Spitballers Comedy Podcast - 89: Throwing Fruit & Mt. Rushmore of Iconic Athletes

Episode Date: March 9, 2020

We’re back with more comedy for your Monday! On today’s show, we get into some very serious debates. Would you rather have your parents read all of your texts or your children? How many times is it ok to reuse the same bath towel before washing it? What fruit or vegetable can be thrown the furthest? We then construct a Mt. Rushmore by drafting iconic athletes. Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast! Connect with the show: Become an Official Spitwad! Visit us on the Web Follow us on Twitter Follow us on Instagram Subscribe on YouTube Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/spitballers/posts See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Oh, what's happening, people, before we kick off today's episode? Number one, I want to say, hey, thank you for being here. How's it going? You're beautiful. I imagine you look way better today than you usually do because you're about to listen to this podcast. But look, we need your support here at the Spitballers. Head over to SpitballersPod.com and you can get all the information you need to help support this show ways that you can get access to these episodes early

and a bunch of other things like joining the spit tank that's where we go for our priority selection for fun questions for this show so head over to spitballerspod.com music music music

music music music music music music music music

music music music music music music music music

music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve?

It's the Spitballers Podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. A-roo-da-bag-a-mama-la-da-ya-do-ba-ding-dong-ka-dow! Holy moly. That was awesome. Rutabagas, huh? That was... I'm sorry, Al. But I think that was up there with yours.

That was one of my favorites. Good stuff, Andy. Well, here we are. Spitballers Podcast Episode 89. It's been a while, so I had to bring it. Yeah. And it seemed like you just- And those are two obviously rhyming words.

You know, rutabaga and marmalade. Yes. It was eloquently put in that song from, was it Moulin Rouge? Oh, yeah. Christina Aguilera. Yes. Those wereilera. Yes. Those were the rhymes? Yes.

We've got a great show for you today. I'm probably red right now. It's been a while. At Spitballers Pod, thank you so much for joining us, rebranding your Mondays with a little bit of nonsense, hilarity.

Levity. Life advice. Elevation. Just saying words now. Levity. Life advice. Elevation. Just saying words now. Levity and elevation. Yes, we're going to make you laugh, and we're going to go up a mountain. Yeah.

I think Al Borland went up a mountain this morning. Is that true, Al? It is true. We were supposed to play some pickleball, but we quit on you simultaneously. So you thought you'd climb a mountain instead? Needed to get that heart rate up. You're a genius.

Then he came in here limping. Because he climbed a mountain. Because he climbed a mountain. There was a time when people had to climb mountains. We had to find food. We didn't have a choice or something. I got to get to the other side. Yes, there's something very important over there.

There's food. Something's happening. But now we have people like Al were like, I should probably climb that mountain. For what reason? I have no reason. I just want to climb that mountain. What did you do this morning, Mike? I went to the gym.

And lifted a bunch of stuff for no reason. No, there's very much a reason. I'm trying to get swole. Mike's argument came crumbling down quickly i have always had the problem i mentioned this style born with the hiking and i've complained to my wife about this i need to be going somewhere i can't take the hike where you hit the you hit the dead end this is like let's go drive down cul-de-sacs for fun like i don't want i want the whole i need i need a loop you need the restaurant at the top sure you need like sonic yeah i guess

if there was i didn't think about that i thought i just needed to find hiking trails that were loops so i am not doing something backwards but if you gave me a destination a purpose if when i got the if there was a starbucks at the end You will not like an elliptical because you're going, going, going. You're not getting anywhere. Yeah, you're actually not even moving and there is no goal. You're just there forever. Would you rather? That's a great question. And we have a very, I think it'll be a very entertaining draft on the show today. Spitballerspod.com. Learn how to become an official Spitwad supporter of the show and

get access to some pretty cool perks. We like looking at your questions first, your draft ideas, and obviously you're out there. You've got life questions. And who more qualified than the three of us to answer those? None more qualified. And set you on a course of your destiny. Your destiny is... Like climbing mountains. That's right. All right, let's get it going. Would you rather... Case in point, this question comes in from Hostess Apple Pies on Patreon.

It's a delicious question. That's true. Have your parents or your children read all of your texts wait the question is would you rather have your parents or your children read all your texts from last year would you rather have your parents or your children read all your texts from the last year either way you're gonna have some splaining to do yes i feel yes that's a hundred percent true you got some splaining to do just which direction do you want to explain things the one i have the most power i would like my children to read my texts yeah i think that makes sense because our children

are but here's the deal our children specifically the three of us are still young enough to where some things can go over their heads no not yours mike your your children actually nothing can go over their head no no no that's not at all what i'm saying i'm saying that we all have at least one child at at an age where things are not going to go over their head i do have my concerns now that i think about it and here's my concern as a parent is that i can say this honestly my wife and i we don't text about my parents. But we do text about the kids. So the kids will see lots of texts that do relate to them that, you know, they're not always like flowery kind words about what's going on. So that's not even my concern.

I know it's not. There's smoochy, smoochy things. I have a wife. Right. You know, see, that. I enjoy my relationship with my wife this has actually already been somewhat of a fear because specifically with the kids like my my daughter she uses my wife's phone to text certain friends she doesn't have a

phone yet okay and so you know her friends have a phone or whatever and so there's a couple friends where if she's gonna text she uses mommy's phone okay and i'm always like you don't you don't read our text okay i see what you're saying yeah yeah yeah you know we in private yeah this process is a me and mommy sit so then dude would you rather have your parents just read all of that hmm i can. I can live with that. That's how I feel. I'm a grown man, Mom. I can say what I need to say. Do you ever get into text arguments with your significant other? No.

I can't say that I have. No, I don't think I have. Yeah. It's not easier. Yeah, we get into text arguments. It's easier to say certain things via text. You come home, everything's fine. Either direction.

You know, sometimes it's like that's, sometimes if we have an argument, it gets resumed in the text when, you know, we haven't resolved it yet. And then, you know. Now, Jason, I got a question for you. Specifically, this has to go to you. Okay. In your wife's phone phone what's your name i think it's jason it's jason i assume okay i don't i yeah i assume that's right so do you

have any concerns that when your son also has a phone oh that someone might receive the wrong text message no because my son's name is jason and if she well here's the thing my wife would put my son's name is Jason and if she, well, here's the thing. My wife would put my son in her phone as Bubby. Okay. All right. But other people around, you know, as we grow older, you know, my daughter, she's probably going to, you know, have Jason and Jason, Jason Moore and Jason Moore and a text about she'll have dad. She'll have dad.

Maybe I have Ron in my phone. You do? I have dad in my phone. You have your dad dad as his name? Yeah, but it's his name. What's crazy about that? His name is dad. Yeah.

I don't call him Ron. That would feel super weird. Hey, Ron, what's up? You do, though, in your contacts. But you let him be in the phone as Ron? I don't know. It says first name, last name when I'm putting in a contact. Yeah. Mine's dad Holloway. See, I don't know. It says first name, last name when I'm putting in a contact. Yeah.

Mine's Dad Holloway. See, I'm Dad Blank. He doesn't need one because he's Dad. It's like Madonna. You don't need a last name. It's Dad. Jason gave me a real hard time at football practice last night because I said my oldest son had done something, ran around or something,

and I just, just off the cuff, I did. It sounds dumb now. It sounds really stupid. I just said, say, good job, son. Yeah. He's out there. He goes, good job, son. I was like, I didn't say it like that.

He sure did. My response was, thanks, father. It was in 1952. And then Jason started saying, like, well done, boy. Nice job, job child I started calling my boy child and boy and everything it just it just what came out of my mouth I think the answer to this whole would you rather question goes back to the first thing that Andy said I think he was right I want the power in the situation I don't want like I still you know

I don't have the power over my dad. We're both grown men. You mean Ron. Over Ron. But that feels so weird. Everyone out there, if you're a spitball right now, just act like you're talking to your dad and say his name. It feels weird. Everybody out there, the next time you speak to your father, call him by his name the first time and see what happens.

See what happens. But I want the power in the situation. So I'm still going to take the kids. I feel like I can explain it easier, go over their heads with maybe somebody to smoochie smooch. I feel like I would be empowered. If I had to read all my text messages to my parents, I'd just be like, yeah, this is the child'd be set free. This is the child you raised.

So anything that I'm saying here... Oh, it's all their fault. This is on you. Oh, that's interesting. So just remember that. See, I would say the same thing to my kids. All this is because of you. No matter what, it's not my fault.

Keegan from the website, would you rather have everything you've ever lost or had stolen returned to you, or would you rather have everything you've ever broken be fixed as if you never broke it? This is very, I think this will be answered based on obviously your own experiences with losing or having something significant stolen.

And when you break things, do you just leave them broken? Like the things that you want repaired that are broken right now at your house, are you just like, well, I don't have an oven anymore. My garage door doesn't work. I guess I don't have a garage door. Like, no, you're going to fix it. You probably have broken things like phones or computers that you'd get back that you've had to go and get a replacement or something. Sweet. Get my

computer from 1996. I know. This thing was a powerhouse. Sweet. My iPhone won. See, but I'm looking at this. So there's a problem that you're recognizing with, well, you already fixed broken stuff. But see, the problem that I have is if I got everything back that I had ever lost,

I need acreage upon acreage. I need... The amount of people showing up to deliver. He's lost a lot. I don't have space for everything that I've lost. I thought you were implying that you lost land. No.

I have worth my house. I have misplaced my backyard. You never did find it. But I don't have room for everything that I've lost in my life. I lose something and I just... What would that pile consist of? It would consist of... Of the things that I've lost in my life. I lose something and I just... What would that pile consist of? Of the things that you've lost? A lot of passports.

How many car keys would be in that? Passports and car keys galore. House keys. Wallets, mail. Oh, you get that money back too. Oh, that's nice. Although I never have cash. So I would just get a card that goes to the same account or old accounts.

Have you ever had anything of significance stolen? I have not. I've been fortunate. We haven't had the big break-in or a car being stolen. I have never had anything stolen that I'm aware of in my life. Man, I've had my radio stolen twice. Ooh. Like out of the car?

Like my car stereo. Like your CD player? That used to be a huge thing. Yes. It was a CD player. The 90s. And it was cool. And I had, like, awesome speakers in the back of my truck, and I had a cool CD player.

But you parked down the street because your parents used the garage. Well, no. I was at my buddy's house. Oh. And it was supposed to be a nice neighborhood. Oh, I did have something stolen once. I remember this. I was at a church event at our former church.

And at the church, someone smashed the window in and stole a little toy. It was a Christmas gift we got for our daughter, a sewing machine. But it wasn't like a real sewing machine. They stole a toy sewing machine? You poor thing. machine stole a toy sewing machine and that's all they're saying you poor thing but my point is they at a church that went into the church parking lot broke a window this thing was maybe 35 dollars like it was a little toy sewing machine to to bust the issue was the window in the glass right i mean yeah that's a that's just come on man a sewing machine like at least grab have you don't learn your craft at least learn how to break into a car if that's your

job do it well if you're a criminal you are not smart and they might have thought it was anything was it wrapped no no it was just a it was obvious like i have to have that right clear as day so somewhere there was a criminal there was a criminal that had holy socks, and they really needed to get them repaired. And they made a mistake, though. They saw a sewing machine, and it was an act of passion. A children's sewing machine. Did any of your buddies have, like, because back in the day, you had to carry all your CDs in your car.

Oh, yeah. If you wanted to listen to music. Oh, yeah, you'd lose the whole collection. So did any of your buddies ever have the CD wallet stolen? 100%. And you just feel like you've lost everything. Yeah, you just can't get that back. As a teenager, that's what you had.

You had your music. Yeah. And then when it's stolen, I have nothing left. We had friends that, you know, they lost an engagement ring into the ocean. Oh. So it's like that person is going to instantly choose. So the ocean stole it? Well, it said lost, Mike.

If you've ever lost, you would get that back, and that would be enough to turn the tide. Oh, nicely done. Yeah. How does one lose an engagement ring into the ocean? You lose a lot of weight. That's step one. Okay.

And then whoopsie-do. And the ring slips off the finger? Yeah, the ocean is it's actually quite it moves a lot and so somehow you know it just slipped off in the ocean but i'm just i guess just the bigger question is why are you wearing your engagement ring in the ocean well i don't think this is the time to shame you don't wear your wedding ring you wear your wedding ring in the ocean i do yeah i've never taken it off i haven't taken this thing off in forever like can it come off it can but it takes a lot of work.

I say that as a man who I now wear. I got to do the lick my finger thing. I wear the rubber silicone wedding ring because my old one does not go on. I used to have an older one that was bigger, and every time I'd play sports, it would literally come flying off my hand across the court. But, yeah, I mean, it would be nice to get back something. I'm not really partial to either of these.

I want my CD player back. Nothing's jumping out. It was awesome. It had, like, color display. I remember when Brooks spent all my money on it. I remember when Brooks lost his sunglasses in the ocean. Oh, what an idiot. See, that's common.

I mean, like, that's fair. He caught a football. He turned towards the ocean. That was mistake number one. And then he was, like, linebacker smash by a wave. Did he hold the ocean. That was mistake number one. And then he was like linebacker smashed by a wave. Did he hold on to the ball? Did you hold on to the ball?

I think he did. Then he did his job as a mayor. Yeah, I think he did. You catch that ball. Here's what's funny. He had pretty stylish sunglasses, but they were just easy to get sunglasses. I have prescription sunglasses. I was with him, and I was like, oh, man, that sucks. You know, it's amazing.

The sunglasses go in the water. You reach for them, immediately they vanish. There's a shark swimming around with your sunglasses on somewhere. And then, so I've got prescription sunglasses because I'm all four eyes over here. Yeah. And then as we're playing, I decide to keep playing with my sunglasses and the Pacific Ocean ate them.

Wow. The ocean was hungry. The ocean was hungry for sunglasses. And so I did not have sunglasses for a long period. Our friends paid a metal detector guy to comb the beach for like four or five hours because apparently at low tide, you can go do that, try to find the diamond, the the ring i always wondered if he would have said if he found it what how much were they paying yeah i don't know i don't know here's five dollars mr metal man matt from the website would you rather get a fierce static shock every time you touch a metal object or step on a lego

barefoot once per day at random oh so you know it's you know it's coming at some point you just don't know which step but it's once it's just once have you guys ever had the like real big just static electricity you touch metal massive shock yes nothing that disturbed me i get it all the time all the really i get it. Really? At least once a week. I'm talking like where you reach and you audibly ow. Is this from carpet

feet shuffling? I don't know what it's from. Yeah, you do pick your feet up while you walk or you just drag them? No, I pick my feet up and it happens around the studio a lot. We don't have a lot of carpet. I've never been shocked here. This is i this is a me problem okay and i'd like to you're electric it's because of some hidden superpower that has yet to come alive and i'm confident that it is that yeah but i could not handle getting shocked every time i touch metal i The way you react to anything, that seems like a bad situation.

Because you reacting to that shock might be equivalent to a nuclear bomb hitting you. Have you ever gotten a real electric shock? Ooh, like in the outlet? Like an outlet? Yes. That was not fun. I have not. I've had it one time plugging in a shoddy guitar amp.

And it's the weirdest thing because you don't know what's happening. All of a sudden, your entire body just hurts. It was almost- And then if you're able to let go, you're like, oh, apparently I just got electrocuted. Yes. It was almost like you didn't realize what happened- I had no idea what was happening. Until after it was over, and then you're like, oh, that feels awful.

realize what was happening until after it was over and then you're like oh that feels awful i think i shared the story once but i was i was a teenager uh doing like painting gigs and we were washing walls and i so i i took a wet washcloth and just washed right over an outlet don't do that owl borland's letting us know we've told these stories no yeah i'm sure we have. We've got five stories. And so if you keep listening to this podcast, you'll hear all five at least once a month. I think I'm going to take the Lego. You have to take the Lego. It's once.

And stepping on a Lego is not going to impale you. You're just going to be... It's going to hurt really bad. It hurts really, really bad. But once a day, I'll take that. That's a great question. That's true. Dale has a great question.

It is a good one. I like this. How many times can you use the same towel after a shower before it becomes dirty? Do you gauge it by the number of showers or the number of days? I'm going to throw in another thing. Not just the number of showers or the number of days, but maybe how dirty you were before the shower. I think that makes an impact. I really do.

The whole like, oh, you get out of the shower and you're clean thing is like that. I think it might be more of a mental trick. I'm not scrubbing myself so well. Every inch of me that there's no way I missed a piece of, of, of dirt or, or like, it's just not,

I don't think that everyone exits the shower. 100% perfectly clean. I get dishes out of the dishwasher that have run through a full cycle. That's like, it's another this needs another go before you answer this let's try to answer the number of days question simultaneously so think about it for a moment like if you had to let's say you had to give some advice here and say this is your day limit on this is the max that you should really be using this towel okay at your house i have my

day in my mind i have to do some math okay do your math first we can we can that's not good okay here's here's one thing i could say oh do you have your day i think i got all right okay count us down now three two one seven hundred and eighty. Okay, so a seven for me, 14 for Andy, and 180. I just went about six months. Six months. So Mike truly believes he exits the shower 1,000% clean. Mostly clean, yeah. And also believes that a wet towel dries perfectly clean every time.

There's never been a... No, I don't believe that. Is there a sniff test? Have you used the sniff test? There is the sniff test. Yeah, the mildewy smell. I don't do the days. It's just eventually I'll...

It's time. I'll be exiting the shower and I'll be drying my face and I'll go, oh. Oh, no. I should probably change this in like three or four weeks. That's so gross. So, Jason, do you change this in like three or four weeks. That's so gross. So Jason, do you change yours in seven days? I probably change it well before seven days.

Really? How many towels do you have? We have so many towels. That makes a difference. We have enough towels for Arizona, the state we live in, if we were gracious and shared. That's why you don't have room for your stolen stuff because you have towels. Well, I lose them all the time, Mike. How do you lose a towel?

I don't know. How many towels would he get back with that previous question? If you were to lift up my bed, I'm sure there's 25 under there. Where do they go? Well, here's the thing. I don't do, like here at the studio, right? If we're working out and playing pickleball, we come in, we shower, we take our towel, we put our towel back.

That towel is the same. And so here is where I can apply this lesson of like, how many times can you use that towel again at home? I use my towel. I leave the bathroom with the towel and the wrapped, you know, waist position. And I, I don't know where i put that thing you know what i mean like i sometimes i hang it up in the other bathroom where is like in my master bedroom sometimes i leave you know i throw it on the bed get dressed and and accidentally leave it there

sometimes i need to go downstairs so does this factor into how many times you feel like you could use it because i i am a 100% hanger-upper. See, that makes a difference. I actually have a bit of a, I wouldn't call it a pet peeve. I'd call it like the way you wear a mic with the carpet bathroom. Right. Wet towels on the ground, I can't take them. Yes.

I can't take them. Yes, and it's the exact same reason. It's disgusting. It's gross. It's not going to dry, which means it's going to sit there wet, and it's just going to, like It's going to sit there wet. Someone's going to step on it. That is super gross to me.

In the house, it got to the point where the kids had left wet towels on their carpet so many times. You're old enough to hang a towel up. If I find your towel on the ground at any time, a dollar. Oh! You're going to put it on their bed their bed no because i want it to dry it only hurts me if i make their towel not dry and then they have

a wet towel and when i was a kid this this question meant a lot to me when i was younger because to me the number of times you can use the same towel after a shower before it becomes dirty is once. As a kid? As a kid, I hated using the same towel twice. I wanted a fresh towel every single time because I feel like I'm clean. I don't want to use... And Ron was amicable to this? Well done.

No, but I mean, I didn't always get what I want. You know, you get what you get and you don't throw a fit. Right. But... You should wash better. I think that's what we're learning here. No, it's not that I felt like I was dirty. I felt like I was clean.

I come out of the shower, I'm perfectly clean. Then how did the towel get dirty? So I want a clean towel. I don't want to be dirty after using the towel. But how would you get dirty? If you're clean and you want a clean towel i don't want to be dirty after but how would you get dirty if you're clean and you use a clean towel then how is that towel getting dirty if i were to take my t-shirt right and i were to wet it in the sink and then i were to just hang it over the towel rack i don't feel like that's clean for what if years. What if you used soap? That's different.

Do you use soap in the shower? Yes, on me, and then I rinse it off, and then I just put water on the towel. So I'm not saying I feel this way anymore. You thought about leaving the soap on. So, yes. Leave the soap on and then wipe it off. So you're cleaning the towel at the exact same time. My mom, Linda, of course, as I called her.

Oh, that's my mom. Linda just did the towels every week or two, and it was just like clockwork. I always knew the new towel was going to be there. I didn't worry about it. Wow. Should do it every day. Give me a fresh towel. I was wondering if it's like your socks.

I want brand new socks, and I want a brand new towel every day. What's your number, Al? What's your number of days? I'd like to know this. I actually use a clean towel every single time. My man! Every day? Yep.

My wife hates it. We've had the argument many times. So who's doing the towel laundry? My wife. Whoa. Whoa. The privilege going on in the Grantham house. I don't think about the privilege.

I think about what he had to give up somewhere else in this negotiation. I cook all the meals. Yeah. All right. There you go. All right. Jared from the website, what fruit vegetable,

fruit or vegetable, could you throw the farthest? What fruit vegetable? What fruit or vegetable could you throw the farthest? Oh, that's easy. Al thinks that we should film this. You pick a different fruit or vegetable.

Actually, this is a great question. This is not just, you know, it's got to be the right weight-shaped combo. Weight-shaped combo. Which by default, I think an orange is the answer. I was going to say, you could throw an orange in there. But maybe a lemon. Maybe I could get a lemon a little farther. Ooh, like spiral

it? Well, not even spiral it, just a little bit of the lower, the smaller mass. But it's heavy enough. If you get a smaller coconut, that's the victor. What, like a kiwi a kiwi no what that's not a coconut you said a smaller coconut yes as in not like one of the coconuts come like oranges and like other things at different sizes so you basically your answer to this question is a coconut is not a coconut just a wait my answer is a coconut okay i thought you were inventing like a miniaturized coconut i'm not saying like if you could take a coconut and shriek that's what i thought you were

saying by 50 i'm saying like a normal handheld size you know when you go out and get an avocado sometimes there's bigger are we doing this sometimes we're definitely doing i'm then then let's say this then you have to make your pick right now and you're locked in so are you going smallest coconut well no because we yes i'm going coconut for sure okay but we each have to make your pick right now, and you're locked in. So are you going smallest coconut? Well, no, because we... Yes, I'm going coconut for sure. Okay. But we each have to have different things that we throw, because it's not me versus you.

Like, if you throw an orange further than I throw a coconut, that doesn't prove that the orange is the right call, because you can throw further than me already. So you have to throw... Let's all throw all three of them. An orange, a coconut. What else? No, I didn't go orange.

I'm going lemon. You're going lemon? Okay, because the first thing that popped into my head was I want brown. I wanted like a ball, and so it was a tomato. Grip problems. Yeah, grip problems. And then I started thinking about the weight of it, and I think it's got to be an orange.

Okay. Now, would you throw a- Mandarin. Oh, I'm going Mandarin. See, Mandarin's too small. I was going Okay. Now, would you throw in... Mandarin. Oh, I'm going Mandarin. Mandarin is too small. I was going to say... No, that's what I want. A clementine versus an orange, you know, a cutie, one of the small ones.

But how is it not an apple? Because... The apple is dense. No, I want one of the... That's what I said Mandarin for. That's a smaller orange, right? Yeah. Yeah.

So you think like a cutie, you could throw further than an orange no i'm a little bit bigger than a cutie that's why i was in the lemon category you can get too small for sure new question new that's a great question all right let's go what do you think you could throw further an orange or a cutie just those two do you think you because they both have an orange an orange a cutie cutie's too small so orange is too big oh man this is this is the new debate because i don't know and i think it might be a cutie i think i might be able to throw a cutie further than i think it's got enough mass for me to wear it's too it's too light it really depends on the size of this orange man no a hearty orange oh definitely a cutie but that. That is what we have to film.

The cutie versus the orange? A cutie versus an orange. Yeah, that's fine. What can you throw further? And then we need like a grapefruit. And then I'm going to come in after you guys have done this. We've got to park down the street. And I'm going to bring my coconut.

This is so easy. I'm going to launch that thing to the moon. I don't know why you're all in on the coconut, man. I don't either. You're going to end up having to- What are you, is this shot put style? I was going to say, he's going to end up having to shot put it because it's too heavy. How heavy do you think a little coconut is?

Heavy enough. When it comes to throwing something maximum. It's not an organic hand grip on a coconut, man. How big are your hands? Yeah, how big are your hands? My hands are nine inches. Yeah, we did measure the other day. We did measure them yesterday.

So, Jason, a full-size coconut weighs about 3.1 pounds. Oh, good luck. I mean, that's a max coconut. I'm saying when you're picking out your coconuts, you're getting the small one. I'm telling... But it could still... What's a small coconut then? Like two pounds? No, like a pound.

I don't want to throw a pound. A pound coconut is still on the tree. You don't get access to that one unless you can climb up and get your own coconut. If you're going to the store, do grocery stores even have coconut? Yes, I've seen them. It's seasonal. What is a coconut? All right, we'll do something with this.

I think that that was, it'll be interesting. Mike, you're sticking with the kind of more orange size. A football is about a pound. 14 to 15 ounces. So 16 ounces a pound. Exactly. I can throw a cutie farther than a football. No, you can't. Yeah, I can. Yeah, because you can throw

a baseball farther than a football. There you go. Oh, that's a good point. Is a football a vegetable? Yeah, football is... You got me to spit all over my last one. I saw that's a good point. Is a football a vegetable? Yeah, football is. You got me to spit all over my last one. I saw it, and I loved it. All right, Sean from Twitter. Wait, what was Mike's pick? Let's lock one in for Mike.

He's orange. He said orange. Well, I was debating. I think it's an apple. I'm going with apple. All right. All right. So we'll get an apple.

We'll get all this stuff. It's not going to cost us very much. But the real issue here, I think the name of the video is Orange vs. Cutie. I think you just get all. How far can you throw these fruits? I mean, get at least three of everything so that we can all compete with each fruit. Oh, you got to get nine of everything. I want three tries with each fruit.

Of course you do. Watermelon. It's going to take him five hours to find three coconuts of the size he wants. I'll have to go to several locations. Oh yeah, many stores. Too windy. But I will find it. Alright, Sean from Twitter. If your handwriting had its own font,

what would it be called? What would it be called? If your handwriting had its own font. Jason's sitting there drawing. I'm not drawing. I'm writing out a sentence to look at my handwriting. My handwriting would be called prescription pad. Oh, that's good. That's not bad.

Because my handwriting is horrifically bad. Looks like chicken scratch. Looks like a doctor wrote as fast as they possibly could. Because I am, in fact, writing as fast as I possibly can. I cannot be bothered to slow down and have good handwriting i'm calling mine rutabaga has no meaning yeah no meaning what's so funny about that is is papyrus two that's what i'm calling mine what would jason's holding up a sign and it's does it say? It says, what would my handwriting be called? What about in caps?

Fourth grader. Yeah, I think that's exactly where I was looking. I'm like, this looks like not like a baby wrote it, but not like an adult wrote it. So what is between a baby and an adult? I think I'm going to give myself middle school. Okay. Okay, because I've got fifth graders right now. So call your font puberty.

Hmm. You went from not liking it to really considering it. Well, I love the name. I think it's marketable. But the problem there is I don't feel like the font shows growth. And that's what puberty has to have some hairs coming out of. You know what I mean? Like little scraggles on the font. That's got to what puberty has to have some hairs coming out of. You know what I mean? Like little scraggles on the font.

That's got to be puberty. And I don't have that. So I think I'm going middle school. I think my handwriting is. Middle school? That's fair. Because it's better than a fifth grader's. I've seen my children's handwriting.

But it's not like totally adult. All right. I'm not a growed up. I'm not a growed up. I'm not a growed up I'm not a growed up The Spitballers Draft Alright we are drafting a Mount Rushmore of

iconic athletes that's right a Mount Rushmore of iconic athletes we will fill up our mountain with the the best that I've ever played any game ever. Yep. And what a perfectly timed draft this is.

I have been musing on the greatness of my first pick recently. I got to pick a state. Yeah, with your number one? Yeah. Thanks. I am selecting number 23 out of North Carolina. Sure. Michael Jordan.

Yeah. So you really went out on a limb here on this one. His greatness has only been made more clear by the time that has passed since he played. I tell my kids how lucky I was to have been part of the Michael Jordan era of getting to watch him play. Yeah, Michael Jordan, easy pick. It is the easy pick. The question will be, because you're the first pick,

can Jason and I get two stronger picks? There are two picks that I really want. There's two picks that I really want. Well, then you'll get at least one of them. I know, but I don't have a third. So I'm saying I don't want you to pick either of those with this pick. All right. Michael Jordan was the easy pick.

And then after that, I guess I will simply go with who should be and is considered to be. I mean, it should be because some people don't buy in, but he's the football goat. He is the greatest of all time. He is polarizing, so I do have some concerns when it comes to voting, even though it should not be

debatable, but I will take Tom Brady. Yeah. I get that, and I'm thrilled. I'm thrilled. Was he not one of your two? He was not one of my two. He deserves to be in the conversation for this pick. I'm not saying it's a terrible pick, but I am saying

that if we took 12 athletes, he wouldn't be one of mine. Wow. If you took 12 iconic athletes, the most winning quarterback in the history of the NFL would not be in your list. Yeah, because I don't like him. I mean,

I love watching great guests, because I don't like them. I mean, like, I love watching greatness. That's fair. And I'm not, like, anti the Patriots. I enjoy, like, I like dynasties. I like, I have enjoyed the run of Brady and the Patriots. But at the same time, it's like, I don't know. He himself is boring. When I think of iconic athletes, Michael Jordan changed the landscape of

athletes and endorsements and built brands and all that. So I'm going to start... I am nervous on who's coming back to me because you have four picks before I pick a game. I'm going a little bit... Tom Brady's still playing, depending on

what year you're listening. If it's 2032, because this podcast will stay out there forever, maybe he just retired. Maybe. Maybe. I don't know the future, but I'm going to... No, my two-pack is right there for me. Not many people have their own candy bar.

I'm taking Babe Ruth. Okay. Okay, you don't get much more iconic. Got movie after movie made after him. I'm glad you went with your favorite sport. Candy bars. Yes. My favorite sport, eating candy bars.

Really, that's where I know him from. It's not from baseball. Edward T. Snickers, center fielder for the Boston Braves. Yeah. No, this isn't about my favorite. This isn't my favorite athletes, right? This is the most iconic. Right. And so Babe Ruth, I think, is up there with of all time, but iconic. Pictures and photographs and moments in sports history that became legendary, even after the career, lighting the torch and all sorts of things.

Both of your picks were on my list. Yeah. When I compare Tom Brady to them, it's like, yeah, he achieved a lot in the sport. I agree with you. He is the GOAT. And he's he i think i agree with you he is the goat and he's the goat of the best sport so you know plenty of reason to take brady but i just don't see him as iconic as the as those other three all right mike that means that there is a pick i really want and i wonder if you're going to steal it well i'm lucky that there's only three athletes left in the entire world so i have a good chance to take your pick.

I'm going to take who I think is the best pick at this moment. I will take LeBron James. Okay. All right. It's interesting. Your Mount Rushmore, they're both still playing. Yes. Yeah, that's okay.

And LeBron James, how you feel about – I wasn't really super into basketball when Michael Jordan was playing, but I had a good run when LeBron James was playing. Talk about – He's the Michael Jordan of his generation. He 100% is the Michael Jordan of this generation, and he's also changing things off the field as well. It's very – oh, sorry.

Didn't mean to cut you off. No, go ahead. I was just going to say, it's interesting. If I was choosing another NBA player, I don't know if I would have gone with James. I wonder if... Is Magic Johnson more iconic? I don't know. Johnson, Bird.

There's others as well. Yep. I'll take LeBron. All right. That's great. I am so thrilled. Yep. I have two locked andron. Alright. That's great. I am so thrilled. Yep. I have two locked and loaded set up picks. Number one is Tiger Woods.

Okay. Tiger Woods is a Mount Rushmore must have. I can't believe that he made it back to me. I thought he was had the potential of being the number two. If he didn't have a fall from grace, he had the potential to be number two. He is still one of the most iconic athletes of all time.

One of the greatest runs of dominance that any player has ever had. Very polarizing. Took over the... I don't think his play is not polarizing at all. No. Greatest golfer. Other than when he fell from grace and stopped being good. Yeah, but he had already accomplished more than anybody had ever accomplished.

True, but... Say that to Arnold Palmer. Yeah, does Tiger had already accomplished more than anybody had ever accomplished. Say that to Arnold Palmer. Yeah, does Tiger Woods have a beverage? A delicious beverage? That should have been your pick based on your... Yeah, that's right. Tiger Woods is easy. Tiger Woods is easy.

Sure. And then I'm actually going to go with Jackie Robinson. I'm going to go with Jackie Robinson. Okay. That's called baseball, which I know you were in the. He took a candy bar. Broke the color barrier in the 40s. One of the greatest players of all time.

One of the only players to have. I mean, is there another player that has their number retired by every single team in the entire league? No, I mean. Probably not. Jackie Robinson is the only one to do that. He's on my short list. This has nothing to do to me of like, oh, do I like baseball? No, it's boring. It's stupid. But he's on my short list this has nothing to do to me of like oh do i like baseball no it's boring it's stupid but he's an incredibly iconic athlete that that changed the shape and landscape

of athletics no he's he's a great pick your team is very solid i think tiger woods could hurt you in the polls oh i don't think so i don't think so. The name is monumental, for sure. There's one player that I want, so don't take it. It's so weird. You don't know where I'm going, do you? No, I have no idea where either of you are going, and you're both sitting over here clamoring of how you have picks. You're like, I need to have this pick.

Yeah. And I'm over here like, man, I wish I knew who I should pick. Who's playing right now? Because there's a couple. I have my short list going, and I just don't think. Oh, my goodness. You got to go Barry Bonds, man. People love him.

People love the home runs. They're a big fan. If I can finish this draft without a baseball player It will be It will be outstanding Andy's team is very strong I don't know if I can even compete In the polls

So I will just take the people that I want to take Kyler Murray No When you're taking a boxer That's fine You want to have an iconic boxer who people really liked, like, what, 80 years ago? I'll take the guy that people right now, we still remember because we played his video game. This is a great pick.

I will take Mike Tyson. 100% great pick. And I don't think you needed to throw Muhammad Ali under the bus with the 80-year-ago comment. Okay, that was a little rude. Tyson's an interesting pick after you lambasted the all-time PGA Tour wins leader for his fall from grace. Talk about Tyson's back, baby. You can argue Woods is getting back. Not back in the ring.

No, I get that. They both had a fall from grace but i guess it's different you know woods has won a major since then the difference is woods was up on it tiger woods was on a pedestal that was hollow and fake whereas when when uh when tyson was there that is the most ridiculous thing you've ever said think about his endorsements his personality how he was revered as a as a think about wow more pga tour wins than any golfer in the history on the sport in the sport that's great i'm saying outside of that what's a really weird take what no it's not it's a very

weird tiger woods more than everything his smile his demeanor is he was a universally... I feel like Tiger hurt you. I think Tiger hurt a lot of people. He did. All right. So I'm up. All right. I don't know what my fourth pick is going to be, but I'm so happy with my third pick. I'm so happy this got to me.

And I think Andy and Brooks will be proud of me for this pick. I think you're going to be like, good for you, Jay. Because look, I don't like baseball. And I don't know a darn thing about hockey. Okay. But if you're telling me Wayne Gretzky isn't one of the most iconic athletes of all time, around the studio here this last week, we have been looking up, just because we have our football podcast a couple weeks ago. We did shocking stats.

Dude, the shocking stats that Wayne Gretzky has in hockey are unfathomable. Correct. He'll never be overtaken as the great, as the GOAT in hockey. What's his nickname, Jason? Oh, yes. Isn't it like the great one? Oh, he got it. Okay.

All right. There you go. The nice thing is it was just in the back recesses of my mind somewhere. That I kind of know his nickname. He was so iconic that in the deep recesses of a brain of somebody who doesn't follow hockey, he still knew it. When you think of Wayne Gretzky, what hockey team do you think of? Oh, that's good.

That is a good question. When I think of Wayne Gretzky, I... Oh, man. Mike is trying to find a way to paint you into this sad corner. No, no, no. I can... I mean, I don't know hockey that well, but I picture it's like a gray and black logo. Okay.

Yeah, yeah. Was that the... Was it the Kings? Yes. Yes, it was. That's fair. There he goes. He played on many teams, so I wanted to know, when you think of him, what do you picture?

The Gretzky trade was one of the most insane trades of all time. Did he come? Was he on the Oilers? He was Edmonton Oilers. Greatest player. Won them championships. Was traded. Edmonton turned on their own ownership.

The Kings got him here to bring hockey to the U.S. But Gretzky is clearly one of the most iconic players. Well, I tell you, man, this was an awesome draft. I can't wait to see how the polls do. Are we done? This three-round draft was excellent, and I am really proud of all of us. Thank you, Spitwads.

You want to hit? What did we learn today, guys? Of all the things to want to cut it short, I've got an endless list of iconic athletes oh no no no i've got i've got plenty i could choose from i'm looking through a list and there's a lot of people but i think they're all such a tier below you know gretzky muhammad ali uh you know the you know babe ruth super iconic i i think there's plenty of great ones out there but they're just a tier below when

it comes to the iconic nature um so what's your pick my pick i'm gonna oh this is this is does it help to let you know that i think that you're wrong about that and there's some other really really big names that you missed oh that does not help in fact that makes me feel like uh a little yucky um hmm okay that's uh what what are their names start with what rhyme their name snickers oh mars bar snickers mars hingle mccringleberry all right. If I've got to take another one, which apparently you guys are going to give me a take. All right. Look, my favorite sport growing up, basketball. I don't have one. Recency bias here, but I think belongs.

If we've got Jordan and we've got LeBron, I'm taking Kobe. He's as iconic as it comes. Nobody shoots a shot at a garbage can or anything without shouting Kobe. So I'm going to take the two numbers retired, and I'll go Kobe. There's a couple others on my short list that I'll bring up when we're done. But Kobe's my fourth. So this is the last pick. This is the final pick.

All right. So this is the last pick. This is the final pick. All right. I am torn between... Because I'm trying to have my sports be all over the place. I don't want to just take all iconic football players. That's our other job. So I am torn between two people that...

Goodness. All right. I'm going to take Tony Hawk hawk okay i don't think tony hawk revolutionized skateboarding i really like his video games ask me to name someone outside of tony hawk from skateboarding jason name your second favorite skateboarder there's a little wing count because i know he skateboards there There's not one. Bam Margera. Bam Margera was a notable skater for a while. I agree with you.

Tony Hawk is a name that I think almost everybody knows. Yep. Knows who he is. Knows what he did. He doesn't carry the clout as, if I was to take, Bo Jackson or Barry Sanders, one of these guys. But I'm giving him the respect that he deserves. All right.

Shout out to Bo Jackson, Jim Brown, Pele, Jerry Rice. But my pick is Michael Phelps. Yeah, he was on my list. Michael Phelps, 28 medals. Took over the earth over the course of 10 to 12 years. I just don't care. A lot of people did. Because he's a swimmer.

A lot of people did. No, I get it. I'm just speaking for me personally. I just don't care. A lot of people did. Because he's a swimmer. A lot of people did. No, I get it. I'm just speaking for me personally. I just don't care. And that's what makes me so disappointed in you both. But that's a common thread around here. We've joked about that. Usain Bolt is cooler.

Usain Bolt is a great example. Yeah, he's definitely cooler. Usain Bolt is not nearly as accomplished or iconic as Michael Phelps was. But if you're a sports fan, you don't sit around bashing baseball or hockey. You don't sit around saying, I don't care about competition. You like it all. I'll watch the seventh game of the WNBA finals, and I'll love it

because you want to see people win and compete. The Olympics, I mean, when you talk about having events that everybody watches. The Olympics is not one of them. You're the center of that for, what, four Olympics for Michael Phelps? 28 medals? He's been that long? Yeah, he was forever. He did it for a long time.

And then was like, no, I'm back. He's 34 right now, and he participated from, I think, maybe three Olympics. All right. Most decorated, most golds in a summer. Yeah. I mean, this is a guy that is a perfect roundout for the... And it was very tight between him and Jim Brown, to me, for iconic athletes. But I'm going to go with Phelps because I...

I wanted a football player, but the problem is I feel like there are so many football players. Yeah, Rice, Montana. Exactly. Joe Montana. Sanders. If you're taking a football player, you the problem is I feel like there are so many football players. Yeah, Rice, Montana, Sanders. Exactly, Joe Montana, Barry Sanders. If you're taking a football player, you should have taken Rice. Jerry Rice, but I feel like they're all equally iconic. They don't stand out like Gretzky stood out. Yeah, Gretzky was

definitely on the short list. Jordan stood out. I almost took Serena Williams. She was the next on my list. The second when I was over here debating, it was between Tony Hawk and taking Serena Williams. She was the next on my list. The second when I was over here debating, it was between Tony Hawk and taking Serena Williams. Would Bruce Lee have counted? No. You don't think so? I mean, he's not known for competing.

I think he is. I feel like Chuck Norris would count more. Is he? I feel like... No, I think Bruce Lee is... Bruce Lee is known as a movie star. No. Surprised you didn't take McGregor.

Bruce Lee is known as a... He's known as a martial artist. As a martial artist, first, movie star. No. No, he's not. Bruce Lee is known as a... He's known as a martial artist. As a martial artist first, movie star second. I think by the people that know and appreciate him. I'm sure he competed, but I don't know. What are the final teams out? I know that Brad Pitt threw him into a car in that movie.

That's true. All right, Andy's got Michael Jordan, Tiger Woods, Jackie Robinson, and Michael Phelps. That's a good team. Mike has Tom Brady, Jordan, Tiger Woods, Jackie Robinson, and Michael Phelps. That's a good team. Mike has Tom Brady, LeBron James, Mike Tyson, and Tony Hawk. And Jason has Babe Ruth, Muhammad Ali, Wayne Gretzky, and Kobe Bryant. Feeling good, guys. What did we learn today?

I learned that calling my dad Ron feels weird. It does not feel good, and I highly recommend you call your dad by his first name to feels weird. It does not feel good and I highly recommend you call your dad by his first name to feel weird. I learned that Jason's favorite sport is candy bars.

Such a good sport. We learned a lot about Jason because I learned today that he has infinite amount of towels and he thinks you can actually lose a towel. And he thinks that

a clean body and a clean towel equals a dirty towel. Yes. 100%. And Al Borland agrees with him. Thank you for listening,

supporting, subscribing, reviewing. We appreciate it. We'll see you next week. Goodbye. Bye. Thanks for listening

to the Spitballers Podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out Spitballerspod.com hey the show's over just wanted to say thank you no thank you for listening we appreciate it and if you want to learn more about how you can support the podcast, head to spitballerspod.com, click the Become a Spitwad button, and that's when the magic will happen.