Spitballers Comedy Podcast - 309: Fighting Your Grandma & Best Hours of the Day - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: December 9, 2024

This episode is one for the ages. Would You Rather goes very off track and the rest is history, plus we play Man of the People and wrap things up with a Best Hours of the Day Draft. Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast! Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast: Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.com Follow us on X: x.com/SpitballersPod Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPod Subscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers Podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. All right. Very smooth. Yeah. Ba ba do ba ba ba ba ba do ba do do. All right. Very smooth. This is the season, boys.

So I had to ask. I knew, I knew it. Now. Ba ba ba ba ba do ba do do. You could be listening to this episode any time for thousands of years, it will always stay relevant. But at the time of recording this. Ba ba do do.

It is the Christmas season. I know you're listening to old crooners sing 40s Christmas songs. Yes, I am. That was the 1940s for whoever's listening. We don't know how far in the 2440s. I was just talking to my wife about when does the transition happen?

When we finally call what we're doing now the 20s, 30s, 40s? Yes, because it's like for us, the 20s, or the 10s, no, there's the 2010s, and there's the 10s, which, but it's not the- Yes, it will change. And it's an 1810s, you know what I mean? So it's like the-

Which aren't the 10s. Exactly. Yeah, or the 20s, the 20s are never the age. So which At what point does that flip over like which generation of the 2000s? It's about the 20s are the 2020s After 2010 this is all about the 20s. Okay, cuz the tens don't count Nobody calls them the tens the odds the but you know what I mean? No one calls them They just they're not referred to.

And also the 1910s were worthless. Just boring, nothing happened. The 20s- It was kind of a big war, but- No, but that was only the first one. The 20s- It was. It was the prequel.

The 20s people reference. The roaring 20s. You know, and we're in the 20s. We're about to be, you know, it's not that far until the 20s will be the previous decade. I don't know the perfect answer. I feel like it's about, it's not about how much time has passed, it's about the generation of people.

Will we ever say the 20s? We will 100% say the 20s. We will. We, the three of us will say in the 20s, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, and talk about the 20s. We will. We, the three of us, will say in the 20s, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, and talk about the 1920s. No, well, we weren't there, so we won't say that. We will 100% use the phrase the 20s

when we're talking to our grandchildren. I don't think we will. No, I don't think we will. No, no, no, no, no, no. Our grandkids will. Our grandkids will talk to us, and we will collectively, both parties refer to it as the 20s. To be very clear, there was a generation in the 1900s that did the same thing.

Yeah. They referred to the 20s and they didn't mean the 1920s, they meant the 1820s. You don't know that. Yes we do. Because that's what we do. I'm blown away. You think that in the 1940s that we won't talk about the 20s like how we talked about the 90s? We're not going into the 1940s though. We're going to the 2004.

As you just said, we're in the 2004. The 2040s, we're in the 2040s. Prove my point right there. Whatever, you guys write me when you start- By the way. 15 years from now you're going to talk about the 20s and you're going to be talking about the 2020s. I like that- We're talking about flappers and bootlegging

Everything will come back as long as we do all the same stuff in each of the decades. It'll be fine But that's bad for wars Mike you you were very smooth. I appreciated that on the boobity-boo Yes, but my question was gonna be when you go to put the Christmas music on in the car But my question was gonna be when you go to put the Christmas music on in the car Because I am from you know, December 1st. I've been committed to it every day on the way to work on the way home There's lots of different playlists. There's lots of different options on the old Spotify wherever you're listening What do you click because I know some people want all modern stuff. Yeah, you can do the Christmas pop you can do the classic Christmas

You could do the Christmas hits. Yeah, and so I'm a classic Christmas one. My don't mix in they'll put in the Mariah Carey It'll get mixed in in there, but it's a bunch. You know, there's also like You know, but ooh-boo-doo. Oh Yes So if I'm the winner we coming out with our Christmas album, guys? Put that on the list of things that need to be done. TBD. I am OK with Mariah.

I'm fine with McCartney, like the new wave stuff. And shout out to Christmas wrapping by the waitresses. Kelly Clarkson. Yeah. Oh, she's got some. Oh, come on. Oh, no, no. There's a new one out.

Her Christmas stuff is legit. I know. I know it is. Ariana Grande's got some good Christmas stuff. Yes. You're right. It's good. I'm just saying what's your preference.

I can listen to that, but if I am the DJ, the music needs to sound like it is coming out of an AM radio station. Oh my gosh, Mike. I've never loved you more than right now. Oh, man. And you might. I've never loved you. And I know what Jason.

You might be shocked to hear I am 100% on board. Yes. I am shocked to hear. If this thing doesn't, if this never came through a transistor radio, OK, if this song never played through a transistor radio, this is not the Christmas I love you guys so much right now. I love it all.

I never thought you would do that. I thought you were... The Christmas music. It needs to have a crackle of broken airwaves and a fireplace. You think there's low end in that song? No, they couldn't record bass back then. It's amazing when you listen to the classics in Christmas music and we will move on. It's amazing

that there are just a few core elements to make a Christmas song. You have to have the bell-ish thing somewhere. It has to be somewhere mixed in, in all of them. There's just a certain handful of, all right, musical elements. Yeah, we're old. Okay, let's move on. musical elements, yeah we're old, okay. Let's move on. Would you rather? The reason why we like that, Papa Josh, is because it's associated with our memories

of when Christmas was good. Yes. That's the only reason why that works. That's why I'll listen to the Charlie Brown Christmas stuff. Because I remember being a little kid. It was good, yes. Yeah, it's great. It's great. And our kids will listen to Ariana Charlie Brown Christmas stuff because I remember being a little kid. It was good, yes. Yeah, it's great. It's great.

And our kids will listen to Ariana Grande when they're old. I imagine that they will for a while and then they'll get old, I guess, and then they'll put on the super old stuff that we like. All right, Justin from the website, would you rather have learned? Cool. Have to learn.

Oh, we're just throwing words around now. Thanks, Justin, from the website. have learn. Cool. Have to learn. Oh! Thanks, Justin, from the website. I'm pretty sure Justin wanted to know would you rather have learn? Would you rather have learn? How is Babi formed? How is Babi formed? Would you rather have to learn to be completely

ambidextrous or learn to be fluent in a new language? In both cases you have to do the work of the learning process. Oh I will I will quite quickly choose the new language. Can you actually learn? To be ambidextrous. Yes. Yes, you could because if your arm was cut off You would learn how to do everything with your left hand, but not you would learn how to do everything Yeah, but to me ambidextrous is like, I am proficient. If your arm was cut off, it is now impossible to become ambidextrous.

That is a very good point. You are either right or left handed. I guess my point is that you would learn it. Long time ago, way before that Christmas music, it was pretty frowned upon to be left-handed yeah oh yeah and so people waited at you they'd or they would just they'd forced their class my wife and I am they would force the kids to learn with the opposite hand they did they learned how to do that so you could do it you 100% can learn how to do these things like you can learn you can learn

proficiently. You can absolutely- Drawing, writing, throwing a baseball, all that stuff can be learned. Yes. But I will much rather choose the language. There's a process to learning a language. It may take time, but I will get there.

Well, and there's an advantage. Other than now I can lose my arm, I don't know what the real advantage is to being ambidextrous. Have you seen that ambidextrous tennis star? Uh-uh. No. He only hits forehands.

Oh, yeah. That makes sense. He switches the paddle. So he shifts his hands. Or the racket. He switches the racket. He can serve full speed either hand. Wow.

Only serves, only hits forehands, not hits the backhand. I had only thought of baseball. When I think of, it's better to be able to be proficient with both hands. Right. If you can bat both right and left, or throw. Or pitch, yeah.

Then you have a skill that most people don't have. I've never thought about tennis. Yeah. But yeah, I'll go language. I would love to be ambilinguigi. Bilingual? It's almost like there was already a word for that. Well, I mean, that's just two languages.

I was just taking it on to see how it sounds. Yeah, it sounded dumb. Does that just move up with the prefixes? Yes, trilingual. Like you got trilingual and what? Quad-lingual? Quad-ra-lingual. That's the shape.

Sorry, we all go in language? In what language? If you could today, let's just, I'm gonna give you a second one. A second question. Okay. You push a button, and you've got the second language. Yeah.

It's instantaneous, so. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, there's languages that are harder to learn, like Chinese, Mandarin, you know? Yeah, yeah. But what would you actually push? Like, you got 10 seconds to figure it out. Mine is really easy and this is,

I mean I might even start trying. I'm planning on going to Paris in about five or six months. So right now I would definitely like to, yeah you gotta learn about baguettes. Oh, I, I... Dude, you're gonna eat so many baguettes? The croissant intake will be murderstive.

So instead of like the region... Start baking now, friends. We live in a region where... I'm coming in five months! You better start importing more flour. I'll go Spanish. Yeah, it's regional for us. It's between Mandarin and Spanish for me, but yeah, because we're a border state. We're a border collie.

It would be helpful almost every single day of my life if I could fluently speak Spanish. Really? Yeah. I can't even, we live in the same area and I cannot remember the last time I have needed to speak Spanish. Well, because we get away with not speaking it, but I'm saying- I know, but you just said every day of your life you feel like it would be helpful. When was the last time it would have been helpful?

Probably yesterday. I'm saying like there would- It would have been helpful for me today? Yeah. And yesterday and the day before? Wow! There's, I'm not saying every single person I meet but you have interactions There is a broad day with someone who only speaks Spanish. That is right Okay, what are you? We live in two different worlds because because to get to my neighborhood, we just go into it

We don't have a big fancy gate. We don't keep the people out. I have a big fancy gate. We don't keep the people out. I mean I just don't believe that you guys actually interact with pure Spanish speaking people on a daily or even weekly or even monthly basis. Because I don't speak Spanish. I do not espanol. Today before 5 45 a.m. I interacted with two people that I could not speak to. Okay alright right because I don't know Spanish is reason All right, I missed I honestly think I will have an interaction do you know what Spanish is no no hablo espanol I do not think I will have an interaction. I Think the next interaction I have with a human we got dead I won't be caught dead interacting with one of those Spanish speakers! No, I'm just saying, I've lived here for 40 years! Oh my gosh, Jason!

I'm saying that my next interaction where I can't speak the language of someone will probably be in Paris five months from now. Alright, man. Alright, man. My mind is blown! There are two gates on this neighborhood. Alright, Misty from Patreon! It's a double gate. They both have different codes. Two gates on this neighborhood. All right. Misty from Patreon.

It's a double gate. And they both have different codes. Oh my gosh. This is a racism thing. You got to go in like a prison. You got to go in, let the first one close, let the second one open. We live like two blocks from each other, you guys.

Do you got to put a moat in? What is going on over here. I Feel hold on and we've got to go to do Gotta go to do this is Ali because y'all live in this state to all three of you You don't want to ask this question. I have to ask that they're all shaking their heads No, and I don't know which way they mean it. All right, all of all three of you. When is the last time you have needed to? Converse with a pure Spanish speaker today at lunch. Oh my good in the last week for sure Blown the last week my mind is blown oh gosh all right today I learned I'm racist

I don't know I don't I don't do anything I just live my life I'm not like going out of my way I love everyone I love you all I love you all. I love my Spanish speaking friends. I just don't see you. Oh my gosh. This is an all time moment. No. I really. Oh man. I can't think of the last time.

Oh well, we'll just talk after the show. All right. All right. I'm supposed to move forward, right? Is the show not over yet? No way. Shut it down. Oh, Misty.

Misty from Patreon, would you rather? Oh my goodness. OK, what did Misty say? Would you rather always have your toilet running or your faucet dripping? Oh, those are both so annoying. The toilet running is such a nuisance to my soul. I think that's the one I don't want.

Oh, man. I can deal with a faucet dripping. I can deal with that. Yeah. When that toilet is running just a little bit, I can't handle it. I have to take the lid off. And I can never fix it.

But I'm going to wiggle. Do you always take the lid off like you could fix it? 100%. Because I've fixed it. I fix it one But I'm going to wiggle. Do you always take the lid off like you could fix it? 100%. Because I've fixed it. I fix it one out of every 50 times. You just got to be the guy that looks like he's going in. Yeah, wiggle stuff. Pop in the hood.

Yeah, yeah, everything looks pretty good in there. That's my reaction to anything. I'll open it. I can't see it. It looks, no, it looks. This should be working. Looks good. That is the goji line, man.

I don't see nothing. I mean, I'll push the flap down and be like, maybe should be working. That is the go-to line, man. I don't see nothing. I mean, I'll push the flap down and be like, maybe that does something. He's looking to unplug and plug it back in the toilet. Where's the reset button in this tank? I basically wiggle things and or I go and I see the catastrophic problem. Sometimes you take the lid off and the chain is broken.

Yeah. You're like, oh, OK, this is really. I'm going to hire somebody for this. I need to get someone out here. Or you wiggle it and it fixes. Or you wiggle it and it doesn't and you go, I need to get someone out here. So just.

Oh, man. Oh, man. And you search for English speaking plumbers. Oh my gosh. You guys. This is not a... You wouldn't have to. I feel like I exposed something that isn't a thing.

Oh, I have, this is too much fun, but I have the empathy of the man. You just like, I don't even know what I stepped into. I don't know who I am. And you just want to start apologizing. Yeah, I'm so sorry, guys. I don't, I'm so sorry. I pre-apologize for whatever I've done wrong.

Oh my gosh, my abs. Oh, sweatshirt is a bad decision guys. I am so hot, so sweaty. So we're not doing the toilet one, right? Did you spit take? Oh he's holding, he's holding. He's got to get it down. He's got to get it down. Oh, man.

Woo. I got it. I mean, that was close. That almost came up two or three times. I was mid-drinking. Woo. All right. All right, man.

All right. We're going to go on. Oh, boy. Logan from the website, would you rather fist fight your grandma or slap fight Mike Tyson? Interesting. You've seen the competitive slapping thing. Yeah, like the power slap or.

What in the world is that? It feels like. So I'm with you on that. And when I see the people doing the slap fighting, the professional slapping, it's not where you're trying to knock somebody out. Slap, take a turn. When they do that, it's the first time,

like, you know, football, we're getting rid of concussions and, you know, we're doing all these things and all of a sudden here comes this sport where you're like, to win, you have to knock them out. Yeah. It's awesome. Oh, OK. You like it.

I do like it. I've never sat and watched a whole show, but the concept of it seems great. Like, you know, there are boring fights are a thing. Fighting is a business. Boxing, MMA, all these things, it's big business. And sometimes you see boring fights where there's not a lot of action. People are hugging.

People are in the UFC. You will always see a slap when you're watching that. Yes. This is like, you know what? What if we just made a fight where you take turns saying who's got the better chin, who's got the stronger arm? That's all anybody cares about. Everybody's watching.

You're watching to see who gets knocked out when you watch a fight. That's really what you're hoping for. Everyone watches hope for it. Now it's like- You are always hoping for a knockout. Now they make this power slap thing and it feels too on the nose.

Like, oh man, that's like something's unfair or mean or whatever, but it's not. It's not at all. It's awesome. Yeah, it's weird, but I you know if you slot by Mike Tyson you're getting knocked out Yes, this fight your grandma. She's getting knocked. Oh, I'm I'm winning cuz my grandma's they're not here Yeah, my grandma my grandma punch a tombstone. I'm gonna be punching some guys any of you Any of you guys have a grandma we can fight? Yeah, I need a grandma.

I need a grandma too. Hold on, but hold on. Could I take her? Yeah, definitely. OK, thank goodness. OK, yeah, I mean. I feel like I could pull my punches. You know what I mean?

I'm going to box grandma, and I'm not going to. Dude, it doesn't take much. It doesn't take much, but I mean, speaking of Tyson, we just watched someone box Tyson, and they were pulling back. Because it was like, I could knock this guy out, but I mean, speaking of Tyson, we just watched someone box Tyson and they were pulling back. Cause it was like, I could knock this guy out, but I'm not going to. I feel like you could just have a playful boxing match

with grandma. It doesn't say, you know, to the death, this isn't, you know, in the Coliseum. It could be. If you knock grandma over, that might be the end. Oh my God. What if you, what if, just put yourself in this situation, for charity, million dollars to charity. Okay, it's such a good cause punch my grandma for a million. Yeah

No, but it's not to you. It's to charity. This is a good event. Oh, and no just hear me out here. Yeah and Matt Pingree the Falcon his grandma who he has offered up For us to fight his grandma for a million dollars to charity we put on a nice little boxing match and we know it's gonna be mostly foe it's gonna be mostly just I'm gonna give you a little whatever and you're in that fight ding ding ding all the the circus show the fanfare the crowd this is a great time you're there she gives you a little punch you give her a little you

know little tiny little tap on the shoulder. Oh, her ankle kind of buckles, she falls over, she breaks her hip, she dies. In that event. Yeah, it's not great. That's why we don't fight the grandmas. How would you feel? It's not my grandma. That sounds like his problem.

He volunteered his grandma to fight me. Oh man. But would you feel guilty? Would you take that on as a... Would I feel responsible? Yes. 100%. You would feel responsible for the old sweet grandma that you punched and fell over and now she's gone? But no, no, no. Like you barely tapped her. But you would... Yes, you

would feel 100% responsible. But where's the line? No comment. Where's the line on that? Like... Like, what if you took your grandma hiking? You know what I mean? Or if you took her wing-suitin'. What if it goes extreme? I'm just saying, but then all of a sudden something happens, you fall over and...

Fighting and hiking are very different sports. One of them, the goal is to get up the mountain. The other one is to hurt the other person. Alright, I'm just trying to see how you'd feel. to get up the mountain. Yeah. The other one is to hurt the other person. All right, I'm just trying to see how you feel. We're going to take a break, and we're going to get into Man of the People. This message is sponsored by Greenlight.

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that chore. It makes it so much easier along with all the other great stuff about teaching them how to use money. Sign up for Greenlight today at greenlight.com slash ballers. That's greenlight.com slash ballers to try Greenlight today. Greenlight.com slash ballers. All right, I am so happy to get to throw it over to Al Borland here. Welcome in, Al.

Oh, wait, don't we need to... I was just throwing it to Al because I was going to ask him to hit the button to introduce the segment. Can you push the segment button there, someone? Anyone? Oh. Hold on. There it is.

Hey. Man of the People. All right, we are going to, before we get into our draft, we are going to before you get into our draft we're gonna play a game it's called man of the people and Al Borland has been furiously hitting the street surveying hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of people about half of what he does to find some answers and we've got seven rounds of playing man of the people would you like to clarify any more of the rules out you get three points if you get the first answer you get two points if you get the second one point for any other answer last round is worth double and Andy is the two time returning champ two times which is crazy because I feel like forever he didn't win for a

long time I don't remember that game no I don't remember that all right let's get into round one and figure out if I know the people. I feel like I know the people, you know? Right. That's what I've learned today. Yeah, you know them all. Real man of the people.

All righty, round one. I asked 100 parents, name something you'd tell your children to do first before getting married. Oh, did I win? Yeah, you won. Oh, something. Is it green? To do first before you married oh did I win yeah you won oh something is it green to do first before you get married to one account do a bank account okay that is not on the list it's not just marital counseling that's a good one that is not on the list that is a good great answer. That is a good. I don't know anything today I don't know that's a little read me the question again name something you'd tell your children to do before getting married

Preen up If that's on there, okay, I don't know that you guys were in the right vein I don't I don't think that you guys were in the right vein. I don't think we were. It's like things to accomplish before you go on vacation. Oh my God. Take the plunge. Yeah, I think we all took it as advice for your kid getting married.

Yeah. Which I was like, hey, get a joint bank account. To be fair, I think Andy buzzed in before he knew the final question. I think he was ready to say, brush your teeth or something. I saw that right, right? Yeah. You thought the question was going to be- Hold on. I thought it was about your say brush your teeth or something you I saw that right, right? Yeah, you thought it was the question was gonna be I don't hold on I thought it was about your kid getting up in the morning Yeah, read the question one more time name something you'd tell your children to do first before getting married

Yeah, that is that to me totally implies These are your you're gonna get married. Yeah, here's what you need to do But you but the building foundation was more. Well you need to do to build the foundation of smart life. Well, let's hear the answers. The number one answer, finish school. The number two answer, fall in love. Oh my gosh. The number three answer, get a job. The number four answer was date multiple people. And the or five answer was live together. So it's a six it's six rounds not seven. Yeah all right. All right we need I think can we

all get a point for that? Yeah yeah okay. Honorary point. Bad question. Let's see if this one goes any better. Name a place that single people travel to for its party atmosphere. I hit the button but nothing happened. You're good, Jay. What was the question? No, no, no. The music concert.

Not on the list. Perfect. I've got one. You're good. The beach. Not on the list. Oh man. What in the world is happening?

Read the question one more time for me. Name a place that single people travel to for its party atmosphere. I mean, I got another answer, but. So then. These are geographical places. Amsterdam. Amsterdam is number five on the list. I mean, I was like going spring break, so I said the beach.

Yeah, I would have said. Las Vegas. That was the number one answer. Yeah, okay. Yeah, but I don't get points for no. Nope. This is the worst Commandingly ever are not going great people. We had Las Vegas at number one Cancun at number two We stopped talking about singles and married and whatever the heck we're doing New Orleans at three New York at four Amsterdam at five and LA at six. See I didn't know you're looking for exact places like that Those hundred people got it. I only switched it because you're two... You're the one on the board!

You're the one that asked these questions to the mail. Yeah. Can you guide the people next time? All right, name something your house is full of after Christmas. Mike. Wrapping paper. Wrapping wrapping paper is the number two answer food food leftovers number three answer I'm going to go with garbage when that be wrapping paper yeah it's not on the board I don't consider that like wrapping paper a different answer I'll give you a different one

ok you'll get what is it oh you're saying I can yeah Yeah, another answer for you. Something that I guess Yes, what's that toys yeah presence was the number one answer and I think toys yes, it does 100% there you go This is how the game works We had so Jason just got the number one answer Well, he didn't get it wrong? He said the same thing as me, which they would...

The judges would then go, and you would get to answer again. Correct. So the number one answer, presents. Number two, wrapping paper. Food and leftovers, three. Pine needles was four. Boxes was five. Pine needles? And people was six. When's the last time you guys have had a real Christmas tree?

Well, we live in the desert, so never. 20 years ago. I mean, I used to have, I think growing up, we always had a real one. And I was Mr. You can only have real trees. Bang the table, I'd get under there. I do love the smell. That was why, the smell, even though you had to water it and do all that stuff. The fire hazard.

Yeah, it's pretty bad. It turns out, probably a bad idea. Chop down that tree to have it die in the room and catch fire Yeah, so we were like well done with this thing this this beautiful tree that could have lived for a long time into the garbage I had a Christmas tree after my wife and I got married Like right off the bat where we had a Christmas tree that we put in the backyard when it was over with Christmas and we left it there for so long that this thing was a pile of just rotten just tin it was ready to you put a magnifying glass near that thing and it was going on fire hazard all right so through three rounds we've

got Mike and Jason tied with four, Andy has two. Alright, question number four. Name a product that you might choose to buy because it is soft. A PILLA! A PILLA is number three answer. Oh man! Clothing. That is the number, a shirt is number five answer. Five! Good! Barely made it on. A blanket. That is the number, a shirt is number five, answer. Five, good. Barely made it on. A blanket.

Blanket or sheets, number four, answer. I would've gone bed, bed and pillow should go together, but bed's probably number one. Toilet paper, number one answer. Oh, good answer, good answer. Yeah, good answer. So we had toilet paper, then bread, then pillow, then sheets.

Bread? Towel and shirt. Because it's soft? You only shirt. Because it's soft? You only buy it because it's soft? We've surveyed 180 people for each of these questions. I'll take a pillow, sheets, bread. How soft that water? I like soft water.

Well, I wasn't going to buy it. Do you see how soft this bread is? I can't gonna buy it. But you know how soft this bread is? I can't not buy it. I mean, when I pick it up, I just squeeze it in the liquid. This is incredible. It could be a pillow. Oh my god. It's so soft.

They buy it only because of how soft it is. Pillow, toilet paper, bread. I was gonna buy this loaf of bread. I was wanting to make a sandwich, but I can't. It's not squeezable enough. Not soft enough. All right. It's French bread. All right. Through four rounds, we have Mike and Jason tied with five. Andy with three. I had to make sure the buttons were reset. Malfunction there? If you got a new puppy, name something that you would teach it. Oh, potty training. Yeah, that's the number one.

Potty training is the number two answer. Oh, dang. I'm in. Who are these people? You interviewed some dumb-dumbs. How to sit. Sit is the number one answer. Boo-yah! It should be the number two, Mike. I'm with you.

Cool, Mike. Go ahead, Andy. My dog pees and poops inside, but check but check this out shit I got my priorities in order I have no idea so I'll just say I don't know how to where to eat golf I teach you how to golf what else do you teach a bad between pooping and roll over oh just like lay down well sit yeah stay how to eat not on the board stays we did have But I poop in a roll over. Oh, it's like lay down. Well sit Yeah, stay how to eat not on the board stays We did have Look at me look at that. No, no, no, this is how you eat

This is eat. So I'm down there, this is how you drink. Lap, lap, lap, lap. I put the food in the bowl and I just put my piece in it. I mean like where the food is or something. How? Did I say how? I think you said how to eat. Where? Alright, this one's over. Number three was fetch. Number four, rollover. Yeah, fetch is so obvious. I should have gone with that one. Number five is not to chew. And number six was stay. But remember, sitting is the most important thing. Way more important than peeing and pooping outside.

It's not mathematically impossible, but I don't think Andy's going to win three in a row here. Jason currently with eight. Mike with seven. Andy with three. Gosh. Name an activity or hobby that people commonly take up after retirement. Oh, dang. Golf.

Yeah, that's the one. Golf is the number one answer. I'm going to go cruising. Traveling is the number three answer. Yeah, all right. He's been doing a lot of these answers that turn into the number one. Yeah, it's great. It's great.

Once again, how to eat. No, I would say painting. Not on the board. It is not on the board. What? It's honestly not that bad compared to some of these. Gardening, fishing, playing an instrument, and knitting. Oh man. Yeah, painting.

Okay. Painting, knitting. I almost said crocheting. Would that have counted for knitting? Yes, definitely would have. Cool, I'm out of this game. We are on to the final round, which is worth double. Name something a kid would do after school to make an extra buck.

Paper route. Oh man, how old is the audience? Paper route is the number three answer. Mow the lawn. Mow and lawn. Oh shoot, I thought you were out of the game. Why are you even, why are you tapping in to take my only... Andy's up, Andy's up! Andy did get the number one answer. Oh come on! Which is double points.

So I'm tied with Jason. If you're not on the board, we tied. Okay, so what's the what's the question? Oh, no name something a kid would do after school to make an extra buck is easy. It's on the board babysit Babysit is the number two answer. Oh, yeah, you're gonna win Yeah, I know I was waiting in the lead that is correct that was worth four points Which puts him at 13 Mike at 12 Andy at 9 Jason. I told you I was a man of the people. Is this week's man of the people.

Yeah, you did. That was a dirty win. It was a dirty win. It was a dirty game. It was a good win. It was a dirty game too. All right, here we go. We'll take a break.

We'll come back with a draft. The Spitballers Draft. Here's how you do it. You're gonna be the first to do it. You're gonna be the first to do it. You're gonna be the first to do it. You're gonna be the first to do it. You're gonna be the first to do it.

You're gonna be the first to do it. You're gonna be the first to do it. You're gonna be the first to do it. You're gonna be the first to do it. You're gonna be the first to do it. You're gonna be the first to do it. The Spitballers Draft. Here's how you do it. It makes a crunchy. We are drafting. It's perfect. This show has been absolutely electric. And now to the draft. We're drafting hours of the day.

Best hours of the day. There are 24 to choose from. Oh, no. Man, 12 of these hours are going to get left out, feel pretty bad about themselves. That is true. So we will let Mike take the 101 here. Thanks, guys.

What a lucky guy. I have a clear 101. You be quiet over there. I have two directions I could go. You keep saying that and I don't know what that means. There's two directions that I want to go. What is... You knew you were the first pick coming in?

Yeah, no. Okay. Yeah, no, but it was drafting the best hours of the day. Oh, that is... So I have not thought about it at all. You're not passionate about one hour? All right, I'm going to take, I'm going to go 7 AM. 7 AM?

Wow. 7 AM is the optimal time to wake up. Not on my list. That's fine. Continue to explain it. 7 AM is the optimal time to wake up. I feel like I have slept in long enough. Sometimes it would be nice to be later, but

anything earlier than seven is too early and the kids are not awake and I get my coffee and I go sit outside and I am alone by myself with my coffee. Do you want to know what, I have a list of my favorite 12 times. Do you know what my number one was? I'm guessing 7 a.m.

7 a.m. My man. With coffee. Yes. That's the reason why that is the best time. I literally, I have my list of my top 12. Okay. 7 a.m. not on my list.

Yeah, so what's your number one? But I'm not a morning person. Yeah, you're a sleep. I'm just not, I'm a night person. I'm taking the only time that has a holiday I literally get New Year's Eve. I'm taking midnight. That's the clock strikes midnight on New Year's Eve I'm getting I'm getting two days in my answer. I get yesterday

I get today works. It kind of is you know what I mean midnight is like is that yesterday is that today is that tomorrow? It's so no no one is confused about what time midnight no no one is like, is that yesterday? Is that today? Is that tomorrow? It's all in. No, no one is confused about what time midnight is. No, no one is confused. Midnight is today. Midnight is today. So if you drafted New Year's Eve at midnight, you drafted the day before New Year's. But everyone listening knows I still got it.

I still got it. Wait, you think about midnight as being? Midnight is the new day. Which I know, it's 12 a.m. But I'm saying, I actually think of it as the last moment. Exactly. Of the previous day. Exactly. But that's how time, I know it's 12 a.m. But I'm saying I actually think of as the last moment But that's how people in vision time there's no other spot on the clock like that none It's not a very special pick. It's not very good. You're asleep most of the time you get one day a year with it Mike's enjoying coffee 365. It was the promise problem is it was PM, and now it is AM.

Yeah. It's the next day. I am gonna go with 5 PM. Oh, that was my next pick! I'm going with 5 PM because it's when the workday ends. It's the end of the workday. It's 5 o'clock somewhere. Yeah, and I mean, you got that too.

But for the majority of the 9 to 5, that's the moment you are free from the job. Okay. And I'm going to follow that up with what I consider my like bookend to your 7 a.m. coffee. I'm going, and the time's going to vary for other people, but I'm going 10 p.m. Okay. Because 10 p.m., that is, I'm nestling down to watch a TV show Get cozy and fall asleep. That's my 10 p.m So all right, and then 10 p.m. It leads right into the 7 a.m. Coffee. Yeah, it's a good back-to-back

So 5 o'clock and 10 p.m. All right, I would have taken 5 p.m I was an extra that that's that's a good pick, but look I'm gonna keep dominating this thing you all Y'all playing checkers. I'm playing chess y'all drafting numbers. I'm getting names. I'm taking noon Okay, okay, you can where you weren't you okay corral When we meetin you know when high noon high noon I thought you were talking about the buffet High noon. High noon. I thought you were talking about the buffet place. Golden Corral?

You know when we're meeting? High noon. High noon by the barbecue. We'll be there till midnight. This buffet ain't big enough for the both of us. I do think midnight and noon look very nice on your list. Thanks. But why do you like noon?

Just for the, just to be able to call it not a number? 100%, that is the reason. That is the only reason. The fact that there is a number Your flat your buzzer keeps flashing red every two seconds. So I was like, yeah I mean, I I just think when I look at all these times, there's things reasons I like it for the day, but there's only one midnight only one noon and the others are all just numbers

There's two of every other thing. No, there's two of every other thing. There's two of every other thing there's 10 a.m. 10 p.m. okay all right that's not a bad angle yeah I mean there's two 12 to be clear that's what there's only one noon and there's only one midnight okay so yeah that's true that's not a bad argument Mike you have 7 a.m. you're sipping your coffee all right what's your next time so the other time that it's basically it's the same idea that you were on Andy I didn't know if I wanted to go to 7 a.m. time but All right. What's your next time? So the other time that it's basically the same idea that you were on, Andy. I didn't know if I wanted to go to 7 AM time,

but there's a theme. So 7 AM, alone, no kids, 9 PM. Kids are gone. Now 9 PM is how late am I going to stay up? But 9 PM is when that's the start. That starts to shut it down everywhere else? That's my time. I'm gonna watch some shows, maybe I'll play some video games,

maybe I'll play some guitar, I don't know. Same thoughts, yeah. But that's my time, and mine would, I would say 9 p.m. And mine would have been nine if my kids were younger. That would have been my favorite time. The older they get, the later my time gets. 9 p.m. when you had little kids was a dream. That was our time.

We had kids that went to bed super early back then. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Your children never saw the stars for their first few years. They didn't know it was midnight. What's the moon, papa? Do you have another pick though, right? 7 a.m., 9 p.m.? Oh, thank goodness,

because I've been really waiting to get this one out into the world. What's available? All the other hours. Most all the out into the world. What's available here? All the other hours. Most all the hours of the day. Yeah. Yeah. But none of the names.

I thought you were gonna say that. Let's then let's go, we'll go 6 p.m. here. We're going din din. That's it's on, yeah. It would have been my next pick. That's pretty high up there. And then my in parentheses.

Who amongst us doesn't love dinner? Yeah. My answer on my list is 6 PM parentheses dinner. Yeah, same. Because that's the right time to eat. Jeremy, you could just write dinner in for my answer. I don't think so. I don't think so.

Well, you get midnight and noon. That's the name of the hour. No, Mike. No. Because people eat dinner at 5, they eat it at 7. Yeah. Nice try. Sometimes people eat it at midnight.

Nice try. Shameful, but it's a good thing. But I do. But I do it. That's fourth meal, man. Yeah, that's true. All right, so I am back up here. I've got midnight and noon.

No more names to be taken. Yeah, good luck. I'm going to take a... Hold on. I'm going to take 10 a.m. And the reason I'm taking 10 a.m. is because in our work day, at 10 a.m., we're usually done with our big recording. It's kind of nice. You feel like you're on to the next phase of the day.

And on the weekend, that is the dream. Can't ever happen. But the dream sleep. The sleep in till 10 a.m. You want to sleep in till 10? I wish I could. The day is gone. Nah, the day.

I got a whole day ahead of me at 10 a.m. But that late night sleep in. Eight o'clock feels like what 10 used to feel like. Yes. I will admit that. We're old enough now where sleeping in'clock feels like what 10 used to feel like. Yes. I will admit that. We're old enough now where sleeping in till 8 feels like that recovery. But I'm also young enough to remember

what it felt like sleeping in till 10. Feels pretty good. So I'm taking that 10 AM. I think. No, you're not. You have got to put our reasons for these times. They can't just be a list of 7, 9, 6, midnight, noon, 10. I don't know, man.

You've got to give a one line or two line reason. Okay, yeah, so like 6 p.m., dinner. Yes, you can have it next to it, yeah. Okay, fine, just put it next to it. That's exactly right. I have to make two picks. I have 5 p.m. You guys are taking away the power of my names.

You got 5 p.m. because the work day's done. You got 10 p.m. because I'm watching TV and getting ready for sleep. My last two picks, I'm going 8 a.m. breakfast. I'm going breakfast. Okay. If you get the time to enjoy breakfast, breakfast is awesome.

And then I'm gonna go with four p.m. You wanna know why? I do? No. Because the work day's almost done. Oh man. And that feels pretty good too. It's like Thursday. It's the last hour.

It's the last hour. When it hits four, you're like, oh my gosh, it pretty good too. It's like Thursday. It's the last hour. It's the last hour. When it hits four, you're like, oh my gosh, it's almost five. It's like Thursday. It's almost my first pick. Yeah, that's nice. I can understand that. So there you go.

Now I don't have to answer. Any more days. You have four p.m. and five p.m.? Yes, I do. He really likes the early afternoon. I'm speaking to the every man or woman out there in the nine to five. Four o'clock means five o'clock is on the way. I'm going to speak to a lot of our audience where their workday is over.

I'm talking about three p.m. School is out. Schools like that. At least in Arizona, that's about the time that all schools get out. Three p.m. school is out. Schools, at least in Arizona, that's about the time that all schools get out, 3 p.m. And so that was a very important time for a large portion of all of our lives where you're just watching for that clock. And it's even better than usual work, whatever your job is. I mean, some jobs you clock in, you clock out on the dot. But for the most part, even if you're scheduled till five, you don't necessarily just watch the clock tick down

and then an alarm goes off and says, you have to leave now. But that's what happens at school, it's awesome. Okay Mike, you've got your coffee time, your kids' sleep time, your dinner time. So I'm gonna go, this is very West Coast, Pacific time centric. Specific, okay.

I'm going, I say that because our time changes here, well time changes everywhere else but here. So stuff moving. Can I guess? Yeah you can. This is an 11 a.m. football? This is an 11 a.m. football. This is an 11 a.m. Because 11 a.m. means NFL football is kicking off.

It's such a good pick. That's what my princess is. Seven dollars. My seven dollars. That was my handsome. It's not very good. But yeah, I'll take 11 a.m. Because that's when the old football happens.

Well, there you go. Mike has seven a.m., nine p.m., 6 p.m., and 11 a.m. Jason has 12 p.m., 12 a.m. I got midnight and noon. You put respect on my name. 10 a.m. and 3 p.m. I got 5 p.m., 10 p.m., 8 a.m., 4 p.m. And for goodness sakes, the draft is over. What did we learn today? I learned I'm racist. I mean I had no clue. I really didn't think so Well now you know now I know my eyes are open You know what? I learned that about you too Oh no!

That's the thing I- I don't want to be tagged with this But I mean I didn't know it. Didn't that say something? I didn't even know. Yeah, I mean here I thought I wasn't Mike, did you learn anything? I learned that I could fight a grandma for charity Yeah, you could Million dollars And death, not my fault Not at all Mike, do you learn anything? I learned that I could fight a grandma. For charity. You could.

Million dollars. I've always believed in you. Not my fault. Not at all. Wonder if this will be the last show we ever do. Goodbye, everybody. Goodbye. Thanks for listening to the Spitballers Podcast.

To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out spitballerspod.com.