Spitballers Comedy Podcast - Backwards Sprinting & The Letter “G” Battle Royale - Spit Hits! - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: January 1, 2026

Spit Hit for Jan 1st, 2026:Things get a bit crazy, a bit silly and a whole lot hilarious as we get into a part-time poop debate, find out who the true Man of the People is and wrap things up with a letter “G” Battle Royale Draft that goes completely off the rails. Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast!Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast:Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.comFollow us on X: x.com/SpitballersPodFollow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPodSubscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore on realistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. Boom, boom, bingety, bang, but doodily, bing, bang. Oh, right, my man. My man bring it in strong. That's how you start a show, people.

That's how you put the bomp at the bodebondabom. The dang and the ding-along a ding-dong. All right. Welcome in, Spittwads. The bop-s-a-bop-she-bop. I like it. All of it. All of it.

Welcome in to Spitballers episode 302. Happy to have you with us. Would you rather on the show today? Playing a game of Man of the People. The people love it. And then we've got a battle royale. draft will reveal shortly again i have the first pick again it's usually in the title of the i have the first pick of the secret draft okay secret i'm special g draft yeah yeah and um we're

thankful you're joining us you guys ready to rumble yep Oscar from Patreon Would you rather only be able to walk backwards Or only be able to say 300 words per day Now I'll be honest I have no frame of reference for that quantity of words but it doesn't seem like Doesn't seem like too little to live on

It certainly doesn't I mean I think It would be more than Mike currently speaks I mean, look, job aside, if I could tell people, I am only allowed to say 300 words a day. I mean, does it get any better? Can life improve more after that stipulation is placed? Now, we need a little bit of clarity here because the way that I heard this question was that my vocabulary is limited to only 300 words. Okay, that's very different.

Because I was going to say, the average person only uses about 150 words a day. That's no problem. Oh, is that what the internet says. This is no problem. Now, this isn't 300 different words. You're only allowed to speak 300 words. Total. Okay.

Well, that's a problem. Oh, it's great. Well, sure for you, I enjoy speaking. And actually, I mean, you say job aside. Jobs per big part of your life. I know, but I'm saying if my job wasn't a talk. It's actually only like three decent paragraphs. That's what 300 words would be.

So we're quitting our job at that point. Or we're shortening the podcast. We are forcibly quitting our job then. Tighten it up. I don't think people will want to tune in for hello, goodbye. But only walking backwards would make your life a nightmare. So, yeah, you could get another job. To backwards, man.

You could get another job where you walk forwards and are able to walk forward. Yeah, say goodbye to your. athletic endeavors. I said goodbye to that about two decades ago, Mike. Not like this. Not like this. I mean, this would be. So wait, if you're walking over to the couch to sit down,

you do have to do a rotation every time? No, you don't have to do a rotation. Oh, you're walking out. You're pre-rotated. Yeah, this is, there's an advantage. That's an improvement. Huge advantage. Okay, just, I just walk straight to the couch and plop down, man.

I don't even have to look what I'm walking to the couch. I'll walk until I'm sitting. down furniture is about it though like getting to the car fleeing a police officer chasing you would be more tough yes yes yeah being a cornerback though I mean you'd have so much practice oh all right all right check this out all backpedaling all backpedaling how fast how much faster could your back pedal get with practice now we're talking because if you if you went out and just tried to back pedal run you're not going that fast most people fall down but like with training your back pedal should get faster right what's the maximum speed if if someone

walked backwards their entire life how fast could they run extremely fast i would define extremely fast the double digit miles backwards the fastest backwards 100 meter is 13.17 seconds what's uh what's the top speed on that's the mph yeah conversion don't do no metric garbage over there yeah this america kilometers uh yeah yeah it's not this international podcast is american the fastest mile back pedal sprint five minutes and 54 seconds dude i can't run i can't run that straight in forwards a sub six minute backwards mile a sub it was erin yoder dude i'm seeing some huge advantages of of this walking backwards thing the only thing you need he's considered one of the world's fastest backward runners one of them

is there more no because he is because he is a backward runner. If you are a backwards runner, you're considered one of the world's fastest. But if you have the fastest time, if you were the fastest at anything and then someone said, hey, you're one of the fastest, I would be furious.

I would say no one of the wants to be told the. Yeah. Well, he's good at the mile, but how is he at the two mile? How is he at the... Pretty sure he's excellent. I'm very confident. How insulting is it for you to get beaten by a man running backwards on a mile if you were racing him? Oh my gosh. He would

He could mock you and give you finger guns on the way by. As he's passing me, he's making faces at me. He doesn't even have to look back. He is looking back. And there is some evidence of this gentleman over on YouTube. Wow. The world's fastest backwards runner, Aaron Yoder. Okay, there we go.

He would have been insulted at the idea of being called one of the fasts. Yeah, I really do think that the only thing you're going to know. need in life if you can only go backwards is some kind of mirror, like rearview mirror glasses. He has piles of awards. What kind of awards? Gold medals. Wait, no, no, no, no.

What kind of gold medals? Yeah, gold medal and what? Sanctioned by whom? I don't know, but he has the world record. He's not Olympics. Because I could give you a gold medal right now and you could say I got a gold medal. If you can run a five minute and 54 second mile, you can participate in like marathons backwards. And, just but what make everyone feel horrible is that but you could win the marathon why does he

exist that's why does this man what made him start running backwards i'm watching the the the guy's video here and that did it got me going down the path of this man has dedicated a lot of his life to this and should should that be good no no no no but he but he but he He loves it clearly. This guy is doing what he wants to do with his life. This is a different would you rather question that we have talked about a few times. Would you rather be the best at something that is obscure? And stupid.

And stupid or, you know. Decently good at something popular. Right. And I have learned today that whatever my previous answer was, there is an answer. Because I don't want to be this too. This isn't it? This isn't it. I'm watching his YouTube video and he's talking about how there's about a hundred of us athletes in the world.

And there's probably about only 100 spectators out there watching. Oh, that you, no way. And you're dedicating your life to this. This is how humanity works. Fundamentally, people want to be special. They want to be unique. They want to do something no one else does. He wants to be known.

There is no team USA. Is there a backwards? you know what you are you the world's best anything jason barter okay that's self-proclaimed yeah i mean look i have no medals but if i will accept one yeah i won't give one um so i i don't know where this leaves us in the question i think the other part of it was so different with the 300 words per day that's not enough words for me yeah it's not enough words for me i'll i'll tell you what man if i're going to be erin yoder so it'd be terrible to run out of words when you need to say something important. What's crazy is I'm watching this guy do a mile that is very fast. It don't

look that impressive. Like I thought I was going to watch a guy like sprinting backwards. It just looks like he's jogging. It doesn't matter what it looks like if he's running a sub six minute mile backwards. I can do this. You can't do it forward. You already proclaimed. Yeah, but I could do it backwards because I'm watching him. I think that's a cheat code. I think it's, are we doing it wrong? I think we're doing it wrong because he's making it look real easy. I mean, it's just like, you're just, you're just moving backwards. So which one are you taking? I'm going to move backwards because I have to have my word.

That is like one of the definitions of if someone is really good at something, it looks easy. Yeah, I can do this. I can, I mean, just watch the videos. You can do it too. All you got to do is watch this guy do and do what he's doing. One of the people participating in this dumb event. And then you're a top of the only a few and you're one of the best in the world. Yeah, you're automatically in the top 100 in the world.

Every person out there, if you run home backwards today, you. you're in the best of the world. Yes, you are. All right, Gus from, from X, says, would you rather beat a very old person in a match of pickleball, so 75 years old? Done that before. And have to yell, you suck after every point you score or lose to a 12-year-old kid that yells you suck every time he scores on you. Oh, man. This one's so easy. Families are present for both situations. This is so easy. This is super easy. And I think we're all on the same side. He's going to beat the old person.

Old man's going in a body bag. I am going to make him feel. I'm going to hit him with the ball. I'm going to make him feel young by how much trash I talk to this man. I'm going to show him that, look, I'm not giving you special treatment, grandpa. No. And I'm going to you like an equal. Yeah.

But we are not equals. But we are not equals based on the score. You suck, Gramps. Why are you here, grandpa? I'm going to be the obnoxious one with the Ws. Well, I knew that was your answer. You didn't need to define the age of the person across the

It could be a hundred right You're not changing the answer No I'm not changing the answer I cannot do that The shame I would feel I have such a deep Deep sense of Respect your elders

Just built into me I would feel so The 12 year old kid yelling you suck I leave that match And I just think that kid is the worst And his whole life's gonna suck Because he he acts And and

all that's true and you lost to that kid i promise fine no it's not fine it is it is not fine have like have what have you are you do you have any competitions with your children right now which they are they can beat you when you're trying they can beat you yeah my my my 13 year old can beat me at chess okay how's just losing just losing and he says nothing how was that felt not good okay now throw in every time you make a move on that chest board he goes and take away oh my god you idiot and take away that it's your child you don't love this kid you hate this kid and he's he's i can't be the one that did that to an old person i can no i can't i can't i can't i can't i can't you're fine i know you can no no you probably

do this weekly look here's how you do it before and after the game you are mister respect your elders you go up you open the door you give a hearty handshake you say it's so great to see you again uh you know eugene um you know it's uh i i love playing with you um i'm so happy you're here i i hope that when i'm your age i'm in the same shape i you know all of these type of things and then it's ding ding ding goes the boxing ring bell and when that game is on. You getting it. Gramps! Get into the arena. Let's play. And then

he's going to respect you more. Yeah, I don't buy any of that. I'm doing the one where I get beat by the kid. I'm doing the one where I am the kid. I mean, that's a fair answer. I am telling you that look, I play video games with my son, and there are some games

he can beat me at. He doesn't regularly, but he can. And when he does, Oh, I hear all about it. And when you're down at halftime and your child is giving you the business, it's a level of rage that you have never felt in your entire life, a child telling you how bad you are at something. I mean, I just, yeah, okay.

That guys, what is, okay, respect it. What is he done other than he's made it to 75? What's he done for you? Also, how long can he hate you? And was he in, was he in the Great War? Did he help you out there? Probably. No, probably not.

Yeah, probably not. I'm with you, Mike. Probably not. He's probably a coward. He ducked out. She's a draft dodger. This guy didn't go, no. There's a reason he made it to 75. If you're 75, there's a chance I kill you in this match. Gramps? You've got to follow it with Gramps. Make better choices. All right. Gus from Twitter, that was your question. I'm going, we know how these two are going. Finn from Patreon, would you rather work five hours a day cleaning portal potty's.

Oh, no. Or be a professional mover for 10 hours a day. You may the same amount of money. Yeah. That's a lot of more time. That's a lot of more time. I think I'm a mover, man. Yeah. I mean, I will, you know, I actually, I want to talk about something.

Because my first thought here was, if I'm a professional mover, I'm moving furniture, 10 hours a day, five days a week, that's a long job. I'm going to be in great shape, that physical activity. I recently moved. I can't believe. I can't believe the human, and they did an awesome job. I mean, I went and I left a review online. These guys were amazing. There were some big fatties.

I'm talking like, I'm talking, I can't believe this guy has a job moving furniture. Oh, dude, this was not like I'm overweight. He's a big fatty. I'm talking like gargundibus. Like, this dude was enormous. No, no. And I was just shocked. And hard worker.

work nonstop he was amazing like he shouldn't be that big i don't know how because you should be in shape from the 10 hours of moving so impressive man i mean they're packing lunches they're not like going to macdonalds they brought in like a little paper bag how is this what macdonald comes in well okay that's fair but i'm just saying like i'm saying i feel like you got to eat a hundred thousand calories a day to do the workout and the work that he is doing maybe it was his first day i asked him. Oh, okay. No, I just, I was, no, I had to know. I, I, I, I mean, I, no, this was, this was not framed poorly. This was like, how long have you worked here? But your attention. No, well, sure, behind the scenes. But it was just like, I asked all, I asked them all. I was

going to say, did you ask everybody? I asked just, no, I asked everybody. It was like, how long. No, because we, I, I, I, I, I liked these guys. I, I, I, I actually kept in contact with one of them. Like, they were, they were awesome. And, and, and I was just like, how long have you worked here? It's like four years. And I mean, I was surprised because it was incredible. And then there was a different guy, a different guy, skinniest, tiniest, tiniest stick I've ever seen. Also, also working there. They all do everything. They all just grab all the heavy furniture and move it. So how often, I mean, did they work nonstop? Nonstop. No, that's what I was going to say, like moving, when I move a friend, I move something. Yeah. I get a drink. I move something.

Grab a slice of pizza because you know he ordered pizza. Yeah, I sit on some piece of the truck, some corner of the truck for a minute. Looking good. And, oh, I got a text that just came in. So I was wondering, like, if I'm moving like, Dad, that's only five hours of moving in a 10-hour day. No, no, no, these guys were moving. So I do no, I no longer believe. Port-potty is atrocious.

Yeah, I'm not doing that. Do it eat? How many hours of Port-a-potty would it take in a reduction to choose Port-a-Po-Py? Would you do an hour of potty a day versus a 10-hour moving? I feel like yes. Yeah. I'm, even the, dude, five or ten hours. You're considering poor.

Oh, yes, very much. What is cleaning a portable? I was going to ask the same question. What kind of tools do I get? And you're not cleaning it out? No, no, you're just cleaning the inside of it. You're not dumping it. And then when you're done with that one, you go to the next one.

So all the interior plastic, the porcelain, everything. So I'm like, can I just like pressure wash this thing with some soapy water? You have to be in it. Yeah, you can get, you have gloves. But I'm also going to. You got a spray bottle? I'm going to be wearing something on my face. I think not.

Why not? You're just not allowed to in this example. Oh, that seems dangerous. I'm calling OSHA. Oh, because of the chemical? Yeah. I feel like you could. Both.

The chemical poop. The chemical poop. What about like the clothes pin on the nose? Yeah, I guess. You could do that, right? I guess so. Because it's pain. That's not going to help very much, though.

That's going to help tremendously. Like are you, five and ten, you're taking the tin movie. Then you're just, you're just huffing poo there, man. I'm taking the ten. Two hours in the port of. The Port-a-Pottie or 10 moving. Port-a-Potty. Yeah, me too.

So what's the number? I'm doing the five. You're doing the five either way? Every five days a week, 10 hours of moving. You get tips. I'm not worried about what shape of me. I'm worried about my back. That's fair.

It will be toast. Yeah. Yeah, not a joke. We had movers from my parents about a year ago. Amazing job. Same situation. None of them were enormous. as you describe

but I talked to them and it was like one of the guys accidentally left their tools there at my parents' house so we called him and we said hey you left your tool bag there's a bunch of expensive tools

disassembling furniture all this stuff a bunch of Allen ranches tool bag sat there for I don't know five months six months

finally he calls and says can I come get the tools we're like yeah where you been so I broke my back I broke my back moving So to Mike's point He broke his back and then he Six months later

He was back in the business All right Your back, your knees Your body will be toast Huh Okay And either one of these You're going to need a shower

After your job Yeah Could you All right give me the porta potty Okay can I can I Sidebar for a second Because I think I just invented A new business

Oh dude I love new businesses Make sure you register it first Andy's Moving Why is it Andy Yeah can it be our like group thing spitballers movers association there we go

we come out we will quote your job and then we will sell it to another mover and be in the middle okay you know what I mean an invention you're coming up with I feel like this is very common in almost every industry I haven't heard about it for movers though

I mean that's literally what basically a moving company like if you own the moving company and you're not the one doing the moving, then this is what you're doing. Yeah, it's pretty basic lead generation, really. It's really just a normal business. Yeah, and then if it goes well enough, instead of outsourcing it, I'll hire my own staff. Yeah.

And then I'll have a moving company. All right, do we need to move on, Al? I think so. Do you want another question or do you want to move on? Let's move on. Oh, thank you. Thank you. man of the people all right we're going to play some man of the people all

is going to explain how it works to us yeah this went well last time so we'll see uh we pulled a hundred people the top six answers are on the board you get three points if you get the first answer two points if you get the second answer one point for any other answer uh that we're going to do seven rounds seven seventh round is worth double points All right. Does that all make sense? Who won last time? You did.

Oh. You were the man of the people. You knew that. I guessed. I had a guess. I knew you lost. Um, all right. All right.

Round one. Round one. Hands on the table. That's right. Other than swimsuits, name something people wear to the beach. Sunglasses. That is the number two answer. Okay.

Flip-ups. That is the number one answer. It's done right. It is. Let's go. Interesting. Very nice, Mike. Jason. That is the number three answers. That's a good answer. That's a good answer. Top three? We got the top three. That's got to be the first time ever. It definitely is. I'm actually impressed with us.

What was on the list? I also have tank tops. I would say a towel. So, yeah, you got the top three and then hat was number four. Towel was number five. And shorts tank top was number six. Okay. We crushed that, fellas. Yeah. You guys nailed it. We're men of the people, of course. All right.

So we got a score of Mike with three, Andy with two, Jason with one, going in a round two. Name the heaviest item that you might buy at the grocery store. I'm going to go with a sack of potatoes. That is the number three answers. Gersh again. Gersh. I'm going to go with a watermelon. A watermelon is the number one answer.

Yeah. A sack of potatoes is heavier than a water. watermelon. That's so stupid. It comes to people's mind first. I mean, it depends how many potatoes you buy. Uh, water, like a, like a jug of water. Gallet of milk or water is number two answer. We did it again. One, two, three, maybe. Oh, man. Except I keep being three. That's, that's good because I couldn't think of anything besides the, is bag of salt on there? Yeah, that was, that was, no, the other three answers. Flower. Flower. A turkey, rice. A bag of pet food. Oh, And cans of soda.

Oh, okay. Well, good thing we got the top three. I knew the salt would not be on there. But as soon as I thought of it, I'm like, that's by far the heaviest item. 100%. It's 50 pounds. I wanted to say, I wanted to say the bag of salt. That was the first thing that came to.

Oh, like the salt for soft water. Uh-huh. Oh, yeah. Because I hate getting those because they're, you know, 50 or 60 pounds. Right. So two times in a row we've gotten the top three answers. Oh, my gosh. Let's keep running.

That is correct. So Andy and Mike are tied with five. Jason has some work to do. Shut up. He's at two. next question yes sir uh name a place where it would be rude to laugh a funeral a funeral is the number three answer no are you i'm just kidding it's the number one okay i'm i'm back baby okay nobody else buzzing in they have give him a timer man four three dude two a very a very

play. I don't know. A serious play or movie is the number six answers. Wait, number six. It's not on the top five, right? We have six on this one. All these ones have six. Oh, do they really? Wait, he said a, and it was the same it literally says serious play or movie.

That's gotta be worse. Mike, you get two. I will vote to give you two for that. Do I have to give an answer? I will say a courtroom. courtroom was the number five answer so you and Mike each got one point unless we're awarding Mike with the phone. I don't want it but all right. That is amazing that it was very serious play.

You threw off just like I have no idea some kind of serious. I didn't know how to say it because it's like if you're at first I wanted to say you're at a theater like well no people laugh all the time. You're at show people laugh all the time. But if you're at a dramatic play. What were the other answers? So funeral number one, church

number two, library number three. Oh library's good. Hospital number four All right courtroom number five And serious play or movie Number six All right Those people don't know

What the best medicine is Apparently All right After Yeah So through three rounds I'd be laughing at the hospital We still got a tie

Andy and Mike with six But Jason is now Right behind What a game Let's go with it What a game Also we're three rounds in And all three of us

On the board each time You guys are crushing Don't jinx it All right Round four Name something Your wife asks you to do that your mom also asked you to do.

I'm going to say, take out the garbage. That is the number two answer. All right, not three. Wash the dishes. That is the number three answer. Mike, the number one's out there. Just general cleaning? Or do I have to be more specific?

Clean up after yourself is the number one answer. Three of our four categories, we've gone one, two, three. I'm so impressed with us. Great work. The ones you missed on that were laundry, make your bed, and eat better. oh yeah fair enough all right so through four rounds we're already at the highest scoring game ever we have to be uh you're probably right mike is out ahead with nine points andy and jason tied with seven points what round is this five we're going into five so we got three full rounds to go all right and last round will be worth doubles so definitely anybody's game name something a girl would need if she wanted to impersonate an elderly woman i'll say a pair of glasses glasses is the number three answers a wig

a gray wig is the number one answer boom shakalaka um I'm gonna say four three old dress literally old dress is the number four answer all right baby

what oh that's funny is Kane on there Kane is the number two answer Oh that was yeah I'm mad Kane was going to be the first thing out of my mouth and then I went, well, those old glasses, though. Pearl necklace. A purse was the number five answer

and then a shawl or scarf was the number six answer. All right. All right. Dang it. Mike's got a big lead. Oh, yeah, shawl. Yeah, you got to have that. Through five rounds. Mike has 12. I'm cold. Andy and Jason still tied with eight. We are moving on to round six. Name something.

Got to reset the button. I got you. Name something that gets thrown. A ball. A ball. A ball is the number one answer. What? What else do you throw? Frisbee. A frisbee is the number two answer. Excellent. Good job, Andy.

You throw four, three, two, insults. One. I don't know, man. Insult, not on the board. Oh, you're the first one. Oh, man. All right, we had paper airplane. Yeah, that was what I was thinking. I had also not on the board. We had ball, frisbee, a party. darts, a tantrum, and then

throwing the game. I actually thought about throwing the game as like a joke answer. So wait, is this the final round? It is the final round. And it's 10, 11, 12, so anybody can win? That is correct. Because it's double points. Yep, we got Mike with 12, Jason with 11, Andy with 10. This is worth double anybody's game.

Name a U.S. city that begins with the letter B. Boise. Boise is the number four answer. Oh, that sucks. Boston. Boston is the number one answer. Yeah. Another B. I got one that's way better than Boise. What about you, Mike? Four? Three. I can't think of anything. Two. Ravens.

One. Oh, Baltimore. Baltimore is the number two answer. Wait, they just gave him the win. You just gave him the win. It gave me the tie. No, it gave me the tie. I'm not going to take it. Oh, my God. That was Jason's answer.

That's okay. I don't care. That was the highest. I didn't get Boston fast enough. Why did I go Boise? When you hit it and you screamed Boise, I was like, thank you. So here's what I thought. Here's how my thought process worked.

Whoever gets number one wins, right? Whoever gets. Yeah. You're going to hit it no matter what. I had to hit so fast. And because it was such a clear like, you know, what comes to mind, I just blurted out the first thing. I didn't even think about it.

This is how long we've all worked and been together is we're sitting there, hands on the table, getting ready to push the button. And all I'm thinking is, Jason would logically hit this as fast as possible without an answer knowing that it would give him an advantage on the final question. I should have got the green, which I got and then thought because Boston was clearly. Yeah, you skipped thinking. Yeah, I did.

But you did get Boise. So wait, I don't get second. You do. You do. Oh, okay. I don't, I don't take that. All right. All right.

Andy, your second consecutive man of the people. Congratulations. The best part of that is that I think that was my first lead of the entire match. Yeah. I got the number one answer. Many times. Yeah, like three or four times there. You just needed a member to throw a party.

Yeah. Yeah. All right. Quick break back with the draft. The Spitballers Draft All righty, we are doing something a little different today. People love the Battle Royale drafts. They love the opportunity for us to, you know,

we select our four different picks, our warriors, in the Coliseum. And so today we are stepping into that fabled, beautiful, majestic Coliseum, and we are drafting people or characters things that start with the letter G. Oh, man. So we are battle royals. For a battle royale.

So we are fighting one another, and we can take characters, animals, whatever the case may be, put four of them into the ring, who will come out on top. Now, I have the first pick. Mm-hmm. And I'm not sure I'm going to make the best pick here.

But I have to wait quite a while. to get my next pick. And I'm afraid that maybe it'll be gone. So with the number one pick of our letter G battle royal, I need myself a wizard. So I'm going Gandalf. Okay. Gandalf is my number one pick.

He was my number two. I want Gandalf leading the charge. He's nice and old, very slow, can be easily defeated by, what's the, what's the Balrock? But yeah, good luck on the B draft. and he'll be in the arena and well good luck on the g draft because i will take guess who's back baby i will take the genie thank you oh that's a good one not even on my list you know it was on my list and it was on my first list and i just deleted it i was like what you didn't want him

i just didn't feel like taking him okay all right well thank you yeah the genie's back well this is that's the fourth time he's been drafted this is great in the sense that i only had two that I thought were excellent like a one and a two and I didn't have genie on my list so you allowed what was my number one pick to come to me look I don't have the magic that you guys have but you're going to need the magic because I got Godzilla yeah he was my number two pick yeah I got the size and the tail and I'm doing the like I the lightning out of the mouth thing whatever all the things he does I got it all I got the size and the tail that's what they say about Godzilla yeah he is a very big creature yeah

Yeah. All righty. So now I'm looking at other G characters. You knew what we were doing beforehand. Yeah, no, I got my list. I got my list. It's not sorted very well. Okay. And there's just such a tear break. So you guys have this magic. And I feel like I've got to compete with that. The tail's not enough. The tail's not enough. I can't just be physical. I've got to have a super power. So I'm going to take a superhero. I don't think this one will do great in the polls based on box office results. Oh, yeah, yeah. No, he's on my list. But if you're talking to actual

victory in there, I think this guy's, this guy could single-handedly take on your two guys. It's the green lantern. Yeah, Greenland. I mean, he is, he's tough because I feel like it's just the superhero to make fun of. Oh, for sure. That's what I'm saying. This is a poll winner. Like, I think that, I think the Green Laner can actually be very powerful. He can do anything he imagined. Yeah, so as long as you're wearing the ring, you can. Except for sell tickets, am I right? Nice.

Got him. You can, you physically manifest whatever it is you think of. And, like, are there, are there limitations on that? Because I feel like I've seen a Greenlander do something with projectiles. Just a sidebar. This is the thing about superheroes and comics that we, that I don't understand. stand as a medium fan of these movies.

You have obviously Superman that can do everything. Yeah, that's why he sucks. It's boring. So he sucks and he's boring, right? Yeah. Then you have all these other popular superheroes, Ironman, right? Flying suit, a lot of limitations, human can die. Wolverine. He's got the healing, but he's pretty much is just swinging around

some knives, right? So all these popular... Don't discount that healing. That's why he's got the knives. The healing, and I mean, he's also got super strength, super heightened abilities. Okay, so maybe Wolverine's pretty cool, but like Cyclops, right? Shoots like a beam out of his eyes. Concussive blasts, yeah, okay, yeah. All right.

But then there's all these, like, side characters that are in barely any movies and comics, but they all have, like, abilities that break all of time and space. Right, like Green Lantern. Like you're basically saying Green Lantern does that, and then there's other characters that can just stop time, and there's other characters that can do everything in the entire world or move faster than it. but they're not popular. Is it because of the Superman thing where they're like too strong? Or they just don't have good lore or people just don't identify with it.

I think a lot of it's probably the outfit. You know what I mean? Like Green Lantern. Green Lantern looks so stupid. It's you got to have the cool factor. That's Wolverine. Wolverine looks cool. He was my favorite of all time.

The hair, those chops. Men are age who got into that world at all. I mean, the chances of you just ask someone, be like, hey, who's your favorite superhero? Wolverine is going to, I bet will come out 50% of the time. It's my number one. So he's good. But Greenlander is. Oh, like Batman. Batman also. Same thing.

Mortal, like, totally pretty limited. He's just the greatest detective. Yeah. You want to be able to relate and think I could, I could be a super hero. So anyways, all of that to say your pick kind of sucks. Thank you. All right, Mike. You're up.

It's fine. All right. So you got Green Lantern and Godzilla. Villa. So I will this is going to play really, really well on this show. Thankfully, Papa Josh is in the back, holding it down for all the nerds. Oh, Mike is

so predictable. Yeah. Am I? Who am I going to take? You're going to take obscure video game reference. No, it's not obscure video game. It's it's comic book related. Sort of obscure. We're going to go. Will I know who it is? No. No, you will not. Okay. That's the predictable part. I have my guest. You will learn

about him in upcoming movies. But I'm going to take Galactic Oh, that's a good pick. Oh, hey, you're in it. Oh, my gosh. I mean, he's swallowing worlds, man. He could eat, I mean, Godzilla. Godzilla's an aunt.

He's not on my list. I mean, you won. I don't know who that is. You won. Does he fit in the Coliseum? No. Oh, he doesn't fit on Earth. He's got to fit in the Coliseum.

I mean, he'll eat the Coliseum. Godzilla doesn't fit in the Coliseum either. We're supposed to be. Yeah, I'm sure he does. He fits in the Coliseum. So? Yeah, he's probably about the size. I mean, like a foot, a foot, maybe, one of his feet, whatever. It's a real big Coliseum. Make it bigger.

Yeah, because Galactus is coming in. Dude, that's a pick, man. That is a pick. I don't know who it is. So, um, I, I had Godzilla on the list. I got to pick a couple of, uh, selections here. I need something for Gandalf to ride. So I'm going to give him a grizzly bear. We got a grizzly bear. Okay. It's not going to fit your eating galaxies guy. but I was thinking more

fighting in the arena, so that's what all my picks are. And then I will also go with Goliath. Okay. I will go with a grizzly bear and Goliath. Okay. All right. So hopefully there's no pillars there. Well, good. Oh, no, I'm thinking of. Samson?

I went Samson. I totally did. And I both were just like, what are you talking about? I don't remember Goliath with a pillar? No, that's fair enough. The pillars are fine. Don't shave Goliath's head. Watch out.

All right. So, Grizzly Bear and then Goliath. Man, you made fun of Green Lantern. Because I... And then you took a dude and a bear. Yeah, I thought we were just like, you know, normal people fighting in this arena.

I heard characters, so I have a list of characters. You started with a wizard. He fits in the arena. Oh. He fits. With, hey, maybe the arena is the universe. Or, no, it's just the, we can go the solar system. A bunch of weirdos.

All right. Speaking of weirdos, I'll take Goku. Yeah, that's who I thought your last one was going to be. Oh, man. Hopefully the, hopefully the nerds come out for the polls because this team is dominating. I mean, look, honestly, after Galactus, it's unstoppable. It's pretty much over. I think Goku could take Galactus.

Really? Yeah. I do. I mean, I guess when you factor in like. who has to win. Galax is a bad guy. So he ends up losing all the time. Is he a bad guy or is he just misunderstood? No, he's a bad guy. He's a bad guy. I think so. I don't know. I think he's made up. I've never heard of him before. So this is a good one. So on this show, this is the show where we drafted in one of these battle royals along to years and years ago.

And Mike, you brought up a name. You drafted this guy. Oh, crap. one punch man oh yes yes and there was and that was when and i were crickets we'd never heard of one punch and you know he's like oh he can beat anyone with one punch what a stupid character can't believe you drafted him then i proceeded to watch yeah watch it and love it and it's a great pick yes all right so i'm on the clock um i had a everything everything feels slightly inferior now However, I want to remind you, if you don't remember your Harry Potter lore, one of the most powerful wizards was Ginny Weasley. Yes, it's the younger sister of Ron. Spoiler, the future wife of Harry. Ginny is a powerhouse.

Is this well known? For any Harry Potter nerd out there, yes, Jenny Weasley is. This is Andy. Andy is a devastated man. She is a sensational powerhouse. Is this from the books? Yeah. Yeah, it's in the books, in the movies.

Ginny Weasley's awesome. What is, what makes her so powerful? Magic. Well, I mean, I don't know. What makes Dumbledore powerful? It's just like he was born with extra magic. I don't know. You guys suck.

I like this draft. All right. Ginny Weasley. Hey. Dude, you want to fight Jenny Weasley in a colcum? You're going to lose. Now we're sure that's a G? Yeah.

Okay. It's not Jenny. I read the books. Wait, no. Say those two names back to back. It's this name. Not Jenny Weasley, not Jenny Weasley. Do you hear the difference?

Yeah. Because I said it perfect. Oh, I know. I see how you could. I see how you could not understand. All right. So I've got one more, right? Mm-hmm.

There's a lot of. cool people I could take some fun Gilbert Godfrey Oh, annoying to death That's the way to beat Galactus He just run away Um

Galactus I'm going to take I'm going to take I'm going to take someone with actual you know this is a killer

This is someone who knows how to fight and he's not a afraid to take your life. Right. Taking ghost face. Okay. I don't know who any of you people are. You know who ghost faces.

Ghostface is scream. The bad guy in scream. Okay. I know that. That's ghost face. He'll stab you to death. I am so sorry, everybody. This is on me.

I'm loving this draft. I asked for rules and I was told characters, animals, whatever you want. Okay. Ghost face. A ghost face. Mike, what character are you about to invent?

Oh, it's not an invention. but why are we bringing Goku along? But we got to bring Gohan in here. We got them both. We got them both Josh. We did it. Oh, nerds are going to love your team, Mike. They are. All righty. I have, I'll just finish.

You're going to take a goose? You're going to take George Washington? He's a general. This is the worst. Gary Shandling. Fine. I'll take George Costanza with my final pick, George Costanza, because why not? And there you go. What a fight this is going to be. George Costanza versus ghost face. I apologize to the rest of my team when Galactus eats everybody. Oh my God. What did we learn today? You learned who Galactus was. Yeah. Sort of. There you go. I learned that I would. My rather be okay at something cool and popular than the best at something that is nonsense. I learned very much would beat an old person at pickleball before I let a child beat me.

That'll do it for today's spitballers, everybody. Thank you for listening. We'll do another episode at some point. Goodbye. Thanks for listening to the Spitballers podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out Spitballerspod.com. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you.