Spitballers Comedy Podcast - 287: Urinal Hopping & Best Things That Come In Pairs - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: June 10, 2024

It’s another laughter filled episode from the Spitballers. This week we discuss the fine art of urinal hopping, dig deep into the world of toothbrushes, play a round of Man of the People and then draft the best things that come in pairs. Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast! Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast: Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.com Follow us on X: x.com/SpitballersPod Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPod Subscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

Spit wads with prize picks you could turn $10 into $1,000 in a single game watching your favorite sports this summer. You can make a prize picks lineup in as little as 60 seconds. You just need to pick more or less on two to six player stat projections and you are locked in. Right now the NBA finals are going on and the finals mean more on prize picks and so do the star players. You get boosted payouts on select basketball stars that you won't find anywhere else. And for me, for what I'm going to be playing on prize picks, look, when the finals are over, the WNBA is here and Caitlin Clark v Angel Reese. That's the fun times you can go in there,

get some skin in the game, You can win up to 100 times your cash watching them ball out. Their UI is wonderful. It's so easy. It's so quick to go in there. You know, I'm going to be taking more on Caitlin Clark and watching and enjoying it all the time. Right now you can download the app and use the code SPIPBALLERS for a first deposit match of up to $100.

So download the app today, use the code SPIPBALLERS for a first deposit match up to $100. Prize picks. Pick more, pick less. It's that easy. What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers Podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. Adada, adidi, adada, adodo, woo! No, no. No? I don't know. I just just you haven't unfurled the mystery yet 20 out of 10 what say you know better than I originally thought yeah, but I mean you can't just have a secret code

It's got to also like I Got to like it too But I appreciate it slightly more we are It's a it's a real Dan Brown right there. Well the end is that that's the guy right? Yeah, I was going for a da Vinci No, that was Dan Brown. I honestly think I was fine with most of it but the way you ended was so funny to me. You were just like, whee! Because I knew there was a mystery to unravel in the scat. But then the ending was a mystery also to me.

Yeah, no, I mean, you could have leased Badingi. I don't charge a lot. Ooh, I think I might try a Badingi on the first time. I will never Badingi. You'll never Badingi. I will never. Well, look, that's why you ended up with a we I will sheboygan Okay. All right, we can do that

Welcome into the spitballers Jason Moore Mike Wright Andy Holloway with you would you rather on the show today? Back by popular demand man of the people also on the show today very fun game that I love and We are drafting the best thing Are the best things that come in pairs. Just like Mike's. I mean everyone who heard the scat they already knew. So thank you for joining us. Make sure you tell your friends about the podcast if you would like them to feel joy, be happy to laugh.

The podcast is free and so the best way you can support us is to tell others about the show and to click that follow button, review the show, and use nice words when you do. People love helping people. I know that. Doctors have started prescribing our podcast. They say that laughter is the best medicine, and so they're saying, Hey, have we closed any doctor offices? Not that I am aware of. They're just like, we brought in the crowd. Our Western medicine cannot compete with a podcast. It's such a high level comedy. If you take the script to the pharmacy, they really don't have a device they can give you, however. So you'll just need to subscribe and we appreciate you and you know in the spirit

of best things that come in pairs tell one friend and leave a review that'd be like two thoughts they're gonna say tell two friends that's also an easier thing I should have said here we go would you rather all right first question on would you rather? All right, first question on would you rather comes from Seth. Would you rather have to stop at the store every day on your way home and buy a new disposable toothbrush? That's a funny world to live in or have to use the same toothbrush for five years before replacing it. Look, you go ahead. Oh boy. We are going to learn about how long this man has used the same.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Quite the opposite. Um, I, I, I have, I have a dirty mouth. No, I've bought a new toothbrush. I, it has to be more than everyone in here. It has to be for, and sometimes for different reasons. But I feel like... Like you want new technology? Yeah, sometimes I want new technology. Sometimes we go on a vacation.

It's like, where is it? I can't find it. And then it's like, OK, well, I'll just get a new one because maybe it's been upgraded. It's like, I feel like in the last... The toothbrush? The old, just the regular plastic toothbrush? Well, no, I don't use a regular

Some high-tech Apple tooth for travel. Yeah, but he brings travel case No, he brings it with you bring your bougie toothbrush on the road I bring a disposal other 100% of the time on the road. It comes with a travel case for a reason It's to travel sure but like I you know what I'm talking about the half toothbrush Yeah comes with the toothpaste and you just bring that and leave it that thing ain't clean in your mouth Might as well just use your finger. Just put some toothpaste on your finger be like Those little half toothbrushes Burning money I Certainly, yeah, these toothbrushes they they have gotten pricey.

I mean, it's like- Have you noticed the difference? Oh yeah. Big time, it's so much better when you spend hundreds of dollars on a toothbrush. So you would, you know, if you have to stop and get a disposable one every day on the way home from work. That's tedious.

I think you'd have a quick habit. You'd hope for a short line and grab it and go. Five years with the toothbrush is a lot. That's too much. I cannot do it. What about sanitizing though? You can sanitize. Did you ever, like,

Listerine used to be popular. And my dad had Listerine growing up. That's a mouthwash. They would use that to clean the toothbrush? Well I'm just saying if you leave it in, Listerine has alcohol in it. It's got antiseptic properties. It has alcohol. So like if you just put the toothbrush in there, you feel like it's... I was told to microwave the toothbrush. You ever do that? Your plastic?

That seems like worse. Yeah. Like maybe the brushes get clean but then you get like microplastics all up It's gotta say on the bottom not dishwasher safe not microwaves safe on a toothbrush. Did you have you microwave? Oh, yeah, any of those like no highly not electronic ones Oh, not the battery operated but like the regular, you know, just the comes in a four pack toothbrush I have so let me see if that's. It doesn't melt? No, it doesn't melt.

That I can see with my naked eye. Interesting, I would think it would melt. The way that I brush my teeth is with such ferocity. Oh, you're vicious? Yeah, I mean, I know the dentist is just a gentle brush. You don't believe it. But no, I don't. You don't believe the dentist. I just a gentle brush. You don't believe it. But you know I don't believe

I don't. Well, well, well, if you're looking for the best way to disinfect a toothbrush, you have several options. But first, you should note that experts don't recommend putting your toothbrush in the dishwasher or mic. Oh, self-dunk. You set us up and knocked us down. That's like, time out, bro. We got to start with the source, if you're going to be coming in to prove your point. I started Googling immediately. It's WebMD.

Don't do that. But mine, I do have one of the fancier toothbrushes where you replace the head of it. And I mean, it's a few weeks. A few weeks after brushing my because you flattened it it looked like it got back from nom dude this thing is just it's clinging to life like please let me retire and they say to like replace it once the like blue the blue is like worn down you know they put oh

yeah that's three days that's three days and it's thank you Oh, there's I mean, I feel like the first time you brush your teeth with a new head, you should just look closer to your teeth. They're probably all blue. I need to take another blood. Oh, yeah. Those fresh toothbrushes. They are so they fierce. I need to take a poll in here. What percentage of people in this room? Because we've got the deuces over there in deu Alley. And raise your hand over there if you have an electric toothbrush. OK, two thirds. Two thirds.

And then over here, raise your hands if you have an electric. OK. Two thirds. So two thirds over here, two thirds over there. I don't know. I'm just not that into it. My 11-year-old has one of the old school toothbrushes too, so that's cool.

Mine's only... I'm more mature than you because I spent hundreds of thousands of dollars on the toothbrush. I upgraded because I got the one that has the water pick built into it. See, I can't do any of that. The water pick? No, man. Oh, man. I got caps.

Here's what you got to do. Step one, you brush just as hard as your muscles will allow and then the water pick, that thing is at a 10. Oh no. Oh yeah. Oh no. That's what you do? You destroy everything in your mouth. No bacteria shall be alive in you. Why don't you buy a pressure washer then? If there was one that fit into my mouth, I would do it. Dude. I keep mine at 10 as well. Yeah, my man. man! What? Yeah I've had one of these. We burn it out. I just- You don't want that. You've got caps too brother. Dude if I accidentally hit your tongue it will bleed. Oh I've had- No! You could cut your gums with that for sure.

It's a laser. My gums are tough. That's right. Mine are talist over. Yeah we've worked them up. Oh my gosh. Yeah, I mean, I needed to work up. I was at like a three and I felt like- A three? What are you, a baby? If I could have used this thing- You just cut your first tooth? I could have cut my tooth out. I could have just like sawed away at my gums with that thing on a three. You're not brushing hard enough, man. Apparently not. A 10? Yeah. That thing could carve your initials into a tree, I promise you. you know what ten it's not enough I need if they if they gave me like the superpowered water back that went to 15 I'd be on 15 I'm not

gonna lie to you I am so impressed right now like I'm like wow Mike that's good work hot water level 10. Let's take care of the business. I went back. So I've, like I said, in the last. For those that don't know, there's a toothbrush that has a water pick feature inside of it. That's what you're talking about.

Correct. And a water pick is a stream of water that substitutes for flossing. And it can shoot in between your teeth, or in my case, shoot my teeth off. Because I've got caps on some of them, and I was told by the dentist, I'm not joking, this is the real story, he goes,

you need to start using a water pick once you get these veneers on, because you need to really clean between the teeth, it's very important. I use the water pick, it blows one of the teeth right off, I come in and I go, I used the water pick and it took the tooth off. He goes, I think, yeah, you can't turn it up that high. I was like, you put the tooth on. I'm going to be honest, man. The person who put most

of your caps on, soft white bread took them off. So I don't think it's a water pick problem. Didn't help. So I've gone back from the water pick. Oh, what? Yeah, I mean, there's newer colors and stuff on the other. On the other kind? Oh, yeah. There's like gradient now. It's really nice looking toothbrush.

What is the toothbrush? The looks of the toothbrush? You want to be stylish. Yeah, it's nice. I like having a good charger base. So he brings it on the road in the travel kit so that the people that clean his room can see how cool his toothbrush is. That's right.

You see this toothbrush? That must cost like $8. Nope. The regular toothbrush. How much is it? So what features, you just have old school. Oh man, this is going to go good. You go to the dentist, they hand you a toothbrush, it's Oral-B.

Yeah, those suck. Yeah, they're handing me garbage. No, no, but I'm saying that's what you're working with. No! You're working with a caveman toothbrush? No, that's what I'm saying. I'm working with what's on it. What's on my toothbrush? Yeah. I got a pressure sensor, okay? If my press is too hard, press is not hard enough, it lights up when you, you know. Oh my God. Yeah, because I learned that most people brush their teeth too hard Mike Yeah, but that's what about this it should never go off because you can't brush your teeth too hard

No, that's how you get receiving gum line. No, that's how you get good strong man gum man gum You want man gum in your mouth much? You think never fallen out Mike has got no gum my gum is made of gum It his gums are gone. It's just Like all they do is bleed anyways. Get rid of them. All right. All right. We got to answer the question. This will be the whole show. Same toothbrush for five years or on the way home you're going to get a new one. Yeah, I'm getting a new one. Jason will be broke though. In five years. Well, I'm not kidding. No, you'll get a disposable electric. In five years, if I'm forced to keep a toothbrush,

all of the bristles are gone. I'm just using a piece of plastic to scrape away at my teeth. I can't even imagine. I've got the pressure sensor on mine. I'll bet when you brush, it just starts screaming. Stop it! Stop doing this!

Make the switch to steel wool. I know you want to. It's time. I'm going to look into it. And then just the final pro tip here, which is great when you have the water pick. I don't know if this happens to you guys, but when I'm brushing my teeth, the wife frequently likes to screw with you. Like you get the credit card butt check or just anything like that. While you're brushing. Oh yeah, while you're brushing your teeth. You know all you have to do?

Just pull that toothbrush out. That's a weapon. Yeah, she's gotten laser striked a few times. So she's got a few scars on her legs. So what? Yeah, she's missing a leg. Oh my gosh. All right, Ethan from the website, would you rather start every sentence with,

I guess what I'm trying to say is... At the beginning? Yeah, at the beginning you rather start every sentence with, I guess what I'm trying to say is? At the beginning? Yeah, at the beginning. Or end every sentence with, so like, do you know what I mean? I guess what I'm trying to say is, I'm not sure about this one. So, like, do you know what I mean?

Yeah, look, I, the, The latter. It's gonna get annoying to say it every time, but that you got to go with the do you know what I mean? Really? I was on the other side. I am too because the so do you know what I mean sounds more like Teen girl in high school. I don't like the word like in it. It's if it was do you know what I mean? Yeah, fine. Yeah, say so like do you know what I mean? I know I'm like I'm an idiot the commas after the like so it so like, do you know what I mean? It sounds like I'm an idiot. The comma's after the like, so it is. So like, do you know what I mean?

So like, do you know what I mean? Okay, now you're the idiot. Yeah. Okay, that's fine, that's much better. That's a good point, and for those that, you know. Who's the idiot is the part of the conversation we should pay attention to. Who's the idiot?

I guess what I'm trying to say is, I don't wanna be the idiot in the conversation. So like, do you know what I mean? I do. If you start every sense, I guess, what I'm trying to say, you are, you're the idiot in the room. Because you are unsure of everything that you are saying.

It lets you soft pedal the fact that you are right. Do you know what I mean? I don't know what you mean. I guess what I'm trying to say is that feels like a soft way of saying what you were going to say. I guess that means you've got no conviction. If you've got to do this on every single sentence that you ever say, which, I mean, both are nightmares and you're going to be annoying and all that. It's whichever one you can get out quicker. So it's like,

it's got to become an idiosyncrasy that people don't even pay attention to anymore. So it's like, I guess what I'm trying to say is that I want to go with the one that's easiest and quickest. I guess what I'm trying to say here, oh my gosh. No, it's. That would kill me. Tons of people have a word that they'll throw in at the end of a sentence, and it's almost a, are you still listening to me?

I've got one family member that has that. Oh, what is the phrase? And everything. Oh, yeah. So it's like, so anyways, we went on vacation and everything and we went and we saw a movie and everything and then, you know, and everything. It'll be like 20 times in a few minutes

and everyone else in the family and everything kinda knows that it's coming and everything. I think it is easier to throw away the end of the sentence than to throw away the beginning of your sentence. Yes, it's coming and everything. I think it is easier to throw away the end of the sentence than to throw away the beginning of your sentence. Yeah, it's the trail off. Yeah, exactly. You could just trail it off. The problem is-

That would be a funny one if you just had to lower your voice and trail off at the end of every sentence. You know what I mean? But the problem is, so do you know what I mean? It doesn't work for everything. If you're saying something debatable, that's fine. Right.

But if you're like, you know, Michael Jordan had 23 points in that game. So like, do you know what I mean? What? Yes, I know what you mean. I can hear you. Or if you're testifying on trial. Okay. Your honor, it was him. Like, you know what I mean? I think I'll go with that one. It seems entertaining and at the end of a sentence. I do too.

All right, Noah from the website says, every weekend now where you live, it's a three day weekend. Oh, heck yeah. It's been instituted by the government. Would you rather have the Monday or the Friday off? Noah, you've got to think through things here. OK, explain it. It's really easy, guys.

How many holidays do you know of that fall on a Friday? None! None, but I know a lot the fall on a Monday! You gotta strategize. That's an extra day off. That is a very, very short working week. The four day weekend is legendary. Yes it is.

Those happen from time to time. And it's like you don't work for two weeks. That's how it feels. That's what I'm going with. Oh, for sure. It's pretty easy. How many holidays? I'm just trying to think of, just to answer the question,

if Monday was always off, wouldn't they move those holidays? Well, it's just off for us, just for you, right? Or no, this is where you live. It says every weekend's now a three-day weekend. I mean, like. They might, but that's my rationale right now. There are five of the 11 federal holidays

are permanently scheduled to fall on a Monday. There's 11? There's 11 federal holidays, five of them, are permanently on a Monday. Gotcha. Others might fall on a Monday but there are five every year that are Monday. Would you rather have a stranger sit next to you

in an otherwise empty movie seat or otherwise empty movie theater or have a stranger stand right next to you at the urinal in an otherwise empty bathroom? So one. The movie one sounds unbelievably awful the bathroom one It's a divider It even if there's not it's uncomfortable for a short period of time

Or a long period rules for those that don't know about how you Approach a urinal wall. Yes, and the amount of people in different spots and where you're supposed to go. They're just unwritten and you follow them. But they never account for the reality that, like if you walk into a bathroom, I'm gonna set you up, situation. You walk in and there are five urinals. That's the go-to.

And there's a person on one end, the other end, and in the middle, right? Okay, so you're going sandwiched to someone. You're next to people no matter what, right? Are you waiting for, you're not waiting for them. No, I'm not waiting. Okay, so you're going to the bathroom, and guess what? If the middle, let's say you take one in between,

and then the middle person leaves. Oh yeah, you seem like... Now, if someone else walks into the bathroom, how far in... They think you've chosen to be directly next to the other guy. That is a problem, and we're talking about, I've already engaged into the stall.

Yes, engaging into the stall. You can slow walk it over to the urinals, hoping that. No, you've started. OK, so I've, well, it's not just started, but. You're in process. OK, well, I mean, you just got to live with this. You got to live with this. I'm just saying there's a way to be.

So one of the producers is saying pinch and swap. Pinch and swap. What are you doing, you psycho? No. You're stopping mid-flow? And then take, and then taking a step. And waddling over. If I watched someone swap urinals I would be very concerned. I would be wanting to get exit that bathroom immediately. Yeah you gotta get out of there. What if you went in and

you see someone he's starting on the left. You know kind of like someone fills up all the sodas. He just takes a step over, takes a step over. More like a dog marking his territory. 100%. Filling up all the sodas. 70% just goes, and it's like, I like to hit them all. What if there's five urinals, there's only one guy in there, and you wait in line directly behind him for that urinal and just say it's your favorite. And you're just like.

No, I'll wait. And you let other people go ahead of you. You're like, no, no, no. No, I want this one. Yeah, I'm waiting. And then as he was backing up, you're like, it's good, right? That was my favorite. Oh, man.

You don't want to wait for the, you don't take that one. Wait behind me. The flush is smooth, isn't it? You ever have... So there's one... There's so many urinal tails. So every now and then you get the urinal that for some reason... I don't know how they are built wrong. I know where you're going. I don't know how they're built wrong. The engineering guy, we took a break that day. They messed up and no matter where you pee on this thing, it's a trampoline of urine. I mean, it's just like, there's no spot.

I've tested everywhere. Yeah, the whole pee, you're trying to find the spot. You're getting littered. Ladies, 100%, this is a thing. There are some urinals that whatever they did, like aerodynamic, whatever, they didn't check it. This thing, you're not leaving're not leaving without dewy legs. Dude, there's a problem in my life.

Uh-oh. I have a repeating one. There is one that I know. There is a urinal I know of. That you have to use all the time? That I have to use all the time. And I know it. And Al, I wonder if you have the same experience,

because it's at the theater that my kids go to. That freaking thing is. There's no way. Is it just me, or is it? No, no, it's not. But that my kids go to, that freaking thing is... There's no way. Is it just me or is it... No, no, it's not, but I'm glad to hear you say it, because I've never... What is wrong with this place? I've never vocalized that. So you guys are both just...

Your legs are covered in pee. I've literally thought about wearing pants to the theater because I'm going to have to use it. It's a single urinal. There's not like... I don't get to go to the one to the right. What about using the stall? Yeah, I probably should, but when there's a urinal, it's so easy to pee all over yourself. I mean,

the idea. When you've got the chance, you gotta take it. It's good to know because you wear shorts for mostly anything on earth. Yes. But the idea of having to put on a pair of protective pants. Yeah, I just. To guard your pee littered legs. You know how they've got the paper that covers the seat They need like little paper Cover your legs when you go to the like a urine apron. Yeah, throw away your urinal apron There's no elegant way to wash your legs off With other people in it going to a bathroom and you see a guy with a paper towel

No, no what happened you gotta try to do it not spill something outside the bathroom and come in a guy with a paper towel. We all know what happened. You got to try to do it. He did not spill something outside the bathroom and come in here to clean his legs off. No, he found the wrong urine hole. He spilled inside the bathroom. The nice thing about this one at the theater that I constantly pee all over myself, it's a single use bathroom. So I do wash my legs every time. Oh, because there's no one that can come in there with you. Yes. I used that bathroom once. I don't hope you- I don't remember what happened.

You were wearing pants then. That's what happened because you'd know, man. It is the worst urinal on the planet. I hope the urinal manufacturers, there's like a rule where they send one out of a hundred out the factory door with different angles. I don't know what they do. Do they scuff up the porcelain and go ship it? That would be such a good hidden camera gag to put a really bad one in there.

There is no way not to just return to Cinder. Oh man, it's awful. All right, all right. We are going to take a break and dry our legs and we'll be back with Man of the People. Today's show is brought to you by our friends over at Gab. I remember when I first got access to the internet, I'm of the age of, I grew up on the internet. I'm aware of what's out there and now I'm a father of three who are also growing up

on the internet and I'm trying to guide them, help protect them from certain things. And phones are a huge topic. And that's why I and my wife, we are so glad we found Gab. We found Gab, and we've been customers with them before they were sponsors on this show. Listen to this. Gab is the leader in safe smartphones and watches for kids, teens, and tweens. There is no social media on there. There is no social media on there.

There's no internet browser on there. There is, however, other apps that kids love. And as the parent, you get to be in control of that. There's GPS tracking, so you can keep an eye on them, make sure that everything is safe. It has unlimited talk and text. And there's just so many things to help protect your kids. Like, if my kid gets a text with questionable content,

I get a flag and I can go and take a look at this text, what people are sending to my kid. Well, my kids are sending out, it's just a great product to help these kids transition between the time that they are ready for an actual Full-powered smartphone gab is a great option in the meantime This is the absolute best time to check them out because right now gab is offering

$25 off any device to new customers with no contract required That's $25 off any gab smartphone or smartwatch just go to gab.com slash ballers. That's where you'll get the best deal. That's gab.com slash ballers, gab.com slash ballers. Man of the People. All right, Al, it's time for another fun time. We play man of the people every once in a while. Three points for the first answer, two for the second one for any other correct answer, but explain the game to us.

I think you nailed it. We surveyed 100 people. Top six answers are on the board. Three points for the first answer, two for the second. One point for any other correct answer. We play seven rounds and the last round is worth double the points all right let's do it everybody hand on the table we have buzzers on our desk if you're listening from home and so there's accountability we got Papa Josh

in here and the Falcon as well so go ahead and read that first one all right here we go name an occupation in which one spends the day cutting something. Oh man. I'm up. I've got it. It's a seamstress, but that's gonna be low on the list. That is the number four answer. Yeah. I'm between two.

I'm gonna go with butcher. That is the number two answer. Oh man. I don't have an answer. Oh, are you going there too? Wait, repeat answer. Someone who cuts something? Yep. Five, four, three. A paper cutter man. Hey, can I try to guess the number one? Mike just nailed it with paper cutter.

That's not on the board. I'm sorry. Is it surgeon? It is not. That is not on the board either. We have barber. Oh yeah. That's a butcher. Okay. Oh, you guessed it. Gardener, uh, Taylor slash seamstress, lumberjack and carpenter. Lumberjack? I mean, that is it. No, it's correct. But when's the last time you even thought about a lumberjack? You know what? You don't have to think about it because the lumberjacks are out there. They're taking care of it for me. Taking care of it for you. Thank you.

Hey, lumberjacks out there, you're doing good work. So we got Andy with two, Mike with zero, Jason with one. That was a fun game, guys. I won. Time to end it. Next round. On to round two. Name someone, real or fiction,

who is known for having a white beard. Gandalf the white. Okay. Merlin slash wizard is on the board. That's a number five. That's number one. Okay. Oh, thank goodness. Santa Claus. Santa Claus is the number one answer. Oh man. Uh, God. God is not on the board.

Really? Is there any Greek gods on the board? No, Moses is on the board. That was the number two answer. Moses had a white beard? Whenever I think of the big white beard, Santa Claus is either a father time or whenever they show God, he has a big white beard. Alright, what are the other answers? So we got Santa Claus, Moses, Uncle Sam, Kenny Rogers,

Merlin slash Wizard, or Colonel Sanders. Gandalf did come to mind first, so I was glad. And neither of mine were there. I was glad you beat me, because then I realized, of course Santa Claus is gonna win. Uncle Sam? Yeah, Uncle Sam. Oh, he does have a white beard.

That's Grandpa Sam. All right, so we got Andy in the lead with five, Jason in second with two, and Mike with nothing. All righty. This game sucks. Round three, name something babies and puppies have in common. Mike.

They go to the- Four. They grow teeth? I don't know. I suddenly didn't to the four. They grow teeth? I don't know. I suddenly didn't understand the question. They do both grow teeth, but it's not on the board. Slobber. Drooling is the number two answer.

All right, I'm happy. OK, I'm going to say you've got to clean their poop. That's not on the board great answer I was trying to make sure wasn't there the number one answer is they're cute Gonna go happy drooling was too They desire attention. It's number three very so playful They sleep a lot and they cry if I said grow teeth was number six though, right? I was thinking about teething if I said that they were happy cuz I almost went with that like they're happy

Would you have given me either of the other like that? What was the their cue and I would have probably given you playful Okay, it seems like that's fair. Okay. I went that's that was my guess really I mean you got a potty train both these things. It's a good answer, but it's not what the people said We got Andy with seven Mike still batting zero and body train both these things. It's a good answer, but it's not what the people said. We got Andy with seven, Mike still batting zero, and Justin with two. But you did click first. I did.

All right. All right, round four, name an animal that travels in groups. I get the record for most number one hits, and fish. That is the number three answer. Oh my gosh, why can't I get the record for most number one hits and fish. That is the number three answer. Oh my gosh, why can't I get the number one answer? I'm gonna go with wolves. That is the number two answer.

Oh, it's a wolf pack. Number one answer still on the board, Andy. Five, four, three. I'll say birds, ducks. Birds is the number one answer. All right. Oh man. I can't wait for somebody to double point round and beat you at the end.

Yeah, me neither. Me neither. This is, that's why I hate this game. Andy. Because it's happened more than once. Andy is, it's gonna be tough. Rushing. He has 10 points.

Jason is in second with three points and Mike is now on the board with two points. Yeah. Nice Mike, nice. And this question. You said fish and you said? Wolves. Ooh, nice. Oh yeah, I'll read the answers. We got birds

It was coolest animals. I thought it might be the lions fish lions was number four elephants and deer This one feels like an Andy question if there ever one was one name something everyone want or everyone knows about the dog lassie I got first again for the record. Timmy fell down a well. We'll give you that his owner is Timmy. Okay, yeah! That was the number five answer. I am great at not getting the number one answer. It's a Collie? It's a Border Collie? Collie is the number one answer. You're doing right, it is. I didn't know what kind of dog it was. You don't know what Lassie is? Alright, so this is what reword it again name something everyone knows about the dog lassie uh that he helps people he rescues people is the number two answer okay

that's what timmy fell down a well that's rescuing timmy well you got credit for it yeah i got credit like number five that's hey that's brutal i would have gotten both i could two. I should have gotten both. I should have gotten two and five. I would have gave you the number two answer. You gave me something people know about Timmy. It's funny because you click in first, but you don't have good answers. Yeah. That's right.

All right. Andy with 12, Mike with five. Oh, Mike moved into second place. Jason with four. Oh, this game sucks. All right, we are on round six. Name something parents want to capture their baby doing for the first time. Oh, come on!

Oh, man. Walking. That is the number one answer. Yeah, of course it is. Dang it! I'm going to say eating. Oh, what an idiot. That is the number three answer.

Yeah, the number two answer, I get it. It's talking. First words. That is the number two answer. Yeah, of course I mean like it was very clear. I knew right off the bat was a big pause back there for talking and I'm sorry. I lost my spot first Yeah, that sucks because I've been crushing this buzzin in first thing Yeah Yeah, yeah that sucks because I've been crushing this buzzer in first thing Yeah, and that one when you said it I knew right away that number one was walking for sure and then number two was first words I didn't oh, it's like you didn't get your buzzer in but then you did have the right answer. Yes, right

Alright final round final round it is worth double. So Mike is still in play here. Jason is Actually, no, just good. No, he can't out. He cannot actually no Jason could no he can't he cannot He can't get for don't even bother. We got Andy at 13 Mike at 8 Jason at 6 Last round name a food that you might find raisins in. Oh, I buzzed in first again steak I'm gonna go raisin bread or bread bread is the number five answer cookies cookies is the number two and I will go with bagels bagels was the number six answer number one answer raisin bran cereal cereal answermeal at three, salad at four. Where was steak?

That was not on the board. I barely hung on there, boys. Oh, I'm sweating. Andy is this week's man of the people. Oh, the pressure of the final round is severe. This was a lesson for everyone. Never give up. No.

You were over. Through three rounds, I had zero points, and then Jason's the big loser. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. All right, big break. Coming back with a draft. Today's show is brought to you by your friends

over at MasterClass. On this podcast, we like a few things. We like having a good time. And strange enough podcast we like a few things. We like having a good time and strange enough we actually like learning things and despite us believing we're experts in most things, there's some areas that we aren't actually an expert and that's where Masterclass comes into the picture because these are actual experts. We're talking the top experts in their fields and they are there for you to learn. Learning is incredible, just getting better, moving forward in life and why not learn with some

experts? With Masterclass you can learn from the best to become your best. Masterclass is the only streaming platform where you can learn and grow with over 200 plus of the world's best. For just $10 a month, an annual membership with Masterclass gets you unlimited access to every instructor. Build your confidence through humor with comedic icon Kevin Hart, using Prov to overcome your fears with Amy Poehler, or turn your passion into achievements with cultural icon Martha Stewart, or maybe you're like me, you just really are fascinated by science and outer space. Boom! Chris Hadfield, legendary astronaut is here to teach you about science and space exploration. Right now our

listeners get an additional 15% off any annual membership at masterclass.com slash ballers. That's 15% off at masterclass.com slash ballers masterclass.com slash ballers. That's 15% off at masterclass.com slash ballers. Masterclass.com slash ballers. The Spitballers Draft. Did you say big break? I did say big break, like we had 20 minutes of commercials or something. We'll see you after the intermission Like a big break take a massive break here

If you don't insert 30 40 minutes of commercials right now some trailers I'll be disappointed Alright, we are drafting the best things that come in pairs Mike has the first pick in today's Spitballers draft. What are you going? What a great day to have the first yeah for you. I know no it really is I mean, yeah, I guess I do have my one it is sneakers Yeah, sure that would have been a hot pair of shoes that would have been all that's a legit one on one, right?

That would have been your first pick. I would have picked it for the sake of winning the poll. Yes Oh, I pick it because it's the best well But this I just want you to know by picking that you now have to have two identical sneakers And I know you wear a lot of shoes you come on here to be identical. They come It comes they don't they just come in pairs. Yeah. It's the left and the right. All right. It's a good pick. Mine is the... I knew I was going to take this one because I know I was second.

Mike's number one. This is... This really should be my number one because I have them. But it is your number one. Well, yeah, but I would rather have a nice pair of shoes than this. But I will draft twins because I have twins. Fair Okay. Than this. But I will draft twins. Because I have twins. Fair enough. Fair enough. They always come in pairs. Yeah, that makes sense. I mean, I can't really poke a hole in that. Alright, so I've got to pick, I've got to pick two twos, right? I got to pick two things that come in pairs. I'm going to go with wings.

Oh, man, that was my next pick. Was it? Yeah, you don't want one wing. You do not want one wing, man. It don't work on your plane. Oh, man. I'm going to take wings with the first pick. I'm glad that you're the only way to fly. And then I look, we all got them. We use them to see the world. I'm taking eyes. Yeah, eyes are taking eyes. They can be beautiful. And they're very helpful. And you

don't want just one. No, then you've got no in that logic of eyes. They can be beautiful. Can eyes be ugly? I think eyes can be neutral. Like, you're just used to seeing. They're either just. They could be bloodshot. Sure, but like, just as far as like, people have eyes that are beautiful.

You go, wow. Yeah. Their eyes are incredible. Like, they're so different. They're so blue, or they're so green. And you know that you can just go and pay to have that done now? I have, I that they can change the make a change your eye to any color you want with a simple injection simple any color I can call red I just be like check this out

I got red eyes you could I'm the terminator yeah they do a pigment injection into your eye there's certain doctors that will do that what And you can go and like they they don't even it's not like just a doctor can work you. They don't just pick like green or blue. They'll give you like five shades of blue you want or five shades of green you want. Wow. Like you can pick to the like. And it doesn't matter what you start with like someone with dark brown eyes. No, it's like when you're dying your hair you got to bleach it first. No, not from what this site said. No base coat, huh? Wow. I had no idea that it even existed.

Somehow I stumbled on it, and I was like, and they have all these before and afters. People going from brown eyes to bright blue eyes. Wow. That's wild. It says it can be done by adding or extracting pigments. So I guess that's how you would get from dark to light. Don't you suck my pigment out with a syringe?

I've seen them do the. What if they had to have a donor? They have to take it from one guy's, and he's just got black eyes. The donors all have black eyes? I've seen the, have you guys seen where they tattoo the whites? What?

Yeah. No, I haven't seen that. Yeah, they'll tattoo them like black. Yeah, so your entire eye looks black. It's wild. All right. All right, moving on. OK, drafted eyes.

Yeah, you got yours. Jason? Oh, it's back to me. All right So shoes twins are gone eyes are gone and wings are gone I've talked about this a lot. I love these I if if I I mean They're just if I they're just a normal regular thing. It was gonna to be my next pair. They're more important to me. And if I could wear a new pair every single day of my life, I would. I'm taking socks, baby. He's taking socks.

I was kind of hoping I would get socks and shoes. Are those the best things that come in pairs? To me, socks. You guys socks wearers, like, around the house? Yeah. You're not a barefoot like around the house? Yeah, I. You're not a barefoot boy? Most of the time, I mean, cause I start in shoes and socks for the day.

I'll come home, take my shoes off, and then I guess I'm in socks a lot. I'm usually socks, not shocks. Okay. They work as shocks to some degree. Sure. I'm not a big, I don't like the socks. Oh my.

Well, P.U. to that. Let's hope when I would get socks and shoes. So I get two picks here. I'm going to start with I'm going to go speakers. Stereo. Because I love my audio. I love the music and I want to make sure that I get the stereo spectrum in here. I need the left and the right. Don't give me this fake stuff. Give me the real left and right speakers. Now they don't only come in pairs. No, you can get more. That's true. You can. Yeah. That's why I said stereo. You got the left and the right. That's exactly correct. And then, man, now what does this draft even do now? Oh, it's getting good now. This is the good part of the draft.

So now, I've been trying to get back at it, trying to get back at the fitness. So I'm going to take dumbbells. Ooh, I like that. So I can work out both arms. Yeah, I mean, it's better to have both. All right. Because what would you do with one?

You'd have to take turns? You can do it, but now your workout has doubled. Now I will say this. When I use my dumbbells at home, I do usually do one arm at a time. What's funny is I do use separate dumbbells though. You do? Yeah, like I'm-

You set one down, pick it up, do a curl, put it back down. I've got like the Bowflex where it's like, there's two, you know, there there's just two they come in a pair And then I'll take the right one up and work out my right arm And then I put it back in its stand Oh, you don't you don't hold them both at the same time huh or you don't hand it to the other hand no I don't do that either no because you like the sound it makes when it comes out a little I bought to amuse I see all right Jason. Yeah, you put it back

I'm not too amused to. I see. All right, Jason. So you put it back. Yeah, well, I just wanted to get the other one. Well, it's me putting it down. He's got to get his left hand. You can put it down into your other hand. He's got to get his left-handed dumbbell.

Right, yeah, that was my right-handed dumbbell. All right. Jason, you have twins and socks. All right, I like Mike's stereo because music is important, audio is important. I've started working out as well. And what I like, which is far better than speakers. It's, I didn't wanna double up.

Yeah, it's AirPods. Yeah. I wanna take my speakers with me. I'm very sad, that was gonna be the, I didn't know if it was gonna be allowed, because I didn't know if speakers and AirPods would count as the same. Yeah, so I'm taking my speakers inside my head

wherever I go. Well, it's a great pick, and it really knocks me down to a different tier of selections, which obviously I've got wings, I've got eyes. What goes better with those two things? Nunchucks. Oh, yeah. Taking nunchucks?

Yeah. You don't buy it. You don't go to the. You don't nunchuck. No. No, they don't. You don't go to the karate store, and they're like, would you like to buy one nunchucks. Yeah, you don't buy you don't go to the nunchuck, you know No, no, they don't you don't go to the karate store and they're like, would you like to buy one nunchuck? No, they're like you got to buy it in a pair. Yeah when you saw the word nunchuck It sounds like you're throwing wrong. It sounds like you're throwing a lady from the Catholic Church It sounds like you're saying bicep like that, that's not, it's not the word.

All right, and then I've got to make one more selection. I'm gonna go a little, I mean, there's a lot of options, but I'm going to go with chopsticks. Oh, that was my next pick! Ba-boom! Aw, I'm just twisting. You can't pick it now. I'm gonna go with chopsticks.

I mean, they always come in pairs. It's the most, like, you literally couldn't just buy one shot. No, it would know it would be a spear Yeah next to wings. It is the most important thing to be in a pair Like I've lost an air pod before I could still work. It still works. You know what I mean, right? I thought you meant chicken wings. I forgot that I drafted wings Yes, and I was like wait chicken wings always coming airplane wings. You need to like, wait, chicken wings always come in. Airplane wings, you need two. Chopsticks, you gotta have two unless you're just stabbing. You can stab with one, but that's not a chopstick.

That's a, That's a stab stick. No, no. It's a skewer. Skewer, thank you. There we go. All right, well. Things that come in singles.

Well, I'm gonna take something that comes in singles and packages and it's always a pair. It's underwear, baby I mean, can you get not a pair of underwear? Nah, man. No That's I get that's a bit of a loophole because like I thought you meant they came in a package together But they don't they you buy packages. No, nobody but it's like pants you say I'm putting on a pair of pants. Yeah That's a terrible pair of pants. Yeah Terrible underwear it is Language, okay the judge cuz I'm fine either way as it comes in pairs not is called a pair So I think it's out. That's it's not up to you judge. I think it's a terrible pick. I'll allow it if you want to keep it

But I'm also gonna give you a chance it if you want to keep it. All right, I'm gonna move on. But I'm also gonna give you a chance to... Oh, that's even worse! He wanted... That was great! He wanted you to either shut it down or say it was great. And you took a left turn. All right. Well then, I'm gonna go with something that used to be a constant gift for my aunt wherever you traveled. You'd get these in sets salt and pepper shakers okay all right okay she's stuck with under paint okay um me they're different yeah well they don't have sorry but they always come in a set they do come in you'll get a salt shaker it's yeah, whatever man I don't care We gotta move on We got a show to finish

Great pick for the best set draft Sneakers, speakers, dumbbells, mic, finish us off Come on guys, it's stilts, obviously Oh man, that's a funny one You're over here saying the most important thing to come in a pair I'm like, no my friend, you ever tried to stilt? That's not gonna work What's the Olympic sport where you run? Yeah, that's what they'd be good for. So Jason with twins, socks, AirPods and salt and pepper

shakers. I got wings, eyes, nunchucks and chopsticks. And Mike got stilts, dumbbells, speakers and sneakers. I had a lot of honorable mentions. What you saying Dunbills? What did I say, Dunbills? Spell that. No, no, no. Spell what you're saying. D-U-M-B. Okay, all right. But how were you saying it?

I said Dunbell. Yeah, like D-O-M-E. No, like D-U-N. Okay, well, okay, sure. Yeah, not like D-O-M-E. Thank you for correcting me. I'm saying done, not done. Look, for a decent part of my life,

I thought they were dung bells. Yeah, that happened. I legit thought it was. So this is worse. For a part of my life, I legit thought they were dung bells. That's real. OK, so we're not judging here? No, we're not judging.

I just thought they were dung bells. And I didn't think that it meant like it was poop. I just thought, oh, the name of it is dung bells. Because when people say dung bells, it sounds like dung bells. Or in my case, dung bells. Honorable mentions from my list, ears, skis, slippers. I think cherries only come in Perry's right Okay our lungs

Yeah, okay antlers. Oh, that's good one. Yeah skates Yeah, gotta have two of those and then slippers, but I don't want to be so old man. Yeah You have any others? Not much obviously man yeah you have any others not much obviously binoculars is that even no that's not a monocular monocular Why is it not a monocular? I mean, it's a binocular because there's two. So if you got one, it should be a monocular. Why, it should just be a nocular in that case, if it's binocular.

Oh, man. OK. Telescope phone. Yeah, that animals on Noah's Ark, that was the last thing on my list. Just things that come in pairs. That's funny. I had oars.

OK. Oars, OK. Yeah, I wasn't sure if they came in twos, but it would be sad to get one. And so walkie talkies. That's actually a really good one. Those absolutely always come in at least pairs. Super, super sad to get one of those.

That's like speakers. Here's your walkucky Tucky. Have fun. Hello, 10-4. What did we learn today? Oh, man. Look, I learned that I'm not alone in mispronouncing dumbbells, that somebody else thought something different.

I learned today that I am not alone, and that the urinal at my children's theater is a monstrosity of a splash zone. No, no. I've learned I might be brushing my teeth too hard. Yeah, I think that might be true. By the way, they are called monoculars. Oh, baby!

That's what everybody learned. They're monoculars. Like a short telescope is a monocular. Well, there you go. Hey, thanks for listening to the show. See you next time. Goodbye. Just buy two of those.

Thanks for listening to the Spitballers podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out spitballerspod.com.