Spitballers Comedy Podcast - Beef Stew & Worst Liquids to Shower In - Spit Hits! - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: August 27, 2026

Spit Hit for August 27th, 2026:  Beef Stew has more meanings than you think! Some great Would you Rathers followed up by some insightful That’s a Great Question and a draft you don’t want to miss… Worst Things to See Come Out of Your Shower make this an episode to remember. Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast! Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast: Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.com Follow us on X: x.com/SpitballersPod Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPod Subscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore on realistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the spitballers podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. I'm a liar on fire. No bird is flying higher. Oh, my gosh. Oh, wait, wait a minute. Oh. Oh. Oh, Al.

Borland. Episode 332. Give me that bird sound one more time, please. Oh, you know, that's a tough one to deliver on command. It sounded partially robotic. I didn't look up to see if you were saying it. I didn't know if you hit a button at the right time. That was all me, baby.

Wow. Episode 332. He's a liar. Because there's a lot of birds that fly higher than an owl. I'm just saying it's just factually inaccurate and we care about the substance. of the show. He flew pretty high though. I mean, that was that was not bad.

I don't like that he gets to come prepared. You know, he wrote that. I don't know if you know this, Jason, but you guys go in a pattern. You could be as prepared as you want. Yeah, but that's not a scat. See, I come in with a blank slate. This is more of a wrap,

but you could still, you could spend a nice Saturday morning and plan out your next eight. That's true. And I get And I should because I'm so bad at it. But I guess what I'm getting at here, fellas, is I want to know what he can do off the cuff. Hit it again, baby. I can't.

I'm not playing the whole intro, man. Yes, you are. I guess we are. Oh, here we go. The whole thing, baby. Oh, you could just watch his face. You have plenty of time to think. Don't be talking right now, man.

You got to think. Topics more thought than they probably deserve. It's the spitballers podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. I'm Jason. I'm facing. The scat in my heart's racing. Oh, God! Oh! Oh! Oh! To the bottom of the ocean with you, sir. Oh, goodbye. Oh, he's been burned. Now, see, the advice I just gave you, he already did that. He planned out his next five. And he just went to the next one.

Oh, I'm so impressed. Do you do rap battles? Man. On the side? I do not. Will Smith, the freestyler over here. I like that. I like that Will Smith was the go-to.

Have you not followed the most recent his little freestyle thing? Oh, okay. Oh, wait. Will Smith is out freestyling? It ain't good, my brother. It ain't good. But that was. He's,

that was good. He continues to get jiggy with it. I am dead. I mean, you just murdered me, Al. This is your show. Amazing. We're going to switch seats here. The honest truth is Al is a man of honor as well because this is episode 332.

We've missed a couple weeks with family vacations and a holiday. And we're back with a fresh episode. And we're hitting the button. And I'm ready to scat. Yeah. I mean, I'm thinking through. I was happy. It wasn't me.

We were told it was Andy. And you pushed the button. We were starting. I was ready to go. And Al could have. could have let it go. But he knows that every, what is it, 81 episodes? Sounds about right.

He has to step up. And he did it twice. Yeah. I mean, that's impressive. Tip of the cap. Impressive. Also, if you can write my next one, that'd be great. We are happy to have you with us.

Fresh episode of the show. Would you rather life advice? And a spectacular draft. I mean, just a creative. masterpiece of a draft today that you're going to enjoy at Spitballerspod over on X spitballerspod.com is the website. Every 83 episodes, is that right? That's correct.

Okay. Don't want to get that wrong. You can leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify, Mike. That would be nice of them, wouldn't it? I mean, it would be the cat's pajamas. That's what we say. Here we go, starting the show. Would you rather?

Stu. Short for Stewart, I guess. Stew from the website. First name, beef. Would you rather? Yeah. I got the alley. That was not a good joke.

No, that was a... It's one of the only beef stew jokes I've ever heard. Beef stew is a fabulous phrase, by the way. Is it a beef stew? Like, just the words of a meal. I thought you were going to say it's a fabulous thing to eat. Oh, it is. But I just saying beef stew, to me, just sounds.

Are you saying that that's a phrase? Are you saying that's just something people say is like, oh, dude, beef stew? No, no, no, no, no, not like a throwing it out like slang. I'm just saying those two words when combined, beef stew just. Okay. That sounds like we should make a phrase out of it. People don't really serve stew. Like you don't get stew at restaurants.

Like stew is looked at like. Yeah, do they do a chicken stew? I think so. Not really. Nobody does a stew. You only do stew at all. So it's redundant. It feels like it's like a poor person. Yes, that's what I was going to get to. It feels like it's something that would be given if you were in a line to get the food at prison. Right. They would take some, like, stew cannot be. They're getting good eats. You're not supposed to like get stew in your bowl in a really like clean, careful way. Right. Oh, it has to be slopped in there.

It has to be slopped in, not even plopped. Like, here's your stew. It has to be served by some creature. Yeah, crotchety old person. So what does beef stew from the website wonder? Oh, he wants to know, Would You Rather wake up every day with total amnesia for the first three hours of every day? Or wake up every day only speaking and understanding a random language for the first six hours of every day? Six hours?

Here's the thing about total amnesia. It's like a whole day, man. Speaking and understanding a random language, that's not different for you. Your life is normal. Well, your mind is normal. Your mind is normal. You know where you are, who you are,

what you're supposed to do today. You just can't communicate with others. Oh, wait, yes, I can't Google Translate. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I can pull out the phone. The amnesia, you, it's kind of like it's not happening to you. Because if it happens for the first three hours of every day, it's total amnesia. So once you come to, it's like an extended three-hour, you know, people walk in their sleep, and they do that, and they don't remember what happened, but you're actively.

But you will remember it later on in the day, and you will be. No, you won't. You'll remember that you couldn't remember. Yeah. Wait, what? After the three hours, whenever it goes back to you. I woke up, I couldn't remember anything this morning. That's what I would be saying right now.

Like when I woke up this morning, guys, I had no idea what was going on. Did you remember what happened during that time? I now remember what happened during those three hours when I had no idea who I was. I don't know if I agree with that. What? This isn't for agreeing. This is just I'm laying it out. I'm letting you know how it is.

I'm telling you how it is. Beef stew. No, okay. Okay. Cheap. You're telling me if you get in a car accident and you hit your head. and you have total amnesia for three hours after you hit your head in the car accident. The second that hour four hits, you remembered everything that happened?

No, no, no, no. During the three hours, you couldn't remember anything? Yes. You remember that you couldn't remember. Most everything I'm seeing is in Andy's favor that people that have amnesia do not remember the period of which they had the amnesia. Yeah, what else is it? But not remembering anything because you're out of it. My assumption is that when you don't remember in that moment, you can't, your memories,

are gone at that point but not that you can't make new ones like people who have amnesia you can only form them though when you are actually forming them it's like people do not tend to remember the actual time period during which they had amnesia because by definition they weren't forming

retrievable memories at that time beef stew yeah that's a beef stew you beef stew me big time there beef stew all right I'm just a punching bag today it's not up for agreement I'm just laying it out yeah yeah that doesn't that doesn't

so then after the three hours you just it's equivalent to being in a coma to you this is my point is like I would choose that one because the only thing I have to worry about is do I endanger myself or die in those three hours every day I know there's going to be a mysterious three waking hours

that I will not remember but I have to hope that that's fine okay but that's not let me let me get a little bit more philosophical here okay philosophical if let's say this question

was the first three hours of the day you have amnesia and terrible things happen to you. Okay. Like awful. There's literal monsters. Okay. They're chasing you. This is a nightmare in real life. Yeah, yeah.

And you experience that every single day for three hours, but then afterwards you're not going to remember, right? Do you actually think that would be fine, even though for three hours of a day you are tormented, tortured, you are living in hell? Yes and no. yes it'll be fine if there's no physical harm done to you because that's what nightmares are i mean you have nightmares you don't remember them you are tormented sometimes in your sleep and you move on because you don't remember that's like isn't there a i mean i guess there's a pill that you take when you go to surgery sometimes you go to surgery yeah where they need you conscious yeah for the surgery that's true and that terrifies me oh big time like i know stories of the i was awake

during surgery are some of the worst possible stories. I know that afterwards I'm supposed to not remember. But in the moment, that means I'm feeling it and knowing it and remember. I mean, that is the philosophical part. Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. I think that that sounds awful. That sounds way worse to me than just I get all the time in my day, but I have a hard time communicating.

I've got to use a phone. Six hours, though, six hours every day. It's a good chunk. Yeah, I mean, basically, let's say, I wake up at six in the morning, so that's, I don't get to just easily communicate till noon every day. Actually, it's funny. It would change the way you would make all of your appointments. Yeah. You certainly wouldn't want to have like a court date or something that happens in the first six hours of waking up.

I am not a cat. Yeah, you don't. So you would have to, you would meow. Right. You kind of, it would kind of be lonely. Because, yes, you could technically get your Google Translate out and that's a little roundabout. But that wouldn't be convenient. No, no, it's not convenient at all.

And to be fair, you don't even know. which language are speaking yet. That's the trick. You get a different one every day. So I'm just trying to understand for the amnesia. Are you back to amnesia? Yeah, because I wake up.

Have you forgotten already? The truth. Hold on. So you wake up. You don't know who you are. You're really confused. Yeah. And then you spend three hours like that.

And then you're, so the three hour timer goes, all my memories come back. But then I forget that I, that I have forgotten. Correct. That is kind of, that's at least how I interpreted it.

It doesn't mean it has to be that way. Okay. I think that there's some nuance there. But I imagine during this period of total and utter confusion where you know nothing, you probably don't remember that later. Which also then means I will never, I will never know,

my conscious body will never know that this is going to happen every single day. That is not true because your friends and family around can know that. So they can tell you in your... You're not going to believe that. You could tell them that... Of course. Yeah, because the three hours are gone, Mike.

Yeah, they're going to say... You can never look back at that three hours. And day after day after day after day. They're going to say, hey, when you wake up, you have... Tull amnesia. So you can prepare for that. Which one are you choosing? I'm still going to... I'm going to take the language.

I'm going to take the foreign language. I think that, you know, it's like, is it... Would you rather... This is basically, would you rather have a difficult, more... morning for six hours or lose three hours of your day every day. Slight addition to the question. If you know that you were going to face the amnesia situation every morning, and you would kind of be a danger to yourself, I would think.

If you don't, if you can't really remember much, you don't know what house you're in, your name, all that stuff, total amnesia. Does it make sense to strap yourself into your bed? No. Because even though you're tortured for the three hours of waking time, you won't remember that. Right. but then you will wake up and need to get out of your bed.

I got one. What if you strap yourself to an exercise bike? Now that's... And I'm just knocking out three hours of cardio every single day. And I'm going to forget. The door is locked in the room and there's just equipment everywhere. And you wake up. Put a note that says you must ride for three hours.

Dude! Or you die. The door is locked until you've lifted, you know, 10,000. pounds. Yes. Oh my gosh. You're just in a, you go to sleep? Oh my, Mike. Yeah. You are brilliant. Yes. The key to work. All right. I'm on that side. I'm on that side.

I'm on that side. Absolutely. I'm not remembering it. Oh, dude, that is, that is awesome. Beef stew. Okay. Beef stew. It is like memento a little bit. That's, that did come to mind. The movie Oh, yeah. You got a tattooed on your chest. He would like, do cardio. Oh, man. It's a little more low stakes than solving the murder.

A murder of a loved one. Just, you know, get small. Do cardio. Don't forget. Frankie from Patreon. If you had to be a passenger on a plane that is going down. Okay. Would you rather be over a land or over the ocean?

What do you think your higher odds of surviving is? This is a great question. This is cream of the crop. Would you rather type of question here, opinion. Because we get to discuss the implications. People think about it. The ocean is not soft. The ocean is concrete for a plane. Yes. You're still landing into a solid thing. Yeah, you're like, now, I guess the thought would be how does the crash take place? Like, are you coming in at a landing velocity, whatever? That's where the ocean could do you some favors. They've landed boats on,

I mean, planes on water before. Yeah. So I, I, I, I think the argument here. Shout out Sully. Yeah, yeah, Soli's your pilot. I think the argument here is that if you, if you're going down on land, the crash is more likely to kill you than potentially crash landing in the ocean. Right. And Al Borland points this out in our slack. You have a built-in fire extinguisher.

The water will put the fire out. Right. Can the water put out the gasoline fire? I think better than not water, yeah. Well, just saying, like if there's something that is flammable on water, it will still be burning for a bit. Yeah, until it burns up. Yeah, you're talking like some fuel in the water burning?

Yeah, that would, I mean, that's not fun. Obviously, the answer to this question, if you survive the crash in both situations. Yes. Is that why you were looking at me the way you were? Yeah, because in my, I assumed. Ocean is your toast. Yeah, you're dead. I assumed that the answer, the question was basically,

you survive a crash landing. And if you survive the crash landing, I would a billion times rather be on land than be in the middle of the ocean. There have been crashes on land where they can't find you as well. I mean, where you're in a desert or a jungle or things like that, that would be. Jungle would be brutal. Does it make a difference if you knew you'd be rescued in like five hours?

Would you also always choose land? If I knew I would be rescued in three. five hours, I would still prefer to be on land. Every boat has the inflatable situation. You got, you got life vests under the seat. Light vests and inflatable. Right, but then you're in the freezing water. And

more importantly, the shark tank. Is that the ocean? Is that what you call the ocean? That's what I call the ocean. Is the shark tank? Mostly because that's the tank where the, oh, they're going to look at the three of us and be like, I'm going after beef stew.

I don't think you're using. I don't know how to use it, Mike. I'm trying it out. Best odds of survival, though, are... I still think it's water. Man. Because of the whole fire part. Yeah.

Because if you're trying to land on either situation or you're trying to survive the impact, I just feel like water's more forgiving at the right angle. Am I wrong? I know they have the boats. How many people are actually getting in those boats? Oh, not a plane full. No, we're near a plane full.

The strongest view. Like, if you're in the boat. 20, max. You know, you're getting some people in the boat. I get a little antsy. I'm like, we got, we got to set this thing. We got to hit the water. We don't have time to wait for anyone.

It's the old, you know, when you're in the exit row, is like, now give us your word that you will help everyone off the plane. I will help myself. Yeah, you'll show them how. Off the plane first. Thank you for being my first in line ticket here. I hope somebody pulls that clip of you out. when they're walking through the cabin

and asking you in the exit row if you're going to do your part. Yes, I will. They can pull the clip because you know what? Everyone's lying. They're all liars. They're all liars. I will lead by example.

No, the people in your row. Yeah. If there's a kid. If there's a kid. A kid can't be in the exit row. You got to be 16. Yeah. A lady?

Sure. Sure. I will help everyone in my exit row. Yes, you'll help the two people next to you. That's what I mean. And I don't even know if that's true. I don't know that you'll help the two minutes you. That door's open.

Can I help people from the outside? Absolutely. So if I kind of... Not from the boat. Right. Yeah, let me help. Swim over here. I'll hold it for you.

I've already named our club. We've got like a game. It depends on so many things. Is there a fire in there? If there's no fire and I think I can get out quick, I'm going to stay in help for a bit. Also, you know what? I'm taking my laptop. Oh, really?

Yeah. You know how important this thing is? Okay. I got gigabytes of information that cannot be. Of survival have to be highest on land. Oh, because people can get, because people can get to you the quickest.

And, you know, survival means you're going to be injured. You're going to be banged up. You need people to get there quick. Yeah. I think land is the right answer. And if you have to unfortunately meet your demise in either situation, land is probably the better way. Sure.

Because of the shark tank thing? Well, I mean, you're, I would rather it come. You ever see a land shark? I would rather it come quick. Then like, you know, drown 24 hours later after a day of torment. That's not happening to me and my crew in the boat. I guess there's a good chance if you crash in the ocean and survive, you're probably bleeding.

So you will attract the sharks. Yeah, for sure. Let me just detour real quick. Okay. From our real. From this really important serious. serious direct questioning. Are sharks just everywhere?

Yeah. Not everywhere, no. They're not on land. Well, no, they're not everywhere. Are they just like, yeah, like are there parts of the ocean that you'd be happier to crash in? Oh, absolutely. And there's only certain sharks you actually have to be worried about. Right. The tiger sharks and big great white. I don't know. Hey, biologists. Those are the two big ones. I mean, how many sharks do I really need to be scared of?

Like two Those are the bad dogs Yeah the Great White And the tiger Like two or three actually Yeah What about the hammerhead? That one's

Nah they're fairly docile Really? Yeah No tiger sharks I don't know I feel like Could I be afraid of swordfish Yes

Yes Your boat should be afraid Of sword fish That's for sure The name So it's got a wet It's a sword Wait everyone else is getting eaten

By sharks And Jason is getting Impaled by a swordfish That's jumping up the room I'm just hoping He's taking out Mike's little inflatable boat

Oh, that's a good point Yeah Who's afraid of Stop his boat Yeah Then I fall into the gang Of people That I did not save

They were just pushed me under Yeah Stand on him I was the king for a moment It seemed like hammerhead sharks Are just whishes Okay Like a hammerhead shark

If it's coming at you Their eyes are on Just push it to the side Well in their mouth There's a little tiny Little flap on the bottom What are you going You can't bite me

With that You know what I mean? Are they bottom feeders? I don't know I think they eat They eat fish that are tall. They eat the leftover fish that the real sharks took care. Primarily, the biggest fear is, of course, the Great White.

Yes. There are. But that one's harder to find. 3,000 to 5,000 great white sharks estimated in the world. In the ocean? Oh, you got a great chance of not running. Why does that sound unrealistic? That does sound unrealistic.

That sounds like you're lying. That sounds like I should check a second source. It seems like you might not want to say it. So definitively. I'm pretty sure. Beef stew. Yeah. Bull sharks, tiger sharks.

See how many great whites there are, what you can scrounge up. I'm seeing three to five thousand. There's two of them. There's Ted and Barry. You got to watch out for them. One's on the West Coast, one's on the East Coast. But wherever you land, they'll be there. It's a turf war?

Yeah. The sharks. Is it really just three to five thousand? I mean, I've never felt less afraid of sharks than right this moment. They're really hard. Great whites are hard to find. If they are, if there are really only, I'm going to go on the high side, 5,000 Great White Sharks of Life. The ocean's a pretty big place. You would be so unlucky to have that crash go right by a family of Greywites.

How many swordfish? Oh, that's a great question, Mike. How could you be afraid of swordfish? Have you seen their nose? Yes, it's a sword. It's like when they're out, people are doing like deep sea fishing and they catch a mars. and then that thing comes flying out with his giant scones. Look, while the exact number of swordfish in the world is unknown, it is likely in the millions.

That's way worse. That's so much worse than 5,000. There's unregistered weapons swimming around the ocean right now. Millions of them. So do you need to, like, have chain mail if you're in the ocean? Yes. There is one issue, though. There's one small issue swimming in chain mail.

You're going to have to kick so many people out of the boat to account for the weight of your... Hold on, hold on, guys. We can't get out of the plane yet. I've got to put my armor on. In the history of the entire world, there are four documented cases of a swordfish. Popping a boat. Hirting a person. There's got to be more than four.

No, no. Yes. There's not. There's not. There's one single fatal case. People are embarrassed about that. They're not going to go tell people. I got got by a swordfish.

This is a great white bites me in the leg. Oh, I'm telling everybody. You will, I'm just going to tell strangers on the street. Yeah, I'll wear a shirt. They're going to know when you're limping over. Yeah, it's going to be awesome. Well, I'm saying later. But if a swordfish got me, I will tell no one that tailed.

One death in formal literature, according to National Geographic. That's impossible. So they can kill. One death ever. One dude in the history of the world was killed by a swordfish. That's a legacy. That's a legacy I can respect. They really only got one.

Dude, there are not that many dangers. from animals in the ocean. I am learning a lot here. Like the most dangerous appears to be boxed jellyfish. Yes, jellyfish are no joke. But if you crash in the middle of the ocean, you're not near jellyfish, right? I don't know. Jellyfish are everywhere.

Are they at the top of the middle of the ocean? There are 200 of them in the whole world. And I got one's called like a man of war. It's called a man of war? You know that? Yeah, that's the most deadly one. They'll jack you up. Portuguese man of war.

Yeah. Wow. And it just puts its little tentacles all around you and you're toast. Well, anyways. Have you ever watched Finding Nemo? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. When they go swimming through the jellyfish? Those are Mana Wars?

I don't know. They look real scary. He's like, haven't you? What do you mean? You don't know Manor. Have you watched fighting Nemo? Just to be afraid of jellyfish. Those are manor?

No, I don't know. What are you talking about? Just be afraid of jellyfish and how many there are. I know jellyfish are bad. I'm just saying I feel like jellyfish. Are we afraid of jellyfish back there, Ducers? Yes. I'm not really afraid of them.

Have you never been stung by a jellyfish? No. I have never either, but I'm still afraid. You ask that like is a bee. In order to be stung by a jellyfish, you have to be in the ocean. But I feel like they're either up like. Lake Pleasant, not a lot of jellyfish. By the land, like where people step on jellyfish, right?

Or they're like deep in the ocean. People aren't really. They're both. They're not like, there's not a lot of beach jellyfish attacks. No, but they wash up and people step on them. They're already dead. Yes, that does happen. And they still get you.

I guess my point is, I feel like jellyfish are deep animals, deep water animals. Not shallow. They go wherever, man. Really? I don't think they have much. They come up, do they crest? I don't think they control where they go. Do they ever, like, jump out of the water?

Do they crest? They don't, they come up for air and take a breath of their tiny mouths? That's what I'm saying. I doubt that. I think you're right to have doubt. I think you're, I don't think they crest. Performing aerials. But I know that they, I don't think they're just deep water.

That's how people get stung. All right. Jellyfish are found in both deep and shallow ocean waters. Okay. Oof, we're in trubs. We've got to move on. Let's take a break and we'll come back with some more questions. That's a great question.

I hope it's about the ocean. Yeah. Kendall from Patreon. on. When taking your food to go at a fast food restaurant, what is the appropriate number of napkins to grab? Also, is it stealing if I am a paying customer at Chipotle, but I leave with 20 sets of their awesome top tier utensils. Ask Owl. Owl has stocked his house with Chipotle. Is that true, Al? Plasticware. I always take extra. They do have top two utensils. When you say extra, what do you mean?

Does you mean like two? Probably about like Kendall here, about 20 sets. Yeah. Chipotle knows. Chipotle knows this and they like they advertise these things where they they're like they'll show something about the water cup and they're like, we know you're stealing lemonade or they, I think they even gave away a box to put on your car visor so that you could store

their napkins. We know you're taking them. What's? So you can organize. Some places are really stingy and strict about extras of anything or adding anything. Charging you for sauce packets. I had the most humiliatingly dumb interaction in the mall this past weekend where I went to a Johnny Rockets. But it wasn't a sit-down Johnny Rockets.

It was like a T-Moo Johnny Rockets. It's like in the mall food court where you've got to walk up to the window, okay? Okay. And I go up there and they're already giving me the business because my daughter wants two sauces instead of one. And I got to pay extra for the extra teeny cup of coffee. kid sauce. Dumb. And I do it, right?

And I get the order done and it's like $30. I give them $30 and the order's like $27 and I say, just keep the three for as a tip. Okay? And they put the tip right in front of me in their little jar. I then walk down to the end and receive my food. The burgers there don't come with cheese. And because I, that's it. Did you order a cheeseburger?

I didn't. I ordered their number. I get it. It's my fault. But any place. that the default is not cheese is annoying. I agree. Default should be cheeseburger.

So I get this double burger and I want, I mean, I just put the, I know where this is going. I just put the tip in. Man, a double burger? No cheese. So this is what I'm, that's how it came. That's criminal. So I just put the $3 in the jar. I walk five feet to the right and they and I go, oh, could you throw a slice of American

cheese on that? I forgot to get the cheese. I'm sorry, sir. You got to pay for cheese. Please. Did you go dig it? Did you go dig it? Did you go dig it?

You took that tip and you wouldn't be like, hold on one sec. And you went and grabbed the dollar out of the tip jar and threw in their face. I did not. But I did tell them I just tipped you three dollars. You can't give me a piece of cheese? No, sir. You did say that? Yes, I said that.

And they came back and said no? And yeah, they said, that's when you go digging. Yeah. And then you go beef stew. Boom. It felt so. That's like a reverse beef stew. It felt so bad to pay for the sauce.

Give them a tip. Walked over. And then they just go, no. can't have this. You got to go back. And they made me wait in line to go pay for the cheese. No. Wow. Which I did because I want cheese on my burger. Wow. That is. So you're going back soon. That's a Johnny Rockets. I'm throwing it out there. Stay away. Wow. That's that's too bad. Some places. Some places are really strict is what I'm saying. The margins must have been point. The only time that you should ever charge for a sauce is when that sauce is why you're

you can. Okay, so like Raising Cains? Yeah. I want to pay, I want to pay extra for the sauce. I want, because that's, I mean, that's top to your sauce. Yeah, you're talking about, I, I value this sauce with financially. Yeah. Like this is, it is, it is worthy of money.

And it's still extra sauce. It's not, right. No sauce unless you pay. It's, I want more of this. Right. So some are strict. In this case, what's appropriate? That's nonsense. Some people I think would say you take the amount of napkins and, the amount of utensils as the amount of food orders.

That would be like the most strict views. Napkins, to me, are a stack. You get a stack of napkins. But a stack could be big, a stack could be small. And a stack could come out of a pile or it could come out of one of the dispensers where you have to pull one at a time. No, not those.

But the old-school ones, that one I let the napkin machine tell me how many napkins I'm going to get. That's right. How many can you grab from the side? No, because I'm saying you put your hand in, and sometimes it's like I sometimes I want fewer napkins I don't want to be wasteful I don't want to end up throwing a whole whole bunch of unused napkins in the garbage but you can't get them out so then like well I guess I'm I'm taking a grip of these napkins because you got a you've forced just to just to just to grab a single dispensers I mean at some point it gets ridiculous if you want a bunch of those you're not grabbing 20 of those from the single so they were that limiting them excuse me sir I'm doing something here doing something. I would say like...

20 to me feels like an appropriate number of napkins. Oh, of napkins? If it's not in the single... Is it one person's meal or is it more than one person's meal? No, no, it's more. I'm saying for like my family of five. 20's fine for that. Because I think most napkins, a five per person is fine. Yeah, those napkins don't do much if you need it.

But the utensils, if you got a grip of 20 sets of utensils, that's... I'm going to be honest, you're stealing from me. Yeah, that feels like theft. Like, because there can't be a way. that there's that many more than... Do you see what they charge for guacamole? Yeah, you want to know why? They have to...

Yeah, because people are stealing all there. Because they've got to cover some margins. That's why the chicken scoops are getting smaller and smaller. If you grab 20, how many are left? I think that's what the question comes down to. It's a legit percentage. It's percentage. You can take enough to where it's not very

perceivable that they're gone. Yeah, if there's 20 napkins left in their napkin holder, I'm not taking 20 napkins. You can take... You got to... That's when I'm definitely taking 20. That's got to be like, oh, That's just so easy. Sorry, it's out over here. You're going to need to refill your napkins. Some guy took all your napkins. My daughter did this with the complimentary tea at church on Sunday. We leave church and she always gets tea, like chooses from their tea selection.

Are we talking like a dispenser? No, the little bags. She takes a tea bag and she has a bit of tea. Well, you just get the hot water and you just drop the tea bag. And then she, steep. Steep. Steep. So we get, we're heading out to the car and she goes, I got some extra tea. And I go, what do you mean you got extra tea? And she pulls out just two handfuls of all these other flavored teas that she wanted. I'm like, we can't be doing that.

She's like, but they all look so good. You got to try them. You want to know what you get next time. Yeah. So, I mean, look, we, when somebody, this is the problem with humans. If somebody says this item is free, because that's what you say out of Chipoli. The, the napkins, the condiment stuff, all that stuff is. technically a free item.

And you see how people freak out about free. Yeah, we love it. It's like we want the maximum amount. And I'm not going to show my face here again if I have to. Yeah, that's what we do. But utensils, I'm going like three. Three per person and I'm getting out of there. 20s is a lot.

Joey says, what are your thoughts on brushing your teeth in the shower? Efficient or barbaric? Both. yeah yeah i get it it's i mean it it is efficient but man when you spit out that why is it so it feels you're spitting into your feet like yeah that's the problem it's just gross but if but how many times you've been in the shower you put water like you gargle or you put water in the shower no problem no problem but that is also efficient and barbaric but my point is no what i'm actually saying is that when I pee in the shower,

I don't even have a second thought. It seems like I'm going to pee. But if I were to spit that out, I'd be like, this is disgusting. This minty toothpaste foam. I'm so ashamed of myself right now. Oh, don't let it hit my feet. That is weird.

Like, I actually believe those two things are true stories where I would be grossed out spitting that. Do you brush your teeth in the morning and a night every day? Yeah. Mike? I only brush once. Yeah. But now are you morning or are you a night?

If I tell people that I'm a night brusher. Yeah, we've been through this. Yeah, you're morning. Yeah. He's night. I'm every morning and 60, 70% of night. Oh, oh. I just feel like the night is.

That was, we went from, hey, do you brush your teeth in the morning? Yes. Well, how often? Ah, about half the time. It's, I feel like the night brush. 60% of the time I do it every time. The night brush is so much more important than the morning brush. No way.

No, the morning brush is way more important. No, the night brush is more important. You don't want to let your teeth, whatever's in your teeth at night will turn into like problems with your gums overnight. So do you believe you don't have morning breath? No, I don't not believe it, but I get a cup of coffee instantly and then I eat. Ah, that'll fix my breath. It does. You know what people love?

Coffee breath. I'd rather have coffee breath than, look, I'd rather than not brush at night and let whatever is between my teeth and in my gums and in my mouth just cook. Look for the day. But I won't be caught dead brushing my teeth in the morning. I'm probably a 10 to 20% morning brusher. Okay. If I am shaving that day and I got shaving cream on, that's a great opportunity to do a morning brush. Because I got to wait for the shaving cream on.

Yeah, what's wrong with that? Interesting. That seems like that would be a problem. Shaving cream's got to sit there and percolate so that, you know, you got to leave it on. That's all point of shaving cream. Really? Yes. I don't know.

I've had an electric razor my entire. I haven't. Wait, you're looking at me weird, Josh. Have you not done that? Saturate apparently? If you let it, if you let like a menthol shaving cream sit on your face, that's what takes away all the razor burn. Dry your skin out. Did you not know this?

I've never let shaving cream just sit and brew. Give me, do me a favor. Do an experiment for me. Put shaving cream on your neck when you shave your neck and wait 10 minutes. Do something around the house. Ten minutes? My goodness. Wait 10 minutes and then go shave your neck. You won't feel a thing.

That's the whole, that's the whole reason you leave it on there. What are you? I'm looking over here at Deucer's Ellie. Matt. shaving, do you use shaving cream? Sometimes. Okay, I don't believe anything. I haven't used shaving cream since I was 16 years old.

Yeah, because you all use the electric razors that are just imperfect. No, they work, they work real good. They are perfectly fine. It does say, this show's been all over the place. Two scats. I asked Chad GPT, she said it can be helpful 30 to 60 seconds. So I think you're wasted about nine of your minutes. You don't get to argue without experimenting.

How long is he brushing? I've done both versions. He said he leaves it on for 10 minutes, the shaving cream. Sometimes. Yeah, five to 10 minutes. What are you doing in 10 minutes? Walking around, man. Just shirt off, shaving cream around the middle.

Just boom. Santa Claus? Yeah. What? Yeah, I mean, it's not Santa Claus because I don't shave my beard, so it's just my neck. Whatever their version of Christmas joy that is. You're just in your room hanging out with shaving cream on your neck. Yeah?

The shaving cream's on. Okay. And I'm doing some chores. What kind of chores? Just tidying up. I'm putting some clothes away. You're not worried about getting shaving cream. It's happened.

Yeah. Okay. That's okay. It's not frequent. I have occasionally gone so long with it on my neck that I forget. You have to reapply? No, that I forget. And then I rub against it.

I go, oh, crap. Oh, yeah. I got to go shave. But Papa Josh, you'll try this because you use shaving cream. I shave my head, man. Like, and I use shaving cream for that, but I don't let it sit. Do you ever experience raising? burn on your head though.

No. Oh, see, that makes sense. That hair, I mean, razor burn comes from hair. Growing in.

Right. You don't shave your neck? I mean, yes. Okay, do it on the neck. Try it out. All right. All right.

We got a draft. You guys could save so much time if you're just getting electric. Yeah. Try that. Those things suck. It's so easy. All right.

Ad break. Coming up. Draft in a moment. By the way, I mean, like every bar. that shaves your neck. They don't go grab an electric Norelco and come out there and plug it in

and shave your neck because it's so great. No, they don't. They put shaving cream on and then two seconds later they shave it off. The Spitballers draft. The shaving cream at the barbershop is warm. It's hot. Yeah. And that may, I think that proliferates.

You don't have that at home? You use shaving cream and you don't have a warmer? That is mind-blowing. upgrade your life. It's like you're talking to yourself. Yeah. There's no way I would know.

I'm not you. Yeah, but you know you want it. As soon as I said it, you're like, that's a good idea. I didn't think about it. Yeah. All right. I am still here. All right, we are drafting liquids.

You do not want to see coming at you when you turn the shower on. I have a new 101. Beefs too. No. No, but it is to be obviously used toothpaste. That's not a one-on-one for me. I do have a lot of things that, like, when I was coming up with this brilliant draft idea,

because, I mean, it's just outstanding. I may or may not have been in a shower. And I thought, like, if the water... That's where the best ideas come from. If the water just suddenly changed to another liquid, I gotcha. What would be the worst thing to see coming out of that? And I think there are several...

This is not one where I think there is a 101 overall. I think there are several good answers. Yes. but I think the most horrifying worst possible answer for me is blood. Yes, that's the 101. I think if it just changes to blood, that's a real, real situation.

It's just huge volume of blood. A lot of problems. It's a lot of blood. A lot of questions. So I'm going to go blood at 101. I think we're going to have a lot of questions for every single one of these, Jason. Yeah, but I know

like, you know, where most of this stuff comes from. when it's blood Who's blood is it? It's got to be somebody's blood. Yeah. You're like, is this human? Is this, a whale?

I don't know. I don't know. Is someone hurt? Would that make it better? If someone's like, don't worry about it, it's just whale blood? Yes.

If they said, don't worry about it, then yes. If they said, it's just whale blood. I'm a little less concerned. Yeah, I would much rather, if I was like, hey, would you like to bathe in whale blood or human blood? I would say whale blood, please.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Hmm. Anyway, blood's the pick. Mike, you're up. Gasoline. Oh. Oh, that'd be bad.

Yeah. It would, not only would it be gross, but it would potentially be deadly. It would burn your eyes. It would poison you. And the worst part is you don't have water to wash it off because the shower is not gasoline. Lather time professional hot lather machine. Yeah. That's expensive.

That means it works. That also takes up a tremendous amount of counter space There's small ones What? Keep looking I'm a question of gasoline Do you guys I love the smell of gasoline Okay love it yeah which I do too

And rubbing alcohol at the gas station You're just like that smell is good But have you ever gotten gas on you Or been in a car where someone got gas on them No I don't think so it's awful Yeah that really And you like and you like the smell of gasoline Yes yeah well you're just at the you know

Smell in the fumes of the of the the gas station. It smells good. But I had a trip years ago with a buddy. We went up to Lake Powell and he got gasoline on his shorts. And so it was just the whole ride up there was just reeked of gas.

Interesting. And it was bad. Which is strange of, maybe it's too much. Yeah, I guess it's not like alcohol that just like kind of, you feel like if you spilled a little bit of rubbing alcohol, it would just evaporate. But gasoline doesn't do that? It stunk forever.

All right, Jason, you got two picks here. Liquids you don't want to see coming out your showerhead. Speaking of stunk forever, I'm going to go with yellow urine. Oh, yeah, yeah. I mean, you know, it's got to be on there. Pee-P going down into the shower. Fine, coming out of the shower. Not so good.

I did. Not so good. I did have a slight alteration to that one written down, which was the water from the upstairs toilet. So the thought that whatever was in that, so I'm not going to draft that because I think urine is what would be in that water. but you hope. All right. Would you rather anonymous urine or urine of someone you know?

Anonymous for sure. Mike, Mike just about lost it on that one. Because these questions. Like, I don't know what's going on to do. If it's human blood is that worse. Which was your answer?

Someone you know or? No, I want anonymous. I don't want to have to think about, I don't want to have to personify the piss. You know what I mean? This is just, this is just going to be giving out of that problem. All pisses.

is the same level of dirty, right? No. No. No. No. Yellow is way worse. Yeah. Because dehydrated person? No, because it's got more waste in it. Okay. That's why you did yellow urine. That would be gross. Yeah. That's the one I thought would be also one-on-one-one. That's going to be stinking. All right. Speaking of stinking and disgusting and

mostly liquid, I'm going with spoiled milk. Ooh. That is about the worst smell of anything in the world. That is somewhere in my truck. I can't find it. Jason's truck at the moment has a mysterious hidden still barrel of milk. Yes. Still, I mean, we have, it's been weeks. It's been weeks. I have a cleaner coming out. I mean, the car's clean. There's nothing

stinky inside that car. So we've checked the air filter. We've and it smells looked under seats it smells or like sour milk yeah just like sour dairy garbage sour dairy something's gone wrong vinegory yeah and you've uh not gotten to the bottom of that I have not gotten to the bottom of have you asked is someone playing a goof uh if someone was playing a goof it would be the men in this room it would be Papa Josh or Matt uh what about your children they wouldn't uh dozer's alley yeah ask them right now anybody responsible for the stink in my car?

Not me. Matt? No, not me. Okay. If I had to guess. Spoiled milk is a good pick. It's a good pick. Mike, you are back. You have gasoline. What's your second pick? I was also trying to factor in some pain here. So I'm going with Saracha. Oh, okay.

You think that'll, you think that'll hurt? Saracha in your face? Well, I'm not, look, if something is coming out that is wrong, I'm not going to just put my face in it. I will imagine that the switchover from water to the substance is instantaneous. Is instant. And while you are also putting your head into water. That's how I looked at.

Okay. This wasn't, I turned the shower. I'm like, oh, I'm not getting in there. Okay. Like, that's not very fun. I mean, there were a lot of choices. Sarac is a funny one. I like it.

It's a fun word to say. And if that, I mean, if you got blasted in the eyes, it's like mace. Then in the pain category, I will go with what my other number one pick was acid. Oh. What kind of acid? What, the muriatic? What do you need to get scientific here? Hydrochloric?

Papa Josh, you pick my acid for me. You don't want muratic or hydrochloric. Okay. How about citric? I get acid, all right? Ooh, delicious. Citric acid? Nice and sour.

My second one is Incony and it's maple syrup. Oh, yeah. It's on my list. Because, you know, and I thought all the different syrups, chocolate syrup, honey, whatever, maple syrup. I mean, how long would it take you to get maple syrup? First of all, your shower's not working, so you're not going in the shower.

Yeah, you're going to need a plumber. So, like, wait, what is? I'm saying. To get, you need to invite a plumber over to help you get the maple syrup. What seems to be the problem, sir? My pipes are full of maple syrup. You're never going to believe this. You got your work cut out.

Bring pancakes. This show is a problem. This one's weird. But I'm going maple syrup. And final answer there for my third pick with blood and acid. All right. You have gasoline and syracia. See, it's fun to say. It is fun to say. It's for similar reasons, but not nearly as delicious. I'm going to go with glue. Oh, yeah, that would suck. It was right in the hair. It was on the list, man. Like on Elmer's? Yeah. Oh, yeah.

That's great. Blue all over the shower. There are a great pick. A lot of problems. Yeah. All right. That's so sticky. Jason has yellow urine and spoiled milk and he's got another pick.

What other thing is Jason going to add a descriptor onto it? Oh, yeah. Spoiled milk. Yellow urine. I'm going to go with dirty water This is two words again Yeah of course it is Liquid of nitrogen

Okay You're gonna be freezing You're gonna be dead You're gonna be dead Yeah that one feels like That one got the Terminator man Yeah that one's a tricky one Well it got the T-1000

Yeah yeah yeah Was he a termina? Yeah he's a terminator They're all terminator That wouldn't actually make it out of the faucet right I don't know how that works Me neither but I'd ask it probably wouldn't either

so we're just gonna move on we're just gonna move on maple syrup wouldn't yeah none of these would uh actually um and then the last one I feel like I've got two that I'm between and they're both poor man's version of picks that you already have Andy oh it sounds terrible like bad picks I thought they were good until you yours just

beat mine I'm gonna go with coke just Coca-cola that would be that would be stupendous you because you just drink it Yeah. It'd be a warm Coke, though. You'd have to take a cold shower. Well, so if it was Dr. Pepper, it'd be fine.

I can control the. Oh, yeah. Hot Dr. Pepper's the thing. Pretty good. Is it? I don't know. People tell me to say that. I've had it.

It's very good. How do you... It's okay. It's okay. Here's the thing. Most people boil it. They bring it in a freaking crock pot. Yeah.

I'm not kidding. No, it's... Yeah, it's real. And it's super good. But what's crazy is room temperature, Dr. Pepper. absolutely disgusting. Like, you can't drink room temperature soda.

It's awful. I mean, it's like milk. Right. You're going to want cold, people drink hot milk. People drink warm milk. Gross. A room temperature milk sounds disgusting. A room temperature milk means you shouldn't be drinking that.

Milk was a bad choice. All right. So you went with Coca-Cola is your final pick with yellow urine, boiled milk, and liquid nitrogen. Mike has gasoline, saracha glue, and one more pick. I'm going to go It's look It's going to end up okay

It's going to end up delicious But when it first starts When the chocolate pudding starts coming out of the shower Oh pudding You're going to be scary You're going to be a little bit concerned So you're going to have to go from Surprise to enjoyment

You're going to go Ra! Oh Okay This could have been worse I mean, and that, I mean, stove top pudding, it's warm, right? I mean, I've had warm pudding. It's good. Yeah.

So, I'm, I'm thinking of cold pudding. I don't know. I didn't factor in temperature. Yeah, because if you make it on a stove top and you want to eat it before you put it in the fridge. Yeah, yeah, that's what you do. Yeah, would you do that with jello? I mean, I haven't made, no, refrigerated ads. I'm skipping steps.

I haven't made pudding on the stove since the 80s. Oh, my God. I've never made pudding on a stove. The equivalent. You just buy pudding. They make it. That's true, but it is the equivalent to the way if you make Rice Krispy Treats versus you buy them in the bags, it is a different product.

Stovetop pudding tastes completely different. Because of the love? It's like literally different. Because of the lack of like preservatives and weird of gums and things like that. It's probably in the packet anyway. Mr. I spend half my time in the kitchen anyway cooking stuff. Can't be bothered to make one set of delicious pudding? Maybe I'll check it out.

When's the last time you had pudding? It's been a while. Yeah, because it's now... Over under 10 years. My parents have made pudding that I've eaten in the last 10 years. Wow. It's been over 10 years for me. I don't know if I've ever made it.

I know that you've never made it. I don't know that. I feel like I only have gotten pudding like if I go to a buffet. Yeah. Pudding and beef stew is a real good combo. Oh, man. I'm starving. Blood acid, maple syrup, and I'm going to wrap it up with.

I've got a lot of different thoughts. I'll go cooking oil. I think that's just, that'd be nasty. I've got friar grease, so very similar. Yeah, yeah, just, no. No, thank you. So just another classic draft here on the Spitballers podcast. I'm proud of us. No one took diarrhea.

Chocolate pudding got us close. You were the only one I was worried about taking something that really wasn't a liquid because you wanted to say poop. Right. I mean, diarrhea is a liquid. That is fully a liquid. You sure have never had diarrhea. Because when it's going on, you could swear that I have a giant pitcher and I'm just pouring it into the toilet. This is so disgusting. People know what I'm talking about. Yeah, they do. You don't need to say it, though. Clam chowder was an honorable mention.

Liquid tanning spray was an honorable mention. Oh, that would be funny. It has some permanent damage. Ranch dressing. Yeah, that was on my list. I got ranch and mustard. Thousand Island. Oh, man.

Melted wax. Yeah. Okay. That would be a big problem. Unless you're trying to de-hair. Also the main ones that I had. I've got sewer water. Just, you know, it's reversing up.

Old aquarium water. Bleach. Bleach was the other one. Oh, there you go. Like acid was better than bleach. Oh, yeah. And it is. Yeah.

But bleach is also bad. Yeah. Paint thinner. Mm. That would be bad. Nacho cheese. Anything we're forgetting, Alborna? That's a good time.

I mean, you... I think you covered it. No. Notcho cheese. The next draft is liquids you do want to see coming out of your shower head. Yeah, I'm taking Coca-Cola. Some pudding? Yeah.

All right. Today was wild. But it's... It's over. What did we learn today? Oh man, I learned so much. I learned about this new phrase sweeping the nation. Beef stew.

Yeah, you learned what amnesia really was. I've learned that my fear of swordfish might be a little overblown, even though I've seen, no, three cases. Confirmed. Yes. All fatalities? Yeah. Oh, that's a lie.

A lot safer. A lot safer from animals in the ocean than I thought. The Great Whites are not, there's not a lot of them. They're so great. so few so for you good great whites

thanks for listening to the spitballers podcast to see what other nonsense the guys are

up to check out spitballerspod dot com