Spitballers Comedy Podcast - Double Knots and Wild Party Favors - Spit Hits! - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: July 10, 2025

Spit Hit for July 10th, 2025:On this hilarious episode, we argue over lightsabers vs phasers, get down and dirty with the double knots, play another round of Guess, Guess, Goose, and draft the wildest things to walk into a room with. Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast!Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast:Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.comFollow us on X: x.com/SpitballersPodFollow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPodSubscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers Podcast with Andy, Mike and Jason. What happened at the end? You hit the ground. That was the Blonk? You hit the ground. B-L-O-N-K Blonk.

As, like, that's very onomatopoeia for comic books. I liked it. I mean it was just a funny hardcore ending, man. In my mind, and I don't know what you were doing. I don't know if you know what you were doing. I don't know what I was doing either, man. But in my mind, there were like little laser guns. Yeah, that's what I heard. Like, yeah.

Yeah. Pew, pew, pew, pew. And then it was bonk. And then bonk. That was the big laser gun. Oh, that's a cannon. That's a laser cannon. You know that someone at one point

had to decide, what does a laser gun sound like? And now we're all just like, oh yeah, no laser guns go pew pew pew pew. Because they don't exist, someone did have to decide. Oh my gosh. I'm just saying so blunt is, it's just in the, it could be. Maybe they blunt.

Laser guns don't exist. No. We literally, they don't actually make a real sound. I have never thought about that. Cause I know the sound that a laser gun makes. Yeah, they could have been anything. Pew pew pew pew pew. Welcome into the sound that a laser gun makes. They could have been anything. Welcome into the Spitballers episode 284.

That's literally blowing my mind that this is a made up sound that we all agree upon but that doesn't, it might not sound like that. Like if they ever make a laser gun. I think I could argue against that. How so? They don't have to exist for that to be the right sound. No, I'm not saying it couldn't be. Well, I don't know that it is.

But I'm just saying there's lots of things in movies and television that get invented, and the first person to invent them makes up what they sound like, so you do set the precedent. Like somebody somewhere was the first person to think of a laser gun. And if they're the ones that decided

pew, pew, pew was the sound, that's the sound, baby. Yeah, but but I mean the first book about wizards and they decide what a what a you know a wand sounds like they get to decide but lasers are real and laser guns could become real like that would actually be a real invention awesome and then they sound like this pew pew pew pew pew pew the current sound of a laser. Ready? Yep. I'm doing it right now. Because it's light!

They don't hum? I mean, lightsabers. Lightsabers have a sound. They don't really exist. That's the same thing. Yeah, but those will never exist. How do you know? How dare you?

What do you mean? Yes, they will. Like a laser beam exists. People have made lightsabers. No, no. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie you mean? Yes, they will. Like a laser beam exists. People have made lightsabers.

No, no. Not real lightsabers. Yeah, they cut stuff. No. Yes, they have. No, they have not. Yes, they have. Look at Papa Josh.

He's nodding. They have made like handheld sort of a lightsaber. It's not a lightsaber. It's not even close to a lightsaber. It's more like a torch in your hand, like a welding torch. You're telling me that it's not even close to the thing that you don't know what it is and hasn't been invented. It has like a mass to it, and it can go right through a metal door.

I know what it can and can't do. Papa Josh, would you like to speak on this with any authority? You're both kind of right. Yeah. Like superheated light does not exist, but people have made lightsabers that look and kind of act like a lightsaber, but they're usually used like thermal heat and stuff like that. It doesn't look like it. It tapers off at the top, where a lightsaber will

be the same exact color from bottom to top. You're talking about the hypothetical, made-up, never-existent lightsaber will be the same exact color from bottom to top. You're talking about the hypothetical made up never existed lightsaber, right? Yes. They have made plasma lightsabers. But if they have made a plasma lightsaber, I need to hear it. I need to hear. Does it go, shh shh shh? Or does it like, do that again?

That's good. Or is it more like fire? Does it sound more like? Oh, the crackle? I got to hear this. Like a ham radio? All right. We've got Would You Rather, Guess Guess Goose,

and a draft on the show today. That's right. Guess Guess Goose makes its return because it does. Let's kick it off. Would You Rather. Let's kick it off. Would you rather Ethan from the website, would you rather have to Get off and back on the highway at every off-ramp Or stop and untie and retie your shoes every time you pass through a doorway

Well, what if I got slip-ons and retie your shoes every time you pass through a doorway. Well. What if I got slip-ons? Yeah, I mean, I'm straight up flip-flopping for life at this point. Flip-flops. No, no, no, no. Flip-flops. No, you don't get to do that.

You have to. You can't tell me what I get to wear. No, no, I'm trying to make sure. Yes, we do in this joke. So slip-ons and flip-flops, you have to take them off and then put them back on. No, you have to tie your shoes, man. You got to wear shoes and tie them and untie them. So you always have tie shoes. I mean, that'd be like, yes, because otherwise I'm going to say, well, there are no off-ramps on this highway, so I never have to get off.

I haven't tied shoes or untied shoes in as long as I can remember. I'm sure they came untied once. What are you talking about? You wear Nikes. I wear them every day. I wear tie shoes. For the most part, I don't untie my shoes.

Do you untie and tie your shoes? If they come untied, yeah. I double knot those suckers. So you're just saying. You double knot? Oh, I have to double knot. You're a grown man. You're double knotting yourers. So you're just you double knot. Oh, I have to double knot. You're a grown man Yeah, you're not in your shoes

Every shoe I have worn in my adult life is double knotted or you still go loop swoop No, I do the bunny ears man. I go to two loops. No, you do know. Oh, yes, I do To loop you go bunny ears and double knot You go two loops. You go bunny ears and double knot. Yes. Brother. Bunny ears and double knot. This is surprising to you guys.

Yes. Yes. This is so on brand for me. Because we are distinguished middle-aged gentlemen. We don't bunny ears and double knot. Look, I'll double knot. Occasionally, they make shoes that have a certain type of shoelace that comes undone very easily

on a single knot. And I'll double knot that. Hold on. Hold on. Let me check my shoes. No, Owl is in our chat. Single knot. Owl is in our chat saying, I thought everyone double knotted.

No. Yes. No. You should. Why not triple knot? Because a double knot works. If a double knot didn't work, I would triple knot. But you can't triple knot. You can't triple knot a double knot. Yeah, that double knot didn't work I would triple knot, but you can't triple

Why are you not a double knot? Yeah, that's popping into my head, too Why don't you buy those they sell those laces that have no the elastic one the elastic ones that stretch Oh, you'd have to put them on that seems I don't want to lace them much work hate when you buy new shoes, and they don't come laced. I hate it I hate it so much you need to live in another country. I tell you we have our next guest guest goose question that we got to poll people for. Which is how much do you double knot? Do you double knot? As an

adult do you double knot your shoes? Save that for the next one. I think Jason's going to post it right now. I gotta I gotta know because I would say double knotters are about the 30% time. I think they're going to be 55%. You're going majority? Yeah, I am. I am no way. There's no way.

I cannot accept it. Step one, say something ridiculous. Step two, assume the world is ridiculous with you. Yeah, Josh, I'm with you. If I am playing sports, I'm willing to double knot. You never double knot any of the others? No. Am I just walking around?

No. Because I have self-respect. No. Like I said, there are certain laces. They're the thin laces. Yes. And they will come undone. And I will tie them again.

OK. I will say, I apologize. My shoe has come untied. I use a shoe horn. I use a shoe horn. Yeah. And I use a shoe mountain. Yes. This like this. It's the size of your arm. You have an industrial strength. Like he has a shoe horn. Like caterpillar makes it. You can use it standing up. Oh yeah. This is not the, when I say like it's crutch length. When I say at the length of your arm, I do not mean from your elbow I mean from your shoulder to the I can just stand up and put my shoe on so easy that thing

Yeah, double not in your table coming on nodded You can't take this doorway one because oh that I'm making you actually put the shoes on this is a nightmare is out I mean I you'd have to bring your shoehorn with you everywhere. I like a like a Holster oh, yeah with you everywhere. Like a, like a, like a. Do you have like a holster for it? Oh yeah. That thing would just be hanging off my belt. He has two of them on the back and he pulls them out like Donatello's swords. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Leonardo.

Oh sorry, Leonardo's sword. Goodness. My bad. Oh my goodness. Yeah. To be fair, I would not need those in this situation where I have to untie and retie. The whole point of the shoehorn is I don't untie. When my shoes come untied, do you want to know what I do? Cry? Call somebody? Throw it away? I take them off. Thumbtack? I put them on the counter

and you tie them? And I tie them. No you don't! Oh yes I do brother. I don't. No you don't! 100% true! That's where I tie my shoes. I don't tie them when they're on the 50s. It's not a simple just stop tie your shoe. It's a whole thing. No way, man. So I'm getting off the freeway. Self-respect. Where has it gone? I'm telling you. Oh baby. As an adult, do you double-knot your shoes currently 131 votes it's early yeah that's nothing 55 percent yes it's nothing how many of his followers are Jason I am I am a lot of my listeners spirit I'm pulling the deuces. Al? Yes, he does. I'm a double-nodder.

Josh? Only if I'm playing sports. So sometimes. And then Matt? Never double-nod. Yeah, you're a kid. You can still reach your feet. He's still using the...

I think adults really need to double-nod more than children. Children still need to learn how to tie. Oh, J, you're shrinking. It's down to 52 for you. Okay, but still the majority is in the yes. All right. Well, look, I this one. We know who's on Twitter right now.

It's the double knotters. Ha ha ha. We will rise up. I have no problem with the off ramp one. I'll just finalize that. That'll work. 100%. There's advantages sometimes.

I might avoid some traffic. Exactly. Yeah. I've done it to avoid traffic before. You might find yourself in mortuary. I mean, I- There's advantages sometimes. I might avoid some traffic. Exactly. Yeah, I've done it to avoid traffic before. You might find yourself in more traffic. I bet if you exit the freeway more, like just every time, your waiting goes way up. Oh, of course it goes from zero to- How does Jason not just wear Crocs every day?

I'm shocked. Well, remember I used to wear flip flops every day. Like that was- Why'd you stop? Self-respect. Oh Crocs is where we draw the line. I just not a big old giant double knot I realized that I can wear nice Jordans and I still don't have to tie them if I have an arm length Is this

Do we still have right it know. Do we still have? Do we still have one here? We might. How many shoe horns do you have? How many places do you need them? Wherever he puts on shoes. Wherever I put on shoes. I've got one at the Pickleball Palace. I've got one at home. No, I've got two at home.

Just in case. Back up. Well, one is plastic for travel. Take this with me on the road. Does it fold? No, but if I... How do you put this in a suitcase? If I've got the full-size luggage, it can go corner to corner. It's like the golf bag that gets brought on a plane.

Yeah, I'm bringing golf clubs just so I can sneak my shoe horn. All right, I guess we... Do we have one? No? No, we didn't have one have one. I've had it here before. But yeah, well, order got to order a new 12. Got to raise the ceilings. All right, Peter, from the website, would you rather have to audibly mumble absolutely everything you read? So you know, you're reading a book, you're reading an email, you're reading a text, you're reading a sign on the freeway. You got to auto-

Or not be able to ever reread or re-watch anything. I don't see the big deal with mumbling. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no, I don't get to read that book again. Now to be fair, I have reread Harry Potter like three times the series so you're done do that yeah I am the whole idea of book buying is funny I know it's been brought up a million times before but the idea you buy a book you read a book then you put it on your shelf so you can say it's like

basically a testament to the book oh it's a trophy it's a trophy yeah it graduates and I really from a book to a trophy you've read. Oh, it's a trophy. It's a trophy. Yeah. It graduates. I mean, really. It graduates from a book to a trophy. Every single bookshelf in every house in America should have underneath it, please take any of these books that you want. Because if you come to my house, I'm not rereading the book, so you should take it home with you. You should just steal my books.

I don't believe for one second when I see a bookshelf that those books have been read. When I go to someone's house and I see a bookshelf, I go, you've read two of these. And it's a fully stocked bookshelf. It looks so nice. It's like, you haven't, don't you dare. These are fake trophies.

I've thought about it. Those books should be hollow. They don't need. How much cash is in that bookshelf? They do sell those. Yeah, of course. I mean, they sell just show books that you just set up there.

That's what I would get. And then when you open it up, it's just got headphones inside so you can listen to it. Is mumbling everything you read really a big problem? It will be really annoying for everybody around you. I mean, where do I read? I read, like you said, like I'm obviously, I read the show doc here, so that's maybe that could be a problem He mails your text messages

Yeah, I mean internet when if you pull out your phone with a text next to someone and you're going over they're gonna Huh what? Like you're going to think that you're trying to read the text to them. Browsing Twitter, Jason? Oh man. You're mumbling at all. Yeah. It would be awful. But how loud, I mean, it doesn't have to be loud, right? Just like.

But that's part of the problem. Is when you are around other people and you're mumbling, they think, people think you're trying to talk to them. You're like, why are you mumbling? I will say that I've gotten to the age and the busyness level. Where I mumble anyways. No, the opposite. The idea of rewatching something and rereading.

I don't have time for that. I've seen it. I love it. I'll give it an A+. Every now and then, I did watch Dune a couple times. That was nice. But I would be fine. I think I would be 100% fine never rewatching or rereading anything. I

Think that would be in today's culture a perfectly fine one to accept that will be my vote because I Don't want to do the mumbling Yeah, I have self-respect that will that will be Torturous or I won't ever read anything ever. Maybe that'll be good. Maybe I'll just go out and farm the land or something. I don't know. But I was curious. I did throw my own poll up on Twitter. But first of all, do you have a bookshelf in your house? Yes. Yes. Okay. Deucer's Alley? Yes. Okay. Everyone's nodding. Everyone here has one. I have one myself and then I four options What percentage of the books in your own bookshelf have been read by you?

So zero to twenty five percent twenty five to fifty fifty to seventy five seventy five to a hundred percent. What percentage I'm gonna say 70% are zero to twenty five percent That's what are you? I think I'm twenty five to fifty. I mean be fair, most of the books on my bookshelf are children's books. Okay, you're 25 to 50, Mike. Yeah, I think so. What about you, Deucers Alley?

I'm zero to 25. Okay. 100% for me. 100% of the books in your house? Yeah, like I buy a book, I read it, I stick it on the bookshelf. You said in our Slack, who buys books to not read them?

Let me be very clear, just so you understand how that happens. Lots of people? They don't buy them to put them on the bookshelf, for the record. They buy them to read them. They just don't. Or they start them and don't finish them.

Or they go to the bookstore and they buy like three or four and you're like, these books look great. Then they go home and read one of them. And then they just don't read them. And I'm seeing nods from everybody except for Mr. 100% over there. The percentage of books I've started and not finished is much higher.

Yes. Okay, Josh, like you ever see a video game deal and you're like, oh, I'm gonna buy that. And then you never play that game? We're not talking about that. This guy plays video games nonstop. No, no, but I promise there's still games that he has bought and never played.

Very true. It's the exact same thing, cause you intended to play it and then you ran out of time. And Falcon, what percentage of books in your house have you read? About 5%. About 5%. The current is, the leader is the 0 to 25%, but it's only at 34%. What makes the most sense to me looking at your poll is it's like the two leaders are either you've read very few of them or you've read all of them.

Yeah. The Josh's and the rest of us. All right. So are you going with the not be able to reread, rewatch, Mike? I guess so. I just, I did realize that could become a problem when I, like many people of our generation, I learned how to do things on YouTube and If you're telling me I can't rewatch. Oh, no my tutorial video. Oh, that's true. It's gonna be a problem

No, I want to switch I have to mumbling recipes You gotta memorize it one pass through I I'm going to ruin dinner every night. So you're switching to mumbling. I have to, otherwise I can't cook. I get a recipe and I follow the recipe and I reread that thing about 700 times. I'm in the middle of cooking and I've read it 20 times and I'm like, I don't know what's next. I can't possibly remember.

Well it looks like they snuck another would you rather in Griffin from Twitter. Yeah, Griffin might not exist. Would you rather own a lightsaber or a phaser? This was in the doc before we started this conversation. Oh, is that why you made the sound at the top? It could be. Subconsciously?

Yeah, I didn't make a... So this was, the Griffin does exist. Would you rather own a lightsaber or a phaser? We talked about it at the top. We might as well debate it now. This is... I have an important question. Okay.

But just to clarify. I was just gonna say that on the surface, for most nerds, this isn't even a question. It would be lightsaber, right? Yeah. For most nerds. But, once you start actually thinking about it, I believe this is a very, very difficult

choice. Here's a question. Is the phaser set to stun? You can. That's exactly part of it. Is I can kill with my phaser, but I can also just knock people out. This is not a... I can just go beep, beep. Excuse me, get out of the way. Because of our conversation earlier, I was thinking of a laser gun, but this is a Star Trek phaser. Oh, get out of the way! Because of our conversation earlier, I was thinking of a laser gun. But this is a Star Trek phaser. Oh, okay, with the solid beam. Dude, I could- Was that the phaser?

I just made it up. The setting to stun is amazing. Yeah. I mean, I could- What if I'm trying to take a nap? I could guilt-free stun anyone. There's no anything Animals like oh check this out boom. He's done. You're fine. You're fine, but I had fun I'm just going out target practicing. I mean that's pretty cool

It's like Jason a tranquilizer gun in a forest and he's set Let me ask you this is that what's the recovery process on a on a stun from the phasers? I don't think I've read the medical journals on that. You wake up well rested. Oh, yeah, you do. Yeah, you feel just fine. Do you have a mark on your skin? Nope, no.

No little singe? Nope. No evidence of where they face? Like, you don't even know where you're at. If you got phased from the back, you have no idea. It just shuts down the nervous system. What if you take it in the eye? Ooh.

You could get phased in the eye? Could have a retinal problem. Yeah. I mean, there are limitations. So be careful. But like, can you stun yourself or is that allowed like to go to sleep at night? Yeah, this is why there has to be some side effect like I'm real like I did those there's nights. You just can't fall asleep in unison or

So the lightsaber would be amazing to show off. No question. And the problem is, is the lightsaber what it can defend against? Does not exist? Laser blasts. So a standard military-grade weapon probably obliterates me.

Also. Not to mention I will decapitate myself. I was going to over under under one and a half days before you have one arm remaining. Me or somebody that wanted to borrow it to try it out, yeah. Yeah, it's certainly dangerous. It's certainly dangerous. You can have a lot of fun.

Give me that sound again. Dude, I can, something like that. Nice, nice, yeah. There's gonna be a lot of problems with the lightsaber. Yes. I feel like my house will be in tears. There's just burn marks everywhere. It'll be a rubble by the end.

Just accidentally. Is there a safety on a lightsaber? Yeah, we'll say there is. Yeah, I don't think it's an accident. I think if I had a lightsaber, I would have to put it through things. I just think it'd be too cool. I'd be like, I'm going to decorate my doors

with cool cut lines. Be like, this door has like, it's a zebra. And it's like, check this out. I'll draw my name in the walls. You're like a space Zorro? Yeah. OK. I would wreck things if I had a lightsaber. So I think I'm going lightsaber. I'd draw my name in the walls. You're like a space Zorro? Yeah. Okay. I would wreck things if I had a lightsaber.

So I think I'm going lightsaber. I think the phaser's more practical. I'm taking the phaser. Yeah, I am too. All right. Let's take a break and then it's Guess, Guess, Goose. ["Guess, Guess, Goose"] What time is it? Game time. Well, by the way, would your answer have stayed the same if it was just a laser gun? Like

the one that does the pew pew pew but it only kills? Mine would have stayed the same because I took lightsaber. I don't think there's any practical use to having a laser gun. That kills. That kills. Like I'm not looking to do murder, so I think I'm okay. And should you do murder, they know who it is. But they can't catch you.

It's one of one. You're blasting them with a laser gun. You're doing lots of murder. Now before I get into all the polls for this segment and have our guests, I'm well over 2,500 votes here. And 51% of us double not. What percentage of Americans, totally unrelated, are overweight?

51% of all Americans are us. We gotta check the rest of the office here. All right, look, it's time for Guess Guess Goose, and I'm gonna ask Al to remind our listenership of how this game works, because we had a lot of fun last time. Sure, yeah, we're gonna throw a poll question out there. We have the correct answer, the percentage of people

that said they have done a certain thing. Somebody will be on the clock and guess that percentage. That person, if they are within 5% in either direction, they get two points. Meanwhile, the other two will be writing down higher or lower, and if they are correct, they get one point. All right. All right, I got obliterated in this game last time.

Yeah, we'll recap real quick. We had Mike with six points, Jason with five points, Duck, Andy with two points, which makes him the goose. And we decided to be fun to have a little accessory to go along with the segment. Oh, how nice. So you get to wear the goose of shame? Yes.

Is that a hat? Well, this is wonderful. It is a hat. Or it's a mask. It's a hat. OK, so if you go to the YouTube, you can see Andy is now becoming the goose. This is good.

All right. All right, here we go. So do I award this to the next winner at the end of this show or does it wait till the next episode? You can hand it to them and then next time they will get to wear it. All right. What percentage of people currently have a crush on people that they work with?

And this question is for Andy. Yes. So I have to set the line. Percentage of people that currently have a crush on people they work with. A lot of companies have a lot of employees. The odds there, pretty decent. I'm gonna say, I think I'm gonna go 22%. Ooh, 22.

Oh, 22. I'm gonna go 22%. So you guys have to decide higher or lower. So far, since I'm wearing this hat, obviously I do not know the public very well, as I look ridiculous. All right. I've got my, did you write down your?

I didn't write down my percentage. I know. You're higher or lower? I am definitely higher. Oh, I am lower. You're lower. All right, so we have a split and I'm at 22%. Oh, I'm going way higher.

Okay. You were close. It was 29%, so not quite close enough. So Mike gets one. So Mike gets a single point there. And you guys get nothing. I was not right on Way Higher. But it doesn't matter. I got my point. That 5% is tough. Alright. Let's see if it's tough for Mike. uh... my question is what percentage of people routinely mix fountain drinks together i imagine there is the venn diagram of double notters and mixing fountain drinks very overlapped okay uh...

i had a time that i did that both the double knots and the mixing drinks and i was eleven a hard part here, just like a sneaky thing for me, is like are people thinking, older folk, thinking of like an Arnold Palmer is mixing fountain drinks. No, no, no, no. Because I mean it sort of is.

You're getting lemonade out of the fountain drink. But I'm gonna go, I don't think it's a ton. I'm going to set the line at, routinely? I'm going down to 12%. Wow, so I was gonna go low. I was gonna go very low, but you went low, so that's tough. Do I go, all right. 12% routinely mix fountain drinks together.

I'm trying to think when I do mix something together. I don't even know what people do other than the, I put every soda in my cup, man. That's what my youngest does. Every soda. You know what? All right. I've got mine locked in.

Are you locked in? I'm locked in. I'm going to say higher. I am as well. I think it's going to be 20%. That was the number I would have guessed is 20%. Which is close. But if you guys were on the clock, you would have gotten two points for that because you would be within

Five the correct answer was 24 percent What are people mixing I'll mix up a suicide. I'll mix a powerade with like a sprite. I'll do that. Okay, get down with that I mean, I love sprite and lemonade. That's more Okay. Get down with that. I mean, I love Sprite and Lemonade. That's Jason Moore. I guess it is.

All right, Jason, your turn. So wait, it's one, one, one? It's one, one, one. We are even after the first two questions. Who are these people? Big improvement. Here is mine. What percentage of people file their annual taxes

at the last minute within a day or two of the deadline. I'm going to guess the bin diagram. Hold on. Are you laughing because of the response you got in our company channel on what? Do you double knot your shoes? No. Did you see the very first response? Oh, yeah. I'm not five years old.

I'm not five years old was the first response. No. Go ahead. I'm laughing of just, this will be an interesting answer. Yeah, percentage of people that file them at the last minute within a day or two of the deadline. I have the number in my head. Andy files on Jan one.

There are type As out there. Jan second, did I overshoot? I think it's a little early, but- By a week? Yeah, it's tough because Soon as the first is ready for me what percentage of people file eight. Yeah, it's like I'm not within a day or two I'm a month or two late. Okay, so I think I'm trying to think of this in terms of a 10% range, right? Yeah, I think it's gonna be near

65% range, right? Yeah. I think it's going to be near 65%. I'm going to take 62%. That's a good guess. It is a good guess. That makes it tough. I have my answer. Mike, do you have yours locked? The higher or lower? Jason went 62. Yeah, I think so. Mike refuses to write it down. Well, we're supposed to be like locking so that we don't give each other an advantage. Oh, okay. I've written it down. All right. I went with lower. I went with higher. All right, baby. Give me the two points out. My initial guess was 50%. You are nowhere near getting two points. The correct answer was 17% oh liars what i got a point and he gets a point there what 17% no within a day or two of the deadline yes that's pretty tight taxes on april 15th like that's what you do it's called tax day

well we know where you guys file your taxes. Wow, that blows my mind. I mean, I think double knotters just took the majority of our company as well. I did. Yeah, because dude, I am out of here. You're not into that. I don't want to live on this planet anymore. So the goose is winning right now.

That is correct. That's good news, because this looks pretty dumb. Well, you're back up. What percentage of people have used a bidet? I would say that number has to have skyrocketed since the launch of this podcast. And it should be 100%. The bidet bros are spreading awareness.

I need to be within that 10% range. I'm going to go with 17%. Liars. I'm going with 11% of people. I'm going with 11% of people. I'm going with 11% of people have used a bidet. I don't think the bidet- That's a good line. I don't think the broadening of the bidet pool, so to speak, has happened yet.

I don't think we're ready to wash them booties. We need to. Yeah. Wash your booty. It should be 100%. All three of us, everybody here. They should be built into homes. Yeah, they, I... Wash your booty. Should be 100%. All three of us... Everybody built into homes. Everybody here.

Yeah, they should. They should be default... You should just wash your butt. That's what you should do. Yeah. Yeah. Team wash your butt. Construction companies, you need to be a part of this, as in we charge people more.

Like when you're... If you're building a home... You can't buy a toilet that doesn't have one built in. Just a full regulation. Full regulation. Governmental regulation. There are no toilets anymore, just bidets. 11%. I'm going, I'm going to go lower.

And I'm going higher just because that is such a low number. It is a low number. I was a little scared of it. All right, Jason's getting the point here. All right. Dang it. There it is. 21% was the correct answer.

Come on, man. Okay, so I tie Andy. I'm missing these by like freaking nothing. Yeah, but missing but missing. We need to open that window. All right. So Andy and I are we do the let's let's let's raise it. Still not enough people. And listen, you're listening to this right now. If you have not used a bidet, wash your butt two things. One, you're disgusting. But two, wash your butt. Yeah, all right, Mike, you're up.

What percentage of people hate coconuts? That's such a good question. It's a great question. I love the way it's worded. It's just straight up like, this is objective. I dislike coconut, but I don't know if I hate it. I hate coconut but I don't know if I hate it I hate coconut okay I don't want it anywhere flavoring anything any time go you don't like the flavor or you don't like just chewing coconut the

flavor I can't take this texture I don't know exactly what tastes like you're eating if I were you coconut tastes like you're eating suntan lotion but the people that like coconut say suntan lotion smells like a delicious coconut. That's how that works. Coconut does smell fantastic. I agree. Coconut shampoo, sign me up.

Smells like the beach. Mike, what is your number? Hate, coconut, hate is- Because for you it's 100%. Hate is a very strong word. One of one. I'm gonna put my line at 32%. Okay.

Okay. I knew what I would guess if I were you. So I just wrote that down so it'll be obvious which. All right, I'm going higher. I am as well. I would have gone right at 50%. Yep. Mike was extremely close to three points on this one,

which is what you get if you guess the exact right answer, but it was 31%. Oh, baby. So he does get two points and you guys get nothing. Well, that didn't work out so well. We're back, baby. So now we're all tied. We're back.

Now Mike's in the lead, I think. No, he's got Mike has three. You both have two. What a guess. So we got one left to try to get this thing off my head. Okay. What happens if there's two geese at the end? Is there a goose off?

No, no, no. You retain you retain, you retain your title. Ty goes to the loser is the previous loser. Absolutely. You got it. We'll do a goose off. We'll, I'll give you one more. And the person that's closest to the correct answer. Yeah. And we just guessed the number. Yeah. You get a percentage. All right. Well, we'll see if we end up there. Yeah. Well, here we go. Okay. My last question here. What percentage of people had their mouths washed out as children?

I hadn't read that. Oh, the old, if you say a bad word. Wash your mouth out with soap. Wow. This one's tough because if you had asked this question 20 years ago, the number's different. Yes, for sure. 100%.

It's going down. What's the age range of people you're asking? Are you asking us? Because our percentage would be higher. If you ask children, I hope that's near zero. Yeah, it's going down. I know Al Borland's one of them. Let me ask you this.

Who in the world? That's gonna get no good based on what I know of him. There are six people in this studio right now. Yeah. Did you ever have your mouth? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You don't get to pull the groom, you fool. We'll do that after, OK?

Yeah, we can do it after. I wasn't trying to cheat here. I was genuinely curious. Oh, yeah. You? I would never. I'm on this tape. All right, so what percentage of people

had their mouth washed out? As children, I'm going to go with 24%. Oh, that's, yeah. That's so good. Okay, I've got my answer. 24% is good. I will lock mine in as well just to not gamify. I like that.

All right, here we go. I'm going under. I'm going higher. Okay. All right, big moment. The correct answer was 33%. I was with 30%. Okay, so Mike. Back to back champion baby. And we have to have a goose off. This isn't about a champion Mike. Man of the people. This is about a goose. All right. So Andy

and I have a goose off. All right, you give us the question, we'll guess the exact numbers. You guys write down your percentage. We've write it down. Yup. And then. Oh, I wanna hand you this goose so bad. We'll just go straight closest to the correct answer. Doesn't matter about going over. Yes. All right. What percentage of people have flown in a helicopter?

Oh boy. Wow. Oh boy, that's a tough one. I've got mine, I wrote mine. All right, all right. I have my number written down. Jason is frozen in fear. Jason's really, really's a tough one. I've got mine. I wrote mine. All right. I'm going to pick it. All right. I have my number written down. Jason is frozen in fear. Jason's really, really thinking about this one.

I'm trying to think what Andy would guess and try to be on the right side of him. No, you just got to be closest. I know, which means I'm on the. You should think of the amount of people that have ridden in a helicopter. That's what you should think of. OK.

Because going over makes no difference. It's just closest. Yeah, closest means I just want to be on the correct side of you. All right, I've got 15%. 6%. I went 8. The correct answer.

Oh, please, let me give him the goose. Is exactly 15%. No! What a loser! Oh, you goose. What a guess. I would have got three points for this. Oh, my goodness. 15%, my butt.

Yeah, well. My goosey butt. Okay. I've never been on a helicopter. I have not either. Now, going back. This is mine for next time. That's right.

How many of the six of us in here had your mouths washed out in your life? I did one two three Four five, I think probably once okay, so yeah a hundred percent for this. Yeah, I think they want time one But it was like it was weak like I think they wanted to do the big time Like oh, we're gonna wash your mouth out with soap and then it was just like a little bit of so mine was a friend's parent your mouth out with soap and then it was just like a little bit of soap. Mine was a friend's parent. Oh, yeah. What did you say? I was like, because my parents would never have done this. Yeah, it was a bar soap. Oh, no. It was like, what are you talking? You can't do this, but I'm a kid, so I just was like. You don't spank your friends' kids, man. You can't do this, but I'm a kid so I just was like you don't spank your kids man You can't do that Wow did your parents have words for those parents? Oh, I don't think I ever told them

I didn't want to go home and be like I said That's incredible incredible that is a very yeah bad position to being as a child yeah Go tell your parents, you have to admit that you did something wrong, but you're trying to get them to defend you. Yeah, you can't. You got to keep quiet. That's impossible.

That's funny. All right. Moving on to our draft. Congrats, Mike, Jason, for surviving. And great, I get to wear that hat again. Yeah. The spitballers draft. I need to pull the room again because you did the all really quickly because

15 percent for the helicopter. Raise your hand in this room and I'll relay if you've ridden in a helicopter. One out of six. Well, the Falcon. That's pretty perfect. One out of six in here. I have not.

I thought you would have, Mike. No, that's terrifying. Yeah, so 16%. Yeah, that works. All right. Today we are drafting the most fun thing to be carrying when you enter a room full of people you don't know. So, I mean, when I was going through the exercise here.

I had no idea where you guys were gonna go. It was actually hard. It was harder than I thought. Like, I'm just picturing there's a big room, there's a bunch of people I don't know, and I'm walking straight through the door and I'm holding something. Yeah.

And then they have a look on their face. Sure, yeah, whatever it means to you. So that's kind of where I was holding something. Yeah. And then they have a look on their face. Sure. Yeah, whatever it means to you. That's kind of where I was going to go, is I'm trying to play this as just straight as possible. I just walked through, unexplained. I have an object to be born with. Huh?

Yes. Yes. No, that's how I get it. So what's the 101 of this incredible draft? What a great draft to have the first pick. I feel like there is a 101. I have my 101. And I'm going to go with a life-size cutout of myself.

OK. OK. That was not my 101. That wasn't your 101? That wasn't. No, uh-uh. A life-size cutout of Mike wasn't your 101? That wasn't. Oh, uh-uh. A life-size cutout on a mic wasn't your 101? Yeah, no, it wasn't.

But imagine a stranger walking by, and they just have a full cutout. You're like, wait a minute. Yeah, no, that's a. You're the same person. That's funny. That's funny. I like it.

OK. All right, that would be weird to see that. Are you wearing the same clothes that you have on? Yes, of course. You have to, yeah. I just got this printed of me an hour ago. Okay, so the one- And then you set it up and leave.

The 101 for me was clear and obvious because- I'm gonna be so mad if your 101's the same as mine. No one in the world does not like this. Oh. And I'm carrying a puppy into this room. Interesting. If I walk into a room full of strange- if I, I mean that's what you- You want to be liked by these people.

Absolutely. Oh, that's not the direction I went. I want to- I want to walk in and, you know, if I'm carrying a puppy, I want strangers around me. I want to come and see my puppy. I went the actual dictionary opposite of that. Going anywhere with a puppy, look, I get it. You want your dogs to socialize, and you want them to get some exercise. But it is about the most look at me thing that you can possibly have.

But I didn't even know they were going to be here, Mike. I just, oh, whoa. Well, look at this. You're probably bringing the puppy to give it away, because that's what you do with your dogs. Well, if it can't be potty trained, yeah. Oh, but it could be potty trained. Not by.

Ah! In like a week. All right, puppy. So I did not go that direction. I really wanted to kind of a different reaction from this group of strangers. I was thinking of maybe fun and awkward could be corollary here.

So the opposite of a puppy is obviously a human head. Oh my gosh! Okay. What in the world? All right, right to the point. I mean, our lists are very different. Look, they're very different. To me, it's the mental picture of trying to play that off, man.

Just, oh, oh. So hi. It's me. So just to recap, the most fun thing to be carrying when you enter a room, this is super fun. I love when I'm carrying a Severed head. Yeah human head. Oh so fun. You know fun. That's big fun. Oh, that's big fun Yeah, no, that'd be fun. Okay, so I've got human head. I'm following it up with an alligator

That's right, that'd be a good old time I've got an alligator under my arm. An alligator would be. That's super fun. That's super fun. Mike would be. It'd be interesting. My list.

If Mike's one of the strangers, he's pretty happy I walked in that room. Yeah. What? I'm not happy. Nobody's happy you're walking in with a live alligator. If a man's holding an alligator, they got control of it. I promise you.

It's like a nature show. I promise you. A man walks in this room right now with an alligator in his hand, you aren't happy. If the mouth is- I'm happy if I don't recognize him and I don't know him. If the mouth is taped or bound, that thing can't do anything to you. If his mouth is taped and bound, I am standing and I am ready to run.

Yeah, well, you know what? I am a coward. What were you doing with the human head? You running there too? Wait, are you holding both of these things? No, one at a time. Okay, all right. Okay, well my list was so super different.

All right, here comes the kitty. Psychopath over here. I do have a box of kittens on my list, but I've already got the puppy. Well, we're different. Yes, we are. Wow. Well the most fun thing to be carrying when I enter a room full of people I don't know. I'm going for fun and let's bring these strangers together. I'm carrying Twister the board game. Oh my

god. Let's break out. Yeah. Let's break out a. That's what people are going to think. Oh, yeah, baby. Hey, here's this really cool stranger, adult grown man who's like, hey, everyone, since we're here, let's play a game of Twister. He can't tie his shoes. But he wants to get down on the mat. It's been a minute since I've played Twister.

Yeah. Me too, brother. That's true. The first spin is right hand blue. and he's like, I'm out. I'm out. I'm out. Oh, down there? It's way here.

He plays Twister on the countertop. The first spin better be a foot. He puts it on the kitchen table. Oh, man. All right. Mike, you? All right. Mike, you? I think our lists are so different.

I can't even fathom. Oh, man. All right, Mike, you're back up. You have a life-size cut out of yourself so far. But what else do you got? So for my second pick, I'm going to bring a gigantic trophy into the room. OK. That was the finish we're all just waiting for like okay but like what's the trophy it doesn't have to be anything in

particular it's just a large trophy this draft is cracking me out because so far Mike has brought a picture of himself and a trophy showing He's the winner of something. Yes, Jason has a puppy and twister and I've got an alligator in a human head We are getting different reactions. I like is trying to impress these people We have different versions of fun. We should post the list and see if people can guess what the draft was Yeah, they will not Okay, well you got another pick let's see see what else is on. I'm afraid of it. I'm gonna go with

whatever, man. I'm gonna take a full suit of armor. Oh Yeah, yeah, that's funny. Oh If a man just walks in the room in a full suit of armor, I'm wondering what's going on. Yeah, but now we can't tell that it's you on that poster that you're carrying. It's one thing at a time, Jason. We've been over the rules. Or, you could be in the armor on the... On Twister? No, I'm saying on the poster you're carrying it.

I was thinking if we changed this to you walking in with all four items, it would explain the human head better that I had an alligator. Yeah, I would have crafted a more cohesive narrative here. I saved the head. Yeah. But the alligator ate the rest. Ate the body. All right, full suit of armor. I think that's funny.

Jason, you have a puppy and twister. Oh my goodness. Well, I'm... Alligator eats the puppy, by the way. Look, I'm... Yeah, oh yeah. That alligator's mouth better be taped. I haven't decided yet.

All right, well, again... Depends if you're in there in there and my list is full of happiness and joy you weirdos I'm bringing I'm walking in with donuts. I got a bunch of donuts Jason's really trying to befriend these people This is the most fun thing to enter a room full of people if I'm walking into a room I don't know and I got a bunch of donuts Heck yeah, man. That's a doughnuts Here's where the the diversion went you're thinking of what would be fun for them Yeah, I'm thinking of what's fun for me. Yeah reacting to them. I am And you went with a human

It's fun for me to see how they react where did you just for the story? Where did you where did you acquire the human head? I would never I would never tell you Okay, great. Are you dug it out? Yeah, okay You took donuts. I appreciate you if I'm one of the strangers. I appreciate you the most. Yeah. Yeah It's a fun thing which is why and when you I have a different item here Okay, I think I think it's more interesting and fun than my first two. Maybe it fits the bill for you All right fits a lot of bills. actually. It's the Declaration of Independence. Okay, okay.

I'm taking it into the room. Now, like one that looks like the real one? The real one. Or you're saying it is the real one? It's the real one, yeah. You full-knit caged? Yeah, I got it. I actually do own it.

And I brought it in the room, and it's gonna be really fun for people to check out. I feel like this draft is insane. Like, I should have brought the Infinity Gauntlet. Like, look how cool this is. It knows it's the real one. No, everyone knows that that's not real. We didn't say that.

It's stuff you have at your house. It's whatever you want. Hey, you got another pick of anything you want. I'll tell you, you pull a room of people, and somebody walks in with a room of people, and somebody walks in with a Declaration of Independence, and somebody walks in with a game of Twister, they're coming over to me.

Look, we're going to throw this poll out. We're going to find out what people think is fun. So I have to pick one more? I guess so. Look, I'll take a little bit of a Jason direction in this one. You've persuaded me, because I have some more offensive items on This list okay that I won't go in I think you should go with them, but I'm going with don't ruin your draft man Don't ruin your don't don't let this guy's ridiculousness who wants a room full of strangers talking to you alright

I'm bringing a noose I'm bringing a noose! Oh man! Oh man! Oh my goodness. Go change the pic! You know, it wasn't on my list. I had a better one! I was going to bring an oversized sub sandwich, but I'm bringing the noose!

That would have been awesome! That's a fun time! So you are just... The look on their faces is what's fun to me. Your fun walking into a room is everyone thinks you are a psychotic murderer. I seem to have gone that direction. And to me, the way I put myself into it was like,

I guess I went with the most awkward surprising thing they would see. Yeah. Well, I'm bringing in champagne and wine flutes. We're going to have a good party. We got games. We got food. After before the news. We got a puppy.

We're in different rooms, brother. Yeah, we are. I'm walking into a fun time, a party. This is what I want in my hands if I'm walking into a room full of people I don't know. I mean, we each want different things. I will own that room. I'll tell you that right now. Mike, you're a- Your room will be very silent.

You, yeah, of the lambs. Mike, you have the final pick. So far, you're a suit of armor, a giant trophy, a cut out of yourself, and obviously this last pick. We're gonna go with a folder labeled top secret. See, that's great. I like that, that one's fun. That one is fun.

How is that any less fun than the Declaration of Independence? I wouldn't believe that the Declaration of Independence is real. If someone walked in with the Declaration of Independence. I would have a certificate of authenticity. There's no way I could ever believe it. Under any circumstance, I couldn't believe

that that is the real declaration. But you know what might be in my folder? The declaration of independence. Absolutely, because that's top secret info. I am so afraid to read the rest of the list that I didn't have and I didn't bring up. OK, well. Are you ready for it?

Yeah, we're done, right? The draft is over. We're done. Yeah, let's hear the rest of this list a giant bloody knife Yeah, yeah, okay a whole bunch of sausage Like links I figured it links over your shoulder. Yeah Well, and then you go you presume that it was human sausage then probably a weenie Todd a whip and an axe This is a different draft a bucket a bucket of fish

You prepared for a or and a leash leading an invisible dog. Okay, would you have been okay with that one? Yeah, it's a little which one were you gonna draw? Oh you the big I was gonna take the oversized subs stands like a like a nice cuz then they could eat it Yeah, I have I have a ton of food bagels pizza cookies box kids It's not the most food you can bring into a room. Cozy blankets and a bag full of footballs. That's just a fun time. I had a live turkey. That's funny.

Yeah. A UN alligator. Yeah. Diapers. I love it. And a bag of spaghetti. A bag of spaghetti. See, Mike was like the bridge between me and yes, yes We wanted to shock him you wanted to shot this hot warm cold. Yeah

Like I just I imagined myself walking through the room Yeah, but also then I go right into a door and there is no explanation for what just happened. Well I go right into a door and there is no explanation for what just happened. Well. What did we learn today? Yeah, I think we know what we learned today. Andy's a psychopath? What that, no, that is, that's one. The rest of it, no, the world is full of grown children.

Double nodding. Double nodding their shoes? What I really did learn today was that laser guns don't- Just get Velcro. Get Velcro. Laser guns don't have sound. I would love Velcro. If Nike's making some hot grown- You are.

You can buy those. I'm size 13. It's hard to find Velcro shoes. I'll buy you one. Jordans. I need medication. All right, goodbye everybody. everybody!