Spitballers Comedy Podcast - 304: Andy’s Potty Mouth & The Best Treasure Hunters - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: October 21, 2024

Well the title says it all. Andy messes up big time on this hilarious episode, Liar, Liar makes its return and we wrap things up with a draft of the best treasure hunters.  Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast! Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast: Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.com Follow us on X: x.com/SpitballersPod Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPod Subscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers Podcast with Andy, Mike and Jason. ASMR's get time, you get what you get. You get what you get you get what you get you don't throw fit get that directly into your ears dripping from there to your soul find and bury treasure in here that was that was awful well I know you you have like a you have like a ASMR phobia me so phonia or however you say it You don't like the whispers. Oh

No, see Mike has exceptionally Good hearing it's not like you can hear small noises, but like you're you pick up on it. It's part of your Musicianal I've been trained to your talent sure, but I think there's this Got musical Musicianal Train to your talent sure, but I think there's this no not musical But I It's I don't think it's just trained I mean it is also trained but I think that there's natural talent there and I think that natural part there's some about that that is

Really put off by the ASMR by the whisper by the like if you just feel it too much I would like to say and I will pull the deuces as well, but I was also super disturbed by that I don't have any like special Like it's not a hearing thing deuces. What did you think of that one? I thought you've done worse. Okay. Yeah I have i've done way worse while the ending was you know you kind of brought it all together you you didn't know poop pop poop pop poop yeah I mean I could have ASMR that but you know you get what you get I thought you were gonna go ASMR satchmo next time I don't even know what to do. That's just a demon, Mike. It might be.

Does it search for me? It's being searchable. I'm in hell. Welcome into episode 304. This is the only material left to cover on the show. We've gone through everything else. Would you rather, liar, liar, and we are drafting characters to help you find a lost treasure that I liar liar on today's episode it's been a while I know Jeremy you hate putting these

together because you feel like there's a high bar that you have set for yourself and it's difficult after this many episodes to do it but I want you to know we were talking about beforehand the people really really want this and they love it and so make sure that it never goes away Yes, sir All right, we're jumping in Would you rather Would you rather Patrick from the website writes in would you rather have to eat three living cockroaches? Holy no.

Or a raw chicken breast. Oh, come on. Oh. What, what are you trying to kill us? Oh, see, see, Jason and I are probably on the other side of that. No. What?

You'd eat the three. I am so much, like, raw chicken breast, raw chicken. I believe it is something like one in 18. Like, if you go to the grocery store and you purchase a prepackaged raw chicken breast, the ones that you get near you, the ones that are in your fridge today, something like one in 18 have salmonella. I thought it was like one in four. Oh, I can't imagine it's a quarter. Al, why don't you get on that? It's the way that I approach

my handling and The sanitary things of raw chicken. It's one in one Maybe I was thinking 25% but it's one in 25 packages. Okay one in 25, but still the chances of getting salmonella are Well one in 25 now, we'll say the... That's not good odds. Cockroaches carry bacteria, parasites, pathogens. Where are these from? Are these pet store cockroaches? Or are these just, like, off the ground? Off the ground.

Okay. Hold on, what if we get to cook the cockroaches? What if we get to cook the chicken? Well then I would take the chicken and cook chicken's delicious. Cooked, grilled chicken breast or five thousand cockroaches I'm sure you can season either of them whichever way you please I just thought I thought you guys would both say the chicken because that's like I mean you guys eat sushi So like just just slurp it down

Dude, I hear one in 25 chance now salmonmonella. Does it kill you it can? But it does not usually So what are we afraid of throwing up? It's not throwing up I mean all up is kindness throw up out the butt this well No, no, you're gonna be throwing up, but you're gonna be throwing like your the the lining of your heart up through your Real bad. This is like hospitalized throw up. Throwing up through your butt. Been there.

The living cockroaches. So you've got to bite the heads off first just to kill them. No. What? No. Just swallow these suckers whole. You let them crawl down your throat. That does bring up a good question.

No, that's not. Are you going to let your esophagus and your stomach acid go to the wall? The teeth are going to juice this thing out. This is a gusher. This is a gusher's candy. This is the worst question we've ever answered. You have to bite them in half right away.

I think you do have to crush the head. Yeah. There's a head on a cockroach, right? Yeah, they're not headless. They can live without their head for a while, though. Oh my god. That's what you So back in college back in college we the best beginning to any story I was part of

the Charles Darwin experience was a comedy improv group and So we were trying to raise money to go to Chicago Improv Festival and we had this like this big thermometer Where it was like if we get this we do this if we get this much we get this and one of them was that one of the guys was going to eat a live goldfish and he did we got we we got the money and he on stage you know right from PetSmart took the goldfish it's a medium-sized one that's a swallow. It was just a straight swallow. Did the show. Oh, no. Threw up all night long.

Did he send the fish out? I think the fish was digested. Oh, it was. So liquid fish came out. Because that's a trick people do, illusionists and things like that. They'll bring it back up alive. Swallow the goldfish, and then you just

puke it up, and it's fine. Interesting. They do, they bring it back up alive. But yeah, so the cockroaches might actually be a higher probability of getting very sick than the raw chicken. I think you're throwing up, I think you're definitely 100% throwing up from the raw chicken.

Yes. I think you are probably throwing up from the cockroaches. The raw chicken is dead and will go down smooth. It will not be fun. The texture of that chicken is going to be. No, but you can swallow. The texture will be better than the texture of moving. Yes.

You're not used to the texture of moving, of alive. Yeah. No, I'm taking the chicken. I'm going one and 25. I'm probably trying to throw up after both of these. I'm going going roaches. Okay, Jason, split the difference. I'm going to go. We've thought about it a lot. Pollo sashimi. So give me the give me the raw chicken, please. Just combine two different foreign languages? Yes, I did. Yes, I did. I'm a man of the world.

A little bit of culture. It sounded pretty good. It sounded all right. La Cucaracha. 4% chance at salmonella, 0% chance at movement in my mouth. Slammin' Jammin' from Patreon writes in, if you had to choose one word. I'm sorry.

Radical. Let me start this over. If you had to choose one word, I'm sorry. Radical. Let me start this over. If you had to choose one. Tubular. If you had to choose one, would you rather time travel with Doc, from back to the future. Oh, right.

Fight crime with Batman, I guess as a sidekick, or train karate with Miyagi. Well, that one's out. Learn the Force from Yoda, or hunt antique treasures with Indianaagi. Well that one's out. Learn the force from Yoda or hunt antique treasures with Indiana Jones. Good question for today's show. What? Why is this in this episode? That one's also out though. Let's cut it down. Yeah. Let's cut it down to your two finalists for me that would be fighting crime with Batman or learning the force with Yoda and only one of these gives me a superpower so I'm gonna go learning the force with Yoda. And only one of these gives me a superpower, so I'm gonna go learning the force with Yoda.

Yeah, time traveling with Doc could be cool, but that's only if you go into the future. All right, take those... No, going in the past would be awesome too. You can't get back without a train, man. Well that's only if you. You pop the gas tank. Yeah, you get the gas when it's out. I feel like you gotta take Yoda and time travel out of this.

Yoda is the clear win, right? Are we at least at a great, like it would be my number one. Of course. Because in the end, I have the force. I can make you change your mind. I can move a rock on your head. The TV remote. I mean, to be fair, I can train karate right now.

Yes, the Miyagi one is so stupid. Because not only can you train karate right now, you can go find an expert. This is not hard to achieve But when you do that you're not gonna have to wax any cars That's what I'm gonna have to do any chores like Miyagi was a terrible teacher. He got lucky I think he was off the catch. I think he was teaching some other lessons Making him do that children's lessons do your chores, but that was the question like well if I go train with Miyagi

Am I just doing chores? Yeah, that's all. Am I doing crane kicks? Anyway, I was going to say, all the training led to the crane kick. Well, he does the crane kick while the sun's going down. Oh, over the ocean, right? Yeah, it wasn't on Micah.

I remember that. I remember that. It's been a minute, Mike. Let's just go here. Fight crime with Batman or hunt antique treasures with Indiana Jones. There we go. Those two. All right, that's a fair fight, because they're both cool. They're both a little dangerous. Here fight crime with Batman or hunt antique treasures the Indiana

All right, that's a fair fight cuz they're both cool they're both a little danger the other risky they're both just human They are both human those superpowers. Although, you know, you got the goblet You there's the treasure your super natural Well, what's cooler? What's cooler like the batwing or you know the some crazy treasure that's mythical? I think the batwing. You're saying like if you found the The cup? Yeah. Or the Ark. Wait does the cup give you like eternal life? It does. If you drink the right one. But you have to stay within the confines of the temple. That's so bad.

That's a punishment. No, not if of the temple. That's so, it's so bad. That's a punishment? No, not if you ask them, it's an honor. Oh really? I'd be like, is there internet in here? What's a wifi password in this temple? So, but- Can you live in, would you rather live in prison?

Eternally? Right, yeah, exactly. One of these, you have, you could end up, look, you might get to punch a Nazi in the face. Pretty good. Right? One of them might get to punch a Nazi in the face Pretty good, right one of them. You might punch a guy in the face and find out that person actually has superpowers And additionally one of these or have two faces one of these Yeah, could get you a suit Because if I'm fighting crime next to Batman, I'm a sidekick man. I could be Robin

or whatever. What would your nickname be? What would my nickname be? The bloat. The bloat. I do deal with some bloating from time to time. No, it's the human bloat, like the human torch. Like the human torch? Yeah, I mean You gotta put the suit on Yeah, the suit is probably spandex. That's not gonna be great So now I see where the super name comes from I'd be like yeah, he's bloated. Yeah, that's it's really not him He had five guys. I had some raw chicken earlier. You'll forgive me

El pollo sashimi. I want... I'm going Batman. I want Batman. I want the lair. I want the hideout. I want the tools. Who doesn't want a hideout? I want the cars and the gadgets. Honestly, I'm playing on the computers in the hideout

and I'm like, you just go. Yeah, I'll watch the phone things. You go do this, I'm gonna help you from here. Oracle, is that the name of the... Yeah, I mean, I'm like you just go yeah I'll watch the phone things you go do this I'm gonna help you here Oracle is that the name of the yeah I mean I'm just playing like that's a car just I got that right I'm gonna have from an Oracle is no not in Oracle no that the one eventually Batman teams up with somebody is it it's like I think it's like back row gets paralyzed I'm sure you're right all right whatever we're all doing solitaire on the Oracle like that's what we're playing well yeah it's still in the game on there yeah I'm sure you're right. All right, whatever. It's the Oracle. But we're all doing solitaire on the Oracle. That's what we're playing.

Well, yeah, it's the only game on there. I'm going Indiana Jones. Really? Yeah. Well, you won't get him in the draft, sucker. I know. I know. You should really think about if there's some other pixel, Jay.

OK, I've got others. And I will take them. That might be better. Owen from the website, would you rather have Chris Hemsworth's body and Danny DeVito's face, voice and personality, or Danny DeVito's body with Chris Hemsworth's face, voice and personality? This is nowhere near, this isn't a fair fight.

Yeah I agree. I mean give me Danny DeVito's face a hundred out of a hundred times. I'll put a bag on that I'll walk around with a bag on my face first off Like I guess The face is alright, but Danny DeVito's personality Danny DeVito is So funny. He's awesome. He is like he as an actor. I feel like he must be way older than we think

I'm on it. Like if we had to get he's got me he let's say? 78 uh I'm gonna go 74 72 79 oh 79 he's almost 80. He's doing work and Working oh, okay doing work not like Looks good. Oh, no, that's the point of the question. Yeah, he looks like a troll but to be fair

He's looked like a troll for how old is he for 79 years? I? Bet he's scared mom is he when I feed when he was born for 10 according to Google when he was born that had It's like Jeremy that had to- That's like Jeremy. That had to terrify the parents. Jeremy- Danny DeVito's point being, he's awesome. And I get to be yoked. Yeah.

And funny. You know how good you feel? You know, like if you are in Chris Hemsworth's body, you've just gotta, you've gotta have energy, you can jump and run and crouch and duck and all sorts of things I don't wanna do anymore. Could tie my shoes. Don't forget, first of all, Chris Hemsworth's name

has come up way too many times on this show. Over 304 episodes. It's been fine, it's been enough. Yeah. Secondly. Have you seen Chris Hemsworth? I'm just, the voice is a great voice. Yes. Right, I mean that. Both of them, both of them have great voices.

What? I mean Chris Hemsworth's voice is much better. Yes, he has a much better. He has an accent. I mean he's got a much better everything, you know. He's, he's. All right, so we're all going with the body. Yeah.

Vanessa from Axe says, would you rather have to live in the Everglades, the Amazon, or the Australian Outback? Oh, we were talking about this, something similar to this at lunch about the dangers of places in the world. And these are all, like we're all going to die. Amazon is instant death. Amazon, everything there is meant to kill you. It's all moist. Everything is self-defense. Amazon is instantaneous death for us. Yeah, the first thing you would try to do, if you're, oh I'm going to go drink that water

off that leaf, dead. You, earmuffs Jay. Oh no. Oh no. Okay, alright. I was going to say the creatures that are in the Amazon. You can say what you want. He's got his ears plugged. The spiders that live in the Amazon are... Jason would pass out. Okay.

Okay, you can come back. Okay. I presume this was a Spidey talk. Yes. But the thing is, I don't know that they're worse than the Australian Outback. Like if you're really in the Outback. The Outback's threat is not the creatures. The Outback's threat is you're gonna die from exposure. It's all of those things, but at least you're not like... you have some visibility at least. Yeah you can see the Sun coming. I mean you're dead. It's the Everglades easily for me.

You want them gators, huh? I don't think that many gators are killing that many people. They don't. Well, those people are staying out of the Everglades, or they have those cool fan boats. Where am I? Am I in the water? Am I on the shore?

Am I just trying to, like, do I get one of the fan boats? No, no boat. No boat. You get a bottle of water. Am I in the shore? Am I just trying to like do I get one of the fan boats? No, no boat No, but you get a bottle of water. Am I in the water? No, you don't think you have to be in the water Yeah, you gotta find a little dry spot next to a tree. So don't know a little shade. It's you know, I Got water What do you what do you think is in the water? Like animal creatures snake g snake, gators. All of that. Yeah, so I feel like I'm gonna take the outback

and just pray I don't come across Just dehydrate? The giant spider. I feel like you'll die 12 hours in the outback. No way, no way. There's no trees. But I think you could make it a cycle. You could die in 12 hours.

Yeah, exactly. I can make it a cycle. You could die in 12 hours. Yeah, exactly. I can make it a day night and then die the next day. 100%. Yeah, you could die the next day, I guess. I remember watching Bear Grylls on one of those old shows go out in the outback, and he was drinking his own pee. Oh, yeah. It was like.

Have you ever seen the people like? I've got a lot of outback experience anyways. Twice a week. The Bear Grylls. Oh, yes. Yeah, it's delightful steaks. When people are like, show where Bear Grills is actually filming, and you're like, it's actually just like 30 feet off the road.

Yeah. Sometimes. Well, here's the thing. If your brand is Bear Grills, that gets to be zero. Anything over a zero percent when your entire shift- Nothing you see is real, Mike. Yeah, but they're claiming it's real. It's just right off the road.

Okay. All right. I just, I asked the internet, can you survive in these locations? I asked, can you live in the Australian outback? Yes, it's possible, but it's remote and people have died. Can you survive in the Everglades? Yes, some people have lived in the Everglades, but it looks like many people have died.

Can you survive in the Amazon? Yes, it's possible to survive in the Amazon rainforest, but it's challenging, and many people have died while attempting to do so. So. In the Everglades, you just. So this is not a question about where are we gonna survive. This is how do we wanna live in our last 24 hours.

Yeah, okay, that's fair. So give me the Amazon rainforest. I think that place is gonna be awesome. I asked Chad GBT, cause we cheat now, what is the most likely one to survive in? Rainforest, outback, or Everglades? Just say the word Oh Rainforest all right. I picked the right one. I'm surviving and I'm thriving did you say rainforest or Amazon? I said rainforest. Oh a rainforest sounds awesome. Yeah

The Amazon Still the rain forest still the rain forest probably because of water? I don't know. Yeah, I mean. Shade, water, plants. Tigers. You're going to have to pick the. Probably. Who knows? Yeah.

I think we don't even know what's in the Amazon. It's like the bottom of the ocean. All right, let's go ahead and take a break, and we'll come back with some Liar Liar. Today's show is sponsored by our friends at Greenlight. As your kids get older, some things about parenting get easier. No, they can clean up after themselves. You can reason with them, but some other things do come up, like having the conversation about

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Sign up for Greenlight today at greenlight.com slash ballers. That's greenlight.com slash ballers. To try Greenlight today, greenlight.com slash ballers. Lier, liar, pants on fire. All right, it has been a minute and we'll see if we can dominate Al Borland once again. That's what we do most of the time. Yeah, we'll crush once again all right three rounds three truths one of them is not true it's not three three truths no no two well I'm gonna read three things that are supposed to yeah there we go there we go they're supposed

to be true and one of them is not and we have to identify that one we got there all right round one let me prepare myself here. The Malayan sun bear known as Ursus Malianus is known to be regularly constipated. The Malianus? The Malianus. The average digestion cycle This is the Mollie Annie thing. The average digestion cycle lasts seven to 10 days, longer than any other species of bear.

This also results in the largest poop-to-body weight ratio in the bear family. OK. I'm rooting for that one. I hope that's true. Now, does a digestion cycle lasting a long time, that doesn't mean you're constipated, though, right? I feel like it's only after that time that you can't poop is when you start to be constipated.

I think you're right on that. Why are you talking about? No, no. If the poo-poo's in your body. But if that's normal. Right. I get what you're saying. Then you're regular.

Yeah. He just, he makes a poo-poo every 10 days. Well, if you're on the, if you're towards the 10 days you feel yeah All right, here's the second one Ophiocordyceps is a species of fungus that turns ants into zombies forcing them to climb a Tree before exploding the ants bodies to release spores to fall down on the ants on the ground below perpetuating the cycle That's true. I have heard I have heard of this type of things, fungus that basically uses insects as zombies.

I'm going to assume it's the truth. We've got to work together here. Also, I just got to give you mad props because I couldn't have read that first word. If you gave me like 12 tries, I would never have got it. When you guys were finishing the conversation in the previous question, I was practicing that in my head. Do it again. Ophiocordyceps?

Perfect. O-P-I-O-CORD-Y. O-P-O-CORD-Y-I-CAP. Third one, horses cannot vomit, so this is animal related. Horses cannot vomit because their digestive system anatomy prevents food from moving back up into the stomach. From the stomach to the mouth mouth simple digestive issues like gastric

Distention or call it can kill a horse feel like go I Feel like I've heard that making up a new point to attract us to it. Are you here? Are you thinking of like giraffes? I think giraffes is that what it was? Cows have distended bellies. So did he just change Cows to horses and try to get us on them or is it just you know, that's what those four-legged animals are like, right? The one then there's one that's a poop thing So it seems like it seems like it should be the poop thing But is he trying to play the game get us to the poop thing. I don't even know if it's a Malay...Malianus seems...it seems like that's what he

started the search with. Malanus? Malanus? Alright. John Malanus. I'm gonna say the horse's one's a lie. I believe the horse's one is a lie. I'm gonna go with the bear. Alright, okay. Alright, you're still alive. Oh, cute. I tried to tell you guys, I thought I had heard that horse one. It was vaguely familiar. Yeah, I'm gonna be honest.

I'm gonna let something free here. Okay. When we started the segment, I saw that third question being edited, like deleting, writing writing rewriting some oh you tried to play the game I tried to play the games I thought he was I thought he was you know you're you're already fixing a typo in there but that's funny that you caught that yeah and I was like oh he can change this one he made it up

okay I saw some typing in there too there was nothing that was gonna keep me to not get the third answer nothing that's good to know for the future Well, I mean games already been played the game is a foot All right, Mike around two three musketeers when first released came with three different kinds of nougat chocolate vanilla and strawberry hence the name Unfortunately had to be cut down to one during World War two to their sugar rations being too expensive If that one is a lie, that's a good lie. I would agree with that. Yeah, it's a little weird in the fact

that if sugar rations, we just make one type of sugar thing instead of like, oh, we're out of sugar. We can only make one sugar flavor. All right, number two. During the American Revolution, there was a secret society of knitting old ladies known as the Spindle Sisters who smuggled battle plans to military commanders by stitching them into scarves. Oh man, the Spindle Sisters? Just, I mean,

getting grannies joining the cause. I believe that there are grannies that are part of the cause, but this is like, if you're smuggling battle plans to commanders, what are you smuggling stuff from? Your own army so that the other commander I don't get it You're saying where are they getting them for what are the plans that need to get to the commanders? And why do they have to come? Why did the grannies get it? Yeah, what are the grannies get it? I promise you if this is true though, the spindle sisters had a logo Like they made a load they got together and they're like, well we, you know, we knit stuff. Killer band name.

Yeah, not bad. Close neighbors to the Spin Doctors. Oh yes. Alright, great. Tsutomo Yamaguchi survived both atomic bombings in Japan. Yeah, this one's true. That's true. He was in Hiroshima when the first one dropped.

He survived, returned to his hometown, got the second one. He lived to be 93. That's true. Yeah, I know that one to be a fact. So I think that the Spindle Sisters is the lie. That's what I'm going with. So both of those have a logical strangeness to them. Like sugar rations doesn't mean that you can only do

chocolate and you can't do strawberry and vanilla. Right. But also how are these Spindle Sisters getting these plans to military commanders? I'm gonna go with the three musketeers. The smuggled battle plans. No, that's such a good lie. That's too good a lie.

Oh. Which one was he editing? I'm not official yet. Okay, I'm going I'm going spindle sister. All right, then I'll go three musketeers That okay that's on that we're done here. Oh, that's on, you know, what was the indies? I didn't catch his Sisters are the lie. All right, the spindlele sisters was the lie Oh Mike's alive Mike is alive Now I see why he didn't answer he's just waiting for you to change your answer Yeah, what was I didn't hear I think he took the mic got it right? I just never heard indies Okay, Mike you got a chance around three all right and and round three, here we go. Movies that feature Brad Pitt eating more than 200 calories

on screen do better than box office at the box office and have a higher IMDB rating than those of the films. This is a thing. That do not. I don't know what the ratings are, but Brad Pitt eating on screen is a thing. That's a thing? Yeah, like you can go watch a supercut.

Like kind of like the super cuts of Tom Cruise Running yeah, there's super cuts of Brad Pitt eating I know he eats a lot in Fight Club that movie did very very well in the in the oceans movie He's like always yes. He is always eating in those and those crushed in the box office Okay, good good detective work Batman number two says the only US state without a private bathroom For its governor is Rhode Island the claw the closest bathroom is instead a shared public restroom located outside the Department of Sanitation's office on the floor below the governor's office that's yes to go

downstairs man get bodied it's a tiny it's a tiny state is it like directly under could you just cut a hole? All right. Even if it is and you're close and you miss, you're right next to the Department of Sanitation. So it'll take care of it. Oh, they will. If you say chat GPT, chat GPT, chat GPT with a French accent, you are saying cat. I have farted in French. This is the best. Okay. Chant GPT. Chant GPT. Chant GPT.

This is the best truth or lie that we might have ever had. If you say chat GPT with a French accent, you are saying cat I have farted. Chant GPT. Chant GPT. Chant GPT. Oh, I think that's true. Chant the GPT. Oh my gosh, that's so good.

So somehow GPT. Chant the GPT. Chant the GPT. Chant the GPT. Chant the GPT. Chant the GPT true Shut the GVT. Oh my gosh, that's so good. So some somehow GPI DVD Well, what you say you're saying chat is cat. Yes, that's what so somehow Is you're saying excuse me that is I have farted so one is real either either is French the normal order? I don't I've studied. Either, is French the normal order? I've studied no French. Cause the shot, the, the, the shot. Yeah, that could be, yeah.

The shats could be the farted part. That's usually more of a solid. Exactly. Shot. I shat my pants, maybe that came from the French. Maybe the French, when they're in a war, they always shit. Oh. Did we have our first bleep?

Did we have our first bleep? Oh, baby. That one was a little too clean. We'll have to beep that. Oh. I didn't mean He's trying to speak French those French is her foul mouth man trying to speak French French Okay I believe that one.

I'm going to go with the US state being Ronan. I'm going French ones alive. Okay. So whatever we pick is irrelevant. Yeah. Well, we could tie for winning. Okay. That's fair.

If Mike misses. So wait. Oh. But guys, we're all trying to win here. Yes, we're all trying to win, which is you. I mean, yeah, I think we're all out on the Brad Pitt thing. That seems like it's legit. So it's the Rhode Island private bathroom.

Hold on, put the Deucers came up there. Real quick. Jared, we are out on the Brad Pitt thing. How does that make you feel I? Need to see his face. Oh He's stone-cold poker face. That's his poker faces. No, that's the best. No, he's got a terrible poker face This one's pretty good. This is his liar liar face. Okay. All right. I tried to get more information for you Mike I got nothing Good job, Jer. Thank you. GPT

GPT Chad the GPT GPT cat I have farted I'm not attempting that one I'm not attempting that one. I tried I Lost I was conquered Gotta make a call Mike. It's too much gotta make a call good. Yes easy for you to say there's no pressure on you Oh easy. Oh, that's the game so the lie. I'm going to say I'm gonna go with the governor one. Yeah, I think that's right all right, L Yeah Good work Mike yes I'm the smartest man alive All right, L

Yeah, you take your second and I also played Wow that means that the chat GPT one was right Wait, no, yeah, play it. Shaggy P.T. Shaggy P.T. Who found this out? Shaggy P.T. Yeah, what? Was this all found by you? No, I found this somewhere.

OK. Wait, was this all found by you? Nah, I found it. I'm pretty sure that's a yes then. I thought he was saying, was it all made up by you? I found this particular one on Reddit. All right, we did it. Or rather, Mike did.

Congratulations. Yeah, we all won, everybody. If Jeremy loses, we did it, or rather Mike did. Congratulations. Hey, we all won everybody. Yeah, if Jeremy loses, we're all winners. That's right. All right, let's move forward. We got an ad break, then we're coming back with a draft. ["Spring Day"] This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp.

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The Spitballers Draft. The Spitballers Draft. The Spitballers Draft. The Spitballers Draft. The Spitballers Draft. The Spitballers Draft. The Spitballers Draft. The Spitballers Draft.

The Spitballers Draft. The Spitballers Draft. The Spitballers Draft. The Spitballers Draft. The Spitballers Draft. The Spitballers Draft. The Spitballers Draft. The Spitballers Draft. The Spitballers Draft. The Spitballers Draft. All righty, I didn't mean that. Well, that's, yeah, we are drafting characters to help you find a lost treasure. Jason, you have the first pick.

Look, we've already talked about them. It's easy, it's obvious, there's a clear 101 for me. And not that there's not people that might even be better, but when I think of searching for lost. No, there's no one better. I'm saying maybe they're smarter or whatever they got I Mean, Indiana Jones. Yes, he'd do one thing. He goes and he finds lost treasure. So and not only that but he does it with

charisma and Style. Yeah, so give me Indiana Jones. He is the one who will make sure we get the treasure All right. I look it sure we get the treasure. All right, look, it's not a buried treasure. It's just a lost treasure. Yeah. I need to follow clues. I need to be deductive.

Yep, he was my number two. I need to figure it out. And so I'm gonna go Sherlock Holmes. Yep, that was, that was. Sherlock Holmes can follow clues. He can figure out where it's, I mean, you gotta, it's lost. Yeah, he was my 102. He was the only one that I think, like,

he might be able to figure it out just as good or better, but no style, and also what's gonna happen. He's got style. What's gonna happen is he's gonna find it first, and then somehow Indiana Jones gonna end up with it. You know what I mean? Yeah, that's very possible. All right.

Okay, so Indiana Jones, Sherlock Holmes. With my first pick, I will take, she's often referred to as the lady version of Indiana Jones, and we grew up, so I will take Lara Croft, who is the star of the video game series, Tomb Raider, because she goes and finds lost treasures. And I mean, when they made Tomb Raider,

I mean, they had Tomb Raider I mean they had to just been like what if we gave a give Indiana Jones a couple like two guns that's what they did well then yeah um all right good pick Mike Lara Croft I it was it was in consideration for me too to what if we I know you are yes she had a take Indiana Jones give her yes give him two guys guns yeah it's a bunch of degenerates uh-huh back here all right then expect I will take the you may not know the name off the top of your head. I knew we'd have some deep cuts here for Mike. This one's not a deep cut though.

I know exactly who you're going to pick. It's Benjamin Franklin Gates. Yeah. Oh, I knew for sure that would be your pick. Who is that? Who is Benjamin Franklin Gates? National treasure. This is Nicholas Cage.

Star of Nicholas Cage. That's his name yes they named him Benjamin Franklin gates in the movie punches they're like not only is he looking for the declaration but the character's name is one of the guys from the declaration why do you think he's so good at it yeah does he have a side it? Yeah. Does he have a sidekick? Is it Jefferson? He does have a sidekick. I can't remember the guy's name off the top of my head. Thomas Jefferson Jones.

I mean, gosh. I had no idea. But yeah, I will take Benjamin Franklin Gates, who. All right. I will take Patrick Gates, his father. All right, so he's a quitter Oh, he gave up trying to find the treasure, but he named his son Benjamin Frank. Oh, they're Riley pool. Thank you, Josh right, I

Didn't have him on my list. I was unaware. He would never have made it back to you so I I'm gonna go with at this point a character that back to you. So I'm gonna go with at this point a character that already has a history of finding treasure. I feel like the resume matters. Like I want to know that you found something valuable. Bilbo Baggins. I'm taking Bilbo Baggins because he found the precious. Didn't he? Yeah he just walked across it. There's no clue finding. He just was like oh cuz luck's not a part of finding a treasure no it is lost treasure but do it twice what's he looking for it it's not important to look at the details oh okay but for me I thought he I thought he had jumped into

a pool and then found it at the bottom. Is that incorrect? I think that was Gollum. I think Gollum got the- That was Gollum. That was Gollum. Yeah. So Bilbo just found it. Bilbo just walked across and was like,

what's this thing that Gollum just dropped? Perfect pick. Perfect pick. Yeah. Now what other big treasure did Bilbo find? You don't need to- He found a wizard. No, the wizard probably found it.

Yeah, it did. Found a long life. He found the Ring of Power! Alright, so I'm up now. Yes, Bilbo Baggins does find many treasures in his adventure in Lord of the Ring of the Hobbit. The main treasure he encounters is a portion of the horde of the dragon smog you forgot. He literally found the giant golden treasure In the lonely mountain. I did not I did not forget. I did not know This is this is new. You didn't see the hobbit. No, I never watched that. Okay. Well, he found like literally a humongous treasure Okay, all right. Go on seems like it's humongous. You gotta remember the hobbit out there Okay, great. All right, go on.

Seems like it's easy to find if it's humongous. I'm glad I remembered the hobbit. I don't want that out there. All right, so I know my first one, that's easy. I'm shocked that it... I guess with Lara Croft and Benjamin Franklin Gates, I get how this guy got past you, but I'm sure he's high on your list because when you're looking for something and you've got to solve clues, sometimes you need resources, sometimes you need brain power.

I got both. You need the world's best detective. Yeah, so that's why he's above Sherlock Holmes for me. Yes, because he's better at it and style. I'm talking Bruce Wayne, AKA, if you didn't know, that's Batman. But Batman is known as the know the the world's greatest detective So I'm gonna take him he doesn't live in the same world that Sherlock Holmes lives in them earth Yeah, they're both from earth. I'm pretty sure I'm pretty sure the Lord because just so you know

Maybe he's like England's like a different world. Oh, okay, then so Find the treasures on the other side of the street over there. This is the new world, okay, then so On the other side of the street over there the new world, okay alright, so I've got Just saying like if you say he's the world's greatest and they don't live in the same universe. That's all I'm saying Go on. All right, so I've got one more to take here Man okay, I'm like, ah There's so many strange and funny ways I could go here. I'm gonna go similar to Benjamin Franklin Gates. I'm gonna take someone who is known for solving puzzles, finding hidden things from the past. This is kind of what he does it's Robert Langdon

You remember Robert Langdon? No, I don't know who don't either of you Robert Langdon. Yes, it is Oh goodness gracious look insufferable movie movie might have been bad for ball, but the character finds treasure That's what it does and he'll walk right over Bilbo Baggins sleeping body to grab and collect the answer so yes, Robert Lang then from From the Da Vinci code from the Da Vinci code. All right, that was just that just came out. What a stellar pig I look I've got to do something different to to kind of battle back in this one

I'm gonna take a little I'm gonna go a little left field here because it's gonna bring me something that Batman doesn't have It's gonna bring me something Indiana Jones doesn't have I'm taking Harry Potter I'm taking Harry Potter because should have taken her money. She was on my list I'm taking Harry Potter because he found many many items I'm taking Harry Potter because he found many many items Philosopher's stone and the Gryffindor still sword and all of these different items and he's got magic. He's got the invisibility cloak Sneak in and into places. He's always going into them with the library

Forbidden section do you find the treasures you can sneak into a library? You can find that treasure That's what I'm saying. You got it. I'm taking Harry Potter I want some magic okay I will take the the new Indiana Jones I will take Nathan Drake from the Uncharted it's from Uncharted this is not a pic for you Jason no no I watched it was okay it was good it was a movie it's a movie based on the video game yes It's a there's a movie with Tom Holland based off of a wildly successful video game franchise One of the best franchises out there So I will take Nathan Drake because he is he is the modern day and then for the last pick Man I am stuck I Will go Oh man I am stuck. I will go...

McGroober! No, no I'm not going to McGroober. But part of finding lost treasure, like, one you need a map. Two, you gotta be good at exploring. Is this Magellan? No, I'm taking Dora baby! I will take Dora the Explorer! We will find what we need and we will have a good time. I'm the map, I'm the map, I'm the map. Yeah, you think she doesn't have a map?

Always. Always got the map. Oh man. That's a painful one. That's not bad. I got boots, I got a sidekick monkey. Okay. But you don't get all of them. You get Dora. That's not bad. I got boots. I got a sidekick monkey. OK.

Well, you don't get all of them. You get Dora. You just got hurt. She's lost. She's lonely right now. If you saw somebody from my final pick, if you saw somebody that already had tons and tons of treasure, it would be fair to assume that they're very good at finding it.

Yeah, possible. And the major theme of this television program was finding treasure with his nephews. Oh, that was the other thing. I couldn't decide between Dora and Scrooge McDuck. Yes. I'm taking Scrooge McDuck. Between Dora and Scrooge, I was having a very difficult time.

Yeah, because the- That was the main thing that they did, was they found treasure. Well, it was one of the, in the movie it is. Yeah, yeah. In the DuckTales movie and in the DuckTales NES game, which has one of the best video games on all tracks of all time.

I love it when Mike's knowledge backs me up. Oh, I'm all in on Screws McDuck. You're talking about the treasure of the Golden Suns? What is that one? I don't know. It was just one of many episodes where he found treasure. Oh, says Google. He finds the lamp. Tell me about it. That was just one of many episodes where he found treasure. Oh, says Google. He finds the lamp.

Tell me about it. That's one of my favorite episodes. DuckTales the movie is basically Aladdin, if you haven't seen it in a while. It's the exact same movie. You have seen them all in recent history. All right, well, sometimes. Wait a second.

Real quick question. Okay. Before you can take a second to think your final pick. Mike. Mm-hmm. You watch a lot of movies. I do. You watch a lot of Disney movies.

I do. You have three children. Yes. Your children are growing up. Yes. What are you going to do? I feel like I just feel like the kids were very useful for you in watching a lot of kids movies. Are you going to continue to watch your kids Disney movies?

Are you looking for the grandkids? I will. I'll probably continue to watch the Disney animated. By yourself? Yeah, like a Pixar movie. I'm seeing it regardless. They've had some flops in things, like they're not perfect anymore, but they're on the whole, their movies are fantastic.

And most Disney animated movies are excellent as well. So I will continue to see them. Now the other companies, I can't speak for them. They put out garbage all the time. That's true. All right, final pick, Jason. All right. Look, when you're searching for treasure

Sometimes it's like we said it's under the water sometimes. It's on an island sometimes It's did we say made a we said it was under the water well you talked about getting the it can bring of power from you know From underwater you need someone experienced like you said Mike of following maps. There's always a map just say it This is Captain Jack Sparrow, yes, I knew I knew that was gonna be the pick. It's good We needed somebody out on the open seas. Yeah, I mean that's a drunk you got a lot of Ships that have gone down with treasure and I feel like that's the hole on my team right now is like Oh, no, how do we get there to the ship?

Captain Jack says, I got this, hold my rum. He would not tell you to hold his rum. No, he would not. He would say, I will hold my rum. Well, there you go, Jason with Indiana Jones, Batman, Robert Langdon. Captain Jackson Perrow. We've had so many bad picks in so many drives.

That is the worst pick. It's no way. It's not even a bad pick. It's not a bad pick. It's a really good pick. It's just not a well-known character. Like honestly, it's Robert Langdon, attorney at law. Benjamin Franklin Gates is another one where you're like, who?

Now when you say from National Treasure, you're like, oh, OK, that's a good pick. It is. Langdon was a great. I don't even know what the Da Vinci Code is about. That's not my problem. That's your problem. They're not finding treasure.

I know that. They ain't finding no treasure. They're cracking codes. Yeah, there's a code, man. What is the movie about, Jay? They're finding treasure. Why did you take the guy from the war movie that breaks the German codes?

Why did you take him? Because I don't know his name. Aren't they trying to find a really famous art piece? Like a, eh? OK. Sounds like treasure to me. That's why I'm asking. Zip it.

Also, Mike took Lara Croft. Tom Hanks hair in this movie. Oh, he looks terrible in that movie. Honestly, that was the whole reason the movie did bad. The entire reason that the movie did bad. This is not Tom Hanks. It's so bad. Not my Tom Hanks.

They're actually using clues from Da Vinci's paintings to lead to the discovery of a religious mystery. Okay, that's a treasure. They find a pendant that holds the address of the Paris branch. It's still a bank of Zurich Look at his treasure. He's a treasure hunter. Look at his hair He looks like he looks like Tarantino great great pick. He does he looks just like Tarantino in that movie All right, who else was on your list? I got Nathan Drake and or the Explorer and then I took Sherlock Holmes Bilbo Baggins Harry Potter and Scrooge McDuck

Other names on my list Alan Alan Grant from Jurassic Park. Very good at finding bones. Okay. MacGyver? I don't know. I had him on there, but too close to MacGroober. Blackbeard if I needed to match another pirate. Fox Mulder?

Okay. He never really found the aliens though. I had Gaibrush three-foot shout out to Monkey Island. That's nice Mikey from the Goonies Okay, he found a little bit. He followed a map. Oh, he found a lot of bits Yeah, but it was one time. It was he found one pile of treasure. He found a pirate ship No, I know. I know. I'm just saying it wasn't like he's proved. Are you diminishing the accomplishments of the Goonies?

That's unbelievable and then other than I think oh, uh Carmen San Diego Like oh my she's more like stealing stuff. I had Carmen San Diego on my list. That's right. She's a criminal I have Star Lord slash the collector, you know, he's gonna get his hands on some stuff. The Collector just buys stuff. That's Scrooge McDuck. No, Scrooge is out in the field, man. Yes he is. He's doing work. He swims in his treasure.

I have Gandalf, way better character to find stuff from than Bilbo, Yoda, and Dr. Gregory House, which he- Treasure being like a diagnosis? This is just simply figuring out puzzles, riddles and I see problems. I Mean he would almost kill who is no Robert Langdon. I'll tell you that. All right, then I'll do it for today's episode of this spitballers Thank you for joining us Go wash out my mouth with soap. Goodbye So goodbye.