Spitballers Comedy Podcast - 299: Traffic Jelly & Things That Are Sticky - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: September 9, 2024

Join us for this laugh filled episode as we discuss the merits of Traffic Jelly, talk ancient transportation and wrap things up with a Things That Are Sticky Draft. Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast!  - Would You Rather?  - What’s The Difference?  - Things That Are Sticky Connect with the show: Become an Official Spitwad - http://www.patreon.com/spitballers Visit us on the web - https://www.spitballerspod.com Follow us on X - https://x.com/SpitballersPod Follow us on Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/spitballers... Subscribe on YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/spitballers  #comedyshow #funny #comedypodcast

What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers Podcast with Andy, Mike and Jason. Who have bing bing b Dinga De Wub Wub? Is that Sassmo again? I hope so man. And next week, Mike, you know what to do. It's a Satch Attack.

He's back. That was not bad. I thought that was actually... Maybe your best. I didn't really have anything planned. It's only episode 299 You don't really have to worry about it until Wait, wait, wait. The next one is 300. Yeah Mike's got it Thankfully, it's Mike. All right, so just don't let us down on episode 300 never

It needs to be worthy of that milestone. That's up to Owl. Can't wait to see the surprises. I don't think there's going to be any surprises. Would you rather, what's the difference, and we are drafting things that are sticky on today's episode. So sticky, icky, icky.

That will be great. I'm so glad I have the number one pick. Of oh it's what what a draft it's really important on today's draft we've got Al Borland in the building Papa Josh the Falcon they're all sitting in here and you know very happy to have them with us happy to be here we are gonna kick it off but first I want to remind you, spitballerspod.com, you can do us a favor by leaving us a review following the show wherever you're listening, and then of course go to X at Spitballers Pod if you want to follow us there and find out everything we're doing, everything going on.

Let's go ahead and kick it off. Would you rather question from Stefan on Patreon says would you rather only be able to travel by horseback or have to use traditional mail for all communication? For all communication? We gotta have like some limits on all communication. I mean that's like talking. No I think the implication here is anything from a distance. No emails, no text. Okay that that is the limit I need. That's an um it seems like an impossible situation to overcome but the other one is you have to ride horseback everywhere? Horseback everywhere but then like you know your

phone calls are out, texts are out, traditional mail you're not overnighting it. You got it, it's traditional mail. So the mail is also horseback. Well, I don't mind that. But I mean, it's just you don't get to rush it. I have no idea. I wonder if you have this too, but like a strange, romanticized version of what it was like. When you're like, imagine that world where there's no cars. And everyone is to get around.

If you're going a long distance, you gotta hoof it or you gotta ride a horse, and there's something that sounds pretty good about that. I can't believe you said that, because yesterday, on the drive home from work, in the distance was a, like a billowing smoke, okay? Like something was on fire? Like something was on fire in the distance. was a, like a billowing smoke, okay? And- Like something was on fire?

Like something was on fire in the distance. And I literally did the exercise in my brain of like, what if this was an old dirt road and I was on a horseback and I saw smoke off- Yeah! And I saw smoke off in the distance and I was traveling from town, like I literally went into the,

what if I was 200 years ago and how how much slower life is? And how you if you want to go and get some food? That is like better bring the gun say goodbye to your family in the morning Right get the get the horses in the buggy and go on a trip that might involve a camping sleep for a couple times and then you get there and you try to get what you need. Like there is no... I would imagine in horsey time that things were closer. They're not like they're not gonna be like hey the nearest saloon is 50 miles away. I mean between cities, but within your city

or your village or whatever. That's not how the Wild West worked. I mean, when you were, yes, once something is established, but as you progress across the country, like towns were, it was a long time to go. Like I just read a book about people that would, they'd have to travel to go get the time once a week. The town had to, the town has to travel

to go to the Naval Academy by horse. And then they just forgot again? They're just like, ah. 12.15, ah crap. No, cause you gotta set your watch by the official time. Bring, you bring one watch back. There's no digital. I mean, you guys are acting like there's a way to get it.

But no, the point is, if you've got a watch, why doesn't it just keep telling the time? Because watches break. Yeah, if your watch died. I mean, if you forget to wind your watch, you're not going to know what time it was. And they eventually, so they go to verify it once a week. Point being, I literally put myself in that spot of like,

and I don't know if it was because we were so busy with work, all this stuff going on, but I've had this practice now where I'll just turn the radio, I'll turn everything off. My entire drive is dead silent. And it's like a treat. Just raw dog in the drive. Yeah, raw dog that drive. New record. New record. And back then, you just, there's a good comedian that has a bit on this about mindfulness didn't exist when they were growing up.

They're like, if I went to the bathroom, I just went to the bathroom. Mindfulness. They're like, if I stayed in line, I just waited in line. Mindfulness. Because you didn't get the chance to be distracted all the time. Right.

So I mean, horseback, I'm taking horseback. I want it to take a while to get to where I'm going. One, I'm going to really want to go there. It's not on a whim. I really, really want to get there, because I'm going to travel for two days. Two, I'm a cowboy. Three, you're bow-legged.

Did you stop and think about that? Eventually. Now you walk like. But everybody is. Yeah. If you. Wait, this is an everybody thing? I thought so. If we're all overweight, are you overweight, Jay? No, I guess not. You're the weight. I'm the weight. Wow, that's really true. I am weights. Have you thought about that as an alternative weight loss strategy? I guess I didn't, I thought this was only for us, not for everybody. So this is the world has to travel by horseback?

I don't know. That's how I was imagining it And then you got me thinking Andy of the okay. You got to go out right, and we now we're so connected and I've talked about this on the show before of like if my wife goes out to run errands and I call her and she doesn't answer the phone the first time. I immediately think that she has been in a car crash She's a kid. Like some Catastrophe has happened because I can't get a hold of her immediately When you had to go out like this and you say I'll be back in three days time

How what is the overage before you start to actually get concerned because it's got to be like a week Yeah, if you take just 25% longer, that's a whole other day. And then if you're... And you sit at home and you're like... I hope he comes back. Yeah, you're like, oh, OK, well, if they don't, I'll never know.

If this is for everybody and it's not just for myself, it's like the world either travels by horseback or all communication goes back in time and it's not just for myself. It's like the world either travels by horseback or all communication goes back in time and it's snail mail. I am definitely taking the communication because I think that would be so good for society to stop with the instant communication. You know what? I was, it's perfect that you said that

because I just, I wanted to pull this up. I remembered this from a long time ago and this was kind of validated. A person today is exposed to as much information in one single day than someone born in the 15th century would be exposed to in their entire lifetime. I mean that is, a bunch of dummies. And we wonder why we're broken.

Too much. We're not meant to have, we need stuff to come slow and correctly as opposed to fast and incorrectly, yeah Do now this is this is old man time. I hate We're old men here. Oh Man, this feels so old what I'm about to say. Oh man, Jay. Oh Oh man, this feels so old what I'm about to say. Oh man, Jay.

Oh. But do you remember the excitement of getting a letter in the mail? Yeah. I mean, it was like, that was the only way you got the- Yes. It's also called just getting a letter. Like, we were at the age where it's like, I had a friend.

It's still called getting a letter. I had a friend that went to California for the summer, and we wrote. Oh, you pen pal. We pen pal. No text. No, there was no text. No.

It was just, you wrote a letter, you sent it, and then you wait a week and every day you go to the mailbox like, ah, maybe I've got a letter back. Nah. We might. Oh, maybe I've got a letter back. Nah. Oh, I've got a golden ticket.

We might need a button for the show that is like the old man button, but you're right. I mean that you can't get that back either. There's certain like I you know what was awesome? Toothpaste is out. What was awesome for me growing up was I'd go out, I'd wake up, I'd go out in the freezing cold to get the newspaper to find out if my team won. To find freezing cold. Yeah.

Arizona, 40s, whatever. Oh, good lord, man, 40s? And because I needed to know if this home team won and there wasn't a way to know that. You could, the paper was the only way to know who won the game if you missed it. Now, when I described something, the letter, it was like, that was cool, it was nostalgic, we can't get that back.

You chose in your example to be like, it's freezing outside. I want to go back where I had to. It was uphill both ways to go get that paper. It's like the blockbuster stuff. You can get a movie, any movie, any show instantaneously, so the anticipation of receiving it, it goes down. It's not as fun, but if you went to Blockbuster and you browse all the movies, you went and paid, you brought it home, and then you have to watch it

within a couple days, it's an event. You don't get that back. Right. You don't get it back! I know, but it's... A horse for me, Mike, what are you doing? Well, I'm riding a horse, brother. I'll take communication. Jules from X writes in, but it's... A horse for me, Mike, what are you doing? Well, I'm riding a horse, brother. All right.

I'll take communication. Jules from X writes in, would you rather swim in an overly chlorinated pool without goggles? Oh, that's not a good time. Like a public pool? Yeah, right, or a water park. One of those hotel pools.

Oh man. Those things are outrageous. They're outrageous. When you walk in the lobby of one of those places and you smell it and it's like. Yeah. Is there no limit to how much you're allowed to put in? I think at a hotel, there is law of how much

you have to put in. Now, they're like, somebody got sued once for bacteria. And they're like, we're not letting that happen again. I don't think there's water in it. I think it's just chlorine. You're swimming in chlorine? You're just swimming in pure chlorine. Everyone has a weird

smell that they like. You're into chlorine? Dude, the closed room hotel pool. Come on, you're into that? There's something about it man. It's really weird, but that chlorine it's smells so clean. Oh my I see I like gasoline So there's no base of what what and I like my parts Yes, oh my god, at least I'm not a Jason do you like I'm not one in six weird Do you like a permanent marker? No, I don't I don't think I've got You don't gotta like any of those smells? I think a tire shop. What about a Windex? You like a good Windex?

Well, tires rub. Rubber is. Yeah. But that's also a new shoe, which, oh, man. I didn't even get to the second half of this. Would you rather swim in the pool that Mike talked about without goggles? Now, that's going to come with a cost, I mean, quickly.

Or wash a paper cut out with lemon juice. This is an easy one. Did you know, you ever heard about eyelids? I was gonna say I literally don't swim with goggles usually. I mean that's my default swimming and I don't open my eyes under the water. Yeah, that's a young man's game. I don't do it. I never did. I never did it even when I was a kid. Oh, man. You did?

No goggles? I swim blind. That is no living. Wait, you close your eyes? I close my eyes and swim blind. I know people like you. They're weird. Do you still open your eyes in the pool?

100%. Oh, I can't. I cannot do it anymore. Really? Well, look, if it's chlorinated, which is a pool. Yeah, I know. But some pools are way less chlorinated because they're a salt cell pool.

Okay. Or you don't need as much to maintain it. I grew up with a pool that almost had no chlorine in it and so I always swim with my eyes open. Then now I've grown up, have a chlorinated pool, it wrecks you in like five minutes. Yeah. I mean, it's awful.

In this question though, you're opening your eyes underwater. Oh, okay. I don't think I can. I literally, my body won't let me. It's the weirdest thing man. I can't get myself like when I was a kid I could not get myself to trust that I can. You have an eye thing though right? Like you couldn't do contacts? Right I can't touch my eyeball and something about like I don't believe, I don't believe that I'm allowed to open my eyes underwater

Like the water is gonna get into my eyeballs I don't know But I don't I genuinely don't know if I could go like if you gave me a hundred dollars and you said here Here's a here's a Benjamin you put it on the table and you said you get that all you got to do Go go in your pool. It's nice out go underwater open your eyes, and I will give you this hundred dollars And you can't I I want that $100. Jason's version, if he went on Fear Factor, it would be the most basic stuff under this.

It would be like, all right, for this one, Jason Moore is gonna attempt to get a standard IV. Yeah. Oh, he got his IV! And then it's like, being a- Now he has to return something at Target. Yeah! It's like, for his final challenge,

this encased spider will just sit here and do absolutely nothing while you stand and watch. He has to be in a room with one completely encased, non-venomous spider. I couldn't do it. I couldn't do it. It's just a steel box. You can't even seal the spider. You see it, and they're just like, it's in there. You can't even see it? And. I couldn't do it. It's just a steel box. You can't even seal the spider.

You see it, and they're just like, it's in there. You can't even see it? And you still don't do it. Man, you guys are creeping me out. That sounds awful. I'm not even joking, though. That sounds really terrible. But yeah, I don't think I can open my eyes underwater.

So I'm going to be literally be washing them. I'll wash the paper cut. Yeah, the paper cut. That'll sting like the dick. It's such a paper cut. I'll wash the paper cut. Yeah, the paper cut. That'll sting like the dick in the- It's such a small area. It'll go away fast. You can do anything to a small paper cut area for a while. This is wasabi.

Yeah. Wasabi's going to burn, but then it's over. I mean, it's like putting the, what, peroxide on a cut. Sure. And you're like, this is going to hurt real bad. That's true. That's also a really good point. You wipe an alcohol-

That's a very old man thing because they just say don't. I don't think you're supposed to do that anymore. They say don't do that. Yeah. That's like out. What about just like an alcohol wipe? That's fine.

Yeah, like you clean it. But peroxide is like corrosive to some degree, so I think it slows the healing down. The bubbling was, that was the bad stuff leaving my body. Yeah, that means it's working. Yeah. I have a fun story So I was, the bubbling was, that was the bad stuff leaving my body. Yeah, that means it's working. Yeah. I have a fun story because I was having, I think an earache or some kind of ear problem

and somewhere in the grapevine 20 years ago, it was probably about 15 years ago because I was married and someone told me that you should like put hydrogen peroxide in your ear. Oh. I did it every single. So my wife, I lay down sideways put hydrogen peroxide in your ear. Oh, I did it every single so My wife I lay down sideways. She puts it on my ear. I this only time in my life that While I'm not moving in any capacity the entire room was spinning in circles

Just oh you're equilibrium when the room was spinning without moving That's crazy the whole room like when I was growing up my mom mama more She would clean out my ears with hydrogen peroxide Every week she must have distilled that thing with water or something Oh, no, I mean it was straight out of the brown thing right into the cap really into my ear Yeah, and then and then it made all the the sparkling noises Oh, so you did your room didn't spin now, but I think, is this like one of those did you eat paint chips as a kid situation?

Hydrogen peroxide, while effectively killing bacteria, damages surrounding healthy tissue, potentially slowing the healing process. So it's better soap and water. Soap and water or an anointment. So just a little PSA out there, people. I heard an anointment, so. a little little PSA out there people. I heard an ointment so you also want to be anointed. If you get knighted your wounds shall heal. I was

anointed often when I got cuts and they went away. Oh I didn't see Al Borland had just shared the information about hydrogen peroxide and I missed it. Yes apparently it's not good anymore. Yeah I mean you know the leeches. Back in my day lead yeah I just say we did leeches too and eventually we graduate so like those dummies with their leeches give me the hydrogen yes yes this is why it's so funny we know for the cut just once you hold it open while you pour it in to make sure I get all the bacteria we're old men but you know what we should learn that we know nothing yeah we should be humble enough to know that everything we say dogmatically today is but you know what? We should learn that we know nothing. Yep. We should be humble enough to know

that everything we say dogmatically today is probably gonna change. Do you remember the food pyramid? At least some of it. You remember the food pyramid? Oh yeah, that's upside down now. All right, Bethany from the website. Would you rather miss your child's first steps?

Oh. Or miss watching the Super Bowl in which your team wins. Okay. Now I don't have... Red alert! I don't have the number, but I would be curious of like how many children do both parents see the first step? Witness that? Yeah. It feels like something that is usually just one parent. I feel like if you're lucky, both of them see it. I feel like that milestone and the first word are pushed upon us as though if you miss it, it's devastating. Right.

And I never had that thought. Like I. Is that because they're going to keep walking and keep talking? That would be why. Like if she says to me, if my wife called and said he took his first step, I'll be like, oh, cool. I'm coming home later. I'm going to get to see that.

And it wouldn't be like, in his second step, in his third step, in his fourth step? He's done. He said this is it. That's so funny, Mike. Yeah, no, it's a really good point. It's like, if it was do you want to miss your child's only word, yeah, that would matter a lot. Right. If it was, do you want to miss your child's only word? Yeah.

Yeah, that would matter a lot. Right. Only? He's going to say one word. You want to be there for that? Whatever it is, it's his final word. So I think here's- Spider.

I think I was there for the first steps of my children. All of them. But I don't remember. Right. Yeah, no, I don't- I don't know, man. I have kids. I've gone through this. But I don't remember. Right. No, I don't. I don't know, man. I have kids.

I've gone through this. So I don't care, man. Give me that Super Bowl. I'm trying to think back of, did I see them, and I don't remember. Yeah, I don't know. I was there for the first poop on the little potty. Yeah.

That's the moment I wanted to be there for. There's no chance I missed all three of my kids' first steps. And I mean, I don't know. I don't. Did your twins do it at the exact same moment? So you had to divert your eyes or cross-eyed or something? Oh, no, no, no. My daughter was, you know.

The winner? She was, well, I mean, she was rambunctious versus calm. And so she needed to be on the move. So let me ask you this. So Jason doesn't remember the steps. Andy don't I don't remember deuces is anyone if you have children I do Remember one of them. I do remember yeah easier to remember What do you remember more the steps or the couple Green Bay Packers Super Bowls that you have watched? Don't make me say yeah

I'm picking the sports team. Yeah baby. I mean come on. My kid's still walking. Now what if you were at the, if you're at the Super Bowl and you miss the steps is that worse? No that's way better. Okay. I don't have a reason. Yeah because I don't- So you gotta go. I don't even care. No, you're- no, you- the math says no matter what I miss when I go to the Super Bowl, I gotta do it. Can I change this question? Yeah.

Sure. What if- No, it's a sacred question. Don't do it. What if it was a different dilemma and it had to do with the birth of your child, but you do make the birth, but you make it by a minute. Like you dive into the room, you make the birth, but you're not there to help the rest.

I'm still there, man. If I made it, I made it. Oh, so you're saying you do this every fall? Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. Now if I miss, if you're saying, I am gone because I had to travel you know, I mean this I'm sure has happened to someone where it's like the Super Bowl is in Miami and

The the wife is pregnant right? Couple weeks out then you you travel and you go out of state and then all of a sudden labor says it's today and Labor says what and then imagine you're there and you've already flown to Miami the Super Bowls in Miami and it's it's today and labor says what and then imagine you're there and you've already flown to Miami the Super Bowl is in Miami and it's it's you messed up going you messed up going but I can get home you know you need to enjoy the game I can get home in an hour flight let's say okay okay and your wife sends you a link she's like here here's a ticket you You better go. To the game? I don't think the FaceTime labor is a big thing. The great news is your child won't remember

that you weren't there. Yeah, but your wife will. I know, you gotta go back. Now see, to get back into old man talk, the husbands used to just chill in the waiting room while it all happened. They weren't allowed in. Yeah, they'd smoke in the waiting room.

What, the smoking room. What? That's not a joke. I know. And you know how much? In the hospital. In the hospital waiting room. Again, things are changing. We're gonna say we did something wrong.

What do you think we do today that is insanely stupid? Social media. Oh, that's a good one. Will be gone. It will be annihilated. I don't think it'll be able to go. There will look back and there will be like two generations that were destroyed.

And we'll look back in 100 years and go, those were the two that were broken by social media. I always thought it was braces. Like this generation, this era, takes metal and cement in your mouth and breaks your bones so that you can look a certain way. So you look aesthetically pleasing.

Right. I was like, I think people will look back hundreds of years from now and be like. Yeah, they're still doing it. Maybe the metal on the cement, but see, at least with braces, it's better for your health. For your, yeah. Like it fixes your health.

If your bite. So we think. Talk to old one tooth over there. I don't know what you're talking about. What do you think, Mike? Can you think of anything we do today that's just like. Oh, AI. Boys, I like your optimism of 100 years from now.

That's cute. If there was 100 years from now. That's cute. If there was 100 years from now. Yeah, we're toast. All right, we'll take, we got break time? Did we take a break already? We got break time. Oh, I couldn't remember. Let's take a break.

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What's the difference between me and you? All right, we are looking at what's the difference as you know, it's our job to settle some debates. What is the difference between a bistro, a cafe, and a diner. This is a great, great question. A bistro feels foreign to me. A bistro feels like a fancier diner. Do we have bistros in America? You can have bistros in America if they are international. If they're foreign-owned?

You can have a French bistro. Are they all French? Of course they are. I think they're all-owned? You can have like a French bistro. Are they all French? Of course they are. I think they're all French. A bistro is French. I've come to the expert here. Hola. A cafe and a diner.

A diner I feel like must be within a certain amount of yards from a major interstate. Right, that's fair. That's how it feels to me. And it used to be, it had to be in a boxcar right also true really yeah a diner uh-huh yeah it used to be a boxcar I what what if he said it it's true it's in a boxcar near the near the highway I don't know okay are you so you don't know what he's saying I I have no idea oh look something up.

Wait, when you say a box car, are you talking like a train? Yeah. Like a dining car on a train? You think that's where it came from? If you search box car diner right now, you can see a link that says, why so many diners look like train cars? I didn't know that.

Yeah. But that's not what that was. I think it might have something to do with the dining car. Because in a train, there's a dining car, and then they kind of just went with that and the shape of I did not know that was a smaller It looked like a dining car. What's a cafe to you does it serve dinner a cafe? Yes, no dinner breakfast items only all lunch lunch cafe, too Yeah, I feel like a cat yeah, okay cafe does not have a good breakfast a cafe

Does not have a full kitchen You know they can't make all the meals. They're like, you know, they they're a bar in a cafe No, huh? No way as there isn't a diner. Yeah. No, I don't mean like serving alcohol I mean the kind you you like you can sit at the bar you sit at the bar with a Coffee. Yes a diner. I think they both probably have that. The cafe, at least a modern cafe, yeah, they don't have a kitchen. They just have the big box, it's not a microwave, but it's now the super heater. I don't know what they're...

Panini Press. Are you talking about like when they... Convection. Is it a convection? Yeah. You put it in, I mean, they're crazy because they heat... No, not convection. They heat things up in about 90 seconds.

No, oh man. Sounds like there's a what's the difference here of all these things you cook with. A bistro, I wouldn't trust if it's not written in a script font. Oh, okay. I don't feel like a bistro can exist in a standard non-scripted font. And they have to have burgers.

And a diner, it needs to be able to have like an Like a neon light Of course. Yes. Yeah, if a doesn't have neon no cuz they're not open at night, right? I'm I am I am like really frustrated. I'm trying to figure out what this is I don't you guys are making up some what is that device? It's driving me bonkers. What are you talking about? Okay, so you go to a Sub place, like Subway, and they say, would you like that toasted?

Yeah, toaster oven. Is it? But these things are like super duper toaster ovens. Your toaster oven at home. Industrial toaster oven. Maybe industrial. I'm just saying, at home, your toaster oven is not doing to a sandwich what that thing does.

Yeah, I know what you're talking about Jason's lost that's all that I'm talking. Oh my gosh Jason's gone. What is what is the the countertop like the the It's not convection that you know the countertop where you where you can heat stuff We have like the jeopardy Thank you, I am sorry that sometimes sometimes something gets in my mind and I can't let it go. What an idiot. Induction, thank you. Papa Josh, you've never looked more handsome.

What is the difference between a viewpoint, a perspective, and an opinion? So hypothetically, Mike, you've got a number of different viewpoints. Mike has a unique perspective on something Mike has his own opinions What's the difference between those? this is a good question a viewpoint is not something that you need others to have or share a

Viewpoint is simply change way from where you're standing. Well, yeah, I mean, it's your point of view That's what I mean. But a viewpoint is just simply, it's like an opinion that you don't need others to share, to agree with. Most people want our opinions to be agreed with, right? Like I think an opinion is something you try to win other people over on.

Which you just gave an opinion. Yes I did. Yes I did, Mike. The perspective and viewpoint are very similar because they both represent like, when you talk about a perspective, it's from where you're sitting and when you talk about a viewpoint, it's from where you're sitting. You see things differently for both than other people because they're sitting over there or they're sitting over there they're sitting over there no so I think I think

a person I I think as perspective versus a viewpoint a viewpoint is like this is a thing I care about in my life like this is this is a thing I believe but which one for a viewpoint a viewpoint is like this is what I believe but that's not because of who you are you know what I believe but that's not because of who you are you know what I mean but but your point your perspective I don't know what you mean your perspective is the reason I think this is because of what I've gone through. The only way you can see my viewpoint or my perspective is if you stand where I'm standing when I look at the Grand Canyon.

In your shoes. In your shoes. In my shoes. You gotta put on his actual shoes. That's a viewpoint? Yeah. That's how your viewpoints will merge. Yeah, there's otherwise you're just looking for your- You'll need a ladder too.

We all have our own viewpoints, perspectives, and opinions and they can't be, an opinion can be shared. It's a shared opinion. Oh, okay. You can share a whistle with a friend. Yeah. Can you share a whistle with a friend. Yeah. Can you share a perspective?

No. That's yours. You can have shared viewpoints, can't you? Yes. Yeah, if you're wearing the shoes. A perspective. Yeah, you've got to be in the shoes of the Grand Canyon. This seems like the kind of question

that you might answer with your own viewpoint, your own perspective. I think this is the first. It would be presumptuous of me to try to answer for you. It's the first what's the difference where we will end it and I will be even more confused. And that's why I wanna know what's the difference between jelly, jam, and preserves.

Okay, here we go. These are important. Here we go. Jelly is smooth. Seedless. Smooth. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It can look gelatinous.

Yes, but it is. This is a good one for today's draft. They ain't no chunks. No, no chunks of jelly. And you don't find real fruit in it. No! It might exist, but it's smooth, and you don't know it's there. Jelly is science stuff, man.

Jelly is 100%. That came from a production line. and preserves though those are starting to get a we're blurring the line there well it sometimes it's about the jar okay preserves preserves come in a this is not a squeeze bottle you're not having a squeeze well they'll never make it out right because it's so chonky. You can squeeze bottle jam? You can squeeze bottle jam. I didn't know that. I thought jam was always in a jar.

Because when it's in the jar, does it say jam no preserves, or does it say jelly no preserves? I do not know. Both? I think both can make the point of letting you know you're not getting stuck with preserves. Because I don't want to get stuck with them, and neither do you. Preserves is what you get

when here's what here's what that is. Preserves are bad? Is that the leftover fruit? Preserves are basically like if there's no jelly or jam you can preserve this toast by putting this crap on it. I thought that's what that means. I thought preserves were like the nice organic like oh you got chunks of fruit all up in there. Oh yeah, for sure. They might not even peel the fruit the way they should. They just dug this thing right out of the ground.

Is it that the preserves are chewy? Where like the jam is, it's not smooth like jelly, but it's not chewy. Correct, jam is the middle ground between jelly and preserves. Yes, yes, I completely agree. That's why it can still fit in a squeeze bottle. It's hard, but it can still get there. There's no way you're putting preserves in a squeeze bottle

No preserves might as well be like, you know You want Apple preserves step on an apple three times put in a jar, right? You've preserved it. Yeah, it's over. So like and when stuff When something can't come out of a container, that's why you say it got jammed That's why you say it got jammed. That's right. Because it can't get jellied, because jelly's smooth and it has no problem flowing out. You cannot get jelly.

Jam can get stuck. I've never been in a bad jelly. No, but you've been in a traffic jam. Yeah, not a traffic jelly. No. I guess traffic jellies just, you know, that's just smooth sailing. No, that's good traffic.

Yeah, say everyone's going at a really high rate of speed. Okay. All right, we figured that out. What is the difference between being hurt, injured, and wounded? Well, I have a question. This is a great question for my children. Oh, yeah, it is important.

I've got to be honest. Off the cuff, wounded can only happen in a war. Well, it's definitely, yeah. Wounded's bad. Wounded is bad. I mean, you can't say say, oh man, he played in that local rec basketball game and was wounded? No, no. No, there's a musket involved.

Or a cannon. There's some weapon. It has to be some weapon. Can you be wounded in a home invasion? No, no. I don't think so. I think you've got to be wounded in Korea. Yeah, yeah, you're right.

It's got to be a battle. It might only be Korea. Some kind of battle is what causes wounds. Then injured is a long-term hurt. If I'm hurt- It has to be diagnosable. If I'm hurt, I won't be hurt tomorrow. I hurt my toe. Okay, okay, let's tease that. Yeah, you hurt your toe.

Yeah, if you're injured, a doctor will validate the pain. If you're hurt, a doctor might say, yeah, nothing's wrong with you. Yeah, take some Tylenol. And you can't injure your feelings. Right, you can hurt your feelings. So it's not as, maybe hurt, injured is worse. Maybe hurt is like, you can't really see it?

If I hurt, maybe it's an invisible injury. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, you just can't really see it? If I, maybe it's an invisible injury. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, you just can't diagnose it. But I will say that if I hurt my toe, and then tomorrow it still hurts, turns out I actually injured my toe. You think? Oh yeah, for sure.

Yeah, I'm with that. Not just the baby? No. No. No, that was an injury if it hurts two days in a row. All right. Let's take a break and let's draft. We're driven by the search for better. But when it comes to hiring, the best way to search for a

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You need to hire, you need Indeed. All righty, it's time to draft. We are drafting things that are sticky. And let me tell you folks, there's a lot of sticky things out there. None of this, none of draft in a stick nonsense. Nope, things that are sticky. That's a good dad joke, Toad.

All right, we... The Spitballers Draft. Are so ready to draft. I knew something felt empty there was something inside of me fuck like it was I'm not complete right now thanks deucers for taking over we got you things that are sticky draft all right now I think that there's I have the number one pick and I do think that there's something that maybe the polls, maybe the voters out

there, maybe they'll give more credence to this one sticky thing that belongs at the top of the draft, but I simply don't want to take it. I think that there is one thing that I think is the most sticky. Is the 101? That is the 101 that I want on my team. I don't just wanna draft something and pander. I want the number one sticky thing when I think of sticky things, and that is honey. Yes, that is the 101. I am taking honey at 101.

Yes, because it is the stickiest of all things. It is the stickiest. Okay, okay, good. It's the clear 101. When we're done with the draft, we can talk about the thing I thought was number one that people would prefer. What is crazy to me?

I mean, it's insane. I can't, like, there's got to be studies done on it. There's no way. When you take a brand new, you know, let's say it's the bear squeeze bottle of honey. Right. You take this thing, and it's brand new, and it's not sticky on the outside.

Don't open it. And you put a little dollop, you know, you open it, you unscrew it, get the cap. You put a little dollop, you know, you open it, you unscrew it, get the cap. You put a little dollop of honey on a bun, and then you put that back and you watch it. No honey spilled out of this cap. The next time you go and grab that honey, it's sticky. Yep. How?

It is, no one has ever accomplished getting honey without making the container sticky. It's impossible I mean that that's the that is the one-on-one it was the top of my list yeah I was I thought maybe there were a couple other things that people might pander to but I have for me it's honey we're doing a sticky draft we're really pandering to the crowd trying to win that poll always Mike 299 episodes of competition All right Am I up all right you are you took honey it was It is for sure on the list. I am going to start my draft with gum

Gum is sticky once It's gonna be the response for everything. Yeah, hopefully the thing about gum is I What is it with gum in a shoe that it becomes impossible to get off of the shoe? There's certain places. Right, if it's under a desk, it kind of hardens. And you could just peel it off. But if it's in your shoe.

If you step on rocks, you might as well throw your shoe away. Because that is- Gum is very sticky. And some gum is stickier than other gum. It might as well be cement. There's stickier gum? Yeah. Really?

Yeah, because I think sometimes gum is made to, like there's bubble gum that blows bubbles better. And there's regular gum. Is that stickier? I think the bubble gum's stickier. That's just a random conjecture in my 40 years of experience. Okay. I think it's stickier gum.

I don't know why. So you're saying like if you get a piece of- And I don't want that checked. You get a piece of double bubble or like some trident. Maybe it's just because when you blow bubbles you want more gum and so people who blow bubbles have more total gum. Like if you were going to blow a bunch of bubbles you'd put a couple sticks in. Yeah you would.

And also. Wait a minute. I was right? Al, what do you got here? Oh, no, no. You didn't want the research. No, no, no. I wanted to be validated.

It says, yes, bubble gum is stickier than regular gum because of its hydrophobic polymers, which repel water and don't dissolve in saliva. OK. Wow. I did science over my life. Impressive. And PSA, people, just throw your gum away for the love of society.

Put it in a trash can. No, I'm just kidding. I was like, we got a weird take over here. How many times have you ever not thrown your gum away? Honest, let's come clean. Like a full spit on the ground? Not, or anything, throwing it out a car window or having to get rid of gum and not going, you can swallow the gum. I can tell you right now, my number is incalculable. Really? So it's you.

It's you? My number is incalculable. I can tell you, but I don't even remember doing it. But it's only one place, one area. Okay, where's that? It's out one place, one area. Okay, where's that? It's out a car window, specifically when turning at an intersection with gravel. On the outside that you can throw it into?

Yeah. I've done that. Big important question though, because someone out there, the truth is yes to this question, have you stuck it under a desk? Never. Never. I've never done that I've never done anybody over there and do like I'm a kid. There's no way

There's no way you didn't stick it under a desk Papa Josh. There might be some under this Falcon have you you ever stuck down under a desk? No, no, you're too young for that That's a gold man's game. All right, so gum was Mike's pick. Jason, you got back to back picks. All right, well, I'm going to take something that is made to be sticky. It is glue.

Glue is the sticky substance. That was the item I was thinking Mike hit number one. Oh, really? Glue, I thought, would real panda bear over here. Oh, man, the people are going to love it. I mean, people don't use honey to conjoin Oh really glue I thought would real panda bear Use honey to conjoin items right they do use glue to stick items together That's why I think it's a very powerful steel at number three. Yes Well, thank you. And then there's something there's there's a couple here. I like More by think they will come back to me or have a chance.

So I'm gonna take syrup. Syrup is like the honey of breakfast. You know what I mean? Syrup bottles are sticky, and I'm telling you, man, my youngest has no idea how to eat with syrup. I've never seen. In their defense, it is very difficult. I mean, unless I make him like,

eat it on the floor like a dog over a bull, there's no way he's not getting that all over him. He's still got a problem with it? Oh yeah, oh yeah. I'm sure when he's 40, he will have no idea how to eat with syrup. Uh, Sierra Boy is pretty high on my list as well. Mike, you have gum on your roster. What are you going with next?

All right, so let's see, so... Got one pick I hope slips through to me. I don't know if that helps you or hurts you. I think that is inconsequential. I'm gonna go with... I'm gonna to go with, I'm going to take toothpaste. Toothpaste, you haven't had toothpaste on your counter? Now I, hold on. Originally, no we're just looking at you with some thoughtfulness.

And I was originally, I don't really put that in the sticky category right away, but then I'm remembering especially the kind of toothpaste they had as a kid, it's like the blue, the blue. Oh yeah, the electric neon blue. The neon blue, that was some sticky stuff. I mean, imagine, you know, the same thing about a bottle of honey, where once it's on there, it's sticky forever.

Now you can be neater with your toothpaste, but once it's starting to get on the top of there, it's sticky forever. Now you can be neater with your toothpaste, but once it's starting to get on the top of there, it's a big problem. And if you have never cleaned your children's vanity, then maybe you don't know how sticky toothpaste is, but that thing is a menace. It's weird because when I questioned the pick, I don't feel like it is sticky,

because use it every day, put it in your mouth, and it's not sticky. It doesn't feel sticky in those moments. And then it does not become sticky when left on the counter. It becomes cement. Sometimes it becomes powdery and cement-ish. Yeah, I mean, it becomes part of the counter. If it's a small enough amount, yes.

But not the amount that my children managed to leave on the bathroom sink. Unexpected, but it is sticky, which we're drafting. All right. Interesting. Okay, my next two picks are going to be... Ooh. All right, I know one of them right out of the gate,

and you can pronounce it however you want but it's gonna be caramel so it's gonna be caramel caramel stickier than caramel caramel is stickier than yeah it's caramel are you a caramel no of course not neither of you are I don't know I'm a caramel guy I wouldn't the producers I wouldn't put past Jason to be a caramel I bet in fine restaurants. He's a caramel guy Can I have a bunch? Yeah? Some can I have five five fine caramels at the local Beast Road

I would feel so beyond awkward even even saying the word caramel, I feel like I'm saying that wrong. What's your new favorite thing to eat lately? Caramel. No, no, what did you order on our trip? Fancy Boy. What did I pay $90 for? 15 grams of it. Oh, yeah.

How do you pronounce that? Why can't I think of the word? I literally, caviar. Oh, no, there you go. Oh, caviar. OK. I'm just saying, like, you're not, caramel's not above you. OK? I think the Venn diagram of people who eat caviar and say caramel is pretty much just a complete circle.

I wonder on brand, my brand, if I were to tweet out, like, how do you think I say this word, you know, like caramel or caramel right I think most people would put me in the caramel box you think you're a think so you think people look at you and they think here's a regular how can you get this pull up almost immediately so we know by the end of the show we can do that all right it's also it's caramel yeah yeah so it's good look that is I mean that's your pick that's the stickiest of the candies.

Sure. I mean, that is a good pick. And then. He just said his pick was good. He just said, great work. That was a good pick. I don't know if it's the stickiest of the candies. It's the best pick.

A lot of people are talking about this pick. All right. I don't know if it is the best pick, but a lot of people are telling me it's best. My third pick, man will that make it through to me? No, I'm just going to go with it now. No, I'm going to save it. All right, my pick is Jelly and Jam.

Jelly and Jam. No preserves, huh? I mean, no, I mean, you know what I'm talking about here. That's also the container that's super sticky, where if you put a little too much on, you're gonna have sticky fingers. I'm going with Jelly Jam. All right, so you- Jelly Jam.

You have honey, caramel, Jelly Jams. So I have gum, toothpaste, and obviously, we're not talking right out the can, but soda pop. Once soda pop has started to do its drying, Jason's face, were you gonna go with soda pop? I was really hoping that soda on the floor Yeah. Yeah. was available for me because there is nothing

stickier on the planet. I had considered just drafting a movie theater floor. Sure. But that's soda. Yeah. That's when you're going through the movie theater. That's because soda is all over the ground. And it's amazing how sticky it becomes.

Wow. That means I got to go back to my list. I was like ready. You had the clothes. Oh, I was ready. But man, soda on the floor is like you can't get it clean either. You can't do it.

Mop it up. Wait, I just mopped and I'm still. No, you clean the floor and then you take the step and it's still on the bottom of your shoe. And you put it back on the floor. You just throw those shoes away too. We're throwing away a lot of shoes today. All right, so.

Two picks to you, Jason. Two picks. I know one of them because I was prepared for soda on the floor. And. We do have an official spitballers pull up, which says, how do you think Jason FFL pronounces the word Carmel? Four votes in. We're sitting 50-50. So we'll let you know. We'll let you know how it goes, Jason. You've got a couple of picks. I'm voting right now.

Okay. So you're trying to skew the vote. What? All right. You would never. I'm gonna take a toddler's hands. Um, dude, I've never, I mean. That's a good pick, dude. Toddler's hands.

You are correct. They are always sticky. It's unbelievable. I mean, we're dads of three. We've gone through those phases. And it's just like disgusting little monsters. I love them to death. Which is funny, because at a certain age,

they also need you to hold their hand across the street. Oh, yeah. And you are like, oh my god. My hand is so dirty now. It's so gross. Because they eat, and they lick, and they put them in their mouth, and then they eat some more. And they play with the ground and they die. And it all mixes together.

Yeah. So gross. It's disgusting. Okay. All right, so Toddler's hands are there. That's a good pick. With glue and then, I'm gonna go with something so sticky.

You wouldn't even believe how sticky it is. That it murders. That it is. That it murders. That it what? That it kills. Whoa. I'm going to go with insect traps. Oh. And I don't know if you've ever had this accidentally.

It kills insects, right? Yes, but if you have ever accidentally got one of these things on anything else, it's done. It's done. It's done. It's over with. It's over. If you mess up the folding of them, because they come flat, and then you peel the thing off and then you fold them into the shape of the insect trap, and if you accidentally touch the top to the bottom, throw it in the garbage can.

I want to let you know a secret, Andy, that I am embarrassed about and is true. My insect guy used to drop those things off. He'd leave me these little sticky pads. Yeah, did you not know that's what you're doing? Isn't it his job as the bug man to? This is a couple bug men ago. They're bonus traps. Bonus traps to put around.

So he'd always leave a couple bonus traps. He could leave the bonus traps out. So here's the thing, he them, you know unpeeled whatever and so for years I would use these I did not know that it folded up into like a little box. I just put them flat I just take the peel off and left it your poor toddlers Oh, and I'm telling you if your I got it on things all the time, man It was a real problem. If you say on it on accident I had no idea they folded into a into like a car a mailman and you taught me you didn't know but like

You I think it was up at the cabin. You showed me the trap that you were putting out, and it was like. Oh, you were watching me? Yeah, and I was like, oh my goodness! Oh, did you? That's how they're supposed to work! And they're excellent. Did you look and say, what is that thing?

Yeah. No, no, actually, this is actually true. What I actually thought was, ooh, I gotta buy those. Oh, like they're different ones? Yeah, I was like, oh, I didn't know they make them like that. That's the expensive one Jason's being constantly caught in his own traps. Oh Man, by the way least at least four times 84 votes in 60% of people think that you say caramel. Yeah, I'm seeing it. Yeah, I guess

40% say caramel because I guess I'm a fancy pants. Including Jack, who says he 100% says caramel thinking it's fancy. Yeah, OK. Well, at least I know I'm fancy. So I just love that we all know you're fancy boozy. You're like, no, no, I'm just a regular guy. But also on brand is like the buffoon buffoon stupid can't spell type of thing.

Flat trap flat insect trap. Exactly. So that part of me I thought would win the caramel, you know, but all right. All right. I guess I got to start ordering some ordering some caramel. Yeah. Yeah. Or just put some on a flat piece of paper and set it around the house. Catch the bugs. All right. All right, Mike, you have gum, toothpaste, and soda pop. Jason ended with glue, syrup, toddlers hands, and insect traps. Those are really good last round picks. Mike, one more for you.

I'm gonna take duct tape. Yeah. Ooh, that stuff is sticky. Duct tape is really sticky. Woo! Yeah, okay. I don't know if we've talked about it, Sticky. Duck tape is really sticky. Woo! Yeah. Duck tape. I don't know if we've talked about it, but I don't remember. So how much of your life did you go around thinking it was

duck tape? 85%. 80% to 90%. OK, I'm right around there too. In fact, it might still be. Well, there is duct tape brand now, because someone figured out that everyone is dumb, and it's duct tape.

But in our defense, that's silly to call it duct. The T's run together. But anyways, if you are still one of those people thinking that it is duct tape, it's not. D-U-C-T. Yeah. Duct. Yeah.

Which I imagine that it's taping a lot of ducks together. Yeah, that's fair. Does a lot. All right, my final pick, I have Honey, Caramel, Jelly, and Jam. And then I've got, unfortunately, I've got a lot of picks left. But I'm going to go with something that was so sticky that it was a punishment at one point in time.

It was something that was done to people because it was so miserable. Oh. It's tar. Oh, yeah. It's tar. I mean, people were tarred and feathered. Oh, man.

And I think tar is so bad that like, dinosaurs literally were like, I'm just gonna die in here. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, that the earth's the bug traps There were a lot more tar pits apparently in the old and prehistoric times like I don't feel like we're running into as many tar pits No, no, we're closing them up like that Quick sand was everywhere. Even when we were growing up, it was everywhere. Yeah, it's really.

I've never seen it. No. Yeah, we've done a lot of good work getting rid of Quicksands. But Char is my final pick to go on to our things that are sticky draft. Honorable mention, the one I really, a couple of them that were good that I didn't get to pick, marshmallows. Oh man. Which is a- Once they're melted, absolutely.

Yeah, of course. And I wonder if you bite into them, a little saliva gets in there. Sure. And then sap. Sap will get on your car and there's no getting it off. No, sap is impossibly sticky. I've got- It's like nature, like a tree's honey is sap. Homemade slime. And you could, homemade slime, if you make it wrong. If you make it wrong, it can be really sticky.

That's why I'm saying homemade, because I promise you, my house that I just moved from, that's still got some slime. They're forever. Forever. I had stamps. Okay, okay. stamps okay okay I didn't pick it that's why I didn't know I did it and I don't know in hairspray sticky okay yeah that makes sense gross hot wax yeah it's not that we run into that a lot it's

sticky for hair but But much like toothpaste that eventually it kind of hardens. Yep it does. Do you have those wax lips as a kid, the candy? Why did those become a thing? They're so gross. I don't know but Jason. Yo. We're 371 votes and it has closed. Oh! It's caramel only by 52% to 48%. OK. Oh, really? So we got a sample size. This thing might turn around. 5149 is what I'm seeing.

5149, we're getting closer. Oh, no, you're up to 52%. Your fancy levels are really. But if nothing, at least half the people out there think you're a caramel man. That is a fact now. And the other half, they know that you would leave an insect trap wide open, open-faced. Open-faced insect traps.

What did we learn today? I mean, Jason's a caramel man. That was easy. Yeah, I mean, that's a good one. I, man, I liked your draft, Jay. It was pretty good. Thanks. Al said he loved those wax bottles that had the juice inside of them. No.

I did. No. Those were awesome. Those were awesome. Please just chew on some wax. Most people are against us, Jeremy, but if you wanna split like a six pack of those later. Gross.

I wouldn't eat them now, but as a kid I liked him oh okay I totally wouldn't either definitely I learned we have no idea the difference between viewpoints and perspectives yeah I think that that's fair and I learned a lot about preserves today so that'll do it for today's spitballers episode thank you for dropping by thank you for hanging out with us Mike with the episode 300 scat next week it's just gonna be I'm already working on record setting don't miss it you won't believe it goodbye thanks for listening to the spitballers podcast to see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out spitballerspod.com.