Spitballers Comedy Podcast - 68: Procrastination Is A Virtue & The Best Movie Theater Snacks - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: October 14, 2019

Welcome, Spitwads, to Jason Moore’s procrastination station. Why do something today that could be put off until tomorrow? Also, for some reason today’s show is full of very specific, complex quest...ions. Luckily, that is what we specialize in. Once we breeze through those with ease, we debate which movie theater snacks are the best in today’s draft. Subscribe and tell your friends about another hilarious episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast! Connect with the show: Become an Official Spitwad! Visit us on the Web Follow us on Twitter Follow us on Instagram Subscribe on YouTube Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/spitballers/posts See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey, spit wads. Look, thanks for finding our podcast, for listening, for loving our podcast. You're welcome, actually, for the loving part. Yeah, thank you, Mike. I mean, that's us. Well, right. Yes. If you would like to support this show and get access to the entire catalog of shows,
Starting point is 00:00:20 go to spitballerspod.com and become a spitwad, and you will hear so many terrible scatting intros that you can't even handle it. In fact, here comes one now. What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers Podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. I told you it was coming. We've had 68 episodes of the Spitballers podcast. You've been sick for a month.
Starting point is 00:01:16 I've never been more afraid for a scat in all my life. I don't know what I feel now. But I know where you feel it. And that's your heart. respiratory system yes I've entered your respiratory system you will you'll be down soon just be happy out there as you listen knowing that none of the projectiles that well he's scattered I mean we're just you guys are toast dark and covered we're done look Look, I feel like I'm borderline over it. I would say that's fair. I've still got to cough from time to time.
Starting point is 00:01:51 Nasty things happening. I judge it based on how many times you have to pause our foosball games coughing. Yeah, that's fair. And I think you're very close to being. Down to two or three per game. Two or three pauses per game. At least it was just a month. to being down to two or three per two or three boxes per game at least it was just a month well whenever you do whenever you do really uh cardio intensive things like foosball you do breathe
Starting point is 00:02:14 real heavy yeah i mean i just in general play just like why do you breathe like that well here's the thing would it make you feel like you've been discouraged? Let's be honest. Let's be real. Okay. You've been a little down. You've been a little discouraged with, you know, how long it's taken to get over this. Would it be better if you knew that you had like some atrocious disease that you overcame because it took so long?
Starting point is 00:02:39 Like if I told you today, hey, guess what? You had pneumonia. Heck yeah, man. Would you feel a lot better than just a little bitty baby cold? Of course I would. I'm on the other side of it already. I want to have overcome, like, you know, I want to put a badge of honor on myself. Take that, organ trail designers.
Starting point is 00:03:01 Exactly. Pneumonia's nothing to this guy. I used to have AIDS. Now I'm fine. Whoa. Likeneumonia is nothing to this guy. I used to have AIDS. Now I'm fine. Oh, whoa. The bigger, the better. I overcame. I guess if you're through it, you might as well throw the worst possible thing on there.
Starting point is 00:03:13 Yes. Well, congrats on overcoming AIDS this past month. Yes. I did it. All right. You can find the show on Twitter at SpitballersPod. Jason said it at the beginning. SpitballersPod.com. Become an official Spitwad.
Starting point is 00:03:29 Support the podcast that you know, love, and are afraid of. And we appreciate you supporting the show on Apple Podcasts, subscribing, reviewing, Google Podcasts, wherever you're listening, Spotify. We do like to read your reviews from time to time because they are very entertaining. Review Asaurus Rags. This one comes in from FantasyFB underscore Kiss. Five stars.
Starting point is 00:03:56 Congrats. You have perverted my life. Says congratulations on your podcast award for Best Comedy. Oh, that's true. We did win that. That's right. Thank you. What? This old thing? It says, I enjoy listening in every week.
Starting point is 00:04:10 However, you have really altered the way I look at things in life. Starts out every morning when I grab my toothbrush and I think, should I dry brush or wet brush? Also, now whenever I walk in a grocery store or a hardware store, I look around thinking, what can be weaponized? Yeah. And I now fear flying because I have to think about what pilot means. Keep up the good work. You're welcome. We will.
Starting point is 00:04:37 Did you guys ever have something in your life where it was like this for our friend here fantasy fb where it was altering the way that you look at what's happening for the point i wanted to bring up it's like funny enough we were just talking about this on a different podcast or the radio show but i brought up tony hawk's pro skater yeah and when well that was happening that phase of my life i mean i was really into tony hawk all of them but then i would walk around and i would see like these really high architecture pieces and like man you could do a nice trick off of that i'll drop a 50 50 on there go right into a superman grab land in a land in a front manual my multiplier will be off the chain yeah i know i i get what
Starting point is 00:05:23 you're saying that happens with so many things in life. I feel like every time I've gotten... Well, we just talked about the pet peeves and the toilet paper. I was in blissful ignorance thinking, it doesn't matter how you put the toilet paper on the roll. Shameful ignorance. Now you've changed my life, and now I look at under rolls as a terrible part of humanity.
Starting point is 00:05:41 Under rolls is like my tum-tum. Yeah, I have a lot of under rolls. How about every time you get a car? If you've ever purchased a new car, all of a sudden you see that car everywhere on the right. That's true. That's true. That does happen.
Starting point is 00:05:55 You get a Honda Civic, it's like, oh. I had no idea how many Honda Civics were out there. A lot of people buy these. Copying me. All right, let's get into our first segment. Honda Civics were out there. A lot of people buy these. Yeah. Copying me? Alright, let's get into our first segment. Would you rather? Alright, this one comes in
Starting point is 00:06:16 from Stefan. Oh! On Instagram. Sounds fancy. Would you rather get up right now and run a mile? Oh, gosh. Or wait until tomorrow and run two? Oh, this is a perfect. It's such a simple question. It's the.
Starting point is 00:06:32 Have you guys seen when they do the marshmallow test to the kids? Yes. Where they put the one marshmallow on the table so you have to sit here for 20 minutes. Then you get to eat it. Then we'll bring you another one if you wait the full time yeah no one waits no but it's but it's the art kids wait it's the opposite problem here it's not that things get better if you wait it's things get worse if you wait yeah so the nice thing is i don't have to do it now but it's going to get worse and usually 100 worse usually that's the
Starting point is 00:07:04 i mean that's the route I take. Why do today what you can put off until tomorrow? That used to be kind of my life motto. That you can put off until tomorrow and have to do twice is the way that this one works. I think if we brought up like what our... Like, I think we can agree we are close to superheroes. The three of us. In perfect shape.
Starting point is 00:07:23 Physically? No, no, no. Just like powers. And if i have a superpower it would be procrastination oh i got you i am so unbelievably good at procrastination you're so good at it that you now look at it as a like a positive skill apparently exactly it's a talent you're like i'm the best i can put i like bragging about off to the absolute when i was in college and had papers due it became a a badge of honor to be like dude i did this last night this this is due this morning now like i would get so late
Starting point is 00:08:01 it's like it's a 15 page. It's the day of now. Most people are like, oh, I procrastinated. I didn't even start until the week it was due. I had some procrastination problems as well. I had a very similar event to this. In high school, did you guys do the egg drop? The egg drop in science where you have, essentially, you build a contraption, and then you'll go up on the bleachers or somewhere. Are you trying to catch the egg? No science where you have essentially you you build a contraption and then you'll go up like on the bleachers trying to catch the egg no no no you're you're trying to secure the egg so
Starting point is 00:08:31 when you drop it from very high it doesn't break oh that sounds amazing and no i did not oh i thought this was very common so well we were both assigned it we never actually did it that's the well that was basically where i was when i parked my car and we're all i we all parked in the same spot me my friends were walking to school and they start talking about their devices oh and you had nothing they start showing their devices and i went hold on guys hold on fellas wait now had you forgotten? I had 100% forgotten about this huge project for my science grade. So what'd you do? I scrapped something together throughout the morning.
Starting point is 00:09:14 I felt like MacGyver. I would just find things. It was, are you done with that plastic bottle? Excellent. I'm going to cut the top off of it. Oh, you got an extra piece of construction paper? Perfect. I got a nose cone. You always got to have a rubber band in there. I want to know the the top off of it. Oh, you got an extra piece of construction paper? Perfect. I got a nose cone.
Starting point is 00:09:26 You always got to have a rubber band in there. I want to know the grade. What did you get? I got an A, my man. Oh, my gosh. I pieced this thing together over my first two periods. And that's what? Wrote a report and got an A.
Starting point is 00:09:36 I had a paper that was given to me by a professor that they said, can I hold on to this? I want to share it to the other faculty. It was my proudest moment because I was like, if you knew how quick I put that together, you'd be ashamed of what you're saying to me right now. And that's why, really, after 68 episodes, our biggest message out there to the world is that school is useless. Yes, kids don't do...
Starting point is 00:10:01 Education, school, no, I'm kidding. We're just saying that you could get it done real fast if you want to. It's funny. Humans can do very amazing things when they're put under time constraints. When they're reminded that they have a giant project. Yes. I don't think it takes, like, my argument for waiting until tomorrow here would only be based around, I want to be, like, wearing running clothes with running shoes or something of that nature.
Starting point is 00:10:23 I don't think it's that important to prepare for the one versus two. I'm going to take the one mile right now. I tell my son when he gets home with his homework, because he has a focusing problem. He kind of does a little bit ski, and then it's like 10 minutes of distraction, and then a little bit. And then in his mind, homework takes two and a half hours. And I try to tell him, I say, knock it out, son.
Starting point is 00:10:44 I'm talking to you right now, Caleb. Caleb, knock out that homer. So veggies first. I was not a procrastinator because, to me, the mental thought of something to do was a problem to me. It was stressful. For the most part. Yeah, and I had my moments like the eggs thing.
Starting point is 00:10:58 It is for him, too. He just shoulders it. But mine turns into excitement. Yeah, I know. I noticed that. It's a problem but for me if i knock it out i don't have to think about it again that's true are you a vegetable i'll run right out this door right now i'll run my mile and i won't have to do two
Starting point is 00:11:15 tomorrow are you saying vegetables are you vegetables first type of feller look vegetables are atrocious much like school come on Yeah, he's an ice cream first guy. But my, yes, I was the, let's put it in Lucky Charms terms, I ate all the regular cereal, then I ate the marshmallows last, yes. Now let me ask this. Like when you are eating something now, do you strategically save what you consider to be the best bite for last? I try to make, I'm a proportional eater.
Starting point is 00:11:44 I want every bite to be... If I'm doing tuna fish and crackers, I'm perfectly rationing my crackers and my tuna fish for equal finishing moments. Because this has gotten... caused some strife in the right household. Really? Because
Starting point is 00:11:59 when I'm eating something like... Let's say the part you like of the burger is the middle. There's no edge bun or bun whatever that's your perfect bite I don't roll that way I just eat and I eat very quickly you do which ends up then I start looking at what food my wife has left
Starting point is 00:12:17 and she will frequently leave what she considers to be the best part of the food to be last which then frequently turns into me scooping up her last piece. That's the end of it. She doesn't need this. I have so many times. Does she say, I was waiting to eat that?
Starting point is 00:12:37 Yes, she gets so mad. This has not happened once, twice. I can't count how many times I have. And it's not on purpose. I'm not going with ill will of saying, I know this is your favorite part. It's just, oh, I'm going to take a bite. Just imagine. But she tries to save the best part for last.
Starting point is 00:12:55 Just imagine this kid is eating all of the garbage non-marshmallows in the Lucky Charms. And I roll up. The sawdust. Yes. And I roll up with a big spoon. And I grab that whole thing of marshmallows in the Lucky Charms. And I roll up. The sawdust. Yes, the sawdust. And I roll up with a big spoon, and I grab that whole thing of marshmallows. I go, thanks, bud. That's what you're doing. Yes.
Starting point is 00:13:12 Yeah. It is. So you don't. I notice when you're out to lunch with us, we call you the meat pirate sometimes. If we've got a little leftover meat, eventually you get to the point where you're scooping it up. But you ask permission. Yeah, but at the right household, there's no permission.
Starting point is 00:13:29 You're just scoopsie. I don't ask permission from my wife to eat the best part of her plate. And to be fair, this started completely with her. I mean, she established the no boundaries in food. One of the very first times we ever went out, so we're a lot younger than we are now, but we go out to McDonald's and we brought her brother along. Well, apparently they do something that I have never encountered before.
Starting point is 00:13:56 So we go, I, of course, buy the supersized fry because I'm a man. Right, and you're young and it doesn't yet affect you. Yes, and I eat whatever I want. Both of them buy, like, they go smalls. They want to save the money, whatever. We get down to the table. They immediately grab all of the fries and dump them into one giant pile. And on my face, like, this boy.
Starting point is 00:14:19 You are not happy. No. Those are my fries. I got the really big one. Not happy. No. Those are my fries. I got the really big one, and now I have just contributed to this communism pile of French fries.
Starting point is 00:14:31 That's ridiculous, first of all. Second of all, be careful where you're listening to the Spitballers podcast, because the last time I said something about my wife on this show, she happened to be playing that episode at that moment while we were on a little family trip, and I had to sit there with a grimace on my face as I listened through it. This is legendary in our house. I have no problem sharing this. Little bonus pet peeve from the previous episode of the pet peeve draft would be when the spouse says, oh, no, I don't want any of that.
Starting point is 00:14:59 And you get the movie theater drink, and then they do want it. There are. They did want a drink. Do you want a drink? No, I don't want a drink. But they did want a drink. There is very little in this world that gives me genuine anger. I'm not talking some like, that's annoying.
Starting point is 00:15:21 I'm talking like, I fill with rage when that happens because that happens. Like, you know, and I'll even preface. Oh, I don't want to. It's always the dessert at the restaurant. Oh, are you going to get dessert? I'll say like, I'm not sharing this. If you want it, you're going to have to order your own.
Starting point is 00:15:39 And then it gets there and the bite happens. The fork comes over and I'm just like. I told you about this. Now, Mike, did you pick up the fries and carefully put them back into your supersized container? Because that would have been great. Nope. That would have been a power move. But you know the rate of speed at which I eat.
Starting point is 00:16:00 So where they thought, oh, we're making a big pile for everyone to share these fries. The last laugh was on them. Cause you ate more than the supersize because my speed, which I can eat French fries is unmatched. And because of all of this, I'm going to take the two mile tomorrow. Okay. Mike,
Starting point is 00:16:18 last call here, unless I'm wearing dress shoes right now, which I never do ever in my life, then I will get up and I will do the mile right now. I mean, you have to live your life knowing that, look, you could die at any time. That's true. And if that's true, then I might not have to run the mile at all. And therein lies why the papers got done the day before.
Starting point is 00:16:40 He was hoping for grim death. All right, Julia from Twitter. Would you rather have the flu for the rest of your life or would you rather have a painful sunburn for the rest of your life neither can be treated or cured easy peasy lemon squeezy i have already verified that i can live with the flu for my life the last month i've basically had these symptoms the cough the breathing the nose the oh just well you got to mix the fever in for the whole month now though the flu you're gonna have a fever it's not a month it's the rest of your life you can't treat it
Starting point is 00:17:15 either no ibuprofen no tylenol also you can't rub any aloe vera on that sunburn so basically what pain do you want the most because you're not in no no pain here. Sunburns are a real sunburn. Not like, oh, I got a little sunburn on the back of my shoulders. But like, oh, whoops, I thought I was going to be out here for five minutes. It was an hour. I am a lobster. Those are unmanageable. I can live with the flu.
Starting point is 00:17:45 I can't do anything when I've got a true hardcore sunburn. I'm going the other direction. I think I'm going to have to take the sunburn. You're crazy, man, because the first couple days you were sick. You slept through the whole day, you said. You told tale of how you were completely useless. Yes. That's the flu.
Starting point is 00:18:05 The flu is not you're able to get up and go to work and record a podcast. You don't actually have the flu. Fever, aches, loss of appetite. Your skin hurts. I mean, yes, your skin will be in pain when you have a sunburn, but when you have the flu, your entire body, your bones hurt. So this is madness. Let's say that I feel like I was able to overcome.
Starting point is 00:18:32 Like the first three days I was down, I was out. I don't think the sickness went away. I just learned how to deal with it. And so that's what would happen. No treatment, no cure. I would just overcome. Yeah, well, I think you're going to be really uncomfortable in both situations.
Starting point is 00:18:51 Part of me thinks if I just sat still with that sunburn, it'd be more manageable. You know, don't move. Don't let your skin crack. Watch a little Seinfeld. You'll be fine. Have you ever had the sunburn so bad that you like you see the pink elephants you have the woo you lose your mind and have crazy fever dreams from the no no that's
Starting point is 00:19:12 a thing yeah no i've never i don't think that's all right jordan from the website would you rather work a traditional five days on two days off or six days on one day off plus an extra week off every sixth week this is a very particular question this is probably this is probably advice this person needs the person that asked did say they just they just switched jobs and their new job is the second option here and they were just wondering this is real life there are a lot of jobs that are like this i mean my my aunt is a pediatric nurse and she would frequently work you know the 24s right you work like 224 hour shifts where you have no sleep and you know you have to juggle what's the most valuable time to you and obviously losing a whole day off every week, that's a big deal. But then you get the week off every sixth week.
Starting point is 00:20:08 Let's just say basically for this, I'm getting Sundays off. So I'm working Monday through Saturday. So right now I work Monday through Friday. And so Saturdays become the nightmare birthday time. The nightmare birthday time for parents is known as I have three children. The nightmare birthday time for parents is known as I have three children. And between family and friends and school buddies and everyone, there's always a birthday party every Saturday. And I've got to go.
Starting point is 00:20:35 Nightmare birthday time. Here's great news. We ordered a, so this Saturday coming up, it's a cousin's birthday. You want to know why? It's a Saturday. Because it's a Saturday. That's why it's a birthday. We went out and got a couch last night uh a little a little pullout couch they could only deliver it on saturday do you know how excited i was because you're gonna miss nightmare birthday i'm gonna
Starting point is 00:20:57 miss the birthday party so give for delivery of a couch someone's got to be there for the couch oh man someone's to sign for it. Someone's got to do it. And I'm taking, look, I will sacrifice. Oh, you're such a trooper. The cousin's birthday because I am, I'm going to, I got to get the couch. Is this your way of saying that you'd like to work through all your Saturday birthday time? That is correct.
Starting point is 00:21:19 And then get the week off later on. And then I vacation every month and a half. I think that part is nice where you can plan a vacation. That's true. And not miss work, but then you still got your work vacation time. So then you take a week off and you plan it around that sixth week. Yeah, now it's a two-week vacation. I'll tell you though, it's tough.
Starting point is 00:21:39 If you've got stuff to get done around the house or deal with different things, you got one day to do it. You've got to decide on that one day, am I going to relax and have a day off? Or am I going to get all my not work stuff done that one day and then not relax? Do you know who would be able to get it done that day? King Procrastinator. I'm used to that. That's no problem.
Starting point is 00:22:00 All right. I don't mind that. Mike, do you have a vote here? You like the week? We basically do this right now. During the football season, we work six days a week. Yeah, that's true. Where's our sixth week off, though?
Starting point is 00:22:13 So if I tell my wife I'm going to be on the same schedule, but every six weeks we'll get a week off. Our vacation is called the Spitballers Podcast. Yes. You ever heard of it? I have. It's called the Spitballers Podcast. Yes.
Starting point is 00:22:23 You ever heard of it? I have. The Situation Realm. Well, Alice from the website has brought us back to a familiar place, your local wizard. Oh, he's back. The local neighborhood wizard has granted you one wish, as he is prone to do. But he is a turd.
Starting point is 00:22:44 His wishes always come with terrible side effects. Well, let's see. It does come with two trade-offs. Once again, he's making a trade with you. Initially, the chance of your wish coming true is only 1%. Well, that sucks. Increasing by another 1% each day that it remains unused until it reaches 100% on the 100th day.
Starting point is 00:23:04 So your wish will come true. If you wait 100 days. No, no, no. It doesn't come true in 100 days. Your chance of it, if you wait to make the wish, 100 days and you make it on the 100th day, it's got 100% chance of coming true. You make it on the 20th day,
Starting point is 00:23:18 you got a 20% chance of it coming true. So you can wait to make the wish? Man, today's podcast has all been about very specific all about waiting well and this is a real person that has a real local wizard in their neighborhood and they're asking a real question we're helping them with their real life yeah here's the second trade-off because we need a second trade-off of course one is not enough however only the first time you wish for something will count meaning if you accidentally say i wish it wasn't so cold in there on day 35 that's your wish oh man so then the situation is just what
Starting point is 00:23:51 do you do in this scenario i would accidentally i would mess this up how many days in the first day the first day i would accidentally say like i i mean how i wish we could get culvers for lunch yeah i i've got to start paying attention, just in case my local wizard is ever around the corner. I need to start paying attention to... I don't know for sure that I use that verbiage. The wish... I say need a lot.
Starting point is 00:24:18 Like, I need something. I want something. Do I say... You might say, like, I wish I had that. Or I wish that was mine. Or I i wish i had that or i wish that was mine or i wish i wish you were this or i wish this was happening i feel like i do it like on television shows like on all the shows you're on right yeah it's all the while you're filming when i'm watching i'm like oh i wish you didn't do that oh yeah you could have those and then
Starting point is 00:24:42 it's like oh no he he said yes to the date. Like, no! He doesn't seem risky to me. I think I know what would happen with Jason. You would have a 3% chance of not going to a birthday party that first Saturday. Because on the third day, you'd say, I wish I didn't have to do this this weekend. Oh, my gosh, you're right. Every three days, he'd say, I wish I didn't have a birthday party this weekend. That verbiage would definitely, that has come out of my mouth plenty of times.
Starting point is 00:25:07 But then 97% of the time you're still at the party on that situation because you've made the wish every three days. Your chance of it happening goes up over time. I don't think I would, I don't think I use the language I wish for a bunch of negative things. So the risk of accidentally saying it
Starting point is 00:25:24 doesn't concern me a lot. Oh, man. I wish you would die. Well, that's not good. Whoa! I wish you were dead. Yeah. Oh, my gosh.
Starting point is 00:25:33 You've got a chance of killing someone. Well, you've got to be a little... When you've got a local wizard, you've got to be a little more careful with your tongue, with the loose tongue around these parts. Be careful what you wish for. The real tough thing is let's say you're patient. You're willing to wait, and you get to like day 75, day 80, day 85.
Starting point is 00:25:55 You've got something. I'm a gambler. You've got something you want. You figure the odds are in your favor. If you don't get what you want, you've got to wait another 100 days to guarantee it. You've been waiting a long time. Imagine getting to day 98. You can make the argument like, oh, you've waited this long.
Starting point is 00:26:13 Wait two more days. But also, it's like, dude. It's 98%. This is 98%. I know how math works. Yes, exactly. I'm good to go here. And what if day 98 is the day of the birthday party
Starting point is 00:26:26 you want to go away that's not gonna be my wish i can overcome i mean yeah but you'd wish no birthday parties ever again yes he'd wish them and then you'd accidentally wish away all birthday parties oh that would stay oh i do like some birthday parties like my mind you like my birthday party i i love your everyone here i love your birthday parties and family listening oh those i love those birds i'm not talking about about the cousin that you you you called out specifically well no i love that cousin's birthday party i was talking about the other couch okay the cousin that's listening i love it no it totally you totally you're getting the people listening are getting mixed dreams right now. I'm talking about someone else.
Starting point is 00:27:07 Yeah, the show is recorded on October 11, 2019. All right. Yeah, I think I would be prone to waiting, and then I'm just cashing in on a sweet wish every 100 days. Oh, this is repeatable? I thought it was just a one-time thing. Oh, one shot, I'm waiting 100 days guaranteed. I'm waiting all the way.
Starting point is 00:27:28 If I'm a one shot, there ain't no way I'm taking a chance with that. I believe in myself. I believe that I could bite my tongue for 100 days and not say I wish. So I'm going for... I'm going to go 100 days. Yeah. And then I'll... What do you wish for?
Starting point is 00:27:43 One wish out of 100 days yeah is it just like just a ton of money is that is it i mean that's like i think that's the true thing that most people would end up wishing for when you've just got one wish i don't you know that's a tough call you got 100 days to think about it i also think like there are true there are limitations this is a local wizard you know it's like oh i want to i want to cure hunger there's a local wizard he can't get that done the best you can do is say hey i wish my local wizard. You know, it's like, Oh, I want to, I want to cure hunger. There's a local wizard. He can't get that done. The best you can do is say, Hey, I wish my local wizard. Can you just like reduce my utility bills just a little bit? That's what the local wizard can do. He can handle very municipal close to home matters. I wish we had a roller rink
Starting point is 00:28:20 in our city. That's what he can do. Yeah, I think you can get that done. The kids still love the roller rinks. Is that really what you're... Is that your wish for your city? That's not my wish. Unless it was a hopping place. Yeah. Get an awesome ladder. Joey from the website,
Starting point is 00:28:39 the government has placed a contract on your file. Oh. I didn't read that right at all. Oh, I love it though. Let's start over. Joey from the website. The government has placed a contract on your life. Same letters.
Starting point is 00:28:55 Yeah, a very dyslexic moment. You have the ability to hire one TV movie fictional human to protect you. Who do you hire and why? That's your your situation i was going straight to the genie but is not a human so you need somebody to straight up just protect you you need one person to protect you from your demise i know my answer this can't be a superhuman this is just a regular human what. Wait, didn't he say fictional human? Fictional human. Yes. But like Superman.
Starting point is 00:29:29 Is fictional. But Superman is not a human. He's not a human. Oh, okay. He's a Kryptonian. Yeah, you're a superhero. We're talking like Jason Bourne, for example. Right.
Starting point is 00:29:38 I don't know. A fictional TV or movie. I mean, I know my answer. I feel like I know your answer. No, you don't okay oh yes i do it's got to be john wick no but that would be a great answer yes it would no that would be a great answer but the problem with john wick is that's forever now i now like best friends with john wick which in itself would be pretty awesome yeah because we would live in the John Wick world. But no, I'm going with Smash 90s Sensation, The Eraser,
Starting point is 00:30:10 the Arnold Schwarzenegger movie because his entire job was he erased you from existence. He would make the government believe that the contract was fulfilled, and I would be living large in witness protection. Well, leave it to Mike to remember things like that. Yeah, not only, I'm impressed not that he remembered the contents of the hit movie Eraser, which I'm pretty sure was a failure. Not when I'm watching it.
Starting point is 00:30:36 I was impressed. It's awesome. I was impressed that he remembered the beginning of this question where it's like, oh, it's a government contract on your life. That's part of this. That was like two minutes ago dude i was gonna go with my local wizard gandalf i figured gandalf is is he human he's human he's a wizard yeah but he's human i don't know because if you think about lord of the rings sometimes questions should be simpler think think about this lord of the rings you've got elves you've. Think about this. Lord of the Rings. You've got elves. You've got
Starting point is 00:31:05 wizards. You have humans. You've got humans. Like Gandalf wasn't included in the... Think about Harry Potter. What do they call them? Muggles? They're humans. The Muggles are the people who are the regulars, right? This is getting too down the rabbit hole. I just figured I wanted a wizard that was willing to take on
Starting point is 00:31:21 a giant demon and kill himself for my sake, but whatever. Okay. Yeah, I'm taking John Wick. I mean, this government will not exist soon. I'm moving on. Adam from the website.
Starting point is 00:31:37 Today is your birthday. Oh, Jason's invited. You receive a text from someone whose number you don't have in your contacts and you have no history with. They wish you a happy birthday and say, you have to hang out again soon. How do you go about figuring out whose number it is without revealing that you don't know who they are?
Starting point is 00:31:57 I wish I had a more complicated answer. I'd say, I got a new phone. I lost my contacts. Who is this again? Done. Finished. I thought you don't use that verbiage. just said you wish for that that's you you're done you don't get to your hundred your wish is gone man yeah they have been added to your context there are like
Starting point is 00:32:13 there's bill conniving congratulations my wish is done bill from accounting i figured it out from accounting mike thank you it is there like a very smart and strategic way to to do this like how do you spell your first name again i'm writing you i'm writing you a letter how do you spell your last name again the first thing i do is i google the phone number smith i feel like that never that crap never works it never works but it's the first thing I will do. There are 10,000 companies that are offering a service to reverse look up a phone number. Right.
Starting point is 00:32:51 But none of them actually do. No, and you have to pay. You get to the end of that line, you got to pay money. I'm not paying. I think if you search for it in... Can you search for people by phone number in Facebook? Can you search a phone number and if that's associated? No.
Starting point is 00:33:06 I don't think so. I'm going to test it. I'm fairly certain that that would be. Doing research for the people. That's the privacy thing that I'd be super surprised about. What I do is I'm like, I get real excited. I say, oh, totally. Let's do this right now.
Starting point is 00:33:21 I'll meet you at the Wendy's. I'll be wearing the blue hat. Oh, wait. Are you going to spy out on them and then ditch them? And then I will wear a red hat, and I will see who shows up, and then we'll see maybe if we want to be friends still or not. I hope it's a really flamboyant hat, and you think you're blending in by wearing a red top hat instead of a blue one.
Starting point is 00:33:40 I assume they know who you are since they're texting you. Yeah. You're not fooling anybody when you show up in a red hat. What about, sure, let's do it next week. Send me an invite. You think that would work? They put their name in the invite, right? Who sends, wait, what?
Starting point is 00:33:59 What if you ask for the address? Who sends a formal invite? Not like a letter. What are you expecting? A Google invite? Yeah. We have run a business. We get invites all the time. For business?
Starting point is 00:34:10 Well, sure. Not like to hang out at a movie. Like, hey, you want to go to a movie on Thursday? Yeah, send me the invite. Invite me on Facebook. What if you just say, sure, what's your address again? And then you look them up by ad. That's better.
Starting point is 00:34:22 Yeah, how are you getting to that conversation? Oh, good to good to hear from you what's your address that's a weird you want to hang out stop on by i might hang out at your place what's your address strange bill from accounting so here's what i would do and i know this for sure i would ask phone a friend no and i'm not i'm not proud to admit this know for sure, like, this situation is very realistic. It's your birthday. You get a message. Someone wants to hang out. Happy birthday.
Starting point is 00:34:52 We should hang out soon. I don't know who they are, and therefore, I don't care. But are you blocking the contact? No, I'm not blocking because maybe I make a lot of mistakes in my life. This is a person you've already hung out with. They say again soon. Yeah, for sure. You just hung out with them.
Starting point is 00:35:10 That's awesome. I will run into them again. And they'll say, why didn't you answer my text? And I will say, what text? So you have to delete it. Sure. So you're not blocking, but deleting. Of course you're just going to not have a friend.
Starting point is 00:35:26 That's your choice in this equation. Look, I've got two good friends here. Not if you lose my number. That's true. It's over. Then we're going to have to just communicate in person, like the olden times. Yes, yes, when they didn't text. You guys ready to draft?
Starting point is 00:35:44 Yep. yes yes when they didn't text you guys ready to draft yep the spitballers draft all right jason has the first pick our draft topic today is best movie theater snacks i think this is a good one yeah this is it's uh i mean can we start with a question? Please. Can you, like, my brother-in-law, Josh, is, you know, he's not a big spender, right? Oh, Josh is 100% the dollar store candy smuggler. Please drive this bus over Josh. My point is, is when we, when I go to the movies, like, we do a bro date every once in a while. I'll go see a movie. And I don't like a movie theater experience without snacks like i don't like it part of the experience for me is having snacks at the theater and every single time he gets a courtesy cup
Starting point is 00:36:38 complimentary of water and that's all he ever gets and so i'm left holding the bag literally oh so you feel self-conscious i get a lot of snacks at the theater and i love it it's part of my experience what is a lot of snacks well i i i just want to know like genuinely like when you go all out do you do you get multiple candies plus popcorn ever i've definitely done multiple candies and popcorn but traditionally it would be large soda, large popcorn, large candy. That's all I mean. What about the dibs?
Starting point is 00:37:09 I've never done it. Believe it or not. What a mistake. Well, I mean, you know I like ice cream, but that's just, it's okay. This is too convenient that it's wrapped up in individual bites. Yeah, yeah. But the point is, is part of going to the movies for me is the experience of the snack okay and and uh sure if you want to be look you want to smuggle in the dollar store i've been down
Starting point is 00:37:30 that road it's nice you get wider selection sometimes whether it's walgreens or dollar store or target you get a wider selection a bigger box it's and you don't pay as much money and i can fit that in it is not my wife's purse that That's what I was going to bring up. It's not fair as a man that does not have a man bag. I know at times, Mike, you've had a bag. I have. But I don't have one. And I take my kids to the movies sometimes without my wife. Obviously, most of the time we go together.
Starting point is 00:37:56 We've done the stop at the store, load up the purse thing. Of course. It's a smart move. We're humans. We're Americans. But I've done this before where I've done this, and it's just me and the kids. And so it's not like one candy. It's like four or five candies. That's hard. Probably five because there's three kids, and I'm buying double.
Starting point is 00:38:16 So my pockets when I'm walking through these places, it's like the scariest thing because they're bulging at unbelievable levels, making sound everywhere. I've literally told kids, like, you can't buy things that rattle. You're not allowed to buy. That's the only rule here. No rattling keys. Invite me to your next birthday party and I will buy you a bag. Okay.
Starting point is 00:38:43 We'll buy you a nice man bag. He buys those adult version of the shoes with the wheels on them so he can roll in without moving his feet back and forth. So there are a lot of things to consider I'm saying. I just to me going to the movies means having a snack and I don't understand
Starting point is 00:38:57 going just getting a little thumb fill cup of water thumb fill? I don't know what that means. A thimble full of water. Thumb-filled? I don't know what that means. A thimbleful of water. And it just doesn't... It's fun for me. No, I completely agree. Because I like eating.
Starting point is 00:39:10 All right, so best movie theater snacks. A lot to figure into this equation. Jason, you get the first pick. There's a one-on-one here. And I don't know necessarily that it is my favorite. Because I'm a sugar-holicolic and this is not you can get the sweet so are you are you drafting the best snacks are you trying to win well no but the thing is is even though this isn't necessarily my favorite i can't remember the last time i
Starting point is 00:39:37 i went to the movies and didn't get popcorn i i i genuinely i don't think that's ever happened i mean you go to the movie theater you get when we buy candy elsewhere we walk in and we walk up to the counter and still buy popcorn we're not having a popcornless movie i mean this is america so popcorn is the 101 that's the snack that i have to have i don't i don't eat popcorn other places you know you know who does the man you should have left the pick for what just showed up at the office the other day you ordered not just a bag of popcorn you ordered a jumbo family enterprise like you could go into business selling bags of popcorn now that's how much showed up to our office who eats popcorn at i'm gonna start i'm gonna start oh new trend first
Starting point is 00:40:32 of all the popcorn world is really it's been revolutionized by the invention of the flavored powders which are so exceptional which by the way ranch i like the ranch is the best followed closely by white cheddar for me i like the white cheddar i one? Ranch. I like the... Ranch is the best, followed closely by white cheddar. For me, I like... I'll go white cheddar, yeah. I like the sweet ones. I like the cinnamon and, you know, basically turning it into candy. Once again, you don't know what you're talking about, and yet you took popcorn with a number
Starting point is 00:40:56 one pick. You didn't leave it to me. That's my expertise. Do you buy popcorn, or do you try to get the kettle corn? Do they have kettle corn in the movie theaters? Yeah. You ever been outside, Mike? Sometimes.
Starting point is 00:41:07 I'm not a popcorn person. They have flavored ones. They really haven't worked them to a good place yet. They're over flavored. They're weird. I want hot buttered popcorn. And when they look at me and they ask, do I want butter on this?
Starting point is 00:41:23 They don't just go right to, would you like extra butter? Right. That's what they should do. More than once, I have taken one of the powder canisters from my house, emptied half of it into a plastic bag, and brought the plastic bag in my pocket. Yep. We've done it too.
Starting point is 00:41:37 And let me tell you this, if you put butter on the top and you're not layering my butter, you're not getting a tip. Okay. So you know enough about this world, more than Mike knows. Yes. And you took popcorn. It is the number one pick.
Starting point is 00:41:49 It's by far the best choice there. That's true. I got in an argument the other day at an AMC because they didn't have the powder, and I planned on buying the powder for 50 cents, and then they told me we haven't had the powder for a year, and I said, you're a liar. I bought this powder from you last week, but they said, no, we haven't had it for a year, and we argued about it a little bit I believe they were right did you win
Starting point is 00:42:09 uh I I know I lost because I didn't have any powder uh I will go wins in that situation that was a trick question I'm gonna go with soda okay a large soda It's synonymous with the movie theater. I would like to take popcorn. I can't, so I will take soda as my first round pick. Yeah. All right. I will start my first of two picks with the thing that I have had at a movie theater more than anything else, and that's the nachos. Oh, really?
Starting point is 00:42:42 I am a nacho man. Nacho, nacho man. I want to am a nacho man i not sure i don't want to be a nacho man you really left me hanging i apologize for nothing but i i love nachos and movie theater nachos are they've actually the quality has gone down but i still buy them uh i have a question i have a question because you kind of we kind of teased it out earlier. Now you bring up nachos, which is when I was going to ask this question. First of all, learning new things about you. I didn't know you were a nacho man. Second of all, nachos and certain candies, if you buy the wrong one, are loud.
Starting point is 00:43:21 Have you ever been in the movie theater? Now, Mike, you eat fast. I'm guessing you get those nachos. You sit down in the theater. Before the previews are done, they're gone. But nachos in the middle of the movies can be loud. Loud, cracking. You know, you got quiet parts of the movie.
Starting point is 00:43:34 The other thing I've made a big mistake on before, I don't recommend buying Mambas. Oh, because they're all individually wrapped. They're all individually wrapped, and they're loudly wrapped. And if you try to undo a mamba during the movie, you're in a, you might as well be in Mission Impossible trying to sneak into a room. And you, I've been there, and you know that everyone around you knows that they don't sell that here. Nope. So you brought in a loud candy.
Starting point is 00:43:58 You have broken the rules to hurt my movie experience. I hate when I. What are mambas? Mambas are like Starbursts. Why don't you just buy a Starburst? Because Mambas are different, and they're good, and they have different flavors,
Starting point is 00:44:10 and just wake up to the world around you. They're bigger. They've got different flavors. They're fantastic. Yeah. So you've been there, is all I'm saying. That's a tough world to be in.
Starting point is 00:44:21 Yeah. The individually-wrapped world. All right. We still on Mike? We're still on Mike. He took nachos, which I understand. I've never really ordered them at the theater. My wife loves nachos at the theater, the ballpark, whatever.
Starting point is 00:44:33 I've never been a fan. Because when you started to say, nacho quality has, and I thought you were going to say, gotten better. And if that was what came out of your mouth, I was going to say, I can't imagine where they were. Because I have them when my wife orders them because, of course. And they're just the worst.
Starting point is 00:44:51 But you keep eating them? Well, yeah, there's cheese on it. So what's your second pick, Mike? Because this is where it's getting harder now. Yes, it is because I am torn between getting the candy of my choice or just running a full embargo on all the best food food. Sure. The best movie theater foods.
Starting point is 00:45:12 But I'll stick with my heart, and I will take probably the only candy I will buy at the movie theater, and I will take Sour Patch Kids. That is a wonderful choice. It is a frequent choice of mine. Generally, I'm in a mood of, do I want something chocolatey? Something more of the M&M category, my pick that I'm about to make category. Don't you do it.
Starting point is 00:45:37 Or I go the sweet. And the sweet choice of choices is Sour Patch Kids. And it's a spectacular decision, Mike. I respect you so much. I have eaten Sour Patch Kids probably 20,000 or 30,000 times in my life. And I am positive that 100% of those times have been at a movie theater. Whoa. Yeah, and have you ever been unhappy with the decision? No.
Starting point is 00:46:04 When I go double candy, I go a chocolate candy and a sweet candy, and I'll go Sour Patch Kids, and then I'll pick my pick right now. What I'm sad about for – look, Sour Patch Kids are great, so this is not me taking away from them, but Sour Punch Straws, I don't know if you guys have ever had them. Are you just giving them a shout-out? Of course I've had them. Because they are much better than Sour Patch Kids,
Starting point is 00:46:28 but they are not nearly as popular. They lost the sour battle. They're so good. They're so good, Mike. They're so good. All right. I'm going to go with Reese's Pieces. No!
Starting point is 00:46:39 Oh, man. You wanted it back to you. I understand. If Mike had gone the full food route, I might have gone Sour Patch Kids, then you could have gone Reese's Pieces. Unfortunately, my pick is Reese's Pieces popcorn, man. All right?
Starting point is 00:46:53 I have popcorn, and I don't get Reese's Pieces. No, good luck. Enjoy your less than sufficient experience at the theater. This is stupid. I'm happy. I got soda and Reese's Pieces. I'm having a nice time in the theater. I'm just skipping popcorn this time.
Starting point is 00:47:06 Reese's Pieces are the absolute. That's the 101 of my favorites. That's the 101 of my 101s. I've gotten more popcorn at a movie theater than Reese's Pieces because sometimes I pivot. You don't really pivot from popcorn to another type of popcorn, but from candy to candy, you might be feeling a little different. Or in your case, you probably get them all. Right.
Starting point is 00:47:29 Like I do. I mean, you want to have variety. All right. So now the first question I have is whether or not this is allowed. I think it should be, genuinely, but I will leave it to you guys. Filet mignon. No, but I much prefer, I have evolved over time, and I've got to be honest,
Starting point is 00:47:48 I very much prefer now Sour Patch Watermelons. Sour Patch Watermelons are so much sweeter. You are fine to draft that. Yeah, I mean, that's a different candy. Yeah, it's a different candy. And they are available. Yes, so I'm taking Sour Patch Watermelons. Excellent. Those suck.
Starting point is 00:48:04 No, I know because you love i know you wouldn't like a mic because you're all about sour kids you and you love them being extra sour yeah i want a little bit of sour the lack of variety is interesting to me i see them everywhere i know people like you exist that are apparently devouring them but i can't ever make i've never been able to make the choice wait a minute you haven't had them no i've had them but i've never been able to make the choice. Wait a minute. You haven't had them? No, I've had them, but I've never. I've had them in passing. Like somebody offers me one, and I'm like, yeah, I want one. When they're available, though, right next to them is always Sour Patch Kids.
Starting point is 00:48:34 And I always get Sour Patch Kids, and I'm never unhappy. So there's like you see on the ground there's two bills, and you can grab one. One's a $5 bill. One's a $100 bill. Here's what I need to teach. Congratulations with your $5. This is what I need to teach you. And I am sure I need to teach the, you know, the hundreds of thousands of people out there. Millions. Yeah. I mean, I guess we, we, we are over $2 million. So sure. Thank you. Everyone is all separate people. So the people out there, I'm sure there are a lot of people that are in the same place you are at,
Starting point is 00:49:06 which is what you just described. You see both options. I used to be there. I used to be that man. I would always side on the variety or the, you know, the better tasting one, the variety of the Sour Patch Kids. Now, I did not besmirch Sour Patch Kids a moment ago because they're great. So he's seeing you, but you have really besmirched him.
Starting point is 00:49:25 No, no, no, that's fine. You can besmirch. You've got the worst food takes in the world, Mike. You besmirching my food take is literally a compliment. But I'm telling everyone else out there, you specifically, Andy, go grab the bag of watermelon next time. You want me to do it next time? Because once I made the transition.
Starting point is 00:49:44 Better buy a backup. Once I made the transition, oh oh we already know he did and will and would have anyways um and you can't return candy at the movie theater trust me do you hear how delicious this candy is sounding because of what mike is saying the fact you like it so much i i do trust that. Andy, what is your opinion of Mike's dessert tastes? Well, with Sour Patch Kids, my opinion is he's 100 out of 100. We're in lockstep here. Yeah, but he's not up to date with popcorn and whether kettle corn is offered in public places. So I think I – look, I'll try it. I'll try it, okay?
Starting point is 00:50:22 Okay. All right. Now I've got another pick Now I've got another pick. I've got another pick. There are plenty of ways I could go here. That's true. I am between a few. It's hard not to go.
Starting point is 00:50:36 There's classic. There's some classic choices. Yes. So the one that I would take here, I'm not going to take because I'm positive. I'm 100% positive it gets back. It's going to be my next pick. So I'm going to grab an Icy. Icy's are, I mean, my kids.
Starting point is 00:50:55 Tell me what they are. My kids will have never been happy at the movie theater without an Icy. You know, my kids are the same way. Even when we buy them and bring them candy and we say, don't ask for anything, the first thing that happens when you walk in the movie theater is they ask for an IC. And I'm like, I just told you not to. Yeah, and honestly, whenever...
Starting point is 00:51:13 $59.95 per IC. Whenever I decide to let them get ICs, I have a better experience because... You can pull out a second mortgage. Because I'm getting an IC for myself. They have a financing department now available on the end of the aisle. So I'm building a real team here.
Starting point is 00:51:27 Popcorn, Icy, and a candy. Trash. And a beautiful, delicious, wonderful candy. I hoped you didn't take Icy because I think it was the next best pick. I think you are building a nice team. I think you've got a little bit of a niche candy. That's your weakness. But those out there that relate to you, people in the niches, they love each other.
Starting point is 00:51:47 Niches get stitches. I've got soda and Reese's Pieces and a tough decision now. I have a pick that I want to hit with my last one that I know none of you will pick. So now I'm sitting here and I could
Starting point is 00:52:03 let Mike get the food that he's thinking about right now, but I won't. I'm going to go soft pretzels. Dang it. You wanted it. I know you did. The soft pretzels, they've got enough varieties. Now you can get with salt. The cinnamon.
Starting point is 00:52:16 The cinnamon sugar soft pretzel is. You want to clog your bowels up in under 30 seconds. You got to dip that in that icing, man. Oh, yes. up in under 30 seconds you got dipped that icy in that icing man oh yes and i'll you know i don't know where you're gonna go from here but uh i'm gonna go with the soft pretzel i think it's a it's a good pick that was a great sensational pick what happens real quick before you pick sure because this is super fun i used to work in a movie theater i think didn't you jason for a day i worked there for a day and a half what happens have you ever have the movie that lines up with
Starting point is 00:52:44 dinner you forgot to get dinner you're had the movie that lines up with dinner? You forgot to get dinner. You're at the theater. You're like, I need to find a way of piecemealing dinner together at a theater. Yeah, I've done that. Now there's more places that offer kind of like, oh, we've got like White Castle burgers. They deliver you a meal now. Yeah, yeah, the kind of meals. But like-
Starting point is 00:52:58 Work wouldn't mind my day. The soft pretzel was one of the keys to the substitute dinner, movie theater dinner. Yes, but the actual real dinner, if you're going full dinner dinner, you go nachos and a hot dog. Oh. So I will be taking a hot dog. Oh, you're going to be so sick tonight. Oh, yes. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:53:15 That was my pick that I knew was coming back to me. Oh, that's silly. I almost took it at number two. Dude, who likes movie theater hot dogs? I love them. They're so good. They are. They're so good. I've worked in a movie theater hot dog i love them they're so good they are good i've
Starting point is 00:53:26 worked in a movie theater in my teens for multiple years i i will tell you this now jason oh i'm well aware you got sick for a month because of whatever hot dog you most recently ate they are green they've left them over days over days i've never been more sick than a movie theater hot dog that's why i couldn't pick it well Well, here's the problem. Now I've got to find a pick. You worked at Harkins. No comment. It was well known in our community here growing up in Phoenix.
Starting point is 00:53:55 You bought hot dogs at AMC. You do not buy hot dogs at Harkins. Really? That was known? Yes. It was a good decision. It is known. But Harkins popcorn was way better than that. It is better popcorn. It was a good decision. It is known. But Harkin's popcorn was way better than this.
Starting point is 00:54:06 It is better popcorn. It's so much better. So that was kind of our rule of thumb. All right, to finish it out, I will take, I kind of teased it at the beginning, but I will take dibs. I can't believe you took my hot dog. Don't you have two picks? Yeah, I took a hot dog.
Starting point is 00:54:21 Oh, the hot dog and the dibs. I'm taking the hot dog and I'm taking the Nestle Crunch dibs. Yeah, I took a hot dog. Oh, the hot dog and the dibs. I'm taking the hot dog and I'm taking the Nestle Crunch dibs. As the ice cream connoisseur of this state, I have never- Possibly the nation. I've never really gotten into the dibs because of, and it simply comes down to one equation for me, and it's proportions. The dibs, the proportion of ice cream to chocolate, it's too much chocolate per ice cream bite that's
Starting point is 00:54:46 all it comes down to nope for me they're great nope here's the problem with dibs though because i do too small i do get them well that is one there are two problems one it's too small by four or five but the real problem is there's a very limited time of the sweet spot of how most of the time when you get them, they're too frozen. And so you've got to wait for them to thaw a little bit. I have never experienced too frozen. And then they can over thaw. No, you're right.
Starting point is 00:55:13 They 100% can. It's a dangerous game. When you time it right, it is delicious. All right. I'm going to go for no votes here. I'm going to go movie theater classic. I'm going to go Old Man Andy. I'm going to go a candy votes here. I'm going to go movie theater classic. I'm going to go Old Man Andy.
Starting point is 00:55:29 I'm going to go a candy I still pursue for the occasional movie. No, it's not Milk Duds, but that's an old school one. Oh, no, no. It's Snow Caps. Oh, that's perfectly fine. Snow Caps are delightful. Wonderful. I love Snow Caps. They are dark chocolate.
Starting point is 00:55:43 I thought he was going. He was aged 10 years. I thought he was going Raisinets. No. Goodness. Kill me now. Snowcaps are awesome. Local Wizard, I wish Raisinets never existed.
Starting point is 00:55:54 There's no candy I just. Raisinets are great. Al Borland, you like Raisinets? I love Raisinets. Yeah, I like you less. Raisinets are very good. Raisins covered in chocolate. Take the raisins out.
Starting point is 00:56:06 It's fine. Nestle Crunch a bunch. That's better because you've got no raisin. We're all in sync there. But snow caps. Are you a snow caps guy? Not really. Do you like dark chocolate?
Starting point is 00:56:17 Not really. Okay. It's a dark chocolate. It's delicious. For whatever reason, those little white heaven beads are just too delicious. For whatever reason, those little white... Heaven beads. Heaven beads are just too delicious. So I appreciate the fact you like that one, Mike.
Starting point is 00:56:31 Oh, I love them. I'm going snow caps. All right, and I will finish mine off with a hot dog. If you want to lose a tooth, milk duds. Hot dog. Give me my hot dog. Can't have a hot dog. All right, how about peanut butter M&M's?
Starting point is 00:56:43 Yeah. No. Yeah, you can go peanut butter M&M's. I mean, they're not readily available. I mean, I would say you can go peanut M&M's. I've seen that a lot. No, no, no. I want peanut butter M&M's, and I'm fine not being allowed because it's too similar to Reese's Pieces.
Starting point is 00:56:57 Oh, it's superior. This is my loophole. I've got no problem with that. It's a loophole. It's an inferior loophole, watermelon man. Okay, give me peanut. No, peanut butter M&M's are shockingly better than Reese's Pieces. They're not shockingly.
Starting point is 00:57:10 It's factual. And kind of like a worse candy flavor. They're just bigger. They're better. But the thing is, again, don't hear what I'm not saying. I'm not besmirching the delightful Reese's Pieces. I wanted that first because every movie theater has Reese's Pieces. Not every movie theater has peanut butter M&M's.
Starting point is 00:57:26 It's rare. It's rare. They're great. They are delicious. Yeah, that's fine. I'll take that. I'm surprised. We're done with the draft, right? We are finished. Red Vines not selected. You thought that's where I was going with the classic and it makes perfect sense. It's where I thought you were going. It's also
Starting point is 00:57:42 where I was about to go if I was overruled on the peanut butter M&Ms. Red Vines deserve a shout out. Raisinets should be burned, all of them. Yes. What else is there? The Crunch Bunch, Nestle Crunch, those are... See, the Crunch Bunch or whatever...
Starting point is 00:57:56 That's just like the deconstructed bar. Yes, it's fantastic. I like the Nestle Crunch bar. I don't want the Crunch Bunch. No, Crunch Bunch is so much better. Bunch of Crunch. Bunch of Crunch. Go Bunch of Crunch, owl uh other considerations classics in the swedish fish swedish fish yeah that's my wife's favorite whoppers you guys like whoppers my wife does
Starting point is 00:58:16 those are boring i like whoppers malt balls they're good boring um the reason like you you can't you shouldn't take red vines is it's already you've alienated half of the people. Because you're either a Red Vines person or a Twizzlers person. It's not half, though. It's got to be like 70-30. I love both. And I'm not ashamed to admit it. How about Dots?
Starting point is 00:58:38 Dots? My wife loves Dots. I hate Dots. Dots are phenomenal, but it's very similar to the Bon Bon, but it's like a stale factor. I feel like I could give you 100 candies and you would have a nice two sentence breakdown of each one already prepared. 100% correct. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:58:54 This is tough because right now I'm trying to like go lower on carbs. I'm not going keto, but I'm on a little health kick right now. So this has been a really difficult exercise for me. That's too bad because we really should have a feature on our YouTube channel. It's like Jason Reviews Candy. Oh, heck yeah. That sounds awesome. What did we learn today?
Starting point is 00:59:13 I learned that I should have a YouTube channel where I review candy. Yeah, that'll go well with the health kick. That'll go real well. Maybe it will blow up, be extremely popular, and I could pay for health care. You'll blow up. I'll tell you that. If you think I would just be who I am. No.
Starting point is 00:59:32 Come on now. No, because I eat a lot of candy. Except right now while I'm trying to be a little lower carb. Slim it up. Yeah, just tighten up. All right. What did we learn on today's show, guys? I learned that Jason has contorted his thinking into believing procrastinations actually...
Starting point is 00:59:55 Like a feature. It's a value now for him. Yeah, yeah. He's real good at it. Do you know how much extra time... Altruism, procrastination. Right. Same difference.
Starting point is 01:00:04 Look, I get extra time in my life it's it's it's it's a superpower all right i jason do you have something yet oh i wasn't joking i learned i should make a video uh channel where i just forgot you said that yeah it's just it should be like have like really sophisticated regal music and the way that you describe the candy has to be super professional. Yeah. All right. I learned today that unfortunately Al Borland likes Raisinets and that is just changed my opinion of him.
Starting point is 01:00:37 And I don't know what we're going to do with that information, but thank you for tuning in. Not surprised that Jason likes, I just like most all just likes things. That's, that's the problem. Hey just like most all of his things. He just likes things. That's the problem. Hey, we'll see you next time. Goodbye. Bye.
Starting point is 01:00:50 Thanks for listening to the Spitballers Podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out SpitballersPod.com. Nacho, nacho man.

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