Spitballers Comedy Podcast - Chicken Sitting & Gym Battle Royale - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: August 10, 2026

The Spitballers are back with a brand new episode! The comedy flows as the guys discuss whether chickens and alligators can sit, a spectacular failure of a game of Guess Guess Goose happens, and we bring things home with a Gym Battle Royale Draft. Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast! Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast: Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.com Follow us on X: x.com/SpitballersPod Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPod Subscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore on realistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's The Spitballers podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. I got my guitar and tattoos playing soggy bottom blues. I'm Mike. Wow. That's a lot of words. Oh, wow. I know. You got hit with the boo-bird.

I thought if one person might enjoy it. Wow, this boo goes on for a long time. Oh, they're getting angrier. They hate it. Mike did not like one ounce of that. Hold on. People, spit on. Come on, man.

This is owl. Oh, goodness. It wasn't my best word, but it wasn't that bad. I mean, the people thought it was. I thought if one person would like it, it would be Mike, and he hated it. I don't. The people hated it. What did you think of it, Mike?

It was terrible. Oh. It was supposed to be Jason today. The people were ready for Jason. And lo and behold, at lunchtime today, he offers to pay for, what, three, three straight, T times. Yeah. So. And I was like, I can't turn that down.

There you go. And he should have because then he wouldn't have done that. No way. No, no, he did the right thing. I'll fall on any sword for three two times. It's done now. I don't. It's weird because I just feel like there were too many words.

I just felt like too many words. I wasn't even able to track. Like he did catch up. I got my guitar and tattoos playing soggy bottom blues. Mike's old band was the soggy bottom boys. No, it wasn't. It wasn't? It wasn't.

Oh, well, that's... Soggy bottom boys? That's from the movie. Oh. Oh, what was your band name? Rock bottom. Oh, man. Oh, that's a good reason to not like it.

Boo. Yeah. Welcome into the spitballers. We're going to kick it off with some. Would you rather? Would you rather? Mike approved of nothing. Would you rather be a ref in the Super Bowl and make a blatantly wrong call that cost the team the game?

Oh, you are the reason. Oh, no. Like in the Arizona Cardinals versus the Pittsburgh Steelers? Oh, when they called that a touchdown? They called it a touchdown when his foot never touched. Right. We seem to be the only ones that think that they made the bad call. No, no. There's a lot of Cardinals fans out there that think that.

Or accidentally announced the wrong winner for an Academy Award and have to walk it back live on air once. the wrong winner takes the stage. What's the wrong? Warram Beatty did that. Yeah. This was real? Oh, yeah. The moonlight situation.

You don't remember this? I don't remember. I believe it was Warren. Warren Betty, whatever you ever pronounce his name? I remember when someone called someone poop. There was that.

Who? Who? No. Warren Betty was Dick Tracy. Yes. I think it was Steve Harvey that made the who made the Gaff. No, no.

The Gap was. Warren Beatty. Okay. And he announced moonlight. But there was another thing with Steve Harvey. A different situation with Harvey. I was getting those mixed up. But like Warren Beatty came out and then.

He initially crowned the wrong like Miss Columbia. He looked like. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what Steve Harvey did. Yeah. Warren Bailey did the Moonlight one and he got up and he was confused old man. That's all it was.

Yeah. It's always so much forgiven. But they all came up and took you. You don't remember. I don't remember. They actually got the Oscars in their hands. And then they're about to give a speech. They looked at the card and they were like, no, no, no, no, no.

We didn't win guys. And they go moonlight one. Moonlight's best picture. Yeah. The losers were, they were very gracious and like, guys, sorry to them. We didn't win. Do you know who lost? Exactly.

You don't because they were the losers. I thought it was the La La La Land. La Land, yeah. I was going to say the LA. Lansing movie. Then they were in like, law or something. And that guy, that poor guy had to get up there. in his greatest moment of his life.

Wow. We didn't win, guys. Yeah. Okay, but the person behind the scene, the person responsible for it. Kind of got away with it because he was old. Obviously, Super Bowl largest watched event in the year. Correct. I'm easily choosing the Academy Award.

Easy. Because I feel like in Hollywood, if you make a mistake, it's more PR for you. You go, whoops, adie-dos-doozles. Like it doesn't hurt you. James Smith went up and slapped somebody. It's probably good for him. It gets corrected. When you make a mistake like saying that Plaxico had his second foot down, when it was not down.

Santonio. Oh, yes, thank you. I'm so sorry. San Antonio, it changes the future for so many people. So, so many people on the- You don't have to deal with it right in that moment. In that moment, you're just right. And they move on and they're upset.

Maybe they look at the boards and they get upset or whatever. But the angry, there's an angrier sports. sports fans and they are Oscar fans. And it's not even... You're gonna have your house burnt down. I'm trying to find a way that this is... I know. I appreciate it. It's not even that for me.

It's the like, being wrong is like one of the things I hate most in this entire world. Where you're like, I'm like, I'm so sure that it's this. And then you're wrong and you're like... Have you gotten used to it? Me? It happens so rarely. Like maybe if I got some more reps,

Yeah, if you got more reps. Being wrong. Being wrong when you think you're right sucks. Humbly. Like in a mistake on that level. Should refs wear like disguises? To protect their identities? If their identities were.

No. If they were neutral, is it better for the game? No, that's way more. No, it's not. You can just do whatever you want then. Okay. No, they need to be. Accountability.

They need more accountability. Exactly. Because, I mean, it's not on, we're just. you know, goofing on that, but you've had several times where a game has a controversial ending and then they, it's like,

oh, the week after it, the NFL's huddled, and they're like, well, we got that one wrong. And you're like, oh,

that's the game. Yeah, you're like, you changed the outcome, which in football, not, I mean, not even just the Super Bowl,

any game of football. There's only, you only get to play 17 times. Well, now it's compounded to, because people bet on the games. And so your mistake is... Yeah, your attacks are going to be...

I'll do the Academy Award thing. I'll blame the person who gave me the note for writing something wrong. I will swear up and down that the note was wrong. Oh, I'll eat it. You have to. Yeah, you got to eat the... You're like, no, let me see the...

Would you rather be able to teleport as much as you want for three weeks? No, you can't gain financial benefits from it. Jason. Okay. No teleporting into the... the bank fault. Got it.

Would you rather be able to teleport as much as you want for three weeks, so just the benefit of travel, I guess, or have unlimited free first class tickets for three years. So three weeks, three years. That's a great question, I think, which, I mean, we can rarely, we rarely say to Al, but great question. Well, follow up here. Is this solo ticket, me myself? Tickets.

Tickets. Plural. Okay, but then. You get two. So only plus one. I'm saying I can't take my family. What do you want, Al? What do you want?

Yeah, let's go plus one. Can you teleport? Is your teleportation plus one? Of course it is. Yeah. If you're holding, these are the... I know the rules of teleportation. Okay.

I just didn't know if you hold your hands wife. Your hands. This hand's married to my wife. Yeah, this hand's married to this other hand. This hand's wife is my right one. But I think that the wife's... The question is, is like, in three weeks, if you could teleport unlimited, the amount of stuff you could get done, the amount you could see.

Yeah, because you could do, I mean, I feel like you could jam in way more than three years or the first class tickets in three weeks. In one day, you can see every major site. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Every world wonder. You want to see the great wall of China, the pyramids, the Grand Canyon, Taj Mah, everything. You could do it in one day.

It's incredible. I'd even go to the Amazon rainforest because I could get out. Yeah, because you get out. Good. Yeah. Ooh, that'd be a scary, a scary one, though. Transfer in real quick. Hope you're not in a bad spot. Well, when you go home, you might be bringing home on a monster. Let me.

All they come with you. Teleportation. Small twist in the situation, okay? Yeah. If you could get free teleportation for the rest of your life, you could do it forever. Okay. However, your teleportation is slightly inexact. it's within like

I don't know let's call it like a 20 yard circle Are we safe? No You can't You could end up in a building If you could like end up in a wall You could end up in a wall

You can't use it Yeah you can't use it Do you don't think you You could What if it's a three foot circle You think you could Narrow that down Three feet

The problem is when I think about teleportation As long as you're not like Gonna put me in the floor Let's say you wanted to teleport to the Eiffel Tower right now. Okay. How do you navigate? Do you just think of the Eiffel Tower?

Yes. Because you do need to pick a spot. No, you just think. Per the rules. Yeah, Mike, explain this to him. Per the rules of teleportation, as long as you can see it in your mind. Got to be able to visualize it.

Then you can go there. Yeah. But how close to it are you? Yeah, you don't have to be... Is it what your mind sees? Are you standing as far away from it as your mind sees? I don't understand what you're saying. I'm saying where do you end up exactly?

Yeah. Are you 10 feet from the Eiffel Tower or 100 feet or 100 yards? Are you, if you say you want to go see the, you know, I don't know, Mount Everest. Right. How far from the peak are you? Oh, I would be teleporting to the top. Okay. Yeah, you know how I would be visualizing the top of the peak.

But you don't know what the top looks like. But I can go, I can error. I can go like imagine being above Mount Everest by like a couple hundred feet. So then I go and then I appear and then I. Oh, you're a skydiving. And then I, yeah, but then I can keep teleporting. Right. I can get back down to the ground safely.

I just don't know how close you get to these objects. That's all I was asking. You want to go to Grand Canyon? Are you like, I'm 10 feet from the island? I think if you're going to long distance, it's harder. In my perfect world. You don't need to give a longitude latitude? In my perfect world, what I would do is I would think in my mind,

okay, I want to be up on the top of the elevator deck on the Eiffel Tower, and then boom, I'm there. However, if visualization is necessary, I can't have teleportation. Because I can't visualize. Like, I couldn't go home right now. A Google Maps app where you couldn't click? I couldn't think in my mind of what my kitchen looks like. Really?

I just, I can't, like, the idea of drawing an art and people like that can, in their mind, really visualize. You don't know what your kitchen looks like? I mean, I know some of it. So if you drew a picture of your kitchen, it wouldn't look great. No, well, not at all. So, yeah, an app would help, like an Uber app, but for teleportation. Okay, like let's say I just go outside right now. And I look up.

And, you know, I'm like, I look up thousands of feet. So I go, yeah. And then I'm just looking forward. Like how fast, how far can you see for, you know, do you know what I mean? Like I go up in the air and now I'm just looking forward the direction I want to go. And I keep teleporting. So I'm going like a couple miles at a time. How fast are you actually moving?

Well, that I can't tell you. how fast. Josh? Nobody can tell you that. No, Josh is a real smart guy. You're saying you're using it as like a way of moving. Yeah. So you're always just looking like 100 yards of front of you and zapping over to that?

I mean, that would just depend on how fast you think and how far you go, Mike. We can't tell you without those two variables. Like how far, if you're looking at a perfectly clear horizon, what's the far this you can normally see? Now that question we can figure out. It's a couple miles. No, probably more than that.

I would think 20 miles. And if you're just going 20 miles, 20 miles. 20 miles. Yeah. I mean, you're going real fast. For sure. Yeah, I mean, fast enough where you could go just about anywhere you want in no time. Yeah.

If you're standing at sea level with your eyes about five feet, seven inches above the ground. Oh, short time. The geometric horizon is approximately 2.9 miles. Okay, but that's sea level. True. That's not way up in the air. Can you see 20 miles? Yes.

Under specific conditions. Okay. Well, then we're going at least 20 miles per second. Sure. And you wanted to know this for your story. speed to see if you had like a faster way of getting there? No, it's definitely slower, but I'm saying it's safer.

If you're worried about, okay, if I'm trying to go to the Eiffel Tower immediately, and I can't visualize it. How are you getting over the ocean? I think we have lost ourselves. No, I'm very found right now. I know what's going on. Back to the question, I guess. Teleport as much as you want for three weeks.

Yes. Or unlimited free first class for life. How about that? For life? For life. Now, three weeks of the perfect trip for all the memories in all the world. I think I got to take the lifetime first class. I think I'm going to take the teleport. I don't like planning vacations.

I don't like traveling that much. I'm going to get all my life's travel done in three weeks with teleportation. But then I'm going to know what's going to happen six months from now? You're going to want to go somewhere. You're going to need to go somewhere. My wife will be like, I want to go somewhere and I'll be like, we've been there. And you'll go, yon. I'm like, boring.

And 10 years from now, you're going to be like, oh, I did that. 10 years ago in my three weeks stretch. No, you're going to want to travel around. The problem is that you will get to see a lot of places, you will not get to stay there. And a lot of places that you want to go to, you want to stay there for a while. Yeah. If you're trying to fill up, like, I want to see 100 of the best places in the world, you're not going to stay there long for three weeks. Yeah. No, I think if it's a lifetime, I'm going to take the first class because that's how I want to travel. Um, not private. No, no, no, definitely not private. I don't trust small planes.

Okay. So you want to be, really? Yeah, really. So if you could have a private jet or unlimited first class? Unlimited first class, yeah. What? Yeah. I just think that.

I mean, people are flying in private jets all over the place. They're not going down. Are they going overseas in private jets? Yeah. Really? Yes. How nice are these private jets we talking? Oh, my God.

Yeah, I'm not talking like Air Force One. I'm talking a real attainable. I'm almost certain. Like what is that? What's the song? G6? Yeah, like a Cesting. G6?

Yeah. Is that thing going over the water? No, those things aren't going over the Atlantic. I don't think so. I mean, unless you stop in Newfoundland. I'm fairly certain that people are taking private aircrafts across the ocean, yes. Nonstop? Yeah, yeah, nonstop.

Yes, a Gulfstream G6 can easily cross the Atlantic Ocean nonstop. From where? From where? It has a range of 7,000 nautical miles. Yeah, that's easy work. That's easy work. Okay. How large is...

the United States and nautical miles. What, $2,000? Yeah, about $3,000, I think. All right, we'll move on. I think we've exhausted that one.

For $50,000, which animal would you rather have to successfully train to sit on command? A wild goat, a wild donkey, or a wild chicken. What is this?

Chicken's impossible. You throw good questions out there. Chicken is impossible. First of all, I thought I was getting a little excited because I thought this was about, for $50,000, what's the largest animal that you would allow to sit on you? That's what I thought the question was.

That's a good question. So I was getting a little bit hyped about that. And then you give this, I got to train a goat, a donkey or a chicken to sit on command. I mean, dumb to dumb. Donkey. I guess. Donkeys are wily. They're squirrely.

Goats? They're, goats are dumb. I'm not, I can't get a chicken to sit on. No, that's impossible. That is a dumb animal. and what is a sit for a chicken What's a sit for a donkey? It's more like a donkey is

It's four legs So it's going to sit like a dog So the same as a goat I'm saying a chicken A sit their body to floor So just squat Chickens can't sit Yeah I think it'd be like a chicken

Laying down Like it's laying an egg You don't know what a chicken can do I'll be honest Before the show I actually googled Do chickens sit Yeah they do There's pictures you can look at

I bet you didn't Google for $50,000 what animal would you let shit on you? No, I did not. Yeah, you wish you had that answer. And you're never getting it. No, I mean, I think we... This isn't sitting down. You want to know what animal you let sit on you? I want to know if for $50,000, not for $5 million, for $50,000 right now.

Only one of us gets the $50,000. With the heaviest animal. And so we can, like... I just don't know what I can survive. Yeah, I don't know what my body can handle PSI. Okay. So, like, okay, I'll go chimpanzee post the most obnoxious list. Yeah, I want to know.

Chimpancy, no, we can do more than a chip. Okay, so then what are you? I want to see how high, will you outdo my chimpanzee? What do you go to? How long does it have to sit? 30 seconds. 30 seconds. I don't know what kind of weight you can hold.

Yeah, but you don't get to find out until the animal is on you. You'll go horse. The horses are humongous. Yeah, but it's sitting. But they're dying. I mean, you're dying. No, no, it's not full body weight. It's got to sit on me 30 seconds.

The horse is 2,000 pounds. But what's the weight sitting? It's the same weight. No, it's not. Yes, it is. No, because it sits down, so it still got weight on its legs. If Jason sits on you right now, how much of his weights on you? He doesn't have four legs.

This is a very, this is so different. I think Mike is kind of right here, but I will go. You're saying because it's bearing some weight on the front legs? Correct. My dog is a moose. This thing weighs 120. pounds and when it sits on you it's not 120. You're not going up to a hippo.

No, no, no, I didn't say hippo. Or a tortoise. Would you do a bison? No, bison's way bigger than a horse. Bison is significantly bigger than a horse. Was this a trick question? Trying to see if you... That was a trick question. I know, animals. I think something in the 350 pound range is what I'm looking for.

Like a jaguar. What Mike is talking about here where a giant panda? Where you're not getting all of the weight is kind of interesting. Like I kind of want to go giraffe. But if a full giraffe saddle you're dead. Right, but we're talking the physics the long legs. Is it taking more of the weight? I'm the only one to think this whole sitting like preposition

here. You can see yourself out of this conversation. We're talking about it. Just look at the weight of an animal and decide how much weight you can take. No, the legs matter. I mean, you're not, it's not just you don't. I am promising you right now. If a horse sits on you, Mike, you are done. If a zebra sits on you, you can. Dude, I will say this. People have horses fall completely. completely on them and they survive. That's how a lot of people have died. Some of them die. The weak ones. The weak ones do die.

But also some of the strong ones. Is it better if the weights spread out across more space, right? Yes. That's kind of what I'm talking about alligator. Oh. Now that's a new question. Can an alligator sit? No, I don't do. Because I don't think an alligator can sit. Now, an alligator can't sit. That's like it's already. Yeah, a snake can't sit. No, a snake can't take a seat. But snake doesn't have legs.

Yeah, but an alligator barely does. Can an alligator do put it? Push-ups? Yes. Then it can sit. A lot of them. Those are different things, but no, no. I think if you can do a push-up, you can sit.

You have to have your head facing upward to be sitting. Yeah. An alligator cannot get to an upward head position. Does it have these? I've seen, I've seen alligator spring up. They can't, they absolutely. What do you mean they, do they walk on two legs? No, it's kind of like on their tail.

I think you're making stuff up. No, no, alligators can definitely use their tail. Can you use their tail to walk? Not to walk. No, to push up. Spring up. It's a very strong. tail. I don't want to type this. Can alligators? Spring up. Yes. They definitely can. Oh, my gosh.

Did you find it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Alligators. Yeah, yeah, give it to us. Yes, all. Yeah, yeah, give it to us. Yes, alligators can spring up or launch themselves up to four or five feet. Yeah. But that's out of the water, not on land. We'll ask a better question. Yeah, that's on you. On land. Oh, that face says yes. They can. They can lift up off their bellies using a movement called a high walk and are capable of explosive short distance lunges reaching 11 to 15 miles an hour. Yeah, there we go. I don't know what world in my living.

What is an alligator way? 300 pounds. No, no way. No way. Thousand pounds. Yes, closer there. Wait, an alligator weighs a thousand. No way.

No way. Water weight. Typical. Yeah, what's your land weight? Typical is about 500 pounds. Okay. I've seen... That's not even close to a thousand pounds.

I'm saying this spring thing, I've seen zero.0 pictures of an alligator springing up on two legs. If you have four legs and knees, you can sit. I stand by this. What shape is the chair for an alligator? But you can't sit because the tail's

in the way. Yeah. No, it's fine. You think they can't put that tail in the air? There are, we've had bad episodes before. No, there's, this might be, people are learning stuff right now. Are they, Al? I don't think so.

Can I, can I, I'm hoping they're being entertained. You haven't, no, an alligator can't sit. No, of course it can. But a chicken can. No, it can't. A chicken can absolutely sit. No, I have, I have chickens. Roost.

No. A chicken can incubates. Chicken sits. When it incubates, it sits, right? Yes. No, it just goes, it just goes down. Is it sitting on its bottom? It has knees, Mike.

It's on its bottom and it's tummy. And it's tummy. Just to be clear, you think an alligator can sit in a chair, but a chicken. I didn't say chair. I did not say chair. No, but just sit. Yeah. I think that an alligator.

Who's more on their belly, an alligator or a chicken? A chicken. What is happening? The chicken's fully on his belly. The entire belly of an alligator is on the ground almost all the time. No, Jason, you just put a picture in that we'll have an alligator sitting. It's a baby alligator. It's sitting.

So is a chicken. No. Gosh, dang it, Jason. This looks like an alligator sitting. If your butt and your tummy are on the ground at the same time, that's a laydown. That's not a sit. Do lizard sit? They can.

Mike is a... Jason knows metal. I know amphibians. And Mike knows sitting. I can tell you, chicken sit. I have... That's a squat. The picture you just put it as a squat.

That's not derrier to the bottom. What are they doing? There's a gap. Mike, when they incubate an egg, their derrier is the incubator. No, no. He will not accept the chicken. No, I will not. Definitely sit.

And they're not by my definition. Their belly is not on the ground. You're telling me that the picture you just put in. You're saying that chicken's belly is not on the ground. Not all of it. That is the worst. podcasting we've ever done. Here we go.

Mike's sitting here referring to pictures that no one can see. No, Jason can. This is personal. I'm not even talking to the people. I'm talking to Jason right now. Speaking of, I don't know, can a goose sit, Mike? No. What time is it?

Game time. Time for Mike to wear a goose. This is my favorite game. It really is. I love this game. Because I feel like I just. learn every single time. We're playing guess, guess, guess, goose. I guess Mike is the goose.

If your stomach and your bottom are both touching the ground, you are lying down, resting, or prone. That's what an alligator's doing. That's the problem. The alligator's far more. The front legs are up. Give me the goose. Mike is the goose. We didn't get a big enough goose for that head, but we'll

work on it. Because they don't exist. We are playing six rounds of my favorite game on this show where each of us will read a question, set a line, The others will decide higher or lower. If the person reading the question is within 5%, I believe, right? On either side.

Of either side? That is correct. Then they get two points or three? Three points if you guessed at exactly. Two points if you're within 5% in each direction and one point in higher or lower people get it. You'll follow along. What percentage of people own bowling balls? So you're not renting.

You're owning that thing. Oh, man. Oh, man. You're owning a bowling ball. And I get to set the line on that. And I don't. And I want you to follow up with how. Yes, they can sit, Mike.

Do you judge them? Severely. And the problem is that I just don't know what the bowling, the ebbs and flows of the bowling culture are like. I don't know. Are people, are the same amount of people bowling today as were 10 years ago? I don't think so. But you think that because you don't bowl anymore.

Yeah, I know people that own bowling balls. I've got. You do? Yes. I'm lowering this number. I do. I think. Who do I know?

Brooks? Yeah. Oh, Brooksie has a bowling? Yeah, Brooks is a pretty good bowler. I'm setting the line here at 11%. I think 11% of people on bowling balls, which maybe, saying it out loud makes me think that's maybe too high. But 11% is what I'm going with.

I've got my answer. That's too much. You think, oh. You can't change it after review. No, I know. I've already done it. I think 11's a good line. I think 11's not.

You think, okay? One out of ten? I mean, I'm going lower. Yeah, I'm going lower. I think if you went like 4% I would go lower. Here's what happened. Before you reveal, I wrote 15% down. Have you ever owned a bowling ball in your life?

I wrote 15 and I lowered it to 11. So I'm going to go with my guy. I have owned a bowling ball at some point in my life. Yeah. Okay, so maybe this number's not bad. So what's the number? 20%. How much?

Boom. It is not. It is 20. Wait, I got nothing. I told you. If you had gone with your 15, you would have. I said it was a good number. No, but no, no, no, hold up.

20% is a lie. It's not, like, I know it's the answer to this question, but it is not true. If you count Brooks in that like three of six of us have owned a bowling bowl. Is this ever in your life? Is that what I said? Because I thought the question was, own a bowling ball. That is correct.

Okay, so one in five people do not own a bowling ball. No chance. The facts are the facts and none of us get any points because I have to get so close. Did you go to a bowling alley when you were asking these people? What percentage of people at a bowling alley own a bowling ball? Because I still think one in five would be too high, but it might work. I mean, that is, that's where my brain was gone. It depends if you're there for league.

Genuinely think about it. At a bowling alley, what percentage of those people own a bowling ball? Is it league night? It's not 20%. It's more than 20%. It is. The league people, and that's 95% of league people own a bowling ball. Leagues are keeping bowling alleys alive. All right. Well, we have no points through one round.

Mike, what percentage of people prefer dark chocolate over milk chocolate? Oh, gosh. Ooh, interesting. That is, that is, I'm so glad I'm not setting out line. I'm one of them, but I do think we are, I think there's more milk chocolate people just due to abundance. interesting and lack of education oh my gosh well you get to set the line

I have my I have my guess but I don't know where to go I need your help I'm gonna go 40% oh my gosh I don't know what to do now I wrote down 40% as my like I wrote that down I was just like I'll go higher or lower wherever he goes

I mean I have my answer then um oh man I'm gonna go you know what Jay I will let you lock in 40%. And you will get 10 points if it is 40. Okay.

I'm not going to take the I'm going to take the I'm going to take the field. That's not what a goose says. Go ahead, Jay. I'm going lower. Higher. Oh, I split them. I mean, you had a perfect line. It's a great line. I was more in the 50, 60

percent, though. It was a great line. The correct answer, 38%. Oh, yeah, baby. Yes. So for that. That hurts me. the goose train now. Mike gets two points. Jason gets one. Andy Goose. Nice. Man. All right. Okay. The goose is in the lead. All right. What percentage... The goose is loose. The goose is totally loose. What percentage of people have faked receiving phone calls or texts to get out of

conversations? That's ridiculous. Have faked a phone call or a text? I do. We probably don't have an answer for this, would you also count prevent? Yeah, I mean, that's, that's what you're doing. You're not, like, I'm not escaping. I am stopping it before it starts. I guess that's how I see it, because I've done that for sure. Like, oh, I know someone's, you know, I'm going to hold the phone up or whatever. Set a line, Jason. I'm going to, I'm going to pull it. I'm going to roll it back again. I'm going to do the 40%. I think that a large chunk in the minority have done it. I'm going higher. I'm going lower. Oh, I'm going higher.

Split them again. Going higher. Correct answer. 70% of people. I know I have. Wow. The goose is cooking. I'm in trouble. I'm only one point ahead of you. I know, thankfully.

All right. What percentage of people, so Mike at three, Jason at one, I'm at zero. Correct. What percentage of people have vomited at amusement parks? Oh, brother. Vomited at amusement parks. Man. There's a couple ways to vomit in an amusement park.

You can just have bad food because that's common there. You could overeat the sweets. Yeah, and then there's just like the rides, obviously. But I don't think it's a majority. I think... It's not getting nauseous. It's vomit. Yeah, I'm going to go 32%.

Oh, man. That's a good line. I'm going 32%. I don't know. My initial number was... Sticking with the OG number. Do you have yours, Jay? Yeah, I've got mine.

My initial was lower, so. I'm going to stick with that. Mine was lower. I had 15%. I went 20. Yeah. So we're both going lower. You are both correct.

The answer was 24%. So I just missed points again. You were 8% off. So I miss points. Oh, man. I've gotten two guesses within 10% and I get no points. Correct. That is correct.

Honk. I hate the 10% rule. I wanted to be 10%. I believe Andy was saying how much he hates this game. This game is great. I said I love this game. Nine. Mike.

The wrong percent is the answer to this question. I have thoughts. What percentage of people usually remove their shoes while flying? That's interesting. I did this recently for the first time. If you have socks on, I have no problem with someone taking their shoes off. It's much more comfortable. If you are in an open toe situation at all.

all, you made your bed, you stay there. It's funny because the idea of open toe, you are exposed to already, you're already barefooted. I agree with, but you still. Like, if I'm in flip-flops, you're telling me I can't kick my flippy floppy. I am. I am 100% telling you that. Because you're disgusting. I would rather that than somebody's smelly socks. Yeah. My flip-flops, my feet are already out. I'm just removing. My socks don't smell, brother. A lot of people do. All right. So what percentage of people usually usually

remove their shoes while flying. It's not going to be most. So we're going to go sub-50. Let's put the... Ooh. Let's go... Man. 20%.

Oh, my gosh, Michael. Am I on fire right now or what? I went 19%. We're just like seeing everything the same. 19% is so tough. Because it's lower, but it's like I'm on the minority side. Yeah, your margin is.

is um, go. Do you want the field or what? I'm going to stick with what I had. I'm going to go lower. I have higher. This is the first time this has happened in this game. Jason got the correct answer. Oh, as the it's 19%. It's 19%. Oh, boom. You said lower. Oh, wait. No, that is correct. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was thinking you had to be under 19. So yes, Mike, it's another two points. Whoa, baby. And Jason does get a point for lower. The nice thing about this game. is... I'm going to need a score update here in a moment.

The nice thing is, it doesn't matter who wins. It only matters who loses. Yeah. So... Currently, it's Mike with six, Jason with three. And Andy... And he currently has a goose and will be a goose because he can't come back and win. What does he get if he nails the number?

Three points. Okay, so he could tie you. Well, no, because he's already had his. I can only nail the number. Oh. He was only a lower. I'm done. He's cooked like a goose.

I'm so done. Just go through. the last question last question what percentage of people have left christmas trees up beyond january 31st when i guilty every year when i proof read this i thought i was december 31st i was like oh the vast majority of people oh that's how i read it that's how i just set the line they didn't you know get it down that week or whatever january 31st that's a special lot of us yeah and i do mean us yeah i definitely have done it uh have Left it up. Okay, I'm going to set the line at...

Hold on, hold on. Hold on. Higher. Nice. Nice. I'm going to set the line at 99. Don't care. I know. We won. We already bought... I would set the line at 29%. Lower.

29? I'm going lower. 18. Yeah, I'll take lower on 29. I don't care. Why don't my plans? You should have stuck with a higher. It was 31%. Jason, good guess. It doesn't matter. Two points there, not that it matters, but we ended with Mike with six, Jason with five. Good job, Mike.

Andy with a free hat next time. Did you score? You scored zero. I don't think we've ever had anybody. Six rounds. Juice in this game. Mike, you can take that off now if you want. I mean, I feel pretty cool in this thing.

Gave me superpowers. The Spitballers draft. Zero points. I mean, get this dude some feathers to go with his hat. The both times I read the The both times I read the question, I got really close But I got no points for it because the game is rigged. You know, you can read them every time.

We are doing a gym battle royale. That would be a gym like a workout gym. Which we know so much about gyms. We have not been, we have not had a workout battle royal ever. We haven't had a battle royale in a long time. and this time all three of us are entering the gym and the people are scrambling because they know this is a fight to the death. Oh man, there's going to be murder.

And we're going to draft some of the items within the gym and we're going to battle. And Jason, I mean, really, Al Borland, but Jason gets the first pick because he had the scat. Oh, yeah, that's nice. I'm going to take... What a draft for the first pick. I think it is. I have a very clear one. I think there's a very clear 101 to me. And the fact that we all have one makes me hope that it is what is clear to me.

it's the barbell. It's the, nope. It's the actual barbell that goes, you know, like the, oh, yeah, the Olympic barbell, I think. 45 pound. 45 pound. I'm going to swing that thing around like a helicopter.

You never get into me. That thing is, uh, um, if you go full helicopter. Yes, I'm going full helicopter. You will never get to me. You'll never be able to stop the spin. Correct. Yeah. I will be doing that until I have mowed you down with a barbell.

I mean, the barbell is a good pick. It might have been my 101. and it's you can't block it it's so heavy it's going to hurt to try to you know stop it from hitting you it's not easy to defend it's not easy to wield no it's not easy to wheel but you can also wield it in defense you know if i if i get tired from my helicopter i could too hand this thing and i could use it like a bow you know like donatello i think a woodstaff versus about a 42 pound difference in those two maybe more um i'm gonna get a good i'm gonna get a good sweat in. Obviously, we're going to be drafting things from the gym. There's going to be a lot of things that carry weight.

That's going to be a big part of it. To me, it's about how you can wield it. So instead of going for, you know, I don't know, I don't know how I'm exactly attacking you with a dumbbell. I'm going with a kettlebell. I'm taking a kettlebell. I'm taking a kettlebell. Grip it and rip it. That's what I always say in the gym. 10 pound kettlebell was my number two on my list. I was going to go 12 pound. No, I'm just kidding. No, no, no, I. The kettlebell's perfect. It's got, it's ready made for swinging. Yeah. Easy to throw. Sure.

As well. Yeah, no, I, I, uh, I didn't know where Mike was going with his one-on-one, but I'm thinking. kettlebell feels to me the most, most damage plus, like, I mean, a barbell, you're just, you're going to be so tired. You can get like a fiber. Yeah, the dumbbell bell, you feel like you've got, like, some agility. Well, dumbbell can still work. I need to lift. sorry, the barbell.

It's been a minute since I've lifted. Oh, we have a barbell. We know a lot about gyms. It's not really that easy to like run around with. I think it would be heavier than I'm thinking. Yeah. It's a little heavier. It's about 42 pounds heavier than you're thinking of it.

But, but I don't think it's a bad pick because you do get. I get rains. Yeah, you get rain. You're all right. I think it's good. And, and depending on your other picks, you may be able to attach stuff to it. It might make it harder to swing. But you can attack.

I can roll this thing on the ground and make you trip, okay? When I get real tired. I do have a weapon that is part of my plan of attack. You get a couple picks in a row. So first, you guys got, you got some weight, you got some oomph. So I'm going to go with, I'm going to take some speed and agility here. I'm going to take a jump rope. Okay.

Yeah, it's on the list for me, man. Jump rope of a very whip-like. And those gym, the gym jump ropes. The gym jump ropes. That would be like, owie. I don't think you've ever. Swamp with my barbell. He was making fun of you, huh?

He's trying. I mean, this is a paddle to the death, Mike. I know. You better get that jump rope around my neck. I feel like the gym jump ropes are, they're a little bit more vicious than the, like, school yard jump ropes. You know, they got, like,

like a plastic-y whip to them. 50 lashes with those. I don't know. The school yard ones actually are, like, covered in plastic rings. You remember those? I do remember those. Yeah, I don't know what we were doing there.

And then I'm going to take, it's more of a ground attack. Because, because, okay, all right. Because these are, these are just going to be flying out fast and furious. I'm taking, Jason can't get him. So I get the plates. Okay. Okay. So are you rolling them?

Oh, yeah. You're rolling them down. Oh, this is a wheel attack. Interesting. You're hoping that you've got some height. Do you start with the high weights or the low weights? When you get the attack going. I haven't thought.

Yeah, you got to think through it. I want, hmm. Would you want to start with the heavies or the lights? I think you'd want to start with the lights. Wear them down with the lights so that the flower. The heavy ones are going to take some time to get there and you want to distract them on the way. That'll take some thought. But maybe save one is like a little shield situation.

Yeah, it's not. It's not out of the question. I can promise you I would not have put plates on my barbell. That would have not made it. The only thing it would have been good for then is working out. I'm going to work out and get strong so I can fight you. And just do an overhead. CB in three years.

And I'll take some protein powder. So. Hands some steroids. I'm not ready yet. I'm not ready. Wait, boom, my, wait, wait. Hold on. All right. I think I'm going to take,

man, it's tough because you love for me with dumbbell. The dumbbell is still there. It is. How many kettlebells do I get? All of them? Sure. So I'm throwing some, holding some.

If Mike gets all the plates, you get all the kettlebells. Yeah, that's fine. I don't need something for my offhand. I've got two cattle bills. This is what I'm thinking about in my. I'm going to take a weight bench because I. Sure. I just think I'm going to be able to,

I can kind of hunker down behind it. And Jason can't bench anymore. What's it going to do with this barbell? You know, I feel like I can set it down. It's some cover, right? Mike's rolling. Yeah. No, you're,

he's rolling weights down. It's a good idea. I don't know why this gym is so sideways to where they go down the hill. It's a gym in San Francisco. But I'm, I'm going to take the weight bench for some defense, be able to hide out behind it, build myself a fort.

And then I feel like just the counter balance here with Mike, he's got the jump rope. I'm going to go exercise bands. That's weird. That's too bad. It's Jason's turn. Yeah, that's weird. Dude, why is it Jason's turn?

Because you're in the middle. Have you done this before? Yeah. I'm really, I'm really like having. Exercise bands still on the board. The zero of the goose. You're tilted? Yeah, it got me.

So I'm in a tough spot here because... I don't know what I'm doing. I really don't want... There is wrong with me. There has been one of the three of us who has done this multiple times. Strawberry ice cream, please. No, it was mint chocolate. Oh, okay, my bad.

I thought you were talking about what I had this afternoon, which may have contributed. Which is three separate ice creams. You had three separate ice creams right before recording this. Which three did you go with? I had a mango, a peach, and then one of them fried chicken ice creams. You know, the fried chicken. Ice cream. Explain the fried chicken ice. Oh, it's unbelievable. No, no, no.

It's so good. That's not an explanation. It's, you want me to grab you one, Mike? No. No, you should get one. You should get one for on air. Come on, I don't, I don't want it. I'll eat you, I'll eat through leftovers. And there's like a little chocolate bone, a little chocolate bone inside there is a little chocolate bone. It's good. Mike, it's good. It's great. But calling it a chocolate bone is. Yeah. It's all disgusting. It's a fried chicken.

Ice cream disguise is a fried chicken piece. Why? You should, you know the answer. It reveals itself to you as you eat. Anyways, I am up now. Every bite reveals why. The first thing that I will draft. I drafted twice.

Holy, I'm so stupid. First thing I'll draft is what you didn't actually draft, which is the dumbbells. Yeah, you need one. You know. You're going to set your barbell down and then you're going to come a tackets with something else. Yeah, well, when I get tired, honestly, I didn't realize that we got all of them. This is great. I want all of them.

But originally I was going to go. You get the little two-pound neoprenees? I was going to go with the three-pound. Oh, really? Dumbels. Almost like brass knuckles? Exactly. I'm just, I'm using them to like.

That's, okay. That's crafty. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm just using them to swing and hit you. And then the other thing I'm going to draft, I'm going to leave you your resistance bands. Andy, you can. We'll see. I don't know if that's a good pick or not.

You can thwap them on me and give me an owie. I might not take it now. I am going to take something not on your guys's list. Okay. I'm taking exercise gloves, lifting gloves, okay? Oh, okay. They're basically MMA, you know, like, yeah, weightlifting gloves. They are not basically.

They're going to protect my knuckles a little bit when I punch. Not really. They're also. The padding's on the inside. I mean, they're nice. There's no padding on the nose. You think of swinging around a barbell just with my tiny, with your dainty soft.

That's true. I need those. You might get a blister. If I've got dumbbells and a barbell, I have to have weightlifting gloves. And then I get a little bit of protection when I'm punching you. It's too big for the screen, Jason. It does. Weight lifting gloves.

Am I back up? Yeah. I'm pivoting. I'm pivoting because I'm not worried about Mike taking this before the end. Okay. If he wants it, he can take it. I'm going to go with a bag. of weightlifting chalk. Oh, that was my next

pick. Really? That was 100% my next pick. You're getting blinded. Pocket chalk. Pocket chalk. We're going blood sport. Yes. Yes, we are. Yes. Oh, that stinks. Right in the eyes. I stole it. You did. That's way better than resist. Let me have two picks, huh? No, chalk was definitely my next pick. It was going to be a combo with this. I'm going to take it anyways. I'm taken to the air, guys. Oh, taken to the skies. Are you doing a pull-up bar? No. I'm taking a mini trampoline. Oh, okay.

So you're coming out as from above. So you're setting it up to a place where you, when you start attacking, you run, run, run, jump, slight, slight increase in height, come down over the top. I think you're underestimating slights. You're going to come down on my barbell like a spear. Oh, no, shoot, I didn't think this through. And my barbell will just be standing up from the ground and you will, you will, You won't be able to see you from pocket chalk.

Oh, man. Thank you. That is my name. So you guys are teaming up now. I am pocket chalk. Well, I mean, you do have weightlifting gloves. We're pretty worried about that. And then, I mean, it's just kind of there.

You know, it's not necessarily like a piece of gym equipment. But we're going, we're going old school WWF. I'm taking a folding chair. Oh, okay. I mean, that's fine. There's probably one in there. There's for sure one in there. Oh.

And there, you look, you can swing them around a little bit. Interesting. I'm trying to, like, broaden in my mind right now some of the other things I see around the gym. Yeah. Like a spray bottle to clean stuff down. You know. Sure. Treadmill.

Yeah, treadmills. I don't know how I trap you on a treadmill. Exercise bike. Oh, you can just, like, push us on it. Like, give us a skin burn. You know what I'm going to take? I'm going to go a little wild card here. It's probably not the best pick.

It's not exercise bands. I'm taking a yoga mat. Oh, no. Because. In case you get tired? Yeah, it's for napping. He's all tuck her down. That's the bonus use.

But I can wrap myself in an absorb impact. It's an armor. Oh, okay. I wrap my arm in it. I could go out of you with my arm. I could wrap my midsection and nobody can hurt me. If you wrap it around you, you're going to have to hold it. I tuck it in like a trap.

I took it in like a towel. You put it on like a towel. Going with the arm. I think that's a good idea. That was the first thing. All right. Well, if you go arm, then it will at least be wrapped around enough so that it will provide some cushion. It would.

I had a pick on here that I knew was my last pick. No one would ever take it. The protein shakes. But then Andy almost took it. And I was like, no, don't do it. The disinfectant spray bottle. Come on. I brought it up.

Yeah. I mean, that was what I wanted. I'm spraying you guys with bleach in the eyes. I got to be honest. I think it's pretty weak what they put in that stuff. They're using it all day long. They're trying to. That spray bottle got put like every other machine during COVID because it's got to kill COVID. And so that's going to be one of those.

What's inside of that will hurt your eyes. It will absolutely up to one foot away. No, no, no. I'm going to the stream. I'm not, I'm not, I'm twisting the nozzle. And your hands are protected with the gloves. I'm on jet, bro. I'm on jet mode spraying you in the eyes.

your chalk won't get to me. Al, who wins this fight just out of your imagination here? Who's winning this one? Jason's got a barbell, dumbbells, weightlifting gloves, and the antiseptic spray. Mike's got jump rope, plates, mini trampoline,

and a folding chair. I got the kettlebells, the weight bench, the chalk. You're blind. I think I got to give it. And the yoga mat. Oh, man. It's between Andy and Jason,

and you both have worthless picks between the yoga mat and the weight lifting gloves. You don't like the arm deepest? No, that's so, So, Mike liked it. I'm picturing you wrap yourself in a yoga mat thinking you're invincible is wonderful. Thank you. I'm going to give it to Jason.

That's a pink yoga. That's fine. I mean, Jeremy's also like, I could defeat dragons. I thought the Playa Box might get drafted because for a defense. Like, you hide behind it. But I didn't want to take two of those. This is where I Google Playa Box. You've been on one.

It's just. You don't like it. It's just a box. It's just a box. It's just a box. But they're tough. They're like 24, you know, 24 inches tall. Yeah.

You could definitely hide behind it. I thought about medicine balls for that. That's what I had on there too, yeah. And whoever, I don't know who would ever do it, but exercise bands as well is an option. Exercise bands would have been a very good pick. Dang it! I guess it should have taken that.

I wanted, I already had the barbell, but a sledgehammer from like the tire. Oh, if you're crossfitting? Yeah, all the tire training hammer. That's way better than gloves. That's a tricky one. I think you could have had a whole tire, though. Oh, yeah, we would have allowed that.

I'd allow that. I'd allow the hammer. Those are in gyms. Not all of them. I've seen more hammers in my gym than folding chairs. What about, well, okay. Yeah. Yeah, folding chair was a little bit.

That was a little extra. What about the blender in the juice board? Okay, we don't all go to the super boosy gyms. Ours are all lazy boys. Yeah. All right, let's, uh, let's move on. What did we learn today? I learned that the reason we have fried chicken ice cream is just because it reveals itself to you.

I learned, and I didn't, I'm revealing this now. We didn't learn this yet, but I learned from Josh that I have Afentasia, which is the inability. That's the show at Disneyland. Yes. The inability to create mental images or see things in your mind's eye. That's a whole different discussion, brother. You have. You don't see.

So like when you have you done that thing where it's like picture an apple and it's like you can't? Not really. No. I can't. I mean, I know what an apple looks like. Hmm. You know, but I can't like. Weird.

I learned that if you become overconfident in your favorite game on the show called guess guess goose, you become a goose. You might just goose and end up the goose. Yes. And have to say goodbye to everybody as the loser of the show. And that's what I get to do. but thank you for joining us on this episode of the spitballers. We'll be back next week.

Goodbye. Thanks for listening to the Spitballers podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out Spitballerspod.com.