Spitballers Comedy Podcast - Dumb World Records & Favorite Johns - Spit Hits! - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: June 26, 2025

Spit Hit for June 26th, 2025:Today, we teach you all about moth balls, how to always spell dessert correctly, and bailing out of a boring story. We crown a new spelling master, and wrap it up with a draft of our favorite ‘Johns’. Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast!Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast:Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.comFollow us on X: x.com/SpitballersPodFollow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPodSubscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers Podcast with Andy, Mike and Jason. I you know it started it was better in the beginning yeah in the beginning it was like a cello or some kind of low bass got bored and then it was like I'm not sure this is gonna know yeah yeah yeah welcome into the spitballers. I lost my timing. Brand new episode for you. Yeah, there's some panic. Episode 254. One of my favorite numbers. Jason is here. You did say that very expectantly. Like, oh my gosh, guys. This is 254. Huh? Huh guys 254. I Just expect you to talk. I was just doing yeah, uh

Mike is here. Yeah. No, they heard they they heard me open the show Would you rather highway to spell and We are drafting our favorite people named John on today's show And we are drafting our favorite people named John on today's show So it could be historical figures could be pop culture could be anything. Oh, so long as their names John I thought with all my friends Yeah, John Smith That's your friend. I

Was gonna go with a toilet, but apparently these are people named John. Mm-hmm Oh, these are our favorite. My favorite Johns are... Toto. Toto. Yeah, we know. We know your favorite. At SpitballersPod over on Twitter, and let's kick it off.

Would you rather... Alaina from Twitter says, would you rather gain 5% of your body weight or lose 50% of your body weight? Okay, interesting, okay, okay, I would rather gain 5% of my body weight So I can't be a hundred pounds. Yes. I'm sitting out of basically two bills between 2 and 210 So that drops me down to 100. That's just not. And 100 pounds at six feet tall is, it's a problem.

Yeah, that's not gonna look good. No, it's not gonna look good, it's not gonna feel good. No. I imagine I will be incredibly weak. Yeah. I mean, I will be. So 5% of your body weight of your 200 would be 10 pounds. Yeah, okay It's fine. I mean you're gonna get that's that's dinner. I

Can handle that no, let me ask that's easy peasy. What day does this go into effect because Saturday? All right No, he's gonna try to be fun. I'm gonna try to poke up, baby What today's? I know he's gonna try to beef up. I'm gonna try to poke up, baby I'm gonna try to pack on them pounds how much bull season like could I get three months like this will go into effect three months Okay, okay new new world every year Your weight haves on a specific day every every year, dude

Do you know the kind of eating we're living have to get up to a weight you'd be happy with the half so that you don't you know you don't want to get too low and then you die so like I'm gonna go holidays 150 three bills 150 right I can live that life I can live that's so much eating but the the thing is is what you would have to do in order to succeed at that new life. Yeah. Every June 1st you cut your weight in half.

January 1st, or so, wait, June, calendar year. January 1st, I have to double my body weight in 365 days. And I would enjoy the heck out of that. I would. Can that be? Now you're- You can do that, right? You could do that, but you would start to feel- I can.

Oh, you're- That's the funny part is you'd feel bad over the last few months to me. No, you would feel bad immediately. You'd feel bad immediately. Yeah, because you're still eating bad. If you have to gain 150 pounds- That's more than ten a month of gain. That's full time eating.

You're going to be eating so much, you're going to feel so bad. But you're going to be doing the thing that, when you hear about actors, like, well, how did you do that? Well, in the morning, I would pull out a two gallon thing of vanilla ice cream, and I would let it melt, because then I would just drink it. Which seems fun.

Why is that bad? I'm really confused. In the moment, that's gonna be a really fun couple minutes. I read a story the other day. Then pain. And it's like, is this real life? But it was about a woman who was very large and her goal is to gain a hundred pounds a year we and she married a chef wait a minute

what is all real this is a and she married a chef and the chef wakes up in the morning and his goal is to help her get a hundred pounds a year that's love and so what the reason I bring it up is the fact that the calories that she takes in daily, she says her average day is about 24,000 calories. Oh, pfft. And her highest day has been 40,000. This can't be.

This is a real story. It's a real story. Her highest day was 40,000? Yeah, 40,000. She eats a carton of eggs every morning How well with her mouth? Well, yeah don't even believe that Yeah, I think I have it right well, that's she's over 750 pounds right now. No So that means next year she wants to be eight hundred and50. Yes, so she just wants like one What is this like an oven guard art piece? What is happening? Yes, that's for that is the goal

It's it's an art. I mean the one serious like if that is your goal is oh, no, it's a hundred patley What are you doing? Well, nothing dying do anything? burn calories Yeah, I mean You got to be real careful not to move much and she she married the right? Yeah, I mean partner or the wrong partner. Yeah, this is some real enabling I know I know but this became a story a new story all I can see in my head is job of the That's it

Because at some point you're gonna become job of the hut. Yes some point you will yes I think that that point might be here May that is crazy sadly 750 Getting to 850 you might not make it. No, that's that that is the really hard thing is that about goals about Really difficult goals is, sometimes to achieve them takes great sacrifice. You fall short.

It's just, the idea that you could just snap your fingers once a year and half it, would you turn that power on? Let me ask you that, Mike. If you could do that. Can I turn it off? No, it's a one-time choice. But under the saying so.

The wizard shows up and says. And it's a lifetime? Yeah, it's a lifetime. No choice, but I'm saying so wizard shows up and it's a lifetime Yeah, it's like no. No, I'm not you can't do it lifetime But if it was a one time if you have a one-time use yeah of this coupon just don't die before that date Is that the goal? Yeah? Yeah? It's just like someday whenever you want And it's your choice you could snap your fingers and you can go half your body weight. would absolutely use that yeah but would you here's the problem if you were gonna use it and it's one time you hit that 300 are you pushing to four oh I'd be going over three for sure yeah I'm going if I've got a one-time use I think I get oh mine 330 three but then remember once you snap that you never get to go back to that again. Yeah, I think you'd push for 400 bills

Cuz half of that's 200 Man there's I think I'm going 350 I can achieve that I can do it. I think I can I think I can She way that she weighs 727 pounds. No, she she wants to break the world record, which is 1600 Is that true out that's what Java weighed 16 hundred pounds she consumes over 20,000 a day as a Bounds she consumes over 20,000 a day as a human being

1600 no that's do your does your bones? I'm gonna ask a real science question here. Does your appetite grow when you grow? Yeah, so does your stomach get bigger? Yes. Oh, it like a from stretch. Yes It stretches larger and then you need to eat more if you have a bigger stomach to feel full. Probably to feel full yeah. So she wants to gain twice the weight. What are we okay world records. There's a lot of weird stuff out there Mike. I know and it in world records we got it we got to stop. We got it. How many things have happened because of that that illustrious world record that are bad? We gotta knock it off with the world records. We can have sporting events and we need to put a committee together and we can vote on how many world records we allow that are not sports related.

That's a great idea. There's 50. You can't just have a- There's 50 world records that are allowed. You can't have world records over everything. Like, correct. I just saw a world record of a person that broke it, and it was the furthest golf drive caught in a moving car.

Yeah, exactly. This is nonsense. And they were going wild with joy. Nonsense. I mean, we- It was cool to watch. Yeah, because they got a world record. It was awesome to watch, to be honest.

We've seen the like, you know, longest walk on Legos, all sorts of things. No, get out of here. That's not allowed. There's only four world records left. No, there's I think. Tallest man, shortest man. It's probably 100. I think there's 100 valuable things that you could say,

this should be in. In fact, I would love to have a special episode where where we create that and that's all we do we sit around for hours this episode is gonna be eight nine hours as we debate which things are in the top 100 like for instance how long you can hold your breath underwater that's in oh yeah I feel like that's a sporting event yeah that makes sense what about the dude perfect guys with the basketball shot with that one be? No, no That's not world record things that people do I have held my breath underwater like I've tried

I'm saying something that everybody does. It's just an athletic feat. It's it doesn't have to be athletic Necessarily long. What about longest mustache hair? No, no, no, no, that's out No, I'm gonna be biggest beard. Yeah, nope. That's out. That's classic world record I don't know that's the longest fingernails has to be in the longest fingernails is absolutely in what yeah, that's a normal That's a normal one. That's in it's this sideshow. No This is why I'm saying it's gonna be nine ten hour podcast just be stuff that you'd want to see at a circus Is that the world records All right, we're gonna have to really hunker down get this list. Look, it's a money-making venture for them

That's where I was I want to develop the secondary tier if you don't want to go spin up for the world record You can have the like that's why we, there is scarcity involved in our world record system. There's only a hundred of them. Wait a minute, wait a minute. If you go, when we go to Mars, are there all new records to be broken there? Yes. Ooh, it's gonna be so easy.

Because it's a world record, right? You hold your breath for 30 seconds. Longest time on Mars with my helmet off. Oh no. Try it. Just try it. Ate the most space dust. But all the records restart on Mars.

Yeah. Because it's not a world record. Yeah, there's a record holder on Earth. You can now create. Oh, a third tier. Well, now you could create the universe records. Well, you've gone too far. We got to go solar system. Solar system first. Galaxy. Well, you've gone too far. We gotta go solar system.

Okay, solar system first. Then galaxy, then you. I mean, guys, there's infinite money for us to get here. Sorry, the clarification, the world record for the heaviest woman is 1,200 pounds. Oh, she wants to shatter the record. All right, we're moving on. That's woman, I'll bet the fattest person in the world was a man.

Yeah, 1400. Yeah. That's makes me sad. Kenshi from Patreon, at this point in life, would you rather have all your closest friends be 80 years old or 18 years old? Oh no. Okay, so I get what you're saying now because- Because they're both terrible. Oh, okay, so I get what you're saying now because So so we're we're all about 40 which means that your best friends either all become 18 mm-hmm and

I'm not gonna want to hang out with you. No. Oh, I'm totally down and then all of their friends become 80 in which case Yeah, hello fellow young people. I'm in I want all my friends to be 18. Keep me young. Make me young. You're not keeping up, Jason. I know I'm not keeping up, but I know that- You're going down. Absolutely, and I will go down in a blaze of glory. That is absolutely fine.

It's like grandparents, when they're having to watch grandchildren a lot, it keeps them young. I mean, they'll tire them out it's not easy it would much rather that if your friends are all 18 all they're trying they're just trying my gosh I'm gonna hate my friends so much there you're gonna hate them and all they want from you is the they want you to break the law that's what they they want you to go because they're not 21 that's the only reason that they're gonna be friends friends with you. I mean, this is such an easy question for me.

The problem is his 80 is up there. Oh, 80 is terrible. Enjoy watching all your friends die real soon. You've got to imagine having lunch with all your friends and their 80. 3 PM. Lunch? That's dinner at 3 PM.

Oh, yeah, yeah, sorry. Lunch is 10 AM. I'm talking about physically watching them eat. Disgusting! Just absolutely disgusting! Always just dates. They're just eating prunes and dates. And nuts.

Old people eat a lot of nuts too. Well yeah, I mean they're very nutritional. I know! They're onto something, but just... Oh, they're gonna bore you, and they're gonna be... Oh, they'll be asleep half the time you're there! They're gonna something, but just... And they're gonna bore you, and they're gonna beat. Oh, they'll be asleep half the time you're there! They're gonna smell like death. Oh, they smell like mothballs.

Yeah, it's the same smell, guys. The smell of death is mothballs. Detour, why are old people obsessed with mothballs? Are there moths everywhere? I don't see! Back in the day. The number one terror of the United States. Moths. Back it up further. What. The number one terror of the United States. Those moths? Back it up further.

What is a mothball? Is that a thing? Yes. It's a chemical inside of a small plastic ball. And you put it in your jackets in the attic. In the closet. Closet or the attic. Both for old people.

And it keeps the moths from eating the fabric. Wait. OK, so I just googled mothball, I see it. The first thing asked is why are mothballs illegal? They're classified as a pesticide. They're illegal. Yeah, they're actually a pesticide. It's like asbestos? They're a chemical pesticide and they have a distinct smell. Is that why all people smell? Because they all smell like pesticides. Wait, is that why they're dying? Yes, probably. They're just putting pesticides in all their clothes? That does not sound healthy. I still believe in it. Adam?

And I was shopping for houses once and we went into a bunch of homes and then one was one of those mothball bombs. Oh. And the whole house smelled just atrocious. But they do keep squirrels, skunks, deer, mice, rats, snakes, and moths away. Yeah, living creatures, no better than to go to the poison. And us humans are like, yep, this is how I must keep the animals away. Horribly toxic to dogs. They keep away young people as well. I mean, genuinely. I remember going to my great grandmother's house and I couldn't exist in there. I was like, I'm not staying. I'm going to be out front on the porch. I cannot be in here.

Yeah. I mean, I'm going to go 18 year old. Of course you're going to go 18 year old. You're here to party. You're going to have a great time. You're going to be exhausted. Don't let me leave early, right? They'll have a party Yeah, they're still your friends. You can leave early enjoy a 30 minute run with them You know what else you did is you just gave them more life if they're really your friends Do you want to take all your friends and be like poof y'all 80 years old? I just took away so much

You're like, oh, you're 18. Look you're you're young again Yeah, I mean it's the choice here if you said would it change if I said closest friends were 60 instead of 80 60 yeah, yeah, not for me If you said they're 42 or 18, I'm like, let's go baby. Let's young again Jason's gone through some stuff young again Jason's gone through some stuff midlife crisis Jason wants to say if you could keep your friends this age and I could become 18 I'm gonna pick them all up in my Corvette yeah he's got his Miata gonna put the tap down all right now Claire from the website would you rather have three foot long hair oh what world record stuff or a three foot long beard Three feet one two. Oh, that's long. It's easy top. That's real long. That's a yard

nice Little uh math conversion joke for you you weren't tracking Would you like a yard of hair on top your head or a a yard of a beard? They really could have saved us some syllabus. Yeah. It's gotta be the hair. It has to be the hair. Because... The beard's a problem?

Well, the beard, you can't hide a beard. You can't do anything different with a beard. I mean, braid it. No, you can braid it. Sure. But then you got giant braided beard. That is a problem. It is not.

It's not. The hair, okay, the hair is gonna be Son of a gun to wash Yeah, as Mike has taught us you don't wash it. That's right It's only one of us have has had a yard of hair before he's never had a yard. Oh absolutely He had a yard. No, not a yard. No, maybe a foot You don't know you know you you know that three feet is a yard, but you don't know how big a yard really is He's not been close to a yard. He has absolutely been closer. It depends on where do you start measuring from you?

Don't start measuring the shoulders from the scalp is definitely a yard even close not even close to At your peak I remember Close to his I remember one time. Not even close to his butt. At one time. Al? You had this man bun that I didn't even know. And one day you took it down. This was way back in the day. And it touched the floor.

This is when we were all in the bedroom. And you shook it out. Eight years ago. And I'm telling you, your hair went to your butt. I was not in Hair of the Musical. No. I had a man bun. My hair was probably a foot and a half at the most.

Yeah. It was just a foot and a half. Double what you saw. All right, half a yard. It was at least half a yard. That's fine. All right. So that.

I just feel like. It was three feet if it was two feet. If you had three feet if it was two feet. If you had three feet of hair, wouldn't you get it caught in doors and stuff like that? Yeah, you have to have it braided. But I think you're in much more danger with the beard. What about the looks? Do you like the looks of three feet of hair down to your butt or three foot beard, you

might be cooler. Three feet beard is not cool. Three feet of beard is, it says. What about Vikings? Vikings, double braid, Viking style? If I were to have the beard, I do think I would have to carry around an ax or two with me just to make sure that I look cool.

You carry around an ax, you carry around a guitar. If I have the beard, I mean it's nice because then I'm in a ZZ Top cover band and now that'd be pretty sweet like I'm open to that as long as it makes money. The hair you can do more things with you could put it up in a man bun or I mean that's gonna be a huge bun you should know you had a yard of hair Mike you did just fine with it let down down your hair. Also, to be factored in. Rapunzel. The, like, if you had your head is that,

your hair is that long on your head, that's very heavy. Yeah? Tell us about it. Tell us about your experience. I was only halfway there, and it's very heavy. Remember when you used to put the man bun up, you could barely hold his head up

All right, I'm gonna officially go the beard you guys going hair. Yeah, I'm going here. Yeah Franklin from patreon Would you rather listen to a boring story? Or tell a story everyone thought was boring Times a million I'd rather listen to a boring story. Oh I have accidentally told boring stories. Because everybody's done it, and you get into it, and here's the problem with the boring story. One, you know it's better than how you told it. Two, you know when it goes bad, when it spoils.

And three, you feel like you've got to finish it. But then you start to go, how do I finish this fast and just get this over with? You know halfway through the boring story that This is they're not reacting. No, I hope this is boring I got to wrap this up quick, but you're only in the middle as soon as you say Look at you. You probably had to be there, but yeah, that's because that's a we all say that Because we think saying that will re-energize the room and bring people back

into the story except you're just pushing people further away. I don't think we say that to re-energize. I think we say it to say... Disclaimer? Just to say like, it was better than what I'm saying. You had to be there because it was good. This isn't, but it was good. I'm going to keep telling you about it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, if I'm listening to a boring story, I've got all the moves.

I mean, I know the nod. I know the yep's. Sometimes I'll finish the sentence real quick to try to get over faster. Yes, yep. Yeah, yeah. I hate, I hate boring stories. I don't like when I'm listening to a boring story.

Think about, and this is for everyone because everyone knows what this means. Think about the talker in your life. You all know whoever it is in your life, a realtor, a finance guy, someone that just talks and talks and talks. Those stories are, I mean they- You all know some of them. Everyone in the world has a couple of these people. And you don't want to hear those stories again. You just don't want to hear it. And so I'm going to tell the story.

I'm picking. Would you rather hear a good story five times or a bad story once? Good story. Yeah, good story five times. I will enjoy laughing and you know I'll watch a good movie a hundred times You know if it's a good story. I want to hear it again Oh tell that story tell that story that I've already heard what you know tell so-and-so this story So that's it that begs the movie question and let's say it's a movie you like and it's two hours long

Would you rather watch that movie five times or would you rather watch a boring movie one time that's at two hours long? No of course five times the good movie. Yeah but you I mean like it's a challenge for you. You have to go through ten hours of watching movies or one to be done with it. Yeah. You'd watch ten hours of movie? I would watch ten hours of and if it's a good movie I'm gonna enjoy all ten. I'm gonna try and memorize it. Really? Oh yeah. I feel like you'd get bored. Nah, it's human nature. And you'd have to do it so much longer.

That's why we all do that. That should be a fantasy football punishment. Is a bad movie and they have to watch it for 24 straight hours. That's a really bad punishment. Or just 24 hours of bad movies. Yeah, it'd be good. Like, hey, no, you're on it.

Like, the other 11 teams. Mm, everyone picks a movie. Everyone picks a movie. That's a good one. And you're making a movie marathon. That'd be 22 hours of movie. And then you have to pick your own bad one to finish the 24 hours.

Yes. How long do you get to finish this, two weeks? Oh, no, no, no, it's consecutive. Well, but like if we were to really You think you would make someone stay up 24 hours watching these boring movies. They're gonna fall asleep Yeah, you don't have to do it that way. I was you could make them do it over the course of a month That was my initial idea was you make the movie marathon But then someone has to keep tabs and that means that I have to go over there like during no no they have to submit a report if the every movie

book every movie they have to submit a report their favorite parts yeah with photos of them watching it time stamped that's pretty funny great that's a good idea right this down yeah all right so we're all I'd rather listen to the morning story I don't want to be so I'm so embarrassed if I do something like that. I wish I could go back in time and not start the story if I tell The Boring Story. So I'm going to just not embarrass myself. We need to make it socially acceptable to, as the storyteller. Oh, cancel?

Yeah, just bail out. Be like, spill your drink is what I recommend. I'm saying, we all feel the need. We have to complete the story and just be telling the story. You know what? This is a bad story. I'm sorry. Just in the middle.

Yes, Mike. Yes. I'm sorry. And then we would. I wish this had never happened to me. But because I have apologized, that means everyone has to drop it and we move on. We don't spend five minutes riffing

on how my story was terrible. I've apologized. Next. That would take a lot of self-control from the crowd. I go with the, what's that? And then I run. I'm just running a smoke bomb I do agree we should as a people

Starting here and now the three of us and the you know the the spit wads out there If you catch yourself in the middle of a boring story Call it out Apologize and stop do not if someone else catches you that's fine. Yeah Someone says boring you go, oh, OK. Well, I'm sorry. I'm done here. All right, I like it.

All right, it's time to move on. Jason is the returning champ of Highway to Spell. Well, I think we all were hesitant to participate today because we thought we had done this recently and maybe we would be out of it for a while. But Highway to Spell Jason gets the start, right? He's the defending champion. That's not how this works, but I am the defending champion.

He's correct. Yeah, I bet he is. I'll keep getting used to saying that. Highway to Spell, we will be spelling some of the most advanced words in the English language correctly. Begin. All right, we're going to start in fifth grade like we always do, and we're going to start

with Andy like we always do. Andy, your fifth grade level word is? Decimal. Okay, wait, I know this one. Decimal. All right, D-E-C-I-M-A-L, decimal. Yeah, okay. We all had that one. one decimal all right DECIMAL decimal already moving on to Mike Mike your fifth grade level word paragraph okay hold on hold on hold on hold P A R A G R Hold on. Hold on, we know this one. Hold. P-A-R-A-G-R-A-P-H. Not delivered with the confidence that you should have had.

Sometimes when you say a letter, and you're on the next letter, in your head you go, wait, did I get it wrong? Did I say the wrong letter? Okay. Spelling is not easy. We're dominating. All right, champ, your fifth grade level word.

Dessert. Oh. Two scoops, baby. Two scoops for dessert. D-E-S-S-E-R-T. How can that be the part? I don't know. I just wrote.

I knew how to spell it. Oh, man. Is the two scoops, is that your trick to know that it's two acids? Desert versus dessert. It's two scoops? Two scoops know that it's desert versus dessert It's two scoops two scoops of ice cream that is that's so smart. That's gonna help. Yeah, look I'm not the champ for no reason. Okay. I'm the smartest fella. I lie I have I have written desert way too many times to scoop to put instead of dessert scoops

I want to get desert. This is an educational podcast. Always. Alright, back to Andy, your sixth grade level word? Rehearse. Uh oh. Well, that's not right. Oh no. Uh oh.

Oh no! I'm writing the same thing over and over again, but I think it's wrong every time. Hold on. What? Rehearse? Rehearse. I'm writing the same thing over and over again, but I think it's wrong every time hold on What's? Rehearsed please repeat the word. Oh Oh, it looks so written it a couple times and it looks wrong, but I'm very calm I'm just gonna go with what I wrote our EH er se rehearse I had to process, you said R-E-H-E-R-S-E? Yes. That is incorrect.

Yeah, it doesn't look right. Is there an A in there? There is an A. R-E-H-E-A-R-S-E. That's what I wrote. Dude, it looked wrong. I did the same thing. I wrote it. I knew it was wrong.

I said, this word's easy. I wrote it correctly and then looked at it and said, no, that's wrong. Yeah, well, great. All right. Oh man. Jay, you're on your way. That would've been Jason's word if it started with him. That's for darn sure.

Maybe I did write it correctly. Oh, you did? I did, but then I crossed it out and wrote it incorrectly. So, yes. We all did it. Yeah, all right, Mike Mike your sixth grade level word. Temperature. I like her pronunciation. This is so easy. Oh great hold on. Temperature. Play hers though. Temperature. Yeah that that's not helpful. That's not helpful. Yeah, that's not a great pronunciation,

but that's all I got for you. Temperature. What's the temperature outside? Let's see if this one's any better. Temperature. T- A little better. Yeah, I mean, whatever. I'm going with this.

T-E-M-P-E-R-A-T-U-R-E. No thanks to that lady. If I get this wrong, Mike, you win. Temperature. Temperature. All right, Jason, I don't wanna see any tanking here. Temperature. Temperature.

Here's your sixth grade level word. Knowledge. Oh yeah, baby. Oh what? It's half the battle. Okay, just making sure there's no D in there Let me write this one more time with a D Now I'm the greatest speller well I don't forget about it knowledge K no w le g e

There's a D a D stands for defeated Dummy champion six grade won it yeah Cheers cheers to all to the champ To the champ! To the champ! Off to the draft. We go, Mike. Mike's gotta keep going. Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Let's see how far you can go. Where can I take this? Here's your seventh grade level word. All right. Significance. That seems doable. Yeah, hold on, hold on. I think you got this.

Significance, S-I-G-N-I-F-I-C-A-N-C-E. Yeah. Speed speller. All right. Bring it on. We are moving on to eighth grade. Here is your word. Get to high school. Adolescents. Nevermind.

Uh-oh. Yeah, that's a good time. Back half of that is no party. Adolescents oh I got the first letter. Oh The first letter yeah, I think I think I have it right. We'll see when Mike there. There's There's a space in the end where there could be a mystery letter There could be a mystery letter. I hid a compartment in this word. Oh man, I spelled, I promise you what I wrote down

is wrong in three places. A? Let me see if you're... A? Okay, here we go, adolescence. Your end is... A-D-O-L-E-S-C-E-N-C-E. That's what I got.

Okay, that's it, I had the mystery letter. Yeah, I well done I did it wrong. I did not have a right se at the end. That's what I started with that I did not finish all right ninth grade. Oh, it's cool All right, here's your ninth grade level word Homogenize All right, I'm out. I'm glad I'm out. Homogenize? Yes.

I mean. Homogenize. H-O-M-O-G-E-N-I-Z-E. Oh, I had an I in the middle of that. Okay. I have gotten the majority of these wrong. All right, time to see if Mike can go become a sophomore. Let's go.

All right. Here is your 10th grade level word. Incredulous. I think you're getting a good draw here. Yeah, you write it out. Incred. It always sounds easy and then you put pen to paper. I'm out on this one.

Yeah, that's fair. I got the words right in front of me. In-cred. You got the incred part, huh? But it's the U last. All right. Incredulous. I-N-C-R-E-D-U-L-O-U-S. Oh yes!

I think this is the furthest anybody's gotten if I'm not mistaken. I'm graduating today boys! You were out on the first word last time! That's the bar, if you can graduate! Yeah, I've only got through 12th, so... Here is your 11th grade level word. Grandiloquence.

Hahahahaha! Uh, I've never even heard that word. What was it? Grandiloquence a lofty extravagantly colorful pompous or bombastic style manner or quality Grandiloquence. Okay, we're going as it sounds. Let's go G-R-A-N-D-I-L-I-C-U-E-N-C-E Is it an O? O? There is an O. Is it a Q? Oh

There is no Go ahead and spell it any it was g-r-a-n-d-i-l-o-q-u-e-n-c-e that is correct Held back good work Mike You were the champ plus six grades. I think I feel like I lost though Well, I know you don't I could go all the way you didn't have you did great very grand eloquence there All right, let's draft The spitballers draft we are drafting Favorite people named John. Mike has the first pick.

I do. Historical, fictional, doesn't matter. Just has to be named John. Set the bar very low. I have two Johns that actually I want to draft here. But look, our other podcast is football. Gotta pay homage to the greatest, boo! John Madden.

Wow. Wasn't. The man, the myth, the legend. On my list. Me neither. That was a terrible mistake. I couldn't take the risk. I thought there was a chance,

just due to the fact that there are so many people named John. But John Madden revolutionized football, revolutionized video games. The number one John was boomed. Tough acting to neck. That's right, baby. All right, Jason.

John Madden. You get to pick from all the Johns out there. All but one. I cannot pick John Madden. I will, hmm. I know who my next pick is if he gets back to me, because it's right before Mike. But I'm going to take one of my favorite Johns.

Oh, you're a dirty dog. Yeah. Yeah, buddy. I'm going to take one of my favorite Johns. He's awesome. One of my favorite shows of all time. He doesn't know a lot. But I'm gonna take Jon Snow from Game of Thrones,

who knows nothing. Is he a? He's a JO-in. Yeah. He's a JO-in. That counts though. We can go H or no H here. No, I understand.

H, no H, Johnny. But the question is, how did that happen? The removal of H? Yeah. It's easy. It originally had an H, and then people were like, how do you spell John? Well, it was J-O-N.

What do you mean? How would you spell it? John, J-O-N. John. Yeah, it's not John. It was a highway to spell. I didn't have either of those on my list. Wow. My first pick is going to

be, it's going to be Locust and Honey. I'm taking John the Baptist. Okay. Taking John the Baptist. Very famous. Number one. Myizing John was the most famous so I will take John the Baptist and Then I am fairly indifferent. He's out of John's. I'm just kind of in debt. I'm gonna go with my heart Take me home country Rose John John Denver is pick number two without Without a shadow of a doubt. You knew I was getting John Denver. Johnny Denver was getting drafted over there.

Now the worst part is if I had been smart, I could have had him with my last pick quite easily. 100% For sure. For sure. But that would be disrespectful to you. That's why I did it! It's like to me.

Don't play the game. John the Baptist, John Denver, those are my two giants. We don't play the game here. We don, John Denver, those are my two John's. We don't play the game here. We don't take other people's things they like. I mean, with my pick. Yeah, which one? I'm going John Wick. OK.

John Wick. And I'm starting to realize I just want all fictional awesome Johns. OK. Yeah, clearly. John Snow and John Wick. I can hold my own and kill lots of people. John Wick, funny enough, I don't know when I was thinking about it, but it was recently,

because are there real big action heroes right now? In the 80s and the early 90s, we had just nonstop action movies. And now there doesn't seem to be a ton of them. And John Wick was this movie, it felt like it came out of nowhere. And then it just became a cult classic, and now there's four of them. I think they're doing a whole spin-off series.

It's just the rise of the WIC. Is he getting too old now? Yep. Oh, yeah. Yep. The last two. I think he's done, right? Is he entering the Liam Neeson action phase of his career?

He, yes. How old is he? Yo, he's 59. Yes, I was going to guess late 50s. Yeah. Wow. Which moves like it. But Tom Cruise is 61. and he's still doing it,

but he's looking old too. Yeah, but Keanu Reeves, just absolute superstar, true American national treasure. And John Wick for, well, the movie was fantastic. He was looking considerably slower than the first two. Yeah, all right, Mike, you have John Madden. You get two picks. You took my lovely John Wick,

but you could not get the other one. I will take John McClane. Nice, from Die Hard. The original action hero. That's a good one. Who somehow kept making more and more Die Hard movies. But Die Hard, my favorite action movie, what, I don't know.

John Wick might have taken over for it. But John McClane, he's on there. He's just, he is a true action hero. And then for my next pick, the one, the other guy who I thought could go number one, we talked about him at lunch, but it's John Williams. Yeah, composer. Composer, the, not a composer,

the composer, which everything that this dude writes, he just cranks out certified bangers, nonstop, and his music is so incredible, it is inspiring to anyone who's getting into that type of cinematic universe. You ever see the old videos of like Steven Spielberg and him collaborating on ET? I have not. And back then they had to like have the film in the room.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And play the film on the wall while he's at the piano. And he just has like a little. And he's like figuring out the timing. It was like, it's true art. To write that to picture while creating that level of emotion is incredible. If you're unfamiliar with John Williams, like you just You're not.

You're not. No, you're not. You're not. Star Wars? Yeah. E.T. Indiana Jones. Jurassic Park.

Jaws. Jaws. Superman? Nope. No? Is it? Oh yeah you're right. I was thinking Back to the Future was not Williams. And then Interstellar. Harry Potter? Is that Williams? I believe so. What this guy does it all man? He's the best. Oh John Williams is so great. Alright does that mean I'm back up? Yeah. You know here's what's the best. Oh, John Williams is so great. All right, does that mean I'm back up? Yeah. You know, here's what's so sad is John Williams deserves to be on this list. He's one of the best Johns of all time, for sure.

And I saw his name and I was like, ooh, I got to have him on my list. And then I was like, eh, people might not recognize immediately who John Williams is. And that's disrespectful to him. Get edumacated. I am happy that you're here to correct me. That's why you went with John Snow. Yeah People know who John Snow is. Fake person, John Snow. Alright. I don't have as

many fake Johns left that I really want to keep it going so I'm thinking I'm going to the real world now. I'm gonna go to some Johns that maybe I'm going to the real world now. I'm gonna go to some John's that maybe Okay, I'm gonna take this John because he's one of the most famous John's and honestly, he's a Johnny He's a Johnny. Okay, that counts, right? Yeah, I'm good. But Jonathan we're out. Sure. No, that's fine He's easily the most famous Johnny of all time and I don't know if he's real or not I think he is take a Johnny Appleseed baby Y'all know him

Y'all know him? Y'all know the story. Johnny Appleseed? Of course we're aware of the stories was he a real person? I don't not know. There's no way Wait is this the this isn't the guy that cut down George Washington's tree, is it? No. No, that was George Washington. Oh. He had it. Johnny Appleseed is a real person.

That was a cherry tree. No, Johnny Appleseed is credited with just walking the United States, throwing apple seeds everywhere, basically. That's what Johnny Appleseed did, and you just picked him? Yeah, baby. He went from John Williams, oh, I can't take that guy. No. To Johnny Appleseed. Johnny Appleseed, baby. Respect the apple.

In the beginning, you said, I'm pivoting to the real world. And you don't even know if he was real. No, I just found out he is real. What year do you think he was born? Me? 7? 8? 18?

52? 1774. 1774. Right when we were coming into our own. Wow, that is not what I expected. Got some tricks up my sleeve. He'll name Jonathan Chapman. I like Appleseed better. All right, and didn't he just was like super into apples,

so he started planting them everywhere. I didn't go that far down the article. I was out. It was boring. I bailed out. Oh my gosh. Let me tell you a real exciting story, everyone. Johnny Appleseed.

I guess I want some. I need some prestige in my list. You can't have them. I just took them I'm gonna close out my my draft with John Adams the second president of the United States, okay get presidential there's there's several John Presidents to you and with so Adams. Yeah, okay born right around the same time as Johnny Apples I went yeah competing with Appleseed. He wait he was yeah seven 1735 no no no you're looking up like Quincy

I'm looking possibly or no seven no thirty five no John Adams was 17 That's right. That's right. You're right. You're right. He thirty back is he served in the late seven Well now when when did Appleseed get born get? served in the late 1700s. When did Appleseed get born? Get born? Whatever. When did he get born? 74, I believe.

Yeah. Yeah, you're right. No, that's not. You can't say 74. That would mean that one of the founding fathers was two years old when he's writing stuff. Get out of here. What?

What are you talking about? John Adams was the president from 1797 to 1801? Yeah, which means he was probably born in 17 Yeah, I'm saying well in you're saying that Appleseed was in the 70s. Yeah when when the when we were writing everything Yeah, but Appleseed was not a founding father He said they were born around the same Johnny Appleseed get in here and help sign these docs No, I got something to do. They were not they were born in the same century 40 years apart Yeah, I'm taking the first

Was president in the 2000 are you like I was born around the same time as FDR? I'm taking a founding father. That was my that's a that's the perfect example Mike I'm taking John Adams and then I'm closing it out with a bit of a hack. A bit of a trick. Oh no, no last name Johns. No. No, no, no. I'm taking J.R.R.

Tolkien. Oh. Does the J stand for John? It stands for John. That's what nobody would ever know. It's J.R.R. Tolkien as the final John, the author of The Lord of the Rings. You picked for the best John someone so embarrassed by their name they wouldn't allow it to be part of their name. That's what I was going to ask. Why? He's not embarrassed.

He's just an author. He just doesn't want to. They like to have that J.K. Rowling. They like having the initials. C.E.S. Lewis. It was what they did. You weren't allowed to be an author if you didn't abbreviate. Why are they so embarrassed? They're not there's just not I think they are writing on a piece of paper took a lot of ink Shorten them names to letters. I think going letters is this what they do sad of you and Ridiculous, I'm taking time taking Tolkien for my Apple seed next pick. I'm going with JFK Yeah, the real John president John F Kennedy the real yeah the realists I mean he was wait what made him more real more loved more. No, I don't think so

I don't think he was more loved he was one of the founding fathers the United States He was more modern. John Adams wasn't loved. Yes, he was. John Adams was a loser. John Adams straight up loser. Has anyone, what was the Giamatti? Yeah, that was John Adams.

People didn't like him? No, people didn't like him. He was a loser. He was one of the founding fathers. The worst one? I like this bit so much. He was a loser. He was one of the founding fathers the worst You're like this bit so much yours didn't even finish is Come on Andrew, why you start fighting That's correct mine did not finish too soon right I, if you're saying one is more hated than the other, you kind of don't have a very good argument.

Alright, we've gotta move on. Alright. Quincy's still there, Mike. John Quincy. I can't tell them apart. Oh boy. I'm just gonna keep patting the action heroes. John Rambo. Oh!

Oh, Rambo's name was John. Wow. I forgot about that. Got McClane and Rambo, baby. He didn't get Wick. I know. Oh. I know.

All right, well, this took a real turn. Yeah, it did. All right, are we done? Yeah. All right, I'm sure we got a lot left on the list. Johnny Cash, John Stamos I had a real Wayne. I had a real problem cuz my number one pick was John like John from the Bible He's you know, why that's not John the Baptist, right?

Oh, but I felt like you can't have to yeah, you just say the Apostle John and then you got it I just felt like you claimed the Bible already you picked before me. I guess I did get a second president after you took president. I could have gone. It would have sounded funny. Who are you gonna draft? John. Yeah. That's true.

Yeah. Would little John been? Yeah, little John would have been great. Little John, John Candy was on my list. Lil John. Oh yeah. You could go little or little. Wait, there's two, that's the one I was talking about.

You were talking about Lil' John? Yeah. You weren't talking about Robin Hood. Oh no, no, but that's a good one. Oh, I thought you were doing Robin Hood. No, I was saying Lil' John. Mr. Silver? Long John Silver?

Oh, okay. Okay, Long John. All right. That's a good one. Oh, that's a good one. Travolta. Travolta Krasinski. Lennon, John Lennon is the one. Travolta. Travolta, Krasinski. John Lennon is the one that I'm looking at.

Sorry, Brooks, I took the hated president. At least we got John Adams. At least Johnny Applesy got drafted. Yes. Thank you, Brooks. You get it. At least Johnny Applemath. John Mayer, John Stewart, John Oliver.

John Mayer is on my list. That dude rips. John El John Oliver. John Mayer's on my list. That dude rips. John Elway. He's at the bottom of my list. Yeah, I don't care about Elway. I did like his restaurant. Do you hold it against John Elway that he didn't come back and go for a third Super Bowl?

Nope. Nope, I just hold his announcing against him. His what? Announcing his job that he does. His announcing? Yeah, the commentating. No, he doesn't do that. No, no. He managed. You're thinking of Troy Aikman. I am? Yeah, the commentating. No, he doesn't do that. No, no.

He managed. You're thinking of Troy Aikman. I am thinking of Troy Aikman. That didn't work. Save that for the Troy drafts, you idiot. Okay, Troy, I'm taking the movie right off the bat. And then this should have been the 101, but John C. Reilly, shout out.

Wait, you had four picks. It should have been the 101. You took Johnny Appleseed. Pretty cool. John C. Reilly is on my list because he is great. What did we learn today? That Johnny Appleseed was real. I learned that temperature is supposed to have three syllables only. Tim-ture.

Tim-ture. Two scoops, boys. That was smart. That scoops, boys. Two scoops is how you- That was smart. That's how you spell dessert. Two scoops. Why don't they teach like that? I think some people, did you come up with that or were you taught it? I was taught it.

There you go. I don't know who or where how. Probably from Ben or Jerry. See you later, everybody. Goodbye. Thanks for listening to the Spitballers Podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to check out spitballers pod calm