Spitballers Comedy Podcast - Camera Confusion & Most Satisfying Sounds - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: March 10, 2025

On this episode of Spitballers, we run into a near camera catastrophe, answer life’s greatest questions and wrap things up with a Most Satisfying Sounds Draft. Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast!Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast:Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.comFollow us on X: x.com/SpitballersPodFollow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPodSubscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers Podcast with Andy, Mike and Jason. Bing bop boom boom boom bop bam! I kinda scared them on you wouldn't do anything. Oh, no, and I'm like I'm gonna be the one who just goes silent doesn't do anything. Oh, no, and I'm like I'm gonna be the one who just goes silent doesn't do anything. Oh, no, and I'm like I'm gonna be the one who just goes silent doesn't do anything. Oh, no, and I'm like

I'm gonna be the one who just goes silent doesn't do anything. Oh, no, and I'm like I'm gonna be the one who just goes silent doesn't do anything. this is this is it I'm gonna do it I'm gonna be the one who just goes silent doesn't do anything oh no and I'm like I did it guys instead you're gonna kill the scat instead I was like well Kendrick had a good idea so we're talking about sounds there you go and mr. Lamar gave me some sounds thank you for bringing it back, Mike. I can smell a Badingi in my future. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Would you rather? That's a great question and we are drafting the most satisfying sounds. So there you go.

I know what it's not. It's not a mechanical keyboard. Oh, you don't like that? No, I mean I saw that on lists of like... To wonderful sound. Oh gosh. It's so annoying. Really? It's too much. Especially if someone is a good typer of the keyboard. It's chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug ch the word, but have you heard someone referred to as a typist? Yeah. Really? Yeah, I mean, I think it's a little bit more associated with when there were people on a typewriter.

Or I think of it in the courtroom. What are those? Not a typist. There you go. You've never heard them referred to as a typist. No, I have not. Well, a typist would have to be somebody that only types as a job.

On a keyboard. Yeah. Or a typero. I mean, this is exactly typist would have to be somebody that only like types as a job on a keyboard Yeah, there are a type of I mean this is exactly what I was referring to a person who is skilled in using a typewriter Or a computer keyboard. That's that's what I mean. That's why I said typewriter. It reminds me of sure that But it's so did you ever type on a typewriter? I? Have typed on a typewriter before yes when. When I was, it's really crazy. That's the most satisfying sound. Ka-ching. Some of those things that are like time,

and now we're old as dirt now. And I remember my father telling stories of, you know, when he was a boy, that things were just crazy. Like, they had to move and they were poor, and they had to move at one point, of when he was a boy, things were just crazy. They had to move and they were poor and they had to move at one point and they had a covered wagon.

And like, I know, that's like one of his most embarrassing stories. And. It should be. Oh, okay, so in my head I'm like, what, like a radio flyer? You're talking like he's getting dysentery on. Like, horsies.

A covered wagon? And there was one point where I believe he had- Did his axle break? And this is actually more common for people of our parents' and grandparents' generation where they didn't have bathrooms and doors. You know, you had like an outhouse. And the sewage and plumbing, that's a relatively modern invention. But the typewriter is one of those things where I genuinely was at an age once where I used a typewriter for school.

Yeah, a typewriter. To write an assignment, not as a joke or as like, for this assignment, I'm going to write on a typewriter. It was like, no, I've got to type it up. So you use a typewriter. That feels ancient. I will always remember, and I know those listening won't, but won't all understand, but if you use a typewriter, I just remember specifically if you needed to correct something, you went back and you took a little tiny plastic sheet that had

white on it. Yeah. And you would type the exact same letter that you had typed onto the white and it would punch the white. Oh, to punch the white through. And it would cover the letter so you could retype it. Is that before? And then we got in a covered wagon. Is that before or after like actual whiteout?

It was before. Interesting. Man, whiteout was ruling the world at one point. We're gonna live forever. So So your dad had a covered wagon? Was he 600 years old? They moved in a covered wagon. I don't know if they had one usually or if they just rented it. I don't know. I don't know. Renting a covered wagon is worse. Like the Beverly Hillbillies? Yeah. I mean, I don't know. Wait, but you said he's very embarrassed by

that? That was an embarrassing story that I just shared is that cuz I show that because it shows his age Yeah, well, I think he was why didn't they just take the brontosaurus across the country I think he was embarrassed then because I think it's oh Like other people had cars and stuff. This is yeah, okay who makes the wrong Sandwich that is that is the that is the guy who makes the Ron sandwich. That is the man. The legend. But I'm saying the sandwich is not an embarrassment, it's the covered wagon. Correct. That sandwich is awesome. It was the original sandwich invented of all sandwiches. Would you rather? That's a great question. Most satisfying soundstrap. We'll kick it off right now.

Would you rather. Jason from the website writes in after you die, would you rather have a theme park, national park, or ballpark, man dedicated in your honor? So, you know, you see different places with this library dedicated in a person's name or this wing of a hospital. This is a theme park, a national park or a ballpark. Let me start with this question before you make your decision. Because I really want to understand it. And I think this show is about understanding. Yes. And learning.

What a lot of people might say, okay, I don't even care. I'm dead. It doesn't matter. I get that viewpoint. But if you have something dedicated in your honor, what are you hoping that means when someone sees it? Oh, like what did we do to deserve it? Well, no, just like what do you want? Like if we're doing this thing, we're dedicating it in their honor. Are you wanting people to see it and be like they helped build this? are you wanting people to see it and be like they helped build this are you wanting people to see it and be like I wonder who that was like what is the purpose of the dedication more the second one more of like do you want not like this is my park I didn't build this park but like you know it was yeah you definitely need a bio under like a little bio a little plaque

that's you know like when you go to the zoo and it tells you what the, you know. He was a lover of theme parks and you dedicate this theme park in his honor. That's not what I was gonna say, but yeah. When I look at the question. He ate over 4,000 churros at this theme park. The national park feels the most prestigious,

but also it's the place I want to go the least. So I'm really conflicted. Which, and it is the one that will stick. Right. Like a ballpark, they change names or they get demoed and replaced and you're just, then you gotta hope the replacement stadium, they carry over the name. And theme parks, while we think of like Disneyland you're like well Disneyland's forever. There's tons of theme parks that way Al are they naming it after you because I was Imagining like the only reason I wouldn't pick the national park is there's lots of entries to a park I thought you'd have to see this plaque on entry. No, it's gonna be named after oh, it's named after you

It's the Andy Holloway National Park. Oh the stadiums will come and go they'll knock that thing down They'll build another one theme parks Don't have a lawsuit that that one roller coaster broke that guy died at Hallways theme but the National Park will be saying there's gonna be a lot of people that type the park Jay Yeah, the Bears. Oh, but they won't blame me. No, they'll blame the Bears. I'm taking the National Park I think this will be very surprising,. I'm taking the National Park. I think this will be very surprising, but I'm taking the National Park as well.

It is surprising. I hope there's a lot of hiking trails on your park. Oh, for sure. Jason Moore's National Hiking Park. It's just benches. There's still trails. We turned them into benches. There's still trails. Certainly no trees into benches. There's still trails.

Certainly no trees around. There's trails with benches so often. Flat walking paths. They're no incline at all. But miles and miles of trails. It's all decline because they bring you up in one of those. Yeah, we've got the little gondola. Yeah, for sure.

What is the ski lift? Ski lift you to the top so you can walk at a slight decline I like that, but still need the benches That would be like if they came to you and said can we use your name for this hiking park you'd be like Yes, but put in 2,000 bench. Okay, so we're all going national park so pick our park Well, I'm saying I have a picked. Oh you you didn't? I'm still, the National Park makes so much sense. It's just like if the theme park hits and you have, I mean, the fact that Walt Disney, like that's a real person.

And it's hard to even kind of think about that because like Disney is a brand. That's true. Disney is feelings. It's true. Disney is feelings. It's emotions. It's all these excitement. So taking on wild rides with story. So if it hits, that's like top tier stuff,

is people can't wait to go back to Wrights. Yeah, to Wrightland or whatever it is. But there's just too much risk. So I think I'm going to take the National Park. Bobby from the website, would you rather get $1 for every stranger you wave at, $10 for every stranger you shake hands with, so a wave, a dollar a wave, $10 for a handshake, or $100 for every stranger you hug. In all cases, you must make direct eye contact with the stranger and they must reciprocate the greeting.

Interesting, so okay, we're gonna go make some money here. We're gonna go make money. I'm going to a busy mall full of strangers. I'm going to the food court because this is America and that's where everybody's hanging out. The line for Panda Express at this moment, it does not matter what time of day it is, whenever you're listening, it could be a holiday. That line is around the corner at all malls. I am a huge supporter of Panda Express. I love it. But when we go to, we still have a mall,

a mall that has not died, and Panda Express is still the hotness. I mean. How is Chipotle is there? There's great other options, but it's like, hm, Panda. Are they too slow? They're so fast. I don't understand the lines.

The other place is being slow. Oh, so you just, you're like slow? They're so fast. I don't understand the lines. The other place is being slow. Oh, so you just, you're like, I know that hand is fast. I know that the line is long, but it's gonna be fast? I don't know. Anyways, what was the question? So I'm going to, I don't remember. I'm going to the food court.

$1 for a wave, 10 for shaking hands, and $100 for a hug. Obviously, I can wave at a lot of people. But they have to wave back. Oh, they have to wave back? They have to reciprocate. Not just make the eye. Oh, then that one's out.

Because I think if I were to go and just randomly start waving at a bunch of people, you'll get a few of them to wave back. But one handshake is 10 people. A hug is almost, this is the most dangerous, but almost automatically reciprocal. Yes. Your hugging is half the battle.

I would go with, like, the price disparity is too large. You just go out, you hold free hugs. Free hugs. You do the free hugs sign. Yes. And I mean, you're gonna be mean you're gonna be you're gonna be absolutely loaded I mean you could give away something for the hug you could say five dollars you have to disclose that you're gonna make on no of course not I

mean if I was saying I will pay you five dollars for a hug would I get more hugs or less hugs I just said free how most weirder that's what I'm saying I feel like like I don't be paid to hug I'll give you a hug for free but a paid hug I'll give you five dollars to hug me that would be a problem No, you're 100% right if I saw that if I saw a little stand, there's a free hug guy right there I'll take the free hug. I don't watch I don't want your five dollars. I'm gonna feel bad about this hug I don't want to be the guy that gets paid to hug, but what if it was a balloon? Give me a hug you get a balloon or something. You know what I mean?

We it's got to be the hugs a hundred dollars. It has to be the hug. Yeah, isn't there like Ten dollar for every handshake wouldn't you go to like a bunch of business events? Oh, that's a that's a nice hack Everyone's shaking hands with everyone there still you got to get ten for every you think I can't get hugs at a business convention for sure can People people will hug back if you go at a business convention. Yeah, and you fully you signal. Mm-hmm Oh, yeah, you go you creed arms wide open just like the you're getting a hug just like the big you know The the big like what's up my man high fives This is only for the video

What okay? What is happening? And he's been fighting a sneeze since the show's oh my gosh, and it And he was like, he's like, producer, someone give me a Kleenex ad and he's trying to do it off camera. He said a Kleenex and a camera change and then, and then they went right from me talking into the full three shot. Oh my gosh, Josh, is this Papa Josh again? Yeah. No, I'm going to defend this one because Mike was done and I cannot leave the camera on. You got to go to Jason solo cam, bro. The next man up was talking. Oh, my. I can tell you from seven years of other people doing the cameras, this has never happened one time. You just go to another solo cam. They were ruffing back and forth. That was amazing.

You just literally said it'd be better to show someone blowing their nose on a camera. Andy's face when he's, when you find the moment of Andy seeing him on the monitor. He's like, what? He's displeased. Here's what's crazy is this just happened happened something just like this happened. Yes, we had to edit the show Because Josh was a dummy and it just happened like this is a week or two ago. I still didn't get to blow my nose You'd go take order go to Jason's camp anyway, so Speaking of quick

Show up. Ruin him. Oh my goodness. All right. Well, you get that on a microphone. I went right into the microphone. Yeah. Yeah. We got that. All right. What's the next question? Uh, yeah, we got to take the a hundred bucks. All right. Um, Scott from the website, would you rather speak with a high level of intelligence but have below average comprehension skills speak with okay or below average speaking intelligence but a high intelligent comprehensive what the fuck I don't like this question but highly intelligent comprehension skills yeah you just don't like it you don't like reading it?

Or because the question's good. Do you want to be really smart and intelligent, but sound dumb, or be really eloquent, but you actually don't know what you're talking about? It's very interesting because. Does my listener, does the listener understand this about me? They understand that you

are comprehension is not the same thing as like describe these to me because I'm confused by the comprehension one okay you're saying I don't receive information from somebody else well but when I speak it doesn't mean I'm I don't know anything if I'm speaking intelligently then I clearly do know yeah you'll have I just can't receive... You'll be BSing a lot. So I need a situation where I just talk and can leave. Just give speeches. Yeah, that would do it.

You'd be a nice speech giver. Now on the other side, you're not able to get things out well, but you have a really good understanding of what's going on, right? So... I feel like that's like the Elon Musk. Like very smart, but can't talk. Exactly. So, man, that would be really tough because everything in your world would be better if you have better comprehension skills. But people think you've done. You know what

I mean? Like people are going to assume you are dumb. It takes a lot to convince someone with dumb words that you are smart. Josh has still never been able to do it. Right. So... I don't know, man. Which one gives you the camera-changing ability? Pfft. Hmm. The... having comprehension skills. Okay.

It doesn't take talking. So you... so Josh could talk well? No, he would in this case be the one if oh, I see what you're saying. Currently. Yes. Very eloquent. Okay. Just making sure. Josh Josh is still in the chat going on. He's trying to blame me like I was supposed to just keep talking and making like I was done But apparently I was supposed to keep talking so that Andy Bottom of the list of all the things that you could ever do in the history of the world the one where you show the guy Blowing his nose is at the bottom of the list under any circumstance It'd be better if Mike would go to Mike's camera go to Mike's camera now. Don't talk Mike

Better that's fine. That's fine. That's fine. Go to Jason's camera. And now here's what's going on. Talk Jay. He went to your camera. I can't even go to the right. Don't talk. Okay. Better. But here's the thing. I was actually talking when he could have just gone to me. So then it's the best of just nothing. No one would have known anything. Somehow it's my fault. That's what he's posting There's a new rule if you need someone to cover for somebody else I want you to go to the deucer cam That's the cover. Oh, go to the deucer can and use it there. Hey Josh and sweat just start talking start I'm giving ten seconds right now. Just start talking. You might be done, but someone will then get mad that you didn't keep talking. Do

you feel like you know anybody in your life that has the either of these two categories? No, I think it's difficult to have. I think it's difficult to have this be true for most people, right? Because if you have highly intelligent comprehension skills, you're usually able to communicate pretty well. I mean, that's not universally true. How would you ever know that somebody has good comprehension if they can't speak well? How would you know it, though?

I feel like I definitely have moments where I know how something works, I fully understand it, and it's like, I can't find the right words to explain it, but I know how something works, I fully understand it, and it's like, I can't find the right words to explain it, but I know how it works. And I am the opposite, because I can explain anything. I have no idea what I'm talking about. I have never, I've never heard of this product, but I can tell you all about it. That is true. All right.

So I guess I'll take that one. I'll take one of them. Yeah. Yeah, that's. I don't know. I'll take blow my nose off camera for 200, please. Yeah, we're moving on. That's a great question. Javier from Patreon, great question for us.

If every person on earth had to carry a scoreboard displaying one personal stat, what stat would you want to see, knowing that your stat would also be publicly displayed as well? So everyone's the same? Everyone's the same stat? Correct. OK.

All right. Would we have another bad camera swap? What is happening? No. What is happening today? Everyone's the same stat? Correct. OK. All right. Would we have another bad camera swap? What is happening today? No, he had the one before. He's just thinking he's holding his up. Oh, oh, yes, yes. And it says bad camera swaps too. Yeah, that one would work.

I'm at zero right now. I'm at zero. Yeah. What stat? This is a weird question because. Farts per day. Oh, baby. You want to see the farts per day?

I will have a crown on my head from 5 a.m. To 6 a.m. Guys from 8 from 5 to 6 a.m. 5 to 6 a.m. There could be a camera that turns on Just audio for one hour. That's my farting hour Oh In the bed in the bed with the wife next to you.. Oh yeah, I'm telling you I save them up all night. What happens is I think I sleep on my back for most of the night. And then around five in the morning I roll to my left.

There's no explanation for a farting hour. It is the realest, most true thing you've... What do you mean? You save them up, your body cannot fart in the middle of the night? I think not when I'm on my back. It doesn't, but like it blocks you. Like it blocks you. I'm telling you, when I roll to my left at 5 a.m., the winds pick up.

You can start it when you want. When you wake up, up you go and we begin I'm telling you guys This isn't a joke. This isn't a bit from 5 to 6 a.m 100 could it be massive farts or is 5 a.m. No something to do with it. It's the left. It's it laying on my left side I just don't do it till the morning and then when I do it in the morning, it's like What he does? I've got so much in me! What he doesn't tell you is every 4 a.m.

he drives to Taco Bell. Um, are they stinky? No, no, no, this is just pure. Night farts? This is just pure wind. Massive, and sometimes. Night terrors, night sweats... Night farts. Night farts.

I mean, we just, you know, it's 318 episodes in, but Jason does not burp. That is true. So his biology is store it and release it in the farting hour, apparently. Yeah, I mean, it's something I've thought about trying to get a timed microphone of, because I'm telling you guys... I'm not interested in that sub stack. Yes, you are. And you might think you're not, but you have no idea what kind of power I'm talking about here.

It's that amazing. Every other day, it makes me laugh. Every other day, I can't believe it. Do you feel better after? It's incredible. So wait, are you cracking yourself up? Yeah. I mean, one that just. Is she are you're cracking yourself up? Yeah, just like, I mean one that just she immune to it. The wife is just like she sleeps. She does it

out. She doesn't even know. Even when you that's what makes it funny that it's just you like I'm one of them. No. Have you thought about doing the full? No. What if you do full rotation onto your belly? What happens if you... I don't know, man. I got up on my knees. Like your right side. My right side doesn't work. No. Oh my gosh.

Left side only. This is terrible. This is just too sweet. Wait, wait, wait. Left side is the... That's where you're supposed to sleep for stomach stuff, right? I think so. I believe, and I'm not sure.

There's something in the back of my head. This is from like two years ago, but Papa Josh. I Believe told me Okay, he's nodding. Yes. He was the one that told me I think I was having a stomach problem or somebody said lay on my left Side. Yeah sleeping on your left side may help with digestion and reduce It finishes all the digestion, brother. This is so disturbing. Guys, this is what this show is here for.

Do you wake up and you are like freaking a balloon? Yeah, at 5, but not at 6. At 5 o'clock? Not at 6. At 6, I am a raisin. Does the blanket actually take off like a hot air balloon? Well, it just depends on if I'm going for a Dutch oven or not. So a lot of times I'll do the one leg over the covers.

And then I'm just blowing it out. I don't want to know any of this stuff. I'm just blowing it to the back door. I want to know nothing. Dude, I got to record some of these. I just wish I had no comprehension. I'm so impressive with these well we're gonna need some proof I agree I agree man so look Jeremy see if you

can find my force you can find like an audio recording device that can turn on at a like like that I could turn on for an hour 5 a.m. one of those sleep like a guy's like it or they have the apps that tell you if you snore in the middle of the night and they use your phone's microphone okay well see if you can find one for farting or whatever but or a lot at 5 a.m. I want to see if I'm right about this because I'm I'm telling you these are facts coming back to the question which was the scoreboard displaying the personal stats, that one's a good one because no matter what the number is, it's funny for everybody.

Is there one that's like an embarrassing stat, but you are low in it? Like there's just something you don't do that other people do. That's embarrassing for them. That's embarrassing for them. Is there anything in that category? Like what if it was just like the amount of times you watched Gilmore Girls or you is there some like thing that you're that we're high in that we're low in oh that we're low in I'm just saying like if you're putting a stat out there I'll tell you what I know

from somebody else that could be embarrassing I are you safe from amount of wipes today okay think about that amount of bottom amount of wipes today. OK? Think about the amount of wipes. OK, we're back to the bottom. Amount of wipes. Because I would be zero every day. Because of the bidet. Because of the bidet. Not because you don't wipe. Right.

Yeah, pat dry. But like, what if you're walking around? And we're back. What if you're walking around and someone's got like 48? Because you know it's a rough day. And I'm just, free hugs. I'm so sorry. You just give them money, you're like around and someone's got like 48? Because you know they had a rough day. Oh, man. I just, free hugs. I'm so sorry. You just give them money.

You're like, I'm sorry. Oh. I'm going to say, curse words could be pretty funny. Yeah. Because you're like, Dad! Oh, yeah, you come home and you got a three. Dad, you got a five burger? What happened?

Or the son. Yeah, or your kids. Comes home from school at 12. What are you doing? You potty mouth. Wow. That would be good. Anything back there you guys can think of?

Al, you got anything on your mind? Nothing on my mind. The most shameful one that would be best for America would just be calories. Oh, just a calorie count? Just a calorie counter and everybody's calories show. Oh, you're going to the doctor and you're like, I don't know doc I always eat healthy. You're at ten thousand. Yeah All right

Matt from the website great question for us if all animals had to be assigned human jobs based on their personalities Which animal would make the best CEO? See that's interesting. Certain animals seem smarter than other ones, even when they're not. Yeah, a giraffe. Because of stature? Yes, it stands tall and proud.

It's, you know, it's very heady way up there. That feels to me... As a good CEO. Yeah, like... I think a lion would be a good CEO oh well for sure but but that's the question is a lion really a good leader yeah what do they do what's the most organized animal is that like a beaver building a dam I did think of that one of like they just instinctually know there's some water coming through here it's not on watch. That's the worker. That's not the CEO.

You want the beaver working hard for you. But they have the vision. That's the blue collar. But they know. They know what needs to be done. See, the lion. And a great CEO is someone who experienced all of it. Is there any delegating animals, though?

Any animals? A lion. A lion doesn't go out and do his killing. It's like, hey, ladies, go get me some meat. I'm busy growing my mane. Lions got the gig, man. They're probably, outside of bears, they are the strongest, most powerful animal.

Yeah, nothing will come kill you. And they don't have to do anything. Well, other than other male lions. True. You're going to have to fight them off a lot. I mean, ants are all organized, but there's no leader. They just work as a group. Oh, a queen bee?

Ooh, OK, now we're talking. I mean, that does seem naturally. That works. But that's not an animal. It's more of a monarch situation. It's a flying monster. Yeah, I mean, I'm trying to think if there's anything else. I think the queen bee is a good answer.

Oh boy, Austin wants to know. Austin from X says, would you consider a Pop Tart a type of ravioli? No. No. A type of ravioli. Because it's not pasta. Yeah, a ravioli has to be pasta.

Yeah, it's stuffed pasta. It has to be noodles. Stuffed noodles. Yeah, some kind of pasta. Define what a ravioli is to me. A ravioli is any kind of stuffed pasta. That's exactly what I would say. That is fully enclosed.

Yeah. So if it's fully enclosed, if the pasta shell is crimped on all sides, folded in on itself, rolled over, whatever. Is that the- Crimp, crimped like a pop tart. Is that the, oh. Is that the way you make-

With stuff inside of it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, we're close. Like a pop tart. We're pretty close. But when you make ravioli, I'm assuming you put the filling in and then you put more noodle on top and then you crimp it closed? You usually have-

You don't inject, right? No, you don't inject. So you inject a Pop-Tart though, right? I don't know. Is that an injection? I don't know how a Pop-Tart is made. Does anyone know? Looking into it.

Yeah, Google that for us. Or is it just you? Because I mean, it's a pastry. And I wouldn't call a pastry a exact ravioli. I feel like they're injected. I'd choose to believe that. I do not believe they're injected. It's a pastry. And I wouldn't call a pastry a exact ravioli. I feel like they're injected. I'd choose to believe that. I do not believe they're injected.

They are not injected. I'm watching a video. I'll share it with you. You got the one flat piece, and they spread it, and then clamp it shut. Yep. That's just not as cool. No, it's definitely not as cool.

But there's not enough stuff. If it were injected, you would have the sight. You'd have the sight of the injection. Yeah, and there's not enough stuff inside to inject. If you inject a jelly doughnut... We all know that a Pop-Tart has way too much edge. ...and way not enough stuff inside. Right.

How have they not made edgeless Pop-Tarts? Now we're talking! Now that is incredible. I do believe it might exist, but what I'm curious about is why haven't they made a double-sided Pop-Tarts? You can keep the outside. What, like frosting on both sides? Frosting on the bottom and the top! See, this is what I'm saying. Then maybe it would be more... That would be just better!

It could be shaped like a ravioli and I think we're all in. But what side do you lay it on then? For the toasting? No, once you get it out... You just lay it on either side. But then... Comes with a tripod! ...the frosting is...

Comes with an easel, Mike. A very specific Pop-Tart holder. Because if it's frosting on both sides, I liked where you were going until I thought of just the practicality of it. There's no problem. You need wax paper. No, take a Pop-Tart and go ahead and do something crazy. Put it frosting side down on your plate. No, I'm not a monster. It won't do anything. It won't, it'll be fine.

Because the frosting never gets. No, the frosting is hard as a, it's a shell. Right. I don't feel like Pop-Tarts. It's like saying you can't put a Skittle down because both sides of the Skittle are. Okay, all right. That's pretty strong.

You're talking about the little teeny candy raviolis? Yes, I am. I know what you're talking about. Little candy raviolis, Skittle are. OK, all right. That's pretty strong. You're talking about the little teeny candy raviolis? Yes. I know what you're talking about. Little candy raviolis, Skittles. Oh my gosh. Taste the Italian. I feel like I can't understand why Pop Tarts hasn't taken

a more Oreo approach to their product. They try. They've got a lot of flavors. Do they? Yeah. All right. Like Italian? Is that one of the flavors?

All right, Jesse from the website, if all doors in the world suddenly disappeared for one hour, what would be the biggest consequence? I didn't hear you. Airplanes. Airplanes. Oh, man.

If all doors in the world disappeared for one hour. What would be the biggest consequence? It has to be airplanes, right? I mean what else would be worse? Okay, airplane doors gone so are the people. You're sucked out.

If there's no door for the whole time you'll be fine. Correct. Because it's the pressure. Oh yeah, that's like if there's no door for the whole time. You'll be fine correct because it's the pressure yeah Now yeah, that's how that works I mean they used to they still do people flying planes that have no fact that they press gonna be so loud It's so cold yes, so I mean what other doors really matter here on the constant I mean all the car doors disappearance funny Yeah, a funny picture on the freeway trap doors would doors would suck. Oh they'd be so not needed. And if you were

happy to be standing on one, sorry. Bank vaults? Al throwing that out there? Yeah very nice. I mean there's still a few steps between me and that door. Oh yeah the prisons. All of them illegal. All the. Yeah. Yeah, I mean if they made bank vaults wide open they yeah, I would not run One thing holding right if only that door wasn't there I'd be rich Standing between I don't know the combination but the prison cells if all the doors Could that be worse for society than the all the planes in the air No, I don't I don't think so it's for one hour I mean that's enough time to get out

Yeah, well again, that's not the only thing how long does it take you to trust that the doors are not coming back, right? Yeah, those doors might be open. About three minutes, five minutes. And you just stay in your cell, because you're like, I'm not supposed to go out right now. And you hear one guy going, hey, the main door's open. OK, but here's the thing. Five minutes max. Maybe this is different.

Maybe this isn't how it is in real life the way it is in movies, and certainly movies about prisons in the 1950s. But I feel like there is a guard tower with a rifle and a big outer ring on these prisons with like barbed wire fences. Now that door to the fences, yeah, that's open. But y'all gotta make it there.

And the rifle sniper. The rifle sniper's not getting enough people. But he's getting, he's not getting zero. You know what I mean? No, but he's like the group. I think we would, if I were in, that's what getting enough people. But he's getting, he's not getting zero. You know what I mean? No, but he's like the group. I think we would, if I were in, that's what I would do. You would go with the group and run?

Yeah. Like it's a full on prison break. Let's get out of here. Yeah, I have military bases and vaults and, you know, nuclear plants and doors being open. I feel like the planes and the prisons are the biggest ones. Yeah, I agree. All right, we'll take another break and then we'll draft.

The Spitballers Draft The Spitballers Draft. All right, we are drafting the most satisfying sound. Which I'm actually really upset I don't have the first pick in this one. Really? Yeah, because I feel like a draft like this, there are some sounds that are the best. I feel like there's some sounds though that, like the 101 here, I have a few that I believe should be the top pick. Yeah, worthy of. Yeah, yeah, that's fair.

Just as good, in the same tier. Yes. All right, Mike, so what are you going with the first pick? Most satisfying sounds. I'm going to go with, we're going to go with rain. Yeah. It would have been mine. It would have been my first pick.

I wonder if we are. When it's not a torrential downpour, of course, but when it's a nice just pitter patter on the roof. Here I'll take it all. I put raindrops because it's... To be able to hear the drops themselves. Hear the drops, not a storm, but to hear the drops. It's nice, but I know where you're going.

I was just curious if we have a different perspective on rain than other parts of the country. Yeah, if you live in Seattle. For us, it's very special. If you live in Seattle, do you hate the sound of rain? Because you're used to it, it's depressing, and it means you can't go outside. For us in Arizona, where it rarely rains.

We dance in it. Oh, rain is. But I love, I mean, part of it is because the sound of rain, and it comes with the smell of rain, all of it. It's all clean They're and would have been my pick and nasty dirty polluted dust air gets cleaned out for a day or two Did you like? So we had those huge wind storms over the wicked. Did you guys look at the sky yesterday? Holy crap. It was blue

Oh, yeah, it was so clean there today. Look I would like more rain. I don't know what I have to do I think I got to move. Can we do some of that seeding of the sky? We can. Can we seed it? I don't know if we have the clouds that it'll work on. Oh, you need clouds. Yeah.

Remember, if you go back to episode five, cloud machines have not been invented. Oh my gosh, going way back in time. Jason, you are on the clock with the second pick. Rain off the table in our most satisfying sounds draft. This is a very satisfying classic sound. It's the first thing that came to mind when you're just thinking of what's like a satisfying sound

and it's the crack of a can. You know what I mean? Like a soda, beer, just a beverage crack of a beverage. It's on my list. I love it. I don't know if it's been indoctrinated to us through commercials where we've seen it so much with glorified vision, but it's like that was the first, I mean that sound is awesome. Yes. It's like I'm thirsty now. Because there's so much with it. It's like, yeah, you're quenching your thirst. You're like, I got a crispy beer.

I got a fresh sweet soda. OK. All right. Yeah, it's a good sound. But I love the can. It's a satisfying sound. Can you botch it? I don't think so, because even if you do the like, you know,

you definitely can. You can. You can over pre-open it, and, you definitely can. You can. You can over pre-open it, and then you get to the point where the tab is actually getting pushed down, and it's all quiet. So a little bit of execution issues. You got to grip and rip it.

OK, I'll get my number. I'll get my number two and three options here on the turn. So my first pick, I will go with a crackling fire. That was the number in my next pick. I was between the soda and the crackling fire. So go with a crackling fire. That was the next pick. I was between the soda and the crackling fire. So I will go crackling fire. That is just the best ambiance. And then I will go with, I didn't get rain,

but I'll go with the soothing redundant ocean waves. Okay. The ocean waves is very high on my list. Just crashing on the shore. They can't, they can be too loud. Too loud? Yeah, oh waves can definitely be too loud. But if they are, I get the right-

I don't think I've ever been around waves that were too loud. Oh. I'm not saying that there's not, you know- I've slept near the beach and you leave the windows down and it's just, it puts you to bed. Yeah. No, I didn't have it on my list, the windows down and it puts you to bed. Yeah.

No, I didn't have it on my list, which is crazy. That's a great sound. All right. You have... We've got a lot of nature here. Yeah. Yeah, because nature is great. Yeah.

Do I want to go nature? We do not have a lot of crackling fires, ocean waves, or rain in Arizona. So maybe it's nature you yearn for. Maybe. Or in your case, a can of Coke. Man, all right, I'm gonna stick with it because I think this is the last one that is of nature. Okay.

But I'm going with wind rustling through trees. Oh. You know when you're out in the woods, just that windy tree movement. I mean, that means ghosts are by. For sure. When you said you're sticking with nature, I go, oh, you know what I hadn't put on my list was wind.

And then you picked it. It's nice. So wind in the trees, very nice. Mike, you have two picks. I thought you were going to go with this one, so I'm going to go with birdies. It's the other nature one on my list. I have specifically birds chirping at sunrise.

Oh, man. Bird song. In Arizona, I'm sure it's at sunrise. Oh, man. Bird song? In Arizona, I'm sure it's similar for other places. But we have some birds where the song is incredible. And then we got these bigger blackbirds, and they ruin it? Oh, man. They're like, ah! It's not a crow, though.

It's this weird, I don't know. They're just there to ruin it? Yeah. It's honk? Yeah. Maybe. I don't know. It's an weird, I don't know. They're just there to ruin it? Yeah. They just honk? Yeah, maybe. Honk. I don't know, it's an awful sound.

That would be a great gag for one of those sound machines for kids, where you can rotate through waves and wind, and then there's birds, but they just have the worst birds in there. Speaking of birds and bird noises, I think this is a show all about education. Yeah. All about enlightening America and the world at large.

And it came to our attention recently. I don't know if we brought this up on this show. Mike, you educated us around the studio that a bald eagle. Oh, yes. The amazing bald eagle that sounds. You mean the one that obviously sounds like, ah! Yeah. That sounds awesome. Sounds like Yeah! This thing's awesome.

Sounds like freedom. This thing's coming to rip your face off. Doesn't sound like that at all in real life despite watching commercials and movies where a bald eagle does that. Jeremy, are you able... Would you be able to get the sound of an actual bald eagle and play it or not? No. Not on the fly.

Oh man. Well, look it up. Everyone look it up. It's awful. It's stupid. They're like, what a weak little puny fart bird. Like if that became the CEO animal and then tried to give its first speech,

everyone would leave. Out of confidence. Hi, guys. I can get it ready before. You guys keep drafting. I'll have it ready before the end of the episode. Mike, you have rain and birds chirping, but you got one more.

So I got one more. So this one could be just me. So whatever. But this is a sound that I have always loved. Jason's morning fart. 5 AM, you're welcome. I'm not privy yet. Walking in small gravel. So when you're walking in rocks.

Interesting. No, I said, I know that you guys aren't going to. You'll think about it next time. I'm not talking about walking in the big landscape rock. But when it's been cut down and it's more fine, that little. Like a Japanese garden? Yes. That little crunch sound is perfection. Okay, all right.

Not on anyone else's list. I said, hey, satisfying to you. I'm just surprised, like the crunch of snow. You know what I mean? The crunch of snow is fine. It's not as good as the small gravel though. All right. Because the crunch of snow ends up,

you get a weird musical tone in there too. It's not as good as the small gravel though. All right. Because the crunch of snow ends up, you know, rrrr, rrrr. Like, you get a weird musical tone in there, too. All right, Jason, you are back on the clock. Wind in the trees, opening soda can, and what else? Hmm, a satisfying sound. Man, so I'm realizing how old we are, because all of our satisfying sounds are like,

so boring. I mean it is- Give me loud rock and roll music, cause I'm so young. So satisfying inherently is meant to be like- Peaceful. Yeah, like it's not the best sound. You're listening to them while you go to sleep.

And I'm gonna stick with the theme of our boring old man sounds. And I'm gonna stick with the theme of our boring, old man sounds. And I'm gonna say the crackling, not of a fireplace, but of a vinyl record player before it starts. It's on my list. It's on my list. The, the, the, I mean, yeah. Dang, that's a satisfying sound.

You wanna talk satisfying. As soon as you put that, yeah, as soon as you put that little needle down and it starts. Dang, I did not have that and that's a great pick. Whew, that is satisfying. Like I've got one on my list that's at the top of my list that I'm not gonna draft because I love the sound,

but it's not satisfying. No, that's an amazing pick. That was a steal in the third round. My last two picks, I will go away from the ocean waves and the wind and the trees and those things. I'll go to the pour of coffee into a mug. I can hear it. Into a mug.

And then for my last one, I'm actually gonna go, now I'm sinking a pivot in. I'll go the sizzle of bacon. Oh. Yeah. I will go the sizzle. Or rain. A very similar, you're saying? Yes, they use that in sound effects. The sizzle of bacon. Oh Go this rain Very similar. Yeah, they use that in sound effects. Do they really? Yeah, they use the sizzle of bacon

They will use as a rain sound for for sound. No wonder I like that sound I I have the sizzle of a steak on mine that different sound but I mean that's Okay, yeah, Iry thinking about the sound. I'm back up, huh? Uh-huh. All right, none of this boring old man easy peasy. You want to know what's satisfying? What's that?

The sound of a slot machine jackpot. You know what I'm saying? Cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek,

cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek,, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheek, cheekig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, chig, She left me. All right, Mike, you have your final pick. Most satisfying sounds. So I will, because it's a similar vein, I'm going to pivot away from it. But I have poker chips on. I even know when you're just playing with your stack

there at the table, that's a very good sound. But I'm going to go with a high quality car door. Oh, so it's quiet? No, when you close the door and it gets- Wait, the satisfying lock sound? No, just closing the door if it's so well built and it gives you that thump. Really?

No, I know exactly what you're talking about. Thank you. When you have a real good one, it's not loud. Does it have to be like a 50s? No, no. You're talking modern day luxury. A luxury car that is just that. Solid.

It means solid. It's built solid. You know that when I drive this, I'm not going to hear any road noise, nothing outside, but that close. Yeah, that's great. All right, so rain, birds chirping, walking on small gravel, and closing a high quality car door our Mike's picks Jason with cracking open a can Wind in the trees a vinyl record

Putting a vinyl record on and a slot machine jackpot and I went with crackling fire ocean waves coffee pouring and the sizzle of bacon oh We got the end. Oh, we have an eagle wasn't drafted was we just went to an eagle for some reason hold on a second let's say I'm about to blow my nose throw that's better than showing me blow my nose that eagle okay let's hear it looks like it's making sound yeah we are oh oh that's awful that is a bald eagle that's a bald eagle that's awful that's that's the sound of strength and freedom man out of here

that's I mean it's a cool-looking bird but you got to up that. Honorable mentions, thunder, rustling leaves, a waterfall. I had a match strike. Jason, you'd like this. Shoe squeaks on a gym floor. Oh, yeah, I do like that. I have a knife scrape on a fresh loaf of bread. OK. Interesting.

All right. So baby laughing, great sound. Not satisfying. I've got the exhale after a soda drink. You like the ah. Yeah, heck yeah. A perfect swish. That's the sound of being satisfied. Oh, yeah.

There you go. The swish. A perfect swish. I don't golf, but a golf ball dropping in the cup. It's like the perfect sound. Oh, that's a good sound, yeah. The snap of a jar first being open when you get that safety lid pop. That's good. And of course the bank cash machine

counting. Oh my gosh. After I win my jackpot. What did we learn today? I can't trust them you learned you can't trust you learned that today Yes, wow cuz I tried Wow What let's go to deuces alley Papa Josh. What did you learn today? I suck at cameras What? Why is the bird back? I think we're done. All right. Wrap it up. It's our final show. Oh my gosh. Well, thanks for joining us. Tell your friends about the spitballers. We'll be back with a new episode next Monday

Take care. Goodbye. Thanks for listening to the Spitballers Podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out spitballerspod.com.