Spitballers Comedy Podcast - 59: Driving with Kids on the Roof & The Best Board Games - Fun Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: August 5, 2019

NEW SEGMENT ALERT! An all new ‘Is This Real Life’ segment debuts today! Yes, this also means a great new segment audio drop. Don’t miss it! But before that we dive into some more great ‘Would You Rather’ questions. Finally, we wrap this episode by drafting The Best Board Games for a game night. Come along and roll the dice with us. Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast!   Connect with the show: Become an Official Spitwad! Visit us on the Web Follow us on Twitter Follow us on Instagram Subscribe on YouTube Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/spitballers/posts See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hey, Spitwads, we've got an awesome show for you today. You're going to love it. Hey, if you want to help support the show, get the access to the entire full archive of all the old podcasts, all the old video, go to spitballerspod.com, help support the show. We appreciate it and become an official Spitwad. what happens when three buffoons give life advice explore unrealistic situations and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve it's the spitballers podcast with andy mike and jason

i said a lot of the do You know what I realized? He tried to connect with a different place of his emotions. I don't think you can do that with your eyes open. I don't think you can scat along to the intro. I can't wait for my next one. No, I'm going to have the deepest, most intense eye contact with you, Jason.

I look forward to it. It'll be the most intimate moment of your life. You ever been stared in the eyes while someone scats all over you? I have not. I hope it never happens. Both kinds. Welcome in.

Oh, you're doing that too? Welcome in to the Spitballers podcast. Look out below. There are Spitballers podcasts, and then there are episodes like this. This is when you go to the local salmon shop, and you get extra meat and extra cheese, and you have them toast that bread, and you have them pile it on thick we've got a jam packed smorgasbord episode

today because we've got a review we've got a brand new segment I know we teased it a couple weeks ago but we're bringing some new segments to the spitwads so we do want to thank everybody that has supported us so far over on our Patreon page, which is patreon.com slash spitballers.

Thank you first for your support. Hope you enjoy the whole archive of shows. And then we want you to post your ideas over there, all of your segment ideas. Would you rather questions. Life advice questions. If you hear, if you see something for any of these new segments we're doing in the next few weeks, send your ideas in and obviously draft ideas

for the show. We turn to you first, Spitwads. We look to that post. Hop in the Spit Tank post. Post your ideas. We'll be looking at them. And again, thank you so much for supporting this podcast. You know what else helps this podcast?

What helps? That was intense. Reviews over on Apple Podcasts. Review-a-saurus rags. This one comes in from the Toronto Crafters. And this is from the united states of america so i assume this is uh an unhappy warriors fan would be my guess is he but he or she says best podcast that will probably ever exist yep five stars probably this is probably true this podcast is life-changing andy mike, and Jason feel like the three best friends that I would want by my side.

They are funny, loyal, great people, and stupid sometimes. Especially Mike's hot takes. Ooh. That doesn't feel good. I did not add that. There's a trend happening with these reviews. Who's filtering these? You guys are changing a lot of people's lives and bringing them joy, including mine.

I was so lucky I found this podcast. You guys are phenomenal. Keep being buffoons. We will. Yeah, I was going to say, as far as I know, the scientific research that I study, the vast array of medical journals that I frequently consume intellectually, I think you only become more of a buffoon as time goes

by and you get older. I can't imagine we become less of a buffoon as we lose the mental acuity that we have right now. Yes, and I want to say thank you to the Toronto Raptors, and I'm also really happy that the Raptors beat the Warriors

if you are, in fact, a Warriors fan. So take that. Oh, man. What a turn. Kind of a little bit of a Warriors fan, though. Thanks for the review. Well, I'm happy they beat you, then. Thanks for the review.

We appreciate it. You can't delete it. It's too late. We read it. Let's jump into our first segment. Would you rather? All right. This one comes in off of Twitter from at HPTim802.

Very easy. Rolls off the tongue. Would you rather live in a penthouse on the 25th floor of a building with no elevator on it? Or at a walk-up? Or a long walk-up. Or on the ground floor in just a studio apartment. So this is great. This has to be some penthouse.

So let's put it in New York City because we go there once or twice a year. We've had live shows there. It's a great city to visit like i love visiting new york i can't imagine trying to live down in manhattan and have my kids and try to walk around and have them not be disappear in the sea of people but would you rather you've got a chance to have a 25th floor penthouse in manhattan super nice so inky so modern all glass but 25 floors that's a lot the other day i went to a baseball game we were in a parking garage we walked to the wrong corner not the elevator corner the stairs corner we were only on like the third floor we wrote we walked three flights of stairs down. Wasn't the best time I've ever had. I was going to say.

That was down. Yes. Well, we did do it. I remember there was a very, there was a light bulb turning point moment in my life. It was that exact same scenario where it was, I went downtown for some type of sporting event. And we were on the third or the fourth floor. And I took the stairs. And on floor two

there was no oxygen left in my body I was huffing and puffing on floor two and that's when I said I gotta I gotta some fix some things about my life just imagine leaving something leaving something in your car just imagine going grocery shopping it there forever. Oh, I've got a couple gallons of milk. Can I call Postmates to come up those stairs? Wait. Wait a minute. Oh, yeah. Postmates and do they have Prime? I'm assuming they have Prime now.

Oh, there's got to be a fee for 25 flights. Huffing and puffing up the stairs. But if it's a dollar per floor, so it's a $25 fee. 100% worth. You're going to pay. 100%. Look, I live in a penthouse, okay? I'm going to pay the $25.

Do you ever leave the penthouse? Fire pool? Yeah, fire escape. Exactly. No, look. No, fire escape is still stairs, Jason. That's a good point. But I get a breeze.

Going out the window does not change the elevation or the level of exertion that it takes. 25 floors down on one of those vertical ladders. That's a fire escape. Okay. Duly noted fire pole is where it's at. If this were a 10th floor, I would never accept it. I would never take 10 floors up with stairs. Like, I can't.

What if you put one of those old person stair banister mechanical lifts into the. I mean, that's a 45 minute drive. You know how slow those are? Yeah. It's a 45 minute up to the 25th. You can play on your phone. If that was the case. Would you sit there or would you take the stairs?

It's the real question. I would 100% sit there for 45 minutes on my joyous ride to my great penthouse and i'm flipping here if this is an option to add the little slow moving you know at your own expense it's an option ability ramp up the stairs i will 100 take the penthouse i'll take it really that changes it a 45 minute quote unquote drive up to your penthouse absolutely i mean at that point i'm gonna have a bookshelf on that little ramp new york's about living outside right about being out and about with the people you just need a little studio on the ground don't you i would turn into howard hughes if i was living in this penthouse i would

never leave you're gonna knock on my door and I'll shout, don't look at me. And I'm being in charge. If you get the door open, you'll see my beard and my hair and my fingernails. Just absolutely outrageous. Because I left the clipper down in the car. As it is, would I rather live in a penthouse on the 25th floor of a building with no elevator or the ground floor of a studio apartment? It would 100% be the studio apartment. I mean, there's no chance.

I can't even fathom what kind of palace would have to be up at the top of this building. I mean, I would have to live there. I'm with you, Mike. I would never. I am not. 25 floors is death. In your current state, in my current state. What's my current state, Mike?

He included himself. I'm in there. I would die. A 35-year-old man that doesn't climb stairs regularly. How long would it take us? It's a 45-minute walk just to go up 25 floors without the ramp. Yeah, fair. I think...

The 30th floor, just huffing and puffing, hands on knees, and then just. If you're the postmates guy. I'm right behind you guys. I've been here the whole time. Just waving at us. He passes us. Excuse me. On your right.

Behind. On the right. Behind. He's got a bag of popcorn open cruising up oh yeah if you are the postmates person and you're delivering here for the first time what floor do you give up oh i because i would be telling you on text i'd be like no just one more floor just one more i would if i was the post postmates person i'm the delivery person, I would walk up. I'd look for the elevator.

Oh, there's no elevator. I see it on the 25th floor. I'd put everything on the first step, and I am out of there. Buzz them. It's here. Come down and get it. And they're like, no, you've got to deliver it to the door. I would drop kick their food right into the street.

There is no chance I'm going and delivering that for a $5 tip. Wouldn't you know, there is another Jason out there. Jason from the website submitted a would you rather question. Sounds smart. Would you rather your life be a living musical or a living sitcom? Does it have a laugh track? It's got to. Of course it does.

It's a sitcom. It has to have a laugh track. Laugh tracks are the worst. How did we accept that back in the 90s? How did we accept shows where it was like, laugh now, everybody. Oh, everybody. Man, they still have them on the tweener shows. Oh, I know.

And it's a little bit of me dies every time. If you watched shows when they had them, you're immune to them when you rewatch them. No, you're not. I mean, I go back. I watch Seinfeld episodes. It's what's supposed to be there. Isn't that a live studio audience, though? Oh, that's different than the laugh track?

At least a little bit. I thought those were the same effect. One is real. One is fake. But they both are annoying to me. I don't want, as a watcher on tv to hear the laugh track however if i'm in real life and every little joke i give gets a round of applause or or the awkward disney silence for a bad joke you don't know what character you are in that sitcom

you could be the foil you could be the know, you might not be the main event. You could. But there's also a chance that you get that cool entrance where every time you come in, hey-oh! And then you throw out your catchphrase. And then just everybody's cheering. Just throw out your catchphrase. Mikey Mike rode his bike.

Woo! That would be awesome. That would be not bad now the musical side i imagine would be fun at first and then it would get annoying when there's something benign you want to do like i'm if i'm at the grocery store and i just picked a banana and i'm going to check out for a checkout on aisle two and all the yeah instead of like me getting to check out i gotta listen to a three and a half minute. He's buying his groceries. He's buying his groceries.

Buying his groceries. He's buying his groceries. My big worry is that there's no musicals out there that don't include. I hope he has a coupon. That don't include dance numbers. Yeah. And so. There's musicals that don't have dancing.

They might dance around you. I mean, you don't have to. Yeah, that's the question is, do I have to get in on this? You have to sing. How do you not get in on it? You're welcome, America. How do you not get in on it after two or three minutes of all the employees of the Safeway are now dancing about your banana you're about to buy?

You get the effect of, because unrealistic things will happen in the musical. effect of like because un unrealistic things will happen in the musical you know the chorus behind you and like fireworks and things going like a big celebration a light show is happening i like the idea that you just meet somebody at a starbucks let's say you're like you just meet somebody and the musical decides that's your love interest oh yeah the remainder of the musical you've got a soliloquy to the fourth wall just saying like this is the one no i'm married but this is the one i mean it looks she's looking at you like huh here's something that is uh true and maybe surprising i i don't know if our listeners would be shocked or they'd go well of course i mean they'reoons. We all are big musical fans. Well, okay, you're not the biggest musical fan, Mike.

It's hard to impress me with them. I've seen a lot. Snooty, snooty pants over here. That's fine. But I will live in that castle. I will live in that penthouse. I don't care. Here's the thing.

If he's hard to impress, he may not like musicals. Yes. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, because they're nice. I love them. I adore them. house i don't care here's the thing if he's hard to impress he may not like musicals yes that's what i'm saying yeah because they're i love them i adore them jason you have loved them forever oh man we just saw hamilton in chicago hamilton's great and clearly you guys can't wait for the cats movie oh here's here's something that's weighing on me, though. Musicals frequently have bad things happen to people. Yes. In a sitcom. Like a plot.

Like a deeper plot than a sitcom, which is normally like. It's all surface. Mikey wrote in spiky. People die in every musical. Every dramatic musical, people die. That's true. Not enough of them in Cats, but... Oh, yes!

That's a joke I could get behind. That plays on so many levels. It's a terrible musical, and Cats themselves. Oh, it does. Yeah, I would love to go see it, but I'm allergic. Oh! Yeah, give me the sitcom life. I mean, I feel like I already live it a little bit.

It's the cartoon life, and the cartoon worlds are happy. You thought you were the Truman Show or something like that? Yeah, I mean, I've got the... Let's revisit this. I just... Psychological examination. Look, I know this will break some people's hearts, but I know you're watching. Sorry.

If he holds up an ad for something. Yes, there are people watching because the show's on YouTube. Yeah, we do a show. Yeah, just them, Mike. I hear you. Wink. All right, we have one more would you rather question from Franklin, an official spitwad. Franklin says, would you rather narrate your own actions in the third person at all times

or answer every call from every telemarketer and engage in conversations with them until they hang up? Jason takes a sip of water as he contemplates this question. They will never hang up. They will never hang up. They will never hang up. Oh, they'll hang up after you give them the money. After you accept whatever. The other day I had a telemarketer call me. I said, I'm really sorry, this is a bad time.

They said, oh, I'm really sorry, I don't mean to bother you. Maybe we'll call back another time. At that point I thought he'd hang up. He then proceeded to tell me five or six more lines about what they're doing as his way of saying goodbye. So I hung up. It's a scourge on humanity. You have to answer. Oh, telemarketers are.

Look, if you are out there and you're a telemarketer and I get it. You look, you've got a J.O.P. You're paying the bill. You got to pay the bill. Quit. I mean, I get it. You got a bill. Quit.

He's only got one bill. Telemarketers got one. Walk out of your job. You don't need that car. You don't need that home, says Jason. Food. Not by that. Look, don't sling rock.

Don't be a telemarketer. There's things that you don't do out there to make your money. And being a telemarketer is one of those. I can't imagine it puts you on a very solid character path as a telemarketer is one of those. Stop it. I can't imagine it puts you on a very solid character path as a telemarketer. It hardens you to the world around you. Your skin has to be thick as rocks. And everybody hates you.

All right, you got to do one. Thick as rocks. Are you going to be a bill collector or a telemarketer? Oh, a bill collector or a telemarketer? A bill collector. Am I possessing vehicles? No, you're just calling collections. Yeah, I mean, look.

They owe the money. At this point, that's on them. I didn't do anything to get sold your stupid magazine. Stop calling me. Oh, man. I mean, I don't want to be either. Oh, also, bill collectors, quit your jobs. Oh, my gosh.

I'm just saying, look, then I don't have to pay my bills. If your job gets awkward at any point, sales, quit. If you're in sales, quit now. I like that we glossed over my thick as rocks. Oh, I did not. I heard it. Your skin needs to be as thick as rocks. Yeah, because when you think of what are things that are thick.

Rocks. How would you have narrated that moment of your life? Jason realized that he said something that made no sense and was ashamed, but laughed at himself as a coping mechanism. As a way to cover the pain. Hopefully no one noticed. All right. Are we ready for a brand new segment?

What are you going with, by the way? I guess we didn't officially answer. I would rather narrate my actions than talk to telemarketers all day long. I'll go with the telemarketers. And this is, look, a shout out to Blossom and Joey. Nice. Whoa. Yes.

Back in the day, I think that's where this was from. But I remember watching a sitcom once and what they would do and i did this no joke true story in real life a lot when i was younger it and i got it from this show a telemarketer would call and they would answer the phone and they would say thank you thank you thank you thank you to everything they said that's all they would say and they would count how many thank yous they could do until the telemarketer hung up. And I did it, and it works.

That's a fun game. It was a fun game. How many? Oh, it was more than you'd think. It was probably like 15. Like, it was a lot. Because they'd keep reading the script. They're told they can't hang up.

So, yeah, I would take the telemarketer. Because, look, how often do i get called by a telemarketer have you seen this uh my phone like four times a day sure four times a day how often do you take an action at least six times a day at least i mean you're narrating everything you do in life they have telemarketing ai that you can install oh i've seen on your phone it's fantastic it will answer the call and it will ai talk to them for as long it has it is trained to talk to the telemarketer as a person for as long as it can to try to take as much time from the telemarketer so that they cannot talk to somebody else.

Get body. It's made mostly to stop scammers and stuff in particular who prey upon the elderly with these, which is just ridiculous. That breaks my heart. This is a call from the FBI. And you'll hear the robot on the other line sounds like a person, and you'll hear stuff in the background, and they'll be like, hold on, hold on, hold on, sir. My kids, my kids, hold on a second.

Oh, man. All that type of stuff. So pretty funny. I'm going to get that installed. Mike, are you going narration or telemarketing? No, no, no. You've got to do the telemarketer. All right.

Is this real life? It's a brand new segment. When that music played, even though I am in fact the one that composed it, I had no idea what was happening. Yes, brand new. Here's what this segment is. It's called Is This Real Life? We are each individually bringing forth one news story or article

that has blown our minds, something that might make you roll your eyes or make you crack up or make you shocked at what's happening in the world and we're going to bring it up and we're going to talk about it and we're going to reveal it to the other two people and see what happens all right all right all right jason has been so over eager to tell us about his news story that he found just looking forward to this because when i because my mind did some mental gymnastics while i read this headline here's the headline oh i can't wait mom charged after driving with kids inside inflatable pool on roof so what mom charged after driving with kids inside inflatable pool on roof so okay i'm all right so this inflatable pools on the roof of the vehicle so yes that is true

but here's the best part jason can't handle it when I read the headline the first time, I literally, I'm so stupid. I read mom charged with driving with kids inside of a pool that was on the roof. So I thought there was an inflatable pool on the roof of a house. And they were driving. And they were just charged. What would you charge them? What would you charge them with? You would charge them with driving house.

I don't know. This is not a legal representation of what can be a car. I do not know how my brain thought that at first. That was a lot to follow. I'll be honest. The first mental picture I had was she was on the roof of a house yes but then you realized that couldn't possibly be true it wasn't until now is she driving and the inflatable thing is on the roof of the van with kids in it yes and this that's horrifying yes it turns out it was a much scarier situation than what I had read. What I had read was silly and stupid.

This was insane and downright illegal. Was she intoxicated? No, she was not intoxicated. Here's the best part. Is that better or worse? That's a great question. For the long-term health of those kids. So here's the thing.

First of all, the vehicle in question was an Audi SUV. Okay, so this is... All right. That's a luxury car. Sure. Like, this is... They've got means, at least, to have that vehicle. Like, I don't know.

Pay for shipping. Ship the pool home. So the kids... I don't think that's the problem yeah that's clearly not the problem the kids are in the roof of the inflatable pool to hold it down on the roof to get it home so they can get it how old are they home how old are these kids so the the kids there are two wait a minute so they're sitting in the pool on top to keep it down on the roof. Totally not tied down. That is not smart.

Inflatable? Inflatable. Now, correct me if I'm wrong. Generally, a pool that is inflatable is henceforth deflatable. Yes, that is true, Mike. So they could not be bothered to deflate said pool so it could fold up. No. Well, it's so easy.

Just throw it on the roof. And now she's charged for it. Well, yeah, of course she's charged for it. Do you have any previous charges or convictions? Yes, I have one. It's really more of a moving violation. I might or might not have driven my children in a pool on the roof of my van. Yeah.

So, I mean, that's like, I don't know how old. Also, I've got three kids, right? Ten, ten, and six. I know how, like, two of my kids, they're crazy. They'll jump off a bridge into an ocean because it's fun. I know they would say, i'm not doing that i'm not getting on the roof of the car with the not tied down inflatable pool while we drive home unbelievable it is unbelievable this publication needs to look at their editing process because

oh the headline could have been fixed. That headline was purposely awesome. Mom charged after driving with kids inside a inflatable pool on roof. Wow. Okay, Mike, me or you? You go ahead. All right. Is this real life? This story is crazy? Insane?

Maybe things of nightmares? Here's the headline. nightmares. Here's the headline. Indian man, 20 years old, wakes up at his own funeral after being pronounced dead by doctors. What? 20 years old. move in the casket. Was it a practical joke? No, no. Here's what makes this story all the more insane. Mind you, they're mourning the loss of their son. Yeah, he's dead.

Or they're celebrating. They ran out of money to pay the hospital to keep him alive. What? The hospital declares him dead when they ran out of money. What? Where is this? What in the what? Where did this happen?

In an Indian city of Lucknow. Okay, so this is over in actual India. Yes, he was declared dead by Indian medical professionals. What? But his surprise awakening at the funeral shocked the mourners. You think? I mean. You can't find a better word.

So he immediately was brought to the hospital, put on a ventilator, and obviously the hospital was like, yeah, this guy's alive. Oh, my bad. Wow. He had been unconscious due to an automobile accident. They paid $12,000 and ran out of money for this private hospital, at which point the hospital found it most efficient to just declare him dead. That is insane.

So had they had more money and kept him in the hospital, it seems like getting out of the hospital is what brought him back to life. That is fair. You know what I mean? If they only had $3,000, if they only had $3,000, would he have come back a lot quicker? Because, oh, we're out of money. Oh, he's dead.

Oh, now we can get on with it. Oh, he's alive. Good news. Celebration. We're all here. We all came to celebrate. I mean, wow. Good news.

The city's chief medical officer said an investigation is underway. Oh, that's good. We have. That's good. We have taken cognizance of the incident and the matter will be thoroughly probed. So they're going to try to stop this from happening again. But can you imagine? I mourning. No, that has to be great news, right? Is this.

This is. Are you? Are you? I mean, you have to only be happy, right? As the family. Like, obviously, you're to only be happy, right? As the family? Like, obviously, you're angry with the hospital. Right. The doctors.

But at the end, you just got your son back or your brother or whatever. The brother's quote says, we were preparing for the burial when some of us saw movement in his limbs. Insane. Because you would need more than one person. you would need more than one person you would need more than one person to say it right if one person goes if you're one person alone do you even say anything like i couldn't have saw that i couldn't have saw someone oh what did they move that's just normal twitching says the doctor put another shovel scoop on him. Don't worry about this. That's unbelievable.

All right. So that was my story. And that is real life. All right. My story here is this real life debut. There's not a whole lot to it. But the headline, suspects loud fart helps police sniff out his hiding place. Oh, my gosh.

Yes, this is why I can't be a criminal. So this took place in Missouri. The only reason you can't be a cat burglar. This is because of my loud farts. And they were looking for a feller. They were after him. And he was hiding. Apparently, a pretty good hiding spot.

Oh, my goodness. But then he couldn't hold it in. I mean, at this point, you know you're hiding. The police are looking for you. Ah, this one's not going to make sound. Oh, no. He went with the gamble, which we've all done the gamble. Spread the cheeks, man.

I mean it. Reach into your pants. Hold on. Hold on. Just don't fart. No, no, no. Sometimes you really got to let it go. Sometimes you got to let it go.

And there's certain techniques. But hold on. My techniques have all been about doing some twister inside with the bowels and positioning. But Jason, you are opening my eyes to something. Yes. Have you gone full spread? That's a real thing? A manual spread?

You're telling me that neither one of you have ever found it necessary to just spread the cheeks and cause a silent. Never? I stand alone here? I mean, Borland is dying over here. Are you in the category with Mike and I? This isn't like a daily occurrence, but it's happened. I've never done the cheek spread.

You've got to try it. Look, if you're out there and you have not tried the cheek spread, I guarantee a silent fart. I guarantee it. This is the real headline. You're going to like the way you fart. I guarantee it. You're firing a blow dart.

Yeah. I mean, that's not just going to be a... Now, the article headline... It could lead... Look, I tend to imagine... Oh, it's more like a hot exhale? Aren't accidents more likely to happen if you're manually opening? Well, I mean, I don't use that much force we're just making sure

the cheeks are closing the man the man was never found but a pile of his feces was found in a local bush so now the headline says helped the police sniff him out but it was the sound it was not the smell right the sound it was i was very confused at first trying to get through because do they honestly dogs for that? Well, and then there's the video of the police with the dogs, and it was going to be a lot funnier to me if he was still silent. It's just so bad. It's like, oh, he's this way. Hold on, fellas.

We need to take a second look in this room. Something's happening. That would have been funnier to me, but it's also you spread your butt cheeks. Look, if I'm in that situation. I am shocked. That would have been funnier to me, but it's also you spread your butt cheeks. Look, if I'm in that situation and I've got to fart and I'm hiding from the police and the dogs that are nearby who can hear everything, you do whatever you have to do to not just rip your shorts. I mean, you're going to lose hide and seek every time. Unbelievable.

Not anymore. Unbelievable. I'll never lose again. You're welcome. It's draft time. The Spitballers Draft. What's worse, being declared dead when you're not or being caught because you let one go in your hiding spot by the police? What if you're caught letting one go pulling the Jason maneuver?

Butt cheeks in hand. I'm so disturbed, so afraid. All right, here's today's draft. This one came in from Jared on Twitter. A lot of people have been demanding this one, and we have pushed it back. We are drafting the best board games, right? For a game night? Best board games for a game night.

Jason, you get the first pick. It's an interesting one. It's so subjective, right? It is extremely subjective, and I have have a feeling at least based on my list because i'm going with games that i actually play and i actually love and i know there's this new world of where they're making a new board game every other week and people are loving them but i haven't got to experience them so be prepared board game junkies out there you're gonna be pretty angry but oh yeah because we're not in with the hottest hippest newest board games um but you got the first pick i'm gonna

start with a classic obviously it's it's my 101 it's not the 101 because i think the 101 probably the most famous game of all time is one of worst, and I look forward to mocking either of you when you take it. Probably be me. But no, look, a game I grew up loving. I haven't played it in a long time, like over a decade, but as a teenager, I loved it. We'd get together, we'd play it. I would challenge anybody.

Classic chutes and ladders coming right here. Yes, I was so good at it. I always got the ladders. No, no, no. It was risk risk. All right. There's so much strategy to the game of risk. And I felt like when you had enough group of people, you could actually use, you know,

the politics, the social manipulation of situations and start ukraine is weak getting people to worry about other things and you know i just like especially at that time in my life i really liked manipulating uh people people places things so you know i'd win and it was a lot of fun. Risk is a great game, though. Have you guys played it? I love Risk. I thought that that was the one you were going to mock if I took it.

Oh, what? I have minimal exposure to Risk. I didn't play very much. You would love it. It is a long game. It can take very, very long time. It can take a long time. Not as long as some games, like the one I will mock.

No, I get that. This is actually a difficult choice because I'm thinking a little bit strategic here about I've got a handful of games that I think are great. You took risk. That would have been one of them. Sweet. But I'm trying to figure out what's going to get past Mike. Mike's got back-to-back picks, and I'm really on the fence here.

I mean, there's some classics, and then there's ones. I'm going to just go with the game that when I was playing it frequently, I looked forward to more than any other board game in my life. So when I was into it, because you go through phases, right? Right. Like, we don't play board games a ton anymore, but I used to play them a lot. And when I was into it, Settlers of Catan was my favorite board game. That would have been my pick.

So there's no way that would have made it back. Yeah. So I just looked forward to playing it more than anything else. It's a great strategy game. It's a lot of fun. I've never played it. Expansions. Oh, man.

It's really, really engaging. Everybody says it's great, and then nobody ever invited me over. Yeah. Hey, guys. nobody ever invited me over. Yeah. Hey, guys. The game was already full. You can only have so many players. It was already full. Yeah, no, totally.

I get it. Yeah, sorry. Next time. Well, but you've never played, so you're going to come in, and we're going to have to teach you how to play. See, that's the thing that I can't do anymore is I've got friends that – so I'm like the casual board game guy. If I have a group of friends that all know the

rules and all play together, that's fun. Pull out an almanac. Here's how you play. But I've got friends that are so into board games and when we have a game night, I don't want to learn the whole time. And then by the time the game night's over, I'm like, oh man, I just got the rules figured out.

Goodbye. And then I don't see him for a while. So that makes it harder. But Settlers of Catan is my pick. That would have been my pick. Very, very easy first pick for me. All right. So what is the official name of this draft? Are we just going best board games or best board games for a game night?

Whatever. I mean, we talked beforehand. Card games can count. Oh, really? Yeah. We did. We did were you not like poker no we're not saying poker but yeah but games that are no i heard you i heard you talk about uno before yeah if it's something you could buy you know in or around the game aisle all right i'm gonna go with my favorite game uh other than sellers of katana but my my favorite game i'm going with taboo oh so good it wasn't even on my list that was very fun taboo is the best i don't know if you guys are familiar

with the uh the movie four christmases it's it was a holiday comedy it's got a vince vaughn and reese witherspoon but they go and there's a scene where because they're you know where there's a couple that's been together forever and they're playing taboo and they give the most obscure clues because it just references something of that happened with their with the relationship and it ends up getting to the clue this is my wife and i we had a new year party, and we were playing against a couple of my friends, and everyone was with their significant other, and we just wiped the floor with everybody. We were in such a mind melt.

It would be the most ridiculous thing where you're like, green bird, and you're like, oh, yeah, that was Colby Cheese. And you're like, what? How does that possibly make sense? So I love Taboo. And the other party game I love playing, I'm going to go with Cards Against Humanity. It's not for everyone. I've never played it.

It's not for everyone because it's all about making the funniest, most offensive thing you can make with your cards. But it's a fantastic time. All right. I am on the clock then. That is correct. Hmm. Hmm. All right.

Well, I know what Jason won't draft, which means I know it'll get back to me. Yes, it will. Which it's a good game, but I'm between a couple. I've had a lot of fun with this one, so I'm going to go with Scattergories. I love Scattergories. It's on my short list. Outstanding game. Always a couple. I've had a lot of fun with this one, so I'm going to go with Scattergories. I love Scattergories. It's on my short list. Outstanding game.

Always a blast. So number two on my list is Scattergories, which, as of this moment, I learned was born in 1988. 1988? Yeah. Wow. Impressive. By Parker Brothers. 1988?

Yeah. Wow. Impressive. By Parker Brothers. I was just wondering who made Scattergories. Thank you, Ian. You are welcome. So that's me now. Does anyone else make games?

Who's the big name? Hasbro. Ah, Hasbro. That's right. I got it. All right, Jay. You're up. What are you writing down?

Oh, the thing you learned today. Yeah. There you go. All right. So I'm up up i've got a couple so i've got to go with this one first because uh again growing up this was like my family's game my family would play this every every time there was a family gathering we'd mouse trap that's what makes a game good though is that is that that's what taboo we'd have family games

of taboo so fun i'm really upset you got taboo that it's just such a great game um no but balder dash yes it's on my list i'm gonna run out of things i did not ever play that now did you make is it where you make up a definition yes yes so there's balder dash one balder dash two i like the og um but yes you'd make up a definition It would say some word and then it would give you the real crazy definition. And then everyone would write their own fake definition. And you try to convince other comes to board games or just any kind of little competitive thing, I'm not proud of this, but I'm also not hiding behind the fact that I'm a cheater. I'll cheat to win. This is accurate. If I can cheat to win, I will cheat to win.

And normally by cheat you mean is there a loophole by which I can kind of manipulate the outcome? Yes, absolutely. Or just outright cheating. Also known as cheating. Can I just change the score? And so how would you? Oh, you would.

Wait. But here's. So here's where it started. If you're the scorekeeper, you'll just. If I'm losing. You'll just. I mean, look. Let's be fair.

You would not do that. No. Let's be fair. I'm usually. Have you done that? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Answer the question, Jason.

I take a couple of chips from you. Yeah, we have a poker game coming up. I better be careful. I bet I win. But here's the thing. The reason I bring this up and the reason I wanted to go with Ballerash is because I have this memory, this story where I was a kid. And so I tried to cheat because I would often win as a kid with all the grownups in this game. And so I was down.

And so I get this card. And on the definition, it was something about the first car sold by Ford was the Model T. That was what the answer was. And I was a kid. I didn't know anything like you guys probably know the Model T was like yeah yeah that was the first assembly car right yeah well so I was reading this and so I was the person in charge of reading the real answer and so I changed the real answer to F on the T I like drew a line on the card and read the model F, thinking that nobody would know the real answer.

So you tried to overtly cheat, and it was the biggest obvious- And then everybody, all my family was like, no, that can't be the real answer. It was the model T, and I was like, how do you know this? Is this common knowledge? And you got busted. I got busted big time. Unbelievable. Balderdash.

The best part. The risk in Balderdash. The best part of Balderdash was when you just decided that you're going to forfeit an entire point. Yes, for a joke. And you would just write an entire paragraph and disparage somebody in the room, usually the person who has to read them yes knowing whatever i'm not gonna get any point you know what if you're funny enough with those people will vote for it you'll you'll still get the points all right i got back-to-back picks right yes i'm gonna take so

i was thinking about like pictionary i love the drawing games i love the acting out games like charades is not really a board game you buy but i I love charades. There is one. And so I'm taking Cranium. Oh, all right. Because Cranium, it's a board game that includes... That's like the Starbucks game or something, right? You have Pictionary, you have charades, you have clay where you craft. You've got like four different categories where you are playing a game very similar to charades or Pictionary. No, makes sense.

There you go. I've played that a handful of times. It's fun. I have Settlers of Catan. I have Scattergories, and I will stay with the board games that begin with the letter S. I'm going to go with Scrabble. I'm going to go with Scrabble. I do, too. Why do you hate it? Because I'm terrible to go with Scrabble. I'm going to go with Scrabble. I do too.

Why do you hate it? Because I'm terrible at it. That's why I hate it. Because Scrabble people are the worst. When you're good at Scrabble, you're not good at Scrabble. You're unfreaking believable at Scrabble. When you're good at Scrabble, you're just like, how do you see all of these words and know all of these words? What, do you read books or something?

I'm like, oh, sweet. Here comes eat. E-A-T. Is there an S out there? But it's on a double word. Six points. Yeah, Scrabble played a lot of Scrabble. Scrabble's fun.

I'm one of those people. You're really good at it? I hate that. All the word games. Boggle, Scrabble. The only problem that I have with Scrabble is that there isn't really a built-in time limit to placing your word. Like you don't have a little sand timer.

Right. You can wait forever. So if a person wants to sit there and ponder for 20 minutes. You should play with Mike and I. We don't take much time. Fart. Oh, if I could and I. We don't take much time. Fart. Oh, if I could play fart on a double word. F has to have

a lot of points, right? It's the model F. Alright, Mike, you are up. You got two picks to round your draft out. Yeah, and all the ones that I actually really wanted to take, they have all been selected. Super Smash Brothers. Operation. Operation operations a great

game yeah yeah it's like i didn't never like those games like operation or uh with perfection oh my the the nightmare anxiety attack inducing and then it just explodes that was the worst oh no no thank you all, thank you. All right. I'll go. This was a family game, too. I'm probably not as popular, not a big vote-getter. But we didn't have Risk in my household growing up. But we had Stratego. And I was a massive fan of Stratego.

I assume that's just the poor man's Risk. It's a two-player. Have you never played Stratego? I have never. I think it's very, very, very. Like I said i've heard of it i've never i've never had a face it's very different well then to all the people all my strategic truthers out there yeah when you get the spy and you are dismantling all of the bombs that there is nothing much better in this life than getting a round of bombs out of the way. All right, and then I will finish it up because one of my favorite things is I like trivia games, but I'm not going to take the pursuit.

Trivial pursuit. Because what I like more than trivia is movie trivia. So I'm going to take Seen It. Oh, that's great, yeah. I forgot when that came out. They have the movie clips and stuff on the DVDs. So I'm going to take Seen It. Oh, that's great. Yeah. I forgot when that came out. Yes. They have the movie clips and stuff on the DVDs. So I hate trivia games because it turns out I'm bad at them.

But I know. Understanding why you cheat so much. Right. Bad at Scrabble. Bad at trivia. But when it comes to movies, like I grew up just Andy, we were talking about our childhood the other day and I was like, I didn't have toys like I grew up just Andy we were talking about our childhood the other day and I was like I didn't have toys like I had them I it wasn't like I was kept in a box it was just like I didn't like

I didn't play with action figures I didn't play with toys I had three toys it was a basketball hoop that I played with non-stop a pool in the backyard and then it was the TV. TV, movies, when it came to those things, I feel like Seen It, that's a trivia game I would love because I can crush. I know those answers. I hate trivia games like Jeopardy. Who watches Jeopardy? Who actually knows the answers?

There are people that watch it. The people that play Scrabble. Yeah. It's a great question because the Jeopardy is still going on and on and on and on forever. I know why. Who's watching it? Here's why Jeopardy is good. It's not because.

No, it's good. It's not because you know the answers. It's because of the feeling when you know an answer. You don't know most of them. I've never had them. But the feeling you get when you know one of them and you say it. I'm the smartest man them and you say it before the other people.

All right, I'm on the clock with my last pick, which is great because I'm not going to take the one you want to make fun of, which means it will go undrafted. I'm so proud of us. Monopoly will go undrafted. Yes! Get bodied, stupid, long, awful Monopoly. It's not that bad if you were like playing. It's like anything. If you're playing

with committed people that want to play the game, it can be fun. Rate of play. If it's moving, Monopoly. It's not that bad. It's like anything. If you're playing with committed people that want to play the game, it can be fun. Rate of play. If it's moving, Monopoly is fun. Give me Monopoly Junior. There you go. Also, shout out to Boggle. I own Boggle. Come at me. My pick here, though, is a classic game.

It is a nostalgia game. It's a great game in and of itself, but it's super fun, and I have so many memories of playing it with my mom. And it is Clue. Clue is so great. I passed on. And I like finishing my draft with Clue. Mystery figured out.

That's a good one. Oh, shout out Dominion as well. I will take Dominion. I don't know that one. I think I have played that one. So hearing some of these where I hadn't thought of them, the Taboo and what did you just draft, Andy? Clue.

Clue. I'm like, oh, I know there's going to be games out there that I just forget and I loved, but I completely whiffed on them. But I'm going to go with a game. Now, we said that this can be a card game, Uno style. Growing up, man, nerd alert, Magic the Gathering. I love Magic the Gathering. We get together for Magic the Gathering.

It's a sneaky last pick. It is. It's a sneaky good last pick. I'm going to go with that. I mean, had the binders. Whoa. I thought you had three toys growing up. Oh, I guess.

No, there you go. Four. I stand corrected. Four. All right. So, Jason, your team is Risk, Balderdash, Cranium, and Magic the Gathering. Sounds like a great time. I've got Settlers of Catan, Scattergory, Scrabble, and Clue.

Mike, you have Taboo, Cards Against Humanity, Stratego, and Seen It. Mm-hmm. Pretty good? No Monopoly. Yes. And Monopoly got bodied. What did we learn today? What did we learn today?

I learned that every person has a built-in silencer for their derriere. Anytime you want. So frightening. I learned that Scattergories was made by Parker Brothers

in 1988. Yeah, well that's true. What did I learn today on the show? I don't know. I learned that I'm uninviting Jason to my poker party. I ain't bringing no cheaters around them parts. What color chips do you have? I'll bring my own.

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