Spitballers Comedy Podcast - 293: The Air of Our Forefathers & Places to Visit to Get Sick - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: July 22, 2024

On this hilarious episode, we discuss the tough choices when it comes to water flavored water, the worlds greatest discoveries and how Jason would peak on 5000 calories a day. Then we wrap things up with a places to go if you want to get sick draft. Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast! Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast: Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.com Follow us on X: x.com/SpitballersPod Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPod Subscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

Today's show is brought to you by your friends over at Greenlight. Summertime is supposed to be an opportunity to slow down, but sometimes you can't help but notice that actually time is moving fast. Your kids are starting a new grade soon, maybe even a new school. They're older, a little taller, maybe a little wiser to help continue learning and build independence over the summer and stay connected as they start spending more time out of the house, I recommend Greenlight. Greenlight is a debit card and money app for families

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They can also call for help when they need it with SOS alerts that can connect them to family members, 911 or both. There's a feature that can detect car crashes. I mean, no matter what features make the most sense for your household, Greenlight is easy. I recommend it. I have used Greenlight for years.

I was using it before they were even a sponsor on this podcast. Sign up for Greenlight today and get your first month free when you go to greenlight.com slash ballers. That's greenlight.com slash ballers to try Greenlight for free. Greenlight.com slash ballers. That's greenlight.com slash ballers to try green light for free. Greenlight.com slash ballers. What happens when three buffoons give life advice,

explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers Podcast with Andy, Mike and Jason. I was full eyes closed just vibing. Oh. And then you opened your eyes. And I opened to a lovely surprise. Oh, the people. I don't know what you're talking about. The people are going to be so excited to see the new you.

I don't. It just felt like the right time. People have asked to see the broken tooth. And I had the scat and it's cross promotion. That's one way to make the scat not scary. You know what I mean? Like who cares what comes out of your mouth? Because at that point it's more about what's missing from your mouth. And so... I didn't hear this cat. No. No, I just heard my giggles For those that are just spitballer fans

Maybe you don't follow the fantasy footballers I knocked I knocked a tooth out of my mouth and I've been hiding it from the public doing like Man, yeah karate. It was karate on a motorcycle I was karate with a jump on a motorcycle I drove by an alleyway and I saw a woman getting her purse her purse was being oh, you're a hero Robbed and I left off the motorcycle left it running Hit him right with Right with the front right tooth. Yeah. Well, that's where he got me. I got him

Right with the front right tooth. Yeah, well that's where he got me. I got him with the rest. The rest of it I got him with the karate moves. And then he got me in the tooth. And then I was like. Did she get her purse? No. Oh man.

No. That was my prize. I took the purse. Imagine if you could be that accurate with a strike. Because the rest of it. To detooth somebody? There's no bruising on your mouth. Your lips are fine usually if it's a punch it's makeup there's other residual there's tons of bruise I would think that be and got one

tooth that's got to be like a one finger punch you know what I mean but that's that's dangerous for your digits but you know yeah I know I'm working the tooth is a work in progress. So I'm gonna get a new one. Just haven't found the right donor. And I'm still, you know, if you got one, that's nice, I might be interested. Did you put it immediately on ice?

I do have the tooth. Cause I had to keep it. Aren't you supposed to do that with no with a tooth No, I think like an organ. Yeah, I know I know that but I think or something Okay, I have the tooth and I also your tooth when I try to buy a new one from somebody I need it to match So I had to keep the original. Yeah, it makes sense. Oh Papa Josh is saying put it in milk. I knew there was something floating around just about. Papa Josh said it doesn't make it right. No no that's the truth. I'm not saying it's right but I'm saying in the back of my head there was there was some

protocol that is back there. Tooth milk protocol. It's the calcium. Yeah that's probably what it is. Keeps it safe. somebody wanted somebody to do that a long time ago And then we did it for hundreds of years Don't teeth like hold up like I mean when when you lose your tooth and put it under the pillow for the tooth fairy You can look at your children's teeth like a decade later. You can have like a necklace of like alligator teeth They didn't disintegrate. Yeah, and then I don't put that in milk Like if you exhume someone, they're just bones and teeth. Yeah, I don't think you need to milk this tooth. I think we have figured this out.

Would you rather, that's a great question, and we are drafting places to go if you want to get sick. Mm, I've got a handful of those. Yeah, so that'll be fun. At spitballerspod on Twitter, if you want to check it out over there. SpitballersPod.com is the website. Thank you for telling your friends and family about this show. But not this specific show. Don't tell them about this episode. This episode. 294. It's going to be a hit. The tooth episode. Yes, let's begin

Would you rather Lars from X says would you rather only drink still? Unflavored water water Or never be able to drink. I mean, right? Are we just for clarity, this is just all? Dude, I was running it through my brain. I'm like, I'm missing something. It's just water.

Because this is very specific to describe a water. Well, the opposite would be like moving flavored water, right? Right, like sparkling. Or never be able to drink. Or never be able to drink still water What is this question? You rather only drink still? Alamance Almas lunch put together this doc or never be able to drink still water. Oh, man That's gonna be real tough. That's gonna be really tough to answer. So let's think about this

Would you rather only drink still right on flavored, or never be able to drink still water? Oh, wait, okay, oh no. Mike's getting there. I'm, I, we, we made it there. I'm letting you work through this. We made it there, everybody. So this is basically, would you rather have to always drink carbonated water or always drink still water?

Or just, no, it's just drink. Drink whatever you want. Drink water or drink anything else. From now on, write them like you explain them later. But if you drink whatever you want drink or water or drink anything else From now on write them like you like you explain them later But if you drink whatever you want, then you can't drink just plain water. You can't go to a drinking fountain That's fine that one. Gotcha. Oh see I'm I'm but no I'm reading this is like it's you get only water plain water or You it's like milk and sodas. Yeah Anything else. All right.

But we're on the same page now. We made it. If you choose everything else, then you cannot have regular water again. That's fine. We're all fine without it. Really? Yeah. That's like 90% of what I drink is just plain water.

Just plain water. Boring. I can't stand the carbonated water. You don't like coffee? You don't like milk? I like coffee. You don't like soda? Just plain water. Boring. I can't stand the carbonated water. You don't like coffee? That... You don't like milk? I like coffee.

You don't like soda? I like milk. You don't like juice? Gatorade? I like juice. I like all that stuff. But still, if you just put them all together, 90% of total volume is just water. That's, I mean...

You mean in those things? Yeah. Yeah. No, no, no. Not as the main ingredient in those things? Yeah, no, no, no, not as the main ingredient in those things. I'm saying if you take all the liquid that I drink, 90% of that is just the plain, still unflavored water. That's abnormal.

You think so? For a lot of people, yeah. But definitely in this office. I don't know how y'all don't just go around burping, but this place drinks more sparkling water than any, I mean, I have to imagine than most places. It's like everyone here is addicted to sparkling water. Yeah, it's good.

It's awful. What? I hate sparkling water. It's awful. You don't like it? No, I don't. Well, okay. Wait, what?

I didn't know this, first of all. I thought you were on board for what we order in the office. So I'm sorry that we aren't. Now is your water very still and unflavored? Yes, today though, today is hot. Hot, still, unflavored water. According to Matt, who orders our food, he says he has to order five cases of La Croix a week.

Well, there's where our money's going. That's the point. You know how cheap regular water is? Pretty cheap. Well, it depends. Except for you. Are you coming out of the tap? Don't pretend like you're coming out of the tap.

You made us. I'm coming out of Mountain Spring, baby. You made us order alkalined water. Yeah. I am a pretty big water snob, but I still don't. Mine's probably way more expensive than yours my mountain valley spring glass Water is sewer reclaimed water. They just put some bubbles in it. You guys drink energy drinks I never drink an energy drink so you that's part of your diet. Yeah, that is that is I can't imagine

Taking the water only approach on this one, imagine the health benefits. It would be, yeah, that'd be really pretty good. Because I'm pretty sure that in all your sparkling waters that have the light flavors, y'all drinking metal. Does he get to have cereal with milk in this hypothesis? Yeah, he just can't drink it at the end. Okay, that's fair. That's harsh, it's harsh but fair. He'll have to use a big spoon for once.

No, I think he has to use a fork. No, no, I can eat the milk. You may douse the cereal in the milk. I can eat the milk. That's fine, but you don't get little sips of it. That's drinking. No, I'm eating. If I'm taking a bite of cereal, you don't say I'm drinking that milk.

You cannot take... You have to have a certain proportion of cereal on the spoon. Yeah, that's fair, because I would try to loophole this. You would take, you have to have a certain proportion of cereal on the spoon. Yeah that's fair because I would try to loophole this. You would try to loophole it. I would get one little cereal and a big old spoon. Yeah you would. Try to get the most absorbent cereals. Man there's a lot of other drinks besides water. Yeah. The more I think about it. Yeah are you sure you want to be on the still water side? boring go but what happens to your health if you literally can never drink regular water nothing I don't drink water okay so and I'm fine but your teeth fall out who knew there was so much calcium in water oh man okay I guess we're all taking me

My gosh, all right, I guess I'll go with you guys I'll drink all the other stuff We're not trying to bully you into it man. No, but you want to lead the water brigade you can you know what? This feels like the CD land jail and water. I'm sticking to my I'm taking my mountain spring still water. All right, still water. Yeah. Mike, I guess you're with me, right? Yes. You're trying to take away my morning coffee?

No, that is. Just put me in the ground, brother. Very hydrating, by the way. That's an old wives tale that it's not hydrating. Because the majority of your coffee is actually water. Yeah. And then people are like, oh, it makes you go pee. I thought it was the caffeine.

Yeah, caffeine. It does not dehydrate. Coffee does not dehydrate you. You pee a bunch afterwards because you just drank multiple glasses of water. OK, so Coca-Cola. It hydrates. Nice.

Yes. OK, I'm going to need that since I can't have still water. I'm not saying as well as other stuff. I also have heard from. Milk Hydrates. Very well. Amon Rasi, Brown's father. I don't know if you saw this clip.

Yes, we were talking about it today. Superstar NFL wide receiver whose father, correct me if I'm wrong, who's the. Mr. Universe two times. Mr. Universe two times in a row? Two times in a row. Just two times? It was in a row?

Mr. World three times. You know what? I don't even care if it's in a row. Just two times? It was in a row? I don't know. Mr. World three times. You know what, I don't even care if it's in a row. Two time, and this guy is on here trying to tell his superstar NFL son that at halftime he should drink a Coca-Cola. He's not Gatorade, Coke. Yeah, and he's like, I'm telling you.

And so. And then they're like, you think I'm crazy, try it. Yeah. He's like, next time you're not feeling great, drink a Coca-Cola, see how you feel. So this guy, I'm back in you're back in Oh, yeah, cool enough for him Mike from patreon writes him. Would you rather live in a world that had that never discovered fire? Seems like a problem

Or a world that never discovered the wheel seems like a much bigger problem So we just like rolling around on triangle nah yeah we can skip I mean here's a deal wait wait are you on you're on the team wheel I'm on the team wheel I'm all my gosh look goodbye combustion yeah I don't drive a combustion engine what's the wheel for the the the motor where The motor? Where does the metal come from that you build all of your energy batteries? Are you telling me they need fire to make the metal? I thought you knew everything about metal!

Wait a minute! You're a fraud! No, no, no, no, no! You've been exposed! No, no, no, no, no! Hold on! This isn't just... Wait, where do they get the metal? From the metal tree? They're getting it from the earth. Ladies and gentlemen. They're mining the metal.

The mask has been removed. He doesn't know everything about metal. I know all the things that are made out of metal, Mike. That's true. That's what I know. He doesn't know how you get it. I don't know how they're made. I know what they're made of.

Okay, metal. Come on. I just, I mean, the wheel, I'm not saying it's not important, but I mean, we'd be all driving around right now, we'd be in like tank vehicles. Yeah, I was gonna say, you can still have a good tread, right? You know what I mean? You can have a tread. I mean, I guess there's some wheels

at the front and back of that. Yeah, how do you think the tread moves over? They're going through wheels. Well, don't try to act like you know what you're talking about now. I think we could put triangles in there and make it happen. Obviously, if we never-

Maybe some squares. You need fire, brother. If we never found fire, maybe we're all dead. Okay, that's, if we, if- I think that is, it's more likely that humans would not have made it if we didn't find fire. For sure.

But then the advancement of civilizations more to the wheel. That's what I'm saying because if we survived past fire, then we can heat our homes. We can heat our electric stove and cook, and we could do everything without fire nowadays. But how are you how are you providing the energy to light your home? Nuclear energy? Water? Wind? I feel like fire is... Solar?

Okay. There's a few options. You opt just fire. Fire is energy. But that was a part of our industrial progress. Right. But I'm saying we went it call and we went through every town just has a 50 acre fire running all the time. We're powering the town with this giant bonfire.

You can't progress to those other things without the fire stage. Yes, I agree. That's all I'm saying. Yeah, I mean, I will. You can't progress to those other things without the fire stage. Yes, I agree with that. That's all I'm saying. Yeah, I mean, I will. It's an interesting question because if you're saying would you rather live in a world that never discovered fire, which is how it's worded, then you're saying you're probably dead and

you probably didn't progress to existence. So I would rather live in the world that had fire because I would be alive. However, if the question was more like which one Would you turn it off today? If you turn it off today, I guess I can be convinced. I would rather turn off the fire and keep the wheel. Yeah, I understand that because like you said, we've progressed now, right? We don't need to burn coal and gas. We have other ways, yeah. We have different ways of heating things. Yeah. Okay. So would fire not exist at all? No, it would exist, but we can't harness it.

So it would still burn down forests and stuff? Yeah, the lightning could still set things on fire. Okay. I don't want to talk about this anymore. We would just look in awe. We'd say, how did that exist? I wish we could harness that yeah imagine as he's on his unicycle riding down the street living life to the fullest Luke from a tro cycle man I'm all about them wheels I'm adding one more to be clear one more than one more than a unicycle is quattro just to be clear. What is happening? I was going, I was adding one to the four pack. But a quadro is a four pack.

So I was thinking, was that a quint? Quintro? A quintro. That's what I've been rolling down. Luke from the website, on a long distance drive, would you rather automatically get to your destination in half time? OK.

Sounds great. Or whenever you see a vehicle on the road in front of you, your own vehicle automatically teleports to a safe distance in front of that car. Interesting. How close do you got to get? I guess it don't matter. They got to be in sight.

That's it. That's it? Oh, well then... That's like, transportation. I mean, that's like... That's instant transportation. I don't drive anywhere where I don't see cars. I don't, I don't... You know what know what I mean like when's the last time you've been on a road and you don't see a car How do you I'm thinking more of like when you're on the the 10 going to California? You'll have some stretches where you won't see a few but but not very long not very long

Especially I'm zooming ahead to the next one Yeah, you you would be even if it was like get within a hundred yards. You'd be stepping on the gas full speed I mean it would it would really be like- You couldn't get into a wreck with the person in front of you. It would be, three o'clock in the morning is the only time that I am driving at a normal pace, when there's no cars on the road. Otherwise, this is borderline just straight teleportation. It's hard to argue with that. I mean, just test it out. If you're listening in your car right now,

what's in front of you? Cars. I promise. I'm right. Take a picture. Prove me wrong. It's not going to happen. You see one. Okay. So I mean I don't think this is a strong debate. I think teleportation is our answer. Yes, instant teleportation. I don't wanna get stuck in another conversation like last week with the half the money or twice the money. Yeah, we messed that one up. Al, should we move on or do we have time for one more? Let's do one more.

Tara from Patreon, would you rather only need three hours of sleep every night to feel fully refreshed and perform optimally, which would be awesome. Or be able to maintain a healthy weight. Wait. Oh, sorry. Was that a wait, don't finish this question,

or an immediate answer? I think it's a little bit of a, or be able to maintain a healthy weight eating anywhere from 500 to 5,000 calories a day. Oh, brother. Can you handle the 5K cap? Oh, I can handle the 5K cap, yes. However, hold on, hold on. Hold on. Hold on

Oh, no, you would not get the extra time on that side of things the 5k cap I was just thinking if you stay up and you only need three hours, you're gonna eat more So in that world, you will eat more because you're up 21 of 24 hours So I will I will gain even more. Yeah, that's all this extra time on my hands. What does a 5,000 calorie day look like? Tuesday. That means Wednesday, Thursday. I can keep going. I can name all of them.

All the days that end in Y. I mean, here's the thing. I know this because somewhat recently I've started tracking my food, tracking my calories, and there are so many things that are really surprising because I I feel like I Know what a normal meal is, you know I know if I'm gonna get the Chipotle burrito and I'm gonna have it as a burrito I'm gonna add the guacamole and all that is gonna be like a 1200 1300 calorie meal

But it's the there's a lot of hidden calories and things especially drinks and all sorts of things where you think Oh, this looks like a healthy breakfast This is a healthiest breakfast. And then you go and you actually track calories, you're like, that was also over a thousand calories for one meal. And so you're eating- Happens a lot with things like cereal

where you get like a calorie count on two cups, but you have a bowl. Yeah, or go to- You know what I mean? Because of the serving size nonsense. Right. And then- Serving size two thimbles.

You know, you go to a restaurant, almost everything in a restaurant's over a a thousand calories if they're being honest You know over in Europe they just have out on the front of the packaging has been mandated by the government it's just graded like a through F on how nutritionally healthy it is for you, so you can see the food and Instantly decide instead of having to read like a complicated label It's like a through F a throughout And then it skips to USA and then it's like right right. Oh this is legal. A through F and then USA. But you gotta smuggle that over

because that's not legal. We're talking like so like the potato chips and yeah or is that just that's an F? I mean it varies but yeah I mean depends on the oils and the contents it is really funny the insane Law differences in what we're allowed to eat in the u.s.. Sure most of the world You know we were talking at lunch the other day about how fruit loops are made in America Oh, yeah, they're made here, and then the rest of the world's fruit loops They're also made here, but they're totally different because it's illegal. No artificial colors, they're more bland looking so we don't buy them. Right.

Yeah. Because we like shiny things. I did take a look. Looked disgusting. Yeah, this is. Looked old and faded. If you're up, they look faded. I think that was probably the problem,

is like, that's old Fruit Loops. Right, yeah. Like if they had always looked like that, it would not be a problem. That's true. We've been trained to delicious Processing and It's hard. It's hard to undo that the 5,000 calories if you go that route Are you healthy? I know you said a healthy weight, but are you healthy? I think so. I think for this magical question. Yeah

For this magical question the three hours of sleep is so tempting. It sounded so great. As you wake up, you feel refreshed. You don't get like, you know. I can have eight hours of sleep and feel awful, but that's probably because I'm not on a healthy weight. Normally on the 5,000 calorie days, you go to sleep and feel awful.

No, you don't have to only sleep three hours, right? It's just saying that if you log three, then you're gonna feel refreshed. Have you moved beyond the desire to have more hours sleep three hours, right? It's just saying that if you log three, then you're gonna feel refreshed. Have you moved beyond the desire to have more hours in your day, Mike? Oh, it's just, if you're honestly. I mean, because for like 20 years we live, we're like, oh man, I wish I could stay up like I used to.

Now are you just totally content not staying up? No, no, not at all. I just, I'm not every single day I'm gonna want to have 21 hours where I'm awake. I did wonder if there were were mental ramifications of that, but I'm trusting that there aren't because you feel so refreshed. Like you're jamming 8 to 10 hours of sleep into three hours.

You wake up refreshed. So I don't know, you go to bed at 2 in the morning, wake up at 5? You got all that time? You obviously, though, in this situation, are going to be awake during more darkness. Right? You're only skipping three hours of the dark every day.

Can I sleep longer if I want? Now, Jason, there's no chance that in the three hours of sleep you would use the extra time for exercise and health? Dude, let me tell you this. I've tried for long periods of time the exercise and 2,000 calorie diet, and I can't maintain a healthy weight. So yeah, no, no chance. Give me sub-5,000 calorie diet, and I can't maintain a healthy weight, so yeah, no, no chance. Give me some 5,000 healthy weight.

That's so tempting. 5,000 calories means big time snacks while I'm watching that TV at night. Yeah, you wanna say hello to ice cream again, Andy? Oh, I do. Yeah, baby. I do. Mike, what are you going with? You can play video games again with this three hours of sleep.

That is very true. There's a lot of things you can do. What, five thousandths? Matt's saying if you get the five thousandth calories you can finally have one crumble cookie. If you can borrow from the next day. Yeah, one crumble. I guess I'm taking the calories. Man, would it be one of those things where if you take this deal, and you ever

Accidentally hit a 500 one it just blew You're like nutty professor the paranoia that you would have over just they instantly stored up and then it all comes I think you just explode movie. That's a good movie. All right, we're gonna take a break come back with that's a great question That's a good movie. All right, we're gonna take a break. Come back with that's a great question. The layering days are over and it is time to beat the heat with the perfect fit. You wanna look good this summer?

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Alright Cartman from Patreon writes in and says who would win in a fight between the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers? Oh baby. So this is the most wildly ironic question ever because I typed both of those into the Google Trends this morning to try to pinpoint when the peak of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and the Power Rangers was. When was the Power Ranger one? It was a little bit later. Yeah that's what I thought. I think it was 96 for Turtles believe it or not which seems late. Really? Which seems late. That was the peak?

It was the peak for them being included in the vernacular of society. So I think you gotta have some ground rules here first. No Megazord. Mm. You get like, that's- Okay, that's fine because that was all, that was the- So they can't combine, they can't do their normal stuff. They can't, well, no.

Is that what you're saying? No, no, the Power Rangers are excellent. Sounds like what he's saying. No, no, they're excellent hand-to-hand combat warriors. I'm just saying- Wait, they don't even have the regular zords How are they? How are the turtles competing at all? This is the nonsense like Superman versus Batman like okay if we really allow Superman to use all of his powers to the fullest

Batman stands a zero dot zero percent chance So do you know the lore of these two universes? Like have the turtles ever really been hurt? Oh, yeah, dude. The turtles are, do you not know the last Ronin? I know nothing. So the last Ronin. I don't even know what you said.

The last Ronin is a story that I think it's turned into a movie right now. But there's only one left. They died? Three of the brothers got taken out. What? By which one lived? I think it's Raph.

Spoiler. Walked right into that one, Mike. What? That is a really funny idea. Spoiler trap and then just shame people. You hear this guy? He just told us what happened to the movie. What happened at the end of the sixth Harry Potter movie

again? And then just yoink. So you want to take away what makes them them? No. I'm saying that if you put them into giant vehicles, then you just have to step on the turtles and it's over. Yeah, they're making an R-rated Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Whoa. For grownups. Yeah, they're like, the problem is these new kids that have come along don't care about these turtles

But these old people as we still love I love their turtles Like Mike is getting an R rated Power Rangers in two years Mike is maybe trying to find a way that he can take the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles like that's what he's doing right now because he realized what he wants to do the mighty Morphin Power Rangers would completely Decimate the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. If it was just their world's existing, yes, they would dominate them. Why did they, but here's a point though. The people with fighter jets will beat the people who are just running around on the ground.

With size. And a big stick. Now the Power Rangers though, they always seemed to need the Megazord. But they could never. They never started with size. And a big stick. Now, the Power Rangers, though, they always seemed to need the Megazord. But they could never started with it. That's what I mean. They never win with the regular Zords.

They're always like, oh, let's do it. And then they're like. No, they are. They're always winning the fight against that week's Big Bad. But then Rita, I think that was her name, she throws her staff down. And then the monster grows 20x in size. so that's when they have to call out. If they would have just called the Zords out at the beginning.

But that's what I'm saying. If they called the Zords out at the beginning, there's no struggle. They just stomp them. It's the Superman versus Batman. So why didn't they start with that? Nobody ever starts with the best. Because the episode would be two seconds. the episode would be two seconds. They needed to make it 30 minutes. Okay So what is your vote then the Power Rangers? No, I'm taking the teenage girls man. They're awesome Power Rangers were for nerds

No way wouldn't be caught dead taking the Power Rangers did you not not have Power Rangers? They were a little bit below our age group. Yeah, it was, liking the Power Rangers was a little shameful. Yes, it was. It's because we were just a year, and I'm older than you. No, I was right on the cusp, brother. I was, oh, I was one leg out. Yeah. And then obviously by my take, I was both legs out.

I was like, that's for- Oh, you missed out. That's for babies. That's for little kid nerds. So we're all taking the turtles for shame. Gaby from the website theoretically if one were to think of the absolute perfect name for a new pet but then that pet tragically passes away after a week. What is this question? What when get a replacement, can I name it the same pet name? Is that the question? Did I get that right out?

Yeah. So you name your pet, the pet has a tragic accident, you get a new pet, but you like the name so much? We were pretty close, my family was pretty close to this situation. Oh really? Yeah. Because we got a pet, my wife had begged and begged and begged for a dog. We bought an Italian Greyhound when we were first married. We named it Marley. Okay. It was amazing. It was an amazing, amazing dog. We brought it home. I went to the bathroom. While I'm going to the bathroom, I hear a yelp.

Within an hour of being home, this dog broke its leg. We don't know how. Been there. We don't know. Yeah, that happened to me. My gosh. People think we are going, we're monsters. I don't know how it happened. I think he jumped off the couch or something. We were newlyweds. We had no money. This dog needed thousands of dollars of surgery, so obviously we just threw it over the fence. No, that is not true at all. That was a joke. We just gave it back. That was plan B.

We gave it right back to the breeder that we had bought it from, and they got the surgery for the dog, but the dog was gone. Honey, they'll take them back. Get them off the ladder. Yeah. Yeah. So we went from like so we went from this horrible experience, and within 24 hours it was gone. Now would I have ever named a new dog Marley? No way.

Really? Just bad luck? Bad luck. Huh. Bad mojo. Yeah, I'm not going to like it. You're not the second Marley. No, you delete the first Marley.

That never happened, Marley? That never happened. Would you be willing to Marley. That never happened? Like that never happened. Would you be willing to name it now if time passed? Does that make it easier? I think so. We had a Barkley. All of our animal names are just old Phoenix Suns players. It was spelled like Marley.

Yeah, I mean, I get it. Mine was Barkley for a reason. And Barkley was a great dog. And I don't know, isn't there something? Like if you got a new dog today? If I got a new dog after the current round of dogs I have now, I could see naming it Barkley for a reason. And Barkley was a great dog. And I don't know, isn't there something? Like if you got a new dog today? If I got a new dog after the current round of dogs I have now, I could see naming it Barkley. Like is that a- Not Barkley the second though?

No, that's an homage. But you had a round in between. Right, right, that's what I'm saying. It wasn't Barkley to Barkley. Right, I don't think you can go Barkley to Barkley. No. I think you gotta go Barkley. New name. Leave time for that, you know, for the.

Get a little dog, hate that dog, give that dog to Al. Right. Then Barkley. And then Barkley. Yeah. How is Pepper doing? She's great, man, she's such a good dog. Aw.

She's peeing when you're not looking. Mike, any final thoughts on this one? No, I think we nailed it. Sean from Patreon, if only using one stove burner, which is your go-to? I like that it's if only. Like we aren't all just using one stove burner. Yeah, I've never used more than one at one time.

I got my go-to. You have to have a go-to burner, right? I've got- Chef Jason? I've got my, I've got two go-tos. It just depends on if it's a pan or a pot, because my pots are on the right, my pans are on the left. Oh, man.

So it's like I'm going for the closest, furthest out, that burner. It gives you the most area. The closest? So the closest to you. Just say like front left or front right. Yeah, front left and front right. OK.

Jason's has nine burners, so you have to keep that in mind. Yeah, I guess on a four pack of burners, that doesn't really. He had to say closest to you, because some are far from him. That's what that means. No. I never consider any of my burners far from me. Well, I just mean. Do you have burners you can't reach?

They're harder to reach, but I can reach them. I'm a grown man. I was more talking left to right. Left to right, I got a couple. Do you have a slide ladder to go to your other burners? Oh, like one of those libraries? Yeah. Yeah.

He's got uppers, lowers, backs, and fronts, lefts, and rights. Really, it's just a board with wheels in front of the stove, and I just use the stove to roll. Ever since I had kids, I have not put a single pot on a front burner. Really? Because I have this paranoid, ever since they were little, that they could reach their hand up and pull a pot damper.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's why I always use a back burner. Wow, I'm always on the front. I don't care which one. Interesting. Mine is, I think mine's five. I'm trying to remember exactly. But I have one that's-

Oh, it's number five? Yeah, it's the middle one, because it's under the microwave vents. Oh, you want better drafting. Yeah, yeah, so when something's smoking or steaming a little bit too much. Well, it makes sense. I use that one all the time.

Those are the ones. Al. They're shiny clean. Do you wanna weigh in? I'm front right all the time. I don't think I've ever used a back burner. That is my default is front right. Sometimes if I'm lazy and I'm getting one from others.

I wonder why that is. So the phrase, I'm gonna put something on the back burner, is that cause we're like, I don't really wanna think about it? I'm not gonna deal with it right now. I'm done cooking it and I moved it back. I'm putting it into the burner that no one wants to use. You put it to the burner that is, you're gonna put it on a simmer.

Like one of my back burners is a smaller burner. It's meant to be like, I'm not gonna- He has over a 40 back burner. I cooked this, so I'm gonna move it to a back burner. I would think that if you were right-handed... You have a burner just for simmering? You bet. You bet he does. Several of them. Do your other burners simmer? They do. So one can only simmer. Why would you need one that only sims? I didn't make this stuff. He bought it from a Waffle House.

It's the whole back grill. I would think that if you're right-handed, you'd want your pot to be on the front left so that you can stand in the middle of the stove and stir better. That makes sense. I can still center myself on that burner. I have counter space to both sides. It's not symmetrical. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I think the reason I usually go to the front right is because I want the handle on

the right. I'm left-handed. Yeah. See? I usually go to the front right is because I want the handle on the right. I'm left-handed Yeah, see you want the handle going over the counter not taking over more burner space You know that all those burners you better start, you know stirring with the wrong hand when I start using all my burners I'll keep the handle placement Anytime I mean unless you're making just no even if I make it spaghetti I use multiple burners What are you using one burner for? What I mean, I'm just saying any meal that you're making just no even if I make it spaghetti I use multiple burners What are you using one burner for? What I mean, I'm just saying any meal that you're cooking. I am like Unless you're heating up like if I have to use more than two burners. I am in a full panic attack

I've never used more than one. Don't ever don't ever do it because I Find it hard to keep up with one. Yeah, it's look it is terrifying when you're doing My thing is a full-on chef. He's got the two well It's like what you sometimes you're trying to do a meal and there's just so many different parts And you're just running around like a crazy person and then everything is on fire Vicky from access how long do you have to wait before you stop letting people walk in front of you, in front of your car in a busy parking lot? So we've all done it.

We pull up, let's say you go through that front area at our Target or Walmart or something. Oh, Target is... Why is Target so much worse than all the other places? Because it's popular. Yeah, that's all it is. No, no, no, more people go to Walmart than Target. Yeah, there's two entrances. There's not two entrances at Target.

Is that what it is? That's what it is. They're building it wrong? They need multiple entrances to help mitigate. I feel like there's always a stream of people you can't cross in front of a Target. Yeah, you make the decision, like, sometimes I go into a parking lot that has a Target, and I'm like, I need to go to that other store down the way. Uh-huh.

I'm like, do I go up front and try to go by the front? No way. It's a gamble. It's like I could get there so much faster if I get insanely lucky. Nobody in that line of people that have to cross knows about the people before them. Right. So they all feel like they're the first ones that deserve to not be run over. But in truth, you know the question's talking about

like you're the driver, how long do you wait before you stop letting people walk? It's, the answer is forever, buddy. You can try to creep, but it's tough. Well you gotta do the creep where you then look up like, oh I didn't see you and you do the wave, and then they go, go on and you go, oh yes sir, and then you drive. Could you hold a stop sign on a stick out the window

And like eventually you're like and Mmm. Yeah, it's my turn which we try to use this podcast for for positive social movement. Yeah, and look if You this is this is my philosophy if I come out of a store and there's a car pulling up, 100% of the time, I will wave that car through because it is a simple matter of efficiency. How long do I wait for that car to drive by? Half a second? Maybe a full second? How long do I wait for me to walk past them, and that's assuming I give them the courtesy of, I'm going to actually move at not a slow walking speed. It's way longer. Just let the car go. What if the double wave happens? I love- That's fine.

Yeah, I mean, you'll have to figure that out. Mike, I love what you're saying here. Practicality and logic have to come into play. I'm going to add one more wrinkle to that. Okay, so obviously the car should go first. It's gonna it's just more efficient Yeah, you need to flip that on its head in bad weather people in Arizona It is so hot in the summer that person walking get I'm in there conditioning that per you go you go get to that car Okay, wait, okay If you're a rain if you're in Detroit and it's snowing and your car is nice and toasty Come on get to get that guy to his car.

So a weather clause. Yeah, a weather clause. Otherwise, yeah. And then if the person is, if there's a big stream of people and they are walking, you are not allowed to say, times up! I do feel like a pet peeve is In general, I'm gonna wave up. I mean you wave to the pedestrian But sometimes pedestrians will walk in a manner that makes me think that they think that a car would not hurt them

right because they're going at a speed and pace and Not acknowledging the imminent death that I could bring them. And that is tough. When you don't acknowledge a car, it's so rude. When I'm the driver and I'm like, they're just not even looking and they're just, I'm like. Do you know what that one is?

That one is the, that's when you're driving down the aisle to park and the people go into their car and walk in the dead center of, with the walk in the dead center of, with the car in the dead center of the aisle and you're behind them and they don't pay attention. It's foul. I think you are, and I'm not sure about this, but I think you can actually, you can hit them a little bit.

You can give them a little tap? I think you can give them a tap. Just like a little flat tire? Move on. You know, like. But as long as you say flat tire, you have to scream it out the window. Gotcha.

Those people, those people are like, I want to throw something at them. Yeah, walking in the middle of a street is so stra, as is like when things are busier, the driving in the middle of the street. As you like pull up, you know, I have to turn left. I can't, because this car is just in the middle of the road, so you have to wave that car on. If you let me go in front of you, your car and you're waving me in front of you,

I'm going to, I've made this promise my entire, I get into a light jog. Oh, for sure. I will light, unless I'm with a kid that I need to usher. I will light jog for you. Yeah. That's my level of respect for you. Yeah. Now I won't sprint anymore but I'll light jog. You can't sprint. No. A sprint would be highly suspicious. You go, you just walked out of target and you take off running? That would be really funny. I'm being respectful!

All right, all right, it is time to draft after this quick break. The Spitballers Draft. The Spitballers Draft. Well today's draft is places to go if you want to get sick. So there are there are places that you that you go to that are, you know, we are recording this show a few years after the COVID pandemic and everyone became acutely aware of how germs spread for the first time in their lives. And there are places that you're like taking a chance a little bit that you think about it in the back of your head. So

the worst place is to go if you want to get sick. I'm thrilled to have the number one. Really? I think there's like two really strong picks. I agree. Oh Thrill. I think there's two really strong picks. Well, look. I agree. Oh. Yeah. I mean, for me, this is a clear 101. It seems like you're about 50-50 right now.

Mm-hmm. But it's the airplane airport. 100% it's the airport. Yeah, I mean, the airport is people will not disrupt their travel plans. Jason, you just went on a trip. You said the woman was dying beside you. So this was insane.

I just came back. We were in this airport. It's a busy airport because they all are. And there is a lady in a striped sweater. We'll call her the lady in the striped sweater. She's... Why would you call her that? She's wearing a striped sweater. She's... Why would you call her that? She's wearing a striped sweater.

Okay, all right. But just, you know, just for anonymity sake here. And she's coughing and hacking so much that me and my family decide to change which side of the airport we're standing on. Okay, and I'm not a germaphobe. No, you're not, you're not. I'm one who doesn't care.

You normally don't think about it. I don't think about it, but this lady was dying. And the thing is, is it wasn't like, oh, she had something on her throat, it was two or three coughs, whatever. Did she have a mask? No, no, no, no, no, no. Okay, sorry, sorry.

She had a striped sweater. What was the coughing situation? Was it into an elbow? Oh, no, no, no. Right in the hand? No, no, no, no, no. I'm not making this up. I'm not making this up.

Straight out. No, no, no. I promise you. Now, she was facing a wall, OK? I think that was her protection. I think that was her protection for people. She was like over by a store, facing a wall, just coughing at it. And I think maybe she covered one or two of 7,000. It lasted

so long. I mean, we were there way before we needed our airplane. So then she leaves, she goes to the bathroom somewhere else, our gates down the other side. We go, you know, two gates down, we load up, we get in. I've got one seat next to me. One. There's one seat in the world. And who comes in? Oh, the lady in the striped sweater. But the lady in the striped sweater plops right down next

to me, and right behind me was my family. And I immediately, I was like shot back, because we were all, they knew it. They saw it, and it was like, oh my gosh. What are the odds? So yeah, that was fun. The airport, so I'm about to have all of the diseases. Yeah, no, and you've given them to me right here before.

Mike, you are up. We will go with school. Okay. That is, see, I'll let it go, because I wasn't sure if this needed to be a combo pick, but I'm gonna say, because I wasn't sure if this needed to be a combo pick, but I'm going to say, because it's school, the second that your children go to an elementary school, your house is now just infested.

Oh, for sure. I mean, it spreads in cycles. I mean, I have on my list kindergarten classroom, but that's just because that's where it begins. Right. Yeah, there are a few places that you can go to where they're going to send a note home about what's happening with sickness. And schools, they'll do that. And it's just like, we'd like you to know,

you're probably getting sick soon. And you get these like, I understand they need to be anonymous, but it's always just so strange. I'm like, your child may or may not have been exposed to blah, blah, blah. And you're like, wait, what? What do you mean? You're not sending this home for not exposed?

It's just such a terrible letter. It was a kid in the striped sweater. They should just send that note home every day. They should send it home every day. They should send home one saying, hey, your kid might or might not have been exposed to blah, blah, blah today, because it's true every single day. They should name the kid. Also kids are filthy. They should be like, Tom Thompson, he's the

sick one. Send all letters to him. I agree that's a great pick Mike. That is not what I thought. You said there were two. I'm afraid you're gonna. And I got it. Look, I mean, you go where the sicknesses are. Yeah. The hospital. I have written emergency room. Sure. In particular. That's in the hospital.

Yeah, I mean, I don't feel like the hospital's dangerous. I feel like the emergency room's dangerous. They're different. Well, the hospital that I know, and by that I mean every hospital I've ever seen in my life includes an emergency room, So I will get both. It's inside the hospital. That's fine. But yeah, I mean, even if you don't get sick,

you feel like you did. You're afraid of it. You're walking the halls. I don't walk most of the other places that have just a hand sanitizer on the wall and hit up four of them per trip. But if I'm in a hospital, I'm like, oh, there's another one. Let me go ahead. Hospitals are weird because you know that they're actively

trying to keep things clean. Like, they keep it really cold. There are hand sanitizers, and they clean all the time. And yet, if you go to an emergency room, all active cases of problems. Yeah, or like, I guess, I don't know, the ER doesn't split it, but I'm thinking of like, when you go to the kid doctor and it's like,

oh, in the sick room. You're like, there's two different doors, and then you open the door, and you're just looking right at the person in the face. You're like, you go five steps that way, because that's the sick room. This is like, And here's the well side. Yeah.

Jeremy and I. Didn't you tell me we're all breathing the germs Jeremy knows exactly what I'm gonna say Jeremy and I were on a we're on a ship and they had a casino and spaceship because I figured that might be someone's pick and I didn't want to talk about it yes that is why I said that I can't pick it anyways and we're in the casino and there's a smoking area and a non-smoking area. This is a very small casino And it's literally it's not a joke. It's literally this table smoking the one next to us our tables non-smoking There's nothing in the way. No barrier the dude one foot from me is smoking. He's allowed What do you know how smoke works? Because I am

in the smoking section. He's two feet from me and I'm, oh, it's unbelievable. And the way their air filtration system worked, it just blew all the smoke to the non-smoking table and their table was clean. Well, we got to get it out of here. It's gross. Okay, so I am up. I got the hospital. I got my second pick here, and I'm gonna go with one that's a little bit more niche, but it's always, like when I walk into one of these, I honestly feel like sometimes I hold my breath, and that is a crammed elevator.

When you are, when you're on an elevator that is full of people, I just feel like I'm breathing all of what you're breathing out. There's no way we're making it to the next destination. Very claustrophobic. Yeah, just hold your breath. That's it. Yeah. I'm either getting sick or I'm smelling farts.

Have you held your breath before? Yeah, I have. Yeah? Like the whole time? I've tried. Just depends on how many floors. Like driving through a tunnel? Yeah, yeah. Oh, always do that. Who here holds their breath when you go through a tunnel? Everybody does that, Jason. Yeah, everyone does that. I just didn't know. I didn't know if that was a universal thing. It has to be. It has to be because everyone in here did.

Our forefathers. They made it a decree. Mike, you have elementary school. You have another pick. So, oh, man, I'm between two. I am going to go, I'm going to take a concert. It was high on my list. And you're jammed together. Yeah, and especially, I mean, the way that we used to do concerts, now, if your concert does not have a chair designated for me, don't invite me to your concert.

That is rule number one. But back to what we used to do, it was all standing. Oh yeah. It was, everyone was, I mean, there was at least eight other people that their sweat was on you at any given point during the night. Did you mosh? Were you in the mosh pits?

I didn't go into the actual pits, but I would be down there trying not to get thrown into the mosh pit. But you're getting crushed on all sides. It is disgusting. Concerts are one of the few things that temperature regulation... It's impossible. Yeah, it doesn't happen. They try their best.

Plus, concerts are outside. They're in the humidity. Sometimes, they get moved around. You're out there for hours. You're just with people on you. Sometimes they're in small venues with a popular local band or something that's packed. You are like sardines in a box of disease. Yes.

Good pick. Yeah, that would have been one of my two picks here. I have the airplane-airport combo for my first pick. Yeah, that would have been one of my two picks here So I have the airplane airport combo for my first pick. I I mean hopefully it counts Is this the same thing as your school pick? I was gonna go with the daycare That's where I wasn't sure if it needed to be a combo you guys can decide do I need to get rid of that one? I was gonna go daycare, but then I'm like, I don't know but I'll allow it. It's fine Okay, so I mean the daycare is where it begins Yes, it's the incubator of all future disease. Yes, so I will go to the daycare

The next one they don't they don't tend to wash their hands very well Babies, yeah, and the employees like a lot of them. They probably don't clean it very well either Oh, but I'm blessed. I mean take that daycare Maybe some employees Ooh, putting them on blast. I mean. Take that daycare. Maybe some employees do. So I'll go daycare for the first one. The second one, I'm gonna, this is gonna be a weird pick, but I just had the experience of almost that whole,

like you said at a concert, you're basically with people and you're almost crushed. To me, that was Disneyland. Yes. To me, that was Disneyland. You're in lines. Amusement park would have been my next pick. Amusement park, yeah, I guess that would be better.

But you're just constantly jammed against people all day long. Lines. Nobody cancels their trips to those things, just like they don't cancel their trips on the airport or on the airline. And I think one of the places, like, you can't really draft it because it's too universal,

but I think lines are where you get sick. Like, in the airport, it's not just standing around at the airport. Especially if you lick the people in front of you. Yeah, don't do it. You know, when you're in the little runway thing, whatever that's called, where you're standing in that tunnel to board the plane and you're just...

I want you to come up with a name. I feel like we can never think of a name for that thing. It's an on way. It's something way. It's a jet way. It's a jet way. I was... Is it a jet way?

That was pretty close. Yeah, there we go. Yeah, I'm pretty sure. Okay. All right. But yeah, like in there or in security line, it's like you're packed next to people and you're not moving. It's just kind of this stale air. And Papa Josh was bringing up the handrails in the line.

100% not just in line, but it's like, OK, if there's any stairs and there's a rail, your first move is you grab the rail for safety and then you go, oh no. What have I done? There's 10,000 people. I really don't know how germs work and how long they last on the handrail. In Disneyland forever.

Yeah, I've gotten sick at Disneyland before, so I had to be the pick. Mike, you're back up. Elementary school and a concert. Yeah, so I knew, I was hoping it would be a amusement park because I think that one just, it's a double down on this one, but it's a sporting event.

So just another disease factory where you're sardined in. I mean, we all have chairs, but sort of you have a chair. You can show up to a game and make it in and be fine. But if that game goes down to the wire and everyone leaves at the same moment. Yep. I've been in some like, are we ever getting out of here moments waiting for escalators. You're talking like, I mean, what's an average football stadium? Like 50,000, 60,000 people?

Yeah, sure. So I mean, that's just, there's a lot of open air. There's a lot of striped shirt wearing people in those places. Referees? Refs? Yeah, yeah, sick referees. All Alright, so you went with the sporting event. Jason, you have a couple picks. Alright. When I'm thinking about this, this isn't necessarily where you are going to get sick, but this is where I feel like I'm going to get sick.

Okay. It's a public restroom. Man, I don't want to do it. I don't want to do it. For a non-germaphobe, you do have a few carve-outs in your contract. Yeah, and I'm talking specifically gas stations. Okay. Because I'm not talking like you go to a fancy dinner and you go use their restroom, whatever. It's clean. I'm talking about the... you all know what I'm talking about. That bathroom. That's as gross as it gets. I have an interesting question. Public bathroom related. Do you use the toilet paper waxy cover? No. That is disgusting. Does anyone in here use it? No one uses that. We're seeing a lot of people shaking their heads. Because I mean I go clean

sheet contact to the sea. I just don't know. It's not going to get into my body touching the back of my leg. The sheet thing that goes on the seat has the flap where the business goes. I have had mishaps with the flap. And the flap can go down and get wet. Yeah. And it's like, just don't deal with this. This is not a...

He brings his own, though. and it's like, just don't deal with this. This is not a, there's a reason why, there's a reason why when you go to most of these places that have those things, they're empty. They stop putting those out like decades ago. It's been restocked to see. Your butt cheeks can't get you sick. That's a fact, that is a fact. All right, well.

Embroidery pillows I have. I thought I was alone in that. No, no, no, no, so nobody in here uses them. Wow, we are All right Got one more pick. Yeah, my last thing okay. I'm gonna go with something. I think that is pretty common for the every person out there, I'm gonna go with a Small musical theater that constantly has sold out shows in a small

lobby that everyone hangs out in afterwards. That's where that's what I'm gonna pick. Let me repeat that Mike a small musical theater that constantly has sold out shows in a small lobby that everyone hangs out in afterwards. Just hypothetically speaking. Are you putting a venue on blast? Yes! Yes! A local venue? A local venue. In the city of Phoenix? No. No.

It's in Anthem. Oh, it's in the city of Anthem. Yes. If you are looking. It's one of the musical theaters up in Anthem. Yeah. Damn it. It's horrible.

I heard Jeremy just chuckling. So he is aware. Oh, it's. So you've been in this boat before? I've been in this boat 100 times. I'll be in this boat 100 more times. My children do musical theater. They love this theater.

It's a great theater. I saw your answer, Jeremy. You just deleted it. But after the show, there's usually like 50 kids in the show, all their parents sold out. And then everyone goes out and waits at the lobby. And they all got to get photos of the kids. I've been in that lobby.

That is a small lobby. It is a real problem because I mean you imagine my small crowded elevator that's what it is. Yeah with more people. About 70 elevators could fit in that place. So are you trying to get out as fast as you can? Like are you trying to tell the kids like say thanks to me? I'm trying to get into the lobby as slow as I can out of the lobby as fast as I can. Okay very very nuanced answer for number four. Just you know what everyone can relate to. Not specific. Mike you have another pick. All right for my final pick I'm gonna go I don't maybe it's okay but it seems like it's a problem every time you're in there. I will go with the subway.

Yeah, it's on my list. Is it okay? Oh, for sure. Is there something about it being underground that adds to it? Yes. Like, is more sick things underground? Yes, because you know that the air that's there- Oh, it's like stagnant.

The air that's in there, it's not supposed to be there. No. Oh, yeah. It's not fresh. It used to be dirt. You're under the ground. Yeah, it's just They imported that air from up above. Yes, and then they just and then but then they have to They left it. They left it there. They trapped it down there. That's right. Same air from the first dig It's like once they dug the tunnels. Our air of transportation. That air has been there and it just gets recycled through us

Yes, we are the filters. Wait, are you breathing the same air as they breathed 50 years ago in the subway? 100%. Yeah, old Ben Franklin. That was his air. So I mean, it's an honor. Yeah, it's an honor to get Ben Franklin's sickness, but you're going to get it. But it is.

It's an honor to breathe our forefather's air down in the subway. But it is sick. He was a pretty big subway guy, huh? Oh, huge. It was one of his favorite to travel. Benjamin Franklin invented the subway. Yeah.

Really? Yes. That's something right after the bifocals was the subway. These are new facts. You're telling me there's not plague in that air? That's a good segment idea, new facts. Oh, yeah. That's a good air. That's a good segment idea new facts. Oh Yeah, that's a good pick that's a good pick so it's a I mean especially look

I've been on not a ton of subways, but it's like the New York one in particular What what why is there all that hot air down there? You want as fast as possible and I'm not talking just like you're're hanging out. Like there's vents blasting hot air everywhere. What is going on? That must be how they move the subways. I mean, just lots of hot air. Thermal power. I don't know. Fire.

All right, I have to close this out. I got a lot of other things on the list, but I think I'm going to go with just the one where we've been in this situation that makes me feel the most uncomfortable, which is we go to these podcast conference events, and we go to, and they always have these after parties or after events, and they're always like,

you know what would be awesome is, how about everybody from the conference, let's call it a couple hundred people, we're gonna go, we got an after-party it's at the local, it's at Pete's Local Bar. So I'm taking a bar because everybody, they want to do the after-party at the smallest bar in the world. So if you go to a bar not only can you not hear the people you're talking to, right? So you got to shout and let all those germs out. Yeah people are shouting, they're raising their voice. You can't see anything either.

It's so dark in there. Nope. So you can't see, you can't hear, and you can breathe only the air that is emitted from the other bodies around you. Well, you're shaking a lot of hands. You're forgetting about that. That's true, that's true.

So I'm gonna close it out with a bar. Yeah, I was deciding between the subway or a nightclub, but I think the conference would have been the better pick. I mean, if you have had an occupation where you go to a conference, how many of them do you come home sick from? At least one out of two. Yeah, that's pretty impossible not to.

Because you do take a plane to the conference. Yes, and everybody else is taking the plane. And then you take a subway to the conference center. You compact all of our picks into one. then everyone shakes hands. Yes. Oh, yeah Other ones that weren't drafted Public pool public pools online as well Walmart. Just Walmart. Oh, yeah I just feel like it's a little easier to get sick there. I have a cruise ship which we talked about Movie theater. Do you feel like you get sick at a packed movie theater?

Not anymore because they're empty. Oh, okay. I used to. Yesterday we got tickets to a movie theater. There was almost nobody in the theater. Yeah. Except for four people directly next to us. And here's a real.

No one moved? Well let me. Is it a game of chicken? I need to ask this question. Here's a great question, little extra content. I need to know what to do next time because we got there first. We have our two seats.

Were these assigned seats? Yes. Okay. They're assigned seats because you buy them online. So we sat in our E5, E6. And when you bought, the map did not show they were sold. Yeah, we're not psychopaths. People bought tickets right next to someone?

So we, it's us, E5, E6, no one else in the theater. First four people come in, they sit directly next to us. So now there's six people sitting directly next to each other. What do I do? How big is the row? We looked online and the row is, let's call it 18 seats.

Okay, so this isn't one of the smaller theaters where it's like 10. No, no, no, there's plenty of room After we get in there. We're like I Don't like this. Is there I want to sit like alone. Yeah, a gap. Is there a one chair gap at least? No, there's no chair gap wait wait wait. Okay hold on these people bought four tickets directly adjacent them Like you're sharing the yes. Oh, he took it for most of the movie well he established dominance I didn't I didn't establish it my even though the armrest had my drink in it my arm rest and his elbows on the arm rest pretty sure that

made his drink he could have by all the rights and rules he could have said this was my drink now by rule of the old world. But what I was. This is my soda. What I was dealing with was once a certain amount of time goes by, it becomes very awkward for me to then swing to the other side of my wife, which was open. We looked up while we're waiting for the movie. We looked up on our phone, is the seat next to us sold? So I could just go over there.

And I didn't. You got to go to the bathroom. And then when you come back, sit in the other seat. That's what she she said. Oh man. And I didn't do it. I enjoyed that movie with that guy we held hands the whole time. That going to the bathroom that's a pretty good call. But the problem about the going to the bathroom is I had to come by I had to go by him on the way back and to the way to the bathroom so I would have had to walk by him past my seat. Well grab your drink out. And grab my drink out and go to the other side.

You could have gone striped sweater. Oh yeah. Just start hacking. Just start coughing and hacking. Make him move. I thought you meant switch my clothes. So it looks like I'm a different person. I was like wait I put on an inverted sweater?

I'm going to take that missing guy's soda. It's just the first time I've been in this theater all day. Wear one. This looks like a nice place. I was like, wait, I put on an inverted sweater? I'm going to take that Missy Guys soda. It's just the first time. I've been in this theater all day. This looks like a nice seat. Over here by this young lady. I think at that point, while you're going to the bathroom,

you should buy a soda to prove that you're a new person. You come in, look, I have a whole new soda here. I abandoned my other drink. Why would I buy a second soda? I told her that we need to pull the Jason Moore, what he would do. What's that? Buy four seats.

Yeah. I don't think these people would respect it. Maybe not. If you're going to pull a move of that shenanigan level, that's ridiculous. I have to believe that they purchased these tickets immediately. Oh. Which meant they were talking through the whole movie. That's ridiculous. I have to believe that they purchased these tickets immediately. They were elderly.

Which meant they were talking through the whole movie. They were giving the commentary the whole time. I think the coughing would have worked out real well. It was great, because there was about a two minute commercial of Megan Thee Stallion doing an Amazon Prime ad. And the whole thing gets over. Yeah, the whole thing gets over. How confused were you? Yeah, the whole thing gets over, the lights, the preview comes down

and all I hear is this old lady go, why in the heck was she selling? I don't know. It was amazing. All right, other ones I put like a bus, right, which is like the subway, the mall maybe. Yeah, I had the mall food court. I feel like those places. Just the food court? Yeah, I also the mall food court. I feel like those places.

Just the food court? Yeah, I also have all you can eat buffets. Oh yeah. I mean, oh. Oh, that's like. Yeah, that's just sharing. Have those died off since COVID? I think they're coming back, I hope.

It's an American tradition, man. I also put the county, the fair. Like if you go to the fair. Because that food is not, like even outside of the people, the the food you're probably 50-50 to get sick from that food. What did we learn today? I learned that people need to learn how to use more burners at the same time man. We got to buy them first. You've got more than one. I do I do. How do I use two burners if I'm making mac and cheese? Well, that's probably the only thing you use

the stove for, isn't it? Yeah, it is. Okay, mac and cheese top ramen are one burner meals. Yeah. What did we learn today, America? We learned let the car go. Yes, right. I didn't learn this, because I already knew it,

but you now know, let the car go. Yeah, and if the car lets you go, light jog. Move it, hustle it up. Move it. Definitely don't go extra slow. Pay attention to the weather. Yeah. And well, four tickets in the movie theater, I guess.

That's what I learned. Thank you for joining us on this episode of the Spitballers Podcast. Tell your friends about the show, and we'll be back with you next week. Goodbye.