Spitballers Comedy Podcast - Ducks and Dumps & Things That Are Yellow - Spit Hits! - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: April 17, 2025

Spit Hit for April 17th, 2025:Jason spills a messy, embarrassing secret to the audience today. Maybe a few of you can relate. Maybe not. We also discuss bug hunting, mandatory stealing, and seeing through walls. Lastly, we have a draft of things that are yellow. Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast!Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast:Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.comFollow us on X: x.com/SpitballersPodFollow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPodSubscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers Podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. I think I'm gonna have to boost that audio but I love that. Oh! Hey! Oh that was sick! The end of it was so good! I can't even do it.

I don't know what was... You kept the speed up, it was great. It was an all-timer the bunch bunch of clicks I loved it. Welcome into the spirit ballers episode 251 And I'm I can Jason back with you Al Borland in the building judge Giamatti On the pulleys and levers and we're happy to have you with us thank you for tuning in for supporting this ridiculous adventure that is the spitballers podcast we're here again they keep letting us do this show oh they can't stop us no matter who they are no no they are us they have tried and we are drafting things that

are yellow on today's show. Not one of my favorite colors, really. I don't like yellow. It's fun. It's bright. It's happy cowardice. Yeah. I'm going to draft urine.

Owl. You coward. I mean, yeah, look, there's yellow. You did say yellow. Yeah. You get, you give it the old fashioned. It's not yellow. I don't like yellow.

I don't mind yellow. Oh, okay. They're a little bit different. Okay, different hue. Gotcha. Man of the people on the show today and would you rather as well You can follow us on Instagram Instagram comm slash spitballers pod We're on YouTube and we're gonna get it going Would you rather, for the rest of your life, be startled awake every 30 minutes of sleep or wake up 12 hours later every time you go to sleep? So would you rather have a newborn baby the rest of your life or Get 12 luxurious hours of sleep every night Granted you have to commit to a full 12 hours. That's a lot of time

I might you reacted the exact same way I did him initially, but I am seeing some problems with the 12-hour one First I reacted immediately the same as you. I was like, I've had a newborn baby. This is exactly what it's like. Your nights feel like, I don't know, a week long because you, every time you go to sleep, you're up and you're asleep, you're up. The 12 hours makes perfect sense if you can plan properly. However, I started thinking about what if something took you later into the night than you wanted it to, and then you did have an obligation the next morning, you would then be in the position where those nights you have to not sleep at all. Because let's say, you know what, 10 o'clock, that would be 10 o'clock the next day, right?

So then let's say, oh, I'm gonna go to bed at eight, to get up at eight. But then something happens. You run into traffic on the way back from something. That's a lot of traffic. And it pushes you to 10, but you gotta be somewhere at eight o'clock. Yeah, so you'd have to stay up all night.

You would have to not sleep to make certain appointments. But the alternative might be even worse than staying up, which is like, I've got to wake my kids up at 6 a.m. every day. Like for school, it's school season. They've got to get up at 6. If they don't get up at 6, we ain't making it to school on time. That means I got to go to bed at 6 p.m.? Yeah.

6 p.m.? Or, yeah, that's a huge problem. You can just be tired every single day for the rest of your life. I'm tired every single day of my life right now. You are not wake up every 30 minutes tired. Mike, how many notations do you have in our Yes journal of notating when I am tired You do frequently ask if whenever we sit down for a podcast and you say I'm tired I go oh, I'll make a note Now I do make the notes on these little boogie boards So I delete it every every time but your point still stands in the thousands that I've I've marked this many times I can't believe that that thing still works. Have you tried the 12-hour plan for your no because I have

to go to minutes six yeah I mean I have it literally is half the day it's half the day yeah I don't think you can do that I don't think you could do the 12 hour one I mean it sounds it sounds great you you are not remembering how tired you were I is a weird thing to be like okay I got I got 12 hours of sleep, now I can stay up late. No, you can't because you have to go. Right. Could you skip? Like on 12 hours, could you skip every once in a while?

I don't think you're gonna wanna do that. I don't think, I don't. Like every fourth night, do you just plow all the way through and then make up for it with the next four hours of. When's the last time you polled an all-nighter? It's 16 years old probably. Yeah, that's a good question. Like not like up super late. Yeah, that's a good question.

Not like up super late. No, you didn't go to sleep. I did not go to sleep. I don't, it's gotta be 15 years. I think it was like a video game when I was in my teenage years or something. I played it all night long. I think I did it probably right before I had children.

And now since I've had children, I can't. But you're doing all nighters, that's on like a six, seven, eight hour sleep schedule. If you pile up the 12 hour nights, couldn't you make it through? I think your body might have the opposite reaction. It's so used to sleep that it won't be able, it's the people that like, I get three hours a night,

they're like, I can stay up all night. You might live longer, but you're not awake as much of that life right that's a new question would you rather how many hours awake do you want to be would you rather have ten extra years of your life but you had to lose ten waking years of yeah I mean I this is one of the hardest questions I've ever seen because I don't I don't I really don't want either one But I'm gonna take the 12 hours. Yes, because I think I'll be pretty pleasant for 12 hours It will take a lot of planning

But waking up every 30 minutes getting woken up torture it stays like just imagine Imagine night where you had to wake up two times In the entire whatever eight hours that you slept. It's awful the next day You are you're a zombie that you have giant really dark bags under your eyes. It's impossible You can't survive like that. Are you going for it? I'm going man. I'm going every 30 minutes. Absolutely My body will adjust He trusts no it will not Because the human body can adjust to this.

He'll just write it as long as until it breaks down. Lily from the website At will would you rather be able to walk through walls see through walls or hear through walls? It's a wall question. It's all about the walls.

You would still get caught trying to rob a bank by walking through walls. It's a wall question. It's all about the walls. You know, you would still get caught trying to rob a bank by walking through walls. Yes. Maybe. I mean, you'd be able to escape a little bit easier. Well, yeah, okay. Then can you bring... She specified in this question that to take it out of the equation because you will get caught if you try to rob a bank. Oh, okay. All right. Mike doesn't like that stipulation. No, no, no, that's fine. It got me running down the path of, what are the rules about walking through walls?

Is it stuff that's just your physical body? Well, then, but your clothes can go through? Well, then, that would say, well, if stuff's in my pockets, is that good enough? You went down the rabbit hole. Which, apparently, I'm not allowed to do right now. I think you can go with whatever normal stuff you have. Your normal phone.

I think stuff in your pockets goes with you. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, my wallet's not ending up on the other side of the wall. Right, so for the bank, I could go in and just get like a stack of hundos. I knew where you were gonna go. You're going back to the bank.

I knew where you were gonna go. The bank is off limits.its if you go into the bank if you walk through a bank wall You're naked on the other side Everything the bank has special superpowers where okay, they make you naked. Well, it's just nothing could travel with you Okay, this is just so I can't steal money. That's exactly. This is just it's Terminator rules This is just for Mike not to be able to take things. Look, what's the most beneficial? Walking through walls, I mean your house, you get to. Oh, that'd be great. I mean, point A to point B very quickly.

Seeing through walls. I think seeing through walls is more valuable. But I'm trying to think of like when I would use it other than just like, I don't wanna be some creep. Right. No, no, but I mean, I would know where everyone is in my house at all times, you know what I mean? Is that one of your bigger challenges? I mean, it's a common thing, like oh, where's Tiff?

Where's Jason? Where, you know, it's like, oh, there they are. Hearing through walls feels like it would be distracting. Oh, that's a nightmare. Unless you could like target it when you wanted it and then turn it off. Yeah, I mean, if you can just hear hear through all walls serve a valuable purpose in we did great work It doesn't say at will so this is you you can use it whenever you want. You can turn it off

Whatever you want. Oh, we should read the questions I don't want to hear through walls because I don't want to hear people talking crap about me Yeah, because I can't I can't go to them and be like I heard that and then they like how am I. Yeah. I answered this question on spitballers and I got a power. So I can hear through all but only through my like I like it. And Andy's concern is he confronts someone who's talking crap and they go well how did you hear that. That's how everyone in the act acts when you call them out on something. Where did you hear this? I just think that the most I would get out of the hearing one is negative to my life. That's my point.

It's not that- You're not getting trade secrets from- Not most of the time. Most of the time it's just going to be somebody saying, I'll be at the bank and the guy walks in the other room, he's like, see how ugly that guy is? I got to help that ugly guy. That ugly guy just walked out. He was'll be at the bank and the guy walks in another room he's like so ugly that guy is I gotta help that ugly guy. That guy just walked out he was trying to rob the bank. Yeah so the walking through walls seems like it's great. Now outside of the bank am I walking like straight out of a target

side of the target? Yeah I'm not even talking about theft I'm just talking about the ease of I don't have to worry about going through doors anymore. Well honestly you could park in different places at the mall that would be more convenient for you. That is actually really valuable. You don't need to be near entrances. The parking situation is great. You just park wherever, far away but on the side of the building where nobody parks.

It's like that's not the side of the building, that's now the entrance. You're never waiting in line for one of those sporting events to go through the checkers. You're just walking in through the side of the entrance. You're never waiting in line for one of those sporting events You know to go through the right the checkers You just walking in through the side of the building you want to go to the movies if there's any seats available just Just go right into any event. Yeah, you want to get into the Super Bowl you're in no problem fire hazard never never I walk right out. No. I don't you can't be trapped in a fire Yeah, and you'll let people know who there's as they're screaming. Peace out. They're running out the fire hazard like quick this way No, man, don't need it Yeah, you're going out the other way. See I would do the opposite. I would say quick this way

Gotcha come with me if you want to live Yeah, yeah, I'm taking the walk it through walls. Yeah, I like that one Lucas from patreon Would you rather have to steal something once per day or you die? Oh or kill something once per day or you die? What something is this like a bug? I mean I'll squash Cockroach a cockroach you just gotta go find it. Yep boy That'll be a pathetic moment at the end of my day. Like, oh gosh. I have a kid. Sometimes you accidentally run into a bug that you could kill.

Yeah. Do you have to go out and actively pursue? I don't know. I think pet stores have us covered here. You know, it's like I'll go buy 100 worms for my bearded dragon. OK. And so you can get your crickets or beetles. They got beetles there just go buy a

You know a literal lifetime supply of bugs so that you can live Yeah, I mean that would be really easy stealing something once per day and Get away with it or what I guess it doesn't matter. It's up to you. I just have to do it I'm good of a theft. Well, then how good of a theft am I? Yeah, yeah. Good one. Well, that actually brings up a real problem though, because let's say you're not a good theft. Right? Let's say you're a bad theft and you get caught. Yeah. And you go where all thefts go to jail.

Or now you can't steal anything. You could steal something from your cellmate. Yeah you can. Oh you better. He better have some special thing. No just steal his clothes. Yeah. Steal his clothes? You got no other choice. It doesn't say you have to hold on him. You could want him to throw him out the bars. Is that stealing? Yeah. I don't think that's stealing. It's stealing if you can throw it out the bars. Wait wait it's okay. Okay hold on. If he can't get it back you've stolen it if you're telling me we're in We're in a cell. Okay, okay, and I

Take clothes and I throw them out the bar. Yeah that that other person's gonna say you theft No, they'll probably call you a swear word but I'm not gonna say that. No, they'll probably call you a swear word, but I guess it depends on how long you have them in your possession. I wouldn't think that's stealing. Okay, how long do you have to, if I take something, because I would say if you're in a store

and you take something, the moment you leave, you have now stolen that object. Regardless of whether you throw it out the window of the car five minutes later. Well, let's say I'm in a I'm in a store Yeah, you know, but I don't even have thing I'm doing my big theft thing. Yeah, right I grab I grab a necklace and I throw it out Inside yeah, and someone else picks it up you didn't steal that what did what did I just do?

And you don't know the person that you threw it to right? I I'm not even yeah, I don't even care who tasted it. You're just in a mischief. Yes. You're not a theft. Did I steal? What did I do? That's my point when you're in that. Did that person steal? Oh that person totally stole. No that person found something. Yeah. They didn't steal. Nobody stole. Nobody stole but someone was stolen. And they're like, shoplifters will be prosecuted. I'm like, didn't shoplift. I merely took your item and threw it out the door. I mean, that's gotta be something. No, it's not stealing, it's throwing.

It seems like it has to be something, but what is it? Your Honor, he is charged with first degree throwing of the necklace. That's mischief. I don't know what else it is. Is mischief illegal? Yeah, I'm on it. Is mischief. What is the something of the piece? Disturber of the piece? Oh yeah. Maybe disturbing. Are you disturbing some piece? Well, I don't know how to spell mischief. It auto corrected me with, did you mean, and it's not the word mischief.

Yeah. Whoa, man. It auto corrected me with, did you mean, and it's not the word mischief. Did you mean muskrat? Um, that's interesting. Was this the one about the, uh- How do you spell mischief? How do you spell it? It's like- M-I-S-C-H-E-I-F-E-I-E-F. I-E-F.

Yeah. I-E-F. Okay, yeah. That'll do it. Criminal mischief. Yeah! Oh, there's criminal mischief? Criminal mischief. Mischief. It's a property crime on the books in every state. Hmm. Okay. All right, so that's what it would be. It's usually causing damage. We think that's what it's gonna be? Yeah, I think you're

gonna be a criminal mischief. Now I mean what's a sentence for mischief? That's gotta be nothing. That's white-collar. That feels like a like the judge just wags a finger at you. I think the I think what Jason said that the work around with the Beatles from a pet store if there wasn't that would you still go that direction? Like just go out and go for a walk and try to find something to squish? It seems like it would be, but interesting in my old age, like more merciful. Yeah, like when I was a young man, bugs stood no chance. If there was a bug, I will go out of my way

to make sure that I smash this insect. Yeah, a lot of ants. And now, like the other day, there was. And it just depends on the bug. Because I was in the office, and I found this big green leafy bug. And I had never seen this type of a bug before. And I was like, oh, hello, Mr. Leafy Bug. And I pick him up, I take him outside.

It's not free? Yeah. And I was like, you don't belong here, Mr. Leaf. There'll be a bug out there. And then I got back in, and then there was one of those tiny little black or brown beetles, and I squished him good. And it was like, you're ugly. And you did it right after?

Yeah, because it was like, it's just this common beetle. Yeah. Because in Arizona. It wasn't pretty enough for you. In Arizona, we have a bunch of these beetles going around. Oh, so it's the frequency you see them. Yeah, but there was the green leafy bug. Less common? I felt like I couldn't smash it.

I think that, because I've become more merciful with bugs later on as well. I think it has to do with, as a kid, I was much more afraid of bugs. on as well. I think it has to do with as a kid, I was much more afraid of bugs. As an adult. You weren't a bug collector? No. I guess some kids are like that,

but no, I was more like, it could hurt me so I'll squish you. Even though they couldn't hurt you, they were just bugs. But now I feel like, You were just self-defense. I just feel like, I used to be afraid of grasshoppers.

Right. But now I don't even care My kids are all afraid of them, and I'm just like whatever it's a grasshopper They're terrifying, but they get cuz they fly in all weird. Do you know like us well? They just whatever they don't they don't control themselves and know where they're going. They're just grass launchers Yeah, it's not so anyways. I think we're done with that one. I okay Yeah, I mean, I think we're done with that one. Okay. Yeah, I mean, I don't want to steal stuff. I don't want to be a theft.

Jeb from Twitter, would you rather be able to summon your own comforter in pillow at will? Okay. Or be able to summon your own toilet paper at will? Ooh. That means that, would you become a public pooper Jason? It would be far more interesting To poop in public with a nice. I'll look into it. I'll look into it The problem is I have I have outgrown

Really nice toilet paper that used to be the problem with pooping in public was like that toilet paper is not nice for my bum I like nice toilet paper. That was the only problem? Well, I mean, that was like the biggest problem is I wanted a nicer toilet paper. Yeah. But now. It wasn't the nastiness

that is the public restroom. It was the toilet paper? It just depends on the bathroom. I mean, obviously if I'm at some Circle K bathroom, it's not just a toilet paper problem, but if I'm at some circle K bathroom, I it's not just a toilet paper problem but you know if I'm at a restaurant and they've got a you know a bathroom where you can Go to the bathroom then yeah, I think the toilet paper is a big problem now look

We clearly have precedent that like gas stations Quick trip can clean their bathrooms. It is possible to have clean restrooms. It is possible. So is there a directive from the top that is like to all Circle K managers, do not clean that. Like why are they so gross? They could just have somebody clean the bathroom. They could, I imagine there's just-

Is that on purpose? There's no repercussion if you don't. They're like, hey, get to it if you have a chance. Oh, then no one's ever cleaned a bathroom with that. Exactly. That's why they're so dirty. My wife asked me that. If she tells me before we have a party, she goes,

she can say two things. Get the bathroom if you've got a chance. It ain't going to get cleaned. Or go clean the bathroom. There is a big difference. You need a directive. I need a directive. Also, the fact that, I mean, humans,

and I will say specifically men, are disgusting. And I don't understand, there's this small section of the population that they're like, when they go to the bathroom, they're just, like, there's no rules anymore. They're just like, weeeee! I will say this, I think it's a domino effect. The first man who misses, I'm not sure that they're missing though. Well, listen, what I'm saying is,

is once something's gone awry in the bathroom, the next man has to accommodate the first man's mess. Yes. Therefore his chance of making a mess is higher. What you're talking about another mess. Yeah. You've got all of a sudden you are on a tightrope walk Slipping out of the bathroom out of the bathroom. It's just a distance problem What you're saying is if there's a little puddle on the ground. Yeah, you gotta take a step back Yes, and then the next person has to take two steps back Eventually, you're not peeing in the urinal. Your back is against the wall. You're peeing on the ground. You're playing a new game.

It's a new game. Yeah. Yeah, that's true. There's a famous, I mean, we can go back in time, but our old company, we knew that somebody, and this is a tech company. This ain't just Circle K. No.

It's a nice building. This is a nice facilities. There's lots of you know, very Upstanding companies, but there was a person from some company somewhere That everybody knew who that person was. I mean, they didn't nobody knew who it was We knew of they knew of them because you'd go and you'd know whether they'd been in there or not It was unbelievable and you know when they took an off day. You'd go into that bathroom every single day. Every single day.

This nice pristine bathroom. You'd walk in there and you'd be like, yeah. I got in before him today because the floor is okay. Yeah, I don't understand. Or you'd come in and you'd go, ah. I mean, let's have a conversation here. Hold on, turn off the microphones Have you ever gone on the floor just straight on the floor straight like no even just a little bit

What like on purpose like it no either way? Well, I mean I've actually had some accident, right? I mean, but no, of course, I've never just yeah heat on the floor No, there seems like there's a some amount. Yes. Yes of men out there that are into that. That's what I said They feel like there's no rules and they just do whatever and these are though. These are the same people littering Could it be a cell phone problem? Could it just be they're on their phone or they have no idea where they're going They just get in the general vicinity of the bathroom and let it go They let it out and they just play on their own and they think They're doing okay if this person is wearing any type of short. I gotta

Confess something. Oh, no, what you've done that Yes Did you just remember something? Yeah There was one time you were on a phone. It was within the last month No, no, it wasn't here. No, it wasn't here. I don't even remember where it was. It was obviously somewhere that I'm not often there. What happened? So I start, I go to the stall, I serve it. Wait, is it a stall or is it a urinal? No, a urinal urinal okay urinal and I'm on my phone and I'm looking You were a water fall onto the ground. You peed onto the-

I peed on the top of the toilet. On the top of the urinal. But I didn't know and then all of a sudden- How long did you realize? I don't know, five seconds and I was like, oh my goodness. Did you visually see it or were you wearing shorts and so- I visually saw it. Your you were you wearing shorts and so so the Sun I? Visually saw your ankles are getting no no I didn't somehow it was a perfect like I didn't feel it I was not me. I was not alerted to it. I just went to check in I went to check

Quickly well, and then here's the problem. I have I can't do anything once it's done. Yo, I don't have cleaning supplies. I'm not going to go. You get out of there. Yes, that's what you do. You you because you zip and run. If you stay there, someone else might know you did that.

And could you imagine? Let's let's just play this out. OK, I walk into a bathroom and I see a guy with a bunch of toilet paper clean the top of the yeah. I feel like you didn't be on the top of that did you. I mean I don't want to I don't want to be caught. I get out of there. I would get out. That's happened. That's incredible. Now here's the thing. Oh my god. If you never checked in, could you just... Is it possible you could have finished and left?

I think so. I think I would have had no idea. Plus! Of course, that's what I... Plus nothing. Man, that was unbelievable. Alright, we are moving on. Man of the People. All right, what are we doing, Al? We surveyed 100 people,

and all the answers are on the board. If you get the first answer, it's worth three points. The second answer is worth two points. Any other answer is worth one points. Oh my God, that literally happened last time we did this. And the final round is worth double points. All right. Let's, uh, let's kick it off. How many rounds are we doing? Seven rounds. Seven rounds of man are the people I cannot wait to lose. Okay. I'd rather be spelling.

All right, gentlemen, get ready ready keep your eyes on those buttons Name a place where it would be smart for a lawyer to advertise freeway Billboard is the number four answer okay? Well, that's not a very good answer is it keep an eye on those buttons I'm gonna go bus That is not on the board bus stop bus also not on the board bus bench Mike it's really one can you television that is the number three answer okay how was TV not the number one answer yeah TV should really be the number one answer the number one answer was jail the number two

answer was court TV TV, billboard, and hospital. I feel like we really did well considering the top two are bogus answers. If you are in court, my friend, it is too late. Also, where are they gonna advertise, if you're in jail? Are there a bunch of ads in jail?

That's the next level. I haven't been in jail, but I didn't think that there was just a bunch of ads. I'm surprised that those people surveyed are interesting. Go to the jail. What's the CPM here for advertising in your jail? So one point was we did well to get one point. Yeah.

All right. Next question. Going on on around number two name a reason that you would stay inside your house on a Saturday I was in first you did the reason that I would stay inside you because of bad weather bad weather verbatim is the number one answer is the number one answer. Oh, that's what I was going to go with. All right. You're sick. Oh, that's the next only good answer. You're sick is the number two answer. Oh yeah. Andy you want to try to get one? You have three. This is a match of captains. Two. Come on. One. Your kids. You know your kids. I got no idea. Your kids is not know, your kids. You can't stay inside because of this.

I got no idea. Your kids is not on the board. What'd you do on Saturday? Oh, I just kind of stayed home, did nothing really. Why'd you do that? You know, my kids. Yeah, that's not bad. Good answer, good answer.

Sleep, nap, tired, number three answer. I was gonna say work. Housework was the number five answer. And then watching TV was the number four answer. I was gonna say work what housework was the number five answer and then watching TV was Okay All right, we're moving on around number three other than a job name something for which you would fill out an application You didn't reset the buttons. Oh Oh College

College is the number three answer. It's not good enough. Ooh. I'm going to go with alone. Alone is the number two answer. Oh, crap. Number one answer still on the board for you, man. Fill out an application?

Yes, sir, three. I know it. I know it, too. Did you say other than a job? Yes. Oh. Shucks. I don't know.

Two. Magic. Going, one. Magic show. Oh. Shucks. I don't know. Two. Magic. Going to a magic show. One. Yeah. I would like to apply to see your magic show. I'm assuming it's credit card. Yeah.

Credit card is the number one answer. Oh yeah. As soon as I said loan. Yeah. I was like, wait. And it wasn't it? Yeah. Rental application and insurance being four and five.

As soon as you said loan, I knew I didn't have an answer. All right, through three rounds, we got Andy at two, Mike at three, Insurance being four and five. As soon as you said loan, I knew I didn't have an answer. All right, through three rounds, we got Andy at two, Mike at three, Jason at five. Love losing at this game. Go on. All right, we're going on to round number four.

Name an article of clothing that children are always losing. I'm going to go with shoes. Shoes is the number two answer. That is, those are not parents. Aw, socks! Socks is the number two answer that is those are not parents yeah socks socks is the number one answer thank you had to buy my kid all those socks gonna lose their glasses oh the magic glasses are not on the board oh really this survey was obviously not done in Arizona. Finishing out the board, we have gloves, hat, and jacket. We have advantages out here. So you traveled, huh, to do these

surveys. I used the internet. Okay. Alright, round number, where are we at? Five? It's not going well. Magic. Alright, If an alien landed at Christmas time, name a Christmas tradition that would be hard to explain. Santa. Coming into your house to deliver presents. The number one answer. Oh man, that was really easy. Christmas trees in your house.

A tree inside your house is the number three answer. Number three? I'm gonna say Christmas lights on your house. Not on the board. Cool cool. That one's easy. That one's easy. Because they're just awesome. Gift exchange was number two, caroling and mistletoe. I almost said caroling too. I feel like the aliens would understand the mistletoe. I feel like I'm going to have to start smashing this button before Jason. That's how it goes, man. And just try to guess. Yes. Did you hear bad weather over here?

Yeah, bad weather. I had no idea. They gave him ten seconds. Yeah, thank you. All right, round number six. Before a formal part-time job, name a way that kids earn money. Chores. Chores is the number one answer.

Of course it is. What one answer you're right what other answer is there good luck suckers internship not on the board unpaid Andy is so frustrated hey you're good Jason yeah three I hate this game two lawn mowing one mowing lawns is the number four answer. Okay. Babysitting being number two. Oh, that's a good answer. And the lemonade stand. Oh, no one makes money with the lemonade stand. You know, lemonade stands now, they're taking Venmo.

I mean, like genuinely. I've seen a couple. That makes sense. Well, it makes sense. We don't have like cash on us. If they're going Venmo, then they better like, it better be a to-go cup, filled up with ice. Make it easy for me, too. Have you ever stopped at a children's lemonade stand that was not your own kids?

Yes. Yes. What? Not in a car, though. I stop every time I see one. Not in a car? What? No, like if I see them in the neighborhood, I'll walk down to it if I see it in the neighborhood.

Do these kids... On purpose. And these kids don't have like a food handlers card or anything? No no food handlers card, Mike. Oh man. Just trying to make 25 cents. Honestly, usually their lemonade sucks. Yeah.

It's not good. They don't know how to make it. Then why are you supporting this local business? I'm supporting the children. They are a future. There you go. Alright, what round are we at? Alright we are through six rounds which means this round will be worth double.

Double points! That means my zero will be worth double! You do have the ability to influence who wins this, you do not have the ability to win. Of course not. Andy has five, Mike has seven, and Jason has eleven. Okay, reset him. Thank you. Tell me something that you would feel before you buy it. Carpet. Not on the board. Clothing. Clothing and materials is number two Jason you have three seconds I'm gonna feel to jello is the number

one answer yeah no furniture it's not on the board fruit and vegetables was the number one oh gotta squeeze that candy what about that carpet guys and then pillows linens and bread? I've never felt bread, but I give the bread a little squeeze. Do you know real tight one? Next time no, I don't want that one. That one's ruined next time you guys go buy carpet I don't want you to feel it. Do not touch that carpet. We've never had this happen, but you guys are tied Jason and Mike because all right all right. Do you have another do you have a backup? I can look for a bonus round here.

Well let me say this I won't participate. I didn't technically but in the spirit of that first question I feel like I got the number one answer considering that jail and court are nonsense. Jail and court were a joke. I challenged that question. All right, well then we'll do a tiebreaker here. Yeah. Oh, okay, just the two of us? Yeah, I surveyed a bunch of people shopping for carpet. What was one of the most important things? They feel it.

Yeah, that's right. I said it first. That's right. All right, I just got the first one I pulled up here. Name an occupation that might get tired of wearing the same thing every day. A doctor? Doctor is the number two answer. Shoot! That was what I was gonna go with!

Andy's face said it was a firefighter. That is not on the board. Yes! What a police officer was. That's the one I was thinking of. I'll give it to you for that but you still lost. Mike, congratulations. You are this week's man of the people. Oh Mike, what a good job considering Magic Show is part of your winning answers.

Well let's move on. The Spitballers Draft. Well, we are here. It is draft time. We are drafting things that are yellow. A lot of good things that are yellow, Mike. And you get the first pick, so you're certainly going to get the best one. Oh, I am not.

Because there are many things that are yellow when you just think of it. I feel like there's a 101 here. I'm really surprised. There's definitely a 101 for Jason. Maybe. Let's see. Alright, well, I'm going to go with a lemon. Okay, well that was not on the top list for me. Not on my list. It is yellow. It's truly yellow. Very yellow.

It's very yellow. It's very naturally yellow. No, I thought you don't like lemons. No, I like lemons. I don't like lemon desserts. You like lemonade. I do. You like?

It's not a lemon dessert. OK, so lemons. That's a beverage. Lemons, I mean, versatile. Versatile, very yellow. Very yellow. Yes, extremely yellow. OK, I'm on the clock.

You are. There's no way you're. Pee. I'm going. Yes, extremely yellow. OK, I'm on the clock. You are. There's no way you're. Pee. I'm going, I'm taking pee. Wait, that's the 101? Yeah, that's the 101. Of course it is. It's not even always yellow.

It is for me, Mike. It is for me. No water here. Have you seen the top of that urinal? Yeah. I mean, come on. On the spitballers? You're telling me the 101 isn't pee?

It wasn't even on the list. It's not on my list. Oh, you, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, the pick. You do. Which means I'm going to take a banana. I mean, banana was the easy one. Oh, one for Jason. I assumed it's your favorite fruit. It is. And you don't even have it because you have P. That is true. Uh, it was, it was a tough call between banana and P, but I went with P. Well, good. Then I get to follow up on my goodness gracious and take that from you and follow it up with something even far better than a banana which is cheese oh yeah he's the goat that's the number one cheddar is great cheddar is on my list yeah you know what it is it's very Gouda it's awesome it's cheese it's yellow it's great wait good as yeah it's yellow too Mike it is you betcha Good is a yellow cheese all the good I eat is yellow

Yeah, okay. Yeah, there's light yellows and dark yellows and whites like there's white cheddar and yellow cheddar All right. All right. It's back to you now peas off the board dang it. Oh wait. I have it so we're good. Yeah Okay, so this was diarrhea Oh wait, I have it, so we're good. Yeah. Okay, so this was... Diarrhea! You guys ever had yellow diarrhea? I'm sorry that we make this show.

I'm sorry this exists. Oh man. If only it was yellow. I'm gonna take The Sun. Ooh, good pick, good pick. Way better than P actually Terrible pick. Well, I know it's white technically, but everybody knows the Sun is yellow You're taking the stereotypical

I know that technically it's not actually yellow. Not all lemons are yellow either, right? That's correct Or bananas, yeah see so but So, but here's the truth. When you look at the sun, it's yellow. If we were to go to outer space and look from outer space, okay, it's white. If you drew any of these things on a piece of paper for your kids, what color would you color them? I would color it yellow. Yeah, as I would the P for the record.

I would not be drawing like, this is a really hydrated man. I just need to point out that scientifically you are not correct I have never correct scientifically Mike. All right, Mike you have Jason has urine in the Sun. I've got banana and cheese don't mix them and then Mike has lemons Yes, and something else now I'm going to go. There's a lot of stuff that's yellow. I'm going to start this off with police tape. OK.

Or caution tape. Caution tape. I mean. It's a big fan. It's just very yellow. Just stay away. And I'm trying to diversify my draft picks here. It's pretty hard to cross caution tape. Because of how yellow it is. You're not allowed to. And then

they make it yellow so that they can clearly see this is tape. Now is it police tape or is it caution tape? I think it's caution tape. Well it's police tape if they use it. So like I can use it and... Yeah you can rope off anything you want and I can say sir please please don't enter this area. Caution is what you're saying. Honestly I feel like that shouldn't be sold you know what I mean like right it's too powerful a tool and on top of that no those are the ones that say a police one say official caution tape you can buy unofficial caution tape. Which if it actually says it probably says do not cross, but if all of it said was caution tape, I can go in there and just be careful.

Yeah, be careful. Have caution. Actually, that kind of tape is what's around like potholes and stuff. Whereas crime scene tape, does it say something different on the tape? It probably says police line. It says police line. Yeah, police line, do not cross cross but you can buy it on Amazon Okay, you can't Interesting, you know, those are fun. Don't do this, but those are fun social experiments in my head Because people will obey anything that looks official

even if I walked up in plain clothes with some police tape and I start taping off an area like I Could probably tape right in between a line that people are in and they'd have to go getting in another line because they would just obey it. If you had a construction vest on oh that'd be or a suit yeah then people would absolutely like name tag with a lanyard you'd see a bunch of people just as Todd getting all upset yeah they're like well I'll go around now don't don't do this. But the next time you're in a restaurant or something and someone treats you rude and has real bad service, just go caution off the front of that building.

Just put a little caution tape right there and then you're good. Just jokes on them. No more customers. Yeah, I may or may not have seen a YouTube video of somebody just throwing a bike lock on the front two doors of a place. Oh, what? Because they can't do anything about it. See, now that's criminal mischief.

That's criminal mischief. All right, Mike, you have lemons and caution tape, but you have to draft another yellow thing. I have plenty of them on my list, and for this one I'm going to go, we got to add some cuteness into this draft. No! No. Wow. Yeah, I don't, I mean one I'm gonna go, we gotta add some cuteness. No! Into this draft. No! Wow. Yeah, I don't, I mean I'm... There's something cute that Andy really wants.

I'm gonna go with a duckling. Oh, alright, that's fine. Andy got very worried, but yeah, little baby ducks. They're very yellow and they are incredible. I mean the yellow ones are, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, now that makes sense. So, not a rubber ducky, an actual real life duckling. Yes.

People don't keep ducks as pets, do they? Not really. It's not impossible. I feel like ducklings, and then you have to give them back to the world. One of my buddies I grew up with, they had some farmland. They had chickens, and then they had a couple ducks. OK.

And they were awesome. Really? Yeah. I mean, they take huge dumps. Oh do they oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. What a show We got here and is that why they're called ducks just big dumps I don't know if you got a way to shut this guy's mic off Do they go on the ground or do they go in the water? They'll do both. Really? Sink or swim?

Wherever they are. You're asking if the turd sinks or swims? Yes I am. That part I can't recall. It's probably a sink. Very dense. Alright. I think we've lost Andy. very dense all right I think we've lost a and all that pees on the top of your urinals, man. Oh, and draftspeed. Oh.

All right, so I've got pee in the sun. Yeah. And I'm going to get two more picks here. Well, just one right now. Sure. Oh, man. I'm going to take something that I love a lot of people hate but there's no debating its color mustard oh I think that'll be a popular pick among the must don't eat mustard onions no no it's mustard Ian's muster thank you I do you guys like mustard? I do, I like mustard.

I do. Just not as much as you. That's fair. It took some time. I did not like it as a wee lad, but it's grown on me now. Somehow in my head, and you correct me if I'm wrong, but Dijon mustard, I feel like I'm supposed to like more because it's fancy.

It's fancy. Yeah. But it is a completely different taste than regular mustard. 100%. You're supposed to like it more because it's fancy, but it's worse. No, but like it is a completely different taste than regular mustard 100% You're supposed to like it more because it's fancy, but it's worse I don't think it's good and a lot of times has little seeds in it, right? Yeah, what makes it Dijon? What what's added in there? It's mr. Chef

Well, if you have to know I do I think it's like almost I want to say it's like mayo There's actually mustard seeds in it or so. Yeah, okay So but I figure out what makes it what is Dijon mustard made of? Mustard it's mustard seeds. I'll tell you it's made with Brown or black mustard seeds and white wine. I just feel like the regular mustard is like they that stuff's always smooth Yeah, I mean classic yellow mustard. Yeah, I'm taking yellow mustard. That's a good pick All right, so urine son mustard. I've got banana and cheese and two picks I'm going with Pikachu

Choose the third pick. That's the one. I thought you were gonna sneak. I wanted Pikachu I thought it'd come back to me. Luckily it did, because of Duckling. So Pikachu, yellow, cute, popular. That's true. Those are three qualities that I wanted to pick. My last one, just trying to figure out whether these ones count. Okay.

Because there are, one of them is gold to gold gold's not yellow or is gold yellow yellow if you drew yellow if you drew gold on a piece of paper you draw yellow yeah yeah so can I take gold oh I will let you take gold I will not I mean you're not gonna I can move on It's not very yellow to say like the actual gold Not gonna worry about it. Okay. I'm gonna go I'm gonna go to the brick road Yellow brick yeah, no give him gold Dang it I was all I knew nobody would yeah Taking the brick road

That's a great pick. That is a great pick. That's way better than gold. All right. Yeah, I was just kidding about gold. If you want gold, Jay, it's there for you. Yeah. The end will allow it. No, I've got plenty of other things on my list.

I'm just trying to decide what's the best one. Man, I really want a yellow brick road. I'm not going to lie to you guys. That was going to set you up. Man, I sniped it. Pretty devastating. I think even though there's something I like much better on my list, I'm going to go with the classic here, the super yellow, incredibly quintessential school bus. I don't mind that pick at all. It's on my list.

Actually, I think it's a great pick. It's iconic. Yeah. If you were drawing a picture of a town, you need to draw a school bus in there. Did any of you ever ride the school bus? Yes. A handful of times, but not regularly.

Yeah, no, I rode the bus a lot. Interesting. What was that like? Was it a good time? No. Okay, I've always heard bad things. Don't you remember my tales of, interesting me my what was that like was it a good time no okay oh you know always heard bad things my tables of I thought I had told the story of like when I was in junior high and we rode the bus and it's a real chicken or egg

situation now that I'm an adult and I can look back our bus driver was as crotchety and cranky as it possibly gets. Impossible not to be. And you're like, well, did that happen? Was this person always this way? Or was it because of all the hooligans on the bus who are throwing scissors out the windows at people? Yeah.

As well as other objects. It was a mix. It was a mix. Yeah, the bus in Arizona's Arizona and it's just it was Unpleasant. All right. So I finished with banana cheese Pikachu and yellow brick road Jason got urine sun mustard school bus Mike you have a lemon Caution tape a little yellow duckling. Mm-hmm and one final pick. All right, we're gonna close it with Emojis. I it was on the list.

Yeah. It was on the list. It wasn't on my list, that's a good one though. It was that or the brick road, man. That was good. I like that pick. The yellow face. Yeah, they're all yellow. Which I imagine that's,

did that start because of like just the original yellow? The happy face, the classic happy face. I think that's where, that was like the original emoji before these existed I had I had pineapple on the list. I thought Mike would go pineapple. I got Big Bird Big Bird is on my minions That's good. I wasn't sure if honey was yellow That's I don't think we're ever gonna do a draft for that. So we could do things that are gold

There's honey No, that's all I had left on my list You guys got good pick. I have banana runts, which I felt like I couldn't take his bananas were taken Egg yolk Homer Simpson, oh that was a great take post-it notes and the one that I said that I liked the most. Yeah. Corn on the cob. Yeah. Yeah. It's on that you guys have listed. Or off the cob. It's also yellow. Most everything, but I had this one on here for Brooksie. A submarine. Absolutely. Yeah. That's a good one.

But there's only really one, actually two yellow submarines because the Disneyland ones are pretty yellow last time. I remember What did we learn today oh man I learned that Jason is the pisser I Learned yeah, don't be well distracted that was on my list. Yeah, I learned that you can be called a theft Yeah, yeah, yeah Andy let me ask you this yeah did so you the the the person at the building was never caught never caught are you now at this point 100% sure it wasn't Jason the whole time I am NOT Jason's very distractible and now I'm worried like it could have been in he he may not have even known he could have been

Completely unaware And then after he would get done at the end he would look down and go He was he was just here. So you're telling me That when I would have that experience of going in and say he hasn't been here yet today That was always my first trip that was always your first trip yeah then the second trip yes oh he came between when I was here yeah he snuck in while I was going to the bathroom all right everybody put your phones away when you use the restroom that's the message for today for Al Borland, Jesse Amati and the three of us good bye thanks for listening to the spitballers podcast to see what other nonsense the guys are up to check out spitballers pod.com