Spitballers Comedy Podcast - Burp Challenge Gone WRONG & Food You Can’t Just Have One Of - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: February 23, 2026

We don’t know what’s happening lately, but between Andy’s melt down over ice cream and now Jason almost dying on the show, Spitballers has evolved to a whole new level. Would You Rather, Man of the People and a Foods You Can’t Just Have One Of Draft round out the laughs on another can’t miss episode.  Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast!Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast:Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.comFollow us on X: x.com/SpitballersPodFollow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPodSubscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore on realistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the spitballers podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. I'm glad you brought it up at you. Yeah, it was a sneak attack. It was. It sounded like a sneeze attack. From the bushes.

It sounded like a sneaker. Yeah, it was very. See, Achichich, how. God bless you, it very much reminded me of a sneeze.

I don't know. Owl did it. Did you, can you hear a sneeze out of that? No. I like it. I thought it was great. It was musical

and had a nice climax. It was great. Why don't you guys just kiss? This is why Jeremy is the senior producer of our content. Well, it's episode 357. So,

you're sitting by the junior producer who didn't really help set up the set. Did Josh do anything today? No, he's, I mean, well, he sat down and he was like, hey, do this. In Josh's defense, he did

half of Matt's job. What was Matt's job? To set up the desk? Correct. Josh, oh my gosh. What title have we given you? He did half of a job that was easy. I think it is executive assistant. No, no, no, no. What executive? We would never have

the word of. Assisted to the regional manager. Executive assistant to the janitor. There we go. There we go. Would you rather man- Oh, my, I had a panic attack that you had an executive in your name? No, no. We're so far from that.

Can we please make sure it says junior? We installed a glass ceiling for Josh. But it's like bulletproof? It's a bulletproof polycarbonate. Would you rather man to the people? You will never shatter the glass ceiling, Josh. Never. We lower it.

We just keep lowering the ceiling. The draft today, foods, you can't have just one of. So we have Mike, Mike's got the first pick. But we're, we're drafted food. What a draft to have the first pick. You can't have just one of. You can follow the spitballers at Spitballers pot on. Do you have a 101?

So all foods. Hold on. Hold on. You have a one. Like a clear? I think there are two. So I'm happy to have the second pick. Okay.

Like I said. If there's two, then there's not a one. Are you going pander bear today? No, I don't think. So I'm going with what I can't just eat one of. Okay. I think there's a lot of good answers, though. Yeah.

I actually have one that I think is the most authentic answer. Neither of you will take it. Ice cream. I can't just eat one ice cream. You can't pick ice cream because there is no one. One pint. That's what you would say. That is what I would say. One scoop.

Not even a scoop. I mean, it's not quantifiable into one and two and three. Like, give me three ice cream, please. Yeah, it's really tough because what I'm happy to say? What's a scoop? You know what I mean? Like a- It depends, yeah. A scoop, you go into an old B&R.

Oh, my gosh, dude. Can I rant about my wife? Yeah, oh, can I talk about your wife? Can I rant about my wife? The floor is, yeah. Give them the spotlight, dude. Let's go. Let's go.

Does the lighting? Do we have lighting? Availability? Yeah, Jeremy can do anything. He can't do that. Hold on. I just compliment. You know, he's out of his chair.

Hold on. Hold on. We got a big problem. Oh, my gosh. So I'm prepared. I called you the senior. I said he can do anything. He just did it.

He just did it. He just did it. Yeah, he did it. And we're not editing that out. The whole world's going to watch you. We're unprepared. Now my words are of more consequence because I'm in the spotlight. But I also, I need.

We've been married for 20 years. Hold on just real quick. For a timeout. You're telling me that Matt has, no, you're shaking your head. You just don't have access over there on spitballers? Listen, he's doing two jobs. Okay, okay. Oh, yeah, no, we're okay.

We're okay. All right, put your wife on blast. I got really. We've been married for 20. years. I got nervous. My number one past peeped with my wife. She finds no purpose in the existence of an

ice cream scoop. She believes that it is just time out. Heart blanche. Go ahead. I have questions. By ice cream. Her psychosis. I'm in the dark. Why did we go to my camera? We're talking. Oh my gosh. Go back to the main camera.

By scoop. Now we're all dark. By scoop, do you mean the actual physical tool, the scooper. As opposed to what? A regular... What else could he mean? Well, when I go to a store or when I go to B&R and I'm like, hey, give you one scoop? I don't know, man.

The measurement. Listen, our entire marriage, she has insisted upon using a standard. And we've had the big spoon, small spoon. Yeah, yeah. Okay, so big spoon. She has insisted on using a bigger small spoon in lieu of a ice cream. scoop because and ice cream scoop and ice cream scoop

because she doesn't want to have to wash it I understand that what in the crap it's a rinse okay hold on it's ice cream I could I can got right through the flaw of that logic pretty easily you know what you still have to wash you gotta wash something

well well she would she would argue you'd eat with a spoon then yeah yeah you know what washes the the spoon you know how easy it is to wash an ice cream scoop. Okay. Watch this. I'm done. I get that. I get, I told it's so much more efficient. It's powerful. When do you do it? When do you wash the skil?

Later. Oh, that's a problem. You throw it in the, you throw it in the sink is what they call that. No, no, no, you're against yourself right now because you delay. How long do you delay? Is the ice cream dried? And now you have dry sugar? I rinse and drop. Dry ice cream is not that. It's not like dry mac and cheese. What are we talking about you? Isn't that tar?

This is not a tar pit. It's not a tar pit. Anything that is sugary. Maybe you guys with your miyxians, it's really hard to get off of them. But this has been the biggest. She'll bend a spoon in half. Get an ice cream. You make an ice cream scoop for a reason.

That's the real argument. If you don't want to. I'm Team Brey. Oh, my gosh. If you don't want. Minimize the washing. Look, if you don't want an ice cream scoop, because you can use a spoon.

Yeah. That's fine. I hope you don't use a ladle with your soup, Mike. However. Oh, crap. Yeah. Yeah, because that's a great counter argument. Because of course you want a ladle with a sprocks.

It's a custom item. You don't even want to see what happens when I make spaghetti. There's like five spoons at all. It's a problem. It's part of it. But if you don't want to use a ladle for your soup and you don't want to use an ice cream scoop for your ice cream, then don't own them. If you own them, if you own them, if you. And you're taking up room in your drawer.

She'll hide it. There's only certain times you can use it. I'm on board with that. She'll put it in like the lowest drawer of the furthest away. Not a joke. She hides it in a garbage can. Yeah. Right before garbage goes out.

Oh, man. I have no idea. Man, I hate her. I have no idea. I have no idea where my ice cream scooper is. Oh, that's so you just grab a spoon? I don't have ice cream in my house, Andy. Oh, because one thing leads to another.

I'm not a true believer As you are with the ice cream Look I've started a religion Oh hail Let's do some would you rather Would you rather Chris from the website

You were selected slash forced to sing the national anthem At the Super Bowl Congratulations to us Have I talked about my singing of anthems You've done this podcast before Well hold on Do you want me to ask the rest of the question? or no.

I'll just tell my story quickly. Have you sung? Oh, brother, have I? Not only have I Acapella Oh, by yourself? No, no, in a group, in a group. Because before

we got into this game of the podcast space, I was in a band, a fair band, as I would call it, where we took classic rock songs and then we would reimagined them as if

hillbillies like mountain hillbillies we're talking banjo washboard big old beards yeah I was I was I was in the band with my father-in-law and Bob and it was like with that's how we perform the songs and so I was like I had a personality I was sloppy Joe that was that's what I went by I wore like you know

long johns and and thanks for my a costume, but we went to, there was the, the fair business guys, it's a big business. Really? We don't know that world. And they got, Jason, don't know it. They got conventions and everything. Okay.

So, pre, wait, these are separate, these aren't fairs. You go to a convention about the fair. Yeah, you like, imagine a business. Oh, for real? Yeah. Where it's like, you set up a booth and like you, you sell your wares of like, hey, are you a fair? Would you like us to come perform for you? Does that mean, like, is Gravitron?

Does Gravitron have a booth? Well, that's rides. We're not, I know. I was in the performer area. I was not in the ride. Is there a ride area? I was not the zipper. I was the performer of music.

So we're at that thing. And for whatever reason, they decide, hey, we're going to have the big opening, like, you know, main stage where we're going to have really important fair people. I don't know. But you know what we got to do? we got to sing the anthem, which number one, weird. Number two.

For the convention? Yeah, for the convention. Number two, this is a, not just a, not just a United States, this is a North America. So our friends from Canada are also involved. So it's two separate anthems. So there's two separate anthems. So that's God Save the Queen, right? That's the name of the Canadian anthem.

That would be the English. Oh, Canada. is how theirs starts, our true and native land. So, I mean, they're not even close, Andy. Canada and England.

Well, to be fair, the queen, I think the queen actually has. They swear fealty to the queen. Jurisdiction over Canada. I thought it was all about the PM over there. However, however,

God save the Queen's song. Yeah, that's the United Kingdom. I do love, though, that you are, talking about this is not just the United States of America. This is North America. So obviously it's Canada and the U.S. And completely with no Mexican anthem, right? No, that's North America too. Is Central America in North America? Mexico's part of North America. It is. Well, they were not represented. I almost feel like you asking that is the biggest insult

here. Well, I'm a stupid North, I'm stupid United States of America. You're thinking Central America is its own thing? No, I started to say I was stupid North America. I was going to know, no, no, no, no. I started I was going to say I'm a stupid American and then I realized I shouldn't say it like that. Whatever, I look stupid. So anyways, now we have been signed up for by the band leader. It's like, oh, hey guys, this is a really great opportunity. We're going to go

acapella sing the National Anthem and we're like, ooh, okay. That, like, that's a tough song. So I like, I empathize with, anytime I watch someone sing, the anthem. I'm like, that song is tough. It is especially tough song. If you have no backing track,

that's a tough song. And then he's like, oh yeah, on top of that, we are also going to learn and sing the Canadian. Oh, you had to sing that one too? Oh, yeah. Oh, Canada. Our ruined native land. True something love. And

like, oh, ba, God save the queen. Yeah, yeah, yeah, God save the queen. So we learned that the night before, so I have definitely a cappella sang the national anthem with a group and the Canadian national anthem in front of probably 500 people.

Wow. And I'm just like, what has my life become? We stand on God for the... Yep, that sounds right. All right, so the rest of the question, you're forced to sing the national anthem at the Super Bowl. would you rather projectile vomit in the middle of it or forget the lyrics halfway through? I feel like the projectile vomiting isn't out.

I think that's like, yeah, you can't forget the lyrics. Everybody out there's going to be like, you know, if I had to throw up in the middle of it, poor person, poor Andy. If you forget the lyrics, it's what an idiot. Yeah. Man, I kind of feel the opposite because do you remember the girl that was singing the national anthem? I think it was. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes.

And he just helped her out. It was like this nice moment. You know, people forget lyrics. If that's, which one is more embarrassing? Because keep it mind. Forgetting the lyrics. Really? By so.

Then projectile vomiting in front of. A, an insane magnitude. That's on you. The vomiting is not on you. It could be. I mean, it could end up. What were you doing? But here's the thing.

If you forget the lyrics, not only have you butchered the national anthem, which we, oh no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Guys. Oh, no. Oh, no. Yes.

No, yes. Oh, no. Yes. Before every sporting event? Why? You want to know my policy on that? Why? What are we doing?

Here's what I believe. Play ball. Here's what I believe. It will fix your problem with this convention right here right now. And I'm inventing it as they go. Here's the rule. I have a very strong conviction about this. If it's outdoors where a flag can fly in the wind, you sing it.

If it's indoors, You don't need to sing it. Because usually the flag is like on the video screen. I don't need it on a screen. I don't need it sitting there without wind blowing. If it's out where the wind can blow it, I will pay homage and sing the song. But if it's indoors, let's just be efficient. What about special occasion?

It's the giant field size flag that everyone's waving. Does that count? Fake wind. You're talking about fake wind. But it's a big waving flag. It's a real flag. If a flag bigger than the size of a tank is in the vicinity, just sing it. All right.

I agree. I get it. Like, we're all Americans here. Maybe that's what. This is Mike anti-tradition, Mike. Every tradition doesn't suck, Mike. But here's the thing. Traditions are, if you don't do it.

Most of them do. Listen. A lot of them do. Listen, if you don't sing it, you'll never sing it. That's the thing. Sometimes you've got to force it. No, no, no. No.

Olympics? we ride. We ride, baby. And then... USA! USA! We ride. And then you don't know the lyrics.

You're like... You're like, oh, America. That's our warm-up. So when the Olympics hit, like, we're all ready? Yeah. I like the national anthem. Yeah. Here's the thing.

Something to bond us, Mike. Yeah. But have you ever been to a sporting event? Many. Of course. Right. You ever been to a sporting event? involving, I don't know, the Arizona Cardinals and let's just say the Raiders.

Yeah. Are we a united front? How many fights do you see? Many. Yeah. How many more would you see without the anthem is the real question. Oh, maybe. It could be half the stadium.

Listen, it does give you the occasional opportunity to hear somebody amazing sing it. They don't all suck. Sometimes you do get a really special. Most do. I know. I know. Most do. I know.

I'm sure yours did. But, No, dude, bro. I was on the bass, man. Did you bass the entire anthem? No lyrics? No, he means with his voice. I was on the lower end of the...

No, I wasn't on the bass guitar. I was on the bass. It's a musical group. There are five singers. You have to have different parts and based off of the timbre of your voice. Bum, bum. Yeah, that's what I did.

I scattered the whole time. scab-i-d-da-da-da I threw out a bad dingi the fair company was not having the bidingi though jennie from twitter would you rather have to eat an entire cup of chili every time you fart but then you just fart more or drink 12 ounces of soda every time you burp burp you burp more that's the joke I mean that's the question an entire an entire cup of chili man I dude on a scale of one to a thousand I love how much do you love chili I love One to a thousand. One to a thousand?

Five hundred. I'm five hundred. I am exactly neutral. I'm not. Hold on. I got some. If it's a meat-based chili, I might be 600. Are we, are we?

Okay. If there's no meat, it's not chili. Well, yeah, of course. Oh, not according to chili, people. That's beans. Yeah, no, no. Beams is the question. It's not meat.

Meat is always in chili. It's beans. Stop jamming so many beans in. But it's delicious. Stop jamming that many beans in. I like the beans. I like the beans. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. You're a big bean boy. Big Bada bean boy? Oh, dude. Yeah, beans are so good. Are you a big bean boy? Oh, no way. Get that out of my chili. Meat.

Meat over beans. You just want to steak. No, no, man. I love beans. Wait, I see Papa Josh shaking and say, you're a big bean boy. Once again, Mike proves why he has the better days. Thank you, Josh.

You're a big bean boy. Yeah, you've got to have beans in chili, man. Jason, are you a big bean boy? I'm upgrading you from junior, Josh. I'm a pretty big bean boy. Um, I think that... Like, I don't want all beans in my chilies. Beans don't rule, man.

Bro. Beans are great. Bees are great. But do they rule? Yes. Jason, you know. No. Beans rule. Bees rule.

Yes. Look. Refried beans. Yes. Beans are great. No, beans rule. Chili beans are great. Hey, bro. Pass me the beans.

Black beans are great. Yeah. When I get Chipotle now. I'm a pinzo bean guy. Hey, Jeremy, you want to go get some meat instead of beans? Heck yeah. Yeah, let's get some meat. When I get Chipole now, this is a recent revelation in the last year.

Okay. Extra. Beas. I get, I didn't say that. I get Pinto and black. Oh, half and half or extra? I get half and half. Dude, that's a big bean boy.

I'm a big bean boy. A big boy. I'm a pretty big bean boy. Dude, beans rule. How did you go 500 on chili if you're a big bean boy? That's a great question. I put myself at about, I'll go 850 on. You're an 850 because you're a bean boy.

Either way. Not all chili is good. That's true. It is a wide range. You know why? And you know how I know that? Because they have chili offs. They have contests.

anytime you have a contest is like that means that there's bad ones. Yeah. So is there a point then, Mike, where you'd be like, man, this chili is okay, but you should have more beans? Of course, the mixture, the percentage, it does matter. You can't, there should always be more meat than bean in a chili. Okay, so I mean, that's not a common opinion. Always. Meat is very delicious.

But a, if I have to eat a cup of chili every time I fart, dude, I'm a, I'm a dead man. I'll eat beanless chili. I'll stay really good. 12 ounces of soda every time I burp. Now, the problem is if you eat 12, if you drink 12 ounces of soda, you will burp again. It's impossible to not. That is a loop. Have you guys ever done the, like, I don't know if there's like an official challenge, but it's like, drink an entire can of soda before you let out a single belch.

You idiots. What? You guys speak. Oh, yeah, yeah. He can't. I can't. I can't bur. That must be excruciating.

I don't know. It's just life. It's episode 3.57. I want to make clear that people out there understand that the big bean boy over here has never burped in his life. He has a biological, like other people have different biological conditions. Maybe Michael Phelps has an oversized heart so he can swim faster. Large feet. Yeah, Lance Armstrong, whatever.

He can, he can. He's got other things. He's a little lighter now. But Jason's superpower is somehow that his biologics prohibit burping. I have burped. I could count on my hands how many times. You have burped? Yeah, like there's been a surprise.

Oh, it's always this. It can only be a surprise. I don't know how to burp. I can't burp. Because your body just does it. I could use throat burp, bro. You drink a two liter of the most bubbly soda in the world. Do you throat burp?

No. And I couldn't burp. No. I don't believe. you. Maybe you burp all the time you're sleeping. But I hear you, but we hear you gurgle like a lion. Yes. It comes out. You burp while you're talking. Like a toad.

I, I, uh, I get the throat burps is what I call. Because they're burps. But they don't come out. They don't come out of my mouth. Yes, they, where do they come out? Well, I'm saying they don't belch. They don't, there is no belt to it. This is a little bit of an identity thing now. Like if you

started burping tomorrow, you'd be pets. This is like saying an SBD is not a fart. I would not Andy. I would love if I could burp tomorrow. You're saying if I had a genie, that might be one of my three. Can I send you to burp camp? Yeah. I can't believe it. Let's send him to burp camp. It's so wild. So what's your final answer? Well, I'm going to take the soda because that means I don't ever have to do anything. I can't do that one. I got to do the chili. I feel like I can hold in my farts. I can hold in. We got how much chili I'd eat. If I took chili, chili so good. Yeah, but we got it far. We got to sit you down with a can of soda and have a lot of soda and

have you just chug the whole thing. I actually saw. Not just any soda. A&W. Rubeer. Because here's like, like legitimately, if you've never done it and you're just a regular normal, normal person who can burp, if you have never drank a whole can of soda, forcing it down, not allowing yourself to burp, you get to the end. It is excruciatingly painful. A&W in particular is like twice the burps of a normal soda.

I don't know. I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't root beer. Give it a right, brother. So you're just talking about a can. Well, you know, it's just a good measure. Get us a, Al. Get us a can of A&W. Get me a can of anything you want. I will down it. And obvious I won't burp because I know I can't burp.

Not right now. No, like order it. I know you're not an on-demand vending machine. I'm getting nothing. So I'm going to do-sters, have you guys ever done the thing where you drink a whole can? You're like, I'm going to drink this whole thing before I burb? No. We've never done that.

You didn't do that in elementary school? No. God, you guys are thinking about nerds. We have vanilla Coke zero right now. We don't have. You want to give it a red? Vanilla Coke Zero. I don't know.

It's probably some Falcon order. Oh, brother. I saw a reel on Instagram talking about my condition. I forget what it's called, but there's a medical condition for people who can't burp, like they just physically can't. Yeah, you're a burp list. And part of that, part of the symptoms for that was that they have more gas. Flatulin. Retrograde cry.

crycoferigenus dysfunction. I mean, they had a way cooler name for it. It was just pretty normal sound. Hyper fart syndrome. I'm just telling you that's from Yale. But apparently the cure... That's not Yale. That's Yale. The cure for it is an injection... RCPD. Of Botox. You sound like you're... Wait.

RCPD is the... That's who they work for in Resident Evil. Thank you, Josh. The video game guy gets it. But there's an injection somewhere in your... your chest. That will let you burp. They will let you burp. They basically take

Botox into some spot in your chest. Botox? Yeah, and it basically paralyzes something in there that then allows you to burp. It's not like a tracheotomy? No.

So I don't know. Maybe I should get that. What if he's got, what if he's got burps in there from his childhood? What if they've been stored? Like fossils? Like he has like fossilized burps?

How stinky would those burps be at this? Bro, you would be able to do. like the hot dog you ate in third grade? A hot dog. That would, you could take out of a city. Would you believe that we've been talking about such important things that we have to take a break? Yeah, I would. All right, the Spitballers podcast back again, Andy Mike and Jason.

Al Borland, do we have sign? So I'm looking at the RCPD. It's relatively uncommon. Botox injections into the cryosopharyngeous muscle known as the burp talks. You're telling me you haven't gotten. this procedure. Are the primary treatment for retrograde dysfunction?

Are you going to do it? I don't think I'll do it. But I mean, maybe I will. If a doctor out there that genuinely deals in this right now is listening, and you want to reach out to me and teach me more about this because I... Is this dangerous, though, for you to fart as much as you do? Is that a dangerous thing? Definitely have it.

Like, I can't burp, I don't burp, nothing will ever make me burp. Does your wife pay the price? No. If everything that should go... up, goes down? Oh, it all comes out. Everyone has a stinky fart here and there. Most of my farts don't stink.

For the amount of times I'm... I would say, most of mine don't stink. For a man who farts 500 times a day. Yeah. Yeah. That's not bad. Al, should we move on to Man of the People? Let's do it. What time is it? Game time. Yeah. All right, we are back into another

addition of Man of the People. I claim that I hate this game, but apparently I've won it twice in a row. So... It seems them. It's because you're man of the people. The pressure is off now. A reminder, everyone out there can play with us. We've surveyed everybody in the world, and Al Borland has the answers for us.

If you get the first answer, the highest answer on the board, we invented this game, obviously. Three points for that. Two points for the second best answer, and one point for any correct answer that is in the survey results. Seventh round is double points. Al Borland begins now. That is correct. And this time we're doing it a little different. We usually have the top

five answers on the board. This time the top seven answers are on the board. Oh. So you're trading on a curve. Wait. Because we've been bad? No, it's just, just something to mix it up. You usually can't get the top five.

Just mixing it up. No, I like it. It's not you. It's me. To be fair, to be fair to us, which is usually how I operate. Sure. I think he asks very stupid people these questions. Occasionally he does.

Yeah, because the answers are dumb. All right. Go on. All right. Here's round one. real or fictional. Name a famous man with long hair. Oh, crap. Famous man with long hair?

Gandalf. Not on the board. All right. I'm hitting this green things. You're green. It turned green, you idiot. I keep hitting this green button. It's supposed to turn green.

No, don't give them more times. Fabio is the number two answer. Jesus? Jesus. is the number one answer. Oh, man. Yeah, I hit my button with you. Good answer. Good to answer.

Gandalf's not real. Well, he said fictional or. Yeah, it was real or fictional. Okay. We had Jesus, Fabio, Samson. What did you guys think of Gandalf? What did you think? Oh, we got the top three.

We got two are biblical. Yeah. Howard Stern. Oh, yeah. Hercules, Jasonamoa. Yeah, what about Gandalf? Hercules to Jason Momoa? Also, wait, I'm in the

Hercules had long hair? I'm in trouble. Apparently, or at least people think he did. He wasn't even real. All right, round two. I understand that, but I'm saying, like, well, no, I got Hercules in the movie. He did, in the Disney cartoon.

He had long hair, Mike. He had long hair. No way. Yeah, he did. Yeah, he did. I mean, define long, but he didn't have like a ponytail. He and, uh... Dude, he's got a mullet. Yeah, I mean, I didn't know Hercules got down like that.

All right, go on. That's a party in the back. All right, round two. Name something specific you write on where you often run out of space. Post-it note. Post-it note is the number two answer. Oh, I'm so good of getting the number two.

Something. Read the question again, please. Name something specific you write on where you often run out of space. We got NW. Sotas. I just saw them brought in. Notepad. A notepad is the number six answer. Something you write on and you run out of space? Do we really have A&W. Ruby here? Yes, Matt.

There's really a couple of. seven answers for this? Yeah, Mike, Mike still ain't. And you can't go up with one. We're going 70. Bring it over here. All right, what's your answer? Five. My hand? Your hand is the number three answer. Yes, it is. So, eat it. So stupid. Oh, this isn't even diet. No, what are you mean? A lot of greeting card was the number one answer. Oh, okay. Good answer. Good answer. So that is a good answer. Diary is one. Diary is not on the board. Okay. Gandalf. Wait, wait, hold on.

What are we actually doing with this root beer? How did we get root beer so fast? I don't know. It's also cold and looks delicious. That means we had root beer somewhere. I think you ran to the gas station or something. How did he get to the gas station that fast? I told you.

He went to QT. He really did. Drink as much as you can. I'll drink this before the show's over. No, no, but the whole thing is you have to rapidly. Yes, we want to capture a medical emergency. All right. That's the whole point of the channel.

No, I don't know what burping is like. I don't know what makes you burp. I love. I've never burped. I love that you that I brought up. I was like, it was a challenge. You have to drink the whole thing. You did mention that a thousand times.

And you're like, well, I'll just sip on this over the next 45 minutes for the challenge. I thought the whole thing was if you can drink it without burping. He's delaying right now. YouTube. com slash spitballers. You're burping right now. You don't even know it. Yeah.

You're burping downstairs. Dude, is he is he the big friendly giant? Are we talking Whizpoppers here? He is doing a really good job. He's put down half. I'm halfway through. So for those listening, he's put down half of an A&W. It's cold.

Also, the teeth are hurting, man. Yeah, that's tough. Hey, I commend you, bro. Also, unbelievable job. I can see the calorie count. Holy crap. Here he goes. Oh, shoot.

Oh, my gosh, 270. I should not have said anything. No, no, no. That's 270 for serving. At lunch today, I ate, I got the lettuce wraps for this moment. Lettuce wraps. Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm watching my calories.

Yeah, yeah. a 270 sugar water calories? What about the red velvet, dummy? You were the reason for that, Mr. Ice Cream man. I got the lettuce wraps, and here I am breaking it with this AW. I did everything I possibly could to limit my calories. Bring me a red velvet cake. We're about 90% through on that A&W.

I know we're playing a game, but we got good. There's no burbs coming out? Okay. So you're telling me there's really no pressure in your chest? There's no pressure in your chest? I didn't say there's no pressure. Okay. It can't come out?

I don't know how to get it out. So you're just going to pop. I might finish it up. I just heard the throat burp. Finish it up. Did he have a throat? Oh, there's going to be so many throat burts. Okay, here we go.

He just finished an entire 800 calories. It's eight servings. No, I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. How many ounces is that? It is a. 20. I know.

20 ounces. And this is where a person who does not have raccoon city police department. syndrome would expel a giant dragon I need to burp. So you know you need to burp. Holy crap. So you feel inflated. I feel awful. Like a balloon. You're a balloon right now.

I have to fart. Wait, so you immediately have to fart? I farted. I don't know if the mic still pick that up, but Jason just ripped one. I am sweating. I am hurting. Guys, this is. Wait, it happened to me. Because it ain't, I can smell it.

Yeah. These ones. I can smell. I can smell it. I feel awful. Mike, can you smell this? I can't smell anything ever, dude. I feel awful.

I feel like crap. Yeah. I told you it was a challenge. And A&W in particular. But I need to burp. Yeah, I don't know how. Let it out. Let it out, brother.

Here, take a needle and pop your belly. I don't know. I mean, if I could burp, I would burp. I don't know how. Oh, my gosh. You just have to live like this now? Yeah, I just have to live. That sucks.

Don't worry. It'll be over soon. Gashis Malfoy. All right, let's play round three. I'm telling you right now, Andy, you're smelling so many more parts. I mean, I want the people out there to know. It's happening. I'm going to poop my pants.

There's another fart. Spitwads. This show is off the rails. Mike, what have we done? He's angling into my mind. What have we done? I can smell it. It's so bad.

He's openly farting. He also claimed not 20 minutes ago that his farts don't stink. I said usually. So they instantaneously smell from an A&W room? How can they beat so fast? A body can't do that. How do you get them down to the bottom so quick? You got a long, your intestine track, how long?

It's like miles, not mild, but like it's long. It's all pressure, Mike. It's a, dude, I feel very close to throwing up. I, you will throw up by the end of this season. Play round three. I'm not near done. All right. Just to update the people, we're through two rounds.

Currently, we're sitting. Andy has one. Mike and Jason tied for four. Why did you guys make me do this? Because we thought we could teach you to burb. I can't burp. I'm just going to die. How do you feel now?

I feel like a one out of ten. I feel awful. I feel like Do you feel like I want to go to bed and not wake up? You have to burp. Lur! You have to burp, man!

What do you do? How do you do it? It's like a... You're able to take the flange in your throat and you can inhale past it. Oh. Oh.

That was just the throat. Like, there's... So a burp can come up to your throat and then it gets cut off? Big problems of me right now. You want another? Soda? Force it out.

If I had another soda, I would die. I would die immediately. I told you it's bad. It's bad. A&W in particular. So you're telling me that if either of you did this, you can relieve this. It would be a massive burp. It would be humongous, dude.

That sounds awesome. I wish I could do that. Yeah, I mean, it would sound like a drink. It would be one of those ones where you're like, oh. We do have one more if you want it. Blur it out. Blur it out. Blur that out for the spitball.

All right, round three, let's go. Jason needs a distraction. Quick, why? He can't answer. Yeah, go. All right, round three. Name something kids get away with in schools today that they wouldn't have 50 years ago.

Being on their phones. Oh, that's a good one. That is the number four answer. Not good enough. They get away with? What? I'm going to say ditching. That is the number five answer.

I just heard a throat, yeah, that's the, not doing their homework? That is not on the board. Oh, okay. Wait, was ditching on the board? Yeah, that was the number five answer. What?

Something that kids get away with? Apparently people think you get away with a lot more because the number one answer. The number one answer was talking back, then swearing, cheating. I mean, I'm sure it's all true. Then we had phone. I'm sure it's all.

Jason is out. Jason is not good. Jason feels like garbage. He's not good. Not only is he got like. Do you need a bathroom break? Is he sweating? I need a nap.

He has diabetes. Only time can heal this. It has to come out. It's got a full digest now. It's air. You can't digest air. It's air, bro. It's got to go down or up.

Yeah, you can't digest air. It has to come out. He needs a pressure valve. I need this Botox shot. Yeah. Right now. Apparently. Round four. Let's go. Somehow he's winning this game. He has five. Mike has four. And he has two. No, he's not winning.

He's losing. I am losing this game. Name a country that is known for their beer. Germany. Oh, that's a great answer. That's the number one answer. Germany is the number one answer. Great answer. Belgium. Belgium is the number four answer. United States. That is the number three answer. Okay. Mexico? Ireland was two. Oh, yeah. We had Czech Republic, Mexico, and Australia.

Oh, Foster. Australia is on this list. They have one fake beer. We had to go seven deep, Mike. I'm just saying like, we have seven rounds total? I don't know if that's actually a really thing down there. I'm not dead yet.

That's just the Outback steakhouse. Hit the outro. You need to figure out an outro for this gas. Oh, I do. I got an outro. We're UK, brother. We got Jason with eight. He's going to poop on air.

Mike has dump right here to get rid of this. I know you will because you farted on air. Go on. All right. Jason has eight. Mike has five. Andy has three. We're going on.

Name an animal with a terrifying bite. Shark. Shark is the number three answer. Oh, come on. Lion? Lion is the number four answer. A dog. Oh, come on.

Dog is the number two answer. It's got to be a gator. alligator or crocodile. That is the number six answer. What? Number one answer was snake. Oh, yeah, snake. I guess they have poison.

Yeah, and the fangs. Fangs are a big deal. Fings are a big deal. Would you rather, let me ask you? 100% of people are allergic to poison. Yes, they are. I checked that. Also, 100% of people would rather be bitten by a snake than a shark.

100% of the time. Yes. No. Even a rattlesnake. No. No? What are you talking about? Yeah, you're taking crazy bills.

No, no, no, no, no way. You would rather be bitten by a shark. I'm not talking great white. That's all I'm talking. I mean, that's. There's other, there's so many other sharks. There's garden snakes too. Yeah.

We're talking rattlesnake versus Great White. Rattlesnake Great White. Garden snakes don't bite you. Okay. They try. It might just be they're not as afraid because it's a lot less, a lot less likely to get bit by a shark. 9, six, five. Let's go.

Two more rounds. All right. If you lived on Sesame Street, which character would get on your nerves? All of them. The grouch. Oh, it's a good answer. That is Oscar, correct?

Yes, it is. That's number three. Okay. Not good enough. Elmo. Oh, that was my answer. Elmo is the number two answer. No, it's not.

No, it's not. No, it's the number one answer. It's the number one answer. So I got to name one other. It might be Bert. I mean, I'll go big bird. I don't know. Big Bird is the number one answer.

Yeah. Yeah. Jason's domination. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. That's just people. No, no, no, no. I see it. That's just people they only know Big Bird. Does that mean Jason's already won? Is Jason guaranteed win? Jason is not. The last round is worth double. Let's go. Jason's in a bad, bad place right now.

We got Jason with 12, Mike with eight, Andy with six. This is the last. Who's that burp? People are just burping in the set. Who's that? That was Josh. He's just showing off. Was that Josh? I guess so. Oh, okay.

I thought Jason or burp. No. I thought we had unlocked the... You like a Manchrulyquist burp from the back room? A diamond in the love. All right, Jason. Hold it together for the win. And then the draft so we could...

Yeah, we got a totally lot of. And it is worth double. Name something you'd see a lot of in California. The ocean. Beaches is the number one answer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, that's a great answer. I'll go palm trees.

Palm trees is the number two. That secures it for Jason. It's over. Celebrities? That is the number four answer. Not bad, but you lost to me. I lost. I lost to you?

I lost to everyone. Gosh, darn it. No, Jason won. No, he didn't. Jason's the winner. Jason won with 16. We found your secret, man. Andy had 12.

You need to be inflated. Yeah. Inflated. I need to not give two farts about this game. Do you feel? No, you gave two farts. Do you feel like the grandpa in? Yeah, actually, like, identically.

Do you feel like the grandpa in Willie Wonka? Yeah, like decrepit and wanting death. No, no, where you're just like floating around. You're going to die if you don't burp. You don't remember that story? I feel like I'm already dead. We'll think about it over the break. I have been informed.

We have another soda if you need it. 240 calories of pure pain. 270. 270. The spitballers draft. Foods you can't have just one of, Jason, because thinking about food is what you want to do right now. we're drafting. Foods you can't have just one of. I can tell you foods I can have just one of.

A and W. Oh, oh man. I wish I was playing along right now. The authentic. Mike, you got the first pick. Oh, yes. So let's take our time. Of course. Foods you can't have. Are we running out for insulin right now? Jason is Down. He's down like, he's down like a, like a sedative. Don't hit him. A trink dart.

Just hit the elephant. My entire point was don't do this. That's fair. But you made me do it. I didn't make you do nothing. There's got to be a point where you burp or die. I don't think so. I think I genuinely believe that my body would die.

What if you hung upside down? Maybe it would help. I don't know. I've never tried that. Mike, first pick, foods you can't have just one. We're going to go with, it certainly helps when a food is already pluralized. Okay, I can't get what you're saying. I will take French fries.

That's one of the top of your two? Absolutely. Okay. Who eats a French fry? One French fry. Also, a waffle fry, maybe you could get away with one. Imagine eating one French fry at a time when you have so many. No, that's, I will never.

I would never eat a single. Would you rather have no french fries available to you or only when you have french fries, you can only have one? I have no escape. I will take none. Yeah, this one, I feel like. Jason, you're up. I have no out here, guys. No, because you can't burp.

I just, like, how much time before? Do I live the rest of my life? If you make a pick, it's quicker to the bathroom. But that's the thing is, like, speed it up. Go to the bathroom. I'm not going to do anything in the bathroom. Yeah, you sit there and fart. I'm going to take a punch you in the tummy.

Yeah. You might vomit. I'm going to take potato chips. Yeah, that's a good one. I mean, there was literally a campaign from Lays. You can't have just one. And then Pringles was like, once you can't stop. Can I take Pringles?

Sure. Are Pringles a potato? No, no, no. He took potato chips. I didn't take Lays. He didn't get potatoes. I think you've hurt your argument by not taking one of the specific brands. I think I made it better because I took both.

I will say in Andy's defense, I believe Pringles have been classified as not potato chips. There's no potato in it. Because they are like potato crisps. Well, look, I still, I'm not going to allow it. Mike, I know I have the third pick, and it's a bit of a sleeper pick here, and I don't think Jason is just, if you just kept the camera. Oh, the button's coming down. If you just kept the camera on him, he is inflating like a balloon.

Violet, you're turning violent. What's the Disney movie with the guy, the big inflated white creature? Baymax? Big Hero 6. Big Hero 6 going on right here. He's rubbing himself like a pregnant woman. Do you need care? Yes, he does.

So I think the actual hardest thing to only eat one of is if you go to a Mexican restaurant and they serve you tortilla chips. Okay. I don't think you can. I'll take tortilla. That's not potato. That's separate, right? Tortia chips is my first pick. Those are not made out of potatoes.

I don't think you can just eat one. It's impossible. The salt is on them. You got the salsa. The incredible world we live in of a tortilla chip is in actual, it's a tortilla. that has been deep fried and cut into four pieces. We're fine with it. But you're like, whoa, I'm going to get a burrito bowl.

I'm watching my carbs. Like, would you like chips and queso? Don't ask you. Jason might be passing. This may be the end. He looks like somebody who is finished. Just tell me when it's my turn. All right, my next pick is going to actually be M&M's.

Oh, it's on my list. It's pluralized. Yeah, it's on my list. I'm just having an M? I'm not even having the other M. Oh, there's an and. I mean, there's an and built into the name. M.

Who's had one? Who's ever had one? Well, regular M&Ms are not great, so. No, they're good. They're better than you think they are. They're fine. I mean, peanut M&Ms, those rule. Peanut Eminemes are great.

Peanut butter eminems. I get them all because I drafted Eminemps. Yeah, peanut butter eminems are the best. Yes. Yeah, we're in a full agreement. Are you dying? My stomach is going to explode. You look at...

You look 30 pounds heavier. You look like you gain 30 pounds of root beer. How can I get it out? You got a burt, brother? Let's go, Jay. Let's get your first one out of the way. Here's your problem. This is like me trying to roll my arms.

I can't do it. It's not in the shape of your mouth. It's in the throat. It's in the flange. It's in the valve. Go like tighten up a little bit. Like, how do you even explain how to you? even explain how to do that. I don't know, man.

You're just born. What happened when you were a baby? Born to run. When your parents were patting on the back, did you fart? Yeah. Okay. Jason, you have potato chips. I have tortilla chips and M&Ms. Mike with French fries. Jason, your second pick. I'm going to take a Cheez-It. Oh, it's on my list. Because it's not Cheez-It.

It's Cheez-It. This man is talking like his final moment of the earth. He is talking like you're in hospice. Oh, man. I am in hospice.

I mean, is it the sugar as much as it is the inflation? No. It's just the air. It's the CO2. Is your day over? I have nothing more to do today. Okay, Mike, two picks. All right.

Oh, I, yep. You're not up yet. You're not up yet. Yeah, you're good. So I'm going to start it off with a mozzarella stick. Okay. Because I can actually eat a mozzarella stick and be done. What?

You can't, but I can. Yeah, bad pick according to Jason. fat. That's my number two pick. How are you doing? I'm doing great. I wish we had an eternal Zoom. I wish the rest of this episode could be a Zoom camera on Jason.

Yeah, I mean, that's crazy pants. Beta Max over there. Moncella sticks are. Oh, my guess. I mean, you are on the, you're on the bridge between Betta Max and Kirby right now. Do you have the edge of Bay Max? He's just, Bay Max. You just, you're on the edge of Kirby.

I ate Kirby. And beyond. Beyond Kirby You go to like What happens? Beyond Kirby's Macy's Day parade float In the movie 7

Who Oh no Ain't too much spaghetti That's what's happening It didn't end well for that guy Thin way fair I'm going to explode You are gaining

Inflationary My stomach is so tight right now If you had a needle Have you ever seen when they do that to cows? Oh yeah, they have to do that to gas cows. They have to like de-gass cows. Oh, they got it. Because they're laying on their side and they're like,

M-er-oh! Someone come and de-gast me. And then you just go, pull fix and go, someone de-gas me. And then that cow is okay. Oh, my gosh. Someone. One more pick for Mike.

I'm going to go with deviled eggs. Oh. Speaking of inflated. I think I can have just one of those, but that is not a bad pick. That is not a bad pick. I know that I know Jason Moore can't have one. I'm usually more than one. But you,

but it's also one of those weird things where it's like, you, you know, I want a ton of french fries. I want a ton of potato chips. I want, I don't want a ton of dough fries. No,

but you don't have at least two. Sure. You end up like this. If they're good. Jason, he's dead. And this ain't an act. No,

I don't do. I mean, this show, he's just. When the cameras turn off, I'm going to lay on the ground. For a long time. Is it my,

pick. Yeah. I'm going to select thin crust pizza. Okay. Especially dominoes. Okay. Yeah, that's a cheat code. The dominoes. When you cut, when you cut the pizza into the squares and it's not the proper pizza, it's a little tiny. I actually, I had slice of pizza on there because I can't imagine. No, outside of being a four-year-old, having one slice of pizza. I can eat a slice. But if it's thin crust, as long as it comes with another slice. No, but thin crust is because of thin crust is like, this is.

big. Get this man a wheelchair. Don't need a wheelchair. I need a call 911. I need a cow syringe. Um, I got my final two picks. Is that where we're at? I'm going to go wings. I'm going to go wings. I don't understand having one wing. But it's

on my list. It doesn't make sense to me. It's on my list. If you're going to have a wing, you're going to have a couple wings. It's on my list. That's crazy. So I'm going to have wings and then I'm going to, I'm going to go cookies. What are we doing? What are we doing? Cookie. Cookies is a great pick. I can eat a cooking. I mean, I feel like cookies. I can eat a cookie.

I do realize, and I recognize and I acknowledge that some people make giant cookies. And if you're going to start counting the crumbles of the world that are just... We're living on the edge of a cookie category. No one eats a crumble. But if you're talking about Oreos, if you're talking about

Chips O'oy, if you're talking about Girl Scout cookies, yeah. You're talking about... It's very hard, I think, to stop at just one. So I'm going to go cookies. Jason is looking at the clock. I'm going to draft... insulin.

Is it me? Yeah. It's you. Oh, your hat's looking real cool though. Look at this guy. Hello, fellow young kids. Well, dang. I'm going to take a piece of popcorn.

That feels like a cheat coat, but you are 100% right. It is a cheat cut and it's a great pick. I mean, no one has. It's a sneaky pick. Eating a singular popcorn. Yeah, that's a sneaky good pick because I don't see any way to disqualify it. You can't just eat a piece of popcorn. That's like I don't even want one bite.

That's like saying a bag of like pistachios or almonds. Which is my final pick is pistachios. Oh, of course it is. So you're going to your own. Yeah, in this office, pistachios are very special and sacred items. Is that the last pick? It is. I know what I learned today.

What did we learn today? If you can't burp, you should not immediately down at the end of the end of them. ounces. 20 ounces is a and W. Rubeer on the air. An amazing job by the Falcon honestly. I can't believe he did that. You had to make up for not setting up the studio. He ran down the street and got it?

That is his final. I like, I'm going to imagine he had already, he like he just left. I mean, he was picking something up and he's like, oh sure, I'll get those root beers. I learned that Jason ain't lying about this burping thing. No, I can't burp. I will not burp.

If I could burp to relieve this. I would burp a billion times. I learned that Josh may not be just the junior producer. Oh. He might be the junior executive producer. Okay. Take care, everybody. Pray for Jason. Goodbye. Thanks to listening to the last episode ever. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out spitballerspod.com.