Spitballers Comedy Podcast - 82: This Is My Fart Room

Episode Date: January 20, 2020

Hey Spitwads! ‘Is This Real Life’ is back in the lineup today! Come along and find out what headlines had the fellas scratching their heads in disbelief. We also get into some great ‘Would You Rather’ scenarios, as always. We polish off this episode with a draft of the best movie props to display in your home. Don’t miss this one! Subscribe and tell your friends about another hilarious episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast! Connect with the show: Become an Official Spitwad! Visit us on the Web Follow us on Twitter Follow us on Instagram Subscribe on YouTube Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/spitballers/posts See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers Podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. I like the beginning. I'm really cool with how it started. I don't feel like you ever stick the landing. No, I'm like... You just roll into...

There's no punctuation mark at the end of the sentence. You're stopping middle sentence. Here's the thing. I'm built solid. I'm a solid 255. Imagine me as a gymnast. Because I'm surprisingly athletic, right, Andy? Yes.

We've said this before. I'm strong and I can move well uh i haven't seen it in a while so i can't confirm but but i know that you've seen in the past yeah but if i were to do one of those gymnast routines where i go from corner to corner of the mat and i'm doing all the flips and everything and then you go and you do that super high one and then you stick the landing. Yeah. My force would never be able to be stopped. You would bounce and ricochet into the crowd. Yes. I would tear a hole through the stands.

You just go right through the ground. Yes. So that's what my skill is. Yeah. I was kind of picturing a drummer that just keeps hitting the beats but never hits the symbol at the end or something. Yeah, I mean, for not remembering that you had the scat until mere seconds before I hit the button, it wasn't so bad. What's crazy is I remembered that I had the scat today about four or five times this morning.

Each time completely forgetting and then remembering. And inside information here, I hate doing it. Now, why is that? The pressure. Because have I ever done a good one? Mike, we've set a pretty good standard. Yeah, I am. That's what I'm saying.

Like, we get really good feedback. Yeah. The fans love it. Here's something. Here's inside. Diggity dooch. I don't like doing things I'm bad at. Oh, that's for sure.

Yeah, that's just. That's for sure. There's just that's for sure there are very that's why you haven't shown up to basketball night the last two times oh that is how dare you that's fighting oh my gosh that is hashtag not true um but but so there's very few things i don't do um and so i just don't enjoy being forced to do the scat because look I know my limitations the scat is not my strength well at least the landing the starts are fine

just figure out how to finish man it's just inside of you I mean it's not a difficult thing like Al Borland I bet could crush a scat oh he should get the next one oh the next episode is Al Borland you just gave him 40 hours of rehearsal. That's what you just gave him.

Oh, you gave him 40 hours of pure anxiety. Yeah, well, he's a performer. I appreciate Jason setting the bar low for me. Oh! Yeah. All right, welcome in the Spitballers podcast. I could have sworn the last... Yeah, we're show 82 now.

It says 81. Nice job, Al. Not bad. We've got Would You Rather, Is This Real Life? Got another draft on the show today. It's a fun one. You can find us on Twitter at SpitballersPod. SpitballersPod.com is the website, Instagram, Facebook, YouTube.

Appreciate all the reviews, support of the show i know a lot of new listeners coming in here as uh our fantasy football uh podcast is in a we're not releasing quite as many episodes right yeah i wanted to say hibernation but that's not accurate no no it's just uh people maybe they got a little bit more room in their schedule so they they're checking out spitball. It's a light jog. Yeah. So anything else going on we want to talk about here at the top? Anything I need to audit in this show doc here before we move on? But we can get into it. All right.

Would you rather? I can't roll my R's, by the way. Really? No. Really? I've always felt really inferior. Like, if I tried to do it, it would... Oh, man. You mean when you try right now?

Correct. Yeah. What? That's an L. Give me a word to say that naturally goes into a rolling. Really. That one? Really.

Sort of. I heard a few of them in there. Did you not make machine gun sounds when you were a little kid? No, this is not for lack of trying, Mike. This has been a real issue for me that hasn't been brought to light in quite some time. It just sounds like a bee. They're buzzing around here.

Really? That's incredible. Just a little factoid here. All right. Jacob from the website, would you rather never be able to use any pockets again? I already like this question. It's very nuanced. Or never be able to use any pockets again? I already like this question. It's very

nuanced. Or never be able to see yourself in a mirror again? The mirror. Mirror. So, okay, so you can never see yourself in a mirror again. No loopholes, Jason. You can't selfie yourself when

you want to see how you're looking. It's not a mirror, though. He says no using your selfie camera as a store window or a store window. So you just never get to look in a mirror again, or you can never use pockets. And now these things. Can I use a fanny pack? No. Well, ask Al. I mean, ask Al.

Well, I want to know. Nope. Nope. Okay. So this is just if you have stuff, you're carrying it in your hands. I think that's the point of this is to say you never see your reflection again or you just literally have no way of carrying things. So your phone.

Your phone is always in your hand. Yeah. Well, you have a phone, Mike, that you have one of them loops on the back of it. You're darn right. I never drop my phone ever. Me either, and I don't have a loop on it. Yeah, sure, Jason. Never drops your phone.

But you just look super rude all the time because you always have a phone in hand. Well, in that case, no, I'd be wearing one of those exercise bands. Well, that's like wearing a fanny pack. That's breaking the rules. 100% rule breaker. He doesn't say no watches. I mean, it's like you could put a watch on your wrist. Yeah, but a watch is meant to wear on your wrist. like wearing a fanny pack that's that's breaking the rules 100 he doesn't say no watches i mean it's like you could put a watch on your wrist yeah but a watch is meant to wear on your right

so you think it's breaking the rules by having an exercise band i do okay all right whatever like if you get stuck in the minutiae here is how is it more important that you see yourself i mean if you could never see yourself again that That's a problem. Yeah. I mean, I guess I would just be like, all right, I'll be like my kids are with my wife in the morning where it's like they're getting ready to go to school and the kids line up to have their hair done by mom. I mean, I just get in the line. You slide right in. Yeah.

I'd just be, all right, do my hair. I mean, why wouldn't I? I mean, that's the way to do it. Let me ask you this question. How often has that- And my pockets would be full how often has that already happened where you slide in that line not never never no i certainly do it all the time wait your wife does your hair not always and not not not not like the

majority of time but when she's doing if she's doing our boy's hair and she's got we all do the same exact thing for our hair and so i'm like oh i just i literally do what you just described i just slide in i feel like saying not the majority so okay the the minority of the time that's still a lot for you for your wife do you get on your knees to get in the line? Sometimes. Oh, my gosh. I would say once a week. You walking with a big lollipop? Excuse me. So the extent. I need my hair done, Ma. The extent that I use my wife for my aesthetic is basically, does this look all right?

That's the general question. Does this look all right? Like, you know, sometimes you're like, maybe not. I feel like you're transitioning to a shaved head pretty quick. If you can't see yourself. I thought you were talking about me personally. I feel like you're transitioning to a shaved head pretty quick. If you can't see yourself. I thought you were talking about me personally. I'm like, oh, no. Oh, no, no.

As a fellow with hair. Yeah. I mean, hair respects hair. Yeah. Good hair, Andy. Nice hair, Mike. Thank you. Jay, you have good glasses.

Our scat and hair game. Thank you. Yeah, maybe that goes together. Oh, see, you. That's your problem, dude. Scat club for men. I think that's going to take me somewhere I don't want to go. I think you are.

Somewhere very fibrous. So I feel like we might underestimate the value of pockets because it's not something you think you could ever lose oh i i know about it because exercise pants sometimes you got you got no pocket you just i i hear about it from my wife because apparently women's clothing frequently either doesn't have pockets or they're or the pockets are just they're fake yeah why are they putting the pockets on there no room for pockets who decided this and stop doing it yeah they put fake let them use no but don't you understand if you put real pockets they're so like a lot of women's clothing so tight you have real pockets and someone puts it in there it's just like a mold of that item but they got a lot of guys could do it a lot of guys pants are like that skinny pants

so uh the last christmas season like a lot of my pants you can tell you like that guy's pants are like that skinny pants so uh the last christmas season like a lot of my pants you can tell you like that guy's got an iphone plus yeah yeah no i that's a lot of keys the last the last christmas season al borland and i went and rode the polar express thing here in arizona and and so we get dressed up and i train you get dressed up yes you get dressed up in like uh christmas jammies okay type of thing as a family it's like a tuxedo yes and so i had these buddy the elf uh sweatpants i put them on and we're getting ready to leave the cabin we were staying at to go and there were no so buddy the elf from the movie elf as in like his tights no his face 100 times you guys did the elf thing so there's no pockets there's no pockets and it was two

things one a nightmare i mean it the amount of times that i'm like rubbing my legs for no reason. You're doing the pocket check. The pocket check. It just, I felt so. Wallet phone keys. Yes. I felt so wrong. And then the second. I always feel a little naked if I'm in my PJ pants in public, though. I mean.

Yeah, but everybody was. And then no pocket. Yeah, that makes sense. But then the second truth came about. And this is just what would happen. Everything of mine went in the wife's purse. Yeah. So the wife solves both problems.

She either does your hair or holds your stuff. Whichever one of these. So if you're single, you're doomed. Whichever one of these happen, it's just bad for my wife. Yeah. She's dressing me, doing my hair, or holding my stuff. Because I'm a little bitty baby boy and i can't take care of myself see we underestimate i'm keeping the mirror because

there are other things than just doing your hair i need to shave and see the shave line of where i'm shaving i need to trim my beard that way i need to you know whatever the maybe you're out there you gotta put contacts in without a mirror or something you know like just maybe you're out there you gotta put contacts in without a mirror or something you know like just work you need to get work out a monthly subscription to a barber imagine putting on a tie but you can't see first of all imagine putting on a tie that's hilarious jason in general that's a funny joke you just never worn a tie i've worn a tie pockets just makes me minimalistic which is something we all need anyway so i'm gonna keep the mirror get rid of the pockets i'm gonna keep my

pockets how you doing how you doing the neck shaving your neckline i can do that without a mirror because i use i use an electric yeah yeah we'll tell you how it worked out all right mike which one are you going i gotta uh for vanity i will keep the mirror yeah sean from patreon has a would you rather question for us he says would you rather announce every time that you have to fart and the fart is half as smelly or not announce your fart but the smell is three times worse so we had a couple episodes without the... Without a poop joke? Without a poop joke and we're back.

How does one measure the smell of a fart? No, here's how you... I mean, this is really obvious and easy. It's rectum and nearly killed him. It's a 7.4 on the rectum scale. It's really simple. Uh really simple oh everyone has done it you listening at home have done it you have farted uh-huh and about five seconds later you go oh no you go oh that's bad you know what i mean like you didn't expect it we we've talked about this where I know before the expulsion happens where it will be on my rectum scale.

But I mean, my rectum scale is different than yours. Yeah, but that's not always true, Mike. Wait, you know 100% of the time? No, he doesn't. He thinks he does. You're like, this is a 7.8? I know when they're going to be bad. No, you don't.

Yes, I do. Dude, I have been around you in the other room from where we're at right now, and I have watched you fart, and then a couple seconds later go, oh, no. I remember that was like a month ago. Do you remember what I'm talking about? It's very possible. It definitely happens. Someone, he's like, I always know.

No, you don't. The majority of the time. Majority of the time majority of the time fortune fart teller so but if you knew that you're three times worse at all times does this affect your health are you really restraining yourself all the time yeah you're holding you're not trying to get a sneak one in because you know you're three times and the thing is is if i'm gonna do a lap around the building i I'll be right back. If your farts are always going to be three times as stinky, those atomic bomb farts. Yeah.

Oh, that's three. Everybody's got to know it's you after a certain amount of time. After two. After two experiences with that smell. This is a Mike fart. Jason's been here both times that I've smelled this. He'd be like, what do you eat? Yeah.

I don't know. I think announcing every time you have to fart is obviously, I just can't do that. No. Because it's every time you have to. You might restrain it, but you've got to announce it, right? You've got to take the 3X. Yeah, you have to take the 3X. And just find a private room. Don't go in there. it but you got to announce it right you got to take the 3x yeah you have to take the 3x and just

find a private room that's don't go in there that's my fart room here's my office i'll tell you what i won't i won't reveal which kid but one of our kids fart room is our car oh that's that's my fart and it's a hundred percent it's like it like that's, you know how your body can get in a routine in the morning? You know? You have your routines. His is like, okay, this is a safe place to ruin my siblings and my parents' life. Oh, man. You know who you are out there.

Just be thankful that he doesn't have the window lock button. He doesn't have the control. Right. that he doesn't have the window lock button. He doesn't have the control. Some people, I'm not going to name names or throw anyone this wonderful under the bus, but sometimes that window lock is on purpose. It's like, Cup of cheese. This is what you get.

And if it's the three times. I going three times well see that's the thing you can weaponize it yeah if you choose you can choose three times and then use that to your your advantage is what you're saying with great power with great power because you we've already had this conversation uh about over the last 81 episodes at times you've brought up like you're kind of a little curious about your own yeah oh yeah so all right it's not three times as terrible i'm telling you right now that's better i know it's a podcast this conversation i swear i smell one right now i swear like al borland over there is like let one go all right it's my fart room oh no oh no brooks goes sprinting out of the room.

All right. I'm going to officially go 3X. I'm selective of where I let them go no matter what. Now I'm really selective. Oliver from the website, would you rather always drink like a dog, so lapping up liquid with your tongue, or always eat like a chicken. So you slam your face into whatever food you're eating. So you're like the pecking motion of like picking up food.

When you start reading this, I just think, okay, I'm definitely not lapping everything like a dog. That's not. I mean, that's not rough, man. Want to go out for drinks? My drink right now in this awesome mug is half gone now it's easy to lap up if it's full but when it's when it's halfway down how do you how do you that's a good i'd like a gin and tonic in a saucer please yes yeah that would that would be rough. And you need a soup bowl. And it takes time.

Wait, Jason, what did you just do? Oh, he just tried to laugh. I tried to laugh from a half-filled mug. It doesn't work well, and I spilled all over myself. And imagine that thirst-quenching moment where you're like, oh, man, I just got done with the run. He just tried again. Did you forget how to drink?

It feels so stupid. I got done with the run. He just tried again. Did you forget how to drink? It feels so stupid. I got a drinking problem here. You need to go to YouTube to see this because- I can't. I thought I could do it the second time. You can't do it. Apparently. What about a third time?

Third time's the try. Third time's the try, as they say. That's what you do say. Okay, so you're tipping and trying to laugh. So Jason's dying of dehydration. That's what's happening if he chooses that one. Refreshing? The problem is when you tip the cup.

Can you eat just slamming your head into the... You'd have a broken face. Well, you learn how to do it so that you're stopping at the appropriate time. Just a pecking motion. You don't have to hit your face into the table, but you have to do pecking motion, so there'll be a learning curve, and you'll be a little bruised and banged up to begin with.

So every bite, you have to go back up. It has to be real quick pecking motion. It can't be just like eating without your hands. It's got to be a pecking motion. Yeah. So you're going to have to pick. Inevitably, you have to pick certain foods to be able to succeed that way, right?

Imagine eating a steak that way. You can't do that. Imagine drinking out of a bottle of water. I mean, you have to pour it out like the way that you try and give your dog water. For the lapping? Yeah, it licks out of the stream. Yeah, I just get back from a run, and 30 minutes later you're refreshed? This is a terrible question.

Both of these are awful. I think if you ate a steak, you'd have a fork and knife, and you'd refreshed it does it goes this is a terrible question both of these are awful yeah i think if you ate a steak you'd you'd have a fork and knife and you'd cut it up and then you would eat yeah put the fork and knife down and slam your head in the plate i'm just seeing this both of these scenarios in a restaurant and i just want to know what people it's very this is a very easy question you have to take the drink yes because just ask the waiter to top you off all the time. Here's what I can do at any restaurant. I cannot drink. You know what I mean?

Right. I can go there and just be a little thirsty, maybe sneak a lap or two in, but I can go... But you can't go out to a restaurant... And then they bring your soup out first first and you're like, no soup. My arch nemesis. Yeah. So I'm, I'm definitely not going to, I have to side with that side and the food. All right, let's move on.

Is this real life? All right. Al Borland, remind our listeners what we're doing here. You guys are coming to the table with some articles that you found that the headlines made you say, is this real life? All right. And then we're explaining them to the other parties, and they can ask questions,

and we can discover the madness in the world around us. Mm-hmm. All right. I'll kick it off. All right. Mm-hmm. At first, I thought this story wasn't that special until i really read it and then i realized it's very special um so there's a woman

and she's accused of firing a missile into another car she has a missile she has a bazooka now so when you read on so i'm not revealing kind of the the crazy part yet so she's you're not she's pretty sure the crazy part is a woman shot a missile at another car well i'd somehow that is what she's accused of so this must be letter of the law what she really was doing was she was shooting a bb gun into cars in front of her house but shooting a bb is considered firing a missile by the law so she's accused of firing a missile that's not considered firing a gun it's considered uh an offensive missile into a vehicle that is what she is charged with she's 36 years old so if she were to have say a shotgun uh well that i think

it's a missile mike okay i'm just trying to figure it out but her name is where this story really oh goodness her name is crystal and her last name is metheny m-e-t-h-e-n-y crystal wait so her name is crystal meth her name is crystal methany and she fired a missile into a car and then was arrested for it so there were people in the car no one was hurt she was arrested and she's been arrested before on drug charges not related to crystal methany but uh i'm sure we'll get there. But yeah, her name is... Somebody has the last name of Metheny. And they named their daughter Crystal. Which I could see happening.

I mean, she's 36. Did we have a problem with Crystal Meth 36 years ago? I don't know. So this was unfortunate when this really started hitting. Well, her father's last name was originally In, and his name was Hero. Hero In? Yes. Okay, took a second.

Took a second. Oh, okay. It took me... It's weird that her father's name was so different than her name. That's what was really... It was really embarrassing to be named Hero In. So you changed to Methany. So Crystal Methany fired a missile.

That's real life. Crystal Methany fired... A missile. A missile. stuck on the bb gun as a missile thing i can't imagine the cops who were there to arrest her and are taking the statements and writing up the paperwork we're like what's your name again uh no no your real name ma'am man this is not a joke yeah you're firing missiles samsonite missiles into vehicles yeah i like that you clarified though that no one was injured that's correct i can't fathom someone getting injured if you're firing a bb gun into the side of a car you could make someone crash through the window hit him in the head it's not gonna feel good this is do not encourage people

to be no no no i'm not saying everyone should go out and fire missiles into cars don't don't hear what i'm not saying i'm just saying i'm surprised i would be did you ever do i mean let's be honest here for a second as a kid like did you ever like throw anything at a car driving no see we we played football in the front yard all the time and we would it was kind of like tempting fate to try to time up the throw over the car all the time. And I'll be honest, a couple times it missed time, and we'd hit the car, and at least once or twice

that person was displeased and backed up and came back to find out what happened, and we had to say, I'm sorry. I never threw things at cars. My name's Crystal Metheny i'm aware that many people i knew several several boys who threw things at cars which is awful it is awful and there were people that used to throw things out of cars yeah that one i've done at people walking home from school i got hit by a lollipop one time i had an orange thrown at me there you go yeah

i was walking to the mall and all of a sudden an orange almost got me in peoria a clementine that was just jason coughing um yeah i mean look i wish i could say that i never as a youth drove around and threw oranges out of my car. You fired a missile? At people. But what if it was you, Mike? What if? Oh, that would be amazing. You could go back in time and see that? I need a time machine pronto.

I wish I didn't, but I definitely have driven around. You're saying there's a higher probability chance it was you. That I was the one that got you with an orange. You didn't get me. Oh, dang it. So you suck at throwing oranges. Did you go home though mike and did you just did nobody ever know about this or did you go home and go someone just threw an orange at me no i just went about my day yeah they didn't get me happened every day all right who's got the next is there is this real life all right i'll uh i'll go here's the headline missing woman unwittingly joins search party looking for herself.

Come on. Come on. Is this real life? And it is a true story. Wait, so they find her and then she's like, what are you guys doing? They're like, we're looking for a woman. And she's like, oh, I'll help. So here's how it happened, which makes sense.

But this really happened. This woman. Oh, man. 50 people were involved looking for this woman. Oh, it's all good. Hours and hours go on. They're on vehicles, on foot. They've got the Coast Guard involved.

Is this Florida? No, this is in... Why did that? Why was that? I believe it was in Canada. Because of Florida, these things happen. Okay. So it happened actually in Iceland.

It was a tour. There was a tourist bus that was a group of... All right. A woman got off and i apparently wanted to change her clothes so she she changed her outfit came back on and the tour bus was missing a woman they didn't recognize her and so there was a missing woman that they had lost at one of their stops and she did not recognize the description of herself so she was just from the get-go part of let's find this missing woman on this bus and then eventually this was like 3 a.m i don't know how it

came all the way someone says we're looking for you yeah then and then it was like so wait i've been here i've been looking for me the whole time so this tour company they they don't like write people's names down they just write red shirt fella in brown hat hawaiian pants lady in jeans what is wrong with this company i i don't know but it was a wide search how do they not just ask the uh has anyone seen karen but oh no I'm right here. Problem solved. They're so thorough. She assumed it was another Karen.

Yeah. They're so thorough to make sure that nobody gets lost, and yet they have no idea of who is with them. The headline was spectacular. Woman unwittingly joins her own search party. Yeah. All right, Mike, you're up. I feel bad because it's another woman article but is it crystal methanine is she lost no but i mean you guys have heard you've heard of

necromancy correct like you've heard that term yes this is like that's like occult stuff with the dead like dead magic i mean yeah black magic i know it from uh it from Diablo and games like that. Well, apparently in England... And your uncle's a necromancer, from what I recall. Very good. Top level. Top notch. But there is a lady who is an asparamancer.

An asparamancer. That means that she can use asparagus. Come on. And she casts a spell? She spell she throws it no and then reads she doesn't read the tea leaves she reads the asparagus and the patterns and the patterns that it and she interprets the patterns this one's on you world so she was able to she claims that she predicted that that at uh harry and me, they were going to split from the royal family. And so she saw that in the asparagus spears.

And she says, she gives herself, I mean, she's at least realistic, that she's usually about 75% to 90% accurate. So she's not 100%. Not 100% hit rate. Well, it's an asparagus. Yeah, it's an art. It's not a science. She'll get better as time goes on you know the more asparagus she looks at yeah she admits sometimes she doesn't quite read it correctly but claims she is never far off now her predictions people are so gullible

they really are be on the other side of this gullible be on the other side of this table on the asparagus side and and just i'm on the other side of this table. This is so gullible. Be on the other side of this table. On the asparagus side? I'm on the other side of the table. Imagine sitting and across from you someone throws asparagus on the table and then says, I see the future. That's a crazy person. And a vegetarian. I don't know, Jay.

75 to 90%. That's pretty, pretty good. That's also a pretty big margin of error to say like i either get it right 75 or 90 down to 50 50 maybe with uh rutabaga i mean okay so this is this is where the world's at yeah see we're desperate for uh for answers it's funny because it reminded me of uh do you guys remember the old robin hood with kevin costner yes oh yeah and the witch of course that's she has like she just throws the stuff in the pan well this is asparagus and at least at the end then you just you can eat the asparagus

your future of course that's got to be part of it if it's a good future you eat it if not you eat it yeah yeah and then like the smell of the pee has to do with the prediction as well. She's not going to let the asparagus go to waste. No. No. Of course not. That would be a crazy person. She's a responsible psychopath.

But would you eat it if it was a real... You throw the asparagus out and you're shocked. You see death. Oh, yeah. You're like, Bob is going to get hit by a bus. That's actually what I see when I see asparagus. Death. And then it's like, do you eat that asparagus?

You don't want to eat see asparagus, death. And there's like, do you eat that asparagus? You don't want to eat that asparagus, right? I need to start reading people's futures in pints of ice cream because that's my game. How are you not an expert already? Because that's genius because you already got the cold stone. You put the cold stone out there. You grab the couple of things, choppa, choppa, choppa. So now ice cream is a business expense. It's a tax write-off.

I can draw out their future in ice cream and then scoop a little. I see. And then I'll taste it. Home. This tastes like pain is coming for you. Wait. You will spend money soon. The cold headache you get. That's how you see it.

That's your vision. Genius. Genius. The cold headache you get. That's how you see it. That's your vision. Genius. Genius. The Spitballers Draft. All right.

We are drafting movie props. The greatest movie props of all time. Now, we're basically saying, hey, we're going to go round by round. Draft the best movie props. These are to be put on display in your home what would you most like to uh have would be the coolest what would be the coolest what would be the neatest what would be the most impressive to put on display or maybe it's just you know like you personally love a certain movie so much where mine will be yeah you're you're going personal you're okay uh like the like for mike the original reel of land before time that would be huge That's where mine will be. You're going personal. Okay.

Like for Mike, the original reel of Land Before Time. That would be huge for Mike. Well, the long necks. The long necks. Never forget. That's right. That movie actually scarred me. Oh, because of the- The first movie.

The parental death? Because of the parental death. Yeah. All right. Moving on. The Bambi situation? Yeah. I don't remember it.

You don't remember Land Before Time? Like I remember- With the star leaf? I don't remember it. You don't remember Lamb of Four Time? Like, I remember. With the star leaf? I remember. Littlefoot. And Littlefoot and Sarah? Sarah. Sarah the Triceratops?

Petrie. Oh, the Petrie, yes. Petrie. This conversation confirms I do not remember it at all. Nothing that you said. Three horns, right? Three horns? That's what they called the Triceratops?

And then they eventually made about 25 of them. They did, all to DVD No these were VHS We had them all Moving on not picking anything from Land Before Time Jason you got the first pick Let me just say this you can't pick a prop From an animated movie

There is none That's fair Alright I will take the crayon. The red crayon. A lot of movies made with crayon these days. A lot of movies.

A lot of animated films. Crayola sponsors them. Okay, so look, I've got the 101. There is a 101. There is. And I'm taking it. You suck. It's the best. There is a 101. There is. And I'm taking it because it's mine. It's the best. No, it's not what you think.

I'm taking it because I know what your 101 would be. Your 101, I think, will be the 102. All right. What is it? I'm taking the lightsaber. Yeah, that's the easy 101. It's the most magnificent item in cinematic history. It's spanned many movies.

It's got super fans. Yeah, I mean, it's a great pick. When I wrote it in my list, I just wrote lightsaber because it was like, okay, do you want Darth Vader's lightsaber? No, you just light saber. I mean, but you got a lightsaber on display.

Now, here's the thing for you. It's cool, but you, just to be clear, you have a lightsaber handle. That's what you took. Right, right. I mean, it's not a lightsaber. Right, but I mean, you could still display that awesomely. Yeah, no doubt, no doubt. I'm not, you know. Yeah, it's the you took. Right. I mean, it's not a lightsaber. Right. But I mean, you could still display that awesomely.

Yeah, no doubt. No doubt. I'm not, you know. Yeah, it's the coolest weapon. But I'm happy to be a number two then because I will take the hoverboard from Back to the Future. There's just no way I wouldn't want that on display. I mean, literally, if you're looking at YouTube right now. There's an imitation hoverboard back there.

Yeah, that's not the actual one. Or is it? You'll never know. So I'm taking the hoverboard from Back to the Future. Mike, you get a pick a couple times now. I want this to go 20 rounds. There's so many things I want.

It could definitely go long. All right, I will take... With my first pick, I'm going to take Indiana Jones' whip. There are so many different things you could go with Indiana Jones. Yes. I've thought about that. You want his hat.

Yep. You want his satchel. But I'll go with the whip. I mean, the weapons are always the cooler. Can you take the boulder? Of course you could. I thought about the boulder. You definitely could take the boulder.

I'll have to consider that. I mean, the idol from the first Raiders of the Lost Ark. The chalice. Yeah. The Holy Grail. take the boulder i'll have to consider that uh the idol from the first race yeah but the the chalice yeah the holy grail except the problem is that's not you know it's like it's very plain it's made it's the cup of a carpenter but yes it's made to be the super plane are we just gonna read we're just gonna go through the plot all right all right so uh you took the whip i guess i got the whip that'd be pretty cool cool. You can add the hat right now. You're on the clock.

Yeah, no. I got to switch movies. Yeah, that's what I was wondering, if people would stick with one movie or not. By the end, I just- I'll take the whip and the boulder and the hat and the cup. I'll take Harrison Ford to live in my house. I'll take the arm from the fugitive. You just gave me a great idea, though.

You gave me a great idea. That would be awesome. All right. I just got a new one. Thank you, Mike. Yeah, the problem with this is just that there are so many, and I have literally no idea where your guys' interest remains, except I knew Saber and Hoverboard would not make it to me,

but I'm going to take the board game. I'm going to take Jumanji. Okay. Okay. No disrespect to the new ones. They're funny. Yeah, but Robin Williams' Jumanji board game. But I want that board game.

You think people would... Would your kids try to play it? I would play it. Okay. But you'd be disappointed. Jumanji! You'd be disappointed because nothing happened. Mike sits around for two hours a day hoping he gets swirled into a...

I was told these pieces move themselves. All right, so you're going Jumanji. That's cool. Back to me. You're up. All right. I'm going to let one go by because I don't think Jason would take it. He's got two picks.

So I'm... I'm actually going to go with the zoltar machine that's on my list from big it's on my list the movie big because it's it's like a great large-sized prop to have in a house so if you if you're younger you never the movie Big, this is the machine that like- You don't even have to plug it in. The kid Tom Hanks- It's true. Goes to and makes a wish and he wakes up big and it's an old movie and you can watch it. Did you ever get to use, not a Zoltar, but like one of those machines where it's the

fortune telling machines? Never did. So we would go to Disneyland every year as a family. You put your quarter in the asparagus. I want my farts to be three times as smelly. And then it came true. But they had one of those machines over, I think it was by Pirates of the Caribbean. Every year I was super excited to get this card that just prints out gibberish.

Yeah. But it was awesome. I'm going to go Zoltar machine. And the truth is, is what Mike said. You don't know what movies kind of made their mark on you growing up, but I think that's a great one. Jason, you got two picks. Was that on your list, Jay?

It was on my list, but I wouldn't have picked it. Okay. I wasn't sure if I needed to take it there. I feel like if you get that machine, you've got to hook it up to a battery pack and have the cord show. You know what I mean? So the cord's always just hanging to the side, and then you're like, wait a minute.

Oh, it still works. I'll switch the battery. All right. So here's my problem right now is I agree with kind of what you're saying with the Zoltar machine that there's something cooler about a large prop. To put it on display exactly so with one of these picks i'm going to take something tiny and with the other pick i'm going to take something big okay okay so anticipation's killing me jason i'm taking which one first small one or big one well i already took the lightsaber which was was small. That's small. So I'll go big now. Okay.

Not from the movie Big. I'm going with the Batsuit. Oh. Okay. All right. Interesting. When you go to those cases where you've got a whole costume that's in glass. That's how I see your lightsaber suit.

It's in an acrylic glass. But so Batman, like the Batsuit, not Iron Man. The Dark Knight Batsuit would be just so awesome. You know, I hadn't thought of that. I thought about a lot of different, like, oh, Batman's so cool. You know, do you get the Batblades? The Batblades?

You really like Batman, don't you? The Batblades. Oh, the nerds are coming for you, dude. You know, do you want the utility belt? The Batarang? I'm getting the whole thing. The Bat Blades. Oh, the nerds are coming for you, dude. You know, do you want the utility belt? The Batarang? I'm getting the whole thing. The Bat Blades? I'm embarrassed to be on this show right now.

Okay, come on. You knew what I was talking about. He's got this belt thingy. I love. That he puts his tool belt. Okay. The Bat Tool Belt. What about his back sheet?

His back sheet? His back sheet? His back sheet? Yeah, his back sheet. Yeah. The cape. And his horns. And his head horns. Is it too late to take the bat car?

I love that when I'm a big fan of the movie that never, ever, ever alludes to the batarang. Or says that. Because I'm not a comic book fan. You clearly didn't own any of the merchandise prior to this movie prop. You didn't have any of the action figures, so you don't own Batarang. Everyone knew what I meant. But the thing is I'm getting the coolest thing. I'm getting the whole outfit, including the back sheet, which is attached. Okay, all right. What's your coolest thing. I'm getting the whole outfit, including the back sheet, which is attached. Okay. All right.

What's your small thing now? My small thing is the one ring that will rule them all. Okay. I'm taking the Lord of the Rings, the one ring. Now, that's got to be in a case that you need to let them inspect it. I mean, you need to let them read the inside of it. Does it glow? Yeah, I hope so.

I hope it comes with all the magic. It's just gold, right? And it's got the elven language? Yeah. I'm not a Lord of the Rings guy. But, I mean, I assume that when we're getting these props, we're getting the prop. Yeah, you are. Yeah, that's what makes it cool.

Yes, because if I got a replica of the ring, that's pretty lousy. But if I've got, like, this is the ring they used. And, look, nerds, I know they used a lot of different rings. Okay? Right. I get different rings. Okay? Right. I get them all. Okay? So I've got to watch out for nerds now, apparently.

He's pre-attacking them. The nerds, we are mighty, Jason. All right. Be careful. Al, what does Jason have so far? Because you've got three picks, right? He has the lightsaber, the bat suit, and the one ring. Okay.

And I've got the hoverboard. I've got the Zoltar machine, and I am going with the Carbonite Han Solo. Okay. I'm taking the Carbonite Han Solo, which I hadn't thought of until Mike said, I'll take Harrison Ford, and I pictured him inside the Carbonite, and they gave it. And that's so cool. Dude. That's so cool. That is so cool.

It's cast and it fills a wall. Lucas Arts was a game company. They no longer exist because Disney bought Lucas and then dismantled this company, which was a travesty. I'm on record here. Nerds agree. I had

a music composer buddy and he had my dream job he worked at lucasarts but i was able to go tour the lucasarts offices and they had they had a han solo they had just cool stuff everywhere but they had one of those and it's like how do i how do i slip this under my shirt? Probably going to be difficult. Well, I didn't get it. It seems like a really, really cool prop. See, that's one where if you got a replica, amazing. Just so cool.

If you got a big, giant replica of the carbonite full human, that's awesome. That's neat. Yeah. Versus the one ring. Right. All right. So with my first one, because I got the back-to-back picks, I get it. It will be a little niche.

It will probably not land among this crowd. But I will take the Spinal Tap amp that goes to 11. As a music nerd, Spinal Tap is one of the best movies of all time. It is one of the best comedies, and that whole scene. It's big. I got an amp head here, and it goes to 11, which is spectacular. And then, man, final pick. Now the pressure is really on.

We're going five rounds. Oh, yeah. See, I'm all about that. We're going five because Al shot me a wink. Wow. And he said, let's go five rounds. Oh, yeah. See, I'm all about that. We're going five because Al shot me a wink. Wow. And he said, let's go five rounds. Okay. Well, now I'm on even more tilt.

Hey, I'll let you know. You still got two picks left. All right. I will take the hockey stick putter from having you on. That is so good. I saw my short list. Is it? Yes.

It is. Yeah. I'm actually bummed. I thought I'd get that. And it seemed like a nice detour from the fantasy genre to a comedy prop. So, all right. That's great. Excellent.

So, what's Mike's team now? Mike has the whip from Indiana Jones, the Jumanji board game, Spinal Tap Amp, and Hockey Stick Putter from Happy Gilmore. All right. I can't believe you took the whip over the hat. I'm taking the hat right now. That's my pick right now. It was a very difficult choice.

Yeah, I'm taking the hat from Indiana Jones. So those two very tight. I've already told the Disneyland story, but so legit, the last time I was there, I was in the shop, and they have Indiana Jones stuff, and I put the hat on. I was like, man. Did you feel great? I think I could pull this I was like, man. Did you feel great? I think I could pull this off. Oh, man.

Oh, so you almost. I almost bought a hat that of course I would never ever wear but I was looking in the mirror going, you know, I don't know. I think I could do this. I think I can do it. I really hope one of these days

you come in here wearing an Indian and that's what you're wearing for the day. Just you're wearing a beanie today. Tomorrow. It's an Indiana Jones hat. Yeah. All right. Hoverboard.

Zoltar machine. Carbonite. Hans Han Solo. You've got double Harrison. I do. And then the hat from Indiana Jones. Are you putting the hat like on the head area? No, I'm not.

All right. I'm not. All right. I'm up. I've got. I was afraid you'd take the hat. That's why I took it there. I wanted to save it, but I was like, man, he might take the hat from Indiana Jones. The hat is on my short list or was, but it was off my list when he took the whip. I just didn't want to split the vote.

All right, Jay. you got two picks. Do we go five or six? Five. All right. 16. I'm just very disadvantaged. Right, because you get the... Well, you're the last pick in the draft. Exactly. That's his point.

Last pick of the first round. Do you want to go six? I don't care. We'll see. Let's just go through this round and we'll see how it goes yeah maybe we'll go an extra one all right so since i get two picks home oh brother that means i'm gonna have to pick twice i thanks booger um all right i i would be sad if i don't take this because it's from my favorite movie it is the best movie of all time and i want the Braveheart sword. That's so good. I'm going to put that thing...

That's a great prop. I'll make a mound of earth, and I'll put the sword in there where it's waving with a little flag on it. It's permanently waving in there? I'll put it on a motor. I'll do whatever it takes to get that picture-perfect situation of the movie. Can you roll your R with freedom?

Freedom! All right. What differentiates the Braveheart sword? So, well, one... Probably nothing other than it says so on it. Yeah, I mean... It'd probably be autographed by Mel. He needs the cash.

It's got the little flag thing hanging from the... It's got a little ribbon thing that hangs from it. That's why he needs wind and it's a sled. And it's a gargantuan sword. I don't know if you remember how big. I remember it being large, but... It's a broad sword. Can the size of it differentiate it from just another sword?

It would be pretty humongous. All right, so I'm happy I've got that. All right. See, it's all like I want weapons. No, I know. It's hard to not just take all weapons. When I started to make my list, it was 100% weapons. I'll take Michelangelo's nunchucks, please.

Oh, that's a good one. See? Dang it. All right. So this one was, I was planning on having this be my last pick this morning. Are we going to stop at five or are we going to six? We can go five. Let's go to five.

Yeah, let's keep it five. All right. So your last pick. We got our last picks right here. All right. So if this is my last pick, I'm going to go for really just memorable landmark item from a movie. Please don't. Please don't.

Jason's going for votes now. No, no, no, no, no. I came in this morning and was talking about this item to these two beautiful producers over there. Please don't take it. The ember cane with the mosquito. From Jurassic Park. John Hammond's cane from Jurassic Park with the dinosaur mosquito.

It's amber, Jason. Yes, it is. That's, I pronounce is that's i pronounce ember it's right next to the bat blades i pronounce things differently than you mr know it all when he said ember i'm like okay what like spark or fire thing is there but so you're taking the amber thing yeah the john hannes from the dino park from the dino park. I'm so mad that I didn't get something from Jurassic Park yet. I really figured you would take it. I know, but I don't know if I have something I would want more than that. That's a good pick from Jurassic Park.

Thank you. But you do get the ember. You don't get the ember. I'm fine with that. All right. Last pick for me. I am not taking it. And Mike Mike you can take it if you want to But I was close to going like

The leg lamp from Christmas Story Because I want something that I can bring out And display seasonally I thought that would be pretty cool But I don't really care about that movie But I'm actually going to take something that I think Will just show really well and is like iconic And I'm going to take Wilson from Castaway.

Oh, yeah. The original Wilson from Castaway. You're the only one here that has drafted actual people. Wilson is a character. You've got Harrison Ford himself in Carbon. You're drafting- Wilson's a volleyball. Right.

Yes. Okay. I'm just making sure you've seen that movie. But he's a full-blown character in that movie, you know what I mean? Yeah. I mean, he's a volleyball. He's a prop.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm giving credit to your picks. I got that by the end of it, yeah. Okay. All right, so Mike, you have your last pick. Yes, so I had to look up the name of it

because I only knew it as Eye flashy thing Oh yeah, Men in Black I will take the Neuralizer From Men in Black That's so iconic That's not bad It was tough between

That one and I don't know, I'm just drawn to it But I wanted the golden ticket From Willy Wonka Thought about a ghost trap From Ghostbusters And I don't know. I'm just drawn to it. But I wanted the golden ticket. Yeah, I thought about it. From Willy Wonka. Thought about a ghost trap from Ghostbusters. Yeah. You should take the proton pack.

I mean, that would be cooler to me than the weapon. Yeah. Yeah, the weapon. Dude, the Elder Wand. Wait, you're done, right? Well, yeah. We're just naming ones we hadn't drafted. So the Elder Wand.

The horse head from Godfather. I wanted the Elder Wand bad. That'd be disturbing. Yes. You got Thor's hammer. Oh, yeah. That's not bad. I was like, do you take one of the Avengers weapons?

But I just left it alone. Captain America's shield. The lower tiered stuff I had was the mask. Oh, yeah. From the mask. I had the giant helmet from Spaceballs on my short list as well. That's a good one. That's funny.

And then the most obscure one, I thought about taking it just to make Jason laugh. I was going to take the three seashells. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I knew it would make him laugh. That's so good. From Demolition Man. I'm surprised you didn't find an Ace Ventura-related prop, Jay.

I don't know that there was a good- Did you take his shirt? I mean, his shirt is the iconic- Some bat guano? The iconic piece of clothing from Ace Ventura is his shirt. Yeah, and that's not good enough. If I'm going to take clothes, it's going to have a back sheet on it. You know?

Oh, my God. I thought the boulder from Indiana Jones would be really funny if you walked into somebody's house. And it's just sitting there. You'd have to spend so much money to make sure that this thing can move. Oh, it has to move? Well, if you have the boulder in your house, it's got to do something. I never figured it had to move. I don't think it has to move.

I think the issue is getting it inside. It's got to move. Is there any glaring omissions from the producers over there? The Infinity Gauntlet? Anything that you didn't think it has to move. I think the issue is getting it inside. It's got to move. Is there any glaring omissions from the producers over there? The Infinity Gauntlet? Anything that you didn't think about? Oh, yeah, the gauntlet would be okay. You got some good ones in there. I'm a pretty big...

Alfred Hitchcock did Rear Window, so I thought about doing the camera from that. You're a Hitchcock guy? I'm a Rear Window guy. That's my favorite. One of my favorite old movies. You could go in The Knife. Yeah, from Psycho? Yeah. Yeah. That's another Hitchcock, One of my favorite old movies. You could go in The Knife. Yeah, from Psycho. Yeah.

Yeah. That's another Hitchcock, right? So many great movies. Yeah, so many good ones. What did we learn today? We learned that Jason claims he's a Batman fan. I learned that Andy cannot roll his R's. I was going to be mine.

You learned that? I still can't do it. I haven't tried in a while. At some point in your life, you give up. Well, try again. Really? You had a piece of it there. You've got to turn your tongue like half over.

So you can't purr then? You cannot do a... That's your lips. Really? Okay. I learned I don't want to hear him try to roll R's anymore. No, it's not a good sound. I learned that there's a lot of cool movie prompts.

How about that? Yes, there are. There's a lot of neat ones. Thank you for listening. We will see you next Monday. Hope you have a good week. Goodbye. Bye.

Thanks for listening to the spitballers podcast to see what other nonsense the guys are up to check out spitballers pod.com don't forget spit wads. If you want to help support this show and get access to the entire archive, you can go to spitballerspod.com and click become a spit wad. We appreciate your support and you'll appreciate all the episodes.