Spitballers Comedy Podcast - 294: The Bird Gang & Things That Make You Feel Self Conscious - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: July 29, 2024

Don’t miss this week’s hilarious episode. We talk the fear of tunnels, get mixed up with Andy’s ladder analogy, talk way too many birds and wrap things up with a Things that Make You Feel Self Conscious draft.   Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast! Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast: Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.com Follow us on X: x.com/SpitballersPod Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPod Subscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers Podcast with Andy, Mike and Jason. Blabba da blab. Oh no, don't look at my face. All right I get it. All right check that one off. Don't look at my face that is um I'm assuming you're missing a tooth as well. Me? I would never. Things that make you feel self-conscious. Have you heard my dental care routine?

These things ain't going nowhere. You do nothing. Well, he goes nowhere. He doesn't go to a dentist. But he destroys his teeth and gums with... No. I destroy bacteria. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You nuke your mouth.

So the only thing that can live is gums and teeth. Yeah, yeah. So the only thing that can live is gums and teeth. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Yeah, this is referring to your usage of the water pick at the highest level. Yeah. And annihilating your- I can't get that thing past a three.

I can't, man. I'm trying to find an engineer who will take off the restrictor plates so I can crank this thing up to 11. Hook it up to a gas powered to have to pull the Now Jason here's a question. Does that the fact that you've heard? Mike's levels on the water pick and you're a three does that make you feel insecure. It's also Inferior Jeremy's level 10 as well. I don't I don't get in so how about self conscious Oh self conscious a little bit. Yeah, because today we are insecure very often. How about self-conscious? Oh, self-conscious?

A little bit. Yeah, because today we are drafting things that make you feel self-conscious. I just thought I'd bring that up. Yeah. I'll bring up lots of things that might make you feel self-conscious. I wonder what your 101 is gonna be, Andy.

Me too. Me too. Would you rather, and is this real life on today's show? Happy to have you with us. Al Borland in the building, wearing a matching hat. Do we run the Deucers camps over here? Yeah. Yes sir.

It's a full Deucers alley today. I don't know the last time that's happened for spitballs. Oh, look at that. I got a Falcon, an owl owl and a bald guy. Yeah Try to figure out who's who? Falcon like you just started smirking the second I threw the camera up. It's all he does man He's the other a minute ago. I walked out into the front room of this office. What was he doing? Smirking in order to and then he had the golf to tell me that I smirked first

You did start it. No, I don't start the smirk, man. I smirk because of your smirk. What's going on in that brain? You are the first smirk of every room. I think he sees the world in cartoons. Does he just walk around like, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, da, da, da, da, da, da. He's living life.

And then you're like, hey, Matt, he's like, whoa, whoa, whoa. Sorry, I was just singing the Smurfs again. So we have two birds and a bald guy in Deuxer's Alley? I guess. What's the baldest bird? Bald eagle, man. What are you talking about? What's the baldest bird?

I mean, I guess you could go. It's technical, though. You would have to go like a vulture. I was thinking aesthetics, not the name. A vulture? You'd have to go vulture. But there is a bald eagle, which whoop! Yeah.

I mean, a vulture might be more akin to Papajas. A vulture is one of the ugliest birds. Yeah. It's disgusting. And it makes me feel you want to. It's like the bird that doesn't bathe. It doesn't make me feel self-conscious, but it makes me feel uncomfortable.

Sure. The vulture? Oh, yeah. Oh, very much so. And it doesn't have any control being made that way. It just lost the creation lottery. Well no, it's actually, that's beneficial. It's because- Being ugly?

No, because they don't have the stuff on their head because they eat dead carcass, so I thought it was a disease prevention thing. So you're saying that Josh's looks may have some peripheral benefit as well? Yeah, he won't get covered in disease when he's bottom feeding. Okay. Oh man. I mean, feel free to weigh in there Josh.

He doesn't get sick according to him. No. It's the secret. He's just like a vulture. The vulture of the. The Falcon and the Owl. Oh man. Oh boy.

What is this show? I do not condone this by the way. Yeah, I was gonna say, we will not have, no one will hear this show cause none of those three guys are gonna edit it after we're done. Let's kick it off with some Would You Rather. Would You Rather?

Would You rather? All right, Josh from X says, would you rather be overflowing with talent, ability, or skill? Okay. So I was out of the office. This is a plant. I'm just going to admit this question is a plant because of a conversation that shouldn't be a conversation. This is like a what's the difference question. So what happened yesterday was that here in the office we play pickleball and when I say we I mean

the three of us and Al. Yeah and when you say play I want I want it clear We dominate. Okay. Yeah, we're very so good talented. Yes players And then yesterday, you know, then we have the newb crew and that's like the vulture and the Falcon Yeah, and they play pickleball and they're learning and they're getting better solid three of But that's that's a devastating pickleball joke for the yeah if you don't know if you got the three-oh joke you're one of us. Now Mike you were not here. No. This is an opportunity for a fresh clean slate. Can't wait. And Al you can jump in if I misrepresent any of what transpired but

we got what I was saying how did it go on Saturday? They play this, they play on Saturday, the the new crew as they call themselves, and they get guys together and they're playing pickleball and they've been playing a lot. And Papa Josh's phrase, and that's why this question is a plant, was that he has so much talent at pickleball. He just can't place it where he wants to place it yeah I believe the direct quote was something just like this I the that was Matt and I have the same problem that our talent is just so much better than our ability to place the ball where we want okay and we were trying to work through that and we're like wait wait wait your talent is much better than your ability to do it.

Make no sense. Yeah, what was your reaction to that? Because I don't want to muddy the well. I mean, I can see the conversation of, like, what exactly is talent? Is talent, is it like the ceiling that you are born with? Just like your DNA, some people,

I was encoded with just a, I have a musical talent. Yep. It was just easier, but I have, then I had to hone it and be taught things and work on it, and then it became a craft or I guess an ability. Yeah, did you have to develop an ability to harness your talent? Yes.

So you had to learn how to play guitar. Yeah, you have to learn the finger dexterity. So would you have said you were a talented guitarist before you could play the guitar? Right. See, that's where it's hard. It's not hard? How could you be a talented guitarist

if you've never played the guitar? If you can't play the guitar, you cannot say, I'm really talented at the guitar. Okay, yeah, no, I, man. I can't say, you could say, you could say like, I've got a proclivity to music. Yes. I'm a talented, I've got a good ear. I've got talent at music, you know what I mean? And maybe what Papa Josh should have said is like, you know, I'm athletically talented.

I just don't have the ability at pickleball. But you say, the phrase is, I have athletic ability. It's not, I don't say I have athletic talent. Which would be accurate. Now, this was a fun debate we had all day yesterday. Now this question specifically, which would you rather be overflowing with? I mean, I feel like I've got plenty of wasted talent.

Does that make sense? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I kinda use the example like, I feel like I have some natural talent. I was bringing it up like 20 years ago in basketball, but I didn't want to put in the work to make the talent into anything. Right. So I didn't want to put in the work to make the talent into anything. Right. So I didn't have the discipline to fulfill my my potential.

If you have the ability that automatically comes with talent. Right. That's how I feel. If I've got the ability to dominate on a basketball court, then I'm then I will be a talented basketball player. Yeah, I agree. But now so where's where's ability versus skill in this question? The same. How could you be over, okay, so you're overflowing

with ability or you're overflowing with skill? Those are the same thing to me. Because just bring it back to the conversation of Josh saying he has the talent, but he can't get the ball where he wants it to go. No, to me, that's skill. That is a skill-based issue. Mm-hmm.

If you, so. That's not ability though? To me that's not ability. Is ability just the ability to like move your arms? Yeah, ability. Impeccable? Might be. Like, cause you're not, like you're not missing an arm.

You have the ability, I have the ability to hit every shot, I just don't. Now you don't have the ability to dunk a basketball. Right. Right? Correct. Or the skill. Do you have the skill to dunk a basketball?

I think so. I think I do have the skill to dunk a basketball. I just don't have the ability. Do you have the talent to dunk a basketball? No, sir. No. Well. You're one third?

How many trampolines do I have here? Get this man on a trampoline, and he'll have the ability. Because he has the skill. OK, so we actually did break down the difference between ability and skill and I think I'd rather have the skill than the ability. Eventually skill wins out. There's certain games or competition where just a raw talent and ability can beat out somebody with skill. Which does Tiger Woods have the most of? That is... In his heyday, you're saying.

Yeah, Tiger Woods at the peak. That's a real old reference right now to be like, let me just bring up the best athlete right now. It's funny, because I feel like Tiger Woods is this example of a solo. Like he comes up because golf is by yourself, and he was the best for so long at one thing by yourself. Who would, okay, that makes complete sense.

So does he have more talent, ability, or skill? Man. Oh, man. Cause the ability would be like how far, how far can you drive? That's, I'm gonna put that into ability, but skill is like the, can you hit the drive straight? Can you, all your putting, all of your, I'm gonna go, I'll go skill.

I think I go skill. I'll go skill is the dominant. That's walking me into Josh being right. But well, and I don't want that. He's a vulture. But I will say, if you take the example of Michael Phelps, who was a one solo sport, you know, the famous swimmer, gold medal, whatever, that feels like it's ability. Because his dominant was a physical ability. He had like 17 foot feet. But that makes me think that maybe Josh was right a little bit. But he said ability.

No, he said he had said talent No, he has tons of talent, but not the ability to put it there. Oh, it should have been done I'll have the ability. He doesn't have the skill to put on the red skill. Oh, we did it We're doing this wrong. You're still wrong You vulture Matt from patreon, would you rather be six four and, but constantly have a persistent backache. What is this? Or be 5' and a little chubby, but feel great.

And I know my answer. We all know our answer. Are we all the same? I'm 6'4, man. Yeah, I'm 6'4. I'm 6'4 and a little slim. I look great. I got a back problem.

I'm not in the best shape. I got back pain right now. Yeah, that's fine, but look at me. Look at how great this is. I mean, I would, I mean, that's, it's not even a close question. No, it's not. It wouldn't take, like. I mean, five foot is the biggest problem there. Jay, you're five, five? How tall are you?

I'm five 11. Five 11, okay. Five 11, little chubby, feel great, or 6'4". 6'4"! Yeah, that's right. 6'4"! Hold on, hold on, hold on. 6'4", slim and a backache. 6'4", slim, or sorry, 6'4", chubby.

Or little chubby, feel great. And you feel great. Ooh. I'm gonna go. That one I'm going chubby. I think I'd go chubby too. Yeah, little chubby is 6', yeah. Where is the height difference That one, I'm going chubby. I think I'd go chubby, too. Yeah, a little chubby at six feet. Where is the height difference?

Yeah, I know. Is it just like if you're at, OK, I'm six feet, that's fine? Yeah. Is that the mark you never? No, I want to be at least six feet. He had the talent to get to six feet. He didn't have the ability. Six two to six four, that range.

So you're saying if the official offer from the wizard is six one, you're a little chubby, but you feel great, or 6'4", Slim, you have a backache. I got a backache. Oh, man. Yeah. So I literally think sometimes, this isn't a common thought, but it is not something that has never been really, really,

really thought through by me. There's been multiple times where I actually stop and think what it must feel like, what the psychological reality would be like for people who are taller than everyone around them. For the most part, that might even be you two. You guys are both 6'2 or taller. Yeah, a lot of times it happens.

It's like you physically look down on people. Yes. You are physically superior. Superior. Yes, yes. I mean that's how it feels. But I'm like, there's got to be some psychology that comes along with that that's like, makes you feel good good because I will tell you this on the other side you guys aren't used to this you're not hanging around NBA teams but like I'll be in a group where it's just a bunch of alphas and it's like everyone

is 6 2 to 6 4 there's five or six guys and I'm standing there and I'm gonna tell you self-conscious I feel a little self-conscious I don't feel self-conscious I feel like a loser the good news is Jay when I stand on your tippy toes So oh you know while that's going on you don't have to feel bad cuz we don't know yeah You don't see me. We see right over. Yeah. No. I know I just hide in plain sight. I have to say this because You're right Because here's why you're right it's not because it's because I'm so used to being taller than everybody I'm around or equal taller that's yeah yeah I'm 6

3 so I'm either equal or taller than everybody I'm around what is average height I'm gonna look it up it's not I think I'm technically 5' It's like 5'10". It's like 5'10' for men. Average height, this is very well health, which is the first response. Clearly, that sounds great. Average height of an American man is 5'9". Okay, so it's the size of an owl. The reason I'm bringing it up is because

I don't go around walking around thinking like, I'm superior. I'm just always taller. You should just am superior. I just am always taller. You should just say I'm superior. No, no, no, I just am always taller. I don't have to think it if I am. But listen, this is the whole point of what I'm saying. If I do end up in a situation like we'll go to a conference

and there'll be one guy or two guys that's taller than me, it changes everything. Yeah, the power dynamic. The power dynamic completely changes. So it does exist, I'm naive to it when I am taller than everybody else. You don't realize that you already are winning the power dynamic completely changes. So it does exist. I'm naive to it when I am taller than everybody else. You don't realize that you already are winning the power dynamic. I mean, looking up at somebody is a bad feeling. It sucks, man.

It sucks when you're around people that are all taller than you. What is the power structure of this room right now? Right now, I think all three of us are clearly superior to the producers. Like genuinely. Because we're physically taller? Physically taller. And then all the other stuff. But what's the order of the producers in like, you know?

Oh, that is true. In power. In power. I'm 5'9". 5'10". I'm at the bottom. Yeah. No.

No. No. No. No. It's not even worth saying, guys. It's too shameful. Now, I mean. This thing I had nothing to do with.

I was going to say, Falcon, you have no control over it. You're speaking from the opposite position of us. Is this ringing true to you? Yeah. Yeah. OK. Look, I'm just, at least when the draft is coming up, things I'm not self-conscious about being short. Yeah.

I don't know what that's like. 6'2", a little chubby. Is that the line? 6'2", a little chubby. I'll take that. If I feel good, it's 6'2", a little chubby. You get rid of the back eight? Now, would it inversely work?

Like, if I told you 6, two, a little chubby, no back eight, but you could be six, eight? No, I think- Because six, four, you look at that as like, you're not a freak. Outside of- What? Outside of playing, I pick outside of playing basketball.

See, but no, but that's what tall guys have to do. You're like, I'm tall, and you're like, well six, well that person, that's a freak. There's a freak of nature, that's what tall guys have to do. You're like, I'm tall. You're like well six or that person. That's a freak There's a freak of nature. That's weird You're too tall you want to be like my I'm tall. I'm the perfect height. I stopped I Stopped at an appropriate height like I would six eight is at an appropriate height. 6'8 is, I mean now you're like, no, no, no.

I'm talking about. He's a freak. No, I'm talking about the difficulties of just life. Yeah, it affects you. It does affect you. Dude, I went and I mean, I don't think of myself as tall. I'm just like, I'm six foot. But I guess that's a little bit over average.

I did over the weekend. I'm sure you're taller than that. I'm almost 6'1, but I'm one of the guys where I'm like, I don't round up. I think I'm, I got a 6'4", at the doctor's office. For the first time in my life. You're growing, you're growing boy. I'm going up.

You just got good posture now. I think I'm second puberty. And Mike, you are 6'1". Cause you may have to be. You have made me feel like I am lying when I say I'm 5'11". And then I have measured myself barefoot on 5'11", on the dot.

And there's no way you're not two inches taller than me. I'll take it. But I was out of town, had to get in an Uber. And I don't remember what kind of car it was, but just for the example, I'll say essentially like a Geo Metro type of car. Where it's a wincy. When I sit in the back,

if I'm actually sitting upright, my head is hitting the roof of the car and I'm six foot to six one. Like if you're six eight. Yeah, you're not getting in there. That's a different kind of life, man. All right, well, we sorted that out. Really a lot to unpack later on. Rob

from the website would you rather have to crawl 100 yards through an extremely narrow cave you can barely squeeze through or spend the night in a large natural underground cavern so dark that you cannot see the hand in front of your face. 100% the second one. 100% That's a long time to be in pitch darkness, man. But I think, don't people pay for that? Like to go on like a darkness retreat?

Yeah, and what do you think of those people? But not in a cave, man. What do you think of those? Freaks! I think those people are probably 6'8", Mike. Because they're freaks. No, I have a very important question to help me decide. Am I guaranteed to get through the 100 yards?

Yes. Then no problem. This is not a death sentence. Then I'm doing that because if I know, the problem with the narrow passageway in the claustrophobia is not will I make it through. It is, am I gonna get stuck? Let me rephrase. You are gonna get through.

You won't die there, but you do not know that. You can't go in knowing the future. That's what I was asking. There's got to be the element of I have to get through this. It's not like, oh, I already know I get through this. I mean, you can get hurt. It says you have to crawl 100 yards so you can. I mean, you're forgetting this underground cavern, Jason.

Filled with potential unviewable spiders. They're there. Bats? Creatures? Yep, bats are there, bears are there, there's no spider. Spiders are there. No spiders, bro. You don't get to take them out.

There ain't no spiders in my cave. Because you can't see them. I can't see them. They're not there Oh, they crawl on you They will because you know where I will see them in my little tiny crawlspace against how close it's gonna be Right next to me cuz I got no room to breathe. I there's probably not a lot of spiders in caves are there There's spiders if I was a spider though. I would chill in a cave Really? Yeah, I'd love that. What's the amount of insects in a cave? Oh, that's true.

They're probably not, because you've got to eat something. Their food source is not bountiful. You would just be in there being the food for the bats. That's not good. There might not be a lot of spiders in caves. Bats are super chill, man. Yeah, it's funny, because I think most people would, if the question was just, would you rather be in a cave that has a just would you rather be in a cave

that has a lot of spiders or be in a cave that has a lot of bats, I think most people would say, give me the spiders. I mean that's- Really? You think that people are that scared of bats? Now, breaking news, there's a thousand species of cave spiders.

So that makes sense, because I've heard cave spider before. I have heard that. Shut up. And if you're, I mean, saying cave spider. Shut your stupid mouth up. They have to be larger, right? No, they're itty bitty.

No, cave spiders are larger. No way. They're tiny, they're microscopic. All over the world, other than Antarctica. So if you want to go to it. Oh, that sounds like my kind of cave. It's your kind of cave. Cold and no spiders?

Sign me up. No spiders in your crawl space, guaranteed. Oh, there we go. There, that's what we need. Oh, you sure. Okay, cold and no spiders? But sign me up. No spiders in your crawl space, guaranteed. Oh, there we go. There, that's what we needed. You jerk. That might be a place where the short people do better.

Yeah, but not the fat people, okay? And this is really the actual issue. I think, you know, I'm not gonna know if I'm gonna get stuck in there, but I know I will get stuck before my friends. You can put as much Vaseline on before you go down the 100. I don't think I'd want a Vaseline that- That's not gonna be very long. That will not help you. A hundred yards. So that's a whole football field. Yeah.

When I watch someone go into one of these type of little sliver caves on a video on YouTube and they just get their feet to disappear I don't know I can barely breathe right no I I that freaks me out but it's the it's the fear of getting stuck and if you say that because that's staying there I'll probably stay in the cavern I think I'm taking the I think this is the first question I've ever answered where I'm choosing spiders. I really think I would rather have the freedom of space and I can't see them, obviously I can feel them.

Do you sleep on the ground there? Where else would you sleep? I'm gonna sleep in the air. In the air. Very fair the way I put that. Where else would you sleep? I'm gonna sleep in the air. In the air. Very fair the way I put that. I guess I was thinking would you sleep? Yeah I think, no, I think over 24 hours I could stay up for 24 hours.

It might be a great sleep. Pitch black, cold. Dude, and you're deleting hours right? I mean if you sleep for 10, now you're only in that cave for 14. How long does it take? If you hear a sound, one sound, in that cave in pitch black, that's going to be tough.

It will, but hello? Who is that? How, okay, so this crawl space, I mean, I imagine you're like, it's like your toes are the only thing Kind of able to push you through toes and fingies. Yeah How long does that even take a hundred yards? I like that crawling like that while scratching against walls How long does that take me or Jason's? I mean it's hours hours

Yeah, yeah, that's gonna take you hours And that I mean there's so many things that hyperventilating because you're afraid of the air and all that. Like the claustrophobia of it, I think. I'm gonna turn that down. I think I am somewhat claustrophobic. Like, I don't have a fear of it that I ever think of. But I think that's just because I don't think of being in enclosed spaces often. If I was... An elevator doesn't trigger fear.

No, not at all. Not the slightest choke your trigger. No, not at all. Not the slightest. Phone booth? No, not at all. Casket? I would freak out. I would freak out if it's enclosed. Yeah.

If it's enclosed like that? Honestly, a phone booth that is blacked out? What about a blacked out water slurry? Oh, those actually do frighten me quite a bit. OK. Yeah, you got a little bit. A little bit of the claustrophobia. Yeah.

Damon from Patreon, with no prior experience or... Mike, you never answered that last question. Oh, I'm going the cave. Okay, we're all in the cave. The people that go in the... It's a weird... In the crawl space, that's a different level of fear for me. Let me do a little, I have a brain idea here.

Little pivot question for that last one. If you had to climb a thousand feet down on a ladder in a tube or a thousand up in a tube and come back, which would you rather do? Oh that's okay. Do you know what I'm saying? No I don't understand what you're saying because I feel like down a tube and come back, which would you rather do? Oh, that's, okay. Do you know what I'm saying? No, I don't understand what you're saying because I feel like down a tube is called the slide. No, no, no, no, not a tube, sorry.

You're forced to climb a ladder down. You're on a ladder inside a tube. Yeah, I just meant like a... It's enclosed so there is the feeling of claustrophobia. Like a straight down drilling tube is what I meant. So you got a ladder down 1,000 feet, or you go up one of those 1,000 feet. And you have to return to, you have to go down all the way,

touch the bottom or touch the top, and then come back. Well then you're doing both, and it's irrelevant. So which one of them is this? Which one would you want to do first? No, it's not irrelevant. It's irrelevant. It is not. You're doing up and you're doing down, both.

Oh, yeah you are. Yeah, yes. I guess I was thinking one was fear of heights and one was fear of being buried, It is not. One is- You're doing up and you're doing down. Both- Oh, yeah, you are. Yeah. I guess I was thinking one was fear of heights and one was fear of being buried, but they're the same because if you're at the top of the thousand- He's chucking. There he is. Why do I alter the show doc?

He just works through it. Oh, man. I think the question- Did you understand what I was getting at? The question of- All right, just climbing down. Just going up or climbing down. I think is That's a it doesn't even have to be in a a tube. I feel like I'd rather climb up

I feel that too because I'm not looking down But you got to look yeah, but I feel like climbing up. I'm not gonna slip for some reason. I feel like Going down I have a bigger potential to have my foot slip when I'm reaching down. The Falcon makes a good point. If you're going down, every step you get more relief. If you're going up, every step is less, is more fear. A little more anxiety for height?

Yeah, because you're going higher. Yeah. But every step down, you feel like you're one step closer to being done. Yeah, but I mean, you could argue, well then to get started, you feel like you're one step closer to being done. Yeah, but I mean you could argue well then to get started you feel so high. It's the same thing. You're gonna be at the same height either way. Never should have asked. Alright, Damon from Patreon, with no prior experience, no prior experience or instruction at all, would you rather have to try and pilot a hot air balloon

or hang glide off a cliff? Wow. That's not even close to me. Really? Not even close. I'm trying to think through... Are you kidding me? No.

A hot air balloon, the essence of a hot air balloon is it's the aor of adrenaline. It is so slow. Like you are, it's just hot air and the less hot it gets, the slower you go down. Like everything's about, the other one I'm leaping off a cliff with what I imagine is oversized origami that could go at any direction and just send me down to the ground. I would say, but there is a part of like hang gliding, I think the starting is,

like I'll be able to figure that out because you just go as fast as you can down the hill and eventually physics will take over and you'll start gliding. You're not going off a cliff? I guess I can go off a cliff. I've seen the people go where it's not just a drop off but it's like a hill.

Yeah, that would be nicer. Running off a hill. Yeah, so, and then when it comes to landing, I have far more control, like I'll figure out how to steer, and I have to find a very empty area for the landing. But where the hot air balloon is like, I think I'm gonna land over there, but now all of a sudden my balloon is getting pushed

to like houses or power lines. Now, the power lines concerning. Not sure that, like if you're hang gliding, how do you know you're not going down in power lines? You just have, you have better control. Yeah, but what about your loft, your lift? Like, when you start hang gliding, when do you start going down? I think immediately. Right off the bat. Gravity works.

Like you're not getting lift, you're just floating. You're slowly falling. You're a paper airplane. I think you're gliding down. It's the launch that scares me there and you're saying that the landing scares you on the other one. Yeah. Also, if you look at the height difference. It's almost like gliding. You're not hang gliding at the height that you're going in a hot air balloon. How dumb am I today? Don't worry about it man, you're doing in a hot air balloon. How dumb am I today? You're doing great pretty like five out of six out of ten you're six three, bro Yeah It's a real six three question when you have a bad day Mike

Do you put your head on the pillow at the end of the day and you're just like? I'm gonna wake up tomorrow. I'm assuming tall I do I I do, I do, like my feet kinda hang off the mattress. Yeah. There's only one reason this is happening. Oh man. You ever had that happen, Shane? Stretcher machine. Your feet kinda hang off.

Yeah, I gotta get it. Just get a smaller mattress, long-wise. Get in my son's bed and. He gets a kid's bed to feel huge. All right, what's your final answer on that one? Oh man, that is, I think I'm gonna go hang gliding. I think I would, I think in the end. That's interesting.

I think in the end I would succeed. I think I would be able to do it in the hot air balloon. I'm guessing there's a whole lot more practice to When to let the hot air out and how I can say it's funny I I was about to say I think that they don't know what they're doing at all They might and the truth is they may not know they're pulling a trigger When they want the hot air and then the rest of it is just like when it's hang gliding as soon as I'm in the air I will just be immediately where where am

I landing with the hot air balloon it's well I gotta go up for a little bit here and then it's okay now what's going on imagine in the rules here you got to go to normal hot air balloon height yeah oh here we go yeah I'm taking the hot air and I'm taking a break and we'll be back with some more Spitballers. Spitwads, I don't know if any of you are like me, but I used to be a child, certainly I'm not anymore, but I used to do stupid things and think stupid things.

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well they are somehow real life and we can't believe it so would one of you guys like to begin this segment I can kick it off I can kick it off my my story is not elaborate or long or detailed it's just unnecessary okay the headline is Florida police tell people to stop taking selfies with depressed black bear so what what the Florida police had the there was a sad bear had yeah there was a sad bear who was on the side of a road and apparently became a social media thing to go take selfies? Taking selfies black bear now, it's still a bear. Oh, yeah. Well black so human This is so social media

Pretty Florida guys. Yeah, I mean, I mean in Arizona. We've got Place we go up north. That that's nice and I believe it was about a year ago that there was a black bear ate a dude. Yeah. Yeah, because it's a bear. Ate him up good, not depressed after that either. Nice PSA here for all listening. Black bears can eat you.

And if they do, you're dead. You're not going to... One of the side effects of being eaten alive is death. Correct. A lot of people here, oh, I mean alive, they think they live. No. That's not how that works. They say no Jonah situation.

There were some interesting quotes. Apparently this bear was depressed, and so they put out this statement trying to tell people to stop taking selfies with a bear First of all if a bear is moody Stay away. Yeah, but there was a couple just gum you there was a couple things that depressed Oh, he's depressed cuz he hasn't lost his teeth. No, he's just he just does not put up the effort You can't gum someone when you've got bear teeth someone when you've got bare teeth. There's just, there's Andy.

Oh man. Oh man. He's out of here. He's quit the show. That's a 6'5 comment man. You're not tall enough for that one. Well he's depressed so he's just gonna gum you. Oh I didn't know I wasn't gumming you. Why is there all this blood? Cause you got bare teeth.

My goodness. Here was one of my favorite parts in reading this article When when they put out this I don't know if it was a press release or a for whatever it was but the It said, you know, we're trying to stop people from taking selfies with the berries clearly not in the mood for pictures The way is when is a bear in the bear has shown signs of stress. This is my fair part. It described, you won't believe this, described the large male bear as, quote, stressed, depressed, lemon zest.

Lemon zest? What? Wait, what? That was a quote from the police? Yes. Stressed, depressed, lemon zest. That was how the bear is feeling. What's happening in Florida? Yeah, that's

Is that a phrase I just am not familiar with it rhymes You know I'm feeling a little stressed depressed lemon zest but lemon zest sounds like you're not depressed no not at all I got a good Zesty. I'm you know That's apparently they sell stickers with that on it. Oh, so maybe it is a phrase. Maybe the police is like, they're just really. Is it the opposite of easy peasy lemon squeezy? I guess so. I guess so.

Depressed, stressed, and lemon zest. But yeah, so just PSA, don't mess with bears, man. How do they know that bear's depressed? Oh, I see some of the pictures. It legitimately looks like a very depressed bear. Maybe that's just his face. Is it just sitting there? It's just sitting by a tree on the side of the road

looking all depressed. Yeah, if I see a person out there. If they're depressed. If they're depressed, I go get a quick selfie with them. For sure, for the social. Mike, go ahead. All right. Mine, I'll go with that.

So the headline is, Vermont lawmaker apologizes for repeatedly pouring water into her colleague's bag. So what? So we're not getting political here, but we know in politics, two sides that may not get along, and this is a level of petty that... Wait, is this on different sides? Yes.

Oh yes, good. It is a level of petty that I am admiring greatly. And... Guys, it went on for five months. Hahahaha! No! Oh my goodness gracious! You you're telling oh my gosh. So there's a representative who for over the course of five months is constantly finding water in their bag. Oh

my gosh and another elected representative had been for five months pouring water in their bag? It took them five months but they finally set up a sting operation, set the camera up, the representative felt they knew who it was. Oh my gosh. I mean there can't be too many options but yeah they caught the culprit on camera and then they were forced to apologize. Forced to apologize, yeah.

But I'm trying to- I'm sure that was real sincere. The part that I love is just like when they're explaining how terrible, it's like for five months I went through this and then they added, she had a choice every time she did it to pour water. That's a way to think about it. They had a choice every time to pour water into your bag over five months. But I mean, for one, how do you keep? That's quite a bit. That's quite a bit of water.

That's unbelievable. What I'm saying, like being so locked into, I'm going to keep this bit going. I'm going to pour water into someone's bag. And this is going on. And these are elected government officials. Oh my gosh, this is great.

It literally feels like Councilman Jam, you know? From Parks and Rec. You got jam. You got jam. That is awesome. That is so cool. There are levels of petty and things you can do that are just not

They don't rise to the place of illegal right to apologize Like like she got she got the better into the deal. I'm not I'm not I'm not gonna lie to you. I think it's awesome I'm sitting here thinking who's got bags around our office that I could just start a Little just a little bit of what so little that you're not sure was it just was it a real? Humid day what is all my stuff a little wet But wow I didn't I want to try and find the apology because that has to be something special I apologize for over the past five months.

I hope it was a forced press conference. You have to apologize in person. No written little chat GPT created apology. You have to go up and apologize specifically. My story is just, there's a lot of bad stories out there. And this one is just the opposite. It's just pretty much go Google the picture. The headline says Texas Family,

so we already know how Florida people treat their animals, right? Yeah, get selfies. Texas Family saves orphaned baby bird, it was a baby owl. Although baby owls are terrifying looking. By wrapping it in a tortilla. Oh, delicious.

So very, I mean, Texas, there you go. They found a Mississippi kite owl. You need a tiny blanket. Was worried that it was getting cold and so they swaddled it in a warm tortilla. They warmed the tortilla? Good for them. It was a warm tortilla and it is all they had According to Katie who saved the owl and this became quite a popular

Heartwarming story and I don't know why you only had a warm tortilla. Yeah, if you only have a tortilla you it's not warm There's like I got a tortilla in the back of the car Otherwise, how did you warm this tortilla? So Apparently in the back of the car. Otherwise, how did you warm this tortilla? So apparently, now it's quite the viral sensation. They're selling t-shirts with the word Sortea Save Lives in this Texas town. And they say, quote, never, and I mean never underestimate the power of a tortilla. But you'll want to look at the picture of this little teeny adorable baby barn owl

wrapped up in a warm swaddling tortilla. I'm pretty sure they sell burrito blankets. Like you can buy... Bird-ritos? Well, maybe we need a new one, but you can buy a blanket that looks like a tortilla. I'm so afraid of... You didn't post the picture? He said to Google it, Jason. He gave clear instructions.

Well, that's for the people. Mike's already seen it. Yeah, I'm on top of this. What do I Google? Just tortilla, owl? I'm pretty sure bird and tortilla would start you on the right track. OK.

But yes, if you need a, what is that, a palate cleanser of sorts. Yes. Has to feel good. Take a look at that. All right, we are taking a break. Back with our draft. The Spitballers Draft. Unfortunately, Katie later ate the bird. Yeah, I thought it was a bird burrito.

Yeah, I just thought it was just a regular burrito. Jeremy did share the picture with Jason, who is internet illiterate. And then Jason's response is, looks awful. It's a nice, heartwarming story. It's a nice story, but the- It's cute. No, it's not cute.

You can't look at this thing and tell me it's cute. You're telling me, if you were cold, I know, a strange hypothetical, you wouldn't want to be swaddled in a warm tortilla You can't get what the tortillas cute the baby house. That's food and comfort man. I think a tortilla is one of the cuter foods Okay, I can see that they make the tortilla blankets. Have you seen those? We own one and we have a tortilla beach towel You have multiple tortilla is the beach towel still rectangular. Where is it? Nope?

giant circle So you're a pretty big tortilla fan I am and Josh is now posting baby owl pictures. They're not the worst one. They're monsters There's there's babies that look like humans. Look find that photo. Baby owls are disgusting looking. All right, let's do our draft. The draft is things that make you feel self-conscious. So we all have things that make us feel self-conscious. Hypothetically, the height that you are. Yeah.

Hypothetically. Yeah. Oh, we found it. Mike is, so yeah, there are some pictures. Don't look at baby owls standing up. Yeah. That's for sure. Mike is, so yeah, there are some pictures. Don't look at Baby Al standing up, that's for sure. That is, it's. On their hindquarters, because they're from another planet.

All right, onto the draft, gentlemen. Mike, you have the first pick. I do. Things that make you feel self-conscious. So we are men of a certain age. We are in the middle of our lives. We're not as felt as we used to be. You have metabolism as a young one.

I miss it. Yeah, it's the worst. But part of that is now finding, making sure my shirts are the appropriate size. And when your shirt is too tight around the midsection, you are uncomfortable the entire day. It's all I can think about is, how do I get a little bit of breathing room here?

You got to do the suck the gut in all day. You could do it for 10, 30 seconds at a time. But when you're walking around all day know, this is normal, it hurts. So shirts that are the wrong size. Yep. Shirt too tight. That's a good pick. All right. I'm super- Hits close to home.

I'm super happy that you did not take- there's one that like, this was when we talked about like, oh, originally it was activities that make you self-conscious or however we're gonna name this but no matter what it was there's one thing that comes to mind that's like oh I I am super self-conscious there super duper duper duper self-conscious and I think I always will be it's the gym going to the gym maybe it's not for everybody. Some people are great. When I'm- That doesn't change over time the amount of times you go? No, I mean-

Same level of self-consciousness each time? 100% same level of self-conscious every time. Because I mean, I don't want to use a machine when other people are, say, two machines away. Oh, you want distance. I want perfect privacy. I don't want, I'm doing it. I am doing everything wrong.

Yeah, I understand. I look like I don't want I didn't doing it. I'm doing everything wrong. Yeah Look like I don't belong. You know, I what if somebody called you out on doing it wrong. Would you pretend like you knew? No, would you be like, yeah, I know I'm just trying something Yeah, sorry, I probably apologize you'd run Do you know what it took for me to get out of my truck? I was just trying to give you some advice. But going to the gym, I feel very self-conscious. OK, that's a good pick, for sure.

Go to the gym in a shirt that's too tight. Oh, actually, actually. So yeah, I've been going to the gym recently and laundry had not been done for a while. We moved and so we're very behind. I had basically one t-shirt left I could choose from. Oh, you got to go in the stinky shirt. I should have. Yeah. Because unfortunately it was the same day I decided to do a movement. I mean, this is all my fault, my fault. But I was grabbing some dumbbells and lifting them up. Okay, doing just like a shoulder press.

Oh, so he got the little shirt. I got the little shirt. This was like one inch too short. So my belly's hanging out each time. It's just a little peekaboo. I'm telling you the truth. And one. Yeah, that's it. And two. I'm telling you the truth.

Two. Every single one of these things, I'm not going all the way up, but it's still a little bit. And I usually do four sets. I quit after three. I was like, yeah, OK. Hey, you got to three. Yeah.

Now, was Amir straight in front of you? Right in front of me. I'm standing in front of a mirror just looking at my belly pop out over and over and over. Wait, is that the best motivation for the gym? Maybe. Or peek-a-boo belly? Or wait and never go back.

Oh, that's good. My number one pick here will be, I think it's one of the negative effects of being so tall. But I'm going with dancing. Dancing? Yeah, for sure. We have a tall family. We all look the same, like weirdo owl birds,

like birds dancing around with too many limbs, or too long of limbs. Dancing, in absence, is something you have to do uninhibited. I am not a super uninhibited guy. So you have to let go to dance well, I think. Yes, yeah, you gotta be committed. If you just half dance, like, luckily I don't have

to dance that much. I feel like weddings are the one time you dance and you can get lost in a sea of people looking stupid, so that's kinda fun, and I've actually enjoyed it. But if I had to dance, you'd start self-conscious. You'd feel self-conscious, yeah. Especially when you can't dance. Which I do fit into that category.

Yeah, you can't insult me with what I already know. How do I feel? I'm gonna throw this one out there because Mike mentioned being at this stage of life. And I am going to go with something that... I'm gonna call it being a cool dad. Okay. You're self-conscious?

Because what I'm noticing is all my kids have friends that are older now. So then when I interact with my kids when they have their friends there, I am the old dad. Yes. And that makes me feel self-conscious because I am not cool. No matter what I do, no matter what I say, I am, ugh, your dad is here. So I find that to be the new found, like, trying to be, like, these kids, no matter what I say to my kids' friends, I am not cool.

Really? Yeah. And neither are you. And that is what, your reaction, you just think you are. Yeah, I don't think you're right. You don't remember being a teenager and your dad, or someone else's dad showed up and you're just like, loser. For sure, for sure I did.

But I also remember the dads was like, that's a cool dad. Oh, you had some friends who had some cool dads. My best friend had a cool dad. That guy was so funny. Love that guy. You're that guy? I'm that guy.

Oh. Look, guilty as charged. Okay. Don't be around us together, you'll feel a little self-conscious, Andy. Um, sure. Might take you more time. Okay, don't be around us together. You'll feel a little self-conscious Andy um Sure might take you more time. Yeah, um Jason you're back on the clock all right I am on the clock and I started giggling because I knew where I'm going here With my next pick because it was the clear number two thing. I thought of like oh, yeah

I'm uncomfortable in the gym, and I'm uncomfortable When what we'll call it We'll call it swimming in public I don't care if it's the day. We'll call it the actual thing. Well no like the beach or a water park or you know it comes in many forms but it's basically the shirt problem. I can't do wet clothes. It's a... You have a sensory thing for it. I have a sensory thing. So you have to choose...

No, I don't have to choose. There is no choice. As long as there's no shirt. I'm topless. And so, which is what, you know, that's how you refer to a man without a top on. Yeah, I'm topless. And so I go topless when I go on. Yeah, topless. And so I go topless when I go swimming. I go topless when I go to the beach. And I go topless when I go to the water park.

So the sensory thing with wet clothes is more powerful than the self-consciousness of being topless. Way more powerful. But yeah, so that's what I feel. That's what I feel. You know, Mike, you're sucking in your gut because your shirt shirts a little tight

bro I don't have a shirt Take that that's the worst all right Mike you are back on the clock to picks all right. I've tried to think of you know some moments where you're just really like, ooh, and I had one recently, whatever, last year or so, but calling someone the wrong name is just a moment.

That's such a good pick. And guys, I had one. Oh no, it hurts me to hear that. I went for it. yes you knew you're like I'm gonna nail this cuz it was like could have met him the day met him the night before oh no I'm the very next day went for a handshake and I'm like I'm doing it was how wrong were you oh not even it was Samsonite levels we were not it was just like hey Dave he's like that's not and he's like, that's not my name. It's Roger. He said, that's not my name. And I was like,

I was really confident it was your name. And then I just, I wilted into a puddle. At least you met him the day before. Like I, I, I, I won't. It wasn't a long term. My next pick was going to be, and I can't pick it now because it's too close, but it was running into people I don't remember. Okay. Yeah, yeah. Which is that, you know, when it's like someone that you've, you should know this person or whatever, and you're like, I don't, I don't know.

At least for you, it's like, oh, you just met him. But yeah, whenever you don't know someone's name, that's so uncomfortable. I did that for the first time in a long time recently, and I had the same mental choice where I'm like, I don't need to go in there and say his name, but I know it's Nick. And then Daniel corrected me. That's 100% because I was like, no fear.

We're going. This will be so impressive when I remember your name. That was what was going through my mind. It's like, this guy is gonna be like, oh, that's pretty cool. You remember my name. And I did not. Okay, so I've got that one.

I'm going to go with one that's, let me find it. So this is like, we get multiple people involved. This isn't just yourself. But you know, you're in whatever, you're in a situation where you're in close contact with someone. And then like Your hands or your feet accidentally touch

What? What happened to you? You're like standing next to someone and your hands touch And your hands accidentally touch and both people immediately freak out That does not happen to me very much It's not often Oh, no, it's not often. Oh, no. No, it's not all the time. But when it does, it's debilitating.

Like, it is so embarrassing, because now you're stuck. I did not mean to touch you. You're stuck next to this person that your hands accidentally touched, and you feel like you've invaded each other's privacy. I love the nuance of that pic. Oh my gosh. Al doesn't even know how to type that into our showdown.

Yeah, sorry. I just accidentally touching hands is the way I wrote it down. All right. Because it's so surprising and jarring and uncomfortable. And you're like, oh, I didn't mean to do that. That was not me trying to hold your hand. All right, Jason, you got another pick. All right.

Oh, that's funny. That's so funny. So for me, things that I feel self-conscious about or make me very uncomfortable is being a Karen. So whether it's like complaining about food or a product. You're saying like you don't want to come off it? Yeah, like the confrontation.

Like when you push me past my limit in confrontation, watch out, I'm fantastic, no holds barred. But in general, regular stuff, the food I don't like or whatever. You don't confront because you don't want to be a Cameron. Correct. I get so self-conscious of being a complainer. And when you say food, you mean like at a restaurant.

Yeah, at a restaurant. Someone brings something out. Or your wife brings you something out. Yeah, so you just suffer. Yeah, I just suffer because I'm too self-conscious of coming across like that guy. Yeah, yeah, I get it. So instead of being happy I Just avoid it. Yeah, I eat my over now. Now. Can I bring up a story? Yeah, I don't know You just had to recently suffer for two and a half hours in the bay

in the Bay Oh My goodness now, it's not exactly you wouldn't have been a Karen But did you did you not want to disrupt the trip? Is that kind of why you didn't say anything? Yeah, so does that does Mike know what I'm talking about? Yeah, so I went I did to San Diego with the family and we had a kayaking Excursion and These kayaks were not the kayaks where there's like a little foothold to put your feet. This was the kayak where you sit on top.

You sit on top of the thing and your feet are, you know, you're at a 90 degree angle, your body and your legs. My belly don't work that way. Okay, so that's like putting on your socks. I can't do it. We've established this, that's hold my breath. And so I've got to put my feet where my feet can't go and I can't hardly breathe I am in massive pain the second I sit down and I'm like and so and I've got my littlest son in front of me

So I'm weighing this thing down in the back. He's up in the front. He's It's a shared shared kayak and so we, I mean, I- But you're up like a speedboat? This took me about one second to know this ain't for me. Instantly. Instantly. We start going out and I'm already ready to go back. I'm like thinking about going back. How long was that trip?

Two hours! Two hours! I'm still sore. My abs, I was basically doing a crunch for two hours. And I didn't go back, but that was a confrontation. That was just like, I don't know, I didn't want to take it from my son. Yeah, that's a little different. You weren't going to have to confront anybody about that. But it would have been... It would have been embarrassing to be like, yeah, I can't do it. I care kayak Oh, what sir? What why what's going on? What's wrong? I see I can't sit up You ever tried to put your socks on All right my is it me

Yeah, yeah, you're up for my final two. Um, I need a clothing one. You guys have clothing ones It's under dressing or overdressing I mean under or over both are horrible different feeling when you're overdressed you feel like a dork when you're underdressed you feel like you didn't care which one's worse over under oh you know what I'm going on I'm I think under is worse under is worse. Yes, you can't Over you can make a joke and be like, you know, I just wanted to you know, and it ended. Yeah, you're right You're right. Yes, the other one you're like, mmm

These are my jeans Basketball shorts to the funeral, huh? Yeah. Yeah, so that is this This just happened like last week. My wife and I went to dinner with my in-laws. And apparently, this place was really, really fancy. And I didn't know. I was in shorts and a polo at home. And I'm told, like, oh, you can't.

You're not wearing that. You have to at least wear jeans or whatever and some pants And yeah some some pants so I dress nice button-up pants Dress shoes. Oh, this is gonna be good dress shoes, too Yeah, yeah, and so I walk in I had never been to this place before I walk in We got there a little bit later, and I the second I walk in I turn and I go Thank goodness. Thank goodness that I changed. I would have felt so bad.

Oh really, it was fancy. It was so fancy. Oh, you made the right call. I thought you were gonna say you walked in, everybody's in polos and shorts. No, we get taken to our booth where my in-laws were waiting. He's in an Under's in an underarmor work Yeah

All right, I will book into my trying to be a cool dad to way earlier when I was a parent, but there's not much that feels more self-conscious than when your small child is acting up or throwing a giant fit in public. Public meltdown? Oh yeah. Because you just feel like you want to write, like hand a personal apology to every individual piece of person witnessing this or run the other direction. I just look around and say, where's this kid's parents?

Yeah, no, that would be the better play. Because we've all had kids when we were growing up, or when they were growing up, where they had a meltdown in a store or screamed their faces off. And you're just like, can I survive and get this child home? But you feel like everyone's judging you. Yeah, well, and they are. like, can I survive and get this child home? But you feel like everyone's judging you. Yeah, well, and they are, because I pride myself

a little bit on not being judgmental. I feel like I'm a very non-judgmental person. And there's never been one time in my life that the true kid meltdown is not being severely judged by me. You know what I mean? I'm like, what? Oh, come on.

You can't control your child? I mean, it's just the natural. You know what I mean? I'm like, what? Oh, come on. You can't control your child. I mean, it's just the natural. You must be a terrible parent. So it's like, yeah, you are being judged. Once I went through a few meltdowns, that actually put me, it swung the pendulum so far, that in like on a plane or anywhere, I was just like, I wanted to be the only person

sympathizing with the parents. Because I know everybody else is judging them. And because I went through it, I was like, yeah, I've been there. I know this too shall pass. Once you do go through that, you get that. You become more empathetic. Yeah, you feel bad for them.

All right, Jason, what else makes you feel self-conscious? Bad breath, man. Yeah, bad breath is the worst because you can't smell it, but you can think it, you know, you can't smell your own bad breath and you're like I've been talking a lot today. I haven't drink water. I don't know. I don't know what it is Maybe I drank too much water. Maybe I haven't talked enough today. I don't know what it is. But then it's like Once you get that in your head Which is a good thing to have in your head, right? You don't want to be oblivious to it either. But it's like, I mean, now I'm not talking directly at people.

I'm trying to talk off to their shoulders. Yeah, you're doing weird hands. Yeah. To flex the breast. Just out of self-consciousness. Yeah, just out of self-consciousness. That might be the number one most common self-conscious of like, oh, it's my breast, it's my breast thing? I heard a, I was listening to a talk show where people call them with their problems.

And this woman calls in and she's got a fiance and everything about him, everything is amazing. He cares for her, he loves her, supports her, all this stuff. They've been engaged for like two years. They're getting ready to get married. She can't figure out how to tell him how bad his breath stinks.

Like, cause there's no way. That's the halitosis. There's no way to politely tell a person their breath stinks. Nope, I get mad every time my wife says it. And it's, you're mad at her for telling you the truth. Absolutely, and thank you. And I always tell her, like, you gotta always tell me. She's like, you me you say I gotta tell you I don't be I don't have to be happy about it

How dare you know give me a mint? Alright so having bread breath that is a alright that is a good one Mike you can wrap it up it is parking Just parking. Parking the car, because there are so many instances where just pure panic and being so self-conscious can take over your body. That helps you park better, right? Yeah, when you start immediately going into an anxiety attack.

That's funny. Which my children know I am a terrible parker, my wife knows, lets me know constantly. I didn't even know you were a terrible parker. This is... It is a fear of mine and like we have... Do you go out beyond the cars now? Have you done that? I will bypass a closer tight spot to find an easier place to park in.

100% will do that. And we have, so the mall, that's close to us, our shopping mall, there is a section of it. I don't know if you guys know what section I'm talking about. Is it a parking horror? It's down by the movie theater. I don't know what they did to these spots, because these spots are the exact size of a car.

There is no margin at all. And you get into this area where Christmas time starts coming up, it's good lord. Finding a spot is very difficult. So if you just find the one spot, there's definitely a line behind me. 100%. So you gotta nail it. And there's people that are on my tail, and I have to make this in, and I'd be like,

well, I got a three point, this is everybody, I'm so sorry, hold on. When you gotta throw that thing in reverse. Oh man. That's when the self-conscious is like, you hate me. Yeah. You hate me, you can, you can hate me. You are a pathetic loser.

You ever pulled into a spot, thought you nailed it, decided that the best thing to do would be to straighten out, backed out a little bit, a person was waiting, thinking you're coming out of this spot for them, and then you just pull right back in the spot and get Out I've had that happen. I've been looking at you like I thought that was a spot. I mean like backing into a spot Good lord, just take my life away from me. Well, I don't have to deal with the cameras have made that

easier You're not backing in anytime soon, huh? It's are you a left or right you have a smaller is way That's what I'm talking about. Easier. You're not backing in anytime soon. It's are you a left or right? You have a smaller car. I can't believe this is difficult. Left is way easier, right?

For all of you. I can park left. I can't park right. I think so. And then it makes a difference. No, it oh, there's a big difference. It feels like a monstrous difference in being able to read it. And then I'll have.

I want to know what the left or right from the deuces. Do you know? Do you think about it? If you park left or right, which would you prefer? I have no issues parking at all. So I don't understand this. Yeah, I'm going to say I'm pretty bad at parking. Yeah, my man.

No preferences. No preferences. And then I'll be so psyched out about my parking. So when I go to back out my car, if I have the option, I will always back out to the right. Parking is a real bugaboo for me. That's funny. Yeah, for some reason for me,

turning left into a spot feels like the easiest parking ever. Because you have the gauge down. Yeah, I have it perfectly down. You're just closer, like you're on the left side of the vehicle. It's like the geometry doesn't work the same. I think what it is is once you...

The right side feels like I gotta swing way out and then go in. Maybe what happened was this was something that you experienced early on as a driver. And so now, 90% of the time, you are parking to the left and you get no practice going to the right. Maybe you just need to tell yourself I can only park to the right. I'm pretty sure... I'm teaching my son to drive right now. I'm pretty sure I told him right was harder. I'm pretty sure I told him like verbatim like this is more difficult.

Extra ones on my list before we close things down. I had like if you have a pimple on your face starting a story and realizing it's not going to land. Oh, yeah. Oh, that's terrible. And the last other one was showing up late. I am the most punctual or early person. I mean, I frequently think I'm late to things and am the first one there, including this morning. Yeah. Yeah, I've got spelling. That one makes me feel real self-conscious so every highway to spell

your you know like I don't want people looking at my Google history but it's not because of some bad searches some wrong I just type in the word and let Google tell me did you mean this yes I did Google thank you very much spelling only gets it only gets worse over time with you with Google. When I can right click and fix, I don't need to know how to spell karaoke. Oh, that's a good one.

I'm not the best singer. Returning an item to a store. Oh my god. Wait, that one is wild to me. That's I can't do it. That falls into your same one. Yeah, it's the confrontation. You're a Karen if you return something. 100%. I feel so bad.

I don't wanna deal with- I don't think you've returned very much at all. I haven't. I remember you've had some big items delivered and it was like, mm, maybe I just throw them out. Give them away. I have literally bought something that was decent, like a nice thing, and then it was wrong or I needed to return it and my fear

of returning things I Took it to Goodwill. Oh My god return Give me the internal monologue of the of the employee of the of the shop that you're returning it to when I walk up They're thinking I got gotta not accept this item return. This is gonna hurt my- We gotta put up a fight for the company. This is gonna hurt my store's score.

This guy, I didn't even buy it at this location. That type of stuff. He thinks I'm gonna get one over on him. Long time ago, I was a manager of Best Buy, and I know, like, oh, you gotta fight these things, whatever, and so I just, I feel like that's been there. Also playing VR. That's fair.

Because I know how stupid I look to the outside world. When you can't stop sneezing. Oh, OK. When you can't stop hiccuping. I have sneezing slash hiccups as well. When you trip. Yeah, just tripping, man. Oh, man.

I do know how to walk actually. And like, not getting a joke. Oh yeah. To be the only one who doesn't know what's going on. And you're like, that's a good one. Am I dumb? Like why don't I understand what's going on right now? That is a good one.

Oh, I also had trying an accent or an impression and failing. What did we learn today? A bad impression feels really bad. Yeah, I learned that Mike can't park. I learned that I'm going to start looking for bags I can pour some water in for a long period of time. That's funny. And I learned that the reason we feel superior is just because I'm taller. Because you are.

That's gotta be DNA, you know what I mean? Yeah, just, my body knows that I'm better than you. Built different! Built different! Thank you for listening everybody, goodbye. Thanks for listening to the Spitballers Podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out spitballerspod.com.