Spitballers Comedy Podcast - Andy Melts Down & Best Ice Cream Mix-ins - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: February 9, 2026

Want to see Andy melt down and lose his mind? Well this is the episode for you! Would You Rather kicks things off. Highway to Spell returns and Papa Josh enters the fray before we head to the draft where things go off the rails. Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast!Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast:Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.comFollow us on X: x.com/SpitballersPodFollow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPodSubscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore on realistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the spitballers podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. Hey now, brown cow, big clown, dog pound banana. Another hey now brown cow. Yeah, we've had that before. Have we? Oh, yeah. Have we?

Oh, yeah. That's very specific. I scat every day. You scat 66% of our shows You made a deal With the devil With the devil

And the devil loves to hear you scat My gosh So I barely get a break from scatting It's great Look if I was on stage Playing songs all day long Eventually I'd have to play the hits Yes

Yeah You know what I mean I can't make something new up every time Welcome in to the spitballers The only Saving grace of me being the permanent scatterer So it feels Is the fact that

out of nowhere we decided highway to spell is back oh my gosh this was so stupid somebody asked about it some and I I appreciate you I love you I love you some idiot yeah on the footcast asked a question about when is highway to spell coming back that was all I'll need to hear and then I was like it's today

so I just want to say to the person but you tried to veto the footland member I tried to ask that question thank you for your support I hate you please cancel your script please please cancel it please go away

Al's happy I never come back Al how are you doing today it's such a great easy yeah you want to know what the producer has to do to come up with this nothing look up some words hold on I'm glad you brought that up

because I do need to serve as something it came up in our company Slack we were talking about highway to spell yeah the young man of the crew let us know. And I'm talking about Matt the Falcon. He said Papa Josh,

who Papa Josh claims he's great at so many things. Everything. Papa Josh has been... He's also great at what he's bad at. He's like the worst of whatever he's bad. Hold on, hold on. He's been claiming he's a really good speller.

Oh. Yeah. So you want to play with us? I think he does. Josh, are you a good speller? I'm an okay speller. Josh. Oh, no, no, no, no.

No, no, no. Listen. Backtrack. B, A, C, K, R-A-C-K. Reel it in. Real it in. Backtrack. Shame on you guys for listening to anything that Matt says. I don't know. Are you a good speller? I am an okay speller. I heard you said this on your other podcast. You find that clip for me. Go ahead.

I didn't hear it. I'm trusting Matt. Did you say this on another podcast? Do you think you did? I may have said that I was a good speller. All right. That's all I need to hear. Is he playing with us? Yeah, he's playing. Of course he is. I need a pen and paper.

You don't need nothing. Okay. You guys get your boogie boards. No, no, no, no. You write your words down. You're saying the kids at the spelling bee, they get a, they get a little clipboard? They don't get a, they don't get a clipboard. I ain't that big of a nerd, man.

We didn't claim that we're good. Yeah. I know that I'm bad. I've said I'm a bad speller. Well, Papa Josh will play along with us. For the record, both of these other deucers said that they think that they can take you guys. No, they did not. They absolutely did.

Jeremy would never say that. I have proof. Well, he's got the answer key over there. Look at his face. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. There's proof.

No, he doesn't. Where's the proof? It's in his mind. I'm not going to ask for the other people for proof. I'm asking you. Are you saying you don't believe me, Mike? I'm saying, okay, guys. What he's saying is that when the prosecutor comes up and says, I have, I have proof.

And the judge says, what is your proof? He says, ask around. Just scared you, Jason. Other people know. This is America. That's my proof. And the burden of. proof is on the accuser. Yeah, that's fair. Oh my gosh. Sometime between now and the segment, though,

you guys need to switch spots. You and Matt. Oh, yeah. Thank you. Oh, you don't want to. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. See these words. Yeah, you get that smelly, Mike. Well, we'll have a fun highway highway to spell today. We've also got- You don't know which one I said. No, I know which one. We've also got a draft. We're drafting the best ice cream toppings and mix-ins. Yeah, we had a big fight about that. Yeah. These guys couldn't comprehend the idea of a topping. No, we know what a topping is. No, no, no, no, no. Mixings where you mix it in are so much superior.

It's so much better. Two topics. And if all were drafted is topping. Lots of other things. But we just do a draft. You just do a draft for the thing. You want to know something special. This is like you saying, if our draft is pick fruits, you're like, you know,

it's better than fruits is dessert. So let's pick desserts. This must be Papa Josh's brother. Yeah, seriously. What is happening? You want to know something special? Just pick the things. Other things.

Just ask the other people. Don't tell you what's special. Do the trap on the thing we said. No way, dude. Mixing. Mix. Was that Andrew Dice? What's the matter with you?

Like, blizzards? I'm not saying. Are better. Yeah, blizzards are flurries. But we were going to draft toppings and you couldn't get your head around it. Because toppings are garbage. No, you can't. We know what a topping is.

I don't think you do. Of course we do. You put it on top. You just decided you're not going to pick them because you like mixing stuff in. We wanted the draft to be representative of the people. And the people, they don't go to Coldstone and be like, hey, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo. Just put that on top. Just on the layer it.

This is not a cold stone draft. No, that's fine. All right, anyways, we're drafting ice cream toppings and mix-ins. And, um... What are you like, mixings? Mixins. We'll get into that. We've got a highway to spell.

We got what you'd rather. We're starting right now. Sources and mixings? Would you rather You guys irritate me Would you rather Alexis from Patreon Would you rather discover on your property

Three choices Which would you rather discover on your property A crashed UFO with dead aliens On your property Dead aliens Yes Okay Oh that's a big difference

Oh my goodness A fully I don't want an elf situation You know A fully You don't It's just You eat cats

Dude I know. A fully intact T-Rex skeleton. Fully intact. Okay. Or 10 golden bars. Oh, so this just became financial. Like, which one is worth for? Well, all three of them would be financial for you.

I mean, you're getting paid on the skeleton. Well, sure. I didn't, when you talked about the aliens, I didn't immediately hop to financial gain. I thought about, I mean, first of all, we know, or at the very least, we think we know, that T-Rexes were, of a very specific dinosaur. But we don't know for sure whether aliens exist. So that's not just financial. That is informational.

Talk to Tom DeLong, please. Teach me. Who's Tom DeLong? Blink 182? I am aware of a band. The guy who left the band to go study. Okay. If I had crickets, I would hit it.

Look, Tingle Barge. Not everyone is a hardcore Blink 182 fan. And he's looking at us like we're fools. I'm sure. You are. You guys didn't know. that he left and then he was doing... Who cares? No, we didn't. How many producers knew that? One. One that always knows that one. Okay. That's true. He had no idea. The tingle bars are worth

about 500 grand right now. A full T-Rex skeleton is worth $6 to $30 million. Yeah. So that's obviously a better choice. Now, the alien one... The aliens, way more. The question about the aliens is, can you monetize it or does it seize by the government? I think the government might come in and just take it. I don't feel like you can necessarily be... Whoa, give me a check. I don't, like, if the government wasn't involved, I could charge people to come see the dead alien. Now, let me ask you this.

If you knew, genuinely, you have a legit, crashed alien spaceship with dead alien carcasses in there. And the government did not know about it yet. Okay. Okay. Do you believe that you could orchestrate a media coverage? event wide enough to where

at some point you usurp the ability of the government to come in and just like apprehend. No. No. No. They will be in immediately. It's national security issue. I'm taking the T-Rex. It's honestly. It's international. I want to be

known as the dinosaur guy with $30 million. I'm going to... Alan Grant Esquire. I will get something from the government. The government's not going to come in and take it. prison. No, I'll get... Hold on, please. Please finish this sentence. The government... Please finish the sentence. Okay, listen. If I don't fight back, yeah, the government will come in with a low ball check offer and say, hey, we're going to take this off your hands. Here is $100,000 for in sign this contract. And I'm just going to say yes. So I'm out the money of the T-Rex.

But do you want to know what I know? I know that aliens exist. The T-Rex is $30 million, Jason, not 100 grand. I thought you said $6 to $30 million. You're not getting top dollar. You just said a hundred.

What are you like the world's greatest T-Rex auction year? Put it at $6 million. To you $100,000 might be six. So you would deny $6 million to be like, I know aliens are real. No one will believe me,

but I'll have $100,000 instead of $6 million. You can know. Jason, we know they're real. No, I don't believe aliens are real. No, they're not real. Look. Oh, time out.

You're getting eminent domained by the government. For sure. Imminent domain often comes with a check. Yes, a very small one. Oh, very small one. We're building a highway over your aliens. Yeah. Okay. Time out. Right.

Genuine moment. No. Yes. Okay. All right. But for those of us who haven't listened and done 10,000 shows together, the question before you answer it, is do you actually people are on all sides

do you believe that aliens intelligent life is out there in the universe just a yes or no yes so Mike you are a yes I am a no Andy very much a no very much a no Fermi paradoxes is bull crap Al Borland I am a no

okay so we got three no's one yes yes okay Papa Josh how does it feel timeout Mike how does it feel to be you and Papa Josh alone on the same side Mike doesn't care. Yeah, no, I don't care. Josh is actually a very smart guy. But what if Matt?

Now we have a problem. Matt. Go on. I'm yes. Ha ha! I'm glad to be on this side. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

I don't think so. Mike thinks so. That's interesting. Josh, Josh makes sense. Josh is a very... I'm posting a poll right now. Josh is an optimistic dude in general. It's not even optimistic.

It's... No, that's not. It's not optimistic. Probability. That could be pessimistic. I mean... That could be pessimistic is... pessimistic is no.

No, no, no. I'm saying pessimistic could still be yes. Fermi paradox would say, which Mike apparently thinks is garbage, but is, you know, an opinion. It says that after the vastness of the universe, we have no evidence of any contact of them or any existence of them of any kind. Yeah. Over the totality of all of these supposed billions of years. So that's the side I see on. Mike is taking the side that he believes that they're out there, which is fine.

I'm taking the size and probability. It's kind of like the... we have no evidence of. It's kind of like the space travel argument, which Einstein proved the theory of relativity. Sure. Time travel in theory should be possible. There was a time when people were like, yeah, we're at the center of the universe. But if time travel was real.

And they're like, where's the proof? And you're like, hold on, let me get it for you. And then we got it. No, I mean, we. And then we got it. We keep getting the proof. If time travel was real as an example. Oh, time travel, you can only go.

forward. No, I think in theory you can only go backwards, but regardless. Yeah, relativity. It's all relative to where you are. But the, here's the thing. If time travel is capable, then there's only two possible outcomes. One is that they're here. Sure. Because time travel, like, sure. Time travel's happening and it's already been invented in the future. And so they've come back to now. Or, we are the first of all... Which is the most improbable of all things. Exactly.

Or check this out. Check this out. Time travel's not possible. That's the alien argument. Yeah. The reason that we don't know the aliens exists is because... Check this out, Mike. Because they don't exist.

Billions and billions of stars. Billions and billions of stars older than the sun. Billions and billions of opportunities for life to have evolved beyond our current phase, in which case people would have found a way to... to communicate with other people in the galaxy. Or they don't exist! Or they've destroyed themselves. Billions and billions.

It just sounds like you're on two sides of two different questions. Yep. But I'm going to pull our audience. I'm on the side of checking out the way that humanity is going. We, I think the probability of us destroying ourselves in 2,000 years' time is very high. Very high. In how long?

I'm just going 2,000 years. I thought you said 200. I was like, wow. You really are. It legit could be 50 years. So then just to be clear then, you're believing then that every civilization at our age gets to a point. Destroys themselves.

Yes. Which means that they're not around them. But they did exist. No, but they're not here. No, they're not. I didn't say they were on Earth. No, no, no, not here. I mean anywhere.

They're not anywhere ever. No, they can exist and we can never know. So you think they're synced up with us timelines then? They can be. Okay, that's long odds in the billions and billions of years. They can be. You said 2,000 years. That means they'd have to be within 2,000 years of us right now, which is very long odds.

But I'm saying that I think that eventually life, we just get to the point where life just destroys itself. Yeah. I'm not in on this. Fermi. I'm putting up the poll. Oh, are you tweeting it out? Yeah. So, Mike, your backyard, though, T-Rex?

You win with me? Because I'm taking the money. Isaac from Patreon It's so easy Would you rather shower two times a month Whoa But you get to put on new clothes every day

Okay Like new underpants Yeah Whole thing top to bottom All right Sox two Or change your clothes only twice a month But you shower every day

This is a great question Probably one of your best in At least 100 episodes This one Respectfully Is I didn't hear the second question You either

You want clean clothes or you want clean body your body gets you either get a shower twice a month and you get new clothes every day or you change clothes twice a month but you shower every day this is about whether look when I smell let's say you change clothes twice a month and you shower every day I think that's the one I'm going to go with if I'm showering every day I'm not contaminating these clothes too intensely you are you're never working out there no I am I'm taking my shirt off while I work out you're taking your undies off no my underwear is going to smell you're going to have to go down I'm not you're not You got to go skibs. If I'm not showering every day and I'm going twice a month, you're working out like the Greeks. It doesn't matter what clothes I'm wearing. I'm smelling like a butthole. Here's the thing.

I think you are, I think you're backwards here because if you can't change your clothes, that means your socks and your underwear are going to wreak to high heaven. Or like Mike said, you don't do any workouts. You don't work on a bicycle or in my case, feed the chickens. or do anything that gets you dirty.

You wash your jeans every time you wear them? No. No, it's the socks and the underpants that are the big of the time. I'm not saying they're not. I'm just saying if I smell. Go five days without a shower. How you smell? Bad, bad, bad.

But you want to know what I can. What clothes you put on? It doesn't matter. But do you know what I can do? What? Like, I know that if I don't put on deodorant two days in a row, I'm going to reap. But I can put on deodorant.

This does not stop me for putting on deodorant twice a day. I can deodorant. You think you can frieze your way out of this? I think with clean clothes, deodorant, a little cologne. I will be okay. Okay. Axe body spray over here thinks he'll be fine. Mike, which side are you on?

I don't think there's a winner. No, there's not a winner. Which one is a bigger loser? Al made an effort on this. All right, the bigger loser would be, the bigger loser would be if you can't shower. Thank you. That's where I'm going. I am. That's where I'm going.

That's from a guy who believes in aliens. We're only 182 votes in. I'm not going to say which way it's going. Please don't look. Okay. But right now, and I put it. Do we have a heavy favorite? We have a heavy favorite. Oh, I know the heavy favorite.

I know the heavy favorite. I put yes. I just want you to understand how I posted it. Genuine question. It's a heavy favorite for yes. I'm not saying. Genuine question. Do you believe that aliens are real?

Yes, no, and no opinion. Because I wanted people, I wanted people who were on the fence to check the poll. to not like sway it. I want to know if people... People have an opinion on this. I fundamentally disagree with any poll because a poll is not based on logic reason or evidence. A poll is based on what you're rooting for.

That's all. Okay, that's fine. But it's... It's 77% to 20% to 3%. Yes, because if you told me, do I... If you asked me whether or not I believe that time travel could ever happen, I'm going to go, yes, because I want it to happen. Oh, I would go, no.

I want it to happen, but it's a no. I mean, if I'm rooting for something... Actually, I don't want to, if time travel can happen, do you believe that we can ever make calorie-free candy? I'm going to say yes. No. I'm going to say yes. Time travel is the end. Time travel is the end of the world.

I feel like most people are going to want aliens to be there. That's all it's all. Unless. That's why we watch alien movies. I think most people don't want aliens to exist. If we truly, if we live in the, the multiple universes. Andy's giving me this look like. Most people would like to believe that there's something crazy out there.

Let me ask you this. That's fun. The alien ship shows up right now outside our studio. Giant alien ship. It's right there. Are you going to be your immediate thought? Happy or scared. Which one?

I don't know. Fascinated. No. Oh, terrified. You will have yellow pants immediately. Maybe brown. They're not yellow. Oh, yeah.

Those are dark. Your pants have been yellow for 15 days. You only shower. You shower every day. You don't get a change of clothes. No, if aliens showed if we would be terrified. Yeah. And dead.

Look, maybe. Why do people watch alien movies then? To watch people die. Yeah. To watch massacres of alien invasions. There's not a whole lot of aliens. This is our independence day. Yeah. Because you know what the aliens know?

Aliens know all of our global landmarks. I can't tell you. And they blow them up. Every time. I don't know why they always know, man. Well, because they're real smart. They're real. First they're real smart.

White House. Yeah. And they're like, what is it? Stonehenge. Tower of London. The, definitely the Pyramies. They're blowing those up. Oh.

That's, yeah. The pyramids are their landing spot. The pyramids are literally the beacon. That's where they're supposed to be. It docks right with the alien ship. That's how they were built. That is what Lelu told me. All right.

Is that in that? No. He's mixing up Stargate and Fifth Element. I will not stand for this. Journey from X, would you rather eat one meal per day as large as you'd like or eat as normal throughout the day, but only every other day?

So you have to fast every other day? Oh, large meal. Give me a large lunch. I thought you said large meal. That's full. There's going to be large. Oh, yeah. A large lunch?

I can easily get by with a big lunch. I feel like if I had one huge lunch, I don't need to eat it anymore. Exactly. Yeah. Every other day. Would you like the intermittent fasting protocol? I mean, that is, I would love to have the willpower to eat one large meal a day. It would be incredible for my health.

I've tried to kind of do this with intermittent fasting. You eat normally one large meal a day. I eat one large meal a day and then regular meals throughout the rest of the day. That's my usual go-to and that's the problem. I either eat larger regular meals. Three to four teen times a day. I am shocked how like resistant or like soft I am when it comes to like having to skip a meal. Really?

Yeah. I'm not resilient. I'd like to believe I'm resilient. I'm not. I know if I I don't get crazy hungry. It's not like I'm like, oh my gosh, I'm hungry. I can actually go, I think I could go days without a meal. I don't get hungry.

But your body freak out. But I get a headache. Yeah. Or I get real brain foggy. Or I get weak and tired and brain foggy. Yeah. It's more like the biological reaction to no food and energy sources. You need far more blubber.

Because as if I had more blubbered? As a blubbery, man, you know, I've done the last year or so. I feel like I'm a pretty blubbery man. I would disagree with this. I've done, you're not a blubbery man. I'm loosing the cage. This guy wants. I'm loose in the cage.

You don't know. You feel like a blubbery man. Yeah. I am a blubbery man. Willie. But I've, in the last year, I think I've done two different times, like a three-day water fast. But you're having a little bit of something in there, right? Uh, the first day is like some bone broth.

Right. So that's like, you actually go zilch for two days? Three, three days. No, no, no. You just said you had bone broth. Okay. So I have like 40 calories. Zilch means nothing.

40 calories of bone bra. By choice. Yes, by choice. You're like, trying to get some of tofu. I'm going to do this thing. I get it. Yeah.

And I wanted to do that. And at about the 20-hour mark, I had a migraine. Yeah. And I had prepared. I thought I had prepared properly. I was having my electrolytes and all. I wanted to be you, Jay. I guess without, I don't have as much blubber.

I had a dollar. But I got to. For every time someone wanted to beat you? Yeah. You'd have a dollar. Exactly. Or for every pound of blubber. Cash.

But I got a migraine at 20 hours. If it's a dollar, it's probably quarters. What was crazy is when I had the migraine, I had like one bite of food and it was instantaneously gone. So you are just, your whole point is your week. Yes. That's the driving thesis of my paper. I agree with that. But he's a breakfast man.

I am a breakfast. I almost never eat breakfast. I have a recently. Breakfast is correlated, man. I have. throws everything off. You got to get the metabolism rocking, man. I've been saying this forever.

Wait, is that why I'm a blubbery man? Yes. Your metabolism needs to keep going. There's a correlation to weight loss and breakfast. I was told I'm supposed to not eat for 12 hours. There's also a correlation between weight loss and not eating. True. It works either way.

I've been recently trying to eat like an egg or eggs for breakfast. You're doing that microwave? Dude, that microwave is legit. I did it one time and it turned out okay. It's better than you think for the fact that it takes 45 seconds. Yeah. it's I was like this is you go mayonnaise or yeah mo yeah mannays just some mayonnaise some egg whip it up microwave yeah no it's like not bad dog gum this is an omelette it's like we've been wasted so much time

dude there's like there's omelette bars we live there should just be a microwave where we work right now we've been working together for 11 12 years or whatever it is and well I guess like 20 years if we go back to our former company and we live by the the 80-20 principle. Where we don't, we want to be... 80% of aliens are made a 20% of... I was going to say, you're like, the guy who's like, I can make an omit in the microwave.

You're going to deny aliens, brother. Yeah. Okay, let me, let me tell you about a little separate pole. Ali's love microwave amids. I got a little separate poll. Give me the results of your poll, right? What's your separate? No, no, no, listen.

Listen, I want you... I'm just going to back this up. Down 75% say they do believe aliens are right. 18%... Sounds about right. says no and then the rest are no opinion. Here's my poll. Okay.

Do you need evidence to believe in aliens? 77% said no. 22% said yes. Well, so that's the math checks out. Yeah, the math checks out perfectly, which is just, we want them to. No. 77% of people want them to.

It's just, oh, wait, Mike. It's just zooming out, man, zooming out. We got billions and billions. We haven't heard a peep. Sounds like, Mike, you need a poll of, do you want aliens to exist? That's 100%. I don't want it. 99 if you guys

8. Because then you're wrong. Okay. Well, I don't forget what we're talking about. Who knows? We got to move on. We're talking about omelets that you can migrate. Oh, yeah.

They're great. And to get back to that, we live by this 80-20 principle where it's like we try to be really efficient with our time. We try to make sure that we're not, we're not wasting hours and hours of something that gives 20% production when 80% of your production comes in 20% of your time. And when I think about how much work it takes to make an omel. A good one.

It's never 80-20? It's in the 20. Is it better than the microwave omelet? Sure. I think so. Probably. But it takes me 45 seconds to make the microwave one and it's like, this is that gum just as good.

I mean, it's like, why would you ever waste time making a full get the pan out, dirty the pan? You got to put a chef hat on. Maybe chop some veggies or get out your cheese. That's how you feel about the Costco pumpkin pie. versus that. 100%. I know. It's the same thing. It takes so much work to make a homemade pie. That's me with cranberry sauce

at Thanksgiving. Take it out of the can brother. Turns out life matters. Live your life and eat Costco pumpkins and microwave your omelets. Highway to spell. Josh, you're not moving. Josh, switch your spot. We're not letting you cheat. Thank you. We know you'd cheat.

Thank you. Thank you. Also, Matt, I need you to keep an eye on his computer. because Yeah, he might be Googling stuff. My trust. Watch his hands. I'm so excited. Watch his hand.

Yeah, hands behind your back. I'm so excited about this because. All right. Oh, he's closing his laptop. Okay, good. All right. We've got highway to spell. Just you know, there is risk.

Yeah, there's risk here. I know. I know there is. Not to me. To me and Mike. No, no, no, no, no. To me? No, no, no.

It's all you, bro. Check this out. How do you spell bingo? D? Oh, I'm out. I really just don't want to go out in the first round. I had cocktails. lunch. I'm in big trouble. I really don't want to go out in the first round.

We are playing highway to spell with special guests. Papa Joss. Yeah. Over there in Duce your alley. Oh, yeah. Because we, there's nothing more. Oh, no. Oh, no. The people hate it. The people. The people hate it. Wow, I thought they would applause you. I want to be fair. I thought they would applause you. The button says applause and I hit the one next to it. The people need to understand. There's nothing sweeter than Josh being wrong in this office. That's, it's the sweetest fruit off of the sweetest tree. Ask yourself why that is, though.

You're loud. Yeah. And boisterous. Yeah. No, that is why. And wrong sometimes. Also, you're loud. I can answer.

I can answer what you're actually wanting me to answer, which is because you think you're always right. Not always. Not always. So. No. You do you think always? Where do you guys want Josh to go in the order? I think he goes last.

Okay. All right. You're a cleanup. Which is risky as well. But, uh, yeah. Mike can start or I can. We usually go Andy Mike Jason. All right, let's go.

Andy here. What grade are we in? We are starting in the fifth grade. Oh, all right. I feel like that. I wish we were a third. Here's your fifth grade level word, Andy. Amendment.

Amendment. Oh, I start with M. A, M-E-N-D-M-T, amendment. M-M-M-M-M-T, amendment. M-M-M-M-M-R-C-A. M-U-R-C-A. All right, Mike. Mike is in fifth grade too. I do miss this game. I miss this game. I miss this game. You miss this game because you're okay. I hate this.

Oh, I love it. Andy is the returning chance. Oh, really? That's true. Probably five out of seven. Oh, come on. Here's your fifth. It's a fifth grade level word. Represent. R-E-P-R-E-S-E-N-T. You give him the other face. Did I scare you at all? You did. I know. Because, because you went real quick. No, because at the end, When it's an E and an A, like, I just, I literally, I just misspelled something on, on Twitter. Yes. And I misspelled devastating.

Because people, because I, because of how you say it. Because it's devastating. Yeah. You want me give you a hot tip for spelling? Yes. Go with the first impression. Go with your first impression. Go with your forget.

All right. If you overthink it. I'm going to spell this. I'm going to spell this. You start pronouncing it everywhere in your head. All right. Jason, here is your fifth grade level word. Diction.

Oh, that's easy. All right. That's D-I-T-I-O-N-A-R-Y. Yeah, nailed it. Swish. Thank you, Andy. This is a big moment, guys. All right, all right.

I'm so nervous right now. Yeah. This seems sucks. Oh, man. When you're on the clock, it's all different, isn't it? All right, Josh. Here's your fifth grade level word. Syllible.

Yeah. Okay. S-Y-L-L-A-B-L-E syllable. Yeah, right. All right, all right. Two L's? Yeah, oh, yeah. Oh, I would have gone down.

No way! I had it right. Wow, I had it right, too. It's still. Go with your gut, Andy. Oh, man, yeah, I would have gone. Andy's face was so excited. I thought he was out.

All right. Am I back? Sixth grade. You are back. All right. Is your sixth grade level word? This game's great. Encyclopedia.

Oh, crap. What? E-N-C-Y-L-O-P-E-D-I-A. That's how I have it. Okay. I would have got that right. That one, it's like, at least it's, It's long, but it works.

What matters is that it sounds like it sounds. Exactly. It's just when there's. Like syllable. There's two wells. Why? I don't know. We put an extra one in there.

Yeah. I mean, it totally wouldn't have got me, but Mike, you're up. Mike, here's your sixth grade level word. Cooperation. All right. We're doing okay here. Co-O-P-E-R-A-T-I-O-N. Co-O-R-A-T-I-O-N.

You nailed it, brother. That's how I have it. All right. We would have all got that one. Operation. Yeah. Jason, here is your sixth grade. I'm going so fast, Jeremy.

All right. Ambulance. Ooh. Ambulance. Oh, don't say it like that. Ambul. All right. I'm just going.

I don't. This looks maybe right. I said I'm going fast. A-M-B-U-L-A-N-C-E. Oh. You almost got him. You almost got him. I wasn't sure.

It sounded funny. Yeah. How did you spell that? With an ENCE, right? No. No, you went. Did you go A and C? Oh, okay.

Ambulance. See, that one might have got me. I don't know. Call ambulance. Ambulance. Ambulance. Appa Josh. Here is your sixth grade.

Sixth grade. Calendar. That was a hundred years ago. Oh, that's an impossible word. C-A-L-E-N-D-R. Calendar. Calendar gets me. Why?

That gets you? Because you go Calander? Yeah. Cal-A-L-N-D-R? Calendar. That's how it's spelled. Say it. No, say the word. Calendar.

Yeah. That's just how it's spelled. No. Calander. There's a, no. Calendar. No one says calendar. Calendar. Calender.

Calander. There could only be one. That's what I was calendar. I am. Calander. All right. Everybody's, seven to the seventh grade.

All right. Calend definitely has two ease. Let's go. Here's your seventh grade level word. Laboratory. Uh-oh. I went fast. I think I got it. I like this. Go fast thing.

Now I'm doing the opposite of what I said. All right. L-A-B-R-A-T-O-R-Y. That's how I spelled it. It's laboratory, guys. Laboratorie. Man, going fast is an idiotic move. You went laboratory. You spelled it like it sounds.

What an idiot. Papa Josh is a... Well, I guess he can still lose it. Laboratory. I was going to say he officially would be it. We needed Andy in this because we cannot. He's our horse. We can't let old man win.

Don't worry. Speed legitimately hurt me there. But you took a long time. No, it's because. You're right. Laboratory. It's because we spell it or we say it, Laboratory.

I feel like I got set up. All right. Mike, your turn. Laboratory. Mike here is your seventh grade level word. Labradoodle. I'm imaginary. Oh, come on.

I'm out. I can't believe I'm out. I hate this. Imaginary. I-M-A-G-I-N-A-R-Y. All right. No problem. And Jason, here is your seventh-grade level word.

Seventh grade. Heroic. Uh-oh. Is that easy or is it not? I'll tell you in one second. H-E-R-O-I-C. All right. It was very easy.

Unless that button sounded different and then was very hard. And Josh, here is your seventh-grade level word. Bulletin. Isn't it in? No, he's out. Oh, that's right. He's okay.

I forgot about that. What was the word? Wait, wait, wait. What was the word? Bulletin. E-U-L-L-E-T-I-N bulletin. Okay. All right.

The winners are moving on. Man, we are so many grades beyond. How are you doing over there, Andy? I told you there was risk, man. He was held back. How are you doing there, man? He was held back. Josh, did you have?

Why did I get laboratory? I've written everyone. Did you have laboratory? I did, yep. All right. You got laboratory. All right. Mike,

all right. Your eighth grade level word. Let's get it. Dialogue. Oh, that's not a good one. I feel like I know that one. No. No, there's funny letters in there.

D-I-A-L-G-U-E. Yeah. Thank goodness. I don't want to be. No, there's funny letters in there, man. I know the G-U-E is weird. It's funny. It's funny, but when you know funny.

I don't want to be here anymore. Yeah. Welcome to my life, usually. Have I ever been bounced this early? Not this or so. I don't think so. Seventh grade. Gosh, I'm going to start doing my taxes.

Go on. All right. Let me graduate middle school here. All right. Here's your eighth grade level word. Accommodate. Oh, no. Who cares?

You were so happy to do this segment. I'm so sad right now, dude. I can't even tell you. You can take a recess with the rest of the seventh graders. Oh, you're right. I'll say that one more time. Accommodate. I see multiple versions.

We're up to three. We're up to three spellings. We're up to four. We've abandoned the quick approach. I'm writing quick. I guess I'll go with my first option, which I'm sure will hold me back from high school. Accommodate. A-C-O-M-O-D-A-T-E.

It's an eye, you idiot I have four words. There's no I. There's no I. He had it perfectly. With the A instead of O, right? Nope, not that either. Oh, man.

There's two M's in the middle. So that was my second one. There's two M's? But my second one I had one C. I was like, is there one C and two M's? Two C's and two M's. That was my last word. My fourth try was two C's and two M's.

That looks wrong. Mike, you're the only thing between Josh and your telling me. Also, for the record, so you're telling me Mike and Andy both would have got that wrong. And, oh, look, and Josh. And Josh would have got that. I would have got that wrong. Well, you're giving me the hard ones, Jeremy.

You know I'm the stupid one here. It's random, but anonymous. It's random, man. Accommodate has. Don't make it random for me. Two C's, two M's and an A? And three Zs. All right. That is Josh.

Josh. Josh, here's your eighth grade level words. Get him. Mike, it's all you. Suden him. Yes. You're toast. No way. He might be toast. I feel like he probably knows this.

P-S-E-U-D-O-N-Y-M. Crap, that's right. No. That's right. Oh, wait. He's here to play. Hold on, hold on.

Sudo, you're telling me there's no. Okay, yeah, that's probably, okay. I thought there was an extra N at the end. So I just realized why Papa Josh is good at this. We grew up with computers. Right. You know what I mean? Oh, this is like.

We had the squiggly red line. He had the hieroglyphics. And he actually had to learn how to write by hand. No, he didn't because he got to accommodate wrong. Okay, well, you're still in it. We're in high school. Where are we at, Jerry? We are in the ninth grade, and Mike, here is your word.

Freshman year. Vulnerable. You got this, Mike. The whole world is rooting. Yeah, this is vulnerable. V-U-L-N-E-R-A-B-L-E. Vulnerable. Thank goodness.

Thank goodness. Everyone got accommodate wrong. Let's not lose sight of this. At the end, two C's and two M's. And an A. I mean, what's that about? All right, Josh, here is your ninth grade level word. Austerity.

Yeah, okay. I don't know what that word is. It's austerity. O-S-T-E-R-I-T-Y. Oh! He was so quick as it. So wrong. That's it.

It starts with A.U. Oh, get wrecked. You just tried to spell ostrich. Oh, get wrecked. He was so confident. Oh, this is a big important. Don't even ask me that I thought the word was posterity, but we're moving on. He would have gone P.O.

I would have had him say it again. Not a bad showing, Papa Josh. Thank you. We appreciate you. There was only one bad showing here today. It was me and Jason. We'll take a break. Into the draft we go.

The Spitballers Draft. We are drafting the best ice cream toppings and mixins. I'll be drafting mixins. That's fine. That's fine. The best mixin. I'm going to go with... The thing this is, because I know you guys are mixing guys and you think the only ice cream in the world is from Coldstone. No.

I know that I can get away with stuff. I gave you multiple examples. Here's my problem with mixing. We can put mixin. At home and our Ninja creamy, we don't need to go anywhere. So, yes, you have to buy another device and, yeah. I'm just saying, or go get a blizzard or go get a McFlurry. I got a cold slab at my house.

Or go get a concrete. I mean, I mean, cold slab at your house. You built out your own self-made cold stuff. Yeah, for sauces and miksu. Listen, the thing is... How cold is that stone? Oh, it's got to be 32 degrees or it's not cold stone. It's just a cool stone.

Yeah. The DLS is that a Mucson. Mix into me is like it's like the flavor of ice cream already, and we drafted ice cream flavors. But who doesn't matter? No, it's not because I make my own. I am going to say with the number one pick because I know I can get stuff later because you won't pick it because you guys are going to pick dumb stuff. I'm going to take whipped cream. I think whipped cream is going to be my number one pick.

Not on the mixing list. It's not on my list. It's topping. Oh, yeah, that's awesome, dude. One-on-one? I hate these guys. You like a little bit of fluff on top? That's cool, man.

That's cool. That's cool. No, let me ask you, do you eat that and then you eat the ice cream? Or how do you do, how do you get rid of that crap? Never heard of a Sunday before? Sundays don't have mixing. I remember those. Those were what they made before they've invented.

Yeah, the 1950s. Oh, they loved with cream. They did a huge car. You're like, let's go get an ice cream Sunday. You know what he's going to pick next? A cherry. No, it's called a cherry on top. Get out of here.

It's not a cherry in the middle. I cannot believe that you're getting mixes over here. You woke up today and decided to attack ice cream toppings in favor of mixing the toppings into it. Yes. Do you know what happens in your mouth, you idiots? When they're mixed in, I do. No, they get mixed in your mouth. No.

When you chew. No, but it's about the spoon. You're eating bites away. You want to know what I enjoy. I want to retire from this show. Oh, thank goodness. Do you know? R-E-T-I-R-E, retire.

careful with that one. When I get to the end of my ice cream, I still enjoy all my mixtens. Right. But on you. Stop saying it that way. Stop it! You're taking off the table.

Speaking of good mixings, Jason. Oreos. Oreos are great mixtures. They're so good that they made a very specific ice cream just so you could put Oreos in the ice cream. So you don't have to mix it because it's already in there. Yeah. But that's only cookies and cream.

We've already picked those flavors in our ice cream draft. A great. But what if I want chocolate ice cream with Oreos? Tell me. You understand my side. Understand. Yeah. I agree with.

Everyone understands what you're saying. We're just like we're wanting a better experience. Yeah. I want customized. I don't want to be limited by your flavors. Give me my own experience. Do you miss fax machines? Do you like, are you like, are you like?

Like, man, the analog nature of a fax machine really brought something that I can't. Slowed us down, brought us together. I'm not saying that they're not. All right. I'm not saying mixins are bad. Okay. Meeksing. Uh, all right.

I got two picks. Yeah, you do. I am so happier because my two favorite miyxins are available. Number one, peanut butter cups. Reese's peanut butter cups. Oh, okay. Oh, baby. Oh, that's a dangerous pick.

Oh, that is a dude. Deliciously dangerous pick. Those types are dangerous. They don't get too hard. Yeah, they do. No, no, no. I didn't pick Reese's pieces. I picked Reese's cups.

I know. Rees's cups, no, the peanut butter does not. No, you haven't done it. Shut up. It's still dangerous. Listen to me. Jason has no authority in the ice cream game. He can barely eat three scoos of ice cream without his little teeth, without his teeth hurting.

You just want candy. You want the ice cream out of it. That's right. You don't want the ice cream. I often when I go for fro, I get the... Barely any. I get like one little squirt of fro you and then I fill up with candy.

Ice cream commander, Andy, peanut butter cups. They can get too cold. Peanut butter cups are not always the best, no. Thank you. You're talking about... We'll get to other ones that are awful. You're chewing the whole cup and you're not getting any ice cream, which is perfect for you and your baby, baby teeth.

Hold on. Time out. You should see him. First of all. I eat a pint of ice cream in the... I can eat all the ice cream. And he goes, I mean you do cool

Josh, this is what you sound like when you're talking. Yeah, just so you know. This is what's funny is Andy. Right now you do. That's important. I've been checked. Andy is basically saying

that you know how both of us when we get our pints of ice cream on a bad Sunday? Yeah, you're like half of it. We eat like a quarter or a half and then we put it in the freezer. He's mocking that because by the time we eat a quarter he has plowed through his,

which is impressive. I will get you. darn right there's a talent but also you just want to eat candy i will not move on you're ordering from rhesas cups because i know you haven't ordered them i know that because you think they get too hard they absolutely do not they one hundred it's not up for debate it's objective they are perfect on the inside i don't i think it's sub they absolutely get too hard if you put a peanut butter cup in the yeah in the freezer it gets hard yes it does what's ice cream made out of Ice cream. It's made of a freezer.

Yeah. All right. My next one. I can't even tell what sidebikes on from moment to moment. He went from my side to Jason's side instantaneously. A wild card, baby. All right. My second pick, which is just as good as my great first pick, is a brownie. Brownies. That's fine. They mix it in, especially if it's a hot brownie.

You don't know how much you don't like ice cream. I just, you don't understand how much you dislike ice cream. I do understand. You're not ordering accents to your ice cream. You're ordering individual desserts, not ice cream. So he wants accents. I want upgrades. Oh, no.

Oh, mine is better. Right now. Chocolate cake. Is that your pick? That's Andy's pick. No, I'm not on the clock. Which no one has ever put in their ice cream before. Okay.

So I am on the clock. So I got Oreo. cookies what's going on knuckle crack my that was really predominant I didn't want to mute that button that's what I chose um oh man I don't know what grandpa's going to pick probably sprinkles so I'll just leave those

sprinkles are great yeah he's definitely taken he got whipped cream I will take sprinkles oh man leave it if you don't take sprinkles I'm taking it oh yes the people out there that it's the There are the people out there that understand ice cream will be with me. The people will just want to eat a candy bar will be with you, and that's fine. The poll will say where people stand. This is why you needed mixings, because you don't like ice cream. Because I love good.

You don't like ice cream. I got a little worried you were going to go there, but you ended up going cups. Oh. I'm just peanut butter. Oh, okay. I'm just a peanut butter man. That's a good mixin. Peanut butter?

It's such a good mixing. Yeah. Just peanut butter. Yeah. Idiot. Oh, my. idiot. Andy lives in the 1950s.

It's not in the one. In the 1950s? Yeah. Peanut butter. Brother. Just peanut butter. In your ice cream, it's great. Yeah.

I mean, I went chocolate and peanut butter. I'm going to rip my shirt off right now and punched the earth into outer space. I cannot peanut butter. We're in outer space. But also, I feel like I could go to, to, uh, I can't wait for him to draft springings and strawberry. We've never been to a place on this planet where people are like put some freaking regular peanut butter in my ice cream.

You've never been to Coldstone? That's crazy. Brother, let me take you to Coldstone and give you my order. Yeah. And I want you to eat it and you can tell me. I'm sure they kick you out. Well, I have to pay first. Yeah. They kick him out if he like makes a scene. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. All right, hat boy. Let's go.

Sprinkles. Yeah. Sprinkles and then his next pick tastes. It's difficult to describe my. Sprinkles and strawberries and then Mike, you're back on the clock. Sometimes you build a builder. relationships with people and you don't know who they are for 20 years. And then you get to a show like today. But we knew exactly. We knew exactly who you were.

Just take your sprinkles, man. Sprinkles. It's up. Sprinkles. You could say the word. Do you do what the heart want. I'm taking. I'm taking.

Sprinkles. I'm taking caramel. Okay. I'm taking caramel. All right. Okay. Who in the world puts caramel in their ice cream? Trying to be mean.

You could never be me. It would be pretty easy to pretend. I'd be a bad speller. Resey's Pieces. Oh, wait, wait, wait. Wait, you were joking on the cups? I've got Reese's cups that is such an upgrade over Reese's pieces of the ice cream. This is what your teeth are broken.

Yeah. Because you put Reese's pieces in the freezer. Oh, man. No, I don't. They're a topping. They're a topping. They are room temperature when they're put upon. my ice cream. Al, can you

because I can't remember. What is the name of this draft just so I can remember? Best ice cream toppings and miexen. Meeksens. I can't believe you just pronounced it that way. Because he likes sauces and miexins. You've got caramel. We've got mixians. Carmel could be a mixian.

I don't. Or a sauce. I would murder you if I thought a judge would find this forgivable. I doubt he would. No, because then you'd be like, sir, sprinkles. and they're like, go to jail. Yeah. You're not cool because you eat a candy bar. One of you two is picking freaking.

I'm back up. Gummy worms. One of you two is a gummy worms. You both seem like a gummy worm guy. You gave me a break. I don't know nothing about ice cream. You both seem like gummy worm guys. You know nothing about ice cream.

That's Al? You're the gummy worm guy? One, baby. Gummy worms in the ice cream. Did you just hear this? Yeah. How do you feel now? We don't live in a civilized society over here.

We have directed our outrage at the wrong people. You want me to redirect? Gummy bears. No, no, not gummy bears, gummy worms. Either one. At least the gummy bear you can put in your mouth. If you're having to eat separately.

If you use it as an inferior topping, then it's okay because you just eat them. It is a topping. Yeah. You don't want that as a meaning. Oh, my gosh. You're like, but that's not a topping. You're just, just go to the candy store.

Yeah. Am I up? Yeah. Fudge. Thank you. Okay. So now he's willing to get, now the 1950s are okay with it.

No, you can mix that in. Yeah. You know what I took first? Peanut butter. He took fudge, but he did not get hot fudge. He has cold fudge. Because once it goes into a mixing is not a hot thing. I'm not trying to melt my ice cream.

I hate you. I'm trying to enjoy it. I hate you both so much. I want you both to be unsuccessful in life. We and Jason are so long things together. Our goal here, our goal and it's not yours, but our goal is to have the best end product. Yeah. You're not getting the best end product putting cold fudge mixed in.

Fudge belongs on top, so you get warm fudge in every bite. I'm going to The whole world doses I'm bringing you to Coldstone my guy Hashtick not sponsored Coldstone is not ice cream What? What would you define it as?

Briars is not Ice cream What is ice cream? Only vanilla briars is ice cream Coldstone is its own thing It's on dessert category When you say ice cream What are you talking about?

Yeah what do you mean? No, tell me the difference Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Tell me the difference between that. We're going to go. Let's talk about you love handles here. Yes. And what a massive difference between the time. Because of all the toppings that they mix in.

First of all, I will not speak to you again if you say that to me. Second of all, Colstone has like a different texture to it. I'm not saying it's not good. It's like you go to the store and there's a dairy dessert. It's not ice cream. That's what all the briars do now. They do dairy desserts because they're different. Coldstone's like this really gummier flavored, buttery ice cream.

ice cream thing. It's not normal ice cream. So who's normal ice cream? Normal ice cream is handles. Actually, Baskin-Robbins is normal ice cream. That's your best example of real ice cream. I can't tell a difference between... Obviously, you can't. You're jamming all this crap into your ice cream. You can't taste the ice cream because you're eating a Snickers bar instead. Because I am drafting the best mixings. Um, first off... You're Richard Mixian. First off, I'm taking cookie dough. Oh, that's a good pick. I'm taking cookie dough the best mixing. That's a good pick. All your picks are just ice cream flavors. No, they're not. Yes, they are. You had

a peanut butter cup ice cream flavor? Yes, of course. There's peanut butter. Yes, there is. Recy's makes them. But they're mixings. They're mixed in. I blame Jeremy for this because he made this draft idea. And then the last year, you guys added mixing. We're doing great. Hey, you'll be happy with the last one for me because while I do prefer it mixed in, some people just prefer it on top and it's marshmallow cream. I love what that does

to ice cream. It makes the texture more. Did you say you're mixing that in? I like it mixed in. Yeah. With brownie. Dude. All right. Browny and marshmallow cream is great, but it's great as a topping. No, no, I want to affect the texture of all of the ice cream. If you put a brownie

and marshmallow cream and you do the meat then it's going to be so good. The texture is great. Listen, Jason, I like you. Thank you. Respectfully. jam a nice pick in your eye Oh man I just had an ice pick last night Honestly

marshmallow cream's a great pick Thank you That's it I am out of fix All right So I got one more I mean honestly I already did it I'm not gonna

I already made The rest of my day is ruined I've already made You've completed your perfect ice Yeah you like you go with a sweet cream base And you put those three things in there Take his sprinkles I'll leave them

Yeah but who would want that I'll leave them for him I hope Sprinkles goes on drafted so that him on principle doesn't feel like he's like... Oh, he has to take it if I don't take it. Imagine a toppings, an ice cream toppings draft? No sprinkles? Whip cream and no sprinkles? I mean, you know...

An ice cream topping traditionalist could not stand for that. Don't you dare shame me for making better choices than him? Oh, of course you'll take sprinkles. We know you will. That's what we're saying because you have honor for toppings. Yeah, for toppings. to take Biskhoff cookies. I've been on your side

the whole time and then you come out with something crappy like that? You've never done to Biscoff. Bisk off? Yeah. You never done it. We're not dipping into a coffee. I don't know what to go with this because... You've never done it. Because you're just telling me you've never done it. No, it's really good. Is it? Yeah. I have never done it.

Yeah, I knew from your response, I knew immediately my guy has never done this call. That's fair, but that's how I know you've never put peanut butter cups into your cold. Okay. It gets too cold. No, try it. We're going to. I have. He gets too cold. No, they're really good. They're good. They don't belong anywhere near the top 12. They're delicious. They're so delicious. Shrewd down the show. Sprinkles is the pick. Yeah, it is. The pick is. Yeah, it is. Sprinkles and

everything I put. Everything I put on mine goes together. It's for people that actually appreciate things in life. With a nice vanilla ice cream. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. I don't know why companies market the way they do because people like you exist. Because we fixed it. We made things better. We made it better. And it turned out as it turns out as more and more people started mixing it in.

Oh, God. Their sales went up. Yeah. You said it again. Their sales went up and people's experience and joy. New brands. New companies were founded. Yeah.

Yeah. I'm sorry that you're stuck in the 50s. Yeah. I'm sure that ice cream was delicious. Also, does Baskin, robas have toppings? He's going to be a... They just have 31 flavors. It's already mixed in.

Are you asked what real ice cream was? Yeah. That sounds like mixed in, right? Am I wrong? Oh, I'm right. What did we learn today? I have no ability. I learned that Papa Josh is a better speller than Andy. And I learned I'm a better speller than Papa Josh. Oh, man. Which, enso facto. What did you learn today, Andy?

I have no friends. I have no friends. going to coldstone i'm getting you i'm making you my order and you're going to love it it's delicious mixings goodbye thanks for listening to the spitballers podcast to see what other nonsense the guys are up to check out spitballerspod dot com