight to the death inside an electronics store. Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast! Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast: Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.com Follow us on Twitter: Twitter.com/SpitballersPod Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPod Subscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers Podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. Zippity zap-toe, zappity zip-toot-fay! Yeah, I don't know what the last thing you said was I think I said the word today I liked it Zippity zap do

I mean it's a classic formula that works What do they call that when it's uh Like when you retrace your steps Yeah is it a I don't know. Rubber band? No, that's not what I'm thinking. Boomerang?

Ah. I came back to where I started. A ladder? Something a tonic. Like one of those words. Gin and tonic? It's a gin and tonic. Okay, that's what we just did.

It's not like a... No, a pentatonic is a scale. No, it's not a pentatonic. Maybe that's what I'm thinking of. I don't know. We're dumb. All right, welcome into theonic is a scale. No, it's not a pentatonic. Maybe that's what I'm thinking of. I don't know. We're dumb. All right, welcome into the Spitballers podcast. Episode 267.

And the holidays are here. They are for us right now. Yeah, if you're listening to this live. We'll have a couple weeks off after this episode. So, obviously, that's why jason delivered such a good scat we've got would you rather oh we've got highway to spell today what i just found i thought it was going to be a good show i thought we were going to have fun today i thought we're going to enjoy this episode no it'll be good yes sir go to go to your camera go to your camera

you suck okay okay thank you you're welcome wow we do have another battle royale on the show today which is always a treat we'll be stepping into the confines of an electronic store and battling one another that'll be our draft at the end of the episode you can follow us on x slash twitter at spitballers pod want to know a little little secret on that scat oh the zip zap was the electricity from the electronics store okay that was my most what a secret you not a zip tie reference no no okay okay uh we are happier with us thank you for supporting the show and telling your friends. It's always, it's just a kind thing to do and it's the holiday season. So spread some jolly, you know, some people, you know, the, um, out in front of the stores, they ring the bells and you put money in.

Right. Is that how we should market the podcast? I'm just saying, if you have a bell, then you're out in front of a store. You could be more of a herald for the show. Take no money. If they give you money. I'll let them take money, but talk about our show. Talk about the show.

All right, let's kick it off. Would you rather? All right, Blake from the website. Would you rather live the rest of your life without bed sheets or without socks? Are you talking no comforter? Nothing, right? You're not just saying just the top. Do I get a blanket?

Not just a sheet? I think this is sheets, right? Because this is like you don't – you still get shoes. You just can't wear socks. You still get a blanket. I mean, that's correct. But you're sleeping on the mattress. But you get a blanket? Yeah. You could but you're sleeping on the mattress but you get a blanket yeah you could cover yourself you get shoes in this right you know i'm not i'm not debating it i'm just saying it makes it easy you think so yeah dude sleeping

now here's the thing i don't have i know you're supposed to have like fitted sheet then uh then the then the sheet and you go under the sheet. Yeah. You go between two sheets. Yes. And then the blanket's on top. But I haven't had the sheet that you go under in 20 years. That's a waste of time. Yeah. That's a waste of everybody's time.

Oh, I completely disagree. What? You both put the blanket directly over and you don't use the sheet? Correct. Because the sheet does not exist. Yeah, I don't have one. Yeah, because I don't need it. I mean. I got a blanket the blanket the problem with that is there's a texture difference and an insulation

from air you can get too hot without the sheet being kind of like a and then your leg goes out yeah i do i do the leg out too but that shocks me like there's a reason people do it that way it's because yeah because they like tried and tested for generations, and they realize that a cool sheet and then a blanket on top of the sheet is- Unnecessary. Yeah. Super helpful. That's why we got rid of it.

It's one of those things. Why do you do this? Now, when you say blanket, do you mean a blanket or a comforter? Comforter. Comforter, yeah. Oh, my gosh. No. You need the sheet.

We use the duvet. Ooh, a fancy boy. Which, those things are ridiculous. What are we doing? What makes them ridiculous? Oh, you got to- Which, those things are ridiculous. What are we doing? What makes them ridiculous? Oh, you got to tie. Getting it set up. So the duvet is, there's the cover, and then you have to somehow-

You guys have easy lives. Get the thing into the cover, and then you got to tie it to the corners- It's so stupid. Like a caveman. And it's like, I'm tying a bow, and then- You're both living stupid lies. And then as you're using the duvet, like if one corner comes undone, then it's all crumply in one side.

And you're defending the duvet. No, I'm saying. Over using sheets in between it. Well, yeah, because that's dumb. Yeah, the sheets is dumb. Yeah. I'm just saying, give me a good old-fashioned blanket. It's the weirdest take I've ever heard.

That sheets are dumb. No, the top sheet blanket. It's the weirdest take I've ever heard. That sheets are dumb. No, the top sheet. Because here's the thing. The fitted sheet. Yeah. Unbelievably important. Unbelievably important. We're on the same page.

Because this is the issue in this question of which one would you rather have. If you sleep directly on the mattress, that mattress is going to be so filthy nasty i i won't be able to sleep on that for a long period of time and it's not like you know if if i'm wearing my shoes without socks okay maybe that makes my feet get stinky but i can replace my shoes. Replacing a mattress like every few months because I don't want to lay down on a – and I would imagine if you don't get sheets, you get pillowcases. Have fun walking around with stinky shoes all the time because that's 100% what's coming your way without socks. Not always.

Really? Yes, always. No, no. I got a lot of flip-flops in my closet, brother. Not always. Not always. What do you mean not always? I mean not always.

Not everybody's feet stink. Yeah. Sockless. It's just a bacterial fact. Maybe it takes longer to get there. I'm just saying if you use the shoe for a long enough period of time, they will begin to stink because- Yes, a long enough period of time. Yeah, that's all I'm saying.

I had a long stretch of time where when I would wear only Vans and I would wear no socks. Yeah, but you don't know if they stink. I knew once they began to stink. Yeah. You can smell your own feet. Yeah. You can definitely smell your own feet. Yeah.

And some people like my boy has the smelliest Frito feet of all time. Now, I don't have. Did you say Frito? Oh, yeah. Like they smell like bad Fritos. Yeah. Well, socks will help. It doesn't help him. It does not help him in the slightest.

Does he have a condition? He must. There must be. There's something that went wrong in his DNA. I wonder who he got it from. Not me. I don't have smelly feet. I've got great news for you here, Mike.

It's not me. And for the international listening audience, you at home might be dealing with stinky feet. Some people have it. I know because my daughter had it. There you go. Had it. Oh. Check this out.

Sucks. No, no, no. Here's the thing. She had a stretch of time. Oh, my goodness. It was, I mean, it's what you're talking about. She had a stretch of time. Oh, my goodness. I mean, it's what you're talking about. She had the Frito feet. I wish she had Frito feet, Mike.

It was so bad. Did you guys label it as anything? We didn't. Just stank feet. I mean, it was awful. It was horrendous. She was going on a trip with her school and didn't want to go because eventually she's going to share a hotel room. It would clear out a room.

If those shoes were in a room, it's clear. So we bought the odor-fighting socks and the powders and the little odor-resistant balls that you put in the shoes. We did everything. None of that worked. Well, it all helped. It made it to where you didn't throw up anymore. And that was the real goal. We didn't want her friends to throw up.

But it was like a year ago where I realized, like, wait a minute. Your feet don't stink anymore. She was like, I know. It just stopped. It just completely stopped. So if you have stinky feet, it doesn't mean that you will always necessarily. Like she grew out of it? She grew out of stinky feet.

But she's not an adult yet. No, but apparently through the adolescent years. So there's hope for my boy. That's what I'm telling you, Mike. There is a chance that Frito Foot will go away. It's great news because I know how bad a bad foot smells. I'm going, I'm wearing socks. I'm not living my whole life without socks.

The issue with the socks. Legitimately, you can't play sports anymore without devastation. Yeah, I'm. You can't wear shoes. For day-to-day wear, it's okay. But you're working out the winter, like when it's actually cold. I don't know that you can go without socks. Basketball, pickleball, done.

Yeah, I'm not. You're just covered in, you just stop sports? No, I'm not giving up socks. Oh, okay. Yeah, in the end, after all that, yeah, I'm wearing socks. I mean, I guess you could wear like the barefoot shoes. If you showered before bed every night. Oh, I would have.

And that would be the practice. And then you flip the mattress before you have to replace. I can't do the flip. I know that used to be a thing. Can you buy new toppers? That used to be a thing where you... Is that a roundabout? I mean, that's like laying a blanket down on it.

I know that used to be like a real, like you'd always flip the mattress. But now it's like every mattress I've owned for the last decade, it has like a pillow top. You know what I mean? Where it's like... Right. You can't just flip the mattress and the pillow top is down. Yeah, you would have to change your practices, Jason. No, hold on.

Did big mattress pull a fast one on us? I think they did, man. I think they made it to where they're like, dude, people are flipping this mattress instead of buying a new one. Mattresses are lasting way too long. We've got to make sure there's a top and a bottom. This goes, those crooks. Sneaky snooks, man. We've got to make sure there's a top and a bottom. Those crooks. Sneaky snooks, man.

Because you can buy a pillow top and just put it on there. Now, wait. Al, you said you rotate yours 90 degrees. Yeah. Not 180. Correct. So you sleep like short way? No, our mattress is a square. No mattress is a square.

A perfect square? Ours is. No, it isn't. What are you talking about? There isn't a mattress that's a perfect square. Even a regular, like- Look up whatever, what size mattress do you think you have? He's like, every few weeks his feet start hanging off the bottom, and he's like, man, this-

No, it fits in the frame perfectly both ways. Okay, but look up the size. What do you have, a king? It must be like a California king or something. I think it's a California king. California king is way worse. Then it's a king. A regular king is way worse. Then it's a king. A regular king is 76 by 80.

Yeah, whatever. I'm good. Oh, yes. I knew it. When he said 90, I was like, I've never heard of that. I'm telling you, we did it yesterday. Yeah, you're really short, so it doesn't matter. If the mattress is 76.

There are no square mattresses. We are nowhere near the same height, Jeremy. The boogeyman's coming after my feet because they're dangling. Yeah. Try getting shorter. It's no problem. Yeah. I will.

90 degrees. Okay. A Cali king is 72 by 84, so I really hope it's that. I hope it's a twin. It's a king. And they just go fetal position every three months. Wait. Hold on.

Did you guys know there's an Alaska king? What is this? And a Texas king? I have heard of a Texas king. Okay, and a Wyoming king, an RV king. What is happening? What's the biggest one? So the Alaska king seems to be the winner.

Confidamus. It is 144 inches by 84. Wait, 144 inches? This thing is... An Alaska king? This is built for co-sleeping. 144 wide? Yeah.

Oh, that's a family. Oh, my word. Dude, I am buying an Alaska king, man. That is awesome. That's 12 feet. 12 yes that means six for you six for your wife i you can starfish i could not tell you how much i would love that wow no but it's gonna be a problem finding a bed frame is this like you gotta build it yourself. Wow, Alaskan King. Good luck on the sheets, too. Yeah.

I mean, they're out there. This is a real size of a mattress. 12 feet wide? Let me just rotate it 90 degrees. You could. You could sleep in any direction on that mattress. Wow, I am in love with the alaska king mattress chris from patreon as a new parent would you rather have quadruplets and be done okay or six children separated by two

years a piece oh that is a great question so so that's 12 years of having a baby. Child rearing. Of having a baby. Starting over. Yes, of starting over. The first thing that comes to mind is the fact that obviously at some age the older children will help with the younger children. That is true. That happens in all the big families. The older kids hate it. But you will have a baby, as you said, a baby in baby stage for the majority of the 12 years.

For all of the 12 years. For all of the 12 years. So in that case, you're going through extreme baby age with the quadruplets. But I feel like if you had quadruplets, I feel like the world comes out to help you. Absolutely. Like twins or whatever. They'll still try to help you. Absolutely. Like twins are like whatever. They'll still try to help you. But I feel like the more you have, the more it's like everyone's going to come help.

We started with twins. And when you start, like when you have your first baby, it's hard. You lose sleep. It's difficult. You hear about all the hardships of that first child. We started with twins. It just was the exact same thing we didn't know any right we didn't know any different it was hard we lost sleep we did but it's like it's hard is hard so give me four i'm i definitely would rather get that out of the way because you got a three-year stretch you know not sleeping is not

sleeping there's not like a a different degree of not sleeping. Yeah. I would like to not sleep for six months instead of 13 years. It's also four kids or six. Yeah. At the end of it, you have six. It's a better retirement plan. You either survive or you don't.

Yeah. You're saying you survive if you start with four. Yeah, if you're on the quadruplets and maybe I don't survive. Okay, I gave it my best. I'm sorry. Give it the old college shot. Or you get through it. Because you had the twins.

I'm thinking through it. My oldest are just a year and a half apart. So, I mean, it was like basically the no sleep. You're just coming out of it right back into it so it was a really long time yeah that sounds horrible you have four teenagers at the same time papa josh pointed out four teenagers and they are talk about they're gonna want cars they're angry yeah oh yeah teenagers they are they what the things they say about having teenagers they're so far i've i'm i'm just getting into it it's all truth i don't want all real i don't want to paint with they are angry i don't want to paint with a broad brush but

teenagers are idiots yeah yeah all of them 100 of them i don't like i said i don't want to generalize yeah but 100 of them are idiots you don't want to be hyperbolic or say something that you would regret but they're the worst creatures yeah on earth yes um they can't control themselves the facts yeah but they do i was a great teenager. They know everything. Yeah, of course. Yeah. Very wise. That's perfect. They are super smart. They literally know 100% of everything that there is. Yeah.

They've capped. F13. Matt from the website, would you rather wake up every morning looking like a completely random person? That'd be fun. Or have your spouse wake up every morning looking like a different person? No. Only affects appearances appearances not memories or health i mean the walk to the mirror would be a fun one every morning it's like quantum leap it's like opening a new pack of like cards and seeing what you got

yeah but what about that day that you're looking good how sad are are you going to be tomorrow? I'm never going to sleep. How happy is your spouse going to be that day? Yeah, but it's like, oh, man, I don't know if I could give up being a Hemsworth, just going in the mirror and being like, yes, yes. Oh, don't let tomorrow come. Well, but think about it mathematically. Out of how many men are there a Hemsworth? One and how many?

Yeah, so I'm going to be sad more often than happy. Is it one in 100? Is it one in 1,000? Is it one in 10,000? Specifically a Hemsworth, I would guess like one in a billion. I mean, there's multiples of them you're you might live your whole life how many hymnsworths are there because there's about eight billion people every day you're gonna walk to your mirror hoping you see hymnsworth and you're gonna get ted

yeah and steve and bart oh i don't want to be bart so that's i, more people are ugly than they are good looking, right? That's actually a good question. And the answer is absolutely. It's in the eye of the beholder, Andy. Yeah. No, it's. No, more people are ugly than are attractive. What percentage of people are ugly?

We got five people in here right now. According to Quora. We got five people in here right now. We% according to Quora. We got five people in here right now. We're running about three-fifths ugly. So, checks out. Yeah. The math extrapolates. Oh, my gosh.

Which three? That's for you to decide. Just so you know, unattractiveness or ugliness is the degree to which a person's physical features are considered aesthetically unfavorable. Yeah. That's so much worse. to which a person's physical features are considered aesthetically unfavorable. Yeah, that is. That's so much worse. According to one person, the good-looking people are between 7% and 8% of the population. So let's just call it 1 in 10.

1 in 10, you're happy when you wake up. The rest of the time, you're like, dang it. I find your aesthetics unfavorable. Yeah. Look, that's true, though. It's okay. It's okay. Three times a month, I'm happy?

Yeah, three times a month, you're happy. Man. Actually, here's the honest truth. I think... This is tough. I don't know what to say and what not to say. Yeah, this is a trap. Basically, what I was going to do is give women credit

because I think women give more grace about a man's appearance than men give for a woman's appearance with a broad brush. Yeah, we don't paint broadly, but yes, 100%. But in that case, I think that's appearance. I think that's probably fair. With a broad brush. Yeah, we don't paint broadly, but yes, 100%. But in that case, I think that's true. So it'd be better for you to be the one that every day changes. Like in our situation. You're the better person, honey. Yeah, basically, you're the better person.

I'm Bart today. I'm not strong enough for this. All the Barts out there are like what's wrong with me counter argument counter argument uh again broad brush here okay most women wear makeup okay and can doll themselves up and men don't and hide it well i'm just saying like they get you know when when when my wife goes out she she gets all like- Taking a turn. Fancy. I can't- You can be fancy too. But if I'm ugly, I don't know how to change my face at all.

You know what I mean? I don't know how to do some fancy eye shadow. Skills to kind of like change the percentage. Exactly. Now, I mean, you never have to work out. That's true because it wouldn't make any difference. Yeah, what difference is it going to make? But I don't have to work out now.

That's what I mean. It's just true. Hold on. I've got maybe something that changes the effects here. Overall, unattractive participants in a study, it says they show very little awareness that strangers do not share their view about their attractiveness. Oh, that's good.

So when you aren't necessarily that attractive you don't generally have awareness that other people know it like you might view yourself more favorably or more negative why because everyone's their toughest critic do you think that's true do you think do you think more people are better looking than they think they are or are worse looking than they think they are? I think more people are better looking than they realize. Oh, that's really nice, Mike. I don't think that's true. I do because we're all so self-focused.

We see imperfections in ourselves and you're like, hey, have you ever noticed this about me? No. No, that does happen. Whenever you take a photo and somebody's looking at the photo, they're like, oh. We all look at ourselves. They're all like, oh, I look so this. And nobody else even notices that.

Yeah. Yeah, because they're looking at themselves. Yeah. They didn't look at you in the photo. Exactly. I'm looking at myself going, oh, I'm not looking good there. It's funny. But no one else is caring.

I mean, we're getting all deep now. But it's funny because you only see yourself in a mirror or in a photograph so you never see yourself the way that other people see you and you don't see it with any of the like like my mirror shows me my face straight on right i don't see my peripheral i definitely don't know what my profile is i look better to myself than to others because my profile is my worst so and i don't see it see what are you talking about? What's wrong with your profile? You need a profile mirror?

Yeah, no, I'm just saying, like, I'm fatter from the side than from straight on. So I only see myself from straight on, and I'm looking good. But I know you see me from the side, and it's like, I apologize. That's the truth. I've had that thought like a hundred times have you thought about just like shuffling sideways for all your movement and never turning yeah don't let anyone see me you rotate with he always rotates on all moments he's walking sideways you're like crab walking down the hallway. It just depends on where the people are. Please don't look at me sideways.

You face the people. The problem is right now, you guys are on both sides of me. I got to back way off. You did. You won the lucky draw then of our set design. Oh, this wasn't lucky draw, man. This was 100% by design. I don't know if you guys are aware of this.

You got a profile, man. But when we started building this set out, I 100% tried to make sure I was here. 100% for fat profile view. So I'm the middle. Where are you guys? Yeah. I mean, it was- Why do you keep making your laptop bigger?

Yeah. Yeah. No, that's definitely, that's a real thing and is why i'm here i love not being profile on camera and so do the people he would be recording like this if he was in my chair for sure welcome to the show okay um so did i'm i guess i'm choosing myself. I think my wife is more forgiving. Final answer. Yeah, I think we have to choose ourselves here. Oh, my gosh.

Time to move on. Highway to Spell. Let's move on to other forms of torture. I love Jeremy so much, I just remembered how much I don't like him anymore. Yeah, well, profile or straight on? He's a straight on me. Did you get a full spit take? I think I got Andy a full legit spit take.

Oh my gosh., my gosh. Oh, my gosh. You almost lost. Oh, man. You're a real straight on man. Oh, okay. Highway to spell. Here we go.

Mike is the returning champ. Made it all the way to 11th grade last time. Everyone else put up a good fight. Yeah, I think the other two of you were out in 7th or 8th grade last time. Oh, no one remembers. All right. Shall we? We shall.

And it starts with the scout guy? Always starts with you, Andy. Every time you try to get somebody else to go first. Because it's unfair. Go on. It's the same words. Yeah, but I have the highest potential for embarrassment to go out instantly all right go ahead that's fair we're starting with fifth grade level andy here's your fifth grade level word amusement

amusement okay yeah that's easy no problem a-m-u-s-e-m-a-n-t amusement yeah okay i did have a moment there i was like wait does that middle e belong oh but it does yeah good all right fifth grade level word for mike here you go continued all right continued get this right and your reign continues. Continued. Continued. Continued. You better give me an easy one. C-O-N-T-I-N-U-E-D. All right. All right.

I got a little nervous there for a minute. When you're on the clock, like right now, I'm sweating. There has to be an E in there. There'd be a continued. All right, Jason, here is your fifth grade level word. Happily. What? Happily?

Happily. Happily. H-A-P-P-I-L-Y. All right. What is that all about? Fifth grade is super easy. We're grown adults. We can handle sixth grade.

Continued was just as easy as happily. All right, let's see how sixth grade treats you. Andy, here is your sixth grade level word. Great. Scissors. There's a silent letter in there. Yeah. S-C-I-S-S-O-R-S.

Scissors. Oh, thank goodness. Why? What? Yeah, why is a C in that word? What's happening? Scissors. What are we doing here?

I guess it's science. Yeah, same thing. All right, Mike. What are we doing? Sixth grade. All right, I'm up. Here's your word. Independence.

Oh, yes. Oh, no. Yes, I'm so happy you have it. Which one is it? Which one is it? I don't. Oh, man. Oh, no.

I'm struggling too, guys not no i'm not i definitely got it right pen it's it's a dance right could be oh no it is in your mind right now independence independence independence independence oh no oh yeah oh no champion might be over it may be Independence. Oh, no. Oh, yeah. Oh, no. Champion might be over. It may be over. Let's hear it, Mike. Play the word one more time.

Independence. Independence. I am. Oh, gosh. He started spelling the word. I-N-D-E-P-E. Independence. I like it because the previous word was scissors, and he's like, oh, it's got an extra letter.

And then he wants it played a bunch of times. Like, that's going to help. We're going to go E-N-C-E. Oh, thank goodness. When I wrote it with dance, it wrong yeah yeah so i put dance down that was the first that was what i put down first too but it didn't look right yep all right it just feels wrong when it's all ease it's like independence yeah all right jason your turn sixth grade here's your word jason audience okay there i think i think our audience Word, Jason. Audience. Okay. There.

I think our audience is going to continue to listen to all three of us. Okay. A-U-D-I-E-N-C-E. Audience. I'm the smartest man alive. This has got to be a – is this a record? We're taking – Not yet. We're hopping on the bus, heading to junior high.

Let's go. All right. Andy, your seventh grade level word. Raspberry. Play that again? Raspberry. Singular? It is singular.

Play it one... I'm going to get an alternate. Am I crazy or am I hearing Brasberry? The word is Raspberry. I know. Play it again because it did not say Brasberry? The word is Raspberry. I know. Play it again because it did not say Brasberry. Say it again. Go back to the other one.

Raspberry. No, we're all hearing Raspberry. R-A-S-P-B-E-R-R-Y. Raspberry. It's a Raspberry. Oh, yeah. I did not have a P. Let me see what you had written down there.

It looks wrong. It looks wrong to me. Yeah, you left the P right out. R- not. Let me see. Let me see what you had written down there. It looks wrong. It looks wrong to me. Yeah, you left the P right out. R-A-Z-Z. I put S's. All right. But then I was like, that looks wrong. There's one S.

I don't know what's wrong with this, but it's wrong. All right. You didn't get dealt that Ratchberry. Also, you forgot the B at the top of the word. Brassberry. Mike, here is your seventh grade level word. Bureau. What?

Goodbye, everybody. What is that word? Bureau, like the Federal Bureau of Investigation. Oh, man. Bureau. There's like a hundred ways. I got that one. I can spell this like five different ways.

Bureau? Yeah. That? Yeah. That is correct. Okay. B-E-A-U-R-O. No, you're dead. You're dead, boy. I told you.

Oh, wait. Is that how you spell it? What do you got, Andy? Oh, the E at the end. B-U-R-E-A-U. Bureau. That is correct. Yay.

I put the E at the wrong spot. I won't even turn my board around fellas i i deleted it here's what i wrote i'm not showing you how i tried to attempt to spell bureau the champ is gone he's gone all right look i'm looking at it right now and it looks just as correct as the real spelling all right all right jason let's keep this going here's your seventh grade level word bureau extinguish extinguish no you spell bureau spell it even after hearing the right answer uh dude if you asked me to spell bureau right now, extinguish. Okay, do your word. E-X-T-I-N-G-U-I-S-H? Okay, all right. Bureau.

Okay. Now do bureau just for the fun. Wait, did I get it right? Yeah, you got it. Okay. Are we in eighth grade now? Just me and Jason? that is correct lucky andy here is your eighth grade level word advantageous add play it one more time uh-oh advantageous man it seemed like it was going to be super easy

until the end I'm worried A-D-V-A-N-T A-G-E-O-U-S advantageous I just had to go with the first writing and just move on for the record I did get that one right

nice congratulations what about this one I got this one wrong. Lieutenant. Yep. See you later, everybody. Oh, man. Lieutenant? Lieutenant?

That's impossible. There's no way. Make him do this. Dude, if you gave me 10 tries, I would... Okay, all right. Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Lieutenant. Oh, what?

Lieutenant? I don't know what that pronunciation was we'll go back to the original I think I got it oh man I can get the first letter here I am worried about mine I don't know how to get to the second letter guys I mean that I don't know I feel like we could give you the second letter in you know I'm not going to oh my gosh guys this is I my brain can't possibly spell this

lieutenant there are so many things I want to see on that board so many letters looking good right now I know what that means Mike Luke I have my guess at how to spell yeah I have mine too It's looking good right now. I know what that means, Mike. I have my guess at how to spell that. Yeah, I have mine too. Oh, my gosh.

Go for it. All right, here we go. L-U, no, L-E-U-T-I-N-A. Okay, yeah. What in the world? Wait, wait, wait, wait. Let's see if Mike and I have it right. L-I-E-U?

That's what I have. That's correct so far. And then tenant, so T-E-n-a-n-t that is correct that's what i got yeah baby oh man that was great i i'm back in i was hoping he started l-o-o well i could tell you this i had no idea what the second letter was i knew there was a problem right off the bat but i wasn't sure if it was an e or a u and it was an i so so wait do i get to go to high school and see if i can pass mike you do yeah we're gonna see if you can graduate be the first ever congrats bureau and lieutenant over hindrance that is correct all right

it's not a hindrance it's not a hindrance hindrance it's hindrance yeah wow good job 11th now did mike get past 11th last time, you're on 10th right now. Mike went out in 11th. That's right. Okay. Here's your 10th grade level word. Obstetrician. What the heck? Yeah.

Eat it. The champion. I think you can get this. Obstetrician. I'm just going to, for the sake of time, I'm going to write it again. Hold on. Here it is again. Obstetrician.

Now, they make obstacles, right? Oh, my gosh. I don't think I got it right, but O-B-S-T-E-T-R-I-C-I-A-N. Oh! Oh, wow. Oh! Oh, wow. Woo! I had my odds at about 10% on that one. I stopped

listening to you halfway through because I assumed there's no way. I felt real good when I didn't hear the horn as I was going the mid-letter, so I was like, wait a minute. All right, we're on to 11th grade. If you get this right, you've officially gone further than anybody has yet. Okay, this is a big deal.

Physiognomy. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Say it again. Physiognomy. That's not a word. Physiognomy. That's not a word. The art of discovering temperament and character from outward appearance.

Physiognomy? Physiognomy. Oh. Physiognomy. Physiognomy? Physiognomy oh physiognomy physiognomy no me what the heck well I okay um p-h-y-s-i-o-g-n-o-m-y physiognomy sorry say the spell it one more time for me p-h-y-s-i-o-g-n-o-m-y physiognomy whoa dude he sounded it out i did you graduate i i googled that's not even a word that exists i googled physiognomy incorrectly and it said did you mean physiognomy and when i saw physiognomy how it was

spelled i went well he's out yeah Yeah, I thought I was toast. Okay, let's graduate high school. Keep going. All right, here is your 12th grade level word. Averdepois. What? Abracadabra. Say it a few thousand different ways.

Averdepois. I literally don't know what you're saying. I just spelled this, and Google has no idea. It doesn't say the name. Can you pronounce it? I don't know what you're saying i just spelled this and google has no idea like i literally can you pronounce it i don't know what you meant avward de poys avward de poys google says it looks like there aren't many great matches for research i mean i this one this is the end advert atvert at what? Advert de poise. I mean, I can write it exactly as it sounds, and it sounds ridiculous. A-V-W-E-R-D-A-P-O-I-S-E?

You were wrong a long time ago. Oh, okay. All right. What is the word? It is AVWIR. AVWIR. Depoys. A system of weights based on a power.

I don't know. It's A-V-O-I-R. Okay. Yeah, that's not happening. D-U-P-O-I-S. Okay. English words only, please. Wow.

Okay. Well, I feel good. Did I get farther than Mike? You did. That's the new high score. All right. words only, please. Wow. Okay. Well, I feel good. Did I get farther than Mike? Yeah, that's the new high score. All right. Good enough for me. The Spitballers Draft. Well, we have stepped inside an electronic store.

We have a battle royale in store, and obviously we're fighting to the death. And obviously we're fighting to the death. So, Jason, you get to select the first weapon or whatever of choice from the store as we begin our fight. Okay. I know one I really, really, really want. I think it might be the best actual weapon, but I think there's a chance it comes back to me. And I'm not sure that this one does. This isn't a great one-on-one draft. I don't feel like.

At least I didn't see one that was definitive. I'm thrilled to hear you say that because I wasn't like, oh, yeah, get the gun. It's just there's not. We're fighting at a gun store. There's not a lot of things here. But I think a dual-purpose weapon that is heavy, strong, it's basically like a baseball bat, and it can pump me up and get me ready for a fight.

I'm taking a Sono sound bar. Oh, okay. Interesting. Now I can put on my jams while we fight. Now it has to be a Sonos brand soundbar. It can't be just a soundbar. Well, whatever the biggest, heaviest soundbar is, but I'm just thinking like. Yeah, a soundbar.

Yeah. I actually didn't think about the soundbar. I think that's good. Thank you. Now if you keep it plugged in to pump you up, you will have limited range. They don't have any batteries in there? I mean, I'm just saying, like, if you keep it plugged in to pump you up, you will have limited range. They don't have any batteries in there? I mean, I'm just saying, like, if you want the music coming out, you need just keep that in mind. The music pumps me up, then I unplug it and I take it across your face.

That's fair. Look, I'm not exactly sure what I'll use it for. I just know I want it on my team. Maybe it's a little surveillance. Oh, that's a word I can't spell. Maybe I can weaponize it at some point in time. But I'm taking a drone. Yeah.

I'm taking a drone. That was my first pick. And I think a regular drone, if I just run it into your face, it's not going to feel good. Yeah, you go for the hair. Yeah. Wait, the hair? Oh, yeah. With the propeller blades?

Oh, man. Wait, to lower your morale? I don't have to worry, baby. Oh, to tie it up. Yeah, like, we have shorter hair, so it's not going to be. I thought you meant to, like, cut your hair so you're embarrassed. No, I'm saying, like, imagine having long hair and a drone hits it. I'm going for your eyes, Mike.

All right. I feel like, in my experience using drones, they break all the time. If they barely hit something there if i see a drone coming at me i'm just gonna put my hand up and break it okay give it a go but i like the security aspect you could see where we are at all times i would just you'll be near your speaker cable i would fly up uh you know high and and surveil yeah Yeah. Is that a word? You pronounce it well. Yeah, it is. It is now.

All right. Two picks for Mike. Now, I realize that this is, you know, it'll have to be plugged in

for it to actually be functional. But it's also just the size of a, if I need like a stabbing weapon, I'm going to take a soldering iron. What? I've never seen a soldering iron at an electronic store. What kind of electronic store are we talking about?

There's only one that exists. You can't go to Best Buy and buy a soldering iron. I know that. That's a hardware store. I'm talking about a soldering iron. I know that. That's a hardware store. I'm talking about like a radio shack. Like where I'm buying electronic pieces. You wouldn't be doing soldering

there? Okay. I'm thinking about the complete wrong store there. I don't think soldering iron sounds like an electronic store. I feel like there is only one electronic store left in the world and it's Best Buy. You're saying like you go into Fry's Electronics, you couldn't find a soldering iron? They're out of business.

Well, okay. That's fine. You can literally find everything at a Fry's Electronics. But if we're... Okay. I think me and Jason clearly were thinking Best Buy is an electronics store that exists. Right? Is that where we both think of Best Buy? I was thinking, what could I go get from...

I mean, Al, you haven't weighed in. All right. I was thinking Best Buy as well, and I don't think you can get a soldering okay well then i will i'm sorry mike i will change my pick then i'm not trying to slow your roll can i get a flashlight at best buy is it near christmas dude i apparently i don't know what best buy sells anymore oh man they're a blast should go. They sell fridges. They sell fridges and computers. So you do know what they sell. No, I mean, okay.

I will take... I feel like we've thrown Mike off considerably. Yes, because when I'm thinking about computer parts... I think you were thinking of Home Depot. No. Okay. You can definitely get a flashlight. Yeah, and a soldering iron.

Okay. Can I get... A lawnmower are they let's see so do they sell cameras at best yes sure yes and i will and i'll take a camera tripod perfect perfect that's actually not on my list that's pretty good it's a blunt item i feel like i can protect myself with it at least a little bit. Now, unfortunately for you, you have one more pick that you're going to have to figure I do. Is there computer parts? Yes, absolutely. Okay.

So can I take heat sinks? Yeah. Yeah. I think they sell heat sinks there. Yeah. We're all like, of course. Well, I mean, at an electronic store to make the leap to computer parts i don't think that's a leap i think it's a computer store okay okay so what's it you're

saying like i'm saying those those really sharp metal yeah those those okay they're heavy okay and they're they're covered with corners and i feel like these are a good throwing item got it all right okay those are paint. Yeah, those are metal. Also, how is Best Buy still in business? Because they started selling fridges. Right. All right. Jason, we're back to me.

Yeah. Oh, shoot. Well, the tripod spear was certainly on my list. Well, the tripod spear was certainly on my list. I think I'm going to go with the bundle of cables. I think the Ethernet cable bundle, it's a whip. It's a trap. I might be able to use it with the drone.

I don't really know how, but I think I'm going to take a bundle of cables in general is going to be my pick. Okay. Yeah, no, cables is a great pick. i get all the cables okay well because i'm gonna i'm gonna make a whip out of them i'm gonna also maybe a noose if you if you know if you don't apologize when i catch you the pick i wanted in the beginning did come back to me it is somewhat similar to yours except mine has a weapon on the end of it all right i am getting a surge protector with a 10-foot cord. And I will be whipping that thing around like a mace. Is that what it's called?

Yeah, the mace, the spinny spiky ball. Yeah. I have one of these surge protectors that I've had for 20 years. It is the beefiest girthiest like this is a weapon and i just i had it in my mind of like i could i could really not kill anyone but i could give you major bruises josh is saying a flail isn't a flail more whip like am i am i thinking of that wrong now the flail is the thing with the ball at the end of the chain. It is? Mace is a stick with an attached ball. Oh, okay, but it doesn't spin.

Okay, so it is the flail. Okay. All right, okay. Well, I'll be flailing around with my surge protector. Surge protector's great. That's a great selection. All right. I don't think they make them like they used to.

Those old ones were like metal. Yeah, that's what I mean. I've got an old one that's just- No, no, you're at a new store. Oh, that's fine. I'm getting a new one, but I'm going to get the biggest one they have they got big ones there's gonna be like 12 12 outlets on this sucker no that's good mine's more of a whip yours is more like yeah that's painful like a flail um okay so i've got one more pick here um you have taken the

cords which were up there. I want some kind of shield. And I'm trying. I got a couple different shield options here. But I feel like the one that I could use the best. I'm going to take the metal grate off of a gas stove. That's what I'm using. So you go to the appliance section at Best Buy,

you got a nice gas stove top. Oh, that metal grate. Oh, it's mine, baby. Okay, okay, I see what you're saying. You know what I'm saying? I was trying to think, you're not just talking about like a burner. No, no, no, no, no.

I'm talking about the one that covers the five or six burners. The whole top comes off and you've got and I've got a blunt metal object. I can block. I can whip. I can hit. Yes, Jeremy is saying, so the metal grate with holes in it, that's your shield? I did think about that. Yeah, there are holes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. A lot of them. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. The flame has to come through. That's good, because I'm going to take a computer monitor shield. That what i'm taking okay because i don't want to take a tv i can't carry a tv around i want to take a tablet it's too small i'm not gonna be able to that's not a

good enough shield what size what size monitor you're working with here i think i'm working with like uh maybe a 24 inch i think 24 i want to be nimble you have to do yeah you have to do a weight jason you're more of a 30. I would go 33. Yeah. I mean, it's different. I want to stay. I got a whip. You know what I mean? Right.

So you want to one-hand this thing. I have to move quick. I need to one-hand it. You've got your surge protector and your sound bar. I don't know. I don't know if you can hold a double shield. I could have. Well, my fingers fit through the grate, so I can hold that metal grate up. Just don't hit my fingers.

Okay. It'll hurt me. All right, Mike. You got can hold that metal grate up. Just don't hit my fingers. Okay. Alright, Mike. You got a couple picks. Alright, so I'm trying to find stuff that is specifically available on Best Buy's website. Best Buy's website sells everything. Jason had the same thought I did. You just gotta

go into a Best Buy and buy something. Imagine the last time you were i know you've been in a best buy before yeah when's the last time i've been in a best buy with you before i know for a fact you've been to one of these stores apparently been a very very very very long time all right wow then you should go why there's nothing to buy there. Well, don't go for soldering irons or lawnmowers. That was Jason's. Okay, remind me what I have, Jeremy. You've got a tripod.

You've got a heat sink. I'll give you a few heat sinks. Yeah, it's multiples. Everything they got. Okay. Maybe, yeah. Everything they got. Okay. Maybe, okay, so I'll grab one of those motorized vacuums as a distraction. Okay. The little, the Roomba.

What? Yeah, I like the Roomba because you could- Wait, are you saying I can't get a Roomba? No, you can get a Roomba. You can get a Roomba. I'm just shocked that that's the vacuum you picked. No, I like it. It's a distraction because I'm going to send it off into the corner.

It's going to be making a whole bunch of noise. Or you ride on it, and your movements are entirely unpredictable. And mostly into turning and into the wall. No, I think the Roomba, you could probably use that thing. How in the world would you use a Roomba as a weapon? I mean, it's a distraction. I get it. That's what you're doing.

That's all it is. I don't know. You drafted a grate that has, it's not a Roomba as a weapon? I mean, distraction. I get it. That's what you're doing. That's all it is. I don't know. You drafted a grate that has, it's not a shield. It's a weapon. You can literally shoot right through it. Shoot what? What do you have to shoot? Heat sinks.

Yeah. My heat sinks are coming. The heat sinks don't fit through that grate. Thumb drives. There you go. Pew, pew, pew. I'll take these SD cards. The art of war.

It's going real good, Al. The art of war. Real good. Element of surprise. It's going real good, Al. The art of war. Real good. Element of surprise. Yeah. No, no, no. I'm in. Okay.

Surprise is far more valuable than your weapons. And then I'll take the things you turn, the sprays. When you turn it upside down, you get the- Canned air. Canned air. Yeah, I was going to take it. Canned air? All right.

You can shoot it right through Jason's shield. And that's at Best Buy. That is definitely at Best Buy. That's how they've stayed in business. That is pure profit. They're selling eight or ten bucks a can. Now, you are turning them upside down, right? Of course.

You got to get the- You're not just spraying me with regular air. No. What's actually in there that's coming out that's freezing? Yeah, it's like- What isn't there? Is it CO2? Something in there like- I'm sure one of our producers knows. I'm asking the smart people in the room. I think it's it's like what isn't there well is it co2 what something in there like i'm sure one of our

producers i'm asking the smart people i think it's just cancer it's weaponized virus it's a propellant whatever the propellant is okay now um my final pick here uh i thought about i mean jason you could take it if you want but I thought about taking some smart cameras and alarm but I've already got surveillance with a drone and I thought about taking maybe like a smart thermostat and really freeze you guys out in one part of the store but that would take a while and you'd probably just walk

to the other part of the store so I could take a fridge right as a fortress sure a refrigerator a stainless steel refrigerator fortress you could stand on it I can take a fridge, right? As a fortress? Sure. A refrigerator, a stainless steel refrigerator fortress? You can stand on it? Yeah. I can get inside of it. You can and then you're never going to get out. My drone

is my eyes on the outside. Don't they tell you, kids, don't ever play in refrigerators. I think the new ones they let you out of. Well, not when my surge protector has tied the door shut. Alright. This is not the first time I've taken a fridge, I think, and been tied inside. You didn't learn your lesson.

Oh, no. What it was is I took a wheelbarrow that I was going to hide under, and you guys were just going to sit on top of it. Yeah, all my papers I put on top. All right. I'm taking a refrigerator fortress. Okay. I mean, you at least have... You can hide behind it.

Yeah. Run around it. Yeah. I can whip behind it. You know what I mean? And at least have, you can hide behind it. Yeah. Run around it. Yeah. I can whip behind it. You know what I mean? And Jason. Yeah. Finish this merciful.

Yeah. Mercifully in this draft for us. All right. I'm a little jealous of the heat sinks coming at my fingies. They're sharp, but I think they're not going to be as easy to throw as you think. So this is an electronics store. They've got an endless supply of batteries. I'm taking the batteries to throw at your face. I've been there, done that.

Yeah, that's true. You have gotten batteries in a fight before. I feel like I've got a lot of other very similar, like a TV wall mounting kit. But I've already got my grate. Well, yeah, you would take a mount as your shield, I'm sure. Jason is swinging his sound bar. He's whipping his surge protector around. He's holding a grate for some reason.

And he's got some batteries in his pocket. He's flying, you know. Okay. I'm not going to i'm not gonna accept this besmirching of the great that might be the literal best actual weapon like if we were to go brawl and i have one of those super heavy cast iron metal pieces of anything i'm winning that fight just don't call it a shield when you pick it that's's all. Alright. It's a blunt object. My brass knuckles. Okay, yeah. Two-handed

though. I've got the drone flying around. I'm whipping my cables. I've got a computer monitor shield and a fridge fortress to hide in. Mike? I have a flashlight, a soldering iron, and a lawnmower. Chainsaw! There is a

0% chance you can't go to Best Buy right now and get a flashlight. I think you might, but it's probably a teeny one. It might not be worth it. No, they're definitely going to have the ridiculous television ones that blind people. I dare you to go look for one. Hey, it's a field trip. I can go. I will go be surprised by what.

Mike is stabbing with his tripod. He's throwing heat sinks around. His Roomba is distracting us in the corner, and he is trying to get close enough to freeze us with some canned air, and that is the end of that draft. I, you know, a printer was on the list because that's a blunt object, like a printer. I also thought about taking – they still sell the cordless phones there,

you know. They still sell like the four-pack of the cordless phones there, you know? They still sell like the four pack of the cordless phones, and I feel like I could throw those pretty well. Yeah, they're handheld. Yeah. I can't believe those exist. I know. You can still go buy them.

People still have them. Wow. I guess you could buy cell phones and throw those too, or take a bunch of the cell phones out of that part of the store. Do you have anything else on your list, Jason? I'm not asking Mike. Yeah, I have. You guys don't know what electronic store i had like you literally just said you haven't been to one in forever uh best buy i had uh like a a vacuum cleaner like a dyson yeah i did think about that um which would be better i laser pointer take out the eyes um you got uh a tv like a 40 inch small tv do they sell microphone

stands there i thought about that i don't think so probably not professional it would be like a kiddie one so it's just gonna be light plastic god i didn't pick that that would have been embarrassing anything we forgot over there producer i think we should end this okay you got it what did we learn today dude i know we know the same thing i learned that i need to get an alaska size bed baby i learned that mike has no idea what a best buy is well i know what a best buy is okay i have gift cards that's right at the front yep mike did you learn anything today? I learned you guys don't know what a real electronics store is anymore. They don't exist.

Best buy is all that's left. Mike was in an old radio shack. I think that would work. If we were drafted in a radio shack, some of these things would be there. That's right. When did they shut down? The 80s. Goodbye. Thanks for listening to the Spitballers Podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are. Yeah, alright. Goodbye. Thanks for listening

to the Spitballers podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out spitballerspod.com.