Spitballers Comedy Podcast - 285: Flying Nightmares & Best Music Genres - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: May 20, 2024

On this episode we dive into the world of difficult questions, discuss the joys of personal highways, take a terrible visit to the world of nightmare bugs and wrap things up with a Best Music Genres draft. Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast! Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast: Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.com Follow us on Twitter: Twitter.com/SpitballersPod Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPod Subscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers Podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. Jason. Okay. Welcome in, everybody. First of all. And they're gone.

That might be the one. That sends them outward? No. Like, you may have done it, Jay. You may have stopped. You may have brought an end to scatting. Yes. Yes.

That's my new goal. I should just do so bad, so loud, so noxious. Mission accomplished. That I should just like, well, guys, let's put this bit to bed. We got him. The part you don't all see when you're listening to the podcast is that Jason, for whatever reason, has correlated the quantity of movement before the scat begins to the potential success of the scat. Jason looked like a man who was riding one of the bulls, you know, like in a bar.

I mean, he was moving up and down and all around. It reminded me of back when you remember when we were kids and we had the little toy cars, but you had to pull it back, and it would like, so it would build up, and then it would fire. And then you'd pull it back, but then you'd like have to quick. You'd overdo it. But you'd run out of table, and so you'd pull it back but then you'd like over you'd overdo it but you'd run out of table and so you'd quickly like try to pick it up move forward that's what remind that was you before and then all the words came out i just want you to

understand that they're the line between what your movements were like before the show and a seizure are it's not like it's getting close yeah but it sounded more seizure like i feel like it brought out the best in me welcome to the spitballers i suppose would you rather is this real life and we are drafting the best musical genres on the show today the best musical genres i am excited about this draft. I haven't quite decided if I'm going personal preference or poll winning. Oh, this poll can get out. I am 100% with you.

This is about me. I am drafting what I like. I mean, people love country. That ain't going to be on my list. I don't think that would make any of our lists. I don't know. For the polls, it might. Yeah.

But it might make the list. I mean, you guys have to take four picks each. I mean, there's a lot of genres going out the door. We'll see. We'll find out later. But I'm mostly curious because Mike is a music aficionado.'m i won't be surprised i think with two of his picks but i'm looking forward to finding out what like your last two are because you know it'll be fun so we've never done it we've never drafted the best musical genres before we did a musical instrument battle royale i think yeah yeah i think we did

that i think that sounds correct i hope someone drafted a trombone because that feels like a pretty A plus weapon. The best part about this show is this is the 285th episode and I try to purge myself of the memory of recording each show right after. Yeah. I don't want to know that this happened, that I was a part of it, that I would ever remember what we drafted. But that's 285 drafts, which means we've probably done it before. We probably did musical genres before. I don't know.

This is our sixth time drafting musical genres. But so like today we've got is this real life where we find just crazy, insane stories that happened in real life and bring them to the world. And the one story that I found was like, there's I know this. I know we've done this before. And I asked I asked how he's like, no, we've never done this before. I think we have. But I'll let you know. Yeah.

Mike is the only one here with a memory. We're goldfish, Andy. No question. All right, let's kick it off with some would you rather here in a second. A reminder, you can check us out on X at Spitballers Pod. You can tell your family and friends, and then that will make you our family and our friends. Yeah, join our family. Yeah, become a member of our family.

That's a good pitch. By telling your family about your new family. Hey, what are we, Olive Garden? Yeah, when you're here, you're family. Would you rather? Austin from the website. If you had to be interrupted to take physical delivery, would you rather get one cent every second, 10 cents every 12 seconds,

or $1 every 10 minutes? What does this even mean? I'm going to need someone to explain this question to me. What does this even mean? Because I have no idea. All right. Who made this? Look, I am thrilled because I was reading.

What does physical delivery even mean? As you're reading it i'm reading it going really hope these guys know what this means i got a quarter of the way through the question and wish i hadn't chose this one if let me let me read it and we'll see if we can make sense of it if you had to be interrupted to take physical delivery like of a baby just listen if you had to be interrupted to take physical delivery would you rather get one cent every second 10 cents every 12 this question is nonsense. This is a trap. Oh, man.

It feels like a combination of a bad question and one of the paragraph math problems I would have gotten in seventh grade. This question is not from Austin from the website. This is from ChadGBT. Would you rather answer this question for a million dollars? Hold on. We're going to answer this question, a million dollars. Hold on. We're going to answer this question, Andy. We've got to work through this. Is this the question of where it's like, would you rather get a million dollars right now or one penny compounded every...

Let's just start with... Is it just the math? What does take physical delivery even mean? Look, if you take physical delivery... Take physical delivery. Because that's just, if you take physical delivery. Take physical delivery. Because that's just how we, look. I'm here with your physical delivery. Take metaphysical delivery.

Whenever UPS shows up, I go, you know what? I'm going to take physical delivery here. That's what I think. But no, you don't because you're like, hey, leave that at the door. I will never take physical delivery. Have you ever taken figurative delivery before? Oh, man. This is a heck of a time.

Here's the thing, guys. You're not just taking physical delivery, which obviously we all know what that means to take physical delivery. But you have to be interrupted to take physical delivery. So, like, you're in the middle of something. Does anybody in Deucer's Alley know what the heck we're talking about? This is not hard, guys. What? Explain it.

Wait a minute. Of course. This must have been his question. No, this was not mine. Okay. Explain yourself. Basically, it means would you rather somebody tap you on the shoulder and then hand you a penny every second, okay?

So they're interrupting you to give you the actual monetary value. So would you rather that happen every second? Okay. I get what the question is now. This is the worst you could word it possible. Okay. Can I ask this question for us in different? Yes.

And now I'm starting to understand. Okay. Okay. Okay. In different previous news. Please, yes. And now I'm starting to understand. Okay, okay, okay. Would you rather be interrupted every second and given a penny,

every 10 seconds, every 12 seconds and be given a dime, or every 10 minutes and given a dollar? Thank you. But you've got to take physical delivery of that coin. Because that's how it should be worded. Would you rather take physical delivery of a nickel? Why would anybody choose anything than the dollar every 10 minutes? Is it more money to take the others?

No, but if you're getting a penny every second, you're not being interrupted. Your job is now taking physical delivery of pennies. Yeah, so that one's out. You can't possibly, your whole life is just accepted. One, two. Wait, so another thing that would have helped would be to know what the financial breakdown yearly would be in order to understand why I'd be interrupted in different ways. Do you have those numbers for us, Josh?

Well, look, every 10 minutes. No, he does not have those numbers. Every 10 minutes would be 600 seconds, right? 60 seconds at a minute. So that would be 600 pennies. So if you are interrupted every second for 10 minutes, you'll make less. No, you'll make $6. Instead of $1 every 10 minutes.

Instead of $1. I mean, is there a stop to this? I assume you stop when you have enough money. I would say you stop at bedtime. And do it again every day? Yeah, every day. I mean, no one's taking anything but the 10 minutes. If you have to interrupt me to give me a dollar in every 10 minutes, I could have a life.

Yeah, you could have a life. If it's every 12 seconds or every, I mean, every second is absurd. Does it still feel like a full-time job? Mike is still laughing. Hey, guys, if you had to be interrupted to take physical delivery. Austin, I'm so sorry. Yeah, I'm sorry, Austin. This is a great question.

And honestly. No, no, no. Austin is tuned out long ago. No. Don't do that to Austin. It's not a great question. He deserves better, Jason. You're right.

We honor our audience by telling the truth. A lot of people say that this is like a truth serum of a podcast. A lot of people say that. And so, Austin, you're going to need to work on your grammar and how you explain things. But also, this isn't Austin's fault. Let's not put – we get a lot of questions. I'm in complete agreement. We get a lot of questions.

Austin did not write this into our show doc. No. Austin didn't hack it and find a way to make sure his question got answered. The deuces on this one failed Austin. But, to be fair, it was a lot of fun to work. It really was. And we'll take whatever one you want. Yeah. Final answer.

You decide. Joe from the website. Oh, please, Joe. Come on, Joe. We're all rooting for this question to make sense. Would you rather have your own personal highway with no speed limits? Okay, I can visualize that. Yeah, man.

No construction, no traffic, no accidents, or you never have to wait in line anywhere. So amusement parks, stores, concessions. Ooh. I mean, a personal highway is unbelievably good. Can everyone see it? You want them to see it. You're darn right I want everyone to see it. It just says Mike's Freeway over and over and over and over and over.

Wow. I mean, like, it needs to be visible. So they know where you're going at all times? Because you'll see your car. How fast would you go? I know my speed. 150? I mean, how many lanes is this thing?

Is this just a – It's a three-lane, but it's a one-lane. You know what I mean? Yeah, lanes is this thing? Is this just a – It's a three-lane, but it's a one-lane. You know what I mean? Yeah, but – Three-lane width. But three wide? Yeah. Oh.

How fast can my car go? That's what I'm looking up right now. Yeah, what's my max speed? Now, okay, I'm going to make it a little more difficult, though. Okay, so, you know, almost like the off-ramp when it's just a single lane. So, you know, there's just the lane. There's a little bit of margin on the sides, but then there's walls. Yeah, that's much scarier.

I think it has to be that because I'm like, yeah, well, I'm just going to go as fast as I can. How fast are you going? And eventually you're going to blow a tire, right? That just happens. Sometimes you're on a yeah well i'm just gonna go as fast as i can how fast are you going and eventually you're gonna blow a tire right that just happens you're sometimes you're on a freeway when you could go that fast you're going that fast you you're gonna blow a tire and that's gonna be really dangerous if you don't have the the side and i will absolutely still be going 163 miles an hour which is what i have researched and determined is the top speed of my car at all times i won't be able to okay because I'm going to play the game of, I'm not going to pop a tire today.

But eventually, it's going to happen. I feel like if you're going 163, there's turns involved. There's going to be a point where you're just up against the wall. Your car is grinding as you turn. The only thing keeping you alive is that wall would it be worth putting like extreme bumpers on your vehicle you know what i mean like like okay like almost like a bumper car where you're fine riding the rail you know what i mean you're using the rail when you turn interesting it's only yours you know what i mean like no one else no one else is

in front of you or behind you just go as fast as have you seen these videos because we have electric vehicles and they're very heavy have you seen the fact that all guardrails in america are not made for electric vehicles and oh we can we can take them down they just explode i mean the cars go through them like butter like tanks i mean that's uh not great for the mountains no no i want you to keep that in mind on the mountains. It's good to know. Actually, this is a really important piece of information. When you are out of control, Jason,

and you are heading towards a guardrail, I want you to know that you're going through it. I will just fly through it. Just give up. Just step on the gas. That is actually legitimately something I need to know. It's more like a finish line for you. And he crossed the finish line at 163 miles an hour. Into the air for a 50-foot drop.

Because for those that don't know, like, electric cars, they're heavy. The batteries are heavy. And they weigh a lot. And all of our guardrails in the country were built for our standard vehicle weight. So they don't work. They're not built for real Americans. Real Americans. Yeah. are standard vehicle weights so they don't work they're not built for real americans real americans yeah so uh and be sure to know jason while you go through the finish line on

the mountain because of the amount of electricity and you know batteries the fire is going to be intense at the bottom oh yeah those like any hope of surviving the fall will be mitigated by the batteries fire yeah so there still is the other side. No lines anywhere. So- How many lines are you dealing with anymore? Like, we don't- It's Disneyland, man. That's it, right?

That's it. That's it. Okay, you're checking out at the grocery store. Oh, look, the lane's open. I saved three minutes. Who cares? No. You don't wait for movie tickets anymore?

It's not just three minutes at the grocery store. So I've been there when they're packed, and it's gigantic, just minutes at the grocery store so i've been there when they're they're packed and you like it's gigantic just full carts in front of sure but my point is it's this is not like a disney you're not waiting 80 minutes in line you know we're really talking about here and i can't imagine airport oh that's a good one that's a good one. That's a good one. No, like your own private security. When I came back from Columbia, I was in a three-hour long line of COVID. No, you're not. Yeah, but you could.

You told me this. You could have done something to get around that line. To improve it. Yeah. But you can't go opt into an annual fee for your own highway right now. Man, they should do that. The personal freeway? Yeah, I mean, they kind of do that.

Does your DoorDash line count? Are you jumping line? That's a good question. That was brought up by the Falcon over here in Producer's Alley. I don't know I need a DoorDash if I have my own freeway. That's a good point. I mean, especially if I'm just riding the rail. I'm going to sleep, man. You just riding the rail i'm going to sleep man

you're riding the rail like jason was talking about like if you're going so fast that even when the turn you just your car is pressed up against the side i'll let it take me where i need to go i now just imagine how often you would go to Disneyland if there were no lines. There's just none. I mean, imagine an empty park because essentially it is an empty park. You want a churro? Just walk up and get one. Right.

You know what would be better is if the lines were there and they all had to move for you. Just like he wants his highway visible. Yeah. I want everybody, and I want it to be like a king. Yeah, totally respectful. Like, oh, please, sir. They all bow and step out of line, and you walk to the front, and no one's bitter. No, no.

They're just thankful. That's part of the specialty, and we're amending it to that. I saw him. Oh, right through here, sir. Oh, and thank you for using that verbiage, because this is not a come up to the front of the line and squeeze in. No. This is that the line is two by two and it parts like a C. Yeah.

And you walk right down through them. Dude, I'm taking the line. Yes. Definitely. That changes it to the line. Absolutely. Now I'm going to Disneyland daily. Now I want lines.

You know what I'm not doing? I'm not doing pre-check at the airport. No. I'm going to regular security. Security lines at the sporting events? Yeah. Did you talk about those? Oh, that's a good one.

That's a good one. All right. I'm taking the lines. Yeah. Then I can keep my DoorDash people coming to my house. Yeah. We'll wait in some traffic. Do you have no lines?

Raj from Patreon says, would you rather have all the butterflies in the world be given venomous stingers? Oh, man. Or have all spiders and tarantulas be given wings? Okay. I thought Austin had the worst question. Oh, man. Raj, this is inappropriate.

This is a family-friendly show. This is not a horror podcast. Giving spiders wings is the worst thing I've ever heard of. Have you ever seen, though? Jason's not going to have a good time for the next 10 minutes. My back is crawling right now. With spiders. Oh, stop it.

Have you seen those Australian videos of the, like, because there's those on the wind spiders. They cast their web out and they ride the web on the wind and then they all end up migrating through a town and the town is destroyed. Or so it seems from here. So that is spiders with wings. The goosebumps on my body are about to explode. I can see them. I can see them.

I can see all the goosebumps. It's not a joke. Yeah, look at this. How can a full-grown man be so scared to even just talk about something? I don't know, man. Something's wrong with me, and I totally recognize it. I just can't change it. So when I got married, I had a had a 100 hate zero percent love of spiders

as you should and then my wife who is a very compassionate individual she respects all of nature in a really deep way that's awesome and she recognizes that spiders in the house are not a they don't really work um are you dying but if she catches a non-venomous one in the house she'll just move it outside okay and if we see it outside and it's not a black widow or something that threatens the children we like to leave them alone and just let them do their business they catch flies and bugs and they just they're just living life so i'm just saying like i think i've adjusted i'm at like a 60 40 now if i could kill them with fire without with knowing that i would not burn something around it um i would do it i mean i love I love nature. I love nature. I want to protect everything in nature. You've got to understand spiders aren't a part of nature.

Spiders are a part of hell. Okay? They are straight from the pits of Sheol, and they need to be destroyed. I mean, I don't care. All right. Let's move to the butterflies. Let's move to the butterflies. Let's save Jason.

Or not. So what happens when like... No, I'm... When like flies are in your home. A fly? Yeah. I want them gone. No, I'm saying with your wife.

With your wife. She's fine with them gone too. Okay. They're like dirty little pigeon insects. You know what I mean? Just seeing how far away... Yeah, no, it doesn't go all the way. Apparently.

There's always a line forever. You know how it is. The uglier they it doesn't go all the way. Apparently. There's always a line for everyone. You know how it is. The uglier they are, the dirtier they are, the less they have our respect. But the butterfly one, look, butterflies are weird. I don't respect you, Chris Black.

So your life ends today. Well, it doesn't feel like they have life. she sees the utility in a spider right capturing the flies you speak of which are nuisance creatures that spread disease this is my best job

of explaining her you're doing a good job it's fine the butterfly thing is weird because I don't like moths and the reason I don't like moths is because they are like a grasshopper or something. I imagine they're completely blind. They are covered in dust. They're so erratic.

They're erratic. And I don't like erratic. I can't stand it. However, a butterfly is equally erratic. And yet, because it is beautiful, I'm like, cool. It's erratic movement. It's crazy up and down and left and right. It is beautiful i'm like cool i don't think erratic movement it's crazy up and down and left and right is beautiful it's like it's singing but they do the same thing with the moth butterfly

yeah i mean it's like it's dusty we're gonna be drafted musical genres right and like blues blues can be terrible blues can be beautiful it's just a matter of if you're ugly, not the person, but the music. You know, if you're ugly, you don't have a respect. I feel like butterflies, even though they are erratic, but they just- They're slightly less erratic. Their movement is light, where a moth, they just seem like they are struggling. Well, you don't see butterflies near the flame. It's not like a butterfly to flame.

Right. It's a moth to flame or a light. At night, if the lights attracted a bunch of beautiful butterflies, that might have changed things. They attract these moths that just start banging their heads into the lamp. So what I'm saying is that, okay, you give them stingers. What's the difference between moths and butterflies? A lot.

A lot. I mean, are they in different species? like are they related i think there's a pretty big gap the is this like llamas and alpacas i do believe that i can't remember which one it is one when it lands the wings go up yeah like they stay up moths are the other one they stay down so the moths exactly right the moth when a butterfly lands, the wings go up. Yes, yes. That is exactly 100% correct. They are part of the same flying insect group called Lepidoptera.

Yep. Of course. Yeah. I mean, I knew that. Butterflies are considered to have evolved from moths. So this is just like eventually they got pretty. They had a glam up. You know what I mean?

They had a glam summer. A glow up? Yeah, a glow up. They had a glow up. And it was like, yeah, no one wants the ugly version. And the moths are like still trying to go to the family reunion. They're like, you are not invited. You're not going to prom.

The only cool moth is the one that looks exactly like the bark of a tree. So they land on the tree and you can't see them but anyways if you give butterfly stingers you got a real issue here yeah but i don't get i mean butterflies never land on when's the last time you've seen a butterfly like in like genuinely in the wild in the wild just when it's rare we all point at it and go awesome right i remember it's happened i know what happened what if it was deadly though what if it was like. I know it's happened. What if it was deadly, though? What if it was like, it wasn't, there's no antivenom. It's just like, if you do get stung by a butterfly, it is going to be dead. If that was the case.

Are you taking the flying spiders? And then you triple the population of butterflies. I will still take them. Okay. Because flying spiders is instant death to me. Just their existence. You wouldn't want to be outside. You would be existence you wouldn't want to be outside you would be i wouldn't want to be anywhere i'd want to be would you go out with a suit of armor heck yeah man that's that's the ticket i would be i would be armored up there's holes in that

armor i'm just letting you know man but they're small spider size all right so my final verdict here is i i don't want to deal with looking up and around for spiders flying around. I'm going to take the butterflies. Yeah, killer butterflies. They're awesome. Yeah. Mike, we are going to take a break and come back with some Is This Real Life. Hey, Spillwads.

I have got to tell you about one of my favorite apps, an app I've used for a very long time, and they decided, hey, we'll talk to the Spitwads out there. We're talking about Greenlight. I love the Greenlight app. It's amazing. It's a debit card, and it's a money app for families. Parents can send money to their kids.

We have it. I've got all three of my kids in there. If they buy something at the store, it comes right out of their debit account. And you can also teach your kids about money. There's savings accounts in their spending areas, and you can give them the confidence to work with money, to learn how to save and have literacy in an area where a lot of kids don't get that. It's a perfect bridge to later on in life. The Greenlight app lets kids learn how to save and invest.

It's a spectacular way to manage money with your kids. And like I said, all three of my kids have it. They got their personalized debit cards with Greenlight and they move money in and out. They move it back and forth. It's really simple. It's done perfectly. The app works perfectly. And you can sign up for Greenlight today and get your first month for free when you go to greenlight.com slash ballers. That's greenlight.com slash ballers to try Greenlight

for free, greenlight.com slash ballers. Is this real life? All right, it is time for Is This Real Life, where we each find a news story or something happening in current events and share it with one another, essentially with the question, is this real? I am very proud of mine. I mean, okay, you want to go? I did want to go, but if you see eager as well. Mine's just

bug related. Okay, let's do the tie-in. We'll press pause. I was just proud because I had found mine on my own and was shocked, but Mike, do the bug one. This one, it's, look, I think most people know it's about to happen. We

in Arizona are shielded from it, so I'm not thinking about all the time, but it does pop into my head from time to time. But it's about to start happening. And this report says, cicadas are so noisy in South Carolina County, residents are calling the police. On cicadas?

Because they don't know what's happening because how loud they are because they're calling the cops saying like i i'm hearing non-stop sirens or they're waving down police and being like like what what do you guys what's happening what is what are you up to and it hasn't even fully begun you guys are you guys aware is this a 17 year wake up of cicadas this is not just one this is a double i have been hearing about cicadas and their the the eclipse level uh randomness of their awakening for a long time. My understanding from experience is that every other year, I am told that this is the first time in 800 years that 8 billion cicadas are going to come out and ruin life,

and then it never happens for me. Are you saying it's happening? Teach us here. So cicadas are these weird bugs that are so loud, and they have... The male cicada makes a loud, droning, shrill noise by vibrating two membranes on its abdomen. And the way that they work, they're in broods that come out. There's a 13-year cycle and a 17-year cycle. And you're saying that they finally lined up?

This is finally where, mathematically, both of them are going to come out at the exact same time. Some Moses-level stuff. Jason, you said billions. Trillions. What? Trillions of red-eyed. I was being hyperbolic. Trillions of red-eyed periodical cicadas are emerging.

A trillion is too big a number for that to exist. Humans can't really understand how much a trillion are we getting them out here we actually don't have a good understanding of what a billion is we think we do because we hear of billionaires but like when you actually see how much a billion is relative to a million represented it's unbelievable and that is what a trillion is relative to a billion so there are there's parts so they're saying the two broods last emerged together in 1803. That's the last time that mathematically that this finally had the crossover. So there are places around like the South and the Midwest.

Is it okay to be excited about this? Because I'm like, this is pretty cool. And I think we're, Jay, where you're a little confused, just like I am, because we don't have these crazy, insane plague-level broods that come out, but we have cicadas. Every year we have them. Every summer, you'll just have one or two of them in a tree. Yeah, they're loud.

I know how loud just one of these things is. If you're talking an actual plague of these is showing up, it will be deafening. Is there any chance that the ones that we have are the ones they're trying to wake up the other ones? Is that what the sound is? Maybe, like where the queens? Like the alarm clock and they're trying to get all the other trillions out of it. Hey, get out of bed. Come on, sleepyhead.

Do you have a map of where this is? I am looking at a map. So I can avoid it. I'm just thinking I want to go, man. This is like the eclipse. So they're calling the police? Yeah, because imagine hearing something so loud. Oh, I hope they open fire.

Oh, man. Just something that sounds like a siren off in the distance that doesn't ever stop. Yeah. So you're like, well, I'm going to call the authorities. What is happening here? And they have to sleep, right? I don't know, man. Not, I mean, the cicadas?

Trillions, bro. Trillions. Yeah, they don't keep the same sleep cycle. I feel like, wow. From this map, it looks like kind of the Midwest, you know, Chicago area. It's normally warmer areas. Yeah, and they emerge once the soil, eight inches underground, reaches 64 degrees. Cicada map 2024.

See where to find brood 13 and brood 17. Wow. All right. It's coming. Well, you know what? Don't call the police. Just deal with it. I just wanted to bring it up.

When do they go away? How long do they stay out? It says expected about May through June. So they go under for 17 years and then they just hang out for a little bit, Ski? Yeah. Are they eternal? I don't know. Like a vampire?

That's a great question. Do they die? These are the same ones, right? Yeah, the ones die. These aren't the same ones from the Cretaceous period? No. This is the mating cycle. So all of the ones that are going to come and be loud,

now there's going to be dead bodies everywhere. Yeah. Oh, really? Yeah. They just come up and die? I do know cicadas leave their, they also shed. Because you see their little shells. Oh, man.

Wow. I am not envious of the people that deal with that. Is this real life? Apparently it is. All right. Here's my story. I'm going to read you the headline, and I'm going to read you the subline, and you're going to enjoy both.

This happened pretty recently. This was a story from April 29th of 2024. So we're talking as of this recording two weeks ago. Police and public capture runaway zebras in Washington State, but one's still missing. Subline. The bizarre rescue effort involved a rodeo clown who happened to be passing by, one local said. So there are pictures.

Hold on. Washington State, you said? Yes. So there's zebras on the run. This is a zoo situation. Okay, okay, okay. I was like, zebras aren't in washington this is a zoo situation and the best part is that four zebras got loose on the interstate and as they were all trying to capture the zebras i'm not joking a rodeo clown was driving by on his way to a rodeo

so fully full rodeo clown and gets out of his own vehicle to help chase down zebras on the interstate. If there is one type of person to get out of a car and chase down zebras on a freeway, that's what rodeo clowns do. They put themselves in harm's way to wrassle animals. The quote from Whitney Bloomquist, the local who witnessed the event, said they had a rodeo clown who was on his way, I guess, to a rodeo.

I'm guessing. They were using him to help corral the zebras. When the rodeo clown gets out of the car, we all know what a rodeo clown looks like. But just, I mean, is he, what's the situation here? Yeah, is he being real serious?

Imagine a real serious rodeo clown. Or does he get out and go, What seems to be the problems, officer? Wait, do rodeo clowns actually do the clown stuff? I don't know. I don't think they do. No, they just, just get out of the way of the bull.

They get in the way of the bull, right? And then out. They save the people. What's crazy is that if you just for the record, if you're ever in this situation with the police and a rodeo clown, it will only let you catch three of the four zebras because one is still on the loose.

Oh, that's a good point. I haven't seen an update on the fourth zebra, but imagine seeing that go through the woods. You're never going to believe this, John. I saw a zebra. Yeah. No, you didn't, Charles. I'll be like, you're never going to believe this, John. I saw a rodeo clown on the freeway today.

I believe on the way to a rodeo. Now, let's get back to rodeo clowns for a second. Where did those come from? Like, you gotta imagine there was a first, right? Right. I don't think Was this a punishment? You got dressed like

a clown and be thrown in front of a bull. Or was it just some heroic bystander that happened to be in the stands just in clown god on the way to a birthday party i hope what's crazy is that i gotta save this man the clown jumps down into the uh the rodeo ring and because when somebody gets bucked off of a an ant of a bull right they're supposed to distract it yes but i do you do we believe that the the bull itself finds the painted human more enticing of a distraction than the unpainted human was this

done for the audience that's what i mean i think it's done for the audience that's a very good question i don't feel like the bull's like i i'm not you're not a distraction to me unless you have a white painted face and red nose. raging bull in the middle of his you know going nuts and hop in the way to distract them so we can get the other people out that that is a man and then you're like but i gotta put clown makeup on them and i feel like they would be like that would be where they would draw the line so there's a very thin slice of people that can be rodeo what's great is that they didn't have the idea of you know what this this human being that needs to jump in and distract a ferocious bull. We have two choices. A bunch of padding and armor to help them in case something hits,

or we paint them up like a comedic character. And if they go out, they go out like that. Yeah. That's not nice. All right. So the clown makeup and outfit play a historical role rooted in the tradition of circus clowns bringing a sense of levity and fun to the dangerous and intense atmosphere. No, don't do armor.

Don't do padding. I love like, okay. They should run out their football uniforms. We're having a really bad PR problem right now. The bulls are just goring people left and right. We're losing audience members. It's too intense. What do we need to do? And the clowns, we got to lighten this up. When one person raised their hand, what have we brought clowns in? Yeah, that's good. All right, Jason, what do you got? We should stop doing this. What if we bring clowns into it that's very all right human beings here is my

headline wife crashes her own funeral horrifying her husband who tried to have her no no we did do that one i i know we absolutely did that one that was my is this real life before that's what i was saying you were 100 right however i have some new information okay i've done a deeper dive investigative study into this because i i was like you know how does this happen and the thing that was so fascinating to me so so what's crazy to me is that the husband hiredittman to murder the wife when she was in another country. She traveled to her home country. Yep.

And when she got there. Yeah, I remember. Go on, go on. So try to have her killed. The thing that I don't, and correct me if I'm wrong. If you will. If you did know this. if you did know this but the thing that blew my mind about researching the the what i presumed was that this was a fake hitman that you know turned the husband in and all that

these are real hitman he found actual hitman yeah they they they actually do this no but they but like these guys there were three guys. They kidnapped her, but they questioned her because then they said, we don't kill women and children. And so they helped the authorities pin it on the husband. But it's like, hey, authorities. Yeah, like why did they do that? Hey, authorities.

So these guys, they say they don't kill women and children. Pretty sure they kill dudes. Like maybe. Yeah, but they turned to me. It's like, we got to let you go. Full immunity. The code of honor. What upstanding hitman.

Well, that's what she said. That's what alerted me to it. She credited three upstanding hitmen. Oh, my gosh. Yes, she was like, these were really good but but hold on but they did kidnap her oh 100 they they they kidnapped her they held her for two days to extort more money out of the man oh and then they went all the way through to uh basically convincing the man with the authorities that she had died yes in order to so she was having the funeral at her at like

the house that they have in australia and she was standing outside and then when the man came out it's like he thought he saw a ghost uh but it's even it's even better the second time and then eventually uh he did plead guilty so so these hitmen doubled up. They got even more money than they were supposed to get for the illicit. As they should. These are great men, Mike. But this woman in those two days was definitely still like, I'm going to die. Oh, terrified for her life. And then how does that work when you let someone go?

It's like the best heroin dealer being like, I don't do fentanyl. And then the authorities are like, I respect that. Come help us catch some fentanyl people and go back to your business. Yeah. It's weird, man. When the lady's leaving, she's like, shame on you. No, she likes it. Shame on you.

She was very grateful to them. No, she got married to one of the three of them, actually. All right. We're moving on after this quick break. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Look, we all carry around different stressors, big or small. I am the same as you. We all have things that we are stressed out about dealing with. We keep things bottled up sometimes, and those things can affect us negatively. And therapy is a safe space to get things off your chest and to try to figure out how to work through whatever is weighing you down. I've benefited from therapy before. My wife and I, we both have. And look, whether or not you've been in therapy personally, there are lots of different benefits that I want to tell you about. It helps you learn positive

coping skills, how to set boundaries, empowers you to be the best version of yourself, to deal with things from your past or things that may be major traumas and things of that nature. If you're thinking about starting therapy, give BetterHelp a try. It's entirely online. I love that. It's designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited for your schedule. So you don't have to, you know, you can work it into your daily routines. So get those important things that you need to off your chest with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash ballers today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp.com slash ballers. The Spitballers draft. Well, it is time for a. I guess they're all like this, but a very subjective, very polarizing best musical genres draft. Jason gets the first pick in this draft and uh look we treat the subjective like the objective truth so whatever we say it's you know well it's dogmatic it's the

facts my opinion is correct that's one thing i've learned through my life um and so i don't even call my opinions anymore i call my facts that's a good bit that's a good bit well in my fact well in my fact i think that the best music is not country um okay so i'll play a little bit of the game here because you know there's there's different genres i want to get i don't think this one comes back to me i don't because you guys have four picks before i pick again so and we are we are trying to be a little bit more specific for the audience out there we're not not real high-level genres um as much as like some subcategories yeah yeah maybe not all of them and so i'll start it off with a subcategory um a subcategory of rock, which is alternative.

That would have been my first pick. Alternative is my, maybe my favorite. Like, I've got two favorites. I like a lot of different genres of music, but there are two go-tos. And alternative, you know, I grew up in the 90s when it was like. It's amazing how that's the nostalgic music for us now. Oh, yeah. Like, we grew up and people were, like, listening to nostalgic 70s and 60s and 50s music but now alternative rock is its own moment in time we were mike and i were talking

i'm sure classic rock might come up in this conversation here but we're like what is that now because like yeah now it's like is classic rock the rock like is think that when I pick it next, it will be defined. Okay, you can define it, but it's like- It depends on who you're asking. When I was growing up, I went to an Aerosmith concert. They were on top of the world. Aerosmith was not classic rock. They were rock.

Right. But now it's like, I don't know. Is Aerosmith? It feels like today. I think old Aerosmith is probably some classic rock. Yeah, crazy. All right, Andy, you're on the clock with classic rock.

It's a great pick. Yeah, and I wondered if it would have been Mike's. Like, did you lose the top two of your list? No, but classic rock is definitely in my list. Yeah, I mean, it's just wonderful because the hit making of that era and the classic rock era, it's just iconic music. It's music you hear everywhere.

It's timeless and so alternative would have been my first pick for the same reasons but i will go with classic rock because you know there's very few like stations that you could just turn on in terms of like and you're always happy with everything that comes yeah and to me that's what classic rock would be so so let's define some of these with some groups. Like who are your favorite classic rock? I think. What do you call bands?

Yeah. You would call them bands. I wonder how classic rock era-wise is defined by the general public. To me, classic rock is like 60s, 70s. Yeah, I mean, it's every. So Led Zeppelin, The Who. Yeah, you know, songs like Don't Stop Believin'. Journey probably fits into that group.

Maybe, because that's 80s. Rock You Like a Hurricane. See, to me, that's not classic rock. Here I am. That's what I'm saying with classic rock. No. Classic rock has changed. No, because to me, that's hair bands.

Oh, right. Well, see, there you go. It's got a broader definition for people. You know know if it's played on a classic rock station which i think that song would be played on it could be now yeah so what what were your like top songs if you were to describe it to somebody is it all pink floyd and yes yeah pink floyd will be in there you know you said the who obviously So it's like... Stones? Oh, yes.

They're still around, but they are classic rock music. Yeah. It's like Kashmir. Just put on Kashmir, you're like, that's a classic rock song. Okay, you're up, Mike. All right. You do get two picks, which I think you're probably pretty happy about. I am, but I don't know that the rest of my list people are going to be chewing off of wait does jason end up with nickelback by accident

yeah nickelback was alternative right i mean look not not everything could be a hit i want to make sure we know who has nickelback is like massive hits though yeah i drafted weezer i drafted smashing pumpkins nickelback and nickel yeah i just make it sure we know who has them yeah uh mike go ahead all right we will kick it out we will stay with rock i will take punk rock uh and my personal favorite being triple rock yeah being uh no effects that i think that they are the best punk rock band of all time like blink 18ink-182. Blink-182 is pop punk, but it's still qualified.

Yeah, they are. In their core, they are a punk rock band. Rancid. Yes. Who has the most properly named band. Oh, you hate them. The voice. Dude, Rancid rips, man.

They're so good. Ribi, Ribi, Ribi, Ribi. Ruby Soho. Yeah. Time Bomb. I'm paid to sing Even though I sound like this Like I can't stand when people can't sing You're actually a little too whiny because his voice is a little bit lower

Yeah there you go that's perfect Oh my gosh it's Rancid So aptly named Oh no that song is incredible That band is very very good I mean look Punk Rock I think we knew Mike was going to go there. It's fast. It's loud.

Sometimes there is no melody at all, and it's just three chords. That happens. Sometimes there's a lot of melody. So I'm going to start with that, and then, oh, man. It probably doesn't get picked by you guys, i'm gonna i'm going to give the genre the respect editors i will take jazz music fancy pants how do you part smelling and what my relationship with jazz is strange because like i can't tell you who plays what songs right i like you can start listing off really famous.

I mean, I know. Louis Armstrong. Yeah, I know the top of the top of jazz musicians, but I'm not enveloped by the culture and buying all the records. But you can put more of the classic jazz, where I'm the new smooth jazz. That's not really for me but you just put that station on i can listen to it for infinity i will say just

vibe like louis armstrong is one of my absolute favorite artists like miles dave of all time and i've listened to so many so many hours of louis armstrong who jazz. So I like the pick. I can't criticize it. I just don't know much outside of Louis. Okay, so your two picks, then punk rock, jazz. I had smooth jazz written down on my list. You can still take smooth jazz. I would consider that a different genre. I am going to go with, I'm almost positive I could save this, but I'm not going to out of respect for the genre.

There you go. And the fact that I think all my favorite artists fit into this genre and then kind of sub genres within it, which I'm going to take the higher level one because I don't think you guys are going to take any. Well, I'll tell you if you're alone, but I'm going to take folk music.

Yeah, that's fine. That's like indie folk. Yeah, and like folk rock, like the Lumineers. Noah Kahn is like folk pop. I love folk. John Denver is folk music, and I love John Denver. John Denver.

But like Bon Iver and Mumford & Sons and all of the folk and folk derivative genres. Yeah, that's fine. It's great music. So I'm going to go derivative genres. That's fine. It's great music. So I'm going to go with that. I'm going to go with folk music. Folk music sounds like not how folk music sounds, but when you talk about folk music. 100%. Seems like something.

Did you ever get down with Peter, Paul, and Mary? I did. Like in the 90s when they were somehow big. Getting down with like P the magic dragon yeah yeah i mean channel eight would have specials with them but it seems like something i would hate it seems like something that would be too boring folk music is awesome the serious thing is we're old now no but i i liked in college like i okay but there but a lot of bands are more folk oriented than you would think i like more of like the indie folk. But all right, I am up.

I have two picks. I already know one. One has to be rap. Yeah, I knew that. Are you going rap or hip-hop? Yeah, I was wondering. Those are very different to me, and I am going rap for sure. My next pick is hip-hop.

Yeah, baby. I knew that those would be your picks, and I could have taken one simply to penalize you i thought it would be your first pick i think so it is your first pick but you just didn't want to lose alternative rock 100 which right after you gave like a big smart big proclamation at the top i mean you were like i am not going for the polls i'm not going to any gamesmanship i'm going my favorite stuff and the first thing you did was take something no no no that's an alternative rock i i love alternative rock and rap those are my two like if they they take up 90 well they take up at least 66 of what i listen to and i split between

those two 50 50 the only gamesmanship was for love it was because i wanted both and i knew one direction gets me both of those that wasn't for polls that was just for that was for love. It was because I wanted both, and I knew one direction gets me both of those. That wasn't for polls. That was just for the heart. Now, the people want to know, Jay. Yeah. Where do you weigh in on? Oh, Drake's getting crushed, man. On Kendrick V.

Drake's getting crushed. Okay. I think he's burying me. You just like, it's the stop and he's dead already meme. Following along, because somehow, I'm not in that world. But a lot of the people I follow on Twitter apparently are. And so when it was happening, I'm just getting bombarded with all of these. And like really vague tweets too.

So I'm like, what is happening? I couldn't tell you one ounce of what's going on in that situation uh yeah i know that there were two songs released back to back or something like that but it's it's a classic uh beef that is being that is being handled by uh releasing of diss tracks of of just you know tracks is this for publicity i wondered but no it's not because this this is like this is like a decade long it's too mean yeah with some of the content that they're they're blaming or claiming using all right is it my pick it would be your pick it is the in my opinion kind of parallel genre to all of the folk genre discussion. But I'm going to go with singer-songwriter.

Okay. Which walks more into Johnny Cash. I mean, I know he's country, but Johnny Cash is still singer-songwriter. James Taylor, singer-songwriter. It's really pared down music to me. Usually just an artist with the one instrument. Guitar, maybe some instrumental back behind it. It's really pared down music to me. Usually just an artist with the one instrument. Maybe some instrumental back behind it.

But it's singer-songwriter type of music is one of my favorites. I don't mind that at all. I enjoy it very much. All right. Jack Johnson. Is he? I would call him singer-songwriter. Yep.

I would. I mean, he's more pop version of that. Yep. But. You like Jack Johnson just like like because when you're listening to music like man I'm at the beach I'm feeling yeah it does that's vibe yeah it's music all right my first pick uh I am going to take uh I you I don't even know if you guys have heard the genre called this, but it has gained popularity in the last decade or so.

It's called synthwave music. I feel like I can work that out. This is exactly what I thought would happen on Mike's third and fourth picks. I was positive I'd learn something. So synthwave is, when you hear it, you go, that's the 80s. As the name implies, it's the 80s. Yeah. As the name implies, it's synthesizer-driven, but everything you hear, Josh, great, yeah,

the Stranger Things intro, that would, most people know that that would be in the genre of synthwave. It very oftentimes is just instrumental. So do you consider that to be be is 80s music a genre? No. So you're trying to subcategorize what you meant by 80s music. But synthwave feels it makes you feel

80s. Yes. You're like that's the soundtrack of an 80s movie. Almost. But it's like this band The Midnight has over the last few years has become my favorite band. And they're a synthwave band? They are movie almost but it's like this band the midnight has been over the last few years has become my favorite band and they're a synth wave band they are yes and it's just it everything sounds retro but fresh at the exact same time freshtro that doesn't work no no it doesn't try it on though no it does not and for your final pick. Oh, man. I do love chiptunes.

Oh, my goodness gracious. Something about the sound that only an NES can make. Oh, brother. Gets you right in the feels. If you haven't listened to chiptunes and you're hearing this and you're like, what is chiptunes? Go. Yeah. Go.

Yeah. If you grew up in the Nintendo era. Go to YouTube. You'll enjoy. Search chiptunes 23, thank me later. This is what I do all my statting to. And then, I mean, the final pick, there's so many different sub-genres of it, so I'll just say metal.

Yeah, I think we can take it. I'll just take metal. Give me the heavy stuff. Yeah. Give me the, and then there's stuff with people arguing about, oh, that's not actually heavy. Dude, how did I not take that? Because if there's stuff with people arguing about well that's not actually heavy dude how did i not take that because if there's one thing i know my you know this is metal that is true oh my gosh i mean like all the loves and you know all the sub genres of metal

everything about metal just give me a few of them well you got heavy metal yeah light metal come on andy sorry that's not even funny yeah that's not a real thing um it's just serious yeah i mean you got death metal yeah black metal you got metal you got speed but no doom metal like i look i know everything you've never heard of doom metal are you kidding me doom metal who's your favorite doom my favorite doom metal artist is uh is it's one of my doom metal artists favorite is uh coming soon the band's coming yes the band coming soon that's not a very metal name yeah oh man you know but those are those are broken out too you know you got like louisiana do metal and Washington, D.C. You know, it's a whole thing.

It's too much to get into today. Yeah. I know everything about it. So that's, like, East Coast, West Coast, but it's Louisiana and Washington, D.C. Yeah, it's a big beat. Yeah. All right, Andy, you're up. Well, look, you took metal.

I'll take pop. I'm going to close it out with pop music. I don't like all pop music at all. There are certain songs that, like, is Ed Sheeran pop? Yes. I like Ed Sheeran. I would say so. Yeah.

Some Taylor Swift is great. It's all in the pop genre. Yeah. I'd rather take that than metal. It is short for popular. Yeah. I hate this pick because I really enjoy pop. Like, honestly, everyone does.

Yes. Everyone does. You do. If you're listening, you like pop. Like, honestly, everyone does. Yes. Everyone does. You do. If you're listening, you like pop. You like pop music. But you want to know why? Because it's catchy. It sounds good.

Yeah. And that might make you angry, so you think, I don't like it. Yeah. But you'll catch yourself whistling alone. My son just constantly, Taylor Swift's so popular, he's like, I just hate Taylor Swift. I hate her music. And I was like, I know you don't, you know, but I get it. I get why we have to say these things and feel like, you know, it's so popular that

we have to hate them. You know, there's something built into our human being. Especially being a teenage boy. Oh, for sure. But it's like, you know, look, you're welcome to hate Taylor Swift and hate all of her music because it's terrible and sucks, but it's really good. And we all know it. It's just the truth.

Sorry. It's good music. She's actually, you talk about genres. She started as a country artist and a singer-songwriter. And now. Well, I'm closing the draft. Not enough money in that. No, that's the honest truth.

You can lose that twang real quick. Closing the draft. Ow, I am. Country. Could not be happier with my list and more proud of us for not drafting country. Like, that's not even going to be. It would have been my next one. I'm glad we're only doing.

But that's like 15 on the list. So, I mean, that doesn't feel that bad. But I moved when I said the amount of music i listened to was 90 basically made up from hip-hop and rap and that's not true i moved it to 66 because really i spend my time mostly in thirds rap alternative and musical theater i i spend a lot of time listening to musical theater oh it Wouldn't have been on Mike's list. I'm a theater man. Well, I knew.

I knew. I was like, I'm getting this last. I could punt that. Do we put that down as show tunes? No. Musical theater is a genre. And that's what it is. I think show, is show tunes appropriate though to call it that? Yeah, that's what they are.

Yes, it is appropriate to call it that. But show tunes can go beyond that. A song from a musical that has become popular in its own right. Yeah, but it can go beyond musical theater. Show tunes is technically wider. No, it says a song from a musical. Yeah, but there are musicals that aren't theater. There are film musicals and things like that.

Show tunes can be from more. Okay. Musical theater is my show. It's terrible. It's incredible. It is amongst the worst. Is it's incredible it is it is amongst the broadway would that fit here sure i guess i've never heard musical theater described as a genre that's well when i search musical genres in google it says musical theater so i'm gonna stick to it okay

we all know what you're talking about yeah because what did we learn Well, as we close it out, and that was fun, I learned that Austin asks bad questions. Good questions worded. Well, no, it was also a bad question. I learned that I need to not rely upon guardrails. No, no, you can't. You can't do it. Not like you used to.

I mean, I knew, but it's just like Jason's inability to just talk about a certain subject without physically reacting. Oh. It's so wild to me. I thought you were going to talk about how much I know about metal. Oh, no. It's flying spiders. Doom metal.

That's what he loves. Thanks for listening to this podcast. Goodbye, everybody. Goodbye. That's what he loves Goodbye everybody Goodbye