Spitballers Comedy Podcast - Day Owls & Movie Titles To Describe A Trip To The Bathroom - Spit Hits! - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: January 5, 2026

Spit Hit for Jan 5th, 2026:It’s another hilarious episode to keep 2026 rolling with the laughs. On this episode we discover day owls, the perils of long blinks and wrap things up with a Movie Titles to Describe a Trip to the Bathroom.Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast!Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast:Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.comFollow us on X: x.com/SpitballersPodFollow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPodSubscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore on realistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the spitballers podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. Nice. Oh, yeah. Welcome back, Mike. That's the way to go.

back. Swish. Swish indeed. Welcome into the spitballers. Very nice, Michael. Were you practicing that? Were you at home? Like, getting your trumpet out?

Unfortunately, yeah. Yeah, it took hours. I've been thinking about this thing for weeks. I like the idea that you would practice the scat sounds with a trumpet. Like, it's always a trumpet that you get out. We got to start somewhere. Welcome into the spitballers episode 312. We're back from a little bit of a break, the holidays,

and Mike hasn't been on the show in a while, obviously practicing his scats. That's where I was. We have, would you rather, what's the difference? And we are drafting movie titles to describe a trip to the bathroom. I don't know if I've looked forward to a draft more than this one in a long, long time. I mean, mine are all on the positive side. I don't know about you guys.

You're just brave heart. Like roses and daisies. Right. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. No, this will be fun. We might even have time to go five rounds. I mean, I, depending on how you're less, sorry, I feel like I could go 50.

Depending on time, we could go 35 rounds. So this, this will be good. You can follow us on X at Spitballers Pod. Watch the show, YouTube.com slash spitballers Al Borland's in the house once again. Yes, sir. And we are going to get things going. Would you rather? Chris, from the website,

would you rather all of your blinks be three seconds long? It's a long time. Or have three consecutive minutes every hour where your eyes randomly shut. What? You can't. I mean. You can't be.

You would not be able to. to drive. Yeah. You couldn't drive. Your license is suspended indefinitely. Revoked. Could you slam on the auto drive when your eyes closed? Like you quickly hit the... That's not a bad idea Andy. Yeah, but then it's like, do-do-do-do, uh, open your eyes, please. Oh, just give me a minute. You seem to not be looking at the road. Oh, that's true. It does. The, the car monitors your eyes. It's not going to let you get away with that. A three-second, like... You can't drive with that either. Oh, yeah. Imagine your

No, you can not. Imagine your front windshield. No, you can. This is Mr. texting while driving over here. Imagine the front windshield goes black for three seconds. Oh, man. Yeah.

Like all the windows go black for three seconds. So here's a thing. You won't, that's not doable. It's not doable. I think it's doable. Oh, man, I'm blinking so much long talking here.

I'm thinking under 10 casualties caused by you every single year. Oh, you're thinking you could choose your blink spots. Yes, that's what I'm saying. I'm like, While I'm driving, I'm going to go, okay, I'm good here. And now one, 1,000, 2, 1,000, 3, 1,000, go. And then I'm looking and, man, that feels impossible. When is the last steering contest you've done?

It is, if it goes over three seconds, your eyes are going to go, oh, this is not good? Wow, we blink way more than I think. Yeah. Haven't you, is this just the final excuse you need to have a permanent driver? Oh, yeah. It really would. He's like I choose both. Just so we can hire a guy?

I think we're at a stage where we are close enough to autonomous cars where I will never hire a personal driver. But I want to. It would be so great. And also, I'm close enough in the stage of life where I will have drivers for me as my kids get old enough. If they're the exact same cost, right? Or let's just call them both free. Yeah. Oh, autonomous cars.

Way better. You would choose the autonomous car versus the driver? Yeah, 100%. There's not, I mean, you get a little bit more, I mean, you do less with the driver. You do a little less. You don't have to plug in an address. I mean, I still got a towel more we're going. And that's the problem.

No, but parking and pickups, autonomous cars are not going to be as versatile in like they take you to a ball game. Well, the driver can just pick you up right out front. Your autonomous car, you got to park it. The pickup is a good counter argument. Yeah. The pickup, because I don't think we're going to batman. If it's fully autonomous, it can do that. No, I mean, we're talking like, it's going to drop you off and it's going to go find a parking garage.

It's supposed to. That is what it's supposed to do. But if it's the whole point is you don't have to drive it, it can do that too. In a brief is this real life moment here for the show. Literally yesterday, an autonomous car here in Phoenix, who is taking a person to the airport for a drop off. because we have Waymo Autonomous Vehicles in Phoenix was dropping off a patron to the you know to fly to get on a flight and it got stuck driving in a perfect circle

very tight circle a very very tight loop and wouldn't stop and this driver has video inside the car calling support and he's going he's like I'm getting dizzy it's going around and around and around and it's just not stopping I'm going to be honest, I watch that video, and I don't get motion sickness. I can play VR. I can go on roller coasters. I could barely watch that video.

And I wasn't in the car. I was like, this is too much too quick. It reminded me a little bit of that video of the emergency pickup on the mountain with the helicopter. Oh, no. That was also in Phoenix. Oh, the lady. The lady who's strapped to the board. To a board.

And she gets raised towards the helicopter. She gets turned into a helicopter. And then the wind starts blowing. And I'm telling me... I think they strapped the actual safety cords to the propellers. This person is as close to going back in time as a person you can be. She was spinning at a rate that I'm so surprised she's alive. I don't know that she is.

No, you're passed out, man. Oh, you're past. She was in serious trouble. She was preparing to be an... Astronauts don't go through what she went through. No one... I think no one in the history of the planet has ever gone through. She was already...

She's knocked out. She was pre-injured. No, no, no, no. Seriously, like, I knew a nurse who was with that patient. Wait, what? Yeah. You have boots on the ground? I have boots on the ground. It was not a good, like, it's, it made me where I, you know, I've seen that video after knowing this.

And it was, it was a really, really bad situation. This was, this was dire. This was dire. Yeah. And. Because she was very hurt before it began. That was what makes it so ironically awful. It's like a sketch comedy thing where it's like, you know, the Scott.

Sterling, where this dude is already messed up and you keep hitting him in the head. And so I know that this was a serious situation. This is not to be joked about. It is not funny. She's fine, and I've seen, no, I don't know that she recovered or not. I hope she did. I hope she's great. I guess, no, after knowing this.

It's, it's coming in right now. She's perfectly fine. Oh, fantastic, because that video's hysterical. I just heard everything turned out. A, okay. She's Aces. That's wonderful, man. She spun 175 times.

in a minute. I mean, it was like washing machines have nothing. I have an update on the story. Oh, yeah, she's good. No, she's good. Phoenix City Council approved settlement for woman who spun during botched helicopter mountain rescue. Tell me it's $10 billion. She had tripped along the trail, became disoriented, needed help back down. She was in her 70s. Oh my gosh. And she started to spin going faster and faster and faster to the speed of light settlement approved up to $450,000 not enough the suit was for $2 million and it's tough it's tough she is okay she fell down and got her it's okay yeah oh fan then i told you in that case everyone go watch this video because it's the funniest thing

you've ever seen it's impossible what happened in real life it's impossible what happened 74 year old woman keeps getting worse. Yeah, I, man, they botched that. Falcon, are you aware of this video? Okay, darn. I just wanted to know if there was anyone in this room would not yet seen it. Video of the helicopter rescue has been viewed millions of times online.

Because it's amazing. She suffered swelling. It's a rescue. These are rescuers who are coming up and being, like, this is like when you're carrying somebody off on this stretcher and you trip and roll it down a hill. It's the equivalent of an ambulance driving off a clock. Cliff. Like, let me get you. I got you. Let's go. She's suffered swelling and bruising all over her body during the botched rescue.

Yeah, that's because her intestines went to her feet. She also claimed she suffered from pain, discomfort, and anxiety. That's not a claim. I watch the video. You, if you're going to suffer from that, just watching. How long does it take to accept that what's happening is happening when you are spinning? You have to pass out. There's no way that she stayed conscious the whole time. You can't. Just watch. Just watch. the she spun more than 200 times like spinning that fast what are the g forces on her body because a million billion watch don't that is correct million astronauts or the or the the the the fighter

pilots doing the maximum gph and their face is just oh yeah completely i'm surprised she was wasn't liquefied because the gravitational pull of that it can only be this funny because she's fine yes that's why she should be dead there was a there was a time where i wasn't that she has perfectly fine. That is great news. Don't worry about it. Anyway, so autonomous vehicles, right? Oh, we're back? The blinking three, yeah, autonomous vehicles, blinking three seconds.

I do have a question about that, Jay. Okay. Same, you know, similar thread of questioning age. It's like, it's the same price. Same price, free, whatever you want to call it. Autonomous vehicle. Or you have an autonomous vehicle, but a guy just sits in the front seat. no i want the privacy i want to be able to make a phone call and not feel like i'm being listened to

i don't want to so you wouldn't take a man in a tuxedo who has to sit in that seat if it was a completely soundproof box that he still had to sit in like he had to sit there you would prefer the limo i would love i would just not oversight he doesn't even have a steering wheel i just want it's gone that's my said he's in a tuxedo so that kind of sucked me in that was that was kind of devious of you. You knew where you were going with that. But a man in a tuxedo, it would be pretty cool. I mean, the driver.

He could open my door, at least. Like, is this an autonomous car, like a compact? Or is this an autonomous limousine? No. Because if you have a driver, the driver, like, I feel like you would appreciate feeling important. Yeah, well, for sure. I would take, I mean, if you're telling me I get to choose between like a compact car or a limo, I mean, okay. You'd rather have the limo with the person than the autonomous compact.

Yes. There I would. I'm far enough away from him. I would sit in the very back. And he would have to walk back and open the door, of course. Yeah. How did, like, how did limos start, honestly, of like, it was it like, it had to be. It was privacy.

I need to be further away from that driver. I think it had to just start with like bigger is better. Space. Yeah, space and the fact that you sit in the round. Or was it like, we needed a board meeting on the road so we can't all fit. I bet that's part. I'm curious. That's actually a legitimate, like, there was someone who made the first limo. Yeah. He cut a car in half, which is how you make a limo. They don't, they don't manufacture limousines. No, really. Am I wrong about that? Yeah, this was this point. Maybe in the beginning

you were right. I was thrilled to hear about that. But I'm pretty sure that there's not like, the limo companies out there aren't like, all right, I need a, I need twice as many of those as you think I need. And I want you to slice that thing and have. And we're going to get the welders. out here. Like, they're manufacturing limousines now. I guess, I think we can do this. My point is like, I I'm, okay, I'm gonna say this like it's a fact, okay?

Okay. A Cadillac escalade, Cadillac does not manufacture limousines. So they're gonna make this, and I've seen stretch escalades and stretch hummers. Hummers. Hummer is not making a stretch Hummer.

This is a strong argument. So you're gonna have to take that Hummer and you're gonna have to turn it into a stretch Hummer, and the only way you do that is you separate the front from the back, you push stuff in between. How could I be wrong about this? Because there's thousands and thousands of them on the road. Yeah, but they're made very slowly. If you tell me that there's a like a Lamborghini limousine and it's one of one, then yes,

that's how they make them. But if you're talking about like literally manufacturing, like limousine companies exist, like that's a thing. Yeah, but you need a plant though. You need the manufacturing plant, and everything has its molds. Look, I could be wrong. There could just be a lot of... Jason has persuaded me onto this side of stupidity. Thank you.

So you take a car, you cut it in half, you grab like a little section of an airplane, you jam that in the middle. All right, according to AI overview, and we know our... No, no. Look, I'm just saying the AI overlords, they're always right. Yeah. A stretch Hummer is made by taking a standard Hummer vehicle, cutting it in half, then welding custom-built extension piece between the two halves to length in the wheelbase. Essentially stretching the car.

This is followed by reinforcing the chassis to handle blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, I'm right. Chassy. Chassis? Yeah, brother. That's not spelled chassis. That's spelled chassis. Okay. Oh, we're back, baby.

Welcome to the Spettmowers. It's going to be a good year. Yeah, I know. No, I already wrote it down. I wrote my learn chassis is chassis. Cassie. That's dumb. That's a dumb.

Look, you know Mike's going to be on your side on that one with the English language. Oh, yeah, for sure. Don't look up corporal. You're going to have a bad time. Okay. The blinks or the eyes shut, I'll take the, I'll take the, I'll take. There was a question here? I'll take the blinks and I will not be driving.

They're all blinks. Oh, no, wait. No, I'll take the three minutes. Sorry, I'll take the three minutes. Okay. So I can blink normally. and it's random and it's going to suck and there are going to be situations beyond driving

that this is going to be a nightmare like I don't know walking in public yeah but at least there you can stop if you're in the middle of a crosswalk you're going to see so many people just stopped you know what they're not moving how I imagine you're in a line to a concert

you're on the way in oh you got to have your friend in front and you hold you hold on to also I'm sprinting every crosswalk I got I'm looking left oh you're sprinting Run! Because you don't want to, you know, just, although, man, if you're in the middle of a sprint, oh, you're eating it. Do you pull out.

You're never running again? Do you, for the three minutes, do you pull out a, do you pull out a pair of glasses, like sunglasses and a quick snap cane? Oh, that's a good idea. Just for your three minutes. So the people know, I cannot see you right now. Right. Or at least just the glasses with the big eye covers. Old people glasses.

Old people sunglasses. Oh, man. She was spinning so many times. Sawyer from the website. Would you rather get an extra child free hour in the morning or an extra child free hour in the evening? This question is like, are you a morning or an evening person? I don't think it is because I'm an evening person. I'm a night person.

A night owl. I prefer that. I hate mornings. Don't consider myself a morning person. I'm easily taking the extra child free hour in the morning. That's a great question. Are we just saying the same thing? Oh, like, yeah, you're saying a night night.

Yeah, the owl is a nocturnal animal. Right. You're like, it's a night owl. Well, yeah. It's an owl. Somebody at one point goes, you know what? I'm just kind of like an owl, and they didn't know what they meant. Oh.

And then they go, yeah, I'm like a night owl. Like an owl's out at night. Do I have to explain it to you? Fine, I'll call it a night owl. Do we have day owls? Yes. According to our AI overlords. No.

Yes. We do not. They're nocturnal. I would not this in elementary. Diurnal owls. I mean, I'm probably saying the word. strongest chances. I bet it's correct.

Look, if. Diornal? Diurnal. Diurnal. That's what happens when you die in the men's back room. Yeah, look, we all can't get sleep when we got that problem. So I'm a day owl? If I get up in the morning, I'm a morning owl.

I think maybe you are a. Why am I an owl at all? I think you're a crepuscular owl. No, I'm an early bird. Yeah, that's a crepuscular owl. So then to say night owl, to me, is like, okay, most owls are actually day owls. No, most owls are nocturnal.

But I'm saying to say when we use the phrase night owl, that sounds like that means that, oh, no, the night owl is actually uncommon. It's just per- It's a regular owl is not a day owl. It's just an owl. I'm definitely the 90% owl is what you're saying. I don't. You know, there's only one authority on this. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, owl. Orlin, are you a night owl?

No. Okay. Okay. I'm an owl. Okay, no, let me just a regular. I'm just a regular. No, but you're a daytime guy, so you're a diurnal owl. Or if you're a morning person, you're a crepuscular owl is what I've learned.

If you have chivalet, you're both of those. You have a diurnal crap. But Mike is right in the sense that we don't ever talk about yellow tigers. You ever heard someone talk about a yellow tiger? No. You talk about white tigers. Wait, what's a yellow tiger? It's just a tiger.

Exactly. But I think you mean yellow, orange? I knew where you were going, Jay. I never talk about blue tigers. But he's saying, but we talk about a white tiger. You talk about white tigers. A white tiger is rare because it's the rare one. Right.

You don't say an orange tiger. Correct. You just say a tiger. Right. Because a tiger's orange. So not yellow. Not yellow. Yellow tiger.

What is happening? Oh, yellow tigers aren't a thing. That's just stupid. What colors do you know? Like metals, you know metals. Do you know colors? Colors are much more difficult for me. Fuchsia, what's that?

You know? I've always wondered if like, oh gosh, I'm going to rabbit hole this thing. But I've always wondered like, because nobody can see through somebody else's eyes. Oh, yes, I have all those thoughts. Like my green could be your blue.

Yes. It could. It could. There's no way to know. So long as we are both calling the same thing. well no because if we're both calling it blue but then but to you it's objectively but when you're growing up though

and your parents say look at that blue ball oh they teach you that green is blue and so you believe no no but whatever they're just saying look at the blue ball and in your eyes through your eyes that might be pink but you would only call it blue because it's blue right by teaching you only call it that by the word you use to associate with it interesting yeah so like you've never been through this one

like theoretically the whole world could be completely different than the way you see it and you would never be able to know no one has ever unless AI knows it already and maybe I there's no way for us to see through other eyes right I mean the closest you can other than like the closest you go is like people who are colorblind and then they get the glasses and they're like that's blue would you like to know what our AI overlords think um the nature of color is a combination of objective and subjective there you go okay so I don't know what it what's not subjective is the reality that tigers are not yellow

okay that's that's fair even if you're yellow is different I typed yellow tiger and I saw a picture of a yellow tiger and you know that's photoshopped it looks so stupid tigers are like not close they're just pure super orange like the if you were like what is the most orange thing you'd be like a tiger that would be correct I didn't realize why are you choosing the child free morning versus evening when you're a night out like you don't you just want the peace of and quiet in the morning there is routine that can happen in the morning that can't happen later like I've started working out getting healthy whatever and it's like if I tried to do that after work if I I've done this before it's like I'm

gonna try to work out Monday Wednesday Friday I'll get home from work you get home from work and there's distractions and there's things going on or there's tired or this kid's got to be there and then everything gets in the way but I've found that even though I'm not a morning person I don't like waking up early when you wake up and have a routine you can actually stick to it i've got an incredible thing to tell you right now you are a morning person i'm becoming a morning you just described why people are morning people which is this is you're you are you are you're you realize you just described dude i've been trying to get to bed earlier and earlier i'm so sick of staying up too late.

Yeah. Oh, no. You're becoming a morning person. You just said you'd want peace and quiet in the morning to do stuff. That's what morning people want. It's so nice, man. When you get those times? Welcome in.

Dude, am I welcome? Am I allowed here? I'm a morning person. I just declared it. Text any time you want in the morning. Dude, I'm up. I'm up 6 a.m. Let's go, baby.

Let's go. I love to imagine Jason at night. And it's like 9.30 p.m. He's just forcing himself to stay away. This is who I am. I'm a night person. Give me a drink. I just want to stay up.

Oh, man, no. You are a morning person. Wow. I guess I didn't. I guess you can have chassis, Mike. I got worse, worst news for you, Jason. Uh-oh. That means you're old.

Honestly, when I was saying it, when I was saying it, and I was like, okay, I am trying to get to bed earlier. I'm trying to have, you know, my sleep cycle be better. And I was like, that was the only thought. that went through my head. It's like, I'm just old. That's all this is. It's just I've gotten old to the point where it's like I want to go to bed earlier and wake up earlier. Time converts, I think, most people into morning people eventually. This is why your dinners, are they moving forward? No, man. No, I had an 8 p.m. dinner last night. Okay. Okay. So I'm still young enough.

That's the next. That's the next. That's the next day. It's just 5 p.m. Yeah. Get them moved up. Mike, are you morning? I'd rather have the morning. Like when my kids are on winter break, summer break. they're all at the age where they don't try to get up. They want to sleep as long as humanly possible. So I just got off of three weeks of no kids in the morning. Oh, it's been awesome. It's spectacular.

If I could do. It's so quiet. If it can be morning and this is when they're getting ready and going to school. And I just have to be like. You could just delete that? Yeah, I'm not a part of this anymore. Then I'm going to take that. Yeah.

If I can't do that, then I'll go in the evening. Okay. Well, that was one fun, would you rather. We'll take a break. We'll get into what's the difference. What's the difference? Chassists. What's the difference between a chassis and chassist?

What is the difference between trash, garbage, and rubbish? trash, garbage, and rubbish. This is a good one, I feel like. I mean, rubbish is not, we don't use that word. Yeah, I was going to say, it's a various, English, Russian. English trash? Yeah, I mean, I feel like people use the word rubbish more versatility.

Like, you know, that's a, that thought's rubbish, that ideas. Oh, I use garbage like that all the time. You do, yeah, I guess we do. Like, trash like that. Like, you're garbage. Yeah, that idea is trash. You're playing like trash. person yeah that is that is that is one of my favorite phrases which i'm not insulting people who

were garbage no not at all you are literally garbage you are a garbage yeah that means you're disgusting uh your insights are made of garbage yes and i love that insult yeah so rubbish is just european garbage yeah i think so it's it's the it's just across the pond hold on i mean it's kind of a cooler word is it european garbage or european trash that is where we'll figure that out right now yeah because we got to decide what's the difference between trash and garbage when i say put something in the trash what do you think of first is it a little can i think a small bin and if i take out the trash though it goes to the curb that then it becomes garbage what do you use more garbage or trash trash um right i feel like all the inside stuff is trash you know what i mean

i'm struggling over here you got your trash cans you take out the trash truck though it's not a Trash truck. Exactly. Once it's part of the big, like, package, like multiple bags together, that's garbage. Okay, so garbage is a lot of trash. It's a lot of trash. Then it becomes... What's inside of a landfill?

Garbage. It's a garbage dump. You don't call it the trash heap. Put that in the trash can. Put that in the garbage can. Which one's bigger? Exactly. The garbage can is bigger.

The garbage can is what's outside your house. Yeah. That's the... It's a trash can, too. That's the bin. The bin's outside. If you knock over your trash can, it's bigger. trash can.

Oh, but that's the small metal ones. Yeah, exactly. Very unsafe for raccoons. You see garbage, more letters in the word garbage, bigger amount. Trash is just a small word. It's a small thing.

Throw it in the trash. Throw it in the trash. Don't put it in the garbage bin. So trash can become garbage. Which is why. Can garbage become trash? Can you break it back down? Yeah.

If you separate it. Yeah, absolutely. Go get that out of the garbage. Go get that out of the garbage. Yeah, go dig through the garbage. You know what I mean? That's what you're doing. And think about it this way, too,

When you look at rubbish across the pond And you're like which one is worse Look, you could be a trashy person And that is not nearly as big an insult As being a garbage person You know what I mean? You're a little trashy, that's fine That's a little.

You're a garbage person You're a piece of garbage Dude, you are disgusting Your innards are like you were Would you rather be called garbage or rubbish? I'd rather be called rubbish. To me rubbish is slightly less dirty than trash and garbage

For sure because it's been cleaned by the English accent. Yes. Yes, it has. What is the difference between a smudge, a stain, and a blotch? I did what you did, Jay. I did what you did. I mean, that hell. Like Snoop Dog? It looks. Let me just clean off my screen here. That looked like a different word. A smudge, a stain, and a blotch. Blotch. Because I would have known the other one. Smudge, stain, blotch. A stain is where I'm going to begin here. That is a, a, a dried permanent marking. Yes, that's easy. A smudge is on glass. It does have to be some kind of reflective material. You cannot get a smudge on this wooden desk.

No, you couldn't. It's impossible. I could stain this. I could not smudge this. Could you, is there a blotch on it? What's a blotch? That word's real, like a regressive word. A blotch is a big thing of ink.

It also, so it doesn't. It doesn't have... When your pen is blotchy. I've said it too many times. Blotchy is the real key determiner of figuring out the root of blotch. Because when something is blotchy... This word. This word is now no longer means anything and it's so powerful and strong.

When something is blotchy, there's no definitive edge. You know, like a stain can have like... Right, yeah, yeah. I think of it with a rash. Ratch. Yeah, absolutely. You can have a blotchy rash. There's a bunch of like, you know...

It's blotchy. It's kind of like several things together. Can you have a blotchy stain? No. I don't think so. No. A smudge is easily removable, too. That's right.

You can always get rid of a smug. A stain by definition is permanently there. Right. Now, what if you remove a stain? Is it still a stain that you removed? I mean, there's stain remover. I mean, if you can still see it, it's still a stain. It might be faded, but that's a stain.

Yeah, it either exists or it no longer exists. If you wanted to use one of these words to describe a tattoo, which would it be? A stain? Yeah, it has to be. But you can have blotchy tattoos. If you got a bad artist who can't do good, clean lines, you get blotchy. See, that's the, that's the issue. It's the, it's the definitive edge.

With a rash, that's also blotchy. Yeah, it would be. If it doesn't have a defined edge, then it's blot. Then it's a blotch. This is the rabbit, the rabbit hole show anyways. Have you seen these tattoos that are done with the ink that is, activated and deactivated by two waves of light? Yeah, no. Yeah, I've seen them.

And so you can have your whole... You could have your whole arms sleeved up, and if you run like a certain wave light on it, it disappears. And then you run a different wave light on it, and it reactivates it. What is a wave light? A lightway. Like a different wave of light, like a black light versus a white light. But it's... What I don't know about it, because I haven't looked into it, I just saw a video, and I was like, oh, that's pretty cool. when you activate it

with a certain wave length it burns. No. No, but it's like I think about shoes that glow in the dark. Like they get activated but then eventually does it decades like over time? It fades out so does the I would think that's how the tattoo has to respond because it's getting beamed with

other light. What would be funny is you have some regular tattoo and then you have hidden parts that are like that. Like you have like a parchment and then you have to unveil it. Oh yeah. Or you've got something you don't want really known

so you do it in like basically what will be invisible ink until you go to that Halloween party and it's like you go in the little scary house and all of a sudden your arm says what you didn't want it to say because you're under a black light. Or you cover your entirety of body with the Declaration of Independence and then when you're laying

on the slab and the light goes on when you're dead, it reveals the map. find the treasure yeah this show is a morning show we're morning men i think where are you where are you mike uh i think i'm still in between like yeah but you're you're you're welcome to our club i i can do both but if i if i have to make the decision i guess i would say morning you you you've often spoken of the porch coffee well i'm saying like i i am now to the point where Like on the weekend I'll get up

I have the coffee Hang out just relax a little bit But then I go I take the house to task I go get a bunch of crap done Yeah And I can in the morning Yes

Yep With the coffee It's much harder now At night to be like All right Let's go get things done I'm gonna be honest I'm at the age now

Where if I could wake up Do my coffee Sit on the couch And go back to sleep And redo that In a permanent repeat I would choose that As my life

There's nothing I like more Than two cups of coffee in the morning In silence with my kids in sleep All right Smudge Stain Blanche We got that taken care of We got time for another one before the draft owl Let's do one more

Do you have a favorite of these three? No Nice All right What is the difference between courage bravery and valor Oh boy We are not qualified for this one

I mean Valor's only more right Yeah but it's like That word is the biggest word That we have rewarded and recognized the courage or the bravery. Valor is post doing it. Yes. Do you have, you don't have valor in the moment?

Well, I mean, you do personally. If you're a man of valor, you previously had courage and braver. But everyone else needs to know about it. Yeah, everyone should know about valor. Valor is not something hidden. That's something revealed. Does anybody just curious, do you know anybody with Valor? Not one person, man.

I know one person with valor. And they were in a war. They were in the Marines. They were in the Marine. Oh, I know someone of valor. Yeah. Me too now. I thought of someone and they were in war.

Yeah. Bravery, courage. You don't get valor on the basketball court. No, no. You're not like, because you can. There's no valor award for the Hall of Famer that made it through the, no. Yeah. You can be brave or courageous in certain moments, you know, you're in a boxing match.

Can it only be war? Is there any other kind of valor? Valor? Like if you were the astronaut that went to the moon. moon and came back. Do you have Valor? No. Yeah, you do. I don't do. You think you have valor? You do. Only if you fought an alien there. Because

your bravery has advanced civilization. Yeah, civilization. Yeah. Can you have valor? I guess that starts to ask the question. Let's say there were those like miners that were stuck in the mine. The young people. Yeah, and they win.

The people who mine. The people who mine. People who mine. And people went and got them and showed bravery, encouraged. Do they afterwards have valor? They do. I think Mike is giving out Valor all willingly. Valor cannot be active.

I think it has to be speaking of the past. Of course. But I think bravery is active. Courage active. Yes. That's what I'm saying valor is a recognizing. So what's the difference between courage and bravery? Those seems so similar.

Which would you rather have? Oh, that's a good question. Would you rather be brave or courageous? Isn't I thought, isn't the phrase like courage is just bravery in the? the face of danger or whatever. I was going to say, I would prefer courage. I'd rather be courageous because bravery, I feel like you could kind of slide it into like, oh, man, he's brave.

He just jumped off of that jump on his bike. I see what Mike's saying, though. You can't be courage. It's not courage to jump off a jump. Bravery is what's inside you. Courage is what comes out. That's, you know what I mean? Like, you're a brave person and then you're doing something courageous.

You're not, you don't say like I'm doing something brave. Uh, yeah, you do. What? You know, doing something brave is, is, it can span a lot more. You're doing, like, because you can be brave and do when you're like, I'm going to do something stupid. Yeah, exactly.

And I'm just brave. Yeah, I'm not wearing a helmet today. I'm super brave. Yeah, because I know it's done. But you're not courageous. I know it's potentially dangerous. Courageous seems tied to helping somebody. It does.

I think I got there too. And then Baller is recognizing courage. Yeah, but bravery is, you can be. brave and courageous right but you can also just be brave yes but anybody that is courageous is also brave I think so that's how I'm looking at it

man I didn't learn the difference at all no you got the valor one though Valor makes complete sense if you want to recognize bravery if you were to a no Valor is recognizing courage Valor is never recognized bravery I got the example for you

Jason today on the show this amazing podcast that everyone loves. You showed that you're a brave person because you admitted you're a morning person. You were brave right here right now on the microphone. You were so brave to admit that. Something you didn't want to do. Yeah.

Person you didn't want to be. But you're not a courageous person. Not at all. No. Okay. Unless you use those mornings to go save a cat out of a truth. No valor for me. Yeah, but that's all right.

None of us. Like we said, we don't even know people with valor. I think of one guy. People who have valor, they know other people. Like, they get in the club. The people who have valor don't think they have valid. Oh, that's another thing. Because they too are humble.

They are very, they're too busy being courageous to worry about having valor. Yeah. So I can't ever have valor. Because you'd be too worried about it? Yeah, I'd really want to people to know. Oh, gosh. Well, look, I. People don't declare their own valor.

No, no, no, no, no. I too have valor. Yeah, it's putting your own award on. They're very valid. Calarable. Okay. Well, look. Bust it.

I think we need to get to this draft because I've never, never look forward to something more in my entire life. The Spitballers Draft. We are drafting movie titles to best describe a trip to the bathroom. this is kind of like our are we going five um do we got time for five rounds okay we'll we'll give it a go um mike you get the first pick to describe a trip to the bathroom with the movie title go ahead being in the first pick here is difficult because i mean what i'm reading my list and already laughing i like i mean i'm i've got to set the tone here for the draft yes you do it's important

i i know that our lists are going to be very different but there will certainly be a i think a couple of overlaps. So I'm going to start with that one. With what one? With an overlap. With an overlap. Sorry, that style of pick. I'm going to go, I'm going to go with the exorcist.

Okay. All right. Where I have exercised the demons. All right. So the exorcist, your first pick. I get it. Jason. Oh, I'm very excited that this one's here.

This was the one I wanted, the most. that could describe a certain bathroom trouting. Yeah. And I think it goes well because the famous quote from this line is, I drink your milkshake. Uh-huh. Oh, I did not think you would. I didn't think we'd go there.

I thought about this for the first pick. It was a way better pick. There will be blood. There will be blood. Dude, it's the number. I didn't think you would go there. It's number two on my list. Oh, yeah.

Oh, I. So you could have set the tone. Yeah, I miss red everything. Oh, yeah. And we'll just let that speak for itself. Oh, for sure. There will be blood. Been there.

You don't want to wipe that one and go. Oh, no. It's red. The Exorcist, there will be blood. I got two picks. I'm going to go with number one here as Mission Impossible. Oh, yes. Look, we've been there.

Yeah. Oh, sometimes it doesn't work. And you're like, please work. And I'm impossible. And I've got to go with this one. it's a great movie it's not a great time in the bathroom

I'm going with the heat all right I'm going with heat yeah so there you go Jason you are back on the clock all right I'm going to go with this one just because

it made me laugh that's it it's not a specific one that's a good reason it's not a specific like you know this is going to be a bloody disaster it's just what it is If all of yours have to do with blood, we will be calling it. We'll call it doctor.

This one I was just looking through movies and describe a bathroom trip. Look, this one's cloudy with a chance of meat balls. You know what I mean? It's like, ah, that's success. Yes. Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. That's my bathroom break. Oh, that's a good and terrible one.

Mike, you are on the clock. Oh, there's never been a more spitballers draft than this one. This is the best. Oh, man. Oh, man. We need 100 rounds. I mean, yeah, depending on how much overlap. I've got a large list.

I guess we'll have honorable mentions. Mike, you are back on the clock. You got two picks. Okay. So there is, there's a term when, like, when there's fighting going on and someone who's not involved in the fight, unfortunately, they get hurt. there is a name for that and so with my pick number two I'm going with collateral damage

oh for sure do not go in there yeah collateral damage is good sometimes people who are not involved in my bathroom chip they are affected by it yes no and uh that's a good unilateral damage that's good

Arnold Schwarzenegger movie and uh this oh man what do I go for the next one um so this one it just makes me laugh as well uh i did a i think it was directed by rob zombie if i'm not uh mistaken i'm going with house of a thousand corpses what what what does that oh you know what that means no one knows what it means but it's provocative okay okay that's a bad bathroom trip man uh jason cloudy with a chance of meatballs was your last pick you

frightening man yeah there will be blood was my first i'm just going right down my list number one number two my number three a jody foster classic panic room oh yeah that's pretty good sometimes it's like dude i was like contact yeah almost every movie works people just so you know just name a movie it can work but panic room that describes a specific trip to the bathroom and Let me tell you, I had this situation. Okay, story time real quick. Why not? Why not?

Why not? Um, my children are learning to drive. I'm taking them. They drive me now where, where we go. We went to the pet smart. My son was driving me. We get to pet smart. He got a bait of fish at a white elephant gift exchange, which is both, it's hysterical.

It's hysterical. And we're the family to take it because we find it funny enough. That's an awesomely bad gift. Yeah. This is a living thing. thing. Yeah, one of your choices now. So I went to PetSmart. We're buying a tank and food and all that stuff. And we're in line to check out. And I'm like, I've got problems. I'm got to take a dump right now. And so I'm starting sweating. And we're a PetSmart. And I'm like, I should drive. I'm thinking

of this in my head. I'm not saying this. Well, not bad enough that you were going to unload at PetSmart? I didn't. I, no. I don't. I don't do public restaurants. I don't do. I don't do public restaurants. Public pooping from his repercloth. And this is 10 minutes from my house. This is not far. So I'm thinking, okay, I should drive. 10 minutes? That's infinity. Well, but sometimes it comes in waves, and I thought it would be okay.

It felt like it was going to be okay. So because it felt like it was going to be okay again, I let him drive us home. Oh, don't drive fast, son, but drive fast. Okay. This was over a week ago now. And, dude, I'm at the end of this trip. I'm telling him at the beginning you need to go a little faster

You need to teach you about You need to make this light No no no go go go Go go a little faster Just you got to go faster Jay You gotta no I'm telling you You gotta go faster About halfway through the drive

I let him know like I'm gonna crap In your car man You better get me home Or I'm taking a dump in your car right now When we're near the end And I've got a gated entrance And so Oh you gotta put the code in

No I'm like Jay you gotta go You gotta go fast He's like, turn now! I'm screaming at him. He's like Tokyo drifting into this thing. As this new driver trying to figure it out. And he was traumatized.

He has not driven once in. I've asked him to drive so many times. He's like, no, no, no. I have literally scarred him from driving right now because I made it though. I mean, I ran. So that is my shout out to Jody Foster in the panic room. Oh, dude. That was.

Did you see what just happened? with a delivery driver? Have you seen this yet? A delivery driver, Amazon or something, UPS, whatever, they get out. He comes with the package. He rings the doorbell really, really fast. The lady answers the door. He burst into the home and he starts, and it's all on video and he starts screaming, I'm going to, my pants, I'm going to, my pants, I got to go, I got diarrhea, I got to go. And you hear this woman screaming, get out of my house. You're scaring my kids. Get out of my my house. He's like, no, I can't. I gotta go to the bathroom. Please, save me, help me. And he's like crying. And she kicks him out of the house. Oh, Mo, you take a dump on that porch. You say,

I tried to help you. But I mean, at the same time, you can't break into a person's house. Yeah, you can't do that. Oh, man, what do you do? All right, Panic Room was your pick up. Oh, my gosh. I got two picks here. I'm going to go with the first one. Um, the longest yard. I like it. I'm always proud of those ones. Well, there's also another version because I'm going to tandem these. The big short. Oh, okay. The longest yard in the big short.

You got variety. Yeah, the big short is sometimes hard to get out. It's big. It's little. All right. Okay. So I'm back on the clock. Dude, I'm just taking a classic movie my kids love.

Reck it Ralph. Yeah, yeah. It was on my list. And then it's, I'm going to wreck it. Which I have said in that voice before going into a bathroom before. Oh, man. Mike has the excesses collateral damage and house of a thousand corpses. We haven't even used half of my list.

That's the miciest pick ever. All right. Two picks. Round us out. We'll go five rounds. I can't wait for the leftovers. Just reading the list. That's going to be even better than the picks.

Yeah, I agree. I'm trying to just, oh, no. Now I don't remember which. which actor was in this one. Paddington, too. No. Nice. No, when we've all been there, when this is happening, I'm going with a river runs through it.

Oh, okay. Yeah, that's wonderful. Oh, that's really good. It's Brad Pitt. I was searching up Kevin Bacon, but he was in the River Wild. Also works. The River Wild certainly. Most movie titles do.

Almost everything works. I'm going, I'm going with the river runs through it. And for the next one, one of the, one of the, we're going five, though, right? Yeah, this is your last pick. Oh, it is. Yeah, you've got four picks. Make it good. All right, we're going to stick with it.

I'm going to go with Pompeii. Okay. All right, there's a lot of, there's a lot of natural disaster movies that would fit. like deep impact and Armageddon. Yeah. We'll go Pompeii. Oh my gosh. Guys, I can't. How can you possibly pick a final one here? It's impossible. I mean, I can't

wait for the leftovers. We are just going to run through these names and you're going to love it. I'm going to go for my final pick. Oh, man. Am I? Oh, between three. I'm going to go the green mile. I look, sometimes we're a little

unhealthy. No, sometimes you eat too much. It's kale. Yeah, whatever it is. Maybe we're too healthy, but, you know. If there's something worse than the longest yard, it's the green mile, baby. Yeah. When you have too many green suites. So what you got there will be blood and the green mile.

You do know your colors. All in the panic room. Well, look, I'm going to go with a more recent Oscar winning movie to finish my list. Everything everywhere all at once. Nice. very, very nice. Unless you want to go round six. No, we'll just go through our list.

I mean, genuinely, I can go forever. I've got so many. Mike has there will be blood cloudy with a chance of meatballs. Jason does. Panic room, wreck it Ralph, and the Green Mile. I have Mission Impossible. Heat, the longest yard, the big short, and everything everywhere all at once. Mike has the Exorcist, collateral damage, House of a Thousand Corpses. A river runs through it in Pompeii. Here's my list of unsaid names, 127 hours.

Okay. The perfect storm. I had that one. Inside out. Oh, I like that. Scream. Very nice. Fantastic beasts and where to find them.

I was going to. That was the one I was between, between. There were three. It was the green mile and highest on my list was fantastic beasts. Yes, that one was so close to be in my last one. And then the final one I have here is the purge. Oh, I got the purge on there too. Makes a lot of sense.

Mine, I've got Armageddon. Man on fire Oh yeah Black Swan What? Free Willie How did you not take that one? Crimson Tide

But I already had the will be blood Free willy Deep impact It's a home run man Oh yeah The Texas chainsaw massacre The Fifth Element What?

And the peanut butter falcon dude that's a great movie to watch that movie free willy that you missed out really was the home run Mike what he got left?

I got Swamp Thing The Hateful Eight Bad Times at the El Royale Oh my gosh From dusk till dawn I love that And misery

Oh yeah misery Anything from Ducer's Alley over there that you had thought about for this one? You got mine. Okay. Cool runnings. Cool. You're dead mon? The running. Yeah, man.

That was good. What did we learn today? I learned I'm a morning person. Yeah, I guess I learned that some of these limousines chop them in half, build out the middle, you got a limo. Yeah, and part of building that is

with the chasses. Yeah, that's right. With the chasses. All right. Thank you to Alborland. All the deucers and deucers Alley. Thank you to you, the listener, for tuning in to the Spitballers podcast. Each and every week, please tell your friends.

We'll do this again. Thanks for listening to the Spitballers podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out Spitballerspod.com. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.