Spitballers Comedy Podcast - Andy’s Potty Mouth & The Best Treasure Hunters - Spit Hits! - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: February 16, 2026

Spit Hit for February 16th, 2026:Well, the title says it all. Andy messes up big time on this hilarious episode, Liar, Liar makes its return and we wrap things up with a draft of the best treasure hunters. Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast!Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast:Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.comFollow us on X: x.com/SpitballersPodFollow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPodSubscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore on realistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the spitballers podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. ASMR, scat, time. You get what you get. You get what you get. You get what you get and you don't throw a fit. You get that directly into your ears dripping from there to your soul. I'm buried treasure in here.

That was awful. Well, I know you have like a, you have like an ASMR phobia. Misophonia or however you say it. You don't like the whispers. Oh, no. See, Mike has exceptionally good hearing. It's not like you can hear small noises, but like you're, you pick up on everything. It's part of your musical.

I haven't trained to hear. Talent, sure, but I think there's. Musicional? Not musical. No, yeah. I'll stick with it. I actually get it. But I don't think it's just trained.

I mean, it is also trained, but I think that there's natural talent there. And I think that natural part, there's some about that that is really put off by the ASMR, by the whisper, by the like, you just feel it too much. I would like to say, and I will pull the deucers as well, but I was also super disturbed by that. I don't have any like special Like It's not a hearing thing Ducers, what did you think of that one? I thought you've done worse

Okay, yeah I have I've done way worse Well the ending was You know you kind of brought it all together You didn't No poop pa Peepa poop pa Yeah which I mean I could have

Asimared that But you know you get what you get I thought you were gonna go ASMR's Satchmo Oh next time That don't do it I don't even know what I'm to do it That's just a demon, Mike.

This is such a... Let's be such a move. I'm in hell. Welcome into episode 304. This is the only material left to cover on the show. We've gone through everything else. Would you rather, liar, liar, and we are drafting characters

to help you find a lost treasure today. That's right. Lyer, liar on today's episode. It's been a while. I know, Jeremy, you hate putting these together because you feel like there's a high bar that you have set for yourself, and it's difficult after this many episodes to do it.

But I want you to know, we were talking about it beforehand, the people really, really want this, and they love it, and so make sure that it never goes away. Yes, sir. All right, we're jumping in. Would you rather? Would you rather, Patrick from the website writes in,

would you rather have to eat three living cockroaches? Holy no. Or a raw chicken bread. Oh, come on. Oh. What are you trying to kill us? Oh, see, Jason and I are probably on the other side of that. No.

What? You eat the three. I am so much, like raw chicken breast, raw chicken. I believe it is something like one in 18. Like if you go to the grocery store and you purchase a pre-packaged raw chicken breast, the ones that you get near you, the ones that are in your fridge today, something like one in 18 have salmonella. I thought it was like one in four.

Oh, I can't imagine. It's a quarter. Al, why don't you get on that? It's the way that I approach my handling and the sanitary things of raw chicken. It's one in one. It's one in one. Okay. Maybe I was thinking 25 percent, but it's one in 25 packages.

Okay, one in 25. But still, the chances of getting salmonella are, well, one in 25. Now, we'll say the... That's not at good odds. The cockroaches carry bacteria bacteria. Parasites, pathogens. Where are these from? Are these pet store cockroaches or are these just like off the ground?

Off the ground. Okay. All right. Hold on. What if we get to cook the cockroaches? What if we get to cook the chicken? Well, then I would take the chicken, Andy. Cooked chicken's delicious.

Cooked grilled chicken breast or 5,000 cockroaches? You can season either of them, whichever way you please. I just thought I thought you guys would both say the chicken because that's like, I mean, you guys eat sushi. So like just just slurp it down. Dude. Play your one in 25 chance. Now, Samanella, does it kill you? It can, but it does not usually.

So what are we afraid of? Throwing up. It's not throwing up. I mean, throwing up is kindness. You throw up out the butt? This, well, no, no, no. You're going to be throwing up, but you're going to be throwing like your, the lining of your heart up through your mouth. Oh, okay.

So real bad. This is like hospitalized throw up. Throwing up. through your butt. Been there. The living cockroaches. So you've got to bite the heads off first just to kill them. No.

What? You just swallow these suckers hole. You let them crawl down your throat. That does bring up a good question of it. No, that's not. Are you going to let your esophagus and your stomach ass? No. The teeth are going to juice this thing out.

This thing is a gusher. This is a gusher's candy. You have to. You have to bite them in half right away. I think you do have to. crush the head. Yeah. Does it have a head?

There's a head on a topro. Yeah, they're not headless. They can live without their head for a while, though. Oh, my God. That's what you've got. Yeah. You have to.

So back in college, back in college, we, um. The best beginning to any story. Uh, I was part of, uh, the Charles Darwin experience was a comedy improv group. And so we were trying to raise money to go to Chicago Improv Festival. And we had this, like, this big thermometer where it was like, if we get this, we do this. If we get this much, we do this much, we get this. we get this and one of them was that one of the guys was going to eat a live goldfish. Oh, yeah.

And he did. We got the money. And he on stage, you know, right from PetSmart, took the goldfish. It was a medium size of one. That's a swallow. It was just a straight swallow. Did the show. Oh, no.

Drew up all night long. Like, did he send the fish out? I think the fish was digested. Oh, it was. So liquid fish came out. Because that's a trick people do Like illusionists and things really You'll bring it back up alive

Swallow the goldfish and then you just puke it up and it's fine Interesting They do they bring it back up alive But yeah so The cockroaches Might actually be A higher probability Of getting very sick than the raw chicken

I think you're definitely 100% throwing up from the raw chicken Yes I think you are probably throwing up from the cockroaches the raw chicken is dead and will go down smooth. It will not be fun. The texture of that chicken is going to be. No,

the texture will be better. The texture will be better than the texture of moving. Yes. You're not used to the texture of moving, of alive. Yeah. No, I'm taking the chicken. I'm going one and 25. I'm probably trying to throw up after both of these.

I'm going roaches. Okay, Jason. Split the difference. I'm going to go. We've thought about it a lot. El Pollo Sashimi. So give me the raw chicken, please. Did you just combine two different foreign languages?

Yes, I did. Yes, I did. I'm a man of the world. It sounded. It sounded pretty good. It sounded all right. La Cougaracha. 4% chance at Salmanilla.

0% chance at movement in my mouth. Slamin jamming from Patreon writes in. If you had to choose one word. I'm sorry. Radical. Let me start this over. If you had to choose one. If you had to choose one, would you rather time travel with Doc from back to the future?

All right. Fight crime with Batman, I guess is a sidekick. Or train karate with Miyagi. Well, that one's out. Learn the force from Yoda or hunt antique treasures with Indiana Jones. Good question for today's show. What? Why is this in this episode?

Well, that one's also out, though. Limit it. Is it? Let's cut it down. Let's cut it down to your two finalists. For me, that would be fighting crime with Batman or learning the force with Yoda. And only one of these gives me a superpower. So I'm going to go learning the force with Yoda.

Yeah, time traveling with Doc could be cool. But that's only if you go into the future. All right, take those. Yeah. No, going in the past would be awesome, too. I'm not as. You can't get back without a train, man. Well, that's only if you...

You pop the gas tank. Yeah, you get the gas runs out. Yeah. I feel like you've got to take Yoda and time travel out of this. Yoda is the clear win, right? Are we at least a degree? Like, it would be my number one. Because in the end, I have the force.

I can make you change your mind. I can move a rock on your head. I can get the TV remote. I mean, to be fair, I can... Yeah, what TV remote. I can train karate... Right now. Yes.

And I'm not really interested. The Miyagi one is so stupid because not only, not only can you train karate right now from, you can go find an expert. Like this is not hard to achieve. But when you do that, you're not going to have to wax any cars. That's what I was going to have to do any chores. Like Miyagi was a terrible teacher. He got lucky.

I think he was, I think he was teaching some other lessons making him do that. Yeah, children's lessons. Do your chores. But that was the question of like, well, if I go train with a Miyagi, am I just doing chores? Yeah. Or am I doing, am I doing train kicks? And wait, I was going to say all the training led to the crane kick. Well, he does the crane kick while the sun's going down.

Over the ocean, right? Yeah, I remember that. It's been a minute, Mike. Let's just go here. Fight crime with Batman or hunt antique treasures of Indiana. Okay, there we go. Those two. All right.

That's a fair fight because they're both cool. They're both a little dangerous. Yeah, they're risky. They're both just human. They are both human. No superpowers. Although, you know, you got the goblet. There's the treasure you're finding. Well, and Ben. Well, what's cooler? What's cooler? Like the batwing or, you know, the, the, some crazy treasure that's mythical. I think the batwing. You're saying, like, if you found the, um, the cup? Yeah, or the, the arc.

Wait, does the cup give you, like, eternal life? It does. If you drink the right one. But you have to stay within the confines of the temple. That's so, it's so bad. That's a punishment. No, not if you ask them, it's an honor. Oh, really? I'd be like, is there internet in here? What's the Wi-Fi password in this temple?

So, but can you live in, would you rather live in prison eternally? Right. Yeah, exactly. One of these you have, you could end up, look, you might get to punch a Nazi in the face. Pretty good. Right. One of them, you might punch a guy in the face and find out that, person actually has superpowers.

And additionally, one of these... Or have two faces. One of these could get you a suit. Because if I'm fighting crime next to Batman... I'm a sidekick, man. I could be Robin or whatever... What was your nickname? What would my nickname be?

The bloat. The bloat? I deal with some bloating from time to time. No, it's a human bloat. Like the human torch? Yeah, I mean, you got to put the suit on. Yeah, the suit is probably spandex. That's not going to be great.

So now I see where the super name comes from. I'd be like, yeah, he's bloated. That's really not him. He had five guys. I hate some raw chicken earlier. You'll have to forgive me. El Pollo Sishimi. I want.

I'm going to. I want Batman. I want the lair. I want the hideout. I want the tools. Who doesn't want a hideout? I want the cars and the gadgets. Honestly,

I'm playing on the computers in the hideout and I'm like, you just go. Yeah, I'll watch the phone things. You go do this. I'm going to help you from here. Oracle. Is that the name of the? Yeah, I mean, I'm just playing like cards with. Josh, do I got that right?

I'm going to have from an Oracle as somebody. No, not an Oracle. No, the one, eventually Batman teams up with somebody. Is it like, I think it's like back girl gets paralyzed. I'm sure you're right. right. All right. It's the Oracle.

But we're all doing solitaire on the Oracle. Like, that's what we're playing. Well, yeah, it's the only game on there. Yeah. I'm going Indiana Jones. Really? Yeah. Well, you won't get them in the draft, sucker.

I know. I know. You should really think about if there's some other pixel, Jay. Okay. I've got others and I will take that. That might be better. Oh, and from the website, would you rather have Chris Hemsworth's body? Yeah.

And Danny DeVito's face. Oh. Voice and personality. or Danny DeVito's body with Chris Hemsworth's face, voice and personality. I mean, this is nowhere near. I don't even, this isn't a fair fight. Yeah, I agree. I mean, give me Danny DeVito's face.

Yeah, a hundred out of a hundred times. I'll put a bag on that. I'll walk around with a bag on my face. First off, like, I guess the face is all right, but Danny DeVito's personality, Dan DeVito is so funny. He's awesome. He is like he has an actor. I feel like he must be way older than we think.

I can, I'm on it. Like if we had to guess. He's got to be. He was going to say 78. Uh, I'm going to go 74. 72. I'm really,

79. Oh, all right. 79. He's almost 80. He's doing work. And I mean, he's still working. Oh, okay. Doing work.

not like looks good. Oh, no, that's the point of the question. He looks like a troll. But, to be fair, he's looked like a troll for, how old is he? For 79 years. I bet he's scared, mom. Is he about five feet?

When he was born? 410, according to Google. When he was born, that had to- That's like Jeremy. That had to terrify the parents. Jeremy. Danny DeVito is, point being, he's awesome.

And I get to be yoked. Yeah. And fun. You know how good you feel? You know, like if you're in Chris Hemsworth's body, you've just got to have energy. You can jump and run and crouch and duck and all sorts of things I don't want to do anymore. I can tie my shoes.

Don't forget, first of all, Chris Hemsworth's name has come up way too many times on this show. Over 304 episodes. It's been enough. Secondly, have you seen Chris Hemsworth? I'm just, the voice is a great voice. Yes. right i mean that both of them both of them have great voices what i mean chris hymnsworth's voice is much better yes he has a much better accent i mean he's got a much better everything you know he's he's

all right so we're all going with the body yeah Vanessa from uh acts says would you rather have to live in the everglades the amazon or the australian outback oh we were talking about this something similar to this at lunch about the dangers of places in the world and these are all, like we're all going to die. Amazon is instant death. Amazon, everything there is meant to kill you. It's all moist.

Everything is self-defense. Amazon is instantaneous death for us. Yeah, we wouldn't, like the first thing you would try to do. If you're, I'm going to go drink that water up that leaf. Dead. You, I, earmuffs, Jay. Oh, no. Oh, no.

All right. All right. I was going to say the. The creatures that are in the Amazon. Oh, you can say what you want. He's got his ears plug. The spiders that live in the Amazon are, you would, Jason would pass out. Okay, you can come back.

Okay. I presume this was a spidey talk. Yes. But the thing is, is, I don't know that they're worse than the Australian Outback. Like, if you're really in the Outback, not. The Outback's threat is not the creatures. The Outback's threat is your, you're going to die. You're going to die from exposure.

It's all of those things. But at least you're not like. you have some visibility at least. Yeah, you can see the sun coming. I mean, you're dead. It's the Everglades easily for me. You want them gators, huh? I don't think that many gators are killing that many people.

They don't, they... Because people are staying out of the Everglades, or they have those cool fan boats. Where am I? Am I in the water? Am I on the shore? Am I just trying to, like, do I get one of the fan boats? No, no boat.

No, but you get a bottle of water. Am I in the water? No, I don't think you have to be in the water. Yeah, you got to find a little dry spot next to a tree. Then I got shade. It's, you know, I got water. What do you think is in the water? Like animal, creature, snake, gaiters.

All of that. Yeah, so I feel like I'm going to take the outback and just pray I don't come across. Just dehydrate? The giant spider. I feel like you'll die 12 hours in the outback No way No way

There's no trees But I think you can make it You could die in 12 hours Yeah exactly I can make it a day night And then die the next day 100% You could die the next day

I guess I remember watching Bear Grills On one of those old shows Go out in the Outback And he was drinking his own pee And oh yeah It was like Have you ever seen the people like I've got a lot of outback experience anyways

Twice a week The bear oh yes Yeah, it's delightful stakes. The, the ex, when people are like, show where Bill Gris is actually filming and you're like, it's actually just like 30 feet off the road. Yeah. Sometimes. Well, here's the thing.

If your brand is Bear Grills, that gets to be zero. Anything over a zero percent when your entire shit. Nothing you see is real, Mike. Is, what? Yeah, but he, but they're claiming it's real. and it's just right off the road. Okay. All right.

I just, I ask the internet, you know, can you survive in these locations? I ask, can you live in the Australian Outback? Yes, it's possible, but it's remote and people have died. Can you survive in the Everglades? Yes, some people have lived in the Everglades, but it looks like many people have died. Can you survive in the Amazon? Yes, it's possible to survive in the Amazon rainforest, but it's challenging, and many people have died. while attempting to do so.

So this is not a question about where are we going to survive. This is how do we want to live in our last 24 hours? Yeah, okay, that's fair. So give me the Amazon Rainforest. I think that place is going to be awesome. I asked Chad GBT, because we cheat now, what is the most likely one to survive in? Rainforest Outbacker Everglades?

Just say the word. Ooh. Rainforest. All right. I picked the right one. I'm surviving and I'm thriving. Did you say rainforest or Amazon? I said rainforest.

Oh, a rainforest sounds awesome. Yeah. But it's the Amazon. Still the rainforest. All right. Still the rainforest. Probably because of water? I don't know.

Yeah. Yeah, I mean. Shade, water, plants. Tigers. You're going to have to pick the, I don't know. Probably. Who knows? Yeah.

I think, like, we don't even know what's in the Amazon. It's like the bottom of the ocean. It's scary. All right. Let's go ahead and take a break and we'll come back with some liar, liar. Liar, liar. on fire. All right.

It has been a minute. And we'll see if we can dominate Al Borland once again. That's what we do most of the time. Yeah. We'll crush them again. All right. Three rounds. Three truths.

One of them is not true. It's not three. Three truths. No. No. Well, I'm going to read three things that are supposed to be true. Yeah, there we go. There we go.

They're supposed to be true. And one of them is not. And we have to identify that one. We got there. Round one. Let me prepare myself here. The Malayan sun bear known as ursus. Malianus.

Malianus, okay. Is known to be regularly constipated. The Malianus is? The Malianis. The average digestion cycle digestion cycle lasts seven to ten days, longer than any other species of bear. This also results.

in the largest poop to body weight ratio in the bear family. Okay. I'm rooting for that one. I hope that's true. Now does a digestion, a digestion cycle lasting a long time? That doesn't mean you're constipated, though, right? I feel like it's only after that time that you can't poop is when you start to be constipated. I think you're right on that.

If the poop-poo's in your body. But if that's normal, right. I get what you're saying. Then you're regular. Yeah. He just, he makes a boomer every 10 days. If you're towards the 10 days, you feel a little tight. All right, here's the second one.

Ophiocorticeps is a species of fungus that turns ants into zombies, forcing them to climb a tree before exploding the ants' bodies to release spores to fall down on the ants on the ground below, perpetuating the cycle. That's true. I have heard of this type of thing, fungus that basically uses insects as zombies. True. I'm going to assume it's the truth. We got to work together.

here. Also, I just got to give you mad props because I couldn't have read that first word. If you, if you gave me like 12 tries, we never got it. When you guys were finishing the conversation in the previous question, I was practicing that in my head. You do it again. Ophiocorticeps. Perfect. Opieocordi. Opio cordiope. Third one, horses cannot vomit. So is animal related. Horses cannot vomit because their digestive system anatomy prevents food from moving back up into the stomach from the stomach to the mouth simple digestive issues like gastric distension or colic can kill a horse feel like oh I feel like I've heard that is he making up a poop one to attract us to it are you here are

you thinking of like giraffes I think giraffes is that what it was I don't know I don't know like cows have distended bellies so did he just change cows to horses and try to get us on them. Or is it just, you know, that's what those four-legged animals are like. Right. And then there's one that's a poop thing. So it seems like it seems like it should be the poop thing. But is he trying to play the game?

Get us to the poop thing. I don't even know if Malianus seems poop. It seems like that's what he started to search with. Melanis. Malanus. All right. John Malanis. I'm going to say the horse's one's a lie.

I believe the horse's one is a lie. I'm going to go with the bear. All right. Okay. All right, Mike, you're still alive. Oh, dang it. I tried to tell you guys. I thought I'd hurt that horse one.

It was vaguely familiar. Yeah, I'm going to be honest. I'm going to let something free here. Okay. When we started this segment, I saw that third question being edited. Like deleting, writing, rewriting something. Oh, you tried to play the game. And I tried to play the game because I thought he was, I just,

I thought he was, you know, you're, you're, I was just fixing a typo in there, but that's funny that you caught that. Yeah, and I was like, oh, he can change this one. He made it up. Okay. I saw some typing in there, too. There was nothing that was going to keep me to not get the third answer. Nothing. That's good to know for the future. Well, I mean, games already been played. The game is afoot. All right, Mike. Round two, three musketeers when first released came with three different kinds of nougat. Chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry, hence the name. Unfortunately, it had to be cut down to one during World. World War II, due to sugar rations being too expensive. If that one is a lie, that's a good lie.

I would agree with that. Yeah. It's a little weird in the fact that, like, if sugar rations, like, we just make one type of sugar thing. Right. Instead of like they're making. Oh, we're out of sugar. We can only make one sugar flavor. All right.

Number two. During the American Revolution, there was a secret society of knitting old ladies known as the Spindle Sisters who smuggled battle. plans to military commanders by stitching them into scarves. Oh man. The spindle sisters. I mean, if they're, grannies joining the cause. I believe that there are grannies that are part of the cause,

but this is like, if you're smuggling battle plans to commanders, what are you smuggling? Stuff from your own army so that the other commander, I don't get it. You're saying where are they getting them for me? What are the plans that need to get to the commanders? And why do they have to come?

Why did the grannies get it? Yeah, why do the grannies get it? I promise you if this is true, though, the spindle sisters had a logo. Like they made a load, they got together and they're like, well, we, you know, we, uh,

we knit stuff. Killer band name. Yeah, not bad. Um, close neighbors to the spin doctors. Yeah, oh, yes. Uh,

all right, great. Sumo Yamaguchi survived both atomic bombings in Japan. Yeah, this one's true. That's true. He was in Hiroshima when the first one dropped. He survived,

returned to his hometown. got the second one. He lived to be 93. That's true. Yeah, I know that one to be a fact. So I think that the spindle sisters is the lie. That's what I'm going with. That makes, so both of those have like a logical strangeness to them. Like sugar rations doesn't mean that you can only do chocolate and you can't do strawberry and vanilla. Right. But also, how are these spindle sisters getting these plans to military commanders?

I'm going to go with the three musketeers battle plan. No, that's such a good lie. That's too good a lie. Oh. Which one was he editing? I'm not official yet. Okay, I'm going I'm going spindle sisters.

All right, then I'll go three musketeers. Okay. That's on, we're done here. Owl, that's on you now. What was the Indies? I didn't catch his. He went spindle sisters. All right.

The spindle sisters was the lie. Oh, Mike's alive. Mike is alive. Now I see why he didn't answer. he's just waiting for you to change your answer. What was both mics? I didn't hear. I knew Mike you got it right.

I just never heard Andy's. Okay, Mike, you got a chance here. All right. And round three, here we go. Movies that feature Brad Pitt eating more than 200 calories on screen do better than box office at the box office and have a higher IMDB rating than those of the films. This is a thing that do not. I don't know if the ratings are, but Brad Pitt eating on screen. on screen.

It's a thing. Yeah, like you can go watch a super cut. Like, kind of like the super cuts of Tom Cruise running. There's supercuts of Brad Pitt eating. I know he eats a lot in Fight Club. That movie did very, very well. In the Oceans movie, he's like always eating. Yes, he is always eating in those and those crushed in the box office.

Okay, good detective work, Batman. Number two says the only U.S. state without a private bathroom for its governor is Rhode Island. The closest bathroom is instead, a shared public restroom located outside the Department of Sanitation's office on the floor below the governor's office. He has to go downstairs? Man, get bodied. It's a tiny, it's a tiny state. Is it like directly under?

Could you just cut a hole? All right. Third one. Even if it is and you're close and you miss, you're right next to the Department of Sanitation. So they'll take care of it. Oh, they will. If you say chat GPT, chat GPT, chat BPT, shot BPT with a French accent. you are saying cat

I have farted in French this is the best okay salt GPT this is the best truth or lie that we might have ever had if you say chat GPT

with a French accent you are saying cat I have farted Shat BGT Oh I think that's true Shat the GVT oh my gosh that's so good

So somehow GPT. Shot TVT. Well, but you're saying shat is cat. Yes. That's why. So somehow GPT is you're saying. Excuse me. That is I have farted.

So one of the either either is French the normal order? I don't know. Oh. Because the shot the shot. Yeah. The shats could be the farted part. That's usually more of a solid. Exactly.

I shalt. I shat my pants might. Maybe that came from the French. The French, when they're in a war, they always sh-oh. Did we have our first bleep? Did we have our first bleep? Oh, baby. That one was a little too clean.

We'll have to beep that. Oh. I didn't meet you. He's trying to speak French. Those Frenches are foul-mouthed, man. I'm trying to speak French. French. Dang it!

Okay. How many thousands of shows have we done? Yeah. I think this, we're at least 1,500 shows across our podcast. Oh, my goodness. All right.

I believe that one. I'm going to go, I'm going to go with the U.S. State being Rhode Island. I'm going French ones a lie. Okay. So whatever we pick is irrelevant. Yeah, well, we could tie for winning.

Okay. That's fair. If Mike misses. So, wait, but guys, we're trying, we're all trying to win here. Yes, we're all trying to win, which is you. I mean, yeah, I think we're all out on the Brad Pitt thing. That seems like it's legit. So it's the Rhode Island private bathroom.

Okay. Put the doosters came up there. Real quick. Jared, we are out on the Brad Pitt thing. How does that make you feel? I need to see his face. Oh. Oh, he's stone cold poker face.

That's his poker face? No, that's the best. No, he's got a terrible poker face. This one's pretty good. This is his liar, liar face. Okay, all right. I tried to get more information for you, Mike. I got nothing.

Good job, Jerry. Thank you. GPT. GPT. Chad the GPD. GPT. Cat, I am farted. I'm not attempting that one again.

You're out. You're done. I'm not attempting that one. I tried. I lost I was conquered Gotta make a call Mike It's too much

Gotta make a call Yeah it's easy for you to say There's no pressure on you It's so easy No that's the game So the lie I'm going to say I'm going to go with the governor one Yeah I think that's right

All right Al Yeah Good work Mike Yes I'm the smartest man alive Yeah you take your your second and I also played. Wow, that means that the

chat GBT one was right. B-T. Wait, do that again? Yeah, yeah, play it. Chach-G-B-T. Who found this out? Yeah, was this all found by you? No, I found this somewhere.

Okay. Wait, was this all found by you? No, I found it. I'm pretty sure that's a yes. I thought he was saying was it all made up by you? Yeah. I found this particular one on Reddit. All right, we did it. Or rather Mike did.

Congratulations. Yeah, we all won, everybody. If Jeremy loses, we're all winners. That's right. All right, let's move forward. We got an ad break. Then we're coming back with a draft. The Spitballers Draft.

Uh, all righty. I didn't mean that. Well, that's, yeah. We are drafting characters to help you find a lost. treasure, Jason, you have the first pick. Look, we've already talked about them. It's easy. It's obvious. There's a clear 101 for me.

And not that there's not people that might even be better. But like, when I think of searching for loss. There's no one better. I'm saying like maybe they're smarter or whatever. They got, I mean, Indiana Jones. Yes. He'd do one thing. He goes and he finds lost treasure.

So, and not only that, but he does it with charisma and style. Yeah. So give me Indiana Jones. He is the one who will make sure we get the treasure. All right. Look, it's not a buried treasure. It's just a lost treasure. Yeah.

I need to follow clues. I need to be deductive. Yep. He was my number two. I need to figure it out. And so I'm going to go Sherlock Holmes. Yep. Oh, Sherlock Holmes can follow clues.

He can figure out where it's lost. Yeah. He was my 102. He was the only one that I think like he might be able to figure it out just as good or better. but no style. And also what's going to happen. He's got style. What's going to happen is he's going to find it first,

and then somehow Indiana Jones is going to end up with it. You know what I mean? Yeah. That's very possible. All right. Okay. So Indiana Jones, Sherlock Holmes. With my first pick, I will take,

she's often referred to as the lady version of Indiana Jones, and we grew up. So I will take Laura Croft, who is the star of the video game series, Tomb Raider. Yes. Because she goes and finds lost treasures. And, I mean, when they made Tomb Raider, I mean, that had to just been like,

what if we gave Indian Jones a couple, like two guns? That's what they did. Well, there's, yes. All right. Good pick, Mike. Laura Croft. It was in consideration for me, too. What if we?

I am talking about guns. I know. I know you are. Yeah, she had a... Take Indiana Jones, give her... Give him two guns. Two guns. What is... I don't know.

It's a bunch of degenerates back here. All right. And then my next pick, I will take... You may not know the name off the top of your head. I knew we'd have some deep cuts here from Mike. This one's not a deep cut, though. I know exactly who you're going to pick. It's Benjamin Franklin.

Huh? Gates. Yeah. Oh, I knew for sure that would be your pick. Who is that? Who is Benjamin Franklin Gates? National Treasure. This is Nicholas Cage. That's his name? Yes. They named him Benjamin Franklin Gates in the movie. Yeah. Yeah. They're like, not only is he looking for the Declaration, but the character's name is one of the guys from the Declaration. Why do you think he's so good at it? Yeah. Does he have a sidekick? Is it? Is it? Jefferson? He does have a sidekick. I can't remember the guy's name off the top of my name. Thomas Jefferson Jones. I mean, gosh. I had no idea. But yeah, I will take Benjamin Franklin Gates, who.

All right. I will take Patrick Gates his father. All right. No, he's a quitter. Oh, that's true. He gave up trying to find the treasure. But he named his son, Benjamin Franklin. Oh, there. Riley Pool. Thank you, Josh. Riley. I, I, I, I, Didn't have him on my list. I was unaware. He would never have made it back to you. So I'm going to go with at this point a character that already has a history of finding treasure. I feel like the resume matters. Like, I want to know that you found something valuable. Bilbo Baggins.

I'm taking Bilbo Baggins because he found the precious. Didn't he? Yeah, he just walked. He just walked across it. There's no clue finding. He just was like, Oh, because luck's not a part of finding a treasure? No, it is.

A lost treasure? But do it twice. Was he looking for it? It's not important to look at the detail. Oh, okay. But for me, uh, I thought he, I thought he had jumped into a, a pool and then found it at the bottom. Is that incorrect? I think that was, Gollum.

I think Gollum got the, that was Golm. That was Gullum. Yeah. So Bilbo just found him. Billbo just walked across. It was like, what's this thing that Golm just dropped? Perfect picked. Perfect pick.

Yeah. Now, what other, like, big treasure did Bilbo find? You don't need to... He found a wizard. No, the wizard probably found him. Yeah, it did. Found a long life. He found the ring of power.

All right, so I'm... Yes, Bilbo Baggins does find many treasures in his adventure in Lord of the Ring. Oh, he does? The main treasure he encounters is a portion of the horde of the dragon smog. You forgot he literally found. the giant golden treasure in the lonely mountain. I did not. I did not forget.

I did not know. This is new information. You didn't see The Hobbit? No, I never watched that. Well, he found like literally a humongous treasure. Okay. All right. Go on.

Seems like it's easy to find if it's humongous. I'm glad I remember the Hobbit. All right. So I know my first one, that's easy. I'm shocked that it, I guess with Laura Croft and Benjamin Franklin Gates. Yes. I get how this guy got. past you, but I'm sure he's high on your list.

Because when you're looking for something and you've got to solve clues, sometimes you need resources, sometimes you need brain power. I got both. You need the world's best detective. Yeah, see, that's why, like, he's above Sherlock Holmes for me. Yes, because he's better

at it and style. I'm talking Bruce Wayne, yes, aka, if you didn't know, that's Batman. But Batman is known as, you know, the world's greatest detect. detective.

So I'm going to take him. He doesn't live in the same world that Sherlock Holmes lives in them. Earth, yeah, they're both from Earth. I'm pretty sure. I'm pretty sure the Lord. Because just so you know, they're both fake. England's like a different world. Oh, okay.

So this is America. They find treasures on the other side of the street over there. This is the new world. Okay. All right. So I've got just saying, like if you say he's the world's greatest and they don't live in the same universe, that's all I'm saying. Okay. I hear you.

Go on. All right. So I've got one more to take here. Man. Okay. I'm going to go. There's so many strange and funny ways I could go here. I'm going to go similar to Benjamin Franklin Gates.

I'm going to take someone who is known for solving puzzles, finding hidden things from the past. This is kind of what he does. It's Robert Langdon. You remember Robert Langdon? No, I don't. Who? No, neither of you? Robert Langdon.

Yes, it is. Oh, goodness gracious. Look, insufferable movie. The movie might have been bad. Insufferable. But the character finds treasure. That's what he does. And he'll walk right over Bilbo Baggin's sleeping body to grab and collect the answer.

So, yes, Robert Langdon from the Da Vinci Code. From the Da Vinci Code. All right. That was just, that just came out. What a stellar pick. All right, look, I've got to do something different to kind of battle back in this one. I'm going to take a little, I'm going to go a little left field here because it's going to bring me something that Batman doesn't have. It's going to bring me something Indiana Jones doesn't have.

I'm taking Harry Potter. I'm taking Harry Potter because. Should have taken her, man. She was on my list. I'm taking Harry Potter because he found many, many items. Philosopher's. stone and the Gryffindor sword and all of these

different eyes and he's got magic. He's got the invisibility cloak sneak in and into places. He's always going into the library, the forbidden section. If you can sneak into a library, you can find that treasure. That's what I'm saying. You got it. I'm taking Harry Potter. I want some magic.

Okay. I will take the new Indiana Jones. I will take Nathan Drake from the uncharted. It's from uncharted. This is not a pick for you Jason. No, no, no, I watched. It was okay. It was good. It was a movie? It's a movie based I thought it was a video game. Yes, there's a movie with Tom Holland based off of a wildly successful video game franchise. One of the best franchises out there. So I will take Nathan Drake

because he is, he is the modern day. And then for the last pick, oh man, I am stuck. I will go. McGrewber. No, no, I'm not going to. McGrueber but part of finding lost treasure one you need a map two you got to be good

at exploring I'm a magellum now I'm taking Dora baby I will take Dora the Explorer we will find what we need and we will have a good time I'm the map I'm the map yeah you think she doesn't have a map

always always got the map that's that's a painful one That's not bad. I got boots. I got a sidekick monkey. Okay. Well, you don't get all of them. You get Dora.

You just got her. She's lost. She's lonely right now. If you saw somebody for my final pick, if you saw somebody that already had tons and tons of treasure, it would be fair to assume that they're very good at finding it. Yeah. Possible.

And the major theme of this television program was finding treasure with his nephews. Oh, that was the other thing? I couldn't decide between Dora and Scrooge McDuck. Between Dora and Scrooge, I was having a very difficult time. That was the main thing that they did was they found treasure. Well, it was one of the, in the movie it is. In the Duck Tales movie and in the Duck Tales NES game, which has one of the best video games soundtracks of all time. I love one, Mike's knowledge backs me up.

I'm all in on Scrooge McDuck. You're talking about the treasure of the Golden Suns? What is that one? It was just one of many episodes where he found treasure. Says Google. He finds the lamp. Tell me about it. That's one of my favorite episodes.

Duck Tales the movie is basically Aladdin, if you haven't seen it in a while. It's the exact same movie. You have seen them all in recent history. All right. Well, sometimes. Wait a second. Real quick question. Okay.

You can take a second to think your final pick. Mike, you watch a lot of movies. I do. You watch a lot of Disney movies. I do. You have three children. Yes. Your children are growing up.

Yes. What are you going to do? Like, I feel like... I'll get rid of it. I just feel like the kids were very useful for you. You watch watching a lot of kids' movies. Oh. Are you going to continue to watch your kids' Disney movies?

Are you looking for the grandkids? I will... I'll probably continue to watch the Disney animated. By yourself? Yeah, like a... Pixar movie, I'm seeing it regardless. They've had some flops in things. Like, they're not perfect anymore, but they're on the whole.

Their movies are fantastic. And most Disney animated movies are excellent as well. So I will continue to see them. Now, the other companies, I can't speak for them. They put out garbage all the time. That's true. All right. Final pick, Jason.

All right. Look, when you're searching for treasure, sometimes it's like we said. It's under the water. Sometimes it's on an island. Sometimes it's the friends we made along the way. Well, you talked about getting the ring of power from, you know, from underwater. You need someone experience, like you said, like it following maps. So there's always a map.

Just say it. This is the tale of Captain Jack Sparrow. Yes. I knew. I knew that was going to be the pick. It's good. We needed somebody out on the open seas. Yeah, I mean.

That's a drunk. You got a lot of. ships that have gone down with treasure. And I feel like that's the hole on my team right now is like, oh no, how do we get there to the ship? Captain Jack says, I got this. Hold my rum. He would not tell you to hold this.

No, he would not. He was saying, I'll hold my own. I will hold my rub. Well, there you go. Jason with Indiana Jones, Batman, Robert Langdon. Captain Jackson, Parro. We've had so many bad picks in so many drafts. the worst. No way. It's not even a bad pick. It's not a bad pick. It's a really good pick. It's just

not a well-known character. Like, honestly, it's Robert Langdon. Benjamin. Benjamin Franklin Gates is another one where you're like, who? Now, when you say from National Treasure, you're like, oh, okay, that's a good pick. It is. Langdon was a great. I don't even know what the Da Vinci Code is about. That's not my problem. They're not finding treasure. I know that. They ain't finding no treasure.

They're cracking codes. Yeah, there's a code, man. What is the movie about, Jay? Why don't you take a fine and treasure? Why don't you take the guy from the war movie that breaks the German codes? Why did you take him? Because I don't know his name. Aren't they trying to find like a really famous art piece?

Like a. Okay. Sounds like treasure to me. Zip it. Zip it. Also, Mike took Laura Croft. Tom Higgs hair in this movie. Oh, he looks terrible.

Honestly, that was the whole reason. movie did bad. The entire reason that the movie did bad. Like this is not Tom Hanks. It's so bad. Not my Tom Hanks. They're actually using clues from Da Vinci's paintings to lead to the discovery of a religious mystery. Okay, that's a treasure. They find a pendant that holds the address of the Paris branch of the

Apostory Bank of Zurich. Look at his hair. He's a treasure. He's a treasure hunter. Look at his hair. He looks like Tarrantino. Great, great pig. He does. He looks just like Tarantino in that movie. All right, who else was on your list? He got Nathan Dracendora of the Explaner the Explaner. and then I took Sherlock Holmes, Bill Bo Buggins,

Harry Potter, and Scrooge McDuck. Other names on my list. Alan Grant from Jurassic Park. Very good at finding bones. McGiver? I don't know. I had them on there, but too close to McGruber. Blackbeard, if I needed to match a...

Yeah, that's a good one. Another pirate. Fox Mulder? Okay. He never really found the aliens, though. I had... Spoiler. Guy brush three foot.

Shout out to Monkey Island. That's nice. Mikey from the Goonies. Okay. He found a little bit. He followed a map. Oh, he found a lot of bit. Yeah, but it was one time.

He found one pile of treasure. He found a pirate ship. No, I know. I know. I'm just saying it wasn't like he's proven himself. Are you diminishing the accomplishments of the Goonies? A little bit. That's unbelievable.

And then other than, I think, oh, Carmen San Diego. She's more like stealing stuff. I had Carmen San Diego on my list. That's right. She's a criminal. I have Starlord slash the collector. You know, he's going to get his hands on some stuff. The collector just buys stuff. That's about Scrooge McDuck.

No, Scrooge is out in the field, man. He's doing work. He swims in his treasure. Gandalf, way better character to find stuff from, than Bilbo, Yoda, and Dr. Gregory House, which he. Treasure being like a diagnosis? This is just simply figuring out puzzles, riddles, and problems. I mean, he would almost.

kill whoever is. He's no Robert Langdon. I'll tell you that. All right. That I'll do it for today's episode of the Spitballers. Thank you for joining us. I'm going to wash out my mouth with soap. Goodbye. Thanks for listening to the Spitballers podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out Spitballerspod.com.