Spitballers Comedy Podcast - 27: Game Show Immortality and Scary Monsters - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: December 31, 2018

We're back to kick off the new year with some family friendly nonsense. On today's show, we have some "Would You Rather" and "Great Questions" that lead us into some interesting debates like, how long do you go without correcting someone who gets your name wrong? We finish it all off with another Mock Draft, assembling the scariest team of movie monsters. Enjoy!  Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/spitballers/posts See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hey, spit wads, when you run out of this great show and you're like, I want more shows, you can get access to our entire archive at spitballerspod.com. You can become an official spit wad of our Patreon, have access to everything we've ever made ad free at spitballerspod.com. What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers Podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. Hey, everybody. Ha ha! I remember you welcome welcome welcome to the precipice of a brand new year and another episode of the spitballers podcast back from our itty bitty break itty bitty baby break. Itty-bitty baby break. We had, what, a couple weeks off? Yeah.

That is correct. With the holidays? It was itty-bitty to us, but I know... For you, it was life-changing. Probably really discouraging. Yeah, it's been a rough two weeks for everybody out there. But we're back. I love Michael Keaton.

I love Michael Keaton, too. Welcome in. We have Would You Rather on the show today. That's a great question. And a mock draft. A spooky one. A spooky one at that. So...

You didn't finish, Mike. Thank you. SpitballersPod on Twitter. SpitballersPod.com. Instagram.com slash SpitballersPod. Facebook.com slash SpitballersPod. SpitballersPod wherever you're at. And we always your reviews your support we do on apple podcasts um remember shows drop each and every monday your family friendly weekly dose of absolute nutter nonsense nutter nonsense i am very confident you said nutter nonsense. I heard it. Yes.

Oh, that's good. See? I would like to say that you're making it up, but I've learned over the years. That when both of us catch you say something, it's true. It could be true. Would you rather. All right, guys. Would you rather vomit uncontrollably every time you hear the happy

birthday song what or feel like you're going to pass out every time you call a kid the wrong name every time i call it so this is this is apparently a huge problem for me is remembering names of children well you've never called your own kids the wrong name for two seconds oh that all the This is apparently a huge problem for me is remembering names of children. What, you've never called your own kids the wrong name for two seconds? I do that all the time where I'm like, Caleb. I mean, Nathan. Nathan. So you do that and then you're on the floor.

Yeah, you pass out. You're out. So that was a pure accident. I can see that happening with very, you know, you never know when that's going to happen. The other one is very dangerous. The vomit uncontrollably... I want to believe that... Can we expand this? I mean, the happy birthday song,

does this mean anybody that's singing this song at a restaurant? Yes, of course. Right. So, I mean, you could be out at a fine Mexican restaurant enjoying a meal, and then all of a sudden... You're ruining it.

...in the corner of the restaurant, you're... I mean, someone's getting their birthday song. You're a Saturday Night Live sketch. Just... Yeah, you're throwing up everywhere. You can't sell... I mean, someone's getting their birthday song. You're a Saturday Night Live sketch. Just, yeah, you're throwing up everywhere. You can't sell. I mean, think about it.

You cannot be present for the celebration of your child's birthday. Yeah, man, I feel like as I age, as I age, I worry about the names because if my mother

was any indication, she couldn't ever, she, oh, I was because if my mother was any indication, she couldn't ever. Oh, I was never whatever my name was. When she got upset, I was Karen. I was the dog. I was any name but Randy. You were the dog? Well, the dog's name.

Like, she didn't say, hey, the dog. Hey, the dog. Why aren't you paying attention? The dog? No, she'd be like, know whatever keesh or brandy now your food that was our dog's name the dog's name was your dog's name was keesh i'm not surprised yeah this explains a lot why is that bad that's not bad but it's just not i mean it's food that's all yeah i think it was it was different rose get over here it wasn't spelled

the same casserole i thinkerole. Get off the couch. Has anyone seen stew? I think it was. That's a good one. That one works. I think it was like a Hebrew name. Like it meant something. Yeah.

Fluffy cheesy breakfast. I don't think I'd want to miss out on all the happy birthday stuff. I think I would just be very careful with my names. You could also just go to nicknames. Nicknames aren't the right name, Mike. Oh, you'd pass out. No. Oh, yeah.

That's not the right name. Oh, that's part of the goal. Birth name, Mike. You don't call them by the right name. What have you been calling me lately? Big Cat. Big Cat. You're down.

You're down. You're down. That's not my proper name. He's not a kid, though. He's not a kid. I can't go, hey, bud. Nope. Nope.

Oh, you're down. What? You're out. What do you want to do? Go help out at your kid's school. He's not a kid. I can't go, hey, bud. Nope. Nope. Oh, you're down. What? You're out. Hey, Mike. What do you want to do? Go help out at your kid's school. Good luck getting that right. You're out.

Hey, come here, sport. Oh, wait. No, that's not the throw up one. That's the pass out one I did. I'm going to go with the, I'm going to be careful about kids' names. I guess that's what you have to do. Yeah, we're all going to do that. I'm not vomiting at a restaurant because someone is celebrating their life.

Well, they would be bringing it upon themselves, though. That is the problem. If someone sings the happy birthday song around you, I would walk next to them. Oh, yeah. And I would just... Get in the business. It would be all over them and all over their clothes, screaming, This is your fault!

What have you done? Yeah, I'm going to get my names right. be all over them and all over their clothes screaming, this is your fault. What have you done? Yeah. I'm going to get my names right. All right. Next, would you rather question. Would you rather never be able to leave your city again or have to leave right now and never return? Wow.

Oh, my goodness. That's a great question. That one's just right on you right now. Right now. You either are committed to that city for life, or you have to leave right now. I feel like you have to leave. I mean, this is tough, but I feel like you have to leave.

I mean, I hope that I'm not, you know. The problem is all the stuff. Yeah, I mean, you're gone, man. You have the clothes on your back and the wallet in your pocket. Here's the keys, Jay. Get in the car. But my family's coming with me, and that's enough. Well, they can meet.

That's all I need. They can meet you. Yeah, of course. Honey, we're moving. Yeah, you still have a phone. No, we're building the pool. It's gone. It's gone. I guess you could technically, have a phone. It's like, no, we're building the pool. It's gone. It's gone.

I guess you could technically, you could phone. Yeah. You could phone the wife and say, hey, I'm sorry to do this, but you got to sell a lot of stuff because we are never coming back. Or at least I'm never coming back. You got to go right now, though. I feel like the question has to apply to the whole family. They can't sell the stuff.

Yeah. There's no loophole here. They're going right now, and you've got to get... So is being here, stuck here, worse than losing all of that money and possessions and that type of thing? Let me help me be broke. Like, Mike, let me ask you a question.

Let me mix it up. I can't sell my home? You can't do none of that. But here's what I'll ask you. Would you take a million dollars if someone said, Mike, you have to stay in this city for the rest of your life. Here's a million dollars.

Would you do it? Because that's kind of a reverse way of asking the question. Because if he leaves right now, he's giving up not a million dollars, but he's giving up his home. No, I would not do it. You would not take that money? I would not do that. Yeah.

Hopefully I have a lot of life left to live and there's there's a huge world out there you don't want to be stuck in this city no beige town beige town you say you're like hey what color should this house be beige now matches the rocks and the dirt but that's hard to leave and never come back. Yes, it is. This would have to be, not just like, oh, we live in the Phoenix metropolitan area. I live in Peoria. No, Phoenix metropolitan.

Okay, yeah. And I'm like, oh, I'm moving to North Phoenix. I'm out of here. I would say five hours on a freeway leaving the metropolitan area. This is great news, then. This is great news because I really don't like the Phoenix metropolitan area. So now I have to move, and now you guys are going to be forced to move with me. That's a whole other debate.

If I could get you to. Because you're both stupid. Nah. Yes. Nah. I guess it's not if I could get you to, right? It's if we, Mike, could get Andy to come with us. Look, look, look.

If you want to convince me to move out of Phoenix to San Diego, Honolulu, anywhere in California, look, there are a handful of places that I'm never going to argue are better. But you guys whitewashed the reality that the majority of places are not. There's a reason people flock to Arizona. There's a reason it's the fourth largest city. It's because this time of year where we're outside and we're enjoying ourselves and it's beautiful out every day and we're riding bikes and we're playing sports, everyone else is stuck inside because it's negative 10 degrees

or snow on the ground. You've got to bundle up. So this is the time that it shines. And I just want you to give it its due. Sure. I'm not saying that this is the worst place on earth. I'm just saying. Second.

Second worst. Bottom 10. You know, you guys are those ones that need to be. You need to choose leave right now and never return so that for the rest of your life you get the comeuppance. I will enjoy my San Diego rolling hills.

Oh yeah, roll right into San Diego. Enjoy your 300 square foot flat. Yeah, I was going to say, if I have to leave all my stuff behind and I show up to San Diego poor, I'm homeless forever. Because you need a lot of money to live there. But I would like to be homeless in San Diego.

So what are you picking, Andy? I think I'd stay here. You guys know me. All my family is here. And I don't mean just like instant. They can come visit. I mean like my parents and my aunts and uncles. Right, the grandparents. The extended family's here.

I'm not leaving. I don't need to see the world. See you. See you later, guys. You don't need to see Europe? I don't need to. Not more than my family. I've always been that guy, though.

And I'm not trying to guilt anybody that wants to go out and live their own experience because I know other people are built that way. But I've always been one that's like, I just feel like I prefer being in your family. That's just me. Like I said, they can still come and visit you. Sure, that's true. But I like them being part of my everyday life. I see.

Jason, what are you going with? Oh, I'm out of here. Yeah, we're out of here. Would you rather get $5 for every song you sang in public or $50 for every piece of food you ate off a complete stranger's plate? $50? Are you kidding me? The idea of me being forced to eat off of stranger's plates is hilarious.

Now, keep in mind, Mike, this is not your friend's plates. These are stranger's. Well, you can do the drive-by forking. Right? You drive by, and you go, oh, that looks good. I mean, that would be my go-to line. Oh, that looks nice. You just take it off their plate.

I would take it. I'd go, you're going to eat that? Or you could go super nice. You could be like, oh, man, I've been meaning to get that. Do you mind if I split you 50-50? The thing is, you're like, what should we do tonight? I don't know. We want to go to this nice, fancy restaurant.

The wall is a little bit empty. Swing by McDonald's real quick. I'm just going to grab a fry off of everyone's plate and run out. Pretty soon I'll have my photo up around all fast food restaurants. The fry smuggler. It's awkward, though. I'm going straight into the fancy restaurant. And on my way to my table, I know I probably need four tables here.

To order? To be able to afford it? In order to afford it. You know, this is going to be a... So you're going to smuggle from the same restaurant that you're about to eat. Yes. You'll get kicked out before you get served. That's the problem.

No, here's what's crazy. If there's one thing I've learned from hidden camera TV shows is that people will accept anything. People don't know what to do. They don't know what to do. If I go up to some stranger's table and I say, how are you doing this evening? Is everything okay?

Oh, yes, this is fine. And I grab one of their little potatoes and I eat it. No, I don't say a word. I just reach down. I grab it with my hands off their plate and I say, have a nice day, and I leave. You want to know what they're going to do? Jack squat.

Someone's going to run up to you and give you $50. I mean, eventually I get shot. Yeah up to you and give you $50. I mean, eventually I get shot. Yeah, eventually you will find the one person. But you could also say, I'll give you $10 for a bite of that steak. Oh, now it's just. They don't know you're about to net $40. Oh, that's a good point.

That's a solid point. That makes it maybe the best situation possible. Now, this sounds great, but I don't even remember what the alternate option was. $5 to sing a song in public. I feel like that's a lot. Do you have to sing the whole song? That's a lot of singing. Oh, I don't have the voice for that. I mean, how many songs can you really sing per hour?

How many songs can you sing from start to finish? Right. Well, I mean, you can sing the same one over and over again. Yeah, it's going to be the happy birthday song. You guys are going to be throwing up. Vomiting everywhere. So let's say you've got an average. What's an average song length you want to do?

Two and a half. Oh, you want to go two and a half? Yeah. Pop song. So you can fit 24 songs per hour times $5. $120 an hour. Watch how many plates I can snatch. I could make two grand an hour with my French fry theory.

Yeah. All right. All right. The price gap was too large. I think it's been settled by our incredible logic. That's a great question. And mathematics. We applied some advanced mathematics to that situation. Yeah.

They told me that I'd never use it, but I did. Jeremy from Twitter has a great question for us. If someone calls you the wrong name on more than one occasion, what is the time limit to correct before you just start going by that name? So this comes into play with the awkward work situation, right? You've just met somebody. Maybe they're a new acquaintance. And how bad is this miss name i mean are you are you joe instead of jim or are you like bob instead of steve i have an example of this no oh yeah i have an example of this from uh our our church

andy and i we used to go to the the same church, and there was a gentleman there who, and keep in mind. Andy's laughing like he knows the story. I'm laughing because I want to know the gentleman. Yeah, I'll tell you the gentleman off air, but I did the announcements. I preached there from time to time. I was on stage very regularly. Yeah, and most of the time saying hey this is jason with

the announcements i'm jason moore i'm a pastoral assistant right right no matter what this is after years every week hey josh how's it going every single someone would call you the wrong someone would call me josh and i'm like i guess you've got you went with that name no so here's what yes this happened I went with that name because I corrected him two times two different times once and then like a month later I was like oh yeah Jason he's like yeah okay oh I'm sorry yeah of course yeah and then it was just Josh and from then on you were Josh it brought me such joy to be Josh every time I what was your backstory like Who did you become? I was just Josh. I could do anything and I can't get

in trouble from it if this guy caught me. Because Josh did it. I looked forward. Yes, right at church. Just the little bump and steal. Great idea, Mike. Josh did it.

Tell everyone I did this. But yeah i mean it got to the point where i looked forward to the handshake i looked because i was so entertained by being josh yeah i'm called jason i know it gets awkward after a while and especially if let's say you're at a new job and one of your superiors gets your name wrong. And you correct them maybe the first time or second time. After a while, that's a real awkward correction. You got to wear the name tag. Oh, you're going to be the only guy wearing a name tag? Yeah.

You weirdo. But I would rather have a name tag on than someone, my boss called me the wrong name. You got to be more high concept than that. Like an embroidered hat. Yes. You got to start getting embroidered material. You just wear... Maybe you get one of those placards for your

desk that's way bigger. It's just a giant... It's a giant one. Andy's desk. Yeah, because the time limit... I mean, if you ignore it for too long, you're done. Because then you're a real weirdo to not have corrected them.

Two weeks later, you're going, yeah, I didn't tell you, but my name's actually Mark. You've been calling me Matt. I thought it was Francis. Yeah, you've been calling me Francis for six months, but it's Mark. But how many times can you correct someone without becoming a jerk for correcting them again? Three times. It feels like I can't say it every single day. Yes, you can.

If 10 times, I'm like, no, it's Jason. Now I feel like I'm being the jerk. Maybe you make it a joke. You got to make it a joke. You got to be like, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Yeah, I'm definitely Josh. Say it like that. Yeah, try to be sarcastic.

Mike, what are you writing down over there? Just trying to remember some things throughout the show. Okay, all right. What do you think your time there? Just trying to remember some things throughout the show. Okay. All right. What do you think your time limit is, Mike? Because you didn't answer that. Are you correcting them forever? Yes. Because you don't care.

And I'm not. I'm leaning in. I'm becoming a new person. Alter identity. I can do anything I want. I think three times. Three times and you just got to take it on the chin. It's the magic number.

Daniel from Twitter has a question for us. My girlfriend gets so excited to give people presents. She always gives them early. I get frustrated because I love waiting until the special occasion. What should I do? And man, Daniel, I relate. Once you've made that decision to get that special present,

you really want to give it. I had gotten my wife something for Christmas. It was like the night before Christmas. I'm like, you could really just open it right now. You could just open it. It's a violation. She's like, but I got you two things and you got me two things. I don't want to ruin Christmas morning. I'm like,

all right. Tiffany and I are the worst at this. The worst. Do you do the presents early? We try not to, but it's so hard. For instance, my wife's birthday is coming up in a couple of days, and on her birthday, she gets nothing. You want to know why? You're giving it to her?

Because she already opened it. It's like, I got your gift. And it stinks because it's so fun up front. It's so fun in the moment. But then on the birthday, I'm going to feel like such a schlub. Well, it is within your control. It is not within my control, Andy. You got to hide it.

From myself? Wait, you got to hide it from your wife. This is a me problem, bro. I know. I know. I got it, and I want to give it. I feel like if you're Daniel from this, and the problem is the the significant other wants to give you presents too early you just have to drive home the point of how special it is for you to receive the

the present on the birthday or christmas or whenever because then you're gonna get double the presents why is that because if they can't contain themselves and they have to give you the present early, they'll go get another one? But you've explained, like, I have to have the present on the birthday. It's so important to me. Then it's on them, and you're just going to be showered with lavish goods. And I can tell you, as the giver, I would absolutely buy another gift for that day. I still might get Tiffany something.

This sounds like a great problem. I still might get Tiffany something. This sounds like a great problem. I still might get something for Tiffany for a couple days from now. So she's been playing you like a fiddle the last few years. After Mike said that, the first thing I thought is like, oh, no, I got to go to Target. I got to go to Target. I got to get her a gift.

Yeah, I got to make a note here. Get Tiffany a birthday present. Starbucks gift card. This is amazing a birthday present. Get more presents. Starbucks gift card. This is amazing. All right, one more question before our mock draft. Tim from Twitter. If you were a contestant on Jeopardy,

what 30-second story would you want Alex Trebek to tell? About? Oh, man. These are always the worst. The 30-second story at the beginning of jeopardy and when people just give me an example of what that's like i don't remember is it just like um all right we got mark here from philadelphia now mark actually uh teaches a middle school class and uh they try they they think it's like this hilarious just example from their life of like, oh, I did.

I stole a candy bar when I was a kid. See, you're like, no, this is this is. That's what they do. They just a little tidbit. Yeah, just just awful. Not a real claim to fame. Not like, you know. Correct. Or something that would be it's your claim to fame.

If you live in a real small town. Mine is going to clearly be I received a response from Michael Keaton on Twitter. Oh, that's exactly the 30 second story that would be on Jeopardy. My Batman cares about and loves me.

My Batman loves me. Hashtag my Batman. Michael Keaton. I think I would come up with something that is devastatingly sad. Oh,aton. I think I would come up with something that is devastatingly sad. Oh, no. I would want... Well, his parents divorced when he was 10 years old, and he went through a real hard stretch. And neither parent claimed him.

Yes. I want something where it is so awkward. But he does have a job now. It's so awkward and terrible. I'm going to get myself to cry while he says it, whether I care or not. And I'm going to get the other contestants totally thrown off their game. And I'm going to entertain the people.

You will go viral. People will feel bad for you. You will end up on Ellen. Yeah. She'll give you a present. A little early. So Trebek will feel terrible. Does Trebek have feelings? No. That's been proven be a car. Wait, what? So Trebek will feel terrible. She's giving me a car. Does Trebek have feelings? No.

That's been proven scientifically. Okay. Because I would think he would feel bad, but he doesn't seem to have feelings. I love Trebek, but here's the one thing that I know for sure. I don't have any idea who Trebek is outside of Will Ferrell. who Trebek is outside of Will Ferrell. Will Ferrell, his SNL version of Celebrity Jeopardy is the only Trebek that I am familiar with. I've turned on Jeopardy like twice in my life.

I was talking about this to someone recently. When you watch, and this happens all the time, you watch a movie or a TV show, and they're watching Jeopardy, and they're at home giving the answers. Horse crap. No way. Right.

No way. Nobody knows the answer to those questions. No one knows the answer. The contestants are all scabs. They're just their fill-ins that were fed the answers. If I watched two straight hours of Jeopardy, I think my life goal would be to get one question right. But the thing about Trebek is he writes all the questions before the show. No, he does not.

Wait a minute. Oh, my God. You got us. You did. I was like, what is this scientific, this computer of a man? He's the smartest man alive. But when Trebek clowns on people. He just seems really disappointed in people when they fail.

Yes, and it's amazing. Oh, it's so incredible. So do you watch? No, I'll watch it if it's on, but I don't set out to watch it. He watches for the 30-second stories. Yeah. What is your 30-second story, Mike? One time I farted.

That's your whole story? Yeah. And then we have to stand there for 20 seconds. Oh, fill the gap? Mm-hmm. With gas. Okay. All right right i think we're moving on oh you'd think we'd get through one show mike the spitballers draft alex trebek doesn't have a giant mustache what are you talking about he used

to oh good all right i'm just i I was like, what does he look like? I forget. He updates with the times, man. Oh, that's true. Yeah, he doesn't have one anymore. Okay, because all I remember is Alex Trebek with a mustache. How old do you think he is? Because I think you'll be blown away, and Jason, don't cheat.

Okay, I'm not cheating. I would guess he's been doing this forever. I'm going to guess 75. I'm going to go 68. 78. He's 78 years old? 78 years. He looks great.

He looks great for 78. It's because he's powered by science. Oh, my goodness. If you answer questions or have questions answered all the time to you, man, he looks wonderful. He's lying. Yeah. He's 22.

How old is Pat Sajak? Pat Sajak, I'm going to go 70. 68. Is he still doing wheel? He's still doing wheel. He's 72. Because he looks pretty sharp, too, for 70. He does.

So we need to get on a game show. You need to be the host of a game show. Wow. Hey, the three of us could. How old is Louie Anderson? He's not hosting anymore. But Bob Barker. Wait. Louie Anderson? He's not hosting anymore. But Bob Barker. Wait.

Louie Anderson's not alive. Oh, no. We're doing this game again? He's 65, Jay. Wait, he's alive? Yes. Yes. RIP.

Well, no, he wouldn't be alive, but he hosted the show, so he got his. Ah, that's right. I did it. Look at Bob Barker. I mean, he's. He lived. Is he still alive? We got to play that game.

Is Bob Barker still alive? I feel terrible now. This is, he's he lived. Is he still alive? We got to play that game. Is Bob Barker still alive? I feel terrible now. 95 and kicking. And kicking. Dude, I'm not even joking. Let's come up with a game show that the three of us can host. Just so we can live forever. Yes.

Oh, my gosh. This is it. We just figured something out. Science. That's amazing. Well, I mean, think about it. If you're a game show host. Plush, easy job. Yeah, that's amazing think about it if you're a game show host plush

easy job yeah that's true no stress fun plus you're you're giving away huge amounts of money to these people i mean just is that the key the joy yeah maybe maybe you would just be a good person and just give money but no i would much rather give away someone else's money. Yeah. But I mean, think about that. That's got to be it, is the love that you receive on a daily basis because you're changing lives. My goodness. My goodness.

I guess, what, Steve Harvey's going to live a long, long life? Oh, yeah. A long time. Well, maybe. The Family Feud host. His teeth will live forever. The turnover on the Family Feud is real, real yeah. Long time. Well, maybe. The Family Feud host. His teeth will live forever. The turnover on the Family Feud is real, real quick. All right.

Mock draft for today. Scariest movie monsters mock draft. Who is drafting first? I know I've been winning all of these polls, but I don't know who's drafting first. I think Jason is first. Oh. Oh, no. Oh, goodness.

Scariest movie monsters. I'm excited about this one. i think this is a great one because you're trying to assemble a team that will horrify and i'm not a horror movie fan but i've watched enough monster movies to say you know i know what i don't want under my bed right i know what i don't want in my closet man i so this is this is tough for me i don't have a giant list that of of people. I'm going to go hard here. I'm going to go with some of the movies that they affected me.

All right. And there's one. Cruella de Vil. There's one place that is very difficult to get away from. You can get away for a while, but you're always coming back. Okay. To the ground. And Tremors.

If you remember the Tremor monsters. Dude, I'm not going to... This is not a joke. I'm on Netflix last night. There's a 2018 Tremors movie. There is a new one and it looked like they were in the snow. What? Incredible.

The Graboids are back. That red and white. Do we have an official name for those? Graboids. Graboids? So is that what you're picking? So Graboids are bad. That red and white. Do we have an official name for those? Graboids. Graboids? So is that what you're picking? So Graboids. I feel like you got to call them Tremors.

Yeah, you call them Graboids. No, Graboid is like an inside joke inside of the movie that somebody either wanted to or did not want to call them Graboids. I just remember as a kid. Oh, man, that movie with Kevin Bacon. Oh, six degrees, man. Kevin Bacon in T tremors was fantastic but i remember i saw that movie at an age i should not have i don't know why or how i think everyone from our era yes we all saw it and we all saw it too early and there

would be times over the next i don't know 20 years off and on where I would think like, oh, no, I'm on the dirt. You got to stand on a rock. Yeah. Those tremors coming up out of the ground and eating you, that's my number one pick. Okay. I think that's good. So tremors, you can figure out how you want to put that in there. I got two that I think are great back-to-backers.

Yeah, well, good. I've got mine that I just cannot. There's something that has terrified me since it came out. I think it's the most well-constructed monster ever, and I'm just going with the alien. Oh, the xenomorph. The alien from Aliens. Yeah.

Whatever you want to call it. Terrifying. Both in, always in the dark. Can burst up out of your stomach. You don't stand any chance against it whatsoever. It's a terrifying, like, and it encapsulates from being, when did that come out? When did the first alien movie come out? Oh, that was the 70s, right?

I think, yeah. So, I mean, my whole life, in the backdrop of my life, has been this Alien, just waiting to get me. What's very enjoyable is the Prometheus. 1979. So, Prometheus, which was a prequel. Correct. With much better special effects. To Alien.

I watched those back to back i went to the theater i saw prometheus and i was like oh man i gotta see alien so seeing the computers in the movie that's supposed to come after and everything is just the green text oh classic very very and they've been making alien movies all i think alien awakening was 2019. So that's 50 years. Wow, is it really? 40 years. 40 years. 40 years of Alien movies. Math is hard.

Always terrible, terrible, scary looking thing. And the fact that it can come out of inside of you, that's not pleasant. All right. The first one I'm going to go with is a movie monster that doesn't have all the flashy gimmicks that you guys are talking about but it's still it still gives you pause when you're thinking about going into the ocean oh i'm going old school i'm going with jaws dude that that's exactly what i was gonna go with was it 100% and i realized something about myself i don't like things coming up from underneath me yeah tremors or sharks like

i feel like if it's coming from the sky i can see it coming i can prepare myself i can run but if all of a sudden i'm oh i'm just walking around i'm swimming and i'm having a fun time at a beach boom dead he just got you and then and you would if if you are saying nah i don't think about it you're a bold-faced liar that when you go in the ocean and you go under you don't do a little quick peek around and go i know there's really no chance that a giant great white shark is about to attack me but there's still a chance it could be there could you don't it could be there and you don't stand a chance all right that's a good one all right. That's my first pick. And my second pick, I'm going to take the little demon girl from the ring. Oh, okay.

All right. Because she is terrifying. Yeah. Yeah. There's something about kids, little kids, little girls, long hair, scary, creepy. Yes. Not good. No.

She's all decomposed from the well water. And how hard is it to look down a dark hallway and not kind of think you see something there? Exactly. Yeah, that's a good one. That's a good one. All right, you're up. I'm back up? Wait.

Yeah, it's a safe trip. Oh, yeah, back around. Back around to me. We forget how to do this. It's two weeks off. Man, I think I have one that will slip to me later on for sure. I'm actually going to go with, it's very similar to your John situation, but not similar at all. You know what I mean?

Not? Oh, yeah. I'm not tracking at all. But very different. I'm going to go with the T-Rex from Jurassic Park. Okay. I get you. I mean, greatest predator, at least in that movie of all time.

Yeah. And no, I think T-Rex was... I feel like the raptors were the greatest predator in that movie, but I'll get you. Yeah. It takes a few bites for the raptors. It takes one for the big man. T-Rex. All right.

Man, this is tough. You know what I've realized is I don't think I've watched enough... Monster movies? Monster to to really apply but i'm gonna so like i said i'm gonna i'm gonna go with the ones that come to my mind the ones that just really pop up there and the tripods do you guys remember the the tripods from uh what was the it was the uh alien invasion movie uh with oh uh mars no uh no war of the worlds they're from mars war of the worlds yes yeah war of the worlds those they showed no mercy they walked around with the spacecraft the martian spacecraft from war of the world yes okay that is what I'm going with. That's a unique pick.

The tripods, they were terrifying. They would grab people and basically eat them. That's not my jam. I don't want to be- Not really into that. Okay. It's not my jam. They're clearly superior-

It's not my tempo. In every way. And then I'm going to go with something from, I think, one of the best monster movies ever made that I have seen and I thought it was unique. It was great. Big, scary, terrifying monster taking over an area. I'm going with the Cloverfield monster.

Yeah, that's a great one. See, I love that movie. I think it's tremendous. I guess that movie. I think it's tremendous. I guess it's scary. I guess the monster is actually scary. Yeah, go next to it. Because it's so gigantic. Yeah, I mean, it's like, you could go Godzilla.

He's not like the scary... But he's like... Be next to Godzilla and tell me you're not scared. Yeah. But he's like friendly sometimes. Godzilla's a tough one. But you have the Cloverfield monster. So you've got your two, Tripods and the Cloverfield monster. So you've got your two,

Tripods and the Cloverfield monster. And Tremors. Yeah, and Tremors. The Graboids. Yeah. Look, I'm going to go with this one now because, look, when you see a monster and you glance at it, and it's so grotesque and so terrifying

that it can instantly haunt your dreams, that's where I'm at with my third pick. Have you guys seen Pan's Labyrinth? Oh, I know. Yeah. Have you seen The Pale Man? Yeah. He goes with the eyeballs.

Picks up the eyeballs off the plate. Puts them in his hands. He looks like this sagging white skin. Terrifying. So The Pale Man is my third pick. All right. So I got to finish it off. I feel like I know my kids listen to this show, and this is not a good show for them.

Family-friendly daily dose of nonsense and monsters. Just don't watch any of it. All right. I know one- You got to make your last two picks, right? Yeah, that's the problem, because I know what one of them is. I'm going to go with The Thing oh because it's it's a terrifying movie isn't that like a blobby yeah it like it can like take different forms and it's it's a it's a great

movie the remake not so much but i mean john carpenter makes classic movies and the thing is one of those it's definitely scary enough for me oh but the last the last monster trying to think if there's one in particular can i go with a group because they're all the same thing, though. Or I guess I can say one. I'm going to throw it out. Zombie from World War Z. Okay. Specifically World War Z zombies. You can just say zombies from World War Z.

Because walking zombies... Fine. Yeah, look. As long as you do your stretching and some calisthenics... You'll get away? You'll be all right. Don't trip, though. I've noticed that if you trip, they'll eat your body.

But World War Z zombies that can run infinitely. Oh, that's right. They were fast. They weren't the slow plodding. They run. Just give a good jog and you'll be fine. They run and they're so tenacious that if you're up high, they will eventually just create an ant bridge where they climb up each other's bodies. They are running. They are so tenacious that if you are up high, they will eventually just create an ant bridge

where they climb up each other's bodies because they are terrifying. Taking the zombies. All right. So you've got Jaws, Ring Girl, zombies, and what was the thing? Then the thing. Yeah. I'm back to my last pick.

I'm going to be honest with you. I'm between two. I'm back to my last pick. I'm going to be honest with you. I'm between two. I'm between the Predator. You're just going to list them both? I don't care. I don't care. He can do what he wants. He's got one pick left.

If he wants to take one of mine, that's fine. I'm between the Predator and Rancor from the Star Wars. You remember when- Is that the OG ones? Yeah. Yeah, that old- Because it was so scary as a kid. Luke fights it, right?

Luke fights it. You're down in the pit. That slobbery old thing comes out, and it chews that alien up, that little guy that's stuck in there, and it just scared the crap out of me. So I think I'm going to go with that. I'm going to go with Rancor. I think from now on when I do drafts. From Star Wars.

I'm going to say, I'm between these two things and then just test the room yeah but it will be my good one that I take and then one really really bad pick because I know it will infiltrate your brain oh and now you'll just start thinking about that nonstop and you'll have to take it all right so I had a couple here I'm going

the predator between 10 picks let me list them all when you said can I go with a thing as a group because honestly if i'm being honest the scariest thing to me without a doubt i know where you're at scary movie called arachnophobia is spiders so like arachnophobia freaks bro they were huge but they didn't scare me as much because they were so largely cgi and yeah Yeah, I don't know why. I'm terrified of spiders, but whenever I see movies of these gargantuan spiders...

Spider-Man. No. But then I thought, you know, there's a better, more recent, beloved, terrifying character, and I want him. Is it a spider? No, it's not a spider,

and I could have gone the spider leg the version of from the same show but i'm going with the class i'm going with the demogorgon i'm going with the demogorgon from stranger things that's a good one with the face flower that'll open up i'm gonna be honest with you that's not eligible what what i would have picked it i already thought through that guy it's not a it's these are scariest movie monsters movie you can't take on a tv show for a movie he's dropping the technicality i agree it's scary but i thought about it and i did think about it 100 because it's terrifying oh i'm not i look i don't want to be a stickler but i'm gonna be a stickler we can vote it but it's not a movie monster so yeah no and jason likes to cheat mike so you know that

oh yeah i mean is it a movie monster it's definitely not a movie it's a show but in in the shadow monster is far more terrifying than the demigod yeah the shadow monster is great i mean i'm afraid of spiders that thing is amazing you know it's got all the legs i just think we want to keep this i mean pick, you don't want to throw this thing off the rocker here. You just threw it off the rocker. I mean, if you opened with TV Monster, we could have made it eligible for everybody, but you didn't.

I just thought it was monsters from... So you thought Movie Monsters meant TV Monsters? Is that what you're saying? I did. I did. I didn't think... Well, you're going to have to make another pick. Alright. I'm going to have to make another pick. I right. I'm going to have to make another pick. I am going to go with... I want something recent.

I want something that I actually... I went all the way back to Tremors, but I want something that is current, common, that I've seen, that I enjoyed the movie of, that I thought the creatures were terrifying. And I am taking... I don't know that they have a name, i'm taking the terrifying fast killing machine alien monster things from a quiet place okay is there a name you know that's the movie where you can't make a sound because if they hear anything they will like lightning be on you very get your death. They were terrifying, and they show no mercy. So the quiet place.

And they're very similar to the Demogorgon. I was going to say, they're very close to Demogorgon. Yeah, I got there. I got there eventually. They have the face that opens up. Never good. Never a good thing. I don't like faces that open up, apparently.

I mean, that's what an alien does, too. This face opens up, a little other alien climbs out. What is with this? And if you think about it does, too. His face opens up, a little other alien climbs out. What is with this? Because it's a terrifying thing. The shark, his face opens up. Predator, his face opens up. Apparently, if you want to make a good monster, just have a face open up. Have their face open up.

We learned something special. Gross. All right, my four. The alien from Aliens, which is what? The xenomorph. Xenomorph. T-Rex. Yeah. The the pale man and rancor from star wars all right and i have jaws ring girl the thing and zombies world war z zombies correct

i don't get all zombies no oh i don't want on tv mike you need just the movie ones well it's the fast ones when man i really wanted to take the wanted to take the bat monster things from the Descent, but I'm sure you guys have never even heard of it. Let me hear Jason's real quick. Mine are the Tremors. The Graboids? The Graboids. The Cloverfield monster.

Tripods from... Now, that was not John Goodman. Is that correct? Correct, yes. Oh, stop. Very nice. Also a great movie. I think the name of it is the clover it's clover i think so it's clover maybe clover field monster uh the the tripods from world of

worlds and the quiet place alien monster yes uh i think there will be lots of angry people because there are so many other like yeah you none of us named fred so many other... None of us named Freddy Krueger. None of us named Jason... Voorhees. We've done villains before, and I feel like we've drafted some of those. King Kong is considered a monster. Nobody's touched him. He's a good guy.

Godzilla. Godzilla's done. So you're... Voldemort. Could have gone Voldemort. Yeah. I think we got a good list here. Yeah, alright.

I'm not saying it's a bad list. I'm thinking that Jason and the Freddy Krueger people are coming out. What did you learn on the show today? Today I learned that if you change your name, you can get away with almost any crime. Yes, Josh did it. I learned today that if you

give away large amounts of money as a game show host, you gain immortality. Oh, that was going to be mine, too. If you host the game show, you're going to live forever. You're welcome. I also learned that you guys really, really do hate Phoenix. And I don't appreciate that. Not one bit. It's freezing outside today.

At least you're not wearing flip flops we'll see you next time goodbye thanks for listening to the spitballers podcast to see what other nonsense the guys are up to Don't forget spit wads. If you want to help support this show and get access to the entire archive, you can go to spitballerspod.com and click become a spit wad. We appreciate your support and you'll appreciate all the episodes.