Spitballers Comedy Podcast - Building a House & Our Favorite Sports - Spit Hits! - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: September 1, 2025

Spit Hit for Sept 1st, 2025:Metric or Imperial? Which side are you on? We also talk about trying to build our own homes, backyard bidets, and what age to teach your kids to drive. Andy, Mike, and Jason each share a news article they found fascinating, and we close it down with a draft of our favorite sports. Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast!Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast:Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.comFollow us on X: x.com/SpitballersPodFollow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPodSubscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the spitballers podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. Hoops and scoops. No. Wow, that is not. That was not the word that I thought was going to come out, but I went scoops twice. Oh, mercy.

Oh, that's a, that was an all-time bad one. Yeah, it was. Bottom fiver. Oh, bottom, thank you. I, thank you. If you think that that was the fifth worst and not the worst one. Well, to be fair, the worst one is still a bottom fiver. So it could be.

Yeah. It's definitely in contention. If we're drafting the worst, it would be drafted highly. I'm saying to not just automatically go, bottom three. Did you think something better was going to happen? Yeah. Scoops.

Yep. Scoops. There was. Scoops. There was going to be a theme by the end. But the words, but the words, they did not happen. Well, there you go.

Welcome in to the spitballers. Hopefully you're still with us. Would you rather, is this real life? And we are drafting today, as usual. And Al Borland in the bill. building. What's up, Spittwads? Now, I believe I am quoting him when he says he feels like he has a small child in his

belly. Did we have a big lunch today? We did. Oh, man. We had some Mott sticks on the table that got me. Mott sticks are something I did, and neither of you guys attended, but I, I formally retired from that world. From Mazzarella? What? Yeah. What an idiot. Due to the ramifications that Al is now experiencing, I did have to have a formal, I invited the family. I guess it was most of the.

family that was there, but I did retire formally from mozzarella sticks. And it's not something I wanted to do. That's incredible because they're delicious, but they are, you pay the price, man. You do. I'm currently with twins as well. So my, my dum-tum,

I mean, maybe that explains what happened at the beginning of the show. Motzrella sticks. Maybe that's why you used poops in the scat. Jason, you have not retired from mozzarella sticks. I'm considering a very late retirement. I'm thinking maybe in my 80s, I will step away.

Oh, you're one of those pros that, like, they had their prime, but then they hang on just for a bite here or there? I like to think of myself more as a hard worker. As someone that just loves to work, I'm not going to retire early. I'm not going to get this up. I'm going to go until my dying day eating mozzarella sticks. Have you had mozzarella sticks? That's why. They are one of the best things in the world of food.

sounds like, okay, that, we know what that is. It's good. But when you actually just break down, you go, it's fried cheese. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Just deep fried cheese. There can be, I've had bad mozzarella sticks where it certainly was not worth the exchange. Like a really good one. Maybe you're willing to be with with child, but. I don't know. I've had some bad ones and they were delicious. Still great, right? Like bad for a monster. Where it's like when they're real crumbly, like in the, and the, the breadcrumbs are just falling off. It's, It's not that melting. No, no, that's when they're bad, but they're still.

Yeah, they're still pretty good. It's still deep fried cheese. There's nothing quite like when you get older, though, you do, if you want to exchange your comfort later for the deliciousness now, I have had those times when I have made the exchange. I'm like, man, this is not that good. And I, you know what I mean? Like you want it to be really, really good if you're going to eat the calories or eat the bad thing. And then you're like, man, this is like a mediocre bad thing.

So mozzarella sticks just aren't your jam. No, a really, really good one I could come out of retirement for. Yeah, but the fact that he's saying that there are bad ones. Yeah, he doesn't get it. That's true. You don't get it, man. You don't understand mod sticks like we do. I am pregnant right now.

All right, we're moving on. Would you rather? He doesn't get it. All right, would you rather question from Samantha. On the website, would you rather have the U.S. switch over to the metric system or switch over to driving on the left side of the road? Oh, I mean, okay, would you rather us do something smart or do something stupid? That's how I read this question. Well, why is left side of the road stupid?

Yeah. Because we drive on the right. But we also use the, I believe, imperial system? Yeah, but the system we use in the U.S. for measurement is objectively. It's awful. idiotic. Yeah, but you know it. We know it because we're raised up in.

If I told you that your alphabet was idiotic, because we could logically say it was, you still have spent your life learning the alphabet in the certain order that it was in. And I don't want to go figure out how many kilometers an hour is normal. I know miles. It will just take you a day.

It will not just take you a day. I think you could make the move to metric very quick. The idea of driving. That gets rid of inches. On the other. I like inches, man. There's no like muscle memory to measurement. You know what I mean?

You measure something and you look at the ruler or you look at the device and you say, okay, it is this much, even miles per hour. I mean, they don't make you do a test when you go overseas to drive. You just figure it out. You'll learn the driving in a day. But part of the driving is also figuring out how to manage your speeds. No, you don't have to do both. If you switch over to left side of the road, you're still going miles per hour.

No, no, I'm saying like to your point of when you go overseas, you don't have to take a driver's test, but you're still dealing with metric. Yeah, you still have to do the kilometer math, which is no problem. And when you have those cars, the meter is in kilometers. Yeah. So you're literally just looking down and looking at the speed limit. Yeah, I mean, that's fair. Yeah, but saying like how, I don't know, I think it's a really easy transition. And we have 12 inches is a foot.

then we have 36 inches as a yard not an easy transition not an easy one oh yeah no it's so easy 10 yeah 100 1,000 yeah okay how big is that wall in metric when we notice that's a 10 foot wall yeah but our estimation I don't know what it is no off the top of my head but give me a week I disagree I vote formally for the I'd rather drive on the other side of the road oh man I will I've never been in an accident and I will be in so many Uh, I, I will, I'll just, I'm going to make the wrong decision. I'm going to go down the road the wrong way. I'm going to turn and I'm going to be on a one way road, the wrong way.

Good. Whoa. Wow. I think you just asked me to die. No, I mean, you, you have autopilot. You take care of. Maybe. Yeah, that seems like something.

Hasn't it been your thing? You're almost always an autopilot. Yeah, but usually just straight, not for turns. And it's fair. But you're not a beta user? One, no, they watched myself. It's way too close when you touch that button. One way roads are, I think those are just confusing in general.

Like when we go downtown, because he was saying if he has to drive. Well, a one-ray road is the only road where it doesn't matter which country you're in. No, but I'm saying that I don't care if I drive on the left or not. When, if you get into a situation where there's just one-ways everywhere, it's always confusing. Yeah, it's frustrating. My point is I would come up to an intersection. I feel like I would just naturally turn right. And now I'm in oncoming traffic.

So you're not planning on driving if you ever go overseas, not renting a vehicle because you're going to kill yourself? Yeah, I think I'll use public transportation. For the most part. All right. And Al, you are firmly on my side, right? Correct. Yeah.

So it's 50-50. The spitwads are going to have to let us know which side they're on. Just to be clear, we're saying everyone drives on the left, or is it just I have to drive on the left while everyone continues to be driving on the left? go with everyone here. Okay. I just want to make sure. Otherwise, you're walking. If that's the case, then I have to not take that one.

Justin from the website, would you rather live in a home you built yourself using nothing but your skills in YouTube, but you are given unlimited funds? Or would you buy the home that you live in but stick to a max of $200,000?

So you're saying, it's a good question because you get to build. Okay, explain it to me. You get to build as big of a house as robust of a house. You get all the materials, but you got to build it. And it's you and you two. Or you just get a $200,000 house. Okay. We're saying I am the only one who can provide labor for this house. Correct. You, Mike, right. Your hands will build this house. This house will never be built ever. How long would it take what? How long would it take a skilled person who actually those carpentry and masonry

and they know how to work with metals how long would it take one person to build a 2,000 square foot house a talented person? Yes by themselves? Yes it would take six months no way

six months yeah they can't build a regular house with multiple crews in six months well I mean you'd be working a little bit around the clock here this is your house you need to get into it normal built like a new construction house is like eight to 12 months and that's with so many people yeah but they're building multiples at one time they're not focusing on that single house i think six months is the i'm gonna stick with it i

there's no way the idea of you could frame a house and how long i mean how how long could you frame a house with multiple people real fast i'm talking to the man uh i don't know a couple weeks couple weeks um you're almost done i mean obviously size of the house makes a big difference it's a mansion it's going to lay in that foundation by yourself that is not going to be a good time but here's what I know. I'll be skipping the foundation just right to the dirt so if you told me

to build a house okay a home and it was four walls okay just a box with a roof that kind of goes up at a you know at a point like roofs do well there's flat roofs

this one is a point like roofs do you just want to do an a frame I just want an A frame, as they call it. If I were given a million dollars to succeed in this project, I don't know if I could do it. I mean, if I did it, there's not going to be a door on that thing. There's not going to be a window. It's going to be like you, to finish, you have to be on the inside of the house. Or the outside.

You, I mean, you're just staying wherever your last piece was put. in place. I feel like it could build you know, walls and walls and a roof. And you got YouTube. YouTube's very helpful. You can build a lot of stuff with that. If you're not factoring in time, I'd like it to be my project. I'd like the unlimited resources. I think with enough

time, I'd be happier with that house. The thing is that 200K, I mean, maybe you get yourself a little townhome. Maybe you can get yourself a little townhome. You got about 1,000 square feet probably for that amount of money where we're from. If you told me I get a studio apartment.

or an infinite money build your own house I'm going to go with the one that doesn't kill me which is the studio apartment this house has fallen down upon me if it is built with my hands and knowledge and YouTube knowledge I think you underestimate yourself I think you could do two things

I think you could drive on the other side of the road without dying and I think you could build a house with enough time that's very very kind look I know I can land a plane okay but building a room Not happen. I mean, you're not even like. I did start to think about. You have to be the one who goes to gets all the permits.

You got to know how to do all that stuff. Yeah. That's also something I'm skipping. I think we're going to skip that. I'm with Andy on this. And to be clear, there won't be like. That's how we know the house is coming down. There's no plumbing.

I'm pooping. Oh, that house? Yeah. I mean, like, I'm just talking getting the walls. The walls will get up. How do humans connect to sewers? how do we like in this case i'd say utilities are brought to the the site for you okay but i'm i'm actually curious like a pipe so they they build they just is there like

one pipe yeah every house that goes down or does it go into like a center in the neighborhood all goes to this spot and that connects i would imagine if it's a sewer every house just connects right to the sewer at the front so if you're in the sewer just like every couple hundred feet there's like a little yeah yeah oh for sure Wow. This is incredible work we've done humanity. And that's where the Ninja Turtles live in the sewer. Yeah. Eating pizza would...

Maybe I need to get the... Pizza and poop. Maybe I need to get the house, buy the house. Yeah. Mike from the website, would you rather have to use a porta potty? Oh, here we go. That's ironic. With a bidet in your backyard.

Or use the toilets in your house with a one-ply toilet paper. So you've got to go outside to a porta-potty, but it's very nice. Or you've got a one-ply in that. the house oh man so this is really i feel like a question near and dear to my heart yeah i hate one ply and i's near and dear to something i i hate going without my bidet but the smell of an outhouse you know one of the reasons i like a bidet a nice warm seat a nice time you know it takes it'll be warm yeah you'll have a nice warm seat for most of the year yeah it takes a little bit more time when you use a bidet because you wash you dry it's an experience yeah

and it's it's like going to the little the day spa um when you bed day spa the bad day spa thank you mike and i don't think i want extra time in the outhouse i don't want to be in this 115 degree box of poop smell like that you can't have an outhouse be your baths has been going to the bidet spa later yes i have have you yeah it's gone up yeah he's he's bought a new he bought a new membership and he gets unlimited visits i've never can't stop me from having a good time i've never i mean something you are in the middle of some kind of game lately you've heard him he does he did not retire what level of bejewell blitz are you on uh the problem to me is not the bidet or the one play the problem to me is going outside there is that i when i get up at one in the

morning to pee because I'm almost 40 and that's a thing now. I don't want to go outside and cross the weather of whatever's going on. If it's just the number one, you're opening a window. You're just like I'm not going out. I'm not walking

to an outhouse to make a number one. I'm finding the quickest route out of my house and then that's how it's happening. I feel like my wife would. She'll never know. Yeah, go to a different room. Crack the window. I guess I could use a sink yes sure i i've definitely never done that or a tub or the shower i whatever man

wherever there's a drain i don't know why i mean i do know why because it's gross but the idea of peeing in a sink is it's anathema it is it is the most foul unbelievable thing there's nothing wrong with it is what someone told me look here's the thing is it's all going the same place Like all the, you're, we did get a picture here, Jay. I don't know if you saw it of owl gave you the, what happens to how you could connect to the sewer. Let me go see. All pipes lead to the sewer. I mean, or to the ocean, as finding Nemo would tell us.

But it's, all the water that goes down to drain in your house is going to the same place. And while I think the idea of urine going in your sink, I understand mentally you're like, ooh, that's off putting. Think how nasty your hands are. I mean, you're washing them with soap, but your hands are disgusting. Think how nasty raw chicken is that you go throw into your sink or anything like that. Like, so you're going kitchen sink. Oh, I've, I've, I'm going kitchen sink. What I just learned?

It's a, it's a big, big sink. You want that disposal running. Oh, no. Now you got both problems fixed. No, we're not saying that. You're telling, okay, you're telling me that in the middle of a, of, of, a rain. Okay, here, Jason, there's a hail storm out. Yeah. It's blowing 70 miles an hour. There's a hail storm. Port-a-potty's across the yard. Yeah. You're telling me that disposal doesn't look

a little more attractive? Oh, there's no way I'm going to that port-a-potty. Oh, no way. You got to go somewhere. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where are you going? Under the porch. I think in a box. Under the port. Look, if you're telling me there's 70-mile an hour winds, I'm going to see what happens. I'm going to go out there and just, I mean, I will be going, you know, away from me. with the wind with the wind oh my gross but I just want to see what I can do no no you don't

no one does I think you're a liar you can't have we cannot go back to port of potty's yeah I mean this was life right the outhouse yeah it's just what the way it was and we liked it I don't think they liked it

I think they went is there a better way to do this think of what what invention hasn't been made yet that one day you'll be like I can't believe we didn't have that yeah I mean at one point in time the outhouse was a great invention that's right that was a huge upgrade to bucket in the corner or hole you have to dig every time there was was like you know what I'm gonna do I'm gonna build myself a bathroom I'm gonna give myself privacy I'm gonna have the ability to just keep going in there and it was I'll bet I'll bet they spent their time in that place yeah I mean now we're we're

We still do, like, a version of it, like a septic system. I mean, all your stuff is not going to Maine sewer. Right. Just going out under the yard and just, it's just doing its thing out there. It's just hanging out. Yeah, and just being poop. Just being poop in the world. George for Patreon, would you rather have crickets loudly chirp every time you say something you think is fun?

Do we have that for us here? No, we don't. I can get it. So cricket's loudly chirping every time you say something you think is funny. Or a tuba, there it is. Or a tuba loudly play every time you are walking after a meal. I could have tuba sounds too, don't we? I could have used that one today.

Now. The mozzarella walk? Yes. When you say something that you think is funny and it doesn't. get a reaction that it's unfortunate and it feels bad now would this also be i mean you're you're also then kind of telling on yourself because it's just something you think is funny and then the crickets go off so like you could be saying something that no one thinks is a joke and you're just like yeah i thought that was real funny and then the crickets get you yeah it would be bad to

have a public proclamation of every time you think what you said was funny because uh then they'll know that you thought it was funny because they might not laugh right now if i say something funny and you don't laugh i just i just quiet and i'm like i thought they were going to laugh at that no you said that i wasn't a joke that was a statement yeah but that would give it away one of the problems here with this is our occupation i mean this would just completely ruin our podcast it's just all the entire show would just be just you couldn't hear us anymore because there's so many crickets yeah because we're being funny at least we think we are that's what the statement is. Can we get the, yeah, look how funny we are. We just think we, yeah, exactly.

And then we got to try to talk. It does ruin the moods. That's not good. I got a tuba. And the tuba is pretty funny. I think I would like it. The tuba's like that guy ate. That guy eats. That guy eats. Yeah. When I'm walking down the street, I want the tuba player right behind me. And I'm I'm going to do a tuba walk, which I would imagine is I bend my knees pretty deep and kind of kick my leg out. On each tuba walk? On each tuba walk? Yeah, I think so. I will go with the tuba, Mike.

What is your final answer? What's the tuba? Do we have time for one more hour or should we move on? Let's move on. Is this real life? All right, we are jumping into Is This Real Life, where we share with one another, a story from the actual headlines and say to ourselves, man, is this real life? I can go first because mine's not like, mine's not funny. Mine's just a feel good story of someone being heroic.

Oh, okay. Which is always, it's always fun to hear about. So in Michigan, there was a school bus driver. taking the kiddos home, and they start feeling bad, you know, start getting dizzy, start feeling like, uh-oh, something's wrong. So they radio in, something's wrong with me. I'm going to, I'm going to pull the bus over, doing all the right stuff that they can do. Yeah.

As they're going to pull the bus over, they pass out. This is a school bus driver, and then 7th grader Dylan Reeves. Oh, baby. Five rows back. Throws his backpack off. And he goes and he stops the bus like a boss. Wow. Let me save these children.

Imagine. Like, try to think back to your... The wherewithal. Your headspace has a seventh grader. And you're just on the bus with your friends. Pure panic would break out when you notice that this bus is out of control. That's a runaway bus. And then someone in the seventh grade is like, no, I, I've, stay in your seats, everybody.

I've trained for this. I have got this. And they go and they stop the bus. No one gets hurt. Like this is, this is why I love my seven-year-old drive my car. This isn't incredible. Honestly, then the parents talked about it and they said, well, he's, we've done, you know, like some safe driving of just like having him in the lap, letting him drive golf cars. Oh, really?

So he was trained a little bit. Golf clubs, golf carts. Yeah. And you're like, well, yeah. I mean, that worked out. So that, I mean, that's an incredible story. It's even better to think that the seven-year-old was going. Seventh grader.

Oh, seventh grader. Seventh grader. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. But they thought to themselves, I kind of know what I'm doing. Yeah, seventh grader would be 12 or 13, somewhere around there. To just take control of the scenario. And they were able to successfully stop this bus. That is incredible.

That story would have been also little. I would have laughed more of me. He was like, the seventh grader took over. And he crashed the bus. Droving off a cliff. Everyone's safe. So, well, here's the thing. My story is pretty similar.

Oh. Florida siblings, ages 10 and 11, stopped while driving mom's car on freeway 200 miles from home. What? It was better than 200 miles an hour Where I thought you were going But 200 miles from home That's so where we live We could go to Coachella

That's 200 miles away Dude I mean that's So they got They're good drivers That's incredible Right They're incredible children That's what

That's one running the pedals One running the steering wheel? I have a 10 year old I have a 10 year old The idea of my 10 year old Even functionally being able to drive How does that even worse? This 10-year-old has to be...

Stilt? Well, and it was the 10-year-old that was the driver. The younger sibling brother was the driver. But the story gets better. Oh, okay. Unfortunately, this car was pulled over because it had been reported earlier that day by the mother that her vehicle had been stolen. Okay.

And her children were missing. what a terrifying Oh yeah of course Of course The police found this vehicle And came up guns ablazin Guns out expecting It was a thief

It was a stolen car Kidnapper And they found him And came and it was And much to their surprise A 10 year old driver Got out of the car 200 miles away from home

Were they running away? But it gets better No They were running away. The brother was driving his sister to California. This was what he was doing. Keep in mind, this article starts, Florida siblings. Are they going to Hollywood?

They're going to California? Maybe go to another city. I feel like this should be a movie. I'm sure, I'm sure it will be. But here is what it said. The children told deputies that the girl had been upset that her mother had taken away her electronic devices for misbehaving. So they drove to California.

After investigation. I'll show you, Mom. They got unlimited use in California. Yeah, after being interviewed by detectives, they said there was no indication that the children had been mistreated in any way, shape, or form. This was children who had their electronics taken away

who stole their car and went 200,000. successful miles away, which is incredible. Wow. They could have been driving this bus. The end of the article says the mother declined to press charges against her children.

That is great news. What a nice. That's great. You're going straight to jail. Also, the daughter will never have electronics again. Oh, yeah. That's or I mean. You thought a one week banishment was bad?

It's gone. Oh, gosh, blush. And you're Amish. That's you now, you are, raise that barn. My story is my favorite one I've ever had. Oh, fantastic. In fact, I found this one back in early August, sent it over to Al, told him to remind me about it. Because it just, you want to talk about a bad day.

You want to talk about the worst day you could have when you think you're just, you're just, you're just, minding your own business, you're just mowing your lawn out in front of your house. Here's the headline, and then we'll get into the details because it just seems unbelievable. Texas woman injured after hawk drops snake onto her. It is unbelievable. She's mowing her lawn. She's 64 years old mowing her lawn, minding her own business. A hawk, which had captured a snake, was flying overhead.

Whoops, dropped the snake. The snake landed on the woman's arm immediately started striking her in the face. What? It gets better. Oh, mercy. The hawk has to come back. It wrapped around her arm and started striking her in the face. Oh, my gosh.

At which point the hawk wanted to retrieve. Yes, there is. Wanted to retrieve it's dinner. So the hawk then comes straight out of the sky and she says as I was trying to sling my arm and sling the snake off, the snake wrapped around my arm. It was striking me in the face. It struck my glasses a couple times. I was slinging and slinging and he was striking and striking and just kept hanging on. Then she said, then the hawk appeared just as fast as the snake appeared.

The hawk grabbed the snake that was wrapped. around my arm and pulled on it like it was going to carry it away. And when he did, he flung my arm up. And the hawk was carrying my arm and the snake with it. The hawk struggled to remove the snake from Mrs. Jones's body, stabbing her with its talons repeatedly while attempting to snatch back its food. Did it get it? Eventually the snake was pulled from her arm, leaving her startled husband to drive her to the hospital.

Punger wounds, cuts, abrasion, scratches, severe bruising. face attacked by a snake. Goodness. Arm attacked by a hawk. I mean, you talk about a bad day. She describes the attack as, quote, severely traumatic, adding she thought she was going to die. She will never mow the yard again.

That teaches a valuable lesson. Can you imagine, I mean, the aunt of, I don't know, just having a snake dropped on you is one and a bazillion. But the fact, the hawk, she was attacked by a snake and a hawk out of nowhere in the middle of the you're just mowing your lawn a snake on my asses it's biting me

that's insane and undoubtedly based on this story she probably had asked her husband to mow the lawn and he had said no because she was doing it herself wow so he's like that's why I don't mow the lawn Doris who was right so yeah that story

was incredible all right moving home The Spitballers Draft I wonder if that's one of those stories No one would believe you. Oh, for sure. You're like, nope. How did you get these scars?

Yeah, your husband is beating you, huh? Let me tell you. A snake dropped out of the sky and a hawk attacked me at the same time. Oh, if she had died from it? Oh. I know, I know. But she didn't.

If she had passed from the damages. the husband's going to jail for murder. Yes. The husband's, there's no way he's not going to jail. Because the hawk is taking that snake away from her dead body and having dinner. And then she's just left there having been attacked. Yeah. So there you go.

All right. We are drafting the best sports. All right. It is a broad. And, you know, we got the Olympics coming up. We do. A lot of sports in the Olympics. There are.

They're called the Olympic sports. And you've got all the ones. that you like playing all the ones you like watching there's a lot of ways you could go there are so many different ways that i could go with the first pick but it's football so we will now be moving on football that would be uh american ut t b o l american football oh okay NFL let's it's not sure football it's NFL that's American football um yeah yeah this was the first time in the history of spitballers that I was really hoping I was the skat because the 101 is football. But now it gets interesting. Now it gets interesting. I'm going to go with my

childhood sport. It was life. It was everything. I still absolutely adore it. I love it. Someday the Phoenix Suns will get a championship. That will be when I'm 83 years old. But the National Basketball Association, basketball is a great sport. Basketball is a great sport. Basket you can argue, in my opinion, is better than football just as a sport. You can play it in your front yard easily. You can get a pickup game easily. It's widely available to be participated in. I love everything about basketball.

It's also a very fun, you know, a high-paced sport, fun to watch. And I prefer sports where you score about 100 rather than sports where you score three. You get a lot more games than you do in football, for sure. It's a good pick. It's a good pick. I'm trying to figure out which direction I want to go here because I think I can save one of these picks for my last pick. Oh, I dare you. Oh, yeah.

Try it. I dare you. Try it on. But then I feel like I disrespect the sport by saving it from my last pick, but I know a sport, both of you are stupid and don't like. Oh. Yeah, you can get it later. I'm not going to take it here. Yeah, you can get it later.

I'm not going to take it here because if you take it, then you are, I mean, you're like a scab. Maybe. Cross the picket line. Yeah, you've crossed the line. And you are, and I would enjoy that. So the first one I will go with is the sport that is taking the world by storm. And everybody in this entire building plays it all the time. I almost took it with my last pick.

I really did. I'm taking pickleball. Yeah, of course. is the pick I am going to select and pick a ball is a wonderful game no sport growing faster and then I'm going to take actually soccer

I'm going to take the sport of the world which I do appreciate and like when I was a young kid it didn't get a lot of coverage in America until the FIFA game started coming out and MLS started getting more popular but then you start watching Olympic soccer

and you start watching you know more and more and more coverage and uh look i'm gonna i'm gonna take the most popular sport in the world i'm gonna take soccer all right i don't blame you there i don't blame you i think that's uh i think that's fun that probably would have made my list a pickleball was certainly the one that i hoped came back to me that's what i wanted to have had the dream of starting out with the combination of basketball and pickleball is the only way to fight against football but my fight is over yes but i will keep on fighting with mixed

martial arts MMA. I've been a long time fan. I love watching them. I figured that was that was going to be your pick, yeah. Yeah, so, you know, I think that sports grown tremendously. I, you know, I started watching that when it was old school, barely

regulated nonsense. He wants some people to know he's an O.G. Yeah. Are we talking like, no weight, no weight class? No weight class. One boxing glove, one free hand, just like throw everything, spaghetti at the wall, see what sticks. And to answer the question,

Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, that was what stock. Well, I mean, it was started. Like, the whole MMA was started. The Gracies. Well, as a way to show the world that our Jiu-Jitsu is the superior fighting technique. And it was.

Yeah, they were very right. They were very smart. Yeah. Okay. Mike, you've got two selections. I, do I need to take them? Because I feel like I could just, put football in the polls.

Yeah. You can give a back time. Well, maybe with our audience, but I mean, I think you need to build this team out. All right. Man, I really expected that MMA was going to come back to me. So going through the list, I will take it, Andy, and I am not a scab because I have enjoyed baseball at many different parts of my life. I had a portion of my life where I would literally, I was like, I would go to sports

bars just so I could watch the Minnesota Twins play baseball and Johan Santana. I'll give you credit. Playoff baseball is still a top-tier sporting event to watch. There's just too much baseball. That is the problem and they will never fix

it and so it will continue to be a great sport that is also really boring at times. But when baseball is great, it's fantastic. I do like it. And then I'm going to take and I was I was trying

to very much intentionally get baseball later. Yeah. Yeah. But Mike at least I know. We've talked about baseball before he joined the bandwagon of haters. Oh, I'm on both sides. It's a good place. It's a good place to be. The fence. I was I was really happy when you took

baseball because I would never have let it get back to Andy. That's just no chance I would have let him get his precious baseball. And I don't want it. So this is great news. Mike. And I'm taking golf. Oh, no. That was my pick. That's a great pick. I'm taking golf.

Golf isn't something that like, well, there's the two parts of it. There's playing it, which is, it's impossible. I don't know how people actually get good at golf because I've invested a lot of hours and a lot of private lessons. And I can actually, I can hit a ball sometimes. So it's pretty amazing when people actually get good at it. But playing it is great, just being in the outdoors with buddies, you know, just having a good time. I'm not at the part where, like, I expect myself to be good. I imagine that's when golf gets super frustrating when you think you should be better, but you're not. And then enjoying it on TV is it's not like any of the other sports. It's strange.

It's just kind of like a relaxing background thing that you have on. It's Sunday. You got chores around the house. you got to do you check in every once in a while see guys you know guys and gals playing in really nice weather and and just beautiful scenery so it's it's it's a unique sport that i do like golf that's what makes it special is that regardless of the frustration you can go and enjoy a day outside walk the course drive the course teach your kid to drive the golf cart the golf cart which we should have all be doing apparently i've got great memories it wasn't about playing

golf well but just going out with my dad on the course and enjoying a day. Yeah, I often say I hate golf because one, I think it's really boring to watch and two, I just can't get decent at it. I mean, I think you've tried harder than me

to get good at it. I try. I've never had lessons, but like I had a summer where it was like, yeah, I'm going to golf. And we went out and golfed a lot. And, you know, every seventh or eighth hit, you're like, I'm getting it. I'm getting it. And every ninth or tenth hit later, you're like, what in the world? My body doesn't do what I'm asking?

get it to do. That being said, I agree with Andy. Like, I have had really fun times golfing. It is actually a, it's a good time to go out and, and golf. I enjoy it. That was what I wanted my next pick to be. So I'm a little sad that you took it. I'll trade you for MMA. Um, no. I'm going to keep my fighting in house. And I'm going to stay with fighting. I'm going to get rid of most of the mixed martial arts and I'm keeping boxing. Okay, you're going boxing. I'm going boxing. People still into that, huh? I was going to, I was exactly what I was going to go. How are the 1920s treating you? It's honestly, it blows my mind. Yeah, who are the,

who are the big superstar boxers right now? Mike Tyson. No, Vanderholy, look, I don't have to know him to like this. No, my point was going to be it's a YouTuber. That's, that's who the big boxing star is. Yeah, that's true. It's one of the polls. It is a dying. It's a dying sport. It is. But, but, because MMA is so much better. Here's what's crazy. I agree MMA is better. I drafted it first. Yeah, people aren't interested in it anymore.

What blows my mind, I can't even comprehend it, is how boxers make more money. Boxers, like, when you're a champion boxer, you make more money right now than you do an MMA. The the gates are larger, like who's watching? Are they unionized

over there? I don't know. I can tell you who's watching it. everybody's great uncle Right It was huge It was huge It was huge But you know That's another one with great memories

Like I remember when Mike Tyson Was in the heyday Every time he had a fight You would be going to a party Really you guys did boxing parties? Oh gosh yeah We don't need We just don't have enough ear biters anymore

There's not enough drama That's why the YouTuber's at the tippy top Yeah the drama Because it's drama You either want to see him beat up somebody or be beaten up. So all right. Look, I've got a very aggressive.

You do. I've got MMA and boxing to go along with my basketball. Yeah, I will take. I'm going to don't get. I will take the last remaining major sport in America, which I am a huge fan of. I think it's one of the top sports to go to a game of. Boxing was drafted before it.

Hockey. I'm taking ice hockey. I mean. Good chase. Jason, no, now I commend the pick because you have taken. You've taken the sport that you have enjoyed and you have dunked on hockey. I don't want baseball. I don't want hockey in my life.

I got time for two majors, and that's basketball. That's the funny thing about a lot of these sports is that, and I think it goes for soccer. I think it would go for baseball and for ice hockey is if you sat down being competitive people like you both are and you decided today I'm going to become a huge fan of hockey, it would happen overnight, you'd know everybody, you'd love the sport. hockey. We're in Arizona. You would think that it's not big. You'd be right. It's not big down here, but I love it.

Ice hockey, playoff hockey, attending hockey games is outstanding. Playing hockey. I had a good two-year run growing up where I played a lot of roller hockey. A lot of roller hockey. Like to the point of buying the gloves, buying the sticks, buying all the... Was this right around the Mighty Ducks time? You know, they didn't hurt. It probably was... It wasn't just the Mighty Ducks.

Ducks is the fact that the Mighty Ducks transitioned into an Anaheim Mighty Ducks franchise for Disney. Now, Al, you were nodding. Did you play some roller hockey? Yeah, yeah, I played a lot right around the Mighty Ducks time. Yeah, it was because the Mighty Ducks and the popularity explosion of rollerblades. Like, I feel like it hit at almost the exact same time. And not everyone has ice around them, but if you don't have ice, you got a street you can

ride on. All right, and then for my final pick, I'm going to go a little bit, a little bit different. I'm going to go to an accessibility type of thing. You don't have to be tremendously skilled from the time you were born to play this sport. You can do it in your own backyard, in your garage, you can do it with friends. You can do it at the office. It's ping pong. Oh, come on.

I'm taking ping pong with the fourth pick because it's a true love. I love the game of ping pong. In fact, I'm buying another table right now. And I love it. I have a lot of good memories playing. You guys are very, very good table. How dare you call it table tennis? Because I believe it's called table tennis.

Yeah, that's the name of the sport. It's ping pong. I mean, I get it. It's table tennis is ping pong. Yeah. Ping pong is table tennis. That's fine. But.

I changed it. I think to table tennis. To ping pong. Oh, all right. But yeah, you guys are very good players. Yeah, I think we certainly were once upon a time. We used to play all the time. You could get back there.

All the time. I'm sure we could. I would love to. All right. Best out of 100 games. Yeah, that was definitely going to be my next pick here. Woo-hoo. So I need to find another combat sport to go on my list of sports.

Actually, I'm going to- You just like fighting. I just love it. I do really enjoy fights. Like, if I were to draft another one, it would be moitai. I really like kickboxing tournaments. I've watched them a lot. But I'm going to go with an Olympic sport.

I'm going to go, you know, the Olympics are coming. And I'm going to go with what I think is of all the Olympic sports, summer and winter. There's one to me that's like, it's your favorite. It is my favorite. Oh, I know what it is. Write it down. Because I think I'll surprise you. I've watched it the most.

I think it is interesting and varied. It doesn't get boring. They hop around a lot. It is gymnastics. I was way off. I went with swimming. I thought he was going to go swimming. Swimming is so boring to me.

You just watch. Yeah. You watch people swim. You just watch people swim. So you like the fact that in gymnastics there's different events. Yeah. It's like you got the dancing routine. You don't like the different strokes in swimming?

That doesn't do it for you? They're so far away. You can't even tell. You're looking at 12 people from like a helicopter view. Gymnastics is a great pick. Gymnastics is something that it was right on the edge. If I had not gone ping pong, that would have been. I was, I had.

Two things written down, gymnastics and ping pong. Yep. And like every sport, you get into the nuance of it, starts to get even more interesting. The problem with swimming is I bet if I actually worked on the different strokes, like I would understand it more. But it's all just the same stuff. Like I'm not educated in it where I can watch gymnastics and go, oh, now that, like, there's a lot of skill happening right here. That's funny because when I watch gymnastics, I do notice skill. but if you told me to watch three people perform the floor exercise

and they all do it flawlessly some expert would be like that person's like 10 times better and I'd be like I can't tell the difference I agree with that but it's a good Olympic sport and you know swimming at least you get the down to the clock that's why I like swimming like there are some gymnastic routines that are much more noticeable like the balance beam that one you could see people do crazy stuff on that

and be like that is a insane human being Or what's the pommel horse? Oh, those are fun. Those are, you're like, ah, they landed. That's how I know they did good. Right. If they landed or didn't land. Yep, exactly.

You are an expert. Yeah, all right. So that leaves Jason with basketball, MMA, boxing, and gymnastics. I have pickleball, soccer, hockey, and ping pong. Mike, you have American football, baseball, golf. All right. There are in my travels across the world.

I have come across. Oh, I know what you're going. gonna do well i'm the there's two sports that i legitimately really really wish would catch on here because they are

awesome and the one of them is much larger larger in the globe and that's the one i'm gonna go with i'm gonna go with rugby oh that's what i thought you were gonna go okay so rugby is dude rugby is so freaking awesome there's there's pretty much pretty much

no exposure to it over here but it's it is very much like NFL football except much faster pace because you things don't stop but you get big hits you get technique

you get good I mean not forward passing but you get you know the back passing and then of course all the kicking and things but it's just the humans that are playing rugby these are these are super athletes do they just draft the army straight out of the rugby leagues because that's what I would do.

They really should because these are thick boys that are just, they're looking at the quads of a rugby player, it's like it's my waist. One of their thighs is about the size of my waist, but it is such an incredible sport. And so I'll just, so that's my draft. The other one that is, it's Australian football. So Aussie rules football, if you ever get a chance to try and figure out. was rugby. Oh, no. No, they are very, very different. Ozzy football is almost all kicking. And so imagine it's like passing in the NFL, except you're kicking it. And then people leaping.

And there's no helmets. No, there's no helmets. And there's people leaping four feet into the air, very frequently leaping and getting your knees onto someone's back. So then you are like you're boosting yourself off of your opponent to catch a ball that's 12 feet in the air, it is an awesome sport. All right. So rugby, and it's a very, very popular, not here. Yes, it's a bigger world sport. I wish it would catch on here.

Close contention, honorable mentions for me were skiing and snowboarding. Okay. In terms of the Olympic events. I have skateboarding. There you go. I like, another thing that's impossible. In terms of Olympic events, I really like speed skating. Those guys go so fast.

Yeah, speed skating. It's insane. It is interesting. Don't we have a summer Olympics coming up right here this summer? Where do you guys stand on the racing debate, the race car? I think people will be mad at us for not taking that. I didn't want a pander. But it's not a sport, so.

Yeah, baby. Ping pong is a sport. I didn't want a pander, so I didn't draft like F1 or anything. NASCAR. But the, the, the, the, F1's far more. more interesting to me than NASCAR is. Just because of different courses? Yeah.

And it's, I'm not dunking on NASCAR. I think there is, when you get down to the, the intricacies of how it actually works and how you get good at it, I think it could be interesting then. But like, I sat down to watch whatever that F1 show was. You didn't like it? I just, it wasn't, it didn't grab me right away. And I really wanted it to. Could we have, I really wanted to get into F1. Yeah, that show got really popular and got people into it.

I mean, Vegas is like, Vegas has completely rebuilt all their streets and they're like shutting down really popular sites because they got to get the road ready for the big race. Do you think one of us could have snuck e-sports in there? Ooh, I think because of the word sports, we might have allowed it as a sport, but it is not a sport. It's not. Why is it not a sport? Because there's no physical activity involved. There's no strenuous physical exertion. Like even in ping pong. Yeah, it would be a question. Is chess a sport?

Yeah. I don't think chess is a sport. I think it can be. No, I don't think so. So, well, okay, well, it's for e-sports. I bet you can go and measure, like, I bet if you strapped, like, blood pressure and heart rate stuff onto people playing e-sports, you're going to see, you're going to see an increase of activity that you would see in other sports as well. I would not, go ahead, Jay. There are two leftover ones that are important, I think, to bring up.

One, near and dear to my heart, competitive eating. That's awesome. Shout out to Joey Chestnut. King among men. And who's the second place guy? And then Kobayashi. That's the only two. Those are the two.

No, he doesn't do it anymore. But I actually have a regret. There is a sport. If I could go back in time and draft over gymnastics, I would absolutely draft this over gymnastics. because I think it might even be more fun to watch than gymnastics, and it is way more fun to play. It's a super fun sport to play.

It's volleyball. Volleyball is a blast. If you get out there, you know, you're out on a beach. Scott Sterling. The definition of a sport is an activity involving physical exertion and skill in which individuals compete. I guess by definition, they are qualifying the word sports by throwing the E in front of it. So they are kind of creating a new category when you say e-sports,

because you're not, otherwise it would just be called sports. So you're calling it e-sports by... Because it's not a sport. Because it's not a sport. Not a regular sport. Yeah, it's tough. It's like it's a really fuzzy... Because it's like golf.

I know you're using your whole body, but like you're not getting winded when you're playing golf. You can get, like, you'll have sore muscles. Like your back can get really sore and everything, but you're not... Yeah, it's not. It's not a sport. Golf's not a sport. No, golf is. Oh, no, that's what I'm saying.

But. Yeah, golf is a sport because you're using your, it's physical activity and you have to like train and Tiger Woods has been hurt 25 times. If you can't pull your hamstring and ain't a sport. Oh. That's my new rule. Let's test that theory. Yeah.

Can you pull your hamstring in racing? No, not a sport. There you can. 100% you can. Pull your hamstring? Sure you can. Yeah. Getting in the car?

No, the G-Force. I mean, you're, like, having to hit the pedal down and tints up all the time. You can absolutely do that. Now, you're saying you can absolutely do that like it's a truth. Yeah, I've gone. Do you believe someone in the history of racing has actually pulled their hamster? 100%. And I'm on it.

And here's the thing. I've gone out and done like the competitive racing, what are the go-carts? Like competitive go-carts. You do about 20 times around a track in a go-cart. whole body sore the next day whole body sore I did a quick search of the first one I found was a NASCAR driver who tore his hamstring but I read the article he tore it playing basketball

right exactly I thought you're going to say in a crash when you're done with a NASCAR event you I'm sure are really sore I'm like not joking what did we learn today I learned that you should start training your kids how to drive at about five just in case they need to help out and take over a vehicle.

I learned that Mike kind of respects baseball. He took it at number two. And I learned that Andy is stuck with the imperial system and will not. Andy and Al, me and Al, we like our inches? That's right. Inches and inches. Just in exact measurements. That's what you're all about.

Thank you for tuning in, everyone. We'll see you next time. Goodbye. Thanks for listening to the Spitballers podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out spitballerspod.com.