Spitballers Comedy Podcast - 30: He's So Hot Right Now and TV Show Theme Songs

Episode Date: January 21, 2019

Thank you Spitwads for ONE MILLION DOWNLOADS! Today's Spitballers Comedy Podcast has several gut-busting moments. We learn some (awful) parenting tricks usually reserved for cats and we answer the age-old question of when to wet your toothbrush. It gets heated... in more ways than one today. We finish it up by drafting the most memorable TV show theme songs of all time. Enjoy the episode and share with your friends!  Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/spitballers/posts See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hey, Spitwads, do you enjoy this show and you want just a little bit more? I do. Oh, there you are. I love this show, yes. Oh, that's not annoying at all. Head over to SpitballersPod.com and find out how you can become an official supporter of this show and get access to the complete archive. Spitballerspod.com.

What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers Podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. Spitballers Podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. Oh, it must be Monday. It must. That's not really how podcasts work. I mean, it could be any day of the week, but it is a brand new Spitballers episode. Joined by Jason Moore, Mike Wright, I'm Andy Holloway, and this is the Spitballers podcast.

Welcome in. Gather round. I'm right here with you. I can't even. Oh, there you are. Yeah, I can't even move. Speaking of gather round, I mean, the transistor. Yeah, but most people have their little earbuds in.

No, no, no, no, no, no. What do you think, a vehicle? No, no. You're pretty much gathered if you're in a vehicle. This is an event. This is an event. The neighborhood gets together. There's a barbecue outside, and everybody comes in for the show. I have heard of these gatherings, the spitwad gatherings,

where neighborhoods and cities really rally around this show. Right. I would encourage this, but at the same time, I would also like to encourage you, if you're listening to this on someone else's device, just go ahead and get that download in there for us. Well, I was going to say this. You're trying to skimp on our downloads over there.

Yeah, the neighborhood thing really lowers our subscriber base. Right, yeah. I mean, I would say we got like 50 subscribers for like 50 cities that do this. Yeah, well, I mean, look. Cities. The whole cities, right? The whole cities. The whole cities are listening right now.

So everyone pull it out, your phone, and download and subscribe to this great podcast. In fact... You can even leave us a review. Sure. I was just going to say, speaking of these downloads... Yeah, a little... It's not just a toot-toot for us. It's really not at all.

It's really about the spitwads. We want to say thank you, spitwads. This show has been out just a little over six months, and we have hit one million downloads. Oh, yeah. That's the go-to? One million downloads. We have like a triumphant trumpet in there. Come on.

I think I was in on that. Yeah, I liked it. That was fun. Yeah. Y'all just got Rickrolled. Yeah, but now it sounds like Jason was not telling factual information. Was I?

We've just passed over a million lifetime downloads. Yes, thank you very much. On this wonderful show about so many important things. Nothing and everything at the same time. Nothing and everything at the same time. On today's show, Would You Rather? That's a great question. We have a spectacular draft. And you can follow us on Twitter at SpitballersPod.

SpitballersPod.com is the website. Instagram.com slash SpitballersPod. And like I said, any of your reviews, subscriptions, all that stuff supports the show. We appreciate all the positive feedback. Makes us want to keep doing the show. Certainly. Yeah. Now, I'm super distracted right now.

And I know we got to get into a review of Soros. We don't have to do anything we don't want. But there is a button on my soundboard that just says, he's so hot. And I don't know what it is. Do you know what it is? Oh, I know what it is. I don't know what it is. He's so hot right now. know what it is. Do you know what it is? Oh, I know what it is. I don't know what it is. He's so hot right now.

Yes, he is. What was that for? That was a drop made for. That's a different podcast that we do. Oh, man. I was going to say it's all about me. It's all about my life. That's Jason's auto pod.

Auto podography. You can download Jason's podcast. He's so hot. He was so hot back then. Yeah. All right. Let's get into the main event here. Review Asaurus Rex.

You were that of a young child. You saw a button. I was so curious. I had to push it. I didn't know what it was. I thought so curious. I had to push it. I didn't know what it was. I thought the button... This is my genuine belief. I thought that Brooks, our producer,

while he left, he just went out of town, and I thought he would put a button. This would have been so great. Put a button on the soundboard that says, Do Not Touch. Don't press this button. That would have been great. Yeah, Brooks, if you're out there, make a little note for the future.

But this review comes in from Kulf. There's an umlaut on the U. I think I read that perfectly. It's five stars. United Kingdom. Yeah, well, clearly. Where the umlauts lie. Love the show.

You guys work great together while completely disagreeing with each other. Some of the questions you get are pretty out there, but between you, you seem to answer them in a surprisingly sensible way. Sure we do. That is not true. This is right on my level, and I hope that everyone gives the show a try at the very least. I'm on night shift in Scotland, so this is refreshing and keeps me going.

Oh, that's... Thank you, Kulf. Kulf? Kulf. That's a nice review. We appreciate that. You guys ready for some Would You Rather? Yes.

Would You Rather? All right, Joseph from Twitter sent this question in, and you can submit your Would You Rather questions on Twitter, Instagram, wherever you find us. He says, would you rather be spoiled for every movie that you ever watch? So I pampered, given all the candy. No, no, no, not like that. Would you rather have the plot spoiled

or never understand the plot of even the simplest movie? And this is interesting because I have friends who don't think that they spoil things, right? They're like, and the line that they give, it's always the same thing. It's always, this part is not important, but blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, important plot line. So they always disclaim, like, this part's not important, but I want to tell you about it. Also, this part's not important. So they spoil it. It's the people that hit you with the, ooh, watch this part.

Oh, that's not good. What was I doing? Mike, I know. Are you a watch this part person? No, I'm not a watch this part person. Get ready. Get ready for this part. But I know from being your friend for a long time how much you abhor spoilers.

You won't. You'll stay off of social media. You won't watch trailers. Yeah, you won't watch trailers. Frequently, if a trailer releases for a movie, I will often ignore it if I already know I'm going to see it. Which is solid logic on the basis that you're like, the trailer's point is to get me to want to watch it. Like a new season of some show. What you're referring to, probably specifically, is anything Game of Thrones.

Whenever there is teaser trailers for Game of Thrones, trailers for Game of Thrones, I'm good, man. You're going to watch it. I'm going to watch that show. There's nothing you could possibly do to make me more excited. But all the normal people out there, they just want to see any glimpse into what's coming.

It's the excitement. I'm going to watch Game of Thrones, but I want that trailer. I want to try to see any glimpse into the what's coming it's the excitement i'm gonna watch game of thrones but i want that trailer i want to try to see if in the trailer i can figure out a spoiler without being directly told i'm playing detective in those trailers so our movies if you knew that a movie was always going to be spoiled for you would that be fun yes it would still be good it would still be good he's about he's about to die this guy this guy's about to die right here up here in this scene there's there's two things get ready for it so i remember big explosion now here this is ironic i'm about to give a spoiler

but i think time has passed enough on the movie hold on what's the movie this uh was the sixth sense that's that's like been 15 years yeah i'm pretty sure i can anybody right now who is has got on their short list for like next week but pause fast forward by 30 seconds what if they're just finding out about the greatness of the great movie when m9 sean malone was great, he had his weird roller coaster career of being great, being terrible, being great again. He's back. What if people are just being introduced to him because they got the new movie coming out, Glass, which I'm super hyped for Glass. Do I need to see, Jason? This is an aside here.

Yes, you need to see Split. It's very good. It's like you knew what I was going to ask. I knew what you were going to say and you must see Split to see Glass. You know what part was the best part Split. It's very good. It's like you knew what I was going to ask. I knew what you were going to say, and you must see Split. You know what part was the best part? But here's the thing. So we can all agree, The Sixth Sense, when it came out, was an unbelievably great movie. Yes.

That movie was spoiled to me before I got the chance to see it. And the whole point of that- How long did you wait before seeing it? No, it was right. This was in the theaters. I saw it in the theaters, but I heard. I'm laughing because I remember another spoiler story that you have. Oh, that's a good one.

I knew that he sees dead people, so it kind of ruined it, but it didn't. You know what I found out watching it? It was an excellent movie. It was great. Because you got to do. You didn't care. That one's a little bit different because once you find out what happens at the end of Sixth Sense, you want to go back and watch it again and see all the clues that were not obvious when you didn't know what the ending was, but now they become very apparent what is happening.

Mike, have you heard his Lord of the Rings story? Yes. It's tremendous. He had a friend. Jason had a friend who spoiled the end of Lord of the Rings story yes it's it's tremendous he had a friend jason had a friend who spoiled the end of lord of the rings only he didn't at all he told me we were we were out shopping for a car and the salesman was like oh this one has a spoiler and this was back when lord of the rings was just coming out he's like a spoiler you want a spoiler frodo dies and i was

like your friend first off your friend is an absolute maniac Yes You could not Spoiler Who talks like that A maniac that's who You nailed the Did he just start like keying your car right after that

I wouldn't Try driving on these slash tires Spoiler But so I watched this movie Waiting Waiting and waiting And I already know I know what's coming Slash tires. Spoiler. So I watched this movie. Waiting. Waiting and waiting. And I already know.

I know what's coming. And so even at the end, they're sitting on the volcano. The lava's going around them. And I already know. They are sitting on the volcano. He's toast. He's done. He's done.

He's about to take a magma bath. And you don't want to take that's not what happens when you sit on a volcano well he's sitting on a piece of the volcano while the lava's going around him and i'm like okay everyone avert your eyes frodo's about to die he lived um would you rather have every hold on what did that enhance or detract it actually enhanced because i was in... I think most people watching... Fakespoilers.com, my new website. I think most people watching that movie just assumed,

he's not going to die. It's Frodo. Right. Of course he's not going to die. I was actually kind of tensing up because I'm like, I don't want to watch this. I don't want to see this poor little hobbit... Now, what if you didn't...

Burn to death? I'm going to start hitting people with the oh, watch this part when I know that a completely innocuous conversation is just about to happen. Oh, pay attention. Oh, you can't miss this part. And then the rest of the movie, they're thinking

And they're trying to decode the conversation of hey, you want to go to the store? Yeah, let's get a soda. What does that possibly mean? And then later in the movie when they're headed to the store, they're like on alert. Oh, this is a great move, Mike. Between Fakespoilers.com and the pay attention. Well, yeah, I've migrated my idea now. It's just an app, and it's called Five Spoilers.

And you get five spoilers for the movie, but only one of them is true. Oh, I love it. So you're on alert for five things, but only one comes true. All right. Would you rather be spoiled for every movie you ever watch, which we've talked about at length, or never even understand the plot of the simplest of movies?

Spoiled. Yeah. You'd rather be spoiled. I'd rather be spoiled. Otherwise, it's like I would feel like I'm... If I put on, right now, if I put on a wonderful, highest award-winning Japanese movie with no subtitles,

I would not enjoy it. Wasn't that Crashing Tiger? Didn't they have no... Subtitles. Oh, they did have subtitles. Yeah. Are you a subtitles type of fella? No, I'm not a subtitles type of fella.

I kind of have... He's not a reader. Look, I'm not shocked. Yes. type of fella. He's not a reader. Look, I'm not shocked. I find that reading distracts me from my watching. There's people that don't like it. My wife hates subtitled movies.

You're acting like there's people that like them. I don't mind them at all. There's a difference. Don't minding them. Being able to watch them. Nobody's out there going, man, I really wish this one had subtitles. When you go to the genres and you're like okay do i want a science fiction a comedy elderly let me go look for subtitled movies but i would far rather have a subtitled movie than a dubbed movie oh certainly i can't stand the dubbing over dubbing just makes it look like it's a B-class movie. Yes, exactly. I'd rather have the OG.

Would you rather only have to sleep one hour and be able to work at your normal productivity or have to sleep nine hours but be able to work at twice your productivity all day? Do I feel that I'm working at twice, or is that just the new normal, so that feels like this is just how I always work? Or do I feel like Bradley Cooper

in Limitless, and I'm like, oh, my hands are on fire, I'm typing so fast. I'm assuming you only have to work half the time then, right? Well, you would only have to, but if you worked full time, you'd get double the work done. I mean, I don't think, it will become the new normal, right? Because that is your to, but if you worked full time, you'd get double the work done. I mean, I don't think it will become the new normal, right? Because that is your existence.

But I want to feel special. Well, here's where you feel special. You do twice the work of anybody else. By comparing yourself to those other people who are not as good as you. By looking down at the entire human race. That's how I feel. It's every reason, Mike mike every reason you enjoy receiving podcast awards it applies here it's simply you're better than somebody else which gives you joy

um would you rather but see sleeping one hour is insanely beautiful that's amazing like last night i couldn't get to sleep and i knew I had to work out in the morning early. And every hour that dripped by, I knew I was paying a multi-day price. Because when you don't sleep well, you're tired for two days. Yeah. If I knew I had to sleep from two to three every morning, I would get a lot done. And I would get it done at different hours of the day.

So then the very more normal hours, I wouldn't have to work. I feel like this is a... It's only a sleeping for nine hours. I'm going to take that one. You're going to take the... You're going to sleep for nine hours but be twice as productive? Yeah. I think you have to.

We should be able to work this out mathematically, right? Because, look... It's equivalent, isn't it? You're gaining eight hours. Is it a net negative? No, it should be a net positive to take the nine hours. If you sleep one hour, you save seven hours of sleep. Let's say that. Eight

because it's one hour versus nine hours of sleep here. Okay, yeah, sure. So you're getting eight regular hours of productivity back. Which would be like a normal productive day. Eight hour day. No, but if you're awake, if you're only sleeping nine hours, you're up hour day no but if you're awake what if you're only sleeping nine hours you're up for 13 hours now you're getting double productivity that's

like 26 hours but of those 13 hours you're not working the whole time yeah i am if i can work like that no no i'm taking the one hour like three hours a day i'm taking the one hour of sleep because my i feel like the net the way i'm looking at it is that I'm looking at an eight-hour workday. I either cut that down to four hours of super productive work. You're not factoring in all the extra potty breaks you're going to need. With the productivity? With only one hour of sleep. I mean, look, I can go the whole night without going potty.

Yeah, me too. Finally. I mean. Well, it's because I got got that prostate it's in check you got you got it been working it out yeah uh it's so it's it's so buff um okay that took a turn here's the other thing that you're not factoring in andy loneliness oh i solitude solitude is delightful loneliness is wonderful i'm a social butterfly. To all the single people out there, loneliness is wonderful.

And I need people... I don't want to be up for... I mean, sometimes it's nice. Like, when it's rare... You're very social. Yes, but when I... I'm more of a cave dweller. If I happen to wake up early, which is not common, and no one's up yet. I like those

hours can be very productive, very calming. That's great. But if it was every day, I'd be depressed. You'd rather be asleep than awake, is what you're saying. I mean, on that basis, you would rather be asleep than awake. I would rather be awake

with other people than awake by myself. Well, if you jump on with the one hour sleep with other people than awake by myself. Well, if you jump on with the one hour sleep with me, we could hang out. Oh, that's a good point. Now we've got extra time. Dude, just imagine golf. Like, no, the course is wide open. Oh, you could always get the earliest tea time possible.

It doesn't matter. Yeah. Be pretty cold. Whatever. You guys open at 3 a.m.? Also, there's not a lot of courses that are lit, are there? We're going to need to find them. All right.

Well, I'm taking the one-hour sleep. Mike, you're going double productivity? Yes. Jason, what was your final? My final answer is I do enjoy sleep. I'm taking my nine hours, and I'm going to be so... Here's the thing. My double productivity means I'm just going to be a normal person finally

because it takes me longer to do a lot of things, and that's the thing. My double productivity means I'm just going to be a normal person finally because it takes me longer to do a lot of things. And that's just true. And that's just a fact. I mean, you've worked with me for 10 years. You do them well. You do them well. I do them excellent, but I do them slowly. Slowly, yeah.

Not anymore. All right, let's move on. That's a great question. Now, let me be clear about this. Have any of us seen any of these questions yet? No. I have seen them, yes. You have?

I have. So you've vetted whether we could have a repeat question or something from somebody? Yes, but as I've said, I mean, look, I'm'm not that productive so maybe i'm wrong all right here's a great question because i haven't seen him mike you haven't seen him no not these all right mike from twitter sent this in there is a girl that i find attractive i would love to introduce myself but she speaks a different language oh what do i do i already have the answer oh great subtitles oh that is a really easy answer. Now, what if she's someone like me that does not enjoy subtitles?

Then you're done. You're toast. You're toast. You want to introduce yourself, but she speaks a different language. Try waving. You see, I was going to. Or is that a little weird? No, I was going to caution against the overt gestures.

No winking. Don't be gross. Point, heart. I'm thinking like me. You can wave. Waving is... Blow kisses. The little finger guns.

Hey. Yeah, be just an absolute lounge lizard from the 70s. The smarmiest of smarm. Wink, wink. The blowing the kiss. I highly advise against that. Every woman everywhere, really, they come around when you blow them kisses from a distance

to introduce yourself. I mean, look, she's not deaf, so the cat call whistle will be heard. Oh, no. Boo. No, i would never say to do that i'm saying it can be heard and don't do it the temptation could be there to this mike from twitter and i'm i'm highly advising against all cat calls she's not okay all right so you could be tempted to catcall, so don't. I'm a good guy. Yes. Yes. Thank you, Andy.

You saw it as clear as it was in my mind. Because all our listeners were thinking, first thing. Well, you got a catcall. It's a catcall. Goodness. Oh, goodness. Oh, come on. Boo.

It's funny because I remember growing up and my father, Papa Skids. Oh, Papa Skids. When we were in a Costco and people were shopping in different places, he would get my mom's attention with a cat call. Do you guys have a family noise? Oh, do you? Yeah. Oh, a family noise. What's yours?

Well, my parents was a... That would be mine. My mom and dad, it's almost like a mini snake hiss. It's a... Oh, really? Yeah. So I know if I hear that sound... It's family.

It's family. That means that my parents are snakes. That means don't do that to my dog. That's the... Same thing. Sugar? No. Whatever.

But I mean, it gets your attention. And I know that my brain has been trained. How funny. And mine is like. Oh, really? For the kids? Yeah. That's pretty good.

So I'm training them like dogs. When they hear that whistle, that means that their father needs their attention immediately. That's how you do something if they do something wrong. Spray bottle. Spray bottle. Shot caller. Now we're down a dangerous path because I have a difficulty waking my daughter up for school. Tell me you're spray bottling.

Oh, she got the spray bottle this morning. Yeah, buddy. She would not get out of bed. Time out. I bring up a spray bottle your children joke out of the blue. And you're telling me that this morning in real life human. Yes. You spray bottled your kids.

Did she like it? Oh, she was awake immediately. I love this strategy. And I need to immediately amazon some spray bottles look it works for cats and dogs and our children are pretty much that i want a device because we invent things on this show that are just oh mind-blowing um here's the strategy we've got the technology for motion sensors put a giant bucket about three four feet up above your head it's on a timer right you don't respond to your you got 10 minutes after

your alarm goes off you don't get out of the bed the bucket of water drops on your head and your water board yes and you drown and you die the problem is the bed though i mean you're you can't that's would you not get up i would probably sleep through it you're gonna have to get water there's just i know there's gonna be at least one time where you do you you x you somehow you sleep look you i mean everyone knows that we're middle-aged dead so we're raging on a nightly basis oh yeah so look sometimes you guys nuts sometimes you gotta sleep in and one bucket of water, that's devastating. So, you'll never say, I'm saying it fixes the problem.

So, what's your sound? What's your sound, Jason? No joke. No joke. Our sound, because it sounds like a joke, and it started as a joke, and then it just works, and we always know who's doing it. It's our family. No.

Caw, caw. Oh, yeah. Oh, for sure. In public. It's our family. No. Caw-caw! Oh, for sure. It only works best in public. That's a good one. Oh, yeah. Caw-caw! If you're in the aisle and I'm looking around for my wife, I could just go, Caw-caw! Okay. I'm telling you,

you gotta get a family sound. I agree. I'm learning a lot. I think we should put our heads together, Mike, and give him a was the hint but just so you're clear this was the answer to how he introduces himself to a girl who speaks a different language come up with a new language between the two of you here's here's the thing mike i was literally about to say start with i don't i don't even want to say it, but I'm going to. Oh, no. No, this one is more my own stupidity.

I almost uttered, well, write a letter. Like if she speaks a different language, she can't understand your words, but can read them. Would you take this on i mean is this is this uh my advice to mike is move on look man i i get it but the the number one thing in in in life community is communication uh so if you were not going to be seeing this person on a regular basis which if you are, then hit the books. Learn the language. Yes, exactly. Get that Rosetta Stone. That is the

answer. That is the answer. Because if you learn that language, first of all, you're well-versed and you're better than other people. Yes, thank you. This is the primary motivator. But secondarily, look, that's impressive to that other person. If someone learned a language just to share their love with me.

You're finally able to say, I love you. She's like, get away from me. Mike from Twitter. If you learn the language, first thing has to be, I love you. Proposal. Has to be, I love you. Yeah. Learn the language.

Backup plan. If you get rejected, You know another language. That's awesome. Yep. Yep. You got two different groups of women that you can introduce yourself to. Yeah, definitely. All right.

Drew from Twitter sends in a question. When brushing your teeth, how does the toothpaste go on the brush before the water? Oh, this is a good one. When brushing your teeth, does the toothpaste go on the brush before you add water or after you add water to the brush? I've been searching for this answer forever. Oh, you came to the right place. You certainly did.

I mean, this is cut and dry, guys, right? I mean, this is... Oh, yeah, there's... You put the toothpaste in the water. Hmm. Eh. Yeah, that's incorrect. That is incorrect.

Jason, would you like to take a try? Yeah. The correct answer is you put the toothpaste on the brush, and you put the brush in your mouth. There is no water before or after. No. I was not a dry guy. What do you mean, no?

Well, I guess I am. Yeah. I mean, you just described no water. You put the toothpaste on the brush. Yes. And then the dry bristles into your mouth. Yes. So you do a full dry brushing.

The mouth is wet. You are a hideous monster. No, no, no, no, no. Wait, why is he ugly because of this? Because this is foul. You're an ugly. You're a fat man. This is an ugly... You're a fat man. This is unrelated, but you're a fat man.

Your proportions are unsightly. So, Mike, you are water, then toothpaste. Toothpaste. I am water. Toothpaste. Water. Oh, I'm fine with that. I'm totally comfortable with that.

It's both. So, my life, I grew up... You're double water. Yes. Oh, okay. I grew up water. Oh, I'm fine with that. I'm totally comfortable with that. It's both. So my life, I grew up... You double water. Yes. Oh, okay. I grew up water. I need that moisturized before I brush my teeth. That's why there's dryness. Now, why do you feel like you need the water before the toothpaste if you're going to water after the toothpaste? Well, the water on

the bristles, I feel like helps the toothpaste lay better. Yes. Yes, of course it does, Mike. You're trying to work through how to make it rational, and it sounded as stupid as ever.

The water helps it lay better. Mike's face when he said it. He had a smirk of how illogical this was. It helps it up. Hey, good news. It's just the way I've always done it. Good news. That was a moment. That was a moment right there made for video

and if you could see Mike's red face right now you would be delighted in it. I stand by it. We've joked and toyed. It lays better upon the wet bristles. Haven't you ever laid in the grass? You must water it first. You lay better on the water.

And here? Who doesn't water their plate before they put the food on it? Is it fair to say that it's going to be a little bit, but video is coming. Yes. Video is definitely coming. Video is coming. For better or for worse, depending on Jason's features. As a hideous man.

As a hideous fat man. So subscribe on YouTube. Yeah. Oh, yeah, because we are on YouTube. The audio is on YouTube. Yes. So if you subscribe now, as soon as we hit video. You'll see it.

You'll see it. You'll see the hideous fat man. Oh, my gosh. I feel like it lays and adheres better. Okay. And then the toothpaste just needs a little extra help to get into sudsing mode. So just to confirm, you improved your lays better with adheres. Water is the opposite of something that helps it to adhere better.

Yeah, we normally wash it off. Oh, I understand. Do you dry clean your brush? Yes, at the end, he just smacks it on the counter and puts it away no so listen listen i used to be a water beforehand right because it helps it lay better and then you put the toothpaste on and brush your teeth wash it whatever and it And it was literally at a dentist's office where I was told to not use water. And when the dentist said this, I was a young teenager. I might have been a tween, like 12.

When I was a young man. Okay, so you weren't a teenager at all. Got it. Sure. 12 or 13, so that it makes more sense um and i remember being told that and being like what that sounds like a nightmare and here's what happened so i i did it right there i wasn't gonna be like excuse me doctor no i put the toothbrush on the toothbrush i brushed and i found out there is absolutely no purpose of having water on the toothbrush

except for to dilute it and make it brush worse. So I'm telling you. Well, here's the thing. I will try it. I will openly admit this fact. You're not supposed to have water on the top of the toothbrush. So if you need water, I think the best thing is water on the brush, put the toothpaste on, then brush without wet toothpaste.

Because you want the abrasive nature of the toothpaste to wash the plaque off your teeth. You're scraping an abrasive borax-like material on your teeth. Spitwads, I encourage you out there, one and all, try it. And if you think, oh, this is terrible. It's not as comfortable. It's not dirt. It's not like you're brushing your teeth with crackers and it's going to be all just turning into dust in your mouth. Here's what I realize.

I actually do what you do. I do water, toothpaste, water. Because the way I look at it is I pick up this brush and it kind of seems perceptually dirty because it's out there in the elements. Just cleaning it without water? So I rinse it kind of in the sense of like, let's get a brush going on then i put it on then i brush yeah i i make sure to wash it well after oh that was great okay yeah um we don't have any answer definitive to you jason speaks on behalf of nine out of ten dentists brent from twitter what do you do when someone thinks your baby is the wrong gender i hear often oh he's so sweet about my girl you say thank you oh do you you just accept it how is this really how

is this possibly a problem well no it's not it's what do you correct him though if if if someone say oh it's a sheet if it's somebody that I know I'm going to have some kind of conversation with, if it's Joe Schmoe, the stranger on the street. Hey, he's a friend of mine. I don't know. He's not a friend of mine, but I don't know. I don't know. That's bizarre to me.

So here's the thing. I see what you're saying if you want to completely dismiss Joe Schmoe as a human like i just don't want to really get into a conversation you say oh thanks and move on yes but like if they stop you're in a grocery aisle lane right and and and you're you're not moving anywhere yet there's two people ahead of you and he's this person's behind you just schmo and he says that and you know're going to be in conversation for the next minute or two. You don't just go on being like, yeah, he's a good boy. He's a good little lad. Right.

Part of the thank you is kind of saying, yes, he is a boy. Yes, he is a boy. I mean, I've also done the, oh, it's a girl. Yeah, that's where I was. Yeah, it's pretty similar. It's a little casual, not embarrassing thing. I've also done the, like, oh, it's a girl. Yeah, that's where I was. Yeah, it's pretty similar. Just a little casual, not embarrassing thing. I've definitely done both. I just, you know, it's not a huge problem, but it's like babies, they're hard to tell sometimes.

Babies are just blobs, and you have no idea what they are going to become. My daughter, would you advise the same thing if someone came up and said, when are you due to someone who's not pregnant? Should she say, oh, thank you. PSA, never, ever say when are you due. I don't care if the woman is nine months pregnant and you're positive. And the baby's on the way out. If some lady walked up to me and said, I don't know this lady.

She said, my water just broke. I'd say, oh, are you? They would just be like, oh, okay. Have an heart there. What would you like me to do for you? There is no talk about pregnancy in the slightest. Yeah, yeah. I mean, my daughter, Jersey, she was born with a full head of hair and then

when she was about six months old lost it all for really like i got a serious head of hair she yeah she was born with jet black full head of hair did your wife have horrible reflux uh during her pregnancy i don't remember that was that was you have horrible reflux during her pregnancy? I don't remember. Did you have horrible reflux? Of course I did. I've heard that's an old wives tale. But she lost all of her hair and so for the longest time it was one of those things where you couldn't

tell. Even when they have hair you can't tell. When she's got hair Tiff always put bows in her hair. So it's like okay that's kind of a dead giveaway. But you know if they're dressed the same, because we had twins, a boy and a girl, you know, you can't always know. Oh, I don't blame the person. It's more about what you... You cannot get upset. The only thing I would say is, look...

Because that person will feel horrible if you get upset. Or if you're, like, offended, and all they were trying to do is say you have a nice looking baby. Yeah, they're trying to pay you a compliment. They're saying, what a beautiful baby. That's good advice. Do you compliment every baby? Oh, like all babies are cute babies? All babies, like no matter what, you're going to...

All right, we have another that's a great question. This comes in from jason moore okay from the spitballers podcast are all babies actually cute no not even no no they're not and that but that's why i'm asking do you just have a blanket statement that when you meet a new baby no oh you go you can transition into, she's so sweet. Yeah. How is a baby sweet? But that is a nice compliment. All babies are sweet. Not all babies are cute. Not all babies are sweet.

I guess that's true too. Are you fogging up? Oh, yeah. I mean, Jason's glasses are fogging up. You played my drop earlier. Oh, he's so hot. He's so hot right now. It's just the truth.

I'm fogging up. He's sweating. I'm running a little warm. He's fogging. All right, let's get into the draft. The Spitballers Draft. All right. I don't remember who's drafting first, but I do know this.

We have a mock draft today, and we are going to draft the most memorable TV theme song. Oh, goodness. This is a great draft. I'm excited. I don't think I have the first pick. I think it's Mike. I think it is me, and this is a horrific place to be the number one. Oh, because so many options.

So that means Andy's third. That means you are in the prime. Oh, I know it. Andy is in the best spot because he's going to get two quick picks. I have four on my personal list that came to mind without looking at anything. I was just like, these four are wonderful. I have to have them. They should be the first four picks. And of course, his opinion, so it won't be.

Do you have them in an order, too, in your head? I don't. Okay, that's the problem. So Mike gets the first pick in our most memorable TV theme songs. I encourage each and every one of you as mike is contemplating his decision i know check out spitballers pod on twitter so you can vote each and every week with our draft i love the reviews that come in that say people are literally yelling at us during these drafts yeah it's great because you have your opinion and we have our correct opinions okay this is this is ridiculous this is hard man uh i want too many yeah it that is precisely and i'm gonna go because you can go all over the place there are oh a hundred there

are so many classic shows that i didn't even watch the show but you know this but i know the theme song aka that's a great theme song so i'm gonna going to have to go with one that's still in our wheelhouse, still in our age range. Don't do it, don't do it, don't do it. And when you hear the first few words, you have no choice but to continue, probably to completion. So I'm going to take The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. Oh, that is so good.

It wasn't even on my list. Oh, that's – and it was a great even on my list. Oh, that's... And it was a great show, Mike. This is a story all about how... Your life got turned... Yeah, I mean, come on. We should say whether we were big watchers of the show. Oh, huge.

Love Fresh Prince. So you were a big Fresh Prince guy. I thought you just said I didn't watch the show. No, he said there are some that he hasn't watched that he knows the song. Sure. Jason, you got your pick. Look, he said there are some that he hasn't watched that he knows the song. Sure. Jason, you got your pick. Look, that's a great pick, Mike. I did not think about that, but there's nobody

who does not know that theme song, unless you're like 10 years old. I have so many that I want, but there's one, even though I think people will be like, okay, that's good. Maybe it shouldn't have been your first pick. But I want it because the second that I read what this mock draft was,

immediately, immediately, it just popped. I started singing it in the other room, and I was like, oh, I can't sing it because these guys will think about it. Because everywhere you look. Oh, okay. Full House's theme song... I mean, we have been, I think, accurately described... Yes.

...as the three dad-uncles on the Full House... Accurate. ...show. And the fact that I inherited the role of Uncle Jesse only leads to me telling people about that whenever I can. Yeah, no doubt. No doubt. Uncle Jesse only leads to me telling people about that whenever I can. Yeah, no doubt. No doubt. Uncle Jesse.

I'm so thankful for my Saget role in that trio. So you're going full house. Yes. All right. It's funny. Of all the names. That was not on my list. It was not on my list.

I mean, it's a great pick. But that's the thing. Yeah. There are so many different options. Now, man, every time we do a draft, I have to think not only who do I want, but who do I think will get back to me. But when you talk about theme songs, I'm going to go, as you might expect, with one that's a little bit more dated than either of your two.

I know what you're picking. And I have watched the show. Mike's writing it down. It's the best theme song that's ever been made because sometimes you got to go where everybody knows your name. All right. All right. I'm going with Cheers as my first pick.

Yeah, the elderly crowd on Twitter will vote for you. I like it. Yeah, I'm going with Cheers. And then I'm actually going to go a little. That's right. You get two. This is not fair. That's why I said he's in the prime position. I'm actually going to go a little. That's right. You get two. This is not fair. That's why I said he's in the prime position.

I'm actually going to go with. Leading from the back. I'm going to go with The Simpsons. That's a great pick. I want. So, oh, dang it. Because there are. That's a vote.

Which is upsetting because you don't watch The Simpsons. I watch Simpsons here and there in my adolescence. Yes, but not as a kid. But I mean, what? You got 30 years of hearing that same intro. Yep. Nabisco.

All right, so you got the Simpsons. I'm just trying to get it in their heads. So I got Cheers and the Simpsons, and I'm really hoping that what I chose to pass on comes back to me. All right. The Simpsons was on my short list. I know what you thought I was going to put 100%, Mike,

and I will get there because you ain't picking it. I will probably not pick it. I am going back a little ways as well. Not quite far. Matlock. Not quite far back as cheers. And just so you know, mash will be available when it comes back to you.

And that's the one I wrote down. That's the one I was pretty sure that neither of you will take. I hope. Hey, look, it's a great pick. It's just a great pick. Please take it. Wait until you do your pick. No.

Look, mine tells a story, okay, of this lovely lady. And this lovely, you know, they were raising three kids of their own. The Brady Bunch is as memorable a theme song as has ever been on a TV show. I feel good about that choice because you obviously committed to a previous

generation. Far older than Cheers, the better song. So it's a good pick by you. Yeah. Yeah, thank you. Was that a compliment or an insult? I'm not sure. I have no idea. Mike, you get your chance at two picks here, which has to feel good. It feels good, except I'm playing the same game as you.

I got this one that I really want to take, but I'm stuck in limbo between it being taken too early but then it may may not make it back i'm i'm in a little desperate situation over here but i know my first pick uh i think it's a little bit risky because i mean i guess the simpsons really it has some lyrics the The Simpsons. Yeah. Right. That was my problem with picking it. It was like... But this song, there are no words, but it is completely synonymous with just any sort of mission. A mission you might say that's impossible.

So I am going to take... You're not putting it together? Mission Impossible. Mission Impossible was a television show. That's the question I was going to ask you. Yes, Mission Impossible. So you'll get to have Mission Impossible. Mission Impossible.

But you've got to put TV show on there. Yeah, that's fine, because it's still... All right, all right. So I'm going to go with Mission Impossible. That is the prototypical... Oh, that's a Mike pick. Mike Wright pick. Absolutely. Of all the choices, you went with a little-known Mission Impossible. That is the prototypical Mike Wright pick. Absolutely.

Of all the choices, you went with a little-known Mission Impossible TV show. I'm still up, Jason. A little-known Mission Impossible TV show. Well, you tried to hack the system is all I'm saying. You tried to get your movie theme into TV. Fair enough. I'm not surprised. All right.

And this one, I'm not sure where this is going to land in this room, but it's my favorite TV show theme song of all time. It's an older show. I didn't really actually watch it, but I'm going to take Gilligan's Island. Oh, I like that. Because I love that song so very much. It's a three-hour tour, my friend. I don't know how it will do in the polls.

It's all about nostalgia. But I'm taking what I i got i'm following my heart on this one fellas i i think it's a respectable pick and uh so i gambled impressed with you i gamble with my fourth pick i'm gonna see if it comes back that was your third pick yeah okay so you're taking a chance yeah that's fair jason you've got one pick so far you have full have Full House and Brady Bunch. Do you have another two-word television show? Are you just going to TGIF it? Yeah, I know. Look, there's just so many good ones. So right now, I've got Full House and Brady Bunch.

I'm going a little old school with the theme songs because they were classic, memorable. The fact that they've stood the test of time says they were great. But you've put me onto something here with the no lyrics. Oh, crap. If you take my fourth pick, I'm going to be so mad. It's new. It's modern.

It's great. Oh, all right. All right. I mean, it's a song. Game of Thrones. See, I gave a couple notes, and you know what I'm taking. The Game of Thrones music, when that comes on. It's amazing.

It's unbelievable. I mean, the books are, you know, the name of the song. The book's theme song isn't as good. No, but the song is named after. I mean, this is, it's a great, it's a great pick. It's a great pick, but it's, what's some,

you had no more things to say about your pick. No, what's amazing is, I love the song. It's just not what I think of as like a classic thing.

Neither, well, it's not even classic. Here's why. Is it a best of all time? No, yeah, of course it is, but here's why it's

maybe not in the as memorable because it wasn't network in every house. So it doesn't, not everybody out there has watched Game of Thrones. If you go humming that everywhere, you'll have some people that love you

like nobody's business and some people that don't know what you're doing. Yeah, but if you've watched it, you know the music. Oh, it's a great pick. All right, I have my final picks. For number three, I have Cheers, Simpsons, and I'm going back again.

Batman. Oh, that's a great pick. Okay. So I'm going Batman. Classic Batman. Classic Batman. You grew up hearing it. Nobody, everybody knows that.

I watched the crap out of that show. So we got Cheers, Simpsons, Batman. And then I got a tough decision ahead of me. I could go MASH. Because everybody's heard MASH. It's been in syndication for 644 years. You gotta go MASH. The people that

watch MASH don't know what a podcast is. MASH it is. Oh, yes. I'm so happy. Because the me ask let me tell you this the question was not what's the best theme song right that's not the question that's actually i'm struggling with the draft is what is the most memorable tv theme songs and cheer simpsons batman and mash are a uh you know. It's super solid. It's a solid group.

It's super solid. I'm not saying the MASH song is the best song. Are you kidding me? I don't got that on repeat anywhere. It's just memorable. No, the song is actually great. But the show is great. Yes.

Jason, your turn. Synonymous with dust. This is the toughest pick I've ever made in my life oh including the naming of my he's fogging up even more all right i'm between three and i want to like say them i want to like but i can't because mike you're still picking i wish i had the last pick here. Do I follow my heart? Do I follow the rules of what I think is the most memorable? Do I follow what is perfect to pop culture for our show?

I would say you pick one. Yeah, no, I'm in agreement that I need to pick one. There are just too many. There are so many good ones. I mean, look, love and marriage. Okay. I mean, you know where it's going. Is that a selection?

Is that your final answer? No. I don't think you're going to pick that. That's why I'm willing to say I'm not going to pick Married With Children, but it's on my short list. So now I'm between. I feel like we you're going to pick that. That's why I'm willing to say I'm not going to pick Marry With Children, but it's on my short list. So now I'm between. I feel like we need a second round of this. I feel like I need a Jeopardy theme song right now to get them going.

Ooh, what's Jeopardy? Make your pick. Yeah, thanks for ruining my pick, bro. No, no, no. I'm not going Jeopardy if that is what you want. All right, I've got to go with what I love. Look, this is really hard. I'm not joking. I'm going to go Home Improve i love look this is really hard i'm not joking i'm gonna go

home improvement four okay done done home improvement oh yeah i mean i remember that it finishes with i mean we've got that drop yes i i understand but that's jay mike does not he ain't a fan, man. Home Improvement? Home Improvement. Did you watch Home Improvement, Mike? Yeah, if you didn't. Did you watch it? Was that a regular show in your house? Not regular. I watched plenty of it.

No, I know the song, but. Well, then you've proven my point. It is hard for me to hum it. It's hard for me to hum it right now. I can hum the very end of it. The da-da-da-da-da. Oh, that's what I can sing. What's the main melody line? I did

that. I'm not the main melody line. I don't know. What's the main melody line, Jason? My head is on other songs right now. He is fully fogged. You should have picked those songs then. I went with my heart. I didn't mean to ruin anything.

Well, now I feel like I can't even go with that one. You have Fresh Prince, Mission Impossible, TV Show, and Gilligan's Island. It's a TV show. Yes. It was the TV show. Oh, man. I want one more pick. I am between two picks.

One of them is Jeopardy.. One of them is Jeopardy. And one of them is Jeopardy. The reason I like these is because, similar with Mission Impossible, it's just... Why don't you lay them both out there so that the listeners at home can scream at you to choose the right one and then have you choose the wrong one? So they are both very synonymous with... Like, if you just play the music, you create an emotion. One is creating an emotion of hurry up, dummy. Jeopardy.

And the other one is... Is that their theme song, though? Yes, it is. It's the actual theme song. Okay. The other one is inspires fear or just absolute weirdness. Oh, yeah. I know what you're...

It's the Twilight song. Yep, that's what I thought. That was great. I know what you're... It's the Twilight Zone. Yep, that's what I thought. That was great. What's that theme song again? Do-do-do-do-do-do. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, that's a gray one. So that was actually...

That's tough. I was going to go with that. That was the one I gambled. So I'm going to... It came back. I might as well stick with it. That's the OG... You're going Twilight?

I'm going to go with Twilight. I think that's an amazing pick. I got to shout out the one that I was toiling between. Yeah, let's each shout... I have a out the one that I was toiling between. I have a bunch of ones that I was toiling between. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Oh, wow.

Theme song. How do you not go with that? Because. Home Improvement? Because Home Improvement was such a big. It's your albatross. It is. No, it's not my albatross.

It's my Alcatraz that I will never escape from. I lived in that home. I'm still trying to think of it. How does Home Improvement go? It goes like that. Oh, yeah. You can sing it better. Yes.

Okay, we finally got there. No, I knew it from the get. But Andy who watched it wouldn't think of it. And Ninja Turtles was right there. And here's another one. Here's another one just because I know other people will love it. I'm sure I would remember it if you played it, but I couldn't think of the music,

so I couldn't go with Saved by the Bell. When I wake up in the morning. Yes, is what I'm saying. But I couldn't think of thated by the Bell. When I wake up in the morning. Yes, is what I'm saying, but I couldn't think of that. It's just a blues riff. Alright, that's the problem with that one. It's alright. I mean, it's great. Jason had Full House, Brady Bunch, Game of Thrones,

Home Improvement. I had Cheers, Simpsons, Batman and M.A.S.H. Mike had Fresh Prince, Mission Impossible, The TV Show, Gilligan's Island, and Twilight Zone. I'm so happy you didn't go with Jeopardy. Friends was one that I thought about. Friends is great.

Adam's Family. That was in my short list. And then, Mike, it popped into my head that I thought was funny, but Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego popped into my head, too. Oh, man. Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego? That's not a vote-getter. It isn't, but it's a passion project. It's your albatross.

Oh, goodness. All right. Hey, go's your albatross. Oh, goodness. All right. Hey, go to spitballerspod.com on Twitter. Vote for us. What did you learn on the show today? I'll go ahead and start. I learned that, well, toothpaste lays better with water. Toothpaste lays better with water.

That's something that I actually was not shocked with, that Jason does not like subtitled movies. Yeah. I actually was not shocked with that Jason does not like subtitled movies. Yeah. And I learned that Mike spray bottles his children like dogs. Thanks for subscribing, listening, supporting. We'll be back next week.

Look, when it's the winter and people won't wake up because they're all snug in the bed. Ground them. You douse them. Goodbye. Thanks for listening to the Spitballers Podcast To see what other nonsense the guys are up to Check out spitballerspod.com Thanks for listening to the Spitballers Podcast. If you want to hear more, if you want access to the full archive,

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