Spitballers Comedy Podcast - 280: Bonus Teeth & Businesses We Miss - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: April 15, 2024

On this episode we argue the powers of Santa Clause vs the Tooth Fairy, talk about tying up a single stall bathroom for 30 mins, what the most useless superpower would be and then get into a nostalgic Businesses We Miss draft. Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast! Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast: Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.com Follow us on Twitter: Twitter.com/SpitballersPod Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPod Subscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers Podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. Oh no, where'd you go? I don't know. Bing-a-ding-a. Oh no, where'd you go? I don't know, bing-a-dingy. Bing-a-dingy.

I love that it's just... Oh, it's over. That it is fully a reflex for you now. It really is. I mean, there is no thought. I think you knew where it started. I knew that. Then it's just like, I'm out of things. It auto comes out.

It's such a weird go-to line. It's just the trajectory I set myself on about 280 shows ago. And we're not going to miss out on it. And, yeah, the beginning, I mean, we are drafting businesses that we miss.

Yes. So some of these businesses, well, they went out of business. It's really sad to me that I had to scat last episode where there was no 101. There was. You got it right. Well, sure, but it's a marginal irrelevant gap. Okay. But now today, usually my favorite show is the one right after I scat so that I am the furthest away.

But I'm the third pick now, and there are two clear awesome picks in this draft yeah and i i might be able to get you one jay okay thank you i did preview my picks to the producers the first couple picks and they had a disagreement about what number one was so businesses that we miss we'll be drafting that shortly. There are more than you think. Companies that we grew up with or that used to exist that were awesome, but then they couldn't do the accounting properly. They couldn't adapt to the future. Yeah, that's true. The internet comes from everybody.

Well, yeah, yeah, of course. But this is episode 280. My son was reminding me we're approaching 300 episodes. Would you rather Situation Room and that special draft coming later on the show? You can follow us

at SpitballersPod over on X. Instagram.com slash SpitballersPod. We always appreciate your reviews. If you like the show, if you enjoy it, tell a friend. It doesn't hurt you. Tell a family. Tell an entire town. Tell six families.

Here's the thing. If you tell two families. And tell them to tell two families. And then they tell two families. Yeah. Before you know it. 16 families will be listening or something. All right.

We're going to start. Would you rather. Oh, we have to do it where like if you don't tell. Oh, my gosh. This is the way to do it. Oh, the old chain letter. Yeah. If you don't pass this podcast along to someone you know, someone in your family will.

It's usually a dog gets shot. Shot? Yeah. We love dogs around here. Yeah, don't kill a dog. Tell people about this show. Tell people about this show. Keep the dogs alive.

I thought you cared about dogs out there. They do. They're going to tell everybody. Okay. Caden from the website website would you rather have a password protected refrigerator we're back to the passwords or password protected toilet you will need to enter your password as well as the code from a 2fa text message to use either appliance come on we gotta we gotta update this question to two different appliances because one of these things is an advantage and one of these things is a nightmare.

I have never in my life ran to my fridge with my pants already getting primed to be removed, clenching, like sweaty, and feeling like I'm about to poop in my pants. So this one's really easy this one look the amount of times that i do open my refrigerator i got i can change it out without ever being hungry or needing it's just boredom open like i'm just standing in the kitchen checking it out and i just check it out and i just go in like, maybe there's something in here that is going to make me happy. And so I'll open the door and just look. And if there was a password and a 2FA on that fridge, that's an upgrade for my life. 16-digit password for the refrigerator. Four-digit for the toilet.

You can't have. You can't lock the toilet, man. You can't lock the toilet. Mike can't lock the toilet mike and i are in sync on this you can't have a one button there are times what about just a thumbprint there are times you've had it back when the iphone when you had your your fingerprint there and it like wouldn't go uh-huh and then you go that's what i was thinking. You're like, oh, no. Because the body is the closer you get to the toilet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The body knows.

Oh, yeah. It won't acclimate to a password? No. It's going, I'm looking at the toilet. Release. Okay. All right. So final answer.

We got to find a different. What is a different object in our life, a different appliance that would maybe be more akin to a refrigerator that would be really annoying to have a password on? I mean, it's like remote control for your TV. Getting into your bed? Yeah, I think the TV is good because both the television and the refrigerator are sources of entertainment. Okay. Okay. Not sustenance no not nutrition correct they are pure entertainment your fridge the same you do the tv that's correct i'm gonna watch the newest i'm gonna binge watch it's yeah i mean they call it binge watching for a reason

because it's like oh i'm gonna binge this refrigerator you ever binge and binge oh yeah yeah oh i know that's the only way to binge yeah um i i do i do think that i had a password on my tv once you had a like self-imposed this was like to get you to break the habit oh yeah i didn't even know televisions had that real good they have them for children they have them for children oh i yeah i've got that stuff. And I set one up, and I gave the master code to a friend. And I was like, dude, I'm just watching too much TV. I want to be more productive in work.

You went accountability, buddy. I did. I did it like I was probably 19, 20. I had my single living in a townhouse. I was killing too much time watching TV. And I'm like, you know what? I'm going to set that up, and it's like two hours a day. How long did this stay? How many days? Hold on, hold on, hold on. too much time watching TV and I'm like you know what I'm going to set that up and it's like two hours a day how long

did this stay how many days hold on hold on hold on hold on we got to try and guess this yeah write it down okay I'm not sure I know the answer you got an estimate yeah you know I have a guess I'm going to say I think I

got a hold of that master code okay all right it's got to be under two weeks. I have two weeks. I'm taking the under of two weeks. I think it was like six months. No. Yeah. No, for real.

So I believe it. We tell the truth on this show, Andy. Here's why I believe it. 19-year-olds don't want to put passwords on their television because they're watching too much TV. to put passwords on their television because they're watching too much TV. When you do that, you're someone that's going to commit to bettering yourself.

I think I made it like six months. I'm proud of your 19-year-old self. And then I was like, you know what? I got this. Give me the code! How much World of Warcraft were you playing at that time? Did not have a password on that.

No, I needed to reprioritize my screen time back in that day go ahead lock up the television it is that's fair that's it they were that's a coexisting time of my life i think he probably put the passcode on the tv because it was getting in to the world of warcraft it's like okay i I got to password protect this thing. It's really cutting into my wow. It was the equivalent of the New Year's resolution that you have with a fitness. You sign up for the gym, and then

however people fade away from the gym, it was the same with like, you know what? At that time of my life, I decided the TV was getting in the way of apparently my wow time. So let's say TV or refrigerator. Which one would you pass over? I'd put it on the fridge.

Me too. Me too. It shouldn't be a source of entertainment. I need to go to the TV fast sometimes for like a sporting event. You know, we could actually do this really easily. I'm thinking about my pantry is also a problem. But is it like entertainment palooza in there? Absolutely.

What if you took the door off your pantry? Would that actually help you? Help? That would hurt. That would hurt me. Oh, I thought you locked yourself in there. We've seen videos. No, no, no.

I'm saying what I need to do is put one of those like door knobs with the passcode on it to get in so that, you know, and self-closing, self-latching. Of course. For sure. Yeah. It should send your amount of entries to a friend. Oh, every time I unlock my fridge. Everyone gets a text message.

Yeah. Oh, my goodness. That would help. Do you know how much DoorDash I would be doing? Or Uber Eats? I couldn't. I could no longer. I know exactly what you'd be doing.

You'd be going, hey. You'd be putting a doorstop in. Hey, Jersey. I'd be putting a doorstop in. Hey, Jersey. I'd be putting a doorstop in. Jersey, go get me something from the fridge. Does she have her own code? Yeah. Oh, Jersey's really been in the fridge a lot this week.

And then we'll be messaging you, I'm pretty concerned about your kids, man. They go to the pantry 20 times a day. That is actually a wild idea of social shaming your bad habits where you can automatically alert friends of like, I am doing something I'm trying to not do. I just made this joke at lunch the other day that what if your daily caloric intake was a digital sign around your neck? It would change things. And you walk around and you have to have it visible at all times in society. It would change things. And we're all back you have to have it visible at all times in society. It would change things. And we're all back to wanting to lock our TVs up, baby.

Accountability, a.k.a. shame, everybody. There's a huge difference. There's a huge difference. Okay, hold on. Let me think this through because I think the accountability in this example is entirely shame. Right? Sort of. But that's only because eating to excess without anybody seeing you is socially acceptable.

And it's unhealthy for you. So all it is is putting something into practice that is genuinely healthier for human beings. So it's hard to say that it's just pure shame well is it is it shameful to shame actual shameful things we could have a long debate about that no or i don't think so yeah it's like when you when you're shaming call a spade a spade yeah when you're shaming someone it seems entirely negative like there is no world where you can shame someone and it's good so don't shame a person but there there's things that like shameful things they're shameful things that should be like hey don't do that yeah like if everybody you should be ashamed if everybody

in society if you cheated on your taxes you had to wear a scarlet letter that's not i mean yeah just no i'm saying you would be, if you're ashamed of that, that's fine. Totally. Yeah. I would never. I don't know. Where are we going with this?

I don't know. But the picture of Jason in the pantry has been shared in our Slack. Oh, no. This is a public thing? No, no, no, no. No, it's too shameful, Jason. We wouldn't do that to you.

Just talk about it. Just tell the people. This is like a murder suspect being caught on camera. Oh, yeah. Turning back towards the camera. Yeah, no, that was shameful. The only thing getting killed, some Hawaiian rolls. Oh, man.

Murder that bread. Oh, man. Next question. All right. Murder that bread. Oh, man. Next question. All right. Jasmine from Patreon. Would you rather have your car break down on the highway during rush hour? That sounds terrible. Yeah.

Or be forced to tie up a single occupancy restroom for 30 minutes at a fancy restaurant and emerge to a line of waiting patrons? Oh. It's pretty easily the bathroom for me. What? Yeah. I think I could make up a- Oh, brother.

Why that happens. You're telling me that there's not a part of you- What's your line? In your life. Exactly. That you're not walking out with a huge line, and you hit people with a, do not go in there.

I get it. I would hit them with that. I would pull the Ace Ventura reference out. I would love that. That would be the only saving grace. I mean, you have to leave right afterwards. But genuinely, I don't even understand. I don't understand how you're both like immediately thinking.

Because that's impossible. A car breaking down. I can make a reason why I was in there that long. They know the reason. You don't got to say nothing. They know the reason. Hey, hey, hey, pal. What were you doing in there?

What were you doing in there so long? Like you're going to know real soon. Okay. Yeah, you will. I mean, I guess. What would your reason be? I was reading. What?

Couldn't get the toilet seat up. I got a good book. I don't. No. Okay. There's no reason, but I feel like you make the funny joke and then you move states. Just breaking down at any time is just terrible. Now add in that you're on the highway.

Rush hour. It's rush hour. Yeah. You're not pulled over. You were stuck. This breakdown, you didn't get a chance to pull over. You were stuck in the lane. You'll be there for well over an hour. Are you even supposed to get out?

You are, right? I mean. I don't think so. That seems dangerous. If you're in the middle lane of rush hour and you literally have your car break down where I can't move, shouldn't you stay in your car yeah yeah well as opposed to get out and like walk through the highway traffic i think you've got to stay buckled in your car yeah you stay in you turn your flashes on and then eventually everything will come to a halt around you and then you and maybe you'll be able to push

over i think you would call i think you would call 911 in that situation. Let them know you're broke down on the highway. Yeah, they'll come make a pass. And a police officer will come and, yeah, keep you safe. Oh, they're going to honk at you for a while. Yes. Hit them with the flashers. It's going to be terrible.

I'll tell you what. There's no car horns while you're in the bathroom. I will tell you what is worse than car horns on a freeway. It's a simple knock on the door. Knock on the door in the fancy restroom. How many are you getting? 30 minutes? 30 minutes, I'm getting a ton.

Because it escalates, right? You're not getting any for six or seven minutes. Mike, I'm knocking the first time, okay? Okay. How do I do a knock sound in here? All right, give me the line Mike uh occupied okay that's the first time go ahead there's 10 minutes later I'm still here oh really that's all you're going with yeah are you okay in there no I was ready to move on to the next statement, but as soon as you say no. That's part of it.

Okay. Do I need to call for help? I got this. Yeah, that's the response. So 10 more minutes. Okay. 10 more minutes. Buddy, you need to wrap it up in there.

It's just one of them days. Oh, my gosh. So you don't like public restrooms anyway so the idea of everybody standing outside oh it's it's a terrible idea but it's i'm weighing too terrible can you imagine the walk of shame because this doesn't say there's i'm coming in this doesn't say you like it or not is a person waiting for you this says that there is a long line of people yeah of waiting patrons so you are doing the walk of shame and i'll guarantee you this if i'm in that line if i'm one of those persons yeah standing there waiting i am going to laser beam taking this thing that emerges from the bathroom. And when that monster walks out of this bathroom,

I am death staring them down and judging them like crazy. That's shame. And everybody has a bad day at the office. Not at the fancy restaurant. You clear that out before you get here. Do you, at any point in the 30 minutes, like if there's a bunch of knocks coming, do you start making like shriek sounds of pain?

I 100% start looking for a window. If there's a window in that bathroom, I don't care how small it is. I am squeezing through it. So hold on then. Do you leave the door locked? Oh, for sure. You just go get in the line like, what? We're all trying to figure

out. What's going on here? What's this line for? I bet there's no one even in there. Yeah, then you bust the door down and you're the savior. Oh, you're the hero. Whoever's in here, he dropped a big one. You're welcome everybody. While I'm in here, I might a big one. You're welcome, everybody.

While I'm in here, I might as well use it. Bathroom's open and you get a roaring applause. Everyone's like the hero. This is a great plan. Yeah, there it is. Oh, yeah. We're all trying to figure out. All right.

So, Jason, we know which one you were going with. Yeah. I think me and Mike are willing to take the poop. I will. No matter what, I'm taking that one. All right. So, Jason, we know which one you were going with. Yeah. I think me and Mike are willing to take the poop. I will. No matter what, I'm taking that one. All right. Let's go here. Nando from Patreon. Would you rather be Santa Claus or be the Tooth Fairy?

Oh, man. Honestly? The only advantage to the Tooth Fairy is I can fly. I honestly need to know about 60 seconds worth of information about the Tooth Fairy. Because I know a lot about Santa Claus. And honestly, I don't know that much about the Tooth Fairy. Origins, where they're from, how big it is. Does it apparate, like appear out of thin air?

Or does it fly in from somewhere? I really am not up to date on my tooth fairy knowledge. I see Mike learning right now. I totally know about the tooth fairy, guys. Hold on. Tooth fairies rip. I mean, yeah, obviously. Yeah, I mean, like.

There is a collection of money. Do they invest money temporarily and get interest in their bank and then they pay out portions of it to the children? I mean, they must. How do they re like do they have a job i think a nine to five i think do you think they plant these teeth is that where money comes from teeth yeah like you say like oh money doesn't grow on trees maybe it does for the tooth fairy they've got a lot of money i think teeth would grow on the tree i i'm just worried that this tooth fairy's got like a tough nine to five that they're having to work to just pay out all this teeth money.

I don't know. Globally, I think his full-time job is snatching teeth, leaving dollars. The tooth fairy, the way I understand it, is they have, you know, not shape-shifting. Would you call it size-sh, not shape-shifting. Would you call it size-shifting, shape-shifting as well? Is that just how you would say that? You said they're normally normal size? Yeah.

And then they turn into a little flying one? Yeah, and then they can shrink down. Slip under the pillow. Yep. Collect the tooth and then get out of there, and then that can be back to full size. You think that tooth fairy's ever been caught by a kid? No.

Same as Santa? No, you can't. Can you leave cookies out for the tooth fairy's ever been caught by a kid no same as santa yeah you can't no can you leave cookies out for the tooth fairy and then you know how much you know about santa yeah a lot right sure a ton why well because um because it's santa claus i've been a very good boy it's santa like of course we pick santa you yeah this is like do you want to be michael jordan or lebron james or you know you're saying tooth fairy's a lower tier it's just a lower tier is it because still in the nba if santa left teeth and the tooth fairy left presence we'd be talking about a whole different story well 100 although it's all about it does not leave teeth yeah they take what did i say

leaves teeth yeah present but here okay so wait if you put money under your pillow do you get teeth do you get teeth do you wake up i've never tried just putting money under my pillow but i haven't either maybe if i put like a 20 under there in a molar you could buy some kids teeth weird oh some canines but but it's about what they give you and i mean the tooth fairy is working very hard every single day where santa i mean he's you know he's up there managing when does when does being a kid stop in your mind age what age yeah Okay, let's call it 12. The older I get, the older it is. Yeah, how many? I'd say about 27. How many Christmases do you get if you're 12 years old?

12. 12 Christmas. How many teeth do you lose? A lot more than 12. Yeah, okay. So if the Tooth Fairy delivered more presents. Time out. How many teeth do we have?

How many baby teeth? Yeah, How many teeth are in our skull? Yeah, how many baby teeth? Do you lose? Do you lose? I'm going to guess because I genuinely don't know. I don't know either. I do know the answer. I wrote down.

I already know the answer. You knew already how many teeth people have. How many they lose. I know how many kids lose. Wait, is there a different number? Yes. Well, not everyone has all their teeth. Sure, but I'm just saying like-

You're saying you lose every tooth you have as a kid? Yeah, don't you? No, because some- Yes. Yes, but then some come in. Yeah, I guess. I'm saying you have the same amount of adult teeth as you have kid teeth, right? No.

No, because you get molars. You get like your 12-year-old molars and your wisdom teeth. I'm guessing 33 teeth. Okay, that's a guess. I think that's closer to your wisdom teeth. I'm guessing 33 teeth. Okay, that's a guess. I think that's closer to the adult one. I'm going to go. Wait, it's got to be even. It can't be a long number.

Bonus tooth. Thinking through that, it really seems like it has to be an even number. Well, your left side's always heavier because you get one extra tooth. I'm going to go 34. I'll go like 22. 20.

So I made a shark mouth. 20 teeth. I did a couple rows of teeth in there. You've got the Tom Cruise center tooth. Yeah, 32 is the adult teeth. That's right. You're closer to the adult teeth. Yeah.

That's that many different? Yeah. Yeah, you get a lot of molars. the adult teeth that's why you're closer to the adult yeah that's that many different yeah yeah you get a lot of molars like you get molars when you're uh you know what like five or six and then you get molars when you're like 12 and then you get wisdom teeth later oh you only got a tack on 12 so it'd be three sets of molars 12 extra teeth your mouth gets bigger man my mind is blown no they don't all go in a small mouth i genuinely genuinely believed prior to this incredible podcast teaching me things that we

have whatever it is 20 30 whatever it is however many teeth you got as a as a kid to grow in those fall out and get replaced by big daddy grown-up teeth, and that's it. Now you know. Maybe wisdom teeth coming in the back. By the way, if the tooth fairy got to go also double as Tinkerbell in the Peter Pan world, which I think of them similarly in scale. Well, they're both fairies. They're both fairies. Yeah.

If she got to do both of those things, it would make it closer, but I'm going Santa. Yeah, I can still fly. I just need my reindeer. Yeah, or some believe the bag, the toy bag, can also magic you into the air. I've never seen it. That's a story for another day, kids. All right, we're going to take a break

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The Situation Realm. How many wisdom teeth did you have? Jason? Four. Four? Yeah, four. What about you, Mike? I had all four.

You had all four. Got them out. I only had one. Really? Uh-huh. I was told none, so that was a bit of a surprise when one came in. Oh, it just showed up? Yeah, they x-rayed me.

They said you got none. A lot of high fives about avoiding wisdom tooth surgery and getting them out. And then all of a sudden, it came in. Did you get it out? Yeah. Some people don't have them removed. Yeah, I got it out. Yeah, some people have the space for it.

I guess I had the 33rd tooth. Oh, my gosh. You had an odd number of teeth. I did have an odd number of teeth. You can't have an odd number of teeth. All right. Into the situation room we go. We are very helpful at times with difficult situations.

That's what we've been told by ourselves. And here's the first situation I have. Through a clerical error, you've been named as the Nobel Prize, Nobel Prize winner in physics for discovering a new law of science. Which of these new laws of physics do you claim to have discovered and explain it to us in layman's terms? So we've got three different laws. The principle of inverse gravitational repulsion. Okay. The law of temporal elasticity. And the theory of light speed deceleration.

Well, the temporal elasticity is clearly the one that I... You're going with that one. Well, yeah, I know the most about it. Right. Temporal elasticity is simply the... Are you going to say temporary elastic? Yes, I am, Mike. Yes, I am.

100%. You know when you get a pair of undies. You've had them too long yeah look this is this the tightness of your skin starts it's completely temporary man it loses its elasticity and then you know that's what we got to learn how to get it back no but it's physics yeah that's what i'm talking about the physics of it they don't care about your skin or your undies look at the theory of uh light speed yeah that's the one i feel like you could and we agree on the same principle which is that

you know you have the speed of light yeah and then you have as many pairs of sunglasses that you can put on which slows the speed down it decelerates the light as it enters the iris. Okay, so this is just about viewing the light. It's up for interpretation. It's also your pupil, but that's okay. Well, the iris kind of accentuates the pupil. He was talking about Iris' pupil. It's a lady. She's the subject.

It's only one person. What an incredible human being that this law of physics only applies to you. Mike is the science guy. So, Mike, explain to us the principle of inverse gravitational repulsion. Well, inverse gravitational repulsion would be when you have an object that is just so massive that the laws of gravity, they don't scale up. Once mass gets to a certain size, our understanding of gravity and relativity, those laws start to break down. If it had been a bigger apple above Newton, it would have reacted differently.

Blown away. Yes, it would have repelled. Into outer space. Yeah okay that's the one three nobel prize winners all right guys sick also we are still looking for an emmy though this was yeah sure um sure will you accept anybody's in me i know but i will accept an emmy from anyone okay you've been invited to meet your girlfriend's parents for the first time. Okay. And have dinner.

That's the worst. When you show up, your girlfriend introduces you as a world-renowned chef and volunteers you to prepare the meal for the night. Nice. You've got to put your best foot forward. What meal do you attempt to cook? This is easy for me. Foot forward, what meal do you attempt to cook? This is easy for me. Now, this is not fair because Jason is, even right now,

becoming a more world-renowned chef. We already know that Jason's a chef. Yeah. But, I mean, he's really been back out. Really chefing it up. I have been really chefing it up. So what do you got? I think I'm going to go chicken parm with like a chicken parm-a-jean.

This is the full phrase. You're going to go full parm-a-jean, not just parm? As the Italians say parm-a-jean. Would you introduce it like that? It's chicken parm, also known as chicken parm. No, no, no. You have to pause and say a John. Yes, exactly. So yeah, I would do chicken parm, a John, and then, uh, like,

uh, a, a carbonara, a carbonara pasta on the side. That's what I would do. Deep fry it. Butterfly the breast open Panko breadcrumbs. So now you've lost me already yeah the real butterfly panko what is this the real problem is is that i can't prepare a home-cooked meal so i could offer to grill so i probably pretend like their oven's broken or their stove is broken and i would say i you know what i can grill up some burgers out back could you get away with you you ask for the ingredients you know they've done the shopping you need some chicken breasts you need some stuff you need you know get all the pots and pans out heat up oil on the on the stove get them kind of splattering throw some chicken breast in there yeah kind of make a mess a little bit on purpose you chopping stuff all the time

tell them no i don't need any help. You guys can go. Your delivery service is on the way, and you are just making noise, chopping things up, scooping things into the garbage. I've thought about replating DoorDash before. Yeah, and then everything goes in the garbage, and you plate beautiful, great, restaurant-delivered goodies. beautiful great restaurant delivered uh goodies i'm not sure that a 90s sitcom has existed where they didn't do that that's it was oh yeah delivery services were no no but then yeah but you just you picked something up or you just i'm saying essentially the try to take credit that i cooked something but it's it was actually a bucket from KFC. So it's not a new idea?

No. I'm down with that. So Dale's oldest time. That works. But it's also the correct answer. So neither one of you, Mike, you cook sometimes. Do you have a go-to meal? Honestly, if I have to make it from scratch, you're probably getting spaghetti and meatballs.

Okay. I can do that. Making the pasta? No. Okay. No. I can do that. Making the pasta? No. Oh, okay. No. Liberal use of scratch. I can make the meatballs, but the sauce and the noodles,

they need to be ready for me. Yeah. You look down on us, don't you? I don't look down on you. I empathize. I feel bad for you guys. Because you really stepped it up, and you love cooking. I love cooking.

So now we're not good enough. Shout out to Joshua Wiseman. Yeah, yeah. That's the guy that cooks for him. Yeah, that's my chef. That's my home chef. He's gotten into cooking. He watches the guy all the time.

I just sit up at my counter, and I tell him. How much of the cooking do you have to actually take part in? Like, if you warm you set the burner up to yeah look I'm the sous chef cook I'm the sous chef I just you know I'm like I turned let me get that for you shout out to my chef shout out to my chef all right one more situation we got time out yes we do on your annual trip to the Amazon rainforest, oh, I never miss it, you are bitten by a mysterious bug that bestows upon you the most useless superpower that you could ever imagine. Which power would you choose to inherit and how will you use it to improve and or conquer the world? Here are the three useless superpowers that you may receive.

Butterfingers, which is the ability to make anything you touch slippery. Balloon manipulation, the power to inflate and deflate balloons. All balloons. At will. Okay. I love the deflation. Yeah, I go around and I take all the helium out. Your birthday party's done.

Time to leave. Dust accumulation. The ability to accumulate dust on surfaces faster than normal. The speed really makes a difference here. You know, if you're talking like this is three times as fast and in weeks's still in weeks it's gonna be so it's gonna look like it's been months no no it's like a uh like a pretty quick dust magnet like you like you put your finger on it and dust out my finger no no you put your finger on the object and the dust in the room accumulates on it super quick can i about 15 seconds you've got like a nice layer can

i do it on my hand i suppose yeah of course is it is it a surface is your hand a surface are you wanting to throw dust in someone's face in 15 minutes yeah i mean that was the timeline and he said say hold on no i said 15 seconds oh okay i apologize just saying that you at least have a weapon the butterfingers, this actually has, you can apply this. For sure. If you're telling me that my feet can turn any surface that I'm on to be slippery and I can just be doing the run and slide like on the road. Okay, so you run, run, run, run, run, slippery, slides, unslippery. See, I'm thinking of getting other people slipping.

Yeah. Because this is what you touch a slipper so i'm getting away from the coppers by making their cars slide down that hill you know what i mean they're coming up and might as well be driving on black ice because your car is going backwards but also how would we oh they'll conquer the world i guess was on here i yeah i mean if everybody was slipping while they tried to capture you they could never capture you right i think so i think wouldn't that actually be a really powerful yeah like if even the cop the cops are on after you they slip and fall no matter what or if they grab it's it oh yeah anything you touch they can't even grab you no and you're just all greased up

yeah you put them in uh handcuffs they can't go slip out. No. And. You're just all greased up. Yeah, you put them in handcuffs. The handcuffs slip out. Yeah. Yeah. Honestly, Butterfingers sounds pretty good. It sounds like we need an X-Men. Get on this, Marvel. Interesting. We're all taking Butterfingers?

Yeah. We're taking Butterfingers. Now, you could wreak some havoc with hot air balloons. Yeah, that was. That was. It was my legit, my only thought is like you having fun up there i just thought of like not anymore i'm on a hot air balloon and the guys i'm like are we done yet because it's boring and then he's like no it's gonna be another half hour and i go no

it's not so you're gonna deflate your own slowly okay slowly well that's weird no no we're i see a leak yeah we're landing right now. You can't really pop a hot air balloon, though. I don't think so. I would not. No, because it's not sealed. It's not sealed. So it's kind of a, it's not inflated.

It's just filled with hot air. It's inflated. It's inflated with hot air. But I mean, like if it had some holes, it wouldn't even bother it, right? Well, it would bother it a little. A little. Yeah, it would let the heat out the top. It doesn't say I can poke a bunch of holes in balloons.

I have to deflate it. Yeah, it can't be like a colander fabric. Okay. It's time to draft after this quick break. Hey, Spitwads. I want to tell you about a product. Well, look, I feel like I invented it like five years ago, or rather I wanted somebody to invent it like five years ago.

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businesses that are no longer around or around like they used to be, and we miss them. That's right. We miss what life was like when they existed, and for the sake of our younger listeners out there who may not have lived in a time when these fine establishments existed we will explain what they were yeah trust us they were great that's why they went out of business businesses now i will say and that we miss yeah before you take your first pick because i think there's some there are some top tier picks but there is there is a pick that has Andy's name all over it and he knows exactly

what I'm talking about really and I will warn you if you don't take it now it may not make it back to you wow I think he's just trying to make sure something gets to him i i think that there are two perfect picks there's a 101 and 102 in either order there's two in either order there's a 103 that may not make it back there may maybe and and look uh maybe i'm not even remembering what it is mike and i'm trying to think of businesses that were catered to old people and whether or not they went out of business, which it seems to be the case. Cracker Barrel's still around, man. For me, I'm going to go with Toys R Us. Okay.

Okay, that's one of the two. I tried to get you one, Jay. It didn't work out. Yeah, I appreciate the effort. Yeah, this stinks. Toys R Us is the, it was the ultimate childhood dream this was a the largest toy store that existed they were very big it was literally just physically humongous so but everything in it was toys video games action figures power wheels um it was it was awesome honestly when when when it

came out that they weren't going to exist anymore, it was the hardest one to comprehend. Like, how? Like, that place is awesome. Of course, I hadn't been there in five or six years. The honest truth is, yes, I had because I had kids. Yeah, so you go there and you look at what you're going to get and you go on Amazon. You're like, oh, it's $3 cheaper? I'll do that.

And now we know why they're gone. But Toys R Us was awesome. I think they've got like a corner in Macy's or something. I got lost in Toys R Us once. That's how big it was. Like my mom had to page me at the front. Oh, you had to get paged? Yeah, buddy.

Wow. Did that scare the crap out of you? It scared the crap out of my mom. Not me. He was having a good time. I was checking out the toys, man. I mean, there's still big toy stores. FAO Schwartz.

Is that? No, that's gone. In Times Square, I just saw it. There's one. Yeah. Oh. It's like I was just there's still big toy stores. FAO Schwartz. Is that? No, that's gone. In Times Square, I just saw it. There's one. Yeah. Oh. It's like I was just there. It's gone.

But that is a gone toy store because there used to be lots of them. There were other toy stores too, but most of the toy stores are gone because you can't compete with online. So I will go with Toys R Us because it literally was magical. What was the... I don't want to grow up. I'm a Toys R Us because it was literally was magical what was the I don't want to grow up I'm a Toys R Us kid there's a million things in Toys R Us that I can play with

yeah and it was the giraffe yeah now it's now it's just Target yeah yeah like there's like a two aisle section so Mike go ahead you have the next thing I was just going to say that in Toys R Us the magical feeling Two aisles section. So, Mike, go ahead. You have the next pick. I was just going to say that in Toys R Us, the magical feeling of going into the video game section and getting to pick out a new game,

but you had to hope that the paper was there because the physical good was not there. Everything was behind the scene, and so you would take the little slip up and say, I'm going to buy this. It was absolutely incredible. So I'm back up. The next best pick is Blockbuster.

Yeah. Daggummit. This is the worst draft to have the third pick. Because clearly Blockbuster and Toys R Us. Because, young people, when the internet was not around, you had to go to a place to get your movies or get your video games and there was just so much built into it of the the full anticipation of the drive what are we gonna get you get there this is the movie

actually in stock because they had limited stock stock, and there would be frequently you would have times, especially with video games, because they'd have like one copy, where you go there week after week after week to try and get one specific video game, and then when it's finally there, the magical moment of getting to take it and have it, it was just so incredible. Blockbuster is... You're saying blockbuster still there what there's the one there's one there's one yeah but there's no that doesn't count that doesn't count uh that that's on this that's like uh um it's not making money it's there as a tourist attraction basically

yeah but uh you guys see the documentary the last i did yeah it was fun blockbuster just gave you a vibe it was a few years it was like this did. Yeah, it was pretty good. Blockbuster just gave you a vibe. It was a feeling. It was like this is an entertainment night. It was like going to the movies, but you got to go out and spend more time thinking about what you wanted, and I loved it. Yeah, that was the other pick for me. All right, Jay. So those are the two that you want, huh? Now the draft begins.

Yeah, those two are awesome. I've got so many favorites that I hope you don't pick. Oh, man. I got like nothing. Good prep. Well, no. I've got so many favorites that I hope you don't pick. Oh, man. I got like nothing. Good prep. Well, no. I've got a list. They're just like not Toys R Us and Blockbuster.

Those need to come back. I mean, not Blockbuster because it's like. Yeah. Unfortunately, it doesn't work anymore. It doesn't work. That's the weird one. It doesn't work anymore. I wish there was a physical place that you could go and look at your options and then

pick that and it's on my TV. You wouldn't do it. You wouldn't go there. No, I wouldn't. No. I have no chance. It's gone. The ability to have that way of life, it's been deleted.

Man, but that was so fun. Yes. I loved going there. Not arguing with you there. Man. All right. All right. Well, I'll take, I know one of these because it's somewhat similar to Blockbuster.

Tower Records. Okay. It's on my list. You'd go and you'd get your CDs or your albums. It was the same experience as the Blockbuster to a degree. Yeah. You got to go and spend time with music. I mean, at least there are still versions.

There are still like vinyl records will never go away. Whereas VHS or DVDs, you don't even have stuff to play these things in your house anymore. So I'll take that. The problem is I was never a big Tower Records guy. Was that your preferred? Yeah. There were places out here like Warehouse. Yeah. There was what was the other one? There's the Warehouse.

There was Sam Goody. Yeah, Sam Goody. FYE. Tower is the most well-known. Tower Records is. But you have them all. I get it. The vintage CD place. The Warehouse is where I would have gone with, but it's the same exact idea man they charged a lot for cd oh that

that was like before the amazon price shopping was there it was warehouse versus best buy where you'd yeah i'd be at the mall and like oh this band has a new c out. I'm at the warehouse. How much does it cost? $18. Or 10 of your CDs. You can trade in 10 CDs. Or at Best Buy, this thing is $10. And it's like, I can't believe that this is happening. My other pick, there are competitors to this that are still around. But I preferred this other store i loved it they were

open late and oh no i know what you're gonna pick and that's a heartbreaker for me i'm going with borders yeah that was the one that was the one that was the one yeah i knew you i knew you i knew if i picked it i'd get sold down the river is that being a lame-o pick it's not a lame-o pick borders is is the bookstore that had a coffee shop yeah yeah and and barnes and noble still does but they're they're also on their way on i mean they've closed so many locations but i i loved borders you you'd go there late at night with friends and get the coffee they were open till like midnight it was great and then it was like turns out that's not enough people go there You lost a lot of money and go out of business. Yeah.

They, uh, they used to have their own coffee shops and then they bought all the Seattle's best as a last ditch effort to, to survive. I remember every week I'd go to borders. That would have been one of my next picks. So good pick.

I warned you. It wasn't going to come back. I hope you're happy. I'm very happy with toys or us. I'm content. Yeah. That's right. All right. So I'm back up with Toys R Us. I'm content. Yeah. That's right. All right, so I'm back up?

Yep, you have Blockbuster. Okay. So trying to play the game here. I don't know. Everyone will remember it. I don't know if you guys would actually take it, but I will take it because I was a frequent patron because I was a bit of an electronics nerd when I was little. I'm going to take RadioShack.

Sure. The fact that you could go to like, this is one of the things that is actually difficult on Amazon is I know what cable I need but sometimes I need to go see all of them

and see all the adapters and things and make sure that I'm getting the right piece. Because when I was a kid and I would have like, you know, my CD system, for whatever reason, I always enjoyed running the cables out of it and just seeing what I could set up. So I would like put guitar amps all over and i would run my cd player out to my guitar amps and i would make it stereo across my entire room because this this was the nerdy electronic stuff that i was into so i'm taking radio shack radio shack was kind of the ace hardware compared to yes the lows where if best buy was the Lowe's or something. And so I remember going into Radio Shack as a kid and just being confused. It was too technical for young Andy, but not young Mike.

So Radio Shack, I didn't go a lot, but obviously one of the most iconic brands that have gone bye-bye. I'm back up. Yep, you are. All right. I have some pics i just i don't know if they're gonna make it back through you uh so i'm gonna go with a similar one that i i thought was way way better and way cooler for my time period it was circuit city yeah i was hoping that came back circuit city had tv it was like so much better than Radio Shack. Yeah. Well, because it was a different store. Yeah. Circuit City was Best Buy.

Yes. But a lot of, like, a strong computer department. And that was where, you know, you'd go. And back when they sold, you know, a ton of computers and Windows operating system and all that stuff. Like, Circuit City was just, like, a cool tech store to go to. And it was nice to browse someplace other than Best Buy. i also felt like i was in a plug when i was yeah because of the way it looked commercials and they'd like plug the which is services state of

the art yeah oh wow you remember wow welcome to circuit city yeah see services state of the still there not the company but the yeah they did their best man yeah all right so that's one you got one more pick i do i know that there's like i know that there's no chance that any of you will pick it but i'm still going to give it the honor of third spot okay i don't even i i imagine it was a chain that went everywhere i mentioned it to the producers earlier. You know what I'm talking about. Was that a chain? Can you do the research on it to make sure it was large enough that this is a smart pick?

Let's just hold. It was a Mon Pas store right next to his house. Do we get the thumbs up? All right. It doesn't matter. There was a place called TCBY. Oh, yeah. The yogurt place. The yogurt shop. Yes. It stood for matter. There was a place called TCBY. Oh, yeah. The yogurt place. The yogurt shop.

Yes. It stood for the country's best yogurt. Dude, that thing was massive at one point. That place was awesome. Because everybody fell in love with frozen yogurt. Because ice cream was bad for you. Yes. Yes.

And somehow yogurt wasn't. So, yeah, TCBY blew up. Yeah. We used to get that all the time. It was like a favorite treat spot for my family when i mentioned it to the producers earlier they all they both said the same thing tcby and i haven't heard that name i know i know it was like they're still around no i don't think so there's a bunch in vegas i'm on their website that's fine but they're

not here anymore no it doesn't look like they're the closest ones to us are in vegas now really there's some in los angeles but i mean obviously it used to be honestly i think i looked up um i think i looked up the history of that company at one point in time because they used to have maybe there's maybe they're still out there they can't compete with the fill your own bowl yogurt places. Yeah. Well, everybody can without employees have yogurt places now, but I didn't know if that still exists. I feel like I'm cheating.

It exists, but here's the thing. I haven't thought about it in forever. This is 1981 is when it opened up. Yeah. And this, this draft is businesses. We miss. It doesn't necessarily to me mean it has to be completely and utterly right. 1981 is when it opened up. Yeah, and this draft is businesses we miss.

It doesn't necessarily to me mean it has to be completely and utterly like, you missed TCBY because it was awesome and it's basically gone. It's gone for us. So, yeah, I think that's a fair pick. I'm seeing a lot of locations still around. Where? Like Egypt, El Salvador, Malaysia. Wait, they're still international? Yeah, the other side of the world has not caught up with the fill your own yogurt.

Have you heard? Ice cream is terrible for you. Yeah, they're just 20 years behind. Eventually, they'll all go out of business. Man, yeah. We should open a Circuit City overseas. 43 years ago. I miss it.

Oh, okay. Okay, this disqualifies it quite a bit. 43 years ago I miss it so oh okay okay this disqualifies it quite a bit there were over 1700 locations they had to have been bankrupt in 2001 and they're down like below 400 now yeah so they're on the way out yeah alright and you miss it

because they're gone soon there you go alright so I don't think I'm picking anymore I think it's up to Mike yep I am up. I will take a store that their brand no longer exists, and so that's the version of the store that I'm taking because it's now GameStop. Okay. But EB Games was the freaking best. So you have a lot of memories. Oh, man, EB Games because here was the freaking best. So you have a lot of memories.

Oh, man, EB Games, because here was the best part, which I don't know if everyone knew this about EB Games. At first, they had a policy that you could buy a game, and within a couple days, you could return the game and get all your money back. Wow, that's how you go out of business. Yes, thank you, Josh. Electronics Boutique.

Oh, I wondered what it stood for. Yeah, Electronics Boutique. And this was, I mean, because it was a game store, this is where you could go back at that time and see games on the shelves that you never even heard of. And then, you know, then you, all the boys. For us, it was at a mall that was

at Metro Center, which for us is like a 20-minute drive. When you're a teenager, that's like a four-hour drive. Oh, yeah. Very special place for you. It was always like this great voyage we would take to go out there and get games. And sometimes we would buy a game, go home.

We would play it for five hours. Oh, guys, guys, EB Games is still open. Let's go take this thing back. It was your rental store? Yeah, it was. Did they buy games as well? Just like the GameStops did? Eventually they did.

They got bought or absorbed by GameStop? Yeah. did they they got bought or absorbed by game spot yeah well there was actually it was so it's like funko land babbage's eb and game stop i think like eventually all of them merged and then went under the game stop okay brand and then it turned into the everything is buy a used game and sell us your games for dirt cheap unfortunately because eb EB games and the employees were always super cool. And even when you're back for the second time in one day returning a game you just bought, they're just like,

okay. The Costco policy. Yeah, they don't give you crap for it. Don't do that, kids. Alright, Jason, you are up. You do it. You live your life. With two picks that look real prepped over there. Two stores you missed like nothing else.

Now, are these only stores? Because this was businesses we miss. So I got a list of stuff that's not necessarily like walk-in stores. I mean, you can say Sweet Tomatoes. That's fine. They're coming back, dude. I did see that. I did see that. You know, what's funny is what I was just looking up.

Defunct restaurants? It's more of a defunct restaurant i'm more in the vein of tcby because it's like it still exists that's but it's not really regular it's not you know it peaked man it was it was the center go ahead take it of you want to you want a steak? When I was growing up, you went to the Sizzler. Oh, yeah, dude. Of course you can take that. You can take the heck out of the Sizzler. They technically are still out there sizzling some steaks. But back then, somehow their marketing, they had convinced people that the sizzler was fine steak dining yeah even

though you waited that's how i felt about red lobster you waited a line to order yeah oh yeah yeah no it was it seemed like it was a very funny thing like it was fine dining yes and then i was like wait this is awful this is like not good and so i'm looking it up. But you missed the sizzler? I guess I missed the commercials and the sizzle. The marketing was great. And now they're like, we don't have any money for marketing because nobody eats here anymore. And what's ironic is I was looking it up and what I have learned on today's episode, if I can already skip ahead, is that if your business is failing and you're having a hard time keeping up with times, go overseas because they've still got plenty of locations open. Sizzler does?

Yeah. They got them in Japan. They got them in Egypt. We have tricked people that this is like Americana. I think some of those companies, what happens is the way they franchise, like the main company might go out of business, but one person owns one location. They have the rights to it forever. So they're just running it better over there? Yes. Some person somewhere has the rights to run that for eternity and they passed it down to their families. And they don't

have the franchise fee anymore? Yeah. The franchise doesn't exist. None of that stuff exists. They're just running the sizzler. All right. All right. right now for my last one i know exactly what i want to take but this i'm going to put it out to you and see if this fits or not i'm not trying to cheat a system i want to know if this actually fits the mold that's you're no genuinely like you'll get it okay aol does that's fine okay that's dude i loved aol did? When it came out, it was internet. It was the world. It was where I went. I'd go home and I'd dial up.

You got mail. Yes. Dude, I loved that you got mail. AOL was incredible. I guess there was instant messenger. There was instant aim. Yeah. I mean, like for me.

AOL keyword. Oh, yeah. I mean, every commercial in the world, Sizzler would be like, use AOL keyword Sizzler. That was how you searched for things on the internet. I spilled on myself right there. I watched that. Mike did. A little bit.

So, yeah. I mean, AOL technically is still around, but they're not AOL anymore. Yeah. I'll allow it. Yeah. I'll allow it. Mike, you're up. All right.

My final pick. I'll be curious if anyone in this room actually got out to it because it existed. There was very few locations, but when this franchise was being built, there was, like, I seem to seem to recall like really big names behind it and it was built up to be like this is going to be the the biggest and the best arcade ever and we had one here it was out at arizona mills okay game works i don't know if you guys remember this

no idea so here's here's what game works was this representative of like all old arcades basically well yeah i thought about drafting like aladdin's castle because that's the the brand that most arcade people know but this one specifically game works because you had it was a two-story arcade which at that time was that was impossible so upstairs will be all the old retro games and then downstairs will be the new games games that that you will see at no other arcade. Like the first time I played any, I think it was called Guitar Freaks, which was you have the big guitar controller, you're playing awesome music, and then years later that turned into Guitar Hero, but it was like,

no, I already know this. This is called Guitar Freaksaks and it was fantastic and then in the middle there was a video game ride that you have to wait in a big old line and then you sit in a chair that goes that as you're uh as you're killing like i think it was like enemy alien and then when you get shot you plummet down to the bottom. Dude, that place was awesome. That place was awesome. Okay, so check this out. I'm looking them up. GameWorks still exists in one location.

It's in Seattle. There is a GameWorks left. No. I feel like this is like Mike takes a family vacation to Seattle now to see GameWorks. It's still there? Do they have the big ride? I feel like this is like a Mike takes a family vacation to Seattle now to see GameWorks. It's still there? Do they have the big ride? If they got the big ride, then I'm going to figure that out.

Mike has Blockbuster, Radio Shack, EB Games, and GameWorks. Jason with Tower Records, Borders, Sizzler, and AOL. I have twice our Circuit City TCBY and one final pick. Now, I am going to ask for your help on this one. All right. Because there have been a number of defunct sports stores. Oh, gosh. Oshman's? That's the one I was thinking of.

Yes. I couldn't remember the name. I know the Sports Authority is gone now. Everything is – the only one that's left is – well, I guess there's a couple. Dick's is still out. Sportsman's Warehouse. End of list. Those two.

That's not even like a sports one. But Sports Authority and Oshman's. Oshman's is the one. Because Oshman's warehouse and and but that's the list that's not even like a sports one but sports authority and oshman oshman's is the one because oshman's had basketball inside inside basketball inside baseball batting cage and a golf simulator yes and i remember as a young kid wondering how they were in business yeah because you would go into there and there wouldn't be a soul around except for in those places where you got to play the you got to play basketball and you got to swing the golf simulator but no one was buying nothing no we would go to oshman's just to play basketball you named it right away i couldn't remember the name of it because they put one out here in arizona when you're growing up but oshman's is gone it was walking distance from my house boys oh really yeah so you'd go over to

oshman's yeah i knew oshman's very well i think i know why they went out of business too because there was a change in their their management or or from the top down said you can no longer come and play basketball here like it's just to like test a basketball you couldn't have a game because of whatever. And then you know what happened? You know the next time I went to Oshman's? Never again. You have a basketball court in there to be played with.

And then I go to play with my friends, and they're like, I'm sorry, you can't play a pickup game here anymore. Then I will never be back enjoying being out of business. I actually remember when they did that. Did you ever purchase it? And I hated them. They got tired of people loitering around. Yeah.

Buying their products and shopping. Yeah, just spending time at their business. Dummies. But in that time, did you ever buy anything? No, no. No, it was overpriced. I was a kid. I didn't have money.

You were just using their electricity. Well, they're spending their electricity either way. Creating goodwill in his home, in his family home. Clearly the goodwill ran out and they're like, we got to make some money, guys. Yeah, but the way to make money isn't to say get off my lawn. Alright, that'll do it for today's

draft. Do you have any quick... Oh, I got a lot on my list. Comp USA, Sports Authority, Sharper Image. Sharper Image is on mine too. Mine USA, Sports Authority. Dude, Comp USA is on mine. Sharper Image. Sharper Image is on mine, too. Mine has less stores left. DeLorean Motor Company.

Napster and Netscape. Oh, that's funny. And Vine. Okay. You know, they're not around anymore, but Vine was... I was just thinking... You were a Vine bro? ...businesses. And then Kmart.

Yeah, Blue Light Specials. The problem is I just didn't... I never liked Kmart. Yeah. No, I didn't either. I felt like I needed a tetanus shot. If I went to Kmart, I'm like... You looked at it worse than Walmart?

Oh, big time. Big time. Oh, wow. I thought Kmart was a step up from Walmart. No, if my vaccines weren't up to date, I was not going. Alright, Mike, you got any honorables? We've said mostly everything but then I also had DeLorean. Did you?

Yeah, I had it too. Oh, nice. Anybody remember Service Merchandise? Yep. What? Service Merchandise. I'll tell you what I remember about Service Merchandise. It's like a Target.

It was a store that had a commercial, and the commercial had a kid who brought his little Walkman into the return desk and said, Sir, today I bought this, but today I saw this, and it was the discounted price on this. Or yesterday I bought this, and today I saw this, and it was discounted. And they're like, here you go. And they give him the difference. Good for you. And he walked out all happy, and then they shut the doors and closed the company. Montgomery Ward, Jason, you remember that?

Montgomery Ward is basically the same thing. Mervyn's? Is that gone? I actually did like Mervyn's. I mean, it was closed shop. It smelled like perfume. You liked Mervyn's? This guy liked Mervyn's.

I had memories of going to Mervyn's. I don't know if I like it or not. What a weird name. Both Montgomery Ward and Mervyn's. E-machines? You're just naming all computer companies? So were people named Mervin? Mervin sounds like a Muppets name.

Like Gonzo and Mervin. I'm pretty sure that's a wizard. Mervin. No, that's Merlin, you dummy. I know. Okay. What did we learn today? I learned that we're old.

We're old. I learned that adults have a bunch of teeth kids don't have and that you got to have even number of teeth. You don't have to. It is recommended. All right. That'll do it for today's Spitballers. Thanks for joining us.

Kids, thanks for staying around. Back with episode 281 next week. Goodbye. Thanks for listening to the Spitballers Podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out SpitballersPod.com.