Spitballers Comedy Podcast - 300: Episode 300 & A Mystery Draft! - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: September 16, 2024

It’s Episode 300 and we’ve got a very special show for you. Join us for some hilarious laughs as we celebrate past episode trends, play some fun new games and end things with a Mystery Draft! Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast! Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast: Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.com Follow us on X: x.com/SpitballersPod Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPod Subscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers Podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. One, two, three, four, five, it's show 300. Sky with a duke now. One two three four five it's show 300 Sky but a dude now That joke will never stop that was such about the completed. It's me Okay, we did it three in a row three in a row all such well Welcome into the spitballers this episode

300 That wasn't quite the fanfare I expected. I gave you something. Oh the people love it. They love it. Now I do have a question for Al Borland who is the unsung hero of the show Hiding Over in the Shadows, which is simply this after 300 episodes of exposure to our knowledge wisdom kind of paths of reason and logic life yeah all of the all of the kind of intelligence and yeah I get where you're going you know where I'm going yeah I mean do you feel as though is it like you read a million books is it like you have a million degrees now?

Like how do you? I'm the smartest man alive. Because of exposure? Because of you guys. It makes complete sense. Woo, let's get that crowd going again. Yeah. Thank you so much.

Thank you for the opportunity. We got you. And all of you listening at home, so if there's one thing that I know for a fact is that at the end of this episode, if you make it to the end of this episode, you will be smarter, wiser,

better looking, all of those things. Is there any more? No, that's it. Wow. We really build ourselves on a three, it's a three-legged stool. I thought you had more gas in that car right there. Running out of steam.

And two of them are the same thing. Yeah, no. Smarts and wisdom and. Is that Goofy? Oh, yuck. Oh, man. I feel like I could figure that out. Would you rather a special game time

has been prepared by Al Borland? We don't know what's going on. A special mystery draft on today's show. That we don't know what's going on. We also don't know what's going on. We, for the first time in our lives, don't know what's going on. I... I don't even have a list. No? No. Okay, well mystery draft it is. Let's kick off show 300 with some would you rather.

Would you rather. Would you rather. Tyler from Patreon writes in, would you rather be visibly pouring sweat at all times, but smell fine, or look perfectly normal, but stinky within a two feet radius. Oh man I don't I don't care how normal you look how beautiful you are if you pass by someone stinky if you walk by someone or someone walks by you and you get down with and you're like I mean

that it's just it's beyond unacceptable you start glancing around to make the eyeballs at whoever else is nearby to be like are you are you bad are you picking us up if you smelled like that it's simple you travel in packs you only travel with groups of more than two. Now how's that group gonna stand by you? They don't know it's you, because you're always with a group of three or more. Okay, okay, three or more.

So they don't know for sure that it's you. That would be the strategy. Now this is profusely pouring sweat, which is a little bit I mean from a distance you look disheveled I don't you know if somebody is covered in pouring sweat I feel like there's somehow you've done something wrong like you you're up to no good you just self control is an issue for you because whatever you did you didn't this is not normal no you know you didn't this is not normal

No, you know you shouldn't be like I tell this story. We went to a meet the teacher night at our school recently and We met all the teachers the parent. It's a parents night and Class one very nice class two very good class three I'm sorry very nice gentleman nice teacher. I've never seen more sweat coming off of a person and this was a man who looked on his last leg or something or mid heart attack. I don't know what it was, but it was profusely sweating and it made it impossible to pay attention to what he said. Now there are physical ramifications to this too. I mean sitting down, you know, you got swamp butt now.

You're going to stand up. Every piece of clothing you wear has to be black. Now that's usually okay for me because it is, but I guess even my shorts or pants, like right now I've got khaki colored shorts on. If I'm profusely sweating and I sit down to do my job for an hour or two and I get up to go get a drink or go to the bathroom, my booty's soaked. What are the ways that you could try to convince people, like there's a reason you're so sweaty,

like are you walking around no, I'm running around Everywhere I go I'm just I get up and I sprint so fast I was talking about like do you walk around like you always have like a chicken wing in your hand. Here's like His spice you get spicy Spice I thought you're going calories. No. I'm such a sweaty fat guy. I've always got a drumstick in one hand. It's a chili pepper.

I don't know. I'm trying to think of ways that if someone, if I see someone who's sweating, but I see that they got a drumstick in their hand, I'm like, oh. Yeah, a bottle of hot sauce. Yeah, cool. See, I would take the approach. I was just on the episode of Hot Ones.

I would be wearing a weight vest and the little weight wrists on my arm because at this point now, I'm doing this for me. You know what I mean? This is a proactive, like check me out. He is, dude, that guy's always working out. He's always working up a sweat. Being sweaty is bad, working up a sweat is good. Yeah.

You know what I'm saying? Yeah. So I'm gonna flip the script. Now, walking out of the bathroom Wiped the brow and then you're like I'm always like this don't worry about it that is that is a problem I guess if you're stinky, but it's only two feet You can I mean you know what that you travel in packs, but in truth you travel next to no one. If you know that you stink. Two feet is a, I mean that's a good space like.

That's a bubble. Right now, if I, right now you guys could not smell me. I'm more than two feet away from you. But we can. I'm pretty close to two feet. No, I mean this is a yard. Yeah, Mike you're not two feet. Your arm is not three feet. Yeah. My arm is about three feet.

Yeah, it's about three feet Is it yeah, how long do you think my arm is Mike a foot is just about three feet a foot? Yeah, I wear that I Mean the distance between me and Jason now, but I'll wait well How much did you think if if you know what a foot is did you think I had a tooth? But but you're how big is But how big is your foot? How about mine?

About 12 inches. Right. And so, I mean, I get the hand is like, maybe so it's like 2 and 1 half. I don't think that's three feet long. I think it's longer than three feet. We need to get a tape measure. We need to get a tape measure in here.

We got it. I got you. I'm on it. We're going to guess Jason's arm length in inches. You thing of like your your forearm is the size of your foot. Where does it start? It's like where the armpit would be on the okay. Okay, where the heart it would be but on the top. Okay. All right Okay, we're good. So what is it? What is your we're all gonna? Let me see your eyes out check put the camera on 300 see the arms wait cameraman for you still care They're too long look at this for episode 300 Check these out. Put the camera on where you can see the arms. Wait. Cameraman. Oh, you still can't.

They're too long. Look at this. For episode 300, this is the worst audio in the history of podcasts. Oh, this is good stuff. They can go to YouTube. And your wingspan is correlated to your height. 36 inches.

But that includes your torso. Right. So how tall are you, Jason? 5'8". 5'11". OK, we got incoming. All right. OK.

I didn't know you were throwing it to Jason. We have to measure him. I think your arms are 34 inches. I think that's the length. I'm going to guess 36. Yeah, measure it up. I said about 2 1 1 2 was my guess. You said armpit.

Yeah, armpit. Go armpit. Where are we at? Where are we at? What's the number? 30. 30? Oh? Oh my gosh, what is two and a half two and a half feet? I if you round that number that's a yard that is a yard if we're rounding. It's a yard. I don't know man

This week spin it's incredible. I'm an eagle wait my call hold this You think my arm is two feet long? Yeah, I do. Hold this on his other hand, because I want to see if it's taller or shorter than him. Oh, we're doing my whole wingspan? Oh my gosh. Yeah, get out of here.

King of measurements over here, people. This entire room doubted me. Your wingspan is taller than you are. Oh, I got a six foot wingspan? You do. Oh, nasty. Yeah, that'll happen. But welcome to the measurement podcast. Listen, if your forearm is your foot and your foot is like, you got big feet. So your, your feet, your foot is like a foot

long. Your foot, your upper arm is not two feet long. All I know is my wingspan is six feet. All I know. And my arm arm so therefore divided by my two arms And they're three feet each so I'm gonna go sweat. I don't want to know that I smell there was a question I'm gonna go my arms are the same length as yours. I'm gonna go that my arms are Still I believe they're 36 inches. Oh you could believe alternative facts I'm gonna be I'm gonna take the stink. I'll road. I'll ride solo. Yeah

Man I'm not gonna done. Yeah, there's too many there's too many other problems about the sweat. So I guess I'm stinky All right Would you rather getting in a car when you're sweaty is the worst? Like if you go to the gym, and you're showering at home or later And you're drenched just sitting down on that seat I feel like I'm rude I feel like I need to bring a towel and sit on a towel where Andy went with the toilet I thought he was gonna talk about like the actual like the sitting and dismounting yeah, yes, that's dangerous

Yeah, that's sliding. Yeah. Oh? Yeah. Oh, you could slide all over. I've been there. Do they make a grippy toilet that you could sit on if you're sweaty? Yes, grandma's cushioned seat. No, like rubber. No, like a shower floor. Shower floor texture.

Just a couple jellies on the side. But could you imagine using those little paper? Covers that go on the toilet seat when you're so Just it would evaporate comes either evaporates or becomes a second skin. It's part of you. Yeah gross Jasmine from patreon would you rather under think every decision or over think every decision? I'm not home. What are the consequences of these Because I have a, and this is my personality, so of course, I see many consequences

to underthinking a decision. I see none to overthinking them. Overthinking every decision can cause anxiety. Yeah, it's all internal problems. It's about how do you want to live your life in the sense that if I have to overthink everything Oftentimes that's gonna be crippling Sometimes you don't even make a decision. Right. It's it's you know paralysis by analysis

Sounds good Because you don't want to make the mistake Well, I just don't know anything better anyway, so I mean might as well not make the so you're saying that's pinnacle living is Overthinking everything it's all I know it's the good stuff the under thinking the other thinking is like I'm hooked on that thinking man Sweet sweet anxiety the person on the anxiety side Never wants to say what if I had done X and the under thinking is like regret a Mistake maybe the underthinking also might be. Could be surprise.

Don't care, everything happens for a reason. You know what I mean? If I underthink everything, then I'm not overthinking the consequence of my underthinking, you know what I'm saying? I'm living a happy, free. Now, Al points out, I think about this in big decisions, but what if you're sitting there just trying to decide

between a brand of cookies at the grocery store is a big decision That's I those I overthink. Okay yours. I'm gonna check every pack. You're in the vegetable aisle Oh, there's no nothing to think about man. Just grab just grab an organic ago They all suck So would you go under think I think there is what we do So would you go under think I think there is what we do I That was a straight accusal that I just under think everything I don't think you under think everything I've overthought how much you under think I think you think I think you think I think the appropriate amount I there I think look what's the what's the phrase?

appropriate amount. I think, look, what's the phrase like, naivety and bliss? Blissful ignorance, right? Yes. Blissful ignorance is real. And if we want to get philosophical for our wise and wisening listeners, is blissful ignorance good? No. I think to some degree it is. Is blissful ignorance good? No. I think to some degree it is. That's the eye of the beholder.

If you're in it, it's good. That's good living. But then it's like, what's good? You wanna get real philosophical? What's good? Is it good to you? Is that what you mean? Is it good for you?

Right, but the under thinker doesn't give a crap about what you're talking about right now. They're just living a good life. They're just happy. They're just being a good life. They're just happy. They're just being. Good for you. Yeah. OK.

Yeah. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's not good. Well, but I don't know that. No, you don't. You don't. If it's good for you, then you're living a happy life.

You might be naive to how stupid you are, but it doesn't matter. You know anybody in your life that's blissfully ignorant? I know a lot of stupid people. Right, right. I mean like the people you think of that are blissfully ignorant, how do they contribute to your life? Oh they're stupid but they're living good lives. Yeah this isn't about me, this is about them. This is uh, is that the Truman show? I mean he's blissfully ignorant right? He's living a life until he becomes aware and that's like much worse And he be but isn't worse, but everybody was just secretly like he didn't know

I think i'm gonna under think things man. I think it's gonna be sweet Carefree happy go lucky and this is where we'd all like to tell you jason We've actually been Your intelligence isn't what you think it is Happy go lucky. And this is where we'd all like to tell you, Jason. We've actually been, your intelligence isn't what you think it is. Don't care. Yeah. See?

Sounds pretty good. What isn't? Yeah. Who am I? Drew from the website, starting tomorrow, only one of these forms of media will continue to have new content released. Movies, music, or books? Oh man, this is so easy. Why is this question in here?

Mike will choose music? No! Oh my gosh, you're choosing movies? You know it's not books. It's definitely, it's not books, although the movie production, if books are not coming out is going to- These movies cannot have music in them. You can't cheat this one. No, that's fine. Oh, that's a good point. is these movies cannot have music in them. You can't cheat this one No, that's fine. Good point. They can't have new music. Yeah, that's all the existing catalogs stay I'm just no new content. Oh Okay, then this is really easy then this is Rory that's movies easier and yes movies

Yeah, because I go I didn't think about existing catalog all the existing books look I'm not out of books yet Spoiler alert I got a few more. I still need to get to no fear of running out Yeah, I'll never run out and I'm old and I'm cremogyny with music new music is bad Oh my god, you know what's great the 90s the Beatles my son the music from the 90s is great My son loves 90s and early arts and like old music awesome And he's just basically like they don't make anything good anymore. I'm like yeah, yeah good for him growing up so fast I didn't think about the catalog if I go to I don't need nothing Let's pretend that I haven't listened to new music at 20 years. I'm talking about let's pretend that blockbuster was still around right okay?

We've because we've been there We've walked into the store, and I've looked through those stores And I've checked all these movies, and I've gone man. I need a new movie to come out I have never walked in a Barnes and Noble and went Man I just don't think There ain't nothing for me New one comes out maybe next week. there will be something that's appealing. Why does it take so long to write a book?

This is the easiest question of all time. The only downside is if you're in the middle of a series. You know, like Ice and Fire. That's never coming out anyway. You're not waiting on no more Harry Potter's. Yeah, movies keep running. Okay, that's a funny one. Should we move on now?

Sure, let's move on. All right, let's do it. First, we'll take a quick break. Today's show is brought to you by PrizePix. PrizePix is the easiest and most exciting way to play daily fantasy sports. Unlike other apps on prize picks it's just you against the numbers. All you do is pick more or less on two to

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We have no idea what's going on. Three mini games? Yeah, we're going to do some mini games that are basically based upon the history of our show. A little reflection time here for episode 300. I try to wipe these shows right after I'm done. Shout out to Spinfod Joseph Popp. He reached out to me, and he wanted to help me prepare

some of this content. All right. And so he was a huge help in getting this together. Mr. Popp? There you go. The first mini game we we're gonna play is called this or that You'll be guessing which topic has been discussed in more episodes of our show and you'll get one point for each correct answer We're gonna have three of these is this embarrassing Nah, okay

So so you guys will write down your answer and then we'll you know, you can wait So we just are guessing the topic that's been most talked about no no no I'm gonna give you the top two topics and you're gonna say which one you think I was about to write down bathroom yeah I was gonna go bathroom there I go bathroom do I go peepee there might be a bathroom question that's why I asked if it's embarrassing all right go ahead the first one who has made more guest appearances via voice impressions on our show, Batman or Mark Wahlberg? Oh, gosh. Is this Spitballers only?

This is Spitballers only. Batman or Wahlberg? So this is say hi to your mother for me. Uh, okay. I got mine. I wrote mine down. I got my guess. Yeah, I got mine.

All right. It looks like Mike said Batman, Jason said Wahlberg, and Andy said Batman. Jason gets the point on this one. Mark Wahlberg, seven times, Batman, six times. Oh my gosh. No, swear to me.

We're tied. It's tied up now. All right, so Jason escaping with a point on that. Wow, we've only done six Batmans? I honestly couldn't think of, I was like, I don't remember Batman. No, we've done eight. Well, I guess they get a point now. I honestly couldn't think of I was like I don't know we've done a Like yes, I guess they get a point now on my boy

Finally, but wait, so how do you mother for me? Oh, no Two of us we can do this all day. All right through two hundred and ninety nine episodes Which common phrase or jingle has been used more? And by jingle, it's a doo doo doo doo. So, is it the more you know or the phrase, I love Michael Keaton? Oh, wow. On the Spitballers podcast through 299 episodes. So, the jingle or what? I love Michael Keaton.

Oh, okay. I got mine. All right. Going jingle. I'm going jingle. I got my... Going jingle. I'm going jingle. All three of you went jingle? You are all getting a point. All right.

This is a very anti-Batman pod. You know, we're not doing the love of Michael Keaton. We're not doing that. What's this next one? And how is it Batman related? It's not. All right. The next one, which bathroom topic has been

Mentioned more liking the smell of your own farts or the over under TP debate. Oh Yeah Okay, okay Which there is no debate to be clear for the listeners I came into this studio and somebody had done an under Yeah, and I wanted to find them and End them. Yeah, I mean if we will find you yeah, because they've everyone's denying it only hang it over Seriously, someone did that in this studio. We think it might have been a cleaning person It either was the cleaning person or the Falcon and either way. Yes That is the only way it is the only one in slack right now blaming somebody else

Blame you claimant. Speaking of that, I'm going sniffing farts. Sniffing farts. Sniffing farts. All right, all three of you have farts, and all three of you are correct. Ten times smelling farts and six times discussing toilet paper. Ten times? Ten times?

And hold on a second. All ten are Jason, right? I don't have that stat in front of that. I know zero or mine. It's either eight Jason and to Mike. I'll give I'll go 7 3. No I'm going 6 4. I think 6 4. You taught me the popcorn trick. Yeah. When you're smelling when you explore you both agreed zero is me. Oh yeah. Why would you talk about it's disgusting. This is high society over here. I overthought it. I decided out. Go ahead. All right. This is going to be the last one in this mini game. Double points. Nope. How

we catch Jason. There's more games. Okay. Okay. Okay. Across all drafts who has been select who has been drafted the most amount of times? And this one is three choices. Oh my gosh. Bruce Willis, the Genie, or a blue whale? The most amount of times? I got my answer. Say them again. Bruce Willis, the Genie, or a blue whale? So drafted the most.

All right, I've got my answer. In all 300 shows worth of drafts. That's right. And this is 100% by Mike. Bruce. Bruce. Yeah, it's Bruce. It's gotta be. There's not as much disparity as I was hoping

and you guys are correct. Yeah. Yeah. Bruce Willis. Bruce Willis. Six times. A blue whale five times. Five blue whales? The genie three times, you know a blue whale five times five blue whales Oh the genie three times. I thought the blue whale I was like man We there's a lot of times when it's like a blue whale just being the biggest animal is a good pick

You know dropping something off a rooftop I've got that shows up because a blue whale was drafted in the ocean animal battle things to blow up with dynamite To let loose in each other's backyards, worst animals for a veterinarian, and things that are blue. Oh, okay. Yeah, that's good. So how many times has Bruce been drafted? Six.

He was drafted in best action stars, memorable death scenes, favorite bald people, laser tag squad, characters to collect a debt for you, and best Johns for John McClane. What are we drafting today? Ways to draft Bruce Willis. We are drafting actors and actresses for a mystery draft. You're going to want to bump up that Bruce Willis count.

All right. All right, we're moving on to the next mini-game. But through that one, Jason has four. You guys each have three. OK. It's not how you start. We're moving on. I will say this.

We're just rocking these right now. It's like we've been here at every single show. You have. Well, you two got off to a slow start with your first answer, but from then on out, we're 100%. That's right. If you get rid of that first dude. All right, this one is called Guess the Ep, and so there will be one winner.

You won't be able to tie on this. What we're doing is guessing the episode in which something took place, and the closest person to the episode number will get the point. Okay? Wait, so we're just throwing out a number? Well, think about how long ago it was. Okay.

So the first one is guess what episode the first scat was on. Okay. We're writing them down, right? Write it down, and it's closest to it. There's no Price is Right stuff here going on. All right. Oh, goodness gracious. Okay. We're writing them down, right? Write it down and it's closest to it. There's no Price is Right stuff here going on. Oh, goodness gracious. Okay.

Just wait on Mike. Okay, I got it. If we tie, you both get a point. I'm going 35. I went 10. I went four. The correct answer is 26. Woo!

Andy gets a point there. That's right. That's right. We did 25 scams in this episode. I talked myself out of 12. Those were the good old days. That's yeah, I knew it took a little longer than we thought. A lot longer than I thought.

I thought we might have done three. OK. All right. There's five of these, so we're on to number two. It was fun. Guess what episode that you guys finally beat me in Liar Liar. Oh, man. that had to be deep

What episode what I mean? All right, uh Editing editing. Yeah, okay. I've got my number. Oh, it's too low. All right. I've got my number All right, I'm going 255 man. I'm going 131 I went to 50 I changed mine from 250 to 25 what's the answer the correct answer is 212 oh my takes that point we should have tied we should have both got a point but I changed last that means that we're actually all tied right now yes in total points all righty

yeah that's oh it adds up. Okay. Go ahead The next one is what episode? Was the first Badingi? Hmm. Well, I know it's not in the first 24. Oh man the first Badingi Okay, I got my guess All right, I got my I. All right, I got mine. I'm gonna go with 44. I'm going 33.

I went 62. Mike, the correct answer was 80. Oh wow. So Mike gets another point there. Get out of the way. How did you go badingy-less for that long? That's what a lot of people wanna know. Look, when you come up with something that impactful,

that society level of change, like Badingi, it takes time. Yeah, I guess so. Mike was right. Okay. Alright, Mike has a one point lead over the whole thing. Many people may not know, but prior to being known as Owl Borland, I was named Owl Borland after the Home Improvement character. In what episode did Andy mistakenly call me Owl, which stuck? Boy, that is...

Okay, okay. All right, I've got a guess. Man, I don't like this game. No, you haven't had any points yet. I was crushing the last one. All right. I'm going 11. Oh geez, I went 100.

I went 18. My memory sucks. I wouldn't be so sure. You got the point. The correct answer was 62. Yeah. Oh, really? All right.

What? Well, because he was Al for a long time. I thought it was pretty quick. I wasn't on the show for quite a while. You guys did a lot of spitballers prior to me. Really? The good old days. I was just talking about those.

So this was when you... I thought that was a non-videod episode. No, it was on video, we have a video. All right. I thought you'd been here the whole time. Go watch it on episode 62. All right, last one. Why did we add him then?

I can't figure it out, man. You guys got tired of working. Yeah, that's it. Oh, okay, okay. I underthought it. Last guess the app. What episode did the local wizard first appear? Oh.

Well, now my whole orientation on this show has changed. All right, I got my number. All right, I do too. Mike is figuring his out. All right, I'm going with 50. I'm going 88. I went 35. The correct answer, and don't bother hitting your button

because it doesn't work on this show, was 55. Woo! All right. All right. Which puts us in a perfect tie going into the last game. That is correct. Everybody has five points. Had a lead.

Blew it. I had a lead and I blew it. All right. Is Andy's gonna win? And the last game is called the rank tank. The rank tank. And this is an individual game. You'll each have one round.

And because Mike, I feel like, drew a short straw getting the 101 in a draft that he has no idea what it is, I'm gonna give him, we're gonna go in draft order here for the choice of between movies, restaurants, and spitballers. Wait. You don't know anything more than that, but you gotta choose your top. Give me the three again? Movies, restaurants, and spitballers. Let's go movies. Alrighty. In this game, I'm gonna give you three options and you need to rank them in the order of how much they've come up on our show.

Oh, okay, okay. That's fun. So you, the movies, that's what you chose, correct? Yes. Movies, let's go Jurassic Park, Braveheart, Back to the Future. Okay. And you're gonna rank those, one being the most discussed, down to three being the least discussed. And the only way he scores here is if he gets them right?

You get one point for every answer that is correct. So he could get three points here. I can cascade into doom. Yeah. I'm gonna go Braveheart one, Jurassic Park two, Back to the Future three. That's what I have as well. Braveheart was correct. The second was Back to the Future. Oh That's what I have as well. Braveheart was correct.

The second was Back to the Future. Oh. So Braveheart, 35 episodes that we've discussed, Braveheart. That's not enough. 34 episodes that we've discussed, Back to the Future. Wow. And 29 episodes in which we've discussed Jurassic Park. I demand a recount.

So Mike got one point there. If AI need to know who we were, they could really examine our episodes. Pee, poop, and back to the future. All right, Jason, you're going to have your choice of the leftovers, which is restaurants and spitballers. Gosh darn it. I guess we'll go restaurants.

All right, you know what to do. Rank these in the order that they have been discussed on our show. Jack in the Box, Chipotle, McDonald's. Oh man, that is tough. Yeah, that's brutal. That is tough. What were the three again? Jack in the Box, Chipotle, and McDonald's.

Who doggy? I'm going to go, oh man. I'm going to go Jack in the Box first because of all the drafts and the Mike Thanksgiving stuff. Oh, that's a good point. McDonald's second, Chipotle third. Oh, I'm going to put Chipotle second. I went Chipotle one.

All right, what's the answer? Jason's walking away from this one with zero points. Oh, yeah! I got at least last place. We got McDonald's coming out first with 38 episodes, Chipotle with 27, and Jack in the Box with only 15. So I can win this thing right here. I would have got one point.

Yeah, if you get two points, you win. Wow. If you get one point, you and Mike win. If you get no points, we can hold hands as losers. All right, go ahead and give it to me. I get the spitballers, was it? That's correct. You're going to rank how many times these have been discussed

on our show. Andy's love of ice cream. Oh, boy. Jason's fear of spiders. Oh boy. Mike's resting angry face combined with Mike's fear of bees. Oh what a combo. Oh boy. Spiders, ice cream, and then Mike's resting anger angry face and bees. I feel like this one's easier than my restaurants that's why I gave you guys the choice all right one spiders two ice cream three mics that's how I went oh I would have gone and you would have all been correct and Andy is the winner of episode 300 minigames Wow come from behind victory I hadn't led until the last question. The way I look at it is I won the first minigame Mike won the

second minigame. And Andy tied. The second one. I was trying to give you some credit. No but no. Very very good that was fun that was a blast from the past too. I forgot that you didn't exist at one point in time. That's interesting. All right. We're going to take another quick break and come back with a mystery draft and more surprises. This message is sponsored by Greenlight. A new school year is starting soon and personally I am, well, I've got a sophomore and it's

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So sign up for Greenlight today and get your first month free when you go to Greenlight.com slash Ballers. That's Greenlight.com slash Ballers to try Greenlight for free. Greenlight.com slash Ballers. The Spitballers Draft So here's what we know. We know that we are drafting actors or actresses. And that's it.

That's all we know. We're drafting them and then Al has something prepared for us. So I'm guessing this draft is going to go kind of quickly. Yeah, I mean, feel free to justify your draft picks in whatever way you want if you feel like it. But essentially, once you guys form your teams, I will reveal the draft topic and individual breakdown of how you must kind of configure your lineup. OK.

We'll see how this goes. Mike, you have the first pick in a draft that you know nothing about. OK. So the way I'm thinking about this, so I'm, In a draft that you know nothing about. Huh, okay. So what I'm thinking about this, so I'm... I have to pick an actor, actress. I want some versatility. I imagine it's not based off of their real, them as a real person. I'm gonna draft based off of their real, them as a real person.

I'm gonna draft based off of roles. I will tell you this, at the end, when you're justifying your picks, you will be able to use whatever you want to justify it. You can use a characteristic of the actor themselves or a role that they've played. All right, so, we're gonna go with a very versatile,

he's old now, so hopefully he doesn't have to do anything at this current age I'm going to start this trip No, I'm not I'm not gonna do it. Not this pick Harrison Ford I will take Harrison for Harrison Ford goes one. You were not joking when you said old. Yeah But hopefully I'm building some versatility Okay, man If one of them was like favorite old person, if that's the category, you're going to crush.

Or it's like find a sacred idol. Okay, yeah, no, that's fine. All right, so this is me now, right? Yes, sir. Okay, I'm doing the same, well, I'm doing what you said you were doing, which is finding versatility. But when I think about this and I think about our drafts, a lot of times there's battle royales.

Yeah. Sometimes there's comedy things. I thought through all those. Sometimes there's love. So I've got those like, I'm thinking of actors and actresses that can succeed in a battle, that can be a love interest, and they can make children laugh. So that's like my archetype I'm going after.

And that's Ryan Reynolds. That's Ryan Reynolds to me. He can be, he can be. He's very hot right now. He's both in popularity and in attractiveness. Yeah. He can be funny. He can cut people with katanas as Deadpool.

Yeah, you know what he can't do? Be ugly. That's true. Good luck. I don't think Harrison Ford can either though. Harrison Ford, old as dirt, still attractive. Alright, interesting selection there. I will choose Keanu Reeves. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's with my first pick. He's on the list. With my second pick, I will select another actor or actress a second one even you may not have seen that coming um I'll take Samuel L Jackson oh yeah very nice cuz it's like commercial yeah anything at all credit cards anything that's been done I I'll take Samuel. I'll do it. No can I change you want Shaq? I want to change you can't I'm on Denzel. Oh, I want to know okay all right same check No, if I if I'm locked in I'm like whatever me

Normal rules are like if it hasn't gone to the next person What are you we playing chess? I was still saying his name Jackson What are we playing chess? I was still saying his name Jackson Now you know that an official rule in chess. Well, you have to hold on to the p. Yeah, so when you let go that's a bit I haven't let go I'm going to Denzel. All right, I'm changing to Denzel. All right This might be recency bias In the fact that this guy was just in a movie with Ryan Reynolds

But if you want to talk about versatility, I considered him at the top I mean I did if there is a need to sing. Yep Hugh Jackman is awesome. He can Be Wolverine. I don't know how I don't think he's an exceptionally great comedic actor, but very good actor I don't think he's an exceptionally great comedic actor, but very good actor Also handsome also can murder your face like he's just a venomous awful murderous monster some venomous Venomous yeah. No, I mean venomous is an interesting word to describe somebody Other than if it's not a snake or like a scorpion. Yeah

It's on what's that about not fair it was normal to describe people as venomous? Yeah, 100% super duper normal. Yeah, if someone's toxic, it's a venomous person. Interesting. Yeah. I didn't know that. If someone's got a poisonous personality. Yeah, I would call them venomous.

OK. All right, so here's the thing. I know that my team works together Just made their their mashup So so you think it might be recency biased the most recent movie you've seen both actors in that movie really hoping this is a battle Royale gotcha got it Cool can't wait for Channing Tatum to yeah Good accents absolutely wait for Channing Tatum to pop up next year. Well, when I want good accents, absolutely.

Oh, I want to name my name for myself. All right. I'm back up. Yeah, two picks. By the way, Samuel L. Jackson is still out there. Oh, yeah. He's got credit cards to sell. All right, two picks here.

And we still don't know what the draft is. No, we have no idea. So maybe, oh, man. I'm going to take Zoe Saldana. Ooh, it's a good pick. Like maybe this, maybe it's make as much quiche as you possibly can, because she can't stop being in the highest grossing

movies of all time, and she can be an action hero. We're very, very versatile over here. A lot of aliens. Yes. A lot of aliens. Yes. So I'm back on the clock, and we are going to take an actor. We're going to take Bruce Willis, guys.

Oh, there it is, okay. We're gonna take, he's one of my favorites, man. I can't stop. Yeah, no, I get it. You just couldn't pass on the value there. No, I couldn't risk these snakes taking Bruce Willis. You've had him in, I think, every draft, so. Yeah, my sweet, sweet Bruce.

There are two, yeah, when we wrote down Bruce Willis, it wasn't how many times has he been drafted, it's how many times has Mike drafted him. I guarantee it's 100% of those. Maybe the bald draft, he's pretty high up there. I'm pretty sure I went Bruce, I don't know. Okay, so there's definitely two versatile actors that meet my trifecta of-

Actors in the movie Deadpool. Actors in the movie Deadpool. And I'm trying to think which one will you... If the mystery draft is actors that starred in the most recent movie Deadpool, Jason is going to slam. He's going to crush you. I'm taking someone who sadly was not in that movie, but I've drafted her several drafts, I believe, or at least a handful. Jennifer Lawrence can be funny, can be serious, and can be a warrior. And that is my trifecta.

You're really getting ready for a battle. I'm really hoping it's a battle. I'm not sure what's going on. At least one of these gotta be, oh man, if it's only one that's a fighter. You said Jennifer Lawrence? Yeah. That was the fourth time she's been drafted on the spitballers. By you. Probably. She was drafted in Celebrity Best Friends, Action Movie Cast, and Mount Rushmore of Actresses. Mine, yeah those were me.

And in the Who's Jason's Crush draft. Countereves and Denzel already on my list and I'm gonna close it out with Samuel L Jackson still out there. I'm gonna go Kate Winslet my favorite actress okay Kate Winslet and then I'm gonna also because Mike added Bruce Willis I'm I'm adding Michael Keaton. Yeah! Michael Keaton is on this team so we got Keanu, Denzel, Winslet and Keaton. I love Michael Keaton. All right, well, I got my guy, and honestly, I'm pretty sure both of these last two picks were on my best friend celebrity draft.

Like, the people I would want to hang out with, Jennifer Lawrence and Chris Pratt. Okay. If you add Ryan Reynolds and Hugh Jackman, I'm just having a good time. So Chris Pratt, come on down. You know who's not having a good time? Jim Carrey.

Oh. Because he didn't get to hang out with you. Because you decided to spurn him. Oh, no. I don't think he's as good a versatile actor. And if it was a battle, he's going to fold. What if he put on a mask? Comedy, well, sure.

If he's got the mask, that's pretty powerful. Cuban Pete? He's going to be a good fighter all right final pick of a draft we don't know what it is I don't know what's going on there's one I hope you don't take why because even he qualifies for my team perfectly maybe even more than Hugh Jackman, except Hugh Jackman could sing, I had to have him. Oh man, do I need some, who do I got? You have Harrison Ford, Zoe Saldana, and Bruce Willis. Oh man, we're gonna put Farrell on this team.

Oh, that's good. We're gonna put William Farrell on this team. I didn't have him on my list. Honestly, when you said it, I thought you drafted Colin Farrell. No, no, no. Pharrell from Nerd. No, no, Will Farrell.

All right. But you missed out on Chris Hemsworth. I was looking him right in the face, but it was, I mean, how many times do I need Chris Hemsworth on my team? As many as you can handle. Yes, no DiCaprio, no Hanks. Man, you guys went, Jason went recent. I could have gone 20 rounds deep, guys.

What is the draft topic? I can name so many actors. Jason knows so many actors and actresses. All right, you guys, great draft. You just got done drafting actors and actresses to form your HOA and neighborhood watch. Oh. Harrison Ford, such a good pick.

And you guys are each going to go through. So there's four roles that you need to force your characters into. There's the HOA president who oversees everything and keeps things organized. There's the neighborhood crime patrol officer to keep the neighborhood safe and crime free. These are in the doc for you as well.

There's the compliance officer who drives around and is nosy and reports back with any compliance violations and There's the debt collection officer whose job it is to get the HOA paid no matter what it takes Oh, this is great. Can we can I just name how my whole team is? Go ahead. Am I ready? All right. So obviously Hugh Jackman's gonna be the president of this thing, right? I gotta put the elder statesman of my team up top. He's organized. He's responsible. He's too nice He's too nice. He's too nice.

He might be too nice. You know what though? That's my HOA. My HOA is nice. The compliance officer is Jennifer Lawrence. You wanna know why? Because she's gonna stop by and she's not gonna say, you gotta bring in your garbage cans.

She's gonna make you laugh and say, hey, we understand. My HOA understands. She's gonna come out here and be like, look, nobody wants to look at him I get it. Oh, he's too nice. What's what's her opinion on chickens? She loves to my whole team loves chickens Hugh Jackman up top is like every HOA should allow chickens the The debt collector is definitely Ryan Reynolds. Ryan Reynolds will be collecting debt.

And so my crime investigator, is that how they're worded? The crime patrol officer. Crime patrol officer then is Chris Pratt. Because he's what's left. Okay, okay, look. I like how this breaks down for the most part. Denzel's my president. I mean that is, that is authority authority that each way will be inspired I mean authority leadership my crime

patrol is very easy as well Keanu's got that on lockdown probably doesn't even have to engage too many of the criminals one look they're leaving you get to debt collection and compliance are those the last two? Yes, sir. I mean, I have to use the same argument that Jason used with Jennifer Lawrence, where I'll make Kate Winslet the compliance officer, because I feel like she could try to get things accomplished without the mean letters. And then Michael Keaton, by default,

becomes the debt collector who does he get to wear the suit? Does he get to collect the Batman? He really he still puts it on but no he's in the Beetlejuice outfit oh yeah he collects the debts in the Beetlejuice outfit. You're gonna get your money? yeah you betcha all right hey guess what guys Harrison Ford is the president yes he is he has aged right into that role He's the president although he has been the president. I do feel like the oldest person on a HOA is the one that walks around looking for Problems he's the crime investigator. He doesn't need to do walking. I'm lying. He needs to do a lot of sitting these days

Okay, so here's the Ford's my president the the compliance these days. Okay. So, Harrison Ford's my president. The compliance officer is Will Ferrell. Yeah, it's gotta be. I was looking at your list. I was like, if you don't go Ferrell. Is Will Ferrell. Drive around, you know. Hey, let's turn that down just a little bit. I do think your HOA, your people will be happy here. I don't think they're gonna bring in those cans. Well, they better bring in the cans because, oh, let's see. Go to the debt. The debt collection, I mean, it's got to be Bruce.

That one's got to be Bruce. He's been a police officer way too many times in his career. And then Zoe will be my patrol officer. And do not underestimate you or you're gonna get your butt whoops. Yeah, makes sense. Alright. I like these teams. Yeah, for not knowing what we were gonna do I think we formed strong opinions. Great work, can't wait to hear what the people have to say. HOAs are so dumb. HOAs are so dumb. But they're also not, you know. So here's the thing. Like the people in them are dumb,

but the actual HOA is so helpful. The actual HOA is helpful on the basics, and that's all it should be for. I don't want weeds. Exactly, I don't want weeds. I don't want pink houses. I don't want pink houses. I don't want garbage cans on the streets for too long.

And I don't want chickens. What? Don't go that far. I just wanted to see how you do that. Oh man, my hens, they're growing. I mean, how many hens is too, I feel like if you have a chicken policy, you should cap the amount of chickens allowed.

I would agree. You can't have like, you can't have hundreds of hens. What's the chicken cap? Like 20? How many chickens is too many chickens, Jay? You would know. I think 20 is about like the,

where you're maxing out. How many do you have? I have 13. Well, I started with 13, still have 13. Very proud of that. Hey, congratulations. Very proud of that. That number's gonna go down, but yeah.

That seems important. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's your coyote repellent situation? Coyote repellent is going to be the... Snakes he released. Yes, no. Well, I got two big dogs, and they'll protect my chicks. Okay. I know your dogs man. Do your dogs sleep? They are not. Yeah. Oh, yeah, they're comfy They're not protected. Okay, so who's protecting the chickens at night?

The coop is what's they protect like the time when the coyotes will actually show up for the chicken Oh, they're there. I'm building a full coop. They're gonna have like a chicken mansion. It's gonna be very nice I know they're gonna have a chicken mansion. It's a triple decker Three stories for these chicken might hire a full-time like I guess a chicken shepherd To look over the flock. I mean that would be the they sleep out in the chicken mansion look I like respectable chicken owners. I just feel like some people might not be respectable. They're free-range Well, they're in the coop They got a long run these things are crammed into the tightest cages I could find

He's raising them not for eggs just to eat each of them Yeah, if you you know those little like cat carriers each one has one of those that's their coop. But smaller Yeah, but smaller. I took a pull back here in Deucer's Alley. All three of us voting for Andy on this one. Oh, okay. All right, is it because out of curiosity, is it Denzel's leadership or the fact that the crime is for Keanu?

Keanu holding down the crime unit is pretty good. Yeah, those two were perfect fits. I feel like you should never have been allowed Denzel. You know, that was, that was, I mean, would you have voted for his team if it was Samuel L. Jackson up at the top? It would be less attractive. Less appealing. Well, Keaton would have become the president then.

Oh, man, that's pretty good. And then Samuel L. Jackson would have become the debt collector. Yes. And that would have been fine. That would have worked. What did we learn today? I mean, I learned a lot. I learned what the draft was.

I learned how many times we're talking about potty. Smelling farts. That we refer to our favorite ancient movies so many more times than I thought we did. I already knew that. I learned that Andy thinks I under think all things. Apparently. All right that'll do it for today's Spitballers episode 300. Huge shout out to Al Borland back there and

the Deucers. Thanks for what? 300 episodes of content. Beautiful. Goodbye. Thanks for listening to the Spitballers Podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out spitballerspod.com.