Spitballers Comedy Podcast - 85: Running in Jeans & Movies That Make You Cry

Episode Date: February 10, 2020

Have you ever just needed a good cry? Then this episode is for you! We are drafting movies that make you cry. Actual tears may or may not be shed during the recording of this show. But don’t worry, ...we also dive into some really funny topics such as: carpet in the kitchen, waterbeds, resting angry face, running in jeans, Jason’s skiing story, and a whole lot more! Subscribe and tell your friends about another hilarious episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast!! Connect with the show: Become an Official Spitwad! Visit us on the Web Follow us on Twitter Follow us on Instagram Subscribe on YouTube Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/spitballers/posts See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey, before we start today's show, which from my understanding is... Any minute now. It is also the best show we've ever done. The best show we've ever done. We hear all the time... Oh, that was the best. That was the best show. How was every show the best show?
Starting point is 00:00:13 And we're like, well, hey, check this out. Here's how. Because of the Spitwad community. That's how. The Spitwads, you guys listening, supporting our show. You help us out. Go to spitballerspod.com and support the show. You can click become a spitwad. You get
Starting point is 00:00:28 early access to all the shows. You get the spit tank where we're going to answer your questions the way they should be answered. Tons of antioxidants? Oh, yes. Rejuvenating for all skin. Tons of medications. Look, if you have any kind of medical problem at all,
Starting point is 00:00:44 please visit spitballerspod.com become a spitwad there you won't regret it and we appreciate your support now on with the show what happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers Podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. Oh, I'm getting recorded. Double time here. It's a behind-the-scenes action. Was that a whisperscat?
Starting point is 00:01:27 It was a whisperscat. Just, you know, I'm trying to be like the cool cat, you know? He's trying to lower his risk, which well done. And yeah, I got some behind the scenes because I wanted the spit wads out there to be able to understand. What am I hearing? It just keeps going. Yeah, it's beautiful music. I want them to be able to just see.
Starting point is 00:01:47 You've got to fade out appropriately, man. That's how pros do it. I wanted them to be able to see how much you were not wanting to do that. I very much did not want to do it. Because I got video of you banging your forehead into your microphone four or five times. It's a privilege. It's ridiculous, man, because you're over here. I'm hitting my head on my microphone.
Starting point is 00:02:08 And then you come out with magic. That's pretty good. Thank you. I enjoyed it thoroughly. But did you ever stop and consider maybe the only reason magic came was due to the blows to the head on the microphone? Oh, I see. That's how I prepped myself.
Starting point is 00:02:23 That has not worked for Antonio Brown. All right. We're moving on. At SpitballersPod on Twitter, SpitballersPod.com is the website, Instagram, Facebook, YouTube. You know where to go. And on Apple Podcasts, you can subscribe. You can review the show. We're trying to rebrand your Monday.
Starting point is 00:02:41 We're trying to improve the chores around the house. Mowing the lawn. You know what? People mow the lawn on a Monday? I feel like that's a Saturday thing. Yes, because people also can listen to the show anytime they want, Mike. But if they're mowing the lawn on a Monday, they put it off.
Starting point is 00:02:58 So now the grass is extra long. And pro tip, if you want this show on Friday, join thepit.com early access. Jointhespit.com? Do we have that website? Actually, that does work. You can go to jointhespit.com and it does forward to the correct location. Oh, that's a behind the scenes.
Starting point is 00:03:15 That's true. It actually works. We had a big argument when we were starting between whether jointhespit.com was good or horrific. And we landed on spitballerspod.com, and then click become a spitwad. But the cat's out of the bag. You can join the spit.
Starting point is 00:03:31 The spit's out of the bag. Me and Owl were very much on the join the spit side. I'm on that side. Well, now everyone is. Yeah, everyone. All right, we're getting into reviews. Review-a-saurus rags. This one comes in from Lafayette.
Starting point is 00:03:48 Gridiron 7, the best New Year's resolution, five stars. I'd only listened to this show a time or two, as I'm an avid listener of their other podcasts, Fantasy Footballers, and decided that my New Year's resolution was to listen to more podcasts. Well, that's quite the resolution. I want to get my life better. I resolution was to listen to more podcasts. Well, that's quite the resolution. I want to get my life better. I got to listen to more podcasts. I think you can pull it off.
Starting point is 00:04:10 Well, let's see how it went. Well, after almost one month of listening to this podcast, I've learned two things. First, I can finally keep a New Year's resolution. Nice. Make them easy, people. Set the bar low. My New Year's resolution resolutions to eat a lot of candy uh second these guys are so funny that i've listened to every single spitballers episode in
Starting point is 00:04:32 less than three and a half weeks holy crap that's a lot that's there's no way one of those wasn't mowing the lawn by the way yeah great podcast that's a great group of guys thank you lafayette gridiron and i have to imagine those were three of the best weeks of his life. Don't you think? Oh, yes, absolutely. I think he had to be doing nothing else. The amount of time. We need to do this math here.
Starting point is 00:04:57 How many weeks, how many hours per day? If you're going three and a half weeks, we got about 80-something shows. Let's call it 80 hours. I mean, that's a lot. It's like four shows a day. That's a lot of spitballers. Good for you, Lafayette. Oh, there's more coming.
Starting point is 00:05:11 We've got a whole show to do. Would you rather? Michael from Twitter, would you rather have a carpeted kitchen? No. michael from twitter would you rather have a carpeted kitchen no or a carpeted bathroom for the rest of your life it's the simple atrocities that are the worst it is the simple atrocities i of life i can barely handle the fact that we have to talk about this and debate this because you don't like the idea of a carpeted bathroom and those exist. I know and I had a buddy of mine growing up
Starting point is 00:05:50 who I did a couple overnights at the house and he had a carpeted bathroom. Come on. This is no joke. He had a not only did he have a carpeted bathroom but they had an undersized like little kitty toilet seat. Al Borland knows what I'm talking about.
Starting point is 00:06:06 In the carpeted bathroom? In the carpeted bathroom. But look, nothing puts me on tilt like a carpeted bathroom. Nothing. I know this sounds ridiculous, but it's you shower. I am clean. I've now spent five to ten minutes because I'm not a water waster like Jason over here, but I'm clean. I've now spent five to ten minutes because I'm not a water waster like Jason over here, but I'm
Starting point is 00:06:27 clean. The second my feet touch a carpeted floor coming out of the shower, I'm instantly dirty again. Really? From head to toe, it's just my feet touching. It doesn't matter. I'm upside down and I am filthy and I'm covered in bacteria and
Starting point is 00:06:43 my skin is crawling just thinking about it happening. I remember the last time we were looking to move and we were looking at different houses. You'd go in a house and it would have a carpeted bathroom. No! And I mean, I literally think to myself, okay, first of all, if we get this house, we have
Starting point is 00:07:00 to redo the bathroom. That's the fact. You need to hire a shaman to come in and release the demons. Second, the person who we're getting this house from was a nightmare of a human. Yes. Thank you. Because if you can stand. But that's a different.
Starting point is 00:07:14 If there's a carpeted bathroom, that has to be a house in which there was just a room that someone added a toilet to. They used a carpeted bathroom. This cannot be on purpose. Yes. Oh, 100%. But look, my problem with the carpeted bathroom isn't the I get out and I step on carpet and I'm dirty. Because look, if you have carpet, you're going to eventually step on it and get dirty by that logic. I don't really care.
Starting point is 00:07:38 What I care about is there's so much water that gets everywhere all the time. The shower, the bath. Who's to say you're gonna hit your mark every time you go to the bathroom as well you're kidding no you're kidding moist wet pads nasty mildewy moldy just awfulness i so that's my that's my issue with it, 100%. It's just disgusting. I'm so far, though, I'm to the point of I'm OCD about the bath mat. If the bath mat is too thick and spongy and carpet-like.
Starting point is 00:08:19 We're learning about Mike today. I get flashbacks about stepping onto a carpet out of the shower. Because I can't relate to the idea that the carpet is just inherently dirty. But we don't wear shoes in our house either. So, like, I don't know if that changes things. But here's what I do remember. Have you ever been in, have you ever had the carpeted bathroom experience? Here's my experience.
Starting point is 00:08:40 When I grew up, our house, every single toilet had a U-shaped little mat. Yes. And sometimes it was kind of a high pile, almost shag-like. So you'd be standing on carpet while you are sitting. Sitting? Standing? So you're sitting on the carpet? There's a problem?
Starting point is 00:08:58 You're sitting on the toilet. Your feet are on the... You are missing. What do you call that, though? What do you call where your feet are if you're sitting? You would still say sitting, right? It's a bathroom mat. Let's not get lost here.
Starting point is 00:09:09 That's a bathroom mat, but that's the one that goes around the toilet, not the one that goes under. Yes, I have that, too. Okay. And that's not a problem. Those are nice. Those seem to have fallen out, though. I don't see those around anymore.
Starting point is 00:09:19 Where you move from floor to carpet. Why do you need a little bit of carpet right underneath the toilet? That's warmth. I don't want cold feet. Oh, really? Oh, 100%. Well, that makes some sense. Like, you know, we don't have that in front of the toilet where I shower in the mornings.
Starting point is 00:09:35 And I pretty much either take the clothes off and then lay them down. And I put my feet on that because it's cold. I don't want cold feet. Wait, you step on your clothes? My dirty clothes that I took off so that I don't have to step on the cold tile wait what what's wrong with that i get what he's saying before the shower not like i come out and use it as like how cold are your floors man look i i demand are these ice blocks feeling i i demand the feeling of perfection i've got a you do you really do and i we could open that whole can of worms.
Starting point is 00:10:06 Now, here's the thing. He needs infinite hot water. We're talking 40 minutes worth. Yeah, it's a tankless water heater or bust. But getting lost in all this, both places are going to get something on it. Oh, yeah. Bad something on it. So would you rather it be primarily water or primarily yeah i will take the
Starting point is 00:10:27 carpeted sauce i will take the carpeted bathroom because you're going to be replacing your carpeted kitchen every other week i mean that is just going to be do you know how many things have hit the kitchen floor i mean my dogs make sure it's a lot of things the bowl you leave a bowl of cereal on my counter you're gonna get in trouble because I know what the dogs are doing. And one spill. You're not getting a, you know, you're going to spend the whole night cleaning up your pile of spaghetti, and that carpet's going to be ruined. I don't like milk carpets. No, I've been against milk carpets for years.
Starting point is 00:10:58 I am much to my chagrin. I am taking the carpet to the bathroom, Mike. Enjoy your fecal carpet. Enjoy your spaghetti kitchen. No, that's fine. I can handle a stain. What I can't handle is getting out of the shower. Oh, my gosh.
Starting point is 00:11:14 What about when people come over? This is weird, Al, right? I've never been in your master bedroom. People come over to your house? Yeah, there you go. I've never been to your master bathroom, and you can hide the carpet in there, but I've been in your kitchen, Mike. I'm going to be like, what is this multicolored carpet?
Starting point is 00:11:30 That's food. It's art. Al, I need to know something, because we are sitting here where I think Mike has some sort of psychological damage from a carpeted bathroom. Are you in that same boat where you would... Which one would you take? I think I'd have to take the the bathroom but they're both here's what i know if i have a carpeted bathroom in my master bathroom
Starting point is 00:11:51 it's just me and my wife like no one else is going to come but if it's the kitchen everybody's in the kitchen so does it change if it's a guest bath no it doesn't change no because i don't use the guest bath it's for them it's just not for everybody here's here's the one thing i know we we've got a large enough audience sorry about the carpet people will be listening i'm positive people will be listening who have a carpeted bathroom oh send me a picture and so this could be send me a picture this could be revelatory okay this could either be something where it's like i didn't realize how bad that was get a hold of yourself and call a flooring company or do it yourself you know a little diy project 100 square feet just rip it up and go with with sealed concrete absolutely better 100 that's and
Starting point is 00:12:36 that's what would happen that would make you feel less dirty mike oh 100 sealed concrete 100 thousand percent exposing the foundation of your home. Without a doubt, that's better. Without a doubt. Thank you. That would be living the life of luxury. The only way that's... As the termites come climbing up through the floor.
Starting point is 00:12:53 The termites don't eat the concrete. What termites eat the concrete? Climbing up through the concrete. There's some cracks. You got to get your foundations checked. Concrete termites? I think we've... I'm just saying up through the foundation, it happens.
Starting point is 00:13:07 Help. Yep. Help me. Now, I want to see the pictures if anybody has a carpeted kitchen. Oh, my God. Does not exist. $100 if you live in a carpeted kitchen house. You have a white carpeted kitchen
Starting point is 00:13:25 Did you have any friends Yes I already know who you're talking about The white carpet people That make you take your shoes off I mean that is like I had a friend it wasn't a great friend So I've only been to their house a couple of times when I was growing up But they had a room
Starting point is 00:13:41 You couldn't go in You were not allowed To go into this room because it had a white carpet for some reason. And you're like, what is this? Growing up. I would like to pay to make this room off limits. Here's 200 square feet in our home. We just don't use it. And it's right in the middle.
Starting point is 00:13:58 I mean, it would be very convenient if I could travel through it. I would save three turns in a hallway. But no, you don't get to go into this room. What are you doing? That's for pictures. That's for pictures from the outside. Growing up, I had my parents went out. No, you didn't have.
Starting point is 00:14:16 No, I didn't have white carpet. My parents went out and they bought this super, super expensive, fancy. This was like, we call it our rich phase, which was like two weeks. It was like two weeks. Because you bought this thing? Where they went out and they bought this super fancy, beautiful white couch. White cloth couch.
Starting point is 00:14:38 It was like a microfiber. That was the ugliest couch you've ever seen in your life because if you ever came over to my house covered in blankets and sheets because you can't get anything on it. So it's like literally if we got the couch from the goodwill, we could have made it look the same. Because at all times, Thanksgiving, it's covered in sheets because you can't get anything on the white couch. And I'm like, why did you use it? Never.
Starting point is 00:15:00 Well, we used it all the time, but we never saw the white part. He's putting on like a chemical suit, one of those hazmat suits to sit on it. So they didn't even get fancy, cool, modern, trendy blankets for it? No, it was like what we had. Like the sheets? Literally bed sheets. The spare sheets? Spare bed sheets is what was draped over our super expensive couch to keep it clean.
Starting point is 00:15:22 This is something we don't- So that it looked good. We don't deal with this, though. There used to always be a room of the house. We had a dining table. It was a nice dining table. I lived in that house for 10 years. I got to eat at that dining table.
Starting point is 00:15:36 Everything's giving. That's the end. So 10 times. Yeah, or Christmas, I guess, as well. But you just... If you as a kid thought about taking your cereal into the dining room and sitting at that table, that was just not even, that table was not for cereal. And our parents wonder why we have so many issues.
Starting point is 00:15:55 It's on you, parents. You had an entire room that we couldn't go in. What is that? We wanted to go in. And then, I mean, were you allowed in the parents' room? No. So now there's two rooms you can't go into. And then you, I mean, were you allowed in the parents' room? No. So now there's two rooms you can't go into. I tried to bring that rule back.
Starting point is 00:16:10 Ooh. It has not gone over well. I would love to institute that rule. I told my wife, I go, when I was a kid, we weren't allowed in our parents' room. So can we do that now? And she's like, well, you got like 10 years of precedent you've set. And I'm like, yeah, but we can get it going right now. It's off limits.
Starting point is 00:16:28 Were you allowed in, James? And then I set the video games up in there. I was allowed in, but I didn't go in for fear of anything. Oh, okay. That's the grown-up room. I snuck in one time and changed the waterbed settings. Oh, very nice. Your parents had a waterbed? Oh, you
Starting point is 00:16:45 betcha. What settings did it have? We had a waterbed. Temperature. What? You can change your waterbed temperature. That's a fancy waterbed. I've never heard of this. Mr. Richie Rich over here. Well, let's just say they couldn't sleep in the bed that night. Night was in big trouble. Ooh, too hot or too cold?
Starting point is 00:17:01 I don't even remember, man, but I turned that dial and I was like a space captain of my Your water ship? Yeah, man, it was cool Like back then, tech was Sure, was water beds Tech was water beds And for the younger listeners out there
Starting point is 00:17:19 People used to have beds Thank you Full of water And that's what they slept on And not just kind of popular. Like, these things swept the nation. Imagine a gargantuan baggie that was then filled with water, and that's what you slept on until, inevitably, it broke and flooded the room,
Starting point is 00:17:38 which is why there are no more waterbeds because it's idiotic and stupid. There was a phase of this country that were water beds, and there was a futon phase. Oh, yeah. Where futons were all the rage. Both of them fell out of favor. You always see those commercials. For the traditional bed bed. We're going back to the basics.
Starting point is 00:17:57 Yeah. We're going to change our beds into beds. You always see the commercials where it's like- We're going to go with the lava bed. You put a glass of wine on the bed, and then you can jump on the other side, and that one's not moving. The waterbed was if you moved an inch, you're disrupting. A whole ecosystem. It's a perpetual motion machine.
Starting point is 00:18:20 They say it can't exist. A waterbed was that. You've seen the giant blob thing like at summer camp where someone sits on the end of the blob and then someone else jumps on onto the other edge of the blob and launches that's true though that's a water bed if you touch the corner of that bed with your pinky there would be a wave that hits the other corner of the bed it's the butterfly wings that's right okay what how did we get here i don't know i don't know max from the website would you rather have every every now i can't read it i was reading it and jeremy jumped in the dock and just covered it up
Starting point is 00:18:54 good job i touched nothing you absolutely did no i see your if you put your name says what happens is if you put your cursor there your name pops up, and it says Jeremy Grantham as a cursor. What if I do that? Just covered it. I could delete it. Mike has now deleted the cursor. All right, let's bring the question back. Would you rather...
Starting point is 00:19:13 And now Mike's cursor's in the way. I'm not even kidding. Get your cursors away from this question. Are we good? We're good. Would you rather have everything you say be nice but have a mean tone okay so my normal life yeah i was gonna say mike me or a mean thing to say but in a nice tone so if you pass super passive aggressive mind you it's written as to be a mean thing to say
Starting point is 00:19:40 but we'll just let that go uh max i think i think this is tough well at the end of the day i'm curious how important is it to say mean things in your life is the question to me i'm curious if the person who is saying things that are mean if they come across as nice does this mean is are we to interpret this as people view that person as nice. No, it's super passive aggressive. Then that's just a double negative. That's like one of these you can say, well, what he said wasn't actually mean. I just think he's kind of grumpy.
Starting point is 00:20:13 The other one is like, well, he's mean and he's a jerk the way he delivers it. I'd rather a mean person be mean than a mean person be all passive aggressive. You're like, oh oh man you're looking fat today yeah that's i don't know how to respond i don't even think you said it nice right there that was super nice for mike oh for mike it was give me a shot give me something mean in a nice tone okay hey man you still don't have a home how's that it all seems sarcastic to me because i can't hear any of them is nice
Starting point is 00:20:46 all right your turn andy let's hear it what i have to say something nice something nice something mean in a nice tone hey you look like you gained a whole bunch of extra weight yeah that's the worst you just sound like a mean mean person so now mike has what's called resting angry face this is a scientific condition well yes well documented when you add the beard and the tattoos to the natural resting angry face you just come across as either mean or angry or at at the best like your best your pinnacle is just grumpy sure like oh he's just grumpy yeah heumpy. He's not mean to me or he doesn't hate me. He's just a grumpy guy. That's the best case.
Starting point is 00:21:28 Like, if you don't know. So when I used to run our former company, Broken Bowl Game Studios, I got multiple complaints from different people in the company saying how Mike. Yeah, I had to testify to HR on Mike's behalf. Yeah, how Mike was mad at them or was mean to them. And when I would investigate, I'm like, wait, they said I was mean to them?
Starting point is 00:21:51 Yes, because the way you answer is like one word with your mean face. And so it's like, it seems like you're a real jerk. And then I would investigate. These people don't appreciate being concise. I was like, no, he didn't. I don't think he did anything wrong. And then, you know, you're not.
Starting point is 00:22:08 Let me ask you a simple question. Have you ever contorted yourself for the good of others, Mike? Yes. Okay. It hurt. It hurt like heck. Oh, how's the weather? Yes, I have had to do it.
Starting point is 00:22:22 All right, so would you rather. It's exhausting.'s exhausting would you rather everything you say be nice but have a mean tone i think that ultimately i have to go that way well welcome to the party yeah yeah it's hard to do like like just the same way that it when you say something mean in a nice tone it doesn't come across that way it i i don't know if you could say something really nice in a mean tone like how does how does that look it's like what you've been working out andy you're looking you're looking like you lost hey hey here's your paycheck well so we added benefits yeah that doesn't that's weird but i'll take it i'll take that one no. No, you got it. All right, we're going to move on.
Starting point is 00:23:09 That's a great question. All right, this one comes in from somebody named Beeroni. That's like beer and pepperoni mixed together. I would say macaroni. That's some indigestion. Beer-battered macaroni? Is that a thing? This is a spit wad from Patreon.
Starting point is 00:23:25 It's got to be a thing. I'd eat it. At what point does a jog become a run? Oh, because we need to. Jason said he's been thinking about thinking about running. Our resident running expert. Actually, this is. Oh, come on.
Starting point is 00:23:38 No, this is a really good time to announce. So I've had a personal trainer for the last year and a half. I know. Shocking. Based on body. But has he ever told you, like, don't tell people that I'm your personal trainer? Yeah. Once or twice.
Starting point is 00:23:57 Or it's not me. It's you. He just says you're allowed to say you have one. But don't say Dre. But so he's moving locations and I'm not going with him and so the running is going to have to happen soon or that's the update the update is I have finally started considering considering being forced into running and so I think that might now that seems a little bit almost like a step back from your previous status Considering being forced into running. And so I think that might happen. Now that seems a little bit, almost like a step back from your previous status.
Starting point is 00:24:29 Right, because I used to have a trainer and wanted to run. Now I have no trainer and might run. Okay. I'm probably not going to run. Have you been to a running store yet? Well, I have an awesome pair of running shoes. That's true. Okay, so you already have the shoes.
Starting point is 00:24:44 We've already shared that. I have really good running shoes. It's one of Okay, so you already have the shoes. We've already shared that. I have really good running shoes. It's one of those stores you go to. You're so close. Where you go to it. You have literally everything you need. And they are running. They measure your foot and they video you.
Starting point is 00:24:56 Yeah, unnecessary. And they never tell you the price of the shoe. You just eventually. I did it once. You eventually go, okay, I'll take those. And then you get up to the register and they're like, that be 283 you're like what am I doing I went to one of those walking stores I was like maybe I need some custom insoles or something they did the whole process it was fascinating it was neat cool technology they introduced me to their three
Starting point is 00:25:18 step plan it was over 800 it's unbelievable it was like for it was you have to get three sets of insoles this one's for if you play sports this one's for walking around this one's for like light work you need all three packs one's just sitting in your closet these are more closet insoles to keep things filled out in there does anybody actually do the three-step plan like is this something that they sell or they just start there and then they go well i guess you can get the one pair for 600 right it was what a deal but um i honestly believe that because i bought those expensive shoes like two years ago i almost there so much closer to running because i think that my feet will be protected by them they better as heck be I mean, that's really what shoes do. So, Jason, when does a jog become a run? A jog becomes a run.
Starting point is 00:26:08 When's the last time you went for a jog? Are you going to take up jogging or running? That's the real question. Oh, great question. Okay, so that actually leads into the answer to this question, because if I start running, I'm not. I'm starting jogging. Okay.
Starting point is 00:26:21 Like, if I were to go out and run today, I'm not running. Would your feet be... See, I'm curious about this question. Is it about I were to go out and run today, I'm not running. Would your feet be? See, I'm curious about this question. Is it about the amount of distance that you cover per stride? Because that could be a definition that switches it over. Or is it distance off the ground? I think it's energy exerted. I really think that, I mean, I know the difference between a jog and a run. And it's when you're pushing yourself versus letting your body's momentum just kind of naturally carry it in an easy gait like you know
Starting point is 00:26:46 when you're when you're jogging is when you're easily not walking that's jogging is easily not walking running is difficultly not walking i feel like jogging is pretending to run but someone could someone could walk faster than you jog jogging is something that you do when you're a runner, but you don't want people to see you walking because you're tired. Oh, I'm still running. Because I've run before. I've gotten into some running habits, and by habit
Starting point is 00:27:16 I mean like 10 to 12 days. And when you run, you get tired. Shocker, right? By the way, Jason, I don't know if you knew that. So consider that with your decision making. When you run, you're going to get tired, and right by the way jason i don't know if you knew that so consider that with your decision making when you run you're going to get tired and it shocked me too but when i when it happened it made me want to begin walking which is a different type of movement yeah but then when cars would drive by i would move into more of a jogging because you were being shamed by a drive by if someone look if i am wearing the right shoes, the right clothes, I've got all the equipment.
Starting point is 00:27:45 I've got the iPod. I almost said iPad. That's a problem. You got the arm strap. I had the arm strap. If someone's driving by and they see me walking, what am I? I'm not a runner at that point. Yeah, that's pretty embarrassing. That's why I plan to start in jeans. I'm going to start my running in blue jeans so that when they see me and I'm walking they'll say why is that man sweating so much while he's walking nice running shoes jean man but here's the problem because then when they see you actually running in your jeans they'll say there goes a criminal that man has stolen something because no one runs in jean people are constantly going to pull up to Jason when he's jean running and be like,
Starting point is 00:28:26 can I take you somewhere? Are you okay? Like, where's your car? Did you leave your car back there? All right, I'm going to announce this right here. I'm going to speak it out. Turn it into reality. Let's go.
Starting point is 00:28:35 Before the next Spitballers episode, I will go on a run. Before the next Spitballers episode. You know that's a week. Just so you're aware. We're not taking next weekballers episode. You know that's a week. Just so you're aware. We're not taking next week off? No. I'll probably be dead. I'm going to go on record then.
Starting point is 00:28:51 Okay. Before the next Spitballers episode, Jason will have Ubered back from the second half of his run. So just kind of to piggyback, funny story. I mean, years and years ago, before we had children, I actually had a bit of a running phase as well, and I tried to get my wife into running. And the only way I was able to get her to run is a mile away from us.
Starting point is 00:29:19 There was a Sonic. Yeah. That was like the carrot on the end of the one mile. We would run to Sonic, eat ice cream, and then walk back. Which, I mean, objectively speaking, is better than driving to Sonic to eat ice cream and then driving back. Yeah, that's what I thought. Yeah, those are net zero situations there, I guess. Although, probably not net zero.
Starting point is 00:29:44 My favorite part of that is we run there, we eat ice cream, we walk back. Because you ate ice cream. You can't run a mile after you had ice cream at Sonic. How many times did you do this? More or less than five times? More. Okay. Wow. I have a Sonic
Starting point is 00:29:59 about a mile away. So now I've got a game plan. There you go, man. Go get a slush. Maybe this will be my IG post, me running. All right, we're going one more great question here. Al, you've previewed these. Should I go with the second one or the third one? What do you think?
Starting point is 00:30:16 Go with the third one. All right. Brandy from Twitter says, what is something that you've never done but would like to try? I know what mine is. I've got some softball answers here. like to try? I know what mine is. I've got some softball answers here. I'll try to think of a big one.
Starting point is 00:30:28 I've never, ever gone skiing or snowboarding. That seems like a very easy thing to be able to try out. My tailbone will never forget the one time I went snowboarding. That's why I've been so hesitant. I feel like I'm out of my physical prime, so I can only hurt more things. It's like skateboarding. Yeah, I fall on skateboards. I feel like I'm out of my physical prime, so I can only hurt more things. It's like skateboarding. Yeah, I fall on skateboards.
Starting point is 00:30:52 Well, that's not my answer for this, but it's like one of those things of what's something you wish you could do? I wish I could skateboard, but it's too late. I'm too big now. Yeah. I can't take all the falls at this size and learn how to do it. This is like the answer is just jump a fence. I've never done it. I'm looking forward to do it. This is like the answer is just jump a fence. I've never done it. I'm looking forward to trying it. You know, I've gone skiing once, and I am going skiing in two weeks.
Starting point is 00:31:13 What? Two weeks from now, we have a ski trip planned. You've never gone? Ladies and gentlemen, big announcement. There will be two more episodes of the Spitballers podcast. No, I have gone once. I went around the turn of the century when I was in better shape. And we went skiing.
Starting point is 00:31:31 You're in for a bad time. And we had a really good time. I was getting a little bit better. I'm still on the easy hills. I'm not going up to anything fancy. But I'm getting my speed up. And so we're done. We're done with the day.
Starting point is 00:31:42 And this is the final day. And everyone's heading back into the, what do they call that lodge the lodge which yes was awesome oh man the best part is incredible so they all go back i'm like i want to take one more you're going out mike not not yet not today i've already been out yeah i just got i just got in um you're going lodging i want to go lodging. That's what I want. Yes. I want to sip on drinks by a fire while other people ski. While you hold your snowboard.
Starting point is 00:32:11 Oh, you've got to have skis in hand. And by the end of the day, you're like, man, my tailbone feels great. So anyways, so I said, I want one more pass down this mountain. Yeah. And I went up. I hadn't fallen once the whole time. And I am picking up. I go a little higher higher i'm picking up the most speed i've had and way off in the distance i see it i see it so far in advance i'm going straight down and this i don't know chubby
Starting point is 00:32:40 13 year old why you gotta start with chubby, you got to understand he had the weight. This is important, right? Say he's sturdy. Okay, a sturdy big boy. Good for him. Anyways, he's riding sideways across this mountain. He's not going down at all. He's just going. He's blaming the fat
Starting point is 00:32:59 kid. I feel like it was his fault. Anyways, so this Chubster's going left to right. And so I'm coming down the mountain, and I see him, and I'm trying to get ahead of him. But then he speeds up going sideways. Well, you know how momentum works. Well, right. Well, no, he was going sideways.
Starting point is 00:33:18 He was going across the mountain, like getting in everybody's way. So I'm like, okay. It's important he's not skinny, because Jason could have avoided a skinny person is what he's getting to. I don't want to smash this kid. And end him. Because what happens when Chubby meets Chubby? So I turn to the right, and I'm going to go behind him. And when I do that, the kid slows down.
Starting point is 00:33:43 So he's a brat. And I clip the back of his ski. Oh, video. And I tumble down this mountain a hundred times. You know that kid was laughing. My goggles, the glasses broke out of the goggle. One ski was 45 yards up the mountain. I had no idea where I was at i mean 100 concussion
Starting point is 00:34:06 probability here and someone eventually brought me my momentum works and so i i finally get back to the lodge and i walk in just covered in snow no no one of the one of the sides of my goggles out like holding my skis, and I don't remember the rest of it. So you're going back in a couple weeks? Two weeks. What are your thoughts on estate planning out of totally unrelated curiosity? I have a trust now, so we should be okay.
Starting point is 00:34:36 Okay, excellent. That was funny. We should draft something now. That's not funny. Let's bring it down a notch the spitballers draft don't look i don't mental picture of you just just careening down this mountain no understanding of where your body is whether you've broken yourself walking back into the lodge is like yeah i took another run at the
Starting point is 00:35:05 lodgers who are perfectly what this what this had to look like to everyone else on the mountain because this wasn't like uh oh i fell down this was like i did 40 cartwheels you know it's like how'd the kid do he was laughing i have no idea if i'm that kid and then i see this guy up the hill that's doing everything he can to avoid me and still clips the back of my skis and then goes rolling down the mountain. Yeah, he got out of there. He's like, oh, now he's
Starting point is 00:35:34 going fast. Oh my gosh. That's really good. Alright, here's our draft today. I don't even feel like I can transition into it. This is such a terrible idea. We blame Al Borland for this. Okay.
Starting point is 00:35:50 Because this can go a couple directions. We are drafting best movies for a good cry. Now, as has been documented by whatever, a thousand podcasts between this and the Fantasy Footballers, Jason and I turn into blubbering monster beast men i'm a bit of a crier and i am too for like movies get me and honestly you know it's my stupid children's fault because before i had kids i could watch any movie and just iron face so do you cry because you relate as like a parent in the movies? Yes. So like different things get me now. It's because you're older. You can relate to more
Starting point is 00:36:28 things. Back then it was like unless somebody tells a really sad tale about me playing video games. I'm old and weak now. Yeah, back then it was like the main character dies like, I'm never gonna die. This doesn't even relate to me. Now it relates a little bit more. So this
Starting point is 00:36:44 is what's weird for me is so i'll for skiing movies for jason i will oh the 80s were good for ski movies they were man some ski patrol that was fantastic um but no so i tend to cry at happy movies like okay you're a happy crier but i have a little bit of that. I'll cry at both. But the ones that are inappropriate are the ones where it's like nobody else is crying. That's where you look over to Jason and I'm like, oh my gosh, the kid did it. He did it. And I'm crying. He freed Willie.
Starting point is 00:37:16 I bawled. Oh, free Willie's your first pick? Too sad. I cry at music more than I do at movies. Yeah, music isn't. Believe it or not. Yeah, you'll see from my list, usually it's father-son or animal related. Okay.
Starting point is 00:37:33 That's what devastates me. For sure. Like I said, I don't know which way this draft is going to go. It could end up with me just weeping. I don't know if that will be funny for people. Hopefully it is. It'll be funny for me. If they made movies with carpeted bathrooms, Mike would also cry.
Starting point is 00:37:46 No, that's a horror movie. Okay. Jason, you get the first pick in this draft. Congrats. Yeah, this is not the one I want the first pick because these are so subjective. I don't think there's a clear one-on-one here. Movie I've most recently cried to a lot would be Cinderella live action. It was amazing.
Starting point is 00:38:05 What? Cinderella? This is a true story. I cried when the dad died, of course. But I also cried. This is probably the worst of my life. When she came out in that blue dress, that blue dress was beautiful, man. I was like, oh my goodness.
Starting point is 00:38:17 So now you fully understand how easily Jason cries. I was like, because I was crying for the costume designer. I was like, oh, you've done it, girl. Are you sure the costume is not CGI? Oh, yeah. Listen, I assume, because I bet my life on it, that you also cried this past weekend when your daughter taught some kids a dance routine. I'm on a tear up.
Starting point is 00:38:44 And she was in a pretty dress, a princess dress. There's no Cinderella dress. There was no Cinderella dress. Right. I mean, on a dress. When she walked out, he's just like, no fairy godmother made that dress. All right. But I'm not taking that.
Starting point is 00:38:59 I'm going to go with the sad route. There's only two movies. You can get that with your last pick if you need it. There are two movies that have literally destroyed me right absolutely wrecked me um but one of these two i don't think this is a vote getter i don't think this is the clear one-on-one but it is the clear one-on-one for me because if i watch this movie which i've watched probably four or five times in my life this is the only movie where i am sad four or five days later i can't recover with you i can't recover from the devastation of legends of the fall legends of the fall is an unfathomably
Starting point is 00:39:35 great and horrific movie where nothing goes right i mean it's sadness upon sadness upon horror and i i just i leave that movie depressed forever and i'm like that's three really smart to watch that four or five times it sounds like it's real it's great i mean it's a it's a it's a stirring tale i know one thing about the legends of the fall that brad pitt is there is a like a devastatingly handsome young brad pitt and he wears that the the cap and Pitt and he wears the cap and he tips it and the water splashes up in the air. That's what I know about that movie. I've never seen it. I had no idea
Starting point is 00:40:12 it was so sad. Look, you like a sad movie. You love movies. Genuinely, Legends of the Fall is a must watch. It will hold up. It's a must watch. Put it on your list. You got Legends of the Fall. Here's the problem that I brought up when this topic came up. All right. It's a must watch. Put it on your list. All right. So you got Legends of the Fall. Here's the problem that I brought up when this topic came up as our draft.
Starting point is 00:40:31 I've cried at movies. I've cried at several movies. I might have cried at that movie. I've seen Legends of the Fall. Then you cried. I probably did. But I don't remember because I don't remember movies. So not only do I need to- You also don't remember stuff.
Starting point is 00:40:45 Also stuff. But movies as well. We've got a gene in our family.'t remember movies. So not only do I need to- You also don't remember stuff. Also stuff, but movies as well. We've got a gene in our family. We watch movies, we forget what happened. So I have a limited amount of movies that I remember and I cried with. Rewatch ability is fantastic for him. Yeah, but here's the thing. I love that you chose that movie
Starting point is 00:41:00 because there's another movie that I really want to take, but I know Mike won't take it, which means I don't need to take it right now, which means I'm actually going to go with nicely. There's only one movie. I'm going to go with up. Okay. Because the singular scene up to start the movie is one of the saddest movie moments, but in an endearing way, which is the kind of sad that you kind of i don't know you wrap more of your emotions around the endearing sad moments and because it was sad with a sense of like happy right like of this life lived so up is that scene and up is is what i'm going to go with
Starting point is 00:41:41 the first time that you at home watched Up, think about the first time and then ask yourself, did I cry? The answer is? The answer is yes. You're a human. Are you a robot? Or B, no, I'm a robot.
Starting point is 00:41:58 Because, I mean, you weren't expecting it. Like, you know, I can watch it now and not cry, even though it's really sad. Well, you sit down for a Pixar movie and you're like, you know, a Disney movie, you're just like, all right, I'm here for. Oh, how sweet. They love each other. even though it's really sad. Well, and you sit down for a Pixar movie, and you're like, you know, a Disney movie, you're just like, all right, I'm here for... Oh, how sweet. They love each other. Oh, that's real sweet.
Starting point is 00:42:09 That's real sweet. Speaking of Pixar, my first pick will be a Pixar movie. I get it. Because Pixar just punches you in the face. But they like to punch you in the face when you're laughing at a joke. Yeah. And it's Toy Story 3. Of course.
Starting point is 00:42:23 I knew that would be your pick. Because the scene when they're going into the furnace. They're holding hands. Getting ready to die together. I can't even talk about it. This is a children's movie. This is a children's movie and they're holding hands going into the fire. Because those are my toys.
Starting point is 00:42:37 Those are my toys that are going into the furnace. I grew up with them. He's tearing up right now. I told you I can't talk about it. He's glossing over a little bit. You really are. This is a disaster of a draft. Oh, my gosh.
Starting point is 00:42:50 Toy Story 3. We just said we rebranded Mondays. We make chores more fun, and we are bringing up, at minimum, 12 sad moments from your life out there. Not one, not two. I want you to remember 12 times you've cried as a person today. That's my message to you. to remember 12 times you've cried as a person today. That's my message to you. Here's 12 times you cried.
Starting point is 00:43:09 I am glad we are laughing because that's the only thing stopping it. Okay. You better go to your next pick quickly. Here's the thing about that. Where you also cried. Yes. When that movie came out and they all hold hands and they're going into the furnace. Stop talking about it.
Starting point is 00:43:21 Knowing that they are going to their death, but at least they're together. This was expected to be the end of the toy story series right so this was how it ends it does change a lot pixar would do it pixar would say we love these toys we're putting them we're putting them out to pasture we're gonna melt them down in the fire all right well now you get to pick. We only have nine sad things left. So I think I know the movie you're going to take. Yeah. I know you won't take it. That you gambled.
Starting point is 00:43:52 I want to take it. Really? But I have no choice. But I got to stay with Pixar because they are the masters of emotional manipulation. I will take Inside Out. Yeah. Oh, you're talking about Bing Bong. I'm talking about Bing Bong.
Starting point is 00:44:04 Yeah. Oh, you're talking about Bing Bong. I'm talking about Bing Bong. Yeah. Because the last time I watched that with my children, they were like, I fully broke down. My children had to huddle around me and say, Dad, everything's going to be okay. Because I'm just weeping, thinking about Bing Bong. I'm like, I'm a grown man right now. I do man stuff.
Starting point is 00:44:25 And then I just cried forever. All right. Well, it's obviously a great pick because all these... He's had a lot so much. Because if you say any of these are bad picks, you're a robot. No, I just haven't seen the movie. So the movie that I'm going to go with now, and you knew it, it's Braveheart. Yep.
Starting point is 00:44:41 It's on my list. Braveheart is not... It's not on your list? Not even on my list. Braveheart is not. It's not on your list? Not even on my list. Braveheart has not only had. The end of Braveheart is a full tear fest, but Braveheart in and of itself has moments throughout that are weep fests. So there are at least three moments in that movie.
Starting point is 00:44:58 If you haven't seen Braveheart, spoilers coming. Statue of limitations is over. He loses his wife at the beginning of that movie. His life at the end. It's a pretty rough life for William. But then there's the speech. His speech is so inspiring in the middle of that movie. Yeah, you get the happy cries.
Starting point is 00:45:18 You get the happy cries. Yeah. Like Braveheart is in total. And I've watched it many, many times. And it doesn't grip you any less each time you see it. And when a movie is, you know, you brought up the different aspects. Like Jason, you brought up Toy Story 3. You thought it was the end of the series.
Starting point is 00:45:33 The Braveheart cries are based on the fact this is an epic. This movie is an epic. It's so long. You've been with him this whole story, and it's sacrifice, like Bing Bong. Yep. There's a sacrifice element to not giving in. So Braveheart is actually my number one, but I knew it would come back to me, so I took the up route.
Starting point is 00:45:51 Well, you took a gamble. I thought about taking it because – And that's from you. You're not even the resident Braveheart lover. I just didn't want Jason to get it. Yeah, look, Braveheart is the best movie of all time. I definitely don't speak ill of the pick. It just wasn't on my list
Starting point is 00:46:07 because I think I've seen it more than any movie I think in the history of movies. I've probably watched it 50 or 60 times for a movie that's that long. That's insane. You've devoted three months of your life to Braveheart. By the way, I need to watch that tonight. Go on. Yeah, and so I don't
Starting point is 00:46:23 get the tearfulness anymore over it. So it doesn't land for me, but still, great movie. I honestly don't like you anymore, but go on. The second one, I wanted two coming into this draft. I'm going to get them both. Legends of the Fall, that one destroyed me. This one destroys me throughout the movie, but the end. Adam's Family.
Starting point is 00:46:43 The end is unbelievable, and I've got a story to tell with it. It is Big Fish. Okay. It's on my list. Big Fish. It's on my list. The ending. Oh, my goodness.
Starting point is 00:46:53 The ending to Big Fish. Big Fish is just unbelievable. Yes. I mean, the movie. Fantastic movie. Fantastic movie. Would you believe I've seen it and don't remember? I would believe it.
Starting point is 00:47:05 I bet something sad happens. You should watch Big Fish tonight. You shouldn't watch Braveheart. Watch Big Fish. Seriously, Big Fish is worth it. That's the sequel? Yes. The sequel to Braveheart.
Starting point is 00:47:14 Big Fish, Braveheart 2. Big Minnow, actually. So my wife is not nearly the crier that I am. She'll tear up at that movie. No one is. Well, that's true. It's the same dichotomy in my house. My wife is perfectly fine, and I am the wreck.
Starting point is 00:47:32 Yeah. I have one memory of complete devastation to my wife, and it was we were leaving Big Fish. Well, first of all, the end of the movie, credits rolling. She's weeping. Like howling? We're talking shirt-soaked level of life. Okay, all right. Like she's going to need napkins because she's so soaked in this movie theater, right?
Starting point is 00:47:59 We get out to the lobby and she breaks down again. She just can't handle it because i don't know if it's like the the father relationship i don't know what it is but we finally get ourselves under control and she like this destroyed her soul and we leave we are in the parking lot looking for our car and for the third time she can't handle life and breaks down crying yes literally i i believe she has whether it's loss of family members or i i genuinely believe this was the most crying she's ever done in her life was from big fish and totally worth it because that movie is super sad at the end it was like a release for her. It was a beautiful release. That's fantastic.
Starting point is 00:48:45 I'm going to watch that tonight. That's so good. Oh, I've got another pick. You certainly do. That was a really long talk for one pick. All right, so I've got a couple movies here that I like, but I'm going to play the game here because I think Mike will be taking this, and I want it because Mike is going more the children route.
Starting point is 00:49:07 He's got two Pixars. I've got two older, grown-uppy movies. But Dog's Dying. Dog's Dying is hard. And Marley and Me. You are a terrible person. One, because you're bringing it up. I was going to take it 100%.
Starting point is 00:49:23 That was one of my picks marley and me is a movie that should never have been made a book why would they make this a movie a book that should never have been made this is not okay hey it's hey guys you wanna you wanna remember the worst day of your life you want to remember everything bad that ends horribly let's commemorate it with a book and a movie. So, yeah, Marley and Me. Yeah, it was my next pick. I enjoy these other two movies.
Starting point is 00:49:51 They're phenomenal. Legends of the Fall, Big Fit. Marley and Me is a one and done. I've seen it. I'm never seeing it again. You are correct. I've seen it once. You want me to avoid that one?
Starting point is 00:50:01 Oh, yeah. Well, like I said, certain things trigger me. Animal things trigger me. And Marley and me, it's on the top of the list. So Jason has Legends of the Fall, Big Fish. Marley and me, I have Up and Braveheart. Mike has Toy Story 3 and Inside Out. I have a dripping nose right now.
Starting point is 00:50:20 Right now. I'm avoiding just big sniffles into the microphone like you wouldn't believe I think I'm going to throw a wild card out there right now Suicide Squad I think when you hear it you will both say oh yeah but I don't think it will be on your list
Starting point is 00:50:35 but I'm taking it anyway I have up, I have Braveheart I'm taking Green Mile No it's 100% it's on my list The end of Green Mile Unconscionably sad no it's it's it's ridiculous and green mile is like one of those injustice mixed in with sadness you know what i mean like injustice is one of the saddest things that you can witness yep
Starting point is 00:50:56 and the end of that movie is just really really gut-wrenching. Yes, it's a fantastic movie. Just like this show. We say we want this show to be gut-wrenching, soul-twisting sad. Welcome to Mondays. We're rebranding your Mondays. Man, I didn't realize you guys would be actually taking up my list before we had the show going. Oh, did we do it?
Starting point is 00:51:19 No, I still have a few, but I said I've got ten on my list, so I figured I had plenty. But you guys are already taking my choices here. I know one of them. I got two left that I'm happy if either one of them get back to me. So do a bad job. All right. Well, we'll stick with animals.
Starting point is 00:51:37 And a similar story to yours. I'm going to take I Am Legend. And I'm not sure if you're familiar. Interesting. I'm not sure if you're familiar. I actually remember that movie. I own it. It's not like-
Starting point is 00:51:47 On DVD. On Laserdisc. Well, Smith. I Am Legend is not a sad movie, but there is a scene in the movie- Yeah, there is a really sad scene. Where his dog turns into a zombie and he has to kill his dog. His dog, who is the only companion that he has. The only friend that he has.
Starting point is 00:52:03 I legit thought you were talking about when he sacrifices himself at the end of the movie. No, I don't care about that. I care about the dog. All right. And I was dating. I think I was dating my wife at the early. I was dating a dog at the time. No.
Starting point is 00:52:17 I just made a really hit home. Well, I don't know the timeline. I don't know if I was early in marriage or if I was dating, but I was at the point where it was like, I don't cry at movies. Because I'm a younger guy. I've got the... You don't relate. I've got stupid machismo thing. Well, no, I've got the thing going of like, guys don't cry at movies,
Starting point is 00:52:38 which is just absolute bull crap garbage. Cry at the movies. It's great. Okay. garbage like it's cry at the movies it's great okay so so i'm silently weeping just praying that that that my wife doesn't look over and see what's happening and then we're allergies are real bad in this theater but then the same thing we're driving home i'm not saying a single word and then my my wife's like what's going on here? And she's like, are you thinking about the movie? I'm like, no.
Starting point is 00:53:06 She's like, are you thinking about when the dog dies? And then I just, I lose it. I absolutely lose it in the car. And she is like, not making fun of me, but just laughing at how ridiculous I am that this, I'm gone. The movie's done. I have left the movie theater and it is still haunting me. All right, so that's my first pick. Let me just say, I totally relate to when you're crying,
Starting point is 00:53:32 but you're not ashamed of crying, but you still don't want to get caught. You still don't, you know, by the wife. Like, you're just like, oh, I hope she doesn't look because maybe this isn't the time she's crying and I'm crying. Oh, you're going to be a big baby. I had, you guys know, during the Christmas season, a way too big of a Christmas tree. It's a really big Christmas tree.
Starting point is 00:53:51 It's a nightmare. You cry putting it up. Yeah. Well, I think of it as the cry tree. And the reason is because where it was this year was like, so we've got an open living room from the kitchen. It's kind of in between the kitchen and the living room. But you can't see through it and whenever there was a show or something where it's the hiding it's the hiding i go right around and hide behind the tree and cry so i don't get caught crying that happened like five times the fact that in a small
Starting point is 00:54:21 christmas window you had multiple times to use a crying tree tells people how often you cry. Quiet. I'll cry. That's genius. I need a crying tree installed in my house immediately. People are going to have Christmas trees the whole year round to hide behind. It's rebranded. It's not the Christmas tree anymore.
Starting point is 00:54:40 No, it's the crying tree, just like we rebrand Mondays. The crying day. All right. You got another pick here, Mike. Oh, all right. We'll be back with more Weeping Wednesdays soon. So this one will certainly not be a vote getter, but I have recency bias because I just watched it. Just wept silently in my bed while my wife was sleeping.
Starting point is 00:55:04 Guardians of the galaxy part two because and and like like it's not movies no i know your eyes are fine no i don't i'm trying to remember why i should cry so like i said like there's certain things that trigger me carpets outer space no like so yes that spaceship is so beautiful nebulas tree people but baby tree people yeah no at the end of the movie he has to one he has to kill off his newfound father but then he realizes that and i can't even think of the character's name but he realizes that the blue guy was actually his dad and and the dad sacrifices his life to save star lord are you not remembering how the movie ends i didn't like number two very much okay well you need to watch it again for the ending so he he sacrifices his
Starting point is 00:55:58 life to save his his basically adopted son and he and uh the thing that had happened to him is and he got kicked out of the ravagers like he was no longer allowed to be in his club yeah because he saved star lord as a kid and then the the ravagers find out what he has done to sacrifice and they come and they give him the actual ravager funeral yondu thank you yondu i couldn't think of his name but and then he gets the huge funeral at the end after sacrificing for his son. I cried at the funeral. I cried at the funeral. I remember that.
Starting point is 00:56:29 Thank you. So it's not a vote-getter. People won't remember this scene. But once you do remember, you go, oh, yeah. I cried when that happened. I did cry. Shouldn't be making this list. But I cried a lot of things.
Starting point is 00:56:44 But that's fine. I'm happy you took it. I told you. Recency bias. I just watched it, but I still, I mean, I cry at a lot of things, but that's fine. I'm happy you took it. I sold you. Recency bias. I just watched it and I just went. Hey, that means that the two movies that I wanted, at least one of them is coming back to me. What you got?
Starting point is 00:56:53 Oh, thank goodness, Jay. Yeah. I'm so happy for you. The people were worried. Oh, gosh. Thank you. I was worried. I was going to cry.
Starting point is 00:56:59 I have up Braveheart Green Mile. I'm going to close it out with Shawshank Redemption. And those are happier tears sure there are two movies I was it was between Shawshank and it was actually between Les Mis okay okay I get it the truth is is the times that I've really
Starting point is 00:57:15 like Les Mis the movie okay versus like Les Mis the play and seeing that I liked the movie the movie's fine Russell Crowe is terrible but but the rest of the movie is great. The experience is better. I related more to the actual live
Starting point is 00:57:31 action. But Braveheart, Green Mile, Shawshank Redemption, oh, and Dufresne. And the way that that movie ended, another kind of epic thing, which is kind of funny to take right after Green Mile. Those feel very similar. They're very similar and they came out at similar times. You got a
Starting point is 00:57:47 prison thing going on. That's right. Freedom. I cry for freedom. With Braveheart, you got a trifecta there, my man. That's a good point. Wait, you weren't saying freedom because of Braveheart? I was saying freedom. No, I wasn't. I was like... I was literally going to say
Starting point is 00:58:03 that's what he means, Mike. Like, you're Mike being the dummy because he wouldn't say freedom. Yeah, yeah. So I'm going Shawshank Redemption. One of my, like, if Braveheart is my favorite movie of all time, Shawshank's in the top five. All right. So the two movies I was between. We talked about this beforehand.
Starting point is 00:58:21 The Notebook, I think, is, like, I can't watch that without crying. And, Mike, you're like, oh... That doesn't do it for me. Here's why it doesn't do it for me. No, no, no. Here's why. Because don't they hold hands in the bed? It probably would now. Do you remember when Mike earlier was saying he used to be a
Starting point is 00:58:38 guys don't cry. Yeah. And unmarried. That was when the notebook came out. I haven't seen it since. Don't. Because it's sad. I mean, it's good. It's a really good movie.
Starting point is 00:58:51 You know, it's a good love story. But that one's sad. The other one that I'm debating between is My Girl. Because when we were kids and we all watched that. He's testing the audience right now. He's testing the reactions to see if he wants any of these to stick. I'm going to go with what my initial reaction was. When I first heard the pull, the three movies that came to mind were Legends of the Fall,
Starting point is 00:59:12 Big Fish, and The Notebook. Right. So I will take The Notebook. So well played taking Marlene from me. Yes. Happy about that. I mean, I'm sad. Not happy.
Starting point is 00:59:20 I'm sad about that, really. A couple other honorable mentions I had. End of Moulin Rouge. Land Before Time. Old Yeller. See, I've never actually seen Old Yeller. Where the red fern grows. Oh, gosh.
Starting point is 00:59:32 Don't even. That's a rough one. I got on my list. Have you guys ever seen The Fountain? I have never seen it. Oh, wait. Is that the super weird movie with Hugh Jackson? Yeah, Wolverine is in it. Yeah. Yeah, and he's just trying to save his wife over and over and i watched
Starting point is 00:59:49 probably three quarters of that i was like what the heck is going on and i i had mentioned to you like i have a movie on my list that i guarantee none of you have seen uh have you ever seen the mist yes i have you've seen the mess Really good movie. So you know the ending. Does it give you a good Mist? I don't like the ending. Well, I actually, I'm not sure which ending I've seen. If I've seen like the theatrical or the director's cut. And so what happened at the end of the movie that you saw?
Starting point is 01:00:18 So The Mist is, it's a Stephen King novel that could turn into a movie. And there's like this weird mist that shows up and there's monsters in it and people end up in a store just trying to survive. It's been a long time but I believe they kill themselves at the end. Yes, but do you know who else he do you know? Okay. Yeah. Yeah, it's like everyone
Starting point is 01:00:38 in the car ends up having to take a pact and then the guy runs out of bullets and then the mist is gone. Have you not seen that? Okay. All right. Never mind.
Starting point is 01:00:50 That's sad. Jason has Legends of the Fall, Big Fish, Marley and Me, The Notebook. Closes it out with The Notebook. Going for The Votebook, more like. Oh, nice one. Oh, The Notebook is 100% votes. The Notebook is probably the general number one for the polls. I am not saying that it's not a vote-getter.
Starting point is 01:01:06 I'm saying I didn't take that for the votes. Yeah, but I called it the vote book, so you did. All right. Up, Braveheart, Green Mile, Shawshank, Mike Wint, Toy Story 3, Inside Out, I Am Legend, and Guardians of the Galaxy 2. What did we learn today? I'm going to use this opportunity to make sure that our audience learns something else new today, which is that Jason cried in public when he found out that Brooks was engaged, even though Brooks wasn't there.
Starting point is 01:01:31 Oh, man. I cried a lot because I love those two people, and I was so happy for them. And that is true. Did you have your crying tree with you and available or no? No, we weren't. That's tough. That's what I learned. You just pull out a giant tree wherever you are at.
Starting point is 01:01:47 I learned I needed a tree in my house. The problem with my Christmas tree is it goes in a corner. I can't possibly get behind this thing. You've got to be able to have it out a little bit. Just right in the middle of the room? Just go hide behind it and weep your eyes out. Nobody can see you. I learned today that there is some house that has a tiny toilet
Starting point is 01:02:05 and carpeted bathroom. You know who you are. If you're a realtor that lets someone put their house in the market with a carpeted bathroom, you should be fired. That's fair. You should be fired. That's a Fizbo right there. Get out.
Starting point is 01:02:19 Mike, you got anything to finish us up with? I said I need a tree. Oh, that's what you learned? Yeah. Okay, good. Good lessons learned. A tree specifically that I can hide behind. I learned that...
Starting point is 01:02:30 You don't need a big tree. I learned we need a happy draft next week. Yes. I hope you enjoyed the tears and the laughter. Thank you for tuning in. We'll see you next week. Goodbye. Goodbye.
Starting point is 01:02:42 Thanks for listening to the Spitballers Podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out SpitballersPod.com. Oh, that was a good episode. Am I episode am i right guys the best gals i know what you're thinking you want to help support this show you're like how can i become an official spitwad be part of this special community it's easy you just go to spitballerspod.com click become a spitwad and boom you are part of acted Tough act, it's an act. And boom! No more fungus on your feet,
Starting point is 01:03:28 and you're part of the greatest comedy community in the world. Spitballerspod.com. Click become a Spitwad.

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