Spitballers Comedy Podcast - Behemoth Burgers & Best Foods on a Stick - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: May 11, 2026

The Spitballers are back to make your week just a little bit better. From behemoth burgers to taco rage, we’ve got the laughs you need. Some can’t miss Would you Rathers, Guess Guess Goose makes its return and a draft of Best Foods on a Stick make this one episode you don’t want to miss! Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast! Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast: Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.com Follow us on X: x.com/SpitballersPod Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPod Subscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers   Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore on realistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the spitballers podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. Squeed up, dapp, top. Oh, that's so good. Changed instruments halfway through. He just opened the case and popped out that brass. You know, that could have gone. on real, like, potential for error there.

Significant. And you... I knew what I had to do when the music started and I was like, who! Because you started it and I was thinking, eh, it's a pretty mic, normal scat. It didn't seem special. And then you really... Is it a trumpet? It was.

This is a mouth trumpet? They don't hold that at home, Jason. There's video. There's video evidence here, Mike. Learn it out. I liked it. It was great. Welcome to the Spitballers episode 366.

Would you rather guess, guess, goose, and a special draft for you today. We'll get to that shortly. If you want to follow this show over on X at SpitballersPod at Jason Moore, if you want to follow Jason. Mike is at FF Hitman. I'm at Andy Holloway. And we appreciate it. If you want to watch the show, YouTube.com slash Spitballers.

Let's kick it off. Would you rather? All righty, which physical attribute would you rather double for yourself? Your strength, your stamina, or your reaction speed. Strength? Doubles a lot. Stamina or reaction speed. Okay, stamina's out.

Stamina's out. You don't want to run a mile? I don't care about long distance running. Okay. And the things that I do like, do like pickleball. I mean, it's also like. Like a ball, you would be, you would have a superpower. But if I had reaction speed that was double, that's true.

That would be far more valuable. I don't feel like I, need to play six hours of pickleball. You know what I mean? Like if I play three hours, I'm exhausted. I run out of stamina. But also it's like, that was pretty good. I mean, reaction speed is interesting.

I mean, I feel like that is probably better than you think. I mean, there's some. It's also the most likely to save your life. True. You know what I mean? It's good for driving. Google AI says the average human reaction time to a visual stimulus is typically 0.2 to 0.25 seconds.

Yeah. So you're cutting that down to 0.1. I think it makes... I could have responded. You did not react to Andy hitting me in the face. You did not react to Andy slapping you in the face. I reacted after. I just wanted to see how quick your baseline was.

I could have seen that coming and avoided that if I had 0.1 more seconds. Okay. So maybe that's... That's your vote after that. But strength. But also, if you had double the strength, there's no way he's going to hit you in the face like that. That's true. Intimidation.

Yeah. If you doubled your strength, you could lift a boat, right? Oh, yeah. That's the only thing holding me back is I'm at half boat strength. I mean, double the strength would be... Double the strength means you're going to have more gains in your workouts. I'm pivoting to a side would you rather question right now. Okay.

Double the strength, but half the physical... appearance appearance of strength or double the physical appearance of strength and half the actual strength dude I don't need to live on that nothing yeah I will look good I would absolutely choose to look good and be weak then be strong and look bad

well I'm like all right it's not that great of a question I think we'd all do that I think it's a great philosophical question that is revealing because everyone would choose everyone would choose the looks which means that you're not working out to get strong No. No. That's what. Correct. Haven't you ever seen the videos where here's a bodybuilder versus so-and-so who does like a very physical job?

Yes. And they have like lumberjack strength? Yeah. And so you have these people. They just look. I mean, they're bigger, but they still are more of an average type of a look. And they're doing strength things that the bodybuilders cannot do because the bodybuilders are training for aesthetics. True. And they're not, it's not real function. I've seen like a rock, like high, high tier rock climbers have wicked crazy strength that bodybuilders that look like they could do the same stuff can't do it. Right. Yeah, I mean, think about the like the world's strongest man competition.

Yes. Those guys that can carry boulders. That'll look like fat so. Yeah. A lot of them do. They actually do. So we were, okay. Congrats.

You can lift a boulder. So in this case, you're not getting the aesthetic benefit. No. But I think you would. If you doubled your strength, right, if I doubled my strength and I'm working out now instead of benching 1 25 or whatever, I'm benching 250, I will get gains from that. Okay. I will go strength. Although the reaction speed, yeah, I'll go strength.

But reaction speed is right there. Stamina's going to feel good when you're old, though. Okay. I don't plan on getting there. Okay. Okay. I don't blame you, brother. His reaction speed is way too slow to get to old.

Right, yeah, I need the reaction speed. But, like, imagine being... He took a slap to the face. You're like, you're 80 or whatever. You know, everyone's, like, so slow. And you're like, I'm, I'm regular. Man, that is... That would be really nice, but I am going to choose in the most...

Who knows how long we will live? Yeah, your burden hand. And, you know, it's like, does stamina really start coming into play? 30 years from now. It would still benefit you greatly right now. I was at a pharmacy. Did I tell you about this? I was at a pharmacy a couple days ago.

You didn't tell me about your pharmacy, no. Okay. Well, I did tell somebody here. But this dude walks up and like I'm talking to one pharmacist, getting medicines for my kid, and he walks up to the other pharmacist. This is already a lie. They never have two. I know.

What pharmacy do you go to? There are never two pharmacists on duty. making up one of the drive-thru? The drive-thru guy came over to help me. Okay. It was the drive-thru guy. And he made the drive-thru lady wait so long, and I'm staring at the drive-thru lady through the window.

I even mouth the word sorry to her because he was taking his time up on me. But this dude walked up. He's probably about 6-3-6-4 and, like, has this conversation with the pharmacy. And he is so, he looks just strong and, like, well-spoken, like super smart. and then they asked him his, hey, like his birthday. And he goes, 1941. Who? And this cat was 85 something years, 85 going on 86.

And look, I mean, to your point, this dude had a, he had asked this question and someone granted him the stamina. Okay. And at 85, he was like 60 year old. You wrote down everything he was picking up, right? Right. Yeah. I should have. Yeah, that would have been, I should, give me what he's having.

Yes, exactly. Give me whatever he's got. Yeah, I was crazy. I was literally, I didn't know a way to intervene and tell him how complimentary of him I was feeling. Right. Excuse me, sir. You look great. I heard how old you are.

And it shocked me. It shocked me with how good you look. Yeah. Congratulations. I'm shocked at how old you are. Yeah, it was, he outsmarted this pharmacist on something. It was amazing. 1941.

All right. I'm taking this strength, though. Would you rather you, would you rather you? shoelaces become untied every 15 minutes. That's awful. Or all four car tires need to be topped off with air every week. I will say I genuinely dislike filling my car tires with air. It's not a hard task.

It's not difficult. But I hate it. Yeah. I mean, we've talked about this, I think, on the show before, the fact that, like, I don't know if discount tire is nationwide. But where we live You must work for them. I'm just saying you just drive up.

You don't even get out of the car. You get in a line and people fill up the air for free. So you got to drive the discount tire once a week. Yeah. I mean, that's part of it. I got a question for you on that. Do you tip that guy? No, I've never tipped them.

Neither have I, but I feel like I need to. I have to hear you're not either. I, like, you've tipped? Yes. If I have. A couple bucks? Yeah. Okay.

I mean, this isn't a fiber. You should. I would feel. feel like it'd be $4. If I, nah. One for tire. I'd give them a piece of advice, you know. What kind of tip, dad?

Hey, brush two minutes, you know? Go the full 120, my name. He will pay you never to come back if you do that. I think about two bucks. Two bucks? Yeah. Did you sense of tire? See, I don't, the thing is, is you don't need to tip them in the sense that they are trying

to sell tires. Hold on. Papa Josh, I just watched Papa Josh over there. And he gave a, he looked over to the Falcon and he gave a real demonstrative. He made the worst joke ever. And I was a joke? Yeah. I thought that was you thumbs down and tipping.

No, no. That seems more up your alley. I'm just, I was thumbs down to Matt for a really bad, terrible joke. It was just bad. So I went to, uh, I want to know this because this is a tip, tip question. Sidebar. I went, I had to take my kid to the hospital this past week. And it's a big hospital, the second one that we went to.

and they have complimentary valet. And I didn't even want to use it, but I literally found myself in a driving situation where I had, I couldn't escape it. Like I had pulled into a lane and it was really blocked off. And the only thing you could do there was valet. And it's free valet,

but it's not, you know. No, you have to tip. So I go and I do the valet and it is quite convenient. And I come back out and they get me my car and I don't have any cash. So I asked them, I say,

do you have a digital way to tip because I know I need to tip. So I said, yeah, yeah, QR code right over here. And so I went and I did the QR code. Yeah. Whoa, big tip incoming. Beep-op. Sent.

It's true, man. See you guys later. Just watch me scan this. That's my tip. You know what? The worst part was is the woman that went to get my car wasn't there when I asked about the QR code. Newman's done.

Sorry, I knocked over something here. So she had run off to get the car. So the guy, the other valet, I asked about the QR code. But then I knew that she didn't know that I had asked about the QR code. And because I don't hand her cash, I had to make it known to her that I had, in fact, found the QR code. Do you? But that's not even the point of my story yet. I just need some valet advice here.

Yeah. Do you tip both? No. Both. You tip at the end. As in the drop up. Only the end. Only the end.

I've only ever done the tip at the end. Yes. Only the end. But like, I totally know what you. I feel bad for the guy who's taking the car. They get the tips at the end. I totally know what you're saying. It's the same guy.

I always feel like when they open the door for me and they take the thing and then I'm like, see you. It just feels rude. What do you think? Here's where I was getting to. I scan the QR code and I understand I could hide whatever I do with that, which is nice. But what do you think the default? tip was when I scanned it. Oh, it just offers.

You know how you go to like the coffee shop and there's like three buttons? It's 15, 20, 100%. And they had a default. There's a default price in there. Which is what I went with. I've got my guess. Oh, no. Hospital of L.A.

I'm going to guess $10. $10 would be my guess. Is it $20? Now Josh's eyes are getting big because he's like, I would never do that. 10 is too much. It was eight. Oh, okay. It was $8.

Oh, that's such a good number. Yeah. They said, because 10 is, if you put 10? You think the 10's become. five's if they leave it at 10. 100%. If they put 10, custom, five. If they put the eight, that's what I went with. I don't know if I'm going through the trouble to change the number. Exactly. That's what I did. I went with the eight. I was like, those rapscallions. I, you know, but the whole idea that it's free is funny. Yeah. Yeah. It can be free if you have no heart.

Yeah. Yeah. And they, man, they were, they were, they were running a long distance to get these cars. I probably should have changed it. Well, we're in Arizona. It's nice. It's nice. It's nice outside on on asphalt what's the most you've tipped on a valet 20 you've tip 20 is it because you had a 20 yeah if you had had a 10 you would have given a 10 i think that's i think that's accurate i've tipped 20 many many times but it's usually because that's just the only cash i have and i'm willing i don't want to be like can i get 20 before because of that yeah do you get change no changes a little and you could get change on a 50 well sure yeah if like if all i had was 100 i'm not going to tip the guy a hundred but if i've got a 20 i don't want to be a

like, can I get 15 back? If you give them 100 and you say, can I get change and they throw you, what if they give you back five-twenties? Oh, smart. That's smart, right? And then you put them in your pocket and say, age for the change. You can't give them a 20 and be like, more change, please. Bro, L.A.

Yeah, I can't do the shoelace's one. I feel like we've had a question very similar to that before. Maybe that exact question. It might have been that exact question. Who knows? I think it was. Oh, this is a good one. would you rather have to attend a stranger's wedding once per week?

No. Or a stranger's funeral twice per month. Oh, two a month? Yeah. Okay. I mean, it's not one-to-one ratio here. One is a celebration with dinner. I mean, I'm getting a free dinner every week.

Not every wedding has an open bar, but a lot of them do, you know? You got to tip those too. Well, that's true. Give me a QR code. Honestly, that just happened. That just happened. We, India just went to it. We'll square up.

up at the end of the night, man. Don't, don't even worry about it. I just went to a wedding. I'll be right back. This was last week, and it was a free open bar. Yeah. And they had a QR code to tip. And I, you know, there's a line.

Yeah. So I asked the same, the question, like, oh, you know, do you have a digital way? And I took my phone out and I scanned the QR code and walked away. You did nothing. But I didn't realize that the QR code they had was specifically for like Venmo. So you had to be like in the Venmo app and scan it from there. Oh, you scan it with your camera. I scanned it with my camera and it just went to an air and I was like, not my fault.

They saw me scan it. I'm good. So what is, I'm really learning a lot today. What is the open bar tipping policy on drinks? Is it a tip per drink? Yeah, I'd better. I mean, usually a bartender, at least the way I handle it and maybe bartenders will be mad. I'm like a buck a drink.

Depending on the bar. Jason's face said you cheat. Jason does more. Yeah. Yeah, I'm usually like five a drink. Okay, well, you're, but you're also a cocktail man. Yes, yeah. You're a beer man.

Yes. Okay, that's. Yeah, he's just open in the top. Yeah, sometimes. This one's a mix. Right. Is it polite to say how much work did you do on this? I mean, how hard did you work on my drink?

I shouldn't know because he's, yeah, I mean, I, I know how much it takes to mix him. But I have said before, like, I'll, I'll get something big at the end or something. Josh says he does more than the dollar. He says he does two to three per trip. How does that make you feel like? Still fine. Matt said he gives them 20 off the rip. That's what I've done.

I've done a higher tip at the beginning, but I don't tip every time I go up there. No, if you're going to drop a 20 burger right off the bat. And just be done. Yeah. And next time you walk up, new bartender. Now what? That is a problem. Yeah, it is a problem.

You can't preload. That's when you do the fake scan of the. There's way too many mouse traps along the. way to be doing that thing. You want them to feel good in the moment that they gave you the drink. They see you put it in. Also, I'm just going to open a tab, so it's not going to. Okay. I'll put it at the end. A tab for tipping. Yeah. I mean, is there anything, I hate to say it like this. But is there anything good about a funeral? Certainly not for a stranger. There's nothing like, there's not like a, I don't think there's not a platter. That's awake. You get a platter out of wake. I'm not getting any food. You're not going to get food. You're not going to. It's quiet. I can get maybe. nap?

I don't think that. That's pretty rude. Is that pretty rude? Yeah. What's one is more rude to fall asleep at? The funeral. Is it? I think so.

I think that it's about respect. I think it's a lot easier to fall asleep at a funeral so someone will forgive it better, more. Sadness leads to sleep. I feel like if I was at a wedding and I saw someone asleep, I'd be like, they must have had a crazy night or something. If I'm at a funeral when I see someone to sleep, I'm like, um, sir? Can you sleep sad?

What if they're just in deep contemplation? Yeah, can you sleep sad? Can you make it seem like you're in weeping? Because that would be imagine. Like, you can do this. Imagine accusing someone. In your hands. If you accuse someone of sleeping and then you're like, oh, you were not asleep.

You were crying. No, you were praying. I mean, that's, you wake up. You wake up and you just got to hit him with a. Big point from the Falcon. You can wear sunglasses at a funeral. You cannot, you can't mirror. Well, if it's an outdoor wedding, you're.

wear your sunglasses. Too shake out. Also, you can just be the coolest guy in the room and wear some sunglasses. I mean... You can wear a veil. A sleeping veil. At a funeral.

Wedding crashing is a thing. Is that a veil? It's very tight around the eyes. People... Very morning. People enjoy weddings. Food, drink, parties, enjoyable.

I don't think it is often enjoyed to go to a funeral. And obviously, these are strangers. So... I don't think there's catharsic, car, can, what? Whoa. Yeah, no, no. Don't tell me.

You got this. You got this. I know it's cathartic, but what is the word? Catharsism. No. It's not cathartic. Cathartic. Is that what I was looking for?

I think, yeah, the one you knew. There should be a table at every wedding for strangers. It's five seats. It's hidden away. What, first come first serve? It's first come for serve. It's like musical chairs for those five seats. It's any stranger can attend and utilize them.

I mean, it's the, it's the plot of wedding crashes. Yeah. They just go. Yeah. No, thank you. But we're all taking the wedding. Yeah, the wedding. It's once a week.

It's a free meal. You get to meet some people. Would you rather, are we moving on or should I do one more? We can do one more. And also I will, I got to throw myself under the bus because we did do that exact same question with the tire pressure. Just three episodes ago. Oh, okay.

I was sailing the open seas and somehow we didn't get it notated that we used that question. Slack beard himself. My fault. So the sword has gone through you into who else. Yeah, into who? No, this is a me problem.

Oh, just you? It did sound like, I was not here. Well, and someone didn't mark it. We've built a new system for managing our spitballers' docs and I built that system and it didn't work. So, okay. Is it just me or does it seem like Josh, while he does screw up frequently, is screwing up less than normal?

I would seem that way? I would say it's just you. Yeah, for sure. I'm just getting better at hiding it. He just screwed up trying to turn his microphone on. All right. Okay. On point.

I stand corrected. All right. Would you rather every hamburger you eat to be far too tall to bite properly? Oh, my gosh. This is, if we have a pet peeves draft. again someday. That needs to be on my list. I hate, I abhor it. We don't need them that thick. There's no point. It's steak. It's picturesque and that's why they do it. If I am at a museum and you want to present a beautiful burger that you can come and look at, making it as tall as you want. If I'm at a restaurant and I plan on eating this thing, I'm a human. Yes, let me eat it. So that's choice one.

Jason at a museum. Yeah. Let's say something more. It's a food museum. It's not a fantasy. So the hamburger, this is choice number one. Hamburger far too tall to bite properly, which is a problem. Or every taco you eat, the shell structurally falls apart. First bite. No. First bite taco structure catastrophe. Which turns into a taco salad.

Yeah, but it also. But I'm there for tacos. I know. You can salvage a broken shell. You got to spread your fingers out and you're like holding the shell together. Not but you're describing how to keep it in your hand. There's not just our gringo crispy tacos. There's also the soft shell.

And those can get oversaturated. You know, like the little street tacos? You could have it. If you're not fast enough. It's too juicy. And then all of a sudden, that thing's falling apart. The little dry street tacos can be problematic for sure.

It does. But you want to know what happens. Because we've all experienced both of these things. When I have a taco that kind of falls apart on me, I still. still eat that taco and enjoy that taco. When I have a burger that is too big, I end up basically having to get a fork and a knife. You don't enjoy it? I can't eat it together.

Like with a taco, let's say both of these you end up needing to turn it into a forked food. Okay. You can still get a bite of that taco that's got everything together. You can't do that with a burger. It's much harder with the burger, I agree. And one of them is on purpose. That's the real issue here The burger is done on purpose

A chef made it that way Because he's an idiot You have to take You know if they want to do that They need to have a burger in the burger So you take the middle burger out and flat And then you got two burgers Sure

For the picture, you know what I mean? I'm with you I'd rather Stand tall burgers I can deal with the taco If you want it that big Two smaller patties Oh yeah yeah yeah

You have a bunch of ingredients You better have a smash burger Yes. You want a big, thick patty? Oh, man, smash burgers. You just put a sauce on it and a bun. Getting hungry. All right, we're going to take a break and eat some burgers.

Also, I eat burgers way more than tacos, so I would want that one in good shape. Yeah. Some guest-guess goose coming up. What time is it? Game time. Goose time. Well, I just getting real comfortable on my head. Two straight times.

times that I have lost guest guest it looks good on you it's getting it's pretty cozy it you know what I don't think it looks good I'm gonna be honest with you no it doesn't I was long as well um we're gonna play guess guess goose again six rounds right that is correct you each get two rounds and so um follow along with us at home make

it is my favorite game on the show um we are going to be basically I never know how to describe the game though go ahead his favorite game it's my favorite game all right there's a topic and We were, we pulled. That's the word I was looking for. There you.

We pulled so many people. So many. If you are the guesser and you guess, man, this is hard to explain. All right, my turn. My turn. Go ahead, Jason. Okay. So we are going to present a question, each one of us.

They're going to present a question. And we're going to answer our thought of what percentage of people answer a question a certain way. Yes. And then the other two gentlemen are going to decide whether they think that we are too high, too low, and pick a side. We get points if we're right, points if we're within a certain... Record this.

It's pretty good. Percentage points, and it's a ton of fun. You're going to love it. Couldn't say cathartic, but could do that. All right, I'm kicking it off here. Three points if you get the exact percentage.

Two points if the guesser is correct within 5% in each direction, and one point if the higher or lower guesser gets it correct. What percentage of people have purchased car washes at gas stations in the past year? Okay. What percentage of people have purchased a car wash at the gas station? I have to set the line and I'm going to talk to my thinking here. And you could agree, disagree.

Obviously, you're going to weigh in. I feel like the car wash world has become very subscription based. There's a ton of subscription car washes. I'd imagine if you have one of those that counts as purchasing the car wash. Oh, for sure. But it says at gas stations. That's my big issue here. As opposed to a standalone car wash detail.

My issue is I don't know when people are presented this question. That's in the last year though. Yeah, just once in a year. But when they're presented this question, I'm curious if people interpret this as, oh, I went out to like a mobile gas station place or whether they are really answering it genuinely, like I did one that is at a gas station. I'm going to go with, I mean, this is, this is, I'm the goose, so I'm sure to be wrong. I'm going to go with 48%. I'm going to go with 48%. I'm going to go with 48%.

on the number. It's probably terrible, but I feel like just under 50. I will go lower. I think I'm going to go lower as well. The gas station thing. I feel like it's a really low number. In the last year, though, you need a car wash. You're not washing your own car, man. Nobody does that anymore. I agree. How many times have you washed your own car in the last year? How many people? Let me ask you this. Like, do you get the car wash? Like in my family, I get the car washes for both cars. Like, my wife has not done that. So if we were... What do you get them both? I'm saying you have to do it.

He's the one who's in charge. Oh, no, we're not like that. We're very... Yeah, but I'm saying there's people that don't. Or what if children are asked this question? Okay, just give me the answer. The children better not be taking them through the guest. Come on.

I got some good news. Everybody's walking away with points this round. Okay. That means I got more points than you guys. The correct answer was 43. Wow. Which is exactly 5% from Andy's guest. So I get two.

He gets two points. Oh, man, this goose is coming off. Jason and Mike both get one. All right. 43. Wow. Wow. You didn't say just below 50%.

Yeah. And 43 then. All right. All right. There we go. Mike. What you got, Mike? My question is, what percentage of people own t-shirts that are at least 10 years old?

Oh, man. That is a long time. And try not to make myself the whole answer. Interesting. What are you thinking through? I feel like, I mean, people, you're constant. If you're a t-shirt person, you're not constantly, you're pretty frequently adding to your collection.

But I think we add more to our collection than we actually remove. Yeah, I mean, you don't change sizes as you, I mean, well. Just speak fair. Never mind. I've had to replace. Some people don't change. I refer to that as when I've fatted out. Do you have two sections of your closet?

I have one section of my shirts that hang up. I have another section of shirts that are folded up where it's like some dare. Oh. Some day. Motivation. Smiley face and frowny-faced shirts. I mean, do you guys have 10-year-old shirts? That's a lot of years.

I'm sure I've got some shirts in there are 10 years old. I probably do, too. Maybe. Wow. Okay, but I'm going to say it's over. I'm going to go 35%. Oh, okay. Oh, what did you just write down 35 or something?

I wrote 35 down. Which is awful because now I have to decide one direction. I'm going to go higher. I am as well. I'm taking the... Come on, baby. The wider amount of numbers. The correct answer, 84%.

Yeah. Oh, get wrecked. Wow. Get wrecked. Okay. He should get negative points for the... He was way off. Yeah.

So, Andy and Jason each get a point there, Mike with nothing. What's the score right now? The score is currently Andy with three. Three, two, one. Jason with three. too. Okay. All right. My question. Oh, this is, this is interesting. What percentage of people have used a bow and arrow? This is amazing. What percentage of people have used a bow and arrow? Oh, man. Wow. I'm going under 50%. Okay. What's funny, though, is I feel like everybody I know has used one once.

So that would say to go above 50%. Yeah, have you used a bow and arrow money? I'm like cross-polis. This question with, like, how many people have been to a Renaissance Fair? Or anything like that where you just, they just, they have the weapon stands. I wrote my initial number down. So I'm, I'm just curious where Jason's going to end up. I'm going to go just below. I'm going to go 45%. I'm lower.

I will go lower as well. All right. Nobody's walking away with points on this one. What? Correct answer, 76%. Oh, oh, get right. Andy had seven percent. Andy wrote down seven percent.

It's funny because Jason started by saying I think most people I know have shot a bow and arrow. I wrote seven percent down. I couldn't have been more wrong. Let's pull the room. Yeah. Who shot like. As anyone in here? Yeah.

So six for six. How can you say six? I didn't raise my hand. I know you've shot a bow and arrow in your life. You had to have. You've never shot a bow and arrow? Uh-uh. You didn't shoot one in my cabin ever?

Well, five for six. I don't do so. That's about it. I mean a toy bow and arrow. Oh, man. You mean like a real one? Oh, man. If a toy counts, then yes.

Okay. All right. We're on to, so we're halfway through the game, three, two, one still, right? Yep. And Andy Allen in the lead. Hold. All you got to do is not finish the last. I can collapse here.

What percentage of men have had their haircut at establishments that display barbers' poles? Oh, goodness. Okay. So we're talking the classic barber shop. What percentage of men? I have to feel back the curtain for a second. Oh, no, no. Papa Josh was like, did you not have a day in PE where you shot a bow and arrow?

Mike replied, no, Josh, we're not a hundred years old. Oh my gosh. I didn't know your response, but I already knew it because Josh, of course we didn't do that in PE. We aren't your generation. You guys didn't have computers and stuff like. He's older and from the south. They did the bow and arrows right after their musket loading class. Oh, man.

And they're trench digging. You guys. That's amazing. Oh, so good. Thank you for bringing that. One percentage of men have their haircut at establishments. Now, catch the wording here, because I'm going to help all of us. Okay.

It's not have had their haircut ever. It's have their haircut at establishment. So that's their routine. Oh. Well, I did not read it that way. Thank you. Depending on what the answers. I do have a line.

I'm going to set. I'm going to get out there ahead of it. I'm going to duplicate my first answer. I think it's 48%. Okay. I'm going 48% on this one. I'm sticking with just under 50. This is tough because it's like.

But I don't know the demographics of the world. Like there may be cities and towns that have a lot more of the classy barbershops. We won't pull the room yet. But like the way I'm thinking through it is not everyone, not everyone gets their hair cut, number one at a place that would refer to it with. This is a barber. or a barber shop. Right.

I go to the salon. Yeah, hair salon. Like, I, most of my life, I've had my, I would have my hair cut at a salon. Now I'm at a barber. But my barber doesn't have. Right. Doesn't have the poles. I've been to several barbershops.

I'm going to know for sure. I'm going lower. If any of them have had poles. And so I will go lower as well. All right. The correct answer, 24%. All right. So it is lower.

So we got points. Jason and Mike gets a point. I know where there's this. We're tied Andy and Jason at three, Mike at two. Let's do it. Does anyone have the barber pole? Mike does, yeah. Oh, we got two?

I mean, that's pretty. Well, yeah. Two, six. Yeah. What is that, Jay? That's one-third. And what is that? 33%.

All right, we did it. Very cathartic of you. All right. My question is. Two questions left to not fall on my face. Go. So it's three three to two. Yeah.

That is correct. If you get within the five. the 5% that is going to wreck us. What percentage of people cannot read inside moving vehicles without feeling queasy? I am very much in that category. I am too. I think it's more people than it's not. I'm going to go 60%.

60%. That is unfortunately a spectacular line. Just slightly more. Okay. Man, the people that can read in a car, y'all suck. Like, I'm so envious of that. I thought because,

because I know that you experience this, I think maybe there's some, you know, self-projection. So I'm going to, I'm going to go lower. I'm going to take the, I'm going to take the under here. I just, like, I can,

I also think about my children who have, on a road trip all of a sudden It's eye padding It's all the sudden like Dad, dad, I'm not Blah! And you're like, They got your gene.

I just think your line is spot on to be honest with you. I think the answer is going to be real close to that, which makes us tough. Jason, what did you do? I went lower, man. Oh, man. Oh, he's just playing the game. Give me, give me the points.

You know what, Andy's got to answer first next time. He was smart to play the game. The correct answer is 42%. Oh, gosh, dang it. I thought your line was great, too. I would have thought there was more than not. It's up to you, Jason. Okay.

There's nothing I can do now. Well, that means that it's not up to me at all. You're the goose. No matter what happens here. Well, it's up to you to win. So, yeah, I'm the goose. Okay. All right.

Congrats, Andy. Final question. What percentage of people still have a landline telephone in their home? What? Wait, am I not the goose guaranteed? Correct. That is correct. What a feeling.

Yeah. What, because there's a two point gap and he can't get two points. Yeah, that is how it works. What percentage of people still have landline telephones in their homes should be zero. It's not zero. There's still old people. Quick question. Papa Josh, do you have a landline?

No. Okay. All right. I have a landline specifically for my alarm. What? What? because it's more reliable. Oh, you mean for your, the alarm on my house.

I went to the alarm clock. Oh, I did too. I did too. Yeah, no, I have a service. They call me in the morning. Well, I was just like every night at bed. It's like a wake-up call at 6 a.m. Can you call from that phone number if you need to?

Yeah. Well, there's also the bundle stuff. So, for instance. Yeah, you get bundled into it. I've moved several times in the last decade and every time I, the last year probably. It's fine. I know.

I know. It's been a while. But every time that you start service. It's like, I don't want a landline. It's like, well, but it's cheaper if you get a landline. It's like, what are you doing? Right. What are you doing?

Because it's cheaper. For a little while. It's cheaper for a year and then it sky rockets. Oh, it does. And they hope you don't change it. I'm going to say. Do you have a landline, Jason? No, of course not.

I refuse. Enough of you're bundled. I'll pay more to not have a landline. I will say, take it and shove it. I don't want a landline. I refuse on principle. I'll take the bundle, but don't install it. Um, okay, I'm going to go 15%.

I'm going to go higher. I had written down 13, so I'll go lower. I'll go higher. It's probably higher. It is higher at 35%. Yeah, I think it's, there's a lot of, there's a lot of, there's also a lot of people that, 10 years ago, they can't afford, uh, I mean, cell phones are pretty cheap now.

But it's just, if you, there's so much different. out there in the United States. Yeah, there is. Like, there's areas where you go and be like, no cell coverage out there. This is a different world than I've ever experienced. So I, but to be clear, this is yours now? Yeah.

Woo! Have you ever been the goose? Ah, this will be number two, I think. So once. Good luck putting that big head and that goose. It's, it's toy. All right, we're taking a break and then we're going to draft. The Spitballers Draft.

All right, we are drafting a topic. I think we're all very passionate about and in support of. And honestly, if they wanted to invent another 20 of these things, that I'd be fine with it. Yeah. It's foods on a stick. We're drafting the best foods on a stick. That's right.

Mike has the number one pick. Best foods on a stick. It's a corn dog? Yeah, of course it's a corn dog. This is a great draft to have the. Welcome to the corn dogs draft. When it was first brought up as like foods on a stick, I was like, there that's just corn dog

there's a food on a stick you go to hot dog on a stick hot dog on a stick is that is it why is it why is the corn dog the obvious crim della cream of foods on a stick there's a lot of other foods that we're going to draft here today they're all on sticks

why is the corn dog get all the fanfare because it's sold at fairs oh good point but other thing I mean other items are you think that's what it is it's just like you just yeah I don't I don't know. They have taken the world.

They own the branding of... They own the food on a stick. I'm going to be honest, that's obviously the pick. Yeah, I mean, we... You could poll 100 people. What's the first most important food on a stick? 100 would say, uh, corn duck. What are you talking about?

Which is also strange. Like, is it because the people don't want to touch the corn meal? It's hot. Well, I think to fry it. Oh, okay. In order to fry it, you put it as a... You don't put the stick in the... oil, right?

Part of it will go in the oil. I mean, the stick is not hot. I'm not holding a hot corn dog with my bare hands. The heat is. Why do you not hold? That's a good answer. It's like holding cord on the cob. Yeah. So like you have to use the tongs or are you going to hurt your hand?

Right, but that's actually, and it's also very messy. Corn on a stick would work if we want to just do that. Just do corn dog. All right. I'm going to, sorry, yeah. I'm going to take something that is, I mean, these sticks are very important. People build things out of them. I'm taking a popsicle.

Yes. Yes. Man, those are the easy one and two. Yeah. Those are the easy one and two. Popsicle sticks are kind of, uh... I thought you might go away from Popsicle just because, like, popsicle's probably not close to your favorite food here. Correct.

That's very, very true. There are several things. I don't like popsicles, but... Really? You don't like a good... I knew you would say that. I don't know why I knew that about you, but I just knew you wouldn't have a... I think I don't love frozen...

He doesn't like cold treats. Yeah, he's like a baby. I think babies love cold treats. They do. As a youth, you were never an otter pop guy? He doesn't eat ice cream as fast as I would like him to. No, I'm a slow ice cream eater. Otter pops, no, I

you know, you want to know how I got these scars, those things. Yes. Ripped up the face. They definitely did. Yeah, I just, I don't know. And if I'm well, it could be drafted, so I will, I will I'll abstain.

This is not the drafted giveaway answers. No, we don't have 50 options here. I think you guys drafted very well. Thank you. I'm going to go first with a caramel apple. That's my third. We have now taken my top three. Yeah, a caramel apple is the next most natural.

Man, are they good? But I, at this point in the career of my teeth, do not feel as though I would be. able to consume them in the normal fashion. I have to cut them up and tuck them back away from my ever-breakable teeth. Can you imagine how many would come off? You would look like your dentures came out. It would look after one bite. The next bite would be all teeth.

But the nice thing is you could no longer break your teeth on the teeth. Right. Yeah, I do need to get help. But caramel apple to me is it feels like a natural third pick. My career My teeth's career My next pick I'm struggling because it's a long way

And there's not a lot of options So I'm going to go with kebabs Oh it's the right one That's my third Shish kebab Yeah it is It's a delight Oh they're so good

To eat food off a stick I think we all agree with that Yeah There's something great about it So I'll go I'll go with shish kebabs. Is it back to me? It is.

Oh, fantastic. Because I can still pick things. We're running out. I still have things on my list. This is why I said we need more foods on sticks. Yeah, we do. For this draft? It would help.

And for eating. I'm going to take, uh, what do I have right now? I've got just popsicle. Correct. Yeah. I'm going to stay sweet. I'm going to stay sweet. I'm going to go with something else sold an affair.

I'm going to go cotton candy. Oh. That's a good answer. It's not even on my list. Yeah, there you go. Cotton candy, you know. That is, that's a good one. You're not eating that by your, just hands, handfuls of cotton candy.

It is a stick. It may have a point on it, but it's a stick. Although people do rip it off the stick. Uh, it's a great pitch. No, no, it was not on my list, which is on a stick. And we need, this is what we need this draft is a couple. Me and Mike didn't have it. You didn't take one from us.

I also would. Let me guess you hate cotton candy. You don't like cotton candy? It's disgusting. Oh, cotton candy is awesome. It's just eating air, fluffed. sugar. Yeah. That's no. That's awesome. No, thank you. You're not a fan now?

No, that stick just helps me move it to the trash can without getting my hands dirty. Papa Josh, do you like cotton candy? Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. He got a new button. It's not taped down, so I wind up kicking it every time I go. You've said we've had a new situation with the button for two years. This is a new new button. Get him a finger button. I'm not a fan of cotton candy, believe it or not. Falcon? I'm no, no cotton candy. Yeah, that's right. I think I'm fine with it. Thank you. Okay. Sanity checks.

To be clear, you're not just putting air sugar. It's also like red five and blue four and all that stuff. All the good dies. All right. All the good dies. Yeah. All the good dies young. Mike.

Yes. A little good show. All right. I've got my two picks. Congrats. Yeah, I know. We're good. We're narrowing it down.

You mentioned the corn, but I'm going on street corn. We're going with alote. Is that soundest it? That is Mexican street. I didn't think about that. That makes sense. I didn't know that came on a stick. You definitely can get that on a stick.

Yeah, I can now picture that. It is fantastic. If you've never gotten down with Alote, you really should. It's a good time. I am going to see if I can see one picture with a stick, though, if I go to Google images. Search Alote on a stick,

and you definitely will. I found it on a stick. You will find it. No, I'm not putting the stick part in. No, I see it. And this one, I assume we're good with this because it's a, It's talking very...

Yeah, we're good with it. Okay. I'm going with the pineapple skewer. Oh, for sure, my man. Because, like, it implies... Does it take away fruit skewer from the draft? The what? Does it take a fruit skewer away from the draft?

Maybe. I wonder about that. But am I specifically pineapple? Because, you know, when you're grilling... Yeah. And you throw... It's amazing. You grill up some pineapple.

It sounds weird. But it's very good. No disrespect there. That's amazing. I think if you were going to go, fruit skewer or pineapple scorer. Pineapple scorer is the better pick. All right.

Well, that's the one I took. Because you grill pineapple. You don't get all the fruits. Right. I don't know why, but you don't. Hmm. All right. I'm going,

I've, have we tried it? Have we tried it? Have we tried it? We figured it out? I think Steve tried it. Thanks, Steve the griller? Steve tried it.

Bob tried it. Nancy did not try it. Right now I'm all sweet. I want some savory. The, The shish kebab. It's also the only picks I have left. The shish kebab.

No, most of my picks left are still sweet, but I want some meat. But the shish, the kebab you got takes most of it away. It does, yeah. But what it doesn't take away is a shrimp skewer. Yeah, you can have that. That is, I love me, a good shrimp skewer. I know al's a no on it, but like what is the like, if we had done the guest, guess, guess goose with people that like shrimp. What's a percentage?

I would have said 70%. That's where I would guess too, but I'm a very not shrimp guy. It's probably fine. Are you a shrimp guy? I'd say a little bit lower. No, it's, what? Ocean bugs? No thing.

Okay. Yeah, I forgot you two are in Oceanbug category. I got my last two. Only because it looks exactly like a bug. It eats poop at the bottom. And then when it comes out, you got to depop it for real. My last two picks. They're disgusting.

Yes, they are. I do love shrimp. They are objectively It's gross It's a giant bug Yeah My last two picks

I do have picks Left which makes me feel good I want to go with And you need to help me Describe it Because I don't know what you call it Because I want to say smores But it's really

It's a marshmallow Yeah Right Yeah it's a marshmallow Because it's on a skewer That you put over the fire And you eat it You can just go marshmallow

Yeah So because it's not a whole smore It's like a roasted marshmallow A roasted marshmallow Thank you Oh that's a great pick Roasted marshmallow. It's not on my list.

Not on my list. I love that fair. Yes, yes. I love that for me. We're all afraid of, if you can't track. I love it for you. We're all afraid of taking each other's picks and being left naked without a food on a stick. To get to 12 took some work.

No, I feel like I have a lot now. So I'm going roasted marshmallow. Thank you for the wording on that one. Yeah. This last one, it's an ice cream bar. Yeah. It's an ice cream bar. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's more me anyways than the Pompsticle. If I had to choose Popsicle or ice cream bar, I'd, choose ice cream 100% of the time. I would 100% as well. Like I said, I don't like popsicles, but if I wanted a frozen sweet treat, it is, I would much rather have like a fudgecicle type of thing than a popsicle. Because of you, you're not liking the cold so much, are you, do you like just do one lick at a time?

One, one lick and then wait a fumble minute is another lick. I do it slow, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm thrilled that this one came back to me because I, because it's just, you know, it's just, your last one because it's my last one I play the game here because I figured this might not be on your guys's list. Don't take my last one. I bet it is. But it is

I mean I love these. I don't like them. I could house a hundred of these. Okay. Cake pops. Oh, man. I love that for you. Cake pop is, it was on my left. The Starbucks classic birthday cake pop is, oh my gosh. How many can you, how many have you ordered? at once. Have you?

Yeah, yeah. And do you say that for my kids? No, I just just order four and then eat them. I'll take four kickbox. If you order four, they assume. Yeah, they're not going to be like, if you get two, they're like, really? They're looking for someone else in the car. But even if I'm by myself, if I order four, they're like he's taking these home.

What a great dad. They're never making it at home. Here's a picture of my family. You show I'm at the counter. I didn't ask, sir. Yeah. All right, Mike, final pick. You have corn dog, alote, pineapple skewer, and...

I only, I know this because they are available at Disneyland. They, very often they will offer the vegetarian version of something. They have the mozzarella corn dog. It's just a giant cheese stick. Yeah. With a dog in it? No, it's just, no, it's literally... It's the cheese stick.

Then they dip it in the cornmeal, and then they fry it up. It's just deep fried. Like, instead of a hot dog inside its cheese. Yes. It's unbelievable. It's really good. But they call it a mozzarella corn dog. I, it is the most, maybe the most indulgent crazy food in the world to me is a

mozzarella stick. Yeah. Oh, it's, so. Butter, bread it. I know they're good. Deep fry it. But it's so much cheese and it's fried and it's just so like, it's like more decadent than the most chocolatey cake.

I want a matstick right now. Most sticks are a kryptonite. So you took a, uh, uh, Mott stick on a stick. Yeah. A stick on a stick. I mean, it's a little different because it's, it's the corn, the cornbread surrounding instead of just the breading.

I kept seeing people put churros. What? I've never seen a churro on a stick. It's, it is a stick. It's cooked on a stick. But it's not, that's where I got with rotissory chicken. I wanted to sneak that one in there to be funny. But chocolate dip banana was one of my own.

For sure. And candied apples, if you needed a desk. That was my desperation. A lollie. Oh, that would have been a great pick. I would have gone chicken skewers over shrimp skewers. I felt like that was, he was giving me the respect to the kebab. I figured the kebab has the chicken and the steak and the veggies.

Oh, does it? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Well, I don't want any of that crap. I just want the chicken. I agree. And the pineapple. Oh, yeah.

You don't want the steak? Well, I'm saying like the veggies. Oh. The normal, normal kebob veggies. Nobody drafted veggies on a stick on purpose. I was leaning into the meat part. Okay. Stop that.

Don't be cheap. Just, just meat. I love the onion. I'm so hungry for lunch. Oh, yeah, okay. Okay, okay. But just do the onions. What did we learn today?

I learned I'm hungry. I'm starving. I learned how hungry I am. I learned that mozzarella sticks make me hungry, thinking about them. Yeah. I learned that. That was me, Al. Yes, it was me.

Yes, I don't know how. I don't know how a person can hit the button and then hit it again that fast. Let me try. Did you double your reaction time? Oh, I think we broke the board. It's broken now. We will never be able to end this show. I did it. Oh, gosh.

Pump fake. Oh, no. We'll see you next. No. Let me know. Mike, what do you learn? People have old t-shirts. All right.

We are actually done with the show. Yeah, people do have old t-shirts. I feel like I definitely have to have one or two. Would ribs have counted? Ribs on a stick? No. It's the bone. Nope.

It's nature's stupid. That's an inside question. I'm listening to the Spitballers podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out Spitmallerspod.com.