Spitballers Comedy Podcast - Bugger Eaters & Best Pasta Shapes - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: April 27, 2026

This episode should come with a warning, but the laughter is guaranteed. Would You Rather throws things into chaos, Man of the People makes a return and we wrap things up with a Best Pasta Shapes Draft. Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast! Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast: Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.com Follow us on X: x.com/SpitballersPod Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPod Subscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore on realistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the spitballers podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. That was your best one. That was your best one. We're on a hot streak, people. Mike, you crushed my scat last week. Andy, great. Mike, next week's going to be awesome. some two weeks from now, stay tuned. It's going to be awesome. It will be the first time that I will be scatting in years. I'm more willing

to buy one of your scats if we get another one from you. Like we need to break the street. I agree. I will say this. You have been auctioning for a, for lack of a better word. Highest better. Your scats off for I mean, you're like, it's monthly.

It's been since February. It's at least multiple months. So there is, so we got all the deucers here, right? Yeah. There is one deucer who in particular will do almost anything for money. Papa Josh. I didn't want to know. No, no, no. You don't have to confirm or deny, but I'm just saying like, I know that Papa

Josh will do anything for money. The fact that. we have all discovered that these are available for cash prizes. I did. I did. Put the camera on. I'm saying, he has approached you at all? He hasn't. He is a man of honor. Papa Josh, you are a man of honor. You look great

today. Is that what he is? He is. He's a, honestly, he's the most a man. I know where this is going. I'm a happy, uplifting guy. It's a kind of a boy. Will you do my next scat for $50 cash? For you? I'll do it for free, buddy. I take it. Deal. What the hell does happen? Josh, that was so stupid. Josh, that was so stupid. Josh, he offered you $50. Dude, I was going to go to $200. I'll do it. I love Jason. I don't need Jason's money, man. Oh, I love that. Dude, the man of honor worked. The man of honor worked. You just baited him out of $200. You want to sell your next one? Well, talk to talk in a couple of years. All right. You got to leave the people. We'll talk. Estimating that you might do it. I, no, no, no, no. I might do it. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, what happened? Josh, did you win the lottery? I love Jay, man.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I love you. Did you come and do money? What happened? No, I'm still waiting on my paycheck, by the way. Oh, yeah, yeah, just keep waiting. Yeah, no, it's in the mail. It comes in your email box, just click refresh.

No, it's in, it'll show up. It's being delivered. I managed to click my button. All right, we're doing some man of the people later today. We got some, would you rather first recommend. You could have had $50 to $200, Josh? You should have known. Jason is willing to pay.

To Jason, $50 is $200. $200 is $2,000. You could have had $2,000. Episode 365, guys. Amazing. Oh, this is it. This is it. Not just ours.

But the producers. And the listeners. The listeners. The listeners, you guys have wasted so much. What is that? 365 times. You guys, if you've heard it all, I want you to realize you've wasted one year of your life. 365 times.

60, 21,900 hours. So here's the thing. Our shows are not 24 hours, Jason. I didn't do that right. They're not. You converted to minutes. They're not, they're not 24 hours a day. But if you spend one hour of your life.

Yeah. I can't wait for you to figure out how many hours this is. 15.2 days. 15.2 days of a spitballers episode. That's it? That's it. Yeah. Technically it's more if you listen to it in different languages. Like if you listen to the same episode in Spanish

And look, by Lamos Thank you Would You Rather time Would you rather Would you rather Let the music take you over by Lamos No you know Spanish Yochiato

Would you rather unwillingly go viral For the video some stranger took of you picking your nose Wait unwillingly? Yeah you're unwilling They caught you picking your nose at an intersection And snacking on it Oh I mean

Amongst us Hasn't eating our own boogers. Yeah. Or have footage in transcripts of every heated argument you've ever had with your wife sent to her parents. Well, this is not a great question. Well, that one is a question is a problem. That one's pretty easy for me on the heated arguments because, I mean, I don't mean to brag about how good I am of being married, but. Oh, are you pretty good at that?

Oh, I'm so good. For real. Yeah. I mean, if you're like one through ten. How good is? How good are you at being married? I'll get myself a 9.5. Oh my.

You're a 9.5 married? Yeah. If you're talking heated, heated arguments one hand. Really? Oh, for sure. Mike doesn't get real steamed. Wow. In general.

Like, we've had 12 years of working with Mike. How many times has he been steamed? Yeah. He's kind of like Jim from the office. It doesn't raise his voice. It's, well, it's, you can tell when he's serious, but he doesn't really get. It's the thing of I am, I have. ready. And I have

over time, I have built it up. If you know that I get loud, you're like, oh, oh. Yeah. We don't hear this. I had a... That's such a smarter way to go than being loud all the time. Genuinely, so... You're like, oh, he's being loud again. That's a boy who cried wolf stuff. I know we're not

into the question yet, but long ago, once upon a time, I used to be a manager at a Best Buy. And I was, I was a sales manager. And the general manager of this store, I don't... All right, Hodge. John. The general manager of this store, guy named Kevin Johnson, swear to you.

Okay. The, not the, Kevin. The mayor of Sacramento? Not the mayor of Sacramento. Former NBA All-Star? NBA point guard. But it was a different, very, that's a pretty common name. Go on. Kevin, John. This guy was the most happy go lucky dude you have ever met. He was just a, I mean, he was an overweight guy, right? So he was a big jolly. I'm saying, because he was What does that have to do with being happy? He's jolly. He's jolly. If you're jolly, if you're jolly.

I don't want. No, can you be, no, okay. I contest. Can you be jolly if you're not overweight? Genuine question. Can you be, you can be happy. Can you be jolly? Probably not.

No. If I say you're jolly, you understand who I'm talking about. It's like a Santa Claus. It's a Santa Claus figure. It's a really coded word. Yes. Jolly. That's a jolly fellow.

It's because you figure they're, I'm going to. So he's happy and rotate. The next time I see someone happy and roton that I don't like. I'm going to say, you're a jolly person. Yes. You used to be more jolly. Anyway, so this guy was...

Yeah, you're less and less jolly by the day, Jay. This guy was a very jolly guy. And I heard from someone that you never want to see the other side. Oh, like he's got a Hulk come on a man. Yeah, he's the Hulk. Yeah. And then I saw it. You saw it?

This is after a year and a half of managing this store. And I'm telling you, when this guy who's just this jolly guy who had, you just thought you could do anything you want and get away with whatever and everything's going to be great. And then he had a different side. And it was not anger. It was not some big display. It was just so serious when you're so jolly. Did I learn a lesson for real? The contrast.

I learned that those. Dang, I never learned that. Those who don't speak a lot. Those who don't get angry. When it's your time. Right. to set the standard. People freaking listen.

And it was like, guys. Santa's mad. Santa's mad. It was a genuine moment. And so I. And you took it seriously. This is, this is 20. Santa Claus.

20 years ago. I remember it. And I, and honestly, I think about him in that moment. Many times, like we, we've run a business. I've run businesses for the last. last 20 years since then. And... Friends so many businesses.

I drive a Dodd. And I think about that, like, you are a fun-loving, happy-go-lucky person. And the more that that is established, when you need to set a groundwork of upset, it carries weight. I don't know what you're like at home, but you're pretty much

like that here. You've only been mad a handful of times where I was like... He's pretty mad about the... The golf, well, look, at himself. I've seen a matter to himself a lot. Many times. But at other people or situations, you do take it pretty seriously when there's not a boy who cried, well, I'm going to be very clear about my answer on this one. I'd rather be seen eating my boogers. Because I have said some of the babiest stuff ever in a fight with my wife. That's one angle. I mean, I have said, I have acted like a baby

sometimes with my wife. Where I've just, you know, I saw you nodding back there, Al. I don't know about you. I have been a baby. I was just nodding because she told me that. Yeah, okay. Because we've seen it. All right.

Yeah, no, I, y'all knew the answer. What was the question? I didn't listen to that. Would you rather go viral unwillingly for picking your boogers at an intersection on video? Yeah. And snacking on it or have footage and transcripts of every heated argument you've ever had with your wife to send to her parents. It's the booger one. It's the booger one.

for me. Oh no. It's not that bad. Just give it a try. You have farted in a roundhouse kick on video before for entertainment. Just give one a little lick. But virality is different. People are recognizing you as the booger boy. It's the jolly booger guy. Is there a chance that the footage and transcripts

are a positive. Is there a chance here that's like, because you win the art, you, maybe I'm right. Maybe I'm justified. And it's like, you've been waiting.

You see this? Oh, you're looking for that. So you didn't win in the moment. Yeah, maybe I didn't win. You didn't win in the moment. But maybe the,

maybe the jury and executioner here watching this transcript of video goes, I get it. I get it. Well, do you, I want to find out. But Jay, it tells you who's the jury and executioner are.

It's her parents. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I think I was. win. I'm going to court, baby. I'm going to court. I'm not eating my boogers. Well, you should also do that. Mike is super into eating burgers. Apparently. That's what we have learned in the last 10 minutes. What have we learned today? Mike loves eating boogers. I'm just speaking for the every person. No, you're not. You're not. You're speaking for a few people that eat their own boogers.

I have never in my life. You never tasted one. Never when I was a kid. I was a kid. love me. No. The house is it? I never have. I've got it. Papa Josh. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You've eaten a bugger? No, because Papa Josh is the only truth teller in that deucer corn. Matt? Matt? Yeah, sure. Raise your hand if you've never eaten a booger. You're just so. No, no, no.

So, never on a burger. Not on purpose. Not on purpose. Never on purpose. I might have accidentally eaten a bugger. Absolutely. Like a bad nose blow. I think there has been a time where I pick my nose or something.

And then later, my finger ends up in my mouth. In my mouth, I go, what's that taste? And I go, oh, no. But you're like, oh, no, that's booger. I know exactly what booger tastes like. Because I've never eaten a booger. You are. Do you chomp buggers?

Revealing yourself in a way that you don't know what you're doing right now. No, I know what I'm doing. Eating buggers. Yeah, regularly. On the red. This is not. You can put me on a lie detector test. You're like, oh, Josh is the truth teller.

No, he's not. So am I. I believe so is Andy. You never done one? You never done one of these? I that doesn't count. Oh, it does. It has to come out the nose into your hand.

Oh, there's something about the oxidation. Absolutely. Oh, I. But no one would say you're eating boogers. I've snorted. Yeah, that's, that's not eating buggers. You're all boogeries. If it doesn't hit your, if you're not chewing.

Well, what have I just, no. All right. This is disgusting. Would you rather have a backyard with a full state of the art 18 hole mini golf course? So mini golf in the. backyard or a basement with a single lane bowling alley. So one lane bowling alley. Okay, let me ask this question.

Or full 18-haul mini golf course. Let me ask this question. Because it says full state of the art to you guys when I say state of the art mini golf. Clown mouth. Okay, you beat me to the question. Sorry. Because there's state of the art. The Tiger Woods and Co.

he has a company. Whatever. We have a Westgate, right? That's not the same thing we're talking about here. But that's Minigall. That's state of the art. Is that state of the art? Or is it the goofy golf?

There's windmills and there's clown noses. I'll tell you what. I'd rather have one single hole in the backyard, like a full par three or something, then I would an 18-hole mini-golf course. Because 18-hole mini-golfs, going to make me any better at golf. But it's going to make you better at mini golf.

I know, but who cares? The mini golf international competition? I mean, this is the thing that I realized the older I get. I'm just going to diatribe for a second. All right, please do. I have seen, and they come through, like, social media and stuff, when some magical house goes on the market out here in Phoenix, and it's some house, it's got a mini golf course,

and it's got a mountain bike course, and it's got... I saw one. Yeah. And it's got a bowling alley in a gun range and it's got it's got all this stuff. You know what? You better have friends. You better have friends to have a house like that. Friends not included.

Friends that are, much like batteries. Do you imagine how boring the, I've realized this when I get, I've gotten stuff from my own house. If I don't have a friend coming over to enjoy this thing, you're just a dork with a big backyard. Yeah, but your chance of, nobody cares. Your chances of friends go up with a. With a With a race car If you have an 18-hole mini-golf course

In your yard Your ability to get friends Yeah, that's not gonna I'm not gonna be your friend To be like, dude If I'm his friend I can go play Mini golf No

Go-cart course Yeah sure Absolutely That's what I'm saying There are part of it There are you don't like the putt putt No I don't like the putt putt I just I need

Minigolf You need to have friends To enjoy a backyard like that I like pup So we're in Arizona. I'm shocked right now. I like mini golf that's inside. These new state of the art ones were, oh yeah, and they track your balls and it's great.

But I think it's. I'd rather I'm being untracked. I like air conditioning. Forgive me. Jason, there's parts of the year where it's really nice outside. Yeah, but there's parts of the year where it's really not nice outside. I know, but you can't play a full state. I can bowl.

I can go down and bowl in my. You never have a door bowl? We talked about the bowling alley last episode. The bowling alley would be. I think my pick here, actually. You know who's showing up. If you have a bowling alley in your house, you know who's showing up. Who do you think you are?

I am. You know who's showing up. Who? Who's showing up? Hey, it's me. Beth. Oh, wait, because we insulted the bowling alley people? The smokers are showing up?

Yes. It's a two-pack minimum to get into the bowling alley. See, Beth? Yeah, this is what I sound like now. There's a woman named Beth. This was a throwback to a, I don't remember that. At first I thought I was Dave Gettelman. I want, hey, it's me.

I want the single lane bowling ill. I think I'd have more fun with that. Of course. I can use it 12 months of the year. If it's raining, if it's snowing, if it's too hot outside. The 18 hole is too much for a backyard. There's so much novelty stuff that you get thinking you would love to have that I don't think people would use. It's like if you told me you built me a cool laser tag course, I'd use it three times. I'm like, ugh, I don't want to go out there and do it again. Do you know how exhausting laser tag is? Yeah, exactly. Laser Tag is a workout of all workouts. Yes, it really is. And then the only saving grace, from a workout perspective of like, I can't over-exhaust myself, is the worker saying, no running!

Because that saves me. I'm like, thank God. Yeah, thank you, sir. Thank you, tell all the kids to stop running. Please, I'm exhausted. I'm sweaty. make sure no one is running running is like

that is not fair if you're playing with kids and adults you should not be allowed to run because we're at a disadvantage final answer is bowling alley yeah for sure it's bowling alley both sound awesome I guess I'd probably take the bowling would you rather have a driving range or an 18 hole mini golf course driving range

but you have to get your own balls I would just keep buying new ones. I mean, I would. He would have a sea. Every ball lands in a sea of balls like Scrooge McDone. I would find a way. Here's what I would do. To hit back the other direction?

If I had a, no, genuinely, if I had a place in my backyard with a big net and I could just hit balls over there, I would find a way to purchase 1,000 golf balls cheaply. It's very easy. Is it? Yes. Okay. Well, that's what I do then. The only golf balls I own are, it was a giant mesh bag of used.

Driving range. And they're all in, yes. And then, every now and then, it's very cheap. I'd pay my son or someone to just go collect them. Good to know. Would you rather- What would you do? I don't know.

I would pick up the balls. No, you wouldn't. I get one of the driving cart things that you drive out there to pick them up. of liars. I have posted a poll. The booger question. The booger question. Oh, did you post it? I posted. Like what percentage of people have eaten a booger is a kid? Here's how I worded it. Have you ever eaten your boogers

after picking your nose question? In parentheses, tell the truth. No one can see. Okay, that's... But people can see when they... But they don't know who voted. No one knows. If I vote yes. Let me guess. Let me guess. Since we're about to do man of the people anyway. 23% yes that's way too low

okay you think it's more than that plus 50% okay now I want to ask a different question I posted this question it looks like you didn't give the answer I'll give it the answer I posted this question about 10 minutes ago I'm going to go look and we know how we've got a very large social following we're very famous and uh very important hundreds of thousands of this guy

no I'm just I'm just saying the truth So you misspelled the word booger. Have you ever eaten your buggers? Jason, that's very different. No, did I? Yeah. You wrote buggers. And we're also 16 votes in, Jason.

So that was what was. Because you wrote the word buggers and no one has any idea what you're talking about. B, UG, G, G, G, E-R-S, buggers. All the comments have got to be about that. How do you spell boogers? Okay, no, I'm going to read. First answer. think it's spelled boogers second answer what are buggers fourth answer

how do you spell boogers oh boogers oh g-e r s boog oh man i tried three different ways everybody's answer is around how you spelled it all right we'll check back later in this episode oh my god but this poll says no one eats their buggers case close mike you're wrong no one eats buggers Oh, my gosh. You thought boogers was spelled the buggers? Okay. Also, every time we say bugger in the UK, we're getting bleeped.

Oh, that's true. Oh, my gosh. The hat is over the face. Jason is in shame. Oh, my gosh. Let me give me my key. It didn't look right. It didn't look right.

It really did not look right. And so I. You could have asked. Oh, my gosh. Wow. Except shout out to Noah who says yes. And if this is for the spitballers, yes, obviously whoever needed this poll is dumb. That's right, Noah.

Eat them bugs. Eat them bugs. Oh, my gosh. Or them bugs, as Jason would say. I put it back up again without a poll. I'm wrecked. You posted it again. Yes, and then the first comment was put a pole with it.

Oh, you forgot the poll. Oh, man. This is going downhill fast. I'm out of here. Oh, my abs hurt. What abs. Oh, man. Oh, goodness gracious.

Any minute now. We got a game coming up. We'll take a break. We'll go to the commercials and we'll come back in a second. You're dirty buggers. You can't script that stuff, Mike. I was so shocked that after almost 10 minutes, it had been like 14 votes. They didn't know what the heck you were talking about.

It's a bugger. It's so funny how language works. Because that was not a joke. Like bugger is a coded swear word for UK. And over here it's not. Yeah. It's just. It's nothing.

It doesn't mean anything. A bugger is a misspelled bugger. That's all bugger's. It's so funny to like it. It's definitely not the right word in another country. That's for sure. Let's play another game. Man of the People.

We are playing Man of the People, and Jason is the previous man of the people. Congratulations on your past win, Jason. Thank you. I apologize for the people. Al Borland has spent most of the last several weeks out there in the public, interviewing people, getting answers to questions that they should know. Probably nothing bugger related. And we will take to... turns competing.

Oh, well, I'll compete on every, every question. We're not taking turns. We're competing all the time. Wait, Jason won the last one? Of course I did. Yes, he did. If you get the first answer that the public has said, you get three points. For the next highway to spell, I would suggest booger. Out. B, you.

All right, here we go. I can't believe it's not a you. I still wouldn't. I would. It's changing your head. paradigm of life. I would have changed it from my double G to B UGER. I mean, but how would you say that? How would you say B UGER Bouger? No. Bougar. You'd say Bougar.

No, you wouldn't. B UG E-G-E-R. No. Bugar. Bougar. The E makes the U say you. Bougar. I would do a lot of different pronunciations. None of them. For real? Think about how bugle is spelled. And then you would just change it to E.R. Buger. That's how you would say that word. It's called English. All right, here we go. First round, let's go.

All right. Three points, if you guessed, the first answer. Two points the second. One for any other correct answer. We do seven rounds. Seventh round is worth double. Round one. When you have a headache, name something that it hurts to do.

Watch TV. Not on the board. All right. I knew that was bad. Talk? Talk or yell is the number one answer. Yeah, it is. That sucks.

Yes, it is. Yes, it is. I'm going to say yell. Booger! If you have a headache, you can't talk? No, yelker is the word. Okay. All right.

I suck. All right. So I guess it's me. I would say if I've got a headache, the thing that sucks to do is three, two. The light. Look at a light is the number two answer. All right. Okay.

Wait, what? Look at a light? No, I mean, it makes it look at bright lights. Yeah, look at bright lights. What else? That's their one. way of saying what I said. No, no, no.

But no one looks. I understand that. But yeah, I have no headache. You know what I'm not doing? Looking at lights. Because you know what I will get if I look at the light? A headache. All right.

Other answers that we missed were laugh, bend over, cough, and think. Yeah. Think. I should have gone with. Think. All right. All right. We're moving on a round two.

That's terrible. Name a reason why you might be nervous. Oh my gosh. Okay. We'll put that on hold. my fourth post I finally got it right yeah have you ever eaten your

buggers I spelled it the same way I spent it the same way I went to check and someone said it's spelled boogers and I was like I know I did that I knew you did not yes he did yes I did no you did not

yes I have it I have it on the screen unbelievable I am the stupidest man alive he has done it Multiple times. This is my fifth post. Jason. You look like you've had a beverage. Just except what is happening.

All right. Ask the question. What? Man, that's wild. All right, round two. All right, let's go. Let's go. Name a reason why you might be nervous while driving.

A cop in the rear view mirror, baby. Oh, good answer. That's a good answer. That is on the board. is the number four answer. Bull crap. Spot a police car. Weather, raining.

Oh, that's also good. Weather conditions is the number one answer. You guys don't have to hit the button when you're the last one. Stop it. I did it anyway. Don't tell me what I can't do. You're intoxicated. Oh, my gosh.

Be nervous. I would be too. That's not on the board. Good, good. Good kids. Good kids. That was a test. The cops were asking that question.

If you answered that way, you're in trouble. All right, weather conditions was one. We had heavy traffic, new driver, tailgating slash road rage, and bad. The cops wasn't one of them? Bad directions or lost. Yeah, cops was. I'm sorry. That was number four.

So what's the score now? Let me check. 4-3. I have three. It is Andy with three, Jason with three, Mike with three. All right. All right. At least I'm not cooked.

moving on to the third round besides a ring named something specific a girl might give back to her boyfriend when she dumps him his jacket oh i was going to say his clothes jacket slash clothing is the number six answer uh his key obviously keys is the number three answer what have you never seen the 1950s they give the letterman jacket back yeah but the key to the house is like i'm no longer i don't have They don't do that in the 50s. I wasn't. I'm talking about today. You're just giving Andy time. Three.

Two. A toothbrush? Gross. That is not on the board. Get it back because I took your toothbrush. Here you go. You gave me. The number one answer was pictures.

What? I'm guessing like a framed photo of the two of you. I don't know. Number one answer. And then we had love letters was the only other one you guys did. What? No, it's not. Nobody returns it.

They burn them. So I had the number one answer. answer. What was according to the people? But was it my third? Yeah, yours was the highest. Yes. Okay, so mine was number one because one and two were so stupid. Yours was worth the same those were buggers. Next question.

All right, moving on to round four. Name a popular children's food that sold in cups. Mac and cheese. Mac and cheese is the number six answer. Oh, that's not good enough. I say cereal. Serial not on the board. What? Read the question one more time.

Name a popular children's food that is sold in cups. Three. Ice cream? Ice cream is the number two answer. How's cups there on there? Number one answer was jello. Oh, okay. Then we had fruit cups, yogurt, and applesau.

I'm happy to be on the board. I thought mac and cheese was an easy one. I was not thinking in that direction at all. I was thinking someone's like, here's a cup, curse. It wasn't like ripped the top off of it. Oh, I thought about it that way. I did not. Every breakfast buffet I've ever gone to in my entire life.

My kids just, they just go to the pre-packaged cups of cereal. Yeah, no, that was the best, man. It used to just used to be boxes, though. Then they just recently figured out they can make them bowls. Back in the day. What's the score now? The score is, sorry, I'm on the wrong tab. It is handing with four, Jason with four, Mike with six.

Back in the day. Mike. And you would be able to go, like, you, It was the family trip and you stay at the hotel or wherever you're at. And they have the cereal. And they have whole milk. I grew up in a skim milk house. Full skim?

Oh, yeah. That's a shame for place to live. Yeah. But then we would go to a place and they would have whole milk. You're telling me. Oh, brother. You're telling me as someone that grew up on skim milk that you desired whole? Yes.

Because I grew up on 2% and whole grossed me out. Oh, man. Man. Not that whole is bad. No, it's so thick. Oh, man. If you leave 2% out long enough, it becomes whole milk. The truth is 2%...

That's not right. 2% becomes cottage cheese. 2% is the correct answer. I completely agree. I have adapted. If I'm not cooking, 2%... I'm full 2%. Drinking cereal, yeah.

But it's like, I had to be skim. I was forced skim, and then that whole milk that would show up. Skim is water. Oh, man. It's white water. It was a tasty treat. Next round.

How many rounds were going to last? There are three. Three rounds remaining. Last rounds weren't double. It's definitely anybody's game. Name something you do at the library. Read. Read is the number one answer?

Yeah. That's so dumb. What do you do with a book? You check the computer. Use a computer is the number four answer. My answer is study. Study is the number two answer. That's right.

return books number three? Check out books was number five. Look at old newspapers and research were the other answers you guys. That one call me off guard how quick that question was over. These people are not playing. What do you do with books?

Odell Lake and Sticky Bear Basket Bounce. Ironically, I feel like I've never read at a library. I go and I pick out books and bring them home and read them. Thank you, Jerry. They led you read them there. I'm sure they do. They do. Whoa, whoa, whoa. What are you doing?

This is a library. Are you reading? What do you think you're doing? Next. Not in this building. Moving on. Rinter building. Round number six.

Name something shampoo commercials. Claim their shampoo does for your hair. Clean it. Clean it is the number two answer. That's baloney. Ooh. Thick in it. Oh, thick.

Thick in it. I lost my spot. I know it's on the board. Look up top. It's number one. Increases volume. Yeah. D.

is the number four answer. Number one. Makes it smell great. Ooh. That is the number three answers. Yes. Ha ha! What was yours?

The number one? The best of our answers. You were two? Yeah, it was number two. So, wait, number one is, it wasn't all. You guys haven't mentioned it. It was big it. Yes.

It's shine. Shiny. That was the number one answer. And then. Shiny's greasy. Like to me. Smoons and softens it or makes it healthier. So wait, why don't we're out with our final round?

It's got to be close. Greasy and shiny are not the same thing. But if your hair is shiny, would you say it looks greasy? Your hair. I would say your hair, if your hair is greasy, it's shiny. Yes. But if your hair is shiny, it doesn't have to be greasy. That's fair.

Okay. Not every poo-poo time. It is a peepie time. All right, going into the final round. I did it backwards, but you know what I mean. We have Mike with nine, Jason with eight, Andy with seven. Okay. All right.

Is this double points? Yes, it is. Final round. So this is just we win based on this round. Yeah. Name something that a guy from Memphis is probably better at than a guy from New York City. Oh, gosh. Mike just wanted to win that.

Singing was my answer. And that's not even what he said. Singing slash guitar is the number one answer. Oh, so he wins. So he was already in the lead. So this doesn't matter. Okay. In that case, in that case, in that case, something with Elvis.

I would, that was my answer. Sorry, I buzzed in before you. Something with Elvis. Not on the board. I'll also go not on the board. Titan stats.

What? Tennessee Titans stats. Yeah, not on the board. Yeah. The answers you didn't get were farming. Farming was my number two answers. Horseback riding,

line dancing, and manners. How about stupid questions? Manors? How about stupid questions? Yeah. They come from Memphis. The people in Tennessee think they go good manners?

What a dumb. Apparently. What a dumb question. We'll see. Mike's a man of the people. Time out. Jeremy. Who won?

That would be you. You won with 15. Jason was next with eight, Andy with seven. Man of the people. All right. We're taking a break. We're going to draft.

You know, that one sucked because we all had the same answer. It was just who won the button. Yeah. Well, that's part of the team. That is. Let's draft.

The Spitballers Draft. I like that you were like, you're smarter and faster No, just faster Yeah, that was just faster It wasn't smarter He literally said we all had the same age Okay, we're even

And you spelled booger We're all equal smart No, I didn't But you are fast I did not I spelled bugger I never I never was asking about boogers I was asking about buggers

You did finally get it up there And I spelled that right Okay so here's the update 6040 no Give me your boot I gotta squash that booger 60% do not eat their buggers, 40% eat their buggers. How many votes is that?

Only 30. Which is the most. You don't have a big following. Apparently. You're not very famous. People don't want to talk about their buggers. It's probably because you've asked them repeatedly about eating buggers. Question five gets less.

We are drafting the best. The Algo is throttling you right now. The best pasta shapes is our draft for today's show. Oh, man. The best pasta shapes. We've got lots. to choose from. I have the first pick. I'm going to take the tried

the true. Oh, you got to get the one-on-one. I've got to take spaghetti. Yeah. I'm taking spaghetti. It's default. It's iconic. It's everywhere. It's spaghetti. I feel like the strong opinions about spaghetti. Nobody has a strong opinion about spaghetti. That's like taking vanilla ice cream in an ice cream draft. And

is vanilla the best? You can argue. It is the best. It's the most common. It's so stupid. Jason, if you had the first pick, what would you have taken? Not spaghetti for sure. You are. No, I wrote down what I would have taken. Okay, fine. You could take. And I'll take it at three because you're not going to take it because you're stupid too. Take your bushy boy redonculousness. Macaroni. That's a good pick. That's a good pick. It's a great pick. Mac and cheese plus comfort foods. Not only is it good with cheese. It's also good to put a feather in your cap. Jason, Europe.

Hold on. Excuse me. Hold on. Wait. Wait. You're going to boo my super patriotic Yankee Doodle dandy joke? That was not me. That was the people booing. No, they did not. Honestly, Mike, I thought it was so great. Thank you. That was a really, thank you. Two picks for you, Jay. That joke was very good. The first, which I would have taken number one. Also, it was not related to noodles. I just called it macaroni. We should start doing that again.

Whoa! Look at that shirt. Macaroni. Is that something that people used to do? I believe... How does this song go? He put a feather in his cap. He called a macaroni. I believe it was like... This is like fancy.

Because it was... Yankee Doodle was... Doing it in jest, making fun of the high-class society because we were the Americans. We were the rebels. They were the wealthy red coats. I feel like I'm unlearned. Isn't that dinkers? Dandy.

I'm going to go with... Fought of Fet. which is bowtie. Bo tie. Boat pasta. That's your 101? Absolutely.

Boat? Yes. Nerd? You guys don't... Boatat. You guys don't understand pasta shapes. You don't get it. You guys don't cook.

Nobody else gets it either. They don't serve bow tie pasta anywhere. It's on my list somewhere. You go to a restaurant. Binoculars. And you get. spaghetti and meat balls. You know what I do?

BOTI, but if it was so popular, I think they'd serve it more than nowhere. Game a place you can get bow tie pasta. Go. Sometimes what is best is what is hard as to get. No, you don't understand. It's so good.

No one has it. It's sold out everywhere. You guys You guys are so stupid Boat Ty is the king of pasta shapes King. Sure. Right behind Bolo

tie, am I right? My goodness. Here's the majority of people I've never had bow tie. No, the majority is not on bow tie. I said the majority might be with you. Oh, all right. But those who know, no. And we are laughing at you. The minority, all of them. You guys are so

uneducated. Thank you. Thank you for picking that so I don't. I have like one of the better ones left. You have another pick. A food draft. Like you guys don't even belong in a kitchen. Okay. If we were in a kitchen. That is true. That is true. That is true. Might end up eating our buggers. All right. You got another pick there. Sorry to shame you horribly. I guess I've got to take. I guess I've just got to take the norm. Like give me to. Oh, you don't have to. No, no, no, no, no. Are you a man of principal or you a man of, uh, here's thing. It's Fortnite. What I just realized, here comes Fortnite, everyone. What I just realized is that your guys' experience of pasta is called Olive Garden.

And so I'll take Pene. Uh, great, that's a great selection. Yeah, but it's one of all of gardens. Hey, arrest. Accusing me of being an Olive Garden boy. Sounds like it. It. Check my record, sir.

No. Google me. Mike, your records are most recently a big fan of the casual most common pushed out crap noodles. That's fine. You can say those things. I did. But don't ever accuse me of liking Olive Garden. Mike has stood against the salt ingestion levels of Olive Garden for many years. We are very careful with sponsorship opportunities.

Sure. Olive Garden will never be a sponsor. Correct. Because of Mike. Mike hates Olive Garden with all of this. Today's draft brought to you by soup and salad. All you can eat. Although Zupitz is awesome.

Their Zupa's pretty good. Brothers, we got, we like all garden. Mike's just dumb. Noodles and co. Get all your open. Get all your penny. Oh, noodles and company. Get all your penny and spaghetti.

Of course none. That's my point. You idiot. How dare you attack noodles and company? Boat. They've got Zoodles. You want to attack noodles. fine company. Sure. Don't

attack them together. Let's wrap this up. You guys are so stupid. Mike, you're back up. Oh, man. You got any neckties? There's just, there's so many pastas that I'm just a huge fan of. Let me find out. I just don't even know your posse shapes and you're giving me crap. No, because it's all the same bull crap, Jason.

It's all the same stuff. Oh my gosh. It's all the same. He's so upset. He's so upset. you know what angel hair angel hair's a great pick that's so much better than spaghetti

spaghetti is the one-on-one spaghetti is a crappy version you don't believe in the free market Jason I'm gonna tell you the truth I'm not talking to Andy right now I just talk to me I only buy angel hair I don't buy spaghetti spaghetti is just garbage pasta

it's just garbage pasta it's so thin it's fragile do you want to know genuinely why spaghetti is the most popular this isn't a joke yes I do lady in the tramp it is the easiest to make You have holes and you push. Angel hair is way easier.

No, it's not. No, it is not. Tiny your holes. No, exactly. The tiny holes in the thin. He's saying to actually produce the noodle. Oh. To produce the noodle.

It is so much easier to make, you just take a bunch of dough and push it through a bunch of medium-sized holes. I just buy it at the store and the cute it up. Yeah, that's what I do. You loser. An angel hair and spaghetti. You're making a lot of bow tie. Have you made your own bow tie? I bet you haven't.

I have not. I bet you haven't. I bet you haven't. I have not. I have not. There's no way you can tie a bow tie a bow tie. it's pretty easy to make a bow-tie pasta so easy you've never done it i haven't i've only made i haven't i haven't i only made handmade pasta like four times forgive me oh why didn't you make the

best one because i'm not because i'm not to that level yet because i'm not to that level yet it takes skill it takes skill you got to be out master but also in the other breath you said it's pretty easy to make bow tie pasta pretty easy i'm not that good. You know what's super easy spaghetti? You are getting undone like a bow tie right now. I know what you're going to take next. I already know and I'll tell you. That's what I've made because it's so easy. I knew what you were going to take. It's better. It's just flat, wide strips, you stupid idiot. It's just flat strips. It's so easy. We're not drafting the hardest pastas to make. We said the best. We well, no, not the best pasta.

Jeremy what is the name of the best pasta shapes so your shape is flat wide rectangle hold on we're doing my rap my shape is pasta shape yes yeah my crap which macaroni was great I mean it's also it's all factored in how you what do you want to eat well I know what you want to I know what you want to eat you want to eat spaghetti sauce you want to eat you want to eat ragu Alfredo you want to eat ragu with maybe a meatball ravioli is my next pick. Ravioli. Stuffing with something good.

Ravioli's okay. That's a good pasta. That's a good pasta. I bet you've made ravioli. I have made ravioli. I've made fettuccini and ravioli because they're so easy. There is one pasta if Mike takes it. I'll be pissed otherwise, but you're not going to take it because it's great.

All right, Mike, you're back up. I am. He just called you an idiot again. Well, because he's not going to take it. Go for it. Oh, crap. I gotta feel like I'm trying to figure out what it is. Don't worry about Jason.

I'll be so. I will leave the show. I will finish with two picks. Do I have two picks right now or one pick? Give me a hint. I think you have two more. Oh, I won't give you a hint. This is too important.

This is too important. I won't even think it. Give me a hit, you coward. I'm thinking it then. I can't reach your mind. All right. That's on you, not on me. I have spaghetti fetuccini and ravioli.

Oh, man. Bro, that is powerhouse. Volume consumption Dude, chef boyardee loves you He's like Look at this guy You can't believe He's got all of my noodles

My shapes are Square and around And Holloway is a real Italian Oh man Mike you better pick something Complicated Complicated patterns for you

Myself Can I take Super Mario Oh, that's a good pick. And absolutely, I'll let you have it. It's not on my list. It was 100%. I was making a joke. I'm like, can I take Super Mario shape?

Absolutely. Yeah. Dude, that's, that's, that's a Mac and Cheese. That's a Mac and Cheese one? Spongebob. Spongebob. SpongeBob. Princess and Super Mario.

All of those. They are legit better. I'm not joking. They're legit better than normal macaron. Then I'm going to super much. This guy. This guy. I mean, it holds.

No, it's got all the spaces. It's a surface area. I know that Super Mario. I know. Only Bowser's good. It's got Yoshi's eggs in it. Did you just draft Super Mario? I think I did.

I think he did. I think we've moved on. I don't even know what there is. Don't you do? Bro, you won't even believe my last pick. Jason, you've got two picks and they better be good. They better be good. The best.

The best. And this is, this is. I've taken O's. If I was a whole, dude. Dude, I didn't think about O's. Holy moly. might be the best. SpaghettiOs are. The pick of sophistication down to spaghetti. He's an amazing contrast.

You've made Spaghettios. I know that. How would you like your spaghetti prepared? Do you make O's? Oh my gosh. O's are the lowercase though. All right. I wasn't going to take it, but I'm taking O's. I'm legitimately taking O's. The bow tie to O's. O's are undefeated. Best pasta shape. Ose. May I have a bowl of

Oze, please? Okay. But now the real pick. Chef Boyardee is pretty happy with you right now. Yeah, no, I know. You're probably pissed that I took O's. Franco-American's loving it. You're very upset. I got O's. Now, let's go back to a real Italian restaurant. Yes.

A complicated pattern, not as easy to make. It's going to take all the sauce. to keep it in. Oh, man, I have a headache. It's amazing. It's Fisili, which is spirals. Spiral pasta. That's great.

If you want to argue that my bow tie should not have been one-on-one, the only argument is Fisili should be one-on-one. It's awesome. If you're doing mac and cheese, it should be Facili. I've got nothing wrong with bow-tie pasta. I can't believe it was number one. And O's. Which was not on my list.

Thank you, Mike. Because O's are legit. awesome. But with Jeremy says Fusili is the 101. Yeah, Fusili is perfect.

It's so good. It holds, you know what? The spiral holds the sauce inside of it. It really does. That's the, that's a great pick.

Thank you. All my mind. It's right up there with O's and X's and don't forget about Super Mario. So you got one more pick, Mike. I have macaroni, Angel hair,

and Super Mario. I'm going to take, I'm going to have a topy here. Is that the corkscrew? That's the corkscrew. Okay. Those are good. Those are like your elbows just longer.

Yeah, it's, it's a mac and cheese pick. They confuse my mouth a little. It's a mac and cheese, but it's like they forgot to cut it. Yeah. You just kind of kept going a little bit too long. Yeah, you got a two for one mac there. I feel like I got to round out this team. I got to go full powerhouse here.

Oh, full powerhouse? Yeah. I know. I know. I'm taking lasagna. Yeah. Lazanne. You got to take it.

Give me them giant sheets. They're so easy to make. make that everyone eats them all the time. Matt is trying to chime in and say Nokia is the goat. I have a problem for you. That would be the goat. That noki are technically dumplings. Yeah. According to our AI overlords. Nokia is good. Linguini is good.

Rigotoni is good. Totolini is good. Yeah. I mean, you've got like Popper deli and Linguini. But they're all the same. Like fetuccini. Actually, Papperdelli is my least favorite of all. Fettuccini, Linguini, and Pappardelli. They're all the same.

A big flat ribbon? They're all the same. So let me ask you. I didn't take those because they're basically. Chef Jason. I mean, my draft, I can't be beat. A real, a real question. Okay.

I will answer it honestly. And I will take it as a real question. Explain to me a pasta shape where you're like, you can't do the tomato sauce or you can't do the tomato sauce or you can't do like a mac and cheese like it like it here's why it won't work for that pasta shape because my contention is it's all the exact same stuff it's just it's sort of differently shaped which goes to the super mario argument yeah so genuinely the the different like i don't even know the word viscosity like if it was like the thicker stuff is the more that it can grip and

like so cheese if you want a mac and cheese you want that spiral or you want that elbow. But I can use a spoon and anything that's melted. That's not a problem. I'm not saying you can't eat any pasta with any sauce, but there are sauces that go better with certain pastas. If you're going to have just basically a loose, flat, watery sauce, which even a good meaty spaghetti sauce is basically just a more liquid sauce.

You just need noodles or linguine, just something flat, just something boring and bland. If you want a shape, if you want a bow tie, if you want a fusili, if you want something, an elbow, you've got to have a cheesy thicker sauce. Get in those nooks and crannies. It's just superior. But why? It tastes better.

It holds the sauce on it better. But it tastes exactly the same. I think the corkscrew is my favorite. If you need to serve me a meal, it's because it holds the sauce. Like if you, this is why I don't like the popper deli, the big flat ribbons. I agree. Those are just like, the kind of feel slimy. because it's just there's nothing it doesn't hold anything.

Yeah. You're having to figure out how to get it all together. You know the one that went on drafted? Honestly, it would have been my pick other than O's. So it should have gone drafted except I wanted spaghettiOs. Yeah, yeah. Is shells. Shells are awesome because you've got literally-

Shells are great. You've got a pocket where it's like- Shells are not good for the powdery cheese though. If you're making like a powdered mac and cheese. If you're doing blue box mac and cheese, you're not a fan? No, Mike doesn't know how to make it. Yeah, you got a made.

make it better. No, here's how you make. Genuinely, Mike. The shells might be the best. Other than Spirals, shells are the best for mac and cheese. Box mac and cheese. I'm a thick and creamy guy. But listen, what you do is you take that pasta, you boil the pasta. You drain the pasta. Yep, I got that. You put the pan back. You do not put the pasta back if they're shells. You put the milk in, you put the butter and you put the cheese in. You make the

sauce in the pan by itself. And then you put the shells in. And then you put Shells in and in the Bababoo it's the best pasta you've ever had. I feel like

it will taste almost identical to every other every powder that gets in that pasta shell doesn't exist

anymore. I put the powder I do the powders in a separate container every time. I do the milk, the powder,

and then I put some real cheese in there and some real butter. Real cheese? You're all up in there. I didn't know

you were a ship. Really? Come on over. Okay. Oh. Come on over. Mine always in a can. What did we learn today?

Oh, so little. I learned that Mike eats his boogers and I also learned how to spell boogers. B-O-O-G-R-F. I learned that people still want to lie about eating their boogers. I learned that Jason, it takes them four tweets to learn how to spell something. We are done. Episode 365. Shout out to the deucers back there.

We appreciate you and we'll be back with another episode next week. Goodbye. Thanks for listening to the Spitballers podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out spitballerspod.com.