Spitballers Comedy Podcast - 315: Ice Walkers & High School Electives if Students Got to Choose Them - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: February 10, 2025

Return of the Local Angry Wizard, Bee venom therapy and more on another great round of Would you Rather? Then we head to the situation room before wrapping things up with an High School Electives if the Students Got to Choose Them draft. Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast! Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast: Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.com Follow us on X: x.com/SpitballersPod Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPod Subscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers Podcast with Andy, Mike and Jason. Blat-a-chatty-blat-dee-ka-chatty-blow! Okay. Different? I mean, new? Exciting? It's nice. Jason. Blat-a-chatty, blat-deek-a-chatty, blow. Okay. Different.

I mean. New. Exciting. It's not, it was, you know. Rat-a-tat-tat. Yeah, it was very staccato, machine gunny. Yeah. I wasn't even sure if I was supposed to do it after Andy killed the scat.

Right, I was retiring it last week. Yeah, I thought we put it down what the heel is that what it was yeah that was the one welcome into the spitballers episode 315 you guys I mean that's a lot of episodes it's about 314 too many it is not enough to listen to a new episode every day of the year that'll be a big day. But soon, soon. Wait, when is the next Alf scat? We've gotta be approaching.

It's gotta be close. I thought we retired the scat. No. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't think it's close. Well, it's 80. It's whenever we say 80. It is close.

Yeah, 80. It's in maybe the next seven episodes. Oh, I am so glad I brought this up. It just felt right. I think so. Every 80 or so episodes, it feels like it's time. I'll find out and let you know. But that isn't going to be like, it's in about seven months.

It's too close for me. Well, we got that to look forward to. And then I agree. 365, episode 365. That's going to be a big episode. A year of shows. Can't wait to see what the producers do for that one. Oh man, yeah.

Would you rather, we're entering the Situation Room today, I'm learning that right now, and we are drafting high school electives if the kids were in charge. So what would they choose? What classes would they take? What would they create, really? Yeah.

Because it's not just like, I would choose HOMEHEC. They already do that. Right. They do choose their own electives. Yeah, that's fair. This is creating their own classes. Some classes, some electives that they might want to take, that they might want to get going.

So we'll draft that at the end of the show. You can follow us on Axe at Spitballers' pod. Always a good moment in time to leave a review, subscribe, click that follow button on Apple podcasts. Just found out, breaking news, we are on episode 315 right now, episode 332. Oh, that's, that's not for a long time. That is months.

It's a bit, but it's good to get it on the schedule. You know what I mean? That is true. And yeah, there you go. So yeah, leave us those reviews. Tell your family and friends about the show. If you enjoy it, that helps us out and we're going to get it going. Would you rather?

Well Michael from Patreon has one of our ever important questions. Would you rather ice skate wearing bowling shoes? Okay. Or go bowling wearing ice skates? So let's break it down. I mean, what's your first impulse there? First impulse is definitely going ice skating with bowling shoes. See, I'm complete opposite.

What? Yeah, I would say- What, an idiot? I mean, I think your odds of falling are higher on the ice. I Think I mean you fall on the ice on the ice whether I'm in ice skating shoes or bowling shoes are Pretty I don't I can I could ball in ice skates poorly, but not fall I Agree that I probably would not fall but I think the distance from

the ball to the floor is gonna throw you off big time. Oh cuz you're up a couple oh yeah you're up four inches higher you're gonna be launching that ball. When's the last time you ice skated? I thought about this the other day cuz we have this place the ice den it's over. Is that the used to be polarized? Yeah I don't even know if they call it the ice den anymore. But it's a big ice skating rink. When it came out, everybody was ice skating all the time. Over by the training spring training stadium?

Yeah, over by where we live. And I drove by it and I was like, man, what is the last time I've been in there? It's been like 15, maybe with a kids event or something. I have watched my children ice skate in recent memory. Oh, you coward. I'm not ever doing it again. You can't do it, huh? Coward. Why would I do it? Because it's I'm not you can't do it again

Because it's fun, were you a rollerblade guy? No, obviously, okay I think if you can rollerblade you can ice skate if you it helps you could ice skate. I I don't know It's been a long time You talked about how he ran in flag football. Yeah, but you don't have to kick your legs up when you're skating. I wonder, I have wondered a little bit if I would be better than, I mean, the last time I skated was 20 years ago.

But was it traumatic and that's why you haven't done it since then? I mean, it's just like, I felt then like an old man trying to walk or a baby deer. Okay. You know, just like I- Were you on the walls a lot? Oh yeah, you're- Yeah, but that's fine.

Do you try to- That's not fine, especially now. It's fine for the kids to do. If you're a child out there and you're ice skating for the first time, don't be embarrassed. You've probably- Get out on that wall. If you're 40 years old and you're hugging the wall walking, I would watch and I would laugh at that man.

I'd be in the stands, of course. And I would be laughing at that man going, why is he out there? Yeah, because that guy can't ice skate. This guy's living his life. He's like, I'm going to learn how to ice skate. And you're like, I'm going to learn how to sit. You ever been ice skating? Go ice skating, man.

It's fun. And you're on the wall, but you try to sell it like you meant to be there? Do you know what I mean? Yeah, I know what you mean. It's on the wall, but you try to sell it like you meant to be there. You know what I mean? Yeah, I know what you mean. It's like, oh, I'm going to check my laces. I'm going to check my phone. Getting a breather because I've been skating so hard.

Yeah, I'm talking to somebody. I think it's, I mean, I only go like once or maybe twice a year. Are you good? No. No, no. He is the biggest ice skater in the studio. But I can go around the circle without falling. And you don't ever. He's the no no he has the biggest ice skater in the in the but like I can go around the circle Without falling yeah, and you don't ever have to touch the wall you can just I can yeah

I could avoid the wall and not if someone forget every time Someone gave you a hockey stick though. You couldn't do nothing Uh, I bet I could if you get if you gave me a hockey stick and pads Yeah, let's tell that I could get this going so like I could I knew that when I fall I'm not can you hockey stop? Uh, I used to be able to hmm. I bet I could Jason's looking at me. Like what is that? Oh, I get what it is But I'm as opposed to the legs go wide and narrow stop or just running into the wall, right? There those are the other two options. We actually did a cruise once Jason and I and our wives and there was a

On the ship. Yeah that's normal. Jason booked us this. Yeah that comment right there was funny. Jason booked us this exclusive just the four of us reserved the ice skating rink and then he sat there the whole time and watched the three of us skater. You're darn right I did and it was a great time for you and it was a great time for me. You rented the entire rink and didn't skate? I didn't need to participate. This was a wonderful viewing experience. Your wife didn't want you to be out there? Doing what?

Skating. I'm not skating with her. If I'm out there, I'm just on the wall. Well, this is the step. Well, she skates around. I could actually watch her. That is step one of skating. How long was the rental?

An hour. So 15, 15 20 minutes you get yourself Yeah, you get your skate legs while you have your sea legs apparently. What is an ice skating rink doing on a boat? It's not normal. Come on super normal. Oh, we got to shut this down. I'm just like it's unnecessary I think it's on most Royal Caribbean ships. What yeah, I Mean, what are we they do a show for like professional ships. What? Yeah. I mean, you know. They do a show for professional ice skaters. Yeah, basically. There's amazing shows.

Mickey on ice out there? When they're not doing shows, you can reserve it and get lessons. I got it broken down here. There's 300 major cruise ships in operation globally. 20 have ice skating rinks. Ooh, that's not most. You can't go globally.

But you've got to go out of that. Royal Caribbean is the one that has all of them. Yeah. But it's 6% to 7% of all cruise ships. Yeah, but also, you're talking 300 globally. And also, when you say that, when you say that's normal, we didn't know you were boxed into Royal Caribbean. Yeah.

I mean, once you've not a sponsor. Once you got a cruise line, you start accumulating those casino points, you gotta get them free rooms. I just want you to get that. I want you to know, we found out you're a morning person a couple episodes ago. Yes. You are right there at Supes Old Manville. If you go to events that are fun and you sit and watch, that is real grandpa stuff.

I don't know what's more grandpa, sitting and watching or hugging a wall to just barely being able to walk in a circle. But you're saying to yourself, here's what old is. You're saying, I can't learn how to do it. I'm too old to do that. Yes, that's what you're saying. You're saying I'm too old to figure that out. But here's the thing. I'll just sit. No, because I couldn't figure it out when I was 15, when I was 20. I tried. I couldn't figure it out when I was young. So it's not I tried I couldn't figure it out when I was young

So it's not I'm too old. It's I you made a decision I mean it's just it's out of my wheelhouse. I think you could do it and I think you'd have a good time I think I could skate better in bowling shoes. I mean you had the whole rink You could have brought like a sled out there. It started running on you If you're the only one in the rink, you can get the little kid walker thing. Do you also bowl with the bouncer things on the side? Yeah. If I'm having fun.

Yeah, the bumpers? I will say this, Mike. This is not a joke. Those little kid walker things, I thought about it. Yes, you should have done it. Wait, they have like ice walkers? Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're not bowling shoes like that. But here's the problem. I couldn't do it. They're too short Oh, they didn't have a dope versions. They don't have

Like down by my knees. I was like, oh, I can't do that I think I would have been you would have looked way cooler No, but then I feel like I could learn to skate. You can't really learn to skate while you're facing the wall. Just like trying, it's just not for me. You'd be able to learn enough to go in a circle. I don't know. I could get you there.

I'm going to go with the ice skating bowling. Final answer. Oh, there was a question. Yeah, there was originally. I'm going to bowl with my ice skates on. I understand the high thing is a good point But I'm looking at quantity of falls. I think you're gonna roll your ankle. I Really do I think it's possible throughout the course of the day one of these

Won't even be in the bowling act you finish bowling you get a gutter ball you turn around Yeah, you rolled your there's normally a step you have to go up on maybe now you're falling from very high up So how tall are your ice skates man? You rolled your name. There's normally a step you have to go up on maybe. And now you're falling from very high up. So. How tall are your ice skates, man? Maybe that was the whole problem. Is this the problem? Are you on stilt skates? They're one foot ice skates.

They're 12-inch blades. Like the bowling, because bowling shoes are smooth on the bottom, right? Yeah. Oh yeah. So how much help does an actual rubber sole give you on ice? Not much, I don't think it would be a massive difference. Would it be that big of a difference?

Not unless the, I think it's more texture. No, it's just more, bowling shoes are smooth. Yeah. That would be the problem. Just gotta do the penguin walk. But it's not a big difference. Put your weight forward. Yeah, so Mike, what's your answer?

What's your final answer? I'm gonna go, I guess on the ice with the bowling shoes. That's where Jason's going to? I agree, but you're gonna roll an ankle. Well, another Jason writing in on the website says, would you rather be Robin Hood or Zorro? I know nothing about Zorro other than he's got a sword and a mask, that's it.

I am unfortunately in that camp. I was gonna ask to be educated because Robin Hood was awesome and is awesome. He also was a fox. That's not the Robin Hood I think about. I'm a Costner Robin Hood. Who's your Robin Hood? This is a great question for the Jay. Who's your Robin Hood? Because there's a new one right? I'm a Prince of Thieves Robin Hood through and through. Who was the new one? My Robin Hood is Carrie Ellis. Is, is, is.

Okay, oh, that too. Is Ben and Tights. Ben and Tights, yep. That's who I think of. Okay, so we got three different Robin Hoods. My Robin Hood. Yours is the Fox? My Robin Hood is the Fox.

I don't think I've ever seen that. Oh, it's so good. It is? Yeah. Manly, le, be, do, do. Yeah, oh man, that's really good. What about the Deucers? Which Robin Hood do you think of first? Kevin Costner for me.

Yeah? The Fox. The Fox? Mine's Ben and Tites. I don't know his name. So we just split down the middle. So yeah, I think that's what changes it. Like to me, it's like, who's your Batman, right?

Like, it's a little bit of that. But I mean, I can get it. Is Zorro cool? Yes, Zorro is cool. Or does he just cut things in Z shapes? Zorro is Antonio Banderas. Yes, he is. And that's a problem.

That's the only Zorro I know. That's a problem for you. It's a problem because he's too sexy. No, not at all. Antonio Banderas was. Was Catherine Zeta-Jones in that movie? Yes. I'll choose Zorro.

Antonio Banderas went from being this heartthrob serious actor action star type of actor mm-hmm to being in the World's worst children movies Not just put some boots spike like it's so bad. It's fine. What's the boots is a good line? He's like a little rough. You're watching through your fingers like, oh, I'm so embarrassed right now.

So now I go back to like the old Antonio Banderas. I'd rather shoot a bow and arrow than I would use a little fencing sword. Because Zorro's sword is not, it's not Braveheart's sword. This is not Leonardo's sword. This is a really thin- And Robin Hood gets all the credit they know who Robin Hood is I'm not like wearing this little mask like who's Zorro right I mean Zorro Zorro is not a criminal Robin Hood's a criminal Josh I need you to look up something because I just searched Zorro and I'm getting a Keanu Reeves is this

just an AI thing someone look look into this, Josh. The description of Robin Hood here is perfect. Because if Keanu's making a Zorro movie, that doesn't make any sense. Master Archer in Forest Ninja. That's Robin Hood. Yeah, that sounds awesome. A forest ninja, that's my final answer.

Yeah, I'd rather steal from the rich, give to the poor. Yeah. I like it. It looks like they are remaking it in 2025 with Keanu Reeves. No, that's not real. Is that real? Yeah, it's real. Yeah. No, please tell me Zoro instantly throws his sword away and just pulls out two guns. He just pulls out two pistols. The Mask of Zoro, the Legend Returns.

Wow. There's a trailer. I look, I'm on record. Keanu, one of my favorites. You're not in on this. Why is he Zorro? Well. Like, it doesn't make sense on a lot of levels. Oh man, I'm watching the trailer here. Wait, there's a trailer? There's a full trailer out.

That's how I found it. Yeah. Is it? It looks like a good period piece. Keanu looks pretty stupid in that Zorro mask though. Oh my gosh, 2025. The Mask of Zorro is the name of the movie.

Yeah. The People's Avenger. Just give me a minute and 36 seconds and I will let you know. I don't know enough Zorro to. Yeah, I don't know the lore of Zorro. The loro of Zorro. I don't know it.

He defends the common people while humiliating corrupt officials. So he's very Robin Hood. Very Robin Hood, just not a criminal. Robin Hood with a sword and a Hood. Just not a criminal. Just not a criminal. And a man. Oh my gosh, there is an AI scene.

Yeah, of Keanu. In the trailer of like young Zorro, young Keanu. It is the worst I've ever seen. Yeah, they should be better at that by now. So this is maybe real. Does the horse play a factor for you at all? Yeah, no, Robin Hood got horses Yeah, he lives in the trees man. Yeah, yeah, well

He's got the best buddy of all time little John see the best buddy. He's a great buddy There are about 50 moments in the trailer where young Keanu comes I think there's a big part of the movie, and I'm out because it's Lee I mean he looks a lot of fake he looks so Keanu comes. I think it was a big part of the movie and I'm out. Cause it's, I mean, he looks. There's a lot of fake Keanu. If it's real, I will see it. Is that what we're gonna get in like, in 50 years? Like are people going out right now and buying the rights

to deceased actors so that they can play roles in new movies? No, not yet. I don't think it's happening yet, but it will. People today. It certainly, like if you it, you would wanna do it now. While it's cheap. While it's cheap. But you'd wanna do the people that are alive,

not the people that are dead. The people that are dead, people right now, sorry to say this, they don't care about them. People, no some do, I mean, a new movie starring Marilyn Monroe or something, people wouldn't watch it? Correct. It would not be a huge blockbuster.

Disagree. An AI Marilyn Monroe right now, people wouldn't watch it? Correct. It would not be a huge blockbuster. Disagree. An AI Marilyn Monroe right now, people wouldn't care. Eventually. I think that- Right, eventually. Clark Gable or Jimmy Stewart, those guys coming back? You are making my point. You are literally-

I was with you for a while. What about some other elder, like Sean Connery, brand new Sean Connery movie? But he's, yeah. Which age is he? Yeah, I don't really care, man. I mean, they did this, right? Didn't they do this in Mufasa?

You won't care about Keanu either. Haven't they done this with James Earl Jones' voice to use AI? There was something about he, he let Star Wars have the rights so that they can always use his voice, something like that. But I mean, which actors now are you, so like Brad Pitt dies, you wanna see him in a movie? Yeah.

I think it's- I like Brad. I mean, why would that be different? I think it's the next generation of actors that will start being- Those are the ones after that. Yeah. Or is it just all the people that we like who are alive, but like, the John Wick movies are incredible. Keanu.

He's aging out of them. You saw the progression once we were on Wick 4. John Wick's moving a little slower than he used to. But if you could give me another young Keanu. And that's what they try to do with Zora. We're telling you dude. Then I would be. But let me me tell you they can't do it Just from the the trailer I saw they we're not at the point yet. Yes

This is as close to somebody like drawing a picture of young Keanu and then taping it to the face of an actor It was bad. It was so bad. It was bad Um, I wonder if we won't want to see any AI actors at all because if you can't praise the performance of an actor being in the role like maybe a Marvel movie or a character movie where it's more about the the environment and the lore and that like you know I think that will use AI for moments within a movie they will not use AI to completely ground up, replace an actor who is dead and bring him back.

So like if it's an action movie, they'll use AI to fill in gaps on certain scenes. It's gonna be hard for them not to do reshoots with AI or something. Oh, they'll do them. When you need to do it. A lot fewer reshoots. All right, we'll take a break.

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at INDOCHINO.COM. Promo code BALLERS. dot com promo code ballers the situation realm alright we have some situations we gotta take care of if you guys don't mind olivia from patreon writes in you are offered one million dollars okay to take a lie detector test on live TV.

But you can't know any of the questions ahead of time. This is a real thing. They could ask absolutely anything, and the audience will vote on it on what to ask. Do you go on or pass on the million? I will take the million dollars. So there was a show. So you're saying there's no secret, you currently have that is worth a million dollars. Off the top of my head, no. This is a show. This was a real show. I don't know if it, oh yeah, 100%. Oh, we

are the worst. Oh, it was probably to figure out if someone cheated on their spouse or something. Yeah, I mean it was usually like spouses and family members. They would have someone, and their whole family would sit there and watch the lie detector test they took in the past. And then it was so painful and destructive. And you know, it's like, oh, it was. I mean, when our society is decimated and the aliens are like, what happened?

Someone show that video Yeah It was it was a brutal show like and what's crazy about this show is the people that were going on the show They had taken the lie detector test in the past, right? And now the answers are being revealed, but they know what they were asked. They know and they showed up Knowing if they said that they cheated on their to see if they beat the test I yeah I don't know yeah exactly we all know whatever beat the test it's all that TV is like we're gladiators again we just want very much we just want to see emotional just destruct I think we want to see physical destruction I think

if it was gladiators and they were murdering each other that shall be running right now I think people like if you could do it really uncomfortable with that show There's no way it's still running because you guys haven't heard of it No, but that doesn't mean people were mean people weren't watching I mean how many episodes of Maury doing you are yeah? Not the father. Yeah, there's you are the father of one of the two twins that is Those shows were emotionally devastating that is true. You're just trying to see At least those seem so since those are like WWE those were sensationalized entertainment at least I hope but destroying an actual life

Let's not Parker from page, so you don't have any no I, I think I could go on the show. I think I could pass the test. Everyone thinks they can go on the show until you're on the show. But either way, you leave with a million dollars. Yeah. See, I have jokes right now, just so you know. Okay. That I can't say. All right. Noted. I just want you to be like, there's lots of good material I have here, but I can't ask these questions. What if it were a million dollars though? Then maybe.

Parker from Patreon, you have once again angered the local wizard. Oh yeah, that sounds right. I didn't know we always angered him. Well that guy's real turd. He has cursed you with a recurring ailment, but he is allowing you the courtesy of choosing what the nagging curse will be. Would you choose, Jason? Get stung by a bee once a day.

Spray your ankle every two weeks. Is that a high sprain? It's a bad sprain. It's a limpy sprain. But it's a low ankle. Get the flu once a month. No. That one's out.

That's pretty out. Break your wrist once a year. It's the first two. It's the B. It's definitely the first two. It's the B. Have either of the two ever had a real sprained ankle? Yeah, it feels like you broke your ankle.

I grew up playing basketball. I sprained my ankle all the time. It sucked. And it puts you out of commission for a little bit. I'm saying like when you're out for weeks. Have you seen and I'm going to butcher it. Maybe maybe the producers can look this up for me and nail it. But if you I saw a video of a beekeeper

intentionally stinging his wife Once a week or once a every couple days with bee stings from bees because of some type of Therapeutically well as for exposure Oh sure enough that was fast now This is like an is this real life. People divided after man reveals why he purposely stings his wife with a bee. Now the reason.

Does he say gotcha every time? Let me see if I can find. Bee sting! That'd be a good one. It's like a slug bug. Helping his wife from having beekeeper's wife syndrome, which is a syndrome that occurs when a partner, oftentimes a beekeeper's partner, develops a severe allergy to bee stings after repeated micro exposure to venom, usually from regular contact with the

beekeepers clothing. So they can develop an allergy and so they combat that by building a natural resistance to the venom. Wait, how? I'm confused. How do they get? So they can get exposure to... No, I get the idea of giving me the stings but what why do you... You do that to build a natural resistance to the venom so that they don't get a severe allergy from just exposure to the clothing of the beekeeper. Oh, from the clothing? How does that happen? It says after, Wouldn't that be good for your allergies?

I'm told the local honey. Yeah, I don't know the difference between micro exposure to venom on clothing and being stung, which seems like micro exposure to venom on purpose all the time. Wait, so you're telling me that, Like macro. Bee stings have venom?

I believe so. So in my world, I think that's why the venom. Venoms are from snakes. Venom kills. Not always. So in my world, venom kills. Not always. Not always, but it can kill. It can. And not like, okay, I've got a hundred snakes attacking me and I'm dead, but like... I am seeing bee venom is a shot that is given for bee sting allergy.

So the fact that he would be exposing her to bee venom, like a shot, sounds like something I'm gonna try. Bees have venom. Sounds like something that man will go to prison for eventually. He did advise that if you're gonna do the same method, have an EpiPen nearby, stay close to a hospital, and never attempt without consulting a medical professional. Okay, well.

Cool, man. I'm not gonna do that to someone else, but if I have to pick one of these, getting stung by a bee once a day. How, is this a lifetime? It has to be the pick. Lifetime commitment here? Yeah.

Because I've never been stung, so I don't know if I'm opting into death. You've never been stung either, right? I have not. So the three of us, amazingly, we've never been stung. Spraying your ankle, that is crazy, by the way. I mean we've never been stung spraying your ankle every that is crazy by the way I mean everybody's been everybody every deuce has probably been stung by a bee all three of them are not I'm gonna be able to avoid bees man. We are good at that

Yeah, are we do get up and run like a full sprint away from them I think I'm actually pretty calm when a bee comes by I'm not afraid of him Papa Josh thing me says he's been stung 50 plus times Yeah, Papa in is old enough to- What are you doing? What in the beehive are you doing? I'm sure he was a beekeeper once. Matt also said dozens of times.

What are you two- I've been stung once in my life. What are you doing to bees? You know what? I don't care if the deuce or cam wasn't supposed to go on. I'm putting it on. There you can see a picture here on- Al Borland there.

Most people are listening. So wait, how many times? 50? You said dozens. And why have you two been stung so much? Like what mistakes have you been, do you swat at them? Dude, I used to play outside all the time. In trees?

Like bee trees? I also went barefoot a lot too. So you stepped on them. Yeah. What about you? Is that the same story, your feet? No, a lot of agriculture, orchards and stuff like too. So you stepped on it. Yeah. What about you? Is that the same story? Your feet? No, a lot of agriculture orchards and stuff like that.

They got bees flying around. And they just killed themselves on you. But the bees don't want to sting you. What are you doing to the bees? I wasn't doing anything. No, that's not true. They can't have to be mean. That's not true.

Now when you said dozens of times, is this 12 different times with one sting? Yeah. Oh, I also had a neighbor that was a beekeeper too. Ah, okay. Okay, well you should have neighbor that was a beekeeper too. Uh, okay. Okay, well, you should have led with that. Your exposure's pretty high. Al, how many times?

Just one time. And how was it? It sucked. Oh, okay. Like, compare it to, like, a- Now, what part of your body? Mine was in the hand. It was on the door frame,

and I was walking through the door. Most people, that's what it is. Just put my hand up and just touched the bee. Most, my wife has been stung a few times. One time, she was She was like laying down at with her knees up at a park and a bee happened to get in the crook of her knee And she just closed her knee my daughter a couple times stepped on him around the pool Yeah, that happens. You gotta keep your shoes on. My daughter was in a pool She's very afraid of bees and a bee nearby, so she went under the water.

And then the bee landed basically on the water where she was. Smart bee. You gotta move away. Smart bee. She came up, eventually, from the water, and the bee stung her on the chin. Whoa!

What? Yeah, that's a up close and personal bee sting. Now that bee did that on purpose. Oh, for sure. It's like, I'm getting that girl. I I assume Papa Josh. This is how I die. All 50 of your stings must have been to the face right? That's why you're so positive. You think I got this way naturally? Oh okay. I mean look I'm afraid of an allergy. I really don't like it. But the two weeks sprained ankle you're permanently sprained. Yes it's forever sprained. That's a forever

sprained and the flu I can't do that. No that's a full week. How bad is the wrist? Is this displaced non displaced fracture? Can I do the wrist? It's a left hand right hand. You're gonna have a cast It's gonna hurt really really bad and then you're gonna be out of commission. I'm being seen is like six weeks It's a beast thing daily beast. Does it matter if it's non-dominant hand wrist? It would matter to me Yeah, both are very necessary. If you told me break a wrist every five years and it's non-dominant hand, I'd do that. I'd do a, you kind of get some attention

when you got a broken arm or broken leg. I could go for the attention. Yeah, have people sign it. Andy's having people sign his cat. Yeah, I'll have people sign it. I mean, I broke my leg once, I was in crutches. Everyone's asking, hey, look at that cool guy. Yeah, how old were you? I was in crutches, everyone's asking, hey, look at that cool guy. Yeah, how old were you?

I was in high school. Right, old guy with broken hand, little different. Like, what was that idiot doing? Hmm. Can I say I got into a fight? He was probably ice skating. Ah, yeah. All right, Hannah has a question.

You suddenly gained the ability to perfectly mimic any celebrity's voice, but only for one phone call. Who do you impersonate and what is the call about? This is way too specific. I've got an answer. Okay. I would choose Elon Musk's voice. Okay.

And I believe that he has cultivated at least a closed circle of whatever banks and people he knows. These are people that know. Oh, you're coming up to that money. These are people that know he means business when he asks for something. Gotcha, okay.

And if they know the voice, which is, it's an iconic, maybe that's not the right word, but. He has a distinct voice. Distinctive. I'm just gonna say, bring me, now how much money do I ask for? I don't know, but just bring it to me.

Enough that he doesn't notice. But the problem is if they do, if they bring it... Leave it by... I was gonna say, if they bring it to him, Elon Musk will say, eventually, why are you bringing me this money? Because they're bringing it to him. Bring this to a bench at a park

You just say wire it to me. Yeah my my crypto wall. It's funny cuz usually the crypto that's a good Yeah, crypto wallet. You usually hear I want to go with like President United States Yeah, because you have the power to do you so much you could Call and you know, if you got to make one, you could really think about choosing your time wisely. Like, oh, you can't get that reservation at the fancy restaurant, you know? I promise you, the President of the United States can. You can call up and be like.

And that's what you're going with? Maybe, but my point here is. When I show up and ask for my name, I'm gonna say Jason. Because. I won't have any Secret Service with me. The reservation, yeah, I'm gonna put it under Jason Moore. Change the title of the White House into this guy's name. The problem is that the current President of the United States is Donald Trump.

And everybody can do his voice. Yeah, people think you're doing his voice. So nobody's gonna really believe that that's Donald Trump. What if you did like, if you're the head of the SEC, it's getting a little technical. Okay. You can make one phone call and bring an investigation against any company, which means you can short

that company's stock ahead of time, bring the investigation. You guys are going way deeper. I was gonna be, I was gonna be some lady celebrity and call one of you guys up and be like, hey, I got a big crush on you. I guess that's what you think. That's actually a super good record that.

And then you guys just like. You won't believe who called me last night. And you can never confirm it to anybody. No, no, no, you kidding me? You'd come into the Scarlet Johansson. Scarlet Johansson called me last night, guys, you won't believe it. She's a big fan of the show. Says Mike goes and Mike goes really did it sound like this He plays the clip and I would melt into if you really did fool somebody like that

Or when you or you come in and you do nothing and I know That it's just it's in there. It's stewing. You're like, oh man. Do I tell everybody about this? Oh, yeah, I'm pretty sure it was her. You could also use this in sports. You know, if you've got a favorite sports team and they're up against a, you know, a really important matchup and you impersonate the owner, call that head coach, say, Hey, you're sitting this player tonight. You know, you mean you're sitting LeBron or whoever, you know, trade Luca Donchia. Right. Someone did this. Someone actually successfully did this and convinced the Mavs to trade Luka Donchit to the Lakers. Oh man.

All right. All right. Well there you go. There's some opportunity. I'm not going to call you again. I don't want to deal with this again. You get the deal. Get him out the door. Don't ever ask me. I don't care who you trade him for. Don't shop it around. I don't care how old he is. Sean from the website, the three of you are selected to star in a reboot of a classic TV show of your choice. What show are you choosing and what role will each of you play?

So can you recast, like, you know. We're together though. Right, we're together. So first thing that came in my mind is like three's company. But it's like three's company's two women and a guy. Can you replace like the roles? No, you can't, but we can dress up. Okay.

I thought you were gonna go three stooges. No, not three stooges. That's too old. What other trifectas of like teams? Should we do like full house? You got Joey, Jesse, and Danny? We literally are that. I mean, we've been comped to that a lot.

And I don't even think I need to explain who's who. Like, it is self-explanatory here. There's no one that would get this wrong. This would be if this was who wants to be a millionaire. This would be the $100 question. And they'd be like, oh, yeah, I don't need a phone of friends. If you haven't seen Full House, you're not going to get it right.

If you've seen the show, you got it right. Yeah, for sure. Wow, I don't even feel like I have to. Yeah, you don't. I'm just trying to think, is there one where there's a Tandem and one could be a villain? Of a TV show? In a TV show?

Because maybe one of us wants to try that on first-hand could be Lex Luthor I was gonna say earlier it was really upsetting when you asked Josh about his bee stings to the face you know cuz he looks the way he does his puffy and then you switch over our camera and the middle guy on this side is also bald. Oh, you realized there was more of a mirror going on. Yeah, and I didn't like it, man. What, on one side? Oh, no.

Yeah, this is bad. Oh, my gosh. It's terrible. Nothing's changing. Same picture. Imagine you woke up in the morning, and you go to brush your teeth. You go to up in the morning and you go Why is brush your teeth you go to brush your teeth and you walk up to your bathroom mirror and in the mirror you see Papa John

No, I don't know you're gonna come into terms with this right now. It's over. Oh Jamie gave us some good now Jason you could shave your face. Oh, uh, no I couldn't. I will be growing my hair out immediately. If, yeah. We could do friends. Cause that would work. Yeah, friends would work. Although I know who I am again. You do?

Yeah. Are you Ross? Some stupid David Schwimmer. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, you're for sure Ross. Oh yeah, you two will be in the recliners. So Jerry, you, Joe, you're Chandler. I think I'm Chandler and you're Joey. I'll take it. Because Joe is.

We can do Parks and Rec too. And I already know who they are. I'm stupid Adam Scott in that one. And you guys are Nick Offerman and Chris Pratt. Yeah, that's actually, that's what they're for. Hey, guess what? Let's do Brooklyn Nine-Nine. I know who I'm at in that one.

I'm the stupid captain Yeah, you are you're the you're the You're the dad Straight boring old man character. I mean who am I in the office if one of us is oh, that's a good one the office I don't know well rain Wilson, so you've got Jim in Why your gym? I'm Jim. Yeah, you're Jim. That's the one I need that be in. That's the one you want. Because he's likeable. I think I would be Steve Carell maybe in there. Yeah, I think he'd be Dwight. Oh, he'd be Dwight. Yeah, that one works. Alright. Let's go with that one. Please. I'll allow it just for you. Although I would much prefer. I like the one where I was Offerman. I do not want to be, I don't want to be Danny Tanner and I sure as heck, yeah, no. Who is America's Danny though? I don't want to be David Schwimmer either. You're not going to be David Schwimmer. I don't want to be David Schwimmer. I don't want to be David Schwimmer. I don't want to be David Schwimmer. I don't want to be David Schwimmer. I don't want to be David Schwimmer. I don't want to be David Schwimmer. I don't want to be David Schwimmer. I don't want to be David Schwimmer. I don't want to be David Schwimmer. I don't want to be David Schwimmer. I don't want to be David Schwimmer. I don't want to be David Schwimmer. I don't want to be David Schwimmer. I don't want to be David Schwimmer. I don't want to be David Schwimmer. I don't want to be David Schwimmer. I don't want to be David Schwimmer. I don't want to be David Schwimmer. I don't want to be David Schwimmer. I don't want to be David Schwimmer. I don't want to be David Schwimmer. I don't want to be David Schwimmer. I don't want to be David Schwimmer. I don't want to be David Schwimmer. I don't want to be David Schwimmer. I don't want to be David Schwimmer. I don't want to be David Schwimmer. I don't want to be David Schwimmer. I don't want to be... Yeah, let's go Parks and Rec. I don't want to be Danny Tanner. And I sure as heck... Yeah, no.

Who is America's dad? I don't want to be David Schwimmer either. You don't want to do a role where you're America's dad? I would be alright with that. That's not bad. Could I take my glasses off and teach a lesson every show? Oh absolutely, and you'd get the... Yeah.

No, we're definitely going Parks and Rec. Alright, final answer is Parks and Rec. Mike's Ron Swanson. I'm Andy X-Wire. Can I be Rob Lowe in that one? Yes, you can be either Rob Lowe or Ben Whyte, either one of those. All right.

Literally. Literally the greatest in the world. All right, what do we want to do, Al? You want to move on? Let's get into the draft. Who's Councilman Jam? That's Josh. Yeah, Josh. Just want to move on? Let's get into the draft. Who's Councilman Jam? That's Josh. Yeah, Josh.

Just put a wig on. You got jammed. Today's show is brought to you by our friends at Rocket Money. You sign up for something, you forget about it after the trial period ends, and then you're charged month after month after month. The subscriptions are there, but you're not using them. In fact I just learned that 85% of people have at least one paid subscription going unused each month. Thanks to Rocket Money

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and has saved a total of 500 million in canceled subscriptions, saving members up to $740 a year when using all of the app's premium features. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to rocketmoney.com slash ballers today. That's rocketmoney.com slash ballers. Rocketmoney.com slash ballers. The Spitballers Draft. All right, we are drafting high school electives

if the kids were in charge. Mike, you've got the first pick in this illustrious draft. I do. What elective are the kids choosing? So I will say I did use some help here from the robot overlords to get a better title of the class. So with the 101, I will be taking advanced attendance strategies.

The art of cutting class. I like that very much. I also like the title. Yeah, I've got some good ones over here. But imagine a class that's all about cutting class. How do you get extra credit in that class? You don't show up. Ooh, nice.

I get the whole semester, straight A's. Very nice, very nice. Jason, you are on the clock. A lot of different ways you can go here. This one that I want to take right now, I'm going to put that off. I'm going to put it off a little while. You're going to be dangerous.

I'm going to live dangerously and kick it down the road. I'm going to go with becoming a YouTube star. Dang it. That was the one I didn't take. Yeah, that's the- Mine was content creation and personal branding. Right. Path to online fame.

Yeah. Exactly. Very nice. You want to be a podcaster? You want to be, you know, that's all that the kids want. And I get it because we all want to be us. Yes, I mean, we are very, very cool. But growing up, you, I mean, whatever

is the huge entertainment business, you know, like sports, music, and movies, that's what it used to be. That's what we all grew up wanting. Everyone wants to become that, yeah. And now it's all YouTube and you're like, what do you wanna do? I wanna be a content creator.

Yeah, yeah. You're like, oh, that's gross. That's a good one. What are you laughing at? Well, I just had, I created some new titles for my list. Yeah, there you go. So I will be going, my first pick, I've got back to back picks,

I'm gonna go with crypto and credit cards, how to be rich and bankrupt at the same time. All right. No joke, I got a message out of the blue the other day from my son, he was just like, you gotta go invest in XRP now. Oh no. And it was just like just like yeah you're gonna get rich quick. Oh man. So crypto and credit cards. Hey son just send me all your money. Yeah.

I'll do it. Alright and then the second one, I'm just gonna go with it guys, advanced napping. Oh that was probably my napping. Sleeping your way to success literally. it guys. Advanced napping. Oh, that was probably my napping. Sleeping your way to success, literally. Yeah, I have power napping as the class. Yes, yes, yes. For sure, I mean. Professional napping, yeah. I mean, every high schooler would take that

and make that first period, you know what I mean? Cause my kids are not, like when my daughter gets her schedule every year. She's like What's yeah our one because yeah, what is either easier? I'm failing You know I mean cuz I'm not awake yet if that's math our one It won't be a problem math can't be first or last no we have my son has math first And we went to the meet the teacher tough super. Super cool teacher. She's like, I already know first period. They're going to be in big trouble.

I try not to overwhelm them. Yeah. So it's a good teacher. Yeah, she got to know reality. So there you go. Advanced napping. All right. I'm going to take the one I wanted to take and I'm going to kick that down the road further.

OK. OK. I live dangerously. I'm going to just down the road further. Okay. Okay, I live dangerously, I'm gonna just put that one off. I'm going to take life hacks for the lazy. Okay, okay. Okay, just how do you find a way to just make everything more comfortable, easy, do less? Life hacks for the lazy seems like

what high schoolers would be very interested in. All right. I like it. I'm gonna, so my first pick, I'm going to go with persuasive communication, winning arguments at home. Oh! Yes. Yes.

We all remember trying to win that argument with mom and dad. And more often than not it turns the name of it again I liked it persuasive communication okay that's good that's good and man if you could win some arguments with your parents when you were young that's like this is the dream oh my gosh yeah you still drop drop the mic and walk out of the room. And you're like, I got you.

And then I'm gonna go for my third one. I don't know if kids realize that they should go with this, but it would be very helpful. Also I'll go with fashion and identity, crafting your personal style. Oh, okay, I would take that. When you're in high school, most of us, I'll just speak from the dumb dudes,

we don't know what we're doing. No. We have, like, I dressed, I mean, people may not like how I dress now, but I mean, I was objectively a bad dresser until I met my wife. And then she helped me get better clothes. And I'm just like, someone just to tell you what to do? I spent a really long time of my life looking real bad.

Okay, all right. And I wish there was something that could've helped. You're teaching it. And you can't because you can't trust your parents on fashion. Correct. Even if they're right. Correct. You look stupid and it's like, no, you'll look good in this.

Like, you don't know what you're talking about. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Your two closest friends could tell you to wear anything and you'll do it. Yeah. So your first three picks. Wait, how baggy are those jeans? Yeah.

Advanced attendance strategies, persuasive communication for those home arguments, and then you're taking fashion identity, crafting your personal style. Correct. Jason, so far you have becoming a YouTube star and life hacks for the lazy. You've got another pick. I'm up right now? Yeah, are you going to kick it down the road again?

I think you're probably safe. Not yet. I'm not going to take it yet. I'm leaving it for last. I am instead going to take Crunchwrap Capitalism the economics of Taco Bell at 2 a.m. Hey kids you gotta learn that thing. Oh yeah you want to save money you go look at that value menu figure out how to Crunchwrap. The timing is funny because that's great crunch rap capitalism The timing of it's funny because I drove by a Taco Bell pretty late last night and I can honestly tell you I have not Did the bell ring? No, I have not been to a Taco Bell. Oh man or any of that

Caliber of fast food in forever and a lot it's entirely because of my age Who's the one who's on caliber with Taco Bell for you? of fast food in forever and it's entirely because of my age. Who's on caliber with Taco Bell for you? Taco Bell's at the bottom of the run. McDonald's is there. McDonald's, Taco Bell, Arby's for sure. Okay, so the ones that will have real. Quick, dirty and gross.

Oh, I mean quick, dirty, delicious. Yeah, I know, I know. But consequential. Con, I mean quick dirty delicious. Yeah. Yeah, I know I know but consequential Consequential and also the cheapest whatever the cheapest right that makes sense whatever you can Go there with ten bucks and leave with like two bags But I drove by and I was like man people people eat there all the time and I forget I was a young person My son eats almost pure garbage all the time. Yeah. Because your body can do it. All right, that's good.

That's a funny name too. I've got the crypto and credit card class. I've got the advanced napping. All right, I'm gonna go with a couple of exciting. Why it's a little bit similar to yours. I think you're gonna let me keep it though. We're gonna go with Twitch streaming for dummies, how to earn less than minimum wage online.

Sure, no, how to earn less. Less than minimum wage online. So, you know, it gotta be that Twitch streamer, everyone's gotta be. I was. Everyone must wanna watch me play this game. I had a couple month run there where me and my boy, we were streaming pretty regular.

And you know, you get your analytics, and look, I had a leg up because we have social media following, so I was able to get at least some people watching. But then you see, they tell you what the real numbers are, and it's like, people who stream Fortnite, of all the people out there, the average viewers for a channel of someone streaming Fortnite is about half a person.

Oh man, that is brutal. So there are, there's like, and there's humongous channels out there. Which goes the same for YouTube, the same for TikTok. So there are, there's people streaming to nobody. That was when, oh man, that would be tough. When I was- It's the hardest

when you're the one person watching and you wanna leave. Yeah, oh no. I've been on on my brother or other people have gone live on Instagram live and I'll be the first one to jump in and I'm like I can't leave there someone else shows up yeah cuz then you're talking to no one and it breaks me man you got a you got a boot up another computer join in you set the phone down yeah because you know they see you leave, and they're like, oh. There's no one. OK. Is there a sadder thing on Earth than live streaming to no one?

That's got to be, oh, yes, is the answer. But. Yeah, but I know what you mean. That is is. It's pretty brutal. That's pretty rough. Yeah, that's. Hey, chat.

That's like having the birthday party. Hey, everybody. Yeah. That's the birthday party no one comes to. Oh, that's so sad. And you still have the clown there. Oh man, that just hurts my soul. I know.

All right, my final pick. You guys ready for this one? Yep. Few choices, few things that popped into my head, but I'm going to go with inheritance hacks waiting for rich relatives to kick the bucket. Oh, okay. No kid doesn't. I mean, it's the dream of every young kid. This sounds just like

a health class, like a longevity course where it's like just survive. Just survive. Everyone wants, you know, they don't want relatives they know to kick the bucket. They want to find out that they had a relative that was super rich somewhere else and you get a letter in the mail that goes well somewhere else and you get a letter in the mail that goes, well, your third uncle has passed away and left you a castle. It's always a castle. Oh, you have an uncle with a castle? Everybody does.

So listen, I said that based in reality. Wait, because I- You have an uncle with a castle? Not my uncle. I know somebody who was in my life for many years, lived here in Arizona when I was a teenager, who this is an adult, married adult, found out out of nowhere that his wife, his wife found out that she was the heir to a kingdom in another country. That's usually a Disney movie. And literally,

to a kingdom in another country. That's usually a Disney movie. And literally, instantaneously overnight, was flown to that country. They were gone? What? Was given a castle. What? And real, real life.

Real life, tons of properties, a castle, and is caught from that moment, so for 20 years, regular pictures of them at events like you would imagine the King and Queen. What? For the last 20 years I got to get on like ancestor.com the most something out there the leader and most influential people in the country the king and like became that overnight because and they had been searching the story isn't that what the princess diaries the story has been they had been searching for them for years and they finally found her and from that's the movie right now a moment until now

25 years they have been royalty I I infinitely read I genuinely believe that you believe what you're saying I Do I really do I genuinely believe you believe it? That's not real. That's impossible. We'll chat after. That's incredible. It was the most insane story. Also, I realize how bad

my life is now. I know, I thought we were doing alright. You live in a castle, Mike? No. You dine in with kings and queens? I am not yet Not yet. I just went to his Facebook page Two months ago another picture of them getting awards for being rich. What's that? What is the name of the movie? What is the king doing on Facebook? Yeah. Yeah, this is crazy. It's crazy. All right, am I back up?

That's when he finds if this is a long con. Yeah, oh yeah, yeah, yeah. 25 years. All right, you're back on the clock, your final pick. My final pick, I've put it off long enough. This is Mastering Procrastination. Yeah. The semester starts tomorrow. Yeah, baby. Oh, very nice.

Put it off as long as possible. Yeah. Unbelievable. Kick that can down the road, cause look, it works. Yeah, possible. Yeah. Unbelievable. Kick that can down the road, because look, it works. Yeah, one of my. It works. One of my, as a younger person, a motto.

I don't know what else to call it, but like, don't do. If you don't have to do it today, put it off till tomorrow. And if you put it off long enough, eventually, you don't have to do it. Man, that's bad advice, kids. It is really bad advice. But it might work out for you. All right, my final pick.

We all want the ability that when someone is talking, they're chirping at you, or just any circumstance, you wanna be able to handle yourself. So I'm going with verbal combat. Nice! The art of roasting and wit. That's great. Okay, verbal combat's a really cool,

people take that class for the title. Having comebacks in your pocket, your ammunition locked and ready to go, where you're never like, buh-uh, buh never like yeah you win no not today you wish well look kids we just invented 12 spectacular classes for the demise of America and this is why high schoolers shouldn't choose things yeah you know what I mean just put it off all right you may not have to do it

eventually you won't have to what did we learn today I mean? Just put it off. All right. You may not have to do it. Eventually, you won't have to. Ha ha ha. What did we learn today? I mean, look, I learned that the Deucers have been stung by beasts thousands of times. Yeah, what is that all about? I learned that Andy believes a movie is real life. Ha ha ha.

And I learned we may or may not be getting a Keanu Reeves oral ice. Oh my god. I still don't know if it's real. Well well let's hope they improve the CGI in that movie that's why I don't know if it's real maybe it's fake see you can't tell anymore catch you next time goodbye thanks for listening to the spitballers podcast to see what other nonsense the guys are up to check out spitballers pod.com