Spitballers Comedy Podcast - 295: Pee Plosions & Things That Are Pink - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: August 5, 2024

Oh boy do we have an episode for you! On this show we dive into the world of pee plosions, see the return of the poop knife, play Man of the People and wrap things up with a Things That Are Pink Draft. Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast! Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast: Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.com Follow us on X: x.com/SpitballersPod Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPod Subscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

Hey, spit wads, I'm so excited to be able to tell you about the gab phone because kids are going back to school They're doing after school activities Um our daughter she's the youngest of our kids and we wanted her to be connected with us and with texting But we did not hurt want her connected with all of this stuff that we hate about having a phone Which is like too many apps and social media access and internet access. And so we did the research. We found the gab phone And gab is actually doing a back to school sale. We picked it up, it is they're the leader in safe smartphones and watches for kids, teens and tweens. And like I said, just the apps they need, they

can listen to music on it. There are approved apps, we can see messaging, we can control the contacts that they message with. And it allows her to be connected to us now that they're no longer down the hall going back to school. And so right now they're doing a huge discount on phones and watches to new customers. So if you have a kid, you want to get them a Gab phone, there is no contract. So go to gab.com slash ballers to get started. Learn more. That's gab, spell G-A-B-B.com slash ballers, gab.com slash ballers gab.com slash ballers terms and conditions apply. What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve. It's the Spitballers Podcast with Andy, Mike and Jason.

A-peed-a-boop-a-doop-a-pa-da-da-da-da-do. They had most of the Jason emergency elements. Yes, it did. Bail out! He rolled some of it in the middle which was new but that really saved it. But if you know Jason is just off the cuff you're gonna get a little whispery. You're gonna get a poop in there. Was there a poop in there?

Uh huh. Oh I didn't mean to. So you know sometimes accidental poops they happen but that was not intentional. Yeah, I mean, that was good. We're doing a pink draft. So I just tried to have the P-plosion. That was the only thing I was going at. Oh, that was the... That was it. It was... That was the tie-in? Yeah. What was it again? The P-plosion. Plosion. Plosion is a very funny word. Yeah, the P-plosion. that's after a long car ride. Oh yeah. You know what I mean?

Oh, I do know what you mean. Like, let's say you're going from Philadelphia to New York on a drive. Oh, we do have a story about that. Oh, I had a P-plosion for sure. You were, you're not a complainer, and we were doing a live show for the Fantasy Footballers. We were just driving between cities. And I don't remember how much you drank, but... I had to pee for 45 miles, Andy. I mean, it was...

You had to pee so bad that you kept bringing it up quicker and quicker. The gap between, you know, you bring it up and it's like, all right, okay okay can we stop someplace my And Mike you you've got the you've got the trap mind here If my memory was I needed to use a restroom Yeah, pretty badly and I had mentioned that and then it was like we're between cities So it's like, you know, you you drive for a long time between them There's no rest and then yeah

And then and then there was like one exit and the driver forgot and missed it. And it was I don't remember. That was that's my memories. Like there was like here's the rest stop and the drivers like oh my bad. It is like 45 miles. I'm going to fill your Uber with piss. It's just going to be you. Everyone's going to drown on the way to New York. Get me out of here. And that's that's a people ocean. Yeah that yeah. Would you rather on today's show we also have man of the people? Man of the people on today's episode and as Jason said we are drafting things that are pink. The color pink. At Spirit Ballers Pod over on X, and you can obviously follow the show.

Click that follow button on Spotify, Apple Podcasts. The Deucers are here, and might I say you look just like you always do. You know what I mean? No better, no worse. You look like you have faces for radio and I love it. That's changed the camera right back to us. Now we're looking good.

And what else do we got going on? You wanna kick it off? Yes. Would you rather? Would you rather? Dan, from the website, would you rather successfully from the website would you rather successfully defend your wife from a bear with a sword or successfully defend your family in a home invasion with a baseball bat there's no way we have different answers

on this there's no way I know mine answers on this. There's no way. I know mine. Mine has a little bit more reasoning to it. I have a couple. Other than the just awesome story you get to. One of these is. You fought a bear with a sword, man. It was successful.

It was successful. You're telling me, okay. But both were successful. But if you're saying, hey, 10 intruders break into your house, 10 of them, you get a baseball bat, how many are you coming out on top with? I don't know.

I'd like to say five. All of them based on this story. No, no, no. I'm saying in life. OK. In reality, an intruder breaks into your house, you have a baseball bat. You think in reality, you take five of them

out with a baseball bat? I think I got a 50% chance of winning against an intruder. Against 10? No, not against 10 intruders. I'm saying mathematically. If it happened 10 times, I think I'd win five of them. Oh, so I'm like, what do you have in your house that 10... Oh, against one intruder. Yes. This is not an intruder. You had 10 intruders. Did I say it wrong? That's where I was. Oh, yeah. I thought the same thing. I apologize. That's not an intrusion, that's a heist, Jason. What I was saying...

That's a war! What I was saying is that I think I've got a 50% chance of beating an intruder. Okay, 1v1. I think I've got a 0% chance of beating a bear. Right. I mean, you do have a sword, and bears don't wield guns. And so my original thought was and bears don't wield guns and so my original thought was don't need no they don't but like but like you a baseball

bat is not going to work well against a firearm so at a home invasion there's a chance they come in with a firearm in a face-off sure that's all I'm saying and so like I know right out of the gate, the bear's just going to use what nature gave it, which is normally enough, which is 10 swords on his on his bear paws. I mean, I mean, if I killed him, I don't know the way I go around defending myself with the sword. Would I wait to swing it when I hold it out like a lance, hoping it would jump into it? Yeah, it's going to end up that the bear so heavy it's going to knock it out of my hand. It's the big finish where the animal pounces.

On top of you? And the movie is cut, you're like, oh, did the hero survive? And then the hero, somehow you roll him over. And somehow you push the 2,000 plus pound bear off of you. How humiliating would it be to have stabbed the bear and die under suffocation? And then you smothered him? You're died from, or just... Get him over here!

Just from exposure. You can't move the bear. Or you have to slowly cut it up. But that might be your story. But that wouldn't be my story. Here would be my story. I jump right in front of the bear. Oh no. Wielding my broadsword, I first attack the left knee and then I step back as the bear

swings at me. He's angry. I've injured this bear. I've riled him up. I take out the other leg. He's on his knees and he's crawling towards me quickly. He's still strong as a bear. And then one final blow.

I behead him. Yeah, you gotta behead the bear. You gotta behead the bear. For it to be a triumphant story. He's got no front two legs? Well he has the top halves of them I've taken off the bottom half. He's got the nubbies. He's got the nubs he's crawling towards me until he's got no head. I'm just saying like that's my success story. Oh man. Oh this bear is doing. He's as strong as a bear. The bear is just trying to protect itself. The bear's trying to eat my wife. Wait, are you trying to have sympathy

over the bear eating your wife? I'm having sympathy in the part of like, just kill the bear. I did. Pretty swiftly. Oh, don't make it feel pain. Yeah, you're like, and then I cut his ACL and the bear couldn't move. So I walked behind him and I plucked him dry.

He's a hairless bear. Like, you're just savagely beating this bear. Like, just all you got to do is my family had an encounter with a bear. I look to my left. There's a broadsword on the ground. I pick it up, and I strike the bear down, and I save my family. We all have a broadsword on the ground, I pick it up and I strike the bear down and I save my family.

We all have a broadsword, right? Of course. Actually, the whole time I was picturing it, I figured it was like a katana, and that was why I thought it would be so hard to, like a bear, if it ran into a broadsword, that's the way you could kill it. If it ran straight at you and you just hold it straight out.

Right, or if you beheaded. I don't think you could, I mean, swinging one of those things, I don't think I got the, I don't think I got what it takes. A broadsword? No. What's a broadsword weigh? Oh, hundreds of pounds.

A broadsword? 600, 800 pounds. A broadsword weighs a couple of pounds. No, no. No, a broadsword, not just a regular sword. Dude, I've got a replica Braveheart. All right, he's right, he's right, yeah. Yeah, what do you think people are we like 20 pound?

Three pounds. I always heard that that broadswords were so heavy It's heavier than you think when you're going into battle for yeah rest of your life or their life Yeah, like think about swinging a bat. And now it's three pounds. I feel like there is. I know defeating a bear is a cool story. It's a way better story. Is it? Yes.

Yes, it's a better story. Oh, yeah. There's something more like, I don't know, there's something about defending yourself from an invasion in your home that would be an amazing story, too. Who says the bear isn't invading my home? Oh, that's a good point.

You know what I mean? I'm getting both here. This thing came right in through the back door. I see a couple two-handed swords that were almost seven pounds. OK. That I can lift seven pounds, though. Like a bear broke in. He's wearing a mask.

The bear's wearing a mask? Yeah, because he doesn't want to get caught on camera. He's wearing a cat burglar outfit. That doesn't want to get caught on camera. He's wearing a cat burglar outfit. That's right. He's here for my treasure. Isn't the fear, is the fear of a bear in the wild more than the sudden fear of the midnight intruder? That's a good question. What's the greater fear? I, man, that's an, I really want to instantly go bear just because it's a bear. Right, that bear, yeah.

But I do think in reality, if I was in the woods with a bear, I would be very, very scared. But I don't assume that it wants to harm me. Like, genuinely. It's just, yeah, that's true. It's just in the forest and I would hope to get big, hey bear, hey bear, hey bear,

and then hope it just walks off. Yeah, you get. But if there's an intruder in your home, you know that that means to, this is a person that is meaning to harm you in one way or another. So I think the home intruder is instantly scarier than the bear.

If you see a bear, you think there's a chance the bear just goes on its way. I mean, let's be honest, this is a distance question. That's all it is. bear you think there's a chance the bear just goes on its way I mean it's the let's be honest this is a distance question that's all it is do you think if I walk around a tree and I'm face to face with the bear that wins has anyone tried the hey bear with the robber you do you heard the took the words out of my mouth that That's literally what I was about to do. Hey, intruder. Get, get, get. You get out of here. Get on out of here. I will say that I'll bet a bear horn

would work with an intruder. Or a bear spray. Well certainly. That'll work on the whole family. That living room is now done. We cannot use that for the next month. I will share, I have a non-lethal firearm and it shoots a pepper spray bullet And this is something that you can buy for self for for home defense and I have one

That I can take into the woods which it works like pepper spray for a bear But I have always thought if I if push comes to shove and I have to fire this thing and I got a fire it a few times maybe There's just no way I'm not getting my face filled with pepper spray in a close encounter. Well, in a close encounter, a firearm is not what you want anyways. Like are you still using it?

You want a broadsword. But if you're, no yeah, of course you're still using it. Then we're both writhing on the ground. I think you'd rather be writhing next to a bear than writhing under a bear. Do you know what I'm saying? I meant the robber side. I'm talking about the robber.

Hey, robber. Hey, robber. If a robber bursts into your room and they're 10 feet from you, or eight feet. Just slowly backs out. Oh, you got me. You got me. Just turns and eventually writhes.

I'll be back. This is a great question. You do not want to run into a robber with his cubs. Because those robbers become very defensive. If that robber brings his little kids with him, you know you've got a real serious problem. I thought you said cubs. I didn't know what you said.

You said a robber with their cubs. Yeah. The intruder cubs. Yeah. The mama robber. You know what you said a robber with their cuffs. Yeah. The intruder cuffs. Yeah. The mama robber. You know what I mean? She will protect the cuffs. We're all going to take the bear.

I want a story where I mean, look, it's a better story. You have less proof. It's a better story if I saved my family from a bear with a gun. That's a better story. That's, you're telling me I get a sword? And I was successful and I get to tell human beings truthfully, I defended my family from a bear with a sword. I am a hero.

They're making a movie about you 100%. If you defend yourself against a bear with a sword, and then you have the park ranger, they show up, the first thing that park ranger's gonna say is what? Can I get your autograph? I assume. He's gonna say, why did you have a broadsword in the forest? Yeah, and you say, I found it.

You found it? That's my sword. In the forest of Scotland. It was in the stone. I just pulled it. Am I king? I believe I'm king here. How dare you speak to your king like this?

Bow to me. Bow, ranger. I'm king of the forest. How dare you talk to me, peasant. You'll be on your way. And yes, you may have my autograph. Sir, why did you cut all the legs off of the bear before you killed it? Yeah, well, to be fair, if you rewind have my autograph. Sir, why did you cut all the legs off of the bear before you killed it?

Yeah, well, to be fair, if you rewind and listen to the story, the first strike was just to immobilize it. And then he took a swing at me. I stepped back. This was a back and forth affair. This was not me playing with my food. This was me surviving until I massacred it. So come at you, bear.

Kenny, Kenny from Patreon has a question. Would you rather your dreams be exact relivings of your best memories or prophetic but very cryptic glimpses into your future? Both fun. I mean, how cryptic? The first thing I thought of was like Joseph type, Biblical Joseph type. So I'm gonna need. So you needed a multicolored coat. I think that they're cryptic to the point of once it happens you go, ah, now that makes sense.

But you're not able to actually. But over time, and over time would you be able to, well would you be able to be like, after a while you go, oh that's what it meant, oh that's what it meant, oh that's what it meant, and now you're going, wait what if it means this?

And then you kind of get small glimpses. Maybe. I think you've got to have at least small guesses as to what it could mean. Yeah, you have to, otherwise it's not advantageous. Like if you know that you have a prophetic dream, then that's the only benefit of that, right? So let me ask you this.

Here's an example. You have a dream. You're walking down the street. Boom, piano falls on your head. You're dead. You wake up. In the dream. In the dream, that's the dream.

And you know you have prophetic glimpses. Okay. Are you more afraid of dying? Like you know, whatever you're doing, you think, oh, my impending doom is imminent? Or are you terrified of pianos? Do you just walk into a room and see a piano go? It's doom.

It's doom. But if I know some walking downtown, if I know they're cryptic, then I know that it will not be specifically what happened. Oh, it can't be a piano now. Well, or it's like, I'm about to attend a concert and it's going to be terrible. Oh, you think it's that cryptic?

I think so. That's pretty boring. I think so. It can't be anything like, it can't be a piece. Do you really want to relive your best memories exactly? Yes, yes. Do you want to know why? Because I don't remember them right now.

And I mean that. I started to think about this and I was like, what would that be? Yeah. What would be like my best actual memories in the moment experiencing? And I'm like, oh, like, you know, you always talk about what are the greatest all the day my my my children were born or whatever. You don't remember that.

Not really, man. I don't remember anything of my life. Ever think to yourself, like, if I don't remember anything, what the heck's the point? Sometimes. But then I forget that thought immediately. And never remember it again. I get so embarrassed when I don't remember certain things that my wife brings up from like something we did. Like I remember vague parts of my children being born.

I don't remember perfectly, but I remember parts of it because it was a big event. Right. And so reliving those would be awesome. But right now, like if sometimes my wife will tell me things that I've done or places I've been or people I've met. And I will be like, I will be like, did we do that or are you just tricking me? I mean, this is, I get these things all the time.

I remember Kyle, our editor. Yeah, I know where you're going. Yeah, he was talking about how a couple years ago, he flew out, we took him to the Falcons game here in Arizona. Yeah, that's a big event, an NFL game in a big stadium. Big event. And I was like, that didn't happen. I never did that. For years, you denied that you went to that trip. There's no way. Until he proved

that it actually happened. I think there was photographic evidence. I was like, wow. Okay. I mean, I literally have no, even after seeing it, I have no memory that happened. Does that happen because you have, the older you get, the more things you need to try to remember? I don't know. When you're little, you only got like 10 things to think about. I worry that I don't care about anything. Yeah. That's my worry. That might be a bit of a thing to talk about with somebody. Yeah.

What time is it? I got an appointment here soon. It doesn't just have to be specific things like that. There's a meme that'll float around from time to time, specifically for old people like us. But it's like like how much would you pay for a two hour recording of the funniest moments of you hanging out with your friends?

And you could just watch that whenever you want. If you could just buy that? Yeah, like how much would you pay for that? And you're like, that is an amount of money that is very large. If you could actually get a hold of that. Now is this first person you're watching? That could backfire, Mike.

Let me just paint a story. Oh no. Let me paint a story. Paint a story? Yeah. I've never heard that before. Is that really not the phrase? No, it's paint a picture.

OK. Let me paint a story on this book. Let me show you a painting. All right. Let me write you a picture, OK? You've got these moments, you and your friends, you can't even breathe because it's so funny. It's those moments where you're just laughing

uncontrollably, tears rolling down your face. And you get this tape, and you're so excited, this tape, this, at least DVD. And you put it in, you download it. This is a stream. Let me paint you a story on a cassette. So you're streaming this video and you put it in, you download it. This is a stream. Let me paint you a story on a cassette. So you're streaming this video and you turn it on. Uh-huh.

And it's just not that funny. Let's see, that's impossible. It's just not that funny. You go, man, that was stupid. That's not impossible. I gotta be in that moment to have it be that funny. It's not as funny anymore. Now I lost all this money and my great memory

of how funny I was not that funny Impossible, okay. Are you afraid that maybe in that two hours the things that you laughed at? Maybe you wouldn't want to be laughing at any oh, there's definitely gonna be footage of that. No, wait. No wait is this footage of the funniest moments you have experienced or your Funniest moments like you know made people the one I'm referring to was just hanging out with your friends and something really, really funny happens is you want to relive that moment. But if you have exact reliving of your best memories. If you had to break up your, I know you don't remember a lot, Jay. Mike, you remember everything.

If you had to break up the pie chart of your best 10 memories, what category do you think they would be in? Like Mike, you brought up a two hour video of being funny. Is it 60% funny laughter? Is it general happiness? Is it the like birth of a child? Like the emotional? Yeah.

What's the emotional pie chart of your best memories? Ooh, we're getting deep. Yeah. Is that a really deep question? It is a deeper question. I'm seeing nods from Deuce's alley. I mean, I'm going- Is it the best poop you ever had? At least half as funny. Maybe the biggest. I feel like-

You want to be- cause those are tough memories cause you're like, oh man, I swear, I swear it was the size of a house. And you go back and you're like, oh man, I swear I swear it was the size of a house and you go back You're like, oh, it was a normal that could be no that wouldn't disappoint That one wouldn't disappoint your In that I'm confident in the the few moments is like honey You gotta see this those are worth Kids get in here, dude. You won't believe what your dad just did. Oh Baby, dad not again. I'll bring a Gatorade Check your phones you're gonna want to see this

Why did I bring that part up I was asking a really good question I've had him lay up out of that water Really good question. I've had him lay up out of that water Don't say about the rim don't say it's like the Titanic yes Yes, it takes a while to sink this thing man Do you ever have you ever had one where you literally say to yourself? I won't even try flushing that I'm gonna wait no matter what like cuz you know that you gotta wait grossest thing ever I've had one I forgot you're talking about Remember what matters Okay, you're like, I don't know your name. Well, let me tell you about the biggest poop I ever had

But imagine what you know as a bridge, okay? There's a lake okay, and there's a bridge that goes across that lake You built a bridge and this thing couldn't flush because it couldn't turn diagonal to the hole So just spin No breaking this there's no breaking this long across the ocean This is a long across. Oh, yeah, it spins and then it just goes. Okay. See you later, water. I'll wait till you're back. See you again. You're clean. Yeah, no, I'm OK.

So cut it up. What did you do? OK, so to answer the question, I definitely want to relive. You buried it. I want to relive my best moments. Oh, my god. And that would make the future relive now. You don't remember a football game with Kyle,

but you remember your two biggest. That would make the... You don't remember a football game with Kyle, but you remember your biggest... Dude, you'd remember this, too. I don't even remember what the solution was. I did think, like, do I get a spatula and just push it in? Oh, man, don't walk us down that road. Al, should we ask another question or move on? Let's move on. Man of the People.

Man of the People. Man of the People. Man of the People. All right, for those still listening, we are going to jump into Man of the people and I always love to give Al the opportunity to explain this one. All right we surveyed a hundred people and we got their top answers on the board. If you get the number one answer it's worth three points number two answer is worth two points any other

answer on the board is worth one point the seventh round is double points. You know what's great is I wish that he could tell us what kind of people that he surveyed. Are they stupid people, smart people? You know what I mean? Mm-hmm, it makes a difference. There are listeners. Oh, okay, so smart.

You know our demo. Very, very intelligent. I have a headache, man. Oh my goodness. All right, so man of the people. For what it's worth, Andy is the reigning man of the people. Oh my gosh, I won one? You did?

Okay. Oh my goodness timeout I'm too far into this story that I'm reading to not share it really isn't the one I post Quick is this real life. This is just this is just I mean, it's my real life or once but this it's okay Here's a post from a problem, And I'll just read a couple sentences here to know that I'm not alone. The title is The Poop Knife. He says, my family poops big. Maybe it's genetic, maybe it's our diet.

But everyone births a giant lot of crap. If anyone has ever laid a mega poop, you know that sometimes it won't flush. It lays across the hole on the bottom of the bowl, and the vortex of draining water merely gives it a spin as it mocks you. Growing up, this was a common enough occurrence that our family had a poop knife.

Oh my gosh, I think I found my ancestors. I know where I come from. This is your 23andMe. Oh, man. Anyways, I'll stop it there. We all know where it goes after that. we know how they use the poop knife but for the record Mike shared that okay man of the people thank you Jason you are a man of the pupil what do we got let's kick it off all right let's jump into round one name

something a parent criticizes their child for doing too fast. Chores. That is the number three answer. You stupid audience. I'll say eating. That is the number one answer. That was number one? Gosh, I can't get my kids to eat fast enough.

I was going to go brush your teeth. Oh, that's a good one. Yeah. That is the number four answer. What a loser. Oh, wait, so Mike and I both get one point? That is correct. Andy gets three points.

Eat? Can people complain that their kids eat too fast? Who are these people? It's choking. No, it isn't. It's like you sit down at the table, and they take a couple bites, and they run out. They leave real fast.

That's not eating too fast. That's not eating. But I mean, that's the spirit. I'm the reigning champion, I just got three points. You guys can both- Yeah, but that answer is dumb. You guys can go both- No, hold on.

Form a poop knife. We've got, what do we got? We have five fathers in this room. Have you ever looked at your kids and been like, you're just eating too fast? Yeah, they won't put down to get back to what they're doing. I have 100%, to answer for myself. I've 100% said the opposite a million times.

I've never said that. Mike? Yeah, I've never said you're eating too fast. Jeremy? I have, but it was not in the spirit that Andy was talking about. My kid tends to put 10 bites of food in his mouth without chewing it.

Yeah, they wolf it down. That's choking. They wolf it down. OK. Papa Josh? I try to speed them up. They take forever. OK. Whatever. You get three points. Andy gets three. You guys each get down. It's choking, okay. They wolf it down. It's a, okay. Okay. Papa Josh. I try to speed them up. They take forever.

Yeah, okay. Whatever. You get three points. Andy gets three, you guys each get one. That's right. You missed homework, growing up, driving. Okay, growing up, there's your deep answer. Sophisticated.

I need a button reset, there we go. There you go. All right, on to round two. When drawing a person, which specific part is the hardest to make look realistic? The face? Need you to be more specific. Oh, uh, the nose?

The nose is the number one answer. Let's go baby! Let's go! I'm gonna say the lips or the mouth. The mouth is the number five answer. I'm on the board. Alright, I'm not gonna be on the board with this answer, but it is 100% true for me, is the number five answer. Oh, I'm on the board. All right. I'm not going to be on the board with this answer, but it is 100% true for me. So this is my answer.

It's freaking shoulders, man. I can't. Every time I try to draw someone. Shoulders? I can't get the shoulders right. It's like a box. I've never heard that before in my life. Shoulders is a tiny curve.

No, it doesn't work. I'm going to draw someone here for you, and you tell me if my shoulders are good. I'm guessing shoulders are not on the board. I commend you for punting your score in honor of integrity, but it was not on the board. What? I don't know how to draw a person.

It looks fine. The problem is just is the neck, actually. Yeah, I mean, it's the neck. It's your neck. Your head is. You have no neck there. Oh, there is no neck. The head has to taper into a neck.

That's just a head on shoulders. Is neck on the board? He looks like stretch arms strong. Neck is not on the board. So we got nose, eyes, hands, hair, mouth, and feet. I thought about the eyes. Yeah. All right.

So Mike and I are tied. Jason is still got one. Through two rounds, we got Andy with four, Mike with four, Jason with one. On to round three. Name a food that when you be... You got that? Oh, that's worded improperly.

Name a food that when you eat, you become very thirsty. Did I win? Yes. Okay, something salty? That's, you're gonna have to be a little more specific than that. Come on. Crap. Five, four, three, two.

Potato chips. Oh, and he gets the number one answer. Oh! Oh, that's not fair. I was mad that I started my countdown with five and not three. Yeah, you should have been three. It should have. All right, Andy got the number one answer.

Resetting. Oh, dangit. Pretzels. These pretzels are making me thirsty. Pretzels are not on the board. Ow. Oh Pretzels are not on the board Ouch, I'm going with what I think is a better answer than chips is saltines Like crack crackers are the number five answer five I want to hear the other one pretzels aren't on the list in In order, they were chips, popcorn, peanuts, pizza, crackers. Interesting.

Ice cream. What? Ice cream makes me thirsty. Only three people said it, but it's on the board. Oh man, I pulled that out of my butt. Wow. Excellent. All right, strong star for Andy.

He's at seven, Mike's at four, Jason is at two. Don't hit that buzzer too till you have an answer, Andy. Yeah, right. All right, name a legendary creature that would be a huge hit if featured at a zoo. Bigfoot. That is the number one answer. You're darn right it is.

Come on. Dinosaur. Not on the board. What? Is this not, let's not. Loch Ness Monster. Not fake. That on the board. What is this? Not let's not lock. Ness Monster. Not fake. That is the number six answer. I'm good at barely getting on. Oh, legendary. Yeah.

So as in didn't exist like a bomb snowman. Yeah. Or a dragon. Oh, a dragon dragon. I bet you yes on the board. And if I I didn't process that, I would have gone T-Rex. That would have been my answer. So thank you for it. So number one, we got Bigfoot King Kong Godzilla dragon unicorn Loch Ness monster. It's a good question. It's good All right. Oh, we are so back Name something that begins with the word dirty

Dirty laundry That is the number one answer My hands are slow Three mind dirty mind is the number six answer. I'm good I'll say job Dirty jobs is the number five answer. Oh, that's good. The only other one I could think of was Bird. Oh, I was gonna go Dancing.

That was the number two answer. You were gonna get the number two answer, but you went with number six? To be fair, number two answer is one point, number six answer is one point. No, two would have been two points. Oh, you should have gone with the better answer. Yeah, so we had Dirty Laundry, D mouth, dirty Harry, dirty jobs, and dirty mind. Dirty Harry made the list? OK.

All right, let's get a score update. Here we got Andy with eight, Mike with 10. So he took the lead, Jason with four. Got two more rounds, but the last one is worth double. You're not out of this. Finish this sentence. Hold your blank. I'm in first. It's horses, baby!

That's the number two answer. WHAT?! No it is not! You hold your horses! It's the number two answer. But you got two points for it. Good job. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJ No, that is not on the board. Yes. That's a great answer my your tongue. That is the number three answer I think your answer was great Mike. Hold your breath was the number one. All right, hold your horses Hold your tongue. Hold your hand. Hold your nose and hold your own Okay, Wow, okay everyone's in it I was these positive. I was these people

surveyed have never had a plus. There's nobody out of this thing. We got Andy with nine, man, Mike with 10, Jason with six going into the last round worth double the points. Name a reason a kid might get sent home from school. Oh yeah! Oh man, first, a reason they might get sent home from school is for writing something naughty on the board. I think that's the punishment. Oh no. Oh they're sick! It's not on the board. Too late! Sick. Come on! Well, you're not out yet. Mike got the number two answer so put put up four points there I'm room for you now because I feel like this is my win fighting

Gotten a fight is the number one answer Andy retains his title of a man of the people We had gotten a fight being sick talking back I would watch this guy over here whose strategy is to repeat the question to himself while he thinks bringing a weapon Swearing or smoking oh, I did think about swearing. Yeah, wow What were you? You thought about swearing oh, I see you did. I'm gonna click this button now. The spitballers draft. Oh, all right. Well, you know, when, wow, that was from a win.

I thought you had it locked on sick when he's, when he didn't say sick. I'm like, the number one answer is they went home sick. Yeah. Um, all right. We are drafting, but hold your horses things that are the color pink, things that are the color pink. Things that are the color pink. Now Jason has the honor of being number one in this draft. So what is your number one pick? To be fair, the draft that I prepared for is things that are pink, not things that are the color pink.

But whatever. I'm going to draft Cotton Candy. What in the world does he mean? I don't know what does he mean? I I couldn't tell you well TB. We'll probably find out stay tuned I am drafting cotton key and he's drafts the one on singer pink later Because now it allows me to just draft, which for the polls has to work pretty well. Things are pink.

Oh, very sneaky. But now you've ruined that. Without being a loser, how does that work for the polls? It's still on the board and you're up. I'm up. Yep. I will go with a Flamingo. That's the number two pick. I will go with I will go with a flamingo. Yeah, that's the number two pick

I will go with the flamingo. I amazingly I didn't have cotton candy on the board. It's obviously a great Oh, wow. I just totally spaced on It's interesting which flamingos is very high up there, but they are not naturally pink Yeah, I know they they're like white and then they eat the paint them. Yes They're born white and zoos paint them pink. It's usually a spray can sometimes they have to use a roller though Yeah, okay, just like bluebirds Mike you are up with two picks man. We're flying through. All right, so you went cotton candy and flamingos Man where how do I want to move this along? I am going-

Probably with the pink thing. Yeah, that's a good piece of advice. I'm gonna start it off with, we're gonna go Miss Piggy. I get it, yeah. We're gonna go with Miss Piggy. Yeah, Miss Piggy, okay. Now, were you a, uh, the- A Muppets guy?

A Muppets guy? I was- I was not as- Couldn't get into him. As a young lad, I was not into the Muppets as an older dad the Muppets are Sensational really oh my goodness guys are so annoying no watch them. No. I mean name one that isn't annoying Gonzo no they're all annoying Animal annoying you can piggy super annoying you guys are it's not annoying. It's annoying. Kermit's annoying. Annoying. You guys are super annoying. You guys are missing out.

Kermit's not annoying. Kermit's annoying. Oh, to you? Yeah, well, just my face. You're annoying, little frog. Go away. The Muppets are very funny. OK.

All right. Very often, very subtle humor just for the grownups. Maybe that's what I missed. Oh, the chef's not annoying. Yes. Shrug it, shrug it, shrug it, shrug it. Dude, beaker? Or like, me, me, me or like yeah, that was that's one of those things They keep coming out with movies and shows for and I'm like who's watching this I wonder I am a lot of them I am now. Okay. I love the Muppets and aged into yes. I have I really have amazing

So we're starting out with Miss Piggy and then we are gonna go We're gonna go to the Pink Panther. Okay, I like that. Not on my list, should have been. Did you guys watch Pink Panther cartoons as a young lad? Yeah, it was super cool. Nope, you didn't. Boring.

The Pink Panther was boring. Oh, you're just trying to sell my draft pick. No, no, no, you don't think the pink panthers. You just like the Muppets. The pink panthers very funny. That was the song, right? Yes. Heck yeah.

Yeah, the song is the best part of the pink panther. Plus, doesn't he wear glasses? The pink panther? Sunglasses? Probably a lot of the time. I think you're thinking of Chester Cheetos. I think I am. I think I was conflating those a little bit.

Yeah, no sunglasses for the Pink Panther. You like Cheetos, though? Isn't he really cool? He was always, there was like that hunter guy that was trying to get him all the time. Chester, Cheeto, Pink Panther, they'd hang out. Oh, for sure. Yeah, for sure.

You're back, oh, I'm back up. Yeah, you are. Bubblegum. Okay. I'm taking bubblegum. Okay. Yeah, it would. Bubblegum. Okay. I'm taking bubblegum. Okay. Yeah, it would have been my pick. You sound so crestfallen. Yeah, well, I had kind of a thing going that I was, you know.

Cotton candy, bubblegum, that's what you were wanting to... Uh-huh. I was going to go for the sugar stack. I'm going to... You got two picks? Well, I... You still do it? I was going to go cotton candy,, bubble gum, and strawberry milk, which is so elite.

Here's how I know that you two haven't had strawberry milk recently. Because of our faces? Because you're not agreeing with me. Because I'm a grown up? Sure, yeah. You're not agreeing with me. You're a grown up. You haven't had strawberry milk in 15 years, probably.

Well, they don't really stock it anywhere. You gotta keep going because it's not very good They stock it everywhere go to go to any grocery store They will have in a glass bottle the most delicious strawberry milk you've ever Had in your life and once you taste that I want a phone call I want a phone call apology because it will happen It will not happen if you try it you will call me and apologize you will there's no way it Alternatively if you try it call me and say no, it's not for me. I'll be honest with you Jason You've talked a lot about it, and I think that I Think that you're lamer than the beginning when you started talking about it

I think that you're lamer than the beginning when you started talking about it. Strawberry milk sucks. Dude, you sound so stupid and ignorant right now. Mike, you like strawberry milk? No. Okay. Oh my gosh. You're stupid. But I bet you Al does.

It's so much better than chocolate milk. It's so much better. You know what, Jason? I will do it. You'll try it? I will go and try it and I will give you a phone call. Thank you. And I will accept your apology graciously like a winner.

And I'm seeing a picture of a specific kind. Now, here's a, can I tell you why I don't think I like it? And maybe you can correct it. When I have chocolate milk, do you know what the milk is flavored by? Chocolate? It's flavored by chocolate. Oh, I knew it.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Wait, ask the strawberry thing. When you have strawberry milk, what is it flavored by? Strawberry. No, strawberry flavoring. It flavor. Yeah, yeah, yeah, we asked the strawberry thing when you have strawberry milk. What is it flavored by strawberry? Flavoring it flavor. It's not strawberries grinded up into a milk. It's fake Hold on. That's why I don't like it. Just real quick back to the chocolate milk So you guys are telling me like you guys just drink

Chocolate milk that is not a protein shake just well Not anymore. I'm a. Well, not anymore. No, I'm a grown up. Not anymore. But you. Dude, strawberry milk is so good you can't let that go. I've had a glass of chocolate milk here and there. I don't even.

Get the gallon. You ever make a peanut butter sandwich and dip it in chocolate milk? No. Do it. No. I don't have chocolate milk. All right, we are moving on.

Jason is linking me to Door Dash where I can buy chocolate, milk. No, strawberry milk. It's unbelievable. Sorry. Blow your mind. Holy crap, that's expensive. All right.

It's the Danzine. How do you say this? How do you say their name? Danzisen? Sure. It sounds like they're local to Phoenix. Sounds like a chemical factory. OK, well then, if you're listening, and sometimes we get asked, what should I do? I'm traveling

to Phoenix. What should I do when I'm in Phoenix? You gotta stop by a grocery store. You gotta get this local dairy. How much of this strawberry milk you putting down, buddy? Oh man. Has this been a real cause of concern? I can't touch the stuff. I'm telling you, if I get a sip, it's like a full-blown ad. That gallon is gone. It's hidden all over the house in different fridges.

It's so good. You have no idea. OK. I also have an orange cream one that is extremely good. OK, I can get in on that. OK. All right, so I'm still up. You took my bubble gum.

I've got strawberry milk. I've got cotton candy. I'm going to keep my sugar rage going because it is the best. I don't usually like things that are like a, you know, like a pink yoga mat, right? It's like yoga mats come in all colors. But this one is important that it's pink.

Sure. It's the pink Starburst. Yes, I find this acceptable. It is by far the most important Starburst. I mean, pink or red, sure, but whatever. Pink or red, pink or red starburst. I mean, pink or red, sure, whatever. Pink or red, pink or red. I mean, pink and red. Yeah, yeah, that's fine.

And then throw the rest of the garbage. But I'm taking the pink starburst. Pink starburst is a good pick. I respect that pick. I got the betis up in me. Cotton candy, strawberry milk, pink starburst. I'm type two, baby. This isn't natural. It's type two.'s type 2 right I wasn't born this way

I did this I Put it on my boots pulled up my bootstraps I've got an animal. I've got bubble gum, so I've got a food. I'm gonna shift to a character, because Mike has taken two characters. Oh man, don't take my guys. I'm taking Kirby. That is unforgivable.

Taking Kirby. Yeah, I figured that would be honest. I knew Mike was gonna take, there's no way Kirby was getting by Mike. Oh man. Very cool character, very pink. Very, very pink. I've read you more as a pink panther guy.

Yeah, yeah. Now Kirby would definitely, it was going to be my next pick. You have, oh man, what do we do with this plan now? Well, the plan is in shambles. Yeah, you were going all characters? I was going all characters. Can I interest you, there's one more character. Pink.

Still on the board. We're gonna go at least three characters. Before I take the character, I will take a tutu. A tutu? A tutu. I respect the pink. A tutu is always pink. A tutu is usually pink.

Yeah, that's right. I thought about like... A ballerina tutu is pink. Yeah. I don't know. A lot of ballerina tutus are often white. If you picture a dress, quickly, do you think pink? No.

What's the dress color you picked? Black. Red? Red. Black? Red, red, black. Say red. Yeah.

Maybe I was thinking tutu. Yeah. Because that's pink. Okay. To me it is. And then... Awesome pick. Thank you. It's better than strawberry milk. You're nasty. Nothing is better than strawberry milk. You're nasty, nasty man.

Yeah, I am. It's gross. Yeah. Type two. Type two nasty. And then we will, my twos, where my twos at? From the front to back, where my twos at? We've got strong resistance.

Strong resistance to that insulin. Yeah, we don't... Stand up. Um, well, it was gonna be Kirby, this guy, but it's fine. I'll still take him. Bing Bong! Oh, Bing Bong was near making my list. Yes!

Very pink, but I couldn't remember. Like, I looked up pink characters and Bing Bong from the original Inside Out, like what a great character, but honestly I couldn't call the character to mind. I had to then Google Bing Bong and then once I saw him I was like, oh yeah, very pink, but I didn't put him on my list because I didn't remember. Do we all remember what Bing Bong looks like?

No, if you had told me to draw Bing Bong, I would have not known the color. I know. I know he's not the most popular, but he is impactful. Those that are on Team Bing Bong, they are now shedding many tears. Yeah, I mean, he was a good character. I just didn't remember his color.

Bing Bong, Bing Bong. I originally planned. I have a history. I have a history with ice cream. So I had originally thought I'd go strawberry ice cream, but I really don't like it that much and I just railed on strawberry milk, which look, those are very similar. So Jason, if you want it, it's all yours. Instead, I will go with, much like your pink Starburst, I will go with a very clear sold,

I don't know why it's better, but it is better, but pink lemonade. Oh yeah. I'm taking pink lemonade. It's on my list. I don't know why pink, why is pink lemonade better better, but pink lemonade. Oh, yeah I'm taking some my list. I don't know why pink Why is pink lemonade better than regular lemonade sweeter is that what it is? Yeah, lemonade is usually more tart I is that why so it's a sweeter lemonade Yeah, which is surprising for Mike because Mike loves the tart. I do I do like do you like pink? I love pink. Yeah, that's good. It's still tart. Yeah, I mean from the lemons The pink lemon on account of them lemons.

Jason, you got that- I got the sugar fix. You got that two stack. I got cotton candy. I got strawberry milk. I got pink Starburst, so there's only one way I could possibly finish my draft. Pepto Bismol, baby! Good finish.

I'm gonna live. I'm gonna survive. It is the pink stuff. Yes. I'm going to live. I'm going to survive. It is the pink stuff. It is. I can take them in a tablet. I can drink it. And then I can eat more starburst. You ever wash down a tablet with the liquid form?

Oh, that's like swallow the tablet with Pepto. Use Pepto as the drink. I thought you were going to ask if you ever downed a Pepto with strawberry milk or poured it right in. Confuse the tall. The two. This was a tall glass of Pepto. Pepto is the most perfect follow-up for your three picks. That is a great, dangerous, very dangerous draft. Got a powerhouse team. Okay, that does it for drafting things that are pink we preempted Jason's tricky musician reference and Other things on the list grapefruit. Yeah, nasty. You don't like grapefruit. No

cherry blossoms Pink Power Ranger thought if you need another character, you know, I'm a pig Yeah, but I took miss piggy pink lipstick Sure. Yeah pink sprinkled on a most famous a pink Yeah, but I took Miss Piggy. Pink lipstick. Sure. Yeah, pink sprinkle donut. It's not even the most famous. A pink sprinkle donut mix. The Homer donut.

You guys got any others? I've got salmon, which is kind of pink, but usually people call it salmon kiss. Yeah, it's a color. A dragon fruit. Save it for things that are salmon draft. I've got a Cadillac. Pink Cadillac? Yeah, pink Cadillac. Cadillac? Yeah, I'm down with it.

It's a whole song about the pink Cadillac. I'm okay with that one. That one that you didn't pick. Anything else? We good? Nope, that was it. Deucers, you got anything for us? You got all the good ones. What did we learn today? I learned that I will be getting a phone call

hopefully tonight from Andy. Yeah, I was say I learned that there's a there's a stronger demand for strawberry milk than I understood. You will understand it soon. I have just learned that Pink Cadillac was a Bruce Springsteen song. There you go. Interesting. Don't care. Pretty famous. Alright that'll do it for today, Spitballers. We'll catch you next time. Goodbye. Thanks for listening to the Spitballers Podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out spitballerspod.com.