Spitballers Comedy Podcast - 289: Bear Bait & Things That Start With the Letter ‘L’ - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: June 24, 2024

On this hilarious episode we learn why Jason and Andy are ACTUALLY friends, learn about proper drive-thru etiquette, and wrap things up with an incredible draft of Things that Start with the Letter L.  Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast! Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast: Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.com Follow us on X: x.com/SpitballersPod Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPod Subscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers Podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. Hey now brown cow, how's about you? Give me some milk! What? Hey now brown cow house about to give me some milk What I don't even understand what was it was That's that's a dr. Seuss. I got off the timing. I got I have no voice if you didn't notice

It's going away. It's gone. I mean, I can't have a voice for every show. No, no, no. But you've had it for thousands. Thousands of shows. Well, 289 shows, to be exact. Well, on this podcast. But no, we knew this was going to be a problem.

Yeah, that's a Dr. Seuss book, Mike. Yeah. The guy makes the, wait. That's not the sound effect book, is it?. Seuss book, Mike. Yeah. The guy makes the...wait. That's not the sound effect book, is it? I don't know, Mike. I don't know. I'm like 40. I mean, I read that thing last time when I was like 6. Alright.

I remember the rhyme. I'm sorry, everybody. How Now Brown Cow. Oh, that's not a Seuss book. That's a... It's a teaching tool used to demonstrate the diphthong. Well of course. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Good ol' diphthong. Yeah, which I've learned real good about that, but it was written by. What is that? Alice, uh, Schertl. Okay. I don't want to know anymore. Well, I wanted to credit

the author properly. Absolutely. They're probably waiting for that. I love that it's to teach me something that I don't know what it is. What was that word? A diphthong. Diphthong, I believe. Diphth? You say diphthong.

Oh, do you? Yeah. It's P-H. I know. I trust you. He doesn't know. Me? Yeah, you.

I 100% know. What is it? A diphthong is a sound formed by the combination Oh, you're reading it. of two vowels in a single syllable. Get out of here. But it is diphthong. I do know.

So, Hey Now Brown Cow is a diphthong. Yes. And that's what I was trying to show you. The combination of two vowels in a single syllable. It's definitely pronounced diphthong. No, it is not. According to everything else it is.

Maybe not to you. Why do you feel like you're the bow here? I know the word I see I'm seeing dip I mean, yes, I just I just played it with my unmuted laptop and it said dip thong It looks like dip thang to me. Oh good fine. Yeah It's got the a now What why it's Wait, why is an a with two dots over it? Ah? Yeah.

The ahs, I don't know. I'm sorry, okay? But we're spelling it with an O, why don't we just use that letter? I wish I wouldn't have done it. Yeah, but it spurred a very vigorous conversation. Well, today on the show. Today on the show, you guys will have to help my squeaky voice.

We'll do our best. We have Would You Rather. That's a great question. And we are drafting things that start with the letter L. Like that sketch. Things that start with the letter L. So that's scat get your list together Because um Got a great 101 once. Yeah, I figure it out. Oh really? Yeah, I know come on You know that we all know what the 101 is we do. Yes, we do I know what I think you think the number one is

I know what I think you think the number one is Let's begin Would you rather Mike from the website has a question Mike Why don't you read it? Would you rather have all walls and ceilings in your house be mirrors or have every light in your house be a flickering fluorescent light? Oh, okay. I think one of these could be awesome and it's certainly not the flickering fluorescent

light. Now we've had talks about you think the mirrors would be awesome. No, the mirrors are a major problem. I think they could be awesome. There are some advantages. The problem is that like that many mirrors means they all reflect off each other. Yeah.

Leaving you in a torturous existence. Whereas I assume, now maybe I'm wrong, you love light. I do love light. You want rooms to be filled with light because you won't go to the doctor and get the right prescription for your glasses. They can't get it right. I've gone and it's just it's still so dark. But so would you have a dark house? This is a sidebar

would you rather for Jason only. Would you rather have a house that is very dark and dreary or a house that has lights but they're flickering from fluorescent lights? Oh my goodness. How much do you love the light? A flickering light, that's not a light. I mean, are you saying that in this hypothetical, I'm not allowed to bring in lamps? Yeah. So I have to live in the dark?

I can't? No, you have to live in the dark or a flickering fluorescent lightness. I would rather have a flickering fluorescent light. But I mean, I would just live outside. Getting back to your statement. The sun is also flickering fluorescent light, but I mean that, that, but I would just live outside. Getting back to your- The sign is also flickering. Your statement.

The advantages. The advantages? Yeah, yeah. I want to hear about your mirror. You get to see yourself more. All your walls and ceilings are mirrors. My first thought of an advantage was that things would seem bigger, right? Because now here's the thing. You put things would seem bigger, right? Because now here's the

thing. You put it on one wall, right? You put it on one wall, the room looks bigger. I've had... Yeah, yeah. That's why they used to do it. Yeah, because you get tricked. Yeah, you get tricked. You're like, well, this is twice as big. Twice the light. Oh, you want to go down that hallway? What hallway? That's not a hallway. It's a mirror. But I do think, you know, when you put it on all the walls, now all of a

sudden, I don't know if it's bigger or just confusing. Yeah, it'll be very confusing. Can't keep it clean probably either. No, that will be an issue. What about when you lay down? You get to, it looks like you got really tall ceilings. Maybe. Or you're sleeping on the ceiling? Is that what you want? I guess I'm in there too, aren't I?

Can you, if there's just mirrors everywhere, can you light this house with like one light source? Yes, oh yeah, just like one of those crypts that. It's like a lighthouse just shooting in one beam of light. I did think of another advantage. Oh great. I would want to live in that house specifically if someone was trying to pursue me and kill me. Yeah, because you would know which way to turn

when you go into every room. They would attack the mirrors based on what I've seen in the movies. Yeah, like the Raptor? Yeah, they would attack a bunch of mirror walls. I've seen people run in the house of mirrors. It never ends well. No you You hit your forehead. Yeah on your forehead flickering fluorescent lights

Are they going? Every light is like that. Yeah your whole house So because in my mirror world in my mirror house, I've got beautiful lighting. The lighting in there, I've got skylights open, I've got perfect bright LEDs. No, they've got mirrors on them. Well they do have mirrors. Okay, I've got LEDs, really bright, nice warm LEDs. Yeah, maybe just one, and it still lights up your whole house. I think I would rather live in that than in constant flickering fluorescent, which is every time I'm saying that phrase,

I'm scared to death right now. I mean, it is like, oh, I know myself. And I'm just like, I'm going to do this wrong. Like diphthong? Diphthong is right. That's how you say it is diphthong. I can't even concentrate because you guys have been fighting about that pronunciation for a while in the chat. Did you decide? Al never gives up. You know, Al does not give up. Miriam Webster went with diff.

Diff. Yeah, diff-thong. Sounds wrong though. I guess I'll go with the mirrors. I think the flickering lights is pretty tough. Even as someone who likes it dim, I don't want it flickering. Now, what if it was, does it make a difference if it's natural, like candle?

Candle light is flickering. It does seem better. But that doesn't feel bad at all. Like if the whole house. No, it's like a cool ambiance when it's like that. Yeah, because a flickering fluorescent light means that around any corner, there's a clown. If you have enough flickering lights, you do have enough light. Yeah.

Because they're not all flickering at the same cadence. No, it's the annoyance of the light. You wouldn't know it. How many flickering lights do you need to not notice a flickering light? There is an answer. I think this is a circuitry problem that's causing thery problem. That's causing the flickering. So they're all synced up Yeah, they're synced up. Give me the mirrors. Yeah All right, Jason, why don't you read our second one here? All right Mac from patreon wants to know would you rather have to wear? underwear as a hat or

shirts as pants So I wear as a hat or shirts as pants. Okay, so I mean. I mean, who amongst us hasn't put a shirt on his pants? At some point in your life. I don't think I have and I don't think that. You haven't gone legs through the arms? I don't think so, but I don't think that. You are a liar.

If you do legs through the arms isn't that in some ways like not wearing underwear I mean unless you have underwear on well it's it's wearing a shirt like you would have a yeah you'd have a path out yeah you do it's like it's like the like a butt flap but it's it's always open the whole neck hole, the whole neck hole is my real concern. Well, now I think you can- Now I would have underwear on. I think you can write it lower.

I think you can write it lower to where the neck hole is between the legs. You can wear underpants in this scenario. Well, yeah, but you don't want your underpants out anyways. I mean, a shirt as a hat, or I'm sorry, a shirt as pants is really a pair of shorts that you pull up up to your arms.

Huh? Like a shirt upside down doesn't cover your legs. Right. Yeah, if it's a short sleeve. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, it needs to be a long sleeve. Oh, a long sleeve shirt would do better. Yeah.

It'd be more pant-like. I mean, I would definitely go short sleeve. If I'm being honest, I think I'd go muscle shirt. You know what I mean? Oh, tank. I'm just fine. That's freaking sweet. A tank top.

I'm trying not to picture that right now. Oh, yeah, baby. Pulled all the way up. That would be the most comfortable. That would be the most comfortable, because you would be the most unrestricted. That would be the most like I was born. So yes, that would be very, very comfortable.

I won't go tank, but I do think I'll go short sleeves because I get hot. Long sleeves on my legs. Clean underwear as a hat shouldn't be a problem. It's no different than putting on like a clean shirt. It's just fabric. Yeah, but it's a problem. But it's a pair of underwear.

Yeah. So it's like the whole like people don't drink orange juice at dinnertime. People don't put their underwear on their head. Would you get a graphic one? I do think it makes a difference. Or would you just go like a plain black or plain white? Or would you get like Super Mario on there?

I don't want people to, I don't think it's better if they slowly discover it's underwear. You want them to know, right? So you're going like, whitey tight? They're going to know it's underwear eventually. I don't think that's true. But one of them says, hey, I'm wearing underwear on my head. You don't think they'll figure out it's underwear?

It's who I am. The other one says, what is he wearing on his head? Is he trying to pretend like that's not underwear? Does he not know that that's a pair of underwear pants? Does he not know? I just want people to know right out the gates. So yeah, I'm gonna go Ninja Turtle pattern, maybe a Marvel pattern. There we go. Maybe I'll support the local sports team. Do they make those? NFL licensed?

Underpants? Can I get a pair of Cardinal Undie hats? I'm sure. I'm sure I'm sure but You are yeah, you're making a fashion statement. Yeah, I think you could I think at first it was like you've got to wear Shirts his pants here because you can't put undies on your head, but I think you can this can be like a bandana You know what I mean? This can be you know, depending on the material this this could this could be a nice thing that you're doing For yourself. No, I could be a nice thing that you're doing for yourself. No.

It could. It really could. A nice thing? A nice thing. You get a good material. Like most of my underpants are like that sports. Can't wait to hear this. You know, like that sports athletic material.

No, they're really nice. It would be like a- Spandex? Not spandex, but I don't know. Are you talking about... It's a cousin. The material of the underpants? Yeah.

We can find this out, right? Yeah. You don't know the material of your elite underpants? I don't. It's a very specific... Is it lycra? Right? Maybe?

I don't know. We can... Now, are you going to know it if you hear it? I'm gonna go find it, okay? Because I know what I'm wearing, and I think it's gonna feel real nice. I think it's gonna look nice. It's gonna be like a... It's not gonna look nice.

It's like a bandana and a do-rag put together. I think it's... There's two leg holes in every pair of underwear. I'll tie them back like in a bow? That'd be pretty sweet. I think you him back like in a knot like in a bow Be pretty sweet. I think you gotta let him so Jason's going with the underwear hat. Okay. I'll go with the shirt his pants I'm doing the underwear hat for sure All right Cartman from patreon

What movie world would you rather live in the middle of okay? Okay? I swear Jason's just looking at underwear right I am did you find it it's moisture wicking 360 percent stretch performance fabric what are you made out of performance fabric which world do you want to live in Jason do you want to live in Jurassic Park, that world, the Purge, and then Invasion of the Body Snatchers, which I don't know the plot of that movie. Mike, do you know this one? Yes, that is the alien stick over your body, is the gist, but you don't know who they are. So here's the thing, if you live in the world of Jurassic Park, you're in Jurassic Park, you're on the island. You're on the island. Yeah, you don't just get to live in a world with dinosaurs. Absolutely. Oh, what do I want? The one where people go on murderous rampages or where there's dinosaurs?

Well, the dinosaurs go on murderous rampages. Yeah, but not where I am. No, yes, you're in that world. That's what Mike's saying. Mike's saying you have to be on the island. You're not just living in California while the island is doing its thing. That's what, yeah, you guys are saying the same thing. But let's say you're on the island. You have paid for what has to be a super expensive trip to go to this incredible theme park, world renowned. Is La Nublar.

And so you get your access, you get your ticket, you get to the park, you're having a great time, you're seeing great dinosaurs. But then... They didn't really see a lot of them. But then the problems happen because it's Jurassic Park and they're out. I don't think that's that bad. You didn't see the movie. I saw the movie and here's what I know.

I know that there are dozens of people, maybe, not even dozens, maybe a dozen people in that movie that really, look, they died and that sucks. But there's tens of thousands of people in that park. So I feel like my odds are pretty good. My odds are really good, I'm surviving. You're referencing the later Jurassic Park news. Jurassic World, yeah.

Oh gosh, I Think I just a good room with a lock and you're gonna be alright. You're saying from the purge or no, no Jurassic Park They they know how to open doors. Yeah, but not if I lock it. That's a good point Why didn't they ever lock it? No, they tried to lock it with the computer They did they try to lock it Yeah, that's and guess what happens right after they get the lock they cut to another scene and then you hear the glass break and the dinosaurs come through the glass and they eat some more people well I'm gonna go down where they were you don't know how dinosaurs

work man I understand what I mean alive I can defend myself against humans I can't defend myself against dinosaur humans are way bigger monsters than dinosaurs the world's greatest prey for predator I can't defend myself against dinosaurs. Humans are way bigger monsters than dinosaurs. The world's greatest prey, or predator. Yeah, yeah, yeah, the purge. The dinosaurs are great, the first coming. I don't know this other movie. I feel like Papa Josh put it in there. It's from his generation or something.

It is older, and I think it was a remake. Evasion of the Body Snatchers, 56 and 78. Oh, both years Josh knows a lot about. Yeah, the year Josh was born and the year Josh finally graduated high school. This quick synopsis says, this world is characterized by an alien invasion where extraterrestrial beings replace humans with identical copies that lack emotion and individuality.

The pervasive threat of being replaced by an alien duplicate creates a constant and insidious danger. So they replace you? Yeah. They kill you and then they take over your spot or do they take over you? Like a vampire. They take over your body.

Oh, so they snatch you, okay. They, yeah. It's like they're a body snatcher. Is how I would look at it. You got a body? You switch teams real quick. I'm gonna snatch it. I mean.

I mean, let me paint a picture. I don't want to be eaten alive. But would, but that's one of my top principles in life I write a book rule number one. Don't be eaten alive, but would you like to see dinosaurs? Running around. Yeah primal. Yeah, maybe even eating people but you survive Yeah, you yeah, that'd be pretty cool So I'm saying odds are odds are that at the end of this it's cool. That's what I'm saying Jurassic Park in that world Theoretically not saying anything wrong here. Okay, good. Let's say this is a world where dinosaurs exist all the time Everywhere and some people get eaten

Do you try to have? meteor friends oh Do you try to have meatier friends? Oh, like, like your close? I heard meatier, and I thought we were doing a really good dinosaur joke. No, no, no, no. Meatier. I was being polite.

Full of meat. Thicker, thicker, fatter, slower, more juicy, more caloric. Like, is your friend group get defined by the fact that you don't want to be the premium selection by the dinosaur? No, if dinosaurs were everywhere. If they were just... Like I want to be faster than my friends. But if they were everywhere like Andy we've got you know a cabin up north and there's bears there are bears there and they and there's been a bear really near our cabin. Why do you think you and I are friends? Wait a minute are you telling me that I'm the I'm the caloric bear is that if you that's

why you call him bear bait. Oh that's why I didn't I thought that was a cute I thought that was a cute nickname bear bait and you actually meant I am bait for a bear. Unbelievable. See for me I get bear spray and a bear horn and I don't think about like throwing my kids to the bear. Right. I think about let's horn, and I don't think about throwing my kids to the bear. Right. I think about, let's take them on. Oh, you're saying I don't have to feed my friends to the animals. I mean, you don't.

I won't. You can- Right. No, that makes sense. You're going to get a dinosaur horn? I don't think you're going to spook a dinosaur. I got my dino gun. He does have a gun that might be fine.

I mean, this thing is- He's the only person in the planet that might be fine from dinosaurs. I might be alright. One shot T-Rex. You're done. Boom! You're done. Down it goes. Bazooka. I mean, I got oversold. I'm gonna be honest. I'm not a gun guy. I own one gun. And this gun is like...

And you went there saying I want to take care of a bear in case it comes up my cabin, right? I went there saying, animals at the cabin. And bear in case it comes at my cabin, right? I went there saying animals at the cabin. He said well, what's the worst animal? I go well, there's bears there So he got me a bear gun This is like line up six bears in a line one shot save on ammo and I've got a I've got a bear's gun You got a polar bear All right, we're losing ourselves here. I want to live in the Jurassic Park. Yeah, Jurassic Park.

Plus, you love Jurassic Park. I know. You didn't even consider the Purge, but I've only seen maybe one of them. Yeah, what's the story line? Now, if you're not familiar with the Purge, the Purge is this. There's 24 hours where there's no law, no rules.

So it's basically- No prosecution for murder. there's 24 hours where there's no law, no rules. So it's basically- No prosecution for murder. It's purging out all the bad things that humans wanna do through the year and all their nastiness, all their vileness. Yeah, it's purging the instincts of the humans, not purging the people from the earth.

Exactly, well, it ends up kinda doing both, but what it does is you get a 24 hour period where everything is legal, everything's off limits, and so if you perform something during the purge, there's no repercussions. You want to kill someone, you can kill someone, you can do whatever you want and then the theory I think in its creation, I think I saw the first movie like forever ago and I've never watched any of the others, is like it's going to be better for society the other 364 days of the year. But that one day, you better have a panic room.

But that's the thing, is like people's houses have all the metal doors collapsing down. Yeah, because it's complete. Yeah, there's no, no. No. No, man. I'm not, I am not built to live in that world. If you lived in that world Does your like let's let's say we're all transported there tomorrow

Okay, we're all three of us. Uh-huh. We're just in that world and then like like we're recording this show Let's say a week from now, you know, the purge is coming. Okay. What's the first thing you're doing other than I mean Do you go get your elephant gun? I get my elephant gun in a hiding spot Let's see. I do you go defense offense. Oh, I go defense. I go I go 100% defense I'm prepared for offense shouldn't be necessary But I will go hole up in some cave or some great bunker Something with one entry point with one entry point and an elephant and an elephant gun. I'm fine. You go defense Mike Yes, we are running sounds like Andy's going offense no no because what I'm saying is if the three of us were there I would love to just go what a murderous rampage like I'm taking a lawn chair I'm putting it on my roof I got a

lift where I'm sitting I got a list okay what is your list you got a list of people okay I thought you had a list of things you would do. You're like, no, no, no, I got a takeout list. I got some insider trading to do. I think we'll end it there. Jurassic Park is the answer. I wanna see the dinosaurs before I'm eaten. You made a good point.

I did think, though, about the truth of the question of, like, would you rather, the heart of this question is like Would you rather the the heart of this question is would you rather be hunted by humans or rather be hunted by dinosaurs? Or aliens or aliens and the truth is I can trick a dinosaur better. I Feel like I could be a human. I couldn't be a dinosaur So you are going purge no, no, cuz then I don't get to see dinosaurs But I would still you know one-on-one fight, I'd rather be in a one-on-one fight with a human. But I want to see the source. That's a strong take.

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And listeners of this show will get a $75 sponsor job credit to get your jobs more visibility at indeed.com slash ballers. So just go to indeed.com slash ballers right now. Support our show by saying you heard about Indeed on this podcast. That's indeed.com slash ballers. Terms and conditions apply. Need to hire? You need Indeed. That's a great question. Joseph. Hold up.

Oh. I got my undies break down. Oh, it's not performance fabric. Performance fabric is made up of 12% spandex. This is why when you said it's spandex, I was like no, but kind of. 12% spandex, 88% polyester. And I'm telling you, it'd look good on your head.

I'm just letting you know. I'm gonna come in tomorrow. Yeah, I would. Instead of this hat. I would. I'd try to prove it to us. I'm gonna go to the bathroom, I'm gonna come back out. Well.

Show you right now. Joseph from Patreon says, "'You've got your house chilled to a nice 69 degrees "'in the Arizona summer.'" Beautiful. That's chilly. But your kids, being the turds that they are, leave. Joseph, what are you doing here?

Leave the back door open. When they come back into the house, scientifically, are they letting the cold air out or are they letting the hot air in? Scientifically, they're definitely letting the hot air in. I mean, I're definitely letting the hot air in. I mean, I get that it'll probably go both directions, but I'm in one of those places.

I'm inside. And when the kids- So it's just perspective. Yeah. I have been at like a outside someplace in a shopping area. And one of the best, and it's hot out. And one of the best places to stand is right in front of where the doors keep auto opening. Yeah, because the cold air rushes out.

Because the cold air rushes out and cools you. And you benefit from that. I feel like there's a power or a pressure difference when you're at one of those businesses versus when you're at your house. Like if I'm in the backyard, but you know, I'm 10 feet into the backyard. I don't feel the cool in the Arizona summer of the doors wide open. I feel the heat wins. The heat just wins. And that's why the heat is coming in is because it's just stronger. And so if you're inside- Hot is stronger than cold. Hot is stronger than cold in Arizona. Maybe not everywhere, but when you're inside you could be

25 feet from that door that's open and you are feeling the heat win inside that he is creeping in It's purging now. Do you have turd kids that do this? Oh, yes. Yeah, that's where I was gonna Go is at what point at what age? Did you hit where all the a sudden the switch flipped and now you see open doors to outside and inside you feel great pain until that door is closed. That question is what you're saying is at what age did you become a homeowner? As soon as you start paying the electric bill. As soon as it's yours baby.. Soon as it's yours, baby.

Soon as it's yours, you care. I mean, that- Do you care about people turning lights off when they leave the room? I don't. No. I should, but I don't. Well, no, you shouldn't, actually. Oh, really? I just saw this. This has actually changed.

They say it's good, like, it's a good practice, you know, for the idea of, like, you do it because you want to save power, but because so many bulbs are led, it's so microscopic of a savings to like turn it off and then turn it right back on when you come back into the room later. Like it doesn't make that much of a difference. Oh, that's good. But it's something that like you grew up like, oh my gosh, did you leave the light on in that room that you weren't in also cost money and also then heat like light bulbs used to be well hot. Well back then yeah that's true

that's true but now it's like very minimal of a difference. Everything that we pay for in Arizona electricity wise is AC. You could have all your computers running you could be mining Bitcoin it don't matter it's just how much air conditioning are you running against the satanic sun in Arizona? So the heat comes in here. The heat wins, man. Yeah, heat's more powerful. Yeah, and he was specific, he said in the Arizona summer.

In the Arizona summer, the heat's coming in. The cool is not going out. The cool goes out towards the heat and just gets massacred. It just gets heated up. That's what's happening. I want you to guess how much it costs if you took an LED light bulb and you just turned it on for the entire year, what your cost would be. Ooh, 365. 365 days, 24 hours a day. Are we talking about, we're averaging over the surge pricing? Yeah, what kind of pricing are we dealing with?

Yeah, what time of the day? I'm giving you a price based on a flat average. Holidays are included? Oh my God. Okay, because sometimes you get great prices on holidays. I'm gonna guess. For the whole year. For the whole year. Well, now I know get great prices on holidays. I'm gonna guess. For the whole year. For the whole year.

Well now I know it's gonna be low. Is that like five bucks? You got a guess, Mike? Five bucks was what popped into my head, so I will go six bucks. It's $10.51. Oh! All right.

So. 10 bucks to leave a light on for the whole year. That's to never turn it off for the entire year. But that also means... Which means your cost per hour is 12 cents. 12 cents per hour. Is that right? No, less than that. Yeah.

Sorry. That would be... it's.0012. Ooh. Per hour. That feels like nothing. It's like I'm stealing from the power company. But to be fair, I know my living room living room right there's like ten light bulbs in there it's not one light bulb. No. I don't light a room with a bulb so it's like it's not it's not ten bucks it's a hundred bucks. When you let like a

sliding glass door go open and the heat comes in. That's a hundred dollars an hour. Yeah. Okay. is? Yes. Okay. All right, Daniel from Patreon. When eating wings or ribs, my girlfriend always cleans her hand after each one. I am of the stance that you should just clean your hands when you are done. As to not waste time or napkins.

Jason was so disappointedkins Who is correct? But it's like I do the same thing you clean it after each one I do Like it, but it also is like I've I've had the thought before like I am wasting so much time Just grab the next week already. Just keep going But it's like I gotta clean my fingies. I Just don't like I don't like having the sauce on my fingers I I've gotten to an age where I hate it so much that I eat ribs with fork and knife What and that is really off-brand for me?

I feel like I'm a a slather it up and get messy kind of eater. But I'm just not true. That's just what you think I am. A fork and knife for ribs? You gotta try it, man. It's just as good. The meat tastes just as good. Yeah, but it's shameful.

It is shameful. Yes, it is absolutely shameful. You could have turned your back at the barbecue. It's like using a fork and knife for a pizza. I feel like it might not. There's nothing wrong with it. It might not taste as good. It totally tastes as good.

No, because you're not licking your fingers and getting all the barbecue sauce off your fingers. I, I mean. Per bite. I mean, just. But you are getting all of the sauce. Right. It's not left on the fingers. I clean it off the fork.

Every bite. This surprises me. I thought I heard your expression and that you wanted him to leave her because of this. No, I understand. She's a woman after your own heart. I understand. Have you ever chicken winged with a fork and knife? Oh boy. Oh boy. I don't think so. I mean, honestly, when I really don't want to get my hands dirty give it a rip

I'm gonna order that boneless Nuggy and that way I'm oh, yeah shouldn't even count those should never be called wings They should never be there to be in a different product I'm so happy they're called wings because I feel better about like I'm getting wings today. I'm not getting nuggets Why do you feel better though? Yeah because wings are like a grown-up meal. Oh not nuggets.

Nuggets are children's food. OK. Now that's the same thing. Yeah it is. It's a big nugget. But it's called a grown-up nugget. It's called a wing, a boneless wing. Boneless wings are just I'm eating buffalo wings like a man.

Yeah that sounds like a thing a grown-up would do. Yeah I'm just a full grown man. Let's go out for wings. Yeah oh yeah heck yeah I'm going to get wings. I'm going to eat wings like a man. Yeah, that sounds like a thing a grown-up would do. Yeah, I'm just a full-grown man. Let's go out for wings. Yeah, oh yeah, heck yeah, I'm gonna get wings, I'm gonna eat it like a man. Could you imagine, I could ask my friend, you wanna go out and get some wings? He'd say, yeah.

You wanna go out and get some McNuggets? You wanna go get some nuggets? No, I don't wanna go, what are you talking about? Hey bro, 50 nuggets, let's do it. Yeah, you wanna get nuggets and watch the game? Yeah, you wanna get nuggets? Yeah, you wanna get wings and watch the game? Yeah, you want to get nuggets? Yeah, you want to get wings and watch the game? Oh, yeah, I'm a man.

Yeah. Oh, man, nothing better than a good UFC fighting nuggets. What? Eating nuggets. And they are nuggets. They are 100% nuggets. Boneless wings are adult nuggets. Now, to be fair, they're a little bigger.

They're usually a little bigger. They're grown on nuggets. There are no chicken fair, they're a little bigger. They're usually a little bigger. They're grown on nuggets. There are no chicken strips, which is a whole nother debate. Chicken strips are just, they're all. Chicken strips are for all ages. All ages can have chicken strips. Adults can have them, and kids can have them. Chicken strips are a game.

But can you tell your friend, let's go watch a game and get some chicken strips? Yeah, I think that is okay. When you said that, I wasn't grossed out. When you said, you to go watch the game And have some nuggets. It's like Okay, so I'm happy they're called wings, but I agree that it's not fair they're not they're not wings I mean we did just crack the code

Why they're why they're actually called that oh, oh oh, sure, yeah. Shame. Yeah. Because they want them to be ordered. And we wouldn't order nuggets. I feel like a whole restaurant should be themed with you go there to eat kid food. Ooh. So like PB and J's, chicken nuggets, mac and cheese. What's the ambiance in here?

I mean the ambiance is... Is it fancy? I think it should be. I think probably. I think it should be really nice. I think that's the juxtaposition. Like some dark lighting. But you do get...

It's super nice, but you do get like a coloring sheet. An adult coloring sheet. Can we do the thing? I've been in nicer restaurants where they've got the, you can draw on the table. You know what I mean? Like the the yeah, you could do that if you want But the kids meal only has stuff like filet mignon and like oh, I like that them kids got to eat like grown-ups He like grown-ups have grown up eat like kids. Those have wings. Yeah on that grown-up menu on that little kid menu All right. I think this is I think don't steal my idea

I can genuine I can genuinely say cuz I was thinking about this while you guys were talking if I ever I've ordered boneless wings 1600 times yeah over a hundred times in my life right cuz they're delicious I Have never once and never would if I saw nuggets on a menu I would bypass it one if I saw buffalo nuggets I would never just restaurant or is this I saw Buffalo Nuggets, I would never. Is this just restaurant or is this fast food? Restaurant.

Of course I've ordered nuggets from fast food, Michael. Okay. Gosh. Why is it we can get nuggets at the fast food place? Because you're already full of shame. You're in a drive-through, Mike. You are full shame, nothing you do there matters. You can add on the milkshake,

you can get the the the double quarter pounder with anything you can order I mean what I'm one of my absolute favorite things is the McRib I love the McRib what is it no one knows man it doesn't matter I'm already full of shame just put it in me they should when you go through the drive-thru and you order you should reach out and take a paper bag and then put it over your head for the rest of the drive so no one has to see you. It would be really nice if car manufacturers started having two windows. One is a regular window and you could push that down and you could pull up the window

that is like a little hole in it. It's just your arm? Your arm can go through like a little... Yeah, a little. Yeah. What are those food? Shoot. Yeah. A little a little a little door that just opens up and your arm can go out. You can hand them the card. They never get to see who's inside. I don't know if we need that. No, I know we don't.

All right. Speaking of drive throughs, Adam from paid chancellors, what is the proper etiquette for drive through ordering size thresholds? I'm currently sitting in line waiting for a single item, but the driver in front of me ordered $120 worth of food and I've been stuck waiting behind him for now 12 minutes. Am I impatient or is he a jerk? You're the jerk. You're the jerk, Adam. Oh, wait a minute.

Adam's a jerk. Was Adam behind you? It wasn't. You are, not me. I'm rubber, you're glue. I'm rubber, you're glue. I'm rubber, you're glue. I'm rubber, you're glue. I'm rubber, you're glue. I'm rubber, you not me. I'm rubber, you're glue. Was Adam behind you?

Um, probably. But look, I just talked about this. You can go 120? You can go 120,000, man. You're already full of shame. Order it all. You have made the decision to drive into that lane and when you're in that lane, just be yourself. But here's the problem, ordering something that expensive, if that restaurant is not saying, sir, please pull up and wait there and we'll bring you your order. Oh, it's on them.

It's on the restaurant. That's not that order. If they want to keep the line moving they can keep the line moving. Absolutely! You ordered something small behind them you shouldn't have to wait. Is there anything? And I feel bad for you and I'm sorry I called you a jerk Adam but I'm just saying that other that other person's not a jerk. But is it really a drive-through if they make you pull around to the front? That feels like pickup. I hate it. No like Culver's. I hate it. That's the only way to get it there. Culver's is 100%. I'm not saying that they don't do that, I'm just saying it's not drive-through. Oh, that's drive-through.

I mean, if you don't get out of your car. You didn't have to leave your car. If you don't get out of your car, it's drive-through. I mean, why am I even going through the line? Why don't I order on the app and sit in the pickup? That's a great question, Andy. Why don't you order online and do the pickup? Because I want to drive through.

And so you do. I feel like it comes faster. It does feel like it. Honestly, I know the reason you don't do it. Fear. You've never done it before, have you? Done what? The order online and sit in the pickup.

Have you ever done it? Only with Panera Bread. Yeah. And so would you do it again with Panera Bread? Yeah. Cause you're comfortable. Yeah. But you're scared of newness.

We're old. Yes, yes. And you want to know how I knew and I saw right through you and I'm talking to myself I've never ever done it and I'm terrified. I don't know. You've never done it I've never I know you afraid of how they just bring your food, but where do I park? What time do I show up? Earlier do I have to order it? You gotta start with me they wait to start making it? Have you done Panera? No. Start with Panera. Start with Panera. Panera has real big, they have clean signs that one, two, three, you put on the app, you say I'm in one, I'm in two right now. Do you have to drive there first or do you do this before you can order? So I'm at Yeah. And I'm pulling up whatever food app, and I go, I'm going to order this, and I'm going to go pick it up.

And when I get there, because I never know if they're going in the drive-thru lane. Because they don't have nuggets. Right. That is, you saw me now. Man, Panera's. They've got it on lock. You can also order ahead and then

go through the drive-thru. Now that. See, this is confusing. This is what I'm talking about. But I'm saying, they're giving you whatever. How do you want your food? We've got you covered. This is what I'm talking about. But I'm saying like they're giving you, how do you want your food? We've got you covered. This is why I just have,

that's what I was gonna say. Oh, 100% of my stuff is just bring it to me. That's fine, they will do that. I mean, your entree is $35, but they'll bring it to you. I just thought of another good idea. Oh man, you are full of them. It's a sushi restaurant I'm in they make the roll right at your front door

They so they just bring it was kind of like a man Yeah, it was like Tom Green's pizza pizza It's like undercutters pizza, that's right. They just show up and make you your pizza for a better price So the the sushi place just has the chef as the driver. Yeah. And they got like a tackle box. Yeah. Full of different ingredients.

They come up, little fold out table. People are really doing stuff at the door anymore. Anymore? No. So there was a time. I just feel like there was more, weren't there more like, you know, deliveries were like. You're talking about like the Schwans man? I don't know, I felt like life used to be more interactive now just drop it at the

door and hit the road I think what you're thinking of is you used to have to answer your door while the human was there yeah and now they just all yeah why would you want we've made that situation much better alright we're gonna draft. The Spitballers Draft Another sensible draft. Today we are drafting things that begin with the letter L. What are we doing?

And there is a clear 101. I mean, it's like, it's everyone's 101. I don't like that you say that, because I'm the first pick. And I'm not going to pick what you think is the number one pick. I think I know what he's talking about. I'm going to write down what I think your number one pick is. OK, well, don't show it after you pick,

in case Mike doesn't want it. I'm not taking whatever I think yours is. I'm going to take lava. Oh that's good! It's not even on my list! That's a great pick! I'm taking lava with the number one pick. It's short, it's sweet, it starts with L, and it's pretty cool. Lava! It's super cool. It's super hot, but it does amazing things. Yeah, lava's the pick. That's a that's a great pick You know what else is cool Jay? What a lightsaber? Oh that is cool. I will take that crap. That's a good one Yeah, that was on my list. Yeah, it's a great now you take your your boring Of course do it's the one we all need the most it's love baby

No, you're going to snore at love. No! No! Yes. Yeah, I refuse. The people are with me. The people. It's live, laugh, love.

Oh, you have two more picks. I'm going to take laughter. You know what? That's my second pick. I got love and laughter. Y'all can have your lava and lightsabers. I'll be happy. You better take live. I'm be happy. You better take Liv.

I'm gonna pick it. Don't worry. So you're taking laughter with your next pick? You're darn right I am. That one was at least on my list. You're telling me love wasn't on your list. Love is... Is it lava? Because I don't think it's lava. It's lava. You know what stays hot forever?

Lava. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Get body, love. Get out of here, love. Oh, man.

That is, I think, my new favorite joke all time on this show, Mike. Because you just inadvertently, that was awesome. That's a pro level joke right there. Very proud of you. What are you taking with lightsaber? This draft is flying by. Also, lava doesn't stay hot forever.

Cools, and they get lava rock. Yeah, you're right. But it was worth the joke. I think magma stays hot forever, because that's in the Earth. Save that for the M draft. Yeah. Earth science guy, anyone back there? We on that?

All right, good work back there. I thought Josh would jump in and give me a lava versus magma talk. So I've got my light. Magma is beneath the surface. It's molten, so it would always be hot. Yeah. I've got my... Yeah, magma is beneath the surface, it's molten, so it would always be hot. Yeah. I've got the lightsaber, and I'm also getting that sweet, sweet cash.

I'm gonna take the lottery. Oh! Interesting. But that doesn't mean you win, you just get to play. Congratulations. When I draft the lottery, it means I own the whole thing and I win. Interesting. Interesting.

Now, the pick I'm gonna take here is the one I thought would be your number one pick. Oh, you didn't think it would be love? No. What's wrong with you guys? I was almost 100% sure it was going to be Lamborghini. Oh, that's it. Which is my pick. It's like my 12th. It's a nice pick. I'm taking Lamborghini to go with my lava. And then I'm taking lightning. Oh yeah I'm taking lightning with the next pick which means lava Lamborghini and lightning all L words I'm nailing this draft I got my number one and number two pick Mike has lightsaber and lottery Third one too? I bet it'll be learning. Lightsaber and lottery, Mike. Yes.

You're doing great. I look so far they're all words with L, or that begin with L. For my next pick, I will take Labyrinth. The movie? No. Oh no. It's a great film. You want to be stuck in a labyrinth? I don't want to. You just like the word? I want to own a labyrinth. Interesting. It's a great word too. It's not a huge ambition for a lot of people. Yeah it's not on my list. So would you, like you're building a house. Is there a chance that? Of a labyrinth?

Are you building a labyrinth? You better come over and you'll find out. OK. It'll be the last thing you ever see. Real. Don't you have to put, like, a centaur down there? Minotaur. Oh, minotaur.

What is the difference between a maze and a labyrinth? Underground? Because, like, a corn maze. I've been to corn mazes. They're pretty cool. You've never been to a corn labyrinth? I've never been to a corn labyrinth I've never been to a corn labyrinth and I'm just wondering because I think it has to be underground I don't think you can have a labyrinth above ground. Can you? The movies all above ground

Yeah, does it have to have stone does it have to be made of stone I think it's just got to be epic Well, like oh like somebody comes out to certify a place is a labyrinth, and they go, no, I'm sorry, this is merely a maze. The difference is that labyrinths have a single continuous path, which leads to the center, and as long as you keep going forward, you'll get there eventually.

Oh, a labyrinth does go to the middle. Because that's where the military is. A maze, you go from one side to the other side. You get out. Oh, a labyrinth. It's so like in the movie The labyrinth does go to the middle cuz that's where the minute I'm amazed you go from one side to the other side Yeah, oh Labyrinth so like in the movie the labyrinth the The king the Academy's was in the center was that where Bowie was must be it was a labyrinth right I

Only I I do remember that movie, but I also think a pans labyrinth. Oh Also, I get that Because you draft yeah the labyrinth um All right. Yeah, Jason you have love and laughter dude All right, I'm up here let me look at my Lame All right get him I I'm up here. Let me look at my warring. Oh lame All right get him I

Am going to draft something that without it to try to get so cool right now without it Y'all without it on your list. Oh, you're only seeing nothing Nothing cuz I get light. Oh I'm taking it all baby Enjoy your darkness. He does have lightning like yeah You get like a split second and you get your lightsaber will give you a little yeah, I got a flashlight It's basically a flash a very close proximity flashlight. You just have it out It's basically like almost becomes like a like a blind walking stick except it destroys I love that he has turned it into a battle royale where he is taking these from our worlds.

Yeah, you're darn right I am. And I'm laughing and loving it, okay? All right, you've got light laughter and love. You got one more pick. Oh man. Okay, hmm. Couple huge winners on my list. Oh! Would you say there's leftovers?

That's, oh, that's one of- Oh, that's on your list? Of course it is! Of course it is! Of all that's on your list? Of course it is! Of course it's on my list! It was in consideration. No, that's great. I'll just leave that off now. But leftovers are elite. Especially if you're talking pizza

or pico de gallo. Alright. Pico de gallo? Pico de gallo, like if you're making it fresh if it's, not like bought, but like if you create pico de gallo, right? They want I was a niche take though pizza pizza very normal. That's all I'm saying The guy was super niche. I'm just saying if you've ever made it at home Oh, sir, turkey like no pizza pico de gallo. It was the alliteration. All right

I'm gonna take the Eiffel Tower The Great Wall of China The Coliseum let's take a landmark. I'm taking landmarks. I get all of them. You get a labyrinth Mike all of the labyrinths I get all the landmarks in the world, baby, and I'm pretty good It's pretty good. Loving it, loving it, laughing with all my leg. This guy's a very interesting man. Yeah, oh my goodness.

Lightsaber, lottery, and labyrinth. Mike, you have one pick remaining. Oh, man. I think we're down to. I have one that I don't want you to take. I don't think I'm going to take it. Good. I'm looking at two characters.

Oh, we haven't had any characters. Well, we're about to have one. Okay. And I'm gonna go... I gotta go name value, so I'm gonna take Luigi. Luigi. Yeah. Okay. Jason's not impressed.

Well, I was just like the number two guy for Mario. Yeah, okay sidekick cool If it was the our draft, I hope he would grab Robin, you know, it's like whoa. Do you really get Robin? Superhero he's on the defensive Mike. That's fine. He's on the defensive on the offensive Yeah, this is not much love or laughter over there. Ah I'm going on the offensive. This is not much love or laughter over there. Ah, lightsaber lottery, labyrinth, and Luigi. Yeah. Look, I've got the coolest team ever.

I don't got no love and laughter. I got lava Lamborghini's lightning, and I'm finishing it with lasers. Oh, that's way better. I'm going lasers. And if you want to hang out with my draft, I don't blame you. It's pretty cool I thought maybe you're gonna go love a lamp. Oh, no. No, he's already got the lava So I needed to draft a lamp

What are some of your left? Oh so many Jason? I have lakes lakes are fun. Oh, yeah Yeah legs very important. Yeah Laptops, yeah, we're all using them That's it leprechaun Okay lizards, I do have lizard on you know what in most drafts we get to the end And we say what else you got on your leg yeah, this one sounds so stupid You get to the end. You're like what else else you got? Well, L words, let me tell you. Liberty. There's a lot of them. But there you go. That is it. What did we learn today?

I learned that if this show was five minutes longer, I'd have no voice at all. Oh, I learned that Jeremy does not know how to say diphthong. That's, I learned what that is. There you go. I don't remember what it was. No one remembers. Lighthouses. The other character was Link.

Legos. Was Link. Oh, Legolas. Oh, Link would have been a better pick. Yeah, both of them. No, it would not. Luigi! Goodbye.

Thanks for listening to the Spitballers Podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out spitballerspod.com.