Spitballers Comedy Podcast - Addicted to Procrastination & Best Plunger Alternatives - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: August 25, 2025

Another hilarious episode just dropped and you don’t want to miss this one. Some wild Would You Rathers are followed up by the return of Man of the People. The laughs continue as we draft the Best Alternatives to a Plunger.  Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast!Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast:Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.comFollow us on X: x.com/SpitballersPodFollow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPodSubscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore on realistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the spitballers podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. Beep, pop, poop, yeah, poop. Let's do it. Just some words. That's it. I got for you today. Welcome man to the spitballers. I was strongly considering a ventriloquist for you. I was too. Today was the day that we didn't know if Jason had the heart to

Scott and it was confirmed. Yeah. I don't. Beep, pop, poop. I ended on a pair. I just start the show. Yeah. Let's just go. It's toilet time. Welcome man. Would you rather man of the people and a very fun draft on today's episode of the Spitballers. Happy to be back with you for a new episode and we're going to get right into it. You can follow the show at Spitballers Pod over on X.

Make sure you subscribe, review the show, wherever you're listening, whatever podcast app you are using. We would appreciate those reviews if you enjoy the podcast. Unless you guys have anything going on, I'm going to get us going. Do you got anything you need to let the Spitwads know about? Nope.

Mike. What about that big secret. Yeah, I want to know the secret, man. Tell the people what you said you were going to tell them. It's called a secret. Oh, okay. All right. We'll start.

Would you rather? Trevor, from the website, would you rather work a full eight-hour shift at a Yankee candle store? Oh, man. I can't not even walk by them in the mall without getting a headache. I don't know. I have a full asthma attack. How they legally can employ people.

And so, yeah, that is just a little cancer factory. Or, so an eight-hour shift at a Yankee candle store or at a landfill, an eight-hour shift at a landfill. Okay. It says that the landfill, you're working the entry gate collecting fees in an open-air booth. So we got some specifics. I mean, what's wrong with that? What's wrong with? Close to the dump piles.

Yeah. So what? Wait, you're fine with the dump, but not. I mean, I don't love probably my income statement. You make the same amount each place. Sure. I'm just either place. Yeah.

I'm not loving the job. I just thought we were contrasting. I've always been under the assumption that there's decent money in garbage. Oh, there is. But it's not the toll booth guy at the city dump. Do you get hazard pay at Yankee candle? No, but you should be able to get disability a few years later. You know what I mean?

Yeah. I can no longer smell anything. I mean, there are people that like that place, right? No way. They have to exist for a reason. It's a franchise. I know, I know so many women in my life that love candles, like all of them. If you're a woman, you love candles.

They can't go into that store. I don't know anyone that's like, I want. My wife pulls me into those and like, oh, my gosh. What's the other? Bath and Body Works? Bath and Body Works? That's fine. That's fine.

Bath and Body Works doesn't. It's not fine. That one is just as bad. bad for me. I thought you got like a clogged up schnauzer. I do, but I, but I, but the vapors, man, they're in the air. Yeah, so what I'm hearing, what I'm seeing here, and I did a little investigation. You're exposed to fragrances and VOCs,

soot and particulars, allergens and irritants at a Yankee candle. Most people, a little exposure won't cause you harm. Sensitive people, so asthma, migraines, allergies, chemical sensitivities. Open airways. Yeah. Long-term employees. Maybe at increased. risk of respiratory irritation and asthma-like symptoms.

Yeah. There will be a class action. At some point, there has to be. How long does Yankee candle been around? Long enough to start finding the deaths. Like Aaron Brockovich gets involved in this one. Exactly. Someone listening right now, some lawyer out there is thinking,

there's a pretty good idea. I'm going to go look at all the former employees of Yankee candle and see what's going on with them. Look at their growths on the side of their head. one candle is fine. And that's what they sell. They sell a bunch of candles. But when you put them together, it ruins it all.

Like, is there anything else like that where you can't? It doesn't even smell good when you're mixing them all. Well, they're not trying to mix. That's the nature of a, it's like a perfume shop. You're not trying to mix those. There are 217 Yankee candles still operating as of July. People like candles. They are buying them up.

I can't work at a Yankee candle. I couldn't even work. at the store next to a Yankee candle. What about the store next to? I could probably do that. Two stores down. I think the key here for me, I'll choose the dump as well. It's the open air aspect.

If I was, if there was an open. Breathe in that. You'll get used to it. Well, if there's an open air Yankee candle shop, I'll work there. I don't think it makes that much of a difference. You're, you're right. You're right. If the wind, if the breeze was going by, it'd be nicer to have a breeze of candles than a breeze

of the do-do. Yeah. Yeah. I think, I think that's the way to go. Are we all three choosing to work at the dump? Yeah, I have to. You will, with the dump, you'll start desensitizing to the smell. Like, the problem with the Yankee Candle is the vapors.

We got to clarify that you mean the city dump. Because working at the dump is Yankee Camp. Oh, man. That's the dump. Yankee Candle. I have like a, I didn't know. Brad sponsor of the Spitballers. I don't think they're going to be reaching out.

All right. I haven't thought about it in or out of the times that I am not walking past a Yankee candle. Right. But when I walk past the Yankee Candle company, I see red. I get so angry. Red candles. No. Red lins of the world.

I'm utterly dismayed how, and I can't go in. The soothing scents don't bring you relaxation? No, a lush, wonderful smells. Bath and Body Works, wonderful smells. the fragrance stores like to sell all the perfumes those are a bit much like I don't like that I don't want to go in that store but if you walk past it you're okay I feel like Yankee candle is doing something so devilishly wrong do you need candles to smell is that a big part of why we need the only reason we need candles anymore we're not using them for light anymore it's not like you know they're really a hazard when it comes to light

oh I got to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night when the give me my candle where's my So we went from utility, no smell, candles. Correct. To let's save the candle industry by just... Putting poison in them. Putting as much smell possible. Because they're intense. They're not subtle very often.

Do... Would either of you consider yourself, like, sensitive to smells? Yeah. No. Oh, I'm hyper-sensitive. Despite all of what I just said. It's my, like, number one thing. How do you feel about the grocery store where you're

walking down the aisles because every grocery store has the pet aisle. I hate it. I can't go anywhere. I can't go anywhere near it. Really? Yeah. That doesn't. It's disgusting.

Thank you. Yes. I knew it wasn't just me. I will not cut over from the back of the store to the front through a pet aisle. No, I will not either. I'll go around it. Yes. So, Papa Josh.

We've got people shaking heads. I am very confused here. What about the pet aisle is weird? Does the odor? It is awful. Like more so than the like. the fish counter at the deli? Well, that's not good either.

But no, it's just, I'm with Mike. Those aisles smell bad. Dave. Do you have an issue with like Petsmart or? Yeah. Yeah. It's, it's, because the store is bigger, it's not as bad, but there's definitely areas of the pet store where it's more concentrated.

It's a little bit about intent. Like I went to, I don't go to the grocery store. I go for groceries. Right. Things I want to consume and then I go, here's a couple aisles of things I can't consume. You're like, here's the ice cream. We've got the milk, eggs, and cat food. That's it.

Yeah, no, no, I guess... Gross. Different things for different people. Chris from Patreon, would you rather be able to decide the exact time of your death? And you just mean the time of day? Correct. Oh, man. Oh, for real.

That's what it means, like, just like 1153 a.m. Correct. The exact day of the week, so you pick... Okay. Wednesday. a Tuesday or the month so you just pick the whole month like you know you'll die in a month you'll know not in a month you'll know you will die in September but you don't know what September so you make it know which 9 p.m so like October 1st you're like who we did it I don't think you could

take the time of day I don't think you I mean every day every day the stress it will haunt you but then you the month one you got an entire month of fear every September rolls around and you're every minute of every day I mean it's It's not more than one time a day. This is really just how do you want your stress? Do you want, do you want a, you know, that stress at just a smaller portion of the day? Do you want it once a week, but it's longer? For 24 hours?

Yeah, but it's every single week or just a whole month of anxiety attack. I want the time of day. You know, maybe. And I'm going to go hide into safe rooms during that. I'm going to. You have not seen the final destination. You know, what's going to kill you is the safe room. I know.

You're going to, you'll get locked in and the air will turn off. Would you, if you had the time of day one, do you actually say goodbye to people like every day? No, you'd forget about it. You'd 100% forget. You would not, you would forget it. You would 100% forget about it. He might be right, because he'd presume he'd be 80. Yeah, I mean, if, if I knew it's 10 p.m. on the dot, that's the time of day that I will eventually die.

When I gained that knowledge, I gained that. knowledge today. Well, tonight, when it's 9.59 and it's rolling over, I'm going to be worried for a minute. Tomorrow, I'm going to be worried for a minute. So just at that minute, you're saying you would not be worried starting at like eight o'clock? No, no. Al is so smart. I'll figure out how I beat this system. Oh, what do we do? I said I'd just make it like 1.30 a.m. and hope to sleep through the stress. Wait, you get to pick the time of day? Not just, not just know what time of day it is? You get to pick the time. Oh, I mean, that's done. Did you hear the question? No, I thought you get to pick either knowing the time of day,

the day of the week or the week or the month of the year. What is time of day? I'm confused here. I thought, I'm not saying, I interpreted that as I get to choose from, let's say the local wizard is offering me these three choices. I get to either pick that I learn what time of day I will die. Right. Or what day of the week I will die.

Right. Or what month of the year I will die. Not that I get to choose what exact time. I just get to do you still are you still I completely understand of course because it's very simple he just thought I'm like talking to a wall the category he gets to pick the eye day he got one of them revealed to him yeah yeah um but listen that's the hack oh that's for sure just go to sleep and uh I'm going 4 a.m because that's how I want to go anyway like when I die I want to go at about 1.30 in the morning when I'm asleep we all want to go to go on our sleep right yeah but 1 30's 1 30 is way too early because I'm

Say goodbye to any possible late-night party. Exactly. Because that's 2.30. I can make sure I'm in bed by 4. 4 a.m. is the most guaranteed time of your life that you've been to sleep. Yes. What is the exact moment? Like, if you really had to pick any minute in the day that you've been the most off-day, the most guaranteed asleep, the most guaranteed asleep, what minute is it?

It's got to be like 3.30s. It's got to be in the 3s. I think it's in the 3s. I've gotten up at four something many times. Yeah. Now, I'm going to go three. I'm not sure about where my pee breaks are. I'm going to go 323.

I mean, the older you get, more of those pee breaks, you're going to. Yeah. And you're going to slip. Is there something? Can we have a minute here, just the three of us, men? Okay. How do I get that fixed? I don't know.

I don't have that problem. I think you see a prostate doctor. You don't wake up to pee in the middle of the night? No, I wake up to make a boom boom in the toilet sometimes. So wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, time up. I wake up. Way more to make a poop. Really?

Oh, yeah. I can count the number of times. You wake up to make a poop, boom, boom. I have not woken up to poop in 50 years. And I'm 40. On one hand, the amount of times in all of my years that I have woken up in the middle of the night because I'm going to have to poop right now. I can give you multiple fingers on one hand this past week. Oh, man.

Last night was two. You know when you play the game? um the uh you're like hey poops and ladders yeah i'm sure you can call it that but it's the game i wonder if this thing that always hurts my stomach is going to hurt my stomach again you know that game yeah i'm gonna eat it yeah i give me that i play that game all the time and that you lose that game a lot oh that game is undefeated brother but i keep playing oh so you also Andy, see a prostate doctor. I think that's what you got to do.

I mean, you say that, but it is also the most commonly known thing that that happens for both men and women when they get older. Yes. Not just women don't have prostates. Are we around the same age? Yeah. I've heard of your experience. See a doctor. It's not like 20 times.

Two. Oh, but it's more than ones. Sometimes one. Okay. Is it every time one? I drink too much before bed. That's the real true. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, cut back on that. I think we're taking the time of day. Once you cut back on that. How did this become a medical exam? See you, doctor. Noah from Patreon, assuming your net worth is the same in either situation. Would you rather be T. Swift levels of fame? So Taylor Swift levels of fame.

Or would you rather be as unfamous as a person can possibly be? So money is the same. Money is the same. Net worth is the same. That one is so easy. it's it well it's funny because there is a temptation here there's a temptation Truman yeah there's a temptation for all three of us because we have I'm telling you you're lying if you don't say that there's any

temptation because we've never experienced a smidge but I do completely recognize that if you had that level of fame it would be far more negative than the opposite there's no real negative to not being famous right well i it's tough because it's like if you have a huge net worth i guess it says in either situation so it doesn't mean you're rich huh just means you have the same net worth yes okay i was gonna say it's really hard to like if you had like t swift net worth and you're made unfamous like it would be really hard to stay that way to to be that famous you have to have money because you can't do anything she can't she has all the perks of like she gets everything

you know that she wants but she well not normal stuff. You can't go to a grocery store. Can't go to the grocery store. Can't go down the pet food eye on the grocery store. Can't, you know, go to the movies, you know, have a regular, can't go out, can't go outside. Because you'll get paparazzi pictures. Even just

walk out your front door. You can't do it. Thankfully, she can't go to Yankee Candle factory. That's a pro. That's a plus. I mean, the levels of fame. I'd go in there, but I'm far too famous. I feel like I'm Mike on this one where the nuance is getting me, because

if you have T-Swift levels of fame, you have influence, and so whether or not you're tempted by just being famous, but like having influence is valuable, you would not have influence if you're un-famous, right? No, well, yeah, not compared to being famous, but that it sounds awful that no matter where you go, everyone is looking at you, or not to say, let's say not everyone, because there's going to be people who actually don't know who Tim Swift is, but, but wherever you go, there will be. multiple people who know who you are, and they're going to be pulling their phones out. It's like Bieber. Bieber gets us all the time. Trying to sneak photos, asking you to take the photos. It would just be. Unfamous.

Yeah, for sure. I would not take that level of fame. We got time for one more, Al, or do you want us to move on? Let's do one more. All right. Bathroom Carpet writes in, that's the name over on our Patreon. Very nice. Would you rather get three passes to instantly break any addictions or bad habits

or instantly form any habits you want. Oh, that is an amazing question. So three passes to either form three new habits or disciplines or break addictions or disciplines. What's more powerful? You know what I mean? Because this is deep. This is deep.

Right. Because let's say I want to break one of my addictions. And so I want to break procrastination. Okay. I take it and I say, I want to get procrastination out of my life. I think that you phrased it as one of your addictions. I am addicted. I can't get enough of it.

Ooh, that thing I'm supposed to do. I'm not going to do it. Oh, yeah. Not doing that. Sounds pretty nice. Ooh, yeah. I'm addicted to procrastination. Okay, all right.

Maybe a bad way to phrase it, but I could. Bad habits was in there. I could remove the bad habit of procrastination. Or, alternatively, I could use it to add a habit of, you know. Exercise. Sure. So the problem is, is this really just comes down to how bad are the bad habits. How bad are the addictions?

How impactful are there? I'm still around. If it's nail biting. Liver's still working. I'm here, brother. If it's nail biting, what's the big deal, right? Like, that's not going to. Have you talked to your hangnails?

I'd love to break that habit. Right. But I don't, it's not going to. But if I'm like a degenerate gambler. Right. And I've ruined my family. You're going to need that addiction. button yeah i need i would need to break it the forming of the habits jumps out is the most

attractive thing possible what would you pick what would be your your three uh i oh i wait wait i am yeah i'm hearing oh you're getting i'm hearing right now from our local wizard that we are granted three powerful new habits to create but we only each get five seconds to come up with it. Andy, you're three, five, reading, four, three, dance, two, one. Okay, you get two, and one of them was dancing. Mike, five, working out in the morning, eating better, two, going to sleep on time. Okay, so you just want to be

healthy. Yeah. All three of those, you're having big troubles? Oh, yeah. I do. Working out in the morning. Working out. I can't sleep on time. Yeah, I can't do that. You want to sleep on time and eating healthy? Yeah, I can't do any of those things. Dude, Mike's, I do them the best I can. Mike did perfect. On the other side, Andy basically got to read and dance as a habit. It's true. Jason, go.

One, shoot, two, three, working out, eating healthy, going to bed on time. Oh, my God. Man, that was so easy. No, can't double up an answer. I have to do three fresh. Ready, five, four, three, running, hiking. Dancing. Yes, yeah.

That's dance. My new hobby of dancing. My new habit. You have a habit of dancing. What's your worst habit? I dance. I dance too much. I just can't.

I'm addicted to dancing. I'm addicted to dancing. But I'm also addicted to procrastinating. So I'm just thinking about dancing all the time. Sometimes people don't want me to dance and I do it anyways. Oh, I'm a dance. I'm just not yet. Just soon, I'm just going to put that off a little bit.

All right. Yeah. I'm going to form some habits. And that is my way of saying, think I have anything. I have bad habits for sure and things I'm addicted to, but not in, how about I, do you have to choose one or the other? Can I break the phone habit? No, I think you get three passes to instantly break or instantly form. Yeah, you got to. I feel like if you form habits, you will automatically break bad ones that take your time. So I'm going to go form.

I completely agree. I think that filling your time with positivity does as much to remember. remove negativity is just trying, when you try to just remove something negative in your life and you don't fill it with something, you're just going to go back to the negative. Yeah, you're just going to think about what you're not doing all the time. Yeah. But if I'm reading all the time, then I'm not on my phone all the time. So that's what I'm going to do. And now we're dancing a nerd.

I'm a nerd. I know. But I'm dancing. I'm a dancing nerd. All right, we're taking a break. Coming back with Man of the People. you're going to say anything well there was a button over here for man of the people and I pushed it and then this

this alert this like triangle with an exclamation point in the middle of it you don't want to play that game does not and it doesn't work does not compute so I wasn't going to say anything let's go to Deucer's Alley but then yeah let's see what bad habits would you break hit it hit it hit it hit it hit Jeremy

hit it hit it Jerry yeah I got the same error oh man I'm going to throw it in and post right here man of the people all right we are back thank you jeremy for putting that in probably uh i am the back-to-back champion apparently of my least favorite game man of the people i guess it's the stress of trying to get this little button the you think this is stressful try to spell okay all right this game is so funny because when you're in it it's much harder to come up with the answer. When you are

not a part of it, I can answer every single one of those things. This is why on pressure. On what, like a lot of these game shows, you get some really bad answers from people. Yeah, and I understand it. So Al Borland, I think while he was supposed to be setting the show drops up,

was actually out surveying hundreds of people. That's right. For the answers here on Man of the People. Three points for the first answer, if you name the most common answer. two points for the second one point for any other correct answer and we'll double the points in the seventh round let's begin all right here's round one name a kitchen appliance that is the hardest to clean i'm gonna go mixer blender is the number two answer okay it's the hardest Okay, I'm going to go with one This is personal

I don't think this will be the number one answer But a strainer Those things I've got a really fine strainer It's like you can't ever Oh shoot I got a different answer No no no no no Strainer is not on the board

Wait but what if I'm Microwave Microwave is the number four answer Oh no hold on You didn't let me finish I was I use a strainer for cheese You call it a cheese grater That's how I grade my

I want to find I will allow it Cheese grater is not on the board. Oh, yes. What? Yes. Dude, what are the answers? Stove oven was the number one answer.

Dhing. Fridge three and then. These were bigger. Toaster. These were appliances. I don't know who's cleaning their toasters. Did you say the word appliances? He definitely did.

You said strainer. So I'm just, I want to throw this out there. I want people to understand. I was sending a text while you were reading the message. I didn't know what. I forgot we were playing. and he hit the button. I don't know what I looked like on video,

but I was not part of the game. It's really not your fault because you didn't have the like the show in, the intro to the segment. Right. Wasn't playing to pump you up. Yeah. Thank you for letting me pivot though. You got it.

Cheese grater's a great appliance. All right. Also though, super hard to clean. Oh, yeah. Because cheese is like always stuck on. I don't own one.

You don't own a cheese creator. What's? You're a grown adult. I don't know. Maybe my wife does. I promise you own a cheese grater. You can buy... I haven't grated cheese in a long time.

Dude. It's pre-graded, bro. Dude. Yeah. Don't do that? Oh, get out of here. No, don't... I have a powered cheese grater.

Get out of here. All right, move on. All right. Through the first round, Andy has two points. Mike has one point. Yeah. Round two. Name an occasion where you'd see people dancing.

Oh, shoot. A wedding. Wedding is the number one answer. You're done right. It is. A party. party is the number four answer. Oh,

a dance. I'm going to give it to you. Prom is the number. Yeah, that's what I said. Like a high school dance. That's definitely a dance. So you guys got the one and two. The third one was the club. Then party, concert. We know about the club.

Oh, yeah. That's why I chose 4 a.m. to die. Because you're at the club. You're at the club until, yeah. Then I get home. Got to get asleep quick. So we got Mike in the lead with four, Andy right behind him with three, Jason with two. We're moving on to the third round. Name a traffic sign that would be appropriate out front of your in-laws house.

Oh, stop. Stop is the number one answer. Caution. Caution is the number two answer. I'm done, Jay. Yeah. I can't wait to hear the number three answer, Andy. Yield.

Yield and caution were the number two. so I will... Okay. All right. You don't get it. Let you go again. Oh. You don't get to duplicate the answer.

They go, I got it right. Yeah, you did because I got it. What other traffic sign? Yeah, go stop. Watch what happens. Five, four, three, two, one. You can't pick of a...

It's hard. Railroad. All right. No answer was not on the board. We missed yield. Mike got yield. Which is completely different than caution. But the answer is yield slash caution.

That is correct. You missed do not enter Oh yes One way and dead end Oh dead ends I like the dead end No I didn't miss it I got it right All right

You missed my points here Mike with six That's garbage Jason with five Andy with three Name something Kids forget When leaving for school

Oh their lunchbox Lunchbox is the number two answer Not in my house Backpack Backpack is the number three answer Oh crap I actually have maybe another one. Oh, is homework the same as backpack?

Homework is the number one answer. Boo y'all. No, that one's not the same, but caution and yield are the same. Well, because you're not. I agree, though. Where's the homework? The homework is left out. It's not in the backpack.

Yeah, they take their backpack and use their homework. I'm only fighting because of the last time. I thought it was going to be a water bottle. No, that's what you forget at school. That's true. We didn't have water bottles going up. No. Nobody brought them to school.

And we still were fine. We had water founts that were disgusting. They were. And steaming hot. Totally fine. And you really only had three very rushed seconds to drink until you were a water hog. Oh, that's, oh my God. One to the waterhog.

You're like, dude, I just got it from P.E. Leave some for the fishes. The phrase water hog. I haven't heard that in decades. But as soon as you said, I was like, that is what you called everybody at the waterfound. You're a water hog. And it's like, oh no. I am the water hog.

But it really was, it was very hurtful. This guy loves water. It was extremely hard. No, I'm not a water hog. No, I'm not, I'm not, no, I promise. I'm not a water hog. I'm just really thirsty and there's one little fountain. Hog, water hog.

You suck water hog. All right, next. All right, we are through four rounds. Mike is hanging on to the lead with nine, Jason behind him with seven, and our back-to-back champ is at the bottom with four. That seventh round's coming, though. That last round is worth double. name a word that describes someone who doesn't pull their own weight I'm going to go with lazy oh lazy is the number one

who doesn't pull their own weight oh gosh not everybody at once deadbeat deadbeat is the number five answer okay that's right I'll take a point there it's got the big eyes I hope his answer, thin people. They don't pull weight. Five.

You're not going to get one from me. I'm boycotting the rest of this game. Four, three, two, one. You missed slacker, freeloader, bum, and leech. Oh, okay. That was a tough one. I mean, for Andy. For Andy, yeah, I mean, we crushed that.

All right, on to round six. Oh, we're tied, Jay. Name a part of your car that can be. adjusted. Your seat. Seat is the number one answer. Oh, thank goodness. That's it. It's over. I'm going to go with

steering wheel. That is the number four answer. Oh, shoot. I know the number two. Is Andy really boycotting? No, you got a answer. Uh, your your glove box. Glove box. It can be adjusted. That is not on the board. Oh, man.

Mirror. Al is so upset. A.C., mirror, tires, and radio. All right, Andy's out. All right. And he's out. It doesn't matter. He can't win anyways. Wait, that wasn't the final round? No. Oh, I thought the game was over.

That was round six. Oh, I definitely gave up because I thought it was the final round. We have Mike with 13, which... Never give up. I feel like you're pushing a record here. Never surrender. Jason with 11, Andy with 4. And we are on to the final round.

Name a game or activity that is associated with older retired people. Bingo. That's a good answer. Bingo is the number two answer. Oh, no. Shuffleboard. Oh. Shuffleboard is the number five answer. I got another point. You can tie it. You got two, because it's double points. I know the game. It's not go fish. What is it? They play a stupid four. It's three. Three. Two. Old people play one. I know what you're going for. You're going for a Bridge. Bridge is 100% what I was thinking of. Bridge was the number three

answer. Okay, wouldn't have mattered. The number one answer was golf. And then Bingo Bridge, fishing, shuffled board, and travel. I figured Bingo would be number one just because it's... Why do you start liking bingo? Because you don't want to move. Yeah, you don't have to do very much. They just call out numbers and you're like

bunk. Don't got it. All right. Congrats Mike. Mike has dethroned Andy. Yes. This week's man of the people. 17 points. Put that on the make a note. I yield to That is a performance. All right. We'll take a break.

We'll jump into the draft. All right. I told you we had a fun draft. It's maybe a little too sophisticated for some of you, but it is the best plunger alternatives. You have a clogged toilet. You're in a bad way. and there is no plunger in the house. No plunger.

What you're going to do? You got to get the clog out. Jason, you got the number one pick. Whew, thank goodness, man. Because this is a clear 101. Yes, it is. Don't miss it. And that would be,

I got to get this doo-do unclogged. Okay. I'm going to use a wire coat hanger. Yeah, okay. It's on my list. All right, it's like, because I assume we can't use, you know, like the snake

that plumbers use, like the actual plumbing device. No, you can not use that. We're using things not in this spirit. Yeah, exactly. So the next best thing would be a hangar. I mean, maybe. Maybe. Oh, well, you're up. So why don't you beat it? I'm going to go with a big spoon.

Big spoon. Better hope that clog's not around the bend. Big spoon. Well, now you guys got me questioning my picks. Oh. But we're going to, whatever. A big spoon would be gross. Well, it's all going to be gross.

Yeah. It's the name of the game. I'm talking a big spoon. Yeah, what kind of curve you got on that spoon? I mean, the clog can be anywhere. It's big. The clog is. The clock could be right at the beginning.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. You're digging. All right. Dig with that spoon. I got, I got two things. How did that make Mike question his picks is what I'm afraid of? I don't know what he could have on his list. I'm going a little more heavy duty than you guys.

Oh. A jackhammer. No, no, not that heavy. You've got to go grab one of these. Yeah, no, I know. Okay. You just go to the garage. All right.

What do you got? I'm going two different approaches. You got waddle to that garage, my friend. Well, maybe it's not me who clogged the toilet. Number one, we're going to go with a shop vac. I have a chip back on my list. It's on my list. Suck that thing right out.

Yeah, but. And then throw that thing away. Yeah, that's a throwaway one time you shop back. But then we're going to go with the opposite direction. We're going with a leaf blower voice. It's on my list. For sure, you got And if you got both at the same time, you should be good.

I would think so. You know, because it's like sometimes Where, which direction does this thing need to go? Yeah, you might need to go back and forth. Is this an any or an outy? I don't know. Oh, gross. That is what a plunger does, though.

That is exactly what a plunger does. Pull and push. Pull and push. Good job, Mike. Thank you. I'm going to run out to the garage. I'm going to grab myself a golf club. We're going to work with the golf club here.

You guys are going with just the trying to break it apart yes that is correct yeah well no his spoon could scoop scoop some out you know what I mean take it out

put it in the bathtub next to it okay I'm going and to be clear this is an iron I mean I'm using an iron well yeah you don't want to you can't use a driver on that

you can't fit the driver like a pitching wedge or any of them really I'm not going to be too partial I want to know the number not a putter not a driver but I'll I'll take a

seven yeah give me seven I can't do my because that's the only thing I can hit a ball with. Yeah, you don't want to dirty that up. No. Just do the ones you can't hit with, which is a lot of them. Which is every club, but the nine.

So I'll go golf club. They're like, the bike, it's about 350 yards. I'm like, hmm. Give me my nine. All right. You're back up. I'm a lay up. You got a clog.

I am back up. I got a clog. And I've got a wire coat hanger. That's pretty good, though. It's pretty good, but sometimes you need a little bit more girth. Sure. You know what I mean? That wire coat hanger is not going to get, it's not going to break down the bad ones.

And if I got a big boy, I want that, I want the mashed potato masher. You know what I mean? Just really work that thing out. It's got the plunger handle, but I'm, you know, break it up into pieces. That is so gross. Mush shit. That is so gross. Taking something from the kitchen, I get it.

It makes sense. Yeah. Like a big spoon. But the masher is way worse. The masher is a little worse, but it might be more effective. It could be. It could be. You have another pick, lucky man. And then this one's, I'm not going to lie to you, it's probably going to be the most effective, but also maybe the grossest.

I am taking a rubber glove. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The best tools problem in my hand, if I'm willing to just reach in there. Hands would have been my next pick. Yeah. Nature's blundering. You would have picked hands? Yeah. So no glove.

I didn't know if I was allowed to use the glove and the hands. I thought I'd have to pick just the hands. You're allowed to use your hands when you use your spoon. No, I could see what. I mean, you can like. Look, I'm really. You just drop it in. It's not working.

Break down to poop. You know what, Jason? Because of that, I'm going to go. I'm going to think a little outside the box. Okay, I like it. And I think we all know where I'm going. That's right. Dizzerie-re-Doo.

I'm going to use a Diziery-Doo. Okay. I'm going to use a Dish-re-R-Doo. There could be some, there could be some, like, air pressure coming out the end of it. I didn't think about how effective that could be. Because you can, you're. You're. Just blow it out.

Yeah. Do not suck. Oh, no. Just blow. That's what I was going to leaf blower. So I got my final two picks. You guys were going to fight over it is where you do. I'm so glad I got it first.

You did. So, I mean, a similar method, I'm going to take a garden hose. Uh-huh. Interesting. I mean, like I can snake. Are you turning it on? No, I'm not running it. I'm just bringing the hose in.

Yeah, that would overflow even worse if you're up. No, sometimes you need... How are you getting that thing down there? What, into the toilet? How are you getting the hose down there? I'm snaking it in. Yeah, but I think the hose is... The hose is going to be so limp that you're just going to keep filling your bowl with a hose like dairy queen.

You know what I mean? That's why I thought you maybe needed to turn the water on, but you're risking an overflow. Yeah, maybe. Well, okay, you got the garden hose. Don't tell me how to unclog my toilet. You know what? I'm so sorry. You've got your shop vacuum leaf blower.

All right. And then this last one, will it work? I have no idea. will it be a disaster most likely I'm going to go if the judge will allow it because I need it's a combo it's like a hand and a glove

I got you we're going we're going to go baking soda vinegar I'm a volcano this thing I'll allow it yeah I think we will all allow you to blow that bathroom out you walking in there with your hands with multiple and just pouring it it to see what happens I'll take some Diet Coke

and Mentos oh my gosh that's right that would have been a good one, two. That'd have been way more powerful than my volcano experiment. You just got to close the lid real quick, you know what I mean? Drop them in, shut the lid. If you sit on it. Oh, if you sit on the lid? It's wash and unflush.

It's nature's bidet? Oh, you're sitting on the lid? Okay, I thought you're just sitting down. Nature's bidet. Yes, that should not have been missed. Yes. I'm not doing that move. All right, I have a big spoon of seven iron, a didgeridoo. I've got the main of equipment needed. I'm thinking a measuring tape. I'm thinking. I'm

thinking I just keep feeding the measuring tape in there. It's got a little grabby handle on the end. You'll get to know how far the my poop is exactly six feet down into the earth. Six feet. You clogged this thing six feet off. Yeah. Isn't it usually just right

after the... I thought he was going to go six inches down there. What do we call that thing? The men, you know... You trap? What is that called? I need a true man. I know what they were. I don't know the answer. What? What? You don't know what they're... I'm also disappointed in myself. It's just the trap, right? It's the peatrap of the toilet. Do they call

it the poop trap? Do they call it the poop trap? We got to find this out. It's got to be the poop trap. Wait, there's two, like, it's just one. There's two real men back there. And they don't know what it's called. He traps in a sink. So I don't know on a toilet, though, what it's called. You guys are idiots. They're just Googling like crazy over there. Google it faster. It's a masquerade. I can't believe you have a toilets also have a P trap. Some of them have an S trap.

Okay, that's trap. I know what that stands for. It's like I said, it's a poop trap. Oh, my God. All right, Jason, you've got a wire coat hanger, a potato master, ew, a rubber glove. Ew. One more way that you can clean out this toilet. What's going to be?

This is just an upgraded version of Mike's garden hose. I'm taking a... Cazoo. Pool noodle. Oh, you know what I mean? It's going to keep the form a little bit. I've got to have to push it a lot harder, but it's going. Technically, you can blow on the ends of the other.

and maybe loosen it. Oh, yeah. I forgot that I got a hole in the middle of that thing. Yeah, you do. I like it. Yeah, thanks. I think we had a lot of good picks. Some honorable mentions that I didn't throw out there.

I had Dustbuster, but the shop that kind of won the day there. Yeah, I had a bike pump. A bike pump is great. Oh, that's really good. I had a pool cue. The problem with these straight, rigid, I'm mostly, I just thought I had to break through something. Yeah, but that's only if you got the bridge.

It's in the pee-p-trap. That's only, yeah, it's usually in the, in the, the, the PNS trap. You guys have talked about a poop knife before. Yeah, it's not like none of these can, they can all help with that stuff. If that is the clog, then yes, a pool cue would be excellent. Have you guys ever seen the, uh, the fancier ones where it's like this, almost like a plastic wrap? And they just put the sheet over the toilet because then it, it sealed it, and then they can just pump. I can't even

visualize what you're saying. I don't know what you see. Okay, so cover up the toilet. Like a saran wrap. Yeah, like a saran wrap. That's also a good goof to do to someone. You cover, you open the lid, you saran wrap the toilet, you put the lid back down. Oh, that's a good

terrible. And you do that at night for the person to do the midnight wake up and go. You'd get me five, six times a night. Oh, man. So you cover it and it's sealed, so it's airtight, and then you just push so you're doing the same thing as a plunger but nothing's spilling out i haven't seen i've i don't spill a bunch of stuff out when i plunge you haven't had a full toilet no no full

toilets call somebody you you wait you don't get you don't get the uh dad yeah it's it won't stop yeah you get it like turn the water off for the love of god and then and then you think you've unclogged it and then it's not unclogged that's the dangerous one where it's like, I think it's, I don't know. And we all, I always test. I'm going to test. I'm going to flush. And then you go, oh, no, it's coming up.

It's coming up. You flushed it wrong. Okay, what is your go-to? Your kid calls you and dad, I clogged the toilet, you walk in. Water is level with the bowl. What do you do then? What would be your first move? I got the plunger, man.

Really? Yeah, I do, too. I go in and then I want to sanitize that plunger. Dude, I shut that door for a couple hours. What? Oh, yeah. It'll leak down a little. It usually does. You know what that smells like?

I do. We don't. He does. I don't want the poop water to overflow on my floor. You just choose that? Yeah. Oh, no, it stinks in here. Yeah, it stinks in there after you take a dump, too.

After AI told me that there were 217 small box in inky candle stores, I did ask, but why? Oh. And apparently they are very, it's because. because they're very easy to stock. That's what tells me. They're very high profit, easy to stop. What's the margin on wax? Smelly wax.

Smelly wax, yeah, I don't know. I know they're expensive. It's got to be like a 98% profit margin. I saw a candle at a local store. We all live near each other. There's a local furniture store here. That sells candles? No, no, yeah.

They've got, well, they've got like decorations and, you know, along with the furniture. And they sell these little boat candles. It looks like a boat I think that's what it's called It's like a Yeah it kind of looks like a I mean it's not like it doesn't look exactly like a boat But it's gone on

Yeah anyways It's a little bigger than a normal candle It almost looks like a little bathtub Yeah yeah like a itty-bitty bathtub And then you can fill that with it. Just get to the price $60 $60 for this candle

Well because you're buying the fancy It's just wood holder You know if you need to start doing is putting some, like, high-quality medicines inside the candles. Give me a robatussing candle. At least let it do something for me. Now we're talking. Now we're talking.

Clear those sinuses? That's right. A pharmacy candle store. That's what I'm talking about. What did we learn today? What did you guys learn? I just learned there's over 200 Yankee candle stores. I learned that a cheese grater is not owned by Andy.

It's not an appliance. And also not an appliance. I learned that caution and yield. are identical. Though they're the same word, basically. Same sign. All right. Go unclog your toilet, Spitwads.

We'll catch you next time. Goodbye. Goodbye. Thanks for listening to the Spitballers podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out Spitballerspod.com. Thank you.